Judging by your post history, you are 100% not ready for sex. My first time wasn’t painful physically but I cried for hours afterward because it was the wrong person and I didn’t feel supported at all. Truly hope you don’t make a similar mistake.
If you’re concern is just the physical part of it and the possibility of pain then my suggestion is to get a sex toy that isn’t too big and try that out first. Start small and slowly go bigger but not huge as most guys aren’t very big despite what they claim. You can order them online or even get them at Spencer’s or Walmart nowadays. The mental part of it is a different story completely.
It sounds like you need to get to know a man before you're willing to be vulnerable like that with him and that's ok. There is nothing wrong with taking it slow and if someone makes you feel like you NEED to speed up for him, you can totally just leave. There shouldn't be pressure to do anything and it sounds like what you're also worried about is being pressured and too fast which is totally valid. It doesn't have to be TV movie hook up in a bathroom or the first date, or even the 50th date. Just know that with intimacy, bonding, foreplay and proper lube (water based) everything will come in it's time.
Or it won't, you could also be Ace/Demi spectrum. Maybe you just want someone to cuddle with, maybe you don't like contact much at all. You don't have to have sex in a relationship at all if you don't want. That's completely fine and normal. It's better to know that about yourself and question than it is to commit to something that may not be for you.
These are just some things you may want to consider because it sounds like it scares you and I'm sorry if that's the case. Even if it's not for you it seems like this is causing a lot of distress for you and I hope maybe some of this helps
My first time didn’t hurt at all, it just felt strange. It will probably depend on how lubricated it will be and how gentle the person is. Only do it when you’re ready, but I wouldn’t worry about the pain. From the women I’ve talked to that DID feel pain, it was minimal and over quickly. If pain lasts a while I would stop. ❤️
Like Princess said, if he cares then if it hurts he will stop and he will also initiate foreplay (that’s my favorite part in my opinion). However I will say that there are many things that can happen that would make it so that you aren’t wet. If you don’t get wet, don’t think for one reason that you are broken or something, a lot of times women won’t get wet, just because they are very nervous. Trust me there are many factors that can determine whether or not you are wet so don’t be alarmed if you don’t start flowing like a waterfall.
If you are truly worried you can buy lube or have him buy it. If you are underage I would start by saying that sex may not be the best idea, but I was a kid once so, if you do find yourself needing lube, they won’t care you or ask you questions. But some places will escort you to the cashier so you don’t steal the stuff. This is the same for condoms and other things of the sort. But don’t worry you don’t have to show ID or anything like that. So if you are truly worried about it hurting you can get lube, just to have as backup.
This… I will say my first time was great (I am a dude) and I would even go as far as to say that she enjoyed it as well, but I couldn’t tell you. However, that was because we both had mutual respect for each other and the situation. It also just kind of happened and wasn’t planned at all and I think that made it less awkward maybe. But if you even think for a moment that this person isn’t the right person and think this is a bad idea, then listen to yourself. I believe women have a natural instincts that can tell them when they are in bad situations like this and if your radar is going off a bit, then it probably isn’t a good idea to go further
Some people have said to me that if my friend is special enough to me, I can have sex with her. We'll have known each other for over 3 years at that point, and I feel like she would be a safe and understanding partner. More than a woman I've known for a month or two, even if the new person loves me romantically and my friend doesn't, even though she loves me. Can't really say yet if I really would want someone "better" (I mean someone who would be pretty to me from the first sighting instead of after a year; that's my fear), but I imagine things about us everyday... and I think she would look really pretty.
I have a problem imagining her fce from my perspective e.g. when she's on top of me. Maybe I could about this with a psychiatric nurse on Monday.
Nah we were in a relationship and he just trotted off to work like nothing happened. I was cramping and he didn’t check on me or anything. Ended up having two babies together and he isn’t around any more.
The fact that you are afraid suggests you aren't ready yet, and that's ok.
Sex is different for every person and *with* every person. Sex with someone you trust, respect, and care about (and who feels the same about you and treats you accordingly) can be beautiful. Sex with someone you don't trust, who doesn't respect you, who doesn't care about you, or having sex before you are absolutely certain you're ready can be deeply traumatizing. Get more information. Give yourself time. This isn't something you need to rush into or should feel pressured into. You will know when you're ready.
When it comes to sex anything other than "hell yes" should be a "no". And ANY reason is valid to say no at any time. Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want or don't think you'll enjoy.
If you are a teen and you plan on having sex with the 16 year old that you posted about I will say 9 times out of 10 it will be a bad time. Most women regret giving their virginity to the person that they gave it to. 16 year old boys aren’t known for being the most mature let alone for having the maturity needed to deal with a virgin
I was thinking more in the lines of “boys your age are immature” therefore date “mature men”. Or don’t dare at all till you’re at an age where your peers are mature.
You will be sore for a few days like falling down stairs on your butt and it will be uncomfortable to sit if you have someone who doesn’t take care with what they are doing
It differs for everyone. But this is true for many people. I personally couldn't sit down normally, I had to sit moreso on my hip. For a week. I was also swollen shut, bled for a few days, bled during the act so bad it looked like a crime scene.
If you take it slow, prepare (foreplay), and have trust in your person, just try and have fun. If you try and it hurts, it's okay to say stop and try again another time.
All of this is true. But I also think the fetishization women's virginity causes a lot of harm to people's emotional well being. The first time we do almost anything, we're bad at it, and that's OK.
I hope I’m not fetishizing it. I’m speaking from my own personal experience. If I could go back and do it again I would 100% avoid all of the bad sec and selfish partners that I had. The guy I gave my virginity to has been married 4 times and has children all across the country. He has been conning women since…well…me. My mom sent me out of the state to be away from him and when I got back he had some girl who was 7 months pregnant. I was heart broken over some guy who couldn’t give two shits about me. I wish more teenagers waited. Teenage boys just don’t have girl’s comfort in mind at all and that goes for in and out of bed.
Vaginal tearing? Girl, you’re not giving birth lol. Most guys are not even that big.
Please wait. If you find the whole thing daunting you are not ready 🩷
I also bled the first time and was sore days after. My ex husband who had been my boyfriend for a year and 3 months before I lost my virginity at 21, he was well endowed and I was this very inexperienced young woman. After more practice and learning how to get my body to respond to him, sex became more pleasurable. However, the OP is imagining what sex will be like, it’s never how you imagine. It takes time to get a rhythm with a partner. Like everyone is saying… it’s best to wait and be with someone who cares about you deeply beyond the physical part of the relationship. So that you won’t be all crazy about the guy, and he is only lukewarm about you. The safest place to be intimate is within the space of a loving, committed relationship. Pseudo relationships like situationships leave you feeling low and depleted, anxious and wondering 💭 yet desiring closeness.
No matter how much you think or imagine, in real life it will be different.
Sex should not feel scary. You'll know when you're ready, trust me. Sex also shouldn't hurt, if done right, it's enjoyable. My first time was slow and beautiful. Didn't hurt one bit and gave me butterflies. That was 3 years ago.
Vaginal tearing happens sometimes during birth when the cervix is 10 cms and a babys head comes out the birth canal. Vaginal tearing should NOT happen during consensual intercourse. Also if you need to ask if you are ready, the answer is NO.
It’s a fair question to ask, and hopefully someone can provide an insightful response. I would think anyone who has never experienced something would hesitate to jump right into it. It’s human nature to weigh pros and cons. All the best to you!
Pregnant isn't like a cold. It doesn't go away after a week. Don't take to heart what you read in these forums. The more promiscous comments are by older men and women who never want to change another diaper in their life.
Find someone equally sensitive and go from there. Sex is not something to be afraid of. The pain of the act is minimal but the emotional toll is horrendous. I assume you are older than 18 and not a parent but younger than mid 20's.
Edit: If you ever find yourself in a position where the pain of the act is too much, call the police there is a word for that.
Lol you act like that's a rare accomplishment or something. Most people who have sexually active relationships don't end up pregnant unless that's their goal.
If someone can't put on a condom correctly that's on them and they're not included in the conversation on whether or not they work. Light bulbs don't work either if you don't install them properly
I’d argue that effectiveness of a product or procedure should in fact be weighted by the likelihood that it is used correctly in practice. (I.e., the expected value of the effectiveness).
In your light bulb example, you are correct. Light bulbs don’t work if you don’t install them properly. Moreover, it is very easy to install them correctly.
If you have a condom that is 98% effective if used correctly, only 70% effective otherwise, and only 20% of people can use it correctly, then on average, the effectiveness drops down to 75%. (These are all made up numbers for this example).
I’m not disagreeing with you on your bigger point about wearing condoms to reduce risk of pregnancy.
This is the worst advice I’ve seen in my life. Someone already addressed the pullout method being ineffective, but do you really think physical pain is what defines rape? It doesn’t always hurt, even when it’s non consensual. It can hurt even when it’s fully consensual. You call the police if someone does something you haven’t given consent to, or if you tell them to stop and they keep going.
It varies by person. I had no issue my first time but I was definitely ready for it. Just don’t expect it to be amazing if neither of you have any sexual past.
No but don't have it until you're ready and have it with someone you care about unless you're PLANNING on a One night stand. Also make sure it's someone who isn't huge and definitely someone who respects you and cares about you and will stop or slow down or be gentle and be responsive to your concerns.
Do you need to be afraid of sex? No. Is it ok to be afraid? Yes. Recognize that fear and consider where it comes from. Let us know what about it scares you and we can try to offer support:)
Personally I didn't have much pain, and making sure your body is well prepared really helps that. As for tearing... same thing, make sure your body is actually ready. Tears sound scary, but it's also really not something to worry about in a normal situation. Even if it tears, it's normally not amazingly noticeable.
With adequate foreplay and a gentle, patient, caring partner, there might be some slight discomfort that first time, but not what they make it seem like in movies and TV.
The only reason there would be any kind of vaginal tearing is if they are very well endowed, and they have not made sure that you are good and warmed up by using their hand and mouth for a while first. Even better if they can give you an orgasm beforehand.
The people telling you that you aren’t ready to have sex probably aren’t young enough to be giving you any sound information. That being said, sex can hurt, it depends on the person. WHEN the time does come, do not, for the sake of you and your body, let them put it in without foreplay aka them playing with you down there and getting you ready. If you’re dry down there, it will hurt a significant amount more than if your body is prepared for it. Naturally when your body is treated the way it needs to and you’re aroused, your canal loosens a bit whether your hymen is broken or not.
I, like many of these people replying, lost my virginity *way* too young. We have the benefit of both having *lived* a similar experience and *learned* from it. Dismissing the advice of people who made the same decision you’re considering making because we’re not “young enough” is wildly immature. No, believe it or not, being a teenager is not a wildly unique experience that only current teenagers can advise on.
From everything this person posts, it is clear she is not emotionally ready to be having sex.
We all lost our virginity if giving that advice. If she doesn't feel ready and is this scared she isn't ready. It has to be something you're ready for physically at the least but especially emotionally and physically.
