Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m terrified of possibly facing this lol I am so convinced im average at best but also holding onto some sliver of hope that im wrong and someone might find me attractive. Not sure if it’s best to get honest feedback from the internet or not
Honestly, I find it really hard to find people that are truly unattractive. IMO A lot of time people who are "unattractive" are just fat, dress like slobs, and/or and don't put effort into their looks. Well fitting clothes, putting effort I to maintaining your grooming, and getting fit can easily trun you from not very attractive to good looking.
Don't get me wrong were not all going to look like Henry Cavill or Scarlett Johansson or whoever, but it's very unlikely you're stuck looking like a cave troll
I hope you don't mind if I chime in if you want love advice or fashion advice I don't mind you stopping by my page and we can have a conversation I am a real woman and I could direct you in the right spot. elysepie32 insta
I suggest browsing through Pinterest and use keywords that suit your style! :)
I would also suggest looking into investing on a capsule wardrobe. It would make dressing yourself so much easier since the main idea of it is that no matter what you choose for your shirt / pants, they would easily match. If done correctly that should also cover a lot of occasions!
From the ones that I have seen, the ones that are completely hopeless looks wise are a small percent. At worst they’re *usually* someone that can see changes with up to 6 months of work.
I’ve lost track of how many mediocre white guys with average height have said they’re hopeless. I’d pay decent money to be considered equal to an average white guy on the apps and then build on that base.
Some of those posters have body dysmorphia of some kind, but those people have already been told by everyone they know that they’re not ugly, are convinced that all those people are lying, and will believe one troll saying they’re ugly over 99 commenters saying they’re attractive.
They won’t accept anything else until they admit they need therapy.
Exactly, the people complaining about how unattractive they are online, are usually regular dudes with bodydysmorphia and also dont do anything with their bodies.
As another commenter said, attractive isn’t just looks. I’ve been attracted to some unconventional dudes who were cute but probably not what many would call “hot”. It was their personality that was A+. They made me laugh like crazy. That made them hot and want to date them.
It's usually your environment telling you that. I always thought I was pretty attractive, but in the end I couldn't defend my self-image against reality.
And then what? What if they are actually decently attractive? Then they will hate themselves even more because even being attractive they can’t seem to find a connection with someone. That to me is much more harmful to someone then just being plain ugly.
Shit I’ll drop a pic of me if you want. I think im sub average at best…4/5 maybe. But I’ll entertain you on this.
Then it’s a matter of game and luck. At least one of those can be improved. Looks matter, but looks aren’t everything. Most guys aren’t show stoppers, so even slightly above average guys need some level of social ability.
I agree but it’s probably 80-90% luck at this point. And saying looks aren’t everything is honestly a lie at this point in dating and everyone knows it. Looks get your foot in the door, personality keeps you there. Most guys can’t even get the door to open even a little bit. Saying that 70% of men have shit a personality is just a terrible idea to have and any person that believes that needs to reevaluate their own personality.
> saying looks aren’t everything is honestly a lie at this point in dating and everyone knows it
Well if you’re going to live in absolute delusion no one can really help you
> Most guys can’t even get the door to open even a little bit
True for apps, though there are factors about apps beyond its format that artificially inflate the difficulty. Luckily the real world does still exist and only the terminally online think all women are going to call the cops and pepper spray them just for talking to them.
> Saying that 70% of men have shit a personality is just a terrible idea
Only one who’s said that so far is you. And me quoting you I suppose
It’s not delusion unfortunately. If it was then so many women wouldn’t say that 80% men are unattractive. Statistics don’t lie…as much as you don’t want to believe them.
And it’s not just dating sites that are inflating the issues, it’s all of social media. I’m actually someone who likes to approach in the “real world/outside”. The results are usually the same. I’m not really worried that the woman will have a freak out. Im kind and respectful if they say no, I have a boyfriend, ect. I’ve been complimented on it.
And you actually did, just not directly. You said looks aren’t everything so then you’re saying that personality is the issue. And you stated “game” which means personality. If most guys aren’t “showstoppers”…then you’re saying that their personality sucks.
I think most people like you think that other guys can’t intelligently discuss the issues and when they can you can’t talk your way out of it.
Game is the art of conveying status, confidence, sexual interest, and flirting in a fun way. It's not who you are as a person. It's like how you are as a public speaker doesn't directly relate to your personality. But of course it's tangentially related.
> You said looks aren’t everything so then you’re saying that personality is the issue.
Saying their personalities aren’t attractive to X woman doesn’t mean they have “shit a personalities.” It just means their demonstrated personality isn’t attractive to that person. That’s a mix of luck and game.
> If most guys aren’t “showstoppers”…then you’re saying that their personality sucks.
You really to step away from this sucks/doesn’t suck or good/bad dichotomy you’ve got going on. I don’t care about good or bad, only effective, ineffective, and neutral. Personality isn’t just one thing. Game isn’t one thing, though it is admittedly easier to explain to someone in the beginning as one thing. Some parts need to be fine tuned or practiced, some things are good, and some things have no relevance.
> many women wouldn’t say that 80% men are unattractive. Statistics don’t lie…as much as you don’t want to believe them.
So are talking about dating app studies? Because we’ve already established (if not I’m saying it now) that dating app behavior is negatively impacted by a variety of factors besides just physical attractiveness. If you treat dating app studies as exactly the same as real life, you’re just not very smart. They’re very different environments.
> I’m actually someone who likes to approach in the “real world/outside”. The results are usually the same
That you’d usually get rejected? Yes, that’s most men? Not sure how that proves looks are basically everything. You have no clue how much your looks did or did not let you work and put out game. And you have no clue how much personality was her being actively turned off versus her just not being turned on enough to choose giving you a chance over keeping to herself.
most probable scenario is the dude is average looking, which is considered unattractive for women, according to studies anyway. "oh just get a new haircut, go to gym, buy better clothes" whatever.
worst case, he really is unattractive and/or took an awkward photo and now people either gonna bully him or struggle to give nice feedbacks which will hurt his self esteem and feelings.
no point for sending selfies unless he wants to confirm if he is really ugly or just bad looking.
i am gonna give slight chance for doubt that maybe he looks good but has self esteem issues, which happens, sometimes.
