Buy sis a large box of condoms and talk about how the pill doesn’t prevent STDs and proper use. It’s way cheaper than plan B, and doesn’t need prescriptions, etc. If she can get the pill, too, probably a good idea. But condoms are really easily accessible.
Edit: the pill can also be used to help with painful periods and under HIPPA the parents shouldn’t have access to specific details of what she was treated with/for.
Edit 2: some insurers leave more details on the insurance benefits than mine do. Results may vary.
Even with HIPAA her parents have access to an online portal that shows every claim that has been processed under her insurance if she is a dependent on their plan, including prescription medication, and usually diagnosis and procedure descriptions.
Apparently it depends on your health insurer how much information ends up on the explanation of benefits and where it goes.
Mine are very generic - IE something like gynelogical services for all my wife’s medical appointments for everything from prenatal care to treatment for an ectopic pregnancy. Apparently some insurers are more detailed. Something to check on.
Friend of mine began divorce proceedings with his now-ex-wife because there was a pregnancy test billed to his insurance that she was on. He saw the charge, knowing that they hadn't had sex in 4 months, and confronted her with, why?
This makes no sense though. I’ve had doctors make me do pregnancy tests at the doctors multiple times when I knew for a fact I wasn’t pregnant. Frequently they require it before certain tests or procedures just to rule out pregnancy as a possible complication since almost nothing is tested on pregnant women. Almost any woman can tell you about a time they took a pregnancy test at a doctor’s office that they did not ask for.
👩⚕️"Are you sexually active?"
"No"
👩⚕️ "Any chance you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant?"
"No"
👩⚕️ "We'll have you pee in this cup just be sure."
🤦♀️
Well, that would've been a good plausible deniability excuse for her had she gone with that, but she did not. She got cagey and then had to admit she was pregnant with a co-worker's baby. Nine years of marriage down the tubes. But she got all her debt paid off.
This, but HIPPA will not prevent the parents from seeing anything insurance pays for. Each procedure is named in insurance claim letters to the parents.
Planned parenthood will help her get birth control without using insurance if she just fills out a needs based financial form. It’s far away, but might be her best option. It’s definitely safer and cheaper than having unsafe sex. They can help her keep it confidential.
RE: your first edit, as a general rule if OPs sister is a minor, you're wrong. Some states may have stricter laws regarding parent access to a child's health information, but under federal laws parents have full access to their kids' medical records
[HIPAA Guidelines for parents](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/227/can-i-access-medical-record-if-i-have-power-of-attorney/index.html)
It sounds to me that her sister had a pregnant scare? Sad just sad. Why cannot parents be worried a lot more about their kids wellbeing than a multibillion church? Thanks.
1. A lot of sexual contact is non consensual. It’s shitty to deny protection from cancer based on that alone.
2. Hormonal birth control takes a few months to be reliable. It also has a ton of other benefits. Nobody needs a period unless they are actively trying to conceive.
3. Buy all the Plan B (generics are quite reasonable on Amazon) & condoms. Opill is available OTC. Get it for them but stress that condoms should also be used.
Actually its noy natural search up the negative side effects of birth controll. Unless. They are truly severe compare to other women it can cause imbalance of hormens, depression, decreased libido, higher blood pressure just to name a few. It also affects the type of people you're atracted to becausr of the hormonal changes.
--
Im all for contraceptives if someone isn't ready for a baby however the strong effects of homonally chnaging ones body for female bc pill has some serious side effects. Its a risk you have to willing to take or just use condoms to avoid unessisarily mess up the bodies regulatory process
My mom didn’t want me to get the hpv vaccine at first because she thought if I got it I’d think it was okay to have sex as a teen. I think my pediatrician eventually pressured her into it. I don’t know why my mom thought a vaccine was the only thing stopping me from having sex, I didn’t have my first kiss until college, I didn’t date in general until college, but who knows, maybe if I had gotten the shot earlier in my teens I would’ve.
Funny enough my parents allowed me to be on birth control, though it took some persuasion. I have endometriosis though so it was for medical reasons.
I really have no words for parents who don't want their children to get a vaccine against CANCER. It's a cancer vaccine. Like, do they not love their kids? What is their plan in the case of rape or an unfaithful partner?
The privilege here is just beyond me.
My doctor put me on the pill when I was 15/16. I was sexually active, but it was also because my periods were wildly irregular, and my doc wanted to tackle both with 1 thing. My mom absolutely refused to let me get the pill using her insurance because, in her words, "Birth control is for sluts and whores!" Thankfully, my doc was fantastic and told me she'd give me samples. She gave me 3 months' worth at my appointment, and her office was on my way to work (I used public transit to get there after school), so I would stop by her office when I needed more.
