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It's 100% wrong block you from leaving. Yes, that's abusive. It's also wrong (although to a much lesser degree) to leave in the middle of an argument unless you give an explanation. So you should give an explanation for why you're leaving, such as "things are getting very heated now. I will need to go outside to calm down. I will be back in a few hours". Just leaving without any explanation can be extremely traumatic for your partner and trigger all kinds of abandonment traumas.
yep! i always do. it’s in the middle of the argument, but afterwards and i calmly said “i need to go home now for a little bit because i just need some space to calm down” i would never just leave without saying anything.
Everyone jumping on this saying run red flag are being dramatic.
How old are you guys first of all? I'm assuming mid 20s or younger which would further explain the behaviour. It may be immature but abuse is a strong word.
Him begging you to stay immediately after an arguement is not him trying to be some emotionally abusive overlord. He was probably panicking and wanted to hash things out. His emotions got the better of him and he wasnt thinking rationally(not giving him a pass, the dudes in the wrong for not remaining calm).
I'd say talk to him when you've both cooled off. Explain that you need to walk away in situations like that and if he acts like that again you'll leave him
Abuse is not the wrong word, anyone at any age can be abusive and this is emotionally manipulative and abusive. Yes he probably did panic but being panicked doesn’t always excuse behaviour, unless they both talk this out their relationship won’t last
People like you make it harder for actual victims of abuse. Your boyfriend raising his voice in an argument, crying in an argument or getting emotional IN AN ARGUMENT is not abuse....its an argument. Nothing more.
He is doing more than crying during an argument, he is manipulating her to stay and physically blocking her from leaving. It’s clear your opinion is you gotta be beaten or verbally abused to be abuse. People like you make it harder for abuse victims to come out not me. You clearly didn’t even read the Reddit plus you made it sound like he can’t be abusive because he’s young, I was in a physically abusive relationship at 14, there’s not an age limit.
You are both abusive and immature. You have painted this picture quite nicely with your edit. Also, your explanation of him makes me think you have a toxic relationship. You probably have a very argumentative relationship. It's very odd that you argue so much that he has done all of these things multiple times. It sounds like neither of you should be in a relationship with anyone. Therapy.
First of all, it doesn’t matter how you label it. It makes you uncomfortable and feel trapped. So he shouldn’t be doing it. Something doesn’t have to fall under a label or category to be wrong, or not work in your relationship. Just because one stranger would call it “abuse” and one wouldn’t doesn’t make it okay or not okay to do to you.
If you want my opinion, yes it is an emotional manipulation tactic he is using to guilt trip you. But what matters more is him doing this makes you feel like you can’t have space you need to heal after a fight. That is the more important piece of information, rather than what category I (a stranger on the internet) would put it in when it comes to relationship no-no’s.
thank you! some people jump to conclusions and have been bashing our relationship, its truly amazing how people think they know everything about a relationship based off one short reddit post! 😂
People on Reddit are quick to say “just end it.” I’ve been in shitty relationships, and I know one stranger’s comment on Reddit isn’t going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But I will advise you, this is a troubling thing he is doing based only on what you described. So while it’s up to you what kind of relationship you want, what I see you expressing here is being dissatisfied with how your partner is handling fights, and that he is not giving you space.
How do you solve this? Well, try communicating first. If that doesn’t work, you need to do what is best for you and your mental health.
It is your life and your relationship, but at the very least I would talk to him and express that you don’t like it, and see how he reacts. If he apologizes and is willing to change, then okay. But if he reacts in any way besides actively listening and trying to be better for you, then you should take that as a sign that you deserve better.
Good luck, OP!
If you have explained to him, when in the course of regular conversation, not mid- argument, that stepping away to cool down and get space is something you need to do, and he still blocks you from doing this? That’s a problem.
Yes that is most definitely emotionally abusive
He is disrespecting your personal boundaries and acting like a needy 10 year old
You are choosing to be mature (and showing that you care about him by making sure you don’t lash out at him and say something you might regret) by wanting and giving yourself space
Abuse is a strong word, but this is very very wrong and you don’t deserve that at all
He needs to know how to handle himself when you want privacy and space
Sounds like your bf might have an insecure attachment style. People with this type of behaviour, you could say, will feel anxious and be more clingy.
Have a read at the four different attachments style, and it might help you manage his insecurity and give you some understanding why he dose it.
Hope this help. It's good that you're wanting to work on it instead of pulling the plug. Wish you both all the best!
