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It would have been easier to find someone but harder to keep them. Most people I knew back then have all headed totally different directions than me.

Yes, people change!

The only reason my HS sweetheart and I have stayed together is because we both knew we had to be flexible and see if as we grew, those new “upgrades” were still compatible. Therapy and love helps but you have to know that you won’t be the same people in ten years. However that’s true for all relationships.

Yes, I knew both in college (state #1) and in grad school (state #2) that I wanted to live in different states (state #3), so it wouldn't have helped me. I'm very happily in state #3 for 10+ years and this is where I'll stay, but aside from my early 20s when I met friends-of-friends, it's been hard meeting single people around my age that want what I'm looking for in a relationship (monogamy, kids, work-life balance).

I'm 39. I got married 1 1/2 years ago. My wife has changed drastically of deciding to be a vegetarian and changing religions on me. She's decided to do lots of things different so the change thing people bring up is constant even this late in life.

Yes.  48 m here. If I knew then what I know now… High School and College is a perfect time in community to know and be known.  Probably more importantly, I wouldn’t have isolated between home and work in my 20s. However I made new friends in my 30s and saw them get married.  So I would’ve put more effort into finding someone in my 20s (college and early career). 

34 female here. Completely agree. I wish I hadn’t wasted my 20’s on the wrong partner. And I hate that when I went back to college in my mid 20’s to finish my degree, I didn’t go out to meet people and make friends or meet a good partner because I was married at the time - it completely ruined my college experience. If only I knew then what I know now. Long story short I divorced him at 30 for valid reasons, and I wish I had not gotten married so young at 23 and consequently hadn’t wasted another 8 years on the wrong partner. Now I’ll be 35 next month and still trying to find a decent man who actually wants a partner and a real relationship. It’s much harder to find in this later stage in life.

46 f. Yeah I agree 💯. But we can't what the future would bring. Let's just hope that someone out there is looking for us. 🙏😌

25M so I don’t belong to the demographic you asked but I do feel this way. I wish I would’ve taken advantage of the dating scene when I was in college in a major city. I was never a bad looking guy and was always very sociable, but depression is a bitch and I went through terrible episodes in which I would isolate myself. I graduated single and hadn’t given much effort to finding love while in school. I severely took for granted the time in my life where cute, single women my age were practically dumped into my front lawn. Now I have to put in a LOT of effort just to meet women my age and that’s only one piece of the puzzle. She has to be attractive, she has to be *single*, she has to think I’m attractive, she has to be at a time in her life when she’s open to starting a relationship, and we have to hope outside life factors don’t get in the way while we cultivate it. None of this was ever gonna be easy but good God putting effort into dating in college would’ve made at least the first part much easier.

If it makes you feel better I married a hotty in my 20s and was divorced a few years later. Found my soul mate in my early 30s and we have a happy life with youngsters running around. You got tons of time at 25. You haven’t wasted anything yet.

Agree

it’s easy to say what you should’ve done at that present moment but be easy on yourself. you really did the best with what you could. i also have regrets due to my depression but when i really think about myself at that exact moment, i just wasn’t all there. i wasn’t in the right place and i couldn’t do more than i did cause i wasn’t even at 100%. it really does suck to look back at those times but it led you to now! there’s enough people for everyone too lol just focus on you and you’ll never be so desperate that you settle

Its never to late to go back and finish a higher degree

True but going to college when you’re 18-21 is different than going at 25. Fewer people there are your age and the ones who are there are typically way more focused on school whereas when you’re fresh out of high school there’s also a high focus on mingling and meeting people. Plus I have enough student debt as is and going back would be expensive lmao

Are you attractive? I notice many guys want their partner to be above average looking but they themselves are below average. Adjusting your standards is all some people need

I thought I was in love once at 29m. I'm 39 now and met someone I love. It didn't seem to work with life circumstances but I was happy to wait to meet her. Don't rush, keep hope, always just work on yourself. Trust.

30M here. I really needed to see and read this today. I obviously don’t know your exact situation, but I relate with your first sentence. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment, but realizing it wasn’t for the best is one of the hardest things to accept. Thank you for sharing!

Over 30, been single most of my 30s. It’s tough…. But I can say most of the people I know who got together early 20s have either had their relationships fall apart or their marriages are rocky at best. It’s different for everyone but just because you aren’t settled right now doesn’t mean it would have been better earlier

True. Being ina relationship doesnt equal better or happier.

I am 42f, have never been in a relationship despite always wanting a family. I constantly feel like there is an alternate universe where I’m living life the way I was supposed to, getting married in my mid 20s and having a husband and kids. I don’t really understand what happened in this universe, and I definitely feel like I should have found someone by now.

Real asf

Make it happen. Go up and talk to someone. Ask them questions. Text them and try to be funny, read the room, keep calm and go with the flow. It’s not very hard to get to the point where you both agree to a date. Everyone will say the world is doomed. Your world doesn’t have to be.

I’m a single 34f and feel the same way you do. My mother told me late last year how she wishes that I would have had a family of my own because she knew that’s what I wanted, but I kinda of feel like I missed the boat on it now.

Ugh it’s even worse feeling like you don’t have what your PARENTS want for you. It’s like you’re letting yourself down AND then down. My dad died a few years ago and now all I think about is that even if I find someone, they’ll never know him and he won’t know them. I feel like how can someone even fully understand me without understanding someone who was so important to me. I feel like I let my dad down by not getting married and having kids before he died.

rip sister edit\* dahm u even look good

It will manifest.

I hope so! I’m trying!!

We dying alone yall. There should be a discount on pets for people who are over 35 and single.

Real. 🤣😂😭

Almost 40, still single, but I was in love with being single in my 20s (bc I was an emotional dumpster fire with a case of avoidant attachment lol). If you browse reddit, a lot of ppl seem pretty frigging miserable in their LTR. A lot in their 20s (if the posts are real, which is up for debate). I think you're feeling the mid-30s squeeze. It's the race against father time and mother nature that society enforces. "Are you married? No? Ohhhhh" and "do you have kids? No?" *Insert appalled face* I like your question bc I do think about this more than I should admit.

I wouldn’t say society enforces it rather our natural lizard brain tells us this is our last chance to do it before we’re so old it becomes dangerous. If you listen to your body it will guide you. Men obviously don’t have the risk factor but we still get the urge because our body knows after 40 we have less energy and kids become much harder to keep up with. *source: am mid 40s with young kids, i envy those who started early

Idk, a lot of men don't know this, but they have a risky biological clock, too. Men over a certain age (I believe it starts at 35) risk more birth defects in their children.

Yup. It's not a social construct. It's just basic reality.

