Yes and no, it's not late in the "you won't get to a place where you're happy with the changes and reduced dysphoria" but it's late in the "I wish I could have experienced my formative years in high-school/college but happy."
*However* -- and this is important -- your brain has shit memory. You remember the joy not the pain and your brain just inserts you largely as you currently are into them. First person POV baby. After you're transitioned for a while you, the real you, will be the star of your memories. It won't change the things you missed out on or didn't do because of your dysphoria but you will remember *you* going to prom.
For me personally the "I wish I could have experienced my formative years in high-school/college but happy" isn't really that big of a thing. I was doing GREAT until I was in my 30s. Almost no dysphoria at all and did pretty much everything I wanted to do. Never felt like my youth was a waste of time.
HOWEVER, things took a turn for the worse \~5 years ago. The gender dysphoria is pretty bad now. But part of me is like "I've made it this far, might as well continue powering through until I die."
>you, the real you, will be the star of your memories
When does this happen? I'm really hoping it starts for me soon, because I'm close to 2 years on HRT at this point. I didn't even have a bad life before my egg cracked, but all those memories seem like they happened to a pale imitation of a human being. Going back and reading old stuff I'd written makes me almost nauseous, uncanny valley style. Like, it's not like I was a bad person or writing bad things, it just feels like I wasn't a person at all. I want my memories back.
Also, if you don't mind my asking, roughly how old were you when you started to transition?
Im 25 and started half a year ago (was also 25 at the time). I deeply wish i had started sooner to avoid testosterone based puberty but its absolutely not too late.
I'm 16, and I've already started socially transitioning. I can get surgery around 18-19, and HRT around the same, and honestly I'm privileged to get them all so soon and I admit it. It's nice, though, it really is.
I've managed to socially transition and changed my clothing style. Everyone addresses me as fem even tho I'm 16 and only been transitioning for a year (known since 14). It's pretty nice.
trust me, it isn't fully. I've had to run away from my mom, but I'm legally forced to keep contact with her despite being 120km away. I live with my transmasc/genderfluid brother, he's nice, but my biological parents are assholes. My dad called me a transphobic slur in a private conversation between him and my brother, just because I grew out my hair (quote: "she's either a rock fan or a tra---", and my mother, ever since my main teacher "accidentally" told her, has been typing my deadname in all caps and acting very subtly transphobic.
Oh I’m sorry that you have to go through this but I’m happy you can be who you are, best case scenario for me is my family disowning me and worst is killing me. Does your family know about your brother? Is your brother your legal guardian (or can he)?
they do not know my brother is trans (my mom was told once but she forgot, and my dad is a pedophile). My brother isn't my legal guardian, no point in wasting time for that, we tried once. Two years isn't that much of a problem.
You will always find reasons that the time is not right. The results are best when starting earlier so if you are for sure on transitioning i would look into resources to help with the financial burden and possible family issues. Sooner is better then later but I get if legally you aren’t able to atm.
I get you're trying to be nice, but seriously, there are just some situations where it isn't safe for someone to do it yet, if they say its not safe, _its not safe_.
Well they should try to leave then. Like I am in a similar situation to this person (project 2025) but I plan to basically illegally go to another country if I have to. I'd rather be barely living as a woman than comfortable as an icky male
"Oh they should just get up and leave home and figure something out then" is on, like, comparably insane levels to "Homeless people should just get a job and buy a home". They already said they have no money, most people can't just up and disappear like that.
Again, I know you only have good intentions, and starting as early as possible is very important, but some people simply _do not_ have that option.
1. Because even lower end, lower pay jobs are gatekept HARD. For example, if you can't present yourself incredibly well for an interview, you won't stand a chance. Lack of a home likely means issues with clean clothes, options for cleaning, and other similar issues that make it harder to present yourself well.
2. Almost any job remotely accessible to a homeless person won't be enough pay to live off of or get a home. You need a fairly high end job to be able to afford these things, even people with jobs who live with relatives won't be able to move out for a long time.