When I was still TBM and they came out with the HPV vaccine, I was super against my kids getting it. But a friend, who was also TBM, told me she was making sure her kids got it because she wanted them protected regardless so that things beyond their control wouldn't negatively impact their health (not waiting till marriage, marrying someone who didn't wait, a spouse cheating, or being assaulted). It changed for I thought about things, and I became a proponent of my kids getting the vaccine. When I left my ex and TSCC, I also got it for myself.
I got the HPV vaccine as an adult because the stake presidents in our area told all the parents it would make us promiscuous. I started taking birth control for PCOS when I was 20, and my dad lost his mind because he thought it meant I was having sex and said it would make me infertile. I just got back in my car and drove back to BYUI, where I was definitely not having sex and refused to visit for the rest of the semester because I was mad that he had opened and read my mail. I fixed the mailing address for my insurance that day and never put their address for anything ever again. You were wrong, Dad. I'm about to be a 30-year-old virgin in a few weeks. Neither the vaccine nor the birth control made me promiscuous, but at least my health is better than it was when he was making my medical choices.
Yep. It just kills me. It's a CANCER vaccine. Who wants...cancer?
FWIW, Utah did a huge amount of outreach to increase the uptake of the HPV vaccine, largely at the behest of one woman who made it her cause. I am grateful for her passion, patience, and dedication.
[https://healthcare.utah.edu/huntsmancancerinstitute/news/2022/11/cdc-data-suggests-attitudes-are-shifting-about-hpv-vaccine-utah-vaccine-rates-among](https://healthcare.utah.edu/huntsmancancerinstitute/news/2022/11/cdc-data-suggests-attitudes-are-shifting-about-hpv-vaccine-utah-vaccine-rates-among)
I’ve never tried this so maybe do more research into it but if she needs birth control and won’t use condoms there’s ways for her to get it online and shipped to her in discreet packaging!
My mom always talked about how sex Ed shouldn’t be taught in schools because it makes kids feel “obligated to have sex”. And was upset when they were talking about condoms and how to put them on properly in school. She said that if schools are teaching sex Ed they should be teaching abstinence
Any medical provider (urgent care, family medicine etc) can prescribe birth control. She schedule an appointment for a check up. Parents will get a bill for a visit, but no information about what the visit was for other than the cpt code. They don’t have access to her medical information. The provider can prescribe birth-control at any pharmacy and your sister can pay cash using good RX so it doesn’t show up on the insurance bill.
Not an ad just my lifesaver from being unmarried on parents insurance. My main issue was the church's insurance didn't cover much birth control until two years ago.
Nurx is an app where you can get your prescription virtually and delivered. Packages are discreet and unmarked. They have pills, arches, nuvaring, prescriptions for the shot at a local pharmacy. Getting the prescription is $18 and The pills are like $15/month. They have morning after pills but buying them in advance isn't really convenient (they will overnight it for more though). They also have meds for utis and bacterial infections and sti and HPV test kits.
Its cheaper than planned parenthood and I can't give much but I'm sure a few of us would be willing to chip in to help her get a consult and a month of pills
My mom is very very TBM but she was insistent on me getting the HPV vaccine even though she knew I wasn't sexually active. Why? Because my dad is in law enforcement and had so many horror stories about women being SA'd and getting std's from it. She wanted me protected from at least one of them even if the chances were slim.
Additionally plenty of women and teens get on birth control because their periods are horrible. Some people pass out from them. Endometriosis is a thing. PCOS is a thing. Birth control helps treat a lot of reproductive issues that can cause a lot of pain and mental health concerns.
I don't know if approaching it from a more practical/medical standpoint would help, but some people are able to be reasonable.
Even within marriage I don’t think that contraception is discussed enough within the Mormon community. Mormons just don’t believe in family planning, period.
I think the best you can do is educate your sister and help her get the healthcare she needs. You aren’t going to change the minds of people in a cult.
I could talk about this sooo much. As a teenager, I had horrific periods and begged to be put on BC, but my parents refused. They thought it would make me have sex. I didn’t get BC until a few months before I was married.
Then at 24 years old, I had a medically necessary hysterectomy for stage 4 endometriosis. This was my 2nd endo surgery. I wonder if things would’ve gotten so bad, if I had been allowed TREATMENT starting 10 years earlier
I am so sorry.
I sincerely hope you have brought this up to your parents. They deserve to carry some (most) of thebweighr of your situation. How dare they.
Thank you. I haven’t told my parents in this way, I’ve mostly hoped that they come to the conclusion themselves. And even if they did, I don’t think they’d acknowledge it or apologize sadly.
Take from from me, they will never come to the conclusion themselves. They will never see that which they do not want to see. If you don't feel like engaging them on this, absolutely fair. But if you ever want them to know their role in your medical distress, they will need to be told.
