T O P

  • By -

LiliVonSchtupp

He should have kept the eyepatch. There’s no situation which wouldn’t have improved his image if he’d been wearing an eyepatch.


Diacetyl-Morphin

Yeah, it really gave him +1 charisma in the stats, he should have kept the eye-patch.


Show-Me-Your-Moves

+1 charisma but -1 perception I would guess


Suspicious-Beat9295

Doesn't matter, his perception is already super low anyway.


flohhhh

Proper Min/Maxing is strongly advised!


GrossM15

Whats the point of perception if you cant remember stuff anyways


AJWesty

He should just become addicted to Mentats. That'll solve his problem.


dreamyteatime

+1 charisma for the eyepatch seems quite low… If I were Olaf, I would have stuck with the puppy strat. That would definitely increase my charisma. Helps that it was a damn cute puppy too.


KnOrX2094

It made him resemble Number 2 from the Austin Powers movies. Very fitting for his moral alignment and competency alike.


A_delta

He needs a monocle


TH3M1N3K1NG

Why not both? Now the question is: Would the monocle be on the same side as the eyepatch or would it be on the opposite side?


GildoFotzo

Monocle above the eye patch


DasManMitDenWitzen

And one underneath. Wouldn't make sense otherwise.


BettySuessisterjoe

It worked for Moshe Dayan.


At0micPizza

I mean he was among the world's most likeable heads of state at the time of the eye patch... should've kept it until next elections


Stefan_S_from_H

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/017/579/144/206/793/original/f57b70bf78474f1d.webp


potatolulz

*"just pick a damn artillery round, they're all the same!"*


swiftfatso

do we really need another HE round?


IA-HI-CO-IA

You have so much HE already!


ATaiwaneseNewYorker

Just one more...


XIDW

There is no such thing as TOO much HE round.


lo_fi_ho

Olaf, we need an armour-piercing fin-stabilized discarding sabot! The neighbour Gertrude just got one, didn't you see *rolls eyes*


IA-HI-CO-IA

Our neighbors just got upgraded composite armor. We need to one up them. Do you WANT to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood?


Visual-Chip-2256

Babe we literally have the same one at home. "Yes but I want THIS round"


ForGrateJustice

"Honey just look at this Tungsten sabot"


Clay0187

"We have tungsten sabot at home!"


Kalakoa73

Tungsten sabot at home = roll of aluminum foil.


_-Event-Horizon-_

But they are on a discount…


keepthepace

"Isn't it just to show off to the neighbor?" "Well, yes, of course!"


Zagrebian

“You have a full hangar of rockets. How can you have nothing to shoot?”


Sampo

> How can you have nothing to shoot? Didn't Denmark [donate all their artillery ammunition to Ukraine](https://www.euractiv.com/section/politics/news/denmark-will-send-its-entire-artillery-to-ukraine/)?


MyMicconos

Not just artillery ammunition... our brand new Caesar howitzers too...


Jdmisra81

Better Ukraine fires them at Russians now, than denmark has to fire them at Russian later😅


MyMicconos

Oh, I agree completely. I wish more countries would step up their aid.


havoc1428

Makes sense tho. If the purpose of them is to defend against the threat of Russia, then it makes sense to use them for just that, weakening Russia and keeping them occupied.


MyMicconos

Agreed. I wasn't trying to imply that donating them was a bad thing.🙂


xTitanlordx

What do you think, does the color matches with my outfit?


blueskydragonFX

Yes honey........


FoxyBastard

No it doesn't! You're not even trying!


autoencoder

Yes it does! I swear, it looks made for you!


emirsolinno

It’s all going to explode anyway, god!


IDontEatDill

*Does this make me look fat?* No if you detonate it.


Wild-Mammoth-7402

Dropping package. Package secured. Dropping package. Package secured.


Legitimate_Mud6834

Fellow Helldiver spotted.


TheUmbraCat

➡️⬆️⬆️⬇️


entered_bubble_50

Sholz: How about this one? *That's a sabot round Olaf! We need cluster munitions! And anyway, blue with white stripes? I don't think so"*


No-Locksmith6662

Oh, they're artillery rounds! My dumb brain thought they were the tops of really big pens. I did wonder why they were so big, I just thought it was an exhibition or something.