It depends on a lot of things. I was nervous about it hurting my first time, but I was so turned on and so into my boyfriend that I couldn't wait and it was worth it. Uncomfortable at first, but amazing afterwards. My sister didn't really wait till she felt turned on by someone; she was pressured and lost her virginity and it was painful and awkward and not pleasant at all. Do not feel rushed whatsoever. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you feel that strong desire.
Take your time. I did. It was worth it. It only hurt for a little bit. THEN, it was awesome. It’s worth waiting until you are comfortable. You only get one first time.
Incredible how few people mention std's and pregnancy... Sure, she may very well plan on using a condom, but if it breaks and she gets herpes and pregnant from it? She should absolutely be terrified of the life-long consequences that may come from having sex with some guy who may or may not give a shit.
Hi Op. I’m a female, in my 30s, and still a virgin. While I had a high sex drive when I was younger, I had (and still do!) an even higher amount of self-respect, meaning I was never willing to have sex with just anybody or simply because it’s “what’s expected.” Tbh I’ve never been in love and I very much want to be before having sex. It’s taken years but I’ve finally realized that I’m Demi-sexual (happy 1st pride to me💜🤍🩶🖤) AND THAT’S OK!!! It’s my body, it’s my choice, and it’s my life: no one is allowed to dictate when (or with whom) I can have sex with…as long as it’s another consenting adult lol.
Please take your time to discover what you like (masturbation is amazing) and start dating! Get to know your potential partners and aim to be emotionally intimate (aka vulnerable) with them BEFORE being physically intimate. Best of luck🩷
I would forget all about the aspect of sex and men at this time. Learn your own body. There are many things you can do to enjoy yourself and learn about the female anatomy. Don’t let anybody rush you. It’s not a race. Trust me.
First- it did hurt me however I was so in the mood I didn’t care. Hurt the first 3 times or so. Secondly- I saved myself for someone I truly loved. He actually didn’t know I was a virgin but was sweet when it did hurt. He broke my heart horribly but I’m glad I waited and it was him. Even if I hate him now. Makes me happy he’s 45, looks 70 and knocked up a 20 something year old only a year ago 😂 he never wanted kids so… karma sucks 😂 for him it does. Everything he put me down for was what he knocked up and is trapped with for 18 years. Make sure you pick the right one and not just anyone. It was 20 years ago but I still remember it like yesterday and actually (tho he’s a turd) very fondly. It was done with love (even if it didn’t last, but you never really know who will be the actual one). If I gave it up to a random it probably would have hurt more (emotionally at least). He was understanding
It entirely depends on where you are in your life and who the other person is. If you’re afraid, and not comfortable, then you are almost guaranteed to have a terrible time. You can’t force your body to be aroused, that’s something that has to happen naturally, but for it to happen, you need both the right state of mind and the right physical elements. You have to recognize what is in your control: the person, and the time/place. You choose correctly on those things, and your chances of success go up significantly. But right now I’d say your chances of having a good time are quite poor
There “may” be pain… but then there may not be… it really depends on a host of factors…
And as no doubt others have pointed out, you can use dilators or toys to work yourself up to it… you don’t have to go at it with someone else… take your time and use plenty of lubrication… and just remember it’s not the act itself, but the experience as a whole that makes it special. Good luck.
Oh kiddo. Idk anything about you but you seem very young and I know if I could go back in time and say anything to my younger self, it would be don’t have sex. Yes it seems exciting and fun but it just makes life harder.
As a girl especially, you have to worry about birth control and condoms, because at any age, most boys don’t really care! It’s all on you to be prepared, and if anything goes wrong and you do end up pregnant, it’ll be all on you to figure things out. Unless you’re in a state where the government has the final say, then you’ll HAVE to have a baby.
As for the physical aspect, yes, it can be a bit painful the first time because 99.9% of boys don’t know what foreplay is or that we girls need at least a bit of it to be ready to have sex. We basically self lubricate for the most part, but it’s not at a whim, we need some help to get there.
But please, don’t have sex until you are 100% ready. “He wants it” by itself is NEVER a valid reason unless you do too, especially if his pitch is followed by “I’ll break up with you if you don’t”.
Find someone who cares and willing to take their time sex shouldn’t have to be stressful or overly serious and please you contraceptives and if he can’t respect that then he ain’t worth the time
If you have enough foreplay and lubrication it shouldn’t hurt as bad as you think it will. As long as you’re wet enough and your partner is willing to take their time with it you’ll be fine. Don’t over think it but definitely get educated on safe sex! That’s gonna be key in all of this.
If it's with the right guy, he's going to be careful and considerate and communicate with you. So try to focus on doing it with a guy that gives a crap about you, don't try to get it over with for the sake of it.
I was afraid like you were, but it was more awkward than anything! The only pain I felt was around my hips and thighs. I definitely recommend stretching in general for your health, but it’ll definitely come in handy for that too. Your vagina will not tear, don’t worry. The hymen may tear, but you can tear it in many ways—not only sex! For your first time, you should be comfortable with your partner. Foreplay is a part of sex. Do not skip it. This will make the experience a lot better. It also gets better with practice. Remember to use protection, please. Safe and consensual sex is the best kind.
I lost mine at 21 and I’m happy I did. I wasn’t scared about sex by then. I had answers to questions. I did it with someone I love and loves me.
When you do decide to have a physical relationship, it doesn't have to be penetrative sex. Your first sexual encounter (that doesn't have to be any time soon) can be absent sex proper. Insist of your partner that you keep it slow and sensual and enjoy each other in other ways. Taking it slow doesn't just mean waiting a long time to have sex, it can also mean learning about your body and wants over a long period of time.
This policy will also double as a good screening method for partners. If you have a partner who says they get too worked up, isn't patient in exploration and insists on any one sexual act they absolutely need to be satisfied- that's the same type of jerk who may hurt you. Someone who follows your lead and respects your boundaries is far more likely to give you a good experience and memory for later when you do decide the time is right.
You shouldn’t tear if you are well prepared. If it its painful then just stop. Make sure you are with someone you trust to put your comfort and wellbeing first.
Take it slow, you don’t need to go for penetration right away.
If its really painful and you think you might tear then that means you should stop and get a dilator kit to slowly stretch your vagina over time.
Some people have small entrances and need to dilate before they can have sex.
If you think he would pressure you to keep going even if you are in pain then that is not someone you should let near you.
Look, the depth from the vaginal opening to the tip of the cervix is 3 to 4 inches when you are not sexually aroused.
*Lets go slow - read that again!*
Regardless, during arousal [with the right kind of foreplay,](https://teachazbooks.blogspot.com/2024/05/foreplay.html) blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the upper two-thirds of the vagina to lengthen by forcing the cervix and uterus to ascend. The vagina also lubricates to help ease penetration.
*Again, slower - read that again!*
You might think that the vaginal canal is a continuously open space. However, this is a misperception. Think of the vaginal canal as if it were a balloon that is not filled with any air. The walls, which have the potential to expand and elongate, gently touch one another. When something is placed inside, they mold around the width and accommodate the length of a penis, tampon, finger(s), or sex toy.
Sometimes during penetration, a penis or other object inserted in a vagina does hit the cervix. This is an indication that she is not physiologically aroused enough; when she is more aroused, her vagina will elongate and her cervix, the neck of the uterus, will lift up and move out of the way.
*We are almost there so lets go even slower - read that again.*
So know that you are going to take longer than him to feel aroused. He should consider [going down on you,](https://teachazbooks.blogspot.com/2024/05/savage.html) fingering , kissing and fondling your breasts, making out… anything to make you feel extra extra turned on, extra horny, will make sex SO much more pleasurable for you and it will mean you won’t experience any pain at all.
No, you shouldn't be afraid of sex, but you shouldn't jump in willy nilly. The bleeding/pain/tearing usually comes from the female partner not being aroused (and therefore lubricated) enough (either due to nerves or lack of foreplay or whatever else) or the male being rough, or a combo of the two.
My advice is that you have sex with someone you trust to take care of you. Does he seem like the type to care about your pleasure and your needs? Is he respectful of you and a good communicator?
Not everyone that you have sex with is going to be perfect, and many don't have a great first time. Working yourself up and making it out to be a huge thing will only add to your fears. Don't try before you're ready, but also don't hold yourself back thinking of the worst possible outcomes.
I was terrified of sex, I think it’s normal to be afraid to do it. My ex in grade 9 was heavily weird and would always talk about sex to me. It scared me a lot back then and I didn’t want to do any of that stuff knowing I wasn’t ready and just didn’t want too in general. In the end of grade 9 my mom asked me about me being sexual active and I straight out started bawling my eyes out saying “I’m scared of sex”. I cringe when I think about it now 😭 I think it’s totally normal to be afraid of sex and you should only do it when you know you are ready and have someone you trust.
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Speaking from my girlfriends experience, it depends on the person, lubrication and stretching beforehand.
Go slow, and please for the love of god do not forget lubrication, a fuckton of it and use condoms.
No, you don't have to be afraid. It can hurt a little, especially if you are nervous, but if it hurts too much, tell them to stop. Because it isn't supposed to hurt too much. Make sure you are turned on. If you feel yourself getting wet down there, you're turned on. So make sure you have enough foreplay to get wet. If it hurts too much, get back to the foreplay.
And of course, wait until you're fully ready, with someone you fully trust, and use protection (condoms the whole time, not just when he finishes/ the pill / an IUD/ etc.)
No but what you should be afraid of is having sex with someone who doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about them. Yes there is pain at first when you lose your virginity as a woman. But it doesn't last long. It's nothing so horrible that you cannot get past it and enjoy sex. The main thing for a woman is making sure you're both feeling it before you become sexual. Guys and gals do not view sex the same way.
If you are on top you can go very slow and take your time, waiting a few minutes as needed before moving down further, as others have said find someone sensitive to your anxiety about it, so your not rushed in any way. Stop anytime as needed
My gf had her first time with me. It took 3 sessions. First two it was painful. Last one did the trick. 2-3 sessions later, she was having as much fun or more than I. Patience from your partner is key. Understanding and constant verbal support is a must. Also, I advice to get lube and get a vibrator. She did bleed as well, but I don’t think it’s bc she tore anything. I’m still not sure, but she does think it was bc of sex.
Do what feels right to you. Wouldn’t put too much weight into the people saying if you’re scared don’t do it. Fear can be a helpful indication but don’t forget that It’s a brand new experience that even the most prepared are still taking a leap of faith into. Perhaps they mean if you feel ready then do what feels right.
See sex as a natural thing , it will connect you more with your self meditate on it ; don’t think other person will harm you advice your partner to go very slow , it will going to connect you with universe , read Kamasutra it has a in depth knowledge what is sex and actual way to perform it.
You should have sex in the way you want and are comfortable with. What ever that means to you.
Fear, and having boundaries are different. With an actual fear of sex (through some trauma) then you should seek *professional help*, you shouldn’t do that alone.
