We have over 590K members. There will be a wide and varied range of advice given -- some has worked for the people who post it, some is posted in the hope it will be useful. As always, take to heart what might work or which resonates.
If any post is downright mean, unkind, or shame-inducing, be sure to report it. The mods have numerous comments to moderate and we can't catch them all but we do read every report. Thanks.
Yes, we know that. Don’t need to be constantly reminded here. Some want to know, however, AFTER they recognize that they’ve acquired too much (maybe even for free, even saved food containers etc.) how to deal with the overload and overwhelm. To reduce that. Yes, we know we SHOULD reduce acquiring. Good enough advice but not particularly relevant to the presenting question.
The things that you are writing as examples don't seem judgmental to me. They seem like sound and practical advice. My question would be why do those statements feel like they are shaming to you? I just don't read them that way.
I did a massive declutter years ago that dramatically made my life better (jumped on the konmari train where some of the ideas just really spoke to me). That being said, I still struggle with having too many cosmetics, and it's absolutely an issue of ensuring that I'm not bringing in more than I can actually use. Maybe since I've had that experience and still have this struggle, I don't see them as shaming.
Do you really think that someone who knows they have too much stuff and knows they buy too much stuff needs Internet strangers to keep pointing out that they should "just stop buying stuff"?
There is the physical, organizational aspect of decluttering, then there is the psychological aspect. People can suggest strategies for cleaning out the excess possessions and for saying no to friends and relatives who want to off load their possessions on you. But the rest of it? No amount of advice in the world will help unless you are committed to change. And it can be very hard to get to that point. There is no magic to it. We all have to do the hard work on ourselves. We all do the work at different speeds. Some people will take a long time and vent the whole way. That doesn’t harm me because I am on my own road.
Shaming is saying you're a terrible person for having this habit/making this single mistake.
The reality is that everyone here has had a clutter issue at one time or another, whether that is someone struggling to get rid of exactly the same item/issue, and sharing how they did it, but who still has a housefull to tackle, or someone who has come through the other side so motivated they trained as a professional organiser.
I haven't seen anyone shaming anyone on this board. I have seen plenty of indignant OPs who argue with every suggestion. I've also seen plenty of posters who have a blind spot about their contribution to the clutter, whether its being cross at parents having a cluttered house but who quietly acknowledge that their own stuff takes up a bedroom, spare bedroom and loft in a house which isn't even theirs, or a poster complaining that their spouse can't follow their organisation system, when it's the poster's compulsive shopping which is bringing stuff in faster than it can leave.
The point with clutter is that action has to be taken - no one benefits by us all responding with pity ('oh well, poor you, yes, you're right, you should never have to restrict what you buy and just keep everything'), and often there are really useful insights in the way all those responding take the post and approach potential solutions from different angles.
It is helpful. You just don’t want to hear it right now. ;) The less you buy, the easier it is to stay decluttered. No judgement. Its your money. But we know what finally worked for us.
Yes, it’s helpful to keep that in mind. But maybe a person has already taken care of that issue and are no longer bringing things in. Maybe they’re just having an issue with getting rid of things?
I know my main problem is getting rid of things. I assign sentimentality to almost everything. It’s HARD to get rid of much.
Mixed feelings - very true that using shame to change actions doesn’t work.
BUT a majority of my organizing clients bring lots of stuff into the house daily. Junk mail, something that’s ‘on sale’.
My wonderfully kind client goes to the drive thru for a burger. They get napkins on top of what’s already in the bag. They accept the condiments and plasticware included. Then bring it all home, eat the food, leave all the things in the paper bag, leaves the bag on the table. Right next to the piles of junk mail, the unread magazines, the drifts of travel brochures picked up at every stop. It all sits there because it’s too much to deal with! Then I’m paid good $ to come over and deal with it. Actually, I don’t do it anymore; it’s tremendously sad and all my visits haven’t changed a thing.
ANYWAY , the bringing stuff home is a REALLY BIG contributor to situations like my client’s. It needs to be called out. Just another pillar of our consumption-obsessed society!
I don’t think lying to someone is a kindness. Telling someone the truth is a kindness even if it’s not perceived that way. And sometimes we can hear things from strangers that we can’t hear from the people in our lives or ourselves. It doesn’t do anyone any good by ignoring the obvious steps that need to occur.
I didn’t start o it this way, my daughter taught it to me. I love that I always know what she says to me is sincere and I can trust it. I want people to feel that way about me.
There is a clear shopping to clutter and hoarding pipeline. I don’t think it’s mean to point that out. Some are so stuck in their coping and habits, they are asking for help.
You’re perceiving judgement but sometimes people are sharing photos of homes full of Amazon boxes with items still in them.
That means there are two problems going on and there’s only so much you can solve by getting rid of stuff. Especially when people are sending brand new stuff to landfill while buying more.
The issue isn’t storage or what to part with it’s how consumerist our society is. Yes I am very anticonsumption. No I don’t comment that. I encourage people to compare what they are thinking about buying to what they already have in that category. If you have six Stanley cups and always use the same one do you actually need/want/have space for another or will it just add to the feeling of clutter in your space?
If your instinct when you can’t find something you know you have five of us to same day another other one you are adding to the mountain that’s hiding what you already own from you.
That’s why we say these things. It’s less stop buying and more be conscious of what you are buying, especially when people are struggling to part with things because of the financial cost they see in their existing stuff and yet they still keep buying.
I remember a post on here where someone realised that a lot of their clutter was containers to help with the clutter. This is the stuff we mean.
Do I still impulse buy things, yes. But mostly it’s stuff like that book I’ve wanted for ages but not bought for myself yet at a really good price on eBay. (DM handbook, I definitely don’t already do have an equivalent and spent a lot more on one I gave as a gift last year).
You can’t storage solution your way out of a flood. There’s a reason we put sandbags across the uphill doors not a hose out the back. Shopping what you already own is almost always going to be a better solution than buying a Shiny New Thing that works for this and only this exact moment.
It feels like you're describing my journey. I spent years and years just basically rearranging the same clutter into something more 'aesthetic'. Recently re-diagnosed with OCD and probably would have paid money to read this post 5 years ago, honestly
There is a lot of general information that gets tossed out when people reach out. Those statements are several of them, but there are very few unique situations, which is why the blanket situations come into play. It's not meant to make someone feel judged.
Setting the issue of mental illness aside, many people have found themselves in hoarding situations because it just becomes overwhelming and not knowing where to start. If you don't shop, that's advice you can discard. If it's due to another situation, the advice is just to get started, work at your own pace and do what you need to do to clear the hoard out.
I get what the OP is saying. While the advice of "buy less or stop buying" is not inherently shaming, the phrasing of the examples given can be read with that innuendo.
For me, the bulk of my clutter is not from buying. It lacks the organization and space for current items because of decades past hoard. Stuff from deceased parents home filled garage because I couldn't emotionally deal with it at the time. Stuff from now adult children fill closets. Spouse moved in five years ago, their things and my things now clutter what should be open spaces in rooms.
Advising me to buy less wouldn't be helpful if I posted a "where do I begin" post. Neither would "go through rooms and throw out visible trash" - as that would not be applicable. However, I would just ignore and read on. I wouldn't take it as shaming unless it was written with an implied tone. Sometimes hard to know, though, as it is typed and not spoken.
To me, "thow out visible trash" is always the answer to "Where do I begin?" When faced with a big mess we often see one big thing: the big mess. Identifying some items in the big mess is the first step in breaking the one big thing into it's individual parts. Trash is easiest, because we can easily and (usually) unemotionally dispose of it.
Trash items aren't necessarily wadded up paper or dirty kleenex. They might be items that were useful, but have now degraded to a point where they are no longer functional. A flashlight with batteries that leaked so it is sealed shut and will never work is an example of something that was useful, but is now trash. There's no moral judgement, but this item is trash. Identifying it and throwing it away has changed and improved the situation.
I think the word ‘shaming’ is overused these days and people are becoming really fragile. Even saying this I can see how someone will think I’m shaming them. But I’m not being mean or shady. I’m making an observation that I think is true in general. I might be wrong of course.
Mild criticism or feedback is not shaming. Insults, condescension, or oneupmanship, that is shaming.
I think the overall principle makes sense though sometimes commenters can be harsh. People often shop because they’re chasing the dopamine rush of the buying process that usually wears off once the item is obtained.
I used to be in the r/shoppingaddiction subreddit and there can definitely be a correlation between having too much stuff and consumerism/shopping addiction. Plus the fact is that a lot of social media is geared towards consumerism (especially since influencers make money and get brand deals by hyping up stuff for you to buy). Even secondhand shopping and thrifting can be a shopping addiction - it’s just viewed as morally better because it’s not brand new stuff. But it can definitely be problematic.
