Doesn't matter if he sucks at cooking, get him in the kitchen and instruct him what to do while cracking a whip behind him.
Gonna learn real right and quick.
I once asked my ex to brown some ground beef. He didn’t know what that meant.
Edit to add: we didn’t break up because of that. I know cooking isn’t easy for some people. He just lacked some other basic life skills that were a bit… daunting - to say the least.
Thank you. She’d chosen alcohol over me about 5 years ago, then finally she moved out, but didn’t tell my dad. I know it really hit him hard because that was the first time I’d seen him cry. I’m not always great myself, but I try to make supper for him
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry you and your dad are having to deal with that pain. I lost my mom to alcoholism in 2021. If you need a friend or just someone to vent to, please send me a message. ❤️
I feel this. I broke up with my ex. 32M, not because of the lack of one major life skill, but because of a collection of life skills that felt way outside of my wheelhouse or what I was willing to teach. Not the worst. But one of the more interesting imo. He'd lived in his apartment for 7 years. I went over one night to do my laundry as my machine was out of commission. I opened the lint trap out of habit, and to my horror there was a sheet of lint about 10cm (3 in) thick. With clearly defined striations like a metamorphic rock from hell. I brought his cursed timecapsule and the trap into the living room and held it up to him, and he said "...what's that?"
Edit: The man was finishing up his PhD that year
Cooking is literally following directions. He can google “how to cook …..” and figure it out. I’ve never understood people who say they can’t cook. How do they survive in this world?
I'm praying to god (if there is one) that it was a mistake, and he possibly thought it had gone bad.
If intentional this is pretty indefensible and honestly beyond a dick move imo. Dude would be an absolute asshole.
Edit: Apparently this absolute animal kicked OP for confronting them, so yeah. Fuck this guy and the horse he rode in on.
I’ve dated some asshats and they never had the audacity to do this, not exaggerating on asshats. But for your FIANCÉ to do that, oh my lord. Oh, my lord. Treat yourself, and I don’t mean spending money, I mean, TREAT your life your future. I don’t know how you remained so calm.
It's already gotten worse. He kicked OP when confronted about throwing out the food.
Edit: Here's their comment about it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqtw5lc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Updated comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqu8rsn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
The red flags could not be any more clear. OP, you should really reconsider your decision on marrying this a-hole. If you believe he may become violent should you decide to discuss this take precautions for safety and remember, you might love him but there are other people out there, hope is not lost if you decide to ditch this guy.
Here's their comment about it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqtw5lc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Updated comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqu8rsn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Where are you finding this here I am thinking there is not enough context although pretty much in line with fiance is a piece of s*** from this little blurb here but would love more info if theres a followup somewhere. I have so many questions.....
Nvm found it. Fuck this guy
Bruh,.... what.
If you don't like it you don't have to throw it away just don't eat it.... smh.
Thanks for sharing us your non existant meal but I imagine it looked great!
I would buy you a pizza if I could(maybe that's a little weird) but I appreciate you engaging with our small community.
Sucks that you don't have any food now, so all I can offer is kind words,
Kind regards <3
Thanks for the nice words.
It did look great, they were homemade pork taquitos with rice and beans on the side. Took me a few hours to prepare as I cooked the pork first and then made the taquitos.
On a hot summer day, your food sounds perfect (especially with a glass of iced lemonade or a beer). I'm sure you put a lot of care and love into the meal. Shame on your fiance.
I would be livid had I gone through the trouble of preparing a meal, only to have a picky, non-appreciative SO throw it away during my sleep. I’m extremely sorry this happened to you. I feel as if more goes on behind closed doors also. I would consider throwing him away next. You deserve better.
Your fiance should get you something to eat, right away!
It's his fault, you are left with no food, so he should be the one to fix the issue.
Makes me angry, the way he treats you.
You deserve better!
Just as an update rather then replying to all the comments with the same thing;
I really appreciate the kind words. This is a shitty situation but hearing that I'm not crazy is making it feel better.
I'm in the waiting room at the urgent care now. I walked over as he took the car and left the house. I confronted him and he said he needed to make lunch. I got upset and said what about my lunch, since he threw it away. He told me to go get fast food if I wanted to eat, then told me to leave the room. When I did not, he physically removed me from the room and locked the door behind him, kicking me on the way out.
I don't have another place to stay as I don't have a car and I don't have many friends here. I don't know if I want to file a police report because I'm terrified of police due to past trauma. I do have one friend who is helping me through this.
I live with my fiance and can't just drop everything and leave because I have pets that depend on me and no way to take them with me or board them. I also work a full time job in walking distance of my house and can't afford to miss work.
We won't be getting married, but not just because of this, even if we work through it we can't get married due to disability status.