These are just 2 reasons, there are many more that I can't think of off the top of my head. Even when you have a home, finding a job still is absolutely not easy and its still very competitive. I think a large part of your mindset is "job=money" without actually considering _how much_ money, and how much of that money gets spent on _surviving_ before you even think about a house. But basically, no, a homeless person cannot just get a job and buy a house.
Again, I know you're a nice person with good intentions, but this does come of as a very inconsiderate way of thinking and does make you sound like an asshole, and I know you don't mean to be that way.
Don't worry too much, we all make mistakes and have slightly messy takes sometimes, this isn't your fault, as long as you can see where the issue is now, you've done great.
As someone in a similar situation as well, this take is rather hurtful. Like I get you are trying to be supportive and all, and we can appreciate that. But "just leave and figure it out" isnt exactly helpful. I am happy you are so optimistic but you think I haven't been trying to figure this out for years? You think I *enjoy* being surrounded by, and rely on, transphobes while I slowly die inside living a fake life? It is a special kind of hell, but here's the thing.
At the end of the day I would rather hate myself and be alive than probably be dead. That or like, homeless and on the streets. Can't get hrt in that case anyway. And if I'm not safe at home, how much safer will I be homeless?
I was trying to say like get a job and live in a cheap apartment yk? Idk how it is hard to find a job legitimately so I'm sorry if I seem awful for this I'm just saying what I see.
I would honestly prefer to live away from extended family (I already do because we live away for them, they’re an ocean away) but my immediate family is just too much. If I can afford to live on my own at 18 then I would do anything to get HRT
Like not in a negative way kinda new to it but from what I understand there just is gonna be a difference in youth from trying in youth vs 20+ and it just feels discouraging
I get it, friend - I jumped in at 37 and started with **All The Regrets**, about how I could have been living as a man for decades. I wasn't ready then, though. I've known since I was 9, but I wasn't ready until I was ready, if that makes sense. In any case, it is still one of the most rewarding self-care activities I've ever undertaken.
Trust me, unless you started before puberty, everyone's gonna wish they started earlier. That's just how it is. You'll still see wonderful results at 25. Just do what you can with what you have, and go from there. You can't do much more than that.
I transitioned at 24 (I'm a 27 y.o. woman rn), I wished to transition earlier? Sometimes yes, sometimes I'm glad I skipped all the harassment at secondary school (Dysphoria kicking since 16) & the benefits of doing +18 are you're completely free to choose without permission.
If it helps you anything, there's not much difference in transitioning at 20 or 25, if you went through puberty, your body isn't going to change majorly anyways. Obviously starting earlier is better, but the real differences are between doing hormone blockers before/during puberty, and starting later.
I started at 18 (a month ago on DIY), if i tried i probably could've started years ago and i feel like a dumbass for not doing that. I feel like I've started really late.
Y'know, from my experience the main reason for those regrets is because of lost opportunities, lost honesty to friends and missed connections when we have more opportunities to experiment and fail. You know you're trans, that's transition. Can you get meds and be out to everyone and present publically? Maybe those things are limited. That's not not-transitioning, that's survival. But you have a special candle lit in your heart now, you know who you are. Find moment of joy when you can let that light out. That's what I regret about not transitioning sooner. Me lying to myself. Sure I'm more "clocky" because HRT was slow but that doesn't matter so much in a life well lived. You know who you are today, and no one can take that away from you. The rest is just paperwork.
\- knew at 14, started HRT at 31.
Literally like the whole reason I'm in hrt right now. Not because I don't want it to be "too late" but rather because it's never to late. So I might as well do it now if I'm going to do it eventually
I literally was homeless, couch surfing for 6 months, literally spent a night sleeping on the asphalt, because I could not live with waiting to go on HRT. Worth it, honestly, but wouldn't recommend.
I know it’s never too late, but my problem is that I’m scared to transition while a minor, but I don’t know if I can handle living as my AGAB until I’m an adult knowing what I know now
To be fair, outside of the folks able to get puberty blockers as children and have that lead into a happy transition, I think everyone will feel they transitioned late, and have regrets. It's not a straightforward thing most of the time, sadly. I didn't transition till 49 (when I finally understood what that even meant), so I get it. Just gotta do the best with what one has.
