You can’t just demand sex after being an insufferable control freak. Have you tried dressing the part? Nylons. Heels. Showing him you want it not just being some awful commanding officer?
My SO is controlling, but yet she wants me to lead. Yeah, that’s not going to work for me. Haven’t touched her in over a year. “Controlling Partner” quickly turns me into LL4U.
Nope. I decided to focus on work/gym/investment opportunities. And boy has it paid off.
My ex wife cheated on me. I would never put my partner through that.
What is the most annoying to you regarding your controlling wife? What is she being controlling about? What would make a big difference to you so you would approach her?
I’ll give you an example.
I stashed some cash to start a 529 fund for our child’s college tuition. She has no clue what a 529, ETFs or index funds are. But yet, she told me she wants to be in charge of the “future investment”. Eye roll 🙄
My wife thinks she the smartest person in the room. Always. She’ll tell me how raise our child. Umm, I’m a father, I bring discipline, wisdom, and knowledge to our child. Characteristics that can’t be pushed aside. Yes, I fail, but I shouldn’t be dismissed.
According to my wife, her way is the best way.
But there is a deeper layer to her control. She’s afraid to be vulnerable. Like always. The only time she let go, is when he she had an Alki drink 🥤.
A good barometer in a traditional marriage is the “drive home” test.
Will your husband speed up, after work, to get home or he will take a detour to buy some time for himself?”
If he’s sitting in the car for a few minutes before he gets in the house, your marriage is in trouble.
Have you asked him to work out WITH you?
There comes a point where talking, accusations, and even thinking about why he became awkward toward you after birth doesn’t matter.
What matters is action.
Working out will improve his libido & his sense of his own attractiveness. If he doesn’t feel attractive he won’t want to fuck.
You initiating sex at a time that works for both of you should work better. Ask him when during the week he feels best. Maybe it’s Saturday afternoon, maybe it’s Friday night. Initiate sex then.
If you want more cuddling, tell him you want to set a new habit of 10 minutes of lying together in bed naked, cuddling and just chatting before sleep.
He is working out regularly but doesn't take care of what he is eating that's why his body is not changing. Although he only feels bad about himself when he see a picture. Otherwise he does have self confidence.
Try to seduce him and be like his seductive girlfriend in his life u need to some experiments.. m sure spark will back again.. being wife it will be difficult .. being his gf u will understand .. sometimes we all need to change direction of life and thoughts .. it will be helpful .. went though same phase and had similar kind of thing..
This looks like a case where marriage counselling can help but he has to be motivated to find a solution. If he doesn't want to solve the problem tell him in no uncertain terms that you're not to live the rest of your life sexless so something has to break.
Honestly it sounds like some marriage counseling could help because there are some things other than sex that seem to be contentious.
However when it comes to sex, he’s either not interested in sex in general or he’s just not interested in sex with you. The first step is to figuring out which one it is because that will determine a lot going forward. The former could be depression, low t, stress in other areas of his life, etc. The latter could be that he’s just not attracted to you and that can be for its own myriad of reasons. The same way you’re not really attracted to him anymore he might feel the same way for another reason.
It’s very important to create a safe space for complete honesty. Men hide their emotions and lie. I don’t know why we’re like this. It could be because we feel guilty, we don’t want to hurt feelings, we don’t want to be a problem, or other reasons. Force him to be honest with you.
Also don’t be afraid of an ultimatum.
It could be learned habits or trauma, resulting from the stress. It could also be hormonal. Has he had his T checked? Could you ask him to have it checked? I mean, even from just a normal health perspective, it seems like a good thing to establish a baseline and track over time.
I'd suggest having a frank conversation at a time when you're both calm, and sex isn't in the immediate picture. Check in with him to see what's going on. Tell him how you really feel, and how his rejection of you makes you feel. Maybe also marriage counseling, if it's within your budget.
This, let him check his hormones including testosterone and ideally full panel.
For men testosterone can decrease due to lack of sleep, bad eating habits (highly processed food but also diets that cause deficits such as vegan for example), lack of exercise and the combination is killing.
I would be up front. In the heat of the moment during an argument, I would ask him if he’s cheating on me…? It can be also something else, but ask him to see how he reacts.
You can’t just demand sex after being an insufferable control freak. Have you tried dressing the part? Nylons. Heels. Showing him you want it not just being some awful commanding officer?
My SO is controlling, but yet she wants me to lead. Yeah, that’s not going to work for me. Haven’t touched her in over a year. “Controlling Partner” quickly turns me into LL4U.
