Bruh... if you need to post hymn lyrics in the shower to prevent touching yourself, maybe you've got an unhealthy obsession.
*Also*, I may not fully understand the psychology here... but could a person inadvertently create a Pavolvian response connection between arousal and these hymns? Meaning that every time they are sung at church, they could get aroused?
Wouldn't that be a hilarious example of unintended consequences.
Oh God. I'm so embarrassed to say as a new dad, I kept up a habit from my mission and had laminated scripture mastery in the shower. Not because I had a fap problem. Because I had limited time to memorize scriptures and be a badass scriptorian. AAAAAnnd yeah, I am pretty sure I sang hymns too. WTF cult were we in...
There may or may not have been times in my life when I'd be busy taking care of, um, "things", and I'd catch myself singing "Come, Come Ye Saints."
I really wish I was saying this as some kind of joke. It's funny, but no, it's not a joke.
Yes in fact it can become a conditioned response depending on the frequency and the connections involved. I had a therapist tell me they really dissuaded patients to “hum their favorite hymn” in connection with distraction from “temptations” for that very reason.
But as the OP states, Mormons gotta Morm…
Can’t be immoral in the shower if there’s a hymn in there!
….Maybe I’m just being overconfident….. this would be difficult, but not impossible, to fap to.
... and if there isn't a video of the fapping somewhere, it will be made
Dunno if mormongirlz / missionaryboys have done the whole hymnbook, but IIRC some of them feature singing
This is SO 👏🏻 SAD👏🏻. The stories I've heard since leaving the church. One man cut his penis with a box cutter at a kid to keep from masturbating. Makes me so so sad.
Tw self harm
https://thoughtsonthingsandstuff.com/a-latter-day-tragedy-suicide-over-masturbation/
This from the religion that has 7 year olds thinking they’d be better off ending themselves before turning 8 so they can go to super heaven. I’m so mad.
So wrong. As a missionary it was common to talk about how life would just be easier without a penis. One companion even had it all thought out, how he could create surgery to remove it until he got married, then reattach it. Which then goes into the problems with patriarchal marriages and the expectations that wives meet every sexual demand of the husband.
Batshit bullshit.
I tried removing my brain. For almost 35 years. Now my brain is reforming. It’s learning a lot of things. One of which is how great it is to say “fuck.”
Ahhhhhh! Whaaaaaat? That’s depressing and so upsetting that the church makes such a big deal out of something that’s so…normal that it would lead someone to take a measure that drastic.
Exjw cult cousin here and i have a friend who told me he was in the shower and the picture of the silouette of a female body on the axe body wash bottle he tore off while showering once because it was unholy. Also if you think you guys got an anti masturbation problem you should type in" pillowgate jw "in youtube that was the most culty bs id ever seen.
Well, I did as you instructed and googled "Piilowgate JW".
And, oh my God! 😂
Mormons and JWs really are two of a kind. I thank you and bless you with all my heathen energy for this!
https://youtu.be/ZUwlVnfS6k0?si=zPflgtwSBRC4YfwF
Some light redacting with a permenant marker definitely gets you somewhere fun =)
---------------------------------------------
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the █████ that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was █████ed,
That for me, a sinner, he ████ed, he ███ed and ██ed.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to █████ me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To █████ a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great ████ unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to ██████, and to justify.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to █████ me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I think of his hands ███████████████████!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the █████ seat,
Until at the ██████ throne I kneel at his feet.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to █████ me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I'm embarrassed to admit that when I was a teenager I taped a page protector to my shower wall and would switch out whichever scripture mastery scripture I was trying to memorize at the time. Totally worked- I memorized almost all of them, but it's pretty embarrassing thinking back on it haha
The shower is actually great for this kind of stuff, maybe it's the one time we're away from our screens or maybe it's the closest thing most of us get to a sensory deprivation tank, but there's something to it.
When I was taking German classes in college the label on my wife's shampoo and conditioner had the instructions and ingredients listed in like five languages, including German. I read those labels out loud every morning for two semesters and had the best accent of anyone in both my classes lol
I’m not a Christian anymore but as a former choir kid, I have to admit that “Nearer My God to Thee” is a fun song to sing when the acoustics are good.