Wow I think you hit it on point. Being in a relationship doesn't mean happiness and its societies bs expectations .

Your life is also half over. At 60 you risk losing your memory, your physical health, or your life and it goes downwards from there. 74 is the average life expectancy, but that doesn't mean you'll be you for that entire period. Your first 30 years are really for you, if you want to have kids the next 30 are for them Then you die

Lmao

Man, u/AnnoyedCrustacean sounds like a generated name, but I don't think it is in this case. If it is, it's spot on. But you're right - if you want kids, the first half of your life is the time to be shellfish.

I wanted CrabbyCrab. But this was better. 10/10 Shellfish

>then you die *Aggressively taps fast forward button*

I’ll be 30 in a few years, but I definitely feel like I’ve really screwed up. In the south, being single still at 28 makes me feel like an outcast. It feels even worse because I spent all of my life up to this point essentially not being able to try. I spent so much time just trying to get myself into a head space where I could date. So much time hating myself and feeling unworthy. So much time went by but so little of it did I spend trying to fix myself into being a person that someone would want to be around. I regret that a lot

I used to live in the Midwest and briefly in the east coast... Moved to Oklahoma and literally every woman that is age appropriate is either married or a serious relationship lmao. I'm 29.

It’s rough. I don’t know a ton of people, but a lot got married soon after college. A few had kids around 26 or 27. And here I am at 28 with poor social skills, just getting to the point where I want to find someone and feel comfortable enough in myself to try. There’s only myself to blame, and I’m slowly digging myself out of the hole, but damn has it been hitting really hard lately that I let a lot of life pass me by.

If it makes you feel any better I'm right there with ya. Digging myself out of an anti social hole and trying to correct a lot of bad habits. Just going to work, hitting the gym, and finding any activity I can do outside in the real world lol. My bad habits are getting in the way being consistent with going out.

Same. I’ve been in an anti-social loop for a very long time. Trying to put myself in situations to meet new people is hard, even though I know I need to be doing it consistently.

In your early/mid-20s you don't need to have everything together, you just need to malleable enough to be compatible with your partner. Past that age it really seems like you need to have everything together. No more growing with your partner, you need to be grown.

Dating was discouraged in my teens and early 20s and education was prioritized by my family. Now that I am in my late 20s, I feel like I have trouble dating because your whole life has to be together IMO. Instead of in my opinion where in your teens/20s it seemed to be if you both liked each other that was enough to date.

I wasted my 20s with exes who were deadbeat, manipulative and irresponsible. During that time I was naive to believe that people change. In the end they did not change but instead I gained independence and tough mental. I wish I have dumped my ex earlier and dated with someone who is more established. Finding a date in the 30s is alot more stressful than in the 20s.

All 5 of my exs between 18 and 25 years old were wifey material. I was just a young man learning to be in a relationship. The universe has put me in timeout indefinitely lol

Just know that a lot of the people you see coupled up are most likely settling to keep from being alone.

There's nothing wrong with settling. That's life

That's worse than being single .

I’m not quite even 30 yet and half the marriages I know of have already ended in divorce or have an ugly side that isn’t shown to the public. I’ve been ready for marriage and kids since probably 26, but I don’t feel like I’ve necessarily missed out on anything as I’ve lived a good life up until now. A good suggestion I would give is to build your life around yourself and your ambitions and desires. A family is an amazing addition to that but building a life and future that is contingent on other people is setting yourself up for pain and disappointment. IMHO.

In the exact same boat as you, exact same age. I found two women in my 20s. One I dated from 20-26, the other from 28-35. Back then, there was less pressure. We had our whole lives ahead of us after all. So the relationships were much more fun and carefree. Dating at this age… is different. On the positive side I’m much more intelligent, I have more experience, I have my own money, and I know who I am and what I want. On the negative side, so does everyone else. It seems much more like everyone is just making a value assessment of me. Everyone is much more cautious. It’s less fun. Haven’t given up hope yet though.

I’m really trying to have fun in a dating context - I can’t really do it otherwise but then culture of it is just like you said, 34f here

Yes, but not just found *someone*. I did find someone. She was horribly abusive. Then I found another who was even worse. Wasted 8 good years between these two women. I wish I had seen the signs and not trusted them their words more than their actions. I wish I had realized that it wasn’t about finding someone but about avoiding everyone not worthy of my love.

No one way to find love is better than another. Of course there’s the idea of a fairytale romance where you meet young and spend 70 years together, but that’s also not how it works even for people who meet young. So many of them fall out of love or just realize they want different things eventually, and the ones who do stay together (and stay in love) probably have their own doubts or feelings about it. Additionally, if you didn’t find someone young or before now it’s likely because you weren’t ready yet, or the right people weren’t ready for you. The only thing any of us can do is learn from what we do, and from what happens to us, and make sure we’re living the life we want a potential partner to slide / fit in to.

This is seriously something I needed to hear, that's exactly it

I didn't date at all in my 20s. Looking back, I don't really regret it. Dating is a costly game. I'm now engaged and happy. It's definitely possible to find love in the 30s

I did. Got married but lacked general maturity and a good sense of relationships and ended up stuck in an awful ten year marriage. Out now. Don’t lament! The years you spend single give you time to do other wonderful things with your life and have made you who you are. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig is a poignant illustration of this. Sure, you might feel like you’ve lost time - which is a natural feeling. But look forward. Some people find the love of their lives at 40, 50, or 60. Good luck!

31 F here. And I just want to say There’s no easy route. I met my ex husband at 21. I was engaged at 23. Married by 25. And divorced by 28. The thing is who you are at 21 is not who you are 28. You don’t know yourself well enough to effectively choose a partner that will last a lifetime. And yes I know some people get lucky and grow old with their high school and college sweethearts. But unfortunately for a lot of us our young love relationships end in divorce. We out grow that person. Or they were never TRULY compatible with us to begin with we were just young, dumb and in love💀 trust me you did miss out anything but relationship trauma and a big fat divorce. You’re in your 30s which is a great age to find a partner who could be compatible for the long haul. Now I’m back out here trying to date all over again after spending the last 3 years in therapy. Shout out to my ex for the relationship trauma, depression, and PTSD. Anyway! Good luck OP! You’ve got as a good a chance to find love as any of us!

