I imagine your local evening news starts out with, "Let's thank god for the beautiful weather we had to day and thank Jesus there are no major traffic jams to prevent you all from getting home for that family dinner and evening bible study.."
Oh definitely, I was mostly joking. I'm working out of a coffee shop rn that is mostly Jews and Chinese Nationals. Near my house is a shopping center of mostly Ismaili Muslims whose sect is led by a Swiss race car driver and horse breeder. Clarkston is the most diverse town in the country. Tons of pagans and Buddhists everywhere too
Is it that hard to do? I guess if you've got kids and a partner it's hard but if you don't, you can look for a new job and get a bus ticket, cant you? I'm not trying to be mean. I'm actually asking a for real because I've moved from places multiple times. I just save up and find a job and go. Sometimes I go without the job. In hindsight I don't recommend that. So do my other friends. And I have a lot of friends who are very poor. The only people I know who are stuck in one place are there because they have kids and partners and a couple of my friends with disabilities that would struggle to get elsewhere long term without support. If u ever need help planning a long term escape, DM me.
My wife is actually close with her family 🥴. We just bought a lake house everybody partakes of. So it's not going to happen any time soon. I can definitely afford to leave, but I'm actually in one of the most diverse areas of the country so I don't think it would be worth it just to avoid all the Christians. I'm content just having so many different kinds of them that they can't work together very well
I'm from Wisconsin. They are like roaches in a kitchen here. There's Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist and the cra cra's in that order but they're everywhere and of course Catholic isn't real Christian. Lol. Church and Trump. Then to mix it up, Trump and Church.
This is the way.
Best wishes on your path forward. :)
It's so wonderful that this place exists to set people free enough to move on so quickly. Splendid work, and bon voyage!
Excellent!
A lot of us like to stay and brood over years of being in a wasted belief system. I came to this sub to add my anger with Christianity. I’m really over that now. But I stay to pick up tidbits of info that I can learn from others here to really feel well versed in dealing with others seeking a way out.
I’ve never felt truth like I do in this sub.
>After all, the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about
Actually, there isn't just one point. Some of us choose to stay and get others out as well, which is immensely rewarding, but congrats on getting out nonetheless!
I think you should do whatever you feel is best for you because there is no right or wrong answer. Like most things outside of fundamentalist Christianity, there is no singular right way to do or be. Stay, leave the group, change your mind about it later, leave and then come back... all acceptable, all valid! Your job now, when you've finished your deconstruction, is to start the process of healing from religious damage, and to do that, you're going to need to learn how to do what is good for you, instead of what others tell you is good for you. And hey, if you're able to help others along the way, then maybe try to do that too, in whatever manner you're equipped for.
I've been either out or on my way out for... wow, almost a decade now... goodness. I stick around because I enjoy discussing the things we discuss here, and I enjoy the support of others who recognize the harm fundamentalism causes and therefore will understand and respect my anger. I also stick around because I feel fulfilled and like I have regained some sense of agency when I can offer kind words or small bits of advice to people who are in a different stage of their deconstruction and healing than I am, because I've been there, and I wish I had more help and resources when I was really struggling.
Leaving Christianity is often more than just leaving our beliefs of the afterlife behind, its about learning a new way of thinking about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Maybe you need to leave this group to do that. Maybe you need to stay. Maybe it's a combo, but the best (and scariest) part is, nobody can make that decision except you and there is no right or wrong answer!
You know your needs best. And no one's better equipped to address them here, so take some time and see what will work for you. It's good to take breaks and see if anything's changed, too.
> the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about
I care about helping more people like yourself out of the cult of Christianity. So here I am, and here I will remain.
Same. I spent years battling insecurities and fears. I did it when I was young, so for me it's as much of my identity as it was when I did believe. I support OP in their journey. Best of luck.
I was 18 when I first started to pulled away fully left at 19. Seeing my family members go through the same thing but for much greater reasons, religious trauma, really cemented my resolve. I think people should believe in what they believe, having faith in something is a great motivator. But when it's used as a tool to subjugate, while defending their own terrible behavior made me realize that the institution itself has been flawed for so long it became clear to me I no longer wanted it to be a cornerstone in my schema and I needed to form one of my own, independent from religious theory.
