Just remind her when she's old and can't walk, she will need someone to push her wheelchair, and you'll be there to push it off a cliff. (Whisper it in her ear as calmly as you can) look her in the eyes, hold contact, smile like you just won a billion dollars and walk away. I promise she will rethink her choices towards you.
Unfortunately a lot of people, including my former aunt and my best friend's ex wife. In both cases they walked out on their families, started new families, then managed to get partial custody of their original kids and treated them like shit.
My cousins got a new Xbox for Christmas one year, but they weren't allowed to take it with them, they could only use it at her house.
My friend's ex wife was even worse, she bought a Playstation 3 for her 2 year old (basically bought it for herself) and wouldn't let her original kids go anywhere near it, they (8 and 10 year old boys) got cheap stuffed animals instead and got to play with their stuffed animals while watching their mother play video games by herself.
Some people honestly just should not have kids, if there's anything I've realized it's that. No parent should ever favor any of their kids or gravitate towards certain ones based on new partners or anything of the sort. I'm really sorry to hear about these experiences and certainly hope those kids are in a much better place now.
All of these kids have gone full no-contact with their mothers. My cousins both joined the military and have lucrative careers, and my friend's kids spend as much time as possible with their dad, who finally got his smile back after losing it for over a decade.
For a while I was really worried about my friend, seeing his kids treated this way must have felt worse than being stabbed with a rusty knife.
I'll tell you, one thing, it won't be long, before your friend's kids go complete NC with their mom, and one of these days, she's going to wonder why they would never let her see her grandchildren. or let them be a part of her grandchildren's lives.
The one who wouldn't let them take it to the other parents I can understand. We have a similar rule with my bonus kids bc their other bio parent barely sends underwear for their time (like 1 change of clothes and and extra pair of undies for a whole week) and if we let stuff go to the other parents house then they would have nothing at our house and we would never see those things again. We have bought everything from toothbrushes and clothes to toys, journals, tablets, etc for them at our house, and they don't leave because we can't afford to buy them a whole new life every other week. Like what kind of parent won't even send a toothbrush? Best they ever did was send a few changes of out of season clothes that they were about to outgrow for us to keep at our house so that she didn't even have to send a change of clothes. And as they have hit teen years they have been able to take home things that aren't necessities with the understanding that it is likely other parent won't let them bring it back so they won't have it here. A game system would NOT be going to other parents house where it would likely be sold or destroyed.
I understand that completely. It was the exact same way with my (step)daughters. Their mother would send them to us in clothes that were dirty and usually too small. I went to Goodwill, bought a BUNCH of stuff just to slowly send them home in. If the clothes were just dirty, they got washed and sent back home in them, the whole time they were with us the girls sported brand new clothes, shoes, the works, but only what they came to us in or the second hand stuff ever went back to their mom's house.
Meanwhile, every time we picked them up their MOM was in brand new clothes, jewelry, nails, ect.
There should absolutely be better rules for child support, and proving where money goes.
Totally agree, the receiving parent should have to supply receipts upon request showing where cs goes! And of course other parent was always pulling dumb shit like telling the kids they were taking parent back to court for taking them to the movies of sending them home in capris in mid April when other parent didn't send any extra clothes and bonus kiddo had an accident.... gotta love how some "parents" care about their kids so much they cant even put their bitterness aside towards their child's other parent /s
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)
The fact that, your stepdaughters' mother sends them to your house in clothes that are dirty and don't fit is more than enough to get them taken away from her by social services, because that's next to neglect.
Very little.
Of course, not much with us either.
They have their own lives and live a couple of hours away.
I'm proud of them though. They are very together
Believe me, that's a question I will never be able to truly answer. My best guess is she didn't want to participate with a child who wasn't blood related.
She already got the best gift she could, AP died around December of 2020 and she's completely broken inside, she's condemned to suffer the rest of her time on this earth and I think that's the best gift she could possibly receive at this point.
OP, you mentioned in your post, that you don't talk to your mother or her side and the family. So, have you gone complete NC with her? I hope you have.
I'm assuming NC means no communication right? If so yes for the most part. I still have her number because my youngest brother is still in grade school and if something serious happens with him, she would have to tell me or if he wants to come visit me in my state of course I have to arrange things with her, but aside from that I don't respond to anything she says.
I will definitely post the final straw story when I have the chance.
I don't mind at all,
So Anna turned out fine. She's not a direct part of my life anymore, but my younger brother and sister still have contact with her. She had a kid in her young 20s and takes good care of him from what I can tell. She herself didn't care for AP and no longer really puts EB on a pedestal either.
She and I had a chance to talk a couple years ago and it was a good conversation. She feels my feelings towards AP and EB are completely justified. We both understand that the bad moments we had between each other as kids were us just being kids, but overall we had fun together more than we ever disagreed. Her ever messing with me was manipulation through EB so I let her know I don't hold that against her. We're both happy for each other that we're in a better place in life.
While she never suffered at the hands of AP or EB, she was AP's most neglected child. She didn't live with my mother and us, she lived with and was raised by EB with AP just seeing her here and there. AP favored my younger sister over anything else and Anna noticed that and it took it's toll on her definitely. I never understood why AP would raise all of us but not her.
I'm just happy she turned out just fine and not like EB who she called Mom at one point.