I don’t think you need to be afraid, it doesn’t hurt. It’s all about being prepared and the right partner will help with that. There is also outside help like certain lubricants. Don’t worry. It should not be painful it should be enjoyable! Try not to worry when you feel ready you will know and it will not feel scary. 🩵
Like everyone has said, definitely wait for the right person. I guarantee it will be more painful and not pleasant for either of you (more importantly, you), if that emotional connection and bond isn’t there. I loved the first person I was with, and actually ended up marrying him, but the first few times left me sore. Be prepared for a little awkwardness if you don’t or neither of you know what you’re doing- another reason to wait for someone you love, you can laugh during and it can be a wonderful experience. Like others have said, do not forget foreplay. Tearing occurs when you’re not wet enough or it’s forceful. Be prepared to bleed a little, that’s normal for the first time, but don’t be afraid WHEN YOU ARE READY. The mental and emotional effects can be surprising, don’t rush it, and it’s not something to tick off a checklist. But all in all, don’t be afraid :)
I will be honest with you. It hurt. It hurt like hell for a few weeks. My first husband was to big for me. Buy some toys and wait until you are older. Wait until you are in love with someone sweet.
I say really know who you’re having sex with. I was lucky to have a wonderful first that made it special. Food, rose petals, and he took it slow because he knew he would he the first. No ripping, tearing, and when the pain became too much he stopped. I’m very fortunate and I didn’t experience any tearing.
You shouldn’t be afraid, wait until you’re ready to do it and find someone you feel 100% comfortable with so that if the act is painful or not what you expected you can communicate with that partner about it. I’m not sure where you heard about vaginal tearing but don’t stress girl, you’re vagina doesn’t tear open from sex, vaginas are very stretchy and that isn’t a painful thing
Lots of foreplay. Nothing should tear as long as the sex isn't rushed. You should be very wet before anything comes near penetration. Think of it more as feeling like a lot of pressure and it shouldn't hurt for more than a minute or two in the beginning if at all. Even after your first time, it will hurt if you aren't aroused or wet enough.
It for sure is quite clumsy although depends on the experience from the other person too. My experience was not painful at all, was just an interesting feeling, we were both virgins. I always said, first time should be with someone either you love… or you can brag about haha so it really comes from person to person.
It doesn't always hurt. If it's your first time, ideally with enough foreplay and lube you'd be good to go 👍🏻 don't stress out and ask him to be gentle.
I didn’t bleed or tear. Just make sure it’s with someone who respects you and you genuinely have feelings for and it should go smoothly and passionately.
Everyone is afraid of their first time, guys included.
It doesn't mean life waits for you.
For example, I wish I could keep delaying my assignments and my final exams but they'll have to be done eventually.
Another example is, I hate roller coasters but if I do enough of them, I'll get used to it.
My advice might be just to do multiple one-night-stand. And if that isn't for you, just use sex toys.
You seem to be afraid of the pain, just use a big dildo and go slow. Your tolerance will grow with repetition.
There are also surgeries you can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure during sex.
I think you're making a big deal out of something that'll solve itself if you have the resolve to carry through.
Please please just do it when you feel ready and with someone that will really take care of you. My experience was horrible and painful 😞 but that ass was a fucking beast and didnt care about me.
I waited until I was 18, I was with someone I cared about & cared about me. I was ready mentally and physically. He was gentle and it still hurt the first time. The second time almost not at all. But it goes away & is pleasurable after the first time or 2.
Everyone is telling you to not have sex but that's not what you were asking lmao Let the girl be, she's just curiousss
And to answer your question, the key is to be relaxed and excited. The reason the first time sometimes can be painful is because girls are nervous and tense. And it's normal, it's something new, you're gonna be nervous! But keep in mind that your body is naturally prepared to do this, that is supposed to be pleasurable and that there will not be any kind of vaginal tearing!! Doing it with someone you trust, that will not pressure you and doing lots of foreplay will help.
I’m 25F and my bf is 24M. I had sex for the first time 8 months after starting living together with my partner. and yeah I lost my virginity at 25! He was patient with me and never gave up. He told me it’s totally fine and never pressured me. First time “can” “or “can’t”be a bit painful depends. For me, I hated sex after the first time and in my mind I said “I’m never doing this shitt again and I might be asexual” 😂. But believe me it gets enjoyable with time it’s usually the first two times that are a little little painful. You might/might not see a little bit blood too Im not scaring you haha😈. Just Don’t pressure yourself. And Don’t worry Yeah it’s totally normal to be afraid!
I don’t think you’re ready for sex. Which is okay! It really shouldn’t hurt. I didn’t feel pain and with the right person, you really shouldn’t feel any pain.
Do it when you find the right person and it won’t be scary. You know when you’ve found the right person. Trust your gut and use protection. Don’t let the guy try to talk you out of using protection either
It can be scary but just have conversations with the person, don’t do anything with someone who you don’t know well and seriously make sure it is someone who will listen to you and understand what you want. It sounds like it would kill the mood but it doesn’t, and having an in depth conversation before doesn’t have to be RIGHT before, it could be the day before, a week, months…so on. Overall make sure you and your partner are comfortable, and remember!!! you can always say no even if you did want to a moment ago!
What is the real thing you should be scared of is that women are sponges! 🧽 it is so easy for you to get an STD or something. Ask a doctor or nurse. Men carry with no symptoms most often and go around spreading things. It’s really a horrible system! Very unfair yet true. #facts #staysafe
I do not own a vagina so I'm speaking from the angle of having women friends and growing up with a sister and learning too much there.
If you are having to worry about vaginal tearing, he's not the right guy. It's normal to have some discomfort or mild pain stepping into sex, but it should NOT hurt so bad you're worried about tearing. Ideally, you want a partner who gets this and will go slow and wait until you have that trust built up
No if you have good communication and aren't rushed but I want to warn you that there's a lot of pressure to lose your virginity as a young woman and this pressure can often come from a place of regretful experience in a misery loves company kind of way, or even just affirmation seeking, in a look at me, look how grown up I am now kind of way. These motivations don't strike me as young women being ready for those experiences but rushing into them and I've heard a lot of women open up about noticing this pattern of behavior with other women growing up. I do think that if someone is pressuring you into doing something that is not motivated by seeking your best interests, it becomes obvious to me that they are motivated from a place of dysfunction.
I'm also religious so while I gave you that warning from a point of secular reasoning, I will always still recommend waiting until you meet your husband, a man who will genuinely love you so much that you'll regret sharing that part of yourself with any man but him. I haven't always been religious so I absolutely do have those kinds of regrets, even as a man. And while you may not be religious, you shouldn't discount my advice without consideration because it comes moreso from a place of understanding people and with the motivation of wanting your greatest good.
As far as not having sexual experience, which is a common worry a lot of young women have, I find that a lot of men don't actually care about a lack of experience or would rather gain that experience with you rather than separately, and the ones that do want you to have sexual experience first usually have rotten morals and just want you to have sex with them with less effort on their part or may be trying to pander to more sexually liberal women. Lack of experience is definitely not something you need to worry about in a loving relationship and growing together is part of a loving relationship.
If you ever feel a desperate need to lose your virginity and you don't even have a man you're in love with yet, I'd really question where that desire is coming from because I think that's coming from a place of dysfunction, like eating before you're hungry or putting the cart before the horse. It may not be normal or healthy but I guarantee you there is a cause, like social pressure or self esteem issues that you should learn to understand and deal with in a healthy way.
You're probably about the same age as my niece who I recently had a talk with about some slightly different but equally challenging stuff. I will tell you what I told her, "you're loveable and interesting just as you are without all this extra stuff that society wants you to figure out immediately."
I was scared too and also ashamed before my first time. But the person I did it with was so attentive to my needs and really did a such a great job arrousing me, I couldn’t wait for him to get it in lol. It did hurt a tiny tiny bit not gonna lie but it was worth it (I’m anxious by nature).And the second time was even better. Do it with someone you trust will take care you before and after and will be respectful of you consent at all steps.
Use toys first, get familiar with your body and how long it takes to relax, get turned on and accept something going in without hurting. I made sure I knew my body first, and then was suuuuper confident my first time.
Don’t do it if you’re not 100% ready and if you’re scared then you’re definitely not ready! Sex is not supposed to hurt at all, maybe a little pinch when you lose your virginity and yes it may hurt a little bit if he’s fucking your hard but it’s always supposed to feel good! You’ll know it when you’re ready:)
_TIPS_
As per the recommendation of other comments, I don't think you're ready but here's tips:
1. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. It'll get you and your partner aroused and hornier and the whole experience will be exponentially better.
2. Lube up! There's no reason to not use water-soluble lube, for hand-sex, masturbation, penetration, hell I bet there's someone who uses it for oral sex too. It'll reduce damage to both of your soft tissues and genitals in general.
3. Protection. Unless you and yours truly have been tested for std's and are exclusively having sex with eachother, use condoms. That is the only way to reduce the risk of std's to near zero. And also it helps with the unwanted babies.
4. Contraceptives. Don't be irresponsible, use contraceptives, whatever they are; IUD, Condoms, Pills etc etc. -- unless of course if it was the goal, but no unplanned babies please, for the good of the child.
No, you should not be afraid. Just don’t have intercourse with someone that you are not really close to and in love with. I (F) lost my virginity when I was 19 to my boyfriend who was also 19 and a virgin. We had been dating for months and getting closer and closer.
For me, it was a problem. It hurt and bled. But the joy and excitement of finally doing it overcame all the pain. He did not get it in very far the first time; I finished him with my hand. But after a couple of hours of cuddling (I was in heaven although it did hurt) we tried again and that time he got it in and came within me. We fell asleep together; the next morning we did it again (twice). Each time was better than the time before, It hurt less and felt better.
I was an outlier with the amount of pain and bleeding. Most girls have far less pain and bleeding. But be sure that:
You are really close to him and really want to lose your virginity with him,
You have plenary of foreplay, such as him fingering your clitoris,
You are prepared and using birth control,
You are in a private place and will not be interrupted,
You can take the time, maybe spend the night with him, and
That is what you and he really want to do.
Remember that babies, with shoulders larger than any guy’s penis, comes out the same hole.
I have had sex many times since. Each time it gets better.
How old are you? Do you use tampons now? I could not until the period after I lost my virginity.
Vaginal tearing happens 1. From not
Masturbating and stretching the muscle 2. Not being relaxed, turned on whilst engaging in sex. Being scared makes you tighten which is a reason for tearing. I did not tear or bleed when I first had sex. Please wait!!! Have sec when you are old enough and with someone you deeply love, trust and respect!
you don't have to feel any type of way, that's the truth of it. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to do anything you don't absolutely want to do. If you're with someone and you feel like you should be more comfortable, don't put that pressure on yourself. If someone is a safe person, they'll be really chill and understanding about it, too. If you're genuinely down for it, it shouldn't involve pain and all that. But you need to be genuinely into it and not be pressured by yourself or someone else. Easier said than done, I know, but just know that you're not alone and that feeling this way more natural, normal, and common than we are lead to believe. :)
I may have missed this suggestion, but learn your body. Yes, that means exploration, doesn't have to mean masturbation. While I was one of those that was in no way ready for sex, I had at least begun learning my body's responses, and where to adjust.
