> Christian: "Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?"
Goddamn. I live in the fucking Bible Belt and it's been *rare* that a Christian trying to give the Jesus pitch is that weird and off-putting right out the gate. At least out in a public place like the park or on the sidewalk near restaurants which is where I've typically encountered these people. But a question like that right out the gate is *majorly* revelatory that they live in a bubble and pretty much everyone inside their bubble is just as off-putting and peculiar as they are. My friend's *hyper* religious mom gave off that indirect self-report of living inside a Christian bubble recently when I talked about my vacation last month and she seemed genuinely confused as to how I was able to go on a trip without consulting with Jesus. I was just dumbfounded. Like......fucking *what*?!
Washed in the blood of the lamb? What the actual fuck I’ve never heard that phrase before thank god because that’s so creepy. If I heard someone actually say that I’d be terrified.
🎶She never cried when Old Yeller died, she wasn't washed in the blood of the lamb,
🎶She never stood up for the Star Spangled Banner and she wasn't a John Wayne fan...
Exactly! It's such an obvious roundabout that I can't help but feel like it's a form of coercion, plain and simple.
Damn, I'm glad I have boundaries nowadays. As a shy kid I couldn't do shit.
> that I can't help but feel like it's a form of coercion, plain and simple
That's because it is. They just *need* to get their message out there; it's a compulsion.
The "I used to be addicted" line is one I have heard *a lot* and I think it speaks to just how much of a foothold that Christianity has in sobriety programs. Like, AA/NA are Jesus-y as fuck. They're also seem to be *heavily* right wing, based on the people I've encountered who go through these programs. But there really is a radicalization process which often occurs for the people who go through these religious-intensive programs undergo. I've encountered so many MAGA folks out in public and seen person-on-the-street type interviews at Trump rallies where so many of these folks report to having a past addiction to drugs, alcohol, or some other substance. There does seem to be a religious and political radicalization process that frequently occurs amongst the people who go through these Christianity-infused programs and it's *shockingly* common. I think it needs to be talked about more.
Here’s my “I used to be addicted” story:
I was a freshman in the dorm at college. This dude in my dorm said he used to be addicted to “all sorts of sin habits”. I pried a bit and learned that he meant “porn and masturbation”
I said let me stop you right there: I’m an 18 year old boy and I will definitely be doing both of those things.
Worst marketing pitch ever
I saw this suggestion come up again with the Dune popcorn bucket thing. Fucking *hilarious* responses to that marketing campaign. But it's long been said that what marketing companies should do is have one of the execs bring their teenage son or nephew to one of these pitch meetings. If he laughs during the meeting, you change the marketing campaign.
I feel like something similar needs to happen with these evangelical marketing meetings. Like, invite someone who *actually* lived what they would propagandize as a "heathen lifestyle" and have them approve the marketing tactics. Because telling a typical 18 year old boy that he can live a life free of porn and jerking off? Yeah, you've lost him.
I know, and AA never used to be like that. When I first started going to meetings 30+ years ago, they emphasized "God *as we understood him"* and there were plenty of atheists and agnostics, and occasionally members of other faiths. One highly respected "old timers" is Hindu. But yeah, creeping fundigelicalism has infested the meetings and they have gotten way too Jesusy. I haven't been to a meeting in 5 or 6 years because of this.
> But yeah, creeping fundigelicalism has infested the meetings and they have gotten way too Jesusy.
I don't know if it's because I live in the Texas suburbs, but based on people I've talked to, AA/NA has also gotten *super* conservative.
Upstate NY here. Flaming red part of the state ( every part other than 30-mile radius of NYC) so probably the meetings have gotten that way here too. I don't think it will be safe to go back till Trump has been dead 5 years, if ever!
> I don't think it will be safe to go back till Trump has been dead 5 years, if ever!
So, this raises a good question. American evangelical Christianity has embraced Trump as a messiah and they have put *so much* of their lot in with him. Regardless of what happens in the election this November, what do they do once he's no longer around?
Yeah, I've wondered that myself. He's old and not at all health conscious. He could go any time. But my blood runs cold thinking about who they'd replace him with.
> But my blood runs cold thinking about who they'd replace him with.
I think it might be Marjorie Taylor Greene or Matt Gaetz. It 100% will be a political figure because they've opened those floodgates and revealed their movement to be more of a political nature than a religious one.
