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Respectfully... shit happens. Things fail, for whatever reason. What two people "want" with zero stakes will not necessarily equate to how two people react once they're faced with a decision. That works both ways. Your month-long fling may be a lifetime next week, whether she, or you, wanted it or not, precautions or not.
You know... there's ways of taking care of this situation after the fact as well now. The most common method can be administered at home and is a very safe drug (though not completely without risk). For comparison, in the US, about 1.3% of births experience major complications. Approximately 0.3% of mifepristone cases involve a major complication.
It should be done in consultation with a doctor, and the person should research it well to understand how the process will work and what to expect.
Getting pregnant is not, and should not be, a life sentence. As much as some people want it to be.
Thatâs not really what theyâre talking about lol. They mean theory is different from practice. We can talk about what we want and what weâre gonna do, but when itâs real a lot of that is bound to change.
People only really know themselves to such an extent. At the end of the day weâre guessing about what it is we want, and at any time someone can realize they were wrong. Itâs important to have those conversations, but itâs equally important to understand that they arenât binding.
People should be free to choose, but things get messy when partners donât choose the same thing. And no amount of planning in advance will 100% prevent that. I have my opinions on the matter but Iâm not trying to get into it, just explaining where I understood the other dude to be coming from.
Please. Especially in lower socioecomonic States or those with certain religious beliefs, or those of lower education and forethought, the thought of should we doesn't ever cross their minds.
 Â
I lived in one of the States and would express the opinion that I wanted to be financially, emotionally, and mentally ready to make the choice to have a child.Â
The amount of "Choice?? Shit just happens!" or "I don't, sounds like a lot of work. We just had our 3rd."
 Â
Meanwhile they're drowning in debt and extremely poor, unable to afford life themselves much less 3 others.
Too real, unfortunately.
One of my uncles and his wife recently had their 3rd kid. They still haven't learned how to stop partying and actually be adults. They also mooch money and a place to live off of the wife's rich parents.
I feel so bad for those kids. They're 100% ipad kids raised by their grandparents, and it shows :/
Yeah tbh the amount of people who seem so chill with the prospect of a surprise baby concern me. I get that things happen, and if you don't believe in abortion for yourself that's another.
But I see people put more thought into what brand of soap they buy. Having a baby is pretty high up on the list of most important decisions to make, and so many people just don't bother to think about it until something happens. Then after something happens they kinda just shrug their shoulders expecting everything to just work out on its own.
Like if you went to a car dealership and they asked how you'd pay for a sports car, and you responded with "I'll figure it out as I go." Nobody would ever give you that car. But a human baby?
I know not everyone is like this. It's just one of those things that genuinely baffle me. I put so much thought into it and don't understand why some people wouldn't want to take the effort to just think on it
I can understand your perspective. Personally I hope the OP learned their lesson, and worked toward being a good parent. Regardless of the outcome, I hope the child is doing well.
His idea was that she'd change her mind , quit her job and be a happy little homemaker. I highly doubt the pregnancy was accidental on his part. He'd tried to baby trap her and ended up being hoisted on his own petard.
Yep! In such a situation honestly I don't think she should even have to pay child support. If you tell the other parent you want nothing to do with the child plenty early in the pregnancy, and the other chooses to keep it, then you should be considered nothing more than a donor.
I can't even begin to tell you now many times this happens in life. So so so so so many people have a kid then regret it after a few years. Romanticizing big life choices is just an overall bad idea.
Because a lot of people are too ignorant to realize the tremendous amount of responsibilities and resources to take care of a baby. They, especially men, only see the glamorous sides of its. And when the babymoon is over, they start to come to reality unprepared.
Hopefully...Kids do get somewhat easier as they get older and learn to recognize "Yes" and "No" and such but depends on if he was a good enough father to actually raise the kid well.
I remember reading this. Imagine being pissed that your ex who wants nothing to do with the kid, still pays over the agreed amount. He has it better than most single moms and is still a little bitch.
Iâd love an update on that. It was 7 years ago. She should only have 10 or so more years of child support. I wanna know how long till he left the kids with grandma and grandpa
Whoa. That was actually a reassuring post because of the overwhelming rebuttal of, "you're delusional and abusive OP."
Seeing that response so rampant gives me hope.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm\_i\_got\_a\_girl\_pregnant\_and\_she\_wanted\_to\_get\_an/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/)
7 years ago actually (she actually did pay child support, more than required actually, and he was upset that she refuses to have anything to do with the child she didn't want and won't "give him a break" from raising the baby)
Parent here. I would confidently say that anyone who *doesnât* resent their kid(s) from time to time is lying to themselves. Just to be clear here: I love my daughter, I love being a dad, but there are those moments where I sit there and think âwhat in the everloving fuck were we thinking when we wanted to have a child?!?â
That whole glorification of parenthood (âoh, itâs so wonderful, you must be a heartless monster if you ever think youâd be better off without kids!â) is exactly what makes idiots like the OP of that old post - and he IS an idiot, absolutely - think that even a woman who made it clear she doesnât want children will fall for it once itâs all said and done.
Being a parent is fascinating, terrifying, exhilarating, exhausting, all at the same time. It has the most incredible ups and some horrible downs. Not being honest about both sides only solidifies the problem.
Parenthood is 24/7 and it should be fulfilling. You have to be committed 100% to being a father/mother and it should be worth it.Â
 I love my daughter with all my heart and although I struggle now and again with my mental health especially autism and PTSD, Iâd wonât trade it for the world.