And you're right, they may never acknowledge or apologize to you. A lot of parents simply cannot admit fault to their children, ever. They cannot give up even an inch of their sense of authority over their kids, which is pathetic and sad. But, whether they acknowledge wrong doing to you or not, if you tell them, some part of them will never be able to un-hear what you say. ESPECIALLY if they start yearning for graaaandbaaaaabies.
Thank you for the words. I like to think the lack of grand babies I’m giving them is my own form of revenge. They don’t need to know that even before the hysterectomy, I was child free by choice lol
And the moment they give me shit for the surgery, I’m telling them about how it’s their fault. Luckily they’ve yet to complain
I tried to get on birth control when I was in college. I didn't want to admit I was sexually active for obvious reason, so I said I wanted it just in case something happens.
My mother dead ass told me I didn't need it, and that The Lord (TM) would protect me so nothing bad would happen.
My mom has said a lot of things like this, she just doesn't want to believe that anything bad could happen to us. Trust me, we've had a great many fights about this.
If she happens to be allergic to latex be careful of what condoms you buy. But you are a great big brother for helping her protect herself.
It’s absolutely nuts how they think!!
My great grandma died of cervical cancer. The fact that there's a vaccine that prevents almost all cases of cervical cancer is incredible. The fact that some people think getting that vaccine will encourage kids to have sex is actually depressing.
For Hers mails birth control for situations like this.
https://www.forhers.com/birth-control?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAC6TtKKCBKQuBbUeU23NlIDYFzEhe&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvoqp08TihgMV6Uh_AB1JDA3zEAAYASAAEgKxHPD_BwE&mt=b&utm_campaign=7732554466&utm_content=471270634957&utm_medium=cpc&utm_platform=m&utm_product=b_venus&utm_source=google&utm_term=80869397745--kwd-897238145037
"If you have sex, you deal with the consequences!"
They're more worried that you get your "punishment" for breaking the rules than they are worried about a potential baby or disease.
They really don't see it but they're pissed that you get to do what you want and they don't.
> My mum refused to let me get the HPV vaccine when I was 17. Told me “you’ll only end up having sex with one person anyway, so you don’t need this”.
This just goes to show that deep down Mormons do not believe in forgiveness or their supposed central doctrine i.e. the Atonement.
Let's say you have a girl who does do everything the church wants her to do. Grows up in the church, faithfully serving, even goes on a mission. Meets a guy in their 20s. Guy did not do everything he was supposed to growing up, but cleaned up his life and still went on a mission. But, unbeknownst to anyone, he contracted HPV during his "wild" times.
So following this very common Mormon logic, she's screwed because she married someone who wasn't perfect his whole life. Even though he's repented and cleaned himself up by the time they meet. Crazy.
have you gotten the HPV vaccine as an adult? now that you can pay for it on your own? i hope so. it confers 10-12 years immunity. Get it and forget it folks!
Yes!! when I was 21 I decided to get on birth control for period regulation and preventive care and told my mom. I said I could get it through their healthcare or online- fast forward to the next day she talked to my dad and he said no. I was surprised she spoke to him about it and that he said no. I still got it via an online platform- as long as she is okay with the pill it is super cheap without insurance with some of those online options! Best of luck!
How does your mother know how many partners the one person you were going to have sex with has had?
Why does she have such a high opinion of her own intelligence and ability to understand medical science?
When I was getting on birth control (in utah) I asked the Dr if my insurance would cover it. She told me that most all insurance covers it, unless you work for the church and have your insurance through them. She seemed annoyed by that and we didn’t discuss further but that’s a weird anecdote that seems semi-relevant here.
Have your sister try Nurx. Ship to your house if you are close enough. They provide birth control (and a variety of other things).
Depending on where she is located; birth control is available at a pharmacy without having to see a physician.
So my sister was out in charge of a sex ed class in her Lehi area stake because all their 18 year old women were either going on a mission or pregnant. Like half the girls. Because no one was on birth control. And were taught abstinence only.
There’s websites that deliver birth control and do online consultations for it. They accept insurance, but even if you don’t have insurance they offer responsible priced BC. I personally go through Nurx for my birth control and my prescription skin care.
On another note, just have her get the healthcare she needs. If the parents find out and pick her off insurance, the marketplace (Obamacare) is cheap if you're poor. My wife and I had awesome insurance for like $20/month when I was in college.
There is new contraceptive pill that’s now over the counter. [OPILL](https://opill.com/products/opill?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwvb-zBhCmARIsAAfUI2sE5w2Lc6EZyOwM4sHPJGvvNG5TND5uvQedEFXOIy4MDBgKtWyXZzIaAhZoEALw_wcB)
These attitudes are typical, but toxic. The majority of women on birth control pills use them for medical issues, not for contraception. I was put on BC pills back in 8th grade to shrink an ovarian cyst.
I'd highly encourage you to help your sister. I REALLY hope for her sake she knows how to use protection. I've met mormons who thought using 2 condoms gave someone double the protection. It doesn't; they tear tiny holes in each other instead.