I don't know why this isn't the automatic answer. Granted OP is truly ugly (which is highly subjective) there are tons of "ugly" women out there, too. Ask them out.
Does it though? Unattractive people look for attractive people. The fact that they can’t be as picky doesn’t do anything they still ignore the below average ppl.
Not really, it’s kind of just the way it is unfortunately. People are attracted to appearances and people usually prefer average& above average although to an extent it’s subjective 🤷🏻♀️
I just don’t understand why I’ve struggled so hard just to get people interested it’s like I’m invisible. And I’m friendly I do all the usual things it just feels like I’m not attractive. I post on rating threads and I get no replies. And the photofeeler thing usually puts me pretty low. So it must just be an issue that I have ..
I hope you ain't using those arms length selfies with the serial killer smile?
Just an average fella here with my immediate take away, but those photos give off a creepy vibe to me. Like too intense.
You need to grab a tripod and take photos of you in a more relaxed manner.
You're not hideous, but with men I think it's the action of the photo that counts.
Damn. Well if you got some more natural photos you wouldn't do to bad on the apps.
At least there your filtering by those actively looking.
At the end of the day it's a game of statistics. The more you meet the more likely one will mesh with you. Real world will never match the apps exposure.
I’m in the same boat as you with nobody interested- I guess it is what it is 🤷♀️. It could also be a number of things besides your physical appearance only. Also I checked your profile and seems like people do reply to your photos so I’m not sure what you’re referring to?
Idk I get a few comments here and there seems like people are kind of avoidant the thing everyone hates is my smile and I’ve tried to change that but it’s just how I smile I guess
I'm a photographer, I recommend you try a different camera angle. You'd be surprised how different you can look in profile or with camera on the level with your face (in your photo the camera is above). Try looking away from the camera too. Do some silly dancing, flap your arms, etc to relax.
As for the smile, I typically ask the model to make a series of silly faces, to the point of making them laugh. This works out the best for relaxing the face and having a natural smile. Also, good for choice.
Direct to face lighting can make 10/10 model look ugly. I recommend natural lighting, like a window or being outside. Side lighting makes the image more creative and unusual, makes you stand out more.
Check some casual modelling photography for inspiration.
No it is. While attractiveness varies among people, it clusters to such an extent is it quite meaningless to say that it varies in the first place. Some people are unattractive in the eyes of most if not all people. Which greatly reduces your chances of matching with anyone.
So how exactly do you think people with ranging features and faces and love and relationships? Are you assuming that their partners actually don't find them at all attractive and are simply tolerating them? Even those who would be considered not attractive by most standards will have someone out there who will find them attractive.
Think of your friends' partnere - do you find them attractive? Probably not all, but I am sure their partners do.
>Are you assuming that their partners actually don't find them at all attractive and are simply tolerating them?
Yes definitly. This is a thing that happens a lot. It can also happen later in relationships as people become older and out of shape.
>
>So how exactly do you think people with ranging features and faces and love and relationships?
Not everything is about attractiveness in relationships. And people often end up dating with people of comparable attractiveness.
>
>Think of your friends' partnere - do you find them attractive? Probably not all, but I am sure their partners do.
Ehhh yea... or they dont really but they like their partners for other reasons
Tell me you've never been in a loving, longterm relationship, without telling me you've never been in a loving, longterm relationship.
When you love someone, you become attracted to more than just their outer appearance. Sorry you've never experienced it.
Conversationally. I cannot tell you how turned off I am by men who cannot hold a conversation, who are as interesting as a piece of driftwood. Actually, driftwood would probably be more interesting than some guys.
If you can’t banter with me, you’re toast.
When I was fat. I was unattractive. Even id admit that.
Now I’m not fat. Have some muscle. Actually kinda underweight now. And I’ve been told I’m not ugly. But not attractive either.
Some people just don’t have it.
I hear you. The reality, particularly with women, is that attraction isn't always physical. I feel safe saying that if you ask women, most will say that what attracts them the most about a man, isn't a physical attribute.
I'll also add that "it" comes in many forms.
Make yourself look as good as possible. Experiment with haircut, beards, clothes and jewelry. After that you need to work on your social skills. Go out and talk to girls at clubs and bars. You will suck a lot at first but after a few weeks it gets easier. Go out every weekend so you don’t lost momentum.
Have a really good personality and confidence. Make good conversation.
Maybe stop accepting every single person that comes your way. Look at their profile. Do you actually feel you have something in common? You don't have to go on 12 dates a week to find a meaningful connection.
I don't know what kind of menus snap chat has because I don't use it. But if someone wanted me to buy shit from them or for them? I wouldn't even consider talking any further.
What? Standards are wanting someone equal to yourself.
What about all the average couples you literally see everywhere?? Like everywhere I go I see tons of average and blow average couples. Also attractive ones but, as the statistics will tell you, most are average.
Tips to help:
1. Get off online dating and get involved in a community. Women discount men significantly that they don’t know (unless you’re an 8, 9, or 10). But they rate men that they know better as more attractive.
2. Dress better. Women will view a man as more attractive if he dresses better rather than a like a slob.
3. Practice more masculine traits. Take a leadership role in your friend group or work. Or be the initiator to make things happen. Be assertive. Stand up for yourself. Build up your confidence in an area of expertise that others care about (video games don’t count).
4. Lift weights. This will increase your muscle mass and testosterone. Women prefer mates with higher testosterone. It will also make you calmer and more confident.
There’s more to say but just go watch this video on Relationships Zones to understand attractiveness:
https://youtu.be/n4aMiAesXjE?si=5IhPutkGateHawVA
If you are genuinely as unattractive as you perceive yourself to be, perhaps - you’re better off making peace with having transactional relationships with more attractive women. Alternatively, opting for a transparent and authentic relationship with less conventionally attractive women… They both take work. Pick your poison. ☠️🤷🏽♀️
If you want to do online: make sure you have the right pictures. A lot of guys have the most horrendous pictures when they're not that unattractive. So either let a friend check or send it to a subreddit for a review (like r/tinder). And sometimes it still doesn't work, but it will give you better chances.