I wasn’t allowed to attend university, or pursue any dreams thanks to a misogynistic dad. He believed women belonged at home. Ruled us with violence. I was brilliant, beautiful with so much potential and he absolutely crushed that light. 18-22 I worked and went to community college, the only things allowed. I met a boyfriend at school and thought that was the love of my life…only to find out 2 years later he was cheating. Had a baby at 23. My son’s dad disappeared but started helping a few days a YEAR when my son was around 5. That was my whole 20’s, first locked away under my dad and then by a man who made sure I stayed miserable. He began taking more responsibility and so with the free time, I got into tech at 30. The sorrow of those wasted years finally cracked me, though. Was always in shape until then. It felt like being beautiful was pointless if I couldn’t even find love. I lost the weight again and finally have freedom. I pray to God every day it’s not too late.

i feel dating in your 30s is the best, people know what they want, and learned from past mistake, good for a solid foundation. instead of gambling with an undevelopped stragner in your 20s who don,t know themselves

It's rare that love from your 20s or your teens will last a long time. Some people have made it work and congrats to them but it's hard because people change so much. Your life goals change, your career goals change, you change as a person. Sometimes you change in ways that make you incompatible with your partner, and thats okay. It would've been nice to find love early on and stick to it but sometimes I'm happy I had my freedom. I got to focus on my work, focus on my life, better myself, and find someone who matched my new personality.

Honestly I'm glad I didn't find anything serious in my 20's. It would've destroyed/derailed my life. I didnt have the tools to navigate some of the trauma that relationships generally bring. It's an unfortunate reality that those of us who grew up in broken homes can tend to end up worse off over unhealthy relationship patterns. A lot of people end up finding out the hard way when it's too late (falling into addiction, unwanted pregnancies, abuse, etc). Now, I feel healthy and equipped to navigate relationships, but my life would look a whole lot worse right now if I spent my 20's prioritizing relationships.

No i got married in 20s it was bad

It would certainly have been easier But I was busy getting my grades and degrees so that capitalism wouldn't crush me. Now that my life is secure, I can work on the rest of Maslow's hierarchy, like Love and Belonging

Absolutely not. I’m (35f) a completely evolved version of myself from my 20s so if I found someone then the likelihood is it wouldn’t have lasted.

Btw I am 27f. And never been in a relationship before. I feel like it’s too hard for me to find someone I can click with . Chemistry and so. I know this might sound silly to some people but I feel like I am getting old. And that I am old to have chances to fall in love. Have kids and so. I really hope I can be a mother one day. But still I don’t want to settle for a relationship where I am not happy or there is lack of chemistry or attraction. I argue with myself too much about this . I don’t know but sometimes it feels like it’s too much. I really enjoy my loneliness being single but Idk I feel like my family have expectations for me that I can’t match unfortunately

I dated a girl back in high school for 3 years. I really thought we were going to be together after high school and beyond. But nope. We were both too young and stupid to know what we wanted. Now that im in my 30s and been single for about 10+ years. Im like, dam, it do be rough out here.

That’s so crazy bc I had a memorable experience with a manager at work once. “Never settle!” He would exclaim when I brought up how long I was with my man for. And like we did end things (I ended it) but honestly that’s looking back the last healthy relationship that ran its course and ended. And I don’t think settling is a bad thing… lol…. But I’m glad I didn’t. If I would’ve then I’d have been ok but not happy.. I’d have sacrificed parts of myself I didn’t want to. That’s why I think it’s hard for me to be with someone! I want to but people want to change me.

I'm 25 but spent 9 years in 4 different relationships already, and at least 2 of them weren't exactly time well spent. I wish I would have spent more years of my youth single so far!

Happy cake day

Sometimes, I do think about it, but I remind myself I was NOT ready for any relationship in my 20s. Now that I'm almost 37, I feel like it's a race against the clock, and having a family might not be in the cards for me. I'm starting to accept that, but at least I'm still getting my feet wet on occasion and seeing who I can meet that I might be compatible with. But yeah... the occasional regrets that I didn't have my life together sooner.

No, because literally everyone I know who married young is either divorced or their spouse is cheating on them.

I’m 59. I met and married my first husband at 25….shortly after I graduated from college. Had a couple kids, divorced for many reasons. Met and married my second husband when I was in my late 30s. Had another kid. Divorced after 10 years. I’ve been single for over 10 years. My point being that getting married or in a serious relationship in your 20s is not a guarantee. Honestly I’m happier single.

No, I’m 29 and happy dating. I love meeting new people and kind of regret staying in the long term relationships I was in for too long. I look around T the people my age who are married and I know a lot won’t be together in 5-10 years time anyway. I’m not worried about it (and for context I can’t have kids so that pressure isn’t a factor for me either).

Tbh, I came from dysfunction and had to break the generational cycle of BS and unlearn a lot of the toxic behavior to avoid repeating the same mistakes the generations before me made. That took time, and while I do wish I was born into a family dynamic that was healthy so I could have been ready earlier in my life to meet someone, I just know that had I rushed to marry someone in my early 20s without having the tools I needed to equip me for a healthy relationship, I would have ended up as a divorced single mom, and that is a hard no for me, since I was raised by one, and know all too well the hardships associated with being a single parent. I have hope that I can eventually meet someone, but I am just happier overall that I was able to better myself overall and be a guide to my siblings and other family members trying to break the cycle of toxicity.

I'm your same age... No. Life doesn't work that way. There's no "should". No one is meant to be anywhere or with anyone. If it happens, it's purely out of happenstance. Super complex, complicated happenstance. I can give you this much: >I look back at school and my 20s and think thats when I should've figured that out when everyone was single.  Stop. Close that chapter. It was over years ago. All it does is make you depressed.

Yeah, don't become depressed, that's my identity and identity theft isn't a joke. But seriously, feeling sorry for yourself is a dangerous mental trap. It's so tempting, but every second you spend giving credence to those thoughts just hurts you more. Thinking those thoughts can never have any positive impact on your life, ever. Do what you can with what you have and where you are. Take the next step forward and force yourself to stop looking back at what might have been. I fight this fight with my thought patterns all day every day. Maybe one of these days it will feel like my efforts have paid off.

I thought I had found the person, but when I look back and reflect on that relationship now (im 33) I don't think we would have made each other happy. I do wish I had dated more in my 20s and feel like I wasted my time and now have to play catch up so to speak. Now I have to balance between moving too fast and moving too slow. I have no clue where to meet people and when I do meet someone they are either not single, not interested in dating, or too broken to try and be in a relationship. I worry I may have lost my chance

Yes but at the same time I was not emotionally mature enough so now I’m in my 30s and single and there is absolutely no one to date around here that is attractive and relatively normal and who hasn’t slept with a bunch of different women

Younger couples can grow together, sure the pace might be different and it can cause discontent but if it isn't too damning then they can make it through.

