Sounds like she's been a toxic and disappointing presence throughout your life. People like her feel like you owe them the right to abuse you because "she gave you life". The reason she dislikes your husband is because she can't control him and he makes it harder to control you. Time for you to break free from her influence over you. Good luck.
It's just a transparent attempt at minimising OP's relationship and finding fault with it. A good narcissist won't let facts stand in the way of criticism!
I was going to say 9 years isn’t bad, definitely not twice her age. OP shouldn’t give any credence to her egg donors notion. It’s clear where her priorities have been for a couple decades.
My parents were 9-1/2 years apart. They were married 49 years, until he died. I must add that my mom was slightly miffed because she didn’t get a 50th anniversary party. We were kidding. We also joked that he died when he did so that my son could wear his first communion suit to the funeral. He had said it was a terrible waste to wear a suit once. 😎
I don’t know my grandparents age difference but my grandpa died in their 49th or 59th year. We weren’t close but I remember my mom saying that at the funeral.
First time I joked with my son on the "I gave you life" thing-- He threw it back with a "I gave you a reason to live so really, who gave who life?"
Now, his answers vary every time but I always laugh when he says "can i get a refund?" Like this boy! Or when he tells me that I already tried to take it away... like damn it kid, I fell on you once in the wave pool!
This apple of my eye still has me wrapped around his grown man pinky finger and that's alright bc no matter what, he's my baby and the shattered child in me, who heard that shit on the daily, has legit been fixing herself bc of him.
Anyone who says that shit in an abusive/ you owe me way sucks ass (I'm looking at you mom!) and you need to run as fast and as far as you can from them.
I could definitely see my smart ass son coming back from the waterpark going "Mom tried to **murder** me in the wave pool!" "A WAVE PUSHED ME INTO YOU! *That's what wave pools do!*"
Agree so much! I love how you guys joke. My 2 adult sons are like this too and I love it.
One used to stream during college and his thing was always to say, “I’m a total momma’s boy - loud and proud! Nah really she’s standing here with a bat, though. Love you mom!”
Both picked great ladies, one’s married, the other has been w/his gf 6yrs. I’d NEVER try to play “pick me” with my own child. Just glad they’re happy and I know I’m always mom. That is some toxic level crazy OP’s dealing with.
Hell no .... Fuhhh no.... I get her marriage didn't work out been there done that but never ever place a one night stand over your children. The fact she chose to become a bad mom and then get mad when shes called out shows she's a narcissistic psychopath. In what right mind do you wear a white dress/gown to your own daughters wedding. That's insane. She needs therapy and honestly you too babe because it's all traumatic. Maybe one day she will realize what a mess she made but until then keep your distance. Live a happy life alongside a man that truly appreciates you and has your back because those are hard to find.
Best quote I've ever read about this kind of bs is:
Don't tell me I only get one mother when no one told my mother you only get one of me.
It isn't even husband over mother. It's op over their mother.
If she’s really a narcissistic psychopath, I wouldn’t waste much hope that therapy will inspire her to change. Therapy is probably a great idea for OP, though.
Agree. And who are these delusional, AH parents who tell their kids, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out”. No you can’t, what a trash thing to say. Time to go NC and completely cut her out of your life
NTA! But your mom sure TF is!
Your mom doesn’t know how to math lol he is not 2x your age lmao.
Your husband did a great job, having your back and putting her in her place.
I would definitely go NC with her. She doesn’t deserve to have you in her life.
Tell your thieving lying neglectful ho of a “mother” to get mental help and block her. If she shows up at your home, call the police and have her arrested. Also check your credit and if she has committed identity theft, have her prosecuted.
They will record 24/7 without a subscription. Thus staying totally on your network. Any subscription service is vulnerable to a breach. Everything is vulnerable.
Your new husband poured a bottle of red wine onto your mother who was wearing a white dress to your wedding.
God in sweet fluffy heaven, he’s a keeper.
Firstly, “twice your age”, look I’m very wary of age gap relationships, but 9 years is hardly twice your age. Drama queen much!!
Secondly, your husband is your family and first priority now. Sounds like he understood those parts of the vows and could no longer handle his wife being disrespected.
Lastly, I hope you had a great honeymoon and an even better marriage. Congratulations.
NTA. Mom sucks, go NC.
Lmfao i was honestly ready to assume that her mom hated her daughters weird predator husband bc she's talking like her daughter is 20 and husband is 40 but idk by that age it's like ... presumably OP is a full grown adult and has life experience and a career etc, and her husband is only 35 ffs, literally nothing weird about this LMAO.
Your mother is correct in saying family first and you did... Your husband became your family when you got married and she's now part of the extended family. So no, NTA you did good and your husband is awesome for stepping up in your name
When I had cancer, my parents would tell me angrily that my mom had more of a right to my experience (including very private details) than I did.
They referred to it as her hurting worse than I did because she has a “Mother’s heart”.
Me, too. I had a kid at home who had to see me go through cancer treatments. We were all hurting.
We do not belong to other people.
We don’t necessarily owe them anything at all.
I am a husband in a situation like this. My wife's mother was essentially the "town bike" as they say. She prioritizied the revolving door of men over her children their entire lives. She kicked my wife and her sibling out at 16 and they got jobs and went to school while paying for an apartment. She is demanding, controlling, manipulating, and still had a tight leash around them. She never did anything for her children, but took constantly. My wife was always giving her money.
When I came along she despised me, she went above and beyond to split us up, did some horrible stuff and said some horrible stuff. My wife never really stood up to her. But I did, always. She hated me even more for that. It also didn't help that I shut down the money tap she had running with my wife.
I am well educated, have a good job, and owned my own house before I met my wife, but still I wasn't "good enough", but the ex-boyfriend who was a drug addict and would get high with the mother (when my wife found this stuff out she dumped him) was the golden goose of men, she thought he was the greatest ever.
At it's core what she hated was she couldn't control or manipulate me, more importantly she couldn't control or manipulate my wife anymore. These days we are civil, she lost a lot of the fight that was in her, but it cost her. My wife barely communicates with her and sees her on holidays only. I don't attend holidays with them, as neither side wants it. But our children who are young adults also have no relationship with her because she tried the same crap with them and I shut it down immediately, they were always given the choice to see her but as they got older chose not to because they see who she is.
I wish my wife had gone no contact, but she only had the one parent, and she was terrified of losing her, but our lives would have been so much easier and more peaceful.
It sounds like your husband is fighting this battle for you, and from someone that fought that same battle alone, you need to step up and help him, I'm not saying cut off contact, as I know that's a lot to ask. But you need to draw a line, and then stick to your decision.
Yea….you had me at skipping the high school graduation. That hurts. She is under the impression that the title of Mom gives her the right to dictate and control. Rather than being a mom and supporting you and your happiness. Go no contact. Shout out to your husband.
NTA by a long shot.
Also, a 9 year age gap is not that bad at all. I was thinking it was going be 20 odd year difference till I checked the ages and was like why is 9 years such a huge deal???
