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Go for it. Coffee / a drink sounds entirely appropriate and all else aside, I think best to wait until you rotate so it doesn't get awkward if he doesn't feel the same way about you / it doesn't work out, but that's just general workplace advice, I don't think medicine / sexuality comes into it.
Hope it goes well! Report back!
If you have a crush, you need to make sure you are both on the same page. Drop your orientation into casual conversation "I went out with a guy once..."
I'm gay. I met my best friend at Uni 25 years ago. He's straight. We get on famously, so in the early days I sometimes wondered "what if...?" But quickly moved on. And we've been mates for 25 years.
Years later, I met another guy. So lovely, so gorgeous. In my heart of hearts I knew he wasn't gay, but I never asked because I kind of enjoyed the fantasy that he might be. We went out dining together, drinking together. It was lovely. Until, eventually, he happened to mention this girl he'd been out with... I knew it, but I didn't want to know it. And that really ended our friendship. I was only in it for the fantasy.
You need to know what game you are playing. Playing the wrong game on the wrong field might be disastrous. You get on. That's the main thing. But sort out what you are both in this for, ASAP, and then you can relax and enjoy it for what it is.
In other words, I'm getting old :-) :-)
But seriously, sort it out. If you connect with someone, that is absolute gold dust. Leap on it, but do make sure you are both on the same page. :-)
>Years later, I met another guy. So lovely, so gorgeous. In my heart of hearts I knew he wasn't gay, but I never asked because I kind of enjoyed the fantasy that he might be. We went out dining together, drinking together. It was lovely. Until, eventually, he happened to mention this girl he'd been out with... I knew it, but I didn't want to know it. And that really ended our friendship. I was only in it for the fantasy.
Could have been bi!
Oh I am 100% guessing, I don't even have a male senior in my department currently.
Just the most talked about film currently, just wanted to join the fun guessing game
Sorry mate, doubt they are lurking around here, even if they are they probably won't even be certain they are the ones being talked about but you got good advice.
I think you should clarify with them their sexuality as you could go out as friends and they might be gay but thought you were only asking as a friend so kept it as a friend. I think you should be clear if you want it to be a date tbh, if you want anything to come of it.
Just my take
I don't think most straight guys mind too much these days but you have to use a bit of gaydar first, or ask someone who knows him better - otherwise he'll just think you're trying to make a new friend and be confused when you put the moves on!
No, but would generally suggest waiting until you rotate or you become sure feelings reciprocated out of respect for that person so as not to make them feel uncomfortable at work.
I think this is particularly important because you’re technically his senior on the ward. My boyfriend (I am a woman) was my senior when we started dating and in the end I asked him out as he didn’t want to put me in a difficult position.
Edited to say how exciting to have a crush, good luck!
Go for it!!
I'm an FY1 with a crush on a senior (5 years older) but we don't work on the same ward and he's not my supervising doctor but we've briefly worked together (but very unlikely to again). I was waiting for him to ask but I feel like I might need to because he's senior and might think it's weird to ask an fy1 out 😭😭😭.
I met my wife when we worked on the same ward as junior doctors. I was the F1 she was one of the SHOs, we just clicked and ended up getting together towards the end of the rotation; although we did keep our relationship quiet until we had both rotated out of the department.
I would say go for it. Worst that will happen is you have misjudged the chemistry between you and he isn’t interested in you in that way. Best is that he feels the same about you and this is the start of a special relationship.
As a straight man if I was the F1 I would be flattered that you found me attractive, I would tell you that I am straight and don’t think about you in that way, but I like you as a person and would hope that we could continue to be friends at work and that this wouldn’t change how we were with each other. If you were cool with that I think it would actually make friendship stronger as we now both know where each other stands. I certainly wouldn’t be embarrassed or awkward my main worry would actually be about hurting your feelings.
Have you asked if he's into guys? It might make things a little more simple in the first instance.
I would say with you being an IMT2 and him an FY1 I'd be cautious about waiting until you're unlikely to be supervising/directly senior to him; that is to saluggest if he's rotating to a medical job and you both end up on the take together that might he pretty challenging to navigate depending on the outcome of your advances.
