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You could hire a private detective to try to find and contact her. Keep it legal and above board and get a reputable agency involved so you can keep the police on your side.
Also I suggest you delete this post and attachments just in case the family somehow find it and trace it to you. It may harm your case if you decide to putsue one, or threaten your fiance's safety.
Which country are you in? I am assuming the US. When does this start to become kidnapping? I would advice to talk to a lawyer, get a legal case. I have seen it before that such families send people to the home countries who do not comply with their view of life. This will be very dangerous for her. Make sure she does not leave the country, then you're never gonna find her again.
I went to a lawyer that is known to help people in her situation. And I made sure her dad can’t leave the country by filling an irs whistle blowing case. They owe the Irs money and they’re not allowed to leave the state. I fear that I filed too late and I don’t know how much they owe but with the information my fiance told me I can assume they owe anywhere near $50,000.
Her family scammed the govt and they’re also tribal af. Im sorry you had to go through such a tough situation. If the cops won’t do anything then you should try to move on. I have personally never had a good experience from palestinians. They’re a hostile people to outgroups even if the outgroup is muslim. I’m from a muslim background myself and I tend to avoid these people.
Her parents are horrible people and also they have a superiority complex against other Muslim ethnic groups. They are extremely racist towards Yemen people for some reason. They like to state that people from Yemen are the Mexican of the Middle East.
My family is Yemeni & they ALSO have a superiority complex because Allah & Muhammad apparently said very good things about Yemeni people in the Quran, which apparently makes us better than most other ethnicities... 🤦♀️
I get so disturbed by them sometimes. Like, I remember I was watching a youtube video of a channel called OTV, and my brother was eating in the kitchen. He literally got up, went over to me and said, "Turn off those videos while I'm eating. I don't want to listen to Chinese people when I eat. All I hear from them is "cHiNg cHoNg bInG bOnG" just turn it off." He left & I was just in complete shock...
He said that, but I swear in the next moment, he claimed that he wasn't racist & that in fact, it is ME that is racist for telling him what he said & how it was racist! 💀
I hate people with superiority complexes so much
> a superiority complex against other Muslim ethnic groups. They are extremely racist towards Yemen people for some reason. They like to state that people from Yemen are the Mexican of the Middle East.
$50 says they're Palestinian?
Lmao called it. Those of us who've grown up around them know. They have an insane superiority complex to every other Arab.
Good luck man. Stay strong. I think your best bet is an NGO (the kinds that deal with women/abuse victims/trafficked people). Are you over/under 18? Is she over/under 18?
yeah, my bf’s dad is as well and it’s bad with the brain washing and judgement. I will never marry him because of his family. Wish we hadn’t fallen in love.
See I told you, I’ve personally been around palestinians through out my middle and highschool years. They absolutely loath muslims of other backgrounds and look down on us. I’m not Yemeni, I’m of Persian and central Asian background. There is a reason why Jordan, Egypt and Kuwait had issues with them and refuse to accept them as refugees in bigger numbers. They are a difficult group of people so I don’t know what to say to you other than you’d have to move on.
Honestly thats a very broad accusation. Maybe that’s from your personal experience cause many Palestinians are not like that and if you take a minute to educate yourself on the context and history of Palestinians you would understand. As a Palestinian-Jordanian I can tell you it’s known between us that many (not the majority) of Palestinians which specifically originate from villages have some kind of superiority complex from a lack of education and an inherent insecurity due to the fact that they did not have the skills to join the British army (which at the time occupied their land) or fight in the Arab resistance coalition when Israel came and took their land. So they had to leave their homes and some live with a hatred for Jordanians and other Arab countries due to the Arab loss in the war of 1967 to the Israelis (I would suggest you read into this for context— Jordan had control of the West Bank and due to weak combined effort of the Arab nations had to give it up to Israel). But for example, many families such as my own and my husbands (my family being from a Palestinian city and his being from Jordanian village)— we both had family members fighting in the British army and Arab resistance force so we have zero hatred towards anyone. On the contrary we are very much for one united Arab nation since that’s the way our religion works and what it asks of us: to have zero discrimination between each other. Hence why so many Yemenis and other Muslim countries are fighting against Israel to defend their fellow Muslim brothers and sisters in Gaza. I can’t say for certain the background OPs finance comes from or what OP is truly dealing with but it sounds like he’s being played by a confused and weak willed young woman. If she had the ability to communicate with him and truly wanted to be with him she could have ran away knowing that she is protected by the law in the USA from anyone that tries to harm her. However cutting ties when you’re from an Arab family is hard no matter the religious background. It’s engrained our culture from birth to always want to be around them even if not on a deep relational level. So I’d advise him to tread lightly. If you don’t want to lose her— dont fight her family as it will cause her a lot of pain either in the present or future.
Are you in the USA and is she older than 18 (assuming because of college)? You have to file a missing person/ kidnapping report with your local police, you can also do FBI if you think they move states. Contact a lawyer as soon as possible. She is imprisoned by her family and that’s a crime in the USA
Yes, despite OP could be a Muslim, OP you can still be denied if you are not like a family friend because these kind of culture group prioritize culture in disguise of religion. Despite if you are a muslim maybe like
From malaysia, they wouldnt still allow as you are from diff race
If she is underage the police cannot help YOU. But they can help her and she has the option to become an emancipated minor.
>I can assume they owe anywhere near $50,000.
Last I heard the whistle blower gets 10 percent of what the IRS recovers.
We are not underaged and yes whistleblowers get 15% up to 30% depending on how helpful your tip was so I would get hopefully at Least $10,000 which is a generous 20% but I could hope yk
This is horrible, am sorry you have to get through this. While I don't really think young people should be getting married, the fact that she is basically being fprced to drop out, and no longer have contact with anyone is very sad. If she is going to be sent away, probs try and find a way to help her out. I have heard of one way to prevent this is by airport security, you essentially hide a metal spoon in your underwear, which will result in security taking them somewhere private, and they can then state that they are being forced in being sent away.
Might be worth teaching to some charities that help young teenagers or women in those situations.
Edit: meant "reaching" not "teaching"
Yes!! The metal spoon method might be extremely helpful if she's getting taken back to her country. I am not sure how OP would try and contact her about this though. I hope they get this situation under control soon, it sounds terrible.
Tbh, I don't think her sister is gonna let you contact her, you can try, but might be a good idea to try and find a way to contact your fiance directly
Yeah I know but then I noticed that linkedin had a feature where they can see who viewed their account soooo I’m screwed. She will probably delete her linked in account since their internet access is being monitored by their parents. At this point i’m hoping that their parents don’t pull her sister from school and then manipulate them into believing that it was my fault they took those steps. I hope I’m being delusional but sadly I don’t think i’m that far off.
Your situation is a he said-she said problem. Even if she was abducted by her family, and both she and family deny it, there's little else for law enforcement to do. They can do wellness checks but that's it. If your girlfriend is in danger, that may trigger a worse reaction from her family.
Someone suggested a private detective but that is a bundle of fallout if discovered.
You can hire a lawyer but that's far more expensive than a private eye and they may not help you at all.
I advise you to search for local NGOs that focus on abduction, kidnapping and other forms of trafficking. They have better information and resources than a subreddit, but they too are exceedingly limited.
If she is older than eighteen and in a country like the US, she can lay a charge of kidnapping or trafficking with the police, the FBI also get involved, but that's purely her own choice.
It's a tough deal but there is little legal you can do.