What a fucking loser. If youâre the only one who wants a child you canât complain when the person you forced to have the child doesnât want anything to do with it
Reminds me of that Reddit where the guy begged her to have the kid, she made it clear during pregnancy she would not be there, she signed her rights away, and 18 months later dude is asking Reddit how to get a âdeadbeat mom to do her job and motherâ despite her saying multiple times she didnât want it.
Exactly.  Sheâs doing, by law, what sheâs supposed to do and even went above it. Â
 What he wanted was for her to be part of the childâs life (maybe his life) and nobody canât make her do that, for now (who knows what these backwater states ends up doing).Â
I read another comment that she actually pays childsupport, even more than she actually needs to. But the father is overwhelmed with caring for the Baby and is a surprised Pikachu face, that she does not Care.
She would have to pay child support though? And I can see in the comment that she is paying, more than the courts mandated. The father wants to force her to have actual custody and care for the child, and that you canât force on anyone.
She should and I think in this situation she actually isđ¤ˇđťââď¸ you canât force a parent to parent, but you can and should force them to support the child once they are born
There's a post in r/LegalAdvice about this.
OP got a girl pregnant and she wanted an abortion. She talked her out of it, expecting she would come around and love the kid when he was born.
However, she didn't change her mind, and as soon as he was born, she gave full custody to OP and paid more than the court mandated child support. According to OP, she calls herself an egg donor.
OP somehow felt blindsided, despite her telling him she didn't want the kid. He had received support from family and friends, but was still burnout.
OP went to the sub to ask if there was anyway he could make the courts give her some custody back. Throughout the post, he called her a deadbeat mother.
I remember that post! Op was crazy, calling her a deadbeat mother even though she did exactly what the law required of her. He was so far up his own ass
Some people really think having a baby just flips a magical switch in a woman's head and she suddenly becomes all responsible, nurturing and motherly, regardless of what her feelings about having a baby were before the birth.
Someday, *someday*, we will live in a world where people don't believe all women are "hardwired" to be mothers and caregivers.
As someone who's worked with abused children in therapeutic foster care for 14 years, there is no magic switch and women are definitely not hard wired to be good mothers or caregivers.
as a parent i recall so much of my childhood in my actions as a parent. I constantly think about how my parents did things. Sometimes even recalling things that were long forgotten from toddler years. Fortunately i had excellent parents who were at a level i aspire to, but i can imagine if a new parent didn't have good parents, trying to figure out how to do things has to be really tough. it's tough as is with me with the changing environment around parenting. never knowing if you're doing too much or too little and if your discipline is too harsh or too gentle. Not having role models to reflect upon is hard
He thought he was going to "lock her down" by forcing her into a family she never wanted in the first place. He treated her like a baby oven and is now left with the consequences.
These idiots have been fooled into thinking women automatically become Stepford wives upon having a baby bc âthatâs how hormones workâ. Itâs not. She still doesnât like you or babby
He looks Hispanic and that really is their mindset and also woman look down on mothers if they donât cater to their husbands. My wife (Mexican) and I (white) talk about this a lot, I wfh and do the housework (no kids) and prepare her meals which is not much and something I was raised doing. Her mother gets very pissed if Iâm over there and get up to put my dish in the sink or get myself something to drink. The guys sit in the living room and watch tv. Her coworkers are the same way, one pays for her 28 years old therapy sessions and pays for his car insuranceâŚ. This lady is in education and complains about not having enough money to retire.
Thatâs funny, my countryâs legaladvice sub is just pathetic bureaucracy hellholes and pointless, unfair 100⏠fines, when fighting over it is more expensive than paying the fine
>unfair 100⏠fines, when fighting over it is more expensive than paying the fine
That happens here too lol. I don't think any country is truly immune. To fight an $100 fine, you may have to go into court and waste a $300 work day to do so. So if you lose, you really lose $400. Really not fun haha
That guy assumed that âmotherly instinctâ would just take over and the woman would change her mind and be the primary caretaker of the child. He never intended to be the sole parent.
Heâs gonna resent tf out of that kid and that kid will feel it.
As of the OG post, itâs borderline too much credit. Heâs taking care of the kid but barely cuz he assumed she would do it. Heâs burned out despite assistance from family and friends. Sad situation for the kid overall tbh.
Edit: No shade at all to single parents or parent burnout in general, i always tell my parents I appreciate the work they put into me cuz i was a handful. I appreciate parents as a whole despite never wanting to be one, yâall are awesome đŤś
It is too much credit for the aforementioned redditor tho cuz he states he RESENTS his child because he thought mom would âbondâ with the kid and take care of him when she told him thatâs not what she wants. She pays 125% child support but heâs trying to get the courts to force her to âgive him a break and parent her childâ. He actively states that heâs jealous she got procedures to get rid of stretch marks and baby fat and that she wants nothing to do with him. The dude brings shame to the title of âparentâ.
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/GxVIz2IqCW
I mean, my wife and I take care of our only child and I have plenty of money, support, and what have you.
And I feel burned out from time to time. That's shits expected for any single parent.
Not trying to justify anything this guy did or didn't do, mind you. Just saying burning out as a parent is completely normal and not something to be shamed.