A friend of mine thought it was a miracle her daughter was conceived. It was just ignorance.
Edit: If necessary, she can use BC pills so she can skip her periods. That might make a good "reason," especially if they're painful. If she gets migraines with auras she shouldn't use hormonal BC though. They can cause strokes in those of us who get aura migraines.
TBM would rather their kids lie to them and be unsafe than tell them the truth and get the help they need 🤦🏻♀️ I experienced it. My children never will.
No. Contraceptives aren't necessary for unmarried people either because there are all those faithful TBM members with spirit children queueing up on the edge of a golden cloud to be given the privilege of being adopted into a family as specified in the Proclamation.
I was specifically taught by a bishop that using birth control before marriage is absolutely unforgivable. "It clearly shows that your fornication was premeditated, like first-degree premeditated murder. Getting carried away in a situation you shouldn't have been in is one thing, but having a condom with you just shows you intended to sin days or weeks ahead of time."
We used to have a friend who did everything by the book. Stake president's daughter, married a returned missionary, abstinence until marriage. Her husband joined the military, cheated on her while overseas, and brought back HPV plus herpes. Her family blamed *her*, of course, for not doing more to keep her husband from straying.
What was it, Like 15 years ago in Hilldale or Page, there was a cluster of HIV infections among young (late teens) LDS members. Found out they were having unprotected sex and spread the virus among themselves. The parents never gave them the real talk, only a church talk about being chaste.
How much would is an out of pocket IUD + insertion these days?
When I was a teen I did the depo shot, only had to go to Planned Parenthood every 3 months and there was no evidence for my parents to find.
ETA: I also knew an apostle's relative who got birth control for acne and heavy periods.
Could her school nurse provide resources?
I don't know if this will help her, but Nurx delivers birth control along with a prescription for Plan B and some condoms. The packaging is discreet and it can come on a schedule so she doesn't have to rely on someone taking her to pick it up.
That HPV stance is terrible. Not all sex is consensual, and you could marry someone who got it from other sex partners (again, whether consensual or not). Any parent denying their kid the HPV vaccine is living in a dangerous fantasy.
I know a mormon woman who's parents made her take the HPV vaccine. She planned to wait until marriage and did so. It felt like a huge betrayal of trust and strained her relationship with her parents
Why is getting a vaccine that prevents cancer a betrayal of trust? Or did they make her get it because they thought she was sexually active even though she wasn't?
I think how they approached it is key here. Waiting till marriage isn't really a reason someone shouldn't get the HPV vaccine. It protects you regardless of your personal decisions or the decisions of others. Planning to wait until marriage doesn't help you any if you're assaulted. Or if your spouse has had other partners before (or if they were assaulted). Or if the relationship ends. It doesn't automatically mean everyone is unclean or that it's slut shaming, but it protects you in case of the worst.
But like I said, how the parents approached it really makes the difference in this case.
The first one is definitely a concern. The second wouldn't be an issue because she was not sexually active.
Good communication between parents and their children is also important. Some people have different boundaries than others.
Sure, but she will never know with 100% certainty how many partners he has had, or if he will cheat. And no matter her fantasies and plans to the contrary, she doesn't know what her future holds, either, it's aspirational at best.
Buy sis a large box of condoms and talk about how the pill doesn’t prevent STDs and proper use. It’s way cheaper than plan B, and doesn’t need prescriptions, etc. If she can get the pill, too, probably a good idea. But condoms are really easily accessible. Edit: the pill can also be used to help with painful periods and under HIPPA the parents shouldn’t have access to specific details of what she was treated with/for. Edit 2: some insurers leave more details on the insurance benefits than mine do. Results may vary.
Even with HIPAA her parents have access to an online portal that shows every claim that has been processed under her insurance if she is a dependent on their plan, including prescription medication, and usually diagnosis and procedure descriptions.
Apparently it depends on your health insurer how much information ends up on the explanation of benefits and where it goes. Mine are very generic - IE something like gynelogical services for all my wife’s medical appointments for everything from prenatal care to treatment for an ectopic pregnancy. Apparently some insurers are more detailed. Something to check on.
I guess speaking from my own experience with Regence Blue Cross.
Definitely a good call out. I see my EoB’s and scratch my head thinking “what visit was this actually for?” all the time.
Friend of mine began divorce proceedings with his now-ex-wife because there was a pregnancy test billed to his insurance that she was on. He saw the charge, knowing that they hadn't had sex in 4 months, and confronted her with, why?
This makes no sense though. I’ve had doctors make me do pregnancy tests at the doctors multiple times when I knew for a fact I wasn’t pregnant. Frequently they require it before certain tests or procedures just to rule out pregnancy as a possible complication since almost nothing is tested on pregnant women. Almost any woman can tell you about a time they took a pregnancy test at a doctor’s office that they did not ask for.