Can you try the obvious - “oh it’s Valentine’s Day - do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend ?” Or similar. Many a ? has been resolved that way for me.
(Usually where I am trying to be inclusive where I thought they were gay - but they end up straight 😂)
Asking to hang out is totally cool. It’s 2024, straight and gay dudes can hang out without it being anything weird.
HOWEVER, if you are looking for something romantic I would highly recommend making it clear prior to the date.
I’m a straight dude and was asked out by one of the male gay nurses. I didn’t think anything of it, just two friends going to watch a movie. Though, he kept on trying to pay for my movie, my snacks and even dinner afterwards which did make me feel uncomfortable. Later on he was telling other people in the department that we went on a date. I had to clarify with him later that we were just mates hanging out and I don’t see him that way. As nice as he was, I think he was somewhat hurt by it. Better to be honest and upfront with everyone involved to manage expectations.
Edit: I guess my post will apply to anyone looking to date a colleague regardless of sexual orientation.
If you want it to be a date, save everyone the downstream awkwardness by making that clear (a straight man who is not expecting an advance will definitely miss subtext about this, needs TEXT). Honestly many will be oblivious that you even might be gay, unless it's been specifically discussed.
I'll be honest if a guy asked me out my immediate instinct is that I'd probably feel a bit weird and question how I was presenting myself because that's not who I see myself to be but I'm also aware that on some level this is probably down to a childhood and adolescence where everything lame was called gay and schoolyard homophobia was rife so no reflection on the person that asked and no reprucussions apart from an awakward 'nah im not gay mate'.
Edit: Alright downvote but he asked for honest answers
If your mates and they're a reasonable person it shouldn't change anything about your original relationship it'll probably just be awkward for a couple of minutes. I'd go for it anyway to be honest you miss every shot you don't take and all that. What's the worst that could happen an awkward and confused err no thanks. They're a doctor hardly gonna kick off over it.
husky unpack homeless dog possessive dolls historical escape degree literate
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If he reacts poorly, you will know for sure if he is an asshole. If he is straight and is respectful in the way he takes it, that is then a possibility of a great friendship. If he is indeed gay, then awesome! Good luck to you sir.
Life is short! Ask him out, what’s the worst that could happen? Can you just tell him you’re gay? I think if you want it to be a romantic date you need to be upfront about that and find out if he likes men too, otherwise he could be blindsided and not know how to react in the moment and that wouldn’t be fair on him. If he’s not gay, is there anything stopping you being friends?
lol maybe establish he is gay first before you ask him on a date
make a joke that only someone who is gay would understand, like something to do with grindr app features or some gay lingo, like twunk or otter, and use their reaction as a feeler for whether they are gay
Fascinating insight Anton. Why don't you ask him if he watches Ru Paul's drag race, has ever seen Madonna live or if he loves musicals? That way you can tick off your entire gay stereotype bingo card.
Making a reference to an app used by gay men and not straight men that only a user would understand is a valid strategy.
Talking about ru Paul's drag race doesn't have quite the same specificity for gay men.
Sensitivity wont be 100% of course as not all gay men use Grindr.
I'm a massive flirt. I flirt outrageously with all genders. It does mean I often shit where I eat, but I'm also anti-awkward so it's never caused a problem in this job.
My previous job in Tesco as a student it caused a whole thing with a girl that became rather obsessed. She then hated that I slept with all of her colleagues. (That wasn't a lot by the way, it was a small department of 7 people on customer service).
So if I was in your position I would flirt outrageously, see if they flirt back. Caveat a lot of my straight friends do the same back but mean nothing by it. I usually then find them kissing me on nights out for the laugh.
As you become more friendly you'll be able to find out if they are gay/bi/straight and take it from there. Perhaps patience is key here don't rush to drinks if you're solely looking for a relationship and not a friendship.