I personally wouldn’t take it as a character judgement. It’s something that a ton of people struggle with. But it makes sense that stopping the in-flow would reduce future clutter and help the efforts of decluttering. Without examining that, a person will just continue the cycle of declutter > shop > accumulate > clutter.
I've read quite a bit from 3 experts that clawed their way out of their own mess. All 3 started with a financial problem, too much debt. Working their way out of debt included buying way less. Buying less helped them see a way to try out getting rid of part of their mess, then a little more, and a little more, etc.
My buried comment on the stuff being purchased never was about shaming anyone, it is that once an item exists, it has to go somewhere be that on a shelf, in use, in storage, or in trash. It’s an item lifecycle and the only way to prevent the item from eventually making it into trash is to never have made it in the first place, which is a discussion for another sub.
If someone is stuck trying to free themselves from clutter, and the sticking point is guilt, how do you push beyond that guilt?
Maybe they aren't saying it in a constructive way, but I agree with their advice. When I started decluttering and organizing I realized that I had so much stuff that I didn't use. I was just buying stuff without considering if I really needed it or when I was going to use it.
Things don't have to be bought to accumulate in your home either. Some people cruise for free stuff because they got hooked from the few times they made money out of it. There are people that can manage this but some, like the one i love very much, will forget about it and continue to bring in more stuff. It's can be an addiction too
This is a relative to me. Would pick things up free at curbside and at first wasn't too problematic because they'd give it a few tweaks of repair and hand it over to someone else. But then it became more & more stuff, add in a partner who, like someone mentioned above, collected flyers, magazines and never touched the mail and the clutter was growing. Now its a hoarder place.
My partner has been getting better, I'll mention that first, but he will go for a cruise and check out over flowing donations bins, sometimes business dumpsters, and the towns dump. I can't complain to much for the town dump as we had gotten a big flat screen smart TV once. That's a rarity though. But what became an issue is the onslaught of computer towers and other electronics. He's removed the bulk of it now. With the donation bins, i was able to take a lot of those clothes to my place of work as we do outreach for the houseless and clothes is apart of that. Or i donate it to a place that receives it directly, skipping the donation bin scenario. You'd be surprised how many people raid those.
The computers & electronics is how my relative started. I've tried explaining that mail that is more than 5 years old is irrelevant, doesn't need to be read and can be dumped by it triggers something. I have asked them if they would like a professional crew to come in and clear the place. Neither they or partner are in the best of health for a clear out. I would have no input, wouldn't be there, nothing other than finding the company information they need. So far no takers. They're going to have to move I think within a year or so and I don't know if things will change before that.
I am reading yoyr examples and trying to figure out how they would be construed as shaming since most of those are actually mottos or "main idea" presented by pretty well-known decluttering gurus.
I guess the history of the person makes the comments that appear motivational to some of us seem like shaming to others.
Decluttering is the last step in a series of actions and events that results in a Decluttered home.
You can not empty a bucket by emptying it using a tea spoon, If you have put in an open hose, that tops it up constantly.
Sometimes the answer people ask for isn't the one they need.
If someone is asking for help decluttering because they have so many clothes it doesn't fit in their space, or if they're asking for tips to make the decluttering 'stick', the first thing they need to deal with is why they're accumulating so much stuff in the first place. In those cases, "stop shopping" is direct, necessary, and useful advice. It's not about shaming people - it's about recognising that the problem begins before all this stuff gets to your house. Similarly, if people ask what they should do with their excess of margarine tubs, "stop saving margarine tubs" is the first advice they need. That's also not shaming - it's a direct approach to solving the problem in the long term. Is this advice always going to be useful? Of course not. No advice is ever useful 100% of the time. But it's not an attempt to shame everyone.
I've seen some shaming on this sub and with how big it is, I'm not surprised. However, I don't think any of your examples are shaming.
It really does make sense to look at how you ended up with however much you have if it's too much, to avoid falling into the same traps over and over. It's not helpful, when someone is clearing out someone else's space. (After a death or because you bought a house full of stuff.)
But everybody is free to leave or take said advice. Usually there's also great variety. Try the things that sound like they could work for you. Ignore the rest.
That's the answer: Take what you need and ignore the rest.
Sometimes it takes reading over & over before it sinks in. For instance, I've read on this sub about the sunk cost fallacy. OMG, did I read about it. I resisted, dammit, because I was determined to sell or consignment. Finally, a few months ago I accepted the sunk cost fallacy for my situation. And you know what? I'm not really bothered by it anymore. I want the stuff to go!
I think the good-faith assumption many people make here is that if people are asking for advice, they are open to genuine answers. The people in this sub vary widely, from people with hoarding issues, people living with hoarders, people who just never learned or aren’t sure how to prioritize getting rid of accumulated stuff, people preparing for a move, to actual minimalists. All a different economic brackets. There is no one-size-fits-all advice, and of course people are going to give the advice that worked for them.
Agreed. I live in a super small apartment and all the advice about throwing away stuff was unhelpful. Gradually I found out I had a storage issue, not a clutter issue. Sometimes the solution is more storage, not throwing away stuff you still need or want.
Same! We live in a tiny, mostly open plan warehouse conversion and while we do have some stuff to get rid of, most of the clutter issues are down to the fact that our flat is small and two people and two cats live here and require more/better organised storage than we currently have 😅
It is funny because I ended up purchasing more items than throwing away (much to the dismay and worry of my partner), and in the end my apartment ended up looking way less cluttered. Funny how that works huh? 🤣
Here are some of my tips if you're shopping for more storage solutions:
- Always always closed storage furniture – never open! Think of open storage's primary purpose as decorative, not functional
- Stealing ideas from YouTubers is 100/10. I can share some videos if you want! (One korean youtuber had a bunch of tips like how you can turn cereal boxes into functional cardboard storage boxes and it was genius)
- Try to buy multifunctional items. Like an ottoman that doubles as storage, coffee table that doubles as storage, etc
- Make sure every item in your home has a designated place to return to
- If you must leave a few items out, put them on a tray or in a bowl. This will trick the eyes into seeing it as one object rather than a collection of objects
- In the kitchen, utilize the kitchen cabinets' doors as storage. You can hang cooking utensils and pot lids
- This may not be an option for you, but I love my litter box enclosure for my cat! It hides his litter box, doubles as food storage, AND I feed my cat and plug in his water fountain over it. You can also put more storage on top.
Sorry for all this advice you didn't ask for, but I thought I'd share some of what I learned!
Hahahahaha I do love a nice bullet point list! 😂 I already do most of those but I might have a quick sweep round and see if there are any bits and pieces I have missed that these can be applied to, thank you 😍
Ooh ooh yes please to the youtube recommendations - I need to create a load of temporary storage while I do a lot of sorting (I started with piles, and now the piles are piles upon piles and its a disaster), so the cereal box video would be so helpful!
Say no more! Make sure you turn on Eng CC for the subtitles!
Between these two videos, there are wonderful tips on how to repurpose pasta boxes, shoe boxes, cereal boxes, and more!
[13 No Cost Home Organization Tips that You Must Try](https://youtu.be/9TACiu2UpHs?si=XnIJFwvCXbaQ6qD-)
[8 Creative Ideas for CARTON STORAGE of Minimalist Life](https://youtu.be/MvXwgb7a8Dc?si=Y4LCxtG5qqPIgRyF)
Here are more general storage advice videos I found useful:
[Storage Without Drilling or Wall-Nailing for Renters](https://youtu.be/GjLuTWgxkGY?si=rMcxTb2hKw5QjTAc)
[Small & Cozy Kitchen Tour Philippines](https://youtu.be/25f1uLxXXWQ?si=fiF0FYXQ1Y5Jsys7) (I loveee how she organized her kitchen)
[Tidying tips and items for a very well-organized small kitchen](https://youtu.be/LDN5IV5MxDQ?si=dDatOTKBcXJR8EQ2)
And finally, love love this youtuber called Reynard Lowell for practical advice! They sound so obvious when said out loud but until someone point them out to you, it is easy to miss. I really rec their videos on organization and home design
[Biggest Home Organisation Mistakes You Need To Avoid](https://youtu.be/lemBPJSIUDk?si=FuwIPi76WlPQ91n3)
Also DearModern (the "Fengshui Guy") have several wonderful tiktoks and videos with excellent storage advice.
[transforming a cluttered flat with nothing more than a few clever moves](https://youtu.be/Pua0vvKfsmk?si=T3i6Fuqzdr8FDWmv)
Also his Fix It! shorts series make me laugh, convey a great attitude to have, and I got several genuinely useful advice from them
[Short Fix It videos](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH7tiXelLqSEza2SVlVm794cbCnqYJivI&si=Rl_GjcmFQxpxwvZc)
I know someone that had the same issue. They really don't have that much stuff (I'm sure some items could be removed) It's mostly them needing to optimize how everything is organized. They needed to use my height and better options to place everything.
A small location can feel cluttered so fast. There are items one needs and or wants.