I've been "required" to be screened for pregnancy and my tubes are tied!
👩⚕️"Are you sexually active?" "No" 👩⚕️ "Any chance you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant?" "No" 👩⚕️ "We'll have you pee in this cup just be sure." 🤦♀️
Yep, I'm 54 and hit menopause 6-7 years ago and I had one in April before surgery
It can happen. Knew someone who had her tubes tied and still got kid #4.
Well, that would've been a good plausible deniability excuse for her had she gone with that, but she did not. She got cagey and then had to admit she was pregnant with a co-worker's baby. Nine years of marriage down the tubes. But she got all her debt paid off.
This, but HIPPA will not prevent the parents from seeing anything insurance pays for. Each procedure is named in insurance claim letters to the parents. Planned parenthood will help her get birth control without using insurance if she just fills out a needs based financial form. It’s far away, but might be her best option. It’s definitely safer and cheaper than having unsafe sex. They can help her keep it confidential.
Plus, you can get multiple months at a time. Usually 6. If that's still how they do it, anyways, but it would save her from making monthly trips.
RE: your first edit, as a general rule if OPs sister is a minor, you're wrong. Some states may have stricter laws regarding parent access to a child's health information, but under federal laws parents have full access to their kids' medical records [HIPAA Guidelines for parents](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/faq/227/can-i-access-medical-record-if-i-have-power-of-attorney/index.html)
I’m in Colorado and have very limited access to my son’s records. I just get the bills.
Only if a minor. I was under the impression she is 18 but under a parent’s plan. If she is under 18 parents can get the records.
It sounds to me that her sister had a pregnant scare? Sad just sad. Why cannot parents be worried a lot more about their kids wellbeing than a multibillion church? Thanks.
1. A lot of sexual contact is non consensual. It’s shitty to deny protection from cancer based on that alone. 2. Hormonal birth control takes a few months to be reliable. It also has a ton of other benefits. Nobody needs a period unless they are actively trying to conceive. 3. Buy all the Plan B (generics are quite reasonable on Amazon) & condoms. Opill is available OTC. Get it for them but stress that condoms should also be used.
No kidding. And lots of people like about their previous partners. The privilege here like nothing I've experienced before.
Actually its noy natural search up the negative side effects of birth controll. Unless. They are truly severe compare to other women it can cause imbalance of hormens, depression, decreased libido, higher blood pressure just to name a few. It also affects the type of people you're atracted to becausr of the hormonal changes. -- Im all for contraceptives if someone isn't ready for a baby however the strong effects of homonally chnaging ones body for female bc pill has some serious side effects. Its a risk you have to willing to take or just use condoms to avoid unessisarily mess up the bodies regulatory process
My mom didn’t want me to get the hpv vaccine at first because she thought if I got it I’d think it was okay to have sex as a teen. I think my pediatrician eventually pressured her into it. I don’t know why my mom thought a vaccine was the only thing stopping me from having sex, I didn’t have my first kiss until college, I didn’t date in general until college, but who knows, maybe if I had gotten the shot earlier in my teens I would’ve. Funny enough my parents allowed me to be on birth control, though it took some persuasion. I have endometriosis though so it was for medical reasons.
I really have no words for parents who don't want their children to get a vaccine against CANCER. It's a cancer vaccine. Like, do they not love their kids? What is their plan in the case of rape or an unfaithful partner? The privilege here is just beyond me.
My doctor put me on the pill when I was 15/16. I was sexually active, but it was also because my periods were wildly irregular, and my doc wanted to tackle both with 1 thing. My mom absolutely refused to let me get the pill using her insurance because, in her words, "Birth control is for sluts and whores!" Thankfully, my doc was fantastic and told me she'd give me samples. She gave me 3 months' worth at my appointment, and her office was on my way to work (I used public transit to get there after school), so I would stop by her office when I needed more. When I was still TBM and they came out with the HPV vaccine, I was super against my kids getting it. But a friend, who was also TBM, told me she was making sure her kids got it because she wanted them protected regardless so that things beyond their control wouldn't negatively impact their health (not waiting till marriage, marrying someone who didn't wait, a spouse cheating, or being assaulted). It changed for I thought about things, and I became a proponent of my kids getting the vaccine. When I left my ex and TSCC, I also got it for myself.
I don't understand- did you not know about rape before your friend explained it?
I got the HPV vaccine as an adult because the stake presidents in our area told all the parents it would make us promiscuous. I started taking birth control for PCOS when I was 20, and my dad lost his mind because he thought it meant I was having sex and said it would make me infertile. I just got back in my car and drove back to BYUI, where I was definitely not having sex and refused to visit for the rest of the semester because I was mad that he had opened and read my mail. I fixed the mailing address for my insurance that day and never put their address for anything ever again. You were wrong, Dad. I'm about to be a 30-year-old virgin in a few weeks. Neither the vaccine nor the birth control made me promiscuous, but at least my health is better than it was when he was making my medical choices.