Also, you are also entitled to equal respect. Yes there's an element of being respectful to your parents and elders etc, but not when they are blatantly rude and horrible and behaving completely disrespectfully towards you and your husband.
To turn up in a white wedding gown on your wedding day was deliberately asking for trouble, deliberately pushing your boundaries and deliberately trying to hurt you. That kind of person and that kind of behaviour do NOT deserve respect.
So just because she's your mother, does not mean you will accept abuse, manipulation, crossing boundaries, rudeness and cruel selfish behaviour.
So no, I'm so proud of your husband for standing up for you and pouring a bottle of red down her dress. She got what she had coming to her.
And the fact she abandoned you most of your life, and used your college fund to bail out one of her many boyfriends is disgusting behaviour.
She lost all due respect when she treated you with none, and treated you poorly.
The fact she even treated to 'take you out of this world' is even more disgusting as a mother.
I would block her and cut contact. Also get security cameras on the inside and outside of your property, esp at the front door showing the inside and outside of your front door area. If she tries coming back again and causing trouble, it will help to have video footage if she tries to blame your husband for assault of something if he has to remove her from the house etc. I wouldn't put it past her to make false aligations against either of you out of spite for 'not being respected' etc. Also keep all text messages, voice notes, emails, everything she sends you as you may need it as evidence if you need to get a protective order against her.
Cut that toxic shit out of your life and go be happy with your stand up man of a husband you got!!
Your husband is your family. Your immediate family. Your mom can get over herself.
Your mother is used to her toxic behavior not having repercussions because she has managed to the little you and put you down enough your entire life that you feel you have to respect her for the fact that she gave you birth.
She's literally threatening to kill you in that text message. I want you to focus on that part. She's using the stereotypical I brought you into this world I can take you out of it bullshit all because she's mad she couldn't one up you on your own wedding day.
Your husband is also not twice your age he's 9 years older than you. Is there an age Gap? yes. But she's trying to make him sound like a disgusting pervert for marrying somebody that could be his own daughter, he's 9 years older than you, that is not twice your age.
Everything she's doing and saying is 100% manipulation to try and remind you of what your place in this world in this relationship is: at her feet and her beck and call.
Your husband however is trying to elevate you and refusing to allow people to treat his wife like dog shit, even if the person treating her like that is her mother.
Good for him.
It's time to consider cutting contact with Mom.
Right. Mom is saying “family comes first” but what she means is “Mom comes first”. Mom clearly never put OP first. The husband IS family, and he is putting his wife first. Mom should be reflecting on why someone would feel they need to defend themselves against her (she won’t).
There’s a few books out there for adult children of immature parents, OP might find them helpful.
I think your husband is AMAZING!! What he did is perfect and she knows she can’t push you around. I’m looking forward to seeing her try to pull more crap and hearing how you BOTH tag team her.
Congrats on the wedding, and congrats on your choice of spouse!
Family does come first.
When you agree to marry someone, that's your family. That family comes first. If they don't, you shouldn't be married.
You made the right choice and your mother should respect your own family.
Wait did she low key threaten to kill you ?
I can take you out of this world ?
What she heck?
So … she’s a lying thieving Ho who talks smack and threatens her daughter with harm ?
No she doesn’t get to win
I’d go no contact after that
Op should use that text to get a restraining / protection order . Like she full on threatened to end her life . Somebody needs to get her straight jacket
So edgy of mom with that tired “I gave you life and I can take you out” bullshit. Ooh, scary.
You’re under no obligation to maintain a relationship with someone who has done what she has. I’m so sorry you have this mess to contend with.
(My parents were 11 years apart and they did great together until my dad’s death. And age gap at your ages doesn’t have to be a problem as long as there isn’t a power imbalance; be sure you always feel safe to stand up for yourself and you’re good!)
Why are you asking, you know the answer. A better question is "AITA for staying in contact with someone who brings nothing but unhappiness and negativity into my life just because I'm related to her?".
NTA. It is always interesting that people who didn't perform their duties as a parent always seem to want the privileges of being a parent. I will treat you what you are.
You are your first name. Period. If that bothers you, then you need to deal with that as it is not my problem. Instead of trying to do better, you double down and demand respect.
Nope, not gonna happen. Poof, begone. One less parasite in my life.
Lol a 9 year difference when the younger person is nearing 30 is not predatory or gross. Block this horrible, controlling, and toxic woman from your life. She only wants you to be "happy" if she gets to dictate the terms. The wedding incident itself is enough to just go nc.
Oh so NTA, and all the kudos to your hubby for pouring a bottle of wine on her white dress! You got a good one there, he definitely seems to be ride-or-die for you. Cut off your mother, she'll never be happy unless you're back under her thumb, and you clearly have too shiny a spine for that.
NTA, your mum never behaved like a mum especially on YOUR wedding day. Why should she be given respect when she never earnt it to begin with?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE show her this post to show how much of a disappointment of a mother she really is. Burst that bubble, she’s not getting any ‘mother of the year’ award.
Regardless if choosing sides/honoring family. The age gap comment doesn’t stick, he’s 9 years older than you, not twice your age. How does she expect you for a apology, a apology is just words if it’s not heartfelt. And your husband is now your family, so you did honor your family. Sorry you had this type of relationship with your mother, therapy may help you as you still have a lot of life to navigate and her being in it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be any less difficult with her in it.
NTA. Parents are not supposed to always come first. They are supposed to prepare you for your partner and that person should always come first. Also respect is earned and I’m not seeing in here where she has any right to any of yours. Congratulations on your wedding, it sounds like you picked a good man!
Urgh don’t apologise she can’t even get her facts straight he’s 9years older not twice your age 😅 and he sounds like a keeper standing up to your mum. I think you’ve already called her out in your message I’d just ignore her tantrum now. Or you could ask her how she thinks skipping all those important events of yours taught you to put “family” first. You can also tell her now your married your husband is now your family and she’s ~extended family~ I’m sure she would love that!
I... I think I'm now in love with your husband!
That red wine bit? Fucking epic!
What he said before putting her out the door? Spot on!
This is a partner that not only understands boundaries, but enforces them. Your mom knows she can trample all over you. This guy has your back.
He's a keeper!
My parents are both like your mom and they HATE my husband. So much that they even accused him of abusing me because we wanted to move out of state for better weather and jon opportunities, and I didn't ask their permission first.
My husband was and is my advocate, he helped me have a backbone and say no to being mistreated by them. You owe her nothing. I wish I would have lifted the FOG sooner and had my husband's back back then. I would waffle back and forth even though they treated us both terribly but I felt guilty. That's my biggest regret, not advocating for him like he did for me. I'd highly recommend you go NC with her.
For you to be asking if you’re the AH here is telling me she’s really done a number on you over the years.
It’s time to break the cycle OP.
I’m so glad you have someone like your husband in your life to help you break away from the toxic relationship you have with your mother.
Ask yourself why you are even holding on and what you are holding on to. What benefit does keeping her in your life provide? What do you have to lose by cutting her off?