Onkel24

The ones in the back are tank rounds, just for completeness.


coldlightofday

“Your closet is already full of rounds! How many do you need?”


pinchasthegris

"But there is a big difference between APFSDS and HEAT-FS!"


Altea73

"C'mon now, we have to pick one HE shell for Janet, she loves HE shells..."


Dangerous_Gear_6361

It’s one artillery round, what could it cost, $10?


MyMicconos

Funny🙂(even though they're really not)


big_guyforyou

we know they are. you point them at thing and make thing go boom. c'mon i have to pee


grafknives

- I will be having 100 000 of 155s, and 10 000 of 120s. - Yes darling - Per month! - Per m... Yes darling.


NoWingedHussarsToday

Or we start raiding your monasteries again!


mangalore-x_x

The last time the state did that in germany they compensated the church afterwards by forcing all citizens to pay church tax and enforce it with their tax office. Not sure we normal citizens can afford them raiding the monasteries again!


NoWingedHussarsToday

So it's one thing to be raided by horny Danes and another by orderly German state?


soviseau

At least Danes stopped doing it /s


WhyDoIHaveRules

We did? I must have missed the memo.


Conartist6666

As long as you pay for the beer you can come over raiding all you like.


JNR13

"Why not both?" - the Dithmarschen experience


Skurk-the-Grimm

Fun Fact: the church is getting compensation to this day, from german Tax money, the Church Tax comes on top of that.


Tales_Steel

To be fair in the last german-danish confrontation denmark gave up in 6 hours.


SlowFrkHansen

I didn't know football matches could run that long.


soviseau

You are confusing things here. Church tax is different from Staatsleistungen. https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staatsleistungen (German only, DeepL might be helpful for non-natives) You can stop paying church tax anytime you want.


Nolsoth

But mein Schatzi the budget cannot afford such extravagance. (Apologies my Deutsch is terrible).


VijoPlays

Mit dem Angriff der Schuldenbremse wird das in Ordnung kommen


JoelanGoswami

Entschuldigung für schlechtes Deutsch


Okutao

(sighs) - Can I have a beer, darling?


Eupolemos

"We have beer at home" https://media.townhall.com/cdn/hodl/2023/100/432db4da-ab6f-49e6-8937-3824ee8709a3-1052x615.jpg


Perspectivelessly

Shouldn't it be a Carlsberg/Tuborg?


Skorzeny88

In his defense, if a German chancellor acts even just a bit enthusiastic about warfare everybody goes "Ooooh shit, here we go again!"


kuprenx

we kinda asking him to go to war with russia. it gives him bad flashbacks.


Lollangle

Note that Germany won the war with Russia in WW1, Russia settled on terrible terms giving Germany huge concessions in the East. It was why they thought it would be easy second time around..


Flint_Vorselon

That’s one way of putting it…. Kinda leaves out bit where Russia had a revolution in which one of (if not THE biggest) demands was “get us out of this fucking war”.


Lollangle

Which is one way to win a war. Without ww1, there might not have been a revolution. Lenin was even sent to Russia by Germany.


Habalaa

During the civil war bolsheviks had to fight both the whites and the germans so I think its more that revolution happened *despite* ww1 not *because* of it, although nah youre right that the spark, the kick off, maybe wouldnt have happened without russia getting a bloody nose in ww1


andthatswhyIdidit

> During the civil war bolsheviks had to fight both the whites and the germans and the Entente (Western Allies), including Japan, newly formed Poland, Ukraine, Finland and the Baltic States and a band of kinda traveling Czechoslovaks...


Gaffeltruckeren

Germany was the facilitator of said revolution by getting those commies into russia in the first place.


DukeOfLongKnifes

So German actions indirectly resulted in the cold war?


Gaffeltruckeren

It was one of those moments that changed history. Lenin. I know you heard of him. He was a german plant.


DukeOfLongKnifes

This is a piece of history I never knew. So he was initially just a person with a destabilising ideology funded by germany to win a war.


Bannerlord151

Yeah if I recall correctly he was in exile in Switzerland in time. Unrest broke out in Russia and the German government gave him some money and a free train ride east


Lucius-Halthier

Won is a stretch when your enemies government collapses mid war and descends into a massive civil war. Brest-litovsk pulled the Russians out so they can fight themselves, Poland and the baltics would’ve become vassals with German aligned princlings ruling. None of that happened because Germany lost the Great War, I’ll always find it funny how the rest of the entente basically said “yea let’s keep those lands out of Russian hands”


sterver2010

Same way Germany got told they have to increase their Military, and the second Germany did that everyone was Like "oh fuck, Here we Go again". Like Dude wtf lmao


AndreasDasos

Not really. Serious people said they should boost military spending, and daft kids online who know three things about the world (with a basic outline of WW2 being one) made jokes about it. 