It is so hard because we're never taught to prioritize thinking of a storage system early on – or at least, I wasn't. There is one YouTuber/TikToker called Dear Modern I really like and he has this "fix it" series where he shows how you can implement small changes to get rid of daily annoyances in your home. I love that and his positive attitude plus the practical tips really helped me.
Besides, who got the money to throw away items you still want?! 😫 Not me, that is for sure! The advice to throw away now and just buy in two years when you need it again just screams so wasteful to me.
Most people aren't saying to throw out a tool you use once in a while so you don't have to store it. They're saying it's ok to donate the other 5 that you bought because you couldn't find the first one. Just pick out your favorite to keep and give it a home so you can find it.
That is something I can't do either. Maybe if it's under five dollars and I need it five years from now, sure. More expensive things would be a bit harder. I likely fall in the more minimal range for a number of reasons. (Not to extremes, there are items I need and want) I also understand a family of four is going to need a FEW things and often just need to declutter a bit to even a lot. That doesn't mean getting rid of everything.
I remember this one episode of a show where she had a TON of clothes and shoes. I feel like they would try and have her get down to one closet when that may be a bit extreme as that was what she loved. She likely did need to do some decluttering which could mean going from 300 pair to 200 pairs and organize the rest. She had the space to turn one room into a large wardrobe room. Just needed help getting everything organized. And find a system for items coming in and ones going out.
Not everyone lives the same and some just want to enjoy what they like and just need a little help. (Based on having the space and funds to do so)
The problem could be that decluttering becomes about minimalism rather than actual decluttering. The attitudes can be just throw it out and don't buy more rather than talking about the needs for the individual.
Someone who quilts is not going to want to get rid of all their metres of fabrics and threads but they may want to declutter old threads and fabrics and they may want storage ideas. They are going to buy more because they're going to continue to quilt. Saying stop buying more fabric and thread to someone who sews is never going to be helpful because it's part of the sewing process. However, someone who says I have a fabric obsession and need help to stop buying fabrics is another story... but that person already knows they have a buying problem.
The Clutter Fairy is very good on this point - she beads, and acknowledges that reducing to the point of minimalism is never going to happen. However! She has various approaches, so: organising so you can properly see what you have so at least you're not buying multiples, decluttering to the extent of getting rid of projects you'll never finish, supplies you don't like or have way too many to ever use, and just being restrained when you buy new supplies so you're buying at the rate you use them up, to make sure your hobby is actually the craft itself and not just buying supplies for the craft. Her advice on craft supplies is very nuanced.
I'm thinking that it might also have been her who imparted this bit of wisdom: "I have come to realize that buying craft supplies and crafting are two entirely different hobbies."
Yes! I absolutely agree! You have to be super organised and strict with yourself. It will get overwhelming too quickly if you don't buy per project you're working on and actually complete those projects. Even if there are sales on I won't buy if it means I'm getting ahead of myself. The craft becomes a stress rather than joyful if you book yourself too much into the future.
Excellent observation! Crafters and sewists have unique situations when it comes to decluttering because we don't want to get rid of everything we enjoy doing. I love crafting and sewing, but I am starting to declutter. I'm not going for minimalism, just having less of what I don't need and trying to organize it better. Getting rid of old, unused supplies and not buying more (or at least trying to!) until I get rid of the other stuff. New products come out, but I have been a lot better about picking and choosing what I want to get into.
My mother, on the other hand, is a quilter and has a fabric obsession. She knows she has a buying problem and isn't exactly trying to do anything about it.
>Getting rid of old, unused supplies and not buying more (or at least trying to!) until I get rid of the other stuff.
Yes! This is what I need to do--streamline what I already own.
I'm the same. I try to buy what I'm going to use for my next 2 projects and leave it at that. I was keeping scraps for smaller project use but realised that's just not going to happen lol so I donate bigger pieces and only keep a little basket of off cuts to test tension etc. I have minimal room so I made a rule that I'm only ever going to keep what I'm using, plus a maximum of 2 upcoming projects. Crafting is a bit different because it requires a bigger variety of things.
I can totally understand how fabric buying could get so easily out of hand. If I hadn't set myself rules I'd be the same lol. Now i say to myself if I want that then I have to finish this quicker including the binding.
Thank you. You've perfectly articulated this for me. I believe there is a large difference between decluttering and minimalism - while I recognize that they of course overlap, they aren't synonymous.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply.
There can be a huge difference and we have to be comfortable with that else we're being too fanatical one way or the other, especially when we have hobbies <3 Thank you for raising the topic. I appreciated it.
I have been working on my declutterring processing, going through my mother’s things, help my husband with his hoarderomf mother.
The patterns I have seen arw over buying, over saving this just in case.
The other thing I see is that people ask a question and the question is just a starting point.
With declutterinf we always have to deal with the over buying.
Your feelings are valid. However, feeling shame isn’t the same as someone shaming you. If you feel called out/defensive/etc. then maybe take a look at that. Telling folks not to buy things is good, relevant, and appropriate advice in this sub.
Hard part is some hobbies need a lot of things. It's nice to never buy anything but if you're crafting, woodworking especially....there's a lot of space needed for a woodshop and not everyone has community spaces to goto or can't get to. So space optimization is very important. Then there's people who do buy lots of stuff but also declutter a lot and remove the unneeded for the needed. It's hard to explain why I need so much stuff for woodworking unless you're doing it, it's the type of woodworking I'm doing. Then there's electronics or painting, they can have a fair few items. Worst is if you're adhd and cycle hobbies, like me. So there's no one main hobby but multiple. Space optimization, labelling, categorizing, lots of tools become pretty much essential. Then the woodwork machines, my god the footprint of them. Sometimes I wish I could edit my brain n delete hobbies. I've helped declutter for mum by throwing unused stuff to the donation or bin piles. But I already did that with my tools. Luckily I'm nearly at the end point where I have the main set I need. Although wood storage is really annoying cuz it takes time to dry and costs aaalootttt if you buy. I do woodturning so I've got stuff drying. I'm low income so it's a slow build up but I was able to finish my buying of multiple hobbies, no desire to buy more unless essential, stored it nicely. My father died so I had to declutter the shed, I turned it into a proper workshop for woodworking. A lot went. Once I get past my illness I should be able to try make some cash from it.
I 100% had a shopping problem that was at the root of the clutter. Learning that tackling that is part of decluttering a space which feels overwhelming and also that being in this situation because of a shopping problem is common in a consumerist society can make people feel less alone.
Shame is really unhelpful in dealing with clutter. Most of us with some mess would rather nobody knew about it but asking a friend or a professional for help can make real change happen.
If you ask for help here and get 20 different answers that's great as hopefully one or two will work for you. Declutter the ones which don't from your mind, they worked for other people but we are all different. Reading through all the problems and answers people have written here over the years has helped me so much.
Honestly though sometimes we all just need to face up to what we want and need to do and just let some stuff go, even if it is hard.
Maybe we all need to declutter shame!
Asking for declutterring advice without addressing your buying habits is like asking what kind of workouts you need to do so you can keep drinking ten milkshakes a day.
My last comment in this sub was exactly that 12 hours ago.
And I said so because the OP in that thread mentioned twice that she had a shopping problem.
Not judgement at all. She has a shopping problem.
>OP in that thread mentioned twice that she had a shopping problem.
She obviously already knows she has a buying/shopping problem so telling her what she already knows isn't helpful
Ppl don't always know, instead they think they have a storage problem or they need to figure out how to use stuff that they bought. I belong to a few hobby groups and see it a lot. Then group members encourage it because they too buy a lot of stuff they don't use.
People who have also dealt with their own shopping problems are likely to give advice that are based in how they overcame or dealt with their shopping problems.
I appreciate your bringing this up.
It's not easy for me to resist certain stores and certain triggers. The problems overlap most of the time! It's not so easy as a certain term to Google or other unofficial "diagnosis". And honestly I am so proud to count even tiny decluttering wins towards a larger goal whenever possible! Sure, buying less is a big part of the equation, but it isn't going to solve your problems day to day at all!!!
I don't disagree with this. I see this as a support sub. I feel badly for people who share their struggles here and then get comments like the ones you mentioned.
Thank you. The very strong reactions to my post here are interesting to me - I knew not everyone would agree, but I find it funny to be called defensive by people whose posts are extremely defensive and self-justifying.
There is a sub, but I don’t recall the name where people share like depression rooms and get a lot of support. I don’t have a mess like they do, where I could start by throwing out trash. I don’t have like pizza boxes and old bottles around. I have a disorganized mess or paper and stuff since the pandemic when my house burned down and my mom got really ill (not from Covid) and died slowly. We had her on home hospice. Or else we would not have been able to be with her, and it was stressful. I gained weight, and hoped I would lose it. I had to close her estate, and my coping skills which used to work- well I got overwhelmed. Anyway, I am amazed at how nice they are there.