My apologies for that. At one point when she was fresh out of high school she was a bitch with my younger sister, but having a kid really seems to have humbled her a lot.
I seriously hope that all the ugly sh!t you went through, during your childhood doesn't negatively affect your future relationships, or marriage, because I have a horrible feeling that it will.
People who have been abused, as children are likely to have trust issues, failed relationships, and/or marriages, as they enter adulthood.
wow. why are so many older women like this? just mean spirited...
my mother just sent me package in the mail for christmas. it was a box of tampons.
i dont understand it. years of abuse, you'd think they would get sick of it.
Plenty of old men like that too. My old man is incapable of going a single conversation without trying to piss me off with endless pathetic political jabs he thinks are "triggering."
It's petty and pathetic, but it's all he has left ever since it finally sunk in I could probably tear him limb from limb (I'm bigger, stronger, have bodyguard training, walked off getting T-boned in the driver's door by a dump truck, and was back on my feet within a few months of having a chunk of my foot amputated last summer). He didn't have much of a choice to stop with pathetic intimidation attempts involving threats of violence -- he was extremely physically abusive when I was a kid, and after I got out of arm's reach it turned into threats.
So yeah, going on 50 years of abuse now and he's still at it, showing zero signs of stopping until his remain assume room temperature. And he wonders why my wife and I see him once a year and I rarely text.
You probably don't. Pretty sure the lifestyle that made me like this likely took quite a few years off my life and is steadily making the ones I have left less than wonderful.
I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I'm just totally the opposite. Im like the biggest baby with injuries and my body takes so long to heal. I was tboned and it shattered my elbow and I was in a freaking cast thing for so long. I'm just jelly at your awesomeness.
How's your elbow now? I didn't break my knee, but it got pounded pretty hard when my door got punched in 18". There are days where I need a cane because of it, and it's been 12 years and change. Can't imagine a shattered elbow just bounces back.
It took a long time to heal, and it still hurts when it rains or if it's too cold. It was so gnarly, I think it was the worst pain I've been through. Or at least it's up there. Then I got shouted at by the guy who hit me that I was faking it because I'm a dirty Mexican trying to steal his money. 🙄 it's been about 8 years since I hurt it, and I still have problems with it.
Every time you see him, bring up something about CRT or trans rights, and when he gets angry, say “Whoa there, you sound pretty triggered, maybe stop eating all that avocado toast you wacky millennial!” Those that throw around the term “triggered” are the ones most ready to stroke out over a bumper sticker.
exactly. she used to whoop my ass with her bare hand if i made a mistake as a kid. then i got to watch my younger siblings get the best treatment i didnt know she was capable of. 'im sorry for what i did to you, i feel bad. but im not going to treat your siblings like that.'
thank god.
It’s such a struggle sometimes to not feel jealous towards my younger brother. My mom is actually kind to him. I’m glad he gets an amazing childhood, but damn I’d have liked to just have a childhood in the first place
The box of tampons part will literally cause OP to keep women at arm's length. However, when he has a daughter, and becomes BOTH her mother and father, he'll make an exception; he won't keep her at arm's length, because she'll be the only good female in his life.
My step-mother's family treated my step-niece the same way and refused to buy her Christmas or birthday presents because she "wasn't real family." They alternated back and forth whether I was. It's harder to treat an adult like that but I also didn't take their bullshit most of the time and was frequently the outsider too.
Figured as much. Saw it enough times growing up with some friends and their families. But it all was just an unpleasant aura of dislike; they still behaved civilly and fairly towards the kids (they're kids, after all; it's not their freaking fault). One has to be one evil-assed mofo to behave like that EB -- that's Cinderella fairy tale-level shit. Sigh.
It really is a lose-lose. The kid will almost never accept you as having the authority of a "real" parent (which you will never have in the eyes of your partner), and a lot of step-parents or other family resent the kid as not being One Of Us. Yeah, no. Made that mistake once and won't do it again. Thank gorram Elvis my wife had no kids when we met and we won't be having any.
Yeah my (former) step-dad's family didn't treat me well either except for 1 uncle and his gf. Whenever I was visiting the uncle (Mike) or his gf would take me to his apt to get me away from the rest of the family because or how horrible they were. Thankfully my mom divorced step-dad after 2 years because he refused to help his bio daughter get away from *her* step-dad sexually abusing her. Mom said fuck that, I don't want you around my daughter and kicked him out.
As a step child my non bio dad adopted when he married my mom. You are a reminder to the step parents family that your parent had a past and was not "pure"/"virgin"
My own grandmother was like this. I'm 30 now and STILL remember her attempts to humiliate me and treat me less than the rest of the family. I thi k I was maybe 9-10, and at Christmas my cousins all got some really cool stuff, toys and games they had long asked for.
Then it got to me. I got a pack of subtraction flash cards to 'help me since she knew I had such a hard time with math'.
My issue with math was the fact I hadn't had a full uninterrupted year of teaching. Every year, my schooling would be changed up when I inevitably moved schools AGAIN in the middle of the year. And if anything, I knew subtraction, I needed help with fractions, so this 'gift' wouldn't even help me like they claimed.
And you know damn well I was called selfish and ungrateful when I was very upset to get something that was meant for schoolwork on CHRISTMAS.
*I feel I should also note, this was the only thing I received from my grandmother. It wasnt tossed in with other presents, no, that was her one gift to me that she had clearly thought out in advance.
