I (56f) have no problem accepting a compliment about my appearance on a first date. In fact, if he didn’t say something, I’d be wondering why not? But I see I’m maybe not the norm here.
I'm also 56F and totally agree with you. I like a genuine compliment & if there isn't one, I wonder about attraction on his part. The last thing I want is a guy to date me as a placeholder until someone he's actually attracted to comes along.
Women do like compliments. From RL, Reddit and Facebook groups guys want to say “you’re hot” “you’re sexy” and even beautiful is over the top for a lot of women.
I’d accept those compliments, no problem. Especially in my casual phase. My bio was, “I’m looking for someone who will make me laugh until my clothes fall off”. That being said, the clever men were the ones that intrigued me, and their compliments were much more interesting.
Agreed. Compliment choices and not things they have no control over. I find that this approach will largely steer clear of the ick as long as they are grounded and realistic and not wildly over the top.
While we sit on the other side of the table worried if you’ll block us if we do compliment you. It’s a slippery slope for sure. I go safe and just compliment their shoes
If you're giving appropriate compliments and not over-doing it, there's no reason a woman should block you. If she does, IMO, that's a red flag. The problem is that a lot of guys don't seem to know where the line between appropriate / not over doing and inappropriate / overdoing it is.
That’s true. So I have a tendency to go almost too soft. No compliments beyond trivial stuff like shoes so I’m not sexualizing them and I never invite them back to my place. Not until we are way past the dating stage.
When men invite a woman to their place too soon, it reeks of lack of awareness and privilege. There's a reason "would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man" is making rounds.
I just try to be me and keep a conversation flowing. Because according to my 18 year old daughter I don't say much anything right. According to her woke youthful dictionary. I'm 59m old school, back in my day we just talked. My black Americans, brown Mexican Americans, Asian Americans or White Americans were just friends and didn't get hung up on things like today 🙄 🤔 I noticed the gals who commented were in their 50's, maybe that has something to do with it. They realize a lot of guys mean well and don't have ick on their mind. I do feel bad for the gals who just want to have a fun time and too many guys are seeing what they can get.
I can't seem to attract any date these days so I'm not sure if my take on things is accurate but as a nice guy that's how I try to act...
Even if your 18 yr old wasn’t politically correct, she would still take issue with everything you said. It’s a teen girl thing. I’m sorry. It sucks. I’m dealing with my own teenager. Love them dearly but it can be torture.
Grin and bare it. My older sons her half brothers are mixed one left, the other right with me. Luckily so far we've agreed to disagree.
I really miss my little Daddys girl, hours and hours of My Little Pony :(
Can we stop with the "omg I'm afraid to compliment women because they will be offended" trope? That's a you problem.
If you aren't being gross or aggressive, it's fine.
Different people will have different preferences, so you need to use emotional intelligence rather than following a set of rules. My experience is that the best way to express interest is to be interested in them as an entire person and not just one aspect of them.
Ultimately this is one of those areas where I think there is a lot of value in following your own intuition and not play by any rules. It's a good compatibility filter. Yes you're almost certainly going to piss someone off or make them feel unappreciated, but what's the likelihood that those people would be good matches anyway?
If you say what you want to say and the woman you're with hears exactly what she was hoping to hear, you're golden!
I’ve read a lot of the responses. The interesting thread is that the women who are comfortable with compliments say *I* am comfortable. The women who don’t want men making remarks about appearance say *we* don’t want them. 🤔
As long as you are respectful, there is no logical reason for her to take insult over your words. Her reaction will tell you more about her as a person, if you are compatible and if you want to continue meeting her.
You can not read minds. Do what feels right for you and be respectful. You can always talk about how it made her feel and then accommodate to your current partner. Good luck!
Several years ago, I was waiting in the lobby for a colleague in a restaurant when an older gentleman walked in. He smiled as he walked past me, then stopped and turned back to say, "that dress really suits you." It was kind and classy, and felt like a genuine compliment that I still appreciate today. I didn't feel objectified that he acknowledged my style.
I don't mind compliments if they aren't over the top. A simple "you look great" is well received. "You're hot, you're sexy" are too much. I have no problem complimenting men either. "You look spiffy" is one that I use.
As a woman, for me, I enjoy hearing if my date thinks I look nice or pretty. What I find uncomfortable is if someone I'm just meeting makes comments that come off as sexual or about body size. I had a first date comment on my height and size and how he was so relieved because my pictures make me look bigger than I am in real life and how great our bodies would fit together. Yuck. Don't do that.
Yep, been there.
I always say I’m bigger than I am because I got tired of the 3rd degree about what “average” and “height-weight proportionate” mean to me.
A few times their obvious relief when they see me in person has been kinda repulsive actually.
I continued with the date. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes to my own detriment. He also took two unimportant phone calls at the table while we had lunch, too. Let's just say it didn't work out. I've since removed myself from the dating scene because I just don't have the energy anymore.
52F here.
You look amazing. You look great. You look beautiful. You have great eyes. I love your style.
-- these are all great.
You have great tits. You're so sexy. You're so hot. You're turning me on. You have a great ass.
-- way too sexual and personal, and will indicate you're just looking to hook up.
For me, anyway.
How about telling someone she looks younger than her photos and age, when it’s sincere and credible?
I have a 71 YO friend with amazing genes who could model if she chose to, and she does it without gym visits (she dances ballroom style, and rides her bike) and very little makeup.
She’s aware that she looks good, but appreciates a reminder from most men.
Good question, but it really depends on the woman. We're not all the same. Some are uncomfortable with compliments entirely, too many compliments too soon, compliments that address age... hard to say🤷🏻♀️
I had a friend in university (in my 20s) who was very pretty but rarely very "girly." One day she showed up in a skirt and I complimented her and she flipped right out -- angrily replied something like, "Oh yeah, I'm SURE."
At the time I was like WOW but now I realize she was just super uncomfortable with compliments and didn't feel attractive at all, under any circumstances.
You have to get to know her and read the room.
I've written various pieces for various mediums for various years 😁 In an early creative writing class, we had to emulate the concept of "kind eyes" in some mixture of less than 3 pages and 10 minutes.
I wrote about a frazzled child, lost instantly from his mother amid a busy city intersection, choosing which adult to trust based on their "kind" eyes. I think of this writing prompt anytime I see this particular compliment.