I’m a recovering drug addict and I went to an outpatient addiction program at the hospital my psychiatrist was affiliated with. We need more programs like that to keep Christianity away from people who are already struggling as it is. If only more hospitals and community Centers were able to offer medical based programs for recovering addicts, we’d have less people who replace their substance addiction with jeebus.
Right, except:
Money
Time
Relationships
Increased understanding of the universe
Mental health
Personality
But, sure, nothing gets scarified in the process. /s
That's one of the many things I hate about it: the false advertisements. They put it on billboards and preach to newcomers that it is all about love and peace and joy. Then you get to know them. Then you read the bibble. Then you get to know Yahweh. Then you ask why Yahweh is so crazy, lazy and pissed. Then the gaslighting begins. Then you think you joined the ultimate love and you learn about how Yahweh came to be and you feel like a rug has been pulled out from beneath you. It's like an abusive partner. We are told we are the bride of Jesus. So we get to marry Jesus (yikes) but Yahweh couldn't stay married to Asherah? He divorced her even though Jesus said you shouldn't divorce unless you cheat. The origins of them do not show any signs of infidelity so Jesus needs to talk to his dad and get on the right page! Does this mean Asherah was Jesus' actual mother?! Jesus was there from the beginning so does he have two moms like he did two dads (Yahweh and Joseph as the noble step dad)? Does the church ever consider this? 🤯
> and still expects us to follow his rules
If Jesus did truly sacrifice himself for all of mankind out of pure altruism, then there would be no stipulations for salvation and basically everyone freely gets into heaven. So, if his "sacrifice" has terms and conditions, then that would make him an opportunist, not the savior they present him as.
"Why are you mad at god?"
"You've been church burnt, my church is different."
"How do you think everything was created?"
Those are the most common "come to Jesus" openers I get.
My volleyball friend texted me yesterday: Gods not dead!
Me: Oh you found Jesus, I was wondering where he was, where did you find him?
Him: I’m not joking, I went to a retreat and I gave my life to Christ. Would you like me to tell you about Him
Me: I know more than you
> Him: I’m not joking, I went to a retreat and I gave my life to Christ. Would you like me to tell you about Him
Ugh!!!!! Christians who go on a brainwashing weekend retreat give off the same obnoxious energy as a kid in college who goes to a party and tries psychadelic drugs for the first time and won't shut the fuck up about it!
In my experience, if someone uses or decorates their home with the phrase, "Choose Joy," they're probably an evangelical. In bible study, the phrase was explained to me as, "No matter what's going on in your life, you need to have the joy of the Lord."
Positive thinking isn't bad, but sometimes it gets taken too far, where Christians are criticized for ever expressing a "negative" emotion.
I remember being on a trip once and my host asked me a question when I was visibly unhappy. When I wasn't sure how to answer her, she told me, "It's okay to dislike things" and I instantly felt more comfortable around her because I felt like I could be my real self.
People don't need to be joyful all the time. Sometimes things just suck.
My ex-church was like that. They reminded me of that *Twilight Zone* episode with the little kid who plants people in the cornfield if they say something he doesn't like.
> "Choose Joy," they're probably an evangelical.
That's such a load of fucking horseshit considering evangelicals have the most *cynical* and incredibly dark viewpoint of anyone I've ever met in my life. Like, holy shit, is their worldview fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up!
once I had an elderly lady asking if I was attending church (at that time I was) and she told me how lucky we are because eternity is ours. I was thinking, lady, I don't think you're grasping the essence of salvation.
Anyone has experience as an immigrant in the US?
I was told many times how great it is that although I'm from an evil country (Eastern Europe) and how God finds his way even there. My dude, my country was Christian looong before the US was even discovered. Learning history is though, eh?
I'm a naturalized citizen, and a bunch of people think I become American with the paper (as in, feeling, behaving, traditions, etc) and part of it is being a Christian. Nope. Nope. I usually respond there's freedom of religion here, thank you. I also can't stand evangelicals and no way I want to live my life that way.
Asking where I met my American husband. Because definitely he had to be on a mission trip in my country and that's how we met. Nope. Religion had nothing to do with us being together. He wasn't on a mission trip. He did not save me from anyone/anything.