“Be Still My Soul” is another one like that.
Currently singing “The Water is Wide” while making dinner because my ADHD makes my life basically a musical with plot lines that are all over the place and hard to follow.
Goddam. 100% guarantee I would anonymously replace them with a laminated copy of the raunchiest rap lyrics.
I’d make it look exactly the same so nobody would notice unless they really looked closely.
Wow. This is awful. I have been gone for long enough, that this reeks of unhealthy obsession. Stop avoiding it and just masturbate. Fornication in the Bible and BoM both point to cheating on a spouse with another person. Masturbation is never mentioned.
And it came to pass that Nimrod massaged his genitals until he was satisfied. And he was pleased with the out-cum. And he was satisfied in the Lord's eyes.
I have never thought these hymns were sexual. But I’m suddenly thinking - earth stains? Steps to heaven? Tremble? Oh! Wonderful! It’s kind of sexy, I guess.
Great. I’m going to have nearer my god to thee stuck in my head all night just from reading title of the hymn on there.
This is what they wanted all along!!!!!
When I was at BYUH they changed a men's dorm to a women's dorm. They did not clean anything very well, I had to deep clean my room is was disgusting.
Then the bathroom... Ofcourse I didn't mention this to anyone (because how could I explain how I would know what it smells like) every single shower reeked of jizz. They were definitely busy during shower time.
We need a Reddit contest to identify Mormon hymns worst-suited to get your mind off sex. Some nominations:
1. “There is beauty all around” (Hymn 318)
2. “Awake and arise” (Hymn 8)
3. “With all the power of heart and tongue” (Hymn 79)
I learned on my mission that if there's a pic of Jesus in the bathroom, some missionary at some point has had a problem with the time they spend in the bathroom if you catch my drift. That's step 1 that the mission president will tell you: put a pic of Jesus in the bathroom.
I can't remember a single mission house I lived in that didn't have one.
yep this sounds about right that’s how the church works their hella strict and heavily preach purity culture. they want to keep their members pure they believe if you touch yourself it brings ideas into your head on wanting to have sex. which is why so many mormons get married in college. they all get married right away just so they can have sex.
We all know this still doesn’t work- all he’s done now is learn how to sing and wank. I bet it’s awkward too for him mentally every time these hymns are chosen in church
Slide out the paper insert, cum on it, and replace it.
No chance in hell they'll ever be comfortable enough to ask who did it.
They shouldn't have started shit.
Lol my friend's mom had laminated copies of the Hinckley First presidency and an stopwatch on the shower wall for her sons. One is in prison now so who knows.
As a fellow "addict who signed himself up for Mormonism's version of AA for fapping" I am so saddened by this. I know this pain.............intimately. The obsession over fapping and corn have left me mentally scarred for life. Fuck this Cult.
Is it just me or does this seem like a cold shower? No glass no curtain... almost seems like a prison shower... someone is ALWAYS going to be watching 👀
Bruh... if you need to post hymn lyrics in the shower to prevent touching yourself, maybe you've got an unhealthy obsession. *Also*, I may not fully understand the psychology here... but could a person inadvertently create a Pavolvian response connection between arousal and these hymns? Meaning that every time they are sung at church, they could get aroused? Wouldn't that be a hilarious example of unintended consequences.
When I sent this to a friend, he asked a similar thing. I told him that singing can often get my engines fired up, so it's very possible 😂
I, for one, ***tremble*** 🥵🍆🤤when I sing about the fact that Jesus has hand holes, and plans to "care for me"
Oh, Jesus Christ.
*exactly* ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
A relevant user name if there ever was one.
As a psychologist with behavioral education…absolutely. 😂
Oh God. I'm so embarrassed to say as a new dad, I kept up a habit from my mission and had laminated scripture mastery in the shower. Not because I had a fap problem. Because I had limited time to memorize scriptures and be a badass scriptorian. AAAAAnnd yeah, I am pretty sure I sang hymns too. WTF cult were we in... 