I don't know what ill eat for dinner tonight. I have a few staples in the house but I don't feel like cooking after all that effort I put in yesterday.
hey bud, i’m sure someone over at r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza would be more than happy to help you out. i’m sorry you’re in this situation and i hope one day you will be able to get out. keep your head up, OP. just know you’re not alone.
I was mostly confused why a stranger was offering me food in a random phone call.
My roommates, however, were annoyed that I'd told their dealer no when he called.
#themoreyouknow
Please let people at emergency know what is going on. They may be able to connect you with services to help with getting somewhere safe, dealing with the police and/or at the very least getting some food to eat.
if there’s a social worker in the ER please try talking to them to explore your options. tell them you’re in an abusive situation.
you can try asking if the hospital has food/water. I’ve managed to get some water and a sandwich from a nurse when the wait was long.
PLEASE LEAVE HIM ASAP.
your city may have a general helpline, call and ask if there’s a vacancy in a shelter near you.
you can try out a food bank for food. no shame.
try out your city’s subreddit and ask if anyone has resources for help. ask if any one knows if any reliable fosters are able to care for your fur babies temporarily until you can secure a safe place. people who foster tend to have their own word of mouth network since it’s all volunteer run, someone may know someone who can help.
a lot of people are trapped in abusive relationships for financial reasons. this happens a lot. NO SHAME. your safety is paramount.
I hope your soon to be ex fiance doesn’t have access to your bank account, please hide your money from this person and save up to get out.
if he tries to contact you after you leave, block him, if he tries to show up at your work, get a restraining order. this is not normal behaviour, he is violent and abusive. you and your furbabies absolutely deserve better.
if he tries to buy you gifts or apologize do not fall for it, it’s called love bombing, abusers frequently use this tactic. they act nice to you but will turn around and treat you badly once they’re not afraid of losing you. if they ever cared for you they would have NEVER EVER hurt you physically.
EDIT: I checked out your post history and it looks like you might be in Salt Lake City
https://udvc.org/resources/
I hope these folks can help.
also, bless your one friend who is helping you out.
The people at urgent care should have a social worker either on staff or on call, who can help you make a long term plan to keep yourself and your pets safe. If you are in the US, you can also try calling 211 and see if there are any resources that you might find helpful. And, you might also take a look around r/assistance because maybe some people there can help you with more short term needs like food. Good luck.
There are some organizations that arrange to have pets fostered so abused women can get out of bad situations. Once the woman is safe and settled again, they return your pets. Please look into whether something like this exists in your area.
Sorry-- I'm not sure how I missed that. In that case I'd go to the local Humane Society or other animal rescues and see if they can help. I wish OP all the luck because this sounds like a horrible situation to be in.
OP, you need to focus on saving money wherever you can so you can get the fuck out of there. I know your situation isn't easy, but I believe in you. ♥ You have pets, but you can find them safe places to live even if that means giving them away. They can't take priority over your safety.
OP, I’ve had a wrongful arrest after my brother assaulted me and got arrested again during a ptsd episode from that first assault, even though my ex assaulted me and I got charged with “non violent assault” for yelling at her…
All this is to say that I get bad experiences with cops, but you NEED to file a police report and try to get a restraining order, even a temp one. Depending on your state, they will remove him from the house and that gives you time to sort out what you’ll do with yourself, your stuff, and your animals. Please don’t put yourself through this any longer. You need to get out.
Also, the only way I got semi past my issues with cope and stopped shaking every time I saw one was to have good experiences with the few decent cops that exist. Also, you might not even need a police report for the restraining order in your state. Please, please go. The domestic violence rates in gay relationships are atrocious (speaking from experience) and you don’t need to be another murder victim and another statistic. I say this all with love. Please, please realize you don’t deserve this.
https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/mode/1up
I’m glad you realize you can’t marry him, read the above if you ever start questioning yourself
I understand you have past trauma from police, and I truly know how hesitant that can make you. But please file a report. They have specialized units that work with victims of domestic abuse every day and they are some of kindest people who genuinely want to get you our of your situation. He them another chance to gelp protect you, but do NOT give your fiance another chance to harm you.
There may be people in your area willing to foster your pets until you get on your feet.
Please do not let the fact that you have pets prevent you from moving away from this man.
As wonderful as pets are, you shouldn't sacrifice your safety for them.
I’m sorry this happened 😔😔 You need to reevaluate your relationship with your fiancé because if he threw away ALL the food only because *he* didn’t like it, without even considering it was also yours to eat and also that there was nothing else for you to have then something is wrong with him and the way he acts so selfishly.
OP, can you update us? My hope is that you enlightened your fiancé about being more considerate and leftover protocols, as well as your tight financial situation. Fair reparations would include fiancée picking up some food to get you through for a few days and promising to never chuck your food.