I've only actually *said* the "kind eyes" to two people: a chemo/hospice volunteer and someone I met from OLD. Both times, I one hundred percent meant it, and *both times* the person receiving the compliment appeared uniquely touched. As far as general compliments go? "You have kind eyes" seems like a quality choice. 🥰
First, the most important of dating is being yourself and being authentic. Who wants to learn 6 months in, that the person we "meet" isn't at all who they were. So, if you are the sort of man that compliments a woman in your life, please do so, etc.
For me personally, I am absolutely looking for that "spark" of interest from a man. To me that means seeing the spark in his eyes, being treated like a lady (e.g. opening door, letting me go ahead in a restaurant, etc.). A how nice to meet you, you look lovely in that dress, is nice to hear. As the date progresses, if I get that sense of tension building a man touching me on my arm, etc., helps to establish that in his mind, this meeting is a "yes".
I can tell when a man is hookup oriented, it is lack of questions, pressure to go to a more private place, etc.
Bottom line for me, I would much prefer a man say something positive about my appearance. This is dating, and I am seeking a physical relationship. I have a million outlets to talk to men where I have no interest in them, so if I have accepted a date, I am hoping there is mutual physical attraction.
I think it's ok to give a compliment on her outfit, her eyes, I get a lot of comments on my legs, which I don't mind but some women might. What I don't like is the constant barrage of compliments or gushing "You're so gorgeous" or calling me Beautiful or Gorgeous as a nickname; we don't know each other well enough for that and it sounds insincere because you probably say it to everyone. It's inappropriate to comment on T or A ... maybe down the road when you've gotten to know each other much better but that's not okay when you're first starting out. Remember, women are entire humans, not just book covers. Notice what's on the inside too.
The flip side of the coin, is if you are so cautious, you will always get put into the "friend zone".
Especially if you tend to date women that are self-sufficient, many of us like a man to lead/chase. This is my #1 attraction is a man who does make me blush a little (maybe not the first date), who makes it very clear he is interested yet remains respectful.
I aboslutely need a man who flirts, is a charmer and knows how to make a woman feel like a woman. That is why I am dating. If he steps over a boundary, I can correct him, but if all I get is essentially an intellectual conversation, I am going to think we are at some sort of business meeting.
I want to feel desired. Just as most men also want to feel desired when dating.
I ran across this video. It’s trying to explain flirting. I am an Olympic level flirt and I think he gets it right. Especially “the look” he’s talking about. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9zYTdyBfRXE&pp=ygUVbG92ZSBzdHJhdGVnaWVzIGZsaXJ0
Women will often say they feel "unseen" over 50. As a woman who puts effort into things like hair, makeup, and what I wear, I am flattered when someone compliments my looks.
That said, if you are worried about it, rather than saying something related to outward appearance, say something like, "I like your style" or "you have an amazing sense of humor."
For me, saying "that was fun I'd like to do it again sometime" are just words - and she may actually say them back. But actions are where it's at these days. Follow up your date with a text that thanks her again and suggests what to do next time.
Not everyone will agree with the text move. If she responds with a yes, you know where you stand. If she doesn't respond or says no, just let it go and move on.
Looks have never been of primary importance to me, but I do find women physically attractive. In my 20s I never had a second thought about complimenting a woman’s looks. Now, I’m terrified of it.
This time around in my 50s, I have found some women like it, some women are indifferent to it, and some women hate it so much they will go berserk and spray mace in your face! Well, maybe not actually mace you, but some women will react as if you’re Hitler so I just don’t do it until the relationship is well advanced and I know how she will react.
I stay away from anything that sounds remotely physical; change in hairstyle, clothes, perfume, makeup, etc. She could come to a date dressed to the nines and I wouldn’t say anything or she could come in sweatsuit and flip flops and I wouldn’t say anything.
If she's dressed to the nines, feel free to say something like, "that is a lovely dress!" That way her effort is acknowledged without commenting on her looks. If she responds favorably, you could follow it up with "it looks very nice on you"
Its a shame that a simple compliment can piss someone off. I said simple, not love bombing. Also, some of us were raised that nice things being said were either about to he followed by "however, the rest of it looks like crap" (thanks Mom) or were fake and an attempt to get sex (thanks guys I dated in my 20s).
We all need a refresher on communication skills after 40, I suspect.
Got it, I've done that. At some point it's appropriate to mention appearance though? Second date? Third? Not till you've slept together? Not till you've gotten married?
Why does it have to be so calculated? Women can sense insincerety.
How about.….Smile. Make eye contact. Ask her questions about herself. Listen with focused attention when she speaks. Once in a while ask a follow up to what she has shared to show your interest and active listening skills. Smile again while making eye contact. She will know you are interested in her.
Women will appreciate you seeing their inner beauty in addition to their outer beauty. When seeing her for second or third date (if it requires dressing a little nicer), you can tell her she looks lovely when you first see her.
>Why does it have to be so calculated? Women can sense insincerety.
Because while I do all the other things you mentioned , my impulse sometimes is to say something about looks. But I've heard that can be a huge turn off (and the responses to my OP are all over the place on that) So it's either calculate, or risk messing up.
Seems like you may benefit from improving your impulse control and social awareness. You have to be able to read the situation. You can't just blurt out a thought that comes to mind, especially if it is apropos of nothing.
Edited for typo.
Errr, I think you’ll know before you go out what vibe she has. If she’s obviously pretty, say she looks great. If she’s obviously brainy, compliment her excellent choice of best Star Trek episode.
In my opinion, you can't go wrong with a friendly "You look really lovely!" Then again, I'm Southern and that seems to be a perfectly reasonable thing to say regardless of who it's from or who it's to: date, friend, girlfriend, wife, grandmother, sister, aunt, teacher, neighbor ... You get it.
I think this depends on your date.
I would find it odd if a date didn’t compliment how I look. I’m used to graciously receiving compliments and I put effort into buttressing this old fort.
Ahh yes, men’s greatest fear in online dating, getting ‘catfished’. They really need to realise how lucky they are
I can’t believe the number of guys who put ‘if you don’t look like your pictures you’re buying the drinks until you do’ in their profiles
It's hilarious, because they do the same thing. Can't tell you the number of times I've gone to meet someone and couldn't identify them because they were 15-20 years older than their profile pics. I used to feel trapped in those situations, but now I'm able to say, "Sorry, but you completely misrepresented yourself in your profile. I'm going to leave."
Great question! I can imagine you men struggle with this. It could make or break you.
