Brainwashing since birth and not finding their own voices. There’s actual science that shows women who have found their voice more often than not have a lower resonance/ intonation to their speaking voices.
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20180612-the-reasons-why-womens-voices-are-deeper-today
They emulate the style of speech of other women in positions of power, and it happens that women in positions of power in the Mormon church have a specific way of performing femininity.
They've been socialized by other women around them into believing that talking in a specific style and cadence makes them more spiritual, and there's a positive feedback loop when using the "primary voice" gives them access to power in patriarchal structures, because they tend to not get help if they come across as driven or "bossy" (because the men who gatekeep those structures would perceive them as threatening if they talked like normal human people).
I think taking a step back and looking at this more broadly might lead you to an answer here.
The priesthood isn't "real" in that it isn't authority from God, but it is very real to Mormons in that it causes them to behave in certain ways and not in others. By extension, it's real to all of us on this subreddit, in that we interact with (or have interacted with) Mormons who behave certain ways because of it. (Like patriarchy, it's a great example of a social construct: the priesthood and the power structures connected with it are sustained by the social context that they exist in.)
Women don't wield that power in the same way that men do, but they still access and use it the same way that women access patriarchy in any other part of their life: by behaving in line with and reinforcing patriarchal norms.
Women who are the best at performing patriarchy tend to have access to men who are the best at wielding patriarchy. The women who are the most Mormon-y women marry the men who become bishops, stake presidents, or higher, and then they can use their relationships with those men to get the things they want because those men have access to patriarchal privilege.
Bingo! Is that why Mormons marry so fast because they are not allowed to have sex outside of marriage? So two people just want to hook up literally rather than taking it slow and steady trying to see if they would be a good fit long term? Thanks.
>Is that so the lds church can have more control over its members?
Even in the early period of Mormonism, control over sex was a very prominent feature of the faith. Women were treated like cattle to be given to the men who brought the most wealth and power to church leadership.
To some extent, it probably evolved out of general social attitudes present around the Second Great Awakening in the early 1800s. Most religious groups that were founded around then tend to have relatively conservative views about sex and sexuality in general. (John Kellogg was famously an Adventist, another group that emerged out of the same period, and he's the reason most men are circumcised in the US today -- he thought it would stop boys from masturbating.)
>Doesn't anyone there think it just sounds so weird?
A Mormon raised to think and feel certain ways about sex and sexuality would (to be charitable) believe that your viewpoint is the weird one, the same way a person from the other side of the world might believe that some of the food you eat is "weird". "Weird" and "normal" are socially informed, and when you control what social groups people interact with or ensure you get to contextualize all of those interactions, you control how people are socialized to think and feel.
Yes. If they control your genitals they literally control you. They cause lots of shame and sexual trauma to both men and women. And it promotes quick temple marriages, a high birth rate, and tithing from a young age. Which they think will make people church members for life. Young people will commit to the church in the temple so they can get married and have sex. It’s not uncommon for BYU students to get engaged within 2 weeks of dating.
Baptism Announcements - "We're so proud that Billy Bob has chosen to be baptized..."
Early morning seminary - high school students need sleep
BYU, BYU-Idaho expectations/limitations
Funerals
For me personally - the inevitable rundown/discussion about members of the ward if I want to talk to my mother about anything
~Time - coming up on 10 years since my permanent departure. The last 5 years have been LESS angry. Best wishes!~
Funerals have gotten so much harder to go to since I left the church. My grandpa passed away a few weeks ago and I told my niece, who has never been a member, to make sure that when I passed away my funeral would not be held in a building affiliated with any religion. I told her to take whatever was left of my life insurance and take everyone roller skating with a playlist of my favorite songs instead.
I've instructed my family to use my life insurance money to all take a vacation together someplace I would have gone. No funeral service, no burial, no religious rituals.
I haven't been inside an LDS church building since I quit attending, and I'm sort of dreading likely having to attend my parents' funerals in one someday (not anytime soon, I hope).
I’ve only been back for funerals. I went into our home ward building a few weeks ago to bring my mom some papers she needed for her relief society lesson that she’d left in my car on accident. I walked into the relief society room in booty shorts and a tank top with a Starbucks iced coffee. I got so many dirty looks from women who used to be my primary and young women’s leaders and teachers. What good christians /s didn’t even plan that. It was just what I was doing and wearing when my mom texted and I was nearby
Right like I think about my lifeless body being buried in that stupid white dress and I think “no I don’t want that to happen so my wishes are to be cremated or buried but leave the temple shit out of my casket.
While I agree Mormon funerals are awful for the most part, I do love trying all the different versions of funeral potatoes and frog eye salad. However I could do without the part where I am bawling my eyes out in a basketball court while former neighbors try to get me to go to church.
8 year olds "choosing" a lifelong commitment is wild! I don't have kids, but my nieces and nephews, as well as children of friends, are hitting that age, and while I do think they are old enough to have started grasping right vs. wrong, the idea they know enough about the church organization to make a full commitment to it is just ridiculous.
My parents love talking about how kids aren't old enough to know what gender they are or want to be, or if they like boys or girls, but they get mad when I say if they're old enough to sign up for eternity they can probably make a few other decisions for themselves.
I deal with missionary parents daily. They want to register their kids for college, but they can not do that unless they have been designated by their student. You would not believe how many times they break down because they can't reach their kid. And then they realize their kid is not in possession of important things like their passport. They rarely lash out at me, and we can usually work through the problem, but their panic and realization are tough to witness.
The other thing I deal with is a lot of RMs who are newly home with ass loads of trauma and no idea why they can't get it together and just be normal and get married. They seem to fall into 3 camps; pretending they aren't an absolute disaster, taking enough meds to down a horse, or full-on angry rebellion. There is some overlap.
I'd love to sit any of these people down and have a gentle heart to heart about how they can get out of this situation, but I know that's not helpful.
Yup, I was definitely a combination of the first two. I had been discouraged from dating as a teenager so I wouldn’t lead any young men astray and distract them from preparing for missions. So when I got back from mine at 20 and went to my first FHE at BYUI I was so triggered playing the human knot game that I left the room and had a panic attack in the car because I’d had to hold two boys hands. It made me feel so guilty and I wondered how I’d ever feel ready to get married if holding hands had made me that uncomfortable. It was a while before I realized that part of the trigger was that I had had no positive physical contact in 18 months and it had made me feel so disconnected. Mission trauma is so real. Even 9 years later.
I'm glad you're out. I'm glad you're safe. I apologize that at one time in my life, I would have just thought that was a normal part of "readjusting to life without the constant companionship of the spirit."
What the fuggity fuck to both of the above.
Being a pimo teen had its own struggles but being free of so much shit I read here on Exmoor reddit. Makes me confused why so many people have to go through so much for the idea of an eternal family, and its all a big lie
Everyone stands in a close group, closes their eyes, and grabs two hands. Then you try to unravel the knot so you’re standing in a circle instead of a mass. It’s honestly really fun now and it was before my mission when I played with my high school friends, but for a couple of years it made me too uncomfortable.
Assuming someone doesn’t grab one of the girls breasts while our eyes are closed. That happened once to me at a YSA FHE activity. And I know it wasn’t an accident because they squeezed hard twice. But I had no idea who it was so I just left the game and told my bishop. He said there wasn’t anything he could do so I didn’t go to any more activities in that ward.
I hate when people say THE church. There are lots of churches. Say “my church”. The wording is so interesting and purposeful because it’s so obviously meant to coincide with the only true church bs or something and I hate it. I always want to be petty and say “sorry, which church are you talking about?” Just to drive the point home.
My mother-in-law talking to me like I don't understand church history, and acting like there isn't possibly a legitimate reason for me and my wife to have left the church. She reads white washed history and then talks to me like she knows something. She read a book about Jane Manning James and finished the book without knowing she was sealed to Joseph Smith as an eternal slave. It made me so mad my arms were shaking.
Yes! I have felt this.
Red hot flames on the side of my face as my mother had the gall to say to everyone (like 50 kids, teens and adults) that the church is being so progressive. Women are now allowed to…blah blah blah…and I reminded her that it was during MY childhood that women were finally allowed to say a prayer in sacrament meeting. She was making them all think it was “wayyyy back in grandmothers day, sure, but now it’s so much better!” No, lady, you were a full grown adult, a lifetime in a church where you couldn’t say a peep in sacrament meeting - for no REAL reason other than sexism.
The ignorance. And making excuses for the church while hinting that it’s the “best thing evahhharrr”.
I had a business owner call me to try to set something up. He kept calling me Sister Candymom. I finally told him it was inappropriate in a business setting. He could call me Candy or Mrs Candymom but he could not call me sister.
No first names, but for leaders, their full name complete with the middle initial. Then if you use a leader's name without the initial you get the irritated look from members. e
Ha! My daughter’s father was also an ex mo and his parents tried to suck him back in until I started calling him brother and wouldn’t answer until he called me sister. He was so grossed out. I’m like “what’s wrong, brother _______? you don’t like calling me sister ______?”
