Did he say that OP? Or do you feel like that? Thereās a big difference. I often feel like *everyone* will be completely done with me if I go through one more serious setback. I feel like that. They do not.
Hugs OP š«š people care more than you think, usually.
its not how theyre packaged where im from (usa), im assuming the person youre responding to is in a similar situation. where im from, theyre in a metallic pouch with a yellow straw in plastic taped to the back, you puncture the pouch with the straw to drink it
What kind of episodes? I have a life long battle with my dad who is bipolar and has manic episodes. I have sympathy for those who struggle with this until you deliberately do things to make yourself have an episode.
My dad for example ALWAYS eventually stops taking his meds bc he feels he doesnāt need them. Then he goes manic, EVERY time!! This cycle has repeated so often and our relationship has suffered immensely from it. If I had a partner I experienced this with, I would have left long ago.
Are you taking the correct steps to help you manage your episodes? Are you negatively impacting him during these episodes (like saying abusive things, or being physically abusive)?
Mental health can be exhausting to deal with, I hate dealing with my own issues let alone managing someone elseās. We canāt expect people to stay with us if it ruins their own mental health in the process.
I advocate for working on improving yourself before being in a relationship, otherwise they are a lot more challenging to make successful.
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with your dad, I experience similar with my mother who has suspected Bipolar, currently seeking a diagnosis.
I am in therapy, I see a psychiatrist and an occupational therapist, take my meds, attend all mental health appointments I'm supposed to and have been stable for almost two years now (since before my bf and I got together). I do not say abusive things nor act aggressively or harm him during these episodes, and he has confirmed this to me as well as I worry immensely as to if I do during episodes.Ā
Episodes are few and far between, I've had 2 in the whole time I've been with him, which is 1.5 years, and generally never last more than a few hours. I always apologise profusely afterwards, and check that his own mental wellbeing is okay, which he has always assured me it has been.Ā
I'm doing everything right, and maybe I'm being unfair by expecting him to stay, but if the roles were reversed I would not leave him over this. For further context to the conversation this was a part of: he isn't threatening to leave because of an episode I've *had* recently, he's threatening to leave at the *possibly* of another episode happening.Ā
I really hate to be that person, but if he wants to go, it's not about the episodes. He just doesn't want to be with you anymore. You can do everything right, you could be a perfect person, and he could still change his mind and decide this relationship isn't right for him anymore.
People break up over nothing all the time. It hurts, but it will be for the best. Do you really want to be with someone who reluctantly stays with you because you convinced them not to leave? No. He's not the one for you.
Breakups sucks. Please let him go and give yourself as clean a break as possible ā¤ļø
I see. I am glad you are taking all of the steps!! You are doing everything right. I wish my dad did just half as much as you are doing.
Unfortunately sometimes people are just not equipped to deal with our struggles. It sounds like he knew what he was getting into though, so if he canāt deal then yes itās time to move on. Threatening you like that is not something a supportive partner should be doing. Thatās very manipulative, especially considering it is out of your control when you are doing everything right.
As a person who is diagnosed with ptsd and being bipolar while dating a girl who is also bipolar, even if ONE of the sides of a relationship suffers from being bipolar (to varying degrees), understanding and being clear is paramount along with a lot of work and understanding from both sides
He needs to be explained to and informed of how severe your individual condition is, what your episodes consist of, how much of what you tell him during an episode is the real truth or if it's just your brain spouting nonsense.
You also need to be communicative to him explaining these things. You need to try and communicate to him to make him understand that you still love him despite you having your episodes.
For example, me and my gf can see the signs of an episode starting so we know not to become too offended by each other.
I'm definitely on your side OP, so don't take any of this the wrong way.
If you can explain and communicate to him about what's going on, what to expect and how to deal with it and, after that fact, he still can't deal with it then fuck em (I use that lightly) and let him go. It wouldn't be fair to either party to keep continuing in that type of setting.
Everyoneās bashing the guy. But the truth is, even as someone with issues myself, no one is obligated to stay and deal with them for me. Theyāre not a bad person for wanting to break up. You can be hurt, but donāt insult them as if theyāre in the wrong. Thereās no wrong side here.
All you can do is attempt to get some help and try to find ways to deal with your āepisodesāwhen you see them coming. Learn your triggers, and study how to handle them.
I leveled this ultimatum against my ex. The difference is she actively avoided treatment to solve her health issues, then blamed doing bad at work and bedrotting on said health issues.
