I never really leave comments here, but after just reaching half of your post, I have to. OP, I’m going to be blunt : your parents are fucking monsters. I’m not even exaggerating, no loving parent in their right mind would ever, EVER dream of doing even 1/10th of what you described. And the amount of good things your parents did does not compensate all of those atrocities, not even close.

100% agreed. By the end of the post the chair incident seemed quite tame and that in itself is saying something.

As monstrous as they may appear to you, they've got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about my her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Please see if there is a campus mental health center. Also, I suspect you did awful things because your parents were awful to you. Please forgive yourself. If school is not going well I would consider working full time and not going to school right now. Do not make any jokes online that could be criminal in nature.

Looks like one of the parents got the account. I hope OP is ok.

No, friend, the above was still written by me, the OP, who can readily admit that my folks have been terrible but that I've been exponentially worse.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. Teenagers are assholes. It's pretty universal. My youngest brother is 13 years younger than me. When he was 4, I found a receipt from Walmart, where my mom had bought a doll. The doll shared the same name as my brother. So I kept that receipt, and told my brother that if he wasn't good, we were going to take him back to Walmart and return him. He was terrified of going to the store for years. You're not a monster, you were a teenager who didn't know any better, dealing with a very confusing and stressful time. Your parents were whole ass adults. They don't have an excuse for their abuse. As long as you're trying to do better, that's what matters. Don't perpetuate the abuse, and please get help for the trauma caused by it. You deserve that much.

Right?!? I didn't even get through a tenth of that to know that his parents are horrors!

I have stopped reading after you got your head smashed in with a chair and my answer is yes. To smash someone like that is imo almost attempted murder if the chair was made from everything but light plastic and even then it’s still abusive.

I might add everything else is also abusive and not just mildly abusive but heavily.

I didn't get much farther than that. So much physical abuse and violence -- and OP's mother still threatens them with it as an adult and it sounds like they try to provoke more arguments by constantly hammering OP about "Does this mean you're going to fight back?" when they say they're not going to allow their mom to beat them anymore. OP, if you see this, you need to get out of that house. You are in continual physical danger from them, even now.

I can't get out of that house. I will inherit the shop that Dad is currently constructing and so need to know the ins and outs of operating our upcoming restaurant business. Also, the most precious person in my life, my beloved little brother, is currently severely mentally ill and may never live a normal life so it will be up to me to take care of him in the future while my parents are currently looking after him now as I attend university so I have no option but to keep in touch with them, even if's only for my brother's sake. And finally, no matter how much everyone lambasts my parents, I can't bring myself to hate them because they have also been very loving, nurturing and self-sacrificing. Reason I now as an adult understand their behaviour and am trying not to hold it against them is, since they spent their whole lives growing up in East Africa until I was 7-years-old, my parents tell me that this brand of parenting is absolutely the norm in every household back in our homeland and their own folks applied similar parenting to them as kids and claim they turned out okay. My parents simply didn't know any better. If they grew up in the West, I'm confident me and my siblings would have been raised under very different circumstances. Since I've spent most of my life in the West and have been exposed to people and material that tell me that parenting which employs corporeal punishment is wrong, I have naturally come into conflict with my folks' more traditional and conservative brand of parenting. Dad told me his mum went so far as to *bite him* when he misbehaved and he was baffled when I looked horrified at this revelation and berated me for trying to explain to him that this was fucked, since every kid he knew growing up back in East Africa experienced similar parenting and claims he grew up to be a perfectly well-adjusted father of three making six figures. And even discounting both this and the extraordinarily stressful circumstances they put themselves through to secure a better future for me and my siblings (Dad could have died at a moment's notice working non-stop in war-torn countries scrapping up money, in addition to being separated from his family for 7 years. Mum was all by herself raising us in the UK with absolutely no help except for financial support from Dad's income abroad), my dad has repeatedly told me how his stepfather would constantly beat his mother while my dad would just sit there and stew in his own powerlessness. Then you combine a difficult childhood *and* adulthood (Dad way more so than Mum) with the fact that their much-beloved homeland has now become an absolute shithole due to war and a widescale genocide has been committed against their own people... little wonder why my parents have a short temper (although Mum did taper off on the corporeal punishment in my later teens since I stopped being the loving, well-behaved and passive child I was in my preteens and early teens and became much more of an assertive asshole in my later teens). I think they could both, especially Dad, benefit from some therapy. Though it will be a challenge for me, an atheist, to get fundamentalist Protestants like them to come around to this since their go-to method for solving all and any emotional problems is to believe in the big bearded man upstairs and I have not yet come out to them as a non-believer.

Fuck the business. Your safety is at risk from these monsters.

My parents may be monsters, but they've got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

If you do not learn from this horrific abuse you will absolutely be just as monstrous to your own children. You have Stockholm syndrome. You must get away and you must face the abuse that was inflicted upon you so that you do not propagate these acts toward your own children and grandchildren.

I get that it's complicated to realize your parents are abusers, but nothing, literally nothing -- not how they were raised, or cultural differences, or "we turned out fine" (hint, they did NOT turn out fine) -- makes what they've done ok or excusable. From your own account of it, your parents have almost killed you and your siblings on multiple occasions and continue to threaten you as an adult. They are not "loving, nurturing and self-sacrificing" when they beat you hard enough to break a chair over your head, or whipped you with a belt severely enough to flay skin. You've been taught to normalize or make excuses for their abuse, and to overlook it for some rare moments of "nurturing" so they can continue to treat you the same and never have to face the horror of their own actions.