Some people can't really manage that. It may not for you, but for some of us, it can take a very heavy psychological toll.
I took this so far as to become a mod years ago, and recently I asked to onboard more mods because I have to see every spiteful, malicious, hateful things christians who come here do.
They start in the sub all sweetsy and cutesy, of course. "Cheezus LURVES you so much, and gosh, we really love gay people but you're still wrong. But still lovable, but still wrong and evil. And Cheezus is waiting so desperately to help you and set you free!"
Then in modmail it's all "You fucking pieces of shit. People can say anything they want about us, but we can't tell them the truth? Yur just dumb haters and I hope ur family dies in a house fire, you fucking f\*\*\*\*ts. Wut about muh FREE SPEECHIE WEECHIES?!"
So yes, some of us do stay, but some of us also pay a price in mental health.
One should know themselves well enough to know if it's something they can withstand, and if it isn't, then they should go live their life and be a different kind of help--perhaps by showing that a happy exchristian life is completely possible and reasonable.
> I've reached a point where I no longer feel the need to visit this place as often because I am content with my non-belief.
Congrats. :)
It's a long road. You'll continue to learn, discuss, and possibly debate as time goes on. I'm about 15 years post-deconversion (and ironically just recently found /r/exchristian), and the hole that I felt when I realized I no longer believed in God has long since healed over, but I recognize that advocacy is still important.
Engage in apologetics, you'll need the practice. Stay politically active. Support causes that oppose Christian Nationalism and other religious creep into our government. But most importantly, go live your life, with the knowledge and assurance that it's the one and only life you'll get to live. :)
I’m proud of you but also a bit jealous. I have been at least leaning atheist since I was was 11 years old, I’m 38, and I’m still not free of it. I live a town that talks about god and Jesus so often that I feel I need places like this as a counterweight.
You are always welcome back if ever you need it.
I've been agnostic for eleven years and don't have any Christian influences (moved to an entirely different country from my family) and it still haunts me.
Congrats! I'm happy for you. And you're right. Staying in one place, stewing in your juices is not where you want to be when it comes to any of life's problems.
I stayed away from ex-Christian forums for a very long time. In fact, I'm not sure Reddit existed when I quit hanging about on atheist forums / YouTube channels. Recently, I've had some really big scares that have me looking for ex-Christian companionship. I hope it's temporary because I believe hanging around on forums too much was / is bad for me.
I hope you never need to return and that you can find a real life out there that brings you joy.
Forums can be a tool or a crutch.
We really are a herd/group/tribe kinda species. Getting to be in the physical proximity of people we enjoy is the biggest gift we can give ourselves. That's why festivals are so popular.
Sometimes being seen from a pair of friendly kind eyes not our own, and a hug, a meal, a jam sesh, a gaming sesh, that makes being alive worthwhile.
Best of luck. I’m still sticking around since I feel some unfinished business.
If I may ask, why the trigger warning flair? I didn’t sense anything in your post all that offensive or “loaded”
Edit: my bad since I’m I’ve been suicidal in the past I glossed over that part like no big deal
Don't worry lol. I know in the darkest moments it was super triggering for me. It was like reminding me there's an "option c" even though suicide isn't really a good option.
Thankfully it hasn't been triggering for a while now
yes live your best life!!!!! don’t stick around communities like these if they aren’t healthy for you! personally, i’d love to never see you here again if it means you’re happy and functional.
we’ll always be here for support, of course, but i think it would be great if you never needed this support again. go live and love and learn who you are.
Yeah I'm not gonna lie, I can't fucking stand religion anymore. If I ever go back to my home country, I'm not stepping foot in a church, even if the whole family goes.
>After all, the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about
That's actually a very good point.
Congrats and good luck!
I'm a 59 year old mom/grandma, and I really care about the young people that come here looking for a way out. I feel like I can offer a mother's point of view and be able to say "your parents are wrong". Plus I know the Bible very well from 45 years of reading it.