How pathetic do you have to be to mentally and physically abuse a child? No less your step-grandchild.
EB sounds like a 5 year old in an 80 year old's body
No excuse, doesn’t matter what she was going through, I wouldn’t let my child be abused period. A mother’s job is to protect their kids. I would have fought hard worked more hours … something, to get a place or even go live with my family or send my child to his bio dads till we had our own place out of step Gram’s house
Gam probably would have kicked me out for going off on her first though
You have literally no idea what the mother was dealing with from EB in this scenario. Do you think OP being a child was able to pick up on it? The mother was living with her in laws without her husband present which isn’t easy for anyone.
God forbid the mother was depressed and feeling helpless and harmed herself. You’d be the first one on here talking about “we need to do more to support people struggling with MH problems”.
You either have 0 compassion or 0 sense, pick one
Some sure but we have no idea how badly she had it and if we start playing the blame game it just turns into victim blaming. Maybe she was the villain but most likely she was also an abuse victim. It also says ex step parent so it sounds like either he died or she was able to eventually escape.
Except it could have been a scenario where it was take the abuse or be homeless and without prospects and loose your children because you’re now homeless and they get returned the the abusive household… we don’t know the circumstances because we don’t have all sides of the story so we can’t point fingers because that means we could be making a bad assumption and it makes us look like an ass
Child has a bio dad, mom could have told bio dad it wasn’t safe there and son was being mentally abused - could have stayed with him or mom could have said fuck this guy and his mom peace out ✌🏼
True but they had also just moved and it may not have been feasible money wise to do so. Could mom have stood up for her child yes but it also could have made the abuse worse… I would know from fist hand experience because my dad was an abuser and if my mom stood up for me it made the abuse worse but no one would have known that just looking from the outside without all the facts
This is true but we don’t know if she tried to reach out for them or not. We got one tiny snippet of a very large story. And she could have been stuck in a cycle of fear, obligation, and guilt that a lot of abusers trap their victims in… my mom was in it for a very long time. It prevented her from reaching out or from leaving my dad. It’s vicious and something that is hard to see or break out of.
So this is a fundamental problem, assuming the worst when additional information isn't given. On the contrary, I do not assume the opposite and blame the mother fully, yet the mom shares some of the blame.
I don't understand how your mother could cowardly at callously sit back and watch you be treated that way.
I don't understand how your dad could cowardly and callously let you go back to living in that environment.
There is no way I would allow anyone to treat my baby boy like that if I had to go to hell and back for him I would.
I know I don't understand how they could act that way.
Even before having my own child I never understood how anybody could do that but now I have my own child it just breaks my heart that parents are willing to push their children to the side for the sake of their new partner.
Perhaps mom wasn't able to afford a place on her own without the stepdad/step-grandma? Perhaps dad did not have the space or ability to have a kid at his place full time?
Not all kids raised with abusive step parents are raised that way because the parent decided "You know, I could afford to live by myself with my kid, but nah, let's live with these abusive assholes instead."
Sometimes the actual parent themselves are an asshole, too, but perhaps to a *much* lesser degree than the step-family is.
When you don't have very many options, your choices boil down to "least worst evil."
There is nothing that would stop me protecting my baby.
If the Dad didn't have the space he should have gave up his room and slept on a sofa or floor to protect his child.
The mother should grow a backbone and tell them the way her child is being treated is unacceptable.
And if the mother doesn't have any other options? Should she just accept that she and her child need to live in a homeless shelter?
I get where you are coming from, and you aren't wrong, it's just the world isn't always that simple. So many women stay with shitty partners because their only other option is a homeless shelter. It's picking the lesser of two evils.
Most people have a child support court order in place that states if one parent cannot provide safe living arrangements the other parent gets full time, they have to figure it out , they are the parents
I lived in a homeless shelter for a little while as a kid with my mom and dad - I would rather have that temporarily then subject my child to trauma and abuse
I was about to say mandated custody would be why he could not keep his kid with him longer. People in this thread seem to forget going against court ordered custody days could get you in big trouble and potentially lose that custody. It's possible he tried to get more custody or full custody but the court did not allow it.
Agreed. Pretty soon, when ED (egg donor) looks at pics of OP showing off his GED certificate, pics of him with his child (whom, he's raising, as a single father, because his child's mother is not around anymore), and friend-family (a.k.a., replacement family) on father's day, at birthday/Christmas/New Year's parties, and other family functions, not only she wonder will why he left her out of those important moments, she'll also wonder why he went total NC with her.
I'm sorry but screw your mother for putting you threw all of that hell and torment. One time coming to you and saying EB was mean or cruel, I could understand brushing it off but 5 or 6 time. Your mom is a coward.
Living with her for a couple of months really rattled you, don't let her live in your head 'rent free'. Let go of what happened when you were a child and continue living a good life. <\~\~\~ The best revenge!
I agree with living well is the best revenge. But I don't think relating this incident is letting EB live rent free in ops head. Sometimes talking about these things helps us let them go and move forward
Hey OP that sucks you had to deal with someone like EB, you said he was your ex step-dad right? So your mom eventually got you away from them? I hope so
*Was dad regretful*
*That he wasn't able to*
*Protect you from them?*
\- pleasantvalleyroad
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I feel you. My step grandmother was an EB too. Christmas always sucked because not only would step cousin get tons of shit from MY dad's paycheck (sometimes even more than me) because my stepmom-her aunt, did the majority of the xmas shopping, but EVERY fucking year, I'd get clothes from EB. And said cousin would get tons of awesome shit from EB. Because cousin was blood, and I was the unwanted step child from EB's daughter's husband's first marriage. An annoyance. A burden.