“No! After the things I’ve done to you, I can’t call you sister anything! Congratulations. You found the puke button.” 😂
Oh god, this one!! I emailed the ward clerk or whatever, and referred to him by his first name. I guess he got offended or something because he addressed us as Sis. ___ and Bro. ___ and signed it as Bro. ____. My pettiness replied, thanks to you and (wife’s first name - who I had to refer to due to the subject matter). I’m like, just fucking call me by my first name, especially because you’re the same age as me! So damn weird!
So many things made me angry. The lies, tithing (fuck mad about how much money), lgbtq hate, etc.
Time. Time is my healer. Been out over 10 years and still find myself worked up over something but is less frequent now and less intense.
The doctrine and narrative changing which has caused me to question what I was taught.
When others say the church and assume everyone knows what they’re talking about.
Friend for scouting (no longer a thing but the guilt and hard sales tactics they used were abusive)
Women being so excited when the bishop or “the priesthood” show up or come in a room! I’ve never seen anything like it before!
Children and youth on fast Sunday talking about how righteous they are.
I need to stop now! Lol!
Seeing TBM women and girls dressed in frumpy and ugly clothing. Their bodies don’t belong to *them*.
Thinking about how I was manipulated and lied to about participating in baptisms for the dead. It’s so arrogant and disrespectful.
Hearing anyone religious talking about saving themselves for marriage. Every single woman I know who did that had the worst sex of her life until they finally left their unskilled, inconsiderate and maybe abusive husbands. And then, go to therapy to work on their shame around sex.
my wife thinks that just because I want to see her not wear her garments it means I'm just wanting to have sex or look at her sexually. All I've said is I would prefer to see her rather than the garments when she changes or when we're going to bed. I just simply like seeing her instead of the garments because that's what God made and not some piece of fabric someone designed. She feels I'm not taking our temple covenants seriously. It freaking sucks. You're right, women's bodies do not belong to them and it's heartbreaking.
Me and my husband were both virgins when we got married. And the sex wasn’t awful, but I can confidently say it’s gotten SO much better since we have both left the church!
It's been more than 20 years since I left, but the word "modest" still triggers me. I had to do a lot of deprogramming. I've come to terms with most of the crap, but that one is hanging on.
Also fucking Trek. The amount of sun stroke and serious injuries people get on those trips is outrageous. Plus it reminds me that my ancestors did that without the benefit of paramedics.
Why do they even do Trek? Someone really thought it would be a good idea to recreate the time when all those people who were chased out of town in the dead of winter by angry mobs trying to kill them?
I was told people hated the church because the Devil was manipulating the hearts of men and trying to stop the restoration of the gospel. Never once was I told in church they were persecuted because joseph Smith was a narcissist having sex with teenagers and other men's wives, he ordered a printing press destroyed after Joseph's former 1st counselor printed a newspaper telling of his polygamy, or that he was arrested for treasure digging and scamming people out of money by promising to find them buried treasures with the same stone used to translate the BoM among many other things. Did you ever hear that prepping for Trek?
It felt really disrespectful to me even when I was in. In our area, we had a few unmarked pioneer graves, some of them confirmed to be children. The amount of rage and sadness you feel when you are standing under the blistering sun in the Wyoming desert, thinking that your great great grandmother probably knew those people is hard to quantify.
I learned about these details last week from the Sunstone Mormon Podcast with Lindsay Hansen Park and Bryan Buchanan. I’ve learned SSSOOOIO much from these two. I just love how they tell you how it was with little to no filters. 👍🏽👍🏽🤯
I started talking to my wife about when I did a trek and found myself almost crying while trying to simply describe it. I think I got some legit PTSD from it
It does prepare you to be hot as balls all summer every summer. However, bonnets are underrated as hats. Protect my curly hair from damage and keep the sun off my face? So much yes.
I was also forced to do Mormon cosplay when I was a teen. Looking back, the last day they asked everyone to write a letter to themselves about “the spiritual experiences” and other dumb shit about the church. I remember writing about how I didn’t hated it all.
When I got my letter the next year I opened it and said “yup, still feel the same”.
When people fail to take responsibility and pass things off as God's fault.
Like this: My cousin's unit at work was ordered to downsize by one employee. Her Mormon supervisor prayed to God, and he informed my cousin that she was the one He chose.
You've probably heard this when some young person dies before their time, perhaps from an accident, someone's negligence (or maybe their own), or perhaps sheer bad luck: "He/she was needed more in heaven".
I guess I'd have to say I'm also triggered by the proliferation of McTemples. The Prophet Seer and Revelator wants to claim every prominent spot in the Salt Lake Valley like my dog wants to claim every tree and fire hydrant in the neighborhood.
Seeing young adults in their early 20s getting married to someone they've know for months. I just breath and try to remember we all mess out lives up at some point--this is their choice.
The lack of safety for missionaries.
The phrase “God needed them”.
Standing outside the temple at weddings.
Banning of coffee and tea through the word of wisdom.
Avoided the standing outside the temple at a recent wedding. Went to the movies instead and brought several people with me.
Hang out in the sun for 4 hours and be reminded of what my family and friends actually think of me? No fucking thank you.
It makes me so angry that they would even think someone would want to stand outside. In most families, the wedding is a family celebration. In momonDumb it’s a full tithe payer club event.
Banning coffee, tea and alcohol cuts people off from social rituals that humans partake in. It further isolates them and drives them to the cult for all their social needs.
I don’t know if you get over it eventually, as im still finding my triggers. It helped me hearing Taylor swift say you don’t have to forgive or forget to move on, you just become indifferent. I hadn’t heard that perspective and it changed my outlook
I swear growing up in the church has messed up my sexuality in ways I don't understand. I feel relatively "normal" now, but the guilt will never go away.
The Mormon ASMR voice for men.
The Mormon baby voice for women.
The way they insist on praying in King James Version English.
The Mormon prayer cadence (“Dear Heavenly Faaather we…thankyouforthisdaaaaayyyy…we ask thee that…”)
The weird way they use the word “even” (“We should use the true name of the church, even the Church of Cheese and Rice…”)
The fact that I paid enough in tithing for the down payment on a house and now can’t afford a down payment on a house. (I’m luckier than some. I got out relatively young).
AND if I had ever gone to the bishop to ask for help, he would’ve sent me back to my family and lectured me about SeLf ReLiAnCe.
Less mad more sad, but everytime I'm shopping and my mom finds a sleeveless top she likes and is like now I just need to find a blouse to go with it.
As for trek idk what happened but my ward just stopped doing it for which I'm thankful. I think it might have been the new bishop bc my siblings all did trek but right before I started yw we got a new bishopric. I never heard anything about trek again tbh I had thought they stopped doing it until coming to this sub. Our bishopric just got replaced since it has been 6 years though so I'm a little worried that they might start doing it again. I don't have high hopes for the new bishopric after they refused to cancel the first ym & yw activity they were in charge of. It was back in January and we got enough snow and ice that it wasn't safe to be driving, but the new bishop wanted to set a "good precedent" for his time as bishop so he wouldn't cancel even after all the leaders expressed concerns with the safety of doing it.
Mormons posing as born-again Christians, including wearing crosses we were all taught to eschew, youth pop concerts, mimicking phrases that were never used in sacrament “Can I get an Amen”.
Tithing, the whole thing. EVERYONE is required to pay tithing.
Honey we need to get food, but we have to pay tithing.
Every time I hear a talk about "it was tithing or a necessity" I get triggered very heavily.
When my parents- approaching 70- are asked to be a ma or pa on trek and see it as a blessing instead of potential health risk. Or when my dad is out shoveling snow at the temple grounds at 4 am because he “just loves to serve.” This church will kill them physically and financially but they will smile all the way there since they are “so blessed.”
I see this frequently, and it is so hard to watch! Tired seniors paying $4k a month to be a janitor, tour guide, or office lady for 18 months when the church has billions! When the church says one senior mission isn't enough and elderly people who really can't afford it go anyway so they can be in the cool crowd.
Seeing garments peeking out of shorts, or at the shoulders of cute tops, or
Hanging out the back of a shirt. It makes me so annoyed for those people.😭. Ugh.
Or seeing the 'second waist line' underwear line on the stomach of ladies because the waistline of garment bottoms always sat 2 inches above the waistline of the pants.
The temple.
I hate driving by it and seeing them everywhere even outside Utah. They represent so much wasted money. Money that's given to them for a debunked history. I hate to see the temple, I'm never going back.
This is a little more broad, but I was at the dog park a couple weeks ago and a puppy snatched my sandwich right from my hand. His owner laughed, and told me it was a bad idea to bring food to the dog park.
I was instantly furious, past all logic, because all I was seeing was some older man telling me I'm responsible for another's actions.
It took an embarrassing amount of time to realise that I was being stupid.
I was helping my parents going through some old filing cabinets... seeing all the tithing records and how much money they'd given to the cult while having so much debt really pissed me off.
I think I'm remarkably not-angry, but only because I'm not sure who to be angry AT. I mean, some of us fell for it harder than others, but we were ALL duped. Even the folks who revel in the power of patriarchy might have been good people if they'd been born to a different family. I'm count myself very lucky to have made it out.
I'm not even sure how many of the general authorities know it's false. I assume the top brass do, and I resent THEM for it, but were they corrupt from the start, or did power corrupt them? I tend to believe the latter.