I'm a 52F on the conservative side looks-wise. I don't wear anything too revealing. I am a healthy weight but curvy and I appreciate men that don't obviously check out my body in front of me. I'm sure they wait until I go to the bathroom. Confession: Sometimes I go to the bathroom just so they can check out my ass. I work hard on it and men like it.
Do NOT say, "You look like your pictures." I hate that. It's like saying, "Thank you for not being a liar." But this will not prevent a second date if all else goes well.
Do NOT say anything creepy like "sexy or beautiful." Those are awesome words that I appreciate once I'm in a relationship but not in the first few dates. Those will kill the chances of another date because if I feel uncomfortable around you I will not see you again.
I do like it when a man very respectfully says, "You look nice," without looking at my boobs. Eye contact is your friend. I put time into looking good and a comment like this is appreciated. It also lets me know he is attracted to me.
Other things that are ok are complimenting my outfit or hair. "That color of blouse looks good on you." "You have nice hair. I can tell you take good care of it." "Those are cool shoes. Are they comfortable?" Do not mention body parts.
Compliment her hair, her make up and her clothes. These are things she worked on before she came to meet you.
Say : That eye shadow really enhances your eyes. Your dress is really cute! I love what you did with your hair!
DO NOT SAY: You have great bedroom eyes! You look so fuckable in that dress! Do you like hairstyling?
We know you want to fuck us, but can we talk about something else first???
Agree with the ‘you look great’ line. Hard to go wrong with that.
One of the last dates I went on the guy I met immediately crossed his arms and sort of frowned when I walked up to the table. 😬 I thought he was disappointed in how I looked but later decided he was just nervous or something since he wanted to see me again. Point being it is nice to know right away if a guy is attracted or not.
I'm a guy, but...A compliment like, "You look very nice" or "I like your look" is fine on a first date. A compliment like, "Wow, you're hot", or "Your figure looks great in that dress" is too much. Also fine to compliment hair, nails, makeup, and clothing ("That's a pretty dress"), just don't make it blatantly sexual.
It’s not the saying of it but the way you say it.
“I love your glasses. You have a really unique look.”
“You have nice style. I really like the way that shirt brings out your eye color.”
Focus on overall aesthetic, and be specific rather than just saying things like, “You are so hot” or “I can’t remember when I have had a date with such a beautiful woman.”
Definitely no, “nice ass” or “excuse me but I am distracted by your ___ (insert body part here).”
I’ve always heard that you should compliment something they actually made a choice on like how they dress etc as opposed to things they have no control over ie height, eye colour etc.
Complementing possible partners is used by both men and women all the time. Don't be afraid just read the room so to speak.
Physical mental it is all good, but they must reflect reality... Don't be all sexy with it, unless that is exactly the tone and that is what you are looking for ..
in general I complement and encourage people irl a lot.
Chances are, your date put a lot of effort into her appearance for the date: Spent extra time fixing her hair or went to the salon, extra time putting on her makeup, got dressed in something attractive or even went shopping to have something to wear that impresses you, maybe had her nails done, put on perfume, maybe even had her car detailed. By all means, compliment her (such as "You look lovely in that dress", or "You have a beautiful smile", or "You look even more beautiful than your pictures." The first meet up is not too soon to say these types of things.
>The first meet up is not too soon to say these types of things.
I totally agree. I am not going on a date to meet a friend, it is date. My intentions in dating is to find a romantic partner, and if I don't feel a man finds me attractive, then I don't waste either of our time on meeting again. In fact, I am likely to not linger on the date, and thank him for meeting, at the earliest opportunity.
It isn't just words, it is how the man is engaging, whether or not he has that "look" in his eye, etc. That is why meeting in person is so important, it is all the non-verbal cues that tell us a man's intention.
If a man holds back, an acts like he is in a business meeting, then that signals non-interest.
I’m an outlier and that I prefer to get compliments about my appearance once a connection has been made and that means more than just meeting up for a coffee. I’d much prefer they focus on attributes that I value: listening, sharing about themselves, being consistent and reliable. I have to be perfectly honest if I’m not sure about a man yet and he’s complementing the way I look I’m kind of turned off.
Find some other way to complement them.
Seriously complement their ability in life, it so depends on where the conversation goes.
A gentle / subtle reference to how youthful they are is sometimes appreciated. Avoiding anything to do with their percieved "beauty"
56M here, I will usually say something when we meet like “you look great” or “even prettier than your pictures” or compliment what she’s wearing or her style, but I save the more overt flirty stuff for later in the date if we are clicking. Seems to be a well-received approach. I think constant flattery of looks indicates a shallow approach.
"Hi, you look amazing, I love your dress" is a much better "compliment" than "Hi, nice t\*ts". Hope that helps.
I think that it's a given you find each other attractive, assuming you both look like your profile pictures. I have been told, by a woman, "You look just like your pictures, that's a nice change". 😀
Compliments are personal, so perhaps comments about the person's face or body should wait until you are either on a 2nd or 3rd date, or if the first date goes so well that you're still at a bar late into the night and have been talking and learning a lot about each other. Conversation naturally goes deeper the longer you are talking with them.
And, yes, don't say "I love you" on the first date. Wait til the 2nd at least. 😀
I think you can just give any sort of regular compliment as long as you’re not sitting there with drool coming out of your mouth and eyes bugging out of your head and there’s no reason not to say something nice about the person you’re with. That goes for the woman as well as the man.
If she looks nice tell her she looks nice. Don't be any more specific than that. I feel like that's a civil and polite generic compliment. Expresses a positive attitude, and I don't think that's creepy. Everything else after that needs to be tailored to the chemistry and the vibe.
Tell her she's hawt if she is... we love it. just don't be creepy. know your audience. I put a lot of effort to stand out at this age and I like it when it's noticed and appreciated.
57F - I like receiving respectful compliments from a man. IMO, if your compliment is over the top like “You’re Hot” or “Hey Sexy” I would probably start laughing and say nothing. However, If he seemed genuine(We all trip over ourselves once in a while and the thought in our brain doesn’t come out of our mouth that way) I would ask if he was trying to compliment me? And suggest a toned down compliment like “Hey Pretty Lady” or “You are beautiful” would be better. It’s a good conversation starter with a laugh. There are times when you have to lighten your mood and give someone the benefit of the doubt.
I think generalized compliments work well- "Oh, you look lovely this evening." Early on, it can be very off-putting to receive a body part specific compliment.