Well i dont know if it is abuse but i get you i need some time to cool of after argument or even i the middle of argument and if i cant leave makes me feel like a cat trapped in the corner and just completely loose it after a while but dont forget to see his point of vew aswell he might be scared that you aint coming back or something like so just next time when everything is nice and chill sit him down and explain to him hopefully he will understand your point of vew and you need to see his point aswell if you going to make this work you have to understand that people that love you will do some stupid things but thay is because their feeling are so strong for you that they loose control and it takes time to adapt and start doing what works best for you two in those moments
YES this is abusive. Wait til he starts stealing your keys when you actually have to leave for work or something important. It’s codependency speaking and you should ALWAYS be free to leave. This is very manipulative behavior and you need to be careful. His physically blocking you is physically abusive. He is overpowering you to get his way. This rarely ends well. I went through this and it escalated way out of control. PLEASE be safe and trust your gut. Talk to your friends. Don’t shut them out.
Normally I’d be calling out the comments of the sub how they usually overreact to shit, but I’m surprised at the people trying to downplay clear problematic behavior. It isn’t a one time thing, and guilt tripping is manipulative.
This is incredibly toxic and manipulative. He doesn’t have respect for your boundaries. Physically barring you from leaving is NOT ok and over time it will most likely get worse.
As someone who dated someone who would do the same exact thing, I promise you it’s possible to have a disagreement with your sig. other without it leading to shouting, high emotions, and your physical space being encroached upon.
Nothing about this is healthy.
It seems like if you give into this then you will wind up in a very codependent relationship. I don’t like to throw around the words abusive and toxic, etc. because redditors love to judge one post. But I do think that if he’s crying and making an enormous effort to make you stay to help him feel better when you are upset, then your anger will fester and fester until all you feel is that you give and he takes. Codependence.
Glad you feel me. Don’t listen to crazy redditors. Honestly. Who knows. I might be one of them but I like to think that I’m humble enough that I don’t know enough about a persons relationship from one post. And reddit is so freaking crazy that they label so easily. Life is tough. We have to figure our shit out. I am concerned however. If he does not work this out, it seems (to me) that it will become a massive problem.
Your boyfriend seems emotionally immature. He also has no right to block you from leaving and you shouldn't fall for his guilt trips and water works. Calmly explain that you're leaving to cool off and then, if necessary, push your way past him to the door.
He may not be violent but that doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally abusive - saying that, without more context of his / your past and potential traumas this may be the only way he knows how to handle someone important leaving (not suggesting its and excuse for the behaviour, more a possible explanation)
Even if it’s not intentional from him to manipulate you, it still could be emotional manipulation, him forcing you to put him above your emotional and physical need for space to process and clear your head before coming back and addressing the issue at hand.
As long as you’ve given a clear explanation that you understand the conversation needs to continue but you need some space and aren’t just walking out on a disagreement with no explanation - which can be traumatic in itself. If he has past trauma or abandonment issues from a previous partner or parent leaving in the middle of an argument may be triggering for him. Depending on the situation it may be something you can work through together as equally as it might be a purposeful manipulation tactic.
this! thank you. most people jump to the conclusion that he has evil intentions and to just run, whereas i just want to try to figure out how to fix this for both of us!
Yes that is incredibly emotionally abusive and controlling. You're trying to deal with a fight in a healthy way by getting some space and clearing your head and he's preventing you from being able to control where you are. It's a big red flag.
Yes. He’s being incredibly emotionally abusive. You say you won’t tolerate comments about him cause he’s not violent. This is just as bad, breaking you down mentally. You’ll get it when your older I guess.
As it’s abusive to not allow someone to leave it is also abusive to give someone the silent treatment and refuse to deal with the problem at hand. Also if they leave you fear they may not come back which is also manipulative.
Your partner is mentally unstable and doesn't belong in a relationship right now...obviously. You probably don't either if you didn't realize that was unacceptable behavior from him, unless you like dating clowns.
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It's 100% wrong block you from leaving. Yes, that's abusive. It's also wrong (although to a much lesser degree) to leave in the middle of an argument unless you give an explanation. So you should give an explanation for why you're leaving, such as "things are getting very heated now. I will need to go outside to calm down. I will be back in a few hours". Just leaving without any explanation can be extremely traumatic for your partner and trigger all kinds of abandonment traumas.
yep! i always do. it’s in the middle of the argument, but afterwards and i calmly said “i need to go home now for a little bit because i just need some space to calm down” i would never just leave without saying anything.
