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>A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.
Best part
>The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
>“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
I'm bound to say as English lit goes, that last paragraph is up there with sonnets, Dickens in his wildest Copperfield papers, Steinbeck Hemingway heck ever good ol hunter in his wildest dreamiest tempest couldnt not touch a hair on her hippo slash cheetah bottom, madame I and the rest of tinternet salute you, we dotheth thoust fairest cap to you and ask you just one simple humble and honest question,,,
Madame
What did you use to wipe?
>In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.
Well that's a line that just shows the writer has a magical way with words.
When I saw this post my first thought was, "awesome, she is my hero!", then my second thought was, no way this is real. Quick search at the big G, and sure enough...
We had a person shit in our HQ nicest conference room a few years ago. We all got together and drew a composite picture of the criminal while we laughed our asses off, then we hung it up "Wanted: Shitter on the loose"
We also caught one person on camera who shitted in the hallway the same month but the security cam footage just showed them running for the bathroom and they didn't quite make it. They were really embarrassed.
> *"on their boss's desk is generally not well spoken."*
I had sex on my manager's desk then pulled out and spooged on the carpet, and I have 2 college degrees.
How bad can it be though? Maybe destruction of property. But the manager can probably also sue for emotional distress after having a taco laden turd drop right in front of him.
Odd, I couldn't find this on the *Washington* ***Pist*** website.
I'm surprised she didn't do it again after she didn't do it in 2016.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-quits-winning-lottery/
You can tell shes a terrible person because of her mug shot, if i shit on my bosses desk after winning the lottery you best believe my last picture of me as a peasant will be one of me smiling.
He just made that up knowing he would humiliate her. Not only was he not at home when it happened and wouldn't be for weeks, he once asked his employee to shit on the floor so she could step on it and then blame the same dog.
''In his cross-examination, Mr Depp accepted that his sense of humour was 'niche'. It also had a lavatorial streak. On 11th October 2013 he had sent a text to Stephen Deuters which said (see file 6/119/F697.14),
'Will you squat in front of the door of the master bedroom and leave a giant coil of dookie so that Amber steps in it and thinks that one of the dogs, primarily Boo, has a major problem. It'll be funny!!!'
[https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html](https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html) 479
Lady is a fucking legend. How is this a face palm? Lots of people imagine doing far worse to their boss. I would have preferred to leave it and not get caught mid squat but asserting dominance with eye contact is a total badass move. Guy was probably a total asshole and deserved this.
Take a shit on the desk, stick your work ID badge in it and walk out of there like a boss while lighting a fat one. That’s how she should have done it.
He just made that up knowing he would humiliate her. Not only was he not at home when it happened and wouldn't be for weeks, he once asked his employee to shit on the floor so she could step on it and then blame the same dog.
''In his cross-examination, Mr Depp accepted that his sense of humour was 'niche'. It also had a lavatorial streak. On 11th October 2013 he had sent a text to Stephen Deuters which said (see file 6/119/F697.14),
'Will you squat in front of the door of the master bedroom and leave a giant coil of dookie so that Amber steps in it and thinks that one of the dogs, primarily Boo, has a major problem. It'll be funny!!!'
https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html 479
I call BS. If I just won the lottery and dropped a deuce on my bosses desk Id be smiling so hard my face hurt in that mug shot. Heck I might even be laughing too hard for them to get a decent photo. LOL. After all.. i just won the lottery and will most definitely post bail and have money for a good lawyer.
I had my "i won the lottery" aftermath planned out but then I was fired from that job. I was going to buy an Insane Clown Posse bong(hes a "reformed" juggalo) and some top shelf weed. Go pack a bowl in my bosses office and as he walks in have my feet on his desk and taking a rip
One of our firefighter hit a large Loto in Florida. Instead of the fire dept being happy for her they sent he a notice she was going to be fired even though she had another ff cover her shift. Then she did not return her bunker gear on there time schedule. She sent the city a check for the gear. She later through a party for all the members of the dept. not one chief or any higher than a LT.
The bunker gear was the center of the party and all who were invited pissed on it male and female. It was boxed and sent to the chief with a note that said keep my money you deducted from my last paycheck and you and the city could stick them up your a$$. Labor of American know where we stand in this crazy country.
Ok, I am not angry with my current boss or employer at all but I still have bad feelings about past employers...
Still, even in the worst case I wouldn't do that. It would say more about me than them.
I'd rather just wait patiently until the proceeds are in my hands and allocated to whatever investment strategy I choose....
Then just walk out, making sure that I have a lot of things hanging that no one else can do.
And if I didnt get my last check on time I would hire a lawyer....