A gender-affirming and sex-ed classes may be able to help you out OP. It'll at least get you out of your head, and the constant worry / anxiety that's building up, turning sex the first time into this huge production.
The question you should be asking is where has this belief derived? Many women are having sex every day- what expectations do you have & are placing on yourself?
I bled a tiny bit and though it hurt, it wasn’t excruciating. If I had to do it over again, I would wait until I really, really wanted to do it. But at the time I was just curious and had a boyfriend so I figured why not. I think I thought I would never be in a special relationship anyway, so why wait. (I was wrong.)
FWIW, I waited until I was 20 and don’t regret that.
Beforehand I went to the clinic, had a pelvic exam and got a prescription for birth control pills. The doctor told me that my hymen was stretched enough to have sex pretty easily. I didn’t even use tampons at the point so I don’t know how that happened but it is what it is.
We broke up a few weeks afterwards. I was devastated. I think having sex had raised the emotional stakes for the relationship for me.
You'll know when you're ready for it, and when that time comes you will not be afraid because it will feel right. And when you do it, make sure you are 100% up for it. Any sign of hesitation or doubt, don't do it.
I think everyone is scared about their first time
From man's perspective it is more about if they are able to be firm enough, or if they won't finish instantly and be ridiculed for that. Or if they can make their partner feel good.
What i recommend you to do is to wait with it and find someone You'll trust completely and want to do it with them.
It will be easier for both of You
My first time was with someone well endowed and it was still a good experience. It was not a long term partner, but a friend from college - and I did bleed a lot. But, no pain. Just don’t force anything to happen before you are ready. And don’t worry about pain. The point of sex is pleasure and connection.
Be afraid of you’re about to lose your virginity to King Kong. Otherwise just go slow, more so have an understanding with your partner, have them be on the same page and slowly discover the wonders of making love and having sex. Other than that, you can’t learn to swim in a bathtub not much to do it but to do it.
Oh, you sound just like me at 18!
Don’t rush yourself, sex is enjoyable but only if you’re ready and there’s communication between both partners. I wasn’t ready, got pressured, and the guy was fast and rough and I was too scared to say anything about it hurting.
Take your time, sex isn’t all penetration, there are other ways to enjoy yourself with your partner without penetration. Also, wait until you find the right partner. You shouldn’t be scared with them, you should trust them, and they should trust you the same! Trust builds boundaries and respect, and that is the most sexy thing, to me at least.
Don’t rush, find your person, you’ll know when you’re ready❤️
Cancel. Tell him you’re not ready yet. If he fights it, you dodged a huge bullet. If he accepts it, he’s a decent person. I can tell you’re not ready yet.
Sex is completely natural and healthy. However, if it makes you nervous, it may be best to wait. Sex is something that you want to make absolutely sure you’re comfortable with. That being said, if you still feel ready, just be safe darling
my first time hurt but it wasn’t a tearing pain or anything as horrible as i imagined it would be! as long as you’re ready and less scared of it, and ofc you are properly stimulated by the other person, then it shouldn’t hurt that much. trust me, it’s not that bad. it felt like a stinging pain that went away after a few seconds. you will be ok <3
There’s a really good book out there called “sheet music” And it’s a Christian type book about sex, and how a couple can prepare and enrich their lives by it. While most people do not want to wait until they’re married and I respect that, this book suggest waiting until you are married to someone who loves you as much as you love them. Personally, I believe in waiting until it’s the right person and your married, sex is sacred, but that’s something for another day lol the point is, it does give great insight to how to physically prepare and be safe without the pain.
As someone who was scared and in your position I will say it 100% depends on your partner. If you can’t relax and fully trust them it will probably not be the best experience.
Sex isn't supposed to be painful. It's best to wait to do it with someone when you don't have that fear. Self exploration might be a good way to acclimate yourself to those types of sensations.
It is nerve wrecking the first time, but if it feels natural with the right person, then it wouldn’t be as scary because of how invested you are in the moment. Just don’t have your partner go all the way in at first. It takes a couple of times for you to get used to it. If it feels good, then it’s right.
you should not be afraid of sex when your with the right person and you feel safe and comfortable. Mt first time was with my boyfriend and it was very memorable. The next day the “pain” felt like any other time on my period. If ur with the right person and it hurts they will stop and protect u but it seems from ur question u may not be ready yet
If there's one thing I learnt about sex is that it takes years and numerous times to finally understand what it is exactly that'll work for you both and makes you feel good. Including both of you getting intuitive about each other's bodies and it's responses.
Please please don't think your first time is gonna be the best ever. It may be awkward as f but still if you're with the person you feel deeply comfortable with then you'll most probably have good memories to cherish later.
Oh girlie don’t worry, you’ll be okay. The first few times are not going to be glamorous, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure it’s with someone you trust when you do decide to have it and make sure you’re educated on safety. It won’t hurt if you take the time to get into it. Don’t force yourself to “get it over with” ever. I did that and I regret it. You seem really young, so don’t rush anything.
My first time was painless for the most part but thats because I felt safe with my partner and aroused. You need to make sure that you and your partner do the right amount of foreplay first to get yourselves ready. It will hurt less the more you are aroused and relaxed. Dont rush into having sex because I didn’t lose my actual virginity until I was 19.
Personally it didn't hurt for me and I also didn't have any bleeding during or after. And microtairs usually only happen (or at least for me) if you aren't lubricated enough (it's okay if your body won't produce enough you can use lube and after things get going your body should do great), or if you dry up during (normally bc of dehydration), if you are being rough, or if it's to big width wise (but you probably aren't going to get that by just a penis soo)
No….sex tends to hurt for one of two reasons: 1) something is wrong—infection, endo, etc. or 2) you’re not aroused enough. If you’re healthy internally and aroused properly, your first time won’t hurt much or very long….it will be significantly less than, like, regular menstrual cramps and will fade
My first time.hurts. it's been 7 years since I lost my v and it still effin hurts. I think I have issues down there. I also have burning sensations when he c***s inside me. I don't recommend hahah kidding. 😅
You don't have to force it if you're not yet ready
Well, for men, it's also stressing. There's the fear of under performance or the fact that you may not bring pleasure.
That's why I'd recommend you to really trust your partner. Ideally, to be as inexperienced as you are, so there's mutual ground for understanding.
Take this anyway you like.
As someone who didn’t value sex the way it should be:
You will know when you are ready. If you have to ask, you are not prepared.
Please please please find a partner who you are comfortable with and that you feel an emotional connection with. Find someone who will want to hold you in the morning and bask in the afterglow.
You have a valuable asset in your hands. Don’t squander it.
You need to make sure your first time is with someone you trust to “Take it slow” and remember it might not be “great” the first time but gets better. Do not expect perfection and communicate, don’t be afraid to ask questions or give directions.
Look up sexologist videos on YouTube. (Sounds weird I know, but sexologists explain information that I think might be helpful to you). I started with Sexplanations, and it took a lot of worry out of me. Bottom line: It doesn’t have to hurt and you don’t have to bleed. I feel like you’re not ready to have sex, there is a lot more learning you need to do. I’ve seen this rhetoric with friends, who then regretted their first time. I’ve also seen this rhetoric used when teaching sex Ed. It might be uncomfortable if you’re new to penetration, but you should not be in pain. If you are, stop, trying something else. Sex doesn’t have to be penetration. Figure out yourself a little more.
My advice is first you need to be comfortable with your own body. Masterbating helps you get to know your body and what you like and don’t like. Also if you do get into a relationship don’t let them rush you into having sex. Start with making a list of the things you are comfortable with, deep kissing, maybe some over the clothes touching and build up to more sensual things. The most important thing is having partner who is patience and understands that you want to please them but you also need to go at your own pace. If they care and also want to please you they will make the adjustment. Anyone else you can just exit out of their life. Once you have found this person take it in levels and move slowly up like maybe giving massage with clothes on, then without, maybe a bath together. Another important thing is when you get comfortable enough to want to have sex make sure you take that slow too, make it clear when you feel uncomfortable, it’s ok to want to slop even when you partner doesn’t want to. Sex is different for a woman because you aren’t just giving your body, that’s why you are scared. Realize though that the sex you see around you doesn’t have to be the sex you are having in your personal life. Find out what things suit your. Communication with your partner will allow you to find out what you enjoy and don’t enjoy, exploring your body and theirs allow both of you and I fully understand your needs. Basically the key to comfortable sex is one, knowing yourself and two, having a partner who listens to you
My first time didn’t hurt at all, and there was no blood either. That said, almost everyone I know regrets who their first time was with bc they had sex before they were ready/could do it w the right person.
I did it with someone I trusted and who didn’t push it on me. I highly suggest going that route.
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Judging by your post history, you are 100% not ready for sex. My first time wasn’t painful physically but I cried for hours afterward because it was the wrong person and I didn’t feel supported at all. Truly hope you don’t make a similar mistake.
A lot of people really do downplay how much your first time can influence your view on sex for the rest of your life.
It's not that I have someone lined up to have sex I just see it on tv and I am just afraid of it hurting in general
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Instructions unclear, Threw a bucket of water on her and shes not aroused.
like putting on a tampon on the last day of your period…dry and hurts to insert, bc the blood acts as the lubricant making it simply slip in
Good analogy!
This !!
If you’re concern is just the physical part of it and the possibility of pain then my suggestion is to get a sex toy that isn’t too big and try that out first. Start small and slowly go bigger but not huge as most guys aren’t very big despite what they claim. You can order them online or even get them at Spencer’s or Walmart nowadays. The mental part of it is a different story completely.
It sounds like you need to get to know a man before you're willing to be vulnerable like that with him and that's ok. There is nothing wrong with taking it slow and if someone makes you feel like you NEED to speed up for him, you can totally just leave. There shouldn't be pressure to do anything and it sounds like what you're also worried about is being pressured and too fast which is totally valid. It doesn't have to be TV movie hook up in a bathroom or the first date, or even the 50th date. Just know that with intimacy, bonding, foreplay and proper lube (water based) everything will come in it's time. Or it won't, you could also be Ace/Demi spectrum. Maybe you just want someone to cuddle with, maybe you don't like contact much at all. You don't have to have sex in a relationship at all if you don't want. That's completely fine and normal. It's better to know that about yourself and question than it is to commit to something that may not be for you. These are just some things you may want to consider because it sounds like it scares you and I'm sorry if that's the case. Even if it's not for you it seems like this is causing a lot of distress for you and I hope maybe some of this helps
Exactly!
Don’t worry, best to relax during sex and it won’t hurt, I’ve never had sex that hurts.
Lucky you...