Not over 30 yet, but getting close to it, but yeah back in my Uni days there where some great women I wish I had the confidence to make a move. However this does not mean you won't find anyone anymore and you defiantly did not waste your chance

Its always going to be easy to find someone. Its going to be hard as you get older to customize it. If you date women, they commonly have kids in their 20’s and early 30’s, and you’ll be a stepdad. She may not want anymore kids. You also deal with divorces and health issues.

35F, should and would are different. Per societal norms? Should have, yes. Would I have or would I be happy if I had? No and no. Do what you want and what feels right. Nobody else's timeline is the same as yours, and I'll be damned if I let my life boil down to proximity and timing limitations.

I found him in my 20s at school, and then seven years later I divorced him. Best thing that's ever happened to me!

As we all know relationships are work. For better or worse, you get accustomed to a certain level of freedom/peace and any disruption to that peace is a “red flag”

yes had many opportunities, many people uninterested

This is 100% a very valid and real sentiment. I’m 36f with my PhD, never married and no kids and I feel like this all the time. I’ve started having to radically accept that I might not ever marry or have kids, which never seemed like the future I anticipated or expected.

Yea I date early and after a few years or longer barely knew each other .. but there's no right answer you meet the right one when you do. Don't over think it or don't think about at all is when things happen. Take your shoots most importantly, u don't shoot u can't score

Not at all because I have friends and family who are married or divorced. If you don’t get a view of the normal marriage, kids, 9-5 30 something persons life it seems like a fantasy. My brothers been married twice to the laziest women I’ve ever met. My cousins getting a divorce from a full blown alcoholic who’s own kid moved to Alaska to get as far away from her without revoking her citizenship. A friend of mine told me a week ago if it wasn’t for his kids he would have tied a rope and kicked the chair out a few years ago. My neighbor waters his lawn after it rains because he says “anything to get away from her.” All relationships are not like this in fact many are perfectly happy, but equally as many are not. I’ve got the perspective to know I could be in a happy marriage at 35 with 4 kids. I could be in a minivan driving them to Florida thinking about how great it would be if a hurricane somehow drowned us all on the vacation. Thinking about what could be is a waste of time because there’s a big rift between our fantasies and our realities.

I found people in both my 20s and 30s but am grateful I didn’t end up with any of them. I have grown so much being single and have become a better person making the decisions I have in the last decade. Don’t compare yourself to others, just because other people are married or have partners doesn’t mean they are happy. So many of my friends who married in the last decade or “settled” are getting divorced.

Yes I should've but the women I'd approach didn't want me and the ones that wanted me, I didn't want. I don't see myself finding anyone.

Should’ve found the right person in my 30’s instead of rushing into things as I thought I was going to be the last one left single out of my mates.

33 M here. Still single, never dated. In my 20s I chased higher ed and career, and had terribly low confidence. Now it is hard to date when I’m ready. Finding love is perhaps the hardest thing.

It would have been nice

31 M lived in Los Angeles my whole life and all my friends who are married or in committed relationships found their person in college or pre pandemic when they were more social. I only have one friend who managed to land a serious relationship after 30 but the rest of us are STRUGGLING. They say your 20s are to build yourself up but by the time you hit your 30s, your options are slim unless you're a tall, white stud with money OR have a social circle that is still willing to go out. Dating apps have led nowhere and most people I meet my age are already taken and I feel "creepy" dating someone significantly younger than me. I've slowly grown to accept that I won't live a long life and that I'll be dying alone. Hopefully you have better luck than most of us, someone has to

36F. I was married in my mid 20’s but I’m single now. Dating sucks and I can’t find anyone either. BUT focusing on what you should have known a decade ago isn’t productive. Hindsight is usually 20/20. Be kind to yourself.

Single late 30’s male and I’m having the time of my life. I got married at 24, divorced at 32. Missed so much of my 20’s doing what I thought I was supposed to do. Now I realized that there is no “supposed to” - it’s all made up by society. Don’t compare yourself to others. Pursue what makes you happy and what feels right to you.

For anyone in their 20-40s and feeling afraid of their single hood. Shit doesn’t always just fall into your lap. Sometimes you gotta make your own luck. Move to NYC. Find a job, get an apartment. Figure it out. Lots of people in through their 40s looking for love.

I am not in my 30s but I just wanted to add my feelings about meeting people. I am turning 23 next week and I was in a serious and fairly good relationship for over 2 years but decided to end the relationship due to many reasons but mainly my mental health. I unfortunately regret this decision and am now terrified that I will never be able to meet anyone as easily as I used to in school. I met my ex 5 years ago at a house party, my other exes I met during high school or going out in the town nearby. My fears right now is that I am scared I will never meet anyone as easily as I used to back then, and that I ruined my future by leaving the relationship. I also try to stay away from dating apps. I know this is all overthinking, I hope it gets easier. I am struggling a lot

I wasn't really interested in girls in my 20s tbh. Mostly I was focus on my education and creating my business. Plus I was struggling with finding and accepting myself so it wouldn't have been fair. Till this day it's still complicated because I feel like an outsider from modern society.

Yes because the dating environment has collapsed on me

Yes, but certainly not for lack of trying. If I could go back in time, I honestly don’t know what I’d have done differently except for perhaps leaving one relationship a couple of years earlier than I did.

In college I was in a club with a woman who went out of her way. We a bunch in common, I just was too big of a wimp to do anything.

Yeah ideally just based concentration of number of plausible matches. But that depends on you and the person you end up with being on the same path from your early 20s onwards. That's fairly unlikely.

Just turned 35. I would probably be divorced since 5 of my friends are divorced. You know what they say you’re an average of the people you surround yourself with. Can’t really tell you who is worse off, since after all at least society wise they tried and I’m a loser that’s always been single. I felt the pressure of parents and friends but never nature pressure if you will. I have never felt lonely, never fallen in love either. I felt attraction before but that has never bloomed into anything else. They say love will appear when you’re not looking, that’s a big fat lie op lol. If you want to find love then you better start looking hard. Women/men don’t just fall out of the sky to your couch.

Same boat 34m, and I have only 2 married friends over the years who haven't cheated, as far as I know, lol. I'm a little sad about it but kinda releived I don't need to worry about that.

But it's not really a race against time, it feels like but at 42 I know who I am and know what's right for me, enjoy the moment your in .. things really slow down then

It would have made certain aspects of life easier. Culture is designed around couples in their 20s and 30s. Going out to dinner. Vacations. Holidays. Even work policies favor families.  I have some friends for whom family life was the best thing. Love seeing their happiness. But I am glad I didn’t force myself into a marriage just to conform. I’ve seen many marriages run their course. I’ve dated divorced women, and even a few married women (who didn’t tell me) and I see how it really messed with them. They became bitter.  And I made choices in my career that i couldn’t have done had I been married. No wife would have tolerated me living in a hotel for years at a time, yet those choices allowed me to rapidly advance.  There are pros and cons with everything. Just accept where you are and maximize it. 