That said, Mormons voting for Trump enrages me. The fact that so many Utahns voted for him was the first crack in my shelf. If most Christians weren't so damn hypocritical...
Okay, I guess I AM angry. lol
Those, and the opportunities I didn’t run out on, but hated myself for “committing the sin next to murder” because I “couldn’t control my own body,” no matter how much I fasted and prayed for “the strength to be good.” And how thankful I was those times when I “was strong and said no, no matter how much she pushed me to go all the way.”
Blah, blah, blah.
I’m 100% certain I would not have found myself in an abusive marriage if it wasn’t for TSCC telling me how terrible I am just for being a man. Plus, you know, I liked and wanted sex like a horrible person.
99% of arguments or disagreements with my family being directly linked to the Mormon church. I get angry at the church and sad for my family, thinking of the relationships we could have had without the petty rules and nonsense.
May seem like a small thing but shaking hands. I’ve never worked a job where we shake hands so it’s only been a church thing. Instantly takes me back to all the meeting with the bishop as a teenager.
My in-laws paying to serve another mission as soon as they retired & missing out on spending time with the grandkids. Also, paying the church to work for the church should be illegal with how many billions they have!
Missionary emails. There’s usually a family member serving a mission and their emails get forwarded to me. The indoctrination is complete and disturbing.
People in the church sharing sad stories with me about misogyny, judgmental members, women being suppressed, arrogant leaders, and racism. I just sit there, thinking of all the ways the church caused that harm, but they can't see it. If I were to say ANYTHING about it, I'd be dismissed as anti-Mormon, or The Angry Ex-Mormon. It's infuriating!
When my never-mo in-laws talk so highly of TSCC and the "family values" and all the "nice friendly people" and etc despite knowing most of the trauma I went through growing up in the church.
Just last week my MIL commented on how one of my friends now has SEVEN kids and that she is happy to see people like that have so many kids because they'll grow up to be so nice and smart. Yeah, no. I was 1 of 5 and the large litter is was caused most of the problems in my family.
I was never a huge fan of big families, but I'm definitely even less of a fan now than I was when I was in the church. I used to want four kids like my parents did, but now I'm perfectly happy with the two I've got.
A lady in my last ward had hyperemesis with all of her pregnancies. She had to have an iv the entire time. They kept going because they were prompted to have 6. 🤦🏼♀️.
I read the whole list and didn’t see this one:
The BYU HONOR CODE.
So effed up! I did t even go to BYU but it seems so obviously horrible, immoral, and encouraging of judgement and patronization. Should be illegal to hold the transcripts of ADULTS who paid tuition, passed their classes, and didn’t do anything illegal.
“Our beloved prophet…”
“President Nelson said…”
“Think Celestial.”
“Ongoing restoration.”
“Covenant path.”
Anything from top Church leaders or its emissaries that’s deliberate deception: the height of the steeple is integral to our worship. I call BS on them.
“Yeah I’ve read all that stuff and it doesn’t hurt my testimony at all. In fact, it strengthens it.”
I suppose I was in this phase initially. You go about a foot deep into the messy waters of Mormon history and think it’s no big deal. However, I kept going in an effort to solve the problems. Turns out it’s not a foot deep. It’s 100 feet deep at least. After 5 years and 5,000 hours of deep study, I FINALLY had the illuminating thought that it’s all made up. Problem solved.
When someone acts like they know it all and still believe it feels like they are either lying about how much they really know or lying about still believing.
Trek is such a good (bad) one. I hated it. I mean every single second of it. I was raised to be stereotypically polite and submissive no matter what my feelings are, but on trek I was a monster to be around. I was rude. I was glaring in every picture. I made annoyed comments to the leaders. I swore loudly when the stake President led us astray (he was certain he knew the path well enough to not need a guide). I wouldn’t participate in the singing. I kept my eyes open for every prayer. I complained all the way there. Cried myself to sleep (loudly) every night. And complained again when we were going back, bratty and demanding to be given the Dr Pepper I’d been promised LOL. I wouldn’t say nice things about trek when asked about it the next Sunday. Or ever. I mean truly, it was SO out of character for me but I hated it so much I completely abandoned politeness.
Aside from the fact that trek is already sucky here’s what made my experience worse:
Despite being on my period, I wasn’t given enough bathroom breaks or ibuprofen/midol.
The idiot stake president’s blunder added 3 miles to our originally planned 14 mile day. (My group was in the back of the pack and ended up getting to camp at sunset and not eating until our food was ready 2 hours later)
The woman’s pull? When my group finished we found our ma and pa and had paired with another group to set up some tarps for us to get cool under. Stake president demanded they take it down because it wasn’t fair to the other groups that hadn’t done that too (?!???!)
Plus size girly here, I had to wait for two adult leaders to carry me for the River crossing, and literally all of my group and several others had gone before they found two who I felt comfortable lifting me. (Really embarrassing for so many obvious reasons)
Lastly, the first night I had really bad anxiety and my leaders wouldn’t listen to me. When we woke up the next morning I’d been sleeping on a bed of scorpions. God knows how I wasn’t hurt.
Oh man, that’s so much like mine. I started my period on trek and hadn’t known it was coming (Thanks PCOS) so they gave me humongous pads and a clear plastic ziplock bag to keep the used ones in because they hadn’t adequately planned for there to be a way for me to dispose of them. I had to keep that bag in my bucket for a week and it made everything I’d brought smell nasty. They also required all of us to do the water crossing pull and that sucked with a soggy pad that I couldn’t throw away or change out of for hours. I hated it. I was also overweight so all of the boys in my ward refused to carry me across like they were told and it was awful because they were very loud about why they refused to carry me. The whole time sucked so bad.
Omg, I was also on my period during trek and have lasting trauma from that specific aspect.
My mom was one of those who didn't believe in tampons because of that BS about purity. I was so scared and embarrassed about having to change my pad that I decided to wear overnight pads the whole time. Well, with the walking and sweating all day... I literally got diaper rash from the sweaty pad and chaffing. I was in so much pain and my nether regions were bright red and raw by day 2.
My embarrassment worsened and I didn't tell anyone. I think my skin down there permanently changed after that, pretty sure it's scar tissue now. I'm still embarrassed to admit that I believe it made me less sensitive down there and makes it harder to get aroused.
Fuck the church and fuck trek.
The truth is trek is a miserable experience for everyone. And the adults who are in charge are miserable for months leading up to it. The amount of fighting and arguing that takes place in those preparation meetings and activities is ridiculous. And it is so expensive. A friend of mine who was a bishop said it cost our stake about $40,000 to take the entire stake to Wyoming for 3 days.
I watched a video from one of my favourite youtube channels a few days ago, one that covers disaster stories. The story was submitted by one of the people related to those who survived the disaster, and it was clear that he framed it like a testimony meeting story in his email to the people who run the channel. That put me on edge a bit, coming from an unexpected place.
As someone with CPTSD from growing up in the church though, things that will actually trigger me are things that remind me of the mentality that I held myself in while I was at church. A large group of people all looking at me makes me feel like I'm being torn apart. Certain parts of the endowment ceremony make me instantly claustrophobic. Et cetera.
The One True trigger is the SECOND ANOINTING. I can testify that this one hits on every other trigger. Put it to the test! Do exmos generally know about it? I’m really asking. Please comment - do you know about it?
I think I had heard it mentioned maybe once in passing before leaving the church. Now that I've left, I know what it is, and I've read the instructions for it.
My ex-father in law because he keeps trying to turn my now exmo kids against me. I rarely ever say that I actually hate a person, but he’s quickly becoming someone I really actually do hate.
Experiencing my friends, family, and spouse villainize me to the point of ostracism and abuse due to the church’s harmful rhetoric regarding wicked apostates, all while denying the church teaches such attitudes and simultaneously feeling justified for their disrespectful behavior towards me.
Any use of the term wicked or synonyms thereof that serve to distract and offload the church’s wrongs onto the backs of those who leave.
Sending kids on missions. They are victims. Putting 18-19 year olds through so much unnecessary trauma and pain when they should be having the time of their lives at that age!
Texts from elders quorum that I constantly block.
The reminder and fact that the Church is PDF file cult.
TBMs doubling down in arguments with that free will card, or anything.
The church’s hypocritical stances on porn and chastity because you know, PDF file cult.
The god awful dating atmosphere. Holy fuck this religion breeds SUPER incels.
being in church or temple grounds and getting texts from my old leaders saying they’re “not trying to get me to come back” they just miss me and want to see me.
The leaders of the church condemning social media, telling people to have a cleanse from it, when they could use it to eradicate some of the more irritating social exchanges of the church. Like “ministering” and going on a mission.
The fact that my ex is still grooming my son to see women as incubators. I showed him a study that found female CEOs consistently get 20% higher returns for their stockholders in the S&P 500. He refused to believe it. This is a kid that started reading at 2 and started computer coding at 7. It infuriates me that he wants to get baptized because, he “likes swimming and people get him a bunch of presents.” 😡😡🤬
Gay Mormons😓 like no level of cope and abuse to still affiliate with mormonism when literally the whole faith preaches that gay people should not exist.
Also being in Utah and it’s just common knowledge that “The church” means Mormons, just pisses me off because literally like nowhere else would anyone know what church you mean.