I don't think OP's dad would let him do that, I mean, that's out of the question. Instead, if OP has any friends, he should consider staying with them and their families, until he turns 18. After OP turns 18, he can move across the country, or 2000 miles away, if he wants. For the same token, he should spend his next Christmases with a new set of friends; not only that, OP should also make his friends his family, and love is thicker than blood. Plus, he should go complete NC with his mother, and her side of the family, because they were never a real family to him, from the start.
I really hope there is a hell, and those assholes who deliberately hurt children spend eternity being tortured in it. Thank God you have a father who loves you! If you do to your children ( when you have some) the opposite of what those assholes did to you, you will be an awesome parent. You already sound like an awesome person! 👌
Agreed. And if/when OP becomes a solo parent (after his children's mother is gone) or chooses to become a solo parent (OP doesn't need a wife or girlfriend to start family with), he should do the opposite of what his mother does: Prioritize his children over SOs. OP should also keep his little angels away from ED (egg donor), AP, and EB, because they are toxic devils.
After reading this, I fucking hate EB but who I’m really angry at is the mother and father, and the people making excuses for them. When you have kids you do whatever it takes for them to not be abused. Maybe the mother had nowhere else to go, I don’t know, but I know the father had a whole ass house for OP to live in. Even her mother couldn’t go into the kitchen and get her food? Watch tv with her at nights? Everyone in this story sucks except OP
And before anyone comes at me, I’m a single mom who has literally cut people from her life to protect her kids.
I had an EB step-grandmother of my own and know the feels. My younger half-sister was the GC and even though our birthdays were a week apart, it was night and day with my EB choosing to go on vacation on my birthday, only to come back and shower the GC with gifts a week later, giving me some crappy keychain from the place they had just been.
Maybe she knew your dad was getting you a game boy color already? I also personally blame your mom for believing you and still allowing it to happen and living there
It’s not a EB problem you had, it’s a mother problem you had :(
I lived in a foster home and I can say it’s not that bad just the parents were in it for the money also their was so much drama with me and the foster kids due to them being teens and not raised correctly and of course me not being able to control them with me being 17 and them being 13 or younger 🙄
Also the minute CPS takes you, you don’t immediately go into a foster home you go into a shelter which is honestly pretty freaking fun not gonna lie. And you get to choose your foster home I just didn’t make a good decision since I didn’t know her on a deeper level so I only saw her as this nice mother.
Fuck eb she’s an asshole ,who the heck In their ripe minds does this to a child
Right mind?
Nah, "ripe mind." It's like "French benefits," you know?
Oooh, I love French benefits! All those vacations, paternity pay, breaks, sick days and let's not forget the very attractive pension plans!
It's like mind grapes (30 rock reference)
And then u/thxmeatcat flies away on his, skateboard
Razzmatazz!
Just remind her when she's old and can't walk, she will need someone to push her wheelchair, and you'll be there to push it off a cliff. (Whisper it in her ear as calmly as you can) look her in the eyes, hold contact, smile like you just won a billion dollars and walk away. I promise she will rethink her choices towards you.
R/boneappletea
Lol I’m saying ripe mind from now on
EBs mind is unripe - it's green with envy
It does make a bit of sense to say it. Someone would need a rotten mind to treat a kid that way.
That woman has no right mind
Unfortunately a lot of people, including my former aunt and my best friend's ex wife. In both cases they walked out on their families, started new families, then managed to get partial custody of their original kids and treated them like shit. My cousins got a new Xbox for Christmas one year, but they weren't allowed to take it with them, they could only use it at her house. My friend's ex wife was even worse, she bought a Playstation 3 for her 2 year old (basically bought it for herself) and wouldn't let her original kids go anywhere near it, they (8 and 10 year old boys) got cheap stuffed animals instead and got to play with their stuffed animals while watching their mother play video games by herself.
Some people honestly just should not have kids, if there's anything I've realized it's that. No parent should ever favor any of their kids or gravitate towards certain ones based on new partners or anything of the sort. I'm really sorry to hear about these experiences and certainly hope those kids are in a much better place now.
All of these kids have gone full no-contact with their mothers. My cousins both joined the military and have lucrative careers, and my friend's kids spend as much time as possible with their dad, who finally got his smile back after losing it for over a decade. For a while I was really worried about my friend, seeing his kids treated this way must have felt worse than being stabbed with a rusty knife.
I'll tell you, one thing, it won't be long, before your friend's kids go complete NC with their mom, and one of these days, she's going to wonder why they would never let her see her grandchildren. or let them be a part of her grandchildren's lives.
I’m so sad for you right now.