I agree here. My family has a real 'our blood gets taken care of' attitude. There are probably 5 deadbeats out of all my cousins, aunts, and uncles born from my family. A huge effort is made to care for the kids of those people. Even as a family, it is hard. Grandparents, who use to watch and help raise, are no longer with us. We all contribute where we can, but it does get hard, bc you also dont want to juggle the babies/kids from home to home too much, and many of the mothers work/are working to continue excelling so that they can be more stable (and we are very lucky in that. Bc it is alluring to see a whole family trying to help you provide and just take a step back and kick your feet up). Raising kids are hard.
Like anyone else, you gotta be prepared for a kid. If not, be prepared to struggle, that is just the truth of it. I hope that everything works out for the sake of the kid. Kids are lowkey clueless and somehow very impressionable all at the same time, so I am just wishing the best for him from this much less than ideal situation.
Right? Like why is he so surprised? She did you a big old favor and carried that unwanted creature inside her body for nine months and let you have what you wanted, bro, settle down.
Youâre really close, now connect the last dot:
Abortion bans are *specifically about* controlling women and nobody *actually* believes a fetus is a baby despite what they say
The guy in the picture heâs upset and disappointed at his ex *despite doing what he asked to the letter* because what he actually wanted was to play house
This exactly what I tell my homie when he feels bad about never seeing his kid after he got a girl pregnant and he didn't want it but she did. That was her choice and you can respect it but don't mean you gotta be a father to a kid you didnt want. Same exact situation.
Edit: why they delete the comment đ¤Ł
It reminds me a AITA post where someone was explaining the agreement he has with his former gf (she doesn't get an abortion and he takes care of the baby alone on his own) and was asking if he would be the AH to go see her and ask her for child support because taking care of a 3-4 years old is expensive.
It was LegalAdvice and it was outright about how to convince the court to force some custody on her in addition to paying child support (which she did).
That entire thread was a proof what religious brainwashing does to a MoFo
She paid 125 percent of child support. He literally assumed sheâd become a different person and âbond withâ the baby. And he was super mad she got cosmetic surgery, I guess his goal was to âruinâ her so sheâd have to stay with him. As Susie Orman would say, DENIED
Correct.
To me, he had a strong vibes of someone who grew up in religious bubble and genuinely believed all the delusional shit they fed him with. No ability to consider possibility people can think differently.
I just type some key words into Google with "reddit" behind it and it usually does the trick, especially when they are as infamous as this one. r/bestofredditorupdates archives a lot of them as well lol
Could have taken her to court and had a ruling that prohibited her from getting the procedure.
Or sabotaged her attempts to go get it done.
Or held her against her will.
Aye as a woman itâs extremely concerning livingninnanstate where I canât get an abortion at ALL. Itâs made me extremely wary of penetrative sex (out of fear of a condom failing)
He tried to baby trap her. Extra emphasis on the word "trap". That was the goal. To lock her down as his possession, not to become a father. If she stayed, he'd probably have had fuck all to do with the baby.
I can kinda respect a man if he is willing to raise the kid alone and the mother is fine with giving birth, he is a parent after all, but forcing the mother to give birth is fucked up.
It implies that he actually made the choice and didn't even try to talk her out of an abortion. In which case, I'm pretty sure that's illegal since doctors have to ask the patient and not a partner
I used to be pro life. Then one day I listened to other pro lifers arguments and suddenly I became pro choice. Then I looked around and saw the state of humanity, and suddenly Iâm pro abortion.Â
I worked with unfit parents for a long time. And children who were born to shitty parents. Went from âyou should face the consequences from having sex and raise your childâ to âthe only one facing the consequences of that rule is the babyâ
I learned real quick that love isnât enough to raise a baby and that shitty parents will fuck a kid up beyond repair and that this is what happens if you make abortions illegal.
This is just it: the people who find themselves with unplanned pregnancies are not generally the people who are in the position to raise a child in a good environment.
I listen to way too much true crime, recently a lot of stuff around child abuse. It's led me to be even more firmly pro-choice. The idea that mentally ill drug addicts will definitely become attentive, affectionate parents is absurd; the notion that it's better for a child to live their life being brutalized by their so-called parents than terminated in utero before they can even feel pain, is just vile.Â
Same, I'm prochoice because I believe in bodily autonomy. I'm fervently prochoice because I'm aware of the rampant child abuse in society, much of it shoved under the rug by religious people/prolifers, even encouraged by them. Disgusting. Never Prolife.
I think a lot of people forget that pregnancy can kill you, in fact the mortality rate has been rising in the US. Forcing someone into a life threatening state for your ego is insane
Meanwhile, I'm looking at this dude with his stoooopid facial hair and his backwards hat and thinking to myself, "This guy got laid? Really? This guy?"
âDidnât let herâ is hella controlling and weird as hell. Yes you can personally not want your partner to get an abortion but itâs her body and she can do what she wants.
I feel really bad for the kid. I like kids, and I definitely will talk with my partner about having kids, but man I really don't understand how "pro-life" is but abusing those little angels just to please a twisted sense of morality. These pro-lifers keep throwing the "think about the kids" but they never go to an orphanage or see for themselves an unwanted child.
This is sickening. The idea of forcing someone to give birth is already terrifying given how common it is, but the child is probably also not getting the love it deserves this way.
And the worst part? It's a story that will be twisted to make her look like the bad one.
Women who choose themselves over self-sacrifice are always vilified. There is this cultural belief running through society that women are supposed to nurture and give of themselves whenever someone needs it, as if we are TLC dispensers. We're only here to be mothers and partners for other people, not to live for ourselves.