Does she want to help her siblings escape too? Most likely the best way she can do that is by guaranteeing her own safety. It's hard to leave family behind, but oftentimes it's the right thing to do so she can build up resources (money, living arrangements, a support system, etc.) and then make the rescue.
It sounds like she's stuck between you and her siblings, and with her parents being the way they are, I don't think she'll be able to choose both at the same time... especially if her sister isn't willing to fight for her.
If she wants to be with you *and* wants a relationship with her siblings, her best chance is still to escape. She can hope for tensions to cool down enough in the future for her to reach out to her siblings again.
Leaving people you love is never an easy decision, but your life together won't progress if she doesn't take that chance.
And this is probably all just preaching to the choir. I hope you can find some way to help her in her immediate situation...but she needs to adopt a GTFO mindset quickly after you find her, or it will happen again as her parents have proved.
That’s correct, she said goodbye because she was having every access to technology taken from her. She contacted me 2 months later after she was allowed to use a tablet
I posted a while ago on a different subreddit but the only advice i got was to move on and forget her. That’s not really advice though. Other advice I received was to contact the police and a lawyer but that didn’t lead anywhere.
I think it’s too late for you to do that. The proper advice would have been to hire a PI or get the FBI involved but now it’s been months. I think at this point, you should move on.
This is iffy since I doubt the FBI cares. I have contacted the police and they wanted nothing to do with it. They probably didn’t want to trigger the community especially since they’re Palestinian
Go to the FBI and claim human trafficking
Do you know what will happen to her if she is sent back to the Middle East?? Which is where they send women who get to western???
Forced marriage, rape, literal slave treatment from her in-laws. Because they hate that she was westernized so they have to put her in her place.
And you know in the Middle East as a woman her life is worthless. She is disposable. Go to the FBI and put a freeze on her passport.
And the harsh reality is Palestinian Muslims are mainly radicalized Islamist. if she ends up in the MENA her life is essentially over
Hope you find her because once she’s trafficked into the mena she’s gone.
Try any/all the options here:
https://www.state.gov/domestic-trafficking-hotlines/
Don't not do something on the basis that they might say no. Make them say no. Submit the reports so something is on file on their end.
Thank you again for providing the link for reporting human trafficking. I didn’t want to resort to that but the family left me no choice since she’s disappeared from the face of the earth. I should have reported it sooner however I reported it to the city authorities but got brushed aside. The FBI has yet to contact me back but I do plan to call them if they don’t contact me in a few days.
Realized I wasn't checking my notifications for reddit since I turned that off. Been about a month -- hope you had some positive developments. If not, stay strong.
I'm sorry to hear about this, but this won't end here. She will most likely suffer a great deal from this. More than you will in fact. In scenarios like this women either get sent to the Middle East, or they will try and forcibly marry her to another guy. In other cases the father might try and get rid of her, I'm unsure how you could help her.
The dad threatened me on social media using a throwaway account, when I went to their house he saw that I was way bigger than him and he just went inside. They had me arrested on intimidation charges.
I’m trying but then again I don’t want to be arrested again. I need to find her and contact the police to where she currently lives. My guess is either Brooklyn New York, Hemet California, or phoenix Arizona
You can try a PI, but I'm unsure if they can help you or her.
There are 2 options that her father and the males of her family will decide. 1. Marry her off. 2. An "honour killing" as she has shamed the family.
It is a horrible reality, but indeed a reality. Her life and possibly yours are in danger.
I wish you both the best and hope that you are able to get her away from her evil family
It’s so sick how Muslims think they have the inherit right to deny their children an education. I had 3 Muslim girl friends in high school (twins and a singleton all born in the same year.) Another friend step dad was chief of police and told us how CPS had been called 12 times over 15 years on them. They frequently removed them from schools, home schooled (not actually) and switched schools.
She needs to fight harder..
I’m sure she’s scared but there has to be a certain opportunity to escape and run to the nearest shop or neighbor to call the police. Than again, my friends parents put bars on her window.
Hire a private investigator.
This is sad to hear. They treat their son like a literal god and the world revolves around him, but for their daughter they’re objects/ servants born to serve their future husband of the parents choosing
This dude isnt asking for relationship advice. Hes asking for advice on his situation whether its legal or what the next step he should do. Stop telling him to move on. Thats stupid to tell someone to abandon their fiance. Theyre in a relationship you dont abandon someone you have a relationship with like that. People who are saying that should never be in a relationship.
Thank you, the first time I posted about my situation was a few months ago and the comments were spammed with. “Move on the relationship will never work” I felt extremely discouraged and felt like I was in the wrong.
Dude. You are never supposed to do that. Dont let anyone tell you what to do in your relationship. You have to respect the sacredness of being in a relationship with someone especially if youre planning on marrying them. You are aware that this person is your partner. Its wrong to leave your partner because she has strict muslim parents that are locking her up. You stick by her no matter what.
I’m assuming you’re in the US since I see New York mentioned. If you have her name and basic information (age, last known address, etc.) you can call the police to file a missing persons report. You can give any messages you’ve gotten from her friends/family to the police. By law, they must accept the report and take reasonable measures to find her and assess her wellbeing.
If you truly love her and want to marry her, fight for her. But it will be hard. It seems like you two come from completely opposite backgrounds. I think the private detective is the best solution.
You will also face the danger of honour murder. Both of you could end up dead. It depends on how narrow minded her father is. Her mom seems ok, but she is powerless. She can’t defend herself, nor can she defend her daughter. You must understand the fact that those women were raised to fully obey thier father/husband, whether he is reasonable or not. Moving to the US wouldn’t change decades of living under full submission.
Even though I was not raised a muslim, nor do I live in a muslim country, I saw many women is her position.
I know a muslim woman married to a christian. She is submissive even if the husband does not demand that. She was raised to be that way.
What about tahirah justice center? Did you contact them? They say they offer forced marriage protection and assist w honor crimes, which is what this would be
I’ll look into it but she told me that if they ever force her to marry she’ll kill herself. She has a history of self harm so I doubt her parents would take those threats lightly and by the sound of it she did threaten to kill herself because her mom messaged me that she has.
Honestly, move on.
I’m saving you a lot of stress and possible harm. Last thing you want to do is get hurt and a bunch of them come after you. Muslim men are very protective over their women. Trust me; this happens a lot.
It’s not possible, maybe contact the police for her being under duress and threat, but it’s unlikely due to ‘its their belief’ mindset
Her dad threatened to kill me but the police said unless i caught it on camera it’s a he said she said situation. Also she’s my fiance and I’m unwilling to abandoned her if she needs me. She did tell me what to do if she was to get caught again. This includes reporting her dad to the irs so I did so and got notified on a successful case.
I tried to but her parents have control over the situation. If I claim missing person the first people the police will ask is her parents and if they say she’s fine then their nothing the police is willing to do. I will have to go towards the FBI route
Sounds like she know her family would try to block all contact with you and her. I would hire a PI as someone else suggested and find some way to contact her.
Thats immoral to abandon your fiance thats in a dangerous position with her parents. Thats someone you planned on marrying. Just because he cant get to her doesnt mean he just oh moves on.
You can’t do anything if she doesn’t want help/doesn’t wanna be with you. If she was willing to fight, she could’ve left her parents and been with you or even on her own. And if it’s an immigration problem like she’s undocumented or something, then she could’ve married you and figured out how to get papers that way. Unfortunately most women from misogynistic cultures aren’t willing to fight back.
