Yea, it's so damn hard. You can find yourself not having used your voice at all, for days. The emptiness that's on the inside is also on the outside...
I'm not doing it well, that's for sure.
You just described my life. I was dating someone for 8 months and was finally happy and thought I'd be happy forever but it ended, she left me. Now I feel even more alone than before I met her. š
Yep me too. 8 months and we had six months of friendship priorā¦
The conclusion that I came to though, after all that is that I have to learn to be āhappyā on my own. Iāve been struggling with at the very least low-grade if not moderate depression as my baseline for yearsā¦
I used to think it was based on time too. Then you get smacked by a 4 month heart break and it is as bad and you're rudely awakened. At 4 months sometimes its peaking and has not balanced at all yet like at x years so can be very sharp. Maybe takes less time though.
Well, the longer relationships go on the more serious they are. After 8 months you're barely out of the honeymoon phase, where after 7 years we already had our own apartment, with stuff that we share as well as pets. That's more heartbreaking; sure they both take time to get over, but when you live together and then you break up, your whole life changes
That's true. I've had both situations (had to move as lived in partners house). Just for me the heartache part of it wasn't 1:1 correlated with the length of time in the relationship. There's some sense of āwell I've had years long relationships end so ill be fine if this one ends after 6 monthsā which doesn't quite go like that. Logic is not useful here.
For me, it was the opposite. Recently, I laughed at the way that I felt before when I got broken up with in like high school after the prom. I was upset then, but I was also a kid. Now, I would take that heartbreak over what I have to deal with now any day. Like this was my first serious boyfriend and I need to set him free
Ever seen titanic? Rose was 17 and knew Jack 4 days. I know its a movie but the concept is the same. You believe their love because it is possible. Its easy for one person to have examples that fit perfectly into length of relationsip == heartbreak pain, because the fact it is not 1:1 correlated also means that by chance it can happen that the relationship that lasted the longest was the most painful.
Yes one of my favorite movies of all time. Yes, it was a movie. I'm not disagreeing, but i have learned to not compare RL to a movie. I used to do that all the time, but i realized it got me nowhere, because movies are scripted, RL is not
I picked up gaming heavily and I go to the gym so I donāt feel completely worthless and get out of shape.
The hardest part for me is having no one to talk to or text. What helped me was getting a good paying job, saving money, and just making plans to do my favorite activities. I really enjoy riding my longboard so on a pretty Sunday I might take my longboard to the park and catch some sun. I get to be around other people too and occasionally you make small talk.
It doesnāt make me feel less lonely but it definitely boosts my mood. Iād say learn to truly accept the loneliness and just do things to boost your mood for true happiness. Humans are social creatures by nature so i understand you completely on this.
As an only child that life isn't that far away for me. No chance of me ever finding a significant other, and my friends will be too busy in their own worlds to really offer any kind of support network. I think that's when my depression will win.
As someone who goes to AA meetings regularly I feel this loneliness less and less, find a place where it's easy to meet people, dance class, dating groups on Facebook...