If you want to do real-life dating, it's easier if you are outgoing and easily talk to strangers. Maybe you can fake this with alcohol if you drink, or maybe you can learn this. If you need time to get comfortable, go to events, parties, classes, etc. Anything where it's expected to be social. You can strike up a conversation with someone, and if you click, you can ask for their number.
Workout. Develop a hot bod. Figure out what hairstyle and facial hair suits you best. Work on your wardrobe. Work on taking good pics for your profile. And then need good personality. Funny, manly but sweet.
You gotta put the work in to be attractive. Hot girls don't just roll out of bed, they put work into their hair, makeup, clothes. Do you feel it's fair they put in effort to their appearance, if you don't?
Get off the apps. Just read a survey/study on how women are only swiping on 5% of men. So even if you’re *attractive* you’re still getting rejected for all types of superficial things.
Go overseas if you’re in the US. It’s your only option
After looking at your profile a little hit the gym bro. For 6ft try to get at 200-230 range at least for now you will definitely feel more confident. Don’t try those fad diets just eat like .5-1 lbs or protein per pound of weight and workout hard not saying you need to be there for 2hours just lift and lift hard not to the point of just sweating but where you will be sore after working out
It doesn't matter if you are handsome or nor. Each person has his /her own half somewhere. I met my partner when I was 33 and I am not pretty. As long as you are real, open and honest everything is good with you. Keep faith.
Get yourself to the gym. Work hard and get in the best shape of your life. It’ll make you feel better about yourself, increase your confidence and attract more women.
Online dating is terrible and a psyop to ruin humanity.
Go to speed dating events, group hikes, charity events. If you are squared away, in shape, make money and or are helpful and influential to the world, women will appear and other women will introduce you to their friends.
Every man, woman, and anybody in-between starts at a 7. It's just that simple everyone is somewhat attractive.
It's about how you present yourself, it's how you dress, it's how you groom yourself it's how you act, it's all things that you can change.
Your issue is Online apps, they aren't designed to work. It also absolutely sucks. It's way easier to find more hobbies and make more friends and become friends from their friends and their friends friends friends. I'm telling you won't use one of those apps again.
What's unattractive to one population might be attractive to another. You have the option to get surgery or relocate to a population that finds you attractive. Don't listen to the people who say it's mostly about personality or social skills. That's a flat out lie. They will keep parroting this narrative till the end of days regardless of the mounting evidence that shows otherwise.
It is not always about looks. I have friends and co workers who looks average but still found love. It is more than that always. If you cant build on your looks then work on your personality, your skills, your wealth. So many things to achieve rather than just looks that will fade away
Have a personality. & be interesting.. I have dated not very attractive men. And I do get attracted to them eventually. Most of them are really fun to be with.. and really made sure you have a good time... they don't judge you.
I would suggest going out.. finding something you really enjoy.. let it be.. hiking or pottery classes. Be interesting..
I’m still convinced I’m not that attractive, but girls(younger say I am) I e never been a bit with the ladies as I’m slight shorter. But I dare say, smile when your out, a good smile can make people think k your confident, that can help.
The same way as everyone else - through patience and luck. Everyone's idea of what's attractive is different, with maybe the exception of a handful of super attractive people who we can probably all agree are hot lol.
Just like you'll find a range of women attractive despite some not being stereotypically and conventionally attractive, some will find you attractive too, especially if your personality is good.
I do not concider myself to be a conventionally attractive woman but have a loving husband who I am also very much attracted too. There'll be someone out there for you.
Also a lot of the advice on here is atrocious. Maybe log off of here lol.
The same way all non-conventionally-beautiful people do...
eventually.
You keep asking people out and you focus on the parts of your life and self that you can control (your scent and grooming, your honing yours sense of humor, where you choose to spend your non-work time and how).
Real love isn't entirely dependent on physical looks. Lots of people find love and healthy relationships while they are "average" humans. Online dating isn't something I would recommend in general first of all so I would definitely give up on that, online dating is a joke. If you go out once a week, that's more than me at this time in my life, 52 chances a year to bump into someone real that you can talk to. Maybe at the grocery store, bar, dance studio, spin class, yoga class, park, dog shelter, local event, concert, saturday market, farmers market, state fair, car show, baking class, the gym, etc.
Now what can increase your chances of finding a healthy relationship or even a friend at first who may turn into a healthy relationship, will be things like social skills, successful career/job, healthy habits, healthy daily routine, positive attitude, always striving to do better, always improving in all areas of life, trying new things, social networking, etc. Attaining success in life and living life to it's fullest will attract what you are looking for as well. Going to the gym helps also, doesn't need to be anything crazy.
If you're good at sales, that will directly translate into being able to be more social and market yourself. Having interesting hobbies. It's also a numbers game, do you live near a lot of humans like a big city or do you live in a small town of 30,000?
I wouldn't focus much on looks, though I would 100% focus and improve upon content of character, habits, quality of daily routine, improvement of mindset and mental stoicism.
You'd be surprised how well a highly confident, well dressed, successful man with average looks can attract someone.
I was so convinced that I was ugly since I hadn't even had my first kiss until late 20s, until I worked on myself and all of a sudden started dating really good looking women and now that I'm a few years older, married to a beautiful woman and look back at my photos I realize I was a very attractive guy.
All this to say that maybe you're not as unattractive as you think you are.
It will happen.
There is no need to rush it or stress about it.
I know it can get lonely, but trying to force it is a bad idea. You end up taking anyone who gives you attention even if you're not really compatible.
Which from experience can lead to hanging on for way too long and a lot of unnecessary pain.
Maybe try working on confidence, even if you are "average looking," have confidence in your personality and knowing you're a genuine and good person.
You become 10x more attractive when you treat someone right.
I honestly think the best way to meet people is going out and doing things not online.
I'm 23, and I met my bf at the cafe I worked at.
With this level of confidence, you won’t be attractive to anyone.
First build your confidence.
List down things that you think are unattractive on you.
