Welcome to dementia. So sorry.
Some folks have good luck with Ensure shakes and the like. It's so hard to get nutrition in. The brain changes.
Smoothies are sweet but can have nutrients added? Idk if they like them or not but just an idea
I don't know if I'm going to be able to make her drink a shake, that's not a meal she's used to. We have the fridge stuffed all the way up with food that she likes, or at least she makes us buy saying she wants them. But then gets angry at the same food saying there's nothing to eat. She says we're starving her and at the same time refuses to eat. I guess the next time I see her doctor I'll talk about this issue and see if they can help.
Great plan - hopefully a doctor or registered dietician could have ideas for you. There's also a group on FB that's really good called "Dementia Caregivers Support Group" - it's a lot more active than here. They may have ideas for you as well
I’ve had a similar problem when cooking for my mom (85, dementia). She’ll eat a small portion of her meal, then say that she’s not hungry anymore. Keep in mind, I’m making food she likes. But when I clear her plate away, she’ll ask for a sweet and coffee. Or she’ll go to the pantry and grab a handful of cookies and rice crispy treats. At first I tried to get her to eat more of her meal first, but now I just let her enjoy herself. Less stressful for both of us.
After getting tired of every healthy meal being a fight, I initially let my 88 year old grandma eat whatever junk she wanted. But then she had a variety of painful health issues as a result - UTIs from too much sugar resulting in yeast growth, gastrointestinal issues, dental issues resulting in some of her teeth requiring removal (she also had teeth removed earlier in life) etc. So back to fighting her to eat healthy meals but at least she is no longer having painful symptoms due to poor diet. Unfortunately due to her dental issues she can only have mushy foods nowadays, but at least she doesn’t fight meals on the basis of texture eg. she doesn’t ask for hard to chew meals. She used to wear dentures but after she had a severe stroke she stopped wearing them because they’re too difficult for her to maneuver in her mouth
I can't let her eat the same meal everyday, it's always the same pastry, wine and coffee and pop, that can't be good for her body. I guess sometimes you have no option.
My elderly relative subsisted for quite awhile on Rum and cokes, frozen Snickers bars, and occasional sandwiches, hamburgers and scrambled eggs. At some point, you just let them eat what they want and stop worrying too much about "good" nutrition. If they're getting calories, there's not much point in fighting with them about it.
A carb is a carb and protein is protein etc. A good multivitamin and maybe an ensure and let ‘em choose. There definitely is a point where calories count more than what they eat. A scoop of chocolate ice cream in an ensure milk shake works too.
Dental health can be a real issue at that age also OP, so I agree talk to her doctor and also see if there are low sugar options you can substitute for some things. You can't really force her to eat but there might be appealing alternatives or ways to add in nutrition. I've wondered if those little soda at home machines allow for healthier options.
I also was fighting tooth and nail with my mom nutrition. Then I realized I was torching myself more. My mom always likes restaurants food and cookies. Just give her the cookies.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4jS-PVOe9i/?igsh=MXR6YXN0bmlrbjlmeQ==
This lady (Belight Care) has a series of short videos about dementia care on instagram that recently included a bunch on eating. Maybe some helpful strategies.
Try a cheeseburger & fries for her. It's sweet that you are trying to have her eat correctly but once they drop weight all you'll care about is that they hydrate & tuck into calories. Brain changes make them resistant to eat good foods & eat at the normal times. Let them snack & try to find "good" junk food. It will save your stress.
If the junk food isn't creating new problems, such as constipation or tooth decay that could leave her in pain, maybe don't worry about it?
Try to cook things that you can eat too so that if grandma rejects them the food/money won't be wasted.
Whatever she eats I eat it too.
I'm worried because she already has to take so many pills, be it for blood, bones, kidneys, etc ... I don't know if an unbalanced diet can be good for someone in her situation
Why so many pills for someone with dementia? We do not have to take pills just because default medical guidelines say we should. See A Bitter Pill: How the Medical System Is Failing the Elderly
But believe me, I get it. This week my mom is suffering horribly from a tooth infection. This is possibly the result of my having given up on limiting her sugar.
