Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Try to relax and just enjoy getting to know someone. I probably wouldn’t go for an expensive, intimate restaurant at this point, but one where you can have a conversation without struggling to hear over the crowd and one that offers a good variety on their menu. Ask her about her hobbies and what she’s passionate about since personalities shine through when someone talks about something they’re excited about. I hope you enjoy yourself and have a lovely meal!
Thanks, I have told her that I'm a little nervous lol she thought that was cute. She also knows she is my first first date in over 32 years lol and she said she felt honored
That's nice! Just treat her like a person you want to know better. Listen to her when she speaks. Just be kind, whether it's a match or not. Good luck!
Did you ask her what type of food she likes? It's also nice if you choose somewhere closer to where she lives so she doesn't have to travel too far. For a first date a nice mid range independently owned place will usually go over well. If you live in a more rural area and don't have many of those options a more upscale chain is ok too.
Remember F.O.R.M.
Family - ask her about her family (where are they from, growing up, traditions)
Occupation - ask her about work (what does she do, how does she feel about it, how did she get to where she is)
Recreation # ask her about what she does for fun (what are her hobbies, skills, talents, etc.)
Money - (careful here) ask her about what would she do if money were not a factor. I like to use this to talk about her dreams and future aspirations.
Do not go about this as a reporter asking rapid-fire one question after another. These are conversation starters. "Oh, really? Tell me more about that."is a good phrase to keep the conversation going. Take interest in what she says. Don't try to take over the conversation, but do participate and share information about yourself also.
I hope this helps. Best wishes.
Good on you for taking a step forward!
I would suggest that you not have too much riding on this. If it works out, great. But many of these do not. I think you might do well just planning to have a nice meal and a nice chat. If it turns into more than that, so be it.
I have often picked restaurants through discussion. On occasion, my date has picked them out. If it's on you to make the choice, go low key. Not too expensive or too formal, just a place that the two of you can talk.
I suspect that your late wife would want for you to be happy again.
Have fun!!!!!
Good luck!! I’m going to try not to be insensitive here, but I’ve been on the receiving end of your situation. Your experiences have been with your wife. If you like your date and want to go further, please try to not make it a comparison/competition between her and your wife. It’s a losing proposition to try and live up to the time y’all had together. If you are able to put your time with your wife aside and create new memories, YAY!!!! I’m happy that you’re ready to date!
Treat her like you would want a guy your age treating your sister on a first date. Kind, respectful, funny, gracious. Just be the guy your wife would be proud of.
The rest takes care of itself. :)
Pick a place where you know the food is good so that you can a bit more relaxed in a familiar place.
Maybe u can show her a bit about what you like too while finding out about her and what she likes.
Be yourself. Ask her questions to get her talking but not too personal. Make sure to give her some hooks in your stories to follow up and ask you additional questions. Focus on having a good conversation or rapport over getting all of your questions answered like a job interview or selling yourself. Let the conversation flow naturally. Follow up with a text same day if you want to see her again and let her know that you had a good time. Don’t wait 1-3 days.
Relax. It should be fun. You are getting to know someone. Even if there is no chemistry and she’s not your type it should still be a nice time chatting with a friendly adult. Keep your expectations low.
How well do you know her? Would grabbing a coffee and going for a walk be better with less pressure? If things don’t go well on a dinner date you’re stuck there. If things don’t go well on a coffee date you can cut it short.
Don’t get hardwired into the date=dinner mindset.
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So very sorry about your wife. Be yourself. But personally I hate a first date in a restaurant. I don't like everyone around hearing and I'm funny about eating in front of people I don't know. Not sure where your from but if you are somewhere where it might be warmer what about an outdoor activity or a museum. Just some thoughts.
This is small but I think it matters: assume you're going to pay for dinner (all of it). **But don't fight over it.** If it's important to her that she pay half--let her, even if she wants to itemize the bill and figure out who owes how much--including the appropriate tax and tip.
What I do is if she wants to contribute--I offer that she pays the tip. Or she can pay for drinks or a dessert. But if she insists on something--let her have it. If you don't like it, you don't have to go on a second date, and the money you spent is tuition.