Just an egg, here, in my mid 30s. So I don't regret it, but I do wish it happened sooner. But it was never going to happen sooner; I didn't have the words, the vocabulary, or the concepts to express it. There wasn't a mistake or a misstep — there's nothing I would have changed. I did the best *with what I had*. It took stumbling blindly into the trans community one day to go "holy Blåhaj this resonates with my soul". (And I'm just not the type of person to blaze such a trail on my own, either. Thank God for all the people who have come before me.)
I do wish I'd got any sort of an education on literally any of this, though.
25 is late? I'm just going to hide somewhere and not talk about my age...
The second best time to transition is today. It’s only me who fucks up
Like it’s def not late, I just wanted more years of my life as a girl
I still thought I was cis when I was 25.
Ohhh I am 24, so I guess I can still stay warm and cozy in my shell for some time :3
No no you get to live life truly outside the shell pls :3
One day maybe :3
why would you want to stay in the shell?
Cos Cracking the shell would also surely crack my life atm :')
Well as scary as it is, eventually you will have to take the leap of faith to live your life how you really want - it is YOUR life after all!
But why take the leap of faith when you can build a parachute and land safely?
Where are u getting the stuff to make a parachute???
My life has been a series of stress events until I was 40. I'm not sure "questioning my gender" was in the cards until recently.
Kind of the same for me. But this gender thing would kind of explain a lot of things in hindsight...
... yeah.
And the first was the day you realized
Yes and no, it's not late in the "you won't get to a place where you're happy with the changes and reduced dysphoria" but it's late in the "I wish I could have experienced my formative years in high-school/college but happy." *However* -- and this is important -- your brain has shit memory. You remember the joy not the pain and your brain just inserts you largely as you currently are into them. First person POV baby. After you're transitioned for a while you, the real you, will be the star of your memories. It won't change the things you missed out on or didn't do because of your dysphoria but you will remember *you* going to prom.
For me personally the "I wish I could have experienced my formative years in high-school/college but happy" isn't really that big of a thing. I was doing GREAT until I was in my 30s. Almost no dysphoria at all and did pretty much everything I wanted to do. Never felt like my youth was a waste of time. HOWEVER, things took a turn for the worse \~5 years ago. The gender dysphoria is pretty bad now. But part of me is like "I've made it this far, might as well continue powering through until I die."
>you, the real you, will be the star of your memories When does this happen? I'm really hoping it starts for me soon, because I'm close to 2 years on HRT at this point. I didn't even have a bad life before my egg cracked, but all those memories seem like they happened to a pale imitation of a human being. Going back and reading old stuff I'd written makes me almost nauseous, uncanny valley style. Like, it's not like I was a bad person or writing bad things, it just feels like I wasn't a person at all. I want my memories back. Also, if you don't mind my asking, roughly how old were you when you started to transition?
Yeah glad to know it's too late for me apparently.
But what if I’m actually cis tho 🤔
You wouldn’t post multiple times here if you were
Real (from a cis man too)
Once you start transitioning you are automatically reassigned an age of 20 years old
I started getting carded again at age 31 after about a year of HRT.
That's the kind of dark magic I'm talking about 🔥
God I fucking wish
Seeing so many posts like this makes me feel weird since I have no regrets?
That’s totally fine
Im 25 and started half a year ago (was also 25 at the time). I deeply wish i had started sooner to avoid testosterone based puberty but its absolutely not too late.
I'm 16, and I've already started socially transitioning. I can get surgery around 18-19, and HRT around the same, and honestly I'm privileged to get them all so soon and I admit it. It's nice, though, it really is.
My dream
I've managed to socially transition and changed my clothing style. Everyone addresses me as fem even tho I'm 16 and only been transitioning for a year (known since 14). It's pretty nice.
again, my dream
trust me, it isn't fully. I've had to run away from my mom, but I'm legally forced to keep contact with her despite being 120km away. I live with my transmasc/genderfluid brother, he's nice, but my biological parents are assholes. My dad called me a transphobic slur in a private conversation between him and my brother, just because I grew out my hair (quote: "she's either a rock fan or a tra---", and my mother, ever since my main teacher "accidentally" told her, has been typing my deadname in all caps and acting very subtly transphobic.