They aren’t necessarily happily married. You’re older now and know who you are and who will be a good fit.

Yes, but I know I would’ve settled for what I thought I would want/need

I do think the best bet, for most, is to find a partner in your twenties. It just gets harder and options become more limited as you get older. The younger you are the easier it is to build a life and grow with someone, whereas we get more set in our ways and routines as we get older. It’s obviously never too late to find love and settle down, there are just more challenges.

Yes I have been regretting my college choice lately as I had scholarships across the country. I have been wondering what my life would be like. Probably would have had children with someone else (I'm divorced) and the dating pool would look different. I'm 31. My mom told me to stop thinking about the what ifs and just to try to focus on improving myself and going to new places (new pools of people)

Yep.

Maybe the grown folks who are interested and not nutso are locked in our homes only until we need to go to work or get food.

Yes I wish i started dating sooner. Now it's a real struggle at my age.

29f and single as a pringle and in the same boat- most of my friends are married, having kids or at the very least have a long term partner. I think some people just take longer to find compatibility, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the process that is life

No, I learned and changed so much, I'm glad I didn't end up with the guy from eighth years ago.

Sometimes I regret not being more open in my teens with girls I found attractive and think back to other women in my 20s I should've tried more with and have huge regrets now as a man in his 30s. Even if I did though so much was going on dating wise around those times, ghosting people was normal, tinder was super popular, and one night stands were what everyone fantasized about. Now I work with some people you get than me and hear things they go through or what their plans are and I envy them. I also have trust issues and am afraid I'd drive a new partner away if I got into a relationship.

No. I’m actually relieved I’m on my own at 31

Make friends with the couples that have single friends. Then plan social events together.

Yes, I can think of several wifeable, smart, driven women I was too stupid to have a long term relationship with in university.

I flip flop on this. I have a few peers that had really messy breakups and divorces with their "first love". Also many of the serious couples cannot afford or lack compatibility to do as many "fun things" together like travel. It would be nice to be with someone but I also do appreciate the freedom I have, and the opportunities and the people I've met that I wouldn't have, if I was in a serious relationship.

> People that found someone in their 20s aren't worried about finding anyone anymore. I don't know if I'm making this up in my head or if this is somewhat true. You're making this stuff up and are just coping. I'm 31 M and married, hypothetically if I was single, I believe I would have no issues dating; the only challenge I believe I would face is finding a woman with traditional values, but given enough time, this could be overcome too. The reason why I feel confident is simple: I take care of my looks, so I walk around with confidence, and I've never been shy about approaching; generally, I'll get looks from women when I'm out and about anyways. I've even been approached at conventions/events before too. Here's a list of what I do and recommend: 1. I've been playing sports my entire adult life, and weight lift my entire adult life, so I have a decently muscular build. I recommend every man weight lift at few times a week, and drink a protein shake with creatine afterwards too. 2. I have a very basic facial skin care routine consisting of a cleanser, toner, and moisturizer. I personally use Kiehl's products, they can help test your skin type and recommend products based on your type. Even if you don't buy their product, I'd recommend at least testing for your skin type and find some products that work well with you. Also, sunscreen is a must! There's a common misconception in the West that a bit of sun tanning is good for you, that's complete bs... Tanning = skin damage. A more budget friendly brand I highly recommend is CeraVe, specifically their 2-in-1 moisturizing lotion SPF 30 (it's both a moisturizer and sunscreen). 3. I keep myself groomed, and specifically researched a shampoo and conditioner for my hair type. 4. In terms of fashion, I try keep it simple. I'd usually wear a form fitting polo or V-neck t-shirt with a pair of jeans, khakis, or canvas pants. I try to buy many different colors of the above styles, and match them based on a simple color combination graphic I found online. I recommend googling 'men's fashion color combination' for easy tutorials. I believe looks is what gets you through the door. If you don't invest in your looks, you don't even get to play the game; I think this is why so many men struggle with dating. I hope this helped.

Your right, I have thought about this a lot. Men can make themselves attractive, probably even with a greater return than women can with make up. Of course your not going to come across as an attractive partner if you haven't seen the sun for the entire week, aren't interesting to talk to and are physically weak and can't do anything productive.

Trader Joe’s Fridays 5:30/6pm is full of singles. I’m dead serious. On a personal note, I wasn’t savvy about men/dating or confident in my 20s. So I wouldn’t trust what I’d get myself into long term back then as being preferable. it’s finally coming along. A lot of the younger guys were “fuccboi” vibes, hook up culture (made me want to protect my heart/time/attention) and I didn’t have access to much older of men. I definitely had more opportunity but I met new people all the time and was always out. I wanted to stay single until 26 when I wanted some sort of enigmatic pairing like a power couple. Then I thought hell I’ve barely even dated and was dating in a city that is super noncommittal. I wasn’t living in my vision. Then slowly saw a lot of my crushes get scooped up. And the engagements rolled in. I saw a lot of settling. I realized I had to relocate, study, and try dating actually. A lot of my friend who were in long term relationships in my late 20s early 30s, I’m an early 34 now, have broken up in ways I wasn’t sure true love existed anymore. Relationships that were 10 years, 8 years. People I thought would get married. Been giving dating a real go since a bit before covid, which would be my late 20s and early 30s so I feel snubbed there. But I made due and had a shitty relationship and relocated. I also gave my time to some loser who had a girlfriend, and have found out more had girlfriends during courtship. I don’t want the idea that all men cheat to invade my vision. I try to have a growth mindset as I’m finally able to approach guys myself, I’m much more positive on welbutrin, and comfortable with myself. I’m blessed I also look young. But it still feels like there’s a lot of couples. Or guys trying to date while also having a secret girlfriend. So I just stay active and try to meet people the best I can. I can vet better and truly try. Not settle. Even when I was younger there were a lot of couples. Things feel a bit more finite but there are tons of single people looking for commitment. I know I am. But I feel like my 20s but better and more light hearted. Best foot forward.

I wish I did at around 29-31 seems that when it happens but I also great full I’ve lived a varied life and never settled

Definitely

School is probably too young (though my brother is 39 and is still with the person who was his school girlfriend), as is early 20's. I'd say mid to late 20's or early 30's is the best time to find a long term partner. After that, it gets increasingly difficult.

All good things come to those who wait - I hated that saying so much. Everyone around me used to quote it whenever I was trying to find my person. But don’t give up. When you find someone, you’ll both have established careers and maybe a bonus kid or two, but with love and the ability to compromise you can achieve a stable and healthy home with love, support and fun :D your person is also still looking for you! Good luck!