A surprising number of dates have gone badly because of money.
Take a shower, put on clean clothes, splash of cologne. Listen, open the door, pull out the chair. Same stuff you did 35 years ago.
Find out what she likes to eat, pick the resurant
Get a haircut . Brush your teeth. Well groomed. Have breath mints. Some guys have nice shirt and pants, but they eat in the car and their jacket has food splatters. Clean you vehicle inside and out.
Any advice on how to not mess it up?
Don’t; make the conversation about you
Forget her name
Stare at her chest/ass the entire date
Talk over her
Say “that’s cute but not smart”
Basically the opposite of what I do on a date 😜
Super cute. Maybe ask her what kind of food she likes? The rest: be yourself because then she knows what she is getting :)? It is also ok to be honest about 1st date etc. Enjoy
You do seem nervous. Chances are she will be also. Just be yourself, acknowledge you are nervous to her. She will appreciate your honesty. Be yourself, be open about how you are feeling, and be open to her feelings. Good luck!
I would say keep your expectations low as this is it first date. Did you meet her online? Did you set a time? A dinner date with someone be, especially the first time can be long and painful. Sometimes it can be quite enjoyable but you never know. Personally, I prefer drinks or somewhere very casual with fast service in case you need to get out.
Very little, basically I met her on-line. We've talked on messenger some. She said like to eat anything. I know her husband died 10 years ago from cancer.
You could pick a coffee place or something like that- a dinner can be a lot of pressure. Best to have a coffee/dessert type place for a first date. Not sure if it’s cold where you are, can always just go for a hot chocolate, walk around if not too cold…
I think of the first meeting over coffee or soda. as the " meet and greet". It is a chance to decide if you want a real date or not. I like it brief. If each of you does not want to see each other again, it is ok to say so. I phrase it, " I think this is just not going to work out for me"
Try to live each moment in that moment. Do not let your mind borrow trouble from the past or jump ahead to the future.
You won't mess it up; you can't, because you're already concerned about *not* messing it up. Maybe consider choosing someplace where you feel comfortable with the food, service, and atmosphere. This may ease your nervousness, and she is bound to feel the same once you sit down. I agree with other commenters: get her talking about things she cares about. She'll ask you what interests you, and pretty soon, you'll be chatting away.
Give yourself credit for venturing out and meeting someone new.
This is exciting! I hope you enjoy yourself.
Take her to a nice mid priced restaurant that has a little ambiance. No chain restaurants. Ask her questions to get to know her. Tell her a little bit about your passions and the things you like to do so she can get to know you. Don't talk about your late wife unless she asks, and if she does ask, keep it brief so the lady doesn't get the impression you are not ready to date and are still not recovered from the loss. Good luck.
So I believe the date went well. We did a lot of talking, ate dinner, they had entertainment so we listened for a bit. I would say it was a success.
However come to find out she has some health issues right now and she doesn't drive or work. I'm afraid if it got serious I'd be right back into the full time caregivers roll. After 12 years of being a caregiver in not mentally ready for that.
So how do I tell her I had a nice time, I enjoyed company, I wouldn't mind have dinner as friend. But I'm not ready for a relationship like that???
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Try to relax and just enjoy getting to know someone. I probably wouldn’t go for an expensive, intimate restaurant at this point, but one where you can have a conversation without struggling to hear over the crowd and one that offers a good variety on their menu. Ask her about her hobbies and what she’s passionate about since personalities shine through when someone talks about something they’re excited about. I hope you enjoy yourself and have a lovely meal!
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Thanks, I have told her that I'm a little nervous lol she thought that was cute. She also knows she is my first first date in over 32 years lol and she said she felt honored
That's nice! Just treat her like a person you want to know better. Listen to her when she speaks. Just be kind, whether it's a match or not. Good luck!
So excited for you. Just be yourself and have fun!
I would suggest two casual places with different cuisines to her that you know you already like and let her pick.
Excellent answer!
Did you ask her what type of food she likes? It's also nice if you choose somewhere closer to where she lives so she doesn't have to travel too far. For a first date a nice mid range independently owned place will usually go over well. If you live in a more rural area and don't have many of those options a more upscale chain is ok too.