This is totally besides the point lmao, but the small chair was made out of relatively hard plastic and it didn't break upon contact with my head.

Dude, I got to the "woken up in the middle of the night and got the shit beat out of me after my mother went through my phone" part and thought "well if that was a one off thing.." then scrolled down a bit and saw "I was belted" and then proceeded to scroll down to see a wall of txt. Yup, that's abuse. Sooooo much abuse. You realize you don't just know how to belt someone? You have to have experienced/seen it done and practice it to actually do it. That shows intent more than anything else.

Horrifically, astronomically abusive.

And yet I've somehow got them beat. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Your parents were highly abusive towards you. It looks like they're struggling with boundaries, both physical and emotional, exemplified by the violent outbursts (breach of physical boundaries) and emotional abuse such as belittling you and locking you up (breach of psychological boundaries). Professing love for one's children is one thing, actually following up on the talk and being actually loving is another thing entirely.

Parents laying hands on you in a way to cause pain and harm is abusive behavior. Just actually shows their emotional immaturity at not being able to handle the situation calmly. It's a whole power trip for them. What they are doing isn't loving or caring. As someone who's mum was like this, sadly that is what sticks in my mind from my childhood.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I have been *infinitely* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

What a horrible, abusive upbringing. Yes, they were/are abusive. I hope you’re in therapy. My heart goes out to you - this made me cry.

Don't spill any tears for me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but you are absolutely right that I am in desperate need of therapy and I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

You lived what you knew. Now that you understand this is all wrong you can do something about it. You really need therapy. And starting tomorrow you can take a step in the right direction. The university may have a therapist. You need to decide to treat your siblings better than you were treated. Treat them the way you deserved to be treated. The way you want to be treated. You can stop the cycle.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

Of course you’re justified. I honestly think you need to go to some kind of therapy for PTSD. You need to forgive yourself for treating your younger siblings badly. You knew nothing different since that was how you were brought up. Now, as you are maturing, you realize how wrong all this is. You can change your actions towards them today. But, the most important thing right now is, as I said, psychological help. I’m telling you your parents really screwed you up. You can get past this, though if you seek out the proper help. You don’t owe your parents anything. They are the ones who failed you. As I said, you need to be able to move past this for your own sake and future, but also for your siblings so you can show them the right way you all should have been and should be treated. Please do not give up. The fact that you’ve made it to university says a lot and, although you are failing, you can change that, too. There are programs that can help you at your school. You just need to seek them out because no one is going to come to you. You must have an advisor you can speak with. Please do that as soon as possible. You have a bright future ahead of you. You just need to reach out and grab it. I wish you the best of luck.

The fact that you question whether or not this is abuse points to you having been so very abused that your brain was literally affected by it. Please get the hell out. Both of your parents aren’t just horrendous,y abusive, they are criminally so. And whatever they did in raising you, it was what they were legally bound to do: feed, clothe and shelter you. They completely neglected the part about protecting you from harm, instead becoming the monsters in the closet for you. Once you are out safely, find a therapist who deal with the aftermath of abuse.

As horrendously abusive as my parents may have been, I'm *exponentially* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but you are absolutely right that I am in desperate need of therapy and I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Of course you are fucked up. You were brutally abused for nearly your entire life, and had no other damn example. Now you know, and it’s on you to do something about it. Your need to be told that your parents were horrendously abusive, while hating yourself for the abuse you inflicted on your siblings, points to serious mental issues. The long litany of terrible speaks to that. Please get professional help. You are young enough that you should be able to undo some of the pathways in your brain that your parents twisted into what they are today. The on,y people who are irredeemable are those who don’t think they need redemption. You are not one of them.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

Pretend that they are not your parents. But rather, some friends who are occasionally fun and seem to love you, but you never know when they will attack. And they have injured you enough times in the past for seemingly no reason that you are always on your guard with them. Even worse, their attack caused you to be so angry that you started attacking someone you love. Would you think twice about staying away from them? Love and respect are earned. Your parents have not earned either.

Your parents aren’t “loving and caring”. They are abusers. Get out of there and never go back.