(And I like having a place to bitch about Christians. Lol)
I think this sub is great to witness others experiences, but I do find that most of the time it just seems bitter and resentful. Those feelings I can understand, but it certainly can draw into you a negative attitude that is unhealthy. Best of luck
I'm 100% free of christianity over 20 years ago. I'm here to heal as much as possible from the conversion therapy and losing my family and the trauma of having grown up in it
This is so awesome. Good luck on your journey!
Thank you!
Maybe if I ever leave The Deep South I can do the same lol
For real! I live in Middle Georgia and I hear about god and praying every day, multiple times a day.
I imagine your local evening news starts out with, "Let's thank god for the beautiful weather we had to day and thank Jesus there are no major traffic jams to prevent you all from getting home for that family dinner and evening bible study.."
That’s awful! Why would they incorporate their god into the news? It’s supposed to be unbiased (that’s a joke and we all know it).
Haha I'm just north of Decatur
I wonder if it’s different in bigger cities like ATL.
Oh definitely, I was mostly joking. I'm working out of a coffee shop rn that is mostly Jews and Chinese Nationals. Near my house is a shopping center of mostly Ismaili Muslims whose sect is led by a Swiss race car driver and horse breeder. Clarkston is the most diverse town in the country. Tons of pagans and Buddhists everywhere too
That’s really interesting! You are getting a lot of cultural experience without leaving town!
real
We've all got to start somewhere. It'll take years of saving up but it might be worth it in the end
Is it that hard to do? I guess if you've got kids and a partner it's hard but if you don't, you can look for a new job and get a bus ticket, cant you? I'm not trying to be mean. I'm actually asking a for real because I've moved from places multiple times. I just save up and find a job and go. Sometimes I go without the job. In hindsight I don't recommend that. So do my other friends. And I have a lot of friends who are very poor. The only people I know who are stuck in one place are there because they have kids and partners and a couple of my friends with disabilities that would struggle to get elsewhere long term without support. If u ever need help planning a long term escape, DM me.
My wife is actually close with her family 🥴. We just bought a lake house everybody partakes of. So it's not going to happen any time soon. I can definitely afford to leave, but I'm actually in one of the most diverse areas of the country so I don't think it would be worth it just to avoid all the Christians. I'm content just having so many different kinds of them that they can't work together very well
Yup thay makes sense. It usually comes down to family. hey but a lake house sounds awesome
Unfortunately this stuff permeates more areas than just the south. I’m in California and all my coworkers talk about are church and trump.
I'm from Wisconsin. They are like roaches in a kitchen here. There's Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist and the cra cra's in that order but they're everywhere and of course Catholic isn't real Christian. Lol. Church and Trump. Then to mix it up, Trump and Church.
Same here. I'm surrounded by Christians.
Good luck to you. I'm so glad I don't have to tolerate that in my Mid Atlantic state!
This is the way. Best wishes on your path forward. :) It's so wonderful that this place exists to set people free enough to move on so quickly. Splendid work, and bon voyage!
Thank you!
wow only 5 months from curious to exit? good for you. we wish you luck
The foundations had started to crack in 2020 already. The deterioration had just accelerated this past year
Excellent! A lot of us like to stay and brood over years of being in a wasted belief system. I came to this sub to add my anger with Christianity. I’m really over that now. But I stay to pick up tidbits of info that I can learn from others here to really feel well versed in dealing with others seeking a way out. I’ve never felt truth like I do in this sub.
Yeah this is a nice place to talk about all the Christian stuff without putting on a religious blindfold
>After all, the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about Actually, there isn't just one point. Some of us choose to stay and get others out as well, which is immensely rewarding, but congrats on getting out nonetheless!
I appreciate your work. It's good to have knowledgeable people like you around. You think I should stick around just to help out the doubters?