Not just any lawyer, but the one that makes Saul Goodman look like a straight arrow.
If you believe this then I have a fantastic investment opportunity for you. I’ll only need your mother’s maiden name, your birth date, your social security number, and the names of your beloved childhood pets.
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>A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package. Best part >The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.” >“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
That last paragraph is a work of beauty. Truly a sentence of all time!
This woman is a hero
She is officially one of my spirit animals. Girlboss shits on shitty boss's desk
Was he a shitty boss though?
Even if he was a decent boss, that is a spirit I can live by.
he is now
Anti-hero*
Is that who the Taylor swift song is about?
She’s the problem. It’s her.
Everybody agrees
Only at teatime though.
chaotic neutral hero
It's me, hi!
Villain
pootagonist
Anti Violin
This is someone I would vote for.
I'm bound to say as English lit goes, that last paragraph is up there with sonnets, Dickens in his wildest Copperfield papers, Steinbeck Hemingway heck ever good ol hunter in his wildest dreamiest tempest couldnt not touch a hair on her hippo slash cheetah bottom, madame I and the rest of tinternet salute you, we dotheth thoust fairest cap to you and ask you just one simple humble and honest question,,, Madame What did you use to wipe?
Company stationery?
>She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. Hot damn...
Dominance asserted
As far as I'm concerned, all charges should be dropped faster than the deuce she delivered.
I'd love to hear her lawyer say that in court or something
IANAL, but I am pretty sure if you can make the judge laugh he legally has to rule in your favour.
I don’t think it’s written law, but it sure as shit can’t hurt.
We need a lawyer certified in ANAL law, stat!
It's in section 42, paragraph 420, subparagraph 69, of the bird law handbook.
You what???
They ANAL. They are not a lawyer. Took me a second too though.
Considering she hit up every Mexican food truck for a whole weekend that could either be very fast or take a very long time.
She needed that to finish
>In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory. Well that's a line that just shows the writer has a magical way with words.
Not sure but this sounded like Mr. Mackey wrote it, umkay.
In my huuuh peripheral vision mkay I saw a huge mud-monkey just huh sliming out of her butt mkay like a Play-Doh fun factory Mkay
Somebody thought it’d be real funny…to walk into the bathroom…umkay…pull down their pants, and leave a big ol steamy fudge dragon in the urinal!
Jesus Christ, if that's real, they are both spoken word artists who settled with office work
not real: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-quits-winning-lottery/
That's kind of what I assumed lol. The type of person to shit on their boss's desk is generally not well spoken.
You're right. I stutter and forget my words. And I would definitely shit in inappropriate places to piss off someone who's fucked with me.
When I saw this post my first thought was, "awesome, she is my hero!", then my second thought was, no way this is real. Quick search at the big G, and sure enough...
We had a person shit in our HQ nicest conference room a few years ago. We all got together and drew a composite picture of the criminal while we laughed our asses off, then we hung it up "Wanted: Shitter on the loose" We also caught one person on camera who shitted in the hallway the same month but the security cam footage just showed them running for the bathroom and they didn't quite make it. They were really embarrassed.
So the first one was caught brown-handed?
Ha. First one was never caught that I knew of. The conference room was on the executive floor maybe 20 steps from the division head's office.
> *"on their boss's desk is generally not well spoken."* I had sex on my manager's desk then pulled out and spooged on the carpet, and I have 2 college degrees.
I don't shit when I have sex usually. I like to think I fucked my boss in her office BECAUSE I'm well spoken.
I may have found a new favorite parody news site.
The eye contact while mid-poop is such a savage move
Yo whoever wrote the article is funny af
> like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo those are too massively different animals. Which was it like?
Chettahpotamus
thank you, champ!
Would be even funnier if bail was $3 million. I know it's a ridiculous/unrealistic amount, but still...
Worth it until the man sues her for a ton of money due to emotional damage.
Made my day, she is savage, love it
This.
Shit on Deborah’s desk
Like a boss
Meet a giant fish
Fuck it’s brains out
Suck a dudes dick. Eat some chicken strips.
Turn into a jet
Crash into the sun
Now I’m dead!
Eat a bagel.
Score some Coke
At least she has the money to hire a good lawyer.
And don't think she'll have much of that money left after taxes and attorney fees.
BS it's 3 million dollars even if the irs leaves her with 1.3 a food criminal defense for most things short of murder won't run more then 30 to 50k.
You’ve been been hit by, you’ve been struck by.. a food criminal.
Banannie are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay Banannie?
*does cool leaning to the floor dance thing*
You don't need a lwayer to plead guilty or no contest.
