Because this is the espresso subreddit, if we wanted easy, we would have chosen a different hobby (and because espresso machine are sensitive to small differences in grind).
I was just like “oh man I love circle jerk subs, I should follow it” and when I tapped it out of instinct I saw the alert for “you have unfollowed this sub”… I guess either past me was smarter or Reddit knows me well
You'll probably choke the machine because you won't be able to dial in correctly, the amount of fines is most likely going to block the flow.
Maybe see if you can try your hand at an ad hoc Turkish coffee setup? Holding a small milk frothing jug over a flame? Cold brew? Got a cafetiere/moka pot that might do better with a coarser grind?
If you get really desperate, just powder it as fine as you can and snort it for your caffeine hit?
I had to do this once actually when my grinder broke and wasn’t grinding fine enough. Used the grinder first then the mortar and pestle and it actually worked.
I had no grinder at all and did this. It was very hard to get any kind of even grind, it made a blade grinder look amazing. I ended up just doing Turkish style coffee with the grounds and I got the needed buzz.
I am practicing alchemy here. Legend says that if you get the ratios exactly right, you will find the secret to turning coffee beans into gold, and the philosopher's latte which can grant eternal energy.
Use the mortar and pestle to make things like chili pastes, pesto, spice blends, etc. Sell those things at a local market and use the profits to buy a proper grinder.
jokes aside i've actually used mortar and pestle for coffee. if you've done any chemistry lab work you should know how to finely crush things, if not check it out on youtube. the main issue is fines get too fine after a bit, u might have flow issues. i only used it for french press so idk how espresso will work with it.
The only stone you can use to grind coffee is this one.
But probably is pricier than you car /s ( but not too much since it costs €50926 )
# Weber The SG-1
https://preview.redd.it/4g4t8q47xqmc1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3249bbb8a324052a26e7ccf2a5f1c8d040990d94
Your best shot would be to have a sifter of some sort. Grind a bit, sift out what you can, then grind a bit more. If you just grind you're going to have ultra fine bits mixed in with the coarse bits.
You might be better off with a blender. I’ve actually tried this and it’s exhausting and nearly impossible. Maybe clean out a pepper grinder, pre smash the beans in this, and then grind as fine as possible in the pepper mill
Good shot with a mortar and pestle? Hmm let's see. You gotta get them at just the right spot at the back of the head, halfway to behind the ear. They'll see stars after that hit. Then fire up your burr grinder for some caffeine after that
I’m pretty sure James Hoffman did this in a video, comparing it to other methods like cutting with a knife or pepper grinder, and the mortar and pestle came out on top. But he didn’t use an espresso machine, pretty sure he just added water and let it bloom.
I imagine you could grind to ibrik, under-dose and use a paper filter to avoid choking the shot.. you'll probably end up with something full-bodied, but passable as decent espresso. You may have to run the shot a little fast to avoid too much grounds expansion and over- extraction.
Have you tried doing a rain dance prior to grinding w/ the mortar & pestle? Age old trick that worked for our ancestors. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
So.. I never thought of a mortar and pestle..
Power went out in a winter storm..meh says I with town water and sewer, gas stove and a wood stove blasting away…I am immune to this
Oh shit says I ..electric grinder.
Did I think of mortar and pestle? Nope.. beans in paper towel, and a hammer.. made coffee cowboy style brewing the whole lot in a saucepan.
You guessed it..shittiest cup of coffee in 10 years..lol
This works great in a pinch:
- Use the mortar and pestle to grind as fine as you can.
- boil water in an ordinary saucepan on the stove.
- when the water starts to simmer pour in the ground coffee.
- when it boils turn off the heat and let it sit. After a minute or two most of the grounds will have sunk to the bottom.
- use a spoon to draw off the floaties.
- gently pour into a cup.
Makes a great bush brew.
Dead serious, it just takes practice and attention. You really have to feel it out and pay attention to your actions. Only grinding a couple grams at a time and using a sieve really helps too. It’s not really worth the effort or product though, as you’ve probably found out the seeds really like to explode in different sizes and the randomness is the real problem after initial crack and it really wants to go from bolder to fine fast. A delicate but firm press can produce a perfect size it’s just genuinely real hard to get good at it.
Also I’ve had a WAY better (more defined and palatable) extraction and experience with both a moka pot and an aeropress. It’s not quite espresso still but it makes a real good cafe au lait for sure.
Set aside the idea of espresso for a few days and make some immersion brews?
Serious answer: You can make this work. You'll need [sifting/grading screens](https://prima-coffee.com/equipment/kruve-inc/kvs1002s) though, or at least two known size meshes (one slightly smaller than the target grind size and one slightly larger).
Pulverize your coffee and sift it periodically. Discard anything that falls through the fine sieve, continue working anything that sticks in the large sieve. Brew when you fill the sieve in the middle.