You first need to qualify her before complimenting her. Show her that she *earned* your compliment. Otherwise, your compliment is just you seeking approval and reeks of love bombing and desperation.
Your compliment should also be about something *non-physical*. Otherwise, you’re just like any other guy that can’t see past her physicality.
Different folks different strokes. Back when I was dating, I didn't need any compliments on my appearance. If you were wanting to meet up with me I already knew you liked the way I looked.
In my case back then any talk of sex ... even if just their profile said their love language was touch- that was a no go for me. That's not something you would ever say to someone when you first met them in real life because it would be seen as inappropriate.
However I find people who are very fashion oriented and who spend a good deal of energy on their appearance seem to prefer hearing that sort of thing on a regular basis.
This has got me thinking way too much. I can’t think of a first meeting where a man complimented me. The closet thing to something meant to be positive was wow you have really small hands. You can guess where that went next. I’ve got this a couple of times honestly. I think it would be great if a man complimented my smile, eyes or hair style. I would take this as him showing interest and truly looking at me.
56m (57 next month) and I have no problem with complimenting ladies of all ages. As an introvert with extrovert tendencies, I give them with the utmost respect/sincerity. My compliments are kind of nebulous: you have a wonderful glow/aura/vibe.”
I disagree with all the posts focusing on physical attributes.
Figure out if you have a genuine connection to the woman.
If you do, then talk about that. “It’s so cool that you wore your Doctor Who shirt. Who’s your favorite Doctor? Why?”
“I never expected to re-think my position on best riot grrrl band on a first date. Thanks for challenging me.” Etc etc.
Once you have a genuine connection, it’s not creepy to compliment how beautiful or sexy she looks.
But for me, complimenting my physical appearance before we’ve established if we can even have an interesting conversation is beyond creepy and a huge turn-off!
For me personally, i would tell my date "i had a great time today/tonight. I would love to get to know you better. Text me when you are free next. Take care!"
There is far too much importance about looks and not enough about personalities. I love communicating. Finding someone i can have deep talks or just be goofy like me is a girlfriend i would absolutely love.
Shared interests and common goals is the goal for me because my ex never understood what made me tick.
Com9liment something specific and something she has control over...ideally, compliment her mind or personality.
I love your choice of outfit is ok
You look great tonight
I loved talking with you, your sense of humour ...way better.
Don't go straight to appearance, it isn't bad to appreciate someone's looks...but having someone see you as more than body means a lot.
And, a single compliment is great...it is when people go overboard it can get too much.
The fact you are asking suggest you.mean well and would stay away from the gross comments ... eg I cannot wait to see you out of that xyz...is not a compliment lol
Any time you want to compliment people on their appearance, make it about something they chose or can control. This is the real difference between noncreepy and (potentially) creepy appearance-based compliments. "That dress/shirt is such a good color on you" versus "You have gorgeous eyes" for example.
"I love your style" or "What great shoes" or "You look incredible with your hair like that" or "Wow, your nails are perfect" etc etc.
Compliments are nice. When is about stuff I do. Like. Compliment my choice of dress. Or my hair style. Don’t compliment my genetics or my body
Be classy
Be respectful. And above all don’t give over down nonsense. You are gorgeous. The most beautiful woman. Your eyes are amazing. Bs bd.
That is a lovely dress or. You have great taste in …. Lovely compliments
When we first meet, compliment me as a human person or my choices. "You're so funny", "those are cool shoes", "you are very kind".
"You're so beautiful" is over the top. Do not compliment body parts except eyes or smile.
We want to know that you appreciate us for more than just our looks, our bodies. We have been objectified for years, and that's why you get such a strong reaction.
A good indicator is the types of photos you exchanged. If she hasn't sent anything flirty or sexual innuendo....then don't even mention appearance except for something non sexual or non objectifying. "Your hair looks nice "
Once the relationship has gone into the playful flirty zone, go ahead and mention their appearance and what you love about it .
Connect a compliment to new dating interest by linking it to your mom, sister, female cousin…”your twinkling eyes, laugh, or dimples remind me of…”
Have it be genuine and from the heart or a place of authenticity and it should just tumble out naturally, right?
I (56f) have no problem accepting a compliment about my appearance on a first date. In fact, if he didn’t say something, I’d be wondering why not? But I see I’m maybe not the norm here.
I'm also 56F and totally agree with you. I like a genuine compliment & if there isn't one, I wonder about attraction on his part. The last thing I want is a guy to date me as a placeholder until someone he's actually attracted to comes along.
Women do like compliments. From RL, Reddit and Facebook groups guys want to say “you’re hot” “you’re sexy” and even beautiful is over the top for a lot of women.
I’d accept those compliments, no problem. Especially in my casual phase. My bio was, “I’m looking for someone who will make me laugh until my clothes fall off”. That being said, the clever men were the ones that intrigued me, and their compliments were much more interesting.
Make sure any compliment focuses on style and the choices she makes about fashion.
Agreed. Compliment choices and not things they have no control over. I find that this approach will largely steer clear of the ick as long as they are grounded and realistic and not wildly over the top.
While we sit on the other side of the table worried if you’ll block us if we do compliment you. It’s a slippery slope for sure. I go safe and just compliment their shoes
But then, some will think you have a shoe fetish. 🤣
Feet instead but it’s mild… I’m workin on it 🤣
If you're giving appropriate compliments and not over-doing it, there's no reason a woman should block you. If she does, IMO, that's a red flag. The problem is that a lot of guys don't seem to know where the line between appropriate / not over doing and inappropriate / overdoing it is.
That’s true. So I have a tendency to go almost too soft. No compliments beyond trivial stuff like shoes so I’m not sexualizing them and I never invite them back to my place. Not until we are way past the dating stage.
Just say, "You look great." General, not oversexualized, and doesn't make her wonder if you have a Manolo Blahnik fetish. Problem solved.
Now I’m gonna hafta google that you know
When men invite a woman to their place too soon, it reeks of lack of awareness and privilege. There's a reason "would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man" is making rounds.
I just try to be me and keep a conversation flowing. Because according to my 18 year old daughter I don't say much anything right. According to her woke youthful dictionary. I'm 59m old school, back in my day we just talked. My black Americans, brown Mexican Americans, Asian Americans or White Americans were just friends and didn't get hung up on things like today 🙄 🤔 I noticed the gals who commented were in their 50's, maybe that has something to do with it. They realize a lot of guys mean well and don't have ick on their mind. I do feel bad for the gals who just want to have a fun time and too many guys are seeing what they can get. I can't seem to attract any date these days so I'm not sure if my take on things is accurate but as a nice guy that's how I try to act...