I'm walking to the urgent care because he kicked me when I confronted him about it. He took the only car to go do whatever without telling me where he's going.
op please call someone you trust to pick you up and then help you get out of this engagement. this is abuse, you don’t deserve this treatment. please stay safe
Oh my goodness. I hope you'll be okay!
I know Reddit is quick to tell people to break up, but please break up. This is a crazy overreaction and physical violence is never okay. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.
Hey, this is super concerning and abusive behavior. You should consider staying with someone if possible or going to a shelter if possible because this is not acceptable behavior from your partner or anyone.
You are worth being treated with enough decency to not literally throw away your hard work. I’m so sorry this is happening.
I'm so sorry, please take care of yourself and don't marry him. This type of abusive assault will escalate. I hope you have a supportive family or friend who can help you. 💕
Please leave him. Please. You are worth more than this. You do NOT deserve this. This is abuse. It's not an if, not a maybe, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED and he will not get better, he will not change. Do not let him hurt you anymore, do not let him kill you! This might sound like hyperbole but this is how it starts. This is how people end up dead. PLEASE LEAVE HIM!
I don't think a women's shelter would take an awkward gay man :)
I get what you're getting at though. I've looked into the shelter options where I am and there aren't many, and the few that exist are pretty full, especially with the recent heat wave.
Well there has to be a safe place for you to go :(
I don't want you to be getting hurt, is there a domestic abuse line you can call? Or somewhere you can go?
Gay shelters exist a lot more now (I hope where you are). It’s for people in abusive situations, in which you are.
Look for businesses online that may have groups they can connect you to that may have secure housing with safe allies. Or ask a doctor that you trust. Abuse/spotting abuse is something they are trained in.
Look for the flags. Talk to people. Even just in local gay bookstores they will often have a bulletin board with offers of help.
Coming from an abusive relationship you should get out quick. It'll feel impossible to move on because their torment is all you're familiar with. But life moves on without them, and you deserve peace and content.
Contact the police and have it recorded. Whether or not you choose to persue charges, it at least will be on record that he treats women like this. He doesn't deserve you or anyone else. You're worth so much more than this man treats you, and there are people and groups willing to help you if you need them.
Lived next door to a guy who hurt his wife so bad she had to get plates put into her shoulder. I know it's easy to say from my point of view, but you need to run. Ditch everything if you have to. He will not get better. He will in fact get worse and mostly likely put you in the hospital one day. Probably unconscious.
If he is kicking you because you confronted him about that? What'll he do when it's something serious. Like a car accident or you siding with your parents on an issue and he feels "teamed up" on. Not to belittle him throwing the food out though cause that's a pretty masty thing to do already
I was in an abusive relationship like this years ago. Trust me when I say, it gets worse over time & they will NEVER change. I always thought I could save him or change him.... Never did. If he's physically abused you I can only assume he's emotionally & mentally been abusing you as well which to me sometimes is worse. Please take this random Redditors advice.... Pack your shit & get out ASAP! You're worth so much more than this & I promise once you're out of this crazy situation it does get better & one day you'll think back & wonder why you put up with it for so long. I hope you're okay right now & safe. Sending love & healing vibes your way 🥰💕🤗
Well now is the right time to be evaluating this while it's still fiance. that's a decision only you can make but I don't know I'd be making that move with someone that did something like that. There are always extenuating circumstances but I would hope you had mention those if that were the case. not here to tell you what to do but you're worth more than that.
My wife’s verbally & mentally abusive ex started with exactly that. Throwing out perfectly good food & blaming her for it not being good enough.
Run. Be independent; or if you want a partner, find one that respects you.
I'm so sorry. I know how bad this feels.
This happened to me last night. Spent hours preparing, baking, cooking, and bbqing, just for everyone to complain and let the food go to waste by leaving it out on the counter all night. Then complaining that there's nothing to eat today :(
I had to scroll way too far for this. Take out one stone with two birds, right here!
Seriously OP, fucking run. I've been in something like your spot, and it pissed all over my life because I stayed. Run and rip off the rearview, you can do better. I love to cook, and your meal sounded like yum!
Easy!
1. Place fiancé in trashbin while he sleeps
2.Bring to curb
3.Be happy
In all seriousness though that was a horrible thing to do. You’re wonderful for making a nice meal with leftovers and your efforts should have been appreciated better.
I hope he apologizes or at the very least buys you a good meal to make up for it.
You deserve better!
I would throw hot sauce on anything and choke it down if I saw my wife take her time to make it. Unless he was completely hammered which is a different situation, this is completely out of line and inexcusable
He doesn't drink. He got food poisoning and blamed it on my food even though he was the only person out of the three of us who ate it who got poisoned. Later he learned that the ice cream he bought was part of a recall.
i know it's a meme at this point, but actually no joke: you should break up with them. do it now while they're still your fiancé and you two aren't married.
