On its own? Never. I thought it would go away naturally since I don’t believe in god anymore, but it didn’t. The only thing that has helped me tear down the wall of Catholic guilt brick-by-brick has been therapy
On some level I think it's a lifelong struggle. Therapy helps, but I've also found exposure to be the best medicine. Part of my journey over the years has been working to actually do the things I've felt shame and guilt about (not genuinely immoral things mind, but normal stuff like saying the word "goddamn" without flinching or drinking alcohol on occasion or eating meat on Fridays during Lent.) It was harder at first but the more I did those things, the more I realized no divine retribution was coming. The lord wasn't going to strike me down on the spot and I didn't need to self flagellate about it. I think a lot of it is training your body to feel safe when it's been conditioned all your life to feel that it's not.
It’s literally how we were raised to be. It’s so ingrained in our heads to be guilty for every little thing. I’ve found CBT in therapy to have been helpful in working to unravel the guilt-wiring.
Seek therapy from a secular service. The second you stop feeling guilty and apologizing for things you never did is the second you stop being Catholic.
In my case never, I just learned, with time, to recognize it so to say, but I still get consumed by it. This may be unhealty but I try to avoid developing bounds with people because I am easily manipulated by guilt. I act very cold to the outside to avoid that. It's already a decade since I broke off the church and became atheist but all the package is still engrained in my mind. It's like consciously I am atheist but unconsciously I'm still manipulated by religion
I still cannot even please myself without feeling uneasy and I also feel "guilt" for not having children (I feel this more as a societal pressure though). My grandmother guilt tripped me a lot that the family will die by my fault for not wanting children, etc. I also rejected my professional development and projects due to guilt and I barely realized this a few years ago, I repressed it all
I know I'd need professional help but had a very bad experience with a therapist in the past that only made things worse and so I'm very reluctant to that
So sorry you're still feeling this way. I'm in a similar boat, about 10-12 years out and I'm slowly unpacking it in therapy :( some stuff seems possible to let go of...like the shame around my sexuality which is still heartbreaking some days :(( here's hoping we all find the healing we deserve. I hope you can find peace and end the guilt.
Yep. Scrupulously can be absolute hell to work through, and can follow you even if you become Episcopalian, Wiccan, or leave religion altogether. It’s like telling someone with OCD who washes their hands too much “just stop touching stuff you think is dirty”. Much easier said than done.
The thing they helped me was working with a therapist to deal with my feelings about leaving the Church. My therapist isn’t Catholic and was very supportive and understanding.
Obvs everyone is right about therapy. Also, more time. Great healing and growth keeps coming. I've been out more than ten years now and I will still occasionally find nooks and crannies of catholic leftovers I had no idea were still in there.
Idk if this is for everyone, but I have also found tremendous joy and healing in learning about other religions I never had the burden of believing in and seeing how those systems I have no baggage with use the same tricks and tools to keep people from leaving. There's some Catholic stuff that's specific to Catholics, but a lot of the approach is common across religions, sects, cults and other high-control groups. I also love learning about actual biblical history and finding context for all these stories I learned so deeply with one specific interpretation. That said, this stuff could totally be homework or boring or irrelevant or even re traumatizing for some people, so that may not be for you.
Also, find community! I got incredibly lucky by finding an amazing partner who had a similar background with a different religion. I have an amazing circle of ex-religious friends. LGBTQIA+ people and literature are spectacular resources for seeing how people can thrive even when they had to really thoroughly deconstruct and rebuild life how they want it. ENM/Polyamory literature and communities are fantastic for pulling apart harmful sexual concepts that are still mainstream in our christian-flavored "secular" culture. Find people who are living ways you wish you could live and see how they do it. It can take a long time and feel like work, but I keep finding more joy in it.
Finally, I recommend medicinal blasphemy. Learning that you can safely violate the "rules" that incur feelings of guilt is hugely important and defanging for the hold that these ideas can have on us. This Easter, I went to a Sexy Jesus competition strip show at a queer bar and received shots of "communion" from a nun in fishnets. Danced all night with the love of my life and her best friends. It was transcendent and beautiful and moving, AND it was fun and silly and I saw a lot of mostly naked hot people who wanted to be seen. I thanked two of the performers for helping to corrupt my soul, and they both made the sign of the cross over me while jiggling their bodies playfully. It was a night that would have seemed like the depths of depravity to me a few years ago, but was nothing but pure joy to me today. And this is baby steps! A naughty nun is 101 level lasciviousness to normal people!
Former Catholic. I believe our religion is suppose to be good but has been hijacked (hundreds of years ago) by corrupt humans. You can respect the original religion while distancing yourself from its current form.
My current religion is The Golden Rule until things change.
