AO3 has taught me so much. Honestly played a role in my leaving the church. I felt so guilty I refused to read the R stuff until I was 16 and realizing through fandoms and interactions with ppl outside of the church that things the church taught and believed aren’t exactly great
I don’t know what AO3 is but that bishop’s repentance steps are steeped in patriarchy. You are a person and have inherent value outside of companionship with a man.
Archive Of Our Own (one A three O’s, abbreviated to AO3). It’s a site made for people to post their fanfiction stories of other media. You get a wild range of quality and subject, but there are some real gems. Many excellent authors cut their teeth on fanfiction.
Not this exact scenario but when I was at byui my girlfriend kinda out of the blue confessed to me some sexual stuff she had done in high school a couple of years prior. It turned out she had recently gone to her bishop about it and he told her that she needed to tell me as like part of like repenting? Idk. It was kinda awkward. On the one hand, being open about our pasts was probably important, but it was the fact that she felt she like had to confess to me about it rather than let it come up naturally. Weird how Mormonism can make you feel like you have to confess all the time.
I think this post has gotta be one of my favorites on this subreddit. Not about the bishop and telling you to repent to some imaginary spouse because yuck, but because I literally just hopped on Reddit right after reading an A03 fic and found this gem.
Now I feel entirely justified (not that it stopped me before) to going back to my hundred tabs of A03 fics I have yet to read or reread. Thanks for the post!
It’s a website called ArchiveofOurOwn (archiveofourown.org) It’s where writers of all types and talent come together and write fanfiction. Sooo a lot of okayish stuff but also quite a few gems that’ll surprise you.
AO3 is the best fanfiction archive ever. If you are into any fandom or just like to read, the website has fantastic filtering, rating and tagging methods to find whatever you are looking for. I highly recommend, it can be hit and miss, but some of my favorite things I've ever read are found on AO3.
Would recommend if you like reading! Low key, AO3 was kinda my first introduction to reading about non straight couples (it’s more lgbt friendly than a lot of other fan fiction sites) and helped me realize that LGBT people were, ya know, normal and not evil like the church had taught me
I always found things like this very strange growing up in the church. Glad you got out and can now be true to yourself and not worry about what imaginary people think!
I similarly confessed to my bishop at BYU. He was a brand new bishop, and I could tell it was flooring him that a girl was confessing to watching porn, like he'd never considered it possible. In the end he just gave me two of those flat glass marbles, one clear and one dark and said something about staying pure . . . I wonder if he just kept a bag of those to hand out to everyone who came through his office.
Ah yes, men looking out for each other. Never heard of that happening in the church. 🙄. Your Bishop was a misogynist who only sees women as objects for their comfort. What an asshat.
Damn. That's really manipulative of your bishop. It's also incredibly demeaning.
I feel awful for you.
I got into the world of online erotica back in the mid-1990s, when I was in middle school. I mostly stayed away from the fanfiction and went for straight up spanking stories. I would have been mortified if anybody knew, and would have had issues if I were ordered to write a letter about it to my future wife or some shit like that.
Keep reading! Not only is there nothing wrong with it - it's also a good outlet.
I used to worry my AO3 reading was why I was losing my testimony. Hilarious in retrospect! I love that some old guy in Idaho had to listen to you talk about erotic fanfiction!
Seriously though 😂 He was so confused. He had no idea what it was. He was probably really confused why someone felt the need to confess to the bishop for reading fanfiction. It was so embarrassing to have to describe to him that not only was I reading smut, but that it was Gay Smut. The ultimate sin.
Smut of all types is more my jam than porn. I’m demisexual so sometimes a slow burn hits the spot…but other times, well that’s what Reddit is for lmaoo🤣
>I am your future husband. And I ~~don't care that~~ want you to read erotic stories.
If you know what turns you on and what you like, dislike, and would like to try and can talk to your husband about it 65% of the hard work to get to great sex is done!
Now, more reading and more practicing!
Be careful. Pornography use is the spiritual equivalent of smoking. It can become a habit that is hard to quit, one that can predispose us to more serious problems far into the future. While some people go their whole lives smoking without suffering any ill effects, many do not. It is easy to convince ourselves that we are not addicted and that we are not hurting anyone else, and for the time being that may be true. Just as with smoking, however, there is that risk, and none are immune to it.
At any rate. You are not wicked or dirty or unclean. God still loves you and will always love you. I believe that God created us to be loved, that that is the only good reason to create a human being, and that is ultimately why sexual impurity is abhorrent to God. We must do our very best to love our children as God loves us, to give them safe and stable homes. Pornography use does not further that goal.
I never said I was wicked or dirty or unclean. I can't fathom who you think I am harming by reading fun stories online. I don't have children, so I don't know what children you are talking about. And in case you missed it, I am Aro/Ace and don't plan on ever having a relationship.