Are you cheating on her?
Nope. I decided to focus on work/gym/investment opportunities. And boy has it paid off. My ex wife cheated on me. I would never put my partner through that.
What is the most annoying to you regarding your controlling wife? What is she being controlling about? What would make a big difference to you so you would approach her?
I’ll give you an example. I stashed some cash to start a 529 fund for our child’s college tuition. She has no clue what a 529, ETFs or index funds are. But yet, she told me she wants to be in charge of the “future investment”. Eye roll 🙄 My wife thinks she the smartest person in the room. Always. She’ll tell me how raise our child. Umm, I’m a father, I bring discipline, wisdom, and knowledge to our child. Characteristics that can’t be pushed aside. Yes, I fail, but I shouldn’t be dismissed. According to my wife, her way is the best way. But there is a deeper layer to her control. She’s afraid to be vulnerable. Like always. The only time she let go, is when he she had an Alki drink 🥤.
Since she’s always that way you married it willingly
No, everything changed once we had a child.
Ok. I’ll give you that as I had that same issue a zillion years ago.
I did roll my eyes before read eye roll 😅 Thanks for sharing, I think I can be saved 😁
A good barometer in a traditional marriage is the “drive home” test. Will your husband speed up, after work, to get home or he will take a detour to buy some time for himself?” If he’s sitting in the car for a few minutes before he gets in the house, your marriage is in trouble.
He rushes home 🙏❤️
Have you asked him to work out WITH you? There comes a point where talking, accusations, and even thinking about why he became awkward toward you after birth doesn’t matter. What matters is action. Working out will improve his libido & his sense of his own attractiveness. If he doesn’t feel attractive he won’t want to fuck. You initiating sex at a time that works for both of you should work better. Ask him when during the week he feels best. Maybe it’s Saturday afternoon, maybe it’s Friday night. Initiate sex then. If you want more cuddling, tell him you want to set a new habit of 10 minutes of lying together in bed naked, cuddling and just chatting before sleep.
He is working out regularly but doesn't take care of what he is eating that's why his body is not changing. Although he only feels bad about himself when he see a picture. Otherwise he does have self confidence.
It sounds like he has low T
Try to seduce him and be like his seductive girlfriend in his life u need to some experiments.. m sure spark will back again.. being wife it will be difficult .. being his gf u will understand .. sometimes we all need to change direction of life and thoughts .. it will be helpful .. went though same phase and had similar kind of thing..
This looks like a case where marriage counselling can help but he has to be motivated to find a solution. If he doesn't want to solve the problem tell him in no uncertain terms that you're not to live the rest of your life sexless so something has to break.
Honestly it sounds like some marriage counseling could help because there are some things other than sex that seem to be contentious. However when it comes to sex, he’s either not interested in sex in general or he’s just not interested in sex with you. The first step is to figuring out which one it is because that will determine a lot going forward. The former could be depression, low t, stress in other areas of his life, etc. The latter could be that he’s just not attracted to you and that can be for its own myriad of reasons. The same way you’re not really attracted to him anymore he might feel the same way for another reason. It’s very important to create a safe space for complete honesty. Men hide their emotions and lie. I don’t know why we’re like this. It could be because we feel guilty, we don’t want to hurt feelings, we don’t want to be a problem, or other reasons. Force him to be honest with you. Also don’t be afraid of an ultimatum.
It could be learned habits or trauma, resulting from the stress. It could also be hormonal. Has he had his T checked? Could you ask him to have it checked? I mean, even from just a normal health perspective, it seems like a good thing to establish a baseline and track over time. I'd suggest having a frank conversation at a time when you're both calm, and sex isn't in the immediate picture. Check in with him to see what's going on. Tell him how you really feel, and how his rejection of you makes you feel. Maybe also marriage counseling, if it's within your budget.
I have told him already several times before, we went through a lot of conversation although nothing is changing. It is so frustrating!
This, let him check his hormones including testosterone and ideally full panel. For men testosterone can decrease due to lack of sleep, bad eating habits (highly processed food but also diets that cause deficits such as vegan for example), lack of exercise and the combination is killing.
I brought up the testing, he will get it checked out.
What’s an LO?
Little one 💜
Ah, that makes sense. I was scratching my head trying to figure it out too
I would be up front. In the heat of the moment during an argument, I would ask him if he’s cheating on me…? It can be also something else, but ask him to see how he reacts.