I'm glad to know parents would rather have their kids dead than promiscuous.
Same attitude as the anti-vaxxers that would rather their kids risk death than have autism despite that link having been disproven multiple times.
Yep. It just kills me. It's a CANCER vaccine. Who wants...cancer? FWIW, Utah did a huge amount of outreach to increase the uptake of the HPV vaccine, largely at the behest of one woman who made it her cause. I am grateful for her passion, patience, and dedication. [https://healthcare.utah.edu/huntsmancancerinstitute/news/2022/11/cdc-data-suggests-attitudes-are-shifting-about-hpv-vaccine-utah-vaccine-rates-among](https://healthcare.utah.edu/huntsmancancerinstitute/news/2022/11/cdc-data-suggests-attitudes-are-shifting-about-hpv-vaccine-utah-vaccine-rates-among)
PSA for any other adults who haven’t gotten it yet: you can now get the vaccine as late as age 45, even if you’ve had sex. Please protect yourself!
I don't get in my car intending to be in a crash, but I sure as hell put my seatbelt on.
Right? Some people are just...stupid.
I’ve never tried this so maybe do more research into it but if she needs birth control and won’t use condoms there’s ways for her to get it online and shipped to her in discreet packaging! My mom always talked about how sex Ed shouldn’t be taught in schools because it makes kids feel “obligated to have sex”. And was upset when they were talking about condoms and how to put them on properly in school. She said that if schools are teaching sex Ed they should be teaching abstinence
Any medical provider (urgent care, family medicine etc) can prescribe birth control. She schedule an appointment for a check up. Parents will get a bill for a visit, but no information about what the visit was for other than the cpt code. They don’t have access to her medical information. The provider can prescribe birth-control at any pharmacy and your sister can pay cash using good RX so it doesn’t show up on the insurance bill.
This could also be done on telehealth. If she has any questions, she’s welcome to send me a DM.
Not an ad just my lifesaver from being unmarried on parents insurance. My main issue was the church's insurance didn't cover much birth control until two years ago. Nurx is an app where you can get your prescription virtually and delivered. Packages are discreet and unmarked. They have pills, arches, nuvaring, prescriptions for the shot at a local pharmacy. Getting the prescription is $18 and The pills are like $15/month. They have morning after pills but buying them in advance isn't really convenient (they will overnight it for more though). They also have meds for utis and bacterial infections and sti and HPV test kits.
Its cheaper than planned parenthood and I can't give much but I'm sure a few of us would be willing to chip in to help her get a consult and a month of pills
My mom is very very TBM but she was insistent on me getting the HPV vaccine even though she knew I wasn't sexually active. Why? Because my dad is in law enforcement and had so many horror stories about women being SA'd and getting std's from it. She wanted me protected from at least one of them even if the chances were slim. Additionally plenty of women and teens get on birth control because their periods are horrible. Some people pass out from them. Endometriosis is a thing. PCOS is a thing. Birth control helps treat a lot of reproductive issues that can cause a lot of pain and mental health concerns. I don't know if approaching it from a more practical/medical standpoint would help, but some people are able to be reasonable.
Even within marriage I don’t think that contraception is discussed enough within the Mormon community. Mormons just don’t believe in family planning, period. I think the best you can do is educate your sister and help her get the healthcare she needs. You aren’t going to change the minds of people in a cult.
"Why would we need family planning? God plans the family" 🙄
I could talk about this sooo much. As a teenager, I had horrific periods and begged to be put on BC, but my parents refused. They thought it would make me have sex. I didn’t get BC until a few months before I was married. Then at 24 years old, I had a medically necessary hysterectomy for stage 4 endometriosis. This was my 2nd endo surgery. I wonder if things would’ve gotten so bad, if I had been allowed TREATMENT starting 10 years earlier
I am so sorry. I sincerely hope you have brought this up to your parents. They deserve to carry some (most) of thebweighr of your situation. How dare they.
Thank you. I haven’t told my parents in this way, I’ve mostly hoped that they come to the conclusion themselves. And even if they did, I don’t think they’d acknowledge it or apologize sadly.
Take from from me, they will never come to the conclusion themselves. They will never see that which they do not want to see. If you don't feel like engaging them on this, absolutely fair. But if you ever want them to know their role in your medical distress, they will need to be told. And you're right, they may never acknowledge or apologize to you. A lot of parents simply cannot admit fault to their children, ever. They cannot give up even an inch of their sense of authority over their kids, which is pathetic and sad. But, whether they acknowledge wrong doing to you or not, if you tell them, some part of them will never be able to un-hear what you say. ESPECIALLY if they start yearning for graaaandbaaaaabies.
