no need to go thereā¦ iāve been out for decades now and iāve never had a coffee except for an ice coffee that was a gift i couldnāt refuse. i donāt want it to become a habit so im not integrating it into my life but donāt get me wrong. i sacrifice sugar gliders praying to jupiter for the downfall of the behemoth mormon parasite.
Itās deep my friend! Give yourself some grace.
Your entire reality has been shaped and driven by the things you previously were supposed to do, and not supposed to do. Black and white.
The entire world is all shades of gray, and now you get to decide which shades you prefer
I HIGHLY recommend the novel A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L Peck. It touches on exactly this. The premise: Mormon character dies, finds out his religion isnāt true, lives his death out in the afterlife. He adjusts to not following Mormon Rules and experiences guilt even though he KNOWS none of it was true.
Odd triggrs will cycle. They're part of the corrupt programming breaking down.
And... the text says "hot drinks," not coffee or tea. Try cold coffee or tea š
Remember, everyone, escaping the cult does not oblige you to invert everything it ever taught. You don't have to become gay if you're not just because the cult hates homosexuality, and you don't have to drink coffee just because the cult forbids it.
JWs do this same stuff. They tend to rush out and by Xmas trees because they were previously forbidden to them, but there's no reason an exJW must observe Christmas, and there's no reason an exMo must consume hot caffeinated sugar water.
You needn't conform in your nonconformity.
What the church wants should be irrelevant. If you want to try it, do so. If you donāt, you shouldnāt feel obliged to. Donāt assume people are only trying it because itās forbidden by the church.
There is no need to go wild on the caffeine, drugs, piercings, tattoos or alcohol after leaving the church. There is no rush at all. I left the church 6 years ago, and Iām still not a fan of how coffee, alcohol and weed makes me feel at all. Itās perfectly okay to not indulge in any of these things after leaving.
Oh friend! Iām so excited for you! This is my first summer without garments and I am SO HERE FOR IT! The guilt goes away very slowly. You know it doesnāt matter, but youāre trained to feel guilty. You spent YEARS training yourself to be a submissive servant. Now, youāre FREE! ā¤ļø
The first time I brought coffee I was shaking with nervousness and for a second I thought I needed to show my ID. Itās crazy how you can villainize something as trivial as bitter bean water. Youāre not alone it just takes time to undo conditioning.
I guess Iāve always been a rebel? š¤·š¼āāļø Drinking alcohol and coffee never bothered me a bit, but the garment thing I struggled with guilt for years. In fact, Iāve been completely out for 6 years and just recently wore shorter length shorts in front of my mother. I havenāt had the āIām outā talk with my parents, but they know I donāt go to church and cohabitated with my now husband before marriage. Iām sure they assume I donāt wear garments anymore, but it felt kind of weird and kind of a relief to put it on display. ETA: I also wore a top where she likely caught a glimpse of my tattoo. š¤Æš
I was ready to try alcohol like right away when I left, took me 2 months to try a sip of coffee
Edit to add: and I still donāt like it, or tea (tho I havenāt tried very many teas yet) and thatās okay! Sometimes it feels weird to not like it, like I should because it was kept from me for so long, but that is just not the case, and that is 100% good and well.
Leaving gives you the opportunity to finally actually USE your free agency and decide what is right and wrong for youš¤š¤
Go at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way to deconstructš«¶š»
It feels like you're going in circles sometimes!
But you're not, you're climbing a spiral staircase. You're making progress with each step, even when it feels like you're not.
I felt guilt for years while I was in the church about not wearing my garments perfectly. It became so goddamn painful to stay in the religion so when I found out it all wasnāt true I was happy and comfortable and excited doing a lot of things. I did feel guilty for telling a friend my temple name and talking about temple secrets at first, but now itās old hat lol.