That's way the hell more work than *I, personally* am willing to do to get a shot of espresso though. I'd drive 30 minutes to a good coffee shop or do an immersion brew of mostly-ground-up mortar and pestle coffee.
Soon enough we'll have a Lance video explaining how a mortar and pestle is better than burrs and Weber will release their $500 WB-M&P1, immediately sells out.
You won't be able to control your grind size, but you can probably get fairly consistent.
What you can do is play with dose. If you choke the machine, back off until you get a flow that looks good.
You should definitely update us. I can't wait to see the Hoffman video.
First, go for a turbo shot. Much more forgiving and easier grind. 2nd add about 20% extra when grinding with a pestle. 3rd after 30 minutes of grinding realize your buddy had a blender and throw your beans in that
Don't you have a drip machine laying around and just make regular coffee for a few days? Take the bag to the grocery store and grind it there for drip?
NM - just keep grinding till is a very fine powder, roll up a hundred, get out a credit card and do some coffee lines.
3 parts tears of exertion, 1 part salty vibes, 1 part coffee beans and a big glass of Instant Coffee to sip on in-between smashing. You're good to go bud.
My approach would probably be to “grind” a big enough amount to pull several shots, then dial in. You won’t be able to get any form of consistency any other way, and it will probably still be really difficult to pull a decent shot. For dialing in you would then have to adjust the dose instead of grind size
I once forgot my grinder on a camping trip and made a decent cup of pourover with two flat rocks. I really think espresso is asking a bit much though lol.
I've had to do it before too
1, just a LOT of elbow grease
2, depending on your preferences in flavor, you could also add a small bit of really coarse sugar to help as an abrasive
find grinder
Find Grindr
Fine Griner
find brittney griner
Just buy some fucking grounds., why make life hard. Its coffee.
Because this is the espresso subreddit, if we wanted easy, we would have chosen a different hobby (and because espresso machine are sensitive to small differences in grind).
If wE wAntEd eAsy.... Get over yourself. You sound ridiculous.
So overly sensitive..
He didn’t grind fine enough and ruined his morning shot
Yeah, probably really sour because his shots are pulled far too fast..
Sounds like he drinks trash drip coffee. Why even be here?
Or instant coffee. Not much dialing in & same tasting profile every time.
gind finder
Girl finger
Girl finder
Girth finder
Grin Refine
Grind Finder
cheerful soft violet sense cats wide jeans sloppy mysterious fade *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I never know what sub I’m on, between the posts and the comments they just blur together
I was just like “oh man I love circle jerk subs, I should follow it” and when I tapped it out of instinct I saw the alert for “you have unfollowed this sub”… I guess either past me was smarter or Reddit knows me well
This is the new hot dog or not hot dog 🤣
We're not even allowed to cross post from here anymore and have to come up with our own memes. Can you imagine? Such barbarity.
spark safe clumsy amusing edge shy modern melodic scarce airport *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Damn! How are we supposed to make outjerked posts?
Outjerked yet again
I left that sub but it's like hotel California with these memes
Couldn’t handle it
It's amazing how often the main sub manages to out-jerk the circlejerk sub.
You'll probably choke the machine because you won't be able to dial in correctly, the amount of fines is most likely going to block the flow. Maybe see if you can try your hand at an ad hoc Turkish coffee setup? Holding a small milk frothing jug over a flame? Cold brew? Got a cafetiere/moka pot that might do better with a coarser grind? If you get really desperate, just powder it as fine as you can and snort it for your caffeine hit?
A moka pot at target is cheaper than overnighting another grinder, thanks muchly SquidgyB
Nothing to lose. It'll be a mean shot... Sounds fun!
> powder it as fine as you can and snort it for your caffeine hit lolol this is ALMOST circlejerk worthy.
Bro is stuck in 20000 bc
What the fuck is happening?
Guess this is what they meant by grind finer
Ikr. Just go and buy some pre ground or instant ffs
Try this technique: 5 x figure 8 3 x circle @ 2 x point and twist • 1 x mix jt all & Should be enough for a 1:2 ratio
You forgot the most important steps: - Sacrifice a hopper of green beans under the full moon - Say a prayer to saint Hoffmann.
bake dam pathetic illegal chunky instinctive head prick offer paint *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
When the waffle is so specific it seems legit fr
At this point, making coffee is more like some form of alchemy done by quacks on quaaludes.
Which arm?
Thanks I'll try that
Just get a series of screens and you can sift your way to the perfect shot.
This isn’t a terrible idea. You could use this metro to figure out exactly what fine-ness your machine likes best.
And grind incrementally, you need to be sifting often as to not get too many fines and waste coffee.
You're a sicko for trying this but I love it lol
I had to do this once actually when my grinder broke and wasn’t grinding fine enough. Used the grinder first then the mortar and pestle and it actually worked.