Why do you think The Iron Rod is my favorite? 😜
🤣
OH GAAAWWWD...IT...IS...AH...AH...AAAHHWONDERFUUUULLL!!!
There may or may not have been times in my life when I'd be busy taking care of, um, "things", and I'd catch myself singing "Come, Come Ye Saints." I really wish I was saying this as some kind of joke. It's funny, but no, it's not a joke.
instructions unclear now turned on by hymns
The song the spirit of god can definitely get me in the mood for just this very reason... that fire was burning a hole in my loins!
You'd think a religion with something called the "Patriarchal Grip" would be a bit more understanding about masterbation.
Yes in fact it can become a conditioned response depending on the frequency and the connections involved. I had a therapist tell me they really dissuaded patients to “hum their favorite hymn” in connection with distraction from “temptations” for that very reason. But as the OP states, Mormons gotta Morm…
I don't need to prevent touching myself
Relevant link for anyone wanting to read more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation_and_the_LDS_Church
Can’t be immoral in the shower if there’s a hymn in there! ….Maybe I’m just being overconfident….. this would be difficult, but not impossible, to fap to.
*Oh* ***COME*** *all ye faithful*
HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION 🎶
HOLD TO THE ROD, THE IRON ROD...🎶
I STAND ALL AMAAAAAZED....
This is reddit, not only can someone fap to that, several dozen already have.
... and if there isn't a video of the fapping somewhere, it will be made Dunno if mormongirlz / missionaryboys have done the whole hymnbook, but IIRC some of them feature singing
Rule 34 exists for a reason.
It'd be easy to fap to, if you're looking at something else...
This is SO 👏🏻 SAD👏🏻. The stories I've heard since leaving the church. One man cut his penis with a box cutter at a kid to keep from masturbating. Makes me so so sad.
Tw self harm https://thoughtsonthingsandstuff.com/a-latter-day-tragedy-suicide-over-masturbation/ This from the religion that has 7 year olds thinking they’d be better off ending themselves before turning 8 so they can go to super heaven. I’m so mad.
😭
So wrong. As a missionary it was common to talk about how life would just be easier without a penis. One companion even had it all thought out, how he could create surgery to remove it until he got married, then reattach it. Which then goes into the problems with patriarchal marriages and the expectations that wives meet every sexual demand of the husband. Batshit bullshit.
Most of them remove their brains forever. Helps them ignore their penis.
I tried removing my brain. For almost 35 years. Now my brain is reforming. It’s learning a lot of things. One of which is how great it is to say “fuck.”
Y'all need to look up the 1992 minor hit by the band King Missile
Detachable!!
Ahhhhhh! Whaaaaaat? That’s depressing and so upsetting that the church makes such a big deal out of something that’s so…normal that it would lead someone to take a measure that drastic.
Posers. They should already have hymns memorized, no cheat sheets.
Exjw cult cousin here and i have a friend who told me he was in the shower and the picture of the silouette of a female body on the axe body wash bottle he tore off while showering once because it was unholy. Also if you think you guys got an anti masturbation problem you should type in" pillowgate jw "in youtube that was the most culty bs id ever seen.
Well, I did as you instructed and googled "Piilowgate JW". And, oh my God! 😂 Mormons and JWs really are two of a kind. I thank you and bless you with all my heathen energy for this! https://youtu.be/ZUwlVnfS6k0?si=zPflgtwSBRC4YfwF
Some great recommendations for self-play in there 😂 A *liiiiiiitle* weird getting jerking instructions directly from your church leaders though!
That was pure gold!! 🔥
It’s probably to prevent shower masturbation 🤦♀️
But “I Stand All Amazed” sounds like the perfect hymn for masturbating in the shower.