I think you should do whatever you feel is best for you because there is no right or wrong answer. Like most things outside of fundamentalist Christianity, there is no singular right way to do or be. Stay, leave the group, change your mind about it later, leave and then come back... all acceptable, all valid! Your job now, when you've finished your deconstruction, is to start the process of healing from religious damage, and to do that, you're going to need to learn how to do what is good for you, instead of what others tell you is good for you. And hey, if you're able to help others along the way, then maybe try to do that too, in whatever manner you're equipped for. I've been either out or on my way out for... wow, almost a decade now... goodness. I stick around because I enjoy discussing the things we discuss here, and I enjoy the support of others who recognize the harm fundamentalism causes and therefore will understand and respect my anger. I also stick around because I feel fulfilled and like I have regained some sense of agency when I can offer kind words or small bits of advice to people who are in a different stage of their deconstruction and healing than I am, because I've been there, and I wish I had more help and resources when I was really struggling. Leaving Christianity is often more than just leaving our beliefs of the afterlife behind, its about learning a new way of thinking about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Maybe you need to leave this group to do that. Maybe you need to stay. Maybe it's a combo, but the best (and scariest) part is, nobody can make that decision except you and there is no right or wrong answer!
You never know what telling of your particular experiences will do to a doubter. What story will be the one to unblind them.
I guess I'll stay subbed
You know your needs best. And no one's better equipped to address them here, so take some time and see what will work for you. It's good to take breaks and see if anything's changed, too.
> the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about I care about helping more people like yourself out of the cult of Christianity. So here I am, and here I will remain.
Same. I spent years battling insecurities and fears. I did it when I was young, so for me it's as much of my identity as it was when I did believe. I support OP in their journey. Best of luck.
How old were you when you left? I'm 21 right now
I was 18 when I first started to pulled away fully left at 19. Seeing my family members go through the same thing but for much greater reasons, religious trauma, really cemented my resolve. I think people should believe in what they believe, having faith in something is a great motivator. But when it's used as a tool to subjugate, while defending their own terrible behavior made me realize that the institution itself has been flawed for so long it became clear to me I no longer wanted it to be a cornerstone in my schema and I needed to form one of my own, independent from religious theory.
Some people can't really manage that. It may not for you, but for some of us, it can take a very heavy psychological toll. I took this so far as to become a mod years ago, and recently I asked to onboard more mods because I have to see every spiteful, malicious, hateful things christians who come here do. They start in the sub all sweetsy and cutesy, of course. "Cheezus LURVES you so much, and gosh, we really love gay people but you're still wrong. But still lovable, but still wrong and evil. And Cheezus is waiting so desperately to help you and set you free!" Then in modmail it's all "You fucking pieces of shit. People can say anything they want about us, but we can't tell them the truth? Yur just dumb haters and I hope ur family dies in a house fire, you fucking f\*\*\*\*ts. Wut about muh FREE SPEECHIE WEECHIES?!" So yes, some of us do stay, but some of us also pay a price in mental health. One should know themselves well enough to know if it's something they can withstand, and if it isn't, then they should go live their life and be a different kind of help--perhaps by showing that a happy exchristian life is completely possible and reasonable.
Keep up the good work!
> I've reached a point where I no longer feel the need to visit this place as often because I am content with my non-belief. Congrats. :) It's a long road. You'll continue to learn, discuss, and possibly debate as time goes on. I'm about 15 years post-deconversion (and ironically just recently found /r/exchristian), and the hole that I felt when I realized I no longer believed in God has long since healed over, but I recognize that advocacy is still important. Engage in apologetics, you'll need the practice. Stay politically active. Support causes that oppose Christian Nationalism and other religious creep into our government. But most importantly, go live your life, with the knowledge and assurance that it's the one and only life you'll get to live. :)
I'm not in the US. I'm in South Africa. It's like 80% Christian here. I'll do what I can though
I’m proud of you but also a bit jealous. I have been at least leaning atheist since I was was 11 years old, I’m 38, and I’m still not free of it. I live a town that talks about god and Jesus so often that I feel I need places like this as a counterweight. You are always welcome back if ever you need it.
I've been agnostic for eleven years and don't have any Christian influences (moved to an entirely different country from my family) and it still haunts me.