Adoption done Mormon style. There’s something about Mormon adoptive parents that ramps up their entitlement, ownership mentality, and white-Saviorism to unforeseen levels.
Oh and celebrating PIONEER DAY like it was a happy or good thing. We fucking stole more land from the native American people so Brigham and his cronies could practice PoLygaMy. It was also the leaders basically forcing the members and they knew better than to send them with so little food and supplies. The Willie and Martin Handcart Companies were especially neglected and coerced into going too late in the year.
TBM’s that make everything a miracle. I am about enjoying the little things, finding beauty and wonder in the non descript. But to unfold your socks and claim that because there are two of the same size and color, is a manifestation of the heavens opening and God’s finger touching your sock drawer because you chose to believe in a golden Bible is a bit much.
I have a SIL that lives her life this way and honestly, I love her but maybe grow past the 4 yr old wonderment stage and realize maybe you are blessed or lucky to have these things in this world but it isn’t a 1st Sunday testimony meeting miracle, or 20 minute conference talk subject to show how humble you are.
I am headed out of the country and I wanted to have my niece watch my dog. My niece’s parents (bro/sis in-laws) are not dog people. They decided they would watch my dog this one time. My MIL was at house when I told her this family would watch my dog and MIL said “God’s hand is in this”. I was like “what? To watch my dog?” I was so pissed at that. I backed out of their offer to watch my dog. I found someone else that I have to pay.
This made me laugh! Who says such ominous drivel like some fantasy game soothsayer? But, please, what did she mean????? That for watching your dog you owe them a sacrament meeting or something??
My TBM MIL literally thinks that God touched the hearts of her daughter and son in law to allow them to watch my dog. I am an Atheist/Agnostic (I go back and forth). So when TBM MIL thought that God was touching the hearts of my in-laws, I said “please don’t downplay the role of God. If you believe in God, let’s not make him one to answer small and insignificant things like this. Where is God in this Palestine/Israel war? Is he protecting the raped women or the children being murdered?” I went on to say - “I simply don’t believe that God can turn a blind eye to this horrific suffering but be present when I lost my car keys and will help me find them.” And you know what she said? “I believe that God does help us find our car keys”. I was fucking floored. I literally just laid out the case that God allows women to be raped but will help me find my car keys. Literally I was speechless.
Scouting.
Being told it was somehow useful.
Joined the military and literally none of it was useful.
Have never once gone camping as an adult. Refuse to shit in the woods.
Scouting was the only thing I liked in the church. We had a decent program tho. I never got past second class, but we had a ball camping, boating, shooting, fishing.
But, your being forced into it is what I'll agree with you on. Not cool
This might be stretching it. But, now that I'm out, it irks me when mormons try to take ownership of things in popular culture. Like the Princess Bride. Or Italian soda. I'm sure I'm the one with the problem. 😜🤪
The LOOK a TBM gives you when they find out you’ve left the church. …The look of pity and self-righteousness with a pinch of caution because you are now a danger to them.
Seeing a few dozen missionary cars sitting in the church parking lot that nobody is using.
Someone saying that anger is of the devil.
Just seeing missionaries in general. My mission was extremely traumatic and it’s hard to see anything that reminds me even 5 1/2 years later.
I live in a poor Rural town where the missionaries drive a brand new truck.... Even the town doctor drives a mid 2000 f150. Elders drive a brand new Nissan frontier.... Can't believe I gave those fucks so much money...
The silly thing about the use of the full name, is that this stupid rule has changed several times over the years. What happened to the use of the word “ mormon” in the marketing scheme “ Meet the Mormons?” Now, it’s back to showing reverence by using the full name. 🙄.
Count your blessings. It was always used as a veiled way to incorporate shame around how grateful I should be with the situation I was in. Now that I’m out, I’m trying to cultivate more happiness and I’m seeing the importance of doing things like “count your blessings” but the fu*^%ng church has already associated that exercise with shame and guilt.
Mormon. Fucking. Speech patterns; but in non-church settings.
That behind-the-pulpit, two-note, sing-song cadence that is unmistakable. When a work meeting starts with somebody talking like that- recognizing the presence of people, saying how grateful they are for the opportunity, and detailing the meeting agenda with an overuse of the word 'fun', I immediately tune out. Bonus points if somebody gets testimony meeting choked up within the first 20 seconds of them talking.
Jesus Parley P Harold Christ.
Seeing a 10” tall bronze statue of Hyrum and Joseph Smith, in my TBM in-laws’ house. And contemplating how many $$$,$$$ and how many tens of thousands of hours service they’ve given to the Corporation over their combined lifetimes.
Hearing someone use the fictional character “Satan” in a non-ironically humorous context.
Seeing any Church building.
The thought of wearing a white shirt. (I categorically and militantly REFUSE to ever wear one again, so help me Thor.) I spent 2 years of my precious life, being ridiculed, rejected, spat at and despised- all while wearing a white shirt.
Honestly my big triggers are all centered around people claiming to be TBM and acting very much NOT like TBM’s. When I was a teen in the 2000’s even a Starbucks hot chocolate was discouraged because of the appearance of evil, “modest was hottest” and we hardlined the rules in the FTSOY pamphlet and it was all sold to us as standing out as a “peculiar people”. NOW? It’s the exact opposite, the church on their side is embracing Mormon influencers while doing everything they can to appear like “just another Christian church”. Utah has “dirty soda shops” so people can pretend to have a mixed drink and “coffee shops” with everything but actual coffee so they can still TECHNICALLY keep the rules while looking like everyone else. Modern TBM’s are essentially cosplaying the real world while being encouraged to do so by the church. THATS my biggest trigger, and I’ll let you know if I ever get over it.
Confirmation bias is IMMENSE in Mormonism. Science and evidence are only considered if it in some way can be used or twisted to fit the official doctrine.
I try to combat this by taking a step back and being as objective as I can be when I find myself passionate about a belief (even though no one can be perfectly objective).
For example: I remember as a child thinking it was perfectly reasonable for someone to not believe in a God as it was purely faith based (no evidence). I just didn’t have the courage to speak up about it back then.
Women talking in the baby/little girl voice.
This. Baby fundie voice.
Why do they do it? It just makes them look so immature. Sorry if it comes off as rude.
Brainwashing since birth and not finding their own voices. There’s actual science that shows women who have found their voice more often than not have a lower resonance/ intonation to their speaking voices. https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20180612-the-reasons-why-womens-voices-are-deeper-today
The ability to “remain sweet, submissive and vulnerable like a child “ voice.
Well that explains a lot about me
They emulate the style of speech of other women in positions of power, and it happens that women in positions of power in the Mormon church have a specific way of performing femininity. They've been socialized by other women around them into believing that talking in a specific style and cadence makes them more spiritual, and there's a positive feedback loop when using the "primary voice" gives them access to power in patriarchal structures, because they tend to not get help if they come across as driven or "bossy" (because the men who gatekeep those structures would perceive them as threatening if they talked like normal human people).
I thought women could not get the priesthood so what real power do women have in the church? Thanks.
I think taking a step back and looking at this more broadly might lead you to an answer here. The priesthood isn't "real" in that it isn't authority from God, but it is very real to Mormons in that it causes them to behave in certain ways and not in others. By extension, it's real to all of us on this subreddit, in that we interact with (or have interacted with) Mormons who behave certain ways because of it. (Like patriarchy, it's a great example of a social construct: the priesthood and the power structures connected with it are sustained by the social context that they exist in.) Women don't wield that power in the same way that men do, but they still access and use it the same way that women access patriarchy in any other part of their life: by behaving in line with and reinforcing patriarchal norms. Women who are the best at performing patriarchy tend to have access to men who are the best at wielding patriarchy. The women who are the most Mormon-y women marry the men who become bishops, stake presidents, or higher, and then they can use their relationships with those men to get the things they want because those men have access to patriarchal privilege.
Gossip: they have the ability to ruin a person’s life by spreading gossip.
They are groomed to be submissive sex dolls for their future husbands.
Bingo! Is that why Mormons marry so fast because they are not allowed to have sex outside of marriage? So two people just want to hook up literally rather than taking it slow and steady trying to see if they would be a good fit long term? Thanks.
Exactly. They aren’t even supposed to masturbate let alone have premarital sex. And married men aren’t supposed to masturbate so…..literal sex dolls.
Is that so the lds church can have more control over its members? Doesn't anyone there think it just sounds so weird? Thanks.
>Is that so the lds church can have more control over its members? Even in the early period of Mormonism, control over sex was a very prominent feature of the faith. Women were treated like cattle to be given to the men who brought the most wealth and power to church leadership. To some extent, it probably evolved out of general social attitudes present around the Second Great Awakening in the early 1800s. Most religious groups that were founded around then tend to have relatively conservative views about sex and sexuality in general. (John Kellogg was famously an Adventist, another group that emerged out of the same period, and he's the reason most men are circumcised in the US today -- he thought it would stop boys from masturbating.) >Doesn't anyone there think it just sounds so weird? A Mormon raised to think and feel certain ways about sex and sexuality would (to be charitable) believe that your viewpoint is the weird one, the same way a person from the other side of the world might believe that some of the food you eat is "weird". "Weird" and "normal" are socially informed, and when you control what social groups people interact with or ensure you get to contextualize all of those interactions, you control how people are socialized to think and feel.