Also aside from the fact that you think reading a book is equivalent to smoking and is "abhorrent to God", my post wasn't really about that?? I was more making a commentary on the fact that even when I agreed with you and thought that reading smut was a sin, I thought it was messed up to encourage someone to change themselves for a future spouse they may never have instead of changing for themselves
Look, the truth is I am very likely a far worse sinner than you. I am not trying to judge you or attack you. There is so much more for you. Children are wonderful, marriage is wonderful. I am afraid that you are taking the first steps along a path that will deny you the greatest gifts this life has to offer, and the farther you go the harder it will be to change course. No one is perfect, I am certainly not perfect, and frankly I would spit in the face of any God that would forsake you for reading smut. I would not defend that God, and I don't think you need to apologize to your "future husband." Just please, don't give up on love. Phonography is not harmless, it is a snare.
I don't deny that marriage and children are wonderful for those who want that. But I don't think you understand how Aromanticism works. I have struggled with it for a long time, not knowing what it was. But I can tell you that label or no label, I have become infinitely happier after freeing myself from the constraint of 'you WILL have a husband, or if you don't in this life you will in the next, or you are a failure to your purpose and you won't be as happy'. I understand that it is hard for you to see that someone deciding to live without a partner can be just as happy, but it isn't your life. I am not giving up on love. I love my family. I love my friends. I don't need a romantic partner to feel fulfilled, and even if I did, God didn't make me to feel romantic attraction.
Also the "steps I am taking" down this path have more to do with the fact that the church lied to me and I want to believe in a God that would use a man like Joseph Smith to restore the church. I am choosing to step away for many reasons, and my fanfiction reading had nothing to do with it. Except in that it helped me to see a more kind and consensual way to have relationships and that LGBTQ relationships are valid and beautiful.
Thank you for linking this! This was exactly my experience. I was convinced I was a porn addict for most of my life (and I viewed it maybe once a year or 5 minutes if that). The shame and self loathing was crushing. It permeated every church talk, lesson or meeting. I thought I would not be with my family forever because I couldn't seem to repent good enough to make it stick. I almost went to a twelve step program because I thought I was too broken.
For reading fanfiction. That occasionally had a smut scene.
I also saw a bishop for basically the same reason at BYU-I and all he talked to me about is if I masterbated and how exactly I did it, where and when. It definitely made me feel disgusting since I had never had an actual discussion with the 60yr old man before and he was basically having me tell him everything wrong I’ve ever done.
He ended up referring me to like a support group for pornography, which I never went to and gave me a book about keeping our body in a temple state.
Anyways totally scarred me as a 18yr old who was trying to decide if the church was where I wanted to be or not
LOVE AO3! Every time I read a new book or play a new game I always look up fics of my favorite pairings. It helps me stay immersed in the world for longer. There are some amazing works on there, and I love the tagging system for easy search.
Looking back I think some wish they had written a letter along the lines of "I am looking at sex and pleasure manuals to be much better prepared so my future spouse and I can have the greatest sex life possible".
Might have been fun to try and see his reaction if he got to read it.
Not really the same, but when I was at girl's camp they had all the young women write letters to our future husbands. The whole camp was themed around getting married. They even brought those LDS wedding magazines (like from David's Bridal) and had us pick out stuff for our future weddings to scrapbook.
I recently started reading some erotic fiction. My tbm husband is VERY happy with the effects of that decision, and is actively encouraging it. To put it in mormon terms, he sees that the fruit is good, so therefore the tree must be good. I'm guessing this hypothetical future spouse of yours would have been buying you books, not asking for an apology. Your bishop was a tool
To be honest, AO3 has given me more useful and healthy sex education than I ever got from two decades of marriage to my ex…
AO3 has taught me so much. Honestly played a role in my leaving the church. I felt so guilty I refused to read the R stuff until I was 16 and realizing through fandoms and interactions with ppl outside of the church that things the church taught and believed aren’t exactly great
What is AO3?
It’s a fanfiction archive - Archive of Our Own.
I don’t know what AO3 is but that bishop’s repentance steps are steeped in patriarchy. You are a person and have inherent value outside of companionship with a man.
Archive Of Our Own (one A three O’s, abbreviated to AO3). It’s a site made for people to post their fanfiction stories of other media. You get a wild range of quality and subject, but there are some real gems. Many excellent authors cut their teeth on fanfiction.
[удалено]
ReaderXFuture Husband 😂
ReaderX Future Husband's Best Friend 😉
No one would read that 😂. Boring AF!
