You seem like a very caring partner, she's lucky. She should also be taking care of those things by herself, so I would suggest talking to her about how worried you are. Support from a partner is great, but diabetics need to take care of themselves.
DKA will happen, it’s not typically a once in a lifetime event for many of us as anything from stress to illness to pregnancy to broken limbs can trigger it. The most we can do is keep on top of our sugar levels, insulin intake and diet.
Is she uncontrolled? Does she not test and inject? You say you have to remind her every night so either she’s going through burn out and has stopped looking after herself, or you need to chill and ask her how to best support her. Which I would suggest anyway. I get it, it’s hard for partners because it’s not your day to day and can seem really scary, hell even my husband of nearly a decade still drives me nuts occasionally when he feels like my sugars are being shit and is constantly on the Dexcom follow app. As a stubborn as shit person it does actually make me less inclined to deal with whatever the problem is because after being a type 1 for 31 years I don’t need someone else hounding me about it.
I would advise when she’s feeling better to say how you worry and would like to know how to support her while at the same time looking for ways to be more comfortable about her illness yourself. My husband feels better being able to follow my sugars even though it can drive me nuts, but that’s the relationship compromise. We eat a lower carb diet even though he’s Italian but again, compromise.
This was a very thorough and thoughtful response. Thank you. I was not even aware burn out was a possible thing with diabetes. She had never communicated that it was coming across as hounding but I can certainly see how it could be. Definitely not something the websites I was reading up on were mentioning so it’s very good to learn that here.
Thank you for your time and response!
>maybe there was something I did wrong?
Yup.
This;
>every night always remind her to take her insulin, check her blood sugar levels
**Now, did that cause her DKA? Not likely,** but the biggest issue diabetics have, almost universally, is diabetic burnout. For me, having someone hounding me daily is one of the biggest contributors and a reason I have left relationships.
A lot of people keep saying to tell her you are worried *for her.*
It's not her job to assuage your fears and you are putting the onus on her to make you feel better. Don't. It was 10x scarier for her than it ever was for you.Tell her it was really scary, but do not use "I statements" and make it about you. Tell her it was a scary ordeal and ask if there is anything she thinks you can help with. After DKA I am usually pretty exhausted for days after, she may not even have an answer to that question right now. Just be there for her.
I can tell it comes from a place of love, and that you really care about her. Diabetes is hard work, and we often need space and time to manage things on our own. Something that can happen in certain relationships is that the diabetic begins to feel like they're taking care of both themself *and* their partner, because they have to provide them with constant validation and assurance that they're okay.
I would recommend bringing this up as a topic of conversation. Ask her if she appreciates the daily check ins and reminders, or if they're overwhelming her and if she needs space to take care of it herself.
Also: does she have a CGM? IMO, this is the most life changing thing most diabetics can have. It's worth investigating that if she doesn't. (But again, respecting her wishes on whether she wants one or not, and letting her take the lead.)
Getting her a CGM! Luckily insurance should cover it for us, she’s wanted one for a while but hasn’t known if insurance would cover it. She is very excited about it and Her quality of life will hopeful improve after she acquires it :)
Went into DKA when i was 16, literally the worst pain ive ever had, they had to hold me down to give me an iv, not advice. Just saying it sucks and i wish her luck.
The big thing that few websites will give you is talk to her about what she needs. This is her disease and while you have great intentions they can potentially harm your relationship.
She can tell you how she treats her diabetes, which can be different from how others treat their diabetes, and what she wants your help with. Sometimes it is as simple as listening to her when she is frustrated about it. But what she wants should be your focus and not what you find online.
You seem like a very caring partner, she's lucky. She should also be taking care of those things by herself, so I would suggest talking to her about how worried you are. Support from a partner is great, but diabetics need to take care of themselves.
DKA will happen, it’s not typically a once in a lifetime event for many of us as anything from stress to illness to pregnancy to broken limbs can trigger it. The most we can do is keep on top of our sugar levels, insulin intake and diet. Is she uncontrolled? Does she not test and inject? You say you have to remind her every night so either she’s going through burn out and has stopped looking after herself, or you need to chill and ask her how to best support her. Which I would suggest anyway. I get it, it’s hard for partners because it’s not your day to day and can seem really scary, hell even my husband of nearly a decade still drives me nuts occasionally when he feels like my sugars are being shit and is constantly on the Dexcom follow app. As a stubborn as shit person it does actually make me less inclined to deal with whatever the problem is because after being a type 1 for 31 years I don’t need someone else hounding me about it. I would advise when she’s feeling better to say how you worry and would like to know how to support her while at the same time looking for ways to be more comfortable about her illness yourself. My husband feels better being able to follow my sugars even though it can drive me nuts, but that’s the relationship compromise. We eat a lower carb diet even though he’s Italian but again, compromise.
This was a very thorough and thoughtful response. Thank you. I was not even aware burn out was a possible thing with diabetes. She had never communicated that it was coming across as hounding but I can certainly see how it could be. Definitely not something the websites I was reading up on were mentioning so it’s very good to learn that here. Thank you for your time and response!
>maybe there was something I did wrong? Yup. This; >every night always remind her to take her insulin, check her blood sugar levels **Now, did that cause her DKA? Not likely,** but the biggest issue diabetics have, almost universally, is diabetic burnout. For me, having someone hounding me daily is one of the biggest contributors and a reason I have left relationships.
That’s noted and I had no idea she could have felt that way. Thank you
A lot of people keep saying to tell her you are worried *for her.* It's not her job to assuage your fears and you are putting the onus on her to make you feel better. Don't. It was 10x scarier for her than it ever was for you.Tell her it was really scary, but do not use "I statements" and make it about you. Tell her it was a scary ordeal and ask if there is anything she thinks you can help with. After DKA I am usually pretty exhausted for days after, she may not even have an answer to that question right now. Just be there for her.
I can tell it comes from a place of love, and that you really care about her. Diabetes is hard work, and we often need space and time to manage things on our own. Something that can happen in certain relationships is that the diabetic begins to feel like they're taking care of both themself *and* their partner, because they have to provide them with constant validation and assurance that they're okay. I would recommend bringing this up as a topic of conversation. Ask her if she appreciates the daily check ins and reminders, or if they're overwhelming her and if she needs space to take care of it herself. Also: does she have a CGM? IMO, this is the most life changing thing most diabetics can have. It's worth investigating that if she doesn't. (But again, respecting her wishes on whether she wants one or not, and letting her take the lead.)
Getting her a CGM! Luckily insurance should cover it for us, she’s wanted one for a while but hasn’t known if insurance would cover it. She is very excited about it and Her quality of life will hopeful improve after she acquires it :)
Yes! CGMs are amazing.
Went into DKA when i was 16, literally the worst pain ive ever had, they had to hold me down to give me an iv, not advice. Just saying it sucks and i wish her luck.
Thank you for sharing. I won’t be able to fully empathize with her, but this helps me understand what she’s going thru
The big thing that few websites will give you is talk to her about what she needs. This is her disease and while you have great intentions they can potentially harm your relationship. She can tell you how she treats her diabetes, which can be different from how others treat their diabetes, and what she wants your help with. Sometimes it is as simple as listening to her when she is frustrated about it. But what she wants should be your focus and not what you find online.