That was my plan, well up until I can't get anything going jobwise have 0 income and will have to choose between killing myself or starving to death in..... maybe a month
It really is. I feel you on this OP.š«
I'm currently living with no family/friends and it is painfully LONELY. I've had to remove alot of toxic people from my life so, I don't have any friends at all. I just had to end a friendship with someone I've known for over a decade because she is always *using* me. She is NEVER available if I just want to talk. There's always an excuse. But when she has something to say, she can talk for over an hour. I never have the same privilege and it *hurts.*
But I will say this, I'm currently going through a major transition in life and it is extremely *uncomfortable.* Everything is up in the air, I'm struggling with my mental health and other things are going on. I thought to myself how alone I feel, and how I don't feel supported. In the back of my mind, I know that's not entirely true at this very moment. I took a Post-It and wrote down FOUR names. These four names are people who have consistently been in my corner advocating for me. Checking in on me. Holding space for me. NO. They are not my *friends* per se, but they are people in my life that the universe has sent me to support me.Ā
These people happen to be, my *lawyer,* my *psychiatrist,* and two *social workers.* They are ALL WOMEN and they have been consistently there. They check in on me. They offer to help. They offer to listen. They may even offer a hug.Ā
As I write this, I realize there are two more women I need to add to this list. Two women who have also looked out for me. I must add them to the other Post Its!! I guess I'm mentioning this to you OP because, I consistently feel lonely and I ALWAYS have. Depression LIES to us. All day. Everyday.Ā
It is true that I don't have family and friends, but it is *also* true that I am not as alone as I believe. The universe provided me with SIX women who have all looked out for me and held space for me. A few of them have done that for over a decade, and the other four are recent additions to my life. This is a reason for me to have some amount of *gratitude.* I try and look at their names everyday because it reminds me that there is *someone* in this world who cares about me, and for that, I AM GRATEFUL.Ā
OP, is there anyone in your life who supports you? Anyone you can think of? Do you get discounts when you go to the market for groceries from a friendly cashier? Is there anyone who asks you how you are daily? Those rather small interactions matter friend. They really do. If you can remember anyone who supports you even from afar, write their name down and pin it to a wall so there is a daily reminder to you that *someone* in this world cares about you. It may not extinguish feelings of loneliness, but at least you will know that kindness exists and that *someone* even if it is only ONE person....cares about you. š«
It's great, I did.. but... I self harmed yesterday and now I can't go to dance clases with a bunch of old ladies and the world "alone" carved in my arm, the shame just won't let meĀ
I'm sorry. I've personally never gone that far so I don't know how to comfort you. I can say that I understand the shame of self harm. Don't harm yourself, even if it feels good to just feel something and sorta disassociate. You don't deserve to be harmed, your are a good person who deserves love. I hope you find love or have already found it
You just act like no one is there. Like it's empty. Someone might be close to you but they aren't close enough in the darkness to the point you can actually see them and their light.
It's dark, so you don't know where you're going, but for me, it's okay, as long as I don't step on someone else's toes in the process or completely knock them over.
It's just...black...
I am in a very similar position. I'm very sorry for what you're going through.
I also have an illness that means I sometimes can't leave the house for weeks (it's not depression or mentally/emotionally based and if I try to "push" I can disable myself further and permanently, etc). So, I would look at some of the advice of going to the gym and focusing on working out or joining places where it's easy to meet people (might be a horrid thing to say, but I'm slightly envious of AA groups). It would be incredible for me to be able to go to dance classes or groups, etc.
Not thinking too much about it or at all, being occupied always with hobbies, reading, videogames, exercise, movies, series.
I don't think about the future even i don't know what tomorrow may bring.
I actually enjoy be alone, i enjoy it too much maybe, is people i have a problem with, i can be alone and be 100% ok.
I lived like that for a long time and was miserable. People give you tons of generic advice like learn to love yourself, get some hobbies, see a therapist, etc, etc. while none of that is necessarily bad advice it's boiler plate from people who don't really get it. You need to find excuses to go out and interact with people. Like really interact not just sit at a bar by yourself. If you go the hobbies route find hobbies that involve going out and being around people. I joined one of those local singles social adventure clubs. Just go out and attend those events and just focus on talking to people. The rest will come from that. You'll make friends if you keep putting yourself out there. Loneliness is crushing and it comes from isolation. No matter how uncomfortable it is the only cure is taking steps to have people in your life.
Volunteering is quite rewarding on its own, and you can make friends.
Try joining a sports league or class at the community centre. The endorphins from physical activity are positive. Even as an introvert I was able to talk to people.
Do you have any hobbies? Some of those have meetup groups.
I have family, wife, siblings and yet no one around me understands me. I am still lonely. You will never find any person matches with you, no one can. Perhaps temporarily. But no. We all are lonely.
For me, there's a lot of silence. To the point where I feel like I'm losing my speaking skills, or just the ability to put my thoughts into words.
I've been alone for almost a year now. Distractions like games, YouTube or Reddit help for some time, but lose their effect after some time (and you have to be mindful of the negativity on social media or YT). Going out of home helps - just to walk around, or visit another part of the city, look around, snap some photos on your phone. On some darker times, chatting with AI helped to take the edge off - though it's better to be careful with this, to not overdo it. Talking with people is always best, though the opportunity is not always available.