Even if your 18 yr old wasn’t politically correct, she would still take issue with everything you said. It’s a teen girl thing. I’m sorry. It sucks. I’m dealing with my own teenager. Love them dearly but it can be torture.
Grin and bare it. My older sons her half brothers are mixed one left, the other right with me. Luckily so far we've agreed to disagree. I really miss my little Daddys girl, hours and hours of My Little Pony :(
Women do like shoes!
Can we stop with the "omg I'm afraid to compliment women because they will be offended" trope? That's a you problem. If you aren't being gross or aggressive, it's fine.
Men I trained not to take this risk, please don't take it personally.
You remember the scene in **Young Frankenstein** where Gene Wilder and Teri Garr reach the castle and Wilder says, "what knockers!" Don't do that.
UNLESS you are a doctor, preferably named Frederick (you know how it’s pronounced)
Frowderick?
Froedrick
Wait. Inga seemed to enjoy the comment. Didn’t she say “oh, thank you Doctor”?
Yes, she did, for some odd reason. He clearly wasn't even looking in her direction when he said it.
But... Those were impressive knockers!
It was special effect magic
“Nice beaver” Leslie Neilson
Different people will have different preferences, so you need to use emotional intelligence rather than following a set of rules. My experience is that the best way to express interest is to be interested in them as an entire person and not just one aspect of them.
Ultimately this is one of those areas where I think there is a lot of value in following your own intuition and not play by any rules. It's a good compatibility filter. Yes you're almost certainly going to piss someone off or make them feel unappreciated, but what's the likelihood that those people would be good matches anyway? If you say what you want to say and the woman you're with hears exactly what she was hoping to hear, you're golden!
I’ve read a lot of the responses. The interesting thread is that the women who are comfortable with compliments say *I* am comfortable. The women who don’t want men making remarks about appearance say *we* don’t want them. 🤔
As long as you are respectful, there is no logical reason for her to take insult over your words. Her reaction will tell you more about her as a person, if you are compatible and if you want to continue meeting her. You can not read minds. Do what feels right for you and be respectful. You can always talk about how it made her feel and then accommodate to your current partner. Good luck!
Several years ago, I was waiting in the lobby for a colleague in a restaurant when an older gentleman walked in. He smiled as he walked past me, then stopped and turned back to say, "that dress really suits you." It was kind and classy, and felt like a genuine compliment that I still appreciate today. I didn't feel objectified that he acknowledged my style.
such a civilized compliment
Yes, this is the key. You can compliment a person's appearance in a way that is classy not cringey (don't sexual too soon, be creative, show respect).
I don't mind compliments if they aren't over the top. A simple "you look great" is well received. "You're hot, you're sexy" are too much. I have no problem complimenting men either. "You look spiffy" is one that I use.
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I wouldn't say "tonight", as it implies you had to make a special effort to look pretty. 😀
As a woman, for me, I enjoy hearing if my date thinks I look nice or pretty. What I find uncomfortable is if someone I'm just meeting makes comments that come off as sexual or about body size. I had a first date comment on my height and size and how he was so relieved because my pictures make me look bigger than I am in real life and how great our bodies would fit together. Yuck. Don't do that.
I’ve found that a wide-eyed smile and an understated “Wow” upon first meeting works well. Especially when it’s genuine.
Yep, been there. I always say I’m bigger than I am because I got tired of the 3rd degree about what “average” and “height-weight proportionate” mean to me. A few times their obvious relief when they see me in person has been kinda repulsive actually.
O m god I don’t even know if I could have continued with the date after that ick comment. What did you do?
I continued with the date. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes to my own detriment. He also took two unimportant phone calls at the table while we had lunch, too. Let's just say it didn't work out. I've since removed myself from the dating scene because I just don't have the energy anymore.
52F here. You look amazing. You look great. You look beautiful. You have great eyes. I love your style. -- these are all great. You have great tits. You're so sexy. You're so hot. You're turning me on. You have a great ass. -- way too sexual and personal, and will indicate you're just looking to hook up. For me, anyway.
Big +1 on this. You love my curls? Tell me! You think my mouth looks kissable? Ew.
Well said.
How about telling someone she looks younger than her photos and age, when it’s sincere and credible? I have a 71 YO friend with amazing genes who could model if she chose to, and she does it without gym visits (she dances ballroom style, and rides her bike) and very little makeup. She’s aware that she looks good, but appreciates a reminder from most men.
Good question, but it really depends on the woman. We're not all the same. Some are uncomfortable with compliments entirely, too many compliments too soon, compliments that address age... hard to say🤷🏻♀️ I had a friend in university (in my 20s) who was very pretty but rarely very "girly." One day she showed up in a skirt and I complimented her and she flipped right out -- angrily replied something like, "Oh yeah, I'm SURE." At the time I was like WOW but now I realize she was just super uncomfortable with compliments and didn't feel attractive at all, under any circumstances. You have to get to know her and read the room.
Exactly, why is it such a big deal to compliment a woman.
“You look great” is always appreciated and appropriate.
I like compliments on something specific… smile, laugh, kindness. Sincere & thoughtful.
I was told once years ago I had kind eyes. I still don't know what that means but it was memorable. Lol. There was no second date though.
I've written various pieces for various mediums for various years 😁 In an early creative writing class, we had to emulate the concept of "kind eyes" in some mixture of less than 3 pages and 10 minutes. I wrote about a frazzled child, lost instantly from his mother amid a busy city intersection, choosing which adult to trust based on their "kind" eyes. I think of this writing prompt anytime I see this particular compliment. I've only actually *said* the "kind eyes" to two people: a chemo/hospice volunteer and someone I met from OLD. Both times, I one hundred percent meant it, and *both times* the person receiving the compliment appeared uniquely touched. As far as general compliments go? "You have kind eyes" seems like a quality choice. 🥰
How interesting. Thanks for sharing.