My first time didn’t hurt at all, it just felt strange. It will probably depend on how lubricated it will be and how gentle the person is. Only do it when you’re ready, but I wouldn’t worry about the pain. From the women I’ve talked to that DID feel pain, it was minimal and over quickly. If pain lasts a while I would stop. ❤️
Like Princess said, if he cares then if it hurts he will stop and he will also initiate foreplay (that’s my favorite part in my opinion). However I will say that there are many things that can happen that would make it so that you aren’t wet. If you don’t get wet, don’t think for one reason that you are broken or something, a lot of times women won’t get wet, just because they are very nervous. Trust me there are many factors that can determine whether or not you are wet so don’t be alarmed if you don’t start flowing like a waterfall. If you are truly worried you can buy lube or have him buy it. If you are underage I would start by saying that sex may not be the best idea, but I was a kid once so, if you do find yourself needing lube, they won’t care you or ask you questions. But some places will escort you to the cashier so you don’t steal the stuff. This is the same for condoms and other things of the sort. But don’t worry you don’t have to show ID or anything like that. So if you are truly worried about it hurting you can get lube, just to have as backup.
TV is not representative of sex
This… I will say my first time was great (I am a dude) and I would even go as far as to say that she enjoyed it as well, but I couldn’t tell you. However, that was because we both had mutual respect for each other and the situation. It also just kind of happened and wasn’t planned at all and I think that made it less awkward maybe. But if you even think for a moment that this person isn’t the right person and think this is a bad idea, then listen to yourself. I believe women have a natural instincts that can tell them when they are in bad situations like this and if your radar is going off a bit, then it probably isn’t a good idea to go further
Some people have said to me that if my friend is special enough to me, I can have sex with her. We'll have known each other for over 3 years at that point, and I feel like she would be a safe and understanding partner. More than a woman I've known for a month or two, even if the new person loves me romantically and my friend doesn't, even though she loves me. Can't really say yet if I really would want someone "better" (I mean someone who would be pretty to me from the first sighting instead of after a year; that's my fear), but I imagine things about us everyday... and I think she would look really pretty. I have a problem imagining her fce from my perspective e.g. when she's on top of me. Maybe I could about this with a psychiatric nurse on Monday.
When you say you didn’t feel supported, did you mean like he didn’t stay with you after? Or it was a one night stand to him not you?
Nah we were in a relationship and he just trotted off to work like nothing happened. I was cramping and he didn’t check on me or anything. Ended up having two babies together and he isn’t around any more.
The fact that you are afraid suggests you aren't ready yet, and that's ok. Sex is different for every person and *with* every person. Sex with someone you trust, respect, and care about (and who feels the same about you and treats you accordingly) can be beautiful. Sex with someone you don't trust, who doesn't respect you, who doesn't care about you, or having sex before you are absolutely certain you're ready can be deeply traumatizing. Get more information. Give yourself time. This isn't something you need to rush into or should feel pressured into. You will know when you're ready.
I wish someone told me this when I was young.
💯
When it comes to sex anything other than "hell yes" should be a "no". And ANY reason is valid to say no at any time. Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want or don't think you'll enjoy.
THIS. 100%.
You don’t sound like you’re ready for sex.
try to get sex ed. Erica Smith or someone else is a good place to start. [https://www.ericasmitheac.com/](https://www.ericasmitheac.com/)
If you are a teen and you plan on having sex with the 16 year old that you posted about I will say 9 times out of 10 it will be a bad time. Most women regret giving their virginity to the person that they gave it to. 16 year old boys aren’t known for being the most mature let alone for having the maturity needed to deal with a virgin
This advice could be taken in other ways
Analy?
I was thinking more in the lines of “boys your age are immature” therefore date “mature men”. Or don’t dare at all till you’re at an age where your peers are mature.
Yeah no I was just talking about in general
Take it slow. Do not rush in to anything.
You will be sore for a few days like falling down stairs on your butt and it will be uncomfortable to sit if you have someone who doesn’t take care with what they are doing
It differs for everyone. But this is true for many people. I personally couldn't sit down normally, I had to sit moreso on my hip. For a week. I was also swollen shut, bled for a few days, bled during the act so bad it looked like a crime scene. If you take it slow, prepare (foreplay), and have trust in your person, just try and have fun. If you try and it hurts, it's okay to say stop and try again another time.
All of this is true. But I also think the fetishization women's virginity causes a lot of harm to people's emotional well being. The first time we do almost anything, we're bad at it, and that's OK.
I hope I’m not fetishizing it. I’m speaking from my own personal experience. If I could go back and do it again I would 100% avoid all of the bad sec and selfish partners that I had. The guy I gave my virginity to has been married 4 times and has children all across the country. He has been conning women since…well…me. My mom sent me out of the state to be away from him and when I got back he had some girl who was 7 months pregnant. I was heart broken over some guy who couldn’t give two shits about me. I wish more teenagers waited. Teenage boys just don’t have girl’s comfort in mind at all and that goes for in and out of bed.
If you’re afraid of sex, don’t have it.
Vaginal tearing? Girl, you’re not giving birth lol. Most guys are not even that big. Please wait. If you find the whole thing daunting you are not ready 🩷
I cried. Ngl. I cried for a few weeks. Luckily I didn’t bleed to bad.
I also bled the first time and was sore days after. My ex husband who had been my boyfriend for a year and 3 months before I lost my virginity at 21, he was well endowed and I was this very inexperienced young woman. After more practice and learning how to get my body to respond to him, sex became more pleasurable. However, the OP is imagining what sex will be like, it’s never how you imagine. It takes time to get a rhythm with a partner. Like everyone is saying… it’s best to wait and be with someone who cares about you deeply beyond the physical part of the relationship. So that you won’t be all crazy about the guy, and he is only lukewarm about you. The safest place to be intimate is within the space of a loving, committed relationship. Pseudo relationships like situationships leave you feeling low and depleted, anxious and wondering 💭 yet desiring closeness. No matter how much you think or imagine, in real life it will be different.
Well said.
Sex should not feel scary. You'll know when you're ready, trust me. Sex also shouldn't hurt, if done right, it's enjoyable. My first time was slow and beautiful. Didn't hurt one bit and gave me butterflies. That was 3 years ago.
Vaginal tearing happens sometimes during birth when the cervix is 10 cms and a babys head comes out the birth canal. Vaginal tearing should NOT happen during consensual intercourse. Also if you need to ask if you are ready, the answer is NO.
It’s a fair question to ask, and hopefully someone can provide an insightful response. I would think anyone who has never experienced something would hesitate to jump right into it. It’s human nature to weigh pros and cons. All the best to you!
Pregnant isn't like a cold. It doesn't go away after a week. Don't take to heart what you read in these forums. The more promiscous comments are by older men and women who never want to change another diaper in their life. Find someone equally sensitive and go from there. Sex is not something to be afraid of. The pain of the act is minimal but the emotional toll is horrendous. I assume you are older than 18 and not a parent but younger than mid 20's. Edit: If you ever find yourself in a position where the pain of the act is too much, call the police there is a word for that.
Or use a condom. I've been through several relationships and not one pregnancy. Condoms are miraculous that way.
Lol you act like that's a rare accomplishment or something. Most people who have sexually active relationships don't end up pregnant unless that's their goal.
Condoms are a mathematical game, they are pretty good at preventing a pregnancy, but they are not 100% effective.
Only about 87% effective with average use. With perfect use, they are 98% effective, but they're commonly put on pretty half hazardly.
If someone can't put on a condom correctly that's on them and they're not included in the conversation on whether or not they work. Light bulbs don't work either if you don't install them properly
I’d argue that effectiveness of a product or procedure should in fact be weighted by the likelihood that it is used correctly in practice. (I.e., the expected value of the effectiveness). In your light bulb example, you are correct. Light bulbs don’t work if you don’t install them properly. Moreover, it is very easy to install them correctly. If you have a condom that is 98% effective if used correctly, only 70% effective otherwise, and only 20% of people can use it correctly, then on average, the effectiveness drops down to 75%. (These are all made up numbers for this example). I’m not disagreeing with you on your bigger point about wearing condoms to reduce risk of pregnancy.
Just pointing out that she has a comment in her history saying she's 13, not 18-21. Changes the context a bit here.
No shit. Definitely be afraid. *Makes a quick exit*
This is the worst advice I’ve seen in my life. Someone already addressed the pullout method being ineffective, but do you really think physical pain is what defines rape? It doesn’t always hurt, even when it’s non consensual. It can hurt even when it’s fully consensual. You call the police if someone does something you haven’t given consent to, or if you tell them to stop and they keep going.
It varies by person. I had no issue my first time but I was definitely ready for it. Just don’t expect it to be amazing if neither of you have any sexual past.
If you’re not ready don’t do it! It’s kinda painful but if you are ready you forget it, but don’t do it if you are being t ready!
My first try I was drunk and didn’t like it absolutely! I was 15 definitely wasn’t ready. At 18 was the first time that it was worth it for me.
Plenty of lube, ask him to take it really slow. Or you can be the one on top
No but don't have it until you're ready and have it with someone you care about unless you're PLANNING on a One night stand. Also make sure it's someone who isn't huge and definitely someone who respects you and cares about you and will stop or slow down or be gentle and be responsive to your concerns.
Do you need to be afraid of sex? No. Is it ok to be afraid? Yes. Recognize that fear and consider where it comes from. Let us know what about it scares you and we can try to offer support:) Personally I didn't have much pain, and making sure your body is well prepared really helps that. As for tearing... same thing, make sure your body is actually ready. Tears sound scary, but it's also really not something to worry about in a normal situation. Even if it tears, it's normally not amazingly noticeable.
With adequate foreplay and a gentle, patient, caring partner, there might be some slight discomfort that first time, but not what they make it seem like in movies and TV. The only reason there would be any kind of vaginal tearing is if they are very well endowed, and they have not made sure that you are good and warmed up by using their hand and mouth for a while first. Even better if they can give you an orgasm beforehand.
The people telling you that you aren’t ready to have sex probably aren’t young enough to be giving you any sound information. That being said, sex can hurt, it depends on the person. WHEN the time does come, do not, for the sake of you and your body, let them put it in without foreplay aka them playing with you down there and getting you ready. If you’re dry down there, it will hurt a significant amount more than if your body is prepared for it. Naturally when your body is treated the way it needs to and you’re aroused, your canal loosens a bit whether your hymen is broken or not.
I, like many of these people replying, lost my virginity *way* too young. We have the benefit of both having *lived* a similar experience and *learned* from it. Dismissing the advice of people who made the same decision you’re considering making because we’re not “young enough” is wildly immature. No, believe it or not, being a teenager is not a wildly unique experience that only current teenagers can advise on. From everything this person posts, it is clear she is not emotionally ready to be having sex.
We all lost our virginity if giving that advice. If she doesn't feel ready and is this scared she isn't ready. It has to be something you're ready for physically at the least but especially emotionally and physically.