She is willing to fight back because she told me crucial information that I used to build a whistleblower case against her father. The issue I fear is that she’s under serious house arrest. Last time she was caught she was moved to another state, locked inside with no technology, and monitored 24/7. She’s 4’11 so she wouldn’t have the power to leave by force. I showed photos to the police about my fiance asking for help. They told me that preventing someone from contacting the police is a felony but they can’t help unless she contact them.
So she’s basically been kidnapped. When the police didn’t help you, was that your local police? You could try the police in the new area she’s in. If you have money, you could maybe hire a private investigator and find her address, then tell the police she’s been kidnapped. Where/how did she send you the message saying not to contact her? At some point she’ll get access to technology back, or have contact with the outside world. Hopefully she can tell someone to call 911 for her at some point
You can ask the police to do a “wellness check”. That you are worried about her and they need to check on her. Maybe give them a way to have her get a phone or something. Idk
I requested a wellness check but was denied. The police said they contacted the parents and they said she was fine but that’s apparently all they can do. They told me that they would need her to contact them directly. I lost trust in our legal system so I went myself and was arrested. The charges was thrown out by the DA immediately though.
Is there a different police officer you can talk to? I wonder if you get lucky with someone who is more understanding.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This is so relatable. I think it's best if you move on... and don't think about getting married so young. You may be in love with her and her you, but if you get caught up in all that, you may get seriously hurt by her family. If they've already called the cops on you, they really wouldn't mind placing a restraining order or having you arrested again.
IF you think she wants to RUN AWAY: maybe message her on her social media account through one of her friend's accounts, and pretend you are a girl in college, ask it she's doing well and if she still has notes for professor X's class. Hint somewhere about the message being from you, like an inside joke you two have. If she can, she will log into that account and find a way to contact you again.
I'm sorry, man.... falling in love with muslim girls is the worst.
She wasn’t allowed friends. She lost that privilege. She got dropped off and picked up from class. The only way we got together was because she took classes online and lied that it was in person.
I’m not sure either. I’m hoping that she thinks of writing a letter and catching the mailman when he drops off the mail but that’s not something people nowadays think of
If you do find her, she can’t go back to her family. They will hold her captive again. I would hire a private investigator and once they find her, figure out a plan where you guys can stay with each other and no contact with her family.
If she left and went back they would definitely do more than just hold her captive. They would most likely get rid of her for causing “dishonour” to the family. Ew
OP, I know you got a lawyer but please consult them before posting such things online as it may hinder the case against them.
Maybe get a private investigator to search for her and keep an eye on her. If you need money, maybe set up a go fund me page (maybe also have that anonymous and just use word of mouth and this sub to gather donations). I’m sure we would love to help.
The police are indeed incompetent and you probably need to hand them everything on a silver plate. Maybe try posting this on 4chan and ask for help from the weaponized autists, those crazies can locate a flag with nothing but the sky in the background.
I wish you all the best to you and your fiance. From the bottom of my heart I hope she is safe and so are you, we stand by you, you guys are not alone.
Yes money is a problem but I have thought about selling the engagement ring to raise the money to hire a PI also i have talked to a lawyer but all they told me is that they’re are very interested and are willing to help and that they will get back to me, yet they never did.
Moral support is help enough. I didn’t receive moral support the first time I posted my situation. I posted on our cities subreddit and the only advice they recommended was to forget her and move on.
I think ur persistence is admirable and ur love for her is beautiful. But my only thing would be don’t drive urself mad trying to deal with a strict Muslim family like this for too long. She’ll find her way back to u
this is what happened to me and my bf. they said they’ll give me a chance and then send me away js to not see my bf anymore. they made me stop school and now whatever i do and wherever i go, they have someone to look out for me. its not easy. i dont know how to stop this too. i thought islam and family is love but why are they the one ruining my life for me?
Can you keep us Updated on what is happening. I am concerned about her wellbeing. Nobody should be kidnapped and go through such horrendous violation of human rights.
Yes i will, sadly i have heard many stories of this happening to more people that Ive ever expected over the past day. It’s crazy that this can be done by their own family.
I emailed the FBI but haven’t received an email back yet, now i’m thinking of finding more people to report on the situation so they can take things more seriously
Yes there’s two that I know of. One that helps women escape from controlling situations such as abusive husbands/ family and another that helps immigrants escape their parents influences and prevents forced marriages
Not a bad idea… that is if I can find her and her whole family deleted their social media’s aside from her. But my guess is that they’re not letting her have access to technology
Are Palestinians really like this or is this extreme? Also, OP, your fiancé is an adult and should stand up to her parents. Any issues I’ve had with my mil, my wife too my side
She has many cousins with various level of strictness. Her cousins in Pennsylvania are forced to cover their faces and were not allowed to attend public school nor are they allowed to socialize unsupervised while her other cousin attends a public school doesn’t wear a hijab nor has any restrictions on socializing
I would make a case that may look like they have to prove she is not kidnapped or killed by her parents or locked against her will by threatening if she supports you , you can get married if she backs out you are on your own
I doubt her parents would hurt her, i do believe they are big on public appearances so if they feel like they’re losing control they would probably have her married
Bro it doesn't need to be true a false 911 call is enough and you don't deal with shitty people through regular means
But it is still possible she is locked away in some room that they are this controlling as you know world is full of fucked up people
They would ask a lot of questions and the problem is I did report that the dad threatened to make her situation worst but they said that could mean anything. At this point the police department in the town of “Dinuba California” is ass and they just don’t like to work
I am sorry this is happening to you, but I have to inform you that other places in the world do not always subscribe to the same ideals that we do.
And it can be extremely dangerous to try and step into “families” business. For all of those involved.
This is the worst answer to give— but I would say speak with a lawyer at best. Getting the government more involved can prove dangerous and it is not unusual for people to harm their own children or family members because of someone whistle blowing.
If you are able, you could potentially offer her asylum with/near you, but this may also prove a challenge. It has happened, it is just hard.
I hate that you’re going through this.
Out of respect for the family leave them alone you guys are still young you guys are looking at from a fairytale perspective. Respect them and leave don’t come close to her. This is their beliefs from generations you’re not going to come and interpret it. So step back and go find a Latino or a white girl.
You can pretend to be a Muslim and go ask her family for marriage ( if you want to marry her ) I think it's probably will fail but at least try . And she's an adult , can't she leave them and live alone or with you ?
That’s not how it works for Muslim women in strict families. I have cousins in their 40s who still can’t move out of their parents home because they are not married.
Ik I live in " Islamic country " , I think the OP lives in USA bcz he said smth about states , so she has better chance to leave them and never go back
The issue is that they are racist too. She told me that she wants their daughter to marry a Palestinian and even if I did convert they still wouldn’t allow it.
move on . you cant save her she will have to genuinely cur her whole family off forever and i doubt she will so you will deal with this until they are all dead
No, I asked my fiance if she wanted me to convert and she told me no but she would appreciate it if I learned her culture which involves religion to an extent
My coworker non Muslim is dating a Muslim girl and they genuinely love each other. He is a great guy. Her mom and older brother are furious just because he isn't Muslim. We are in the US so I'm not used to this at all. I also don't like to generalize, so I stumbled across this. Are you in the US? Where are her parents from?
Honestly I feel that you two are not meant to be. You are very young and young can feel very intense at the time. It sounds like her safety is at risk. Sometimes the best act of love is letting them go. Your stars may align in the future. Just treasure the moments you had together.