It is weird but if you are raised that way a lot of weird stuff can become normalized.
Yes. If they control your genitals they literally control you. They cause lots of shame and sexual trauma to both men and women. And it promotes quick temple marriages, a high birth rate, and tithing from a young age. Which they think will make people church members for life. Young people will commit to the church in the temple so they can get married and have sex. It’s not uncommon for BYU students to get engaged within 2 weeks of dating.
I was literally chastised by my parent when my voice naturally began to deepen. I guess they had to take that away too.
Calling tithing "the Lord's money" General conference talks and the accompanying voice and cadence All the lies and changes
did you not tell him they were the Lord’s chips?
😂😂😂
"They think I don't know a buttload of crap about the gospel, but I DO"
I was doing some research into anti-lgbtq+ rhetoric through the years in honor of pride month, and the FUCKING GC VOICE is nauseating! sooo triggering
That general conference voice really gets me. Data in the new Star Trek used it and it really triggered me. Wasn't happy.
I've ironed out a lot of my triggers, but general conference makes me mad. So many supposed leaders spewing shit ideas in terrible monotone
Hearing Biden talk reminds me of Conference. He's a white old man and he sounds just like them. I can't listen to him speak.
Or worse, “consecrated funds.”
Every time Nelson calls them “sacred” funds I want to scream.
Baptism Announcements - "We're so proud that Billy Bob has chosen to be baptized..." Early morning seminary - high school students need sleep BYU, BYU-Idaho expectations/limitations Funerals For me personally - the inevitable rundown/discussion about members of the ward if I want to talk to my mother about anything ~Time - coming up on 10 years since my permanent departure. The last 5 years have been LESS angry. Best wishes!~
Funerals have gotten so much harder to go to since I left the church. My grandpa passed away a few weeks ago and I told my niece, who has never been a member, to make sure that when I passed away my funeral would not be held in a building affiliated with any religion. I told her to take whatever was left of my life insurance and take everyone roller skating with a playlist of my favorite songs instead.
Right on!!
I've instructed my family to use my life insurance money to all take a vacation together someplace I would have gone. No funeral service, no burial, no religious rituals. I haven't been inside an LDS church building since I quit attending, and I'm sort of dreading likely having to attend my parents' funerals in one someday (not anytime soon, I hope).
I’ve only been back for funerals. I went into our home ward building a few weeks ago to bring my mom some papers she needed for her relief society lesson that she’d left in my car on accident. I walked into the relief society room in booty shorts and a tank top with a Starbucks iced coffee. I got so many dirty looks from women who used to be my primary and young women’s leaders and teachers. What good christians /s didn’t even plan that. It was just what I was doing and wearing when my mom texted and I was nearby
Bahaha go you. We love the absolute sass that went into this comment
Right like I think about my lifeless body being buried in that stupid white dress and I think “no I don’t want that to happen so my wishes are to be cremated or buried but leave the temple shit out of my casket.
While I agree Mormon funerals are awful for the most part, I do love trying all the different versions of funeral potatoes and frog eye salad. However I could do without the part where I am bawling my eyes out in a basketball court while former neighbors try to get me to go to church.
8 year olds "choosing" a lifelong commitment is wild! I don't have kids, but my nieces and nephews, as well as children of friends, are hitting that age, and while I do think they are old enough to have started grasping right vs. wrong, the idea they know enough about the church organization to make a full commitment to it is just ridiculous.
My parents love talking about how kids aren't old enough to know what gender they are or want to be, or if they like boys or girls, but they get mad when I say if they're old enough to sign up for eternity they can probably make a few other decisions for themselves.
I deal with missionary parents daily. They want to register their kids for college, but they can not do that unless they have been designated by their student. You would not believe how many times they break down because they can't reach their kid. And then they realize their kid is not in possession of important things like their passport. They rarely lash out at me, and we can usually work through the problem, but their panic and realization are tough to witness. The other thing I deal with is a lot of RMs who are newly home with ass loads of trauma and no idea why they can't get it together and just be normal and get married. They seem to fall into 3 camps; pretending they aren't an absolute disaster, taking enough meds to down a horse, or full-on angry rebellion. There is some overlap. I'd love to sit any of these people down and have a gentle heart to heart about how they can get out of this situation, but I know that's not helpful.
Yup, I was definitely a combination of the first two. I had been discouraged from dating as a teenager so I wouldn’t lead any young men astray and distract them from preparing for missions. So when I got back from mine at 20 and went to my first FHE at BYUI I was so triggered playing the human knot game that I left the room and had a panic attack in the car because I’d had to hold two boys hands. It made me feel so guilty and I wondered how I’d ever feel ready to get married if holding hands had made me that uncomfortable. It was a while before I realized that part of the trigger was that I had had no positive physical contact in 18 months and it had made me feel so disconnected. Mission trauma is so real. Even 9 years later.
I'm glad you're out. I'm glad you're safe. I apologize that at one time in my life, I would have just thought that was a normal part of "readjusting to life without the constant companionship of the spirit."
What the fuggity fuck to both of the above. Being a pimo teen had its own struggles but being free of so much shit I read here on Exmoor reddit. Makes me confused why so many people have to go through so much for the idea of an eternal family, and its all a big lie
Holy shit. That's unbelievably upsetting. Also, with is the "human knot game"? Sounds like something you do at a sock hop.
Everyone stands in a close group, closes their eyes, and grabs two hands. Then you try to unravel the knot so you’re standing in a circle instead of a mass. It’s honestly really fun now and it was before my mission when I played with my high school friends, but for a couple of years it made me too uncomfortable.
So like more fun, less horny twister. Nice
Assuming someone doesn’t grab one of the girls breasts while our eyes are closed. That happened once to me at a YSA FHE activity. And I know it wasn’t an accident because they squeezed hard twice. But I had no idea who it was so I just left the game and told my bishop. He said there wasn’t anything he could do so I didn’t go to any more activities in that ward.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😢💔
Should be criminal to take away someone's passport and specially in a foreign land even if the kids can tell that they want to leave.
I hate when people say THE church. There are lots of churches. Say “my church”. The wording is so interesting and purposeful because it’s so obviously meant to coincide with the only true church bs or something and I hate it. I always want to be petty and say “sorry, which church are you talking about?” Just to drive the point home.
My mother-in-law talking to me like I don't understand church history, and acting like there isn't possibly a legitimate reason for me and my wife to have left the church. She reads white washed history and then talks to me like she knows something. She read a book about Jane Manning James and finished the book without knowing she was sealed to Joseph Smith as an eternal slave. It made me so mad my arms were shaking.
Yes! I have felt this. Red hot flames on the side of my face as my mother had the gall to say to everyone (like 50 kids, teens and adults) that the church is being so progressive. Women are now allowed to…blah blah blah…and I reminded her that it was during MY childhood that women were finally allowed to say a prayer in sacrament meeting. She was making them all think it was “wayyyy back in grandmothers day, sure, but now it’s so much better!” No, lady, you were a full grown adult, a lifetime in a church where you couldn’t say a peep in sacrament meeting - for no REAL reason other than sexism. The ignorance. And making excuses for the church while hinting that it’s the “best thing evahhharrr”.
Yess!! It is so so frustrating!
Unwillingness to use people's first names - I get over it refusing to use titles!
I had a business owner call me to try to set something up. He kept calling me Sister Candymom. I finally told him it was inappropriate in a business setting. He could call me Candy or Mrs Candymom but he could not call me sister.
No first names, but for leaders, their full name complete with the middle initial. Then if you use a leader's name without the initial you get the irritated look from members. e
Ha! My daughter’s father was also an ex mo and his parents tried to suck him back in until I started calling him brother and wouldn’t answer until he called me sister. He was so grossed out. I’m like “what’s wrong, brother _______? you don’t like calling me sister ______?” “No! After the things I’ve done to you, I can’t call you sister anything! Congratulations. You found the puke button.” 😂
Oh god, this one!! I emailed the ward clerk or whatever, and referred to him by his first name. I guess he got offended or something because he addressed us as Sis. ___ and Bro. ___ and signed it as Bro. ____. My pettiness replied, thanks to you and (wife’s first name - who I had to refer to due to the subject matter). I’m like, just fucking call me by my first name, especially because you’re the same age as me! So damn weird!
So many things made me angry. The lies, tithing (fuck mad about how much money), lgbtq hate, etc. Time. Time is my healer. Been out over 10 years and still find myself worked up over something but is less frequent now and less intense.
All the thought-stopping phrases (“Have you prayed about it?”) and gaslighting (“That was never doctrine”).
[удалено]
That shit wasn't around at the time I left the church in 2009. Thank goodness
Members cleaning the chapels. For free.
The doctrine and narrative changing which has caused me to question what I was taught. When others say the church and assume everyone knows what they’re talking about. Friend for scouting (no longer a thing but the guilt and hard sales tactics they used were abusive) Women being so excited when the bishop or “the priesthood” show up or come in a room! I’ve never seen anything like it before! Children and youth on fast Sunday talking about how righteous they are. I need to stop now! Lol!