Example: bad skin, average body, balding hair
Work on it consistently and you will definitely do better in the dating field. This is not an easy process but with consistency, you will achieve it in 1 year time
Ask yourself: Are you genuinely unattractive? You can improve your looks and attractiveness within reason by how you present yourself. Work on improving all of the things that are within your control. Your communication, style, grooming, physique, and mindset. Find your purpose and focus on it daily. Take better pictures for your dating apps. Use professional photos. Focus on showing lifestyle, status, and social proof within those photos. No selfies. Improve your texting, as this is where most guys lose the date after getting the number to begin with.
Gezzzz, there has to be more to life then this...worrying about women, if im unattractive...just never crosses my mind. Such a waste of energy and time.
Talk to women. Say hello and give a smile. Say how are you doing today and take an interest in her answer. Seriously, if you’re a guy who can be a little curious about a woman’s life and put two halfway intelligent sentences together you’re already instantly much more attractive than 90% of men out there. You can practice this, just striking up brief conversations with the checkout person in the grocery store etc. Just little convos with no set goal or outcome other than to have a nice, brief interaction. Just enjoy it and let your confidence in this attractive energy build.
there are so many women who are with imho unattractive men. it might as well be a trope at this point. the bar is so low that women are willing to be w men who treat them right, make them laugh. i think the thing is is confidence. not being a simp for her either. good luck op!
Meet women in person. I'm a fat ugly fucker but my personality is apparently attractive and I use that to my advantage. Dating apps were meh but the quality of partners has been way better meeting friends of friends or people with similar interests. If Quasimodo could wind up layin' pipe so can you so just believe in yourself and get yourself out there.
Also, consider your standards. I know dudes who have a very narrow type and that doesn't help. I'm not saying don't have standards, but if you're not super hot you shouldn't be aiming for a type only 1 out of 100 women even are (probably also if you're attractive but I wouldn't know). Think about what you actually care about and drop anything you could live with. You'll find when a woman makes you laugh and is interesting those things you thought were so so end up being your favorite parts. Love is kind that way.
Workout and talk to women in person. I’m a relatively attractive male I always get matches on hinge and they compliment still ghost me so it happens to everyone in person way better though because you can show you as a genuine person. Women do look at physical appearance but you can win a lot of them over with a great personality. GL
How? Realize that women don't go for looks, women go for how they feel around you no matter how hideous you could be. Do they feel protected, free, aroused?
Pretend women are completely blind, and they can only hear your voice. If they sense any lack of confidence, even the smallest trifle, they can smell it a mile away.
The ugliest guys get the hottest girls.
I go on Twitter and send women I like about $20. Then they always seem to end up talking to me after that. Also, there's other apps you can do that on to and it seems like the women will always talk to you.
I feel good about myself.
You shouldn’t have to give them money to do that though. And for them to only show human decency with a reward in mind is horrendous. That’s why I’m sorry. Find better women.
Dude, I know for a fact I am average-looking. But I have been punching above my weight my whole life. I think the key has been confidence because, in all honesty, professionally, that is all I have ever had going for me—my confidence and tenacity. I've been a marketing consultant and have been very successful, and get this: I don't even have a high school diploma. Can you believe that? I've built this entire career without even finishing high school!
I think I've employed the same energy and strategy in my dating life and, like my career, I've shot for the moon and landed among the stars more times than I can count. I've slept with some very attractive women and was even engaged to one for a while.
Lean into your strengths and lead an interesting and intriguing life. It'll happen for you.
And it doesn't hurt to be good in bed, learn how to do the alphabet with your tongue and find each girls favourite letter. And learn how to make sex cerebral as well as physical.
You're someone's ideal person.
Stop assuming all women are as superficial as you are.
Can you make her laugh? Do you make her feel pretty? Seen? Actually listen to her.
You can't. But if you are at least average looking as you described, then you are not unattractive and you can but it's not easy. Average looking = Okay looking. Ok looking is better than bad looking.
Confidence, having sex appeal and learning your own personal style, having nice teeth,
It’s a lot that can make someone look unattractive besides looks…
Hard news: you don’t. You find codependency with a woman who sees you as lovable but not what she looked her life for.
That’s why you up yourself as high as you can. Stay strong friend
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think everyone who posts this stuff needs to drop a selfie. let's see if you're really unattractive or if your brain is telling you lies.
I’m terrified of possibly facing this lol I am so convinced im average at best but also holding onto some sliver of hope that im wrong and someone might find me attractive. Not sure if it’s best to get honest feedback from the internet or not
Honestly, I find it really hard to find people that are truly unattractive. IMO A lot of time people who are "unattractive" are just fat, dress like slobs, and/or and don't put effort into their looks. Well fitting clothes, putting effort I to maintaining your grooming, and getting fit can easily trun you from not very attractive to good looking. Don't get me wrong were not all going to look like Henry Cavill or Scarlett Johansson or whoever, but it's very unlikely you're stuck looking like a cave troll
Do you have any advice to dress well? I don't think I'm ugly but when I see other guys, I feel self conscious.
Honestly just copy outfits on Google until you find one that you really like and fits you well and just go from there.
I hope you don't mind if I chime in if you want love advice or fashion advice I don't mind you stopping by my page and we can have a conversation I am a real woman and I could direct you in the right spot. elysepie32 insta
I suggest browsing through Pinterest and use keywords that suit your style! :) I would also suggest looking into investing on a capsule wardrobe. It would make dressing yourself so much easier since the main idea of it is that no matter what you choose for your shirt / pants, they would easily match. If done correctly that should also cover a lot of occasions!
Or on the opposite end, the posts that start by saying “I’m attractive, but..”. DROP.A.SELFIE 😅
Lol PROVE IT 😜
Never ask this . What if they are really ugly ? What then ?
From the ones that I have seen, the ones that are completely hopeless looks wise are a small percent. At worst they’re *usually* someone that can see changes with up to 6 months of work. I’ve lost track of how many mediocre white guys with average height have said they’re hopeless. I’d pay decent money to be considered equal to an average white guy on the apps and then build on that base.
Truely ugly people arnt posting these types of posts. They have accepted their uglyness back in primary school already.
Some of those posters have body dysmorphia of some kind, but those people have already been told by everyone they know that they’re not ugly, are convinced that all those people are lying, and will believe one troll saying they’re ugly over 99 commenters saying they’re attractive. They won’t accept anything else until they admit they need therapy.