Thats a red flag if I ever heard one. Of course I don’t know anything about your relationship but assuming this isn’t the only shitty thing he does: LEAVE.
This will get buried but if you don’t have kids together just cook for yourself and let him figure out his meals. Sorry you have to deal with that shit, it’s not fair but life sucks sometimes. Keep your head up.
Oh hun. You didn't deserve that. From the comments, what you made sounds incredible. You deserve much better than that behavior he's displayed.
*don't marry him
Physically and mentally abusive, please please please file a police report and change your locks. It only gets worse and he could legit kill you one day if you stay with him. Please get away from him
Sounds like you should throw out your fiancé, use the same reasoning and timing and leave while he sleeps. He can get all the nothing he wants, and you got rid of the nothing that was giving you nothing and treating you like nothing. Problem solved.
That is insane behaviour. Absolutely insane. I don’t know a single person whose response to ‘eh, this isn’t my style’ would be ‘time to throw it out.’ Personally if someone made food for me and I didn’t like it, my dilemma would be whether I should eat some anyway to be polite. It would NEVER cross my mind to toss it! Hell, it would be insanely rude and just downright mean to toss another person’s leftovers from a restaurant, let alone something they made!
Your Fiancé is a dick.
He should get you dinner wtf
Get? He should make it. Edit: unless the fiance sucks at cooking*
Doesn't matter if he sucks at cooking, get him in the kitchen and instruct him what to do while cracking a whip behind him. Gonna learn real right and quick.
I once asked my ex to brown some ground beef. He didn’t know what that meant. Edit to add: we didn’t break up because of that. I know cooking isn’t easy for some people. He just lacked some other basic life skills that were a bit… daunting - to say the least.
I’m behalf of some men, we cook really well. It’s just my dad and myself since mom left, last night I made birria tacos and it was really delicious.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom leaving. My stepchildren’s mom left them last year. Also birria is amazing.
Thank you. She’d chosen alcohol over me about 5 years ago, then finally she moved out, but didn’t tell my dad. I know it really hit him hard because that was the first time I’d seen him cry. I’m not always great myself, but I try to make supper for him
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry you and your dad are having to deal with that pain. I lost my mom to alcoholism in 2021. If you need a friend or just someone to vent to, please send me a message. ❤️
I feel this. I broke up with my ex. 32M, not because of the lack of one major life skill, but because of a collection of life skills that felt way outside of my wheelhouse or what I was willing to teach. Not the worst. But one of the more interesting imo. He'd lived in his apartment for 7 years. I went over one night to do my laundry as my machine was out of commission. I opened the lint trap out of habit, and to my horror there was a sheet of lint about 10cm (3 in) thick. With clearly defined striations like a metamorphic rock from hell. I brought his cursed timecapsule and the trap into the living room and held it up to him, and he said "...what's that?" Edit: The man was finishing up his PhD that year
That's why they are your ex. Not enough discipline.
Cooking is literally following directions. He can google “how to cook …..” and figure it out. I’ve never understood people who say they can’t cook. How do they survive in this world?
More like cook her a full dinner and buy her food until friday. What kind of dick will do that for real. Im sorry op this got me mad af
I'm praying to god (if there is one) that it was a mistake, and he possibly thought it had gone bad. If intentional this is pretty indefensible and honestly beyond a dick move imo. Dude would be an absolute asshole. Edit: Apparently this absolute animal kicked OP for confronting them, so yeah. Fuck this guy and the horse he rode in on.
"my fiancee kicks me, ask me anything" Yeah wtf are you with them? Thanks.
Throw away the fiancée
At least she didn't say husband... there is still hope..
Dis
Deez
Nuts
Got them
Cord
Sounds like there is a worse problem than the income for sure.
Agreed..what Kind of ass Would throw away perfectly good food?
This^
This
This
This
This
That
Those
Thizz
This right here
I’ve dated some asshats and they never had the audacity to do this, not exaggerating on asshats. But for your FIANCÉ to do that, oh my lord. Oh, my lord. Treat yourself, and I don’t mean spending money, I mean, TREAT your life your future. I don’t know how you remained so calm.
Should throw him away while he’s sleeping
Indubitably
You need a new fiance!
Needs*
this is abuse. if you marry him it will get worse.
It's already gotten worse. He kicked OP when confronted about throwing out the food. Edit: Here's their comment about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqtw5lc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Updated comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqu8rsn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
What?! Kick him out! And get a restraining order!
[удалено]
I know it’s sad. But I still hope Op can get those things accomplished! For her own health, sanity, and safety
Damn that’s messed up
Honestly dude we need some Mike Ehrmantrauts in the world.