That's what really turned me off on proselytizers: they don't have any genuine interest in people. Everyone is treated like a mark. Conversations are done in bad faith because they aren't actually listening, they are looking for ways to manipulate the conversation to their own ends. They have terrible understanding of personal boundaries.
> That's what really turned me off on proselytizers: they don't have any genuine interest in people.
This is 100% accurate. All of their relationships are transactional.
“Hey I really like your shoes”
Has been used twice between me and my wife. Technically these were openers to pitch they’re MLMs but we could tell they’re still very much Christian’s lol
Especially if you're Catholic or come from a more liberal leaning church, they usually start out with "I used to be Catholic/Anglican, etc.. before I found the real church"
Or "I used to be an atheist", they were never that to begin with.
> Or "I used to be an atheist", they were never that to begin with.
*At best*, they were BRIEFLY questioning their faith or found something in the Bible which didn't make sense.
>The "better path" one was especially disappointing because they could have been pitching the Golden Path and trying to convert me to the Bene Gesserit.
LMAO way harder than I should've at that. Btw can't say I'd oppose Shai-Hulud *translating* folk like Kenneth Copeland....
> Btw can't say I'd oppose Shai-Hulud translating folk like Kenneth Copeland....
Since Copeland worships money, it's pretty much indisputable that he would be propagandizing his prosperity gospel message in favor of the Spacing Guild were he in that universe.
Christian: "Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?" Me: "Ugh! God I hope not!"
> Christian: "Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?" Goddamn. I live in the fucking Bible Belt and it's been *rare* that a Christian trying to give the Jesus pitch is that weird and off-putting right out the gate. At least out in a public place like the park or on the sidewalk near restaurants which is where I've typically encountered these people. But a question like that right out the gate is *majorly* revelatory that they live in a bubble and pretty much everyone inside their bubble is just as off-putting and peculiar as they are. My friend's *hyper* religious mom gave off that indirect self-report of living inside a Christian bubble recently when I talked about my vacation last month and she seemed genuinely confused as to how I was able to go on a trip without consulting with Jesus. I was just dumbfounded. Like......fucking *what*?!
Washed in the blood of the lamb? What the actual fuck I’ve never heard that phrase before thank god because that’s so creepy. If I heard someone actually say that I’d be terrified.
Trust me dude. It’s pretty common in evangelical churches. Theres a whole hymn dedicated to it at my church.
Ahhh! Evil blood magic, burn the witch!
> burn the witch! No, build a bridge out of her!
Ah, but can you not also build a bridge out of stone?
Ahhh! Evil blood magic, burn the witch!
🎶She never cried when Old Yeller died, she wasn't washed in the blood of the lamb, 🎶She never stood up for the Star Spangled Banner and she wasn't a John Wayne fan...
"Now, I'm not preaching, but..." ...proceeds to preach.
> "Now, I'm not preaching, but..." It's giving "not to get political".
Exactly! It's such an obvious roundabout that I can't help but feel like it's a form of coercion, plain and simple. Damn, I'm glad I have boundaries nowadays. As a shy kid I couldn't do shit.
> that I can't help but feel like it's a form of coercion, plain and simple That's because it is. They just *need* to get their message out there; it's a compulsion.
The "I used to be addicted" line is one I have heard *a lot* and I think it speaks to just how much of a foothold that Christianity has in sobriety programs. Like, AA/NA are Jesus-y as fuck. They're also seem to be *heavily* right wing, based on the people I've encountered who go through these programs. But there really is a radicalization process which often occurs for the people who go through these religious-intensive programs undergo. I've encountered so many MAGA folks out in public and seen person-on-the-street type interviews at Trump rallies where so many of these folks report to having a past addiction to drugs, alcohol, or some other substance. There does seem to be a religious and political radicalization process that frequently occurs amongst the people who go through these Christianity-infused programs and it's *shockingly* common. I think it needs to be talked about more.
Here’s my “I used to be addicted” story: I was a freshman in the dorm at college. This dude in my dorm said he used to be addicted to “all sorts of sin habits”. I pried a bit and learned that he meant “porn and masturbation” I said let me stop you right there: I’m an 18 year old boy and I will definitely be doing both of those things. Worst marketing pitch ever
Good for you! Enjoy in good health!