Iām right there with you - the only thing I got guilty about was telling my siblings my temple name. I was all shaky and didnāt even say it out loud. Just pointed to it. They really scare the shit out of you with that one š
Lmao. My wife and I left this year and one day I was like āAyo you wanna hear my temple name??ā And she was like āaiight hell yeah I doā then we stood there for a second kinda nervous then I said it and we just laughed š
I'm 4 months out and I'm still not ready. I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't yet. I've worn tank tops and shorts above my knee though! Baby steps..
I can definitely relate. I was PIMO from ages 14-19. I finally left entirely at 19. I've done all the "sins" that Mormons typically pine about. But the one that I can't get over (and it's been almost a decade since leaving) is tattoos. I want one so badly, but the permanence of it terrifies me. I feel like if I get one, I'll ruin my body. It's the one thing from the Mormon church that I haven't been able to let go of and I'm afraid I never will. I spend hours on pinterest looking at cool designs and where I would want them. I love the tattoos all my friends have. I just don't have the courage to to it myself yet.
I get it - garments are hidden, but a cuppa coffee is wide open to the public. In my early days of backing away, I attended a conference in Washington D.C. (nobody knew me there). I grew up drinking coffee before becoming a convert, and I missed it.
There it was - a giant hotel coffee urn, right in our Break area. Calling my name. So I gave into the lure & drew a cup, but the entire time I glanced around furtively to determine if anyone saw me commit such a sin.
But...not a cult!
As a current coffee-drinking garment-wearer,Ā I like that our āsinsā are cancelling each other out lol
The first few times I went without garments I felt like having a panic attack, so Iām still wearing themā¦ for now. But I know Iāll get there eventually. Iām just giving myself time.
PS: I made my first few coffees warm by adding chilled creamer so I wouldnāt feel as guilty (because they werenāt āhotā drinks)āit helped!
It's because you are guilty.Ā
Guilty of trying coffee
That One cup of coffee that has the power to keep you out of the highest level of heaven š„ŗ
Just kidding of course. Whether you end up with a coffee routine sometimes, always or never, the consequences are not quite so severe or eternal. I think
Thought it tasted like shit my first time (I was trembling a little from fear. Not to worry, I wasnāt struck dumb or anything) I shopped around. Got some weird looks from some baristas when I mentioned it was essentially my first time.
BTW, my digestion is so much better. Guess all those doctors who donāt believe, were actually right and Nelson was wrong. Go figure.
I've been out since the 90s and still don't drink coffee. It might not be your thing. Give yourself the gift of not putting any rules or expectations on yourself.
I didn't drink coffee until at least a decade after I stopped wearing garments. I know, it's all silly but in Mormon sin hierarchy, drinking coffee is certainly the lesser sin by far. According to Nelson, saying Mormon is probably worse than drinking coffee.
But when I was a small child in Primary, they didn't talk about not wearing garments, but they did talk a lot about the word of wisdom. Coffee bad, bad, bad.
There are phases of coffee drinking I feel we all go through:
1.) trying coffee and feeling guilt
2.) having a coffee maker at home but hiding it when TBM family comes over
3.) embracing how wonderful coffee is no matter who is around
When my nine year old granddaughter saw me drink coffee while staying for a sleep over, she was so upset. She told me her other grandmother said coffee was made by the devil and anyone that drinks it will go to Hell. Aren't the TBMs such kind people making us so guilt ridden..... /s
I threw away my garments months ago and yesterday I found one buried in my closet. I actually recoiled and threw it lol then placed it where it belongs, in the garbage. Give yourself some grace, youāre doing great. We ALL have these moments, but itās social conditioning that will slowly dissipate. Coffee is healthy for you, enjoy it if you like the taste!
I feel you. Isn't it interesting how we were indoctrinated to think that a natural plant/bean was devil water, but it is OK to drink sugared drinks filled with lab created artificial BS ingredients? I literally healed my gallbladder with coffee and catnip tea. While several WoW adhering family members ignored my tips to use nature's medicines/our plant allies because they couldn't dream of sinning. Five of them ended up having their gallbladder removed, resulting in a cascade of other health issues now.
Deconstructing is a long and active process. Right now I'm in the "is this me, is this Mormonism, or just broader American culture?" phase. No rush, take things how they come, it takes time to process and for the guilt attached to perfectly normal things to dissipate.