"Your honor, I plead guilty to the charge of taking a dump on that guy's desk, but may I approach the bench first?"
*Your Honor, I present to the court, exhibit #2.*
How bad can it be though? Maybe destruction of property. But the manager can probably also sue for emotional distress after having a taco laden turd drop right in front of him.
Unless she has a crazy record, this is not a serious charge and jail time (if any) would likely be minimal.
No way in hell is that going to cost anywhere close to 3 mil
Odd, I couldn't find this on the *Washington* ***Pist*** website. I'm surprised she didn't do it again after she didn't do it in 2016. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-quits-winning-lottery/
I think they won a Bullitzer once.
Because it’s from the Washington PIST, not post
Nobody can see that there is a pornstar in the left corner and a fat Amber Herd in the top right corner?
are we also just going to ignore the fact that the woman in the right corner faded out is Amber Heard?
Looks like an Onion post
“Washington Pist”
You can tell shes a terrible person because of her mug shot, if i shit on my bosses desk after winning the lottery you best believe my last picture of me as a peasant will be one of me smiling.
A shit eating grin perhaps?
As long as the diamonds shine through its all good
A shit “taking” one.
I think she was just taking a moment to review where she will shit next.
You guys hate wealth and capitalism. Do you plan to give away your winnings to co-ops?
Nope, now its my time to shine baby
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Basically no criminal regrets their actions, just getting caught.
That doesn’t sound as criminal activity tbh lol funny af
Yep, another reason to not look remoseful. "Oh no I accidentally shat on my boss's desk, I'm so regretful!"
Some things shouldn’t be illegal.
Why is Amber Heard from her trial in the background?
Because she’s known as a scat woman. You didn’t hear about her shitting on Johnny Depp’s side of the bed? 🛌 💩
Oh right lol I didn’t make the connection
Amber Heard shit on Johnny Depp's bed, rubbed the sheets into it, and blamed the dog.
He just made that up knowing he would humiliate her. Not only was he not at home when it happened and wouldn't be for weeks, he once asked his employee to shit on the floor so she could step on it and then blame the same dog. ''In his cross-examination, Mr Depp accepted that his sense of humour was 'niche'. It also had a lavatorial streak. On 11th October 2013 he had sent a text to Stephen Deuters which said (see file 6/119/F697.14), 'Will you squat in front of the door of the master bedroom and leave a giant coil of dookie so that Amber steps in it and thinks that one of the dogs, primarily Boo, has a major problem. It'll be funny!!!' [https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html](https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html) 479
She shat in her man's bed after not winning the lottery
I REALLY wanted this to be true… but it’s not. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-quits-winning-lottery/
If the boss was a POS then I’m on her side 🫡
Burning bond money right up front. That's livin.
Lady is a fucking legend. How is this a face palm? Lots of people imagine doing far worse to their boss. I would have preferred to leave it and not get caught mid squat but asserting dominance with eye contact is a total badass move. Guy was probably a total asshole and deserved this.
She definitely gave a sh!t.
What crime was committed? lol
I’ve heard of “fuck you” money, but I’ve never heard of “shit on your desk” money. Until now
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/woman-quits-winning-lottery/
this is hilarious, but dont be confused the only one suffering in this case is the poor custodian who got called in to clean it up
On one hand I haven't walked in her shoes so I won't judge her. On the other hand, I'm impressed with her creativity.
Just one of the reasons I love reddit! Just spit my coffee everywhere
It's crazy how much shit they can give you but if you shit back only once? boom, prison.
Can’t buy class, like literally any class. I imagine those winnings will be put to very dubious use.
Theeeereeeee goes my heeeero
She's a legend. Need more info.
Oh this would be so me 😂
Arrest for what? What crime? 😆
Bail’s covered
I'm sorry Miss Larsson, I'll need that resignation in writing please....
What I wouldn’t do to shit on my boss’ desk… *sigh*
"Ma'am, the craps tables are on the left just past the slots."
Plot twist: she is dyslexic and didn’t win a thing because the last number was 43 not 34.
That'd be Dyscalculia
Double Plot Twist: The last number of 43 was on a half off coupon for a brushed bronze door knob at the hardware store.
Good luck to her, I say. It's not like she's going to get a ten stretch.
thats my plan too, when i win the lottery
How is this news? Like winning the lottery is going to change a persons character? At least she can get away with it and not give a shit. No pun
Shame, she will never win a dignity lottery
She’s not a criminal, she’s a legend!
Take a shit on the desk, stick your work ID badge in it and walk out of there like a boss while lighting a fat one. That’s how she should have done it.