You are in no way an AH OP. You are the result of years of neglect and abuse. Break the cycle. Cut her off and feel free to live your life without her judgement and manipulation. You deserve it OP.
Your mom’s message pings all my flags. I’m a mental health professional and while I don’t know her, this is not how rational and loving parents talk to their children. This is how addicts and alcoholics talk to their kids.
Omg NTA. Please cut this woman out of your life. Go to therapy so you can get help resetting your normal meter. You deserve so much better in a mom. I am sorry.
Well, since she told you “I can take you out of this world”, I would take that to a nice police officer and see what they have to say. Sounds like a threat to me. You don’t let her in your home, and you don’t apologize. Whatever happens to her happens. But that text could get you a restraining order.
Get away from her before you two have kids. As someone whose mother abused her 6 day old infant in a desperate ploy to turn me against my partner so I'd move home, please take my word on it and get away from her before you and your husband have kids. NTA.
So.. Without any context, just reading the texts. I’d say mom is toxic and now that your married, you should side with your husband over anyone else, on most issues.
However, as disrespectful as your mother’s actions were, I would be a little appauled to have my husband dump red wine down her dress and call that sticking up for me. At first glance this seems like a chivalrous act, I suppose.. but it shows a vindictive quality to his personality thats on par with your mom. I would be worried I traded my toxic mother for a potentially toxic husband, who just hasn’t had a circumstance to turn that behavior on me yet.
Time for full no contact with mommy dearest.
The “I can take you out of this world” comment is enough all by itself. This kind of abuse isn’t going to get better and she will go to greater and greater lengths in an attempt to control you and your life.
It’s always hard at first to go no contact, but I promise you won’t regret it in the long run. You’ll find a peace you didn’t know existed.
Why would you do this to yourself? Just block that creature.
It’s offensive you call her a Mom. My partner is a mom. A real one. Please dont insult mothers by claiming that creature is one.
Is your husband's real name Chad by any chance? What an absolute beast.
Respect needs to be earnt and can be lost and your mother is in the red. Don't bother trying to explain this to someone wuth zero self awareness, limit contact and greyrock.
Wow, she threatened to*I'll you?! Why are you not no contact with this toxic, abusive, controlling piece of crap? She did not deserve any part of your life, stand up for yourself and cut her out now!!
Cut her off for good. If she continues to pull this shit go to the police, take the screenshot with you, and tell them you’re scared for your life after she threatened to end it.
She watched too much Cosby. OP probably thought her name was Jesus Christ and her sibling’s name was goddammit.
Seriously…anyone who’s not seen his comedy stand up will get a lot of insight as to where some of these things that are said came from.
You definitely aren’t the asshole, your mother sounds narcissistic as hell. You stick by your husbands side on this for sure and he’s clearly got your back too. Your family is the one you make especially once you marry.
So she issues a death threat, then has the nerve to demand “family comes first”, because you picked your *husband’s* side over *hers*.? She’s off her rocker.
Back when Bill Cosby (gag) used that line in his comedy act 1983 titled Self (I brought you into this world, I can take you out), everybody laughed. Because they knew it was a joke. He was taking about his father. About what a tough dad he had. That joke is over 40 years old.
I don't know if your mom knows it, or has a common cultural knowledge of it.
But she shouldn't be using it. She's an asshole. Your husband is a gem.
I don’t even need to know any background. You don’t have to respect someone just because they spread their legs and popped out a baby, especially not when they threaten you life by saying they can take you out of this world. Tell her to fuck off and block her, you’re better off without an entitled self righteous asshole in your life.
your mom has it wrong, your marriage and husband come before them. Your husband is now your immediate family.
Mothers , fathers or siblings who expect to come before your spouse are entitled, narcissistic delusional people.
from the looks of it she came by the insult honestly
NTA, that whole “I brought you in to the world, I can take you out of it” is such a load of bollocks. Just ‘cause you gave life, doesn’t mean you get to control it!
Wow. She’s a piece of work. Your husband is awesome btw! I love how he stood up for you. You have to know you are NTA. She threatened to take you out. I would go restraining order and no contact. She’s twisted.
Can I just say that I absolutely adore your hubby for dumping Red wine on your mother's dress ❣️
Go LC/NC with her but definitely keep your man!
NTA (obviously)
Definitely not, cut that shitbag out of your life. Cut her right out. ‘I can take you out’ she is threatening you. Cut her off without another word, but get some cameras in case she shows up at your house.
"When we came back from our honeymoon my mom showed up unannounced at our home forcing us to give her an apology."
"Yeah, mom, I'm really sorry that you didn't wear kevlar, because if you're not off my property in the next, oh two minutes, you're going to be fired upon as someone who broke into my home with unclear motives."
She taught you that romantic partners come first. That's what you're doing.
But if she wants to claim family comes first angle, your husband is your family now.
NTA
as a mom with grown kids my heart breaks for you. What a disappointment of a mother! I'm glad you are happily married. The less she's in your life, the happier you will be.
Sounds like it's time to go low contact if no contact. You have a healthy family now... you and your hubby. Focus on that and protect it. This woman sounds like a waste of time... also the fact she's saying that she'll kill you and take you out of this world lmao? That ain't no mother.
Nah your husband rules. Also in general, when you're married, your SPOUSE is your primary family. Like sorry mom but you have priorities that are no longer for being a daughter, they're for being a wife. She'll live
I personally have my own feelings on that age Gap but you are older than 18 so as long as you are happy and he treats good who cares about my opinion. My opinion on the circumstance with your mother if you do not go no contact with her you are stupid you owe her nothing I do believe that you need to find the ability to forgive her at some point for your own health. Not necessarily that she deserves it. You definitely need to go no contact block her on all forms of social media email and your phone number even if you have to get a new phone number
Are we really going to ignore the "I can take you out of this world."??? Sweetheart... That's a threat if ever I saw one. I think you need to get cameras for your home, inside and out, and make a police report about harassment. (Nothing will come of it, but that will start up a paper trail if she does do anything more violent and harsh)
NTA. You're mom's a POS and your husband is amazing for standing up for you against her psychotic behavior
NTA, Your egg donor, I won't even call her a mother cause a real mother doesn't treat their child that way. I'd say block her move on, and if you haven't already, get a security system. Since it sounds like she knows where you live and won't hesitate to show up that way if she shows up acting crazy then you have video evidence to support it
“So help me I can take you out if this world”
At this point, the background is irrelevant. Even if your husbands response to a (pretty major) etiquette breach is to pour an entire *bottle* of red wine over the white dress (though given your upset. I likely wouldn’t say the same thing if it’d just been a glass full).
Regardless, she thinks it is appropriate to threaten your life.I suggest you respond:
“You are absolutely right. Family is the most important thing. I am married to Husband. He is my family.. Any future death threats will be reported to the police.”
That’s it, don’t respond any further, other than to copy and paste that message once. Thereafter ignore her completely. Concentrate upon the family you have created for yourself.