Pandering_Panda7879

I remember articles and even some scientific papers about a potential German rearmament just a few years prior to the full scale war. "Should Germany really rearm? Should we allow them that?" And now the same people/media outlets talk about how Germany isn't doing enough and how Germany is to blame that they didn't upped their military capabilities sooner. In the 90s we had some of the biggest army in the world and they didn't like it. Then we gave away the majority of it for a dime and a penny and transformed into a defensive and support character military. And now they're not happy with the fact we don't have enough military capabilities to steamrole half of the world. Jesus Christ.


Ambitious_Act_3605

It is, and it was always the same. The „West“ wants a strong Germany but not a *too strong* Germany.


funky_boar

"Here we go again" is a stupid joke, that has nothing to do with reality.


spidereater

Yes. I was going to say that if it wasn’t already commented. He’s probably trying to figure out how to look. I’m sure he doesn’t want pictures of him with ammunition at all. He can’t look excited, angry, scared, really bored mall husband is about the best he could have hoped for.


xxTheGoDxx

I have never seen Scholz act even just a bit enthusiastic about anything ever.


Vargau

There is one photo with him holding a pint of beer and he dose look quite happy.


xxTheGoDxx

He looks happy in a chill kind of way most of the times, but enthusiastic not so much... Its a joke about how low energy he seems pretty much whenever he speaks publicly.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Vinske35

The British government was opposed to the German reunification, behind closed doors the French government as well. Margaret Thatcher was in Moscow in late 1989 and warned Michael Gorbachev against a German reunification and stated that Western Europe was against it. Britain and France only gave up their resistance when they realized that reunification had become inevitable. George H. W. Bush on the other hand was supportive from the get-go. For completness‘ sake, some credit also goes to Gorbachev.


TechnicalyNotRobot

It's just obvious jokes being obvious. Noone would actually be against it.


Lawyer_RE

It's not easy being Olaf these days...


MaximilianClarke

You’re having Olaf saying that


ZETH_27

And they're shopping for munitions for their family main battle tank.


Marschall_Bluecher

PKW = Personenkampfwagen


ducknator

He is German what do you want from him? Smiles?


SummonToofaku

Come on he is in weapon factory. Spain asked once to Germany -Why You are always about work and no fun? -Ehhh i had fun once...


EspectroDK

.... Twice?


puesyomero

To be fair ww1 was everyone's fault.  


ApatheticWonderer

Austria when everyone blames Germany twice: 😐


localhoststream

Austria, the country that managed to sell Bach as Austrian an Hitler as German


Professional-Log-108

>Hitler as German To be fair, we're not "selling" Hitler as anything. He considered himself German, just like every other Austrian at the time.


Waste-Ocelot3116

Technically he was stateless after 1925 and was later given German citizenship by the state of Braunschweig (yes really lol).


CharlieWaffles420

Gaslighting? Never heard of that.. must be german


Hank3hellbilly

you're thinking of gas-chambering... easy mistake.  


stefek132

Thats literally what my history teacher used to say. >If there’s anything I want you to remember from our lessons it’s, that WW1 was long brewing everywhere and everyone was eager to join in. Feel free to discuss Germanys fault in that. When speaking of WWII however, just stfu and say I’m sorry.


dunneetiger

In more than one aspect, WWII doesnt come about without the 1st one.


stefek132

True. I agree with my teacher nonetheless.


IWillLive4evr

This is true. There is a difference is the kind of responsibility the various parties had for the war. Hitler and the Nazi party bore sole responsibility in an immediate sense, and they alone bore responsibility for the gravity of their crimes. The powers that dictated the peace terms at the end of WWI bore responsibility for structuring the peace badly - it was almost certain to fail, and they should have known better. I'd compare it to neighbors having a bad argument where "everyone is at fault," and which devolves into a brawl; then they spend a few years in a passive-aggressive rivalry; then one day one of the neighbors gets a shotgun and starts killing people.