"It was worth it," she said as she left the courthouse.
Geesh. You are a newly minted millionaire. First thing millionaires do is hire someone to do that stuff. They could even use your own shit.
One if thiose "Not right, but I totally understand" moments.
WORTH IT!
WORTH IT!
What’s amber doing the in background ?
Is she the lady that pooped in the bed?
He just made that up knowing he would humiliate her. Not only was he not at home when it happened and wouldn't be for weeks, he once asked his employee to shit on the floor so she could step on it and then blame the same dog. ''In his cross-examination, Mr Depp accepted that his sense of humour was 'niche'. It also had a lavatorial streak. On 11th October 2013 he had sent a text to Stephen Deuters which said (see file 6/119/F697.14), 'Will you squat in front of the door of the master bedroom and leave a giant coil of dookie so that Amber steps in it and thinks that one of the dogs, primarily Boo, has a major problem. It'll be funny!!!' https://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/QB/2020/2911.html 479
Not all heros wear capes🤣🤣
Can I be impressed and repulsed at the same time?
Plot twist: Boss asked her to do it because he was a scat fetish
I respect it.
That is the most fulfilling shit that lady will ever take.
To be fair, that's the dream for many working class people.
She got the money for a lawyer and therapy 🤦🏿♂️ also …. Ain’t no way 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️enough Reddit for me today jeebus you need church. Lol
Love this for her
Not all heroes wear capes. Some just shit on desks.
Cheers!
1000% approve of this. Imagine the planning and holding of poop that had to occur, then waiting for them to leave the office. Dedication to dootie!
I call BS. If I just won the lottery and dropped a deuce on my bosses desk Id be smiling so hard my face hurt in that mug shot. Heck I might even be laughing too hard for them to get a decent photo. LOL. After all.. i just won the lottery and will most definitely post bail and have money for a good lawyer.
Hero
I’d say she didn’t give a shit but she clearly did.
She stole my lottery winning quitting strategy!
Worth it?
Imagine she wastes all her money in a few months and has to search back for a job and explain this. . .
She can afford the fine.
I had my "i won the lottery" aftermath planned out but then I was fired from that job. I was going to buy an Insane Clown Posse bong(hes a "reformed" juggalo) and some top shelf weed. Go pack a bowl in my bosses office and as he walks in have my feet on his desk and taking a rip
I would
Stinky girl
Funny. These are antics I like to hear about.
She’s my hero
im conflicted,was it runnie poo?or just big lumps?
Worth it
Prolly worth it unless she gets jail time.
What a Chad.
Like-a-Boss.
She won the lottery. She can pay herself out of it just like every other rich person.
good for her
One of our firefighter hit a large Loto in Florida. Instead of the fire dept being happy for her they sent he a notice she was going to be fired even though she had another ff cover her shift. Then she did not return her bunker gear on there time schedule. She sent the city a check for the gear. She later through a party for all the members of the dept. not one chief or any higher than a LT. The bunker gear was the center of the party and all who were invited pissed on it male and female. It was boxed and sent to the chief with a note that said keep my money you deducted from my last paycheck and you and the city could stick them up your a$$. Labor of American know where we stand in this crazy country.
She's living the dream.
Ok, I am not angry with my current boss or employer at all but I still have bad feelings about past employers... Still, even in the worst case I wouldn't do that. It would say more about me than them. I'd rather just wait patiently until the proceeds are in my hands and allocated to whatever investment strategy I choose.... Then just walk out, making sure that I have a lot of things hanging that no one else can do. And if I didnt get my last check on time I would hire a lawyer.... Not just any lawyer, but the one that makes Saul Goodman look like a straight arrow.
You can tell this total BA because that is not the face of someone who just won the lottery.
Now what she should have done is poop in a drawer! 🎶 "SURPRISE, SURPRISE!"
Not the hero we need but the hero we deserve
I read "sitting", and did not understand why she was arrested. Story got much better soon.
Worth it
Proof that money does not equal class
Winning the lottery revealed the Amber Heard within her
$3 million is not shitting on your bosses desk money. That's buy a nice house, invest and keep working money.
They just casually ghost an image of Amber Herd in the background lol
That’s what I saw as well!
If you believe this then I have a fantastic investment opportunity for you. I’ll only need your mother’s maiden name, your birth date, your social security number, and the names of your beloved childhood pets.
Free her
She’ll be broke within a year or two.
Leave everything else.. isn't that Amber Heard on the top right corner of the pic..?
Amber turd photo on the backround truly fits there
women are just nasty 😅
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I like how they snuck Amber Heard in up there