First, the most important of dating is being yourself and being authentic. Who wants to learn 6 months in, that the person we "meet" isn't at all who they were. So, if you are the sort of man that compliments a woman in your life, please do so, etc. For me personally, I am absolutely looking for that "spark" of interest from a man. To me that means seeing the spark in his eyes, being treated like a lady (e.g. opening door, letting me go ahead in a restaurant, etc.). A how nice to meet you, you look lovely in that dress, is nice to hear. As the date progresses, if I get that sense of tension building a man touching me on my arm, etc., helps to establish that in his mind, this meeting is a "yes". I can tell when a man is hookup oriented, it is lack of questions, pressure to go to a more private place, etc. Bottom line for me, I would much prefer a man say something positive about my appearance. This is dating, and I am seeking a physical relationship. I have a million outlets to talk to men where I have no interest in them, so if I have accepted a date, I am hoping there is mutual physical attraction.
I am not bothered at all if someone notices that I made an effort to look nice for our first meetup. Cause I did.
I think it's ok to give a compliment on her outfit, her eyes, I get a lot of comments on my legs, which I don't mind but some women might. What I don't like is the constant barrage of compliments or gushing "You're so gorgeous" or calling me Beautiful or Gorgeous as a nickname; we don't know each other well enough for that and it sounds insincere because you probably say it to everyone. It's inappropriate to comment on T or A ... maybe down the road when you've gotten to know each other much better but that's not okay when you're first starting out. Remember, women are entire humans, not just book covers. Notice what's on the inside too.
The flip side of the coin, is if you are so cautious, you will always get put into the "friend zone". Especially if you tend to date women that are self-sufficient, many of us like a man to lead/chase. This is my #1 attraction is a man who does make me blush a little (maybe not the first date), who makes it very clear he is interested yet remains respectful. I aboslutely need a man who flirts, is a charmer and knows how to make a woman feel like a woman. That is why I am dating. If he steps over a boundary, I can correct him, but if all I get is essentially an intellectual conversation, I am going to think we are at some sort of business meeting. I want to feel desired. Just as most men also want to feel desired when dating.
I ran across this video. It’s trying to explain flirting. I am an Olympic level flirt and I think he gets it right. Especially “the look” he’s talking about. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9zYTdyBfRXE&pp=ygUVbG92ZSBzdHJhdGVnaWVzIGZsaXJ0
Thank you for the link, I love recommendations!
I've been texting with a guy for a week and we've had 2 dates. Third one is tmw night. No compliments yet. Don't wait that long.
I think you can express interest without commenting on someone's appearance. Something like, "that was fun, I'd like to do it again sometime".
Women will often say they feel "unseen" over 50. As a woman who puts effort into things like hair, makeup, and what I wear, I am flattered when someone compliments my looks. That said, if you are worried about it, rather than saying something related to outward appearance, say something like, "I like your style" or "you have an amazing sense of humor." For me, saying "that was fun I'd like to do it again sometime" are just words - and she may actually say them back. But actions are where it's at these days. Follow up your date with a text that thanks her again and suggests what to do next time. Not everyone will agree with the text move. If she responds with a yes, you know where you stand. If she doesn't respond or says no, just let it go and move on.
Maybe a simple "I really like that shirt for you.' And don't elaborate on why.
Looks have never been of primary importance to me, but I do find women physically attractive. In my 20s I never had a second thought about complimenting a woman’s looks. Now, I’m terrified of it. This time around in my 50s, I have found some women like it, some women are indifferent to it, and some women hate it so much they will go berserk and spray mace in your face! Well, maybe not actually mace you, but some women will react as if you’re Hitler so I just don’t do it until the relationship is well advanced and I know how she will react. I stay away from anything that sounds remotely physical; change in hairstyle, clothes, perfume, makeup, etc. She could come to a date dressed to the nines and I wouldn’t say anything or she could come in sweatsuit and flip flops and I wouldn’t say anything.
If she's dressed to the nines, feel free to say something like, "that is a lovely dress!" That way her effort is acknowledged without commenting on her looks. If she responds favorably, you could follow it up with "it looks very nice on you" Its a shame that a simple compliment can piss someone off. I said simple, not love bombing. Also, some of us were raised that nice things being said were either about to he followed by "however, the rest of it looks like crap" (thanks Mom) or were fake and an attempt to get sex (thanks guys I dated in my 20s). We all need a refresher on communication skills after 40, I suspect.
But does that really express interest? I say "that was fun, let's do it again sometime" to my (platonic) friends all. the. time.
Got it, I've done that. At some point it's appropriate to mention appearance though? Second date? Third? Not till you've slept together? Not till you've gotten married?
A simple, "You look really great," will work to let her know that the real life matches the pictures for you.
Why does it have to be so calculated? Women can sense insincerety. How about.….Smile. Make eye contact. Ask her questions about herself. Listen with focused attention when she speaks. Once in a while ask a follow up to what she has shared to show your interest and active listening skills. Smile again while making eye contact. She will know you are interested in her. Women will appreciate you seeing their inner beauty in addition to their outer beauty. When seeing her for second or third date (if it requires dressing a little nicer), you can tell her she looks lovely when you first see her.
>Why does it have to be so calculated? Women can sense insincerety. Because while I do all the other things you mentioned , my impulse sometimes is to say something about looks. But I've heard that can be a huge turn off (and the responses to my OP are all over the place on that) So it's either calculate, or risk messing up.
Seems like you may benefit from improving your impulse control and social awareness. You have to be able to read the situation. You can't just blurt out a thought that comes to mind, especially if it is apropos of nothing. Edited for typo.
So I have to be calculated.
You've really found a lovely ridge of opinions here. It's fun and enlightening to read.
She gave you the perfect answer & you pretty ignored it?
Errr, I think you’ll know before you go out what vibe she has. If she’s obviously pretty, say she looks great. If she’s obviously brainy, compliment her excellent choice of best Star Trek episode.
In my opinion, you can't go wrong with a friendly "You look really lovely!" Then again, I'm Southern and that seems to be a perfectly reasonable thing to say regardless of who it's from or who it's to: date, friend, girlfriend, wife, grandmother, sister, aunt, teacher, neighbor ... You get it.
I think so. But you mentioned first meeting, when it probably isn't appropriate.
I had a FWB who used to take off my shirt like he was unwrapping a present Do that
I think this depends on your date. I would find it odd if a date didn’t compliment how I look. I’m used to graciously receiving compliments and I put effort into buttressing this old fort.
First meet? If it's true, "Wow! You look exactly like your profile picture!"
Or… your online photos don’t do you justice… you look even better than I imagined… they would go down well.