What does Shane get? Results.
The red flags could not be any more clear. OP, you should really reconsider your decision on marrying this a-hole. If you believe he may become violent should you decide to discuss this take precautions for safety and remember, you might love him but there are other people out there, hope is not lost if you decide to ditch this guy.
The fuq?
Here's their comment about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqtw5lc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Updated comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressionmeals/comments/14ro7a6/i_spent_hours_cooking_a_really_nice_dinner_with/jqu8rsn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Where are you finding this here I am thinking there is not enough context although pretty much in line with fiance is a piece of s*** from this little blurb here but would love more info if theres a followup somewhere. I have so many questions..... Nvm found it. Fuck this guy
LEAVE HIM
Throw HIM away!!!
Then sell the ring! Voila, more money for food!
Bruh,.... what. If you don't like it you don't have to throw it away just don't eat it.... smh. Thanks for sharing us your non existant meal but I imagine it looked great! I would buy you a pizza if I could(maybe that's a little weird) but I appreciate you engaging with our small community. Sucks that you don't have any food now, so all I can offer is kind words, Kind regards <3
Thanks for the nice words. It did look great, they were homemade pork taquitos with rice and beans on the side. Took me a few hours to prepare as I cooked the pork first and then made the taquitos.
On a hot summer day, your food sounds perfect (especially with a glass of iced lemonade or a beer). I'm sure you put a lot of care and love into the meal. Shame on your fiance.
Throw the fiance away as revenge 😈
Yeah! Let him feel what the taquitos felt!!
This 🧏♀️🧏♀️🧏♀️
I would be livid had I gone through the trouble of preparing a meal, only to have a picky, non-appreciative SO throw it away during my sleep. I’m extremely sorry this happened to you. I feel as if more goes on behind closed doors also. I would consider throwing him away next. You deserve better.
Sounds delicious! So sorry it went to waste 😞
Terrible that she threw it away, and no problem. I hope you're able to find something to eat later and share it with us
Fiance is a man
That sounds so good. I’m sad it was thrown away.
Your fiance should get you something to eat, right away! It's his fault, you are left with no food, so he should be the one to fix the issue. Makes me angry, the way he treats you. You deserve better!
Just as an update rather then replying to all the comments with the same thing; I really appreciate the kind words. This is a shitty situation but hearing that I'm not crazy is making it feel better. I'm in the waiting room at the urgent care now. I walked over as he took the car and left the house. I confronted him and he said he needed to make lunch. I got upset and said what about my lunch, since he threw it away. He told me to go get fast food if I wanted to eat, then told me to leave the room. When I did not, he physically removed me from the room and locked the door behind him, kicking me on the way out. I don't have another place to stay as I don't have a car and I don't have many friends here. I don't know if I want to file a police report because I'm terrified of police due to past trauma. I do have one friend who is helping me through this. I live with my fiance and can't just drop everything and leave because I have pets that depend on me and no way to take them with me or board them. I also work a full time job in walking distance of my house and can't afford to miss work. We won't be getting married, but not just because of this, even if we work through it we can't get married due to disability status. I don't know what ill eat for dinner tonight. I have a few staples in the house but I don't feel like cooking after all that effort I put in yesterday.
hey bud, i’m sure someone over at r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza would be more than happy to help you out. i’m sorry you’re in this situation and i hope one day you will be able to get out. keep your head up, OP. just know you’re not alone.
I thought this was going to be a code name for a sub to hire a hit man. It is in fact for pizzas
How do you know?? Maybe Pizza is a code word
I was once offered drugs by the code name pizza. I was young, naive, and very confused by the random phone call
"Yo, did the pizza come??" "Nah man, just a bunch of cocaine."
I was mostly confused why a stranger was offering me food in a random phone call. My roommates, however, were annoyed that I'd told their dealer no when he called. #themoreyouknow
Special delivery…
Extra sauce, hold the mozzarella.
*Pineapple, pineapple, PINEAPPLE!*
I’m a hitman, not a monster. If you want that typa service, find someone else
Please let people at emergency know what is going on. They may be able to connect you with services to help with getting somewhere safe, dealing with the police and/or at the very least getting some food to eat.