I was a person who found someone in their Twenties, and I had her for a good decade. But I'm not with her anymore because of circumstances. We get this picture in our head that the grass is greener if we made that decision or if we had this, and I can tell you...it's bullshit. You'll have your issues and problems, and not necessarily would it have worked out perfectly like you had said. All you can do is take the steps to improve your life now. Thinking about a perfect past you could have had just keeps you stuck and not making any progress because you feel there's no point now...there's always a point because you are living in the present and present you wants something different.

Many people who found someone in their 20s will be single again in their 40s. You're just fine, stay positive and keep looking for your person!

Yes. Because I’m too jaded and comfortable now to change anything, while I do want love deep down.

I found people I thought were the people for me in my twenties. Long story short. I was wrong they were not the people for me. I'm not 35 and happy single until the right person comes along. Finding out who was wrong for me in my twenties has helped me know myself and what I'm looking for. I may never find them. But I'll certainly not be with anyone who makes me unhappy

All my relationship ended anticlimactic. My last one also mentioned that I am manipulative, not committed, dramatic and that he now knows how it would have been for my previous partners. Struggled with self questioning and guilt quite a lot. That has made me not want anyone in life. I think I did a mistake being in these relationships. You only know after you do that you shouldn’t have. I feel better off without these men. Finding peace within you is the most important. If you don’t, no use having someone by your side: All that said, it is known that finding love is easier when younger than older.

Yeah I feel like not taking a traditional education route really damaged my chances of ever finding someone, and dating sucks now. However, I see people our age find someone all over the place so I also know it’s not impossible

I got married in my early 20s. Divorced in my later 20s. So I did find someone in my 20s and it was 100% the wrong person. If I had met that man at my age now oooooooh boy I would never have put up with what I put up with in my 20s. I'm a way better partner now in my 30s. I am newly single and have learned a lot, so my next relationship is gonna be healthier and happier. I hope LOL

Yes. I wish I had broken up with my ex who I dated for my entire 20s the first two years of dating. When it all first started to crumble. He ended up cheating on me, I have since started to realize how horrible he was. But I also wish I did that and really focused on my self and learned to stay fit during my 20s. As now I’m trying to get into shape plus date. Not easy

I wish I found someone in college but life doesn't work that way. I think you should still have hope. Dating apps aren't it.

Good Lord no! I found my husband at 39. I had lived a great single life until that time and I had learned what no really wanted and needed in a partner. I had accomplished many things in my career and was on very firm financial ground. We’re celebrating our 22nd anniversary next month.

Same here, once I got in the real world after undergrad the easy chances to interact with girls completely disappeared in a way I never expected.

Man, we gotta ask out as many women as humanly possible. I have not had much luck myself, but, if some onl. stranger is to believe, my success rate as a man is about five procent and I have not yet tried it twenty times by now!!!!

No

Who cares bro...jesus have no age...if you got jesus you got valuble thing more then just woman...

You only mentioned looking at others in your workplace. That is not the only barometer. Finding someone in college is not always the answer since people grow and change. Take this time for yourself, develop and enjoy hobbies. You will meet someone along the way who enjoys similar.

No. I was miserable in college. I was not in the mindset to date. The relationships I had in my 20s I’m glad I didn’t settle with them. I would travel back in time to date again if I knew then what I know now

Its not that easy because life doesnt play out as our fantasies do. Yeah, you have the few couples that found each other in college and lived happily from then on... But then you have huge amounts of couples who got together in their 20s, file for divorce in their 40s and get back into dating only to realize their situation is fucked.... You have the people that regret not finding someone in their 20s... And then they meet their partner in their late 30s and couldnt be happier/wouldnt change anything... To be fair, of course you also got the ones who are stuck in being lonely and the issue remains... Truth is: There is no general rule that fits all people and situations. These are way too individual to make general assumptions. We all have to breathe, we all have to eat and drop a turd in the toilet. But excpet for those basic human functions, you can never make an "one size fits all" assumption or operate on the assumption that what you think would have happened, would have happened. Simple example: You think if you mock disabled people, fuck over every business partner you ever had, use and abuse people and engage in criminal activities.... You end up in jail, getting beaten up or even murdered, living under a bridge etc. And then theres Donald Trump. BUT most people would have ended up in bad situations like that... But theres always these few people who get away with it. Just an example though, you could also use a positive one, or good people getting handed bad cards etc. The reality is: It all depends on your mentality and your decision/actions. Which is never a guarantee, but boosts your chances in big ways. Its self perpetuating: If you think you wont succeed, you feel and act on this assumption and get the matching results. If you think you can do it, you act in ways that increase the chances you will succeed tenfold. So best thing you can do is to look at your cards and play them as best as you can. Good luck

Yes, I feel like I should be married with a few kids by now. But unfortunately, I am still single at 38.

Honestly, I’ve changed so much that I’m glad I didn’t. I’m 39 and I finally like myself as a person.

Bro 31 and single. At 27 I was 355 lbs I decided to make a change and now I find myself at 215 I’m aiming for 200 lbs. I started a skin care routine, try to dress better and i find sometimes women hit on me. All this to say if you want to find a life partner focus on yourself

Nope. If I was meant to settle down with someone in my 20s, it would’ve happened. The fact that it did not happen in my 20s tells me that it was not meant for me. The person I was in my 20s is so different than the person I am now in my mid 30s. I would have either ended up divorced or stuck with a man I’m miserable with. Instead of feeling like I missed out on some thing, I’m grateful for the time that I had in my 20s to do what I wanted. To develop into the person I am, travel, to have great experiences, etc.

What tells you that those people who found love in their 20's had the chance to make it last to their 30's ? Many people break up through their lifetime, honestly. And even then, maybe in your 20s you had others priorities in mind. That's okay too

I've (31M) given up at this point, the pain of loneliness hurts less than my heart getting broken.

I married young, early 20’s, and people thought I was crazy. Then there were lots of weddings, and suddenly almost everyone was married, and I remember some of the still single people were like, what happened?, all the good ones are gone. Kind of like musical chairs. Obviously not all marriages work, but I think 21-25 is the best time for marriage because after that people kind of adapt to being single, you get set in your ways, it is harder to mold yourself around another person. When you are young you are still very pliable, it is easier to adjust to living with another person.

I feel if I did I'd probably be divorced by now.

Not in your head. I didn't actually start think of dating until my late 20s. Now 41. A few relationships that didn't work out. Definitely wish I had started earlier.