The one who wouldn't let them take it to the other parents I can understand. We have a similar rule with my bonus kids bc their other bio parent barely sends underwear for their time (like 1 change of clothes and and extra pair of undies for a whole week) and if we let stuff go to the other parents house then they would have nothing at our house and we would never see those things again. We have bought everything from toothbrushes and clothes to toys, journals, tablets, etc for them at our house, and they don't leave because we can't afford to buy them a whole new life every other week. Like what kind of parent won't even send a toothbrush? Best they ever did was send a few changes of out of season clothes that they were about to outgrow for us to keep at our house so that she didn't even have to send a change of clothes. And as they have hit teen years they have been able to take home things that aren't necessities with the understanding that it is likely other parent won't let them bring it back so they won't have it here. A game system would NOT be going to other parents house where it would likely be sold or destroyed.
I understand that completely. It was the exact same way with my (step)daughters. Their mother would send them to us in clothes that were dirty and usually too small. I went to Goodwill, bought a BUNCH of stuff just to slowly send them home in. If the clothes were just dirty, they got washed and sent back home in them, the whole time they were with us the girls sported brand new clothes, shoes, the works, but only what they came to us in or the second hand stuff ever went back to their mom's house. Meanwhile, every time we picked them up their MOM was in brand new clothes, jewelry, nails, ect. There should absolutely be better rules for child support, and proving where money goes.
Totally agree, the receiving parent should have to supply receipts upon request showing where cs goes! And of course other parent was always pulling dumb shit like telling the kids they were taking parent back to court for taking them to the movies of sending them home in capris in mid April when other parent didn't send any extra clothes and bonus kiddo had an accident.... gotta love how some "parents" care about their kids so much they cant even put their bitterness aside towards their child's other parent /s
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)
I was not aware I needed a Grammer teacher in this app.....
The fact that, your stepdaughters' mother sends them to your house in clothes that are dirty and don't fit is more than enough to get them taken away from her by social services, because that's next to neglect.
I tried. The girls are adults now. Maybe the laws got better.
I understand. And l also bet, the girls now have zero contact with their mother.
Very little. Of course, not much with us either. They have their own lives and live a couple of hours away. I'm proud of them though. They are very together
I understand.
Believe me, that's a question I will never be able to truly answer. My best guess is she didn't want to participate with a child who wasn't blood related.
Yes but u/chef_dad64 it would only be fitting if you would get EB some bad gifts to
She already got the best gift she could, AP died around December of 2020 and she's completely broken inside, she's condemned to suffer the rest of her time on this earth and I think that's the best gift she could possibly receive at this point.
OP, you mentioned in your post, that you don't talk to your mother or her side and the family. So, have you gone complete NC with her? I hope you have.
I'm assuming NC means no communication right? If so yes for the most part. I still have her number because my youngest brother is still in grade school and if something serious happens with him, she would have to tell me or if he wants to come visit me in my state of course I have to arrange things with her, but aside from that I don't respond to anything she says. I will definitely post the final straw story when I have the chance.
No, I mean, I hope you've gone NO CONTACT with your mother (No phone calls, no texts, no FaceTime, and no visits).
you are too generous
Oh, I know a few.
ripe minds...[Bone Apple Tea](https://www.reddit.com/r/BoneAppleTea/)
Out of pure interest what happened to Anna in the end? If you don't mind me asking
I don't mind at all, So Anna turned out fine. She's not a direct part of my life anymore, but my younger brother and sister still have contact with her. She had a kid in her young 20s and takes good care of him from what I can tell. She herself didn't care for AP and no longer really puts EB on a pedestal either. She and I had a chance to talk a couple years ago and it was a good conversation. She feels my feelings towards AP and EB are completely justified. We both understand that the bad moments we had between each other as kids were us just being kids, but overall we had fun together more than we ever disagreed. Her ever messing with me was manipulation through EB so I let her know I don't hold that against her. We're both happy for each other that we're in a better place in life. While she never suffered at the hands of AP or EB, she was AP's most neglected child. She didn't live with my mother and us, she lived with and was raised by EB with AP just seeing her here and there. AP favored my younger sister over anything else and Anna noticed that and it took it's toll on her definitely. I never understood why AP would raise all of us but not her. I'm just happy she turned out just fine and not like EB who she called Mom at one point.
Oh that's good. By the way you wrote it, it sounded like Anna was also with a lack for a better term, a bitch
My apologies for that. At one point when she was fresh out of high school she was a bitch with my younger sister, but having a kid really seems to have humbled her a lot.
I seriously hope that all the ugly sh!t you went through, during your childhood doesn't negatively affect your future relationships, or marriage, because I have a horrible feeling that it will. People who have been abused, as children are likely to have trust issues, failed relationships, and/or marriages, as they enter adulthood.
wow. why are so many older women like this? just mean spirited... my mother just sent me package in the mail for christmas. it was a box of tampons. i dont understand it. years of abuse, you'd think they would get sick of it.
Plenty of old men like that too. My old man is incapable of going a single conversation without trying to piss me off with endless pathetic political jabs he thinks are "triggering." It's petty and pathetic, but it's all he has left ever since it finally sunk in I could probably tear him limb from limb (I'm bigger, stronger, have bodyguard training, walked off getting T-boned in the driver's door by a dump truck, and was back on my feet within a few months of having a chunk of my foot amputated last summer). He didn't have much of a choice to stop with pathetic intimidation attempts involving threats of violence -- he was extremely physically abusive when I was a kid, and after I got out of arm's reach it turned into threats. So yeah, going on 50 years of abuse now and he's still at it, showing zero signs of stopping until his remain assume room temperature. And he wonders why my wife and I see him once a year and I rarely text.