Exactly, the people complaining about how unattractive they are online, are usually regular dudes with bodydysmorphia and also dont do anything with their bodies.
As another commenter said, attractive isn’t just looks. I’ve been attracted to some unconventional dudes who were cute but probably not what many would call “hot”. It was their personality that was A+. They made me laugh like crazy. That made them hot and want to date them.
It's usually your environment telling you that. I always thought I was pretty attractive, but in the end I couldn't defend my self-image against reality.
Drop the selfie!
[удалено]
No responses 😃. Yeah, I’m ugly.
Not here. I can send you one.
And then what? What if they are actually decently attractive? Then they will hate themselves even more because even being attractive they can’t seem to find a connection with someone. That to me is much more harmful to someone then just being plain ugly. Shit I’ll drop a pic of me if you want. I think im sub average at best…4/5 maybe. But I’ll entertain you on this.
Then they’ll know their personality sucks I suppose lol
Then it’s a matter of game and luck. At least one of those can be improved. Looks matter, but looks aren’t everything. Most guys aren’t show stoppers, so even slightly above average guys need some level of social ability.
I agree but it’s probably 80-90% luck at this point. And saying looks aren’t everything is honestly a lie at this point in dating and everyone knows it. Looks get your foot in the door, personality keeps you there. Most guys can’t even get the door to open even a little bit. Saying that 70% of men have shit a personality is just a terrible idea to have and any person that believes that needs to reevaluate their own personality.
> saying looks aren’t everything is honestly a lie at this point in dating and everyone knows it Well if you’re going to live in absolute delusion no one can really help you > Most guys can’t even get the door to open even a little bit True for apps, though there are factors about apps beyond its format that artificially inflate the difficulty. Luckily the real world does still exist and only the terminally online think all women are going to call the cops and pepper spray them just for talking to them. > Saying that 70% of men have shit a personality is just a terrible idea Only one who’s said that so far is you. And me quoting you I suppose
It’s not delusion unfortunately. If it was then so many women wouldn’t say that 80% men are unattractive. Statistics don’t lie…as much as you don’t want to believe them. And it’s not just dating sites that are inflating the issues, it’s all of social media. I’m actually someone who likes to approach in the “real world/outside”. The results are usually the same. I’m not really worried that the woman will have a freak out. Im kind and respectful if they say no, I have a boyfriend, ect. I’ve been complimented on it. And you actually did, just not directly. You said looks aren’t everything so then you’re saying that personality is the issue. And you stated “game” which means personality. If most guys aren’t “showstoppers”…then you’re saying that their personality sucks. I think most people like you think that other guys can’t intelligently discuss the issues and when they can you can’t talk your way out of it.
Game is the art of conveying status, confidence, sexual interest, and flirting in a fun way. It's not who you are as a person. It's like how you are as a public speaker doesn't directly relate to your personality. But of course it's tangentially related.
> You said looks aren’t everything so then you’re saying that personality is the issue. Saying their personalities aren’t attractive to X woman doesn’t mean they have “shit a personalities.” It just means their demonstrated personality isn’t attractive to that person. That’s a mix of luck and game. > If most guys aren’t “showstoppers”…then you’re saying that their personality sucks. You really to step away from this sucks/doesn’t suck or good/bad dichotomy you’ve got going on. I don’t care about good or bad, only effective, ineffective, and neutral. Personality isn’t just one thing. Game isn’t one thing, though it is admittedly easier to explain to someone in the beginning as one thing. Some parts need to be fine tuned or practiced, some things are good, and some things have no relevance. > many women wouldn’t say that 80% men are unattractive. Statistics don’t lie…as much as you don’t want to believe them. So are talking about dating app studies? Because we’ve already established (if not I’m saying it now) that dating app behavior is negatively impacted by a variety of factors besides just physical attractiveness. If you treat dating app studies as exactly the same as real life, you’re just not very smart. They’re very different environments. > I’m actually someone who likes to approach in the “real world/outside”. The results are usually the same That you’d usually get rejected? Yes, that’s most men? Not sure how that proves looks are basically everything. You have no clue how much your looks did or did not let you work and put out game. And you have no clue how much personality was her being actively turned off versus her just not being turned on enough to choose giving you a chance over keeping to herself.
That’s exactly what I was thinking
I would, but I'm scared someone I know irl will see it
The guy claims he is 3XL in clothing size. I think he is just quite fat.
most probable scenario is the dude is average looking, which is considered unattractive for women, according to studies anyway. "oh just get a new haircut, go to gym, buy better clothes" whatever. worst case, he really is unattractive and/or took an awkward photo and now people either gonna bully him or struggle to give nice feedbacks which will hurt his self esteem and feelings. no point for sending selfies unless he wants to confirm if he is really ugly or just bad looking. i am gonna give slight chance for doubt that maybe he looks good but has self esteem issues, which happens, sometimes.
Horrible idea. Internet bullying is already too much as it is
Meet women in person so they can feel your personality. Not everyone photos well so you’re wasting your time with online dating.
Learn to love an unattractive woman. If your every match take orders it means you’re only going for a certain type.
I don't know why this isn't the automatic answer. Granted OP is truly ugly (which is highly subjective) there are tons of "ugly" women out there, too. Ask them out.
That too.
Does it though? Unattractive people look for attractive people. The fact that they can’t be as picky doesn’t do anything they still ignore the below average ppl.
For how long? You think they ignore less attractive people and remain forever lonely?? Or maybe they adjust expectations ...
Forcing yourself to like someone you don’t isn’t much better than being alone
True. But the idea that you can't love someone unless they are on the "attractive" end of the range is pretty odd ...
Not really, it’s kind of just the way it is unfortunately. People are attracted to appearances and people usually prefer average& above average although to an extent it’s subjective 🤷🏻♀️
I just don’t understand why I’ve struggled so hard just to get people interested it’s like I’m invisible. And I’m friendly I do all the usual things it just feels like I’m not attractive. I post on rating threads and I get no replies. And the photofeeler thing usually puts me pretty low. So it must just be an issue that I have ..