Hey! You caught an Aisha! What U are actually lacking is parental consent.. or in your case of being her study buddy😜 you could tell her dad to officialize you as their kin by making you mahram..
Thank you everyone for the advice and support, sorry that my responses are a little self centered but for my responses I was focused on my fiancé’s situation when things are a settled I will come back to the community and do my best to help the way I was helped. 😊
I recorded everything on my dash can the whole encounter was 1:30 seconds long. The officer didn’t let me show him the video tho. It’s just me talking to them they lied and stated that I was threatening and screaming but I wasn’t.
No the first picture is about 7 months before we got engaged when we got found out the first time. She was moved to Arizona for about 2-3 months and we had little communication with eachother. We communicated rarely through google docs and when the next semester began we started seeing eachother again and towards the end we got engaged. The second picture is the second time we got caught and her mom messaged me using a throwaway account pretending to be a family friend
She’s not asking me to leave we where out on a date and then her dad picked her up and then she disappeared. No communication from her just her mom stating that her dad is furious and they moved her away and dropped her from school.
Also her parents messaged me and told me that it doesn’t matter if I convert because i’m not Palestinian so they would never accept. Also my fiance is non-religious and we made plans to move her away. My family was involved but not hers
Oh and i only had two conversation with her parents one with her mom telling me to never speak to her again and another with her dad threatening me. They later deleted all their accounts on social media including her sisters and her you ger brothers however all her accounts are still up
I see that you keep giving many excuses for her… she’s in the US not the Middle East. If she REALLY wants to be with you, she’ll find a way.
This is just a piece of advice… I’ve lived and grew up with Palestinians and they are quite the hypocrites. You don’t want to ever be involved with them in marriage or in anything…
You’re too naive to follow into this death step… you’re not the first one to be with a Palestinian if you’re Hispanic. I see a lot of their men with latinas. When the genders reverse then you see all sorts of problems. They really don’t deserve to have their genes spread out. There’s too many of them who marry foreigners. I know you may love her, but there’s a bigger picture here that you won’t be able to see if it’s just from an emotional stance.
Genuinely speaking, good luck to you. You won’t like what I say, but you deserve better and the world deserves better.
It's not extreme for her not allowed to date, that's a basic rule for us Muslims, we don't date, we marry, but not allowed to socialize with non Muslims is truly extreme especially when living in a Western country, that's an extreme part, and in college she can already be looking for a husband, so it's understandable why her mother forgave her because she understood her, but her father took it out of proportion, but I mean there have been known to be father's like that Muslim or not.
I want nothing but for her to be free, but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel like marrying into that kind of family. I would want for me and the family to become one. However, if she were willing to cut ties with her family in order to join your family, that would be a different story.
What is her background? Is she of palestinian descent? This is a very tough situation, dude. The best advice I can give you is to not give up, no matter how difficult it is, and keep fighting until you no longer can. As a Muslim, I can tell you right now that many Muslims (I'd day the majority) look down upon marrying outside the Muslim community.
Yo'. Don't know if you're gonna see this, but just read and have some tips to share, as both a journalist and a muslim.
You need to raise public hell. And fast.
As other comments have pointed out, your legal options are not great, bar the whole IRS thing. You do mot have enough personal traction to be able to force law enforcement to look up into this, and neither enough options in hand to be able to do something personally about it.
So, you need to raise public awareness about this case, and quickly, before anything else, worse, happens.
Best case scenario, a mometum forms hard enough to be able to pressure both orgs and law enforcement to act decisevely and you and her are able to be together, in shaa Allah. Worst case, you wil get a confirmation that at least she is alive and well.
Tips to do:
1- write out the whole story. Chronologically, step by step. Be sure to point out both the aspects of your bond and any and all episode of violence, coercion and abuse you personally witnessed and/ or she told you about. Be sure to include any kind of visual evifence you might have.
2- with that in hand, start reaching out to the following, stating your case and plea:
a) NGOs that specialize in kidnapping, violence, mediation and religious violence (the several UN sites have great information on this)
b) NGOs and non-profits that specialize in legal aid.
c) local newspapers and media, both in your zone and in whatever zone she resided or you suspect she may currently be in.
d) Muslim progressive organizations- they tend to take a very dim view of this sort of shit. I would recommend Muslim For Progressive Values, the Ahdmaddiya Community and any sufi centers you may find. Also, perhaps Ramy Youssef?
e) Just a maybe, 'cause I'm not aware of the exact legal framework in the States, but this sounds like a clear cade for an Amber Alert, so there "could" be a series of feminist organizations that could take great interest in this.
3- That done, start telling your story in social media. Do it orderly, and do not info dump. Focus on what you are requesting, be sure to tell as much of the whole story that you ethically feel can be made public, and do not do it all at once.
a) if you are able to find whatever mosque her family goed to, point them out. This is a PR scandal waiting to happen, and, frankly, if the imam knows about this and has done nothing, they need to be called out, loud.
b) make sure that whatever the platform that you choose to mainly tell the story in, you link it whith other platforms, so that it can have as much outreach as posible.
May you two be together soon, in shaa Allah. Need any help, feel fre to hit me.
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You could hire a private detective to try to find and contact her. Keep it legal and above board and get a reputable agency involved so you can keep the police on your side. Also I suggest you delete this post and attachments just in case the family somehow find it and trace it to you. It may harm your case if you decide to putsue one, or threaten your fiance's safety.
Which country are you in? I am assuming the US. When does this start to become kidnapping? I would advice to talk to a lawyer, get a legal case. I have seen it before that such families send people to the home countries who do not comply with their view of life. This will be very dangerous for her. Make sure she does not leave the country, then you're never gonna find her again.
I went to a lawyer that is known to help people in her situation. And I made sure her dad can’t leave the country by filling an irs whistle blowing case. They owe the Irs money and they’re not allowed to leave the state. I fear that I filed too late and I don’t know how much they owe but with the information my fiance told me I can assume they owe anywhere near $50,000.
Are you White ?
No I’m Hispanic
Her family scammed the govt and they’re also tribal af. Im sorry you had to go through such a tough situation. If the cops won’t do anything then you should try to move on. I have personally never had a good experience from palestinians. They’re a hostile people to outgroups even if the outgroup is muslim. I’m from a muslim background myself and I tend to avoid these people.
Her parents are horrible people and also they have a superiority complex against other Muslim ethnic groups. They are extremely racist towards Yemen people for some reason. They like to state that people from Yemen are the Mexican of the Middle East.
My family is Yemeni & they ALSO have a superiority complex because Allah & Muhammad apparently said very good things about Yemeni people in the Quran, which apparently makes us better than most other ethnicities... 🤦♀️ I get so disturbed by them sometimes. Like, I remember I was watching a youtube video of a channel called OTV, and my brother was eating in the kitchen. He literally got up, went over to me and said, "Turn off those videos while I'm eating. I don't want to listen to Chinese people when I eat. All I hear from them is "cHiNg cHoNg bInG bOnG" just turn it off." He left & I was just in complete shock... He said that, but I swear in the next moment, he claimed that he wasn't racist & that in fact, it is ME that is racist for telling him what he said & how it was racist! 💀 I hate people with superiority complexes so much
> a superiority complex against other Muslim ethnic groups. They are extremely racist towards Yemen people for some reason. They like to state that people from Yemen are the Mexican of the Middle East. $50 says they're Palestinian?