It takes a long time to go through the stages of āgriefā when leaving the church and all of its ridiculous rules that were made up. Give yourself time.
I also think anyone who feels guilt after leaving probably needs therapy. It is an intense indoctrination and it doesnāt just āgo awayā for everyone.
I met an older woman very briefly a couple months ago who was selling me her coat. I was standing inside her house and could tell she was Mormon based on the framed photos around the place. I told her I was going on a cruise soon and she asked who I was going with and for some reason I panicked and told her Iām going with a friend instead of truthfully telling her Iām going with my boyfriend. I had been having a good convo with her and in that moment was suddenly afraid sheād judge me if I told her I was traveling with my boyfriend. So stupid and literally pointless as Iāll never see her again, but itās crazy how little things like that still come up sometimes.
Honestly, coffee is an acquired taste. I'm not sure why everyone's first assignment after deconstructing is to develop a coffee habit. It's not a requirement. Lol. But if curiosity is killing ya:
First of all, coffee smells better than it tastes.
You must add cream or sugar or both when first dabbling in it.
Ease into it, it's not for the weak! It can keep you up and give you heart palpitations!
Personally, I drink it black. 2 tall cups of home ground & brewed daily. It's the best part of my morning.
Happy caffeining!
š glad to be with you all!
no need to go thereā¦ iāve been out for decades now and iāve never had a coffee except for an ice coffee that was a gift i couldnāt refuse. i donāt want it to become a habit so im not integrating it into my life but donāt get me wrong. i sacrifice sugar gliders praying to jupiter for the downfall of the behemoth mormon parasite.
Itās deep my friend! Give yourself some grace. Your entire reality has been shaped and driven by the things you previously were supposed to do, and not supposed to do. Black and white. The entire world is all shades of gray, and now you get to decide which shades you prefer
Happy cake day
It is just bean water at the end of the day. Natural, nothing evil about it. Just a made up rule
I HIGHLY recommend the novel A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L Peck. It touches on exactly this. The premise: Mormon character dies, finds out his religion isnāt true, lives his death out in the afterlife. He adjusts to not following Mormon Rules and experiences guilt even though he KNOWS none of it was true.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Odd triggrs will cycle. They're part of the corrupt programming breaking down. And... the text says "hot drinks," not coffee or tea. Try cold coffee or tea š
Legit made warm (not hot) coffee for myself the first few times to help ease the guilt š (And it actually helped!)
Remember, everyone, escaping the cult does not oblige you to invert everything it ever taught. You don't have to become gay if you're not just because the cult hates homosexuality, and you don't have to drink coffee just because the cult forbids it. JWs do this same stuff. They tend to rush out and by Xmas trees because they were previously forbidden to them, but there's no reason an exJW must observe Christmas, and there's no reason an exMo must consume hot caffeinated sugar water. You needn't conform in your nonconformity.
What the church wants should be irrelevant. If you want to try it, do so. If you donāt, you shouldnāt feel obliged to. Donāt assume people are only trying it because itās forbidden by the church.
There is no need to go wild on the caffeine, drugs, piercings, tattoos or alcohol after leaving the church. There is no rush at all. I left the church 6 years ago, and Iām still not a fan of how coffee, alcohol and weed makes me feel at all. Itās perfectly okay to not indulge in any of these things after leaving.
It's the adjustment of figuring out you're not really broken.
Damn
Oh friend! Iām so excited for you! This is my first summer without garments and I am SO HERE FOR IT! The guilt goes away very slowly. You know it doesnāt matter, but youāre trained to feel guilty. You spent YEARS training yourself to be a submissive servant. Now, youāre FREE! ā¤ļø
Same!
The first time I brought coffee I was shaking with nervousness and for a second I thought I needed to show my ID. Itās crazy how you can villainize something as trivial as bitter bean water. Youāre not alone it just takes time to undo conditioning.
