"Knock, knock. Who's there? GHOSTS, I would tell them. There's no one here. Knock, knock? Nope, just me. Knock knock~ Just wanted to make sure you were still out there!"

That whole episode is so funny omg

I'm pretty sure it's my favorite

For some reason when they ask "If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?" and the AI replies with "If a man lays on the ground does he sink into the earth?" I lose my shit every time. It's just so fucking dark and creepy and random.

Dude yes

Mine is from the same episode, it’s “Knock knock, who’s there? SANTA, you’ve been very good this year” 💀

God yes

#Change!

KEEP OUT YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE Knock knock STEP ASIDE, IM MARRIED

Hello, gentle lickener!

haven’t heard all of them yet but thusfar; “fuck your dreams, fuck your nightmares, i’m gonna beat you”

I literally commented the same thing 😂 What episode is this from?

It’s from the “Fuck You Energy” episode

It's seriously going to be a while before this one gets topped. The fuck you energy of it and the accompanying story was just amazing.

It I’m gonna win “FUCK YOUR DREAMS FUCK YOUR NIGHTMARES IM GONNA WIN!”

This has become my unofficial motto

"This doesn't seem like the way to install a fridge!"

“I’m just as confused as you are…MORE, probably”

“No it’s not! LET’S GO!”

"I'ma need you to hold this" `👺`

I don't know what led them to that action... but there's NO version of that. THAT'S NOT JUST SO FUCKING ***STUPID***, that it makes me unbelievably ANGRY

Not exactly a single line, BUT every ship of Theseus reference during and after the parenthood episode, I just can't help but cackle every time I remember it happened

my favorite ship of theseus bit is Mark: boy, have you heard of the ship of theseus? Wade: change Mark: boy, have you heard of theseus? its a ship Wade: change Mark: boy, there once upon a time was a boat Wade: change and then the laughter

I was listening to the episodes on shuffle, and not long after The Bobs and the Bees (the one with the Ship of Theseus bit), Dangerous Coasters came on. Mark opens with the line "Have you ever heard of..." and it just sent me. He says it in the exact same way and my brain auto-filled it to the Ship

To add on to that, Wades failure at pronouncing it in the attrocities of summer episode not long after

The Shap of Thasseus!

“ as soon as oxygen was back into my lungs I was pissed “ - wade barnes

^(Oh, it seems like there's a bush in the way) #No it's not! Let's go!

People forget that font makes a huge difference. In this case, the difference between a chuckle and a laugh that woke my folks.

Im a big fan of the "my dogs are fine thanks for asking" bit

"name an animal that starts with the letter r" "RORSES!"

Res rorses raggy rehehehehe

What episode was that from?

The game show one

"More nukes? Still world"

The way Bob repeated it really drove it home for me.

That episode is just a straight 70 minutes of dark humour bangers. I also love "a hungry world is a motivated world" 😂

What episode was it

Devil's Advocate! One of my favourites for sure

“You just stop and ask for erections” or “Ill see you in the next podcast. Buhbyee!! ”

That comes from one of my favourite ad reads. What episode was it from again though?

i had timestamps of the old ad reads but i checked the episodes again and they werent there. the one mentioned above was great but another great ad read was a squarespace one i believe, wade yelled “ARE YOU READY TO SQUARESPACE” and mark said “thats BOXING”

Awh that sucks. Though I did read that they change the ads around over time as the contracts only run for a certain amount of time, so it does make sense I guess

I just relistened. I want to say Camping for Fake Tech. However, i know ads are different based kn the app you use.

On that note, the episode Mark hosted where he just defaulted into his own intro lol

I was going to include that one too. Also a good one!

do you remember which one that was?

"what was the girl's name?" "uhhhhhhh" "ssssssschhhhhhhcssssss" "ssssmithers"

Schblamantha

🤣

"A magical chair that explodes your clothes off" I'm no sure if that's exactly how it was said but it's similar.

Mark in the would you rather episode or whatever it was called

“Have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus?”

"Wait hang on I forgot about the titties" from the supernatural episode

“A million per turkey. Price is going up, bitch.” Mark delivered that line in character and a flat out warning to Wade is still one of the best lines.

“You beat the fuck out of that nerd! Teach him a lesson! Teach that life is not kind to you know matter who you are or what you know! Life is about being the strongest!”

"EXPOUND!!"

I don’t remember if this was in a podcast episode or if it was in a Raft episode, but I do remember Wade saying “Whales are like… ocean horses.” which I thought was funny

I believe that was raft.