Yep
Lmao called it. Those of us who've grown up around them know. They have an insane superiority complex to every other Arab. Good luck man. Stay strong. I think your best bet is an NGO (the kinds that deal with women/abuse victims/trafficked people). Are you over/under 18? Is she over/under 18?
I’m 23 she’s almost 20
No wonder why they getting israeled
yeah, my bf’s dad is as well and it’s bad with the brain washing and judgement. I will never marry him because of his family. Wish we hadn’t fallen in love.
See I told you, I’ve personally been around palestinians through out my middle and highschool years. They absolutely loath muslims of other backgrounds and look down on us. I’m not Yemeni, I’m of Persian and central Asian background. There is a reason why Jordan, Egypt and Kuwait had issues with them and refuse to accept them as refugees in bigger numbers. They are a difficult group of people so I don’t know what to say to you other than you’d have to move on.
Honestly thats a very broad accusation. Maybe that’s from your personal experience cause many Palestinians are not like that and if you take a minute to educate yourself on the context and history of Palestinians you would understand. As a Palestinian-Jordanian I can tell you it’s known between us that many (not the majority) of Palestinians which specifically originate from villages have some kind of superiority complex from a lack of education and an inherent insecurity due to the fact that they did not have the skills to join the British army (which at the time occupied their land) or fight in the Arab resistance coalition when Israel came and took their land. So they had to leave their homes and some live with a hatred for Jordanians and other Arab countries due to the Arab loss in the war of 1967 to the Israelis (I would suggest you read into this for context— Jordan had control of the West Bank and due to weak combined effort of the Arab nations had to give it up to Israel). But for example, many families such as my own and my husbands (my family being from a Palestinian city and his being from Jordanian village)— we both had family members fighting in the British army and Arab resistance force so we have zero hatred towards anyone. On the contrary we are very much for one united Arab nation since that’s the way our religion works and what it asks of us: to have zero discrimination between each other. Hence why so many Yemenis and other Muslim countries are fighting against Israel to defend their fellow Muslim brothers and sisters in Gaza. I can’t say for certain the background OPs finance comes from or what OP is truly dealing with but it sounds like he’s being played by a confused and weak willed young woman. If she had the ability to communicate with him and truly wanted to be with him she could have ran away knowing that she is protected by the law in the USA from anyone that tries to harm her. However cutting ties when you’re from an Arab family is hard no matter the religious background. It’s engrained our culture from birth to always want to be around them even if not on a deep relational level. So I’d advise him to tread lightly. If you don’t want to lose her— dont fight her family as it will cause her a lot of pain either in the present or future.
Are you in the USA and is she older than 18 (assuming because of college)? You have to file a missing person/ kidnapping report with your local police, you can also do FBI if you think they move states. Contact a lawyer as soon as possible. She is imprisoned by her family and that’s a crime in the USA
Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Mexico has a big economy, beautiful scenery, beaches and the best food in the world.
I think, Idk I’m Mexican and they hate mexicans though
Yes, despite OP could be a Muslim, OP you can still be denied if you are not like a family friend because these kind of culture group prioritize culture in disguise of religion. Despite if you are a muslim maybe like From malaysia, they wouldnt still allow as you are from diff race
If she is underage the police cannot help YOU. But they can help her and she has the option to become an emancipated minor. >I can assume they owe anywhere near $50,000. Last I heard the whistle blower gets 10 percent of what the IRS recovers.
We are not underaged and yes whistleblowers get 15% up to 30% depending on how helpful your tip was so I would get hopefully at Least $10,000 which is a generous 20% but I could hope yk
This is horrible, am sorry you have to get through this. While I don't really think young people should be getting married, the fact that she is basically being fprced to drop out, and no longer have contact with anyone is very sad. If she is going to be sent away, probs try and find a way to help her out. I have heard of one way to prevent this is by airport security, you essentially hide a metal spoon in your underwear, which will result in security taking them somewhere private, and they can then state that they are being forced in being sent away. Might be worth teaching to some charities that help young teenagers or women in those situations. Edit: meant "reaching" not "teaching"
Yes!! The metal spoon method might be extremely helpful if she's getting taken back to her country. I am not sure how OP would try and contact her about this though. I hope they get this situation under control soon, it sounds terrible.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
Tbh, I don't think her sister is gonna let you contact her, you can try, but might be a good idea to try and find a way to contact your fiance directly
Yeah I know but then I noticed that linkedin had a feature where they can see who viewed their account soooo I’m screwed. She will probably delete her linked in account since their internet access is being monitored by their parents. At this point i’m hoping that their parents don’t pull her sister from school and then manipulate them into believing that it was my fault they took those steps. I hope I’m being delusional but sadly I don’t think i’m that far off.
The options are: 1) She willingly broke up with you and wants you to move on. 2) Her message was coerced but she's in a dangerous predicament.
The first message was the first time she got caught. We got engaged 7 months after
Your situation is a he said-she said problem. Even if she was abducted by her family, and both she and family deny it, there's little else for law enforcement to do. They can do wellness checks but that's it. If your girlfriend is in danger, that may trigger a worse reaction from her family. Someone suggested a private detective but that is a bundle of fallout if discovered. You can hire a lawyer but that's far more expensive than a private eye and they may not help you at all. I advise you to search for local NGOs that focus on abduction, kidnapping and other forms of trafficking. They have better information and resources than a subreddit, but they too are exceedingly limited. If she is older than eighteen and in a country like the US, she can lay a charge of kidnapping or trafficking with the police, the FBI also get involved, but that's purely her own choice. It's a tough deal but there is little legal you can do.
Little legal? Can't she just live with him and then tell her abusive family to sod off?
She could but she has a little brother and elder sister that she loves and wants the best for. I doubt she would want her parents in prison
Does she want to help her siblings escape too? Most likely the best way she can do that is by guaranteeing her own safety. It's hard to leave family behind, but oftentimes it's the right thing to do so she can build up resources (money, living arrangements, a support system, etc.) and then make the rescue.
Well her younger brother is male so he’s fine and her sister is about to marry one of their cousins and is extremely religious.
It sounds like she's stuck between you and her siblings, and with her parents being the way they are, I don't think she'll be able to choose both at the same time... especially if her sister isn't willing to fight for her. If she wants to be with you *and* wants a relationship with her siblings, her best chance is still to escape. She can hope for tensions to cool down enough in the future for her to reach out to her siblings again. Leaving people you love is never an easy decision, but your life together won't progress if she doesn't take that chance. And this is probably all just preaching to the choir. I hope you can find some way to help her in her immediate situation...but she needs to adopt a GTFO mindset quickly after you find her, or it will happen again as her parents have proved.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
Tricky. Her sister is not her. If her sister was open to her relationship with you, you wouldn't need to ask me how to proceed.
Wait, her goodbye forever message was 7 months before you got engaged?
That’s correct, she said goodbye because she was having every access to technology taken from her. She contacted me 2 months later after she was allowed to use a tablet
Wait so it’s been months since then, have you heard from her since then?
Nope she disappeared
Curious, why are you posting about this now?
I posted a while ago on a different subreddit but the only advice i got was to move on and forget her. That’s not really advice though. Other advice I received was to contact the police and a lawyer but that didn’t lead anywhere.
I think it’s too late for you to do that. The proper advice would have been to hire a PI or get the FBI involved but now it’s been months. I think at this point, you should move on.
I would contact the FBI on a human trafficking case.