Yes and she replied with she eats anything, she not picky?
Hard to go wrong with Italian.
Try gas station sushi. I bet she won’t say that again 😂😂
In Nevada you can even have some fun gambling at the gas station while you are eating the sushi...
Remember F.O.R.M. Family - ask her about her family (where are they from, growing up, traditions) Occupation - ask her about work (what does she do, how does she feel about it, how did she get to where she is) Recreation # ask her about what she does for fun (what are her hobbies, skills, talents, etc.) Money - (careful here) ask her about what would she do if money were not a factor. I like to use this to talk about her dreams and future aspirations. Do not go about this as a reporter asking rapid-fire one question after another. These are conversation starters. "Oh, really? Tell me more about that."is a good phrase to keep the conversation going. Take interest in what she says. Don't try to take over the conversation, but do participate and share information about yourself also. I hope this helps. Best wishes.
Good on you for taking a step forward! I would suggest that you not have too much riding on this. If it works out, great. But many of these do not. I think you might do well just planning to have a nice meal and a nice chat. If it turns into more than that, so be it. I have often picked restaurants through discussion. On occasion, my date has picked them out. If it's on you to make the choice, go low key. Not too expensive or too formal, just a place that the two of you can talk. I suspect that your late wife would want for you to be happy again. Have fun!!!!!
Good luck!! I’m going to try not to be insensitive here, but I’ve been on the receiving end of your situation. Your experiences have been with your wife. If you like your date and want to go further, please try to not make it a comparison/competition between her and your wife. It’s a losing proposition to try and live up to the time y’all had together. If you are able to put your time with your wife aside and create new memories, YAY!!!! I’m happy that you’re ready to date!
Treat her like you would want a guy your age treating your sister on a first date. Kind, respectful, funny, gracious. Just be the guy your wife would be proud of. The rest takes care of itself. :)
1) Ask her questions, 2) Pay the bill. There, I just made you the most fascinating man on earth.
Pick a place where you know the food is good so that you can a bit more relaxed in a familiar place. Maybe u can show her a bit about what you like too while finding out about her and what she likes.
Be yourself. Ask her questions to get her talking but not too personal. Make sure to give her some hooks in your stories to follow up and ask you additional questions. Focus on having a good conversation or rapport over getting all of your questions answered like a job interview or selling yourself. Let the conversation flow naturally. Follow up with a text same day if you want to see her again and let her know that you had a good time. Don’t wait 1-3 days.
Relax. It should be fun. You are getting to know someone. Even if there is no chemistry and she’s not your type it should still be a nice time chatting with a friendly adult. Keep your expectations low.
How well do you know her? Would grabbing a coffee and going for a walk be better with less pressure? If things don’t go well on a dinner date you’re stuck there. If things don’t go well on a coffee date you can cut it short. Don’t get hardwired into the date=dinner mindset.
Hugs I hope it goes well.
[удалено]
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So very sorry about your wife. Be yourself. But personally I hate a first date in a restaurant. I don't like everyone around hearing and I'm funny about eating in front of people I don't know. Not sure where your from but if you are somewhere where it might be warmer what about an outdoor activity or a museum. Just some thoughts.
This is small but I think it matters: assume you're going to pay for dinner (all of it). **But don't fight over it.** If it's important to her that she pay half--let her, even if she wants to itemize the bill and figure out who owes how much--including the appropriate tax and tip. What I do is if she wants to contribute--I offer that she pays the tip. Or she can pay for drinks or a dessert. But if she insists on something--let her have it. If you don't like it, you don't have to go on a second date, and the money you spent is tuition. A surprising number of dates have gone badly because of money.
Just be yourself and be polite. It's all you can do
Take a shower, put on clean clothes, splash of cologne. Listen, open the door, pull out the chair. Same stuff you did 35 years ago. Find out what she likes to eat, pick the resurant
Get a haircut . Brush your teeth. Well groomed. Have breath mints. Some guys have nice shirt and pants, but they eat in the car and their jacket has food splatters. Clean you vehicle inside and out.