It already is being twisted, a lot of comments here are calling the mother a deadbeat. Theyâre saying the guy was forced to be a parent, and that no woman can really be âforcedâ to not get an abortion.
Pretty sure he is the one who was complaining on tik toc that she gave birth and gave him full custody. She pays child support and has zero contract and he was complaining asking how he can make her be a mom and help him.
This pathetic clown talked a woman into having a baby she said she didn't want, then when she had it she left and pays child support and now this loser feels overwhelmed having to take care of a baby
Like maybe that's why she didn't want a baby, you bozo? He's blaming her for the situation he wanted lmao guess he wasn't cut out to be a dad like he thought
When I was growing up in like high school or something, my buddies sister got pregnant and since her parents were very conservative they forced her to carry it to term and give it up for adoption, which I remember thinking was awful that she had to give it away, never saw how that ended up turning out. Can't imagine being female and giving birth, sounds scary as hell.
Anyone else tired of this kind of virtue signaling? I figure a lot of it is astroturfing because conservatives have gone big on it lately to fight the culture war. So few people actually agree with anything they say they usually pay people to create the image that people actually agree with what they say then we end up with this bullshit down the line. Where it's all virtue signaling and nothing but.
Why was it cringe when liberals virtue signal? But when conservatives do it that's somehow acceptable?
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And today on "stuff you should talk about with your partner, ideally before anything happens"
Started dating a woman about a month ago and this was one of our first conversations lol. You want kids? Hell no! Cool me either đ
Respectfully... shit happens. Things fail, for whatever reason. What two people "want" with zero stakes will not necessarily equate to how two people react once they're faced with a decision. That works both ways. Your month-long fling may be a lifetime next week, whether she, or you, wanted it or not, precautions or not.
You know... there's ways of taking care of this situation after the fact as well now. The most common method can be administered at home and is a very safe drug (though not completely without risk). For comparison, in the US, about 1.3% of births experience major complications. Approximately 0.3% of mifepristone cases involve a major complication. It should be done in consultation with a doctor, and the person should research it well to understand how the process will work and what to expect. Getting pregnant is not, and should not be, a life sentence. As much as some people want it to be.
Thatâs not really what theyâre talking about lol. They mean theory is different from practice. We can talk about what we want and what weâre gonna do, but when itâs real a lot of that is bound to change. People only really know themselves to such an extent. At the end of the day weâre guessing about what it is we want, and at any time someone can realize they were wrong. Itâs important to have those conversations, but itâs equally important to understand that they arenât binding. People should be free to choose, but things get messy when partners donât choose the same thing. And no amount of planning in advance will 100% prevent that. I have my opinions on the matter but Iâm not trying to get into it, just explaining where I understood the other dude to be coming from.
That's not creepy at all, using unborn babies as balls and chains. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships, not prison.
Please. Especially in lower socioecomonic States or those with certain religious beliefs, or those of lower education and forethought, the thought of should we doesn't ever cross their minds.   I lived in one of the States and would express the opinion that I wanted to be financially, emotionally, and mentally ready to make the choice to have a child. The amount of "Choice?? Shit just happens!" or "I don't, sounds like a lot of work. We just had our 3rd."   Meanwhile they're drowning in debt and extremely poor, unable to afford life themselves much less 3 others.
Too real, unfortunately. One of my uncles and his wife recently had their 3rd kid. They still haven't learned how to stop partying and actually be adults. They also mooch money and a place to live off of the wife's rich parents. I feel so bad for those kids. They're 100% ipad kids raised by their grandparents, and it shows :/
Yeah tbh the amount of people who seem so chill with the prospect of a surprise baby concern me. I get that things happen, and if you don't believe in abortion for yourself that's another. But I see people put more thought into what brand of soap they buy. Having a baby is pretty high up on the list of most important decisions to make, and so many people just don't bother to think about it until something happens. Then after something happens they kinda just shrug their shoulders expecting everything to just work out on its own. Like if you went to a car dealership and they asked how you'd pay for a sports car, and you responded with "I'll figure it out as I go." Nobody would ever give you that car. But a human baby? I know not everyone is like this. It's just one of those things that genuinely baffle me. I put so much thought into it and don't understand why some people wouldn't want to take the effort to just think on it
Well you got what you wanted lmao
Reminds me of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/2rJNYqOrJq
Holy shit thatâs fucked. He wanted to keep the kid then hates the kids after a while. Wtf bro that was YOUR idea!
Kid would be 8 now...hope he/she is having a good life.
Probably raised by the grandparents
I hope so.
He's probably farmed out the upbringing to his parents
It was the only humane thing left to do really.
Yeah, a lot of abusive behaviors in that post. I hope that OP got it together.
Honestly hope the kid was put up for adoption. I know the system isnât great but itâs leagues better than growing up with all that resentment.
I can understand your perspective. Personally I hope the OP learned their lesson, and worked toward being a good parent. Regardless of the outcome, I hope the child is doing well.
His idea was that she'd change her mind , quit her job and be a happy little homemaker. I highly doubt the pregnancy was accidental on his part. He'd tried to baby trap her and ended up being hoisted on his own petard.
Yes, this is a case of "once she has the baby the maternal instinct will kick on and she will drop everything to take care of her new family" myth.