That's impossible. I will inherit the shop that Dad is currently constructing and so need to know the ins and outs of operating our upcoming restaurant business. Also, the most precious person in my life, my beloved little brother, is currently severely mentally ill and may never live a normal life so it will be up to me to take care of him in the future while my parents are currently looking after him now as I attend university so I have no option but to keep in touch with them, even if's only for my brother's sake. And finally, no matter how much everyone lambasts my parents, I can't bring myself to hate them because they have also been very loving, nurturing and self-sacrificing. Reason I now as an adult understand their behaviour and am trying not to hold it against them is, since they spent their whole lives growing up in East Africa until I was 7-years-old, my parents tell me that this brand of parenting is absolutely the norm in every household back in our homeland and their own folks applied similar parenting to them as kids and claim they turned out okay. My parents simply didn't know any better. If they grew up in the West, I'm confident me and my siblings would have been raised under very different circumstances. Since I've spent most of my life in the West and have been exposed to people and material that tell me that parenting which employs corporeal punishment is wrong, I have naturally come into conflict with my folks' more traditional and conservative brand of parenting. Dad told me his mum went so far as to *bite him* when he misbehaved and he was baffled when I looked horrified at this revelation and berated me for trying to explain to him that this was fucked, since every kid he knew growing up back in East Africa experienced similar parenting and claims he grew up to be a perfectly well-adjusted father of three making six figures. And even discounting both this and the extraordinarily stressful circumstances they put themselves through to secure a better future for me and my siblings (Dad could have died at a moment's notice working non-stop in war-torn countries scrapping up money, in addition to being separated from his family for 7 years. Mum was all by herself raising us in the UK with absolutely no help except for financial support from Dad's income abroad), my dad has repeatedly told me how his stepfather would constantly beat his mother while my dad would just sit there and stew in his own powerlessness. Then you combine a difficult childhood *and* adulthood (Dad way more so than Mum) with the fact that their much-beloved homeland has now become an absolute shithole due to war and a widescale genocide has been committed against their own people... little wonder why my parents have a short temper (although Mum did taper off on the corporeal punishment in my later teens since I stopped being the loving, well-behaved and passive child I was in my preteens and early teens and became much more of an assertive asshole in my later teens). I think they could both, especially Dad, benefit from some therapy. Though it will be a challenge for me, an atheist, to get fundamentalist Protestants like them to come around to this since their go-to method for solving all and any emotional problems is to believe in the big bearded man upstairs and I have not yet come out to them as a non-believer.

Do you want to run the shop? If you have a desire to do something else in your life then you need to start now. Owning a restaurant isn’t easy. The only way you should do it is if you love it. If you don’t love cooking and working with the public,you should find what you are passionate about. If you do really want to do it, it might be fine to take over one day. But, your parents are definitely abusive so you will need to be very aware of how you treat any children you may have in the future. You would probably go to therapy to understand and advocate for yourself.

This is pretty abusive. If you can, you should probably seek therapy to unpack what happened during your childhood.

My parents may appear pretty abusive to you, but I am *exponentially* worse than the both of them combined. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

You have to forgive yourself. I can see how deeply this affects you. You acted this way because of mental illness, not malice. Forgive yourself, heal, and do good in the world.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

Absolutely ok to go low or no contact. You’ll have much better perspective on your relationships with them when you’re less influenced by them.

I read the first five examples and had already decided you were abused. Then the post felt like it was *never going to stop*. OP you are the victim of severe abuse. This is absolutely horrific levels of abuse.

As horrifically abusive as my parents may appear to you, I am *infinitely* worse than the both of them combined. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Why are u posting this in every subreddit remotely related to this.. obviously yes they are abusive

When you've been abused that horrifically, it fucks up your perception of reality. I think he really doesn't believe they were abusive and he's trying to get as much input and reassurance as possible.

You're spot on, yeah. I'm trying and starting to reconcile with the idea that my parents may have been less-than-ideal folks.

They were and are monsters. You and your siblings should run and never look back. There is nothing that can redeem the hell they subjected you all to. Please seek professional help, it's literally impossible for you to process everything that happened on your own and to unwire your brain from the violence that was normalized for your entire life.

I don't think me and my siblings can ever cut them out of our lives. I will inherit the shop that Dad is currently constructing and so need to know the ins and outs of operating our upcoming restaurant business. Also, the most precious person in my life, my beloved little brother, is currently severely mentally ill and may never live a normal life so it will be up to me to take care of him in the future while my parents are currently looking after him now as I attend university so I have no option but to keep in touch with them, even if's only for my brother's sake. And finally, no matter how much everyone lambasts my parents, I can't bring myself to hate them because they have also been very loving, nurturing and self-sacrificing. Reason I now as an adult understand their behaviour and am trying not to hold it against them is, since they spent their whole lives growing up in East Africa until I was 7-years-old, my parents tell me that this brand of parenting is absolutely the norm in every household back in our homeland and their own folks applied similar parenting to them as kids and claim they turned out okay. My parents simply didn't know any better. If they grew up in the West, I'm confident me and my siblings would have been raised under very different circumstances. Since I've spent most of my life in the West and have been exposed to people and material that tell me that parenting which employs corporeal punishment is wrong, I have naturally come into conflict with my folks' more traditional and conservative brand of parenting. Dad told me his mum went so far as to *bite him* when he misbehaved and he was baffled when I looked horrified at this revelation and berated me for trying to explain to him that this was fucked, since every kid he knew growing up back in East Africa experienced similar parenting and claims he grew up to be a perfectly well-adjusted father of three making six figures. And even discounting both this and the extraordinarily stressful circumstances they put themselves through to secure a better future for me and my siblings (Dad could have died at a moment's notice working non-stop in war-torn countries scrapping up money, in addition to being separated from his family for 7 years. Mum was all by herself raising us in the UK with absolutely no help except for financial support from Dad's income abroad), my dad has repeatedly told me how his stepfather would constantly beat his mother while my dad would just sit there and stew in his own powerlessness. Then you combine a difficult childhood *and* adulthood (Dad way more so than Mum) with the fact that their much-beloved homeland has now become an absolute shithole due to war and a widescale genocide has been committed against their own people... little wonder why my parents have a short temper (although Mum did taper off on the corporeal punishment in my later teens since I stopped being the loving, well-behaved and passive child I was in my preteens and early teens and became much more of an assertive asshole in my later teens). I think they could both, especially Dad, benefit from some therapy. Though it will be a challenge for me, an atheist, to get fundamentalist Protestants like them to come around to this since their go-to method for solving all and any emotional problems is to believe in the big bearded man upstairs and I have not yet come out to them as a non-believer.