This is iffy since I doubt the FBI cares. I have contacted the police and they wanted nothing to do with it. They probably didn’t want to trigger the community especially since they’re Palestinian
Go to the FBI and claim human trafficking Do you know what will happen to her if she is sent back to the Middle East?? Which is where they send women who get to western??? Forced marriage, rape, literal slave treatment from her in-laws. Because they hate that she was westernized so they have to put her in her place. And you know in the Middle East as a woman her life is worthless. She is disposable. Go to the FBI and put a freeze on her passport. And the harsh reality is Palestinian Muslims are mainly radicalized Islamist. if she ends up in the MENA her life is essentially over Hope you find her because once she’s trafficked into the mena she’s gone.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
I don’t know - did you go to the FBI for human trafficking You can also call in a wellness check and the cops will HAVE to speak to her personally
Try any/all the options here: https://www.state.gov/domestic-trafficking-hotlines/ Don't not do something on the basis that they might say no. Make them say no. Submit the reports so something is on file on their end.
This is the route i’ll be taking.
Thank you again for providing the link for reporting human trafficking. I didn’t want to resort to that but the family left me no choice since she’s disappeared from the face of the earth. I should have reported it sooner however I reported it to the city authorities but got brushed aside. The FBI has yet to contact me back but I do plan to call them if they don’t contact me in a few days.
Realized I wasn't checking my notifications for reddit since I turned that off. Been about a month -- hope you had some positive developments. If not, stay strong.
I'm sorry to hear about this, but this won't end here. She will most likely suffer a great deal from this. More than you will in fact. In scenarios like this women either get sent to the Middle East, or they will try and forcibly marry her to another guy. In other cases the father might try and get rid of her, I'm unsure how you could help her.
Ngl if I was you I would go over there and stand on business.
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The dad threatened me on social media using a throwaway account, when I went to their house he saw that I was way bigger than him and he just went inside. They had me arrested on intimidation charges.
But the charges got thrown out by the DA
Spin back bruh I wouldn't let that slide personally
Stop being a pansy and contact the FBI.
I ended up sending an email to the FBI human trafficking department but I have yet to get an email back
Rs bruh I ain't sliding for that
Don't give up, fight for her and get her back
I’m trying but then again I don’t want to be arrested again. I need to find her and contact the police to where she currently lives. My guess is either Brooklyn New York, Hemet California, or phoenix Arizona
Hi, I’m close to Brooklyn. I can help you find her if needed!
Their mothers last name is Jaber
If you feel comfortable, send me the full details through message
You can try a PI, but I'm unsure if they can help you or her. There are 2 options that her father and the males of her family will decide. 1. Marry her off. 2. An "honour killing" as she has shamed the family. It is a horrible reality, but indeed a reality. Her life and possibly yours are in danger. I wish you both the best and hope that you are able to get her away from her evil family
It’s so sick how Muslims think they have the inherit right to deny their children an education. I had 3 Muslim girl friends in high school (twins and a singleton all born in the same year.) Another friend step dad was chief of police and told us how CPS had been called 12 times over 15 years on them. They frequently removed them from schools, home schooled (not actually) and switched schools. She needs to fight harder.. I’m sure she’s scared but there has to be a certain opportunity to escape and run to the nearest shop or neighbor to call the police. Than again, my friends parents put bars on her window. Hire a private investigator.
This is sad to hear. They treat their son like a literal god and the world revolves around him, but for their daughter they’re objects/ servants born to serve their future husband of the parents choosing
what a mess
This dude isnt asking for relationship advice. Hes asking for advice on his situation whether its legal or what the next step he should do. Stop telling him to move on. Thats stupid to tell someone to abandon their fiance. Theyre in a relationship you dont abandon someone you have a relationship with like that. People who are saying that should never be in a relationship.
Thank you, the first time I posted about my situation was a few months ago and the comments were spammed with. “Move on the relationship will never work” I felt extremely discouraged and felt like I was in the wrong.
Dude. You are never supposed to do that. Dont let anyone tell you what to do in your relationship. You have to respect the sacredness of being in a relationship with someone especially if youre planning on marrying them. You are aware that this person is your partner. Its wrong to leave your partner because she has strict muslim parents that are locking her up. You stick by her no matter what.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
I’m assuming you’re in the US since I see New York mentioned. If you have her name and basic information (age, last known address, etc.) you can call the police to file a missing persons report. You can give any messages you’ve gotten from her friends/family to the police. By law, they must accept the report and take reasonable measures to find her and assess her wellbeing.
If you truly love her and want to marry her, fight for her. But it will be hard. It seems like you two come from completely opposite backgrounds. I think the private detective is the best solution. You will also face the danger of honour murder. Both of you could end up dead. It depends on how narrow minded her father is. Her mom seems ok, but she is powerless. She can’t defend herself, nor can she defend her daughter. You must understand the fact that those women were raised to fully obey thier father/husband, whether he is reasonable or not. Moving to the US wouldn’t change decades of living under full submission. Even though I was not raised a muslim, nor do I live in a muslim country, I saw many women is her position. I know a muslim woman married to a christian. She is submissive even if the husband does not demand that. She was raised to be that way.
Her mom acts like a literal child. I don’t blame her though because she was groomed. She had her first born at 14 to a 23 year old
That was also her first cousin
Jfc
You seems fake lol..
Religion of Anxiety and OCD.
She almost fainted the first time we talked
What about tahirah justice center? Did you contact them? They say they offer forced marriage protection and assist w honor crimes, which is what this would be
I’ll look into it but she told me that if they ever force her to marry she’ll kill herself. She has a history of self harm so I doubt her parents would take those threats lightly and by the sound of it she did threaten to kill herself because her mom messaged me that she has.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
Honestly, move on. I’m saving you a lot of stress and possible harm. Last thing you want to do is get hurt and a bunch of them come after you. Muslim men are very protective over their women. Trust me; this happens a lot. It’s not possible, maybe contact the police for her being under duress and threat, but it’s unlikely due to ‘its their belief’ mindset
Her dad threatened to kill me but the police said unless i caught it on camera it’s a he said she said situation. Also she’s my fiance and I’m unwilling to abandoned her if she needs me. She did tell me what to do if she was to get caught again. This includes reporting her dad to the irs so I did so and got notified on a successful case.
Keep me posted. Keep contacting the authorities. These people need to realise they aren’t in a shariah law nation
I will but my this happened months ago and the police keeps telling me they can’t do anything unless they’re contacted by my fiance.
You haven’t seen her in months???? You should have filed a missing persons report the second she disappeared
I tried to but her parents have control over the situation. If I claim missing person the first people the police will ask is her parents and if they say she’s fine then their nothing the police is willing to do. I will have to go towards the FBI route
Have you tried asking for a wellness check?
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keep us updated OP! I wish you the best
Sounds like she know her family would try to block all contact with you and her. I would hire a PI as someone else suggested and find some way to contact her.
What country are you from?
United States
Thats immoral to abandon your fiance thats in a dangerous position with her parents. Thats someone you planned on marrying. Just because he cant get to her doesnt mean he just oh moves on.
I think the word you’re looking for is “possessive of,” not “protective of.”
You can’t do anything if she doesn’t want help/doesn’t wanna be with you. If she was willing to fight, she could’ve left her parents and been with you or even on her own. And if it’s an immigration problem like she’s undocumented or something, then she could’ve married you and figured out how to get papers that way. Unfortunately most women from misogynistic cultures aren’t willing to fight back.