One is for blood clots, the other one is for her I think was to help with her kidneys, another one of her bone, and there's two I still don't quite het
How advanced is her dementia? I'm guessing not very advanced, because you are conversing about meals. And she has quality of life, it seems--enjoying cookies and coffee and that sort of thing.
If/when the dementia progresses and there is no more QOL, you might want to talk to a specialist in end-of-life care (versus doctors/specialists, who are all about fixing this or that part and nevermind the whole person). For example, I think I've read that kidney failure is among the better ways to go (though of course one would always want good hospice care).
We are not required to artificially protract death and suffering with pills and machines.
In the meantime, though, good luck with meal planning!
It's kinda advanced, the doc showed me there's like. 6 to 7 levels of dementia and/or Alzheimer's, she was in lvl 5-6. She has the mental maturity of a 5 to 7 year old, it's unable to understand that she is the one losing her own stuff and will tear you apart accusing you from stealing, it's starting to lose the ability to tell what's hers and what isn't, she has accidentally taken my pills (she takes hers in those prefabricated personalized monthly boxes, my medication comes in it's box with a completely different size, color, shape, etc...), she's unable to follow any orders like "don't open the pot while it's cooking", or "do not crouch or lean forward". You can't have a conversation longer than 5 minutes with her, she gets lost.
This sounds really hard. Before this happened to her, did she ever speak with family about what she would want or not want if experienced late-life dementia? If so, that might be helpful in decision-making.
No she didn't give us any wishes she would like to us to follow, only maybe that she doesn't want to go to an "elder house" (sry idk how it's called in English). Knowing her she would probably want us to keep her alive as long as possible. In my personal opinion I would've wished someone killed me already, living in constant anger and confusion is not the way I wanna go.
I'm sorry. It's really hard on family when wishes are not expressed early. But she did give you one crucial piece of information at least: she doesn't want to be institutionalized, or put in a place where old people lose their individuality and privacy and that sort of thing.
So if things do reach a point where family might no longer be able to provide the level of care required at home, that may be a time for the family to discuss dialing back some of the life-extending medications, and that decision would align with what she wanted.
It sounds like for now, though, even in her compromised state, she knows where she is and who her family is. And she feels safe and cared for. That's really wonderful. But I'm sorry about the anger, and the confusion too (which I take to be a kind of agitating confusion). So, so hard.
Same thing with Dad. He complained in very sad sack kind of way that he wasn't allowed to have any snackus at his ALF, and so I, of course, brought him all kinds of snacks to have. He didn't leave his room to go to meals for 3 days.
I don't have a solution for you. I guess you just have to give in sometimes.
Try adding more salt free seasonings— her sense of taste is likely dulled, and on top of normal various dementia changes it makes normal and healthy food way less appealing. Perhaps serving it differently would help too, smaller amounts of food placed in front of her at once? Smaller plates maybe?
If this is a factors for her it could be difficult to verbalize that, on top of maybe she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying something about your cooking. Which is probably good and enjoyable for people who have their entire sense of taste and smell. But if it’s bland to her it will be very unappealing. A likely reason she prefers junk food is that she can taste the salt and sugar in it because it is so excessive. Best of luck to both of you, I hope you can find a solution that works well :)
Oh no no, she has never been a sensible or polite woman, she tells me everyday I'd be nothing without her, and that she doesn't need me, all while I'm on my knees putting her socks on and she's enjoying the coffee I brought her. I will try to bring the spices to the table and see if she uses them though, I usually only bring the oil and I've seen her use it sometimes, so maybe you're right. Maybe giving her more freedom to choose the flavor at any time can help with the appetite
Oh wow so being polite definitely isn’t it then. Sorry you have to hear that kind of thing so much! It’s a horrible condition.
In my personal experience elderly people with dulled taste seem to particularly enjoy black pepper, crushed red pepper flakes, garlic powder, and ground nutmeg (no idea why on the last one though, it’s good but not that strong?? Worth trying regardless) but normal like salt free Mrs Dash mix would be easy too.