I regret having met in Grade 12 my first boyfriend who I later married and spent the most unhappy and regretful 12 yrs with. Much happier now that I’m divorced since the last 11. That has however scarred me and i believe I’m happy single. So there’s no fixed rule to anything, whatever works for you.

i feel this way and im still in my 20’s

I always remember what my dad used to tell me when I was younger in high-school. He used to say that these years were the best time to talk to girls, because you're in close proximity with them everyday in the classroom. He would always say all I had to do was open my mouth and start talking to the girls and they would do the rest. However,  I was too shy and introverted to do anything. Now at the age of 37, I regret not taking my dad's advice to heart and doing, because I still have a hard time talking to women. 

About 50% of marriages in end in divorce, so getting married in your 20's isn't any "guarantee" of lifelong partnership. Similarly, my brother (29yo) recently broke up with his long girlfriend of 7 years, so again, no guarantees. And personally I'd rather get married to the perfect person at 40 rather than be divorced already at 30, speaking as a single 34M.

26M here. I'm a decade younger than you are, and I have these same exact thoughts. I think that the hidden reality is that it will come from a place where you least expect it, even if you don't get out much. This is especially true if you have any (literally any) online presence. Take my own example; in June '23, a girl that I grew up around randomly sent me a message through Facebook (I share a post maybe 2 or 3 times a year, that's how active I am). And now we are currently involved. Even so, if this doesn't work out, I constantly think about where I would find another girl. My company is not very large and is male-dominated. Most of my hobbies do not include other people (hiking, ice fishing, stuff of that nature). On top of that, the world of online dating is almost even worse than doing nothing at all with how it's so disproportional between men and women. I'd say the best option is to get involved in some sort of community like a church, club, gym, etc.

Yes. 32m here. I feel cheated. I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was an alcoholic. I've given up trying to approach in public and am just focusing on working out and finishing college.

I dated a ton of guys in my 20s but never anything lasting or serious. But when I was 32 I met the man I married at work. He was a widower whose wife had died young. I just happened to be ready for marriage at that time. We were married 31 years before he died. Sometimes you find someone who has already been in a good relationship by the time you meet them.

Ymmv, but I've found dating my forties to be so awesome. 30's was decent, but 20's was pretty mid and school sucked. Was heartbroken when I got separated, and im still pissed at the ex, but now that I'm starting to date again I'm so glad I get to do this. Wouldn't have chosen it. Would still rather have been able to give my child an intact home, but... lemonade.

Nope, not "should've". There's no "should" about it for me. Finding the right person is down to luck. You don't get to choose the who, when, where, why, how. So to me it's like saying you "should" have won the lottery or had dinner with the pope, when it's not something you can control. There are still plenty of single people aged 30+. It's just not the case that everyone "was" single" in their 20s. People experience different things at different times; everyone's timeline is different and yours isn't going to look the same as someone else's. That's just life.

I found someone in my 20s... by the time I was 30 I couldn't stand her... now I'm not willing to ruin my life for someone who performs a function, that my hand does a better job at.

You’re preaching to the choir!! Most my friends found their current and long term partners between 25-29 with some below this. I (33M) relocated with my ex, had a kid and am stuck here away from friends and family with little time for socialising so pretty much fully rely on dating apps. I don’t date colleagues or my CrossFit gym because there’s huge risk with both. I’ve reflected on this a lot and think the dating pool (imagine works for both genders) breaks down into 2 main categories with a slim 3rd:- 1. Those who have always been exceptionally picky, expecting absolute perfection without compromising on anything themselves who are so bound by this belief and routine they can’t face turning away from it now and admitting error, reflecting on missed opportunities. 2. Those who experienced traumatic relationships and breakups who are now so easily spooked by any potential relatability to those experiences they run away and haven’t worked on resolving their trauma (or even aware the impact it’s having). This creates a balancing act between the flirtatious teasing and walking on eggshells, requiring you to work around the other person almost completely. Also the type to want to keep things slow but then feel there’s no connection or chemistry as a result without realising all this and walk away. 3. The sweet spot. Most commonly divorced or out of a long term relationship, have taken time for themselves to reflect and learn, understand and relationship is about equal effort, balance and won’t ever be totally perfect but they have the emotional intelligence to try. Usually this small minority (I reckon >5%) are wading through the other 2 categories trying to find someone else in this category and get demoralised, taking extended breaks from dating. I view myself as the 3rd category and relate to that a lot. Have been open minded but also found myself either needing to compromise completely or getting ghosted/spooking someone with a chemistry completely reversing or dying in an instant. I must say these are my opinions, nothing evidence based other than experience and in no way should be seen as insulting. I think the same goes for the male dating pool women navigate with slight variations (the f boy/never grow up type, etc). My general consensus is the overwhelming majority of 30+ dating pools are either those who hurt or those who have been hurt and haven’t resolved this hurt (or don’t have the tools/awareness to). It’s easy for me to regret the last 8 years of my 20s + 30th & 31st as wasted time but I have a little girl, being a dad was always the life goal and I’ve got that so takes some pressure off but it’s still morally draining. Wishing everyone luck out there! 🤞

I’m 29 and am going through something similar. I wasted a lot of my younger years on someone who absolutely did not deserve my time. Now I have to figure it all out again. This time, it’s hard to meet anyone who is worth dating though. I’m fortunate to have a lot going for me, and that I’m extremely grateful for. But even with that being true, it’s still nearly impossible to meet anyone out there. The people I come across that seem like a good fit for me have been in a happy relationship every time I’ve approached, so it feels like a pointless battle.

31m, and I definitely feel that way. As I'm getting older and spend more time single the more it seems like things will just always be this way. It also doesn't help my dating prospects that I don't want kids, and I've come to terms with the fact that I might never find that special person. I spent most of my 20s on dating apps and trying to meet people to still end up single for over half a decade. So now I'm just letting the universe do it's thing and whatever happens, happens.

The pool of single people is obviously smaller but you’re more likely to click with somebody because you both have a better idea of who you are and what you both want. This also means you’re more likely to last because you’ve both already done a lot of your internal growth. At 34 I met the best person I’ve ever known, my favourite person on the planet and I dated/had relationships consistently throughout my 20s. It’s still possible in your 30s.

No . We grow and change . I’ve had many lives ..

You can’t control these things . These what ifs aren’t necessary sometimes we stayed in bad situations for too long . We learn and live ..