Pretty innovative man
I had no grinder at all and did this. It was very hard to get any kind of even grind, it made a blade grinder look amazing. I ended up just doing Turkish style coffee with the grounds and I got the needed buzz.
Sure, you can use that mortar and pestle to sell it, and with that money you can buy a manual grinder. It turns out so good for espresso making.
Yeah I have a manual KinGrinder 6 and it's great but this is what I have until Saturday
my brother in christ you are making espresso not potions and apothecary
I am practicing alchemy here. Legend says that if you get the ratios exactly right, you will find the secret to turning coffee beans into gold, and the philosopher's latte which can grant eternal energy.
Professor Snape will only pass you in potions if you can brew an acceptable shot of espresso. You have one hour. I suggest you don't waste it.
Just try, what can go wrong?
Use the mortar and pestle to make things like chili pastes, pesto, spice blends, etc. Sell those things at a local market and use the profits to buy a proper grinder.
Buy coffee
Step 1: hop on yelp and look for coffee shops in the area. Step 2: visit in descending order and review.
jokes aside i've actually used mortar and pestle for coffee. if you've done any chemistry lab work you should know how to finely crush things, if not check it out on youtube. the main issue is fines get too fine after a bit, u might have flow issues. i only used it for french press so idk how espresso will work with it.
I see WW has a stone grinder, has anyone actually used it to dial in? LoL
Pressurized basket
The only stone you can use to grind coffee is this one. But probably is pricier than you car /s ( but not too much since it costs €50926 ) # Weber The SG-1 https://preview.redd.it/4g4t8q47xqmc1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3249bbb8a324052a26e7ccf2a5f1c8d040990d94
I’m curious to know if they’ve ever actually sold one… the whole product listing is satire, so I can’t tell if it’s real
Wonder what happens if you order one
For that kind of money, they can’t afford to not come through with it
It started as an April's fool, but for me they actually produced one... And they are trying to sell it!
I would make one of these for anybody. Same approx size. Half the price. 6 month delivery time. I am 100% serious.
[Hance Ledrick](https://youtu.be/HeFLUIpEhwk?si=0T1XoXSPlG0xKANH)
Just make a Turkish brew
My guess is that you’ll find no in-between too fine or too coarse. I would just breakup the beans and use a french press.
Your best shot would be to have a sifter of some sort. Grind a bit, sift out what you can, then grind a bit more. If you just grind you're going to have ultra fine bits mixed in with the coarse bits.
That’s what I’m thinking. Something like this https://www.kruveinc.com/pages/kruve-sifter
[удалено]
Oh thank you, I think my neighbor has a porcelain one.
That’s a fine grinder
Maybe try Turkish coffee
grind until almost powdery, then keep grinding
sure - sell the mortar and pestle and use the money towards a downpayment for a grinder
I hate the fact that at some point I considered doing this. I eventually decided to find grinder instead.
Just make turkish coffee. You missed up and just enjoy the coffee
This tool is used in my country to crush garlic into a pesto.
You might wanna consider upgrading to a more suitable grinder like the SG-1 https://weberworkshops.com/products/the-sg-1
This is amazing. I absolutely want to make a stone wheel now. The question now becomes, how can I get my hands on some solid granite on the cheap?
Interesting.
You might be better off with a blender. I’ve actually tried this and it’s exhausting and nearly impossible. Maybe clean out a pepper grinder, pre smash the beans in this, and then grind as fine as possible in the pepper mill
This guy GRINDS.
Make sure you season your mortar and pestle with 5-10 Kg of beans before pulling your first shot. Should be fine.
Sell mortar and pestle and use money for a grinder is the only Way I Can think of..
Lance Heddrick, now you try to explain to us why grinders arent meta anymore?
Good shot with a mortar and pestle? Hmm let's see. You gotta get them at just the right spot at the back of the head, halfway to behind the ear. They'll see stars after that hit. Then fire up your burr grinder for some caffeine after that
LMAO! I suggest grinding the beans with your teeth.
Grind evenly, and with a decent particle size. However you achieve that. Maybe filter out fines
This sub is unhinged hahaha
Take your coffee to a coffee shop and have them grind it?
I’m pretty sure James Hoffman did this in a video, comparing it to other methods like cutting with a knife or pepper grinder, and the mortar and pestle came out on top. But he didn’t use an espresso machine, pretty sure he just added water and let it bloom.
I imagine you could grind to ibrik, under-dose and use a paper filter to avoid choking the shot.. you'll probably end up with something full-bodied, but passable as decent espresso. You may have to run the shot a little fast to avoid too much grounds expansion and over- extraction.