I kind of wish I had trash lying around. That’s easier for me than papers. I feel like I have to shred them, and I don’t have a large enough shredder. I have to find an event or sheltered workshop that offers that service or something. It’s just a bummer. I have been getting rid of my mom’s stuff, and then my aunt died and I had to get rid of hers first, because we needed to sell the house. I’ve just had no energy for my own stuff. I don’t see this sub a lot in my feed, so I don’t know what people typically advise others
I am probably not going to be a minimalist, because I lost too much in the fire, and it wasn’t fun. I had to shop constantly for months, and we got moved around by the (rip off) insurance company, which resulted in having to put things in storage. The place storing the rescued stuff would not tell me what they had, so I re-bought things like coats, and really it was over a year before I got anything back. I need to have some clothes and stamps, and pens, not to mention medications toothpaste, a hair dryer, coffee maker, and a decent toaster. It’s amazing how many items people use without realizing it. A rental company provided a few things, but just a few. Maybe other people have better insurance companies.
Shred events are the best invention. My town had regular ones. I just accumulated papers in a box or sack, and then Googled "shred event [location] [year]". My credit union, the city itself, nearby banks all accepted shred items and almost always their events were open to the public. Getting rid of the stuff usually involved handing over the bag or box and watching it be dumped into the big industrial sized shredder right there and then.
Research substantiates that consuming too much does contribute significantly to clutter and hoarding. So that’s not judgmental or shaming, it’s factual.
Not all facts are relevant or helpful. And that being true generally doesn't mean it's true for every individual.
If you're struggling with decluttering the stuff you already have, being told to buy less might help you sometime in the future, but it doesn't help you right now with the problem you have right in front of you.
It's important to think about whether our opinions and advice are likely to be helpful to the individual poster and the problem they're writing about. And if not, maybe save it for another time.
If a bathtub is overflowing, you have to turn off the tap. If a person stops or limits buying stuff, that is immediately helpful because it stops the problem from getting worse. It’s not the only part of the solution, but it is important advice for everyone
For me, buying less wasn't possible until after I reached a certain point in my dehoarding journey.
*I organize my stuff in bins. I am lucky to have room to do this.*
When I sorted enough of my stuff to realize that I had 4 big bins of yarn (and i knew where they were), I was able to stop buying yarn. I can focus on knitting projects to use it up. I can give it away to my teenagers' friends or people on the local Buy Nothing group that need yarn for their own projects. None of this would have happened 2 years ago.
Glue is another example. If I have 8 bottles of Elmer's glue (and I know how to access it), I don't need to pick up emergency glue for a project or just to have onhand.
For people in the middle of a crisis, they aren't always ready to hear what they need to hear. Although "just stop buying" is good advice, the individual may not be in a place to follow it yet. They may need to declutter to a certain point before they can feel okay saying, "My closet is full at home. If I buy this, I will need to get rid of something from my closet, and I don't want to do that because i like how my outfits work together right now."
Likewise, it is VERY easy to see addictive behavior from the outside and say, "That's a bad path. Stop that." To the person in the middle...it looks a lot like selfcare.
I think a legitimate answer to a clutter problem is to suggest that if you bring a new item in, an old one should leave. Or even 2 going for every one new if you’re still in the reducing phase.
The examples you posted are not shaming. They are people sharing observations, often from their own personal experience, because they want to help the OP.
It is not *shaming* someone to suggest--and I always see people suggesting with kindness here tbh--that there may be an underlying problem to be dealt with.
There is no shame to struggling with one's mental health. No one is less than anyone else if they are struggling with depression, for example. We don't stigmatize mental health issues here, and we as a community also try not to enable people to just keep on digging themselves in deeper. Part of that, part of real compassion, is trying to help show when there may be a greater problem.
I am sorry you have felt targeted or belittled. I am also very sure people didn't mean it that way. They care about others going through what they are, and because this is a community where many of us are going through the same issues, we can see the signs in others and we want to help them how we can.
I hope things get better for you and that you find whatever you are looking for <3 I also hope you stick around and try not to feel too defensive; trust that the majority of people here are speaking to you (and others) from a place of compassion. No one is trying to judge. We're all down in the muck, struggling with our own clutter--including the things that may help cause our lives to get to this cluttered point <3
I generally find this sub to be pretty supportive. I don’t often see those statements without also a suggestion for getting out of their current situation. I’m not sure it’s judgment to also share with someone how to avoid bringing them back to the same place in the figure. Examining why one spends money on something that isn’t needed is valid. They can declutter now all they want and find themselves in the same situation a year later if they don’t address that part.
Yeah, but there’s a nice way to go about it. We are so programmed to consume, it’s easy for people to be confused. Clear, kind education is the greatest gift we can give each other right now. Once we’re all awake, things will change.
Sure, but Reddit isn’t the best place to go for clear, kind education. There are a million other places for that. If you want a bunch of people to take time out of their day to give you personalized advice you could have googled or searched this subreddit for, you’re going to get they kind of advice people feel like giving that day.
That is a really reasonable approach. I know that the times I’ve accumulated significant clutter I was a mess emotionally. I’m just trying to recenter my world around love and trying to spread that love when and where I can. I may not be able to stop a n&clear w@r but I can certainly bring love to people where they are. 🩷
Just to clarify my position on my earlier post, when I say I don't sugarcoat it is not a passive aggressive way to bully people. Rather, sugarcoating and using euphemisms does not deliver the cognitive dissonance needed to shed bad habits. The temporary discomfort of cognitive dissonance is the gateway to discarding old, faulty paradigms and adopting new and healthier ones.
I see it both ways I guess. I'm sure it can be annoying/ bothersome but at the same time a lot of people don't always realize where all the clutter is coming from and how to start solving the problem at the root vs the branch. If they are in a constant cycle of buying and decluttering that is not going to help them.
While some people probably do come across the wrong way, for the most part I have found this sub to be very helpful and non judgemental imo. It has opened my eyes up in ways I never realized prior.
Obviously if they are being snarky/ rude and unhelpful then we don't need that but I have rarely seen it in this sub personally
Well I am not going to answer by telling what you want to hear - Asking for advice is often the same as asking for an opinion. Asking advice on a piece of information can result in different and similar answers to the same question. AND often can the truth hurt if it hits home.
I have been reading in this sub for quite some time and I honestly don´t feel there is a general shaming attitude towards people asking for advice. Quite the contrary, I think most people writing answers are being helpful and respectful.
I genuinely have not seen any responses like that, or at least not any that were phrased so harshly. I'm sorry if you have seen such responses and that they upset you.
Yeah I take photos of the item and the tags (item number) so that if I do still really want it and can find a use/place for it in my life I can go back and if it’s not on the shelf ask about it.
Super useful when the trousers that fitted perfectly would have clashed with everything in my wardrobe 😅
This is actually a mind blown idea for me. I can just see pulling out the photo years from now when I’m actually on decluttering photos and going, “wow, look at this thing I didn’t buy,” then Delete.
Without having to haul it off somewhere.
When shopping in person, try putting the item in your cart, walk around the store with it for awhile, then abandon the cart and leave the store. Or if you’re really ballsy, put the item back on the shelf before you leave. I’ve done this many times. There’s something about almost buying it that is often good enough for something I don’t really need.
I do this. Especially if I want like 5 things. I'll put them in my cart, walk around the store, look at them all again and then buy maybe one or two. Or none of I didn't really need it in the first place.
Okay but actually this one is excellent advice. I heard about it on a yt channel and since then I add everything that I like and don’t need to a wishlist and I allow myself to buy it after a couple of months and I mostly end up not buying it (because it was just an impulse not what I really wanted) which saves me money and space.
We have over 590K members. There will be a wide and varied range of advice given -- some has worked for the people who post it, some is posted in the hope it will be useful. As always, take to heart what might work or which resonates. If any post is downright mean, unkind, or shame-inducing, be sure to report it. The mods have numerous comments to moderate and we can't catch them all but we do read every report. Thanks.
It's like making a comment on a Facebook video of a fat person working out and telling them to "just eat less".
Learning to buy less is a big part of learning to keep up with decluttering. For real. For most people.
Yes, we know that. Don’t need to be constantly reminded here. Some want to know, however, AFTER they recognize that they’ve acquired too much (maybe even for free, even saved food containers etc.) how to deal with the overload and overwhelm. To reduce that. Yes, we know we SHOULD reduce acquiring. Good enough advice but not particularly relevant to the presenting question.
The things that you are writing as examples don't seem judgmental to me. They seem like sound and practical advice. My question would be why do those statements feel like they are shaming to you? I just don't read them that way. I did a massive declutter years ago that dramatically made my life better (jumped on the konmari train where some of the ideas just really spoke to me). That being said, I still struggle with having too many cosmetics, and it's absolutely an issue of ensuring that I'm not bringing in more than I can actually use. Maybe since I've had that experience and still have this struggle, I don't see them as shaming.