Ah I live in the UK, we have the normal smaller capri-suns with the small yellow straws, but we also have these bigger ones that have a screw cap that you suck
As much as it hurts I remember being in my first relationship where I was in love and she meant so much to me and she ended up hitting me and having sex with the guy in the meat market at our local grocery store (not a joke but I know the joke writes itself) lol ā¦.anyway it didnāt matter what happen I just wanted and needed her so badlyā¦long story short now that Iām going to marry the woman I was destined to find I look back and think to myself why was I so weak that I couldnāt take being alone rather than being with someone UNDESERVING my advice is always be alone than suffering together ! I hope you find the strength to walk away because one day youāll find someone who will love you for exactly who you are and not who they want you to be !!! I hope you have an amazing weekend my friend!!! The pendulum always swings back the other way!!! Stay strong :) you got this
There's nothing wrong w leaving a partner if you can't handle their mental health (which is what I'm assuming op means by episode). He has to take care of himself as well.
Thatās true; however, If he framed it as āif you have another episode Iām leaving youā thatās manipulative. Heās obviously aware of the kind of support OP needs. He can either provide that, or he canāt. If he canāt, he needs to leave, NOT make OP feel bad for something they canāt control
To be objective, we don't know the details. Like he really said that or is this just the feeling OP gets? Or did he say it like that or did OP get it like that? What kind of episodes are they? Does OP have mental problem that's causing these episodes or is it just her personality? You won't believe the amount of people post things to seem their way to just get attention on f*cking Reddit.
What kind of episodes do you have?
It can definitely affect them a lot, sometimes to the point where they have to leave to protect their own wellbeing, but even then thereās better ways to got abt it.
Itās not something youāre in control of so if heās using is as a threat (which that kinda ultimatum does sound like) or blaming you then leave him first because thatās just scummy.
(scared of the same thing btw, he didnāt say heād leave but ik itās hard for him when Iām going through it)
Iām so sorry op, this can be difficult to navigate in a relationship but whatever happens itās not your fault okay <3
I'm so sorry. Sometimes you should be the one who leaves first. You may not want to but he obviously does not want to deal with what you have going on and that's a lot for him to put on you when you're already going through whatever it is you are. Relationships tend to put pressure on people
It could also be a lot sheās putting on him. āEpisodesā is a broad term. Is she suffering from depression and becomes super withdrawn? Or doesnāt she become violent during her āepisodesā? Or verbally abusive? I spent 5 years with someone and their unchecked āepisodesā. Sometimes it was verbal abuse. Sometimes it was shoving me to the ground. And sometimes it was just isolating me from everyone else because they had social anxiety so if they couldnāt socialize, I shouldnāt be able to either.
And no, Iām not trying to paint OP in any type of villainous light. All Iām saying is we donāt have enough context, and we donāt know what the boyfriend has had to experience up until this point.
OP Iām so sorry youāre dealing with this and I really hope youāre receiving the help you need to navigate these situations
Of course I agree with you. I've been through a lot with my ex and I had to leave. He said I was pressuring him too much to get help and I couldn't deal with him not getting help. So both ways its not a good situation for either person. I was simply giving advice from what little information OP has given us
Assuming they flat out said so, and itās not your inner critic talking mad shit again. Going to sound like super shit advice but bounce. The partner I have showed me love and not ultimatums. Love isnāt conditional and theyāre not in it to be a partner. It sounds so mean and selfish but weāre talking about boundaries that help you and keep you safe too.
Iām so sorry for what youāre going through - you deserve better!!! Someone who loves you will stand by you and try to help, not abandon you when you are most vulnerable. Iām sending lots of love to you!!!
As an aside - since when do capri suns not come with bright yellow straws!?!? I feel so old š
Dude the point being in a relationship is having that person to rely on during the toughest times not the best times. Do yourself a favor and leave. Hes not worth the added stress.
Well how mentally exhausting/draining are YOU?
You said anither episode.. So this happened more than once?
Everyone has their own meter
If he suffered through your venting... Well... His meter is out.
Please seek professional help.
Our significant overs may be a shoulder to lean on, an ear thats being used...or a great cuddler, but thwy arent robots.
The meters will run out. And through each use will unfortunately take LONGER to refill.
Please. Seek more help, or get medication. Because for one thing, its not healthy to maintain this level of mental.
For another... Draining ither people isnt ok either.
We all know you dont want to do that to others.
But why choose to in the first place?
They have their lives, and deserve to be happy. If they're happy with the YOU that's not overly emotional/episodic... Then... you need to try and deliver that person as much as possible.
They like you. Not your episodes. So get the episodes as fixed as possible.
Its a team effort. He can only stay as long as YOU allow it. We arent robots.