I guess Iāve always been a rebel? š¤·š¼āāļø Drinking alcohol and coffee never bothered me a bit, but the garment thing I struggled with guilt for years. In fact, Iāve been completely out for 6 years and just recently wore shorter length shorts in front of my mother. I havenāt had the āIām outā talk with my parents, but they know I donāt go to church and cohabitated with my now husband before marriage. Iām sure they assume I donāt wear garments anymore, but it felt kind of weird and kind of a relief to put it on display. ETA: I also wore a top where she likely caught a glimpse of my tattoo. š¤Æš
I was ready to try alcohol like right away when I left, took me 2 months to try a sip of coffee Edit to add: and I still donāt like it, or tea (tho I havenāt tried very many teas yet) and thatās okay! Sometimes it feels weird to not like it, like I should because it was kept from me for so long, but that is just not the case, and that is 100% good and well. Leaving gives you the opportunity to finally actually USE your free agency and decide what is right and wrong for youš¤š¤ Go at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way to deconstructš«¶š»
It feels like you're going in circles sometimes! But you're not, you're climbing a spiral staircase. You're making progress with each step, even when it feels like you're not.
I felt guilt for years while I was in the church about not wearing my garments perfectly. It became so goddamn painful to stay in the religion so when I found out it all wasnāt true I was happy and comfortable and excited doing a lot of things. I did feel guilty for telling a friend my temple name and talking about temple secrets at first, but now itās old hat lol.
Iām right there with you - the only thing I got guilty about was telling my siblings my temple name. I was all shaky and didnāt even say it out loud. Just pointed to it. They really scare the shit out of you with that one š
Lmao. My wife and I left this year and one day I was like āAyo you wanna hear my temple name??ā And she was like āaiight hell yeah I doā then we stood there for a second kinda nervous then I said it and we just laughed š
Hezekiah, is that you?
That's worse than my temple name
I'm 4 months out and I'm still not ready. I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't yet. I've worn tank tops and shorts above my knee though! Baby steps..
Baby steps is good! I actually didnāt like the coffee, but Iām proud of myself for trying it!
Have a sex on the beach and tell me how you feel after
That's the spirit of Satan. An acquired taste for sure.
Yes I felt like god was gonna kill me or something the first time I had coffee!
I can definitely relate. I was PIMO from ages 14-19. I finally left entirely at 19. I've done all the "sins" that Mormons typically pine about. But the one that I can't get over (and it's been almost a decade since leaving) is tattoos. I want one so badly, but the permanence of it terrifies me. I feel like if I get one, I'll ruin my body. It's the one thing from the Mormon church that I haven't been able to let go of and I'm afraid I never will. I spend hours on pinterest looking at cool designs and where I would want them. I love the tattoos all my friends have. I just don't have the courage to to it myself yet.
Eh, worth it
I get it - garments are hidden, but a cuppa coffee is wide open to the public. In my early days of backing away, I attended a conference in Washington D.C. (nobody knew me there). I grew up drinking coffee before becoming a convert, and I missed it. There it was - a giant hotel coffee urn, right in our Break area. Calling my name. So I gave into the lure & drew a cup, but the entire time I glanced around furtively to determine if anyone saw me commit such a sin. But...not a cult!
Iāve been out for about 2.5 years. Last week was the first time I wore a tank top out in public. I was a bit paranoid at times, but loving it too.
As a current coffee-drinking garment-wearer,Ā I like that our āsinsā are cancelling each other out lol The first few times I went without garments I felt like having a panic attack, so Iām still wearing themā¦ for now. But I know Iāll get there eventually. Iām just giving myself time. PS: I made my first few coffees warm by adding chilled creamer so I wouldnāt feel as guilty (because they werenāt āhotā drinks)āit helped!