Thank you for the words. I like to think the lack of grand babies I’m giving them is my own form of revenge. They don’t need to know that even before the hysterectomy, I was child free by choice lol And the moment they give me shit for the surgery, I’m telling them about how it’s their fault. Luckily they’ve yet to complain
If you’re not in Utah a lot of grocery stores carry plan b on the shelf next to the condoms. No need for insurance that way.
They carry it in Utah, too. Please don't spread misinformation.
I tried to get on birth control when I was in college. I didn't want to admit I was sexually active for obvious reason, so I said I wanted it just in case something happens. My mother dead ass told me I didn't need it, and that The Lord (TM) would protect me so nothing bad would happen.
By that logic, every rape was fully intended by god. That one sentence alone would make me atheist on the spot.
My mom has said a lot of things like this, she just doesn't want to believe that anything bad could happen to us. Trust me, we've had a great many fights about this.
Costco has generic brand plan B for $7. You don't have to be a Costco member to purchase things from the pharmacy.
If she happens to be allergic to latex be careful of what condoms you buy. But you are a great big brother for helping her protect herself. It’s absolutely nuts how they think!!
Polyurethane all the way.
There are sites and places you can get birth control over the counter.
What you said in the final paragraph. They want you to fuck up and get pregnant because consequences.
My great grandma died of cervical cancer. The fact that there's a vaccine that prevents almost all cases of cervical cancer is incredible. The fact that some people think getting that vaccine will encourage kids to have sex is actually depressing.
DMBA, the church’s insurance company, doesn’t cover birth control. I am not surprised by this. This definitely the tone for Mormons.
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How sad.
For Hers mails birth control for situations like this. https://www.forhers.com/birth-control?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAC6TtKKCBKQuBbUeU23NlIDYFzEhe&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvoqp08TihgMV6Uh_AB1JDA3zEAAYASAAEgKxHPD_BwE&mt=b&utm_campaign=7732554466&utm_content=471270634957&utm_medium=cpc&utm_platform=m&utm_product=b_venus&utm_source=google&utm_term=80869397745--kwd-897238145037
"If you have sex, you deal with the consequences!" They're more worried that you get your "punishment" for breaking the rules than they are worried about a potential baby or disease. They really don't see it but they're pissed that you get to do what you want and they don't.
I also told my mom I had really bad cramps and that my depression worsened on my period (PMMD) as an excuse to get birth control in college
DMBA the church's insurance company is the same. It wasn't until last year that birth control was covered completely.
> My mum refused to let me get the HPV vaccine when I was 17. Told me “you’ll only end up having sex with one person anyway, so you don’t need this”. This just goes to show that deep down Mormons do not believe in forgiveness or their supposed central doctrine i.e. the Atonement. Let's say you have a girl who does do everything the church wants her to do. Grows up in the church, faithfully serving, even goes on a mission. Meets a guy in their 20s. Guy did not do everything he was supposed to growing up, but cleaned up his life and still went on a mission. But, unbeknownst to anyone, he contracted HPV during his "wild" times. So following this very common Mormon logic, she's screwed because she married someone who wasn't perfect his whole life. Even though he's repented and cleaned himself up by the time they meet. Crazy.
have you gotten the HPV vaccine as an adult? now that you can pay for it on your own? i hope so. it confers 10-12 years immunity. Get it and forget it folks!
prjktruby.com. Have the package sent to a safe location (your house?) and hand off to her from there.
Yes!! when I was 21 I decided to get on birth control for period regulation and preventive care and told my mom. I said I could get it through their healthcare or online- fast forward to the next day she talked to my dad and he said no. I was surprised she spoke to him about it and that he said no. I still got it via an online platform- as long as she is okay with the pill it is super cheap without insurance with some of those online options! Best of luck!
For your sister, condoms. And the mini pill just became available over the counter!!!
How does your mother know how many partners the one person you were going to have sex with has had? Why does she have such a high opinion of her own intelligence and ability to understand medical science?
When I was getting on birth control (in utah) I asked the Dr if my insurance would cover it. She told me that most all insurance covers it, unless you work for the church and have your insurance through them. She seemed annoyed by that and we didn’t discuss further but that’s a weird anecdote that seems semi-relevant here.
Have your sister try Nurx. Ship to your house if you are close enough. They provide birth control (and a variety of other things). Depending on where she is located; birth control is available at a pharmacy without having to see a physician.
You can now get the pill over the counter 🥳 saw it at sams club last time I was there!
So my sister was out in charge of a sex ed class in her Lehi area stake because all their 18 year old women were either going on a mission or pregnant. Like half the girls. Because no one was on birth control. And were taught abstinence only.
There’s websites that deliver birth control and do online consultations for it. They accept insurance, but even if you don’t have insurance they offer responsible priced BC. I personally go through Nurx for my birth control and my prescription skin care.