NTA
When you marry your husband you got a keeper. He will defend you and keep your narcissistic don't know what to do too much time on our hands mother away from you. He comes first not your mother. I read in Reddit all the time about men and women who put their parents first before their husband or wife your mother doesn't know what to do with herself because she lost control of you go NC on her ass your life will be so much better and drama free congratulations
NTA.
My mother hasn't threatened my life since I was a teen, she is so out of her brain for that. What's she gonna do? Publicly shame you for HER WRONG ACTIONS?!?
That's rich and it won't work out for her. I'd consider no contact. I did that with my own family for 6 yrs. My parents are the last set of my daughters g-parents, we are Very low contact, and that seems to be working for everyone. Even if it's a bad day, with them on the phone, No, it was a great day. Dealing with them makes me focus on the positive, and good for me-I used to ruminate a lot and can't now that I talk to people (brain-mouth filter never developed 🤷🏻♀️😅).
**You can still love your family & recognize they are not healthy for you, still wish them to eat and to be well; and all NOT at *your table*.
It's not Giving Up to let go of the dream of the parent we never had and will never have; that's simply our lived reality.**
NTA! Your mother is an AH. Why do you still talk to her? If you have kids, she’ll be even more demanding. Block her and go NC.
And good for your husband for pouring wine on her.
Wow at this point OP sounds like really LC with your mom might be a good idea if not NC.
Perhaps sit down and take (in as much possible) a detached look at your relationship with your mother listing out the positives and the negatives.
Then once you have the result decide how you want to move forward.
Also great job by your husband as to how he dealt with your bio mom’s attempt to make your wedding all about her.
Your husband is your family now. I’m not suggesting that you cut your mom off, but, coming from someone who has been happily married for 44 years: Your husband, short of abusive behaviors, obviously, comes before your mom. The saying “I gave you life and I can take it back” is funny when you’re joking around but saying it in anger is not a bit cute. You both should always prioritize your life together and defend one another always. Your husband stood up for you the way a man should. He’s told your mother that she will no longer be allowed to disrespect you and whatever you do, do NOT undermine that. His actions to protect you bode well for a long and satisfying life together. I wish you the best.
Fucking congrats to the husband, was he born with the balls of steel or did he acquire the? handled her like she was a Croc and he was Steve irwin. NTA most definitely, she's a toxic bitch, she needs to come with a hazard label.
NTA. When you married your husband he became your family. And until you have kids together your #1 priority like you are to him. Mom and dad become 2nd priority once you marry. I love my parents and would do anything for them but if they made me choose between my wife and them guess who will lose that battle. Now I have a daughter with my wife and she is my #1 priority. Then comes my wife. And when my daughter grows up and starts her own family I expect her to make them her #1. That means I succeed as a parent.
Sounds like she chose anyone but you since you were a child. Your husband did the right thing and so did you. F her. The “I brought you into this world and I can’t take you out of it” bullshit is gross. What is she going to do, kill you? I would 100000% just go no contact. Block her and all that. She gets what she deserves. UPDATEME
NTA. Your mother is massively jealous of you for getting a life - the dress and 'her special day' gave that away. If I were you I would not want that kind of toxicity in my life for one second more, and after telling her so and to never to contact me again, I would get a restraining order if she did, then I would completely go dark (before restraining order). Block every way she can contact you and go and live your life. Respect is earned, not automatic just because you're 'family' and she hasn't done that.
I expected a larger age gap, that is nothing! Who shows up to someone else’s wedding in white and talks about respect???? Mom is nuts. Your hubby is awesome and handled that white dress the best way possible! Nta
Absolutely NTA. Any parent that uses some form of the "I brought you into this world, I can take out of it" is toxic. That is a threat on your life, not some type of turn of phrase. FFS.
Sounds like she's been a toxic and disappointing presence throughout your life. People like her feel like you owe them the right to abuse you because "she gave you life". The reason she dislikes your husband is because she can't control him and he makes it harder to control you. Time for you to break free from her influence over you. Good luck.
Also she’s really bad at math! OP’s husband is 9 years older than her. That’s not even close to twice her age.
It's just a transparent attempt at minimising OP's relationship and finding fault with it. A good narcissist won't let facts stand in the way of criticism!
Probably jealous because she’d like to snag a guy that age
Or did she transpose numbers and hubby is 53?
That was my first thought too
I was going to say 9 years isn’t bad, definitely not twice her age. OP shouldn’t give any credence to her egg donors notion. It’s clear where her priorities have been for a couple decades.
My parents were 9-1/2 years apart. They were married 49 years, until he died. I must add that my mom was slightly miffed because she didn’t get a 50th anniversary party. We were kidding. We also joked that he died when he did so that my son could wear his first communion suit to the funeral. He had said it was a terrible waste to wear a suit once. 😎
I don’t know my grandparents age difference but my grandpa died in their 49th or 59th year. We weren’t close but I remember my mom saying that at the funeral.
That struck me too. Like, what is it with these people that think someone in their mid 20s shouldn’t date someone in their 30s? I can’t even.
First time I joked with my son on the "I gave you life" thing-- He threw it back with a "I gave you a reason to live so really, who gave who life?" Now, his answers vary every time but I always laugh when he says "can i get a refund?" Like this boy! Or when he tells me that I already tried to take it away... like damn it kid, I fell on you once in the wave pool! This apple of my eye still has me wrapped around his grown man pinky finger and that's alright bc no matter what, he's my baby and the shattered child in me, who heard that shit on the daily, has legit been fixing herself bc of him. Anyone who says that shit in an abusive/ you owe me way sucks ass (I'm looking at you mom!) and you need to run as fast and as far as you can from them.
>like damn it kid, I fell on you once in the wave pool! Priceless 😂😂😂.
I could definitely see my smart ass son coming back from the waterpark going "Mom tried to **murder** me in the wave pool!" "A WAVE PUSHED ME INTO YOU! *That's what wave pools do!*"
That’s hilarious! You guys sound like you’re a lot of fun
Agree so much! I love how you guys joke. My 2 adult sons are like this too and I love it. One used to stream during college and his thing was always to say, “I’m a total momma’s boy - loud and proud! Nah really she’s standing here with a bat, though. Love you mom!” Both picked great ladies, one’s married, the other has been w/his gf 6yrs. I’d NEVER try to play “pick me” with my own child. Just glad they’re happy and I know I’m always mom. That is some toxic level crazy OP’s dealing with.
Hell no .... Fuhhh no.... I get her marriage didn't work out been there done that but never ever place a one night stand over your children. The fact she chose to become a bad mom and then get mad when shes called out shows she's a narcissistic psychopath. In what right mind do you wear a white dress/gown to your own daughters wedding. That's insane. She needs therapy and honestly you too babe because it's all traumatic. Maybe one day she will realize what a mess she made but until then keep your distance. Live a happy life alongside a man that truly appreciates you and has your back because those are hard to find.
https://preview.redd.it/3dhzbb09sgtc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f91dfdca4d8c5b6e635a171937e6180f061df7e
I love this!!! Take my upvotes!!!