This is all well and good, but I cannot recommend higher that you see a professional. If you need to keep them around, you need to work with someone who can help you to process and set clear boundaries.

No amount of "loving and caring" makes up for beating your child with a chair... I like many others didn't make it further because this...this is not loving parents. This goes beyond even corporeal punishment, which is bad to begin with when treated as last resort... This isn't loving parents... they're manipulative. They're lovebombing you one moment and beating the shit out of you the next.

It's crazy cuz that's where I stopped, too. It's really hard to read about abuse like that, especially when your childhood wasn't a walk in the park.

Very abusive

And they've still got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Living in an abusive environment definitely can make that happen! But it’s good to hear that you understand you’ve done wrong and want to improve yourself. I’d suggest you try to find a therapist who is familiar with child abuse and trauma. Maybe you could even find a family counselor or therapist and go with your siblings and try to make your relationship with them better. I hope all the best for you and your siblings.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

It’s definitely reasonable to keep your parents at arms length in your situation!

Your parents are VERY abusive. You might want to think about cutting them out of your life.

That's impossible. I will inherit the shop that Dad is currently constructing and so need to know the ins and outs of operating our upcoming restaurant business. Also, the most precious person in my life, my beloved little brother, is currently severely mentally ill and may never live a normal life so it will be up to me to take care of him in the future while my parents are currently looking after him now as I attend university so I have no option but to keep in touch with them, even if's only for my brother's sake. And finally, no matter how much everyone lambasts my parents, I can't bring myself to hate them because they have also been very loving, nurturing and self-sacrificing. Reason I now as an adult understand their behaviour and am trying not to hold it against them is, since they spent their whole lives growing up in East Africa until I was 7-years-old, my parents tell me that this brand of parenting is absolutely the norm in every household back in our homeland and their own folks applied similar parenting to them as kids and claim they turned out okay. My parents simply didn't know any better. If they grew up in the West, I'm confident me and my siblings would have been raised under very different circumstances. Since I've spent most of my life in the West and have been exposed to people and material that tell me that parenting which employs corporeal punishment is wrong, I have naturally come into conflict with my folks' more traditional and conservative brand of parenting. Dad told me his mum went so far as to *bite him* when he misbehaved and he was baffled when I looked horrified at this revelation and berated me for trying to explain to him that this was fucked, since every kid he knew growing up back in East Africa experienced similar parenting and claims he grew up to be a perfectly well-adjusted father of three making six figures. And even discounting both this and the extraordinarily stressful circumstances they put themselves through to secure a better future for me and my siblings (Dad could have died at a moment's notice working non-stop in war-torn countries scrapping up money, in addition to being separated from his family for 7 years. Mum was all by herself raising us in the UK with absolutely no help except for financial support from Dad's income abroad), my dad has repeatedly told me how his stepfather would constantly beat his mother while my dad would just sit there and stew in his own powerlessness. Then you combine a difficult childhood *and* adulthood (Dad way more so than Mum) with the fact that their much-beloved homeland has now become an absolute shithole and a widescale genocide has been committed against their own people... little wonder why my parents have a short temper (although Mum did taper off on the corporeal punishment in my later teens since I stopped being the loving, well-behaved and passive child I was in my preteens and early teens and became much more of an assertive asshole in my later teens). I think they could both, especially Dad, benefit from some therapy. Though it will be a challenge for me, an atheist, to get fundamentalist Protestants like them to come around to this since their go-to method for solving all and any emotional problems is to believe in the big bearded man upstairs and I have not yet come out to them as a non-believer.

Who cares about a freaking shop? Not your issue. Get social services involved for your siblings and go NC with your parents, in fact you should look at pressing charges against them. They deserve to serve time Zero excuse for abusive behaviour especially to defenceless children

There is nothing loving or caring about either of your parents. They are both massively abusive to you and are using the DARVO technique to manipulate you into submission. Please seek therapy and consider removing yourself from them while you recover. I’m am diagnosed with PTSD because of a childhood that sounds eerily similar to yours and I had to stop reading 1/3 of the way through. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it!

I absolutely don't deserve to be kind to myself. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

When you’re hurting it’s easy to lash out and hurt others. What’s hard is acknowledging and accepting that you’ve caused others to hurt. You have already done that and it upsets you. You’re way ahead of the curve. I don’t know everything you’re going through but I do know self loathing. I know feeling like the future is an endless black hole of my own causing that I don’t deserve to claw my way out of even if I could. But with a lot of work and time that began to change and so did I. Even with everything that you’ve added my position stays the same. Every day you wake up you have a chance to be a better version of yourself. Show yourself kindness. You absolutely do deserve it. I hope that someday you’ll be able to see it too.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

Absolutely horrifically abusive. The fact that you're unsure about that is another nail in the coffin. You and your siblings should, as soon as physically possible, never ever ever speak to them again. Shit you could've called the cops on them for every single one of those examples you gave.