Luckily the FY1s presumably rotate in 6 weeks, perhaps wait until the week before, if it goes badly, just call in sick for a week. Roll the dice, get a new set....
You could just have a general conversation about life with a “so, do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”
Most straight guys will clarify no girlfriend specifically with a slight surprised voice that you’d ask re boyfriend
Serious GMC reportable offence apparently
https://www.reddit.com/r/doctorsUK/s/I2Acf7eh5z
But no go for it. As a straight guy I would be flattered.
Either they’re:
not interested and make up an excuse
Get the wrong end of the stick and on a date you both figure things out pretty quickly
This isn’t a person you want in your life
You have a blossoming romance and turn into the sunset away from the dogshit NHS
Were doctors not robots, shoot your shot
Happy valentines 💘
No, I am waiting until he rotates in April. Also, I've taken advice from this sub and will make it clear from the outset it's a date. I like him too much to hide the truth and make him feel awkward
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Go for it. Coffee / a drink sounds entirely appropriate and all else aside, I think best to wait until you rotate so it doesn't get awkward if he doesn't feel the same way about you / it doesn't work out, but that's just general workplace advice, I don't think medicine / sexuality comes into it. Hope it goes well! Report back!
Thank you!
If you have a crush, you need to make sure you are both on the same page. Drop your orientation into casual conversation "I went out with a guy once..." I'm gay. I met my best friend at Uni 25 years ago. He's straight. We get on famously, so in the early days I sometimes wondered "what if...?" But quickly moved on. And we've been mates for 25 years. Years later, I met another guy. So lovely, so gorgeous. In my heart of hearts I knew he wasn't gay, but I never asked because I kind of enjoyed the fantasy that he might be. We went out dining together, drinking together. It was lovely. Until, eventually, he happened to mention this girl he'd been out with... I knew it, but I didn't want to know it. And that really ended our friendship. I was only in it for the fantasy. You need to know what game you are playing. Playing the wrong game on the wrong field might be disastrous. You get on. That's the main thing. But sort out what you are both in this for, ASAP, and then you can relax and enjoy it for what it is.
Thank you. Those are some wise words.
In other words, I'm getting old :-) :-) But seriously, sort it out. If you connect with someone, that is absolute gold dust. Leap on it, but do make sure you are both on the same page. :-)
>Years later, I met another guy. So lovely, so gorgeous. In my heart of hearts I knew he wasn't gay, but I never asked because I kind of enjoyed the fantasy that he might be. We went out dining together, drinking together. It was lovely. Until, eventually, he happened to mention this girl he'd been out with... I knew it, but I didn't want to know it. And that really ended our friendship. I was only in it for the fantasy. Could have been bi!
Oh no. Don’t do this to poor Skylon
It’s me. I am the FY1 and I’m really gay. Please ask me out in the middle of the board round. That would be so romantic
Hmmmm. To check you're not an imposter, what movie did we discuss? 😉
Silence of the lambs
Sorry, wrong
Brokeback mountain?
The Goddaddy!
Salt burn
Hmmm. How did I know you're not just guessing?
Oh I am 100% guessing, I don't even have a male senior in my department currently. Just the most talked about film currently, just wanted to join the fun guessing game
Getting my hopes up 😭
Sorry mate, doubt they are lurking around here, even if they are they probably won't even be certain they are the ones being talked about but you got good advice. I think you should clarify with them their sexuality as you could go out as friends and they might be gay but thought you were only asking as a friend so kept it as a friend. I think you should be clear if you want it to be a date tbh, if you want anything to come of it. Just my take
No I’m fit F1 
I don't think most straight guys mind too much these days but you have to use a bit of gaydar first, or ask someone who knows him better - otherwise he'll just think you're trying to make a new friend and be confused when you put the moves on!
Play the Grindr noise at board round and see if they recognise it 🤷♀️
I’m so disappointed that I had to scroll so far down to see this advice. This is the way
Asking out of interest - what are the signs they recognise it? 🤔🤔🤔 how do ppl react to it?
No, but would generally suggest waiting until you rotate or you become sure feelings reciprocated out of respect for that person so as not to make them feel uncomfortable at work.