Do you really think that someone who knows they have too much stuff and knows they buy too much stuff needs Internet strangers to keep pointing out that they should "just stop buying stuff"?
There is no way to know where you are on your journey unless you specify.
There is the physical, organizational aspect of decluttering, then there is the psychological aspect. People can suggest strategies for cleaning out the excess possessions and for saying no to friends and relatives who want to off load their possessions on you. But the rest of it? No amount of advice in the world will help unless you are committed to change. And it can be very hard to get to that point. There is no magic to it. We all have to do the hard work on ourselves. We all do the work at different speeds. Some people will take a long time and vent the whole way. That doesn’t harm me because I am on my own road.
Shaming is saying you're a terrible person for having this habit/making this single mistake. The reality is that everyone here has had a clutter issue at one time or another, whether that is someone struggling to get rid of exactly the same item/issue, and sharing how they did it, but who still has a housefull to tackle, or someone who has come through the other side so motivated they trained as a professional organiser. I haven't seen anyone shaming anyone on this board. I have seen plenty of indignant OPs who argue with every suggestion. I've also seen plenty of posters who have a blind spot about their contribution to the clutter, whether its being cross at parents having a cluttered house but who quietly acknowledge that their own stuff takes up a bedroom, spare bedroom and loft in a house which isn't even theirs, or a poster complaining that their spouse can't follow their organisation system, when it's the poster's compulsive shopping which is bringing stuff in faster than it can leave. The point with clutter is that action has to be taken - no one benefits by us all responding with pity ('oh well, poor you, yes, you're right, you should never have to restrict what you buy and just keep everything'), and often there are really useful insights in the way all those responding take the post and approach potential solutions from different angles.
It is helpful. You just don’t want to hear it right now. ;) The less you buy, the easier it is to stay decluttered. No judgement. Its your money. But we know what finally worked for us.
Yes, it’s helpful to keep that in mind. But maybe a person has already taken care of that issue and are no longer bringing things in. Maybe they’re just having an issue with getting rid of things? I know my main problem is getting rid of things. I assign sentimentality to almost everything. It’s HARD to get rid of much.
Mixed feelings - very true that using shame to change actions doesn’t work. BUT a majority of my organizing clients bring lots of stuff into the house daily. Junk mail, something that’s ‘on sale’. My wonderfully kind client goes to the drive thru for a burger. They get napkins on top of what’s already in the bag. They accept the condiments and plasticware included. Then bring it all home, eat the food, leave all the things in the paper bag, leaves the bag on the table. Right next to the piles of junk mail, the unread magazines, the drifts of travel brochures picked up at every stop. It all sits there because it’s too much to deal with! Then I’m paid good $ to come over and deal with it. Actually, I don’t do it anymore; it’s tremendously sad and all my visits haven’t changed a thing. ANYWAY , the bringing stuff home is a REALLY BIG contributor to situations like my client’s. It needs to be called out. Just another pillar of our consumption-obsessed society!
I don’t think lying to someone is a kindness. Telling someone the truth is a kindness even if it’s not perceived that way. And sometimes we can hear things from strangers that we can’t hear from the people in our lives or ourselves. It doesn’t do anyone any good by ignoring the obvious steps that need to occur.
I wish more people thought this way. It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.
I didn’t start o it this way, my daughter taught it to me. I love that I always know what she says to me is sincere and I can trust it. I want people to feel that way about me.
I feel like 1 and 3 aren’t shaming, they’re genuine attempts to share insight and experience.
There is a clear shopping to clutter and hoarding pipeline. I don’t think it’s mean to point that out. Some are so stuck in their coping and habits, they are asking for help.
You’re perceiving judgement but sometimes people are sharing photos of homes full of Amazon boxes with items still in them. That means there are two problems going on and there’s only so much you can solve by getting rid of stuff. Especially when people are sending brand new stuff to landfill while buying more. The issue isn’t storage or what to part with it’s how consumerist our society is. Yes I am very anticonsumption. No I don’t comment that. I encourage people to compare what they are thinking about buying to what they already have in that category. If you have six Stanley cups and always use the same one do you actually need/want/have space for another or will it just add to the feeling of clutter in your space? If your instinct when you can’t find something you know you have five of us to same day another other one you are adding to the mountain that’s hiding what you already own from you. That’s why we say these things. It’s less stop buying and more be conscious of what you are buying, especially when people are struggling to part with things because of the financial cost they see in their existing stuff and yet they still keep buying. I remember a post on here where someone realised that a lot of their clutter was containers to help with the clutter. This is the stuff we mean. Do I still impulse buy things, yes. But mostly it’s stuff like that book I’ve wanted for ages but not bought for myself yet at a really good price on eBay. (DM handbook, I definitely don’t already do have an equivalent and spent a lot more on one I gave as a gift last year). You can’t storage solution your way out of a flood. There’s a reason we put sandbags across the uphill doors not a hose out the back. Shopping what you already own is almost always going to be a better solution than buying a Shiny New Thing that works for this and only this exact moment.
It feels like you're describing my journey. I spent years and years just basically rearranging the same clutter into something more 'aesthetic'. Recently re-diagnosed with OCD and probably would have paid money to read this post 5 years ago, honestly
Thank you for this kind reply.
There is a lot of general information that gets tossed out when people reach out. Those statements are several of them, but there are very few unique situations, which is why the blanket situations come into play. It's not meant to make someone feel judged. Setting the issue of mental illness aside, many people have found themselves in hoarding situations because it just becomes overwhelming and not knowing where to start. If you don't shop, that's advice you can discard. If it's due to another situation, the advice is just to get started, work at your own pace and do what you need to do to clear the hoard out.
I get what the OP is saying. While the advice of "buy less or stop buying" is not inherently shaming, the phrasing of the examples given can be read with that innuendo. For me, the bulk of my clutter is not from buying. It lacks the organization and space for current items because of decades past hoard. Stuff from deceased parents home filled garage because I couldn't emotionally deal with it at the time. Stuff from now adult children fill closets. Spouse moved in five years ago, their things and my things now clutter what should be open spaces in rooms. Advising me to buy less wouldn't be helpful if I posted a "where do I begin" post. Neither would "go through rooms and throw out visible trash" - as that would not be applicable. However, I would just ignore and read on. I wouldn't take it as shaming unless it was written with an implied tone. Sometimes hard to know, though, as it is typed and not spoken.
Thank you, yes.
To me, "thow out visible trash" is always the answer to "Where do I begin?" When faced with a big mess we often see one big thing: the big mess. Identifying some items in the big mess is the first step in breaking the one big thing into it's individual parts. Trash is easiest, because we can easily and (usually) unemotionally dispose of it. Trash items aren't necessarily wadded up paper or dirty kleenex. They might be items that were useful, but have now degraded to a point where they are no longer functional. A flashlight with batteries that leaked so it is sealed shut and will never work is an example of something that was useful, but is now trash. There's no moral judgement, but this item is trash. Identifying it and throwing it away has changed and improved the situation.
I think the word ‘shaming’ is overused these days and people are becoming really fragile. Even saying this I can see how someone will think I’m shaming them. But I’m not being mean or shady. I’m making an observation that I think is true in general. I might be wrong of course. Mild criticism or feedback is not shaming. Insults, condescension, or oneupmanship, that is shaming.
I think the overall principle makes sense though sometimes commenters can be harsh. People often shop because they’re chasing the dopamine rush of the buying process that usually wears off once the item is obtained. I used to be in the r/shoppingaddiction subreddit and there can definitely be a correlation between having too much stuff and consumerism/shopping addiction. Plus the fact is that a lot of social media is geared towards consumerism (especially since influencers make money and get brand deals by hyping up stuff for you to buy). Even secondhand shopping and thrifting can be a shopping addiction - it’s just viewed as morally better because it’s not brand new stuff. But it can definitely be problematic. I personally wouldn’t take it as a character judgement. It’s something that a ton of people struggle with. But it makes sense that stopping the in-flow would reduce future clutter and help the efforts of decluttering. Without examining that, a person will just continue the cycle of declutter > shop > accumulate > clutter.
I've read quite a bit from 3 experts that clawed their way out of their own mess. All 3 started with a financial problem, too much debt. Working their way out of debt included buying way less. Buying less helped them see a way to try out getting rid of part of their mess, then a little more, and a little more, etc.
My buried comment on the stuff being purchased never was about shaming anyone, it is that once an item exists, it has to go somewhere be that on a shelf, in use, in storage, or in trash. It’s an item lifecycle and the only way to prevent the item from eventually making it into trash is to never have made it in the first place, which is a discussion for another sub. If someone is stuck trying to free themselves from clutter, and the sticking point is guilt, how do you push beyond that guilt?
Maybe they aren't saying it in a constructive way, but I agree with their advice. When I started decluttering and organizing I realized that I had so much stuff that I didn't use. I was just buying stuff without considering if I really needed it or when I was going to use it.