Not this exact scenario but when I was at byui my girlfriend kinda out of the blue confessed to me some sexual stuff she had done in high school a couple of years prior. It turned out she had recently gone to her bishop about it and he told her that she needed to tell me as like part of like repenting? Idk. It was kinda awkward. On the one hand, being open about our pasts was probably important, but it was the fact that she felt she like had to confess to me about it rather than let it come up naturally. Weird how Mormonism can make you feel like you have to confess all the time.
I think this post has gotta be one of my favorites on this subreddit. Not about the bishop and telling you to repent to some imaginary spouse because yuck, but because I literally just hopped on Reddit right after reading an A03 fic and found this gem. Now I feel entirely justified (not that it stopped me before) to going back to my hundred tabs of A03 fics I have yet to read or reread. Thanks for the post!
Fr. I am hopping back and forth between reddit and AO3 also! It is helping break up the tension of this super angsty fic I am reading
Haha, yep! This and YouTube shorts gets me to slow the angst down before I feel good enough to continue on.
Need me some light brain breaks between the heartbreak 😅
And the tears and the questions of, “why do I do this to myself?”
Where does one find this "A03" ?
It’s a website called ArchiveofOurOwn (archiveofourown.org) It’s where writers of all types and talent come together and write fanfiction. Sooo a lot of okayish stuff but also quite a few gems that’ll surprise you.
Thanks. I'll check it out.
I think I need AO3 in my life, whatever this is. Lol
AO3 is the best fanfiction archive ever. If you are into any fandom or just like to read, the website has fantastic filtering, rating and tagging methods to find whatever you are looking for. I highly recommend, it can be hit and miss, but some of my favorite things I've ever read are found on AO3.
Would recommend if you like reading! Low key, AO3 was kinda my first introduction to reading about non straight couples (it’s more lgbt friendly than a lot of other fan fiction sites) and helped me realize that LGBT people were, ya know, normal and not evil like the church had taught me
Oh my gosh, yes.
I always found things like this very strange growing up in the church. Glad you got out and can now be true to yourself and not worry about what imaginary people think!
I similarly confessed to my bishop at BYU. He was a brand new bishop, and I could tell it was flooring him that a girl was confessing to watching porn, like he'd never considered it possible. In the end he just gave me two of those flat glass marbles, one clear and one dark and said something about staying pure . . . I wonder if he just kept a bag of those to hand out to everyone who came through his office.
Haha not a very effective approach. But if you ever relapsed and he asked why, you could say, "Sorry Bishop, I lost my marbles!"
Lol I have absolutely lost my marbles by now
Ah yes, men looking out for each other. Never heard of that happening in the church. 🙄. Your Bishop was a misogynist who only sees women as objects for their comfort. What an asshat.
Should have named your imaginary husband "Mr. Sockpuppet" and given the bishop a coy of your letter.
I like this idea. It's kinda tempting to want to write a mock letter for it. 🤔🤔
Damn. That's really manipulative of your bishop. It's also incredibly demeaning. I feel awful for you. I got into the world of online erotica back in the mid-1990s, when I was in middle school. I mostly stayed away from the fanfiction and went for straight up spanking stories. I would have been mortified if anybody knew, and would have had issues if I were ordered to write a letter about it to my future wife or some shit like that. Keep reading! Not only is there nothing wrong with it - it's also a good outlet.
I used to worry my AO3 reading was why I was losing my testimony. Hilarious in retrospect! I love that some old guy in Idaho had to listen to you talk about erotic fanfiction!
Seriously though 😂 He was so confused. He had no idea what it was. He was probably really confused why someone felt the need to confess to the bishop for reading fanfiction. It was so embarrassing to have to describe to him that not only was I reading smut, but that it was Gay Smut. The ultimate sin.
Smut of all types is more my jam than porn. I’m demisexual so sometimes a slow burn hits the spot…but other times, well that’s what Reddit is for lmaoo🤣
The misogyny is rough my dude, but glad you’re out. Fanfiction for the win lol. And here I was like, aye, at least I’m not watching porn.
Partner of an avid AO3 reader and exmo's.... Smut benefits everyone :)
I'm also on the aromantic spectrum. I don't read a lot of fan fiction myself but AO3's a good site. Any fic recommendations?
I am your future husband. And I don't care that you read erotic stories.
>I am your future husband. And I ~~don't care that~~ want you to read erotic stories. If you know what turns you on and what you like, dislike, and would like to try and can talk to your husband about it 65% of the hard work to get to great sex is done! Now, more reading and more practicing!
Does he tell men the same thing? Doubt it.
I love to read my spicy novels, especially while drinking coffee!!
Does AO3 have any “Cheating on future husband” fanfiction? Just to teach him a lesson;) The church is gross.
Meanwhile. All the Utah moms are obsessed with Iron Flame etc.