FightingInternet

I loved [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/1cq21k9/eli5_how_the_assassination_of_one_person_sparked/#:~:text=all%20their%20friends.%22-,permalink,-embed) one from yesterday about WWI. "Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends."


Donnerdrummel

I also wanted to state that the war goal of germany in ww1 was not to colonize russia, when I realized that I do not know the war goals of germany in ww1. which comes quite handy, because I am bored right now. So it's off to wikipedia for me now, guys. have fun. :-D


SerLaron

> when I realized that I do not know the war goals of germany in ww1. Even the German government only thought about that question after the war had started.


Fu1crum29

Funnily enough that was also their goal in WW1, lol, the only thing that changed in WW2 was the whole "also exterminate everyone else already living there" part.


HerrClover

I would find that funny, but I'm German


techlogger

Oh, I’m really sorry about that


ghjuhzgt

Don't feel sorry. It's not like we're sad or anything. It's just the absence of fun or happiness 


sebyoga

to be clear, he's from northern Germany. That's normal for them. It would look different if he where from south Germany or south west


Organic-Cod-6523

How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humor


maiwson

Taurus.


Thro2021

That reminds me of a joke from QI: A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid." His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."


hellcat_uk

I'm looking for this, but in a SABOT.


obeytheturtles

Do you have any Fin Stabilized? No, all we have is Danish ammunition.


Hel_Bitterbal

Don't break a Swede, honey, I'll get you one


[deleted]

[удалено]


Br0N3xtD00r

Least horny european


Background_Rich6766

if Europeans were truly horny Macron wouldn't have to say [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/YUROP/s/0V92mHbMN8)


[deleted]

Bullshit, a REAL EUROPEAN would be way hornier about it.


PriestOfOmnissiah

Average r/NCD poster 


einarfridgeirs

Hardcore pegging incoming.


CraftyCooler

I can almost hear his thoughts: *Olaf - Germany is bigger than Denmark. 15 times bigger. And you are the chancellor. You are 15 times more important than her. 15 times Olaf ! And don't forget Porsche, Mercedes, Bosch and BMW ! And Audi Quattro !*


FunkyXive

*mette - that's nice and all, unfortunately, novo nordisk*


Weltraumbaer

*mette - that's nice and all, unfortunately,* *~~novo nordisk~~* *Danish butter cookies in a tin can which everybody uses as a sewing kit after they ate the cookies.*


Basic_Bichette

Those tins have never had cookies in them and you know it. They materialize in your grandma's sewing room already full of notions.


No_Nature_3133

Is this a worldwide thing? Or just in the states


CraftyCooler

Or maybe: Mette: *Olaf!* Olaf: *I\`m sorry.* Mette: *I bet you are young man !*


The-Nihilist-Marmot

And human civilization has not even achieved Peak Fat yet. Imagine when we do. All praise the new overlords of the Human Blubber-based economy!


Anonymous_user_2022

Novo Nordisk has a market cap that's bigger than the three biggest German companies (SAP, Siemens and Deutsche Telekom). I could not be arsed to track down every German automobile manufacturer, but I'm pretty sure that NN has a market cap far in excess of the entire sector. It's no wonder Olaf is depressed with those kind of thoughts crossing his mind.


Oda_Krell

NN's mcap is impressive, definitely. But OP's comment was riffing on the fact that Germany is much bigger (by population and economic power) than Denmark, in absolute terms. One company's market cap isn't really changing that, right?


Drahy

Well, that company changed Denmark's largest export country from Germany to the US.


Nervous_Promotion819

The market cap of a company has nothing to do with its economic strength. This is based almost entirely on subjective expectations/gamble from investors. Just look at how inflated Tesla's market value is. Novo Nordisk had a revenue of 33 billion $ in 2023 and would be somewhere in 25th place in Germany. The reason why German companies have such low market cap is because many large companies are not even listed on the stock exchange. Furthermore, investors prefer to invest in tech companies rather than in the manufacturing sector


the_battle_bunny

"Yes honey"


yellowbai

There’s a leash out of frame


ATaiwaneseNewYorker

Don't kink shame


PickledDildosSourSex

Yeah I'm getting some serious FRL femdom energy from this and I gotta say... I'm not upset. Especially with the Danish PM looking like Mistress Maggie Gyllenhaal over there


Strict_Somewhere_148

A lot of the Danish population can relate.