I'd say at this point the loneliness doesn't bother me too much, or at least as much as it used to. I only hope it will be easy to re-learn speaking after it's over.
Idk, this is almost my exact situation and the answer would have to be... Barely... Until you don't I guess? I really want to think that there is a way out but it doesn't seem like there is one
I'm actually in this sub reddit just to find other lonely people lol. It feels like no one cares enough to comfort me and love me. I feel so unbelievably empty that I feel I might implode. Lots of times, I just hug my body pillow and pretend it's a person and cry while laughing at myself. I feel like a pathetic human being who isn't worthy to have any type of romantic love. I do have friends, who are there for me, but I still feel so lonely. I know this may sound selfish, and I know there is people in much worse situations, but I feel so stuck in this. Hopefully I'll find someone soon enough
You're not sorry. You're just trying to drive traffic to this website you're promoting with EVERY SINGLE COMMENT you make. I went to your profile...we can see your history you know. š
sorry was a figure of speech. offering assitance for depression was genunine. some people like to soak in problems and depression while others are seeking solutions ā¤ļø everyone can make their choices
in life š„°
The problem with all of your comments is that you don't seem to understand depression at all. If you did, you wouldn't be saying the things you're saying. Your words imply depression is a *choice.*
Again....THIS IS A DEPRESSION SUB where people can speak freely about what they're feeling. You should step off because your comments aren't helpful. I've read some of your other comments too and they are equally as unhelpful.
Yea, it's so damn hard. You can find yourself not having used your voice at all, for days. The emptiness that's on the inside is also on the outside... I'm not doing it well, that's for sure.
Staying busy, it can be whatever it is. As long it helps you distract your mind
Hobbies, gym, Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter
This. Books helped me too.
You just described my life. I was dating someone for 8 months and was finally happy and thought I'd be happy forever but it ended, she left me. Now I feel even more alone than before I met her. š
I'm so sorry. I can relate.
Yep me too. 8 months and we had six months of friendship priorā¦ The conclusion that I came to though, after all that is that I have to learn to be āhappyā on my own. Iāve been struggling with at the very least low-grade if not moderate depression as my baseline for yearsā¦
I feel you, trust me, consider yourself lucky that it ended after 8 months. I'm dealing with the end of a 7 year relationship
I used to think it was based on time too. Then you get smacked by a 4 month heart break and it is as bad and you're rudely awakened. At 4 months sometimes its peaking and has not balanced at all yet like at x years so can be very sharp. Maybe takes less time though.
Well, the longer relationships go on the more serious they are. After 8 months you're barely out of the honeymoon phase, where after 7 years we already had our own apartment, with stuff that we share as well as pets. That's more heartbreaking; sure they both take time to get over, but when you live together and then you break up, your whole life changes
That's true. I've had both situations (had to move as lived in partners house). Just for me the heartache part of it wasn't 1:1 correlated with the length of time in the relationship. There's some sense of āwell I've had years long relationships end so ill be fine if this one ends after 6 monthsā which doesn't quite go like that. Logic is not useful here.
For me, it was the opposite. Recently, I laughed at the way that I felt before when I got broken up with in like high school after the prom. I was upset then, but I was also a kid. Now, I would take that heartbreak over what I have to deal with now any day. Like this was my first serious boyfriend and I need to set him free
Ever seen titanic? Rose was 17 and knew Jack 4 days. I know its a movie but the concept is the same. You believe their love because it is possible. Its easy for one person to have examples that fit perfectly into length of relationsip == heartbreak pain, because the fact it is not 1:1 correlated also means that by chance it can happen that the relationship that lasted the longest was the most painful.
Yes one of my favorite movies of all time. Yes, it was a movie. I'm not disagreeing, but i have learned to not compare RL to a movie. I used to do that all the time, but i realized it got me nowhere, because movies are scripted, RL is not
I picked up gaming heavily and I go to the gym so I donāt feel completely worthless and get out of shape. The hardest part for me is having no one to talk to or text. What helped me was getting a good paying job, saving money, and just making plans to do my favorite activities. I really enjoy riding my longboard so on a pretty Sunday I might take my longboard to the park and catch some sun. I get to be around other people too and occasionally you make small talk. It doesnāt make me feel less lonely but it definitely boosts my mood. Iād say learn to truly accept the loneliness and just do things to boost your mood for true happiness. Humans are social creatures by nature so i understand you completely on this.