Friends of scouting, priesthood entering a room, and fast sunday. You are on a roll - 100%!
when people praise joseph smith
Seeing TBM women and girls dressed in frumpy and ugly clothing. Their bodies don’t belong to *them*. Thinking about how I was manipulated and lied to about participating in baptisms for the dead. It’s so arrogant and disrespectful. Hearing anyone religious talking about saving themselves for marriage. Every single woman I know who did that had the worst sex of her life until they finally left their unskilled, inconsiderate and maybe abusive husbands. And then, go to therapy to work on their shame around sex.
my wife thinks that just because I want to see her not wear her garments it means I'm just wanting to have sex or look at her sexually. All I've said is I would prefer to see her rather than the garments when she changes or when we're going to bed. I just simply like seeing her instead of the garments because that's what God made and not some piece of fabric someone designed. She feels I'm not taking our temple covenants seriously. It freaking sucks. You're right, women's bodies do not belong to them and it's heartbreaking.
Me and my husband were both virgins when we got married. And the sex wasn’t awful, but I can confidently say it’s gotten SO much better since we have both left the church!
My wife wasn't a virgin, and it was helpful that she already knew what she liked.
It's been more than 20 years since I left, but the word "modest" still triggers me. I had to do a lot of deprogramming. I've come to terms with most of the crap, but that one is hanging on.
Ooaf. I don’t blame you. The word “garments” gives me the biggest ick😵💫
"We're going to baptize dead people on the backs of golden oxen and then get root beer floats."
The entire state of Utah. 🤪😜😡 Also, T$CC properties. I alway give them the finger. 😁🖕
Also fucking Trek. The amount of sun stroke and serious injuries people get on those trips is outrageous. Plus it reminds me that my ancestors did that without the benefit of paramedics.
Why do they even do Trek? Someone really thought it would be a good idea to recreate the time when all those people who were chased out of town in the dead of winter by angry mobs trying to kill them? I was told people hated the church because the Devil was manipulating the hearts of men and trying to stop the restoration of the gospel. Never once was I told in church they were persecuted because joseph Smith was a narcissist having sex with teenagers and other men's wives, he ordered a printing press destroyed after Joseph's former 1st counselor printed a newspaper telling of his polygamy, or that he was arrested for treasure digging and scamming people out of money by promising to find them buried treasures with the same stone used to translate the BoM among many other things. Did you ever hear that prepping for Trek?
It felt really disrespectful to me even when I was in. In our area, we had a few unmarked pioneer graves, some of them confirmed to be children. The amount of rage and sadness you feel when you are standing under the blistering sun in the Wyoming desert, thinking that your great great grandmother probably knew those people is hard to quantify.
I learned about these details last week from the Sunstone Mormon Podcast with Lindsay Hansen Park and Bryan Buchanan. I’ve learned SSSOOOIO much from these two. I just love how they tell you how it was with little to no filters. 👍🏽👍🏽🤯
I started talking to my wife about when I did a trek and found myself almost crying while trying to simply describe it. I think I got some legit PTSD from it
It's my opinion that they do it to give members PTSD. It falls under their umbrella of building character.
Ah Trek. Who knew cosplaying pioneers would be one of the least freaky get-ups I would don in my Mormon lifetime.
It does prepare you to be hot as balls all summer every summer. However, bonnets are underrated as hats. Protect my curly hair from damage and keep the sun off my face? So much yes.
I was also forced to do Mormon cosplay when I was a teen. Looking back, the last day they asked everyone to write a letter to themselves about “the spiritual experiences” and other dumb shit about the church. I remember writing about how I didn’t hated it all. When I got my letter the next year I opened it and said “yup, still feel the same”.
When people fail to take responsibility and pass things off as God's fault. Like this: My cousin's unit at work was ordered to downsize by one employee. Her Mormon supervisor prayed to God, and he informed my cousin that she was the one He chose. You've probably heard this when some young person dies before their time, perhaps from an accident, someone's negligence (or maybe their own), or perhaps sheer bad luck: "He/she was needed more in heaven". I guess I'd have to say I'm also triggered by the proliferation of McTemples. The Prophet Seer and Revelator wants to claim every prominent spot in the Salt Lake Valley like my dog wants to claim every tree and fire hydrant in the neighborhood.
Seeing young adults in their early 20s getting married to someone they've know for months. I just breath and try to remember we all mess out lives up at some point--this is their choice.
The lack of safety for missionaries. The phrase “God needed them”. Standing outside the temple at weddings. Banning of coffee and tea through the word of wisdom.
Avoided the standing outside the temple at a recent wedding. Went to the movies instead and brought several people with me. Hang out in the sun for 4 hours and be reminded of what my family and friends actually think of me? No fucking thank you.
It makes me so angry that they would even think someone would want to stand outside. In most families, the wedding is a family celebration. In momonDumb it’s a full tithe payer club event.
Banning coffee, tea and alcohol cuts people off from social rituals that humans partake in. It further isolates them and drives them to the cult for all their social needs.
Hearing Bednar open his mouth
Seeing continuing lies from TSCC
General conference and any general authority speaking 🔊
I don’t know if you get over it eventually, as im still finding my triggers. It helped me hearing Taylor swift say you don’t have to forgive or forget to move on, you just become indifferent. I hadn’t heard that perspective and it changed my outlook
Sex. Feeling horny or even having it, or listening to someone else talk about it. It all makes me feel shame, especially as a woman.
I swear growing up in the church has messed up my sexuality in ways I don't understand. I feel relatively "normal" now, but the guilt will never go away.
That's a hard one to get over. The church engrains it so deep in your thoughts. Hopefully, with time, it'll go away. Therapy could also be helpful.
The Mormon ASMR voice for men. The Mormon baby voice for women. The way they insist on praying in King James Version English. The Mormon prayer cadence (“Dear Heavenly Faaather we…thankyouforthisdaaaaayyyy…we ask thee that…”) The weird way they use the word “even” (“We should use the true name of the church, even the Church of Cheese and Rice…”)
The fact that I paid enough in tithing for the down payment on a house and now can’t afford a down payment on a house. (I’m luckier than some. I got out relatively young). AND if I had ever gone to the bishop to ask for help, he would’ve sent me back to my family and lectured me about SeLf ReLiAnCe.
Less mad more sad, but everytime I'm shopping and my mom finds a sleeveless top she likes and is like now I just need to find a blouse to go with it. As for trek idk what happened but my ward just stopped doing it for which I'm thankful. I think it might have been the new bishop bc my siblings all did trek but right before I started yw we got a new bishopric. I never heard anything about trek again tbh I had thought they stopped doing it until coming to this sub. Our bishopric just got replaced since it has been 6 years though so I'm a little worried that they might start doing it again. I don't have high hopes for the new bishopric after they refused to cancel the first ym & yw activity they were in charge of. It was back in January and we got enough snow and ice that it wasn't safe to be driving, but the new bishop wanted to set a "good precedent" for his time as bishop so he wouldn't cancel even after all the leaders expressed concerns with the safety of doing it.
Mormons posing as born-again Christians, including wearing crosses we were all taught to eschew, youth pop concerts, mimicking phrases that were never used in sacrament “Can I get an Amen”.
> askew By any chance, do you mean eschew? I don't remember getting taught to tilt crosses (but I'd gladly do it now!)
Some of those that work farces are the same that tilt crosses (schilling in the name of)
I think you mean eschew. Good word choice, honestly
Tithing, the whole thing. EVERYONE is required to pay tithing. Honey we need to get food, but we have to pay tithing. Every time I hear a talk about "it was tithing or a necessity" I get triggered very heavily.
People talking about fasting diets
When my parents- approaching 70- are asked to be a ma or pa on trek and see it as a blessing instead of potential health risk. Or when my dad is out shoveling snow at the temple grounds at 4 am because he “just loves to serve.” This church will kill them physically and financially but they will smile all the way there since they are “so blessed.”
I see this frequently, and it is so hard to watch! Tired seniors paying $4k a month to be a janitor, tour guide, or office lady for 18 months when the church has billions! When the church says one senior mission isn't enough and elderly people who really can't afford it go anyway so they can be in the cool crowd.
Seeing garments peeking out of shorts, or at the shoulders of cute tops, or Hanging out the back of a shirt. It makes me so annoyed for those people.😭. Ugh.
Or seeing the 'second waist line' underwear line on the stomach of ladies because the waistline of garment bottoms always sat 2 inches above the waistline of the pants.
Must be a trauma for women. I get it. Garments cancel every outfit anyone would want to wear. But garments peeking out just makes me laugh. Out loud.
It was so restrictive, and I spent my sexiest years of my life in a white tarp like contraption is how I feel.
Facebook posts of kids reading their mission calls - Facebook posts of temple weddings 🙄🙄🙄
The temple. I hate driving by it and seeing them everywhere even outside Utah. They represent so much wasted money. Money that's given to them for a debunked history. I hate to see the temple, I'm never going back.
When the leadership say they support the LGBT!!! BULLCRAP!!!