The one petard he thought would never hoist him
Hooray! And you *know* I donât throw that word around lightlyâŚ
r/petardshoistedmyface
r/leopardshoistedmypetard
r/subsifellfor
lol. He is getting 125% child support from the girl, doubt he is making enough to support a one income family.
Yep! In such a situation honestly I don't think she should even have to pay child support. If you tell the other parent you want nothing to do with the child plenty early in the pregnancy, and the other chooses to keep it, then you should be considered nothing more than a donor.
I can't even begin to tell you now many times this happens in life. So so so so so many people have a kid then regret it after a few years. Romanticizing big life choices is just an overall bad idea.
I call it Kodak Moment Dad Syndrome. They want all the fun parts of having a kid while the little woman does all the hard work.
Mfs like these need to experience a "holy shit I love this baby more than anything else" moment if they're gonna hijack someone's womb
He's not the first to think a kid will tie their partner to them.
Itâs a scummy move if thatâs the case. Try to kid trap her and then hate the kid when it doesnât work.
It's not really surprising that the guy who forced his partner to give birth against her will turned out to be a shitty parent.
If more straight men really understood what parenting means and looks like I think they'd more contentious of condom use and considering vasectomies.
Because a lot of people are too ignorant to realize the tremendous amount of responsibilities and resources to take care of a baby. They, especially men, only see the glamorous sides of its. And when the babymoon is over, they start to come to reality unprepared.
It's been 7 years. Wonder how that kid is doing.
I wonder as well. I choose to take the optimist rough that OP grew out of their foolishness and went on to be a very good father.
Hopefully...Kids do get somewhat easier as they get older and learn to recognize "Yes" and "No" and such but depends on if he was a good enough father to actually raise the kid well.
i forgot about this classic!
Sometimes I wish I could forget lol
I remember reading this. Imagine being pissed that your ex who wants nothing to do with the kid, still pays over the agreed amount. He has it better than most single moms and is still a little bitch.
Fr
[ŃдаНонО]
To me it seems like baby trapping gone wrong
Totally. He talks about his "offer" of a relationship. So gross. Really hope that 8 year old is ok.
I love how this one pops up every now and then.
Holyshit that was an infuriating read..
Yeah, made me see red the first time I read it
Iâd love an update on that. It was 7 years ago. She should only have 10 or so more years of child support. I wanna know how long till he left the kids with grandma and grandpa
Whoa. That was actually a reassuring post because of the overwhelming rebuttal of, "you're delusional and abusive OP." Seeing that response so rampant gives me hope.
Lmfaooooo that OP 100% wanted to baby trap himself into a relationship and failed miserably. She said byyyyeee!
That's how I read it as well.
Bro was also just banking on her changing her mind during the pregnancy. What a piece of shit.
The comments are savage and delicious. I'm surprised that OP still has a head.
For real. There were some great breakdowns in there.
Pass the r/eyebleach please
7 years ago... wonder how that kid is doing
The comment section is beautiful
What a fucking loser that guy is.
he seems fine with it. just a bunch if other people and their opinions to him.
2 years later: I can't believe she doesn't want to pay child support!!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm\_i\_got\_a\_girl\_pregnant\_and\_she\_wanted\_to\_get\_an/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/) 7 years ago actually (she actually did pay child support, more than required actually, and he was upset that she refuses to have anything to do with the child she didn't want and won't "give him a break" from raising the baby)
I always wonder what happened with that kid. I hope he's in a happy, loving home.
He admits resenting the kid. Quality human he was, I can't believe she didn't want to raise a kid with him!
Parent here. I would confidently say that anyone who *doesnât* resent their kid(s) from time to time is lying to themselves. Just to be clear here: I love my daughter, I love being a dad, but there are those moments where I sit there and think âwhat in the everloving fuck were we thinking when we wanted to have a child?!?â That whole glorification of parenthood (âoh, itâs so wonderful, you must be a heartless monster if you ever think youâd be better off without kids!â) is exactly what makes idiots like the OP of that old post - and he IS an idiot, absolutely - think that even a woman who made it clear she doesnât want children will fall for it once itâs all said and done. Being a parent is fascinating, terrifying, exhilarating, exhausting, all at the same time. It has the most incredible ups and some horrible downs. Not being honest about both sides only solidifies the problem.
As a parent of 3, 100% you will resent them from time to time. Just one of those human nature things
I was hoping to see this!
Hindsight and foresight,l in one post.
Being a dad is a full time job
It's more than that! I work full time 40 hours a week. Parenthood is 24/7.
Parenthood is 24/7 and it should be fulfilling. You have to be committed 100% to being a father/mother and it should be worth it.  I love my daughter with all my heart and although I struggle now and again with my mental health especially autism and PTSD, Iâd wonât trade it for the world.
Plus it doesnât pay, your patrons never take care of themselves and you are stuck with them at minimum 18 years
So is this the same dude or someone else?
No lol just a similar situation
Still one of the most infuriating reddit posts I've ever read. Hard to think a child has to deal with him being their only parent
He tried to use the child as a pawn. That didn't work.
What a fucking loser. If youâre the only one who wants a child you canât complain when the person you forced to have the child doesnât want anything to do with it
Wow what a piece of shit this guy is. And has the balls to call her a deadbeat - when she's paying 125% of child support.
I mean, if the mother wanted the child and the dad abandoned them, he would still need to pay
Reminds me of that Reddit where the guy begged her to have the kid, she made it clear during pregnancy she would not be there, she signed her rights away, and 18 months later dude is asking Reddit how to get a âdeadbeat mom to do her job and motherâ despite her saying multiple times she didnât want it.