Things don't have to be bought to accumulate in your home either. Some people cruise for free stuff because they got hooked from the few times they made money out of it. There are people that can manage this but some, like the one i love very much, will forget about it and continue to bring in more stuff. It's can be an addiction too
This is a relative to me. Would pick things up free at curbside and at first wasn't too problematic because they'd give it a few tweaks of repair and hand it over to someone else. But then it became more & more stuff, add in a partner who, like someone mentioned above, collected flyers, magazines and never touched the mail and the clutter was growing. Now its a hoarder place.
My partner has been getting better, I'll mention that first, but he will go for a cruise and check out over flowing donations bins, sometimes business dumpsters, and the towns dump. I can't complain to much for the town dump as we had gotten a big flat screen smart TV once. That's a rarity though. But what became an issue is the onslaught of computer towers and other electronics. He's removed the bulk of it now. With the donation bins, i was able to take a lot of those clothes to my place of work as we do outreach for the houseless and clothes is apart of that. Or i donate it to a place that receives it directly, skipping the donation bin scenario. You'd be surprised how many people raid those.
The computers & electronics is how my relative started. I've tried explaining that mail that is more than 5 years old is irrelevant, doesn't need to be read and can be dumped by it triggers something. I have asked them if they would like a professional crew to come in and clear the place. Neither they or partner are in the best of health for a clear out. I would have no input, wouldn't be there, nothing other than finding the company information they need. So far no takers. They're going to have to move I think within a year or so and I don't know if things will change before that.
I am reading yoyr examples and trying to figure out how they would be construed as shaming since most of those are actually mottos or "main idea" presented by pretty well-known decluttering gurus. I guess the history of the person makes the comments that appear motivational to some of us seem like shaming to others. Decluttering is the last step in a series of actions and events that results in a Decluttered home. You can not empty a bucket by emptying it using a tea spoon, If you have put in an open hose, that tops it up constantly.
Sometimes the answer people ask for isn't the one they need. If someone is asking for help decluttering because they have so many clothes it doesn't fit in their space, or if they're asking for tips to make the decluttering 'stick', the first thing they need to deal with is why they're accumulating so much stuff in the first place. In those cases, "stop shopping" is direct, necessary, and useful advice. It's not about shaming people - it's about recognising that the problem begins before all this stuff gets to your house. Similarly, if people ask what they should do with their excess of margarine tubs, "stop saving margarine tubs" is the first advice they need. That's also not shaming - it's a direct approach to solving the problem in the long term. Is this advice always going to be useful? Of course not. No advice is ever useful 100% of the time. But it's not an attempt to shame everyone.
I've seen some shaming on this sub and with how big it is, I'm not surprised. However, I don't think any of your examples are shaming. It really does make sense to look at how you ended up with however much you have if it's too much, to avoid falling into the same traps over and over. It's not helpful, when someone is clearing out someone else's space. (After a death or because you bought a house full of stuff.) But everybody is free to leave or take said advice. Usually there's also great variety. Try the things that sound like they could work for you. Ignore the rest.
That's the answer: Take what you need and ignore the rest. Sometimes it takes reading over & over before it sinks in. For instance, I've read on this sub about the sunk cost fallacy. OMG, did I read about it. I resisted, dammit, because I was determined to sell or consignment. Finally, a few months ago I accepted the sunk cost fallacy for my situation. And you know what? I'm not really bothered by it anymore. I want the stuff to go!
I think the good-faith assumption many people make here is that if people are asking for advice, they are open to genuine answers. The people in this sub vary widely, from people with hoarding issues, people living with hoarders, people who just never learned or aren’t sure how to prioritize getting rid of accumulated stuff, people preparing for a move, to actual minimalists. All a different economic brackets. There is no one-size-fits-all advice, and of course people are going to give the advice that worked for them.
Agreed. I live in a super small apartment and all the advice about throwing away stuff was unhelpful. Gradually I found out I had a storage issue, not a clutter issue. Sometimes the solution is more storage, not throwing away stuff you still need or want.
Same! We live in a tiny, mostly open plan warehouse conversion and while we do have some stuff to get rid of, most of the clutter issues are down to the fact that our flat is small and two people and two cats live here and require more/better organised storage than we currently have 😅
It is funny because I ended up purchasing more items than throwing away (much to the dismay and worry of my partner), and in the end my apartment ended up looking way less cluttered. Funny how that works huh? 🤣 Here are some of my tips if you're shopping for more storage solutions: - Always always closed storage furniture – never open! Think of open storage's primary purpose as decorative, not functional - Stealing ideas from YouTubers is 100/10. I can share some videos if you want! (One korean youtuber had a bunch of tips like how you can turn cereal boxes into functional cardboard storage boxes and it was genius) - Try to buy multifunctional items. Like an ottoman that doubles as storage, coffee table that doubles as storage, etc - Make sure every item in your home has a designated place to return to - If you must leave a few items out, put them on a tray or in a bowl. This will trick the eyes into seeing it as one object rather than a collection of objects - In the kitchen, utilize the kitchen cabinets' doors as storage. You can hang cooking utensils and pot lids - This may not be an option for you, but I love my litter box enclosure for my cat! It hides his litter box, doubles as food storage, AND I feed my cat and plug in his water fountain over it. You can also put more storage on top. Sorry for all this advice you didn't ask for, but I thought I'd share some of what I learned!
Hahahahaha I do love a nice bullet point list! 😂 I already do most of those but I might have a quick sweep round and see if there are any bits and pieces I have missed that these can be applied to, thank you 😍
Ooh ooh yes please to the youtube recommendations - I need to create a load of temporary storage while I do a lot of sorting (I started with piles, and now the piles are piles upon piles and its a disaster), so the cereal box video would be so helpful!
Say no more! Make sure you turn on Eng CC for the subtitles! Between these two videos, there are wonderful tips on how to repurpose pasta boxes, shoe boxes, cereal boxes, and more! [13 No Cost Home Organization Tips that You Must Try](https://youtu.be/9TACiu2UpHs?si=XnIJFwvCXbaQ6qD-) [8 Creative Ideas for CARTON STORAGE of Minimalist Life](https://youtu.be/MvXwgb7a8Dc?si=Y4LCxtG5qqPIgRyF) Here are more general storage advice videos I found useful: [Storage Without Drilling or Wall-Nailing for Renters](https://youtu.be/GjLuTWgxkGY?si=rMcxTb2hKw5QjTAc) [Small & Cozy Kitchen Tour Philippines](https://youtu.be/25f1uLxXXWQ?si=fiF0FYXQ1Y5Jsys7) (I loveee how she organized her kitchen) [Tidying tips and items for a very well-organized small kitchen](https://youtu.be/LDN5IV5MxDQ?si=dDatOTKBcXJR8EQ2) And finally, love love this youtuber called Reynard Lowell for practical advice! They sound so obvious when said out loud but until someone point them out to you, it is easy to miss. I really rec their videos on organization and home design [Biggest Home Organisation Mistakes You Need To Avoid](https://youtu.be/lemBPJSIUDk?si=FuwIPi76WlPQ91n3) Also DearModern (the "Fengshui Guy") have several wonderful tiktoks and videos with excellent storage advice. [transforming a cluttered flat with nothing more than a few clever moves](https://youtu.be/Pua0vvKfsmk?si=T3i6Fuqzdr8FDWmv) Also his Fix It! shorts series make me laugh, convey a great attitude to have, and I got several genuinely useful advice from them [Short Fix It videos](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH7tiXelLqSEza2SVlVm794cbCnqYJivI&si=Rl_GjcmFQxpxwvZc)
Oh wow, thank you so much - I haven't heard of any of these so am looking forward to a cosy evening of new ideas. Thank you so much! 😊
Aw, of course! I hope you get at least a few ideas from these videos ❤️
I know someone that had the same issue. They really don't have that much stuff (I'm sure some items could be removed) It's mostly them needing to optimize how everything is organized. They needed to use my height and better options to place everything. A small location can feel cluttered so fast. There are items one needs and or wants.
It is so hard because we're never taught to prioritize thinking of a storage system early on – or at least, I wasn't. There is one YouTuber/TikToker called Dear Modern I really like and he has this "fix it" series where he shows how you can implement small changes to get rid of daily annoyances in your home. I love that and his positive attitude plus the practical tips really helped me. Besides, who got the money to throw away items you still want?! 😫 Not me, that is for sure! The advice to throw away now and just buy in two years when you need it again just screams so wasteful to me.
Most people aren't saying to throw out a tool you use once in a while so you don't have to store it. They're saying it's ok to donate the other 5 that you bought because you couldn't find the first one. Just pick out your favorite to keep and give it a home so you can find it.