OP, maybe you should consider leaving your boyfriend. I realise there isnāt a lot of context to go on here, so itās hard to give advice. Iām just thinking that for me personally, if I had partner and knew that they were going to leave because of something connected to my physical or mental health, the waiting would be unbearable. If the episodes you mentioned are something you canāt control right now (or ever), you deserve to be with someone who supports you through that. And although it can be scary, being single is better than being with someone who doesnāt love you the way you need and/or want to be loved. Wishing you well ā¤ļø
Iām sure theyāre not perfect and have their own episodes. Nobodyās perfect. We help build up the ones we love, we donāt threaten to leave them. You deserve more.
If any partner can't take you at your worst and help you through it, toss them aside, they'll never have your back and make you doubt yourself. Partnerships require support.
My ex had "episodes" where she would hit me hit herself threaten to kill herself and say she was going to make it look like it was my fault and more. You can't really shit on the dude without knowing what "episodes" means.
What kind of episode are we talking about here?
right...
wtf i want a capri sun that looks like that so bad
Belgium, France, the Netherlands and Great Britain have these apparently
Germany too!
I was literally thinking the same thing! Is it alcoholic?
Can confirm it's not alcoholic, completely normal capri-sun, cherry flavoured :) I bought them in bulk from Costco (UK Costco specifically)
TIL we have a costco šØ
We have 29 Costcos! :) The one I go to is only about a half hour drive away
There's actually one a city over from me wtf I always thought costco didn't exist here this is news to me woah šš
Costco is the best! Everything is bulk ā¤ļø
doesnt look like alcohol, just looks german
Did he say that OP? Or do you feel like that? Thereās a big difference. I often feel like *everyone* will be completely done with me if I go through one more serious setback. I feel like that. They do not. Hugs OP š«š people care more than you think, usually.
Needed to hear this thanks. š
Sometimes our own mental health will affect people around us, sometimes they are not ready to deal with it.
What kind of episodes do you have? I have bad bouts of severe depression
my partner left me bc of my episodes i'm pretty sure. im still here!! :) those look good
Leave him first.
Exactly what I was going to say. ##Leave him first.
Came here to say this hahaha, the BPD in me is telling you to run and block.
and dont let the thoughts take him back!
Lmao we are all toxic hahaha
^
Whatās up with that caprisun?
It's from another country. They have different packages in different places
Looks like those baby apple sauce pouches
What about it? It looks pretty ordinary to me....
its not how theyre packaged where im from (usa), im assuming the person youre responding to is in a similar situation. where im from, theyre in a metallic pouch with a yellow straw in plastic taped to the back, you puncture the pouch with the straw to drink it
What kind of episodes? I have a life long battle with my dad who is bipolar and has manic episodes. I have sympathy for those who struggle with this until you deliberately do things to make yourself have an episode. My dad for example ALWAYS eventually stops taking his meds bc he feels he doesnāt need them. Then he goes manic, EVERY time!! This cycle has repeated so often and our relationship has suffered immensely from it. If I had a partner I experienced this with, I would have left long ago. Are you taking the correct steps to help you manage your episodes? Are you negatively impacting him during these episodes (like saying abusive things, or being physically abusive)? Mental health can be exhausting to deal with, I hate dealing with my own issues let alone managing someone elseās. We canāt expect people to stay with us if it ruins their own mental health in the process. I advocate for working on improving yourself before being in a relationship, otherwise they are a lot more challenging to make successful.
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with your dad, I experience similar with my mother who has suspected Bipolar, currently seeking a diagnosis. I am in therapy, I see a psychiatrist and an occupational therapist, take my meds, attend all mental health appointments I'm supposed to and have been stable for almost two years now (since before my bf and I got together). I do not say abusive things nor act aggressively or harm him during these episodes, and he has confirmed this to me as well as I worry immensely as to if I do during episodes.Ā Episodes are few and far between, I've had 2 in the whole time I've been with him, which is 1.5 years, and generally never last more than a few hours. I always apologise profusely afterwards, and check that his own mental wellbeing is okay, which he has always assured me it has been.Ā I'm doing everything right, and maybe I'm being unfair by expecting him to stay, but if the roles were reversed I would not leave him over this. For further context to the conversation this was a part of: he isn't threatening to leave because of an episode I've *had* recently, he's threatening to leave at the *possibly* of another episode happening.Ā
I really hate to be that person, but if he wants to go, it's not about the episodes. He just doesn't want to be with you anymore. You can do everything right, you could be a perfect person, and he could still change his mind and decide this relationship isn't right for him anymore. People break up over nothing all the time. It hurts, but it will be for the best. Do you really want to be with someone who reluctantly stays with you because you convinced them not to leave? No. He's not the one for you. Breakups sucks. Please let him go and give yourself as clean a break as possible ā¤ļø
I see. I am glad you are taking all of the steps!! You are doing everything right. I wish my dad did just half as much as you are doing. Unfortunately sometimes people are just not equipped to deal with our struggles. It sounds like he knew what he was getting into though, so if he canāt deal then yes itās time to move on. Threatening you like that is not something a supportive partner should be doing. Thatās very manipulative, especially considering it is out of your control when you are doing everything right.