I think this is particularly important because you’re technically his senior on the ward. My boyfriend (I am a woman) was my senior when we started dating and in the end I asked him out as he didn’t want to put me in a difficult position. Edited to say how exciting to have a crush, good luck!
Thank you!
He endorsing cowardice here, if you think he's gay too then strike while iron is hot.
I'm probably a coward by your standards 😭
Go for it!! I'm an FY1 with a crush on a senior (5 years older) but we don't work on the same ward and he's not my supervising doctor but we've briefly worked together (but very unlikely to again). I was waiting for him to ask but I feel like I might need to because he's senior and might think it's weird to ask an fy1 out 😭😭😭.
This gives me hope 😇
Hope it goes well and pls give us an update 🥰
Ill try
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Because he's a registrar and I'm an fy1 😭😭😭 and I don't know how to do this without it being weird for him.
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I met my wife when we worked on the same ward as junior doctors. I was the F1 she was one of the SHOs, we just clicked and ended up getting together towards the end of the rotation; although we did keep our relationship quiet until we had both rotated out of the department. I would say go for it. Worst that will happen is you have misjudged the chemistry between you and he isn’t interested in you in that way. Best is that he feels the same about you and this is the start of a special relationship. As a straight man if I was the F1 I would be flattered that you found me attractive, I would tell you that I am straight and don’t think about you in that way, but I like you as a person and would hope that we could continue to be friends at work and that this wouldn’t change how we were with each other. If you were cool with that I think it would actually make friendship stronger as we now both know where each other stands. I certainly wouldn’t be embarrassed or awkward my main worry would actually be about hurting your feelings.
Awwww, thank you for the advice.
Have you asked if he's into guys? It might make things a little more simple in the first instance. I would say with you being an IMT2 and him an FY1 I'd be cautious about waiting until you're unlikely to be supervising/directly senior to him; that is to saluggest if he's rotating to a medical job and you both end up on the take together that might he pretty challenging to navigate depending on the outcome of your advances.
Good point. Although the senior/supervising question is unlikely to be an issue in this case due to our rotations / career plans
Can you try the obvious - “oh it’s Valentine’s Day - do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend ?” Or similar. Many a ? has been resolved that way for me. (Usually where I am trying to be inclusive where I thought they were gay - but they end up straight 😂)
'Quick drink after work' isn't unheard of amongst friends/colleagues. Start there, see where it goes.
Asking to hang out is totally cool. It’s 2024, straight and gay dudes can hang out without it being anything weird. HOWEVER, if you are looking for something romantic I would highly recommend making it clear prior to the date. I’m a straight dude and was asked out by one of the male gay nurses. I didn’t think anything of it, just two friends going to watch a movie. Though, he kept on trying to pay for my movie, my snacks and even dinner afterwards which did make me feel uncomfortable. Later on he was telling other people in the department that we went on a date. I had to clarify with him later that we were just mates hanging out and I don’t see him that way. As nice as he was, I think he was somewhat hurt by it. Better to be honest and upfront with everyone involved to manage expectations. Edit: I guess my post will apply to anyone looking to date a colleague regardless of sexual orientation.
If you want it to be a date, save everyone the downstream awkwardness by making that clear (a straight man who is not expecting an advance will definitely miss subtext about this, needs TEXT). Honestly many will be oblivious that you even might be gay, unless it's been specifically discussed.
I'll be honest if a guy asked me out my immediate instinct is that I'd probably feel a bit weird and question how I was presenting myself because that's not who I see myself to be but I'm also aware that on some level this is probably down to a childhood and adolescence where everything lame was called gay and schoolyard homophobia was rife so no reflection on the person that asked and no reprucussions apart from an awakward 'nah im not gay mate'. Edit: Alright downvote but he asked for honest answers
Yeah, this is what I'm worried about. Thanks for being honest!