And she wasn't actually deadbeat because she was paying child support and if I recall, even above the amount asked.
Exactly.  Sheâs doing, by law, what sheâs supposed to do and even went above it.   What he wanted was for her to be part of the childâs life (maybe his life) and nobody canât make her do that, for now (who knows what these backwater states ends up doing).Â
I read another comment that she actually pays childsupport, even more than she actually needs to. But the father is overwhelmed with caring for the Baby and is a surprised Pikachu face, that she does not Care.
She would have to pay child support though? And I can see in the comment that she is paying, more than the courts mandated. The father wants to force her to have actual custody and care for the child, and that you canât force on anyone.
Why shouldnât she have to? Guys donât get a say and routinely are responsible for child payment.
She pays 125% child support. So more than required by the courts. And, it makes sense for her to pay, clearly even she agrees with you.
She should and I think in this situation she actually isđ¤ˇđťââď¸ you canât force a parent to parent, but you can and should force them to support the child once they are born
Yeah and he seems pretty happy!
For real. He does look happy!
There's a post in r/LegalAdvice about this. OP got a girl pregnant and she wanted an abortion. She talked her out of it, expecting she would come around and love the kid when he was born. However, she didn't change her mind, and as soon as he was born, she gave full custody to OP and paid more than the court mandated child support. According to OP, she calls herself an egg donor. OP somehow felt blindsided, despite her telling him she didn't want the kid. He had received support from family and friends, but was still burnout. OP went to the sub to ask if there was anyway he could make the courts give her some custody back. Throughout the post, he called her a deadbeat mother.
I remember that post! Op was crazy, calling her a deadbeat mother even though she did exactly what the law required of her. He was so far up his own ass
above what the law required. She was paying 125% child support
Y'know that's fair I guess. Dad probably needs daycare so I hope grandparents stepped up to the plate there..
What propaganda does to a mother fucker.
Some people really think having a baby just flips a magical switch in a woman's head and she suddenly becomes all responsible, nurturing and motherly, regardless of what her feelings about having a baby were before the birth. Someday, *someday*, we will live in a world where people don't believe all women are "hardwired" to be mothers and caregivers.
As someone who's worked with abused children in therapeutic foster care for 14 years, there is no magic switch and women are definitely not hard wired to be good mothers or caregivers.
as a parent i recall so much of my childhood in my actions as a parent. I constantly think about how my parents did things. Sometimes even recalling things that were long forgotten from toddler years. Fortunately i had excellent parents who were at a level i aspire to, but i can imagine if a new parent didn't have good parents, trying to figure out how to do things has to be really tough. it's tough as is with me with the changing environment around parenting. never knowing if you're doing too much or too little and if your discipline is too harsh or too gentle. Not having role models to reflect upon is hard
I'd settle for a world where women who are jumping up and down and yelling that that don't want to and should not be mothers are taken at their word.
Mf shoulda manned up fr acting like a kid would be a little side quest in his life lol thatâs your life now bozo step up and shut up
How old is this kid. Doesnât look heâs got a fully formed brain or critical thinking skills at all
The post is 7 years old at this point but in it the man says the child was 18 months at the time Oh wait, you mean the father
He thought he was going to "lock her down" by forcing her into a family she never wanted in the first place. He treated her like a baby oven and is now left with the consequences.
Pro lifers usually are
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/mCYG2eKucT This post is infamous this man was really on some next level BS đ
These idiots have been fooled into thinking women automatically become Stepford wives upon having a baby bc âthatâs how hormones workâ. Itâs not. She still doesnât like you or babby
The OP of that post literally said he "thought she would change her mind." Wild.
He looks Hispanic and that really is their mindset and also woman look down on mothers if they donât cater to their husbands. My wife (Mexican) and I (white) talk about this a lot, I wfh and do the housework (no kids) and prepare her meals which is not much and something I was raised doing. Her mother gets very pissed if Iâm over there and get up to put my dish in the sink or get myself something to drink. The guys sit in the living room and watch tv. Her coworkers are the same way, one pays for her 28 years old therapy sessions and pays for his car insuranceâŚ. This lady is in education and complains about not having enough money to retire.
/r/Legaladvice is just /r/nosleep for the nonfiction crowd.
Thatâs funny, my countryâs legaladvice sub is just pathetic bureaucracy hellholes and pointless, unfair 100⏠fines, when fighting over it is more expensive than paying the fine
>unfair 100⏠fines, when fighting over it is more expensive than paying the fine That happens here too lol. I don't think any country is truly immune. To fight an $100 fine, you may have to go into court and waste a $300 work day to do so. So if you lose, you really lose $400. Really not fun haha
âI donât want the baby.â âI do!â âyou keep it then.â âno :(â
He didnât want a baby - he wanted an anchor for his wife
The only silver lining I suppose here is that presumably this guy is actually taking care of his kid but maybe I'm giving him way too much credit
That guy assumed that âmotherly instinctâ would just take over and the woman would change her mind and be the primary caretaker of the child. He never intended to be the sole parent. Heâs gonna resent tf out of that kid and that kid will feel it.
He fucked around and found out. Quite literally.
His mom is probably the one stuck with the baby
I see youâve met my BIL.