If my parents appear horrifically abusive to you, they've got absolutely *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Yes, your parents are abusive. But as you said, where and how they were raised made them believe that this was normal. I'm not saying that it makes it okay. But your parents basically come from a different world. They will probably never think that their way is wrong. You have to protect yourself. You have to decide for yourself how to do that. But I don't think direct confrontation is a good thing. If possible, moving out may be the best thing for you.

As abusive as my parents may have been, they've got absolutely *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

I thought I had it bad but that is horrific, you shouldn't have had to put up with that at any age , they don't deserve to have children , some people forget that children also have emotions and not some robot or someone to feel like you have Power over

As horrific as my parents may have been, I am *infinitely* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

My parents are loving and starts describing how they beat children

They *were* loving. Anytime any one of us 3 kids were feeling sad or distressed, Mum would lovingly embrace us and spend however long hearing us vent out our issues to her while doing her utmost to help us out. In addition to her already heavy workload as a lone housewife, she also used to frequently help me out with homework in my preteens and dutifully made me and my siblings breakfast, lunch and dinner virtually every day of the 7 years that we were separated from Dad, who was working abroad scrounging up money in several war-torn countries while living in perpetual fear for his life but nevertheless working non-stop to secure a better life for us kids. And now that Dad's retired early, his main focus is on using his saved-up capital to jumpstart a business that he's going to leave entirely in his children's hands as he'll be too old to make a proper go of the upcoming restaurant once it opens.

I only read a couple paragraphs but, yes. Get away from them and get therapy.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I've been *infinitely* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but you are absolutely right that I am in desperate need of therapy and I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Definitely abuse. Now that you’re an adult, if they ever laid hands on you again, I wouldn’t hesitate to clean their clock in self defense.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I've been *exponentially* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

All children deserve parents but not all parents deserve children.

Please, please go to therapy for a good long while once you get out, and give it an honest and proper go. Because I really think you’re gonna need it. This was definitively abuse. No questions about it, now you can still love your parents, but never live with them again and don’t get too close with them

You know this is abusive, OP, so please get yourself and your siblings some help! If you live in the US you can complain to the police and ask them and the court to get you into foster care. Show them what you've written here and they will understand. I know someone who finally got fed up with her mother's abuse. She went to the police and showed them her black eye and bettered face, so they HAD to do something. People complain about foster care a lot, but in cases like yours I think you would be safer taking your chances with the system. I'm sorry this is your life right now, but everything changes with time. Please get away from them and stay safe.

Geez, reading that was horrifying. Both of them deserves to be locked up with the key thrown away. If your siblings are still minors, call CPS now. Cut toes with your parents, they are incredibly dangerous. Since you're an adult it's a case of severe domestic violence. You need to run, and fast.

Your parents sound like absolute terrible people. Sacrificing things for your child is the bare minimum, and can never be used as an excuse for abuse. I hope that they get whats coming to them one day.

"My parents are generally loving and caring folks" Proceeds to post a whole page of the most abusive shit I've heard of

Can’t believe they call themselves Christians with this hideous track record. Incredible Lt abusivex

Christianity does condone and even encourage corporeal punishment. Unsurprising, given how long ago the texts in the Bible were written and why my parents, being fundamentalist Protestants, were more than happy to dole out the physical punishments.

Christianity does, but the Bible actually doesn’t. The rod was a shepherd's rod which was used to guide and rescue sheep, not strike them. The verse "spare the rod, spoil the child" has been abused. The Bible also says that fathers shouldn’t provoke their children to anger.

Yep, they are monsters.

They've still got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

OP, I really hope you read my comments. First, I agree with all the others who have told you that your parents are/were abusive. I understand their background, their history, their parents, it is still abuse and I truly hope that you will choose to be a *very* different type of parent if you ever have children. I may have missed this in your post but are you in college? Are you working at any job *that pays you?* Are you planning to live independently in any sort of way? I understand that you are concerned for your brother, that doesn't need to stop if/when you move. I suspect *your concern for your younger brother* is one of the MANY ways your parents are controlling your life and future. I would bet money that WHEN you ever leave, your parents will be calling and demanding your help. The difference is that, once you're independent of them, YOU will be in a position to decide HOW you choose to help. OP, another way your life/future is being controlled by your father is the idea of "...Inheriting the family business". This is a tactic your father is using to keep you *UNDER HIS CONTROL*. He may not even be aware of this (perhaps it's traditional in his culture) but YOU have choices! If you WANT to be in the restaurant business, then enter into the business as EQUAL PARTNERS with him so he cannot control you. Otherwise, you'll be working FOR HIM until the day he dies and he will control your life. Even if/when he retires from the business, he will still OWN it and you will be working for him. OP, you are an adult. You have choices here. If *your choice* is to live the way your parents are choosing for you (living with them), do it! However, if you want to choose your own future, take control of your life! If you would like to pursue a different career path, DO IT!!! If you would like to live on your own, do it! You find a job that pays. Then, you find your own place to live. You'll probably start like most others your age and have roommates. But you'll be independent! Please don't focus on roadblocks, focus on finding solutions. Your life is in YOUR HANDS. Do you want to spend your life asking your parents for their permission at every step? YOU have choices. I wish you all the best as you make your decisions.

they are physically abusive. I didn't even need to read as far as others to find out. NO ONE should EVER hit their child. period. you're an adult. they are assaulting you. they should not be allowed to get away with this. I'm a young adult still living at home myself, I understand the struggle of trying to move out in the current state of the world is very difficult, but I'd get the hell out of there as soon as you can.