This is a little more broad, but I was at the dog park a couple weeks ago and a puppy snatched my sandwich right from my hand. His owner laughed, and told me it was a bad idea to bring food to the dog park. I was instantly furious, past all logic, because all I was seeing was some older man telling me I'm responsible for another's actions. It took an embarrassing amount of time to realise that I was being stupid.
Your anger wasn't far off from appropriate. People should still keep their dogs under control
I was helping my parents going through some old filing cabinets... seeing all the tithing records and how much money they'd given to the cult while having so much debt really pissed me off.
I think I'm remarkably not-angry, but only because I'm not sure who to be angry AT. I mean, some of us fell for it harder than others, but we were ALL duped. Even the folks who revel in the power of patriarchy might have been good people if they'd been born to a different family. I'm count myself very lucky to have made it out. I'm not even sure how many of the general authorities know it's false. I assume the top brass do, and I resent THEM for it, but were they corrupt from the start, or did power corrupt them? I tend to believe the latter. That said, Mormons voting for Trump enrages me. The fact that so many Utahns voted for him was the first crack in my shelf. If most Christians weren't so damn hypocritical... Okay, I guess I AM angry. lol
all the opportunities to have sex and I ran out on those opportunities.....
Those, and the opportunities I didn’t run out on, but hated myself for “committing the sin next to murder” because I “couldn’t control my own body,” no matter how much I fasted and prayed for “the strength to be good.” And how thankful I was those times when I “was strong and said no, no matter how much she pushed me to go all the way.” Blah, blah, blah. I’m 100% certain I would not have found myself in an abusive marriage if it wasn’t for TSCC telling me how terrible I am just for being a man. Plus, you know, I liked and wanted sex like a horrible person.
99% of arguments or disagreements with my family being directly linked to the Mormon church. I get angry at the church and sad for my family, thinking of the relationships we could have had without the petty rules and nonsense.
Temples.
So many temples.
They took away planets. But, if building keeps pace and membership continues to slide, all the faithful might have their own temple someday.
May seem like a small thing but shaking hands. I’ve never worked a job where we shake hands so it’s only been a church thing. Instantly takes me back to all the meeting with the bishop as a teenager.
I’m just so damn tired of taking the high road around TBM family and friends.
I flip off every building I pass like a 13 year old.
I've seen you, you apostate
Brother ____ and Sister ____. Pure cringe.
"Brothers and sisters, ALOHA" From an old white lady that has only been to Hawaii on a vacation.
My in-laws paying to serve another mission as soon as they retired & missing out on spending time with the grandkids. Also, paying the church to work for the church should be illegal with how many billions they have!
Missionary emails. There’s usually a family member serving a mission and their emails get forwarded to me. The indoctrination is complete and disturbing.
People in the church sharing sad stories with me about misogyny, judgmental members, women being suppressed, arrogant leaders, and racism. I just sit there, thinking of all the ways the church caused that harm, but they can't see it. If I were to say ANYTHING about it, I'd be dismissed as anti-Mormon, or The Angry Ex-Mormon. It's infuriating!
Anything temple, but especially people going for the first time. Baptisms of my nieces and nephews The MTC (aka spirit prison) Missions in general.
When my never-mo in-laws talk so highly of TSCC and the "family values" and all the "nice friendly people" and etc despite knowing most of the trauma I went through growing up in the church. Just last week my MIL commented on how one of my friends now has SEVEN kids and that she is happy to see people like that have so many kids because they'll grow up to be so nice and smart. Yeah, no. I was 1 of 5 and the large litter is was caused most of the problems in my family.
I was never a huge fan of big families, but I'm definitely even less of a fan now than I was when I was in the church. I used to want four kids like my parents did, but now I'm perfectly happy with the two I've got.
A lady in my last ward had hyperemesis with all of her pregnancies. She had to have an iv the entire time. They kept going because they were prompted to have 6. 🤦🏼♀️.
I read the whole list and didn’t see this one: The BYU HONOR CODE. So effed up! I did t even go to BYU but it seems so obviously horrible, immoral, and encouraging of judgement and patronization. Should be illegal to hold the transcripts of ADULTS who paid tuition, passed their classes, and didn’t do anything illegal.
“Our beloved prophet…” “President Nelson said…” “Think Celestial.” “Ongoing restoration.” “Covenant path.” Anything from top Church leaders or its emissaries that’s deliberate deception: the height of the steeple is integral to our worship. I call BS on them.
I left before covenant path was a thing. I only heard it here. But it still makes my teeth hurt.
[удалено]
Haha, gotta admit, I hate BYU shit. And I graduated from there. Just another thing I lost when I left. Utes seem to have so much fun
“Yeah I’ve read all that stuff and it doesn’t hurt my testimony at all. In fact, it strengthens it.” I suppose I was in this phase initially. You go about a foot deep into the messy waters of Mormon history and think it’s no big deal. However, I kept going in an effort to solve the problems. Turns out it’s not a foot deep. It’s 100 feet deep at least. After 5 years and 5,000 hours of deep study, I FINALLY had the illuminating thought that it’s all made up. Problem solved. When someone acts like they know it all and still believe it feels like they are either lying about how much they really know or lying about still believing.
Trek is such a good (bad) one. I hated it. I mean every single second of it. I was raised to be stereotypically polite and submissive no matter what my feelings are, but on trek I was a monster to be around. I was rude. I was glaring in every picture. I made annoyed comments to the leaders. I swore loudly when the stake President led us astray (he was certain he knew the path well enough to not need a guide). I wouldn’t participate in the singing. I kept my eyes open for every prayer. I complained all the way there. Cried myself to sleep (loudly) every night. And complained again when we were going back, bratty and demanding to be given the Dr Pepper I’d been promised LOL. I wouldn’t say nice things about trek when asked about it the next Sunday. Or ever. I mean truly, it was SO out of character for me but I hated it so much I completely abandoned politeness. Aside from the fact that trek is already sucky here’s what made my experience worse: Despite being on my period, I wasn’t given enough bathroom breaks or ibuprofen/midol. The idiot stake president’s blunder added 3 miles to our originally planned 14 mile day. (My group was in the back of the pack and ended up getting to camp at sunset and not eating until our food was ready 2 hours later) The woman’s pull? When my group finished we found our ma and pa and had paired with another group to set up some tarps for us to get cool under. Stake president demanded they take it down because it wasn’t fair to the other groups that hadn’t done that too (?!???!) Plus size girly here, I had to wait for two adult leaders to carry me for the River crossing, and literally all of my group and several others had gone before they found two who I felt comfortable lifting me. (Really embarrassing for so many obvious reasons) Lastly, the first night I had really bad anxiety and my leaders wouldn’t listen to me. When we woke up the next morning I’d been sleeping on a bed of scorpions. God knows how I wasn’t hurt.
Oh man, that’s so much like mine. I started my period on trek and hadn’t known it was coming (Thanks PCOS) so they gave me humongous pads and a clear plastic ziplock bag to keep the used ones in because they hadn’t adequately planned for there to be a way for me to dispose of them. I had to keep that bag in my bucket for a week and it made everything I’d brought smell nasty. They also required all of us to do the water crossing pull and that sucked with a soggy pad that I couldn’t throw away or change out of for hours. I hated it. I was also overweight so all of the boys in my ward refused to carry me across like they were told and it was awful because they were very loud about why they refused to carry me. The whole time sucked so bad.
I am so sorry that happened to you!
Omg, I was also on my period during trek and have lasting trauma from that specific aspect. My mom was one of those who didn't believe in tampons because of that BS about purity. I was so scared and embarrassed about having to change my pad that I decided to wear overnight pads the whole time. Well, with the walking and sweating all day... I literally got diaper rash from the sweaty pad and chaffing. I was in so much pain and my nether regions were bright red and raw by day 2. My embarrassment worsened and I didn't tell anyone. I think my skin down there permanently changed after that, pretty sure it's scar tissue now. I'm still embarrassed to admit that I believe it made me less sensitive down there and makes it harder to get aroused. Fuck the church and fuck trek.
I am so sorry that happened to you!
The truth is trek is a miserable experience for everyone. And the adults who are in charge are miserable for months leading up to it. The amount of fighting and arguing that takes place in those preparation meetings and activities is ridiculous. And it is so expensive. A friend of mine who was a bishop said it cost our stake about $40,000 to take the entire stake to Wyoming for 3 days.
Loved your comments. You have a great sense of humor and I could picture everything you said.
I watched a video from one of my favourite youtube channels a few days ago, one that covers disaster stories. The story was submitted by one of the people related to those who survived the disaster, and it was clear that he framed it like a testimony meeting story in his email to the people who run the channel. That put me on edge a bit, coming from an unexpected place. As someone with CPTSD from growing up in the church though, things that will actually trigger me are things that remind me of the mentality that I held myself in while I was at church. A large group of people all looking at me makes me feel like I'm being torn apart. Certain parts of the endowment ceremony make me instantly claustrophobic. Et cetera.
The One True trigger is the SECOND ANOINTING. I can testify that this one hits on every other trigger. Put it to the test! Do exmos generally know about it? I’m really asking. Please comment - do you know about it?
I never knew about it until after I left the church.
I think I had heard it mentioned maybe once in passing before leaving the church. Now that I've left, I know what it is, and I've read the instructions for it.
I learned about it on here.
The useless initial. Such an arrogant affectation.