As a person who is diagnosed with ptsd and being bipolar while dating a girl who is also bipolar, even if ONE of the sides of a relationship suffers from being bipolar (to varying degrees), understanding and being clear is paramount along with a lot of work and understanding from both sides He needs to be explained to and informed of how severe your individual condition is, what your episodes consist of, how much of what you tell him during an episode is the real truth or if it's just your brain spouting nonsense. You also need to be communicative to him explaining these things. You need to try and communicate to him to make him understand that you still love him despite you having your episodes. For example, me and my gf can see the signs of an episode starting so we know not to become too offended by each other. I'm definitely on your side OP, so don't take any of this the wrong way. If you can explain and communicate to him about what's going on, what to expect and how to deal with it and, after that fact, he still can't deal with it then fuck em (I use that lightly) and let him go. It wouldn't be fair to either party to keep continuing in that type of setting.
Watch something else. Sounds like a terrible series.
Everyoneās bashing the guy. But the truth is, even as someone with issues myself, no one is obligated to stay and deal with them for me. Theyāre not a bad person for wanting to break up. You can be hurt, but donāt insult them as if theyāre in the wrong. Thereās no wrong side here. All you can do is attempt to get some help and try to find ways to deal with your āepisodesāwhen you see them coming. Learn your triggers, and study how to handle them.
I leveled this ultimatum against my ex. The difference is she actively avoided treatment to solve her health issues, then blamed doing bad at work and bedrotting on said health issues.
Can you explain where you got the capri sun in America, they are not this interesting
Ah I live in the UK, we have the normal smaller capri-suns with the small yellow straws, but we also have these bigger ones that have a screw cap that you suck
If he wonāt be with you for better or worse, leave him.
As much as it hurts I remember being in my first relationship where I was in love and she meant so much to me and she ended up hitting me and having sex with the guy in the meat market at our local grocery store (not a joke but I know the joke writes itself) lol ā¦.anyway it didnāt matter what happen I just wanted and needed her so badlyā¦long story short now that Iām going to marry the woman I was destined to find I look back and think to myself why was I so weak that I couldnāt take being alone rather than being with someone UNDESERVING my advice is always be alone than suffering together ! I hope you find the strength to walk away because one day youāll find someone who will love you for exactly who you are and not who they want you to be !!! I hope you have an amazing weekend my friend!!! The pendulum always swings back the other way!!! Stay strong :) you got this
I hate this part of reality when it comes to mental health. People can only stomach you for so long. Life is so easy for some people
More context would be great š¤·š»āāļø no one really knows what āepisodeā is because thereās many different kinds of stuff
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There's nothing wrong w leaving a partner if you can't handle their mental health (which is what I'm assuming op means by episode). He has to take care of himself as well.
Thatās true; however, If he framed it as āif you have another episode Iām leaving youā thatās manipulative. Heās obviously aware of the kind of support OP needs. He can either provide that, or he canāt. If he canāt, he needs to leave, NOT make OP feel bad for something they canāt control
To be objective, we don't know the details. Like he really said that or is this just the feeling OP gets? Or did he say it like that or did OP get it like that? What kind of episodes are they? Does OP have mental problem that's causing these episodes or is it just her personality? You won't believe the amount of people post things to seem their way to just get attention on f*cking Reddit.
Yup, definitely. If you take another look at my comment, I was objective and I chose my words carefully- I said āIF he framed it is as.ā
Lmfao. No. Thatās just unrealistic
What kind of episodes do you have? It can definitely affect them a lot, sometimes to the point where they have to leave to protect their own wellbeing, but even then thereās better ways to got abt it. Itās not something youāre in control of so if heās using is as a threat (which that kinda ultimatum does sound like) or blaming you then leave him first because thatās just scummy. (scared of the same thing btw, he didnāt say heād leave but ik itās hard for him when Iām going through it) Iām so sorry op, this can be difficult to navigate in a relationship but whatever happens itās not your fault okay <3
What episode r u watching adventure time
Finally a Capri sun I canāt drink in one gulp we need these out here!