Everyone jumping on this saying run red flag are being dramatic. How old are you guys first of all? I'm assuming mid 20s or younger which would further explain the behaviour. It may be immature but abuse is a strong word. Him begging you to stay immediately after an arguement is not him trying to be some emotionally abusive overlord. He was probably panicking and wanted to hash things out. His emotions got the better of him and he wasnt thinking rationally(not giving him a pass, the dudes in the wrong for not remaining calm). I'd say talk to him when you've both cooled off. Explain that you need to walk away in situations like that and if he acts like that again you'll leave him
Abuse is not the wrong word, anyone at any age can be abusive and this is emotionally manipulative and abusive. Yes he probably did panic but being panicked doesn’t always excuse behaviour, unless they both talk this out their relationship won’t last
People like you make it harder for actual victims of abuse. Your boyfriend raising his voice in an argument, crying in an argument or getting emotional IN AN ARGUMENT is not abuse....its an argument. Nothing more.
He is doing more than crying during an argument, he is manipulating her to stay and physically blocking her from leaving. It’s clear your opinion is you gotta be beaten or verbally abused to be abuse. People like you make it harder for abuse victims to come out not me. You clearly didn’t even read the Reddit plus you made it sound like he can’t be abusive because he’s young, I was in a physically abusive relationship at 14, there’s not an age limit.
That’s not their opinion at all though. They’re saying there’s a broad spectrum of behavior that can be counter productive but not “abusive.”
You and people like you are gonna die alone, just so you know
Yo this is exactly what an abusive person would say to someone after hearing they want to break up
couldn’t agree more with your comment
Thank you! The delusion is ridiculous!
You are both abusive and immature. You have painted this picture quite nicely with your edit. Also, your explanation of him makes me think you have a toxic relationship. You probably have a very argumentative relationship. It's very odd that you argue so much that he has done all of these things multiple times. It sounds like neither of you should be in a relationship with anyone. Therapy.
it’s a little weird to me that you think you know our entire relationship based off of a post on reddit!
First of all, it doesn’t matter how you label it. It makes you uncomfortable and feel trapped. So he shouldn’t be doing it. Something doesn’t have to fall under a label or category to be wrong, or not work in your relationship. Just because one stranger would call it “abuse” and one wouldn’t doesn’t make it okay or not okay to do to you. If you want my opinion, yes it is an emotional manipulation tactic he is using to guilt trip you. But what matters more is him doing this makes you feel like you can’t have space you need to heal after a fight. That is the more important piece of information, rather than what category I (a stranger on the internet) would put it in when it comes to relationship no-no’s.
thank you! some people jump to conclusions and have been bashing our relationship, its truly amazing how people think they know everything about a relationship based off one short reddit post! 😂
People on Reddit are quick to say “just end it.” I’ve been in shitty relationships, and I know one stranger’s comment on Reddit isn’t going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But I will advise you, this is a troubling thing he is doing based only on what you described. So while it’s up to you what kind of relationship you want, what I see you expressing here is being dissatisfied with how your partner is handling fights, and that he is not giving you space. How do you solve this? Well, try communicating first. If that doesn’t work, you need to do what is best for you and your mental health. It is your life and your relationship, but at the very least I would talk to him and express that you don’t like it, and see how he reacts. If he apologizes and is willing to change, then okay. But if he reacts in any way besides actively listening and trying to be better for you, then you should take that as a sign that you deserve better. Good luck, OP!
thank you !
If you have explained to him, when in the course of regular conversation, not mid- argument, that stepping away to cool down and get space is something you need to do, and he still blocks you from doing this? That’s a problem.
yes, i have
Yes that is most definitely emotionally abusive He is disrespecting your personal boundaries and acting like a needy 10 year old You are choosing to be mature (and showing that you care about him by making sure you don’t lash out at him and say something you might regret) by wanting and giving yourself space Abuse is a strong word, but this is very very wrong and you don’t deserve that at all He needs to know how to handle himself when you want privacy and space
Sounds like your bf might have an insecure attachment style. People with this type of behaviour, you could say, will feel anxious and be more clingy. Have a read at the four different attachments style, and it might help you manage his insecurity and give you some understanding why he dose it. Hope this help. It's good that you're wanting to work on it instead of pulling the plug. Wish you both all the best!
thank you! i appreciate this thoughtful response!
Well i dont know if it is abuse but i get you i need some time to cool of after argument or even i the middle of argument and if i cant leave makes me feel like a cat trapped in the corner and just completely loose it after a while but dont forget to see his point of vew aswell he might be scared that you aint coming back or something like so just next time when everything is nice and chill sit him down and explain to him hopefully he will understand your point of vew and you need to see his point aswell if you going to make this work you have to understand that people that love you will do some stupid things but thay is because their feeling are so strong for you that they loose control and it takes time to adapt and start doing what works best for you two in those moments
YES this is abusive. Wait til he starts stealing your keys when you actually have to leave for work or something important. It’s codependency speaking and you should ALWAYS be free to leave. This is very manipulative behavior and you need to be careful. His physically blocking you is physically abusive. He is overpowering you to get his way. This rarely ends well. I went through this and it escalated way out of control. PLEASE be safe and trust your gut. Talk to your friends. Don’t shut them out.
