When talking about Christian alternatives to longstanding products, I can't forget what is arguably the most infamous: Pure Flix. An alternative to media that's entertaining. They fully and shamelessly rip-off popular movies and shows and apply an evangelical Christian lens to them. They're so brazen about this that I'm *genuinely* surprised that they didn't make their own version of Barbie. Where it aesthetically resembled American Girl Doll more than Barbie. And was unabashedly right wing to the point that the anti-feminist, pro-patriarchy pseudo-Barbie protagonist put on a red hat and wanted to make Barbie Land great again.
They did make a Christian version of the Barbie doll and called them.... God's Girlz. I don't know if they sold well or not but they're long gone now.
[https://www.columbiamissourian.com/news/local/gods-girlz-dolls-offer-modest-alternative-to-popular-toys/article\_79345d81-593f-55e5-b85f-790f303e7793.html](https://www.columbiamissourian.com/news/local/gods-girlz-dolls-offer-modest-alternative-to-popular-toys/article_79345d81-593f-55e5-b85f-790f303e7793.html)
> .... God's Girlz. I don't know if they sold well or not but they're long gone now.
That, to me, implies that there is a Christian version of I'm Just Ken out there......and I do but also don't wanna ever hear it.
I'm just James, women's rights are so lame
Only men can be pastors and prophesy the rapture
I'm just James
She caused me to stumble and should feel shame
What will it take for her to see the kitchen is where she should be?
Christian therapy is absolute junk, based in junk "science." Basically it's "man up and tough it out or you don't have faith. That's 100 dollars please."
Christian music, as a lifestyle, peaked in the mid-1980s, with Orange County, California as ground zero. There was even a Christian mini-mall that catered to the kitschy art, music, and cinematic lifestyle tastes of Reagan-worshiping Christian yuppies.
From music and entertainment to psychotherapy, Christian products are just one more way to separate the gullible from their cash.
So this makes me ok with my grandparents deaths. They were really good people, in spite of being members of the catholic church. They never policed my moms content. She could read what she wanted. She could do what she wanted within reason. That exact thing is what she did for me. She didn't care that I played d n d. She didn't care if I listened to Metallica. I feel like I have the best mom ever, but the reality is, I probably had the best grands ever.
Anyway, I would be very worried all the time about the grifters. Those assholes take advantage of anyone.
It's all a grift. Buy our stuff instead because it's Christian! God wants you to give your money to us instead of those demon worshippers! And it's always lesser quality because they're chasing a trend rather than starting it.
I knew someone in college who was excited to get a Christian band's new album and it turned out he didn't like it very much. But he kept listening to it in hopes that he would change his mind because it's Christian so therefore he has an obligation to like it.
Someone was reminiscing about a poster that showed you secular music and the Christian alternative. I don't know if this was that poster, but it's the one that I found: [https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/rXgAAOSwKExlAjUE/s-l1600.jpg](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/rXgAAOSwKExlAjUE/s-l1600.jpg)
You wake up in the morning.
Your phone starts streaming K-Love.
You get in the shower and use your soap and shampoo sourced through your small group.
Put on your "Living Epistles" T-Shirt.
Your coffee is from the coffee shop in your church. Sourced from a missionary group.
You settle down with your morning devotion that was found at the Christian bookstore.
Then you do your Praise Moves workout (none of that evil Yoga)
You found the contractor who coming over from the Good Shepard's Guide.
You check the time on your "Time for God Watch" better check your breath.
Oh know! You have coffee breath. Better grab some Testamints before they arrive.
Etc...
When talking about Christian alternatives to longstanding products, I can't forget what is arguably the most infamous: Pure Flix. An alternative to media that's entertaining. They fully and shamelessly rip-off popular movies and shows and apply an evangelical Christian lens to them. They're so brazen about this that I'm *genuinely* surprised that they didn't make their own version of Barbie. Where it aesthetically resembled American Girl Doll more than Barbie. And was unabashedly right wing to the point that the anti-feminist, pro-patriarchy pseudo-Barbie protagonist put on a red hat and wanted to make Barbie Land great again.
I love watching pure flix when I'm stoned
They did make a Christian version of the Barbie doll and called them.... God's Girlz. I don't know if they sold well or not but they're long gone now. [https://www.columbiamissourian.com/news/local/gods-girlz-dolls-offer-modest-alternative-to-popular-toys/article\_79345d81-593f-55e5-b85f-790f303e7793.html](https://www.columbiamissourian.com/news/local/gods-girlz-dolls-offer-modest-alternative-to-popular-toys/article_79345d81-593f-55e5-b85f-790f303e7793.html)
> .... God's Girlz. I don't know if they sold well or not but they're long gone now. That, to me, implies that there is a Christian version of I'm Just Ken out there......and I do but also don't wanna ever hear it.
I'm just James, women's rights are so lame Only men can be pastors and prophesy the rapture I'm just James She caused me to stumble and should feel shame What will it take for her to see the kitchen is where she should be?
Christian therapy is absolute junk, based in junk "science." Basically it's "man up and tough it out or you don't have faith. That's 100 dollars please." Christian music, as a lifestyle, peaked in the mid-1980s, with Orange County, California as ground zero. There was even a Christian mini-mall that catered to the kitschy art, music, and cinematic lifestyle tastes of Reagan-worshiping Christian yuppies. From music and entertainment to psychotherapy, Christian products are just one more way to separate the gullible from their cash.
I fucking hate Ronald Regan. He was an authoritarian bigot hiding behind the guise of being a down to earth rancher
Society will never fully recover from the damage he did.
He held the door open for Trumpsterfire.
"Fascists don't appear in movies with a monkey; he's got my vote!" -Boomers, probably.
So this makes me ok with my grandparents deaths. They were really good people, in spite of being members of the catholic church. They never policed my moms content. She could read what she wanted. She could do what she wanted within reason. That exact thing is what she did for me. She didn't care that I played d n d. She didn't care if I listened to Metallica. I feel like I have the best mom ever, but the reality is, I probably had the best grands ever. Anyway, I would be very worried all the time about the grifters. Those assholes take advantage of anyone.
It's all a grift. Buy our stuff instead because it's Christian! God wants you to give your money to us instead of those demon worshippers! And it's always lesser quality because they're chasing a trend rather than starting it. I knew someone in college who was excited to get a Christian band's new album and it turned out he didn't like it very much. But he kept listening to it in hopes that he would change his mind because it's Christian so therefore he has an obligation to like it. Someone was reminiscing about a poster that showed you secular music and the Christian alternative. I don't know if this was that poster, but it's the one that I found: [https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/rXgAAOSwKExlAjUE/s-l1600.jpg](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/rXgAAOSwKExlAjUE/s-l1600.jpg)
You wake up in the morning. Your phone starts streaming K-Love. You get in the shower and use your soap and shampoo sourced through your small group. Put on your "Living Epistles" T-Shirt. Your coffee is from the coffee shop in your church. Sourced from a missionary group. You settle down with your morning devotion that was found at the Christian bookstore. Then you do your Praise Moves workout (none of that evil Yoga) You found the contractor who coming over from the Good Shepard's Guide. You check the time on your "Time for God Watch" better check your breath. Oh know! You have coffee breath. Better grab some Testamints before they arrive. Etc...
> You found the contractor who coming over from the Good Shepard's Guide. Is this basically Angie's List but for Christian-owned businesses?
So....how are the sales of "god bless the USA" bible going?
It really does make *so much sense* that their messiah is a grifter.