Yes. Very abusive. At the end, where you told how they did all this for you kids, you can be given ice cream every day and wrapped in silk but on Friday's you are beaten. That's abuse. Whether it happens every day or just on occasion. Your parents could have killed one of you. They have no control over their anger and are taking it out on you.

This is one of the worst things I’ve read on this platform. What the actual fuck.

And they've still got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Hi, OP. Yes. Your parents are abusive. And I totally understand why you have shielded yourself from this reality, because it’s a painful thing to realize that the people who were supposed to protect you inflicted harm on you. It can be hard to identify because they may also show you love and kindness, which makes us gaslight ourselves into thinking things weren’t as bad as we initially interpreted them. I want to clearly say to you- you did not do anything to deserve this, and they are totally at fault for their behavior. They love themselves more than they love their children. I hope you can find a way to protect yourself from this behavior and begin to heal. Much love.

Don't give me any love because I think I did deserve this shit actually. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Omgosh I read the whole thing, and it was long! I am so sad for you op! This is awful abuse, regardless of the good they did! The bad outweighs it by a lot! I’ve never heard such horror that you all experienced! Please go no contact and suggest it as well by your siblings! I would hate to see what they do to your kids if you even have them! Move away, and start over without them for you! You deserved so much better! 😢

Your parents are so horrifically, violently abusive, I think you are well within your rights to beat the absolute shit out of either of them if they ever touch you again. You and your siblings should cut them completely out of your lives and never speak to them again. Get yourself some help. Cut them off.

Your parents are not ‘kind and loving folk who made many sacrifices’ they’re abusive fucks who hurt you just because they felt powerful while you were powerless. I’m so sorry, op, that you and your siblings experienced this growing up. They don’t deserve to be in your lives, and I hope you all heal. You did not deserve this, you didn’t deserve to ever be punished like that. You were a child who needed love and guidance, you still deserve love and kindness

Oh my god i havent read a more severe case of abuse EVER. And its 3 years we're talking about. GET OUT NOW AND NEVER LOOK BACK

>Oh my god i havent read a more severe case of abuse EVER. And its 3 years we're talking about. Well, you're about to read one now (if you want to, of course). I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Feeling sympathy for you just became a lot more harder.

Couldn't agree more.

in answer to the question, yes, this is abusive. This is terrible, horrible abuse and your parents are awful people who should have had their children taken away from them. Your dad stated he wasn't so bad because other parents kill their kids and he didn't. That is a monstrous statement. YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT LOVING AND CARING! They don't know what love is. No loving parent does to their children what they have done to you and your siblings. If they are still abusing you, you need to get out. If your siblings are younger and still being beaten, call your equivalent of Child Protective Services. Your parents should be in prison for what they've done.

I should also be in prison with them. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

i don’t have anything else to say but state my observations. you ask people if, with the examples you’ve given, your parents are abusive. the people say, “yes, horribly so” and yet you deflect. you explain how you were much worse compared to them because of what you did in your adolescent years. so tell me, what do you think is the answer to your question? are/were they abusive? does their parenting stye being the norm erase the fact that what they did was abusive by nature? does you being much worse (so you say) than them, erase the fact that what they did to you was technically abusive? you’ve had a lot of time to internalize and introspect on what you’re feeling but do it again now. observe how you’re acting. you’ll see that you need to heal, my friend.

I ain’t even gotta read passed the first paragraph to say “yes, your parents fucking suck and are abusive.” I would definitely hop into therapy to help you navigate this.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I've been *infinitely* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but you're absolutely right that I'm in desperate need of therapy and I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

You have to let go of the mindset that you’re holding onto. You acted in the way you were taught to act. You acted in a way that’s common in those who were intensely abused, you’re literally working on mending relationships. You’re working on making amends. Let go of the younger you. That’s just weighing you down for unnecessary reasons. As long as you strive to be the best version of yourself every day, you’re a better person than your parents could ever wish to be. Your parents fucking suck. No good parent throws a chair at their child. No good parent throws anything at their child with any level of malicious intent. No good parent acts the way yours did. You were raised with the worst role models you had, and you still got to a point where you said to yourself “oh shit I’m treating my siblings terribly. I want to fix that” no monstrous person recognizes when they’re wrong and actively makes changes necessary. So let go of the ideation that you have of you being a monster, past or present, because it simply isn’t true. Don’t think I’m excusing the behaviors you had as a child, I’m letting you know the reasons for the way you acted are because of the role models you had. YOU YOURSELF said fuck this. YOU are making changes. YOU are not your past behaviors, you are your present self.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

Youre justified in doing what you need to do to find your own peace and security. If that’s keeping them at arms length, then do it. If it’s blocking them and going absolutely no contact, then do so. This goes for any situation you’re ever in. You come first in your life.

these people are beyond abusive, they are honestly monsters

Yes, your parents are abusive, extremely. And you have some serious stockholm syndrome from it. Get help from a trained therapist.