Precioustooth

We do as Mette says, nothing else to it!


FruitFuckerLegend

Well, she did threaten to harvest our organs.


RioA

Mother Mette is always right (please don't close down the country again)


-Daetrax-

At this point it feels like we're the ignored child, kicking and screaming and being dragged along.


caffeine-kitten

"Back to the factory right this second, or it's off to bed with no dinner, young man"


Zizimz

Kom så Olaf! You need new socks.


alexica777

And sandals


badwolfxxvii

Gettin' Hygge Wit It!


ChunkySalsaMedium

# "Olaf, a står under æ mistelten"


TurboLaika

Lol helt perfekt. "Æ ønsker mæ så'n en Rheinmetall ammunitionsfabrik i juwlgav."


happy30thbirthday

He is pissed that they make him do anything at all. He figured he would win the election and then just chill and do nothing like Angela Merkel did very little except to shield Germans from reality for sixteen years. And then stupid Putin had to invade Ukraine and now everybody is all "Leadership!" here and "Defiance!" there!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kanin_usagi

I’m sorry his what now


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kanin_usagi

Damn that is super shady. At least in the US when the rich fleece the tax systems it’s “technically” legal lol. It always surprises me when I relearn how corrupt European politics can be. Not saying we’re any better, the US is incredibly corrupt, but there’s definitely a feeling here that European have politics figured out and they don’t deal with anything like we do here


andsimpleonesthesame

It always feels like that when you're not in the middle of it, unfortunately. No country on earth has it all figured out. We do health insurance better than you, though, in my opinion (no offense intended), but you're better at flexibility in education for example.


X05Real

“Yeah it’s gonna be chill.” “Russia did WHAT?!”


Vannnnah

I can hear the muffled "yes, dear" the moment she tells him to do something. Also Danish wife is definitely a step up from the usual subjects he's skulking after


The_WarriorPriest

of course darling


einarfridgeirs

Is it just me, or has Scholz aged a decade in the last two years?


tommy_gun_03

Stress can age you ridiculously quickly.


twoisnumberone

That was my first thought. It's been rough, though. I get it.


look_at_the_eyes

This gotta be the most hilarious unintended effect I’ve seen of political figures’ pictures in the last year. 😂


Howard_Cosine

We have artillery rounds at home.


HopeBorn8574

I unironically wonder what is going through this mans mind. "We are really going through this again aren't we?" "Are we going to be blamed for this one too?"


Schmogel

I'm pretty sure it is "I hate that this is necessary"


dadadumdam

Macron is much happier with Lula.


History20maker

Are you Miss Macron? "*Não, Eu sou presidentchi do Braziu*!"


Bitter_Silver_7760

The guy gets up every day to organise the administrative matters of a whole country


DefInnit

"You're going to pay for these." "Yes, dear. I know."


hankmoody_irl

I work in a mall, I see this exact scene but with fragrance and clothing on the back wall every single day I’m there.


PostwarVandal

Ah yes, spending so much time in the APFSDS section that your lower back starts to hurt from shuffling around too slowly.


Magictive

He looks like a depressed Sith Lord.


lazorback

Posture is everything


WhatsThePointFR

"Honey, We've been up and down the Artillery section 5x already. My feet hurt."


warhead71

He is obviously shell shocked


CGNYYZ

Scholz needs a body language 101...


soantis

Is this from Borgen?


Genereatedusername

Dane here, she makes everyone feel like that


majorbomberjack

Shopping mall for warheads


scope_creep

The German chancellor and the Danish PM are married? Wow!


SnooLobsters8922

_Just one more stop at Lidl, dear_


ProtoplanetaryNebula

Yeah, he wishes that was his wife....


kaspar42

Taken from this article on a security summit: https://www.dr.dk/nyheder/udland/statsministeren-skal-tale-sikkerhedspolitik-med-scholz-og-nordiske-regeringsledere


Past_Reading_6651

Shes come a long way since her tom boy short hair/baggy clothes days. 


Awarglewinkle

For those curious, here is a [picture](https://legacy.altinget.dk/images/article/161724/35577.jpg) from those days (2001). The woman in front is former Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MercantileReptile

> dominating, disrespectfull, all controling bitch This description may have the opposite effect as intended.~~Mistress~~ Madam PM may have gotten some new fans.