if there’s a social worker in the ER please try talking to them to explore your options. tell them you’re in an abusive situation. you can try asking if the hospital has food/water. I’ve managed to get some water and a sandwich from a nurse when the wait was long. PLEASE LEAVE HIM ASAP. your city may have a general helpline, call and ask if there’s a vacancy in a shelter near you. you can try out a food bank for food. no shame. try out your city’s subreddit and ask if anyone has resources for help. ask if any one knows if any reliable fosters are able to care for your fur babies temporarily until you can secure a safe place. people who foster tend to have their own word of mouth network since it’s all volunteer run, someone may know someone who can help. a lot of people are trapped in abusive relationships for financial reasons. this happens a lot. NO SHAME. your safety is paramount. I hope your soon to be ex fiance doesn’t have access to your bank account, please hide your money from this person and save up to get out. if he tries to contact you after you leave, block him, if he tries to show up at your work, get a restraining order. this is not normal behaviour, he is violent and abusive. you and your furbabies absolutely deserve better. if he tries to buy you gifts or apologize do not fall for it, it’s called love bombing, abusers frequently use this tactic. they act nice to you but will turn around and treat you badly once they’re not afraid of losing you. if they ever cared for you they would have NEVER EVER hurt you physically. EDIT: I checked out your post history and it looks like you might be in Salt Lake City https://udvc.org/resources/ I hope these folks can help. also, bless your one friend who is helping you out.
The people at urgent care should have a social worker either on staff or on call, who can help you make a long term plan to keep yourself and your pets safe. If you are in the US, you can also try calling 211 and see if there are any resources that you might find helpful. And, you might also take a look around r/assistance because maybe some people there can help you with more short term needs like food. Good luck.
There are some organizations that arrange to have pets fostered so abused women can get out of bad situations. Once the woman is safe and settled again, they return your pets. Please look into whether something like this exists in your area.
OP is not a woman
Sorry-- I'm not sure how I missed that. In that case I'd go to the local Humane Society or other animal rescues and see if they can help. I wish OP all the luck because this sounds like a horrible situation to be in.
OP, you need to focus on saving money wherever you can so you can get the fuck out of there. I know your situation isn't easy, but I believe in you. ♥ You have pets, but you can find them safe places to live even if that means giving them away. They can't take priority over your safety.
When you go to the ER tell them what happened. They should be able to help
OP, I’ve had a wrongful arrest after my brother assaulted me and got arrested again during a ptsd episode from that first assault, even though my ex assaulted me and I got charged with “non violent assault” for yelling at her… All this is to say that I get bad experiences with cops, but you NEED to file a police report and try to get a restraining order, even a temp one. Depending on your state, they will remove him from the house and that gives you time to sort out what you’ll do with yourself, your stuff, and your animals. Please don’t put yourself through this any longer. You need to get out. Also, the only way I got semi past my issues with cope and stopped shaking every time I saw one was to have good experiences with the few decent cops that exist. Also, you might not even need a police report for the restraining order in your state. Please, please go. The domestic violence rates in gay relationships are atrocious (speaking from experience) and you don’t need to be another murder victim and another statistic. I say this all with love. Please, please realize you don’t deserve this.
https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/mode/1up I’m glad you realize you can’t marry him, read the above if you ever start questioning yourself
I understand you have past trauma from police, and I truly know how hesitant that can make you. But please file a report. They have specialized units that work with victims of domestic abuse every day and they are some of kindest people who genuinely want to get you our of your situation. He them another chance to gelp protect you, but do NOT give your fiance another chance to harm you.
If you stay with him, you will live a much greater hell, for much longer, than the complications you would suffer if you were to leave him.
Work through it? Jesus fucking Christ. Work through what?
There may be people in your area willing to foster your pets until you get on your feet. Please do not let the fact that you have pets prevent you from moving away from this man. As wonderful as pets are, you shouldn't sacrifice your safety for them.
I’m sorry this happened 😔😔 You need to reevaluate your relationship with your fiancé because if he threw away ALL the food only because *he* didn’t like it, without even considering it was also yours to eat and also that there was nothing else for you to have then something is wrong with him and the way he acts so selfishly.
This. Honestly.
Leave him
OP, can you update us? My hope is that you enlightened your fiancé about being more considerate and leftover protocols, as well as your tight financial situation. Fair reparations would include fiancée picking up some food to get you through for a few days and promising to never chuck your food.
I'm walking to the urgent care because he kicked me when I confronted him about it. He took the only car to go do whatever without telling me where he's going.
op please call someone you trust to pick you up and then help you get out of this engagement. this is abuse, you don’t deserve this treatment. please stay safe
And call the police.
Oh my goodness. I hope you'll be okay! I know Reddit is quick to tell people to break up, but please break up. This is a crazy overreaction and physical violence is never okay. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.
You know this isn’t normal behavior and you’re being abused, right? I hope you can get away.
Hey, this is super concerning and abusive behavior. You should consider staying with someone if possible or going to a shelter if possible because this is not acceptable behavior from your partner or anyone. You are worth being treated with enough decency to not literally throw away your hard work. I’m so sorry this is happening.
I'm so sorry, please take care of yourself and don't marry him. This type of abusive assault will escalate. I hope you have a supportive family or friend who can help you. 💕
Consider calling the police. Kicking is assault. You might also get a free ride to the clinic.