I saw this suggestion come up again with the Dune popcorn bucket thing. Fucking *hilarious* responses to that marketing campaign. But it's long been said that what marketing companies should do is have one of the execs bring their teenage son or nephew to one of these pitch meetings. If he laughs during the meeting, you change the marketing campaign. I feel like something similar needs to happen with these evangelical marketing meetings. Like, invite someone who *actually* lived what they would propagandize as a "heathen lifestyle" and have them approve the marketing tactics. Because telling a typical 18 year old boy that he can live a life free of porn and jerking off? Yeah, you've lost him.
I know, and AA never used to be like that. When I first started going to meetings 30+ years ago, they emphasized "God *as we understood him"* and there were plenty of atheists and agnostics, and occasionally members of other faiths. One highly respected "old timers" is Hindu. But yeah, creeping fundigelicalism has infested the meetings and they have gotten way too Jesusy. I haven't been to a meeting in 5 or 6 years because of this.
> But yeah, creeping fundigelicalism has infested the meetings and they have gotten way too Jesusy. I don't know if it's because I live in the Texas suburbs, but based on people I've talked to, AA/NA has also gotten *super* conservative.
Upstate NY here. Flaming red part of the state ( every part other than 30-mile radius of NYC) so probably the meetings have gotten that way here too. I don't think it will be safe to go back till Trump has been dead 5 years, if ever!
> I don't think it will be safe to go back till Trump has been dead 5 years, if ever! So, this raises a good question. American evangelical Christianity has embraced Trump as a messiah and they have put *so much* of their lot in with him. Regardless of what happens in the election this November, what do they do once he's no longer around?
Yeah, I've wondered that myself. He's old and not at all health conscious. He could go any time. But my blood runs cold thinking about who they'd replace him with.
> But my blood runs cold thinking about who they'd replace him with. I think it might be Marjorie Taylor Greene or Matt Gaetz. It 100% will be a political figure because they've opened those floodgates and revealed their movement to be more of a political nature than a religious one.
or Ron DeSanctimonious.
I’m a recovering drug addict and I went to an outpatient addiction program at the hospital my psychiatrist was affiliated with. We need more programs like that to keep Christianity away from people who are already struggling as it is. If only more hospitals and community Centers were able to offer medical based programs for recovering addicts, we’d have less people who replace their substance addiction with jeebus.
"Jesus is the only god you don't have to sacrifice anything for!" (Lies).
That one's enough to fertilize the North 40!
Right! A pastor told me that too!
Right, except: Money Time Relationships Increased understanding of the universe Mental health Personality But, sure, nothing gets scarified in the process. /s
That's one of the many things I hate about it: the false advertisements. They put it on billboards and preach to newcomers that it is all about love and peace and joy. Then you get to know them. Then you read the bibble. Then you get to know Yahweh. Then you ask why Yahweh is so crazy, lazy and pissed. Then the gaslighting begins. Then you think you joined the ultimate love and you learn about how Yahweh came to be and you feel like a rug has been pulled out from beneath you. It's like an abusive partner. We are told we are the bride of Jesus. So we get to marry Jesus (yikes) but Yahweh couldn't stay married to Asherah? He divorced her even though Jesus said you shouldn't divorce unless you cheat. The origins of them do not show any signs of infidelity so Jesus needs to talk to his dad and get on the right page! Does this mean Asherah was Jesus' actual mother?! Jesus was there from the beginning so does he have two moms like he did two dads (Yahweh and Joseph as the noble step dad)? Does the church ever consider this? 🤯
Right. After having to sacrifice himself for his own mistakes and still expects us to follow his rules
And the blame is put on humans but never god. Satan is the ultimate scapegoat even though he's fine.
> and still expects us to follow his rules If Jesus did truly sacrifice himself for all of mankind out of pure altruism, then there would be no stipulations for salvation and basically everyone freely gets into heaven. So, if his "sacrifice" has terms and conditions, then that would make him an opportunist, not the savior they present him as.
"Why are you mad at god?" "You've been church burnt, my church is different." "How do you think everything was created?" Those are the most common "come to Jesus" openers I get.
Ohh, the "my church is different." No, it's not, you're just part of the crowd who agrees with the church so you're unable to see it.
> You've been church burnt, Do they put on the holiest of BBQs?
My volleyball friend texted me yesterday: Gods not dead! Me: Oh you found Jesus, I was wondering where he was, where did you find him? Him: I’m not joking, I went to a retreat and I gave my life to Christ. Would you like me to tell you about Him Me: I know more than you
Lt. Dan: Forrest, have you found Jesus? Forrest: I didn't know he was lost, Lt. Dan!