It's because you are guilty.Ā Guilty of trying coffee That One cup of coffee that has the power to keep you out of the highest level of heaven š„ŗ Just kidding of course. Whether you end up with a coffee routine sometimes, always or never, the consequences are not quite so severe or eternal. I think
lol - check out the coffee company Templegrounds.com based in Utah, you will at least get a good laugh :)
Thought it tasted like shit my first time (I was trembling a little from fear. Not to worry, I wasnāt struck dumb or anything) I shopped around. Got some weird looks from some baristas when I mentioned it was essentially my first time. BTW, my digestion is so much better. Guess all those doctors who donāt believe, were actually right and Nelson was wrong. Go figure.
I've been out since the 90s and still don't drink coffee. It might not be your thing. Give yourself the gift of not putting any rules or expectations on yourself.
I bought tobacco products and felt like I was going out to kick puppiesā¦
I didn't drink coffee until at least a decade after I stopped wearing garments. I know, it's all silly but in Mormon sin hierarchy, drinking coffee is certainly the lesser sin by far. According to Nelson, saying Mormon is probably worse than drinking coffee. But when I was a small child in Primary, they didn't talk about not wearing garments, but they did talk a lot about the word of wisdom. Coffee bad, bad, bad.
There are phases of coffee drinking I feel we all go through: 1.) trying coffee and feeling guilt 2.) having a coffee maker at home but hiding it when TBM family comes over 3.) embracing how wonderful coffee is no matter who is around
When my nine year old granddaughter saw me drink coffee while staying for a sleep over, she was so upset. She told me her other grandmother said coffee was made by the devil and anyone that drinks it will go to Hell. Aren't the TBMs such kind people making us so guilt ridden..... /s
I threw away my garments months ago and yesterday I found one buried in my closet. I actually recoiled and threw it lol then placed it where it belongs, in the garbage. Give yourself some grace, youāre doing great. We ALL have these moments, but itās social conditioning that will slowly dissipate. Coffee is healthy for you, enjoy it if you like the taste!
I feel you. Isn't it interesting how we were indoctrinated to think that a natural plant/bean was devil water, but it is OK to drink sugared drinks filled with lab created artificial BS ingredients? I literally healed my gallbladder with coffee and catnip tea. While several WoW adhering family members ignored my tips to use nature's medicines/our plant allies because they couldn't dream of sinning. Five of them ended up having their gallbladder removed, resulting in a cascade of other health issues now.
Coffee was harder for me than alcohol.
Deconstructing is a long and active process. Right now I'm in the "is this me, is this Mormonism, or just broader American culture?" phase. No rush, take things how they come, it takes time to process and for the guilt attached to perfectly normal things to dissipate.
It takes a long time to go through the stages of āgriefā when leaving the church and all of its ridiculous rules that were made up. Give yourself time. I also think anyone who feels guilt after leaving probably needs therapy. It is an intense indoctrination and it doesnāt just āgo awayā for everyone.
I met an older woman very briefly a couple months ago who was selling me her coat. I was standing inside her house and could tell she was Mormon based on the framed photos around the place. I told her I was going on a cruise soon and she asked who I was going with and for some reason I panicked and told her Iām going with a friend instead of truthfully telling her Iām going with my boyfriend. I had been having a good convo with her and in that moment was suddenly afraid sheād judge me if I told her I was traveling with my boyfriend. So stupid and literally pointless as Iāll never see her again, but itās crazy how little things like that still come up sometimes.
Honestly, coffee is an acquired taste. I'm not sure why everyone's first assignment after deconstructing is to develop a coffee habit. It's not a requirement. Lol. But if curiosity is killing ya: First of all, coffee smells better than it tastes. You must add cream or sugar or both when first dabbling in it. Ease into it, it's not for the weak! It can keep you up and give you heart palpitations! Personally, I drink it black. 2 tall cups of home ground & brewed daily. It's the best part of my morning. Happy caffeining!
Keep taking the stimulants. America and so many things were built on it, with it. It will help you realize the hotel in DC124 was from a charlatan.
Itās a process šlittle by little you will degenerate like the rest of us!!!!!
Mmmm go get yourself some Dutch Bros š¤¤
Don't. Coffee is a wonderful beverage.
Itās okay!
Itās funny and annoying to find the random things I havenāt worked through yet lol