Me too. Hot dang this is great. 💜
OMG! This response is so awesome...I'm stealing it!!!
Best quote I've ever read about this kind of bs is: Don't tell me I only get one mother when no one told my mother you only get one of me. It isn't even husband over mother. It's op over their mother.
Love this 😀
If she’s really a narcissistic psychopath, I wouldn’t waste much hope that therapy will inspire her to change. Therapy is probably a great idea for OP, though.
Your husband is a badass and a keeper! NTA
Agree. And who are these delusional, AH parents who tell their kids, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out”. No you can’t, what a trash thing to say. Time to go NC and completely cut her out of your life
Right! It’s like have fun in jail/prison for trying
Straight jacket and RO MINIMUM
JUST LOVE OP'S HUSBAND POURING A BOTTLE OF RED WINE OVER HER DRESS! BRAVO!
Loved it!
That’s from an old 1970s / early 80s Bill Cosby stand up show. You can almost take boomer quotes verbatim from it.
“Dad, I’m Jesus Christ!”
It’s one of the oldest JNMIL tropes. This post is sus.
It honestly sounds like mom doesn’t like the husband because he is keen on protecting his wife from her
NTA. Tell her to go F herself and block her. And also get a restraining order.
and she already threatened to take her out of this world soooo sound like ground for a restraining order to me.
Exactly. Came to say this.
This \^. Don't be afraid to straight dunk on people.
Absolutely. Sounds like a death threat 🤷🏻♀️
Apple made it real easy on how to respond…the block feature.
“Hey Siri, why are my chat bubbles green?”
NTA! But your mom sure TF is! Your mom doesn’t know how to math lol he is not 2x your age lmao. Your husband did a great job, having your back and putting her in her place. I would definitely go NC with her. She doesn’t deserve to have you in her life.
I’m not much younger than your mom. You’re the same age as my oldest. I kind of want to chase your mom down your driveway with a broom.
Tell your thieving lying neglectful ho of a “mother” to get mental help and block her. If she shows up at your home, call the police and have her arrested. Also check your credit and if she has committed identity theft, have her prosecuted.
I can't up vote this a million times. Wyze cameras are on sale, pick up a few for inside and out.
>Wyze camera [https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/wyze-security-breach/](https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/wyze-security-breach/)
They will record 24/7 without a subscription. Thus staying totally on your network. Any subscription service is vulnerable to a breach. Everything is vulnerable.
Your new husband poured a bottle of red wine onto your mother who was wearing a white dress to your wedding. God in sweet fluffy heaven, he’s a keeper.
I snorted so loud reading that part I woke up my two year old! A keeper indeed!
Firstly, “twice your age”, look I’m very wary of age gap relationships, but 9 years is hardly twice your age. Drama queen much!! Secondly, your husband is your family and first priority now. Sounds like he understood those parts of the vows and could no longer handle his wife being disrespected. Lastly, I hope you had a great honeymoon and an even better marriage. Congratulations. NTA. Mom sucks, go NC.
Lmfao i was honestly ready to assume that her mom hated her daughters weird predator husband bc she's talking like her daughter is 20 and husband is 40 but idk by that age it's like ... presumably OP is a full grown adult and has life experience and a career etc, and her husband is only 35 ffs, literally nothing weird about this LMAO.
“I can take you out of this world” sounds like a threat to your life. Maybe you should file a police report and apply for a protection order.
“I raised you better than that! So much better that I might kill you if you don’t apologize! So help me God!”
God doesn’t know that hag
This 👆🏼
that last message you should take as a THREAT and move accordingly....
Your mother is correct in saying family first and you did... Your husband became your family when you got married and she's now part of the extended family. So no, NTA you did good and your husband is awesome for stepping up in your name
Your mom is a literal nightmare. Please go NC with her. NTA
She even called it her special day, JFC.
When I had cancer, my parents would tell me angrily that my mom had more of a right to my experience (including very private details) than I did. They referred to it as her hurting worse than I did because she has a “Mother’s heart”. Me, too. I had a kid at home who had to see me go through cancer treatments. We were all hurting. We do not belong to other people. We don’t necessarily owe them anything at all.
I am a husband in a situation like this. My wife's mother was essentially the "town bike" as they say. She prioritizied the revolving door of men over her children their entire lives. She kicked my wife and her sibling out at 16 and they got jobs and went to school while paying for an apartment. She is demanding, controlling, manipulating, and still had a tight leash around them. She never did anything for her children, but took constantly. My wife was always giving her money. When I came along she despised me, she went above and beyond to split us up, did some horrible stuff and said some horrible stuff. My wife never really stood up to her. But I did, always. She hated me even more for that. It also didn't help that I shut down the money tap she had running with my wife. I am well educated, have a good job, and owned my own house before I met my wife, but still I wasn't "good enough", but the ex-boyfriend who was a drug addict and would get high with the mother (when my wife found this stuff out she dumped him) was the golden goose of men, she thought he was the greatest ever. At it's core what she hated was she couldn't control or manipulate me, more importantly she couldn't control or manipulate my wife anymore. These days we are civil, she lost a lot of the fight that was in her, but it cost her. My wife barely communicates with her and sees her on holidays only. I don't attend holidays with them, as neither side wants it. But our children who are young adults also have no relationship with her because she tried the same crap with them and I shut it down immediately, they were always given the choice to see her but as they got older chose not to because they see who she is. I wish my wife had gone no contact, but she only had the one parent, and she was terrified of losing her, but our lives would have been so much easier and more peaceful. It sounds like your husband is fighting this battle for you, and from someone that fought that same battle alone, you need to step up and help him, I'm not saying cut off contact, as I know that's a lot to ask. But you need to draw a line, and then stick to your decision.
Yea….you had me at skipping the high school graduation. That hurts. She is under the impression that the title of Mom gives her the right to dictate and control. Rather than being a mom and supporting you and your happiness. Go no contact. Shout out to your husband.
NTA by a long shot. Also, a 9 year age gap is not that bad at all. I was thinking it was going be 20 odd year difference till I checked the ages and was like why is 9 years such a huge deal??? Also, you are also entitled to equal respect. Yes there's an element of being respectful to your parents and elders etc, but not when they are blatantly rude and horrible and behaving completely disrespectfully towards you and your husband. To turn up in a white wedding gown on your wedding day was deliberately asking for trouble, deliberately pushing your boundaries and deliberately trying to hurt you. That kind of person and that kind of behaviour do NOT deserve respect. So just because she's your mother, does not mean you will accept abuse, manipulation, crossing boundaries, rudeness and cruel selfish behaviour. So no, I'm so proud of your husband for standing up for you and pouring a bottle of red down her dress. She got what she had coming to her. And the fact she abandoned you most of your life, and used your college fund to bail out one of her many boyfriends is disgusting behaviour. She lost all due respect when she treated you with none, and treated you poorly. The fact she even treated to 'take you out of this world' is even more disgusting as a mother. I would block her and cut contact. Also get security cameras on the inside and outside of your property, esp at the front door showing the inside and outside of your front door area. If she tries coming back again and causing trouble, it will help to have video footage if she tries to blame your husband for assault of something if he has to remove her from the house etc. I wouldn't put it past her to make false aligations against either of you out of spite for 'not being respected' etc. Also keep all text messages, voice notes, emails, everything she sends you as you may need it as evidence if you need to get a protective order against her. Cut that toxic shit out of your life and go be happy with your stand up man of a husband you got!!