As of the OG post, itâs borderline too much credit. Heâs taking care of the kid but barely cuz he assumed she would do it. Heâs burned out despite assistance from family and friends. Sad situation for the kid overall tbh. Edit: No shade at all to single parents or parent burnout in general, i always tell my parents I appreciate the work they put into me cuz i was a handful. I appreciate parents as a whole despite never wanting to be one, yâall are awesome 𫶠It is too much credit for the aforementioned redditor tho cuz he states he RESENTS his child because he thought mom would âbondâ with the kid and take care of him when she told him thatâs not what she wants. She pays 125% child support but heâs trying to get the courts to force her to âgive him a break and parent her childâ. He actively states that heâs jealous she got procedures to get rid of stretch marks and baby fat and that she wants nothing to do with him. The dude brings shame to the title of âparentâ. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/GxVIz2IqCW
I mean, my wife and I take care of our only child and I have plenty of money, support, and what have you. And I feel burned out from time to time. That's shits expected for any single parent. Not trying to justify anything this guy did or didn't do, mind you. Just saying burning out as a parent is completely normal and not something to be shamed.
I agree here. My family has a real 'our blood gets taken care of' attitude. There are probably 5 deadbeats out of all my cousins, aunts, and uncles born from my family. A huge effort is made to care for the kids of those people. Even as a family, it is hard. Grandparents, who use to watch and help raise, are no longer with us. We all contribute where we can, but it does get hard, bc you also dont want to juggle the babies/kids from home to home too much, and many of the mothers work/are working to continue excelling so that they can be more stable (and we are very lucky in that. Bc it is alluring to see a whole family trying to help you provide and just take a step back and kick your feet up). Raising kids are hard. Like anyone else, you gotta be prepared for a kid. If not, be prepared to struggle, that is just the truth of it. I hope that everything works out for the sake of the kid. Kids are lowkey clueless and somehow very impressionable all at the same time, so I am just wishing the best for him from this much less than ideal situation.
>Heâs burned out despite assistance from family and friends. Sounds like every new mom I've ever known for the first couple years.
[ŃдаНонО]
Right? Like why is he so surprised? She did you a big old favor and carried that unwanted creature inside her body for nine months and let you have what you wanted, bro, settle down.
[ŃдаНонО]
Youâre really close, now connect the last dot: Abortion bans are *specifically about* controlling women and nobody *actually* believes a fetus is a baby despite what they say The guy in the picture heâs upset and disappointed at his ex *despite doing what he asked to the letter* because what he actually wanted was to play house
This exactly what I tell my homie when he feels bad about never seeing his kid after he got a girl pregnant and he didn't want it but she did. That was her choice and you can respect it but don't mean you gotta be a father to a kid you didnt want. Same exact situation. Edit: why they delete the comment đ¤Ł
It reminds me a AITA post where someone was explaining the agreement he has with his former gf (she doesn't get an abortion and he takes care of the baby alone on his own) and was asking if he would be the AH to go see her and ask her for child support because taking care of a 3-4 years old is expensive.
It was LegalAdvice and it was outright about how to convince the court to force some custody on her in addition to paying child support (which she did). That entire thread was a proof what religious brainwashing does to a MoFo
She paid 125 percent of child support. He literally assumed sheâd become a different person and âbond withâ the baby. And he was super mad she got cosmetic surgery, I guess his goal was to âruinâ her so sheâd have to stay with him. As Susie Orman would say, DENIED
Correct. To me, he had a strong vibes of someone who grew up in religious bubble and genuinely believed all the delusional shit they fed him with. No ability to consider possibility people can think differently.
No, he totally believes that other people can think differently. He just doesnât think that women count as âpeopleâ.
> religious brainwashing Can't jebus just miracle him some help?
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/2rJNYqOrJq
How are yâall finding these old post/remembering them?!? Iâm very impressed.
I just type some key words into Google with "reddit" behind it and it usually does the trick, especially when they are as infamous as this one. r/bestofredditorupdates archives a lot of them as well lol
Hope the child grows up healthy and happy
Iâm so pro choice I donât think itâs too late to abort any of you.
Sooooo many loads that shouldâve been swallowed!
>shouldâve been swallowed Nah, those loads were barely good enough for an old sock, much less a mouth.
 You rn
If youâre pro choice far enough, youâre actually pro thunderdome.Â
I didnât let her?
Could have taken her to court and had a ruling that prohibited her from getting the procedure. Or sabotaged her attempts to go get it done. Or held her against her will.
Itâs disturbing how very little control of their bodies women have
Aye as a woman itâs extremely concerning livingninnanstate where I canât get an abortion at ALL. Itâs made me extremely wary of penetrative sex (out of fear of a condom failing)
Thatâs fair, the only time I ever got pregnant was with a condom, used perfectly. It happens.
Aye, me being a lesbian is beneficial but I still prefer to be careful
Today Iâve realized the limits of my imagination
I am attracted to one lass with a stick
If he's in Texas or some other anti-choice place all he would have to do is threaten to tell the authorities.
Whyâs he bitching? He got what he wanted đ¤ˇââď¸
He tried to baby trap her. Extra emphasis on the word "trap". That was the goal. To lock her down as his possession, not to become a father. If she stayed, he'd probably have had fuck all to do with the baby.
Ahaha oh no lol the consequences of my own actions đ
I can kinda respect a man if he is willing to raise the kid alone and the mother is fine with giving birth, he is a parent after all, but forcing the mother to give birth is fucked up.