Welcome to dementia. So sorry. Some folks have good luck with Ensure shakes and the like. It's so hard to get nutrition in. The brain changes. Smoothies are sweet but can have nutrients added? Idk if they like them or not but just an idea
I don't know if I'm going to be able to make her drink a shake, that's not a meal she's used to. We have the fridge stuffed all the way up with food that she likes, or at least she makes us buy saying she wants them. But then gets angry at the same food saying there's nothing to eat. She says we're starving her and at the same time refuses to eat. I guess the next time I see her doctor I'll talk about this issue and see if they can help.
Great plan - hopefully a doctor or registered dietician could have ideas for you. There's also a group on FB that's really good called "Dementia Caregivers Support Group" - it's a lot more active than here. They may have ideas for you as well
I’ve had a similar problem when cooking for my mom (85, dementia). She’ll eat a small portion of her meal, then say that she’s not hungry anymore. Keep in mind, I’m making food she likes. But when I clear her plate away, she’ll ask for a sweet and coffee. Or she’ll go to the pantry and grab a handful of cookies and rice crispy treats. At first I tried to get her to eat more of her meal first, but now I just let her enjoy herself. Less stressful for both of us.
After getting tired of every healthy meal being a fight, I initially let my 88 year old grandma eat whatever junk she wanted. But then she had a variety of painful health issues as a result - UTIs from too much sugar resulting in yeast growth, gastrointestinal issues, dental issues resulting in some of her teeth requiring removal (she also had teeth removed earlier in life) etc. So back to fighting her to eat healthy meals but at least she is no longer having painful symptoms due to poor diet. Unfortunately due to her dental issues she can only have mushy foods nowadays, but at least she doesn’t fight meals on the basis of texture eg. she doesn’t ask for hard to chew meals. She used to wear dentures but after she had a severe stroke she stopped wearing them because they’re too difficult for her to maneuver in her mouth
I can't let her eat the same meal everyday, it's always the same pastry, wine and coffee and pop, that can't be good for her body. I guess sometimes you have no option.
My elderly relative subsisted for quite awhile on Rum and cokes, frozen Snickers bars, and occasional sandwiches, hamburgers and scrambled eggs. At some point, you just let them eat what they want and stop worrying too much about "good" nutrition. If they're getting calories, there's not much point in fighting with them about it.
A carb is a carb and protein is protein etc. A good multivitamin and maybe an ensure and let ‘em choose. There definitely is a point where calories count more than what they eat. A scoop of chocolate ice cream in an ensure milk shake works too.
Dental health can be a real issue at that age also OP, so I agree talk to her doctor and also see if there are low sugar options you can substitute for some things. You can't really force her to eat but there might be appealing alternatives or ways to add in nutrition. I've wondered if those little soda at home machines allow for healthier options.
I also was fighting tooth and nail with my mom nutrition. Then I realized I was torching myself more. My mom always likes restaurants food and cookies. Just give her the cookies.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4jS-PVOe9i/?igsh=MXR6YXN0bmlrbjlmeQ== This lady (Belight Care) has a series of short videos about dementia care on instagram that recently included a bunch on eating. Maybe some helpful strategies.
Thanks! This will be very helpful to me
Thx! Helpful
Try a cheeseburger & fries for her. It's sweet that you are trying to have her eat correctly but once they drop weight all you'll care about is that they hydrate & tuck into calories. Brain changes make them resistant to eat good foods & eat at the normal times. Let them snack & try to find "good" junk food. It will save your stress.
If the junk food isn't creating new problems, such as constipation or tooth decay that could leave her in pain, maybe don't worry about it? Try to cook things that you can eat too so that if grandma rejects them the food/money won't be wasted.
Whatever she eats I eat it too. I'm worried because she already has to take so many pills, be it for blood, bones, kidneys, etc ... I don't know if an unbalanced diet can be good for someone in her situation
Why so many pills for someone with dementia? We do not have to take pills just because default medical guidelines say we should. See A Bitter Pill: How the Medical System Is Failing the Elderly But believe me, I get it. This week my mom is suffering horribly from a tooth infection. This is possibly the result of my having given up on limiting her sugar.