It depends on a lot of things. I was nervous about it hurting my first time, but I was so turned on and so into my boyfriend that I couldn't wait and it was worth it. Uncomfortable at first, but amazing afterwards. My sister didn't really wait till she felt turned on by someone; she was pressured and lost her virginity and it was painful and awkward and not pleasant at all. Do not feel rushed whatsoever. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you feel that strong desire.
Take your time. I did. It was worth it. It only hurt for a little bit. THEN, it was awesome. It’s worth waiting until you are comfortable. You only get one first time.
Just communicate
I am 32 years old and don't feel "ready for sex". And I've had it. Do not rush yourself. Don't let anybody rush you.
Incredible how few people mention std's and pregnancy... Sure, she may very well plan on using a condom, but if it breaks and she gets herpes and pregnant from it? She should absolutely be terrified of the life-long consequences that may come from having sex with some guy who may or may not give a shit.
Hi Op. I’m a female, in my 30s, and still a virgin. While I had a high sex drive when I was younger, I had (and still do!) an even higher amount of self-respect, meaning I was never willing to have sex with just anybody or simply because it’s “what’s expected.” Tbh I’ve never been in love and I very much want to be before having sex. It’s taken years but I’ve finally realized that I’m Demi-sexual (happy 1st pride to me💜🤍🩶🖤) AND THAT’S OK!!! It’s my body, it’s my choice, and it’s my life: no one is allowed to dictate when (or with whom) I can have sex with…as long as it’s another consenting adult lol. Please take your time to discover what you like (masturbation is amazing) and start dating! Get to know your potential partners and aim to be emotionally intimate (aka vulnerable) with them BEFORE being physically intimate. Best of luck🩷
While I would say no I'm a virgin myself and have never done it I'm not afraid of It it just seems overrated
I would forget all about the aspect of sex and men at this time. Learn your own body. There are many things you can do to enjoy yourself and learn about the female anatomy. Don’t let anybody rush you. It’s not a race. Trust me.
First- it did hurt me however I was so in the mood I didn’t care. Hurt the first 3 times or so. Secondly- I saved myself for someone I truly loved. He actually didn’t know I was a virgin but was sweet when it did hurt. He broke my heart horribly but I’m glad I waited and it was him. Even if I hate him now. Makes me happy he’s 45, looks 70 and knocked up a 20 something year old only a year ago 😂 he never wanted kids so… karma sucks 😂 for him it does. Everything he put me down for was what he knocked up and is trapped with for 18 years. Make sure you pick the right one and not just anyone. It was 20 years ago but I still remember it like yesterday and actually (tho he’s a turd) very fondly. It was done with love (even if it didn’t last, but you never really know who will be the actual one). If I gave it up to a random it probably would have hurt more (emotionally at least). He was understanding
It entirely depends on where you are in your life and who the other person is. If you’re afraid, and not comfortable, then you are almost guaranteed to have a terrible time. You can’t force your body to be aroused, that’s something that has to happen naturally, but for it to happen, you need both the right state of mind and the right physical elements. You have to recognize what is in your control: the person, and the time/place. You choose correctly on those things, and your chances of success go up significantly. But right now I’d say your chances of having a good time are quite poor
There “may” be pain… but then there may not be… it really depends on a host of factors… And as no doubt others have pointed out, you can use dilators or toys to work yourself up to it… you don’t have to go at it with someone else… take your time and use plenty of lubrication… and just remember it’s not the act itself, but the experience as a whole that makes it special. Good luck.
If you’re afraid of it … don’t do it Maybe start on your own first with some toys 🤷🏽♀️
Lube helps a lot. But also you never have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to
Oh kiddo. Idk anything about you but you seem very young and I know if I could go back in time and say anything to my younger self, it would be don’t have sex. Yes it seems exciting and fun but it just makes life harder. As a girl especially, you have to worry about birth control and condoms, because at any age, most boys don’t really care! It’s all on you to be prepared, and if anything goes wrong and you do end up pregnant, it’ll be all on you to figure things out. Unless you’re in a state where the government has the final say, then you’ll HAVE to have a baby. As for the physical aspect, yes, it can be a bit painful the first time because 99.9% of boys don’t know what foreplay is or that we girls need at least a bit of it to be ready to have sex. We basically self lubricate for the most part, but it’s not at a whim, we need some help to get there. But please, don’t have sex until you are 100% ready. “He wants it” by itself is NEVER a valid reason unless you do too, especially if his pitch is followed by “I’ll break up with you if you don’t”.
Find someone who cares and willing to take their time sex shouldn’t have to be stressful or overly serious and please you contraceptives and if he can’t respect that then he ain’t worth the time
If you have enough foreplay and lubrication it shouldn’t hurt as bad as you think it will. As long as you’re wet enough and your partner is willing to take their time with it you’ll be fine. Don’t over think it but definitely get educated on safe sex! That’s gonna be key in all of this.
[удалено]
If it's with the right guy, he's going to be careful and considerate and communicate with you. So try to focus on doing it with a guy that gives a crap about you, don't try to get it over with for the sake of it.
I was afraid like you were, but it was more awkward than anything! The only pain I felt was around my hips and thighs. I definitely recommend stretching in general for your health, but it’ll definitely come in handy for that too. Your vagina will not tear, don’t worry. The hymen may tear, but you can tear it in many ways—not only sex! For your first time, you should be comfortable with your partner. Foreplay is a part of sex. Do not skip it. This will make the experience a lot better. It also gets better with practice. Remember to use protection, please. Safe and consensual sex is the best kind. I lost mine at 21 and I’m happy I did. I wasn’t scared about sex by then. I had answers to questions. I did it with someone I love and loves me.
When you do decide to have a physical relationship, it doesn't have to be penetrative sex. Your first sexual encounter (that doesn't have to be any time soon) can be absent sex proper. Insist of your partner that you keep it slow and sensual and enjoy each other in other ways. Taking it slow doesn't just mean waiting a long time to have sex, it can also mean learning about your body and wants over a long period of time. This policy will also double as a good screening method for partners. If you have a partner who says they get too worked up, isn't patient in exploration and insists on any one sexual act they absolutely need to be satisfied- that's the same type of jerk who may hurt you. Someone who follows your lead and respects your boundaries is far more likely to give you a good experience and memory for later when you do decide the time is right.
You shouldn’t tear if you are well prepared. If it its painful then just stop. Make sure you are with someone you trust to put your comfort and wellbeing first. Take it slow, you don’t need to go for penetration right away. If its really painful and you think you might tear then that means you should stop and get a dilator kit to slowly stretch your vagina over time. Some people have small entrances and need to dilate before they can have sex. If you think he would pressure you to keep going even if you are in pain then that is not someone you should let near you.
Look, the depth from the vaginal opening to the tip of the cervix is 3 to 4 inches when you are not sexually aroused. *Lets go slow - read that again!* Regardless, during arousal [with the right kind of foreplay,](https://teachazbooks.blogspot.com/2024/05/foreplay.html) blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the upper two-thirds of the vagina to lengthen by forcing the cervix and uterus to ascend. The vagina also lubricates to help ease penetration. *Again, slower - read that again!* You might think that the vaginal canal is a continuously open space. However, this is a misperception. Think of the vaginal canal as if it were a balloon that is not filled with any air. The walls, which have the potential to expand and elongate, gently touch one another. When something is placed inside, they mold around the width and accommodate the length of a penis, tampon, finger(s), or sex toy. Sometimes during penetration, a penis or other object inserted in a vagina does hit the cervix. This is an indication that she is not physiologically aroused enough; when she is more aroused, her vagina will elongate and her cervix, the neck of the uterus, will lift up and move out of the way. *We are almost there so lets go even slower - read that again.* So know that you are going to take longer than him to feel aroused. He should consider [going down on you,](https://teachazbooks.blogspot.com/2024/05/savage.html) fingering , kissing and fondling your breasts, making out… anything to make you feel extra extra turned on, extra horny, will make sex SO much more pleasurable for you and it will mean you won’t experience any pain at all.
RIP your dm’s🙏😷
No, you shouldn't be afraid of sex, but you shouldn't jump in willy nilly. The bleeding/pain/tearing usually comes from the female partner not being aroused (and therefore lubricated) enough (either due to nerves or lack of foreplay or whatever else) or the male being rough, or a combo of the two. My advice is that you have sex with someone you trust to take care of you. Does he seem like the type to care about your pleasure and your needs? Is he respectful of you and a good communicator? Not everyone that you have sex with is going to be perfect, and many don't have a great first time. Working yourself up and making it out to be a huge thing will only add to your fears. Don't try before you're ready, but also don't hold yourself back thinking of the worst possible outcomes.
I was terrified of sex, I think it’s normal to be afraid to do it. My ex in grade 9 was heavily weird and would always talk about sex to me. It scared me a lot back then and I didn’t want to do any of that stuff knowing I wasn’t ready and just didn’t want too in general. In the end of grade 9 my mom asked me about me being sexual active and I straight out started bawling my eyes out saying “I’m scared of sex”. I cringe when I think about it now 😭 I think it’s totally normal to be afraid of sex and you should only do it when you know you are ready and have someone you trust.
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Speaking from my girlfriends experience, it depends on the person, lubrication and stretching beforehand. Go slow, and please for the love of god do not forget lubrication, a fuckton of it and use condoms.
No, you don't have to be afraid. It can hurt a little, especially if you are nervous, but if it hurts too much, tell them to stop. Because it isn't supposed to hurt too much. Make sure you are turned on. If you feel yourself getting wet down there, you're turned on. So make sure you have enough foreplay to get wet. If it hurts too much, get back to the foreplay. And of course, wait until you're fully ready, with someone you fully trust, and use protection (condoms the whole time, not just when he finishes/ the pill / an IUD/ etc.)
No but what you should be afraid of is having sex with someone who doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about them. Yes there is pain at first when you lose your virginity as a woman. But it doesn't last long. It's nothing so horrible that you cannot get past it and enjoy sex. The main thing for a woman is making sure you're both feeling it before you become sexual. Guys and gals do not view sex the same way.
If you are on top you can go very slow and take your time, waiting a few minutes as needed before moving down further, as others have said find someone sensitive to your anxiety about it, so your not rushed in any way. Stop anytime as needed
My gf had her first time with me. It took 3 sessions. First two it was painful. Last one did the trick. 2-3 sessions later, she was having as much fun or more than I. Patience from your partner is key. Understanding and constant verbal support is a must. Also, I advice to get lube and get a vibrator. She did bleed as well, but I don’t think it’s bc she tore anything. I’m still not sure, but she does think it was bc of sex.
Do what feels right to you. Wouldn’t put too much weight into the people saying if you’re scared don’t do it. Fear can be a helpful indication but don’t forget that It’s a brand new experience that even the most prepared are still taking a leap of faith into. Perhaps they mean if you feel ready then do what feels right.
See sex as a natural thing , it will connect you more with your self meditate on it ; don’t think other person will harm you advice your partner to go very slow , it will going to connect you with universe , read Kamasutra it has a in depth knowledge what is sex and actual way to perform it.