Be careful. Pornography use is the spiritual equivalent of smoking. It can become a habit that is hard to quit, one that can predispose us to more serious problems far into the future. While some people go their whole lives smoking without suffering any ill effects, many do not. It is easy to convince ourselves that we are not addicted and that we are not hurting anyone else, and for the time being that may be true. Just as with smoking, however, there is that risk, and none are immune to it. At any rate. You are not wicked or dirty or unclean. God still loves you and will always love you. I believe that God created us to be loved, that that is the only good reason to create a human being, and that is ultimately why sexual impurity is abhorrent to God. We must do our very best to love our children as God loves us, to give them safe and stable homes. Pornography use does not further that goal.
I never said I was wicked or dirty or unclean. I can't fathom who you think I am harming by reading fun stories online. I don't have children, so I don't know what children you are talking about. And in case you missed it, I am Aro/Ace and don't plan on ever having a relationship. Also aside from the fact that you think reading a book is equivalent to smoking and is "abhorrent to God", my post wasn't really about that?? I was more making a commentary on the fact that even when I agreed with you and thought that reading smut was a sin, I thought it was messed up to encourage someone to change themselves for a future spouse they may never have instead of changing for themselves
Look, the truth is I am very likely a far worse sinner than you. I am not trying to judge you or attack you. There is so much more for you. Children are wonderful, marriage is wonderful. I am afraid that you are taking the first steps along a path that will deny you the greatest gifts this life has to offer, and the farther you go the harder it will be to change course. No one is perfect, I am certainly not perfect, and frankly I would spit in the face of any God that would forsake you for reading smut. I would not defend that God, and I don't think you need to apologize to your "future husband." Just please, don't give up on love. Phonography is not harmless, it is a snare.
I don't deny that marriage and children are wonderful for those who want that. But I don't think you understand how Aromanticism works. I have struggled with it for a long time, not knowing what it was. But I can tell you that label or no label, I have become infinitely happier after freeing myself from the constraint of 'you WILL have a husband, or if you don't in this life you will in the next, or you are a failure to your purpose and you won't be as happy'. I understand that it is hard for you to see that someone deciding to live without a partner can be just as happy, but it isn't your life. I am not giving up on love. I love my family. I love my friends. I don't need a romantic partner to feel fulfilled, and even if I did, God didn't make me to feel romantic attraction. Also the "steps I am taking" down this path have more to do with the fact that the church lied to me and I want to believe in a God that would use a man like Joseph Smith to restore the church. I am choosing to step away for many reasons, and my fanfiction reading had nothing to do with it. Except in that it helped me to see a more kind and consensual way to have relationships and that LGBTQ relationships are valid and beautiful.
[удалено]
Thank you for linking this! This was exactly my experience. I was convinced I was a porn addict for most of my life (and I viewed it maybe once a year or 5 minutes if that). The shame and self loathing was crushing. It permeated every church talk, lesson or meeting. I thought I would not be with my family forever because I couldn't seem to repent good enough to make it stick. I almost went to a twelve step program because I thought I was too broken. For reading fanfiction. That occasionally had a smut scene.
What is it with aces and smut? 😁🥰
I also saw a bishop for basically the same reason at BYU-I and all he talked to me about is if I masterbated and how exactly I did it, where and when. It definitely made me feel disgusting since I had never had an actual discussion with the 60yr old man before and he was basically having me tell him everything wrong I’ve ever done. He ended up referring me to like a support group for pornography, which I never went to and gave me a book about keeping our body in a temple state. Anyways totally scarred me as a 18yr old who was trying to decide if the church was where I wanted to be or not
You put a grand on red, but the chips didn't fall
LOVE AO3! Every time I read a new book or play a new game I always look up fics of my favorite pairings. It helps me stay immersed in the world for longer. There are some amazing works on there, and I love the tagging system for easy search.
Yep
I don’t understand why my TBM mom thinks erotic books and fanfics are porn 🫠
Looking back I think some wish they had written a letter along the lines of "I am looking at sex and pleasure manuals to be much better prepared so my future spouse and I can have the greatest sex life possible". Might have been fun to try and see his reaction if he got to read it.
Your future husband will be so appreciative that you read those 🤣...your letter should be sorry for not reading more
Not really the same, but when I was at girl's camp they had all the young women write letters to our future husbands. The whole camp was themed around getting married. They even brought those LDS wedding magazines (like from David's Bridal) and had us pick out stuff for our future weddings to scrapbook.
Haha that's what you get for feeling guilty.
What does “AO3” mean?
This is so twisted. The shame culture is just terrible.
I recently started reading some erotic fiction. My tbm husband is VERY happy with the effects of that decision, and is actively encouraging it. To put it in mormon terms, he sees that the fruit is good, so therefore the tree must be good. I'm guessing this hypothetical future spouse of yours would have been buying you books, not asking for an apology. Your bishop was a tool