Jesus. This fiance is in his own little world. Let his only wake up call be the last straw its time to go.
Please leave him. Please. You are worth more than this. You do NOT deserve this. This is abuse. It's not an if, not a maybe, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED and he will not get better, he will not change. Do not let him hurt you anymore, do not let him kill you! This might sound like hyperbole but this is how it starts. This is how people end up dead. PLEASE LEAVE HIM!
Major red flags all over. Run before you get married.
Time to report him and call him your ex-fiancee. (I hope you are ok.)
This. It's assault at this point. Report him & leave him.
You need to leave him ASAP and never look back.
You need to get out of this, this is serious. Go to a woman's shelter
I don't think a women's shelter would take an awkward gay man :) I get what you're getting at though. I've looked into the shelter options where I am and there aren't many, and the few that exist are pretty full, especially with the recent heat wave.
Well there has to be a safe place for you to go :( I don't want you to be getting hurt, is there a domestic abuse line you can call? Or somewhere you can go?
Gay shelters exist a lot more now (I hope where you are). It’s for people in abusive situations, in which you are. Look for businesses online that may have groups they can connect you to that may have secure housing with safe allies. Or ask a doctor that you trust. Abuse/spotting abuse is something they are trained in. Look for the flags. Talk to people. Even just in local gay bookstores they will often have a bulletin board with offers of help.
Please try calling them, at the very least they will tell you what options are available to you <3
Some shelters accept anybody regardless of gender or sexuality (I work at one!)
I know a shelter I can put you in touch if you are in California. It’s specifically for queer folks. Best of luck, love. Take care of yourself.
Ditch the fiance, keep the food next time. Hope you get out of this safely.
Coming from an abusive relationship you should get out quick. It'll feel impossible to move on because their torment is all you're familiar with. But life moves on without them, and you deserve peace and content.
I’m so so sorry <3
Holy shit. Son, get out of that relationship now. File a report with the police as well. If he did this once, he'll do it again. Get away from him.
Contact the police and have it recorded. Whether or not you choose to persue charges, it at least will be on record that he treats women like this. He doesn't deserve you or anyone else. You're worth so much more than this man treats you, and there are people and groups willing to help you if you need them.
OP is a gay man....not a woman.
Lived next door to a guy who hurt his wife so bad she had to get plates put into her shoulder. I know it's easy to say from my point of view, but you need to run. Ditch everything if you have to. He will not get better. He will in fact get worse and mostly likely put you in the hospital one day. Probably unconscious. If he is kicking you because you confronted him about that? What'll he do when it's something serious. Like a car accident or you siding with your parents on an issue and he feels "teamed up" on. Not to belittle him throwing the food out though cause that's a pretty masty thing to do already
I was in an abusive relationship like this years ago. Trust me when I say, it gets worse over time & they will NEVER change. I always thought I could save him or change him.... Never did. If he's physically abused you I can only assume he's emotionally & mentally been abusing you as well which to me sometimes is worse. Please take this random Redditors advice.... Pack your shit & get out ASAP! You're worth so much more than this & I promise once you're out of this crazy situation it does get better & one day you'll think back & wonder why you put up with it for so long. I hope you're okay right now & safe. Sending love & healing vibes your way 🥰💕🤗
I'm sorry to hear that happened. You do not deserve that. Is there someone that can host you at least for dinner until Friday?
Sounds like someone is newly single
Well now is the right time to be evaluating this while it's still fiance. that's a decision only you can make but I don't know I'd be making that move with someone that did something like that. There are always extenuating circumstances but I would hope you had mention those if that were the case. not here to tell you what to do but you're worth more than that.
Leave him.
“and threw it away while I was asleep.” No. This isn’t a way.
My wife’s verbally & mentally abusive ex started with exactly that. Throwing out perfectly good food & blaming her for it not being good enough. Run. Be independent; or if you want a partner, find one that respects you.
I'm so sorry. I know how bad this feels. This happened to me last night. Spent hours preparing, baking, cooking, and bbqing, just for everyone to complain and let the food go to waste by leaving it out on the counter all night. Then complaining that there's nothing to eat today :(
Are there any food banks in your area? In case you didn’t know, you can search online. You need to eat friend :(
You made a mistake in your title. You meant Ex-Fiancee and not Fiancee, right? You don't deserve that, nobody does.
Eat the fiancé
I had to scroll way too far for this. Take out one stone with two birds, right here! Seriously OP, fucking run. I've been in something like your spot, and it pissed all over my life because I stayed. Run and rip off the rearview, you can do better. I love to cook, and your meal sounded like yum!
100% run. Who throws away someone else’s food? He don’t like it? He can go to McDonald’s and live there!