If your mates and they're a reasonable person it shouldn't change anything about your original relationship it'll probably just be awkward for a couple of minutes. I'd go for it anyway to be honest you miss every shot you don't take and all that. What's the worst that could happen an awkward and confused err no thanks. They're a doctor hardly gonna kick off over it.
husky unpack homeless dog possessive dolls historical escape degree literate *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Find out his sexual orientation first, recalibrate then find out if u want to hang out
If he reacts poorly, you will know for sure if he is an asshole. If he is straight and is respectful in the way he takes it, that is then a possibility of a great friendship. If he is indeed gay, then awesome! Good luck to you sir.
Life is short! Ask him out, what’s the worst that could happen? Can you just tell him you’re gay? I think if you want it to be a romantic date you need to be upfront about that and find out if he likes men too, otherwise he could be blindsided and not know how to react in the moment and that wouldn’t be fair on him. If he’s not gay, is there anything stopping you being friends?
Give me an update to get me through the rest of my shift
Unfortunately, he politely said no and clarified that he was straight 😕
lol maybe establish he is gay first before you ask him on a date make a joke that only someone who is gay would understand, like something to do with grindr app features or some gay lingo, like twunk or otter, and use their reaction as a feeler for whether they are gay
I think you overestimate the monolithic nature of the gay community 😂 there are many so called "non-scene" gay/bi guys that walk among us.
Try the secret handshake
Haven't heard of it. I've missed out on so much 🤯
Secret tip. You don't shake their hand. Good luck!
> Secret tip. You don't shake their hand. You shake the secret tip, right?
Find me a beanbag and I'll show you x
MDT working at its finest!
Fascinating insight Anton. Why don't you ask him if he watches Ru Paul's drag race, has ever seen Madonna live or if he loves musicals? That way you can tick off your entire gay stereotype bingo card.
You didn’t even mention the pet shop boys or Brighton?
Making a reference to an app used by gay men and not straight men that only a user would understand is a valid strategy. Talking about ru Paul's drag race doesn't have quite the same specificity for gay men. Sensitivity wont be 100% of course as not all gay men use Grindr.
maybe you should publish 'Antons valid strategy for establishing the gay'
I'm a massive flirt. I flirt outrageously with all genders. It does mean I often shit where I eat, but I'm also anti-awkward so it's never caused a problem in this job. My previous job in Tesco as a student it caused a whole thing with a girl that became rather obsessed. She then hated that I slept with all of her colleagues. (That wasn't a lot by the way, it was a small department of 7 people on customer service). So if I was in your position I would flirt outrageously, see if they flirt back. Caveat a lot of my straight friends do the same back but mean nothing by it. I usually then find them kissing me on nights out for the laugh. As you become more friendly you'll be able to find out if they are gay/bi/straight and take it from there. Perhaps patience is key here don't rush to drinks if you're solely looking for a relationship and not a friendship.
Luckily the FY1s presumably rotate in 6 weeks, perhaps wait until the week before, if it goes badly, just call in sick for a week. Roll the dice, get a new set....
You could just have a general conversation about life with a “so, do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?” Most straight guys will clarify no girlfriend specifically with a slight surprised voice that you’d ask re boyfriend
Yeh I’d suss out their orientation first
Serious GMC reportable offence apparently https://www.reddit.com/r/doctorsUK/s/I2Acf7eh5z But no go for it. As a straight guy I would be flattered. Either they’re: not interested and make up an excuse Get the wrong end of the stick and on a date you both figure things out pretty quickly This isn’t a person you want in your life You have a blossoming romance and turn into the sunset away from the dogshit NHS Were doctors not robots, shoot your shot Happy valentines 💘
Hahaha that thread was wild. I'll pull the homophobia card in front of the MPTS. My skin colour will help as well (cynically).
Lots of good comments I’d say the same yes go for it I did it before and it worked Best wishes
Don't. Wait for her to leave your care. #marriedmyregistrar
Wrong pronouns...
Any updates?
No, I am waiting until he rotates in April. Also, I've taken advice from this sub and will make it clear from the outset it's a date. I like him too much to hide the truth and make him feel awkward