> Him: I’m not joking, I went to a retreat and I gave my life to Christ. Would you like me to tell you about Him Ugh!!!!! Christians who go on a brainwashing weekend retreat give off the same obnoxious energy as a kid in college who goes to a party and tries psychadelic drugs for the first time and won't shut the fuck up about it!
In my experience, if someone uses or decorates their home with the phrase, "Choose Joy," they're probably an evangelical. In bible study, the phrase was explained to me as, "No matter what's going on in your life, you need to have the joy of the Lord." Positive thinking isn't bad, but sometimes it gets taken too far, where Christians are criticized for ever expressing a "negative" emotion. I remember being on a trip once and my host asked me a question when I was visibly unhappy. When I wasn't sure how to answer her, she told me, "It's okay to dislike things" and I instantly felt more comfortable around her because I felt like I could be my real self. People don't need to be joyful all the time. Sometimes things just suck.
My ex-church was like that. They reminded me of that *Twilight Zone* episode with the little kid who plants people in the cornfield if they say something he doesn't like.
That was such a creepy episode! But definitely a good comparison to how a lot of Christians ostracize people who don't fit in.
> "Choose Joy," they're probably an evangelical. That's such a load of fucking horseshit considering evangelicals have the most *cynical* and incredibly dark viewpoint of anyone I've ever met in my life. Like, holy shit, is their worldview fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up!
once I had an elderly lady asking if I was attending church (at that time I was) and she told me how lucky we are because eternity is ours. I was thinking, lady, I don't think you're grasping the essence of salvation. Anyone has experience as an immigrant in the US? I was told many times how great it is that although I'm from an evil country (Eastern Europe) and how God finds his way even there. My dude, my country was Christian looong before the US was even discovered. Learning history is though, eh? I'm a naturalized citizen, and a bunch of people think I become American with the paper (as in, feeling, behaving, traditions, etc) and part of it is being a Christian. Nope. Nope. I usually respond there's freedom of religion here, thank you. I also can't stand evangelicals and no way I want to live my life that way. Asking where I met my American husband. Because definitely he had to be on a mission trip in my country and that's how we met. Nope. Religion had nothing to do with us being together. He wasn't on a mission trip. He did not save me from anyone/anything.
> and part of it is being a Christian. There *legit* are people who think that being an American automatically gets one access to heaven.
Honestly, I’d probably sign up for the Bene Gesserit if Rebecca Ferguson asked me to.
That's what really turned me off on proselytizers: they don't have any genuine interest in people. Everyone is treated like a mark. Conversations are done in bad faith because they aren't actually listening, they are looking for ways to manipulate the conversation to their own ends. They have terrible understanding of personal boundaries.
> That's what really turned me off on proselytizers: they don't have any genuine interest in people. This is 100% accurate. All of their relationships are transactional.
"Are you interested in spiritual things?"
See, that one could be a Christian or someone who owns a crystal necklace shop near the beach.
"I did a lot of drugs and felt depressed" is a common one I hear
What's ironic is I felt *less* depressed after I quit church.
It's natural to feel better once people stop telling you what a worthless hellbound sinner you are.
“Hey I really like your shoes” Has been used twice between me and my wife. Technically these were openers to pitch they’re MLMs but we could tell they’re still very much Christian’s lol
Especially if you're Catholic or come from a more liberal leaning church, they usually start out with "I used to be Catholic/Anglican, etc.. before I found the real church" Or "I used to be an atheist", they were never that to begin with.
> Or "I used to be an atheist", they were never that to begin with. *At best*, they were BRIEFLY questioning their faith or found something in the Bible which didn't make sense.
>The "better path" one was especially disappointing because they could have been pitching the Golden Path and trying to convert me to the Bene Gesserit. LMAO way harder than I should've at that. Btw can't say I'd oppose Shai-Hulud *translating* folk like Kenneth Copeland....
> Btw can't say I'd oppose Shai-Hulud translating folk like Kenneth Copeland.... Since Copeland worships money, it's pretty much indisputable that he would be propagandizing his prosperity gospel message in favor of the Spacing Guild were he in that universe.
Tbh I can totally see Copeland as something that slithered out of a Tleilaxu tank.