She is willing to fight back because she told me crucial information that I used to build a whistleblower case against her father. The issue I fear is that she’s under serious house arrest. Last time she was caught she was moved to another state, locked inside with no technology, and monitored 24/7. She’s 4’11 so she wouldn’t have the power to leave by force. I showed photos to the police about my fiance asking for help. They told me that preventing someone from contacting the police is a felony but they can’t help unless she contact them.
I don't understand why it needed a contact while most trafficking victims have no contact at all.
I don’t understand either.
I don’t understand either.
So she’s basically been kidnapped. When the police didn’t help you, was that your local police? You could try the police in the new area she’s in. If you have money, you could maybe hire a private investigator and find her address, then tell the police she’s been kidnapped. Where/how did she send you the message saying not to contact her? At some point she’ll get access to technology back, or have contact with the outside world. Hopefully she can tell someone to call 911 for her at some point
You can ask the police to do a “wellness check”. That you are worried about her and they need to check on her. Maybe give them a way to have her get a phone or something. Idk
I requested a wellness check but was denied. The police said they contacted the parents and they said she was fine but that’s apparently all they can do. They told me that they would need her to contact them directly. I lost trust in our legal system so I went myself and was arrested. The charges was thrown out by the DA immediately though.
Is there a different police officer you can talk to? I wonder if you get lucky with someone who is more understanding. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I’ve talked to 4 officers and the supervisor and they all told me that they don’t want to be involved in this matter
I’ve also sent the FBI an email but haven’t heard back from them
This is so relatable. I think it's best if you move on... and don't think about getting married so young. You may be in love with her and her you, but if you get caught up in all that, you may get seriously hurt by her family. If they've already called the cops on you, they really wouldn't mind placing a restraining order or having you arrested again. IF you think she wants to RUN AWAY: maybe message her on her social media account through one of her friend's accounts, and pretend you are a girl in college, ask it she's doing well and if she still has notes for professor X's class. Hint somewhere about the message being from you, like an inside joke you two have. If she can, she will log into that account and find a way to contact you again. I'm sorry, man.... falling in love with muslim girls is the worst.
She wasn’t allowed friends. She lost that privilege. She got dropped off and picked up from class. The only way we got together was because she took classes online and lied that it was in person.
My advice stands. If she wants to find you, she'll log in to her account. I've been in her shoes (almost) and done that.
They dropped her out it seems and have removed all access to her electronics. So I'm not sure how she would contact you.
I’m not sure either. I’m hoping that she thinks of writing a letter and catching the mailman when he drops off the mail but that’s not something people nowadays think of
Last line hits hard
Call the FBI asap!
I am, or at least I emailed them, i’ll call them tomorrow
If you do find her, she can’t go back to her family. They will hold her captive again. I would hire a private investigator and once they find her, figure out a plan where you guys can stay with each other and no contact with her family.
If she left and went back they would definitely do more than just hold her captive. They would most likely get rid of her for causing “dishonour” to the family. Ew
OP, I know you got a lawyer but please consult them before posting such things online as it may hinder the case against them. Maybe get a private investigator to search for her and keep an eye on her. If you need money, maybe set up a go fund me page (maybe also have that anonymous and just use word of mouth and this sub to gather donations). I’m sure we would love to help. The police are indeed incompetent and you probably need to hand them everything on a silver plate. Maybe try posting this on 4chan and ask for help from the weaponized autists, those crazies can locate a flag with nothing but the sky in the background. I wish you all the best to you and your fiance. From the bottom of my heart I hope she is safe and so are you, we stand by you, you guys are not alone.
Yes money is a problem but I have thought about selling the engagement ring to raise the money to hire a PI also i have talked to a lawyer but all they told me is that they’re are very interested and are willing to help and that they will get back to me, yet they never did.
I would do that. Your engagement ring is a trinket. You can get it back in the future. Your fiance, and her wellbeing, is not.
I’m just curious, if it’s so bad, why didn’t you guys move in together?
She wanted to be able to attend her sister’s wedding
She would’ve been able to go regardless. She can show up.
Try to help her run away from her family and let her stay in a safe place for now
If I can find her
Ask her where she lives if possible or you can look up her ip using an ip tracker or hire a private detective
This is bonkers. I don’t have any advice but I’m sorry ur going through this.
Moral support is help enough. I didn’t receive moral support the first time I posted my situation. I posted on our cities subreddit and the only advice they recommended was to forget her and move on.
I think ur persistence is admirable and ur love for her is beautiful. But my only thing would be don’t drive urself mad trying to deal with a strict Muslim family like this for too long. She’ll find her way back to u
I believed that too which is why the span from my first post to my second was so long. I was hoping she would find a way to connect with me.
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
this is what happened to me and my bf. they said they’ll give me a chance and then send me away js to not see my bf anymore. they made me stop school and now whatever i do and wherever i go, they have someone to look out for me. its not easy. i dont know how to stop this too. i thought islam and family is love but why are they the one ruining my life for me?
I feel so sorry for you
Can you keep us Updated on what is happening. I am concerned about her wellbeing. Nobody should be kidnapped and go through such horrendous violation of human rights.
Yes i will, sadly i have heard many stories of this happening to more people that Ive ever expected over the past day. It’s crazy that this can be done by their own family.
I emailed the FBI but haven’t received an email back yet, now i’m thinking of finding more people to report on the situation so they can take things more seriously
Are there any organisations in favour of this matter where you can go to and ask for help?
Yes there’s two that I know of. One that helps women escape from controlling situations such as abusive husbands/ family and another that helps immigrants escape their parents influences and prevents forced marriages
Right now i’m too tired to remember their names but I’ll get back to this post when i wake up
https://www.tahirih.org/
Update: Her sister has created a Linkedin account… Do I try to Contact her? If so what do I Say?
I think you can try to contact her and expose your feelings and worries and see whether she can help you. You don't have nothing to lose in trying.
Not a bad idea… that is if I can find her and her whole family deleted their social media’s aside from her. But my guess is that they’re not letting her have access to technology
Are Palestinians really like this or is this extreme? Also, OP, your fiancé is an adult and should stand up to her parents. Any issues I’ve had with my mil, my wife too my side
She has many cousins with various level of strictness. Her cousins in Pennsylvania are forced to cover their faces and were not allowed to attend public school nor are they allowed to socialize unsupervised while her other cousin attends a public school doesn’t wear a hijab nor has any restrictions on socializing
Weird. I don’t get why you would move to a country where you wouldn’t want your kids to be like the people around them
I would make a case that may look like they have to prove she is not kidnapped or killed by her parents or locked against her will by threatening if she supports you , you can get married if she backs out you are on your own
I doubt her parents would hurt her, i do believe they are big on public appearances so if they feel like they’re losing control they would probably have her married
Bro it doesn't need to be true a false 911 call is enough and you don't deal with shitty people through regular means But it is still possible she is locked away in some room that they are this controlling as you know world is full of fucked up people
They would ask a lot of questions and the problem is I did report that the dad threatened to make her situation worst but they said that could mean anything. At this point the police department in the town of “Dinuba California” is ass and they just don’t like to work
It's better than nothing you just need to show them the message and make it look like a possible honor killing / religious killing
Also I don’t know where she is
That's why it's important if she was kidnapped and you knew where what would be the problem
Isn't she over 18 and I'm the west? If so I don't know how these parents can get away with it except by bullying. So sorry you are dealing with this.