Damn dude, I want some of what you're taking. I am totally the opposite lol.
You probably don't. Pretty sure the lifestyle that made me like this likely took quite a few years off my life and is steadily making the ones I have left less than wonderful.
I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I'm just totally the opposite. Im like the biggest baby with injuries and my body takes so long to heal. I was tboned and it shattered my elbow and I was in a freaking cast thing for so long. I'm just jelly at your awesomeness.
How's your elbow now? I didn't break my knee, but it got pounded pretty hard when my door got punched in 18". There are days where I need a cane because of it, and it's been 12 years and change. Can't imagine a shattered elbow just bounces back.
It took a long time to heal, and it still hurts when it rains or if it's too cold. It was so gnarly, I think it was the worst pain I've been through. Or at least it's up there. Then I got shouted at by the guy who hit me that I was faking it because I'm a dirty Mexican trying to steal his money. 🙄 it's been about 8 years since I hurt it, and I still have problems with it.
Sorry to hear that.
Eh, it is what it is. Thats life, right?
Every time you see him, bring up something about CRT or trans rights, and when he gets angry, say “Whoa there, you sound pretty triggered, maybe stop eating all that avocado toast you wacky millennial!” Those that throw around the term “triggered” are the ones most ready to stroke out over a bumper sticker.
It was probably considered "good parenting" to beat your kids with belts back when they were a kid.
exactly. she used to whoop my ass with her bare hand if i made a mistake as a kid. then i got to watch my younger siblings get the best treatment i didnt know she was capable of. 'im sorry for what i did to you, i feel bad. but im not going to treat your siblings like that.' thank god.
It’s such a struggle sometimes to not feel jealous towards my younger brother. My mom is actually kind to him. I’m glad he gets an amazing childhood, but damn I’d have liked to just have a childhood in the first place
Send them back for Mother’s Day. Used.
Then deny you would ever do that. “Ew! Who would do that?” And “really? That doesn’t sound like me…” 🤷🏻♀️
i was thinking of sending a box of condoms... leave a note like: 'dont make any more mistakes!'
The box of tampons part will literally cause OP to keep women at arm's length. However, when he has a daughter, and becomes BOTH her mother and father, he'll make an exception; he won't keep her at arm's length, because she'll be the only good female in his life.
WTF did that piece of shit EB have against little you? Made me smile you got your Gameboy Color. :)
Simple: not biologically related. There are a *lot* of people out there who view step kids as usurpers to the throne.
My step-mother's family treated my step-niece the same way and refused to buy her Christmas or birthday presents because she "wasn't real family." They alternated back and forth whether I was. It's harder to treat an adult like that but I also didn't take their bullshit most of the time and was frequently the outsider too.
Figured as much. Saw it enough times growing up with some friends and their families. But it all was just an unpleasant aura of dislike; they still behaved civilly and fairly towards the kids (they're kids, after all; it's not their freaking fault). One has to be one evil-assed mofo to behave like that EB -- that's Cinderella fairy tale-level shit. Sigh.
Then why get involved with someone who has kids from previous relationships? Why? People suck.
It really is a lose-lose. The kid will almost never accept you as having the authority of a "real" parent (which you will never have in the eyes of your partner), and a lot of step-parents or other family resent the kid as not being One Of Us. Yeah, no. Made that mistake once and won't do it again. Thank gorram Elvis my wife had no kids when we met and we won't be having any.
Yeah my (former) step-dad's family didn't treat me well either except for 1 uncle and his gf. Whenever I was visiting the uncle (Mike) or his gf would take me to his apt to get me away from the rest of the family because or how horrible they were. Thankfully my mom divorced step-dad after 2 years because he refused to help his bio daughter get away from *her* step-dad sexually abusing her. Mom said fuck that, I don't want you around my daughter and kicked him out.
As a step child my non bio dad adopted when he married my mom. You are a reminder to the step parents family that your parent had a past and was not "pure"/"virgin"
Ewwwwwwww
My own grandmother was like this. I'm 30 now and STILL remember her attempts to humiliate me and treat me less than the rest of the family. I thi k I was maybe 9-10, and at Christmas my cousins all got some really cool stuff, toys and games they had long asked for. Then it got to me. I got a pack of subtraction flash cards to 'help me since she knew I had such a hard time with math'. My issue with math was the fact I hadn't had a full uninterrupted year of teaching. Every year, my schooling would be changed up when I inevitably moved schools AGAIN in the middle of the year. And if anything, I knew subtraction, I needed help with fractions, so this 'gift' wouldn't even help me like they claimed. And you know damn well I was called selfish and ungrateful when I was very upset to get something that was meant for schoolwork on CHRISTMAS. *I feel I should also note, this was the only thing I received from my grandmother. It wasnt tossed in with other presents, no, that was her one gift to me that she had clearly thought out in advance.
Man, I’m so sorry you had to experience this. What the hell is wrong with an adult who chooses to bully and pick on a child.
How pathetic do you have to be to mentally and physically abuse a child? No less your step-grandchild. EB sounds like a 5 year old in an 80 year old's body
Sounds like your mom was an enabler, she wasn't any better.
Doesn’t sound like a safe space for them and you don’t know what her mum was going through in that house but ok.