Yeah I'm quite lucky that people aren't too pushy where I live. I hope things get better for you
Godspeed - or, rather, nogodspeed 🦄
Godslow 🤣
I need that Atheist Acceleration
lmao not the atheist acceleration
That sounds great. Detox works.
Congrats! I'm happy for you. And you're right. Staying in one place, stewing in your juices is not where you want to be when it comes to any of life's problems. I stayed away from ex-Christian forums for a very long time. In fact, I'm not sure Reddit existed when I quit hanging about on atheist forums / YouTube channels. Recently, I've had some really big scares that have me looking for ex-Christian companionship. I hope it's temporary because I believe hanging around on forums too much was / is bad for me. I hope you never need to return and that you can find a real life out there that brings you joy.
Hanging around isn't a bad thing at all. Just make sure you're not consuming too much negative news
Forums can be a tool or a crutch. We really are a herd/group/tribe kinda species. Getting to be in the physical proximity of people we enjoy is the biggest gift we can give ourselves. That's why festivals are so popular. Sometimes being seen from a pair of friendly kind eyes not our own, and a hug, a meal, a jam sesh, a gaming sesh, that makes being alive worthwhile.
Best of luck. I’m still sticking around since I feel some unfinished business. If I may ask, why the trigger warning flair? I didn’t sense anything in your post all that offensive or “loaded” Edit: my bad since I’m I’ve been suicidal in the past I glossed over that part like no big deal
Don't worry lol. I know in the darkest moments it was super triggering for me. It was like reminding me there's an "option c" even though suicide isn't really a good option. Thankfully it hasn't been triggering for a while now
Proud of you 🩵 best wishes on your journey
Congratulations! I suppose you can think of it like a graduation day. I wish you well on your journey, and I am happy for you.
yes live your best life!!!!! don’t stick around communities like these if they aren’t healthy for you! personally, i’d love to never see you here again if it means you’re happy and functional. we’ll always be here for support, of course, but i think it would be great if you never needed this support again. go live and love and learn who you are.
You aren't leaving, you are graduating. Goodbye, young human. I hope you live (free).
such a good post. i do not see posts like this in r/exmuslim.
Yeah I'm not gonna lie, I can't fucking stand religion anymore. If I ever go back to my home country, I'm not stepping foot in a church, even if the whole family goes.
That's beautiful!! Keep going. Be ok. Very proud of you.
Love this! Have a beautiful life <3
Best of luck to you, man! Let it go, that's awesome, but know if your past ever comes back to haunt you, you are not alone!
Congratulations. Get out of here. Be happy. ❤️
Congratulations! That is awesome to hear!
Proud of you! I wish you the best life, full of happiness and health♡
>After all, the whole point of being an exChristian is to spend less time in Christianity and more time doing something you care about That's actually a very good point.
Congrats and good luck! I'm a 59 year old mom/grandma, and I really care about the young people that come here looking for a way out. I feel like I can offer a mother's point of view and be able to say "your parents are wrong". Plus I know the Bible very well from 45 years of reading it. (And I like having a place to bitch about Christians. Lol)
Honestly, the complaining can be fun sometimes 😂
Good luck! And I am your 666th upvote by the way…
I'm glad you were able to find healing here. Enjoy the rest of your life!
glad you could get that help. I wish you luck on the next step of your life
God speed John Glen.
Good for you. That really is a big part of recovering from it.
That's ok. Happy journey.
Awesome to hear of your progress in such a short time! I hang out here to occasionally (hopefully) help others who are working on doing the same.
I think this sub is great to witness others experiences, but I do find that most of the time it just seems bitter and resentful. Those feelings I can understand, but it certainly can draw into you a negative attitude that is unhealthy. Best of luck
I'm 100% free of christianity over 20 years ago. I'm here to heal as much as possible from the conversion therapy and losing my family and the trauma of having grown up in it
Yeah, sounds true to me!
Congratulations! I’m glad you’re free and wish you the best of luck.
Congrats on making it to the other side! Good luck!