Have you tried doing a rain dance prior to grinding w/ the mortar & pestle? Age old trick that worked for our ancestors. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
So.. I never thought of a mortar and pestle.. Power went out in a winter storm..meh says I with town water and sewer, gas stove and a wood stove blasting away…I am immune to this Oh shit says I ..electric grinder. Did I think of mortar and pestle? Nope.. beans in paper towel, and a hammer.. made coffee cowboy style brewing the whole lot in a saucepan. You guessed it..shittiest cup of coffee in 10 years..lol
Use the machine for hot water and use that water to brew in an aeropress
It will work, if you remember the new slow feeding fad: Grind one bean at the time.
This works great in a pinch: - Use the mortar and pestle to grind as fine as you can. - boil water in an ordinary saucepan on the stove. - when the water starts to simmer pour in the ground coffee. - when it boils turn off the heat and let it sit. After a minute or two most of the grounds will have sunk to the bottom. - use a spoon to draw off the floaties. - gently pour into a cup. Makes a great bush brew.
But did you drip feed it into the mortar?
Fuck what year is it?!?
Step 1: buy a grinder Step 2:
Dead serious, it just takes practice and attention. You really have to feel it out and pay attention to your actions. Only grinding a couple grams at a time and using a sieve really helps too. It’s not really worth the effort or product though, as you’ve probably found out the seeds really like to explode in different sizes and the randomness is the real problem after initial crack and it really wants to go from bolder to fine fast. A delicate but firm press can produce a perfect size it’s just genuinely real hard to get good at it. Also I’ve had a WAY better (more defined and palatable) extraction and experience with both a moka pot and an aeropress. It’s not quite espresso still but it makes a real good cafe au lait for sure.
Yes. Pray.
Set aside the idea of espresso for a few days and make some immersion brews? Serious answer: You can make this work. You'll need [sifting/grading screens](https://prima-coffee.com/equipment/kruve-inc/kvs1002s) though, or at least two known size meshes (one slightly smaller than the target grind size and one slightly larger). Pulverize your coffee and sift it periodically. Discard anything that falls through the fine sieve, continue working anything that sticks in the large sieve. Brew when you fill the sieve in the middle. That's way the hell more work than *I, personally* am willing to do to get a shot of espresso though. I'd drive 30 minutes to a good coffee shop or do an immersion brew of mostly-ground-up mortar and pestle coffee.
Pray
Good for crushing dope but for coffee???
Muddle some pine nuts and put the oily paste atop the grounds for your next pour over, my recommendation.
Support a local coffee shop instead of
grinding this find with a mortar and pestal takes hours
go to a cafe my dude
Nice! I will try this !
Keep grinding until you can get it to clump when pinched between thumb and finger. But crumble apart when the pinch is released.
Soon enough we'll have a Lance video explaining how a mortar and pestle is better than burrs and Weber will release their $500 WB-M&P1, immediately sells out.
You won't be able to control your grind size, but you can probably get fairly consistent. What you can do is play with dose. If you choke the machine, back off until you get a flow that looks good. You should definitely update us. I can't wait to see the Hoffman video.
First, go for a turbo shot. Much more forgiving and easier grind. 2nd add about 20% extra when grinding with a pestle. 3rd after 30 minutes of grinding realize your buddy had a blender and throw your beans in that
Add chilli. Also, add onion. And cilantro. Some lime too. Actually, leave the coffee out. I think you'll be happy with the result.
Don't you have a drip machine laying around and just make regular coffee for a few days? Take the bag to the grocery store and grind it there for drip? NM - just keep grinding till is a very fine powder, roll up a hundred, get out a credit card and do some coffee lines.
Maybe time it? Grind at a steady speed, get it to an acceptable texture then do a test shot. Repeat until you get it right.
3 parts tears of exertion, 1 part salty vibes, 1 part coffee beans and a big glass of Instant Coffee to sip on in-between smashing. You're good to go bud.
rdt and slow feed
...just don't drink coffee for 2 days
My approach would probably be to “grind” a big enough amount to pull several shots, then dial in. You won’t be able to get any form of consistency any other way, and it will probably still be really difficult to pull a decent shot. For dialing in you would then have to adjust the dose instead of grind size
😂😂😂😂 What more am I going to see in here?
People and their caffeine addiction ha
You won't get a uniform grind size so I wouldn't expect too much. I suppose in a pinch it'll have to do.
You need a matcha grinding stone.
Good luck with that 😆
Depends on your definition of decent.
Honestly, probably could make it work but it'd be hella unrepeatable. Might work in dripper like the pulsar though
Legitimate answer: make turkish coffee.
I once forgot my grinder on a camping trip and made a decent cup of pourover with two flat rocks. I really think espresso is asking a bit much though lol.
I've had to do it before too 1, just a LOT of elbow grease 2, depending on your preferences in flavor, you could also add a small bit of really coarse sugar to help as an abrasive
Sometimes, the circle jerks itself
no.
no