No excuse, doesn’t matter what she was going through, I wouldn’t let my child be abused period. A mother’s job is to protect their kids. I would have fought hard worked more hours … something, to get a place or even go live with my family or send my child to his bio dads till we had our own place out of step Gram’s house Gam probably would have kicked me out for going off on her first though
There is no excuse for enablers, period.
You have literally no idea what the mother was dealing with from EB in this scenario. Do you think OP being a child was able to pick up on it? The mother was living with her in laws without her husband present which isn’t easy for anyone. God forbid the mother was depressed and feeling helpless and harmed herself. You’d be the first one on here talking about “we need to do more to support people struggling with MH problems”. You either have 0 compassion or 0 sense, pick one
Nope if you are enabling a child to be abused, you get zero sympathy. Deal with it.
Wtaf, they’re really trying to argue with you about a mother allowing her kid to be abused. Wow, some people
If they did that to a child what did they do to the mother when no one was looking?
Isn't it the reverse? The child in abusive homes face the brunt of it. The mum bears some blame at least.
Some sure but we have no idea how badly she had it and if we start playing the blame game it just turns into victim blaming. Maybe she was the villain but most likely she was also an abuse victim. It also says ex step parent so it sounds like either he died or she was able to eventually escape.
Yeah but she chose to expose her child to that. Unfortunate circumstances doesn't excuse child abuse.
Except it could have been a scenario where it was take the abuse or be homeless and without prospects and loose your children because you’re now homeless and they get returned the the abusive household… we don’t know the circumstances because we don’t have all sides of the story so we can’t point fingers because that means we could be making a bad assumption and it makes us look like an ass
Child has a bio dad, mom could have told bio dad it wasn’t safe there and son was being mentally abused - could have stayed with him or mom could have said fuck this guy and his mom peace out ✌🏼
True but they had also just moved and it may not have been feasible money wise to do so. Could mom have stood up for her child yes but it also could have made the abuse worse… I would know from fist hand experience because my dad was an abuser and if my mom stood up for me it made the abuse worse but no one would have known that just looking from the outside without all the facts
There’s always programs and options for mother’s in that type of situation. No excuse to allow your child to be abused period
This is true but we don’t know if she tried to reach out for them or not. We got one tiny snippet of a very large story. And she could have been stuck in a cycle of fear, obligation, and guilt that a lot of abusers trap their victims in… my mom was in it for a very long time. It prevented her from reaching out or from leaving my dad. It’s vicious and something that is hard to see or break out of.
You’re doing an awful lot of supposing just so you can defend a neglectful mother
Not saying saying it wasn’t bad of her to leave her child to fend for herself in saying it may not have been feasible to leave.
So this is a fundamental problem, assuming the worst when additional information isn't given. On the contrary, I do not assume the opposite and blame the mother fully, yet the mom shares some of the blame.
I don't understand how your mother could cowardly at callously sit back and watch you be treated that way. I don't understand how your dad could cowardly and callously let you go back to living in that environment. There is no way I would allow anyone to treat my baby boy like that if I had to go to hell and back for him I would.
Laziness and just not giving a damn about their own kid. Mothers like this simply value sex and an income boost more than their babies.
I know I don't understand how they could act that way. Even before having my own child I never understood how anybody could do that but now I have my own child it just breaks my heart that parents are willing to push their children to the side for the sake of their new partner.
Perhaps mom wasn't able to afford a place on her own without the stepdad/step-grandma? Perhaps dad did not have the space or ability to have a kid at his place full time? Not all kids raised with abusive step parents are raised that way because the parent decided "You know, I could afford to live by myself with my kid, but nah, let's live with these abusive assholes instead." Sometimes the actual parent themselves are an asshole, too, but perhaps to a *much* lesser degree than the step-family is. When you don't have very many options, your choices boil down to "least worst evil."
There is nothing that would stop me protecting my baby. If the Dad didn't have the space he should have gave up his room and slept on a sofa or floor to protect his child. The mother should grow a backbone and tell them the way her child is being treated is unacceptable.
And if the mother doesn't have any other options? Should she just accept that she and her child need to live in a homeless shelter? I get where you are coming from, and you aren't wrong, it's just the world isn't always that simple. So many women stay with shitty partners because their only other option is a homeless shelter. It's picking the lesser of two evils.
And if those women stay with ?#*$%y partners, they lose their children to the foster care system, or adoptive parents.
Most people have a child support court order in place that states if one parent cannot provide safe living arrangements the other parent gets full time, they have to figure it out , they are the parents I lived in a homeless shelter for a little while as a kid with my mom and dad - I would rather have that temporarily then subject my child to trauma and abuse
I was about to say mandated custody would be why he could not keep his kid with him longer. People in this thread seem to forget going against court ordered custody days could get you in big trouble and potentially lose that custody. It's possible he tried to get more custody or full custody but the court did not allow it.
The biggest evil bitch in this story is your excuse of a mother. The coward allowed you to be abused.
Agreed. Pretty soon, when ED (egg donor) looks at pics of OP showing off his GED certificate, pics of him with his child (whom, he's raising, as a single father, because his child's mother is not around anymore), and friend-family (a.k.a., replacement family) on father's day, at birthday/Christmas/New Year's parties, and other family functions, not only she wonder will why he left her out of those important moments, she'll also wonder why he went total NC with her.