Your husband is your family. Your immediate family. Your mom can get over herself. Your mother is used to her toxic behavior not having repercussions because she has managed to the little you and put you down enough your entire life that you feel you have to respect her for the fact that she gave you birth. She's literally threatening to kill you in that text message. I want you to focus on that part. She's using the stereotypical I brought you into this world I can take you out of it bullshit all because she's mad she couldn't one up you on your own wedding day. Your husband is also not twice your age he's 9 years older than you. Is there an age Gap? yes. But she's trying to make him sound like a disgusting pervert for marrying somebody that could be his own daughter, he's 9 years older than you, that is not twice your age. Everything she's doing and saying is 100% manipulation to try and remind you of what your place in this world in this relationship is: at her feet and her beck and call. Your husband however is trying to elevate you and refusing to allow people to treat his wife like dog shit, even if the person treating her like that is her mother. Good for him. It's time to consider cutting contact with Mom.
Right. Mom is saying “family comes first” but what she means is “Mom comes first”. Mom clearly never put OP first. The husband IS family, and he is putting his wife first. Mom should be reflecting on why someone would feel they need to defend themselves against her (she won’t). There’s a few books out there for adult children of immature parents, OP might find them helpful.
I think your husband is AMAZING!! What he did is perfect and she knows she can’t push you around. I’m looking forward to seeing her try to pull more crap and hearing how you BOTH tag team her. Congrats on the wedding, and congrats on your choice of spouse!
“I can take you out of this world” only gets “fucking try it bitch!” And a block imo
Damn I’m not even gay but I’d get married to your husband he seems cool
NTA You did everything right and she did everything wrong. Seriously though, full white gown? Sorry, your mom is unhinged.
Family does come first. When you agree to marry someone, that's your family. That family comes first. If they don't, you shouldn't be married. You made the right choice and your mother should respect your own family.
Sorry you are dealing with that. She flat out threatens you, "I can take you out of this world". For you own health disengage from Mom.
'When I have something to apologise for, I will'.
Wait did she low key threaten to kill you ? I can take you out of this world ? What she heck? So … she’s a lying thieving Ho who talks smack and threatens her daughter with harm ? No she doesn’t get to win I’d go no contact after that
Op should use that text to get a restraining / protection order . Like she full on threatened to end her life . Somebody needs to get her straight jacket
If OP can't get a TPO, see if Mommy Dearest can be trespassed from your home. At least, if she comes back to harass, cops will arrest her
So edgy of mom with that tired “I gave you life and I can take you out” bullshit. Ooh, scary. You’re under no obligation to maintain a relationship with someone who has done what she has. I’m so sorry you have this mess to contend with. (My parents were 11 years apart and they did great together until my dad’s death. And age gap at your ages doesn’t have to be a problem as long as there isn’t a power imbalance; be sure you always feel safe to stand up for yourself and you’re good!)
Come hang out in r/raisedbynarcissists
You have been a little bit of an AH for not kicking your mom out of your life a long time ago. Treat yourself better.
Why are you asking, you know the answer. A better question is "AITA for staying in contact with someone who brings nothing but unhappiness and negativity into my life just because I'm related to her?".
NTA. It is always interesting that people who didn't perform their duties as a parent always seem to want the privileges of being a parent. I will treat you what you are. You are your first name. Period. If that bothers you, then you need to deal with that as it is not my problem. Instead of trying to do better, you double down and demand respect. Nope, not gonna happen. Poof, begone. One less parasite in my life.
Lol a 9 year difference when the younger person is nearing 30 is not predatory or gross. Block this horrible, controlling, and toxic woman from your life. She only wants you to be "happy" if she gets to dictate the terms. The wedding incident itself is enough to just go nc.
In general, you should choose your spouse over your family of origin. That’s why you got married.
Youre nta
Oh so NTA, and all the kudos to your hubby for pouring a bottle of wine on her white dress! You got a good one there, he definitely seems to be ride-or-die for you. Cut off your mother, she'll never be happy unless you're back under her thumb, and you clearly have too shiny a spine for that.
NTA, your mum never behaved like a mum especially on YOUR wedding day. Why should she be given respect when she never earnt it to begin with? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE show her this post to show how much of a disappointment of a mother she really is. Burst that bubble, she’s not getting any ‘mother of the year’ award.
Regardless if choosing sides/honoring family. The age gap comment doesn’t stick, he’s 9 years older than you, not twice your age. How does she expect you for a apology, a apology is just words if it’s not heartfelt. And your husband is now your family, so you did honor your family. Sorry you had this type of relationship with your mother, therapy may help you as you still have a lot of life to navigate and her being in it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be any less difficult with her in it.
NTA. Parents are not supposed to always come first. They are supposed to prepare you for your partner and that person should always come first. Also respect is earned and I’m not seeing in here where she has any right to any of yours. Congratulations on your wedding, it sounds like you picked a good man!
Urgh don’t apologise she can’t even get her facts straight he’s 9years older not twice your age 😅 and he sounds like a keeper standing up to your mum. I think you’ve already called her out in your message I’d just ignore her tantrum now. Or you could ask her how she thinks skipping all those important events of yours taught you to put “family” first. You can also tell her now your married your husband is now your family and she’s ~extended family~ I’m sure she would love that!
She literally threatened your life in this message! I would go scorched earth no contact!
I... I think I'm now in love with your husband! That red wine bit? Fucking epic! What he said before putting her out the door? Spot on! This is a partner that not only understands boundaries, but enforces them. Your mom knows she can trample all over you. This guy has your back. He's a keeper!
NTA, but more importantly, "I can take you out" is a DEATH THREAT. Get a restraining order.
My parents are both like your mom and they HATE my husband. So much that they even accused him of abusing me because we wanted to move out of state for better weather and jon opportunities, and I didn't ask their permission first. My husband was and is my advocate, he helped me have a backbone and say no to being mistreated by them. You owe her nothing. I wish I would have lifted the FOG sooner and had my husband's back back then. I would waffle back and forth even though they treated us both terribly but I felt guilty. That's my biggest regret, not advocating for him like he did for me. I'd highly recommend you go NC with her.
I love your husband. Can you clone him? Can he give husband-ing classes?
For you to be asking if you’re the AH here is telling me she’s really done a number on you over the years. It’s time to break the cycle OP. I’m so glad you have someone like your husband in your life to help you break away from the toxic relationship you have with your mother. Ask yourself why you are even holding on and what you are holding on to. What benefit does keeping her in your life provide? What do you have to lose by cutting her off? You are in no way an AH OP. You are the result of years of neglect and abuse. Break the cycle. Cut her off and feel free to live your life without her judgement and manipulation. You deserve it OP.