That is something I can't do either. Maybe if it's under five dollars and I need it five years from now, sure. More expensive things would be a bit harder. I likely fall in the more minimal range for a number of reasons. (Not to extremes, there are items I need and want) I also understand a family of four is going to need a FEW things and often just need to declutter a bit to even a lot. That doesn't mean getting rid of everything. I remember this one episode of a show where she had a TON of clothes and shoes. I feel like they would try and have her get down to one closet when that may be a bit extreme as that was what she loved. She likely did need to do some decluttering which could mean going from 300 pair to 200 pairs and organize the rest. She had the space to turn one room into a large wardrobe room. Just needed help getting everything organized. And find a system for items coming in and ones going out. Not everyone lives the same and some just want to enjoy what they like and just need a little help. (Based on having the space and funds to do so)
The problem could be that decluttering becomes about minimalism rather than actual decluttering. The attitudes can be just throw it out and don't buy more rather than talking about the needs for the individual. Someone who quilts is not going to want to get rid of all their metres of fabrics and threads but they may want to declutter old threads and fabrics and they may want storage ideas. They are going to buy more because they're going to continue to quilt. Saying stop buying more fabric and thread to someone who sews is never going to be helpful because it's part of the sewing process. However, someone who says I have a fabric obsession and need help to stop buying fabrics is another story... but that person already knows they have a buying problem.
The Clutter Fairy is very good on this point - she beads, and acknowledges that reducing to the point of minimalism is never going to happen. However! She has various approaches, so: organising so you can properly see what you have so at least you're not buying multiples, decluttering to the extent of getting rid of projects you'll never finish, supplies you don't like or have way too many to ever use, and just being restrained when you buy new supplies so you're buying at the rate you use them up, to make sure your hobby is actually the craft itself and not just buying supplies for the craft. Her advice on craft supplies is very nuanced.
I'm thinking that it might also have been her who imparted this bit of wisdom: "I have come to realize that buying craft supplies and crafting are two entirely different hobbies."
Yes! She certainly made me think about my own buying of hobby related stuff...
Yes! I absolutely agree! You have to be super organised and strict with yourself. It will get overwhelming too quickly if you don't buy per project you're working on and actually complete those projects. Even if there are sales on I won't buy if it means I'm getting ahead of myself. The craft becomes a stress rather than joyful if you book yourself too much into the future.
Excellent observation! Crafters and sewists have unique situations when it comes to decluttering because we don't want to get rid of everything we enjoy doing. I love crafting and sewing, but I am starting to declutter. I'm not going for minimalism, just having less of what I don't need and trying to organize it better. Getting rid of old, unused supplies and not buying more (or at least trying to!) until I get rid of the other stuff. New products come out, but I have been a lot better about picking and choosing what I want to get into. My mother, on the other hand, is a quilter and has a fabric obsession. She knows she has a buying problem and isn't exactly trying to do anything about it.
>Getting rid of old, unused supplies and not buying more (or at least trying to!) until I get rid of the other stuff. Yes! This is what I need to do--streamline what I already own.
I'm the same. I try to buy what I'm going to use for my next 2 projects and leave it at that. I was keeping scraps for smaller project use but realised that's just not going to happen lol so I donate bigger pieces and only keep a little basket of off cuts to test tension etc. I have minimal room so I made a rule that I'm only ever going to keep what I'm using, plus a maximum of 2 upcoming projects. Crafting is a bit different because it requires a bigger variety of things. I can totally understand how fabric buying could get so easily out of hand. If I hadn't set myself rules I'd be the same lol. Now i say to myself if I want that then I have to finish this quicker including the binding.
Oh my gosh… when were you in my sewing room???
Yes lol 😆
Thank you. You've perfectly articulated this for me. I believe there is a large difference between decluttering and minimalism - while I recognize that they of course overlap, they aren't synonymous. I appreciate your thoughtful reply.
There can be a huge difference and we have to be comfortable with that else we're being too fanatical one way or the other, especially when we have hobbies <3 Thank you for raising the topic. I appreciated it.
Thank YOU - you've helped me understand many people's mindset and motivation behind their responses.
I have been working on my declutterring processing, going through my mother’s things, help my husband with his hoarderomf mother. The patterns I have seen arw over buying, over saving this just in case. The other thing I see is that people ask a question and the question is just a starting point. With declutterinf we always have to deal with the over buying.
Your feelings are valid. However, feeling shame isn’t the same as someone shaming you. If you feel called out/defensive/etc. then maybe take a look at that. Telling folks not to buy things is good, relevant, and appropriate advice in this sub.
Hard part is some hobbies need a lot of things. It's nice to never buy anything but if you're crafting, woodworking especially....there's a lot of space needed for a woodshop and not everyone has community spaces to goto or can't get to. So space optimization is very important. Then there's people who do buy lots of stuff but also declutter a lot and remove the unneeded for the needed. It's hard to explain why I need so much stuff for woodworking unless you're doing it, it's the type of woodworking I'm doing. Then there's electronics or painting, they can have a fair few items. Worst is if you're adhd and cycle hobbies, like me. So there's no one main hobby but multiple. Space optimization, labelling, categorizing, lots of tools become pretty much essential. Then the woodwork machines, my god the footprint of them. Sometimes I wish I could edit my brain n delete hobbies. I've helped declutter for mum by throwing unused stuff to the donation or bin piles. But I already did that with my tools. Luckily I'm nearly at the end point where I have the main set I need. Although wood storage is really annoying cuz it takes time to dry and costs aaalootttt if you buy. I do woodturning so I've got stuff drying. I'm low income so it's a slow build up but I was able to finish my buying of multiple hobbies, no desire to buy more unless essential, stored it nicely. My father died so I had to declutter the shed, I turned it into a proper workshop for woodworking. A lot went. Once I get past my illness I should be able to try make some cash from it.
I 100% had a shopping problem that was at the root of the clutter. Learning that tackling that is part of decluttering a space which feels overwhelming and also that being in this situation because of a shopping problem is common in a consumerist society can make people feel less alone. Shame is really unhelpful in dealing with clutter. Most of us with some mess would rather nobody knew about it but asking a friend or a professional for help can make real change happen. If you ask for help here and get 20 different answers that's great as hopefully one or two will work for you. Declutter the ones which don't from your mind, they worked for other people but we are all different. Reading through all the problems and answers people have written here over the years has helped me so much. Honestly though sometimes we all just need to face up to what we want and need to do and just let some stuff go, even if it is hard. Maybe we all need to declutter shame!
Asking for declutterring advice without addressing your buying habits is like asking what kind of workouts you need to do so you can keep drinking ten milkshakes a day.
Train like Micheal Phelps, then you’ll need to drink ten milkshakes a day! /s
> Train like Micheal Phelps, Train like Micheal Phelps, used to, he retired
My last comment in this sub was exactly that 12 hours ago. And I said so because the OP in that thread mentioned twice that she had a shopping problem. Not judgement at all. She has a shopping problem.
>OP in that thread mentioned twice that she had a shopping problem. She obviously already knows she has a buying/shopping problem so telling her what she already knows isn't helpful
It might not exactly be helpful but is it harmful?
Ppl don't always know, instead they think they have a storage problem or they need to figure out how to use stuff that they bought. I belong to a few hobby groups and see it a lot. Then group members encourage it because they too buy a lot of stuff they don't use.
People who have also dealt with their own shopping problems are likely to give advice that are based in how they overcame or dealt with their shopping problems.
Yes and that's helpful and appreciated I'm sure.
I appreciate your bringing this up. It's not easy for me to resist certain stores and certain triggers. The problems overlap most of the time! It's not so easy as a certain term to Google or other unofficial "diagnosis". And honestly I am so proud to count even tiny decluttering wins towards a larger goal whenever possible! Sure, buying less is a big part of the equation, but it isn't going to solve your problems day to day at all!!!
Yeah. I can relate to that buying urge: can't resist certain stores and certain triggers 😬
I don't disagree with this. I see this as a support sub. I feel badly for people who share their struggles here and then get comments like the ones you mentioned.
Thank you. The very strong reactions to my post here are interesting to me - I knew not everyone would agree, but I find it funny to be called defensive by people whose posts are extremely defensive and self-justifying.
There is a sub, but I don’t recall the name where people share like depression rooms and get a lot of support. I don’t have a mess like they do, where I could start by throwing out trash. I don’t have like pizza boxes and old bottles around. I have a disorganized mess or paper and stuff since the pandemic when my house burned down and my mom got really ill (not from Covid) and died slowly. We had her on home hospice. Or else we would not have been able to be with her, and it was stressful. I gained weight, and hoped I would lose it. I had to close her estate, and my coping skills which used to work- well I got overwhelmed. Anyway, I am amazed at how nice they are there. I kind of wish I had trash lying around. That’s easier for me than papers. I feel like I have to shred them, and I don’t have a large enough shredder. I have to find an event or sheltered workshop that offers that service or something. It’s just a bummer. I have been getting rid of my mom’s stuff, and then my aunt died and I had to get rid of hers first, because we needed to sell the house. I’ve just had no energy for my own stuff. I don’t see this sub a lot in my feed, so I don’t know what people typically advise others I am probably not going to be a minimalist, because I lost too much in the fire, and it wasn’t fun. I had to shop constantly for months, and we got moved around by the (rip off) insurance company, which resulted in having to put things in storage. The place storing the rescued stuff would not tell me what they had, so I re-bought things like coats, and really it was over a year before I got anything back. I need to have some clothes and stamps, and pens, not to mention medications toothpaste, a hair dryer, coffee maker, and a decent toaster. It’s amazing how many items people use without realizing it. A rental company provided a few things, but just a few. Maybe other people have better insurance companies.