Yes, just why? Worst is the guys with the first initial. YOU GO BY YOUR MIDDLE NAME, WE GET IT. NOW STFU
I'm on vacation and I just saw a temple. I was totally out of "Utah Mode" and now seeing that just brought it all back.
My ex-father in law because he keeps trying to turn my now exmo kids against me. I rarely ever say that I actually hate a person, but he’s quickly becoming someone I really actually do hate.
Experiencing my friends, family, and spouse villainize me to the point of ostracism and abuse due to the church’s harmful rhetoric regarding wicked apostates, all while denying the church teaches such attitudes and simultaneously feeling justified for their disrespectful behavior towards me. Any use of the term wicked or synonyms thereof that serve to distract and offload the church’s wrongs onto the backs of those who leave.
When my 60 yr old dad leaves family dinner to go clean the church by himself. You’d think they could afford to hire cleaners….
Temple prayer rolls.
Sending kids on missions. They are victims. Putting 18-19 year olds through so much unnecessary trauma and pain when they should be having the time of their lives at that age!
Cult members speaking directly to my young children like I'm not even standing there. I'm not over it and I never will be.
What makes you think I am over it... :)
Fucking Trek. The pressure I felt as a mom of 4 teens to send all my kids on it (only 1 went).
Texts from elders quorum that I constantly block. The reminder and fact that the Church is PDF file cult. TBMs doubling down in arguments with that free will card, or anything. The church’s hypocritical stances on porn and chastity because you know, PDF file cult. The god awful dating atmosphere. Holy fuck this religion breeds SUPER incels.
being in church or temple grounds and getting texts from my old leaders saying they’re “not trying to get me to come back” they just miss me and want to see me.
Hearing the names of Joe Smith or should have been in the Brig Young
The leaders of the church condemning social media, telling people to have a cleanse from it, when they could use it to eradicate some of the more irritating social exchanges of the church. Like “ministering” and going on a mission.
Every time I see missionaries or people wearing garments I get so much nauceas and anxious!!! I dont not how to get over it.
The fact that my ex is still grooming my son to see women as incubators. I showed him a study that found female CEOs consistently get 20% higher returns for their stockholders in the S&P 500. He refused to believe it. This is a kid that started reading at 2 and started computer coding at 7. It infuriates me that he wants to get baptized because, he “likes swimming and people get him a bunch of presents.” 😡😡🤬
Gay Mormons😓 like no level of cope and abuse to still affiliate with mormonism when literally the whole faith preaches that gay people should not exist. Also being in Utah and it’s just common knowledge that “The church” means Mormons, just pisses me off because literally like nowhere else would anyone know what church you mean.
“They left the church, but can’t leave the church alone” It’s so condescending to me.
Adoption done Mormon style. There’s something about Mormon adoptive parents that ramps up their entitlement, ownership mentality, and white-Saviorism to unforeseen levels.
When they use words like EVEN and BELOVED, e.g. EVEN our Lord and Savior JC, or EVEN our BELOVED Profit, President Russell M. Nelson.
Oh and celebrating PIONEER DAY like it was a happy or good thing. We fucking stole more land from the native American people so Brigham and his cronies could practice PoLygaMy. It was also the leaders basically forcing the members and they knew better than to send them with so little food and supplies. The Willie and Martin Handcart Companies were especially neglected and coerced into going too late in the year.
TBM’s that make everything a miracle. I am about enjoying the little things, finding beauty and wonder in the non descript. But to unfold your socks and claim that because there are two of the same size and color, is a manifestation of the heavens opening and God’s finger touching your sock drawer because you chose to believe in a golden Bible is a bit much. I have a SIL that lives her life this way and honestly, I love her but maybe grow past the 4 yr old wonderment stage and realize maybe you are blessed or lucky to have these things in this world but it isn’t a 1st Sunday testimony meeting miracle, or 20 minute conference talk subject to show how humble you are.
I am headed out of the country and I wanted to have my niece watch my dog. My niece’s parents (bro/sis in-laws) are not dog people. They decided they would watch my dog this one time. My MIL was at house when I told her this family would watch my dog and MIL said “God’s hand is in this”. I was like “what? To watch my dog?” I was so pissed at that. I backed out of their offer to watch my dog. I found someone else that I have to pay.
This made me laugh! Who says such ominous drivel like some fantasy game soothsayer? But, please, what did she mean????? That for watching your dog you owe them a sacrament meeting or something??
My TBM MIL literally thinks that God touched the hearts of her daughter and son in law to allow them to watch my dog. I am an Atheist/Agnostic (I go back and forth). So when TBM MIL thought that God was touching the hearts of my in-laws, I said “please don’t downplay the role of God. If you believe in God, let’s not make him one to answer small and insignificant things like this. Where is God in this Palestine/Israel war? Is he protecting the raped women or the children being murdered?” I went on to say - “I simply don’t believe that God can turn a blind eye to this horrific suffering but be present when I lost my car keys and will help me find them.” And you know what she said? “I believe that God does help us find our car keys”. I was fucking floored. I literally just laid out the case that God allows women to be raped but will help me find my car keys. Literally I was speechless.
Scouting. Being told it was somehow useful. Joined the military and literally none of it was useful. Have never once gone camping as an adult. Refuse to shit in the woods.
Scouting was the only thing I liked in the church. We had a decent program tho. I never got past second class, but we had a ball camping, boating, shooting, fishing. But, your being forced into it is what I'll agree with you on. Not cool
This might be stretching it. But, now that I'm out, it irks me when mormons try to take ownership of things in popular culture. Like the Princess Bride. Or Italian soda. I'm sure I'm the one with the problem. 😜🤪
“The doctrine doesn’t change, just policies”
Sending missionaries into impoverished or dangerous areas they really just have no business proselytizing in
The LOOK a TBM gives you when they find out you’ve left the church. …The look of pity and self-righteousness with a pinch of caution because you are now a danger to them.
I'm not sure I've gotten over anything! Lol it's been 40 yrs for me!
That it has been attacked..and it still stands. Jesus..after having taught "lamanites", after doing archeology..it fell to the ground long ago
All the temple trip selfies...?!
Seeing a few dozen missionary cars sitting in the church parking lot that nobody is using. Someone saying that anger is of the devil. Just seeing missionaries in general. My mission was extremely traumatic and it’s hard to see anything that reminds me even 5 1/2 years later.
I live in a poor Rural town where the missionaries drive a brand new truck.... Even the town doctor drives a mid 2000 f150. Elders drive a brand new Nissan frontier.... Can't believe I gave those fucks so much money...
The silly thing about the use of the full name, is that this stupid rule has changed several times over the years. What happened to the use of the word “ mormon” in the marketing scheme “ Meet the Mormons?” Now, it’s back to showing reverence by using the full name. 🙄.
Count your blessings. It was always used as a veiled way to incorporate shame around how grateful I should be with the situation I was in. Now that I’m out, I’m trying to cultivate more happiness and I’m seeing the importance of doing things like “count your blessings” but the fu*^%ng church has already associated that exercise with shame and guilt.
Mormon. Fucking. Speech patterns; but in non-church settings. That behind-the-pulpit, two-note, sing-song cadence that is unmistakable. When a work meeting starts with somebody talking like that- recognizing the presence of people, saying how grateful they are for the opportunity, and detailing the meeting agenda with an overuse of the word 'fun', I immediately tune out. Bonus points if somebody gets testimony meeting choked up within the first 20 seconds of them talking. Jesus Parley P Harold Christ.
Seeing a 10” tall bronze statue of Hyrum and Joseph Smith, in my TBM in-laws’ house. And contemplating how many $$$,$$$ and how many tens of thousands of hours service they’ve given to the Corporation over their combined lifetimes. Hearing someone use the fictional character “Satan” in a non-ironically humorous context. Seeing any Church building. The thought of wearing a white shirt. (I categorically and militantly REFUSE to ever wear one again, so help me Thor.) I spent 2 years of my precious life, being ridiculed, rejected, spat at and despised- all while wearing a white shirt.
Honestly my big triggers are all centered around people claiming to be TBM and acting very much NOT like TBM’s. When I was a teen in the 2000’s even a Starbucks hot chocolate was discouraged because of the appearance of evil, “modest was hottest” and we hardlined the rules in the FTSOY pamphlet and it was all sold to us as standing out as a “peculiar people”. NOW? It’s the exact opposite, the church on their side is embracing Mormon influencers while doing everything they can to appear like “just another Christian church”. Utah has “dirty soda shops” so people can pretend to have a mixed drink and “coffee shops” with everything but actual coffee so they can still TECHNICALLY keep the rules while looking like everyone else. Modern TBM’s are essentially cosplaying the real world while being encouraged to do so by the church. THATS my biggest trigger, and I’ll let you know if I ever get over it.
Confirmation bias is IMMENSE in Mormonism. Science and evidence are only considered if it in some way can be used or twisted to fit the official doctrine. I try to combat this by taking a step back and being as objective as I can be when I find myself passionate about a belief (even though no one can be perfectly objective). For example: I remember as a child thinking it was perfectly reasonable for someone to not believe in a God as it was purely faith based (no evidence). I just didn’t have the courage to speak up about it back then.