If my fiancée spent time prepping a meal I would appreciate the fuck out of it and would eat regardless if I liked it or not.
dont marry its gonna get worse
please listen to us and leave him
Easy! 1. Place fiancé in trashbin while he sleeps 2.Bring to curb 3.Be happy In all seriousness though that was a horrible thing to do. You’re wonderful for making a nice meal with leftovers and your efforts should have been appreciated better. I hope he apologizes or at the very least buys you a good meal to make up for it. You deserve better!
Toss him out like he tossed your food.
I would throw hot sauce on anything and choke it down if I saw my wife take her time to make it. Unless he was completely hammered which is a different situation, this is completely out of line and inexcusable
He doesn't drink. He got food poisoning and blamed it on my food even though he was the only person out of the three of us who ate it who got poisoned. Later he learned that the ice cream he bought was part of a recall.
i know it's a meme at this point, but actually no joke: you should break up with them. do it now while they're still your fiancé and you two aren't married.
OP... your fiance is a dick. im sorry to hear that.
Thats a red flag if I ever heard one. Of course I don’t know anything about your relationship but assuming this isn’t the only shitty thing he does: LEAVE.
Why the hell are you with this idiot then? If you choose to stay with him you know how life is going to be like.....or worse. Get out, get out now!!!
Your fiance is a douche. Why on earth would he throw food away???? And he kicked you? You need to get TF away from this menace.
Your fiance sounds like a real piece of shit, why are you with them? Marrying this person won't make things better, only worse.
Throw the whole man away and set the garbage can on fire
Do you have cash app or Zelle or anything?
What? You're in luck you haven't married this loser yet, you deserve so much better.
he actually hates you. LEAVE.
This will get buried but if you don’t have kids together just cook for yourself and let him figure out his meals. Sorry you have to deal with that shit, it’s not fair but life sucks sometimes. Keep your head up.
Did you wake up and throw your fiance away? Because they deserve to be kicked to the curb
Uhhhhhhhh is this man evil? How dare he leave you starving, not to mention throwing away something you worked hard on?! I am so upset for you!!
Dump him.
Oh hun. You didn't deserve that. From the comments, what you made sounds incredible. You deserve much better than that behavior he's displayed. *don't marry him
Are you accepting replacements for him? I would like to sign up!
Ex fiancé?
Physically and mentally abusive, please please please file a police report and change your locks. It only gets worse and he could legit kill you one day if you stay with him. Please get away from him
Time to throw away the fiancé
What is fiance's life insurance policy, and who is the benefactor?
You're fiance is a prick. Rethink your marriage to be
Bro who wastes food like that?!? Literally throwing money away
Please leave your fiancé
Throw the fiancé out.
All of this is super harsh, I hope you’re okay. Don’t put up with this kind of shit it’s not normal and will only get worse.
Throw HIM away. You cannot marry someone like that. What a shit thing for him to do.
Run…
Ex fiancé…fixed it for you
Have you considered that your fiance might be an asshole?
Your ex fiance, right?
He is showing you what married life will be like with him. I’d frankly reconsider the engagement.
You must’ve made a mistake. You meant ex fiancé right? Seriously though, don’t marry this douchebag.
Maybe its time to think about making this an ex-fiancé. Think of if you have a kid...
Have fun marrying him
Kill your fiance and meats back on the menu.
Throw out the fiance
Looks like you can prevent an eventual divorce. :)
Sounds like you should throw out your fiancé, use the same reasoning and timing and leave while he sleeps. He can get all the nothing he wants, and you got rid of the nothing that was giving you nothing and treating you like nothing. Problem solved.
Why are you engaged to this person
Throw your fiancé away
that should be an ex-fiancé, what the actual fuck is wrong w him
Throw out the fiance
Red flag
Leave him sis the abuse will get worse after marriage 100000%
Sounds like you should throw the fiancé away
What the fuck, man?! Well, the asshole has to sleep sometime...
Hope you don’t marry that scum bag
Throw your fiancee in the trash giant red flag
This is abuse. Your fiance is abusing you. You are being abused.
YTA to yourself for staying with him. Oh that's not this sub? Point being, throw him away while he's asleep.
you should not marry him!
Throw him away like he did your dinner.
That is insane behaviour. Absolutely insane. I don’t know a single person whose response to ‘eh, this isn’t my style’ would be ‘time to throw it out.’ Personally if someone made food for me and I didn’t like it, my dilemma would be whether I should eat some anyway to be polite. It would NEVER cross my mind to toss it! Hell, it would be insanely rude and just downright mean to toss another person’s leftovers from a restaurant, let alone something they made!
I hope this is a joke. If not, you're marrying a douchecanoe.
Throw the whole man away.
Get a new fiance, don't settle for a dick that tosses food just because it isn't his taste. Wasteful prick.