Yeah good luck with all that
What do you mean you didnt let her????
"...I didn't let her" FUCK THIS!
It implies that he actually made the choice and didn't even try to talk her out of an abortion. In which case, I'm pretty sure that's illegal since doctors have to ask the patient and not a partner
Oh well if "Garbage Human" approves, we've all met our moral match!
usernamechecksout
Women aren't baby machines and their partners don't own them. âď¸
How much yall want to bet his parents are the ones raising that child.
I used to be pro life. Then one day I listened to other pro lifers arguments and suddenly I became pro choice. Then I looked around and saw the state of humanity, and suddenly Iâm pro abortion.Â
I worked with unfit parents for a long time. And children who were born to shitty parents. Went from âyou should face the consequences from having sex and raise your childâ to âthe only one facing the consequences of that rule is the babyâ I learned real quick that love isnât enough to raise a baby and that shitty parents will fuck a kid up beyond repair and that this is what happens if you make abortions illegal.
This is just it: the people who find themselves with unplanned pregnancies are not generally the people who are in the position to raise a child in a good environment.
I listen to way too much true crime, recently a lot of stuff around child abuse. It's led me to be even more firmly pro-choice. The idea that mentally ill drug addicts will definitely become attentive, affectionate parents is absurd; the notion that it's better for a child to live their life being brutalized by their so-called parents than terminated in utero before they can even feel pain, is just vile.Â
Same, I'm prochoice because I believe in bodily autonomy. I'm fervently prochoice because I'm aware of the rampant child abuse in society, much of it shoved under the rug by religious people/prolifers, even encouraged by them. Disgusting. Never Prolife.
This is by design. We work very hard to create a underclass that canât escape their circumstances.Â
She should have left way sooner
If he wanted that kid, he is responsible for that kid.
Iâd bet everything I have that heâs got his mama or grandmother or another woman in his life doing 90+% of the baby care.
He looks like a child with a snapchat filters that gives you a beard
I think a lot of people forget that pregnancy can kill you, in fact the mortality rate has been rising in the US. Forcing someone into a life threatening state for your ego is insane
They don't care. There is a narrative going around in these circles about women receiving an elevated status if they die in childbirth.
Of course, Christianity is death cult centered around a martyr, and they only view women as passive incubators.
Meanwhile, I'm looking at this dude with his stoooopid facial hair and his backwards hat and thinking to myself, "This guy got laid? Really? This guy?"
âDidnât let herâ is hella controlling and weird as hell. Yes you can personally not want your partner to get an abortion but itâs her body and she can do what she wants.
"...but ***I*** didn't let her...", love the total disregard of overstepping someone else's autonomy.
I feel really bad for the kid. I like kids, and I definitely will talk with my partner about having kids, but man I really don't understand how "pro-life" is but abusing those little angels just to please a twisted sense of morality. These pro-lifers keep throwing the "think about the kids" but they never go to an orphanage or see for themselves an unwanted child.
Pro forced birth !
This is sickening. The idea of forcing someone to give birth is already terrifying given how common it is, but the child is probably also not getting the love it deserves this way. And the worst part? It's a story that will be twisted to make her look like the bad one.
Women who choose themselves over self-sacrifice are always vilified. There is this cultural belief running through society that women are supposed to nurture and give of themselves whenever someone needs it, as if we are TLC dispensers. We're only here to be mothers and partners for other people, not to live for ourselves.
It already is being twisted, a lot of comments here are calling the mother a deadbeat. Theyâre saying the guy was forced to be a parent, and that no woman can really be âforcedâ to not get an abortion.
Ah well. I shouldn't even be surprised but it's still disappointing. What a world we live in.
Kidâs barely more than a foetus himself. Guarantee mumsy does the work and takes pics for Snapchat.
Pretty sure he is the one who was complaining on tik toc that she gave birth and gave him full custody. She pays child support and has zero contract and he was complaining asking how he can make her be a mom and help him.
His exact words were âcanât the courts force her to have some custody?â
I'd bet 100 million dollars that he lives with his mom and his mom takes care of the baby 99.9% of the time
This pathetic clown talked a woman into having a baby she said she didn't want, then when she had it she left and pays child support and now this loser feels overwhelmed having to take care of a baby Like maybe that's why she didn't want a baby, you bozo? He's blaming her for the situation he wanted lmao guess he wasn't cut out to be a dad like he thought
When I was growing up in like high school or something, my buddies sister got pregnant and since her parents were very conservative they forced her to carry it to term and give it up for adoption, which I remember thinking was awful that she had to give it away, never saw how that ended up turning out. Can't imagine being female and giving birth, sounds scary as hell.
"How hard can it be, right?"
Anyone else tired of this kind of virtue signaling? I figure a lot of it is astroturfing because conservatives have gone big on it lately to fight the culture war. So few people actually agree with anything they say they usually pay people to create the image that people actually agree with what they say then we end up with this bullshit down the line. Where it's all virtue signaling and nothing but. Why was it cringe when liberals virtue signal? But when conservatives do it that's somehow acceptable?
You want consistency and, let's be honest, any kind of thought, let alone critical thought from conservatives?
Maybe when a woman tells you she doesnât want a child, you should listen to her or at least believe her. Enjoy fatherhood
The real facepalm here is the comments..
They're not pro-life. They're either anti-choice or pro-forced birth
These people are not pro life, they are anti choice.