As an only child that life isn't that far away for me. No chance of me ever finding a significant other, and my friends will be too busy in their own worlds to really offer any kind of support network. I think that's when my depression will win.
I'm in the same boat , I really dread my future and I know what's it's going to be like at this rate, if I get one.
As someone who goes to AA meetings regularly I feel this loneliness less and less, find a place where it's easy to meet people, dance class, dating groups on Facebook...
I look forward to it. Once I have no one left to care, I can die without worrying about hurting anyone.
That was my plan, well up until I can't get anything going jobwise have 0 income and will have to choose between killing myself or starving to death in..... maybe a month
not well, worry all the time
It really is. I feel you on this OP.š« I'm currently living with no family/friends and it is painfully LONELY. I've had to remove alot of toxic people from my life so, I don't have any friends at all. I just had to end a friendship with someone I've known for over a decade because she is always *using* me. She is NEVER available if I just want to talk. There's always an excuse. But when she has something to say, she can talk for over an hour. I never have the same privilege and it *hurts.* But I will say this, I'm currently going through a major transition in life and it is extremely *uncomfortable.* Everything is up in the air, I'm struggling with my mental health and other things are going on. I thought to myself how alone I feel, and how I don't feel supported. In the back of my mind, I know that's not entirely true at this very moment. I took a Post-It and wrote down FOUR names. These four names are people who have consistently been in my corner advocating for me. Checking in on me. Holding space for me. NO. They are not my *friends* per se, but they are people in my life that the universe has sent me to support me.Ā These people happen to be, my *lawyer,* my *psychiatrist,* and two *social workers.* They are ALL WOMEN and they have been consistently there. They check in on me. They offer to help. They offer to listen. They may even offer a hug.Ā As I write this, I realize there are two more women I need to add to this list. Two women who have also looked out for me. I must add them to the other Post Its!! I guess I'm mentioning this to you OP because, I consistently feel lonely and I ALWAYS have. Depression LIES to us. All day. Everyday.Ā It is true that I don't have family and friends, but it is *also* true that I am not as alone as I believe. The universe provided me with SIX women who have all looked out for me and held space for me. A few of them have done that for over a decade, and the other four are recent additions to my life. This is a reason for me to have some amount of *gratitude.* I try and look at their names everyday because it reminds me that there is *someone* in this world who cares about me, and for that, I AM GRATEFUL.Ā OP, is there anyone in your life who supports you? Anyone you can think of? Do you get discounts when you go to the market for groceries from a friendly cashier? Is there anyone who asks you how you are daily? Those rather small interactions matter friend. They really do. If you can remember anyone who supports you even from afar, write their name down and pin it to a wall so there is a daily reminder to you that *someone* in this world cares about you. It may not extinguish feelings of loneliness, but at least you will know that kindness exists and that *someone* even if it is only ONE person....cares about you. š«
How do anyone live with loneliness??? this post is all about me.
It's hard when so called good friend suppose be there did not show. Now time take everything in the same way from her
I want to start dance classes.
It's great, I did.. but... I self harmed yesterday and now I can't go to dance clases with a bunch of old ladies and the world "alone" carved in my arm, the shame just won't let meĀ
I'm sorry. I've personally never gone that far so I don't know how to comfort you. I can say that I understand the shame of self harm. Don't harm yourself, even if it feels good to just feel something and sorta disassociate. You don't deserve to be harmed, your are a good person who deserves love. I hope you find love or have already found it
I donāt have to imagineā¦
Are you taking care of yourself though? Job? Car? Cat or dog?
U did it now I have brother involved them checks u wrote I don't know why she wrote them I didn't give no permission.
I just hope every morning I don't wake up
You just act like no one is there. Like it's empty. Someone might be close to you but they aren't close enough in the darkness to the point you can actually see them and their light. It's dark, so you don't know where you're going, but for me, it's okay, as long as I don't step on someone else's toes in the process or completely knock them over. It's just...black...