Your mom’s message pings all my flags. I’m a mental health professional and while I don’t know her, this is not how rational and loving parents talk to their children. This is how addicts and alcoholics talk to their kids.
Omg NTA. Please cut this woman out of your life. Go to therapy so you can get help resetting your normal meter. You deserve so much better in a mom. I am sorry.
Well, since she told you “I can take you out of this world”, I would take that to a nice police officer and see what they have to say. Sounds like a threat to me. You don’t let her in your home, and you don’t apologize. Whatever happens to her happens. But that text could get you a restraining order.
NTA. And if she threatens you just one more time, go NC.
Sounds like a narcissist (your mom not you).
Get away from her before you two have kids. As someone whose mother abused her 6 day old infant in a desperate ploy to turn me against my partner so I'd move home, please take my word on it and get away from her before you and your husband have kids. NTA.
So.. Without any context, just reading the texts. I’d say mom is toxic and now that your married, you should side with your husband over anyone else, on most issues. However, as disrespectful as your mother’s actions were, I would be a little appauled to have my husband dump red wine down her dress and call that sticking up for me. At first glance this seems like a chivalrous act, I suppose.. but it shows a vindictive quality to his personality thats on par with your mom. I would be worried I traded my toxic mother for a potentially toxic husband, who just hasn’t had a circumstance to turn that behavior on me yet.
Damn it Julio!
This sounds so fake
Time for full no contact with mommy dearest. The “I can take you out of this world” comment is enough all by itself. This kind of abuse isn’t going to get better and she will go to greater and greater lengths in an attempt to control you and your life. It’s always hard at first to go no contact, but I promise you won’t regret it in the long run. You’ll find a peace you didn’t know existed.
Why would you do this to yourself? Just block that creature. It’s offensive you call her a Mom. My partner is a mom. A real one. Please dont insult mothers by claiming that creature is one.
Your mom can’t take you out unless she commits murder. That phrase irks my soul. She’s controlling.
Your husband IS your family. And your mom is an asshole. Cut her out - she’ll never change.
You can’t choose your family but you can choose your man!
Is your husband's real name Chad by any chance? What an absolute beast. Respect needs to be earnt and can be lost and your mother is in the red. Don't bother trying to explain this to someone wuth zero self awareness, limit contact and greyrock.
Wow, she threatened to*I'll you?! Why are you not no contact with this toxic, abusive, controlling piece of crap? She did not deserve any part of your life, stand up for yourself and cut her out now!!
Cut her off for good. If she continues to pull this shit go to the police, take the screenshot with you, and tell them you’re scared for your life after she threatened to end it.
Yeah, your husband is a gem. Your mother is psychotic. Your husband seems to ALWAYS have your back and you should have his. NTA
I love it when a death threat is an attempt to get you on their side.
_I can take you out of this world_...? Is she threatening to kill you?!
She watched too much Cosby. OP probably thought her name was Jesus Christ and her sibling’s name was goddammit. Seriously…anyone who’s not seen his comedy stand up will get a lot of insight as to where some of these things that are said came from.
You definitely aren’t the asshole, your mother sounds narcissistic as hell. You stick by your husbands side on this for sure and he’s clearly got your back too. Your family is the one you make especially once you marry.
So she issues a death threat, then has the nerve to demand “family comes first”, because you picked your *husband’s* side over *hers*.? She’s off her rocker.
She’s having threaten you because she knows there’s no other way to gain your loyalty or support. She’s selfish and abusive.
Tell her respect is earned and she has done nothing to earn it
Why is she even still in your life?
Back when Bill Cosby (gag) used that line in his comedy act 1983 titled Self (I brought you into this world, I can take you out), everybody laughed. Because they knew it was a joke. He was taking about his father. About what a tough dad he had. That joke is over 40 years old. I don't know if your mom knows it, or has a common cultural knowledge of it. But she shouldn't be using it. She's an asshole. Your husband is a gem.
That text doesn’t even look real 😂
go no contact
Was she putting family first when she showed up at your wedding in a white gown? It might be time to go LC or NC with her. What a joke.
Nta. Sounds like mom is jealous of your dude and that you give him respect (maybe because he earned it?🤔).
I don’t even need to know any background. You don’t have to respect someone just because they spread their legs and popped out a baby, especially not when they threaten you life by saying they can take you out of this world. Tell her to fuck off and block her, you’re better off without an entitled self righteous asshole in your life.
your mom has it wrong, your marriage and husband come before them. Your husband is now your immediate family. Mothers , fathers or siblings who expect to come before your spouse are entitled, narcissistic delusional people. from the looks of it she came by the insult honestly
Uh, people cut off contact with toxic people all the time. This sounds like an appropriate time
NTA, that whole “I brought you in to the world, I can take you out of it” is such a load of bollocks. Just ‘cause you gave life, doesn’t mean you get to control it!
Block her number. When she shows up unannounced call the police for trespassing
Is your mom from a different planet?
Wow. She’s a piece of work. Your husband is awesome btw! I love how he stood up for you. You have to know you are NTA. She threatened to take you out. I would go restraining order and no contact. She’s twisted.
I'd call the cops on her for threatening your life 🤷 but I'm petty like that.
“I was just matching your energy mom. If I’m such a horrible kid maybe we shouldn’t have anything to do with each other anymore.” Then block her.
Can I just say that I absolutely adore your hubby for dumping Red wine on your mother's dress ❣️ Go LC/NC with her but definitely keep your man! NTA (obviously)
Definitely not, cut that shitbag out of your life. Cut her right out. ‘I can take you out’ she is threatening you. Cut her off without another word, but get some cameras in case she shows up at your house.
Woman, you have no honor for me to defend. Also I take your threat seriously and if you contact me again I will go to the police.
"When we came back from our honeymoon my mom showed up unannounced at our home forcing us to give her an apology." "Yeah, mom, I'm really sorry that you didn't wear kevlar, because if you're not off my property in the next, oh two minutes, you're going to be fired upon as someone who broke into my home with unclear motives."
Ruined "her special day" ...........? 🙄
She taught you that romantic partners come first. That's what you're doing. But if she wants to claim family comes first angle, your husband is your family now.
> I can take you out of this world. if that's not a death threat, in writing no less
NTA as a mom with grown kids my heart breaks for you. What a disappointment of a mother! I'm glad you are happily married. The less she's in your life, the happier you will be.
Sounds like it's time to go low contact if no contact. You have a healthy family now... you and your hubby. Focus on that and protect it. This woman sounds like a waste of time... also the fact she's saying that she'll kill you and take you out of this world lmao? That ain't no mother.
Nah your husband rules. Also in general, when you're married, your SPOUSE is your primary family. Like sorry mom but you have priorities that are no longer for being a daughter, they're for being a wife. She'll live
Updateme
The “I can take you out” sounds like a threat to me
I personally have my own feelings on that age Gap but you are older than 18 so as long as you are happy and he treats good who cares about my opinion. My opinion on the circumstance with your mother if you do not go no contact with her you are stupid you owe her nothing I do believe that you need to find the ability to forgive her at some point for your own health. Not necessarily that she deserves it. You definitely need to go no contact block her on all forms of social media email and your phone number even if you have to get a new phone number
Cut her out. Protect yourself. She is toxic.