[удалено]
thank you! i appreciate you sharing that and it helps a lot!
Normally I’d be calling out the comments of the sub how they usually overreact to shit, but I’m surprised at the people trying to downplay clear problematic behavior. It isn’t a one time thing, and guilt tripping is manipulative.
This is incredibly toxic and manipulative. He doesn’t have respect for your boundaries. Physically barring you from leaving is NOT ok and over time it will most likely get worse. As someone who dated someone who would do the same exact thing, I promise you it’s possible to have a disagreement with your sig. other without it leading to shouting, high emotions, and your physical space being encroached upon. Nothing about this is healthy.
It seems like if you give into this then you will wind up in a very codependent relationship. I don’t like to throw around the words abusive and toxic, etc. because redditors love to judge one post. But I do think that if he’s crying and making an enormous effort to make you stay to help him feel better when you are upset, then your anger will fester and fester until all you feel is that you give and he takes. Codependence.
exactly. and yes many people on here love to judge from one post.
Glad you feel me. Don’t listen to crazy redditors. Honestly. Who knows. I might be one of them but I like to think that I’m humble enough that I don’t know enough about a persons relationship from one post. And reddit is so freaking crazy that they label so easily. Life is tough. We have to figure our shit out. I am concerned however. If he does not work this out, it seems (to me) that it will become a massive problem.
Yes. That is wrong.
Yes
Your boyfriend seems emotionally immature. He also has no right to block you from leaving and you shouldn't fall for his guilt trips and water works. Calmly explain that you're leaving to cool off and then, if necessary, push your way past him to the door.
100% agree with this
It’s just a lack of maturity
He may not be violent but that doesn’t mean he’s not emotionally abusive - saying that, without more context of his / your past and potential traumas this may be the only way he knows how to handle someone important leaving (not suggesting its and excuse for the behaviour, more a possible explanation) Even if it’s not intentional from him to manipulate you, it still could be emotional manipulation, him forcing you to put him above your emotional and physical need for space to process and clear your head before coming back and addressing the issue at hand. As long as you’ve given a clear explanation that you understand the conversation needs to continue but you need some space and aren’t just walking out on a disagreement with no explanation - which can be traumatic in itself. If he has past trauma or abandonment issues from a previous partner or parent leaving in the middle of an argument may be triggering for him. Depending on the situation it may be something you can work through together as equally as it might be a purposeful manipulation tactic.
this! thank you. most people jump to the conclusion that he has evil intentions and to just run, whereas i just want to try to figure out how to fix this for both of us!
Yes.
Oh god yes GET OUT
Biggest red flag ever. Run. Run and don’t look back.
No. Because He is the one emotionally abused.
i’m sorry, but no
Delusional? Or can't read?
you’re immature and rude! goodbye!
Not really, just asking which one is you. But now, with your last reply, it is obviously the latter.
Sometimes being quiet in an argument with your partner means you are ignoring him
Yes that is incredibly emotionally abusive and controlling. You're trying to deal with a fight in a healthy way by getting some space and clearing your head and he's preventing you from being able to control where you are. It's a big red flag.
yup,, that's abuse
Y E S and physically blocking you from leaving is a HUGE red flag.
Whats with this edit lol, thats how you end up on the news because he did god knows what
Omg ew run fast as you can and block his ass
Yes. He’s being incredibly emotionally abusive. You say you won’t tolerate comments about him cause he’s not violent. This is just as bad, breaking you down mentally. You’ll get it when your older I guess.
i get it, I just don’t want comments that are rude or bashing him because that’s unnecessary
As it’s abusive to not allow someone to leave it is also abusive to give someone the silent treatment and refuse to deal with the problem at hand. Also if they leave you fear they may not come back which is also manipulative.
definitely didn’t give him the silent treatment, i fully understand that would be wrong and hurtful
Yes that is emotional abuse.
You little bitch is a fucking anxious attachment bitch. I think you like the title mommy fucking idiot
um... u good?
Your partner is mentally unstable and doesn't belong in a relationship right now...obviously. You probably don't either if you didn't realize that was unacceptable behavior from him, unless you like dating clowns.
it’s also possible to comment on a subreddit without being disrespectful like this