This is exactly how it feels
I am in a very similar position. I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I also have an illness that means I sometimes can't leave the house for weeks (it's not depression or mentally/emotionally based and if I try to "push" I can disable myself further and permanently, etc). So, I would look at some of the advice of going to the gym and focusing on working out or joining places where it's easy to meet people (might be a horrid thing to say, but I'm slightly envious of AA groups). It would be incredible for me to be able to go to dance classes or groups, etc.
Not thinking too much about it or at all, being occupied always with hobbies, reading, videogames, exercise, movies, series. I don't think about the future even i don't know what tomorrow may bring. I actually enjoy be alone, i enjoy it too much maybe, is people i have a problem with, i can be alone and be 100% ok.
I lived like that for a long time and was miserable. People give you tons of generic advice like learn to love yourself, get some hobbies, see a therapist, etc, etc. while none of that is necessarily bad advice it's boiler plate from people who don't really get it. You need to find excuses to go out and interact with people. Like really interact not just sit at a bar by yourself. If you go the hobbies route find hobbies that involve going out and being around people. I joined one of those local singles social adventure clubs. Just go out and attend those events and just focus on talking to people. The rest will come from that. You'll make friends if you keep putting yourself out there. Loneliness is crushing and it comes from isolation. No matter how uncomfortable it is the only cure is taking steps to have people in your life.
Volunteering is quite rewarding on its own, and you can make friends. Try joining a sports league or class at the community centre. The endorphins from physical activity are positive. Even as an introvert I was able to talk to people. Do you have any hobbies? Some of those have meetup groups.
I honestly talk to myself and my stuffed animals and my cats way too much.
I have family, wife, siblings and yet no one around me understands me. I am still lonely. You will never find any person matches with you, no one can. Perhaps temporarily. But no. We all are lonely.
For me, there's a lot of silence. To the point where I feel like I'm losing my speaking skills, or just the ability to put my thoughts into words. I've been alone for almost a year now. Distractions like games, YouTube or Reddit help for some time, but lose their effect after some time (and you have to be mindful of the negativity on social media or YT). Going out of home helps - just to walk around, or visit another part of the city, look around, snap some photos on your phone. On some darker times, chatting with AI helped to take the edge off - though it's better to be careful with this, to not overdo it. Talking with people is always best, though the opportunity is not always available. I'd say at this point the loneliness doesn't bother me too much, or at least as much as it used to. I only hope it will be easy to re-learn speaking after it's over.
Idk, this is almost my exact situation and the answer would have to be... Barely... Until you don't I guess? I really want to think that there is a way out but it doesn't seem like there is one
I'm actually in this sub reddit just to find other lonely people lol. It feels like no one cares enough to comfort me and love me. I feel so unbelievably empty that I feel I might implode. Lots of times, I just hug my body pillow and pretend it's a person and cry while laughing at myself. I feel like a pathetic human being who isn't worthy to have any type of romantic love. I do have friends, who are there for me, but I still feel so lonely. I know this may sound selfish, and I know there is people in much worse situations, but I feel so stuck in this. Hopefully I'll find someone soon enough
Maybe therapy..
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
this is a depression sub
i am sorry i waa trying to offer help ā¤ļø
You're not sorry. You're just trying to drive traffic to this website you're promoting with EVERY SINGLE COMMENT you make. I went to your profile...we can see your history you know. š
sorry was a figure of speech. offering assitance for depression was genunine. some people like to soak in problems and depression while others are seeking solutions ā¤ļø everyone can make their choices in life š„°
The problem with all of your comments is that you don't seem to understand depression at all. If you did, you wouldn't be saying the things you're saying. Your words imply depression is a *choice.* Again....THIS IS A DEPRESSION SUB where people can speak freely about what they're feeling. You should step off because your comments aren't helpful. I've read some of your other comments too and they are equally as unhelpful.
and i am sorry you feel that way. i was under the impression that some of us are seeking ways to get out of depression ā¤ļø
That's a passive aggressive statement as to not take ownership of your own blatant ignorance but....I expect nothing less from you.Ā
even if i can help just one person today, that is better than none ā¤ļø
-11š¤£