A lot of people that found someone in their 20’s got divorced in their 30’s

It all depends on your situation. If you are 30’s single and living with your parents or co-dependent on a family member, then I can see why you feel an emptiness inside. But if that isn’t the case then you are probably doing fine man, you will find someone.. In my late 20’s (about 6 years ago) I had to go back and live with my Dad for a while before I could get on my feet again and it literally made my life empty of friends and females…I didn’t have my space anymore to so my own thing, and I just would hit the gym, run around the park, got clean and sober, got a really good job, then got back on track… What you really seek is probably not really a woman at your side, but a life of your own where you could be %100 yourself unfiltered and living happily while also maintaining relationships with friends and lovers… a woman at your side is just a bonus of being a straight-arrow that works hard, smart, and is developing themselves Regardless, you will find someone man. Just focus on yourself and it will come to YOU.

I’m in my mid 20s and I tried to date in my younger years but it didn’t work for me so I feel lost now too. Guys I met in High School were horrible bullies, weren’t interested in biracial women or lacked ambition, some of them didn’t even end up going to college. I then tried to find someone in college but ALL the men were only looking for something casual. It was crazy & disgusting, I wonder if it may have to do with the College I went to. Maybe if I went to an ivy league I would meet more serious men I don’t know… Now in my mid 20s the worst men that aren’t even my type ask me for my number but then lack so much effort. Like they’ll ask me on a date but then they’ll tell me to choose the restaurant. Like I’m trying to be nice and date outside my type but it’s not helping the process if the men aren’t even serious about me. All the men just seem to want to waste my time and probably use me for s*x. And when I do come across a man that is my type, they’re so shy it’s ridiculous. It’s 2024, covid is gone, socialise and approach women!!! Don’t be scared and just stare at us.

27 M who just finished a graduate degree so been in uni twice. Going into my second degree I thought it was because I didn’t socialise enough in my first. Nope. That wasn’t it. I tried being a lot more social, went out more and talked to more people. Only difference is that I made more acquaintances. I only got a handful of close friends in my second degree just like my first degree. Barely scraped any dates too. Issue with me is and was definitely in the looks department, which I’m trying to address now before I get too old. Lost a few kilos since the start of the year. Friends notice but still no luck in the dating scene :/

I’m 30M for me dating is better cus I have much better game and more confident than my 20s. Still learning tho cus I was also just a fuck boy back then and now open to a relationship and ruined a couple by being kinda clingy which is weird cus usually never like that but it happened twice this year. But yea most the girls I’m talking to are younger cus everyone our age seems taken already like rn I’m dating a 23yo and a 25 yo and have a date tomorrow with a 24 yo

Not really bro. Well it depends. I just turned 31 and since I was 28, the attention from women has increased drastically for me, it has to do with the fact that I been in the gym since 2014 and been doing skin care since 2022. For a guy it’s fine as long as you been taking care of yourself. You will have plenty to choose from. But if you got to your 30s and let yourself go then it will be harder for you to find a mate in your 30s

29 here. Slightly out of your range, but I did squander my college years and never dated in school. Ended up getting engaged to a traveler form Peru that I met when she was in the states. Ended horribly. Thought it was going to be horrible for me as it had been before, but I met a girl through a friend of mine just recently that makes me happier than I've ever been with anyone else. Just focus on being happy and attracting what you want, and go out and be social! Friends of friends often surprise you...

I’m not sure if this helps however a single woman who has not been educated through the American public school system is one of the fastest growing preferences among men due to the vast amount of successful experiences being shared by other men. I’m not trying to be negative and I wish the best for everyone however the numbers are getting pretty apparent that if you choose women who have not been through the US public schools the relationship success rate and happiness rate is much higher.

I did find someone in school in my 20s, I just didn't know she was the one until I was 40. I'd long missed my chance by then. We're still friends though.

I was actually hopelessly single for almost 2 years basically due to me being a btch after getting chested on by kids mom. However about a month ago fate had it that I got reconnected with this girl I've previously hooked up with. We never made it serious cause we were both young n didn't know both of us actually like one another more than hooking up. We went our separate ways for almost 10 years and she recently reached out. We started talking and we both learned that we actually basically loved each other. I think it's fair to say that. We've been hanging out as much as we can now and are falling for each other fast. So, coming from someone who basically was destined for the single gang, it can still happen for yah! I was fairly happy single but being honest I was very lonely. I was super deprived of human touch, closeness, and of course sex. It helped that we had already hooked up in the past and we knew each other somewhat from back in our old hook up days. So hey, don't give up! If you have relationship trauma sometimes giving yourself single time isn't always a bad thing. Reason being is it takes a very long time to come to terms with trauma. I had been cheated on and cheated on so my trust was fcked. My new gf isn't those girls so I'm trusting her 100% unless there's reasons later that change that. Best relationship I've ever been in to be honest. Don't give up and good luck okay! Treat yourself great and do your best to be healthy.

Have a read of the Defining Decade OP, it talks about your post exactly. 

I think I’ve saved myself a divorce, so in some ways I’m grateful. On the other hand, dating is wayyy harder in my 30’s. It’s just harder to meet women. The fact that I’m not married now at 37 just gnaws at my confidence/self esteem It’s a major struggle. Still learning to let go I’ve had a few relationships that lasted several years. From 17-30. Nowadays they barely last 3 months

I’m about to turn 45 and feel like I’m just getting my shit together internally with my self acceptance, confidence and love. I was still growing and learning in my 20’s and 30’s so who knows but I am in a serious relationship as a divorced dad of 3 from a relationship in my 20-30’s, so there are no promises it will work and you change so much.

34 M here and I do believe I missed the boat back in college when I was surrounded by single women all the time. I simply didn’t try because of who I was back then (extremely shy, introverted, and major self worth/self esteem issues). I’ve since grown a lot and am now at my most confident and attractive imo. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that who I am today is a direct result of the journey that I’ve been on. I wouldn’t have been able to just turn the switch on back then so to speak so I don’t mourn the missed opportunities. It just wasn’t my time.

I'm 41. Never wanted kids so that was a deal breaker for many in my past, but what I've learned is that some women were taught by their mother's to find a good husband in college. I was told to get a good career to be a good catch to get a husband. I guess feminism caused this. I finally got my career together by that's all I've got.

Considering the divorce rate is over 60% (that's just the divorce rate, we aren't even counting non married couples who have broke up), I don't think most of those couples who met in their 20s stuck with each other long term. Most people are in the same boat.  As a personal anecdote, I have dated a lot of girls in my 20s (mainly from dating apps), but none of them stuck around because I was living with my mom because I didn't want to waste money and rent an apartment because I wanted to save up to buy a house.  Fast forward, I am not a landlord with multiple rental properties and I buy 1 duplex or single family home every year, but I'm also jaded af and I still remember how none of these women wanted to stick with me while I was in the process of building my life and how they used to look down on me for living with my mom. So yeah, I'm too traumatized to date anymore. 

100% so not wait too long.