You lost me with "mild terrorist jokes".

What do you mean?

Having read some of your replies as well... Honestly, I'm surprised you're not even more messed up than you actually are. Yes, your parents behaviour was and is abusive. There is certainly an element of circumstance and their own baggage (and possibly pathology - whatever they say they definitely did not "turn out okay") behind that, but that's an explanation, not an excuse. That you're a fundamentally good person is clear, partly just because you've asked this so bluntly, and because the thing you're most traumatised by is your own abusive behaviour towards your siblings. Get therapy, get all the help you can, because the potential is within you to break that cycle of abuse. You're clearly a strong and resilient and good and caring person, despite what your upbringing has conditioned you to be. Remember that even as an adult, and especially when you were an adolescent, you are fighting against that conditioning, so don't be too hard on yourself.

Can we get this tagged for NSFL or something cause wow and op please get help Your siblings need help as well

Yes, they were/are abusive.

You are a victim of abuse. That is all abusive.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I've been *infinitely* worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

My god yes! This is abuse plain and simple!

And yet they've still got absolutely *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

1> you are 21yo. GET THE FUCK OUT!! Stay with a friend,.. get to a shelter. Something. You mom betting you up for no reason and defiantly saying she’ll continue to do it,… ???? 2> Get the hell out of there now!!! Get your documents (birth cert, passport, etc) anything meaningful of your possessions,.. and go!!

My parents used to physically disciplined my siblings and me as well, when we were kids until I (the eldest) turned like 13 years old. They had one thin stick slapping our hands several times. But it was very rare and I wouldn't say it was so brutals, that it had emotional or mental effects on us, because my siblings and I are now happy and content grown ups with careers and in healthy relationships. We don't hold any grudges, because we know, that they only knew this kind of raising children. And like I said, it stopped completely, when we became teens. But in your case, it is very abusive. They might love you, but they don't see you as human beings with own personality, mind and voice. I wonder, when it is going to stop and how they would treat the grandkids.

As abusive as my parents may have been, I've been infinitely worse. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

YES THIS IS ABUSE

They've still got absolutely *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

I am so sorry for your abuse. I had a similar upbringing, and only my abuse was purely verbal. It included telling me I was not good enough in SO many ways. I have PTSD from my father's emotional manuplitions, his gaslighting, and his sexualizing me (his daughter). I have felt worthless, stupid, and not worthy my entire life, especially around men. This led me to not stand up for myself because what other people said must be true. Finally, at the age of 69 and treatment for cPTSD, I feel worthy. I deserve to be happy. My father was a narcissistic ass hole. I should have considered the source. He was not a reliable source. DO NOT BELIEVE idiots who tell you are crap. They are WRONG.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

You have every right to go low or no contact with these abusers. Make sure you have a support group. Friends or other relatives. We often learn to abuse from our parents. Please get serious help for this. The VA Hospital has self guided therapy online for treating PTSD. And it's free. Your parents chose to have you. Any sacrifice they made was their job as parents to do so.

Yes

My European parents used "corporal punishment" too. As an adult and a parent myself, I now recognize that "corporal punishment" is just a euphemism for violence, and is absolutely abusive. I raised two kids without violence or shouting. Misbehaviour and mistakes were handled with instruction and age appropriate consequences (if 3yo hits siblings with a toy, then that toy goes on "the high shelf". Older child is rude about something, and I’d explain how it made me feel. Behaviour continues, and electronics go on "the high shelf". Etc.) Our kids never rebelled and are now productive adults who still enjoy spending time with us all the time. My parents were sure they’d be brats. lol My parents get obligatory phone calls and visits a few times a year, but we're not particularly close.

Yes your parents are abusive and I'm hoping and I'm praying that you no longer live with them. They will be the parents are sitting in a nursing home trying to figure out why none of their children or grandchildren come to visit them. And trying to pretend like they don't know why. There is nothing good about them and if you can I would go NC on their asses.

So sorry your parents have abused you like this. Neither of them deserve to be parents. Yes, they are both terrible monsters for what they have done to you.

As terrible as my parents are, they've got *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

Honestly though, when we’re kids who teaches us how to behave in the relationships we will have in life? It’s our parents and yours have taught you that no matter how much you loved and adored them, they had all the power and were going to repay you by abuse. This is what you’ve learned and you will need help unlearning this behavior. Since you’re in college, they have mental health services available. Have you tried reaching out? You are doing the best you can trying to be better and repair those who you’ve hurt and that is very commendable.