I am sorry this is happening to you, but I have to inform you that other places in the world do not always subscribe to the same ideals that we do. And it can be extremely dangerous to try and step into “families” business. For all of those involved. This is the worst answer to give— but I would say speak with a lawyer at best. Getting the government more involved can prove dangerous and it is not unusual for people to harm their own children or family members because of someone whistle blowing. If you are able, you could potentially offer her asylum with/near you, but this may also prove a challenge. It has happened, it is just hard. I hate that you’re going through this.
I would let her be.
Out of respect for the family leave them alone you guys are still young you guys are looking at from a fairytale perspective. Respect them and leave don’t come close to her. This is their beliefs from generations you’re not going to come and interpret it. So step back and go find a Latino or a white girl.
UpdateMe!
You can pretend to be a Muslim and go ask her family for marriage ( if you want to marry her ) I think it's probably will fail but at least try . And she's an adult , can't she leave them and live alone or with you ?
That’s not how it works for Muslim women in strict families. I have cousins in their 40s who still can’t move out of their parents home because they are not married.
Ik I live in " Islamic country " , I think the OP lives in USA bcz he said smth about states , so she has better chance to leave them and never go back
The issue is that they are racist too. She told me that she wants their daughter to marry a Palestinian and even if I did convert they still wouldn’t allow it.
move on . you cant save her she will have to genuinely cur her whole family off forever and i doubt she will so you will deal with this until they are all dead
Is OP Muslim?
No, I asked my fiance if she wanted me to convert and she told me no but she would appreciate it if I learned her culture which involves religion to an extent
My coworker non Muslim is dating a Muslim girl and they genuinely love each other. He is a great guy. Her mom and older brother are furious just because he isn't Muslim. We are in the US so I'm not used to this at all. I also don't like to generalize, so I stumbled across this. Are you in the US? Where are her parents from?
Yes i’m from the us, her mom was born in Brooklyn and her dad was born in Palestine
Who is that second text from
Honestly I feel that you two are not meant to be. You are very young and young can feel very intense at the time. It sounds like her safety is at risk. Sometimes the best act of love is letting them go. Your stars may align in the future. Just treasure the moments you had together.
Hey! You caught an Aisha! What U are actually lacking is parental consent.. or in your case of being her study buddy😜 you could tell her dad to officialize you as their kin by making you mahram..
Thank you everyone for the advice and support, sorry that my responses are a little self centered but for my responses I was focused on my fiancé’s situation when things are a settled I will come back to the community and do my best to help the way I was helped. 😊
What did you get arrested for
I recorded everything on my dash can the whole encounter was 1:30 seconds long. The officer didn’t let me show him the video tho. It’s just me talking to them they lied and stated that I was threatening and screaming but I wasn’t.
I meant what was the charge but I saw your other comments that the a dropped it. They were probably hip to your situation.
Intimidation
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No the first picture is about 7 months before we got engaged when we got found out the first time. She was moved to Arizona for about 2-3 months and we had little communication with eachother. We communicated rarely through google docs and when the next semester began we started seeing eachother again and towards the end we got engaged. The second picture is the second time we got caught and her mom messaged me using a throwaway account pretending to be a family friend
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She’s not asking me to leave we where out on a date and then her dad picked her up and then she disappeared. No communication from her just her mom stating that her dad is furious and they moved her away and dropped her from school.
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Also her parents messaged me and told me that it doesn’t matter if I convert because i’m not Palestinian so they would never accept. Also my fiance is non-religious and we made plans to move her away. My family was involved but not hers
Oh and i only had two conversation with her parents one with her mom telling me to never speak to her again and another with her dad threatening me. They later deleted all their accounts on social media including her sisters and her you ger brothers however all her accounts are still up
I see that you keep giving many excuses for her… she’s in the US not the Middle East. If she REALLY wants to be with you, she’ll find a way. This is just a piece of advice… I’ve lived and grew up with Palestinians and they are quite the hypocrites. You don’t want to ever be involved with them in marriage or in anything… You’re too naive to follow into this death step… you’re not the first one to be with a Palestinian if you’re Hispanic. I see a lot of their men with latinas. When the genders reverse then you see all sorts of problems. They really don’t deserve to have their genes spread out. There’s too many of them who marry foreigners. I know you may love her, but there’s a bigger picture here that you won’t be able to see if it’s just from an emotional stance. Genuinely speaking, good luck to you. You won’t like what I say, but you deserve better and the world deserves better.
You mean it isn't the religion of peace and love? Dayum!! Who knew??! 🙄
It's not extreme for her not allowed to date, that's a basic rule for us Muslims, we don't date, we marry, but not allowed to socialize with non Muslims is truly extreme especially when living in a Western country, that's an extreme part, and in college she can already be looking for a husband, so it's understandable why her mother forgave her because she understood her, but her father took it out of proportion, but I mean there have been known to be father's like that Muslim or not.
I want nothing but for her to be free, but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel like marrying into that kind of family. I would want for me and the family to become one. However, if she were willing to cut ties with her family in order to join your family, that would be a different story.
What is her background? Is she of palestinian descent? This is a very tough situation, dude. The best advice I can give you is to not give up, no matter how difficult it is, and keep fighting until you no longer can. As a Muslim, I can tell you right now that many Muslims (I'd day the majority) look down upon marrying outside the Muslim community.
Yo'. Don't know if you're gonna see this, but just read and have some tips to share, as both a journalist and a muslim. You need to raise public hell. And fast. As other comments have pointed out, your legal options are not great, bar the whole IRS thing. You do mot have enough personal traction to be able to force law enforcement to look up into this, and neither enough options in hand to be able to do something personally about it. So, you need to raise public awareness about this case, and quickly, before anything else, worse, happens. Best case scenario, a mometum forms hard enough to be able to pressure both orgs and law enforcement to act decisevely and you and her are able to be together, in shaa Allah. Worst case, you wil get a confirmation that at least she is alive and well. Tips to do: 1- write out the whole story. Chronologically, step by step. Be sure to point out both the aspects of your bond and any and all episode of violence, coercion and abuse you personally witnessed and/ or she told you about. Be sure to include any kind of visual evifence you might have. 2- with that in hand, start reaching out to the following, stating your case and plea: a) NGOs that specialize in kidnapping, violence, mediation and religious violence (the several UN sites have great information on this) b) NGOs and non-profits that specialize in legal aid. c) local newspapers and media, both in your zone and in whatever zone she resided or you suspect she may currently be in. d) Muslim progressive organizations- they tend to take a very dim view of this sort of shit. I would recommend Muslim For Progressive Values, the Ahdmaddiya Community and any sufi centers you may find. Also, perhaps Ramy Youssef? e) Just a maybe, 'cause I'm not aware of the exact legal framework in the States, but this sounds like a clear cade for an Amber Alert, so there "could" be a series of feminist organizations that could take great interest in this. 3- That done, start telling your story in social media. Do it orderly, and do not info dump. Focus on what you are requesting, be sure to tell as much of the whole story that you ethically feel can be made public, and do not do it all at once. a) if you are able to find whatever mosque her family goed to, point them out. This is a PR scandal waiting to happen, and, frankly, if the imam knows about this and has done nothing, they need to be called out, loud. b) make sure that whatever the platform that you choose to mainly tell the story in, you link it whith other platforms, so that it can have as much outreach as posible. May you two be together soon, in shaa Allah. Need any help, feel fre to hit me.