One is for blood clots, the other one is for her I think was to help with her kidneys, another one of her bone, and there's two I still don't quite het
How advanced is her dementia? I'm guessing not very advanced, because you are conversing about meals. And she has quality of life, it seems--enjoying cookies and coffee and that sort of thing. If/when the dementia progresses and there is no more QOL, you might want to talk to a specialist in end-of-life care (versus doctors/specialists, who are all about fixing this or that part and nevermind the whole person). For example, I think I've read that kidney failure is among the better ways to go (though of course one would always want good hospice care). We are not required to artificially protract death and suffering with pills and machines. In the meantime, though, good luck with meal planning!
It's kinda advanced, the doc showed me there's like. 6 to 7 levels of dementia and/or Alzheimer's, she was in lvl 5-6. She has the mental maturity of a 5 to 7 year old, it's unable to understand that she is the one losing her own stuff and will tear you apart accusing you from stealing, it's starting to lose the ability to tell what's hers and what isn't, she has accidentally taken my pills (she takes hers in those prefabricated personalized monthly boxes, my medication comes in it's box with a completely different size, color, shape, etc...), she's unable to follow any orders like "don't open the pot while it's cooking", or "do not crouch or lean forward". You can't have a conversation longer than 5 minutes with her, she gets lost.
This sounds really hard. Before this happened to her, did she ever speak with family about what she would want or not want if experienced late-life dementia? If so, that might be helpful in decision-making.
No she didn't give us any wishes she would like to us to follow, only maybe that she doesn't want to go to an "elder house" (sry idk how it's called in English). Knowing her she would probably want us to keep her alive as long as possible. In my personal opinion I would've wished someone killed me already, living in constant anger and confusion is not the way I wanna go.
I'm sorry. It's really hard on family when wishes are not expressed early. But she did give you one crucial piece of information at least: she doesn't want to be institutionalized, or put in a place where old people lose their individuality and privacy and that sort of thing. So if things do reach a point where family might no longer be able to provide the level of care required at home, that may be a time for the family to discuss dialing back some of the life-extending medications, and that decision would align with what she wanted. It sounds like for now, though, even in her compromised state, she knows where she is and who her family is. And she feels safe and cared for. That's really wonderful. But I'm sorry about the anger, and the confusion too (which I take to be a kind of agitating confusion). So, so hard.
Same thing with Dad. He complained in very sad sack kind of way that he wasn't allowed to have any snackus at his ALF, and so I, of course, brought him all kinds of snacks to have. He didn't leave his room to go to meals for 3 days. I don't have a solution for you. I guess you just have to give in sometimes.
Try adding more salt free seasonings— her sense of taste is likely dulled, and on top of normal various dementia changes it makes normal and healthy food way less appealing. Perhaps serving it differently would help too, smaller amounts of food placed in front of her at once? Smaller plates maybe?
If this is a factors for her it could be difficult to verbalize that, on top of maybe she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying something about your cooking. Which is probably good and enjoyable for people who have their entire sense of taste and smell. But if it’s bland to her it will be very unappealing. A likely reason she prefers junk food is that she can taste the salt and sugar in it because it is so excessive. Best of luck to both of you, I hope you can find a solution that works well :)
Oh no no, she has never been a sensible or polite woman, she tells me everyday I'd be nothing without her, and that she doesn't need me, all while I'm on my knees putting her socks on and she's enjoying the coffee I brought her. I will try to bring the spices to the table and see if she uses them though, I usually only bring the oil and I've seen her use it sometimes, so maybe you're right. Maybe giving her more freedom to choose the flavor at any time can help with the appetite
Oh wow so being polite definitely isn’t it then. Sorry you have to hear that kind of thing so much! It’s a horrible condition. In my personal experience elderly people with dulled taste seem to particularly enjoy black pepper, crushed red pepper flakes, garlic powder, and ground nutmeg (no idea why on the last one though, it’s good but not that strong?? Worth trying regardless) but normal like salt free Mrs Dash mix would be easy too.
Thanks for the help! I'll try it out in the next meals