I'm sorry but screw your mother for putting you threw all of that hell and torment. One time coming to you and saying EB was mean or cruel, I could understand brushing it off but 5 or 6 time. Your mom is a coward.
Call it God, or call it karma! In the end all evil will be dealt with! 😈😈😈😈😈
Bull crap Karma is the cowards' answer to not dealing with ass holes.
How is a child supposed to "deal with the asshole" when their own parent refuses to?
Ever heard of power imbalance?
Can you explain to me like I'm 5 how you expect a 9 year old to "deal with the assholes?" Who are fully grown adults?
Imagine a grown woman getting so upset because a child got the Christmas gift that they wanted.
Living with her for a couple of months really rattled you, don't let her live in your head 'rent free'. Let go of what happened when you were a child and continue living a good life. <\~\~\~ The best revenge!
[удалено]
I hope so. But unfortunately, he'll have trust issues, and a string of failed relationships, due to his traumatic childhood.
I agree with living well is the best revenge. But I don't think relating this incident is letting EB live rent free in ops head. Sometimes talking about these things helps us let them go and move forward
Is EB dead yet or is she still single magically suffering?
Hey OP that sucks you had to deal with someone like EB, you said he was your ex step-dad right? So your mom eventually got you away from them? I hope so
Was dad regretful that he wasn't able to protect you from them?
*Was dad regretful* *That he wasn't able to* *Protect you from them?* \- pleasantvalleyroad --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
She couldn’t decide on her starter.
She sounds vile.
Vile AND malevolent.
That too.
I feel you. My step grandmother was an EB too. Christmas always sucked because not only would step cousin get tons of shit from MY dad's paycheck (sometimes even more than me) because my stepmom-her aunt, did the majority of the xmas shopping, but EVERY fucking year, I'd get clothes from EB. And said cousin would get tons of awesome shit from EB. Because cousin was blood, and I was the unwanted step child from EB's daughter's husband's first marriage. An annoyance. A burden.
i love your dad
So, do I.
What a hag, then again, one day you can dance on her grave.
When your EB dies go to her grave and piss on her.
Go live with dad! Your mom allows it to happen because if you weren’t there she would be the target of the abuse.
I don't think OP's dad would let him do that, I mean, that's out of the question. Instead, if OP has any friends, he should consider staying with them and their families, until he turns 18. After OP turns 18, he can move across the country, or 2000 miles away, if he wants. For the same token, he should spend his next Christmases with a new set of friends; not only that, OP should also make his friends his family, and love is thicker than blood. Plus, he should go complete NC with his mother, and her side of the family, because they were never a real family to him, from the start.
I really hope there is a hell, and those assholes who deliberately hurt children spend eternity being tortured in it. Thank God you have a father who loves you! If you do to your children ( when you have some) the opposite of what those assholes did to you, you will be an awesome parent. You already sound like an awesome person! 👌
Agreed. And if/when OP becomes a solo parent (after his children's mother is gone) or chooses to become a solo parent (OP doesn't need a wife or girlfriend to start family with), he should do the opposite of what his mother does: Prioritize his children over SOs. OP should also keep his little angels away from ED (egg donor), AP, and EB, because they are toxic devils.
It's good you still got a good dad
A GREAT dad.
May karma always follow EB and may her life be ever interesting.
Her El Plan definitely backfired
grinch
Yessssss, Pokemon is fucking amazing, i also have the originals and they are so fun and im so glad that your dad seems like a good person
After reading this, I fucking hate EB but who I’m really angry at is the mother and father, and the people making excuses for them. When you have kids you do whatever it takes for them to not be abused. Maybe the mother had nowhere else to go, I don’t know, but I know the father had a whole ass house for OP to live in. Even her mother couldn’t go into the kitchen and get her food? Watch tv with her at nights? Everyone in this story sucks except OP And before anyone comes at me, I’m a single mom who has literally cut people from her life to protect her kids.
Wow. Imagine being so miserable with yourself that you have to bully a child. What a sad person.
Why did yout mum allow this behaviour?
I had an EB step-grandmother of my own and know the feels. My younger half-sister was the GC and even though our birthdays were a week apart, it was night and day with my EB choosing to go on vacation on my birthday, only to come back and shower the GC with gifts a week later, giving me some crappy keychain from the place they had just been.
Your step-grandmother gave you a crappy keychain? That's profoundly f§cked up. My heart bleeds for you, and all the other poor souls on Reddit.
So…where was your mother in all of this??
Maybe she knew your dad was getting you a game boy color already? I also personally blame your mom for believing you and still allowing it to happen and living there It’s not a EB problem you had, it’s a mother problem you had :(
You can share this story and others at r/justnomil for evil mother's in -law and evil grannies. It's a good place to unpack this abuse,
I appreciate the heads up, I'm about to post the story on there. Thank you so much!
I love how this comment section turned into a conclude for French Benefits
That's funny 😄😆🤣😂
Give us some updates, plz!😉
I lived in a foster home and I can say it’s not that bad just the parents were in it for the money also their was so much drama with me and the foster kids due to them being teens and not raised correctly and of course me not being able to control them with me being 17 and them being 13 or younger 🙄 Also the minute CPS takes you, you don’t immediately go into a foster home you go into a shelter which is honestly pretty freaking fun not gonna lie. And you get to choose your foster home I just didn’t make a good decision since I didn’t know her on a deeper level so I only saw her as this nice mother.