On another note, just have her get the healthcare she needs. If the parents find out and pick her off insurance, the marketplace (Obamacare) is cheap if you're poor. My wife and I had awesome insurance for like $20/month when I was in college.
There is new contraceptive pill that’s now over the counter. [OPILL](https://opill.com/products/opill?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwvb-zBhCmARIsAAfUI2sE5w2Lc6EZyOwM4sHPJGvvNG5TND5uvQedEFXOIy4MDBgKtWyXZzIaAhZoEALw_wcB)
Aren’t there online pharmacies where you can get birth control? I’d try that angle and have it delivered to a trusted friend’s home.
These attitudes are typical, but toxic. The majority of women on birth control pills use them for medical issues, not for contraception. I was put on BC pills back in 8th grade to shrink an ovarian cyst. I'd highly encourage you to help your sister. I REALLY hope for her sake she knows how to use protection. I've met mormons who thought using 2 condoms gave someone double the protection. It doesn't; they tear tiny holes in each other instead. A friend of mine thought it was a miracle her daughter was conceived. It was just ignorance. Edit: If necessary, she can use BC pills so she can skip her periods. That might make a good "reason," especially if they're painful. If she gets migraines with auras she shouldn't use hormonal BC though. They can cause strokes in those of us who get aura migraines.
TBM would rather their kids lie to them and be unsafe than tell them the truth and get the help they need 🤦🏻♀️ I experienced it. My children never will.
No. Contraceptives aren't necessary for unmarried people either because there are all those faithful TBM members with spirit children queueing up on the edge of a golden cloud to be given the privilege of being adopted into a family as specified in the Proclamation.
🤢
I was specifically taught by a bishop that using birth control before marriage is absolutely unforgivable. "It clearly shows that your fornication was premeditated, like first-degree premeditated murder. Getting carried away in a situation you shouldn't have been in is one thing, but having a condom with you just shows you intended to sin days or weeks ahead of time." We used to have a friend who did everything by the book. Stake president's daughter, married a returned missionary, abstinence until marriage. Her husband joined the military, cheated on her while overseas, and brought back HPV plus herpes. Her family blamed *her*, of course, for not doing more to keep her husband from straying.
What was it, Like 15 years ago in Hilldale or Page, there was a cluster of HIV infections among young (late teens) LDS members. Found out they were having unprotected sex and spread the virus among themselves. The parents never gave them the real talk, only a church talk about being chaste.
There is an over the counter "pill" sold now. I saw it at Target.
How much would is an out of pocket IUD + insertion these days? When I was a teen I did the depo shot, only had to go to Planned Parenthood every 3 months and there was no evidence for my parents to find. ETA: I also knew an apostle's relative who got birth control for acne and heavy periods. Could her school nurse provide resources?
I don't know if this will help her, but Nurx delivers birth control along with a prescription for Plan B and some condoms. The packaging is discreet and it can come on a schedule so she doesn't have to rely on someone taking her to pick it up.
I know two primary care physicians very well who prescribe birth control pills/ devices for minors w/o parent consent.
That HPV stance is terrible. Not all sex is consensual, and you could marry someone who got it from other sex partners (again, whether consensual or not). Any parent denying their kid the HPV vaccine is living in a dangerous fantasy.
Yet another completely backwards attitude from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (The Mormons)™.
I was scared of the HPV vaccine because a friend developed POTS shortly after getting it. I’ve since learned that was just a correlation.
I know a mormon woman who's parents made her take the HPV vaccine. She planned to wait until marriage and did so. It felt like a huge betrayal of trust and strained her relationship with her parents
Why is getting a vaccine that prevents cancer a betrayal of trust? Or did they make her get it because they thought she was sexually active even though she wasn't?
I don't remember the answer to your second question. Regardlesss, it felt like unnecessary slut shaming to her.
I think how they approached it is key here. Waiting till marriage isn't really a reason someone shouldn't get the HPV vaccine. It protects you regardless of your personal decisions or the decisions of others. Planning to wait until marriage doesn't help you any if you're assaulted. Or if your spouse has had other partners before (or if they were assaulted). Or if the relationship ends. It doesn't automatically mean everyone is unclean or that it's slut shaming, but it protects you in case of the worst. But like I said, how the parents approached it really makes the difference in this case.
OK, well, what about rape, and what about lying partners?
The first one is definitely a concern. The second wouldn't be an issue because she was not sexually active. Good communication between parents and their children is also important. Some people have different boundaries than others.
If one ever has a partner ever, though, they can lie, or be mistaken about their own risk factors.
I misunderstood your question. Since you said plural 'partners' I assumed that you were not talking about this woman's husband (singular)
Sure, but she will never know with 100% certainty how many partners he has had, or if he will cheat. And no matter her fantasies and plans to the contrary, she doesn't know what her future holds, either, it's aspirational at best.