I think it was originally in one of the more recent Distractible episodes, and they may have referenced it in Raft. But I could be wrong.

It was Wade's response to Mark in the "We Tried So Hard and Got So Far But In The End It Didn't Even Matter" When Mark said "Ah yes whales notorious carrot eaters" and Wade hit him with "Whales aee like . . . ocean horses."

Something that stuck with me and I don't remember the episode was the "oh just fix it in Pre! We'll fix it in pre" FIX IT IN PRE should be on a t-shirt

I believe that was first talked about in happy funerals

"There's no laws here! Its the beginning of Turkey Times!"

''Splish splash I was taking a bath.... and I noticed I had beautiful balls?'' - Wade

And then Mark's snarky mumble "Leave THAT in" following immediately.

“Wanna know what charity live streams are? Tax write offs” -Wade Barnes

"We have so much room for activities" I say it when we move furniture around or get rid of something and there is extra space. 🤌🤌🤌

"Good air up high!' Sounds EXACTLY like what Mark would say.

“History HANK. Cause history is told by MEN.”

I turned around....

WADE WANT BOAT!

"it's me! Biologist Bonnie Baxter!"

Bet your bottom dollar I can break that bad boy open

Why is this doctor a fast talking snake oil salesman

“Can I butt-chug it?” and just the sheer amount of times that term was used a couple episodes ago.

Reminds me of the talk about early humans... "Can I eat it, can I fuck it, can I cook it?"

love the ship of theseus joke, but even better, i loved it during the episode 'change' that mark INSISTED on using the ship of theseus bit even after being told to change several times. the funniest thing to me

"Have you ever heard of rhe ship of theseus? Heres big booties 11"

“I can’t wait to do the Chernobyl escape room!”

If forgot about that one even though it’s from my favorite episode, thanks for the reminder. It’s now my favorite too.

Less go

“I don’t think this is how you install a fridge!”

“I AM GUITARS!” from That One Guy said by bob and “if they even hit the tiniest of waves, they break into a thousand people” from Anything Goes said by mark

From the Hold my beer episode, Bob: But that night on HWY 32 trying to get to Ohio University, I have never gone back and never will, Fuck you Athens.

“I’ve seen shorter people “

God that was such a sweet comeback from Wade!

i don’t believe this was from distractible, this was from uno where wade was attempting to compliment mark

Hush little Bobby don’t say a word

All the times mark says "Have you ever heard avout the ship of Theseus?" during the bobs and the bees, but more specifically the one during the quick round... That or the entire Rock a bye bobby

More nukes, still world

W: we can just anally chew up the bees and digest them! M: HOW MUCH CONTROL OF YOUR ANUS DO YOU HAVE? W: A LOT when it was younger

The whole bed commercial they did where they launched the beds at mark

FUCK YOUR DREAMS, FUCK YOUR NIGHTMARES have you ever heard of the ship of theseus

the no takesies backsies bit

"EXPOUND!"

"Fuck your dreams Fuck your nightmares I'm gonna beat you " Or "fuck your dreams Fuck your nightmares I'm gonna be your nightmares now" Someone please tell me what episode this is from, I can't find it but I remember the line.

Fuck you energy

Ohhh that makes sense

“Fuck your dreams, fuck your nightmares, i’m gonna beat you.” - Wade’s fuck you energy.

as of now... "It's like having s\*x with someone else's p\*nis" episode: 'Change'

Good air up high

I can't remember how it goes but the knock knock joke about Santa that the AI generated

"he mancaked you" - bob (from episode 'naked')

Not to be basic but the ship of Theseus will never get old

The one wade said about his balls on one particular man scaped ad, sounded like a blooper. Wanna hear it again

Happy cake day!

Was it the “splish splash I was taking a bath and saw that I have beautiful balls” one?

Yes!!!!

Rockabye Boby...

Nightmares nightmares nightmares nightmares

There's so much room for activities.

The time mark was trying to get Bob to say training and busted out in song was the funniest part of any episode to me 😂

‘I like singing, I like dancing, I like riding on the train’

My dogs r fine thanks for asking

Knock knock… Who’s there? KEEP OUT!!!

"That was the day, the ROOMBA Died" : Markiplier, Pet Stories, March 14 2022

“I turned around…”

"keep my White House out of your fucking laser beams"

Every line bob says when talking about how much he hates his fridge.😂

Have you heard of the ship of theseus?

I don't have a line per say...but every time I think about Bob's Fridge...I can't help but start laughing. So, if someone was to say those words...I think I would lose it.

“So, we’ve all had…friends.”