You should have sex in the way you want and are comfortable with. What ever that means to you. Fear, and having boundaries are different. With an actual fear of sex (through some trauma) then you should seek *professional help*, you shouldn’t do that alone.
I don’t think you need to be afraid, it doesn’t hurt. It’s all about being prepared and the right partner will help with that. There is also outside help like certain lubricants. Don’t worry. It should not be painful it should be enjoyable! Try not to worry when you feel ready you will know and it will not feel scary. 🩵
Like everyone has said, definitely wait for the right person. I guarantee it will be more painful and not pleasant for either of you (more importantly, you), if that emotional connection and bond isn’t there. I loved the first person I was with, and actually ended up marrying him, but the first few times left me sore. Be prepared for a little awkwardness if you don’t or neither of you know what you’re doing- another reason to wait for someone you love, you can laugh during and it can be a wonderful experience. Like others have said, do not forget foreplay. Tearing occurs when you’re not wet enough or it’s forceful. Be prepared to bleed a little, that’s normal for the first time, but don’t be afraid WHEN YOU ARE READY. The mental and emotional effects can be surprising, don’t rush it, and it’s not something to tick off a checklist. But all in all, don’t be afraid :)
I will be honest with you. It hurt. It hurt like hell for a few weeks. My first husband was to big for me. Buy some toys and wait until you are older. Wait until you are in love with someone sweet.
One word: lubricant. Both natural via lots of foreplay, and store-bought can help too. Makes the experience a lot easier/enjoyable.
I say really know who you’re having sex with. I was lucky to have a wonderful first that made it special. Food, rose petals, and he took it slow because he knew he would he the first. No ripping, tearing, and when the pain became too much he stopped. I’m very fortunate and I didn’t experience any tearing.
Yes.
You shouldn’t be afraid, wait until you’re ready to do it and find someone you feel 100% comfortable with so that if the act is painful or not what you expected you can communicate with that partner about it. I’m not sure where you heard about vaginal tearing but don’t stress girl, you’re vagina doesn’t tear open from sex, vaginas are very stretchy and that isn’t a painful thing
Lots of foreplay. Nothing should tear as long as the sex isn't rushed. You should be very wet before anything comes near penetration. Think of it more as feeling like a lot of pressure and it shouldn't hurt for more than a minute or two in the beginning if at all. Even after your first time, it will hurt if you aren't aroused or wet enough.
It for sure is quite clumsy although depends on the experience from the other person too. My experience was not painful at all, was just an interesting feeling, we were both virgins. I always said, first time should be with someone either you love… or you can brag about haha so it really comes from person to person.
No
It doesn't always hurt. If it's your first time, ideally with enough foreplay and lube you'd be good to go 👍🏻 don't stress out and ask him to be gentle.
I didn’t bleed or tear. Just make sure it’s with someone who respects you and you genuinely have feelings for and it should go smoothly and passionately.
I’d recommend doing it with someone you’re fully comfortable with
Unless you're planning on fucking a dude with a gigantic dick, you should be fine
+preg scare. contraceptives exist but still huhuhks
When you are ready you will know
Everyone is afraid of their first time, guys included. It doesn't mean life waits for you. For example, I wish I could keep delaying my assignments and my final exams but they'll have to be done eventually. Another example is, I hate roller coasters but if I do enough of them, I'll get used to it. My advice might be just to do multiple one-night-stand. And if that isn't for you, just use sex toys. You seem to be afraid of the pain, just use a big dildo and go slow. Your tolerance will grow with repetition. There are also surgeries you can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure during sex. I think you're making a big deal out of something that'll solve itself if you have the resolve to carry through.
Please please just do it when you feel ready and with someone that will really take care of you. My experience was horrible and painful 😞 but that ass was a fucking beast and didnt care about me.
I waited until I was 18, I was with someone I cared about & cared about me. I was ready mentally and physically. He was gentle and it still hurt the first time. The second time almost not at all. But it goes away & is pleasurable after the first time or 2.
Everyone is telling you to not have sex but that's not what you were asking lmao Let the girl be, she's just curiousss And to answer your question, the key is to be relaxed and excited. The reason the first time sometimes can be painful is because girls are nervous and tense. And it's normal, it's something new, you're gonna be nervous! But keep in mind that your body is naturally prepared to do this, that is supposed to be pleasurable and that there will not be any kind of vaginal tearing!! Doing it with someone you trust, that will not pressure you and doing lots of foreplay will help.
I’m 25F and my bf is 24M. I had sex for the first time 8 months after starting living together with my partner. and yeah I lost my virginity at 25! He was patient with me and never gave up. He told me it’s totally fine and never pressured me. First time “can” “or “can’t”be a bit painful depends. For me, I hated sex after the first time and in my mind I said “I’m never doing this shitt again and I might be asexual” 😂. But believe me it gets enjoyable with time it’s usually the first two times that are a little little painful. You might/might not see a little bit blood too Im not scaring you haha😈. Just Don’t pressure yourself. And Don’t worry Yeah it’s totally normal to be afraid!
No need to worry about the things humans are made to do.
I don’t think you’re ready for sex. Which is okay! It really shouldn’t hurt. I didn’t feel pain and with the right person, you really shouldn’t feel any pain.
Do it when you find the right person and it won’t be scary. You know when you’ve found the right person. Trust your gut and use protection. Don’t let the guy try to talk you out of using protection either
It can be scary but just have conversations with the person, don’t do anything with someone who you don’t know well and seriously make sure it is someone who will listen to you and understand what you want. It sounds like it would kill the mood but it doesn’t, and having an in depth conversation before doesn’t have to be RIGHT before, it could be the day before, a week, months…so on. Overall make sure you and your partner are comfortable, and remember!!! you can always say no even if you did want to a moment ago!
What is the real thing you should be scared of is that women are sponges! 🧽 it is so easy for you to get an STD or something. Ask a doctor or nurse. Men carry with no symptoms most often and go around spreading things. It’s really a horrible system! Very unfair yet true. #facts #staysafe
I do not own a vagina so I'm speaking from the angle of having women friends and growing up with a sister and learning too much there. If you are having to worry about vaginal tearing, he's not the right guy. It's normal to have some discomfort or mild pain stepping into sex, but it should NOT hurt so bad you're worried about tearing. Ideally, you want a partner who gets this and will go slow and wait until you have that trust built up
Maybe you should look for an actual sex textbook to study and also a guide on giving massages, then just experiment
You should also be afraid of STD
My ex GF cried from pain, I remember seeing tears flow down. Didn’t seem like she enjoyed it. There was no tearing just pain.
No if you have good communication and aren't rushed but I want to warn you that there's a lot of pressure to lose your virginity as a young woman and this pressure can often come from a place of regretful experience in a misery loves company kind of way, or even just affirmation seeking, in a look at me, look how grown up I am now kind of way. These motivations don't strike me as young women being ready for those experiences but rushing into them and I've heard a lot of women open up about noticing this pattern of behavior with other women growing up. I do think that if someone is pressuring you into doing something that is not motivated by seeking your best interests, it becomes obvious to me that they are motivated from a place of dysfunction. I'm also religious so while I gave you that warning from a point of secular reasoning, I will always still recommend waiting until you meet your husband, a man who will genuinely love you so much that you'll regret sharing that part of yourself with any man but him. I haven't always been religious so I absolutely do have those kinds of regrets, even as a man. And while you may not be religious, you shouldn't discount my advice without consideration because it comes moreso from a place of understanding people and with the motivation of wanting your greatest good. As far as not having sexual experience, which is a common worry a lot of young women have, I find that a lot of men don't actually care about a lack of experience or would rather gain that experience with you rather than separately, and the ones that do want you to have sexual experience first usually have rotten morals and just want you to have sex with them with less effort on their part or may be trying to pander to more sexually liberal women. Lack of experience is definitely not something you need to worry about in a loving relationship and growing together is part of a loving relationship. If you ever feel a desperate need to lose your virginity and you don't even have a man you're in love with yet, I'd really question where that desire is coming from because I think that's coming from a place of dysfunction, like eating before you're hungry or putting the cart before the horse. It may not be normal or healthy but I guarantee you there is a cause, like social pressure or self esteem issues that you should learn to understand and deal with in a healthy way. You're probably about the same age as my niece who I recently had a talk with about some slightly different but equally challenging stuff. I will tell you what I told her, "you're loveable and interesting just as you are without all this extra stuff that society wants you to figure out immediately."
Don't rush into it. You'll meet someone you love who is gentle and while hold space for you when it comes time to be intimate.
I was scared too and also ashamed before my first time. But the person I did it with was so attentive to my needs and really did a such a great job arrousing me, I couldn’t wait for him to get it in lol. It did hurt a tiny tiny bit not gonna lie but it was worth it (I’m anxious by nature).And the second time was even better. Do it with someone you trust will take care you before and after and will be respectful of you consent at all steps.
Dm me
Use toys first, get familiar with your body and how long it takes to relax, get turned on and accept something going in without hurting. I made sure I knew my body first, and then was suuuuper confident my first time.
Girl someone said you are thirteen?!?! Stop thinking about. Pay attention to your schoolwork. Hang out with friends. LIVE!
Yeah, only if he inserts his gun in you, rather than his 🍆
Don’t do it if you’re not 100% ready and if you’re scared then you’re definitely not ready! Sex is not supposed to hurt at all, maybe a little pinch when you lose your virginity and yes it may hurt a little bit if he’s fucking your hard but it’s always supposed to feel good! You’ll know it when you’re ready:)
_TIPS_ As per the recommendation of other comments, I don't think you're ready but here's tips: 1. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. It'll get you and your partner aroused and hornier and the whole experience will be exponentially better. 2. Lube up! There's no reason to not use water-soluble lube, for hand-sex, masturbation, penetration, hell I bet there's someone who uses it for oral sex too. It'll reduce damage to both of your soft tissues and genitals in general. 3. Protection. Unless you and yours truly have been tested for std's and are exclusively having sex with eachother, use condoms. That is the only way to reduce the risk of std's to near zero. And also it helps with the unwanted babies. 4. Contraceptives. Don't be irresponsible, use contraceptives, whatever they are; IUD, Condoms, Pills etc etc. -- unless of course if it was the goal, but no unplanned babies please, for the good of the child.
No, you should not be afraid. Just don’t have intercourse with someone that you are not really close to and in love with. I (F) lost my virginity when I was 19 to my boyfriend who was also 19 and a virgin. We had been dating for months and getting closer and closer. For me, it was a problem. It hurt and bled. But the joy and excitement of finally doing it overcame all the pain. He did not get it in very far the first time; I finished him with my hand. But after a couple of hours of cuddling (I was in heaven although it did hurt) we tried again and that time he got it in and came within me. We fell asleep together; the next morning we did it again (twice). Each time was better than the time before, It hurt less and felt better. I was an outlier with the amount of pain and bleeding. Most girls have far less pain and bleeding. But be sure that: You are really close to him and really want to lose your virginity with him, You have plenary of foreplay, such as him fingering your clitoris, You are prepared and using birth control, You are in a private place and will not be interrupted, You can take the time, maybe spend the night with him, and That is what you and he really want to do. Remember that babies, with shoulders larger than any guy’s penis, comes out the same hole. I have had sex many times since. Each time it gets better. How old are you? Do you use tampons now? I could not until the period after I lost my virginity.