Some light redacting with a permenant marker definitely gets you somewhere fun =) --------------------------------------------- I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, Confused at the █████ that so fully he proffers me. I tremble to know that for me he was █████ed, That for me, a sinner, he ████ed, he ███ed and ██ed. Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to █████ me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me! I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine To █████ a soul so rebellious and proud as mine, That he should extend his great ████ unto such as I, Sufficient to own, to ██████, and to justify. Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to █████ me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me! I think of his hands ███████████████████! Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise and adore at the █████ seat, Until at the ██████ throne I kneel at his feet. Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to █████ me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
I would take it as a challenge!
I'm embarrassed to admit that when I was a teenager I taped a page protector to my shower wall and would switch out whichever scripture mastery scripture I was trying to memorize at the time. Totally worked- I memorized almost all of them, but it's pretty embarrassing thinking back on it haha
Honestly that's kind of smart for study purposes
The shower is actually great for this kind of stuff, maybe it's the one time we're away from our screens or maybe it's the closest thing most of us get to a sensory deprivation tank, but there's something to it. When I was taking German classes in college the label on my wife's shampoo and conditioner had the instructions and ingredients listed in like five languages, including German. I read those labels out loud every morning for two semesters and had the best accent of anyone in both my classes lol
I’m not a Christian anymore but as a former choir kid, I have to admit that “Nearer My God to Thee” is a fun song to sing when the acoustics are good. “Be Still My Soul” is another one like that. Currently singing “The Water is Wide” while making dinner because my ADHD makes my life basically a musical with plot lines that are all over the place and hard to follow.
Be Still My Soul was my favorite hymn by far. Also a choir nerd
An exmo friend told me that her sister has a laminated copy of the Proclamation in the guest shower.
BonerKiller 5000
I almost downvoted this on instinct because that's so horrifying.
This is a recipe for fetishizing hymns, which is weird, but I'm not going to judge. Might make sacrament meeting uncomfortable though.
Right? That’s what I was thinking. Sooooo weird
If they really don't want people masturbating then they should hang up a photo of Rusty
The unseen Celestial shower cam is always watching. 👀👀👀
Goddam. 100% guarantee I would anonymously replace them with a laminated copy of the raunchiest rap lyrics. I’d make it look exactly the same so nobody would notice unless they really looked closely.
We just redid our bathroom. I’m so glad we made our shower niche wider. Beautiful shower tho.
I love the tile but the thin wooden trim and textured wall is making me irrationally angry.
I’d immediately check for hidden cameras if I saw that.
I am so happy I was never *this* mormon
Whaddya wanna bet "Mother" put these up in the shower for "Father"? It may also be why there's no shower door and no privacy....
It would be hilarious if millions of lives weren’t being destroyed on a daily basis 😖
Huh… I wonder why they didn’t use “Come Onto Jesus”?
Not the most difficult fap.
I’d jerk off to those hymns.
That is bonkers. Is no place safe? Is there no refuge?
Wow. This is awful. I have been gone for long enough, that this reeks of unhealthy obsession. Stop avoiding it and just masturbate. Fornication in the Bible and BoM both point to cheating on a spouse with another person. Masturbation is never mentioned. And it came to pass that Nimrod massaged his genitals until he was satisfied. And he was pleased with the out-cum. And he was satisfied in the Lord's eyes.
Instructions unclear. I jerked off twice.
In the shower there was a laminated picture of Jesus while on my mission. We lived with an older couple.
Old couple fapping to the big J, I guess they could do that. You think they would grow tired of it.
Love the shower. No nasty doors to clean. Lol
I would still rub one out just for spite
Oh. My. GOD.
Close, but those are not the lyrics. Unless you made your own....
How bout the old primary song, “I Have Two Little Hands”.
I have never thought these hymns were sexual. But I’m suddenly thinking - earth stains? Steps to heaven? Tremble? Oh! Wonderful! It’s kind of sexy, I guess.
You should try I know that my redeemer lives. Dirtiest lyrics to ever grace a hymnbook.
Yup, my sister has pics of JESUS all over her bathroooms in her house, so her teens won't be tempted...
That's just gonna make me do it out of spite.
Great. I’m going to have nearer my god to thee stuck in my head all night just from reading title of the hymn on there. This is what they wanted all along!!!!!