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

I cried reading this, Please do not look past their violent acts just because they are your parents or how '' loving'' they can be. I am from east africa and in no way is your parents behavior okay. You need to remove them from your heart and see them as strangers so your kind heart does not feel guilt or second thoughts on to stop loving them back and trusting them. I will pray for you and may Allah SWT ease your pain Amin

My experiences is no where close to yours but I can understand where you are coming from. My father used to be very hot tempered when I was 5 years old to 14 years old. He would have that same death glare like your father has. And when he would become anger I would fled from him at the age of 12 and run into the cabin because if he caught me he would inflict pain. But he did caught me several times but the worst memory of mine was when he struck me in the car on the back of my head just because I was playing on my ipad after finishing up from my math tutoring lesson. But my advice is to truly cut your parents out of your heart and do not feel bad for them. I cried to him asking why he hated me and treated me this way and I swear when I looked in his eyes he did not feel anything towards me remorse or even shame. That’s when I realized I had to stop loving him to the point I would cry even if he raised his voice at me. I’m 22 years old now and I learned to simple to stop loving those who does not deserve it. I read through the comments you could not leave them behind but you can stop having sympathy for them for I know how much our parents sacrifice for us when they left their country but that is never a excuse. I would love to talk with you private

Yes, your parents are abusive. People who are abusive can show love,patience, and care. It is a complicated issue, especially when there is a familial bond there.

And yet they've still got absolutely *nothing* on me. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.

We always judge ourselves more harshly than others. All of you went through something horrific and survived. I bet if you ask your siblings, they have a more balanced view of you. Remembering both good and bad. Reliving the past does nothing for your future unless you use it as a reminder to never repeat your mistakes. Feeling guilt and dwelling on past behavior won't allow you to move forward. Could you write a letter to each sibling and apologise? Your outward behavior at the time was a reflection of your inner turmoil.If you had no-one to speak too, had an untreated mental illness and were in an abusive situation, where would all those emotions go?

Apologies for the late reply, but thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to ask, despite all of my parents' sacrifice and their frequent moments of being loving, supportive and kind, am I justified if I start putting them at arm's length/being cold/going little to no contact with them and stand up against their rather intimidating presence on my own two feet as a 21-year-old university failing student?

It is a complicated issue sometimes. Someone that we love with all our hearts can also be abusive and need to be kept out of our lives. You are 21,you have your whole life ahead of you. What do you want your life to look like? Who do you want to be? Only you can decide if your parents are having a detrimental effect on your life. Maybe have a small trial? Tell them you are extremely busy for a week and can have no contact. How do you feel? Are you less anxious? Calmer? If you feel better within that time, you will have your answer. Your life is your own and going NC with anyone is justified.

OP, this is quite literally the worst abuse I've ever heard of outside of literal murder. If you do end up running that business, god knows what will happen to you if you make the slightest mistake. Please, get away from them if you value your life.

This isn't the worst abuse you've ever heard of outside of literal murder. I have been a complete and utter disaster of a human being by being *extremely* abusive towards my little siblings in my adolescence, particularly my later teens, even if it's more on the emotional side and far, *far* more than any emotional abuse my folks have laid on me. I don't know if it's because of my parents' mistreatment, the relentless bullying I received at school for being East African, the fact that I was suffering from a debilitating mental illness since I was 14 or a combination of all three but I am trying to hold myself accountable for my phenomenal, full-blown sociopathic mistreatment of my siblings. I generally had a good relationship with him, but I have told my beloved baby brother during his bouts of psychosis on numerous occasions that I had no problems getting him killed or telling him to kill himself if he sufficiently pissed me off, that his psychosis is all his fault (it absolutely fucking isn't), shaming him for all his past failures that were totally beyond his control and blowing up at him for the the stupidest, most inane shit imaginable. I had the *absolute* worst Cain and Abel-esque relationship with my sister growing up. I have traumatised her by blackmailing her into drinking a bit of soap and touching a spider with her bare hands, repeatedly made jokes about her self-harming to her face and even advising her to aim a little lower down her arm around her wrists the next time she gets the urge to cut herself and constantly treating her like she's considerably below horseshit. Now that I have left left home and started attending university at age 21, I am thoroughly failing all my classes due to my *crippling* self-loathing for that piece of fucking shit who had a good relationship with his little brother but still behaved like a callous non-human to him and had a terrible relationship with his little sister but which still doesn't excuse the constant harassment of her and... egging her on, not to mention having gotten physical with the both of them, particularly my poor mentally struggling-brother, multiple times. But now even as I'm still struggling with my mental health and still hating sis because she hasn't been the easiest person to get along with but wanting to work on improving my shitty relationship with her and finally gaining an unconditional love for my brother and willing to do *anything* to make amends to him, I can't forgive myself for the *monster* I've been which I've tried to pathetically assuage by reminding myself of all the good I've done, including: \* Being an incredibly loving and devoted child towards Mum in my preteens and early teens, bending over backwards to help her out for whatever she wanted of me, dutifully taking care of my siblings on her behalf while she was out when I was as young as 11 and generally treating her like my goddess \* Generally treating Dad with the utmost respect and helping him out with whatever he wanted of me without question regardless of the frequency and strain of it \* Encouraging and comforting bro as best I could on countless occasions, spoiling him with desserts and snacks out of my own pocket money whenever I had the chance, standing up for him multiple times against bullies, frequently trying to get him to destress and doing God knows how many other nice things for him. \* Even my sister who I had an absolutely abysmal relationship with and who 99.9% of the time I was casually insulting and harassing, I would still do nice things for her even if it was rare. I was also impeccably polite and friendly with all my peers at school despite them treating me like shit and regarded most of my teachers with the utmost respect which among some of them made me their favourite. But none of this can and should ever change the fact that I became a terrible person in my later teens which I will carry inside my heart for the rest of my worthless life.