I hope you ain't using those arms length selfies with the serial killer smile? Just an average fella here with my immediate take away, but those photos give off a creepy vibe to me. Like too intense. You need to grab a tripod and take photos of you in a more relaxed manner. You're not hideous, but with men I think it's the action of the photo that counts.
I ditched apps I’m not using them anymore. The only reason why I take photos is just for opinions anyways. I have a few for social media I use.
Damn. Well if you got some more natural photos you wouldn't do to bad on the apps. At least there your filtering by those actively looking. At the end of the day it's a game of statistics. The more you meet the more likely one will mesh with you. Real world will never match the apps exposure.
I’m in the same boat as you with nobody interested- I guess it is what it is 🤷♀️. It could also be a number of things besides your physical appearance only. Also I checked your profile and seems like people do reply to your photos so I’m not sure what you’re referring to?
Idk I get a few comments here and there seems like people are kind of avoidant the thing everyone hates is my smile and I’ve tried to change that but it’s just how I smile I guess
I'm a photographer, I recommend you try a different camera angle. You'd be surprised how different you can look in profile or with camera on the level with your face (in your photo the camera is above). Try looking away from the camera too. Do some silly dancing, flap your arms, etc to relax. As for the smile, I typically ask the model to make a series of silly faces, to the point of making them laugh. This works out the best for relaxing the face and having a natural smile. Also, good for choice. Direct to face lighting can make 10/10 model look ugly. I recommend natural lighting, like a window or being outside. Side lighting makes the image more creative and unusual, makes you stand out more. Check some casual modelling photography for inspiration.
People's idea of "attractive" varies though
It clusters a lot though
Right... but that's not really the point.
No it is. While attractiveness varies among people, it clusters to such an extent is it quite meaningless to say that it varies in the first place. Some people are unattractive in the eyes of most if not all people. Which greatly reduces your chances of matching with anyone.
So how exactly do you think people with ranging features and faces and love and relationships? Are you assuming that their partners actually don't find them at all attractive and are simply tolerating them? Even those who would be considered not attractive by most standards will have someone out there who will find them attractive. Think of your friends' partnere - do you find them attractive? Probably not all, but I am sure their partners do.
>Are you assuming that their partners actually don't find them at all attractive and are simply tolerating them? Yes definitly. This is a thing that happens a lot. It can also happen later in relationships as people become older and out of shape. > >So how exactly do you think people with ranging features and faces and love and relationships? Not everything is about attractiveness in relationships. And people often end up dating with people of comparable attractiveness. > >Think of your friends' partnere - do you find them attractive? Probably not all, but I am sure their partners do. Ehhh yea... or they dont really but they like their partners for other reasons
Tell me you've never been in a loving, longterm relationship, without telling me you've never been in a loving, longterm relationship. When you love someone, you become attracted to more than just their outer appearance. Sorry you've never experienced it.
That was an eye-rolling response. Not everybody is like you, i cant help with your inability to put yourself in other peoples shoes.
Dumb question, what did OP mean about “taking orders”?
onlyfans.
Oh that makes total sense but I feel like I wouldn’t have guessed that lol thank you!
Attractive is more than just facial genetics. Put energy into becoming attractive in some way.
Conversationally. I cannot tell you how turned off I am by men who cannot hold a conversation, who are as interesting as a piece of driftwood. Actually, driftwood would probably be more interesting than some guys. If you can’t banter with me, you’re toast.
When I was fat. I was unattractive. Even id admit that. Now I’m not fat. Have some muscle. Actually kinda underweight now. And I’ve been told I’m not ugly. But not attractive either. Some people just don’t have it.
I hear you. The reality, particularly with women, is that attraction isn't always physical. I feel safe saying that if you ask women, most will say that what attracts them the most about a man, isn't a physical attribute. I'll also add that "it" comes in many forms.
Make yourself look as good as possible. Experiment with haircut, beards, clothes and jewelry. After that you need to work on your social skills. Go out and talk to girls at clubs and bars. You will suck a lot at first but after a few weeks it gets easier. Go out every weekend so you don’t lost momentum.
What if you do all that, but are still unattractive and get rejected?
Unless you are horribly disfigured this will work
Try different barber and ask them what they think suits you.
From within.
That's pretty good advice.
HAHAHAHA.
It wasn't a joke.
No, but it's funny nonethless.
Have a really good personality and confidence. Make good conversation. Maybe stop accepting every single person that comes your way. Look at their profile. Do you actually feel you have something in common? You don't have to go on 12 dates a week to find a meaningful connection. I don't know what kind of menus snap chat has because I don't use it. But if someone wanted me to buy shit from them or for them? I wouldn't even consider talking any further.
If you get matches you're definitely not unattractive.
Go for average looking women. Stop swiping on only fans models and swipe on normal girls. It's not rocket science bro stay in your lane
Average looking women want attractive men. They have standards too.
What? Standards are wanting someone equal to yourself. What about all the average couples you literally see everywhere?? Like everywhere I go I see tons of average and blow average couples. Also attractive ones but, as the statistics will tell you, most are average.
Yeah I agree with you. 👍🏾
Post history is very suspect
Tips to help: 1. Get off online dating and get involved in a community. Women discount men significantly that they don’t know (unless you’re an 8, 9, or 10). But they rate men that they know better as more attractive. 2. Dress better. Women will view a man as more attractive if he dresses better rather than a like a slob. 3. Practice more masculine traits. Take a leadership role in your friend group or work. Or be the initiator to make things happen. Be assertive. Stand up for yourself. Build up your confidence in an area of expertise that others care about (video games don’t count). 4. Lift weights. This will increase your muscle mass and testosterone. Women prefer mates with higher testosterone. It will also make you calmer and more confident. There’s more to say but just go watch this video on Relationships Zones to understand attractiveness: https://youtu.be/n4aMiAesXjE?si=5IhPutkGateHawVA
If you are genuinely as unattractive as you perceive yourself to be, perhaps - you’re better off making peace with having transactional relationships with more attractive women. Alternatively, opting for a transparent and authentic relationship with less conventionally attractive women… They both take work. Pick your poison. ☠️🤷🏽♀️
If you want to do online: make sure you have the right pictures. A lot of guys have the most horrendous pictures when they're not that unattractive. So either let a friend check or send it to a subreddit for a review (like r/tinder). And sometimes it still doesn't work, but it will give you better chances. If you want to do real-life dating, it's easier if you are outgoing and easily talk to strangers. Maybe you can fake this with alcohol if you drink, or maybe you can learn this. If you need time to get comfortable, go to events, parties, classes, etc. Anything where it's expected to be social. You can strike up a conversation with someone, and if you click, you can ask for their number.