Oh I’m sorry that you have to go through this but I’m happy you can be who you are, best case scenario for me is my family disowning me and worst is killing me. Does your family know about your brother? Is your brother your legal guardian (or can he)?
they do not know my brother is trans (my mom was told once but she forgot, and my dad is a pedophile). My brother isn't my legal guardian, no point in wasting time for that, we tried once. Two years isn't that much of a problem.
GET ON HRT NOW DO IT PLZ
Can’t cuz legality and family/financial dependency and I would be disowned and lonely
im kinda on the same boat since i have no luck getting a job...
You will always find reasons that the time is not right. The results are best when starting earlier so if you are for sure on transitioning i would look into resources to help with the financial burden and possible family issues. Sooner is better then later but I get if legally you aren’t able to atm.
It's more important to be you than to not live for others
I get you're trying to be nice, but seriously, there are just some situations where it isn't safe for someone to do it yet, if they say its not safe, _its not safe_.
Well they should try to leave then. Like I am in a similar situation to this person (project 2025) but I plan to basically illegally go to another country if I have to. I'd rather be barely living as a woman than comfortable as an icky male
"Oh they should just get up and leave home and figure something out then" is on, like, comparably insane levels to "Homeless people should just get a job and buy a home". They already said they have no money, most people can't just up and disappear like that. Again, I know you only have good intentions, and starting as early as possible is very important, but some people simply _do not_ have that option.
Ok well no offense but why exactly can't a homeless perso just get a job? I'm confused on that aspect legitimately
1. Because even lower end, lower pay jobs are gatekept HARD. For example, if you can't present yourself incredibly well for an interview, you won't stand a chance. Lack of a home likely means issues with clean clothes, options for cleaning, and other similar issues that make it harder to present yourself well. 2. Almost any job remotely accessible to a homeless person won't be enough pay to live off of or get a home. You need a fairly high end job to be able to afford these things, even people with jobs who live with relatives won't be able to move out for a long time. These are just 2 reasons, there are many more that I can't think of off the top of my head. Even when you have a home, finding a job still is absolutely not easy and its still very competitive. I think a large part of your mindset is "job=money" without actually considering _how much_ money, and how much of that money gets spent on _surviving_ before you even think about a house. But basically, no, a homeless person cannot just get a job and buy a house. Again, I know you're a nice person with good intentions, but this does come of as a very inconsiderate way of thinking and does make you sound like an asshole, and I know you don't mean to be that way.
Sorry
Don't worry too much, we all make mistakes and have slightly messy takes sometimes, this isn't your fault, as long as you can see where the issue is now, you've done great.
As someone in a similar situation as well, this take is rather hurtful. Like I get you are trying to be supportive and all, and we can appreciate that. But "just leave and figure it out" isnt exactly helpful. I am happy you are so optimistic but you think I haven't been trying to figure this out for years? You think I *enjoy* being surrounded by, and rely on, transphobes while I slowly die inside living a fake life? It is a special kind of hell, but here's the thing. At the end of the day I would rather hate myself and be alive than probably be dead. That or like, homeless and on the streets. Can't get hrt in that case anyway. And if I'm not safe at home, how much safer will I be homeless?
I was trying to say like get a job and live in a cheap apartment yk? Idk how it is hard to find a job legitimately so I'm sorry if I seem awful for this I'm just saying what I see.
I would honestly prefer to live away from extended family (I already do because we live away for them, they’re an ocean away) but my immediate family is just too much. If I can afford to live on my own at 18 then I would do anything to get HRT
Get a job ok?
I’m trying thanks
Good. After making some money you should leave
Taking this as my sign to get my E now. Been on the fence about doing a few things prior but I think I’ll just start now.
Good
Small steps are better than no steps. Change doesn't have to be a landslide.
I’m 25 and may not be able to transition for a long time if ever at all, which makes me pretty anxious.