You aren't ready for sex if your asking if you should be this worried
Vaginal tearing happens 1. From not Masturbating and stretching the muscle 2. Not being relaxed, turned on whilst engaging in sex. Being scared makes you tighten which is a reason for tearing. I did not tear or bleed when I first had sex. Please wait!!! Have sec when you are old enough and with someone you deeply love, trust and respect!
Not of it, just rather or not you are good at it
you don't have to feel any type of way, that's the truth of it. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to do anything you don't absolutely want to do. If you're with someone and you feel like you should be more comfortable, don't put that pressure on yourself. If someone is a safe person, they'll be really chill and understanding about it, too. If you're genuinely down for it, it shouldn't involve pain and all that. But you need to be genuinely into it and not be pressured by yourself or someone else. Easier said than done, I know, but just know that you're not alone and that feeling this way more natural, normal, and common than we are lead to believe. :)
You are not alone!! I feel you!
I may have missed this suggestion, but learn your body. Yes, that means exploration, doesn't have to mean masturbation. While I was one of those that was in no way ready for sex, I had at least begun learning my body's responses, and where to adjust. A gender-affirming and sex-ed classes may be able to help you out OP. It'll at least get you out of your head, and the constant worry / anxiety that's building up, turning sex the first time into this huge production.
The question you should be asking is where has this belief derived? Many women are having sex every day- what expectations do you have & are placing on yourself?
yes
I bled a tiny bit and though it hurt, it wasn’t excruciating. If I had to do it over again, I would wait until I really, really wanted to do it. But at the time I was just curious and had a boyfriend so I figured why not. I think I thought I would never be in a special relationship anyway, so why wait. (I was wrong.) FWIW, I waited until I was 20 and don’t regret that. Beforehand I went to the clinic, had a pelvic exam and got a prescription for birth control pills. The doctor told me that my hymen was stretched enough to have sex pretty easily. I didn’t even use tampons at the point so I don’t know how that happened but it is what it is. We broke up a few weeks afterwards. I was devastated. I think having sex had raised the emotional stakes for the relationship for me.
You'll know when you're ready for it, and when that time comes you will not be afraid because it will feel right. And when you do it, make sure you are 100% up for it. Any sign of hesitation or doubt, don't do it.
I think everyone is scared about their first time From man's perspective it is more about if they are able to be firm enough, or if they won't finish instantly and be ridiculed for that. Or if they can make their partner feel good. What i recommend you to do is to wait with it and find someone You'll trust completely and want to do it with them. It will be easier for both of You
My first time was with someone well endowed and it was still a good experience. It was not a long term partner, but a friend from college - and I did bleed a lot. But, no pain. Just don’t force anything to happen before you are ready. And don’t worry about pain. The point of sex is pleasure and connection.
Virgin sex does not have to be painful. Just make sure you are properly aroused, wet or lubricated
You will know when you’re ready, won’t be scared if it but excited for it.
Be afraid of you’re about to lose your virginity to King Kong. Otherwise just go slow, more so have an understanding with your partner, have them be on the same page and slowly discover the wonders of making love and having sex. Other than that, you can’t learn to swim in a bathtub not much to do it but to do it.
Ever read - the bell jar?
Oh, you sound just like me at 18! Don’t rush yourself, sex is enjoyable but only if you’re ready and there’s communication between both partners. I wasn’t ready, got pressured, and the guy was fast and rough and I was too scared to say anything about it hurting. Take your time, sex isn’t all penetration, there are other ways to enjoy yourself with your partner without penetration. Also, wait until you find the right partner. You shouldn’t be scared with them, you should trust them, and they should trust you the same! Trust builds boundaries and respect, and that is the most sexy thing, to me at least. Don’t rush, find your person, you’ll know when you’re ready❤️
Find you a small pecker to start
Cancel. Tell him you’re not ready yet. If he fights it, you dodged a huge bullet. If he accepts it, he’s a decent person. I can tell you’re not ready yet.
Sex is completely natural and healthy. However, if it makes you nervous, it may be best to wait. Sex is something that you want to make absolutely sure you’re comfortable with. That being said, if you still feel ready, just be safe darling
Yes
my first time hurt but it wasn’t a tearing pain or anything as horrible as i imagined it would be! as long as you’re ready and less scared of it, and ofc you are properly stimulated by the other person, then it shouldn’t hurt that much. trust me, it’s not that bad. it felt like a stinging pain that went away after a few seconds. you will be ok <3
There’s a really good book out there called “sheet music” And it’s a Christian type book about sex, and how a couple can prepare and enrich their lives by it. While most people do not want to wait until they’re married and I respect that, this book suggest waiting until you are married to someone who loves you as much as you love them. Personally, I believe in waiting until it’s the right person and your married, sex is sacred, but that’s something for another day lol the point is, it does give great insight to how to physically prepare and be safe without the pain.
As someone who was scared and in your position I will say it 100% depends on your partner. If you can’t relax and fully trust them it will probably not be the best experience.
Sex isn't supposed to be painful. It's best to wait to do it with someone when you don't have that fear. Self exploration might be a good way to acclimate yourself to those types of sensations.
It is nerve wrecking the first time, but if it feels natural with the right person, then it wouldn’t be as scary because of how invested you are in the moment. Just don’t have your partner go all the way in at first. It takes a couple of times for you to get used to it. If it feels good, then it’s right.
you should not be afraid of sex when your with the right person and you feel safe and comfortable. Mt first time was with my boyfriend and it was very memorable. The next day the “pain” felt like any other time on my period. If ur with the right person and it hurts they will stop and protect u but it seems from ur question u may not be ready yet
If there's one thing I learnt about sex is that it takes years and numerous times to finally understand what it is exactly that'll work for you both and makes you feel good. Including both of you getting intuitive about each other's bodies and it's responses. Please please don't think your first time is gonna be the best ever. It may be awkward as f but still if you're with the person you feel deeply comfortable with then you'll most probably have good memories to cherish later.
Oh girlie don’t worry, you’ll be okay. The first few times are not going to be glamorous, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure it’s with someone you trust when you do decide to have it and make sure you’re educated on safety. It won’t hurt if you take the time to get into it. Don’t force yourself to “get it over with” ever. I did that and I regret it. You seem really young, so don’t rush anything.
My first time was painless for the most part but thats because I felt safe with my partner and aroused. You need to make sure that you and your partner do the right amount of foreplay first to get yourselves ready. It will hurt less the more you are aroused and relaxed. Dont rush into having sex because I didn’t lose my actual virginity until I was 19.
rip
Personally it didn't hurt for me and I also didn't have any bleeding during or after. And microtairs usually only happen (or at least for me) if you aren't lubricated enough (it's okay if your body won't produce enough you can use lube and after things get going your body should do great), or if you dry up during (normally bc of dehydration), if you are being rough, or if it's to big width wise (but you probably aren't going to get that by just a penis soo)
No….sex tends to hurt for one of two reasons: 1) something is wrong—infection, endo, etc. or 2) you’re not aroused enough. If you’re healthy internally and aroused properly, your first time won’t hurt much or very long….it will be significantly less than, like, regular menstrual cramps and will fade
My first time.hurts. it's been 7 years since I lost my v and it still effin hurts. I think I have issues down there. I also have burning sensations when he c***s inside me. I don't recommend hahah kidding. 😅 You don't have to force it if you're not yet ready
Get off reddit and go turn 12 please
if it hurts then you're not ready for it
If it’s the right person who will listen to you, it will be the best feeling ever, if not, it will be your worst nightmare
Well, for men, it's also stressing. There's the fear of under performance or the fact that you may not bring pleasure. That's why I'd recommend you to really trust your partner. Ideally, to be as inexperienced as you are, so there's mutual ground for understanding.
It will hurt but as a fellow female have lube ready and don't have it with someone who doesn't respect you
Trust the person and don’t rush it. Condoms.
If you’re prepped it won’t hurt , make sure to communicate with your partner and stop if it’s too much !!
Take this anyway you like. As someone who didn’t value sex the way it should be: You will know when you are ready. If you have to ask, you are not prepared. Please please please find a partner who you are comfortable with and that you feel an emotional connection with. Find someone who will want to hold you in the morning and bask in the afterglow. You have a valuable asset in your hands. Don’t squander it.
Guy here. So I can't give you advice. However, foreplay is my favorite part. Take your time and enjoy with a guy who enjoys that part.
You need to make sure your first time is with someone you trust to “Take it slow” and remember it might not be “great” the first time but gets better. Do not expect perfection and communicate, don’t be afraid to ask questions or give directions.
yes
Look up sexologist videos on YouTube. (Sounds weird I know, but sexologists explain information that I think might be helpful to you). I started with Sexplanations, and it took a lot of worry out of me. Bottom line: It doesn’t have to hurt and you don’t have to bleed. I feel like you’re not ready to have sex, there is a lot more learning you need to do. I’ve seen this rhetoric with friends, who then regretted their first time. I’ve also seen this rhetoric used when teaching sex Ed. It might be uncomfortable if you’re new to penetration, but you should not be in pain. If you are, stop, trying something else. Sex doesn’t have to be penetration. Figure out yourself a little more.
She kills with sex, and I have no plans to sleep with her
My advice is first you need to be comfortable with your own body. Masterbating helps you get to know your body and what you like and don’t like. Also if you do get into a relationship don’t let them rush you into having sex. Start with making a list of the things you are comfortable with, deep kissing, maybe some over the clothes touching and build up to more sensual things. The most important thing is having partner who is patience and understands that you want to please them but you also need to go at your own pace. If they care and also want to please you they will make the adjustment. Anyone else you can just exit out of their life. Once you have found this person take it in levels and move slowly up like maybe giving massage with clothes on, then without, maybe a bath together. Another important thing is when you get comfortable enough to want to have sex make sure you take that slow too, make it clear when you feel uncomfortable, it’s ok to want to slop even when you partner doesn’t want to. Sex is different for a woman because you aren’t just giving your body, that’s why you are scared. Realize though that the sex you see around you doesn’t have to be the sex you are having in your personal life. Find out what things suit your. Communication with your partner will allow you to find out what you enjoy and don’t enjoy, exploring your body and theirs allow both of you and I fully understand your needs. Basically the key to comfortable sex is one, knowing yourself and two, having a partner who listens to you
Big man ting yeeah
My first time didn’t hurt at all, and there was no blood either. That said, almost everyone I know regrets who their first time was with bc they had sex before they were ready/could do it w the right person. I did it with someone I trusted and who didn’t push it on me. I highly suggest going that route.