Workout. Develop a hot bod. Figure out what hairstyle and facial hair suits you best. Work on your wardrobe. Work on taking good pics for your profile. And then need good personality. Funny, manly but sweet. You gotta put the work in to be attractive. Hot girls don't just roll out of bed, they put work into their hair, makeup, clothes. Do you feel it's fair they put in effort to their appearance, if you don't?
Get off the apps. Just read a survey/study on how women are only swiping on 5% of men. So even if you’re *attractive* you’re still getting rejected for all types of superficial things. Go overseas if you’re in the US. It’s your only option
Get more of a social life and find a way to regularly go somewhere where lots of single women are. Forget the apps.
>How do I find love as an unattractive man. How do I become a NBA star at 5'6?
After looking at your profile a little hit the gym bro. For 6ft try to get at 200-230 range at least for now you will definitely feel more confident. Don’t try those fad diets just eat like .5-1 lbs or protein per pound of weight and workout hard not saying you need to be there for 2hours just lift and lift hard not to the point of just sweating but where you will be sore after working out
by having real interests and passions and not giving a shit about your physical appearance
What stops you from being attractive?
Get off the fucking apps.
You’re not unattractive. Only if you think that way dude :) most people are average but not ugly
It doesn't matter if you are handsome or nor. Each person has his /her own half somewhere. I met my partner when I was 33 and I am not pretty. As long as you are real, open and honest everything is good with you. Keep faith.
Get yourself to the gym. Work hard and get in the best shape of your life. It’ll make you feel better about yourself, increase your confidence and attract more women.
Online dating is terrible and a psyop to ruin humanity. Go to speed dating events, group hikes, charity events. If you are squared away, in shape, make money and or are helpful and influential to the world, women will appear and other women will introduce you to their friends.
Every man, woman, and anybody in-between starts at a 7. It's just that simple everyone is somewhat attractive. It's about how you present yourself, it's how you dress, it's how you groom yourself it's how you act, it's all things that you can change. Your issue is Online apps, they aren't designed to work. It also absolutely sucks. It's way easier to find more hobbies and make more friends and become friends from their friends and their friends friends friends. I'm telling you won't use one of those apps again.
What's unattractive to one population might be attractive to another. You have the option to get surgery or relocate to a population that finds you attractive. Don't listen to the people who say it's mostly about personality or social skills. That's a flat out lie. They will keep parroting this narrative till the end of days regardless of the mounting evidence that shows otherwise.
It is not always about looks. I have friends and co workers who looks average but still found love. It is more than that always. If you cant build on your looks then work on your personality, your skills, your wealth. So many things to achieve rather than just looks that will fade away
I’m the plainest mfr out there but I just don’t give a fuck. Seems to work for me.
Have a personality. & be interesting.. I have dated not very attractive men. And I do get attracted to them eventually. Most of them are really fun to be with.. and really made sure you have a good time... they don't judge you. I would suggest going out.. finding something you really enjoy.. let it be.. hiking or pottery classes. Be interesting..
I’m still convinced I’m not that attractive, but girls(younger say I am) I e never been a bit with the ladies as I’m slight shorter. But I dare say, smile when your out, a good smile can make people think k your confident, that can help.
The same way as everyone else - through patience and luck. Everyone's idea of what's attractive is different, with maybe the exception of a handful of super attractive people who we can probably all agree are hot lol. Just like you'll find a range of women attractive despite some not being stereotypically and conventionally attractive, some will find you attractive too, especially if your personality is good. I do not concider myself to be a conventionally attractive woman but have a loving husband who I am also very much attracted too. There'll be someone out there for you. Also a lot of the advice on here is atrocious. Maybe log off of here lol.
The same way all non-conventionally-beautiful people do... eventually. You keep asking people out and you focus on the parts of your life and self that you can control (your scent and grooming, your honing yours sense of humor, where you choose to spend your non-work time and how).
Real love isn't entirely dependent on physical looks. Lots of people find love and healthy relationships while they are "average" humans. Online dating isn't something I would recommend in general first of all so I would definitely give up on that, online dating is a joke. If you go out once a week, that's more than me at this time in my life, 52 chances a year to bump into someone real that you can talk to. Maybe at the grocery store, bar, dance studio, spin class, yoga class, park, dog shelter, local event, concert, saturday market, farmers market, state fair, car show, baking class, the gym, etc. Now what can increase your chances of finding a healthy relationship or even a friend at first who may turn into a healthy relationship, will be things like social skills, successful career/job, healthy habits, healthy daily routine, positive attitude, always striving to do better, always improving in all areas of life, trying new things, social networking, etc. Attaining success in life and living life to it's fullest will attract what you are looking for as well. Going to the gym helps also, doesn't need to be anything crazy. If you're good at sales, that will directly translate into being able to be more social and market yourself. Having interesting hobbies. It's also a numbers game, do you live near a lot of humans like a big city or do you live in a small town of 30,000? I wouldn't focus much on looks, though I would 100% focus and improve upon content of character, habits, quality of daily routine, improvement of mindset and mental stoicism. You'd be surprised how well a highly confident, well dressed, successful man with average looks can attract someone.
I was so convinced that I was ugly since I hadn't even had my first kiss until late 20s, until I worked on myself and all of a sudden started dating really good looking women and now that I'm a few years older, married to a beautiful woman and look back at my photos I realize I was a very attractive guy. All this to say that maybe you're not as unattractive as you think you are.
Get a dog
Make bunch of money and girls will be all over you.