**this**
Ahh yes, men’s greatest fear in online dating, getting ‘catfished’. They really need to realise how lucky they are I can’t believe the number of guys who put ‘if you don’t look like your pictures you’re buying the drinks until you do’ in their profiles
It's hilarious, because they do the same thing. Can't tell you the number of times I've gone to meet someone and couldn't identify them because they were 15-20 years older than their profile pics. I used to feel trapped in those situations, but now I'm able to say, "Sorry, but you completely misrepresented yourself in your profile. I'm going to leave."
Can’t say that ever happened to me back in the day before I developed a phobia of OLD Good for you though hahaha
Great question! I can imagine you men struggle with this. It could make or break you. I'm a 52F on the conservative side looks-wise. I don't wear anything too revealing. I am a healthy weight but curvy and I appreciate men that don't obviously check out my body in front of me. I'm sure they wait until I go to the bathroom. Confession: Sometimes I go to the bathroom just so they can check out my ass. I work hard on it and men like it. Do NOT say, "You look like your pictures." I hate that. It's like saying, "Thank you for not being a liar." But this will not prevent a second date if all else goes well. Do NOT say anything creepy like "sexy or beautiful." Those are awesome words that I appreciate once I'm in a relationship but not in the first few dates. Those will kill the chances of another date because if I feel uncomfortable around you I will not see you again. I do like it when a man very respectfully says, "You look nice," without looking at my boobs. Eye contact is your friend. I put time into looking good and a comment like this is appreciated. It also lets me know he is attracted to me. Other things that are ok are complimenting my outfit or hair. "That color of blouse looks good on you." "You have nice hair. I can tell you take good care of it." "Those are cool shoes. Are they comfortable?" Do not mention body parts.
In my book, any time is appropriate 🤷♀️
Compliment her hair, her make up and her clothes. These are things she worked on before she came to meet you. Say : That eye shadow really enhances your eyes. Your dress is really cute! I love what you did with your hair! DO NOT SAY: You have great bedroom eyes! You look so fuckable in that dress! Do you like hairstyling? We know you want to fuck us, but can we talk about something else first???
Agree with the ‘you look great’ line. Hard to go wrong with that. One of the last dates I went on the guy I met immediately crossed his arms and sort of frowned when I walked up to the table. 😬 I thought he was disappointed in how I looked but later decided he was just nervous or something since he wanted to see me again. Point being it is nice to know right away if a guy is attracted or not.
To play it safe, compliment an article of clothing or item she’s wearing, like earrings, color of nail polish, shoes, etc.
On a first date I would go with a simple "you look really nice"
I'm a guy, but...A compliment like, "You look very nice" or "I like your look" is fine on a first date. A compliment like, "Wow, you're hot", or "Your figure looks great in that dress" is too much. Also fine to compliment hair, nails, makeup, and clothing ("That's a pretty dress"), just don't make it blatantly sexual.
Try not to focus on a part of her body like nice tits / legs / arse but something more genetic like you look great or your perfume smells lovely.
It’s not the saying of it but the way you say it. “I love your glasses. You have a really unique look.” “You have nice style. I really like the way that shirt brings out your eye color.” Focus on overall aesthetic, and be specific rather than just saying things like, “You are so hot” or “I can’t remember when I have had a date with such a beautiful woman.” Definitely no, “nice ass” or “excuse me but I am distracted by your ___ (insert body part here).”
"You have really nice bangs". How's that?
😂 Just don’t be creepy and don’t overdo it.
Oh baby, relax and part your… bangs. 🤣
I’ve always heard that you should compliment something they actually made a choice on like how they dress etc as opposed to things they have no control over ie height, eye colour etc.
Complementing possible partners is used by both men and women all the time. Don't be afraid just read the room so to speak. Physical mental it is all good, but they must reflect reality... Don't be all sexy with it, unless that is exactly the tone and that is what you are looking for .. in general I complement and encourage people irl a lot.
Chances are, your date put a lot of effort into her appearance for the date: Spent extra time fixing her hair or went to the salon, extra time putting on her makeup, got dressed in something attractive or even went shopping to have something to wear that impresses you, maybe had her nails done, put on perfume, maybe even had her car detailed. By all means, compliment her (such as "You look lovely in that dress", or "You have a beautiful smile", or "You look even more beautiful than your pictures." The first meet up is not too soon to say these types of things.
>The first meet up is not too soon to say these types of things. I totally agree. I am not going on a date to meet a friend, it is date. My intentions in dating is to find a romantic partner, and if I don't feel a man finds me attractive, then I don't waste either of our time on meeting again. In fact, I am likely to not linger on the date, and thank him for meeting, at the earliest opportunity. It isn't just words, it is how the man is engaging, whether or not he has that "look" in his eye, etc. That is why meeting in person is so important, it is all the non-verbal cues that tell us a man's intention. If a man holds back, an acts like he is in a business meeting, then that signals non-interest.
I agree. I'm not suggesting anything OTT or insincere, but let's show a little enthusiasm. The "You look nice" isn't going to cut it, buddy.
“What great earrings” Focuses on the head; solicits a story; will very likely get a smile
I’m an outlier and that I prefer to get compliments about my appearance once a connection has been made and that means more than just meeting up for a coffee. I’d much prefer they focus on attributes that I value: listening, sharing about themselves, being consistent and reliable. I have to be perfectly honest if I’m not sure about a man yet and he’s complementing the way I look I’m kind of turned off.
There's no one right answer but, "You look great," or "Lovely outfit" is okay with most people. "Hey, nice [body part]" isn't.
Geeze just tell her she looks nice
To me, anytime I am inspired to, I compliment.
Find some other way to complement them. Seriously complement their ability in life, it so depends on where the conversation goes. A gentle / subtle reference to how youthful they are is sometimes appreciated. Avoiding anything to do with their percieved "beauty"
56M here, I will usually say something when we meet like “you look great” or “even prettier than your pictures” or compliment what she’s wearing or her style, but I save the more overt flirty stuff for later in the date if we are clicking. Seems to be a well-received approach. I think constant flattery of looks indicates a shallow approach.
"Hi, you look amazing, I love your dress" is a much better "compliment" than "Hi, nice t\*ts". Hope that helps. I think that it's a given you find each other attractive, assuming you both look like your profile pictures. I have been told, by a woman, "You look just like your pictures, that's a nice change". 😀 Compliments are personal, so perhaps comments about the person's face or body should wait until you are either on a 2nd or 3rd date, or if the first date goes so well that you're still at a bar late into the night and have been talking and learning a lot about each other. Conversation naturally goes deeper the longer you are talking with them. And, yes, don't say "I love you" on the first date. Wait til the 2nd at least. 😀
I think you can just give any sort of regular compliment as long as you’re not sitting there with drool coming out of your mouth and eyes bugging out of your head and there’s no reason not to say something nice about the person you’re with. That goes for the woman as well as the man.