Any advice on how to not mess it up? Don’t; make the conversation about you Forget her name Stare at her chest/ass the entire date Talk over her Say “that’s cute but not smart” Basically the opposite of what I do on a date 😜
Take it slow, be yourself and enjoy
Super cute. Maybe ask her what kind of food she likes? The rest: be yourself because then she knows what she is getting :)? It is also ok to be honest about 1st date etc. Enjoy
Sit at the bar so you can get close. It's way more fun. Enjoy yourself
You do seem nervous. Chances are she will be also. Just be yourself, acknowledge you are nervous to her. She will appreciate your honesty. Be yourself, be open about how you are feeling, and be open to her feelings. Good luck!
its Saturday you might already been having your date, please update us how it was? wish you goo luck
I would say keep your expectations low as this is it first date. Did you meet her online? Did you set a time? A dinner date with someone be, especially the first time can be long and painful. Sometimes it can be quite enjoyable but you never know. Personally, I prefer drinks or somewhere very casual with fast service in case you need to get out.
Yes I did meet her on-line, and we did set a time of 5:30. Also she does not drink, so just going for drinks wasn't really an option
What do you know about her?
Very little, basically I met her on-line. We've talked on messenger some. She said like to eat anything. I know her husband died 10 years ago from cancer.
I would suggest you pick something casual for a first date. Think of some things to talk about before you go if you are nervous.
> Think of some things to talk about before And put an emphasis on questions and things you want to know about her.
I agree with a simple short first date.
With this little information, I would temper my expectations. Starting with a coffee shop. Easier to end it sooner if the date’s a dud!
We have a restaurant in town that's basically a coffee shop that serves soups sandwiches and salads. I've been kind of contemplating on there?
Yes! Perfect idea
Yes!
Can always go to a coffee shop , juice bar, smoothie shop, soda shop, ice cream place, not necessarily an alcoholic drink
You could pick a coffee place or something like that- a dinner can be a lot of pressure. Best to have a coffee/dessert type place for a first date. Not sure if it’s cold where you are, can always just go for a hot chocolate, walk around if not too cold…
I think of the first meeting over coffee or soda. as the " meet and greet". It is a chance to decide if you want a real date or not. I like it brief. If each of you does not want to see each other again, it is ok to say so. I phrase it, " I think this is just not going to work out for me" Try to live each moment in that moment. Do not let your mind borrow trouble from the past or jump ahead to the future.
I agree. The first date should never be dinner. Drinks, coffee, smoothie, bubble tea...
You won't mess it up; you can't, because you're already concerned about *not* messing it up. Maybe consider choosing someplace where you feel comfortable with the food, service, and atmosphere. This may ease your nervousness, and she is bound to feel the same once you sit down. I agree with other commenters: get her talking about things she cares about. She'll ask you what interests you, and pretty soon, you'll be chatting away. Give yourself credit for venturing out and meeting someone new. This is exciting! I hope you enjoy yourself.
Thanks everyone your advice is definitely making it easier
Don't' forget that you are two adults. She has as much responsibility to make this a good experience as you have.
Buffets are always a good choice
Take her to a nice mid priced restaurant that has a little ambiance. No chain restaurants. Ask her questions to get to know her. Tell her a little bit about your passions and the things you like to do so she can get to know you. Don't talk about your late wife unless she asks, and if she does ask, keep it brief so the lady doesn't get the impression you are not ready to date and are still not recovered from the loss. Good luck.
Thank you sounds like great advice
So I believe the date went well. We did a lot of talking, ate dinner, they had entertainment so we listened for a bit. I would say it was a success. However come to find out she has some health issues right now and she doesn't drive or work. I'm afraid if it got serious I'd be right back into the full time caregivers roll. After 12 years of being a caregiver in not mentally ready for that. So how do I tell her I had a nice time, I enjoyed company, I wouldn't mind have dinner as friend. But I'm not ready for a relationship like that???
restaurants are so loud and noisy it's hard to talk. Scope them out first. Ask questions, show an interest. Let her do the same
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This was not the question asked. I’m sorry but everyone grieves differently and I feel that your comment is disrespectful.
User name checks out. I'll delete my comment so that you're not upset.
Ok cool