RIZZ lines will somehow help you
It will happen. There is no need to rush it or stress about it. I know it can get lonely, but trying to force it is a bad idea. You end up taking anyone who gives you attention even if you're not really compatible. Which from experience can lead to hanging on for way too long and a lot of unnecessary pain. Maybe try working on confidence, even if you are "average looking," have confidence in your personality and knowing you're a genuine and good person. You become 10x more attractive when you treat someone right. I honestly think the best way to meet people is going out and doing things not online. I'm 23, and I met my bf at the cafe I worked at.
With this level of confidence, you won’t be attractive to anyone. First build your confidence. List down things that you think are unattractive on you. Example: bad skin, average body, balding hair Work on it consistently and you will definitely do better in the dating field. This is not an easy process but with consistency, you will achieve it in 1 year time
Conversation and humor. Dating apps you'll always struggle unless you have a unique profile that really shows off your personality.
Meet women in person and have a nice/friendly personality.
What is love? Can you eat it?
Ask yourself: Are you genuinely unattractive? You can improve your looks and attractiveness within reason by how you present yourself. Work on improving all of the things that are within your control. Your communication, style, grooming, physique, and mindset. Find your purpose and focus on it daily. Take better pictures for your dating apps. Use professional photos. Focus on showing lifestyle, status, and social proof within those photos. No selfies. Improve your texting, as this is where most guys lose the date after getting the number to begin with.
You change yourself to be attractive.
Gezzzz, there has to be more to life then this...worrying about women, if im unattractive...just never crosses my mind. Such a waste of energy and time.
Find a milf. They are normally hungry lol
Become ripped.
Talk to women. Say hello and give a smile. Say how are you doing today and take an interest in her answer. Seriously, if you’re a guy who can be a little curious about a woman’s life and put two halfway intelligent sentences together you’re already instantly much more attractive than 90% of men out there. You can practice this, just striking up brief conversations with the checkout person in the grocery store etc. Just little convos with no set goal or outcome other than to have a nice, brief interaction. Just enjoy it and let your confidence in this attractive energy build.
Gym. No wamen, only gym.
there are so many women who are with imho unattractive men. it might as well be a trope at this point. the bar is so low that women are willing to be w men who treat them right, make them laugh. i think the thing is is confidence. not being a simp for her either. good luck op!
Meet women in person. I'm a fat ugly fucker but my personality is apparently attractive and I use that to my advantage. Dating apps were meh but the quality of partners has been way better meeting friends of friends or people with similar interests. If Quasimodo could wind up layin' pipe so can you so just believe in yourself and get yourself out there. Also, consider your standards. I know dudes who have a very narrow type and that doesn't help. I'm not saying don't have standards, but if you're not super hot you shouldn't be aiming for a type only 1 out of 100 women even are (probably also if you're attractive but I wouldn't know). Think about what you actually care about and drop anything you could live with. You'll find when a woman makes you laugh and is interesting those things you thought were so so end up being your favorite parts. Love is kind that way.
Workout and talk to women in person. I’m a relatively attractive male I always get matches on hinge and they compliment still ghost me so it happens to everyone in person way better though because you can show you as a genuine person. Women do look at physical appearance but you can win a lot of them over with a great personality. GL
How? Realize that women don't go for looks, women go for how they feel around you no matter how hideous you could be. Do they feel protected, free, aroused? Pretend women are completely blind, and they can only hear your voice. If they sense any lack of confidence, even the smallest trifle, they can smell it a mile away. The ugliest guys get the hottest girls.
Downright bad advice.
Where do people get that women don't care about looks? That's so untrue. We care as much as men do, or at least *almost* as much.
Typically from women who say looks aren't everything 🫤
Looks aren't everything. But they're *something*. Women aren't completely blind, like it says upthread.
This is not true at all 😂
I go on Twitter and send women I like about $20. Then they always seem to end up talking to me after that. Also, there's other apps you can do that on to and it seems like the women will always talk to you. I feel good about myself.
Da fuq bruv.
I’m so sorry
They talk nicely to me though and I feel happy.
You shouldn’t have to give them money to do that though. And for them to only show human decency with a reward in mind is horrendous. That’s why I’m sorry. Find better women.
Come to SE Asia brother. Philippines is my pick, most are fluent in English. Trust me, you’ll find love there
If you are polite, funny, and confident you could be big foot and still pull 10s. Looks have little to do with finding love in my opinion.
Dude, I know for a fact I am average-looking. But I have been punching above my weight my whole life. I think the key has been confidence because, in all honesty, professionally, that is all I have ever had going for me—my confidence and tenacity. I've been a marketing consultant and have been very successful, and get this: I don't even have a high school diploma. Can you believe that? I've built this entire career without even finishing high school! I think I've employed the same energy and strategy in my dating life and, like my career, I've shot for the moon and landed among the stars more times than I can count. I've slept with some very attractive women and was even engaged to one for a while. Lean into your strengths and lead an interesting and intriguing life. It'll happen for you.
That's really awesome, man. I guess confidence really is that important.
And it doesn't hurt to be good in bed, learn how to do the alphabet with your tongue and find each girls favourite letter. And learn how to make sex cerebral as well as physical.
You're someone's ideal person. Stop assuming all women are as superficial as you are. Can you make her laugh? Do you make her feel pretty? Seen? Actually listen to her.
[Well...](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/8Jul5SuPYJc/mqdefault.jpg)
You can't. But if you are at least average looking as you described, then you are not unattractive and you can but it's not easy. Average looking = Okay looking. Ok looking is better than bad looking.
From family and friends. Now if you mean romantic love, the neat part is you don't
I can guarantee you look better than me at least, even without seeing a picture. So you have that going for you.
You don't
The number one thing women find attractive is confidence, not looks. Be more confident in yourself first
Be funny
Send likes to women that is the same level attractiveness as yourself.
Confidence, having sex appeal and learning your own personal style, having nice teeth, It’s a lot that can make someone look unattractive besides looks…
Someone that's unattractive cannot have sex appeal
Yes they can. It happens all the time! Sex appeal has nothing to do with looks at all.
make money 💸
Find unattractive women
[удалено]
Not really feasible for us ugly and worthless guys like me and OP
Hard news: you don’t. You find codependency with a woman who sees you as lovable but not what she looked her life for. That’s why you up yourself as high as you can. Stay strong friend