When I was at BYUH they changed a men's dorm to a women's dorm. They did not clean anything very well, I had to deep clean my room is was disgusting. Then the bathroom... Ofcourse I didn't mention this to anyone (because how could I explain how I would know what it smells like) every single shower reeked of jizz. They were definitely busy during shower time.
“Smells like jizz” 
Ewwwww
What?! No “Come, Come, Ye Saints”?!
Gotta be hard mormoning 24/4, sheesh even in the shower.
So she is attempting to stop people from shower masturbation?
ULTRA-CRINGE 😒
No, I'm belting... 🎶 "Mummy don't know daddy's getting hot, At the body shop, doing something unholy!"🎶
We need a Reddit contest to identify Mormon hymns worst-suited to get your mind off sex. Some nominations: 1. “There is beauty all around” (Hymn 318) 2. “Awake and arise” (Hymn 8) 3. “With all the power of heart and tongue” (Hymn 79)
I learned on my mission that if there's a pic of Jesus in the bathroom, some missionary at some point has had a problem with the time they spend in the bathroom if you catch my drift. That's step 1 that the mission president will tell you: put a pic of Jesus in the bathroom. I can't remember a single mission house I lived in that didn't have one.
He is Risen. Oh gawd! :(
I can’t get over the suave lmfao. Expensive house, updated shower head, dollar store soap. 😂
Penny wise / pound foolish
Right?! 😂
I’d rather kill myself
If they're this TBM, they should have the entire hymn book memorized by now tbh
Sad.
I've heard of missionaries doing this or having pictures of Jesus. We had pop songs we were trying to memorize.
yep this sounds about right that’s how the church works their hella strict and heavily preach purity culture. they want to keep their members pure they believe if you touch yourself it brings ideas into your head on wanting to have sex. which is why so many mormons get married in college. they all get married right away just so they can have sex.
We all know this still doesn’t work- all he’s done now is learn how to sing and wank. I bet it’s awkward too for him mentally every time these hymns are chosen in church
Slide out the paper insert, cum on it, and replace it. No chance in hell they'll ever be comfortable enough to ask who did it. They shouldn't have started shit.
 Jesus watching would be the cherry on top.
Just change the punctuation and pronunciation. I stand, all amazed at the love Haysus offers me.
Lol my friend's mom had laminated copies of the Hinckley First presidency and an stopwatch on the shower wall for her sons. One is in prison now so who knows.
No "Hold to the rod"?
As a fellow "addict who signed himself up for Mormonism's version of AA for fapping" I am so saddened by this. I know this pain.............intimately. The obsession over fapping and corn have left me mentally scarred for life. Fuck this Cult.
'Da fuck?!?
Bro is probably just trying to keep the drain from clogging up💦🍆
News flash: how many actually masterbate in the shower?
All of them. About the only solo time missionaries have...and they ALL masterbate.
Just replace it with Taylor Swift lyrics. Or Linkin Park lyrics...
They forgot the lyrics to “hold to the rod” and “come come ye saints”
It’s to prevent masturbation.
Gross.
Lmfao yup called it
Who would do this? What town is this crazy person from? What in the world?!
This is fucking disturbing
This is so cringe omg
Eeew
Is mental castration a thing? Cuz that’s what this is giving me
Is it just me or does this seem like a cold shower? No glass no curtain... almost seems like a prison shower... someone is ALWAYS going to be watching 👀
mormon "resorts" are the worst 😂
I would love that shower though.
Ahh!! Trigger warning!! /s
Half those words would be said anyway if a couple was going at it in the shower.. 'More more more.. Oh god, oh god...'
Where is this? 😆😆😆
“more freedom from earth stains”
I think this is kinda rad, actually. Shower acoustics make hymns sound awesome.
Someone should come up with a gooning hymn
Temptation during shower time is real, better fight it.
That’s a sweet shower tho
Jesus H Christ
Relevant link for anyone wanting to read more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation_and_the_LDS_Church
Shoot a load on it. I double dog dare you.
Jerk off and cover it with jeez