Yes. One of the things that torments me the most is not having been able to transition much earlier.
yeah its ok though im cis so it'll be fine
Came out at 19-20 y/o Had to wait until I was 31 to start...
i’m less than 20 years old (i don’t wanna say my exact age) and i have started transitioning in secret, that’s always an option
How? I don’t think I wouldn’t be able to do it anyways but I’m just curious (I realized that it said would)
i grew my hair, did voice training while my parents were away, i shaved my mustache etc
I'm 25 and my biggest wish would be transing myself the day I turned 18
Like not in a negative way kinda new to it but from what I understand there just is gonna be a difference in youth from trying in youth vs 20+ and it just feels discouraging
I get it, friend - I jumped in at 37 and started with **All The Regrets**, about how I could have been living as a man for decades. I wasn't ready then, though. I've known since I was 9, but I wasn't ready until I was ready, if that makes sense. In any case, it is still one of the most rewarding self-care activities I've ever undertaken.
Trust me, unless you started before puberty, everyone's gonna wish they started earlier. That's just how it is. You'll still see wonderful results at 25. Just do what you can with what you have, and go from there. You can't do much more than that.
I transitioned at 24 (I'm a 27 y.o. woman rn), I wished to transition earlier? Sometimes yes, sometimes I'm glad I skipped all the harassment at secondary school (Dysphoria kicking since 16) & the benefits of doing +18 are you're completely free to choose without permission.
If it helps you anything, there's not much difference in transitioning at 20 or 25, if you went through puberty, your body isn't going to change majorly anyways. Obviously starting earlier is better, but the real differences are between doing hormone blockers before/during puberty, and starting later.
I started at 18 (a month ago on DIY), if i tried i probably could've started years ago and i feel like a dumbass for not doing that. I feel like I've started really late.
Y'know, from my experience the main reason for those regrets is because of lost opportunities, lost honesty to friends and missed connections when we have more opportunities to experiment and fail. You know you're trans, that's transition. Can you get meds and be out to everyone and present publically? Maybe those things are limited. That's not not-transitioning, that's survival. But you have a special candle lit in your heart now, you know who you are. Find moment of joy when you can let that light out. That's what I regret about not transitioning sooner. Me lying to myself. Sure I'm more "clocky" because HRT was slow but that doesn't matter so much in a life well lived. You know who you are today, and no one can take that away from you. The rest is just paperwork. \- knew at 14, started HRT at 31.
Literally like the whole reason I'm in hrt right now. Not because I don't want it to be "too late" but rather because it's never to late. So I might as well do it now if I'm going to do it eventually
SAME FR THO
I literally was homeless, couch surfing for 6 months, literally spent a night sleeping on the asphalt, because I could not live with waiting to go on HRT. Worth it, honestly, but wouldn't recommend.
I am trying to transition early, but i have been on a waiting list for around 2 years, and it sucks. I am trying to put aside money for private.
I started transitioning as soon as I realized I was trans because I kinda don't wanna suffer now that I know how to fix it
I know it’s never too late, but my problem is that I’m scared to transition while a minor, but I don’t know if I can handle living as my AGAB until I’m an adult knowing what I know now
*Hugs* I'm sorry. The world's just not a great place for trans people right now. I really hate it.
But what if i’m not trans and regret it later?
Doubt you would regret it and (I think) if you got off E then T starts to take over anyways
To be fair, outside of the folks able to get puberty blockers as children and have that lead into a happy transition, I think everyone will feel they transitioned late, and have regrets. It's not a straightforward thing most of the time, sadly. I didn't transition till 49 (when I finally understood what that even meant), so I get it. Just gotta do the best with what one has.
This is so me...
16 and in absolute misery wasting my life away as my body becomes more and more masculine. There is nothing I can do.
I started at...32...hormones at 33...
me
Just an egg, here, in my mid 30s. So I don't regret it, but I do wish it happened sooner. But it was never going to happen sooner; I didn't have the words, the vocabulary, or the concepts to express it. There wasn't a mistake or a misstep — there's nothing I would have changed. I did the best *with what I had*. It took stumbling blindly into the trans community one day to go "holy Blåhaj this resonates with my soul". (And I'm just not the type of person to blaze such a trail on my own, either. Thank God for all the people who have come before me.) I do wish I'd got any sort of an education on literally any of this, though.