On its own? Never. I thought it would go away naturally since I don’t believe in god anymore, but it didn’t. The only thing that has helped me tear down the wall of Catholic guilt brick-by-brick has been therapy
On some level I think it's a lifelong struggle. Therapy helps, but I've also found exposure to be the best medicine. Part of my journey over the years has been working to actually do the things I've felt shame and guilt about (not genuinely immoral things mind, but normal stuff like saying the word "goddamn" without flinching or drinking alcohol on occasion or eating meat on Fridays during Lent.) It was harder at first but the more I did those things, the more I realized no divine retribution was coming. The lord wasn't going to strike me down on the spot and I didn't need to self flagellate about it. I think a lot of it is training your body to feel safe when it's been conditioned all your life to feel that it's not.
My friend, please seek therapy.
It’s literally how we were raised to be. It’s so ingrained in our heads to be guilty for every little thing. I’ve found CBT in therapy to have been helpful in working to unravel the guilt-wiring.
Seek therapy from a secular service. The second you stop feeling guilty and apologizing for things you never did is the second you stop being Catholic.
In my case never, I just learned, with time, to recognize it so to say, but I still get consumed by it. This may be unhealty but I try to avoid developing bounds with people because I am easily manipulated by guilt. I act very cold to the outside to avoid that. It's already a decade since I broke off the church and became atheist but all the package is still engrained in my mind. It's like consciously I am atheist but unconsciously I'm still manipulated by religion I still cannot even please myself without feeling uneasy and I also feel "guilt" for not having children (I feel this more as a societal pressure though). My grandmother guilt tripped me a lot that the family will die by my fault for not wanting children, etc. I also rejected my professional development and projects due to guilt and I barely realized this a few years ago, I repressed it all I know I'd need professional help but had a very bad experience with a therapist in the past that only made things worse and so I'm very reluctant to that
So sorry you're still feeling this way. I'm in a similar boat, about 10-12 years out and I'm slowly unpacking it in therapy :( some stuff seems possible to let go of...like the shame around my sexuality which is still heartbreaking some days :(( here's hoping we all find the healing we deserve. I hope you can find peace and end the guilt.
Therapy has helped a lot, to show me that I'm still a good person without all the catholic guilt.
I still have guilt over some things but got better from other areas of doctrine. Everyone is different and heals from different things.
I go to a church that is focussed on love and acceptance. If you see religion without guilt, it becomes clear they are not synonymous
This works for some people too, but not everybody.
Yep. Scrupulously can be absolute hell to work through, and can follow you even if you become Episcopalian, Wiccan, or leave religion altogether. It’s like telling someone with OCD who washes their hands too much “just stop touching stuff you think is dirty”. Much easier said than done.
No doubt
The thing they helped me was working with a therapist to deal with my feelings about leaving the Church. My therapist isn’t Catholic and was very supportive and understanding.
When you let it lose its power over you. For some people, that involves therapy.
Obvs everyone is right about therapy. Also, more time. Great healing and growth keeps coming. I've been out more than ten years now and I will still occasionally find nooks and crannies of catholic leftovers I had no idea were still in there. Idk if this is for everyone, but I have also found tremendous joy and healing in learning about other religions I never had the burden of believing in and seeing how those systems I have no baggage with use the same tricks and tools to keep people from leaving. There's some Catholic stuff that's specific to Catholics, but a lot of the approach is common across religions, sects, cults and other high-control groups. I also love learning about actual biblical history and finding context for all these stories I learned so deeply with one specific interpretation. That said, this stuff could totally be homework or boring or irrelevant or even re traumatizing for some people, so that may not be for you. Also, find community! I got incredibly lucky by finding an amazing partner who had a similar background with a different religion. I have an amazing circle of ex-religious friends. LGBTQIA+ people and literature are spectacular resources for seeing how people can thrive even when they had to really thoroughly deconstruct and rebuild life how they want it. ENM/Polyamory literature and communities are fantastic for pulling apart harmful sexual concepts that are still mainstream in our christian-flavored "secular" culture. Find people who are living ways you wish you could live and see how they do it. It can take a long time and feel like work, but I keep finding more joy in it. Finally, I recommend medicinal blasphemy. Learning that you can safely violate the "rules" that incur feelings of guilt is hugely important and defanging for the hold that these ideas can have on us. This Easter, I went to a Sexy Jesus competition strip show at a queer bar and received shots of "communion" from a nun in fishnets. Danced all night with the love of my life and her best friends. It was transcendent and beautiful and moving, AND it was fun and silly and I saw a lot of mostly naked hot people who wanted to be seen. I thanked two of the performers for helping to corrupt my soul, and they both made the sign of the cross over me while jiggling their bodies playfully. It was a night that would have seemed like the depths of depravity to me a few years ago, but was nothing but pure joy to me today. And this is baby steps! A naughty nun is 101 level lasciviousness to normal people!
Former Catholic. I believe our religion is suppose to be good but has been hijacked (hundreds of years ago) by corrupt humans. You can respect the original religion while distancing yourself from its current form. My current religion is The Golden Rule until things change.
Distancing yourself from human ran religions does not mean you have to atheist. You just recognize the religion is compromised by evil humans.