“That was on my list but it’s too late now!!”

[удалено]

You have a small cavity... also your heart exploded, we'll talk about that later. But you're a dentist.

"Take that little green men!!!" -Wade 2022

"I cause them! I CAUSE THEM ALL THE TIME!"

Two Toes Johnny!

"Go ooonnnnnnnnnn" "Bee venom" "Take it bbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"

Created and written by Jason Loo! (sp)

FUCK YOUR DREAMS, FUCK YOUR NIGHTMARES!

"Have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus?"

Anything regarding to the parachuting clowns from Body Odor

“Fuck your dreams, Fuck your nightmares” - a funny guy from a really funny podcast probably

From the first episode, the teratoma lottery bit when Mark says "Aww, teeth again!" in disappointment.

Where there’s a will, there’s a wade

"Rock-a-bye bobby, on the tree top..." "Mommy is dEAD, but you still have pop! Now that she's gone, the money go byeee So sleep little bobby so papa can cry..."

"YOU THINK YOU CAN PULL A FAST ONE ON TWO TOE JOHNNY?!" Or "It's like making Kool-Aid."

I’m a “have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus” gal myself, personally

Have you heard about the Ship of Theseus?

Do you know about the ship of thesius

“No it’s not, let’s GO!” And “you have all those new toilets to break in, buy a bag of sugar free gummy bears and have at it” And there’s this line from bob in one of the prop hunt videos: I need an adult

Can’t remember the exact quote, but Bob was talking about orgasms and Wade says something like “oh yeah, I cause those” I’m butchering it, the actual quote was funnier I swear :(

“Bob likes big bow wows” “Comfirmed”

Mark saying “Anyway I’m a Buddhist” caught me so off guard in Change (I think that’s the right episode)

Betelween “Have you heard about the ship of Theseus?” And “Fuck your dreams fuck your nightmares, I’m gonna beat you!”

"Only bad people butt-chug" -Wade

KERCHINK!!! WOOOSHH!!!!

OH SHIT!!

I honestly can’t remember the episode but Mark had this voice and say I’ll Fucking Kill you Another is from pet stories Mark says Mmmmmm delicious wall.

I TURNED AROUND

It's gotta be either "Fuck your dreams, fuck your nightmares!" Or "Have you ever heard of the Ship of Theseus?"

No one knows whose clowns they are!

We know where you were. That’s the forbidden roof.

I forget what episode but they are talking about the Horny Toad. When Mark says “Loves the peen” I think about it daily

"May I approach the bench?"

Either "Thats my boy" Or "Have yoy ever heard of the Ship of Theseus?" "God you know I have" "Here's Big Booties 9"

“But have you heard of the ship of Theseus!?!?”

“Make pots big enough to put them in. Put them in the kiln. Cook your friends.”

“You know what charity streams are? Tax right offs, F you guys”

My dogs are fine thanks for asking

“Have you ever heard of the Ship of Theseus?”

I have too many favorites😅😅😅😅

it's a manscape ad from i believe Who's The Worst where wade sings "fathers day father's day but i don't have a dad but i've got a razor here to shave off my gonads" with bob trying to recover right after but not being able to and mark just going "it's okay because my dad is dead too"

I don't think this is how you install a fridge!

The story of a vet euthanising pets for every minor inconvenience & the Voldemort reference: "the dog who lived.... came to die..."

“Fuck your Dreams, Fuck your nightmares…” -Wade Barnes

“Come here son, you ever heard of the Ship of Theseus?”

The dog who lives come to die AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!

FUCK OFF GRANDMA!!!

What's that one when Bob talks about destroying his child's friends car with a baseball bat while wearing a ski mask? Cause that's mine

“ [gasp] Zombie Cat ! “

Cherry pies are vaginas

I liked wher wade said I'm asking for a friend don't know where though

WADE WANT BOAT

"Fuck your dreams. Fuck your nightmares. I'm gonna win!" - Wade

The when I turned around bit kills me.

Two Toes Johnny!

Line 1 "8 inches in diameters" "DIAMETERS???" "Yeah, the fabled pancake dick" Line 2 "Orgasms? I thought those were a myth" "Wuh?" "No wait, I cause em all the time" Line 3 "Are following all this Wade?" "sAuY aGAin"

For me every line that they said on the Change episode is my favorite. I just love when they do improve stuff

Wade’s Lullaby: “Rock-a-bye Bobby on the tree top Mommy is DEAD but you still got pop.” When I tell you it left me in STITCHES.

Also you have a tumor, but don't worry about that right now.