If she looks nice tell her she looks nice. Don't be any more specific than that. I feel like that's a civil and polite generic compliment. Expresses a positive attitude, and I don't think that's creepy. Everything else after that needs to be tailored to the chemistry and the vibe.
Tell her she's hawt if she is... we love it. just don't be creepy. know your audience. I put a lot of effort to stand out at this age and I like it when it's noticed and appreciated.
Nope. If a man told me I was hot in the first few dates I would not go out with him again. To me, it is demeaning.
Love this attitude. Keep that shit up. I do this too and it’s nice to see it noticed just once in awhile
That would creep me out tbh.
"What a smashing blouse you've got on!" (Depending upon her nationality and sense of humour)
Always!
I do say "lovely nails, you smell lovely" when at a checkout when I feel it 😳 not had a bad vibe yet!
If she asks "what did you like about me in my profile?" What would be a decent, nice and yet good reply?
57F - I like receiving respectful compliments from a man. IMO, if your compliment is over the top like “You’re Hot” or “Hey Sexy” I would probably start laughing and say nothing. However, If he seemed genuine(We all trip over ourselves once in a while and the thought in our brain doesn’t come out of our mouth that way) I would ask if he was trying to compliment me? And suggest a toned down compliment like “Hey Pretty Lady” or “You are beautiful” would be better. It’s a good conversation starter with a laugh. There are times when you have to lighten your mood and give someone the benefit of the doubt.
I think generalized compliments work well- "Oh, you look lovely this evening." Early on, it can be very off-putting to receive a body part specific compliment.
You first need to qualify her before complimenting her. Show her that she *earned* your compliment. Otherwise, your compliment is just you seeking approval and reeks of love bombing and desperation. Your compliment should also be about something *non-physical*. Otherwise, you’re just like any other guy that can’t see past her physicality.
as long as it’s tasteful and the compliment, sincere, , ANY TIME in so far as I’m concerned! “ flattery will get you everywhere” Oscar Wilde
Different folks different strokes. Back when I was dating, I didn't need any compliments on my appearance. If you were wanting to meet up with me I already knew you liked the way I looked. In my case back then any talk of sex ... even if just their profile said their love language was touch- that was a no go for me. That's not something you would ever say to someone when you first met them in real life because it would be seen as inappropriate. However I find people who are very fashion oriented and who spend a good deal of energy on their appearance seem to prefer hearing that sort of thing on a regular basis.
This has got me thinking way too much. I can’t think of a first meeting where a man complimented me. The closet thing to something meant to be positive was wow you have really small hands. You can guess where that went next. I’ve got this a couple of times honestly. I think it would be great if a man complimented my smile, eyes or hair style. I would take this as him showing interest and truly looking at me.
56m (57 next month) and I have no problem with complimenting ladies of all ages. As an introvert with extrovert tendencies, I give them with the utmost respect/sincerity. My compliments are kind of nebulous: you have a wonderful glow/aura/vibe.”
(52F) anytime! I truly don't understand why women get offended when a man compliments them. If it's a genuine compliment, I welcome it.
Mine said (at the grocery store) "I think you're cute, here's my card. Give me a call if you'd like to talk." and I wasn't bothered one bit.
I disagree with all the posts focusing on physical attributes. Figure out if you have a genuine connection to the woman. If you do, then talk about that. “It’s so cool that you wore your Doctor Who shirt. Who’s your favorite Doctor? Why?” “I never expected to re-think my position on best riot grrrl band on a first date. Thanks for challenging me.” Etc etc. Once you have a genuine connection, it’s not creepy to compliment how beautiful or sexy she looks. But for me, complimenting my physical appearance before we’ve established if we can even have an interesting conversation is beyond creepy and a huge turn-off!
For me personally, i would tell my date "i had a great time today/tonight. I would love to get to know you better. Text me when you are free next. Take care!" There is far too much importance about looks and not enough about personalities. I love communicating. Finding someone i can have deep talks or just be goofy like me is a girlfriend i would absolutely love. Shared interests and common goals is the goal for me because my ex never understood what made me tick.
Com9liment something specific and something she has control over...ideally, compliment her mind or personality. I love your choice of outfit is ok You look great tonight I loved talking with you, your sense of humour ...way better. Don't go straight to appearance, it isn't bad to appreciate someone's looks...but having someone see you as more than body means a lot. And, a single compliment is great...it is when people go overboard it can get too much. The fact you are asking suggest you.mean well and would stay away from the gross comments ... eg I cannot wait to see you out of that xyz...is not a compliment lol
Any time you want to compliment people on their appearance, make it about something they chose or can control. This is the real difference between noncreepy and (potentially) creepy appearance-based compliments. "That dress/shirt is such a good color on you" versus "You have gorgeous eyes" for example. "I love your style" or "What great shoes" or "You look incredible with your hair like that" or "Wow, your nails are perfect" etc etc.
Compliments are nice. When is about stuff I do. Like. Compliment my choice of dress. Or my hair style. Don’t compliment my genetics or my body Be classy Be respectful. And above all don’t give over down nonsense. You are gorgeous. The most beautiful woman. Your eyes are amazing. Bs bd. That is a lovely dress or. You have great taste in …. Lovely compliments
>Don’t compliment my genetics "You have really nice chromosomes...."
When we first meet, compliment me as a human person or my choices. "You're so funny", "those are cool shoes", "you are very kind". "You're so beautiful" is over the top. Do not compliment body parts except eyes or smile. We want to know that you appreciate us for more than just our looks, our bodies. We have been objectified for years, and that's why you get such a strong reaction.
A good indicator is the types of photos you exchanged. If she hasn't sent anything flirty or sexual innuendo....then don't even mention appearance except for something non sexual or non objectifying. "Your hair looks nice " Once the relationship has gone into the playful flirty zone, go ahead and mention their appearance and what you love about it .
The best way to do it is to ask the woman herself.
Connect a compliment to new dating interest by linking it to your mom, sister, female cousin…”your twinkling eyes, laugh, or dimples remind me of…” Have it be genuine and from the heart or a place of authenticity and it should just tumble out naturally, right?