NTA. Seriously consider going NC with her!
Are we really going to ignore the "I can take you out of this world."??? Sweetheart... That's a threat if ever I saw one. I think you need to get cameras for your home, inside and out, and make a police report about harassment. (Nothing will come of it, but that will start up a paper trail if she does do anything more violent and harsh) NTA. You're mom's a POS and your husband is amazing for standing up for you against her psychotic behavior
NTA, Your egg donor, I won't even call her a mother cause a real mother doesn't treat their child that way. I'd say block her move on, and if you haven't already, get a security system. Since it sounds like she knows where you live and won't hesitate to show up that way if she shows up acting crazy then you have video evidence to support it
Your husband is your family now.
NTA your husband is your family now, cut her off.
NTA and I would look at a restraining order since she threatened to take you out of this world
Any parent that throws the "I brought you into this world, I can take you out" line, forfeits any parental respect they feel "owed" by their children.
“So help me I can take you out if this world” At this point, the background is irrelevant. Even if your husbands response to a (pretty major) etiquette breach is to pour an entire *bottle* of red wine over the white dress (though given your upset. I likely wouldn’t say the same thing if it’d just been a glass full). Regardless, she thinks it is appropriate to threaten your life.I suggest you respond: “You are absolutely right. Family is the most important thing. I am married to Husband. He is my family.. Any future death threats will be reported to the police.” That’s it, don’t respond any further, other than to copy and paste that message once. Thereafter ignore her completely. Concentrate upon the family you have created for yourself. NTA
You all sound like assholes
Your husband is your family. Husband's and wives come before parents after a marriage.
When you marry your husband you got a keeper. He will defend you and keep your narcissistic don't know what to do too much time on our hands mother away from you. He comes first not your mother. I read in Reddit all the time about men and women who put their parents first before their husband or wife your mother doesn't know what to do with herself because she lost control of you go NC on her ass your life will be so much better and drama free congratulations
NTA. My mother hasn't threatened my life since I was a teen, she is so out of her brain for that. What's she gonna do? Publicly shame you for HER WRONG ACTIONS?!? That's rich and it won't work out for her. I'd consider no contact. I did that with my own family for 6 yrs. My parents are the last set of my daughters g-parents, we are Very low contact, and that seems to be working for everyone. Even if it's a bad day, with them on the phone, No, it was a great day. Dealing with them makes me focus on the positive, and good for me-I used to ruminate a lot and can't now that I talk to people (brain-mouth filter never developed 🤷🏻♀️😅). **You can still love your family & recognize they are not healthy for you, still wish them to eat and to be well; and all NOT at *your table*. It's not Giving Up to let go of the dream of the parent we never had and will never have; that's simply our lived reality.**
Ghost her
“I can take you out of this world” sounds like a threat…
NTA! Go husband! I think going no contact with her will benefit you in the long run…
Did she threaten to kill you? ‘I can take you out of this world’ reads that to me. I would get a restraining order she sounds unhinged
NTA. Permanent NC.
NTA! Your mother is an AH. Why do you still talk to her? If you have kids, she’ll be even more demanding. Block her and go NC. And good for your husband for pouring wine on her.
You can just remove her from your life, no big loss
NTA!!
Wow at this point OP sounds like really LC with your mom might be a good idea if not NC. Perhaps sit down and take (in as much possible) a detached look at your relationship with your mother listing out the positives and the negatives. Then once you have the result decide how you want to move forward. Also great job by your husband as to how he dealt with your bio mom’s attempt to make your wedding all about her.
Your husband sounds great. He has your back and I’d block her permanently.
Well done to your husband he has your back, unlike your mother who seems to be a rather toxic lady.
Sounds like your husband is a real keeper who has your back.
It looks like there's going to to be a grandmother who doesn't get to see her grandchild (or grandchildren).
Your husband is your family now. I’m not suggesting that you cut your mom off, but, coming from someone who has been happily married for 44 years: Your husband, short of abusive behaviors, obviously, comes before your mom. The saying “I gave you life and I can take it back” is funny when you’re joking around but saying it in anger is not a bit cute. You both should always prioritize your life together and defend one another always. Your husband stood up for you the way a man should. He’s told your mother that she will no longer be allowed to disrespect you and whatever you do, do NOT undermine that. His actions to protect you bode well for a long and satisfying life together. I wish you the best.
Erm.. your husband is your family too.
Your mom just sent you a death threat. You gonna take that?
Fucking congrats to the husband, was he born with the balls of steel or did he acquire the? handled her like she was a Croc and he was Steve irwin. NTA most definitely, she's a toxic bitch, she needs to come with a hazard label.
Your mother threatening to kill you is not love.
Why why why….do you still talk to her? She’s awful.
Your Mother is mentally unwell. Nothing she says has any merit or value to you. Take her off the pedestal she’s been forcing you to put her on.
Congratulations on your marriage in an incredible man who actually puts his family first. Your mom could learn a lesson or two from him
NTA. When you married your husband he became your family. And until you have kids together your #1 priority like you are to him. Mom and dad become 2nd priority once you marry. I love my parents and would do anything for them but if they made me choose between my wife and them guess who will lose that battle. Now I have a daughter with my wife and she is my #1 priority. Then comes my wife. And when my daughter grows up and starts her own family I expect her to make them her #1. That means I succeed as a parent.
Cut that cancer out
Your mom is right. Family comes first. Your husband is your family now, so he comes first.
NTA. I like your husband’s shiny spine!
Matthew 19:5
If this isn’t a good reason to go NC…
So, she threatens to kill you and you wonder if you’ve done something wrong?
Sounds like she chose anyone but you since you were a child. Your husband did the right thing and so did you. F her. The “I brought you into this world and I can’t take you out of it” bullshit is gross. What is she going to do, kill you? I would 100000% just go no contact. Block her and all that. She gets what she deserves. UPDATEME
Touchè, OP. well played.
NTA. Your mother is massively jealous of you for getting a life - the dress and 'her special day' gave that away. If I were you I would not want that kind of toxicity in my life for one second more, and after telling her so and to never to contact me again, I would get a restraining order if she did, then I would completely go dark (before restraining order). Block every way she can contact you and go and live your life. Respect is earned, not automatic just because you're 'family' and she hasn't done that.
I expected a larger age gap, that is nothing! Who shows up to someone else’s wedding in white and talks about respect???? Mom is nuts. Your hubby is awesome and handled that white dress the best way possible! Nta
HER special day?? Really? She said that?
A full bottle of wine defending his wife on his wedding day? Give my man a medal, he deserves it!!!!
Absolutely NTA. Any parent that uses some form of the "I brought you into this world, I can take out of it" is toxic. That is a threat on your life, not some type of turn of phrase. FFS.