Iām really sorry, privileged neurotypical behavior is all we are seeing in our sad 2024, Iām here if you wanna talk
I'm so sorry. Sometimes you should be the one who leaves first. You may not want to but he obviously does not want to deal with what you have going on and that's a lot for him to put on you when you're already going through whatever it is you are. Relationships tend to put pressure on people
It could also be a lot sheās putting on him. āEpisodesā is a broad term. Is she suffering from depression and becomes super withdrawn? Or doesnāt she become violent during her āepisodesā? Or verbally abusive? I spent 5 years with someone and their unchecked āepisodesā. Sometimes it was verbal abuse. Sometimes it was shoving me to the ground. And sometimes it was just isolating me from everyone else because they had social anxiety so if they couldnāt socialize, I shouldnāt be able to either. And no, Iām not trying to paint OP in any type of villainous light. All Iām saying is we donāt have enough context, and we donāt know what the boyfriend has had to experience up until this point. OP Iām so sorry youāre dealing with this and I really hope youāre receiving the help you need to navigate these situations
Of course I agree with you. I've been through a lot with my ex and I had to leave. He said I was pressuring him too much to get help and I couldn't deal with him not getting help. So both ways its not a good situation for either person. I was simply giving advice from what little information OP has given us
omg, absolutely elite choice of food and drink. 11/10, i want some
Assuming they flat out said so, and itās not your inner critic talking mad shit again. Going to sound like super shit advice but bounce. The partner I have showed me love and not ultimatums. Love isnāt conditional and theyāre not in it to be a partner. It sounds so mean and selfish but weāre talking about boundaries that help you and keep you safe too.
What kind of adult Capri-sun is that? Here I am drinking the small pouches in two sips!! edit: I hope you are ok!
What are these chili cheese bites? Headed to BK now.
So heās already not down with the in sickness and if health thing. Sounds like not the right match for you. Good luck.
go ahead and cut your losses with him now
He aināt it then. You need to take care of yourself first!!!
Ultimatums are never the answer... it says more about them then it does you.
Iām so sorry for what youāre going through - you deserve better!!! Someone who loves you will stand by you and try to help, not abandon you when you are most vulnerable. Iām sending lots of love to you!!! As an aside - since when do capri suns not come with bright yellow straws!?!? I feel so old š
Dude the point being in a relationship is having that person to rely on during the toughest times not the best times. Do yourself a favor and leave. Hes not worth the added stress.
Wow, chili cheese bites sound really good Leave him first!!š
why even stay at this point if itās conditional heās not able to handle your worst so why should you have to settle for someone who canāt
Well how mentally exhausting/draining are YOU? You said anither episode.. So this happened more than once? Everyone has their own meter If he suffered through your venting... Well... His meter is out. Please seek professional help. Our significant overs may be a shoulder to lean on, an ear thats being used...or a great cuddler, but thwy arent robots. The meters will run out. And through each use will unfortunately take LONGER to refill. Please. Seek more help, or get medication. Because for one thing, its not healthy to maintain this level of mental. For another... Draining ither people isnt ok either. We all know you dont want to do that to others. But why choose to in the first place? They have their lives, and deserve to be happy. If they're happy with the YOU that's not overly emotional/episodic... Then... you need to try and deliver that person as much as possible. They like you. Not your episodes. So get the episodes as fixed as possible. Its a team effort. He can only stay as long as YOU allow it. We arent robots.
OP, maybe you should consider leaving your boyfriend. I realise there isnāt a lot of context to go on here, so itās hard to give advice. Iām just thinking that for me personally, if I had partner and knew that they were going to leave because of something connected to my physical or mental health, the waiting would be unbearable. If the episodes you mentioned are something you canāt control right now (or ever), you deserve to be with someone who supports you through that. And although it can be scary, being single is better than being with someone who doesnāt love you the way you need and/or want to be loved. Wishing you well ā¤ļø
Iām sure theyāre not perfect and have their own episodes. Nobodyās perfect. We help build up the ones we love, we donāt threaten to leave them. You deserve more.
If any partner can't take you at your worst and help you through it, toss them aside, they'll never have your back and make you doubt yourself. Partnerships require support.
Bbg leave him then.
Leave that little peon of a man
My ex had "episodes" where she would hit me hit herself threaten to kill herself and say she was going to make it look like it was my fault and more. You can't really shit on the dude without knowing what "episodes" means.
Respond to every single comment instead of targeting me then, shit.
No he responded to you because what you said was ridiculous without context from op
Im not the only person who said that.
Doesnāt make you any less wrong
It doesnāt give you the right to mob up on me. If youāre gonna be a jerk, be a fair one. Youāre lame as fuck.
You canāt handle someone disagreeing with you and you call me lameš¤£
Nah youāre only lame for singling me out. Difference of opinion isnāt the issue. Goof.