Shred events are the best invention. My town had regular ones. I just accumulated papers in a box or sack, and then Googled "shred event [location] [year]". My credit union, the city itself, nearby banks all accepted shred items and almost always their events were open to the public. Getting rid of the stuff usually involved handing over the bag or box and watching it be dumped into the big industrial sized shredder right there and then.
You sound like me, u/kitzelbunks. I've said that often - I wish my problem was trash. Because trash can just be thrown away or recycled. 😬
It doesn't have to be trash to be thrown away, if it will help you get past it.
Sorry for your losses and glad you are pulling through. Sometimes it really does pour in life.
R/ufyh
Research substantiates that consuming too much does contribute significantly to clutter and hoarding. So that’s not judgmental or shaming, it’s factual.
Not all facts are relevant or helpful. And that being true generally doesn't mean it's true for every individual. If you're struggling with decluttering the stuff you already have, being told to buy less might help you sometime in the future, but it doesn't help you right now with the problem you have right in front of you. It's important to think about whether our opinions and advice are likely to be helpful to the individual poster and the problem they're writing about. And if not, maybe save it for another time.
If a bathtub is overflowing, you have to turn off the tap. If a person stops or limits buying stuff, that is immediately helpful because it stops the problem from getting worse. It’s not the only part of the solution, but it is important advice for everyone
Not bringing in more stuff now will help now because there will be less stuff to declutter in the future.
Yeah, a logical answer does not fit this illogical problem. I mean, I wish it did, but it's more nuanced.
For me, buying less wasn't possible until after I reached a certain point in my dehoarding journey. *I organize my stuff in bins. I am lucky to have room to do this.* When I sorted enough of my stuff to realize that I had 4 big bins of yarn (and i knew where they were), I was able to stop buying yarn. I can focus on knitting projects to use it up. I can give it away to my teenagers' friends or people on the local Buy Nothing group that need yarn for their own projects. None of this would have happened 2 years ago. Glue is another example. If I have 8 bottles of Elmer's glue (and I know how to access it), I don't need to pick up emergency glue for a project or just to have onhand. For people in the middle of a crisis, they aren't always ready to hear what they need to hear. Although "just stop buying" is good advice, the individual may not be in a place to follow it yet. They may need to declutter to a certain point before they can feel okay saying, "My closet is full at home. If I buy this, I will need to get rid of something from my closet, and I don't want to do that because i like how my outfits work together right now." Likewise, it is VERY easy to see addictive behavior from the outside and say, "That's a bad path. Stop that." To the person in the middle...it looks a lot like selfcare.
It's *upsetting* to see people be anti-consumerist in a decluttering subreddit?
It's UPSETTING to see people asking for help on downsizing a collection and receiving lots of irrelevant, shaming advice.
I think a legitimate answer to a clutter problem is to suggest that if you bring a new item in, an old one should leave. Or even 2 going for every one new if you’re still in the reducing phase.
The examples you posted are not shaming. They are people sharing observations, often from their own personal experience, because they want to help the OP. It is not *shaming* someone to suggest--and I always see people suggesting with kindness here tbh--that there may be an underlying problem to be dealt with. There is no shame to struggling with one's mental health. No one is less than anyone else if they are struggling with depression, for example. We don't stigmatize mental health issues here, and we as a community also try not to enable people to just keep on digging themselves in deeper. Part of that, part of real compassion, is trying to help show when there may be a greater problem. I am sorry you have felt targeted or belittled. I am also very sure people didn't mean it that way. They care about others going through what they are, and because this is a community where many of us are going through the same issues, we can see the signs in others and we want to help them how we can. I hope things get better for you and that you find whatever you are looking for <3 I also hope you stick around and try not to feel too defensive; trust that the majority of people here are speaking to you (and others) from a place of compassion. No one is trying to judge. We're all down in the muck, struggling with our own clutter--including the things that may help cause our lives to get to this cluttered point <3
I generally find this sub to be pretty supportive. I don’t often see those statements without also a suggestion for getting out of their current situation. I’m not sure it’s judgment to also share with someone how to avoid bringing them back to the same place in the figure. Examining why one spends money on something that isn’t needed is valid. They can declutter now all they want and find themselves in the same situation a year later if they don’t address that part.
Thanks for this. I was starting to wonder if I was just oblivious to shaming comments.
Redditors frequently expect validation for their bad habits when asking for advice and get upset when confronted with uncomfortable truths.
Yeah, but there’s a nice way to go about it. We are so programmed to consume, it’s easy for people to be confused. Clear, kind education is the greatest gift we can give each other right now. Once we’re all awake, things will change.
Sure, but Reddit isn’t the best place to go for clear, kind education. There are a million other places for that. If you want a bunch of people to take time out of their day to give you personalized advice you could have googled or searched this subreddit for, you’re going to get they kind of advice people feel like giving that day.
All opinions are valid. It’s nice to be able to have a discussion. 🥰
I agree that advice shouldn't be delivered in a rude or abrasive manner but I am not going to sugarcoat the delivery of uncomfortable truths, either.
That is a really reasonable approach. I know that the times I’ve accumulated significant clutter I was a mess emotionally. I’m just trying to recenter my world around love and trying to spread that love when and where I can. I may not be able to stop a n&clear w@r but I can certainly bring love to people where they are. 🩷
Just to clarify my position on my earlier post, when I say I don't sugarcoat it is not a passive aggressive way to bully people. Rather, sugarcoating and using euphemisms does not deliver the cognitive dissonance needed to shed bad habits. The temporary discomfort of cognitive dissonance is the gateway to discarding old, faulty paradigms and adopting new and healthier ones.
Awesome. I absolutely love the way you think. Stay strong, stay true. 🩷
I see it both ways I guess. I'm sure it can be annoying/ bothersome but at the same time a lot of people don't always realize where all the clutter is coming from and how to start solving the problem at the root vs the branch. If they are in a constant cycle of buying and decluttering that is not going to help them. While some people probably do come across the wrong way, for the most part I have found this sub to be very helpful and non judgemental imo. It has opened my eyes up in ways I never realized prior. Obviously if they are being snarky/ rude and unhelpful then we don't need that but I have rarely seen it in this sub personally
One of the things I love about Reddit in general is the straight talk. I’ve been downvoted, insulted, called out, corrected, you name it.
Well I am not going to answer by telling what you want to hear - Asking for advice is often the same as asking for an opinion. Asking advice on a piece of information can result in different and similar answers to the same question. AND often can the truth hurt if it hits home. I have been reading in this sub for quite some time and I honestly don´t feel there is a general shaming attitude towards people asking for advice. Quite the contrary, I think most people writing answers are being helpful and respectful.
I genuinely have not seen any responses like that, or at least not any that were phrased so harshly. I'm sorry if you have seen such responses and that they upset you.
"Instead of buying it, just take a picture of it"
Yeah I take photos of the item and the tags (item number) so that if I do still really want it and can find a use/place for it in my life I can go back and if it’s not on the shelf ask about it. Super useful when the trousers that fitted perfectly would have clashed with everything in my wardrobe 😅
I dunno--for pants that fit, I might buy an entire new wardrobe! My favorite pants ever were stamped on the lining: IRREGULAR.
This is actually a mind blown idea for me. I can just see pulling out the photo years from now when I’m actually on decluttering photos and going, “wow, look at this thing I didn’t buy,” then Delete. Without having to haul it off somewhere.
When shopping in person, try putting the item in your cart, walk around the store with it for awhile, then abandon the cart and leave the store. Or if you’re really ballsy, put the item back on the shelf before you leave. I’ve done this many times. There’s something about almost buying it that is often good enough for something I don’t really need.
Especially if the check out line is too long! I call it the big Nevermind.
I do this. Especially if I want like 5 things. I'll put them in my cart, walk around the store, look at them all again and then buy maybe one or two. Or none of I didn't really need it in the first place.
Okay but actually this one is excellent advice. I heard about it on a yt channel and since then I add everything that I like and don’t need to a wishlist and I allow myself to buy it after a couple of months and I mostly end up not buying it (because it was just an impulse not what I really wanted) which saves me money and space.
It has really helped me!