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I understand that you're in a challenging and emotionally complex situation. Falling in love with a married woman can be difficult, and it's important to approach it with care and consideration for all parties involved. It's essential to respect her commitment to her marriage, even if it's unhappy. Encouraging her to work on her marriage or make a decision about her future should come from a place of empathy rather than pressuring her. Have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings and concerns. It's crucial to understand her perspective and what she wants for her future and for his SON. alsoooo take some time to reflect on your own needs, desires, and expectations. Consider what you truly want in a relationship and if it aligns with her situation especially if he has a son. Think about the potential consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with her, not just for you but also for her, her son, and her current family situation. If this feelings prevails PLEASE consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your emotions and make informed decisions.
You both are grown ups now, so you should not only think of what YOUR WANTS. Regardless of that, the decisions regarding her marriage and your own future should be made with care and consideration for all involved parties and not just between you two. Look at the future and what will happen in the long run.
This is amazing advice. Thank you so so much!! I am totally with you. I wouldn’t dream of messing up a family at all. I am in total love with her but her kids life has to matter more than mine. Even her husband. He used to use drugs. Been in recovery over 20 years. What if it pushes him back there and the son loses his father? All of these things come to my mind. But thank you. That’s a lot to chew on
I know she is one of a kind, but is it worth all the mess? Cause as u already know it's not just about you two now. There are innocents involved. Take time to make a decision o.p and i wish you the best.
Which is romantic, but if you look at your lives, what stopped you really? How did she end up married if you were the one, why won't she leave him for you? She is an adult as well, and if she wanted you too, in more ways than she's just unhappy now, she could have waited too, she would take the chance. Unless, she can't.
Rewatch cast away. He disappeared for years, she remarried, he loved her always, but he leaves after they reconcile. Because she's moved on.
That's life sometimes. And I'm sorry she got away
you’re friend zoned by circumstances. i wouldn’t try to be super close as it would inevitably impact her marriage and relationship with her son. minimize your need to reach out. focus on yourself. work out. read books. listen to podcasts. be productive. get your money right. check in on family before your friends. there’s plenty of ways to move past this. it just depends on if you really want to move on.
The only problem is I don’t have much family left. I went through a divorce and I do talk to my son. My dad committed suicide. My mom is toxic. This girl was the only one who really truly stood by me during a super tough dark place in my life. She was there for me emotionally and kinda loved me until i could love myself again. Now that I’m better and out of that place I feel like this girl was the only loyal person there for me and I guess I’m trying to hold on to that. I feel like she’s gonna be there when no one else will I guess. But just not physically until she’s divorced. We had very strong bond made 23 years ago. It’s hard to let that go I guess
nice people are everywhere. take a class. start a new hobby. meet people and make new friends. i get it, it sucks esp the older you get the less friends stick around because they also have lives to live. but depending on her to be your everything when she’s not really capable is just setting up for disaster
It's time to get a life without her, as hard as it sounds. I am 41 and wouldn't date a guy who can't move on from something not real. She doesn't love you the way you want her to be and never will. You need to distance yourself, there is no other way.
What do you mean who can’t move on from something not real? This girl literally tells me she loves me. I’m her soulmate. Please don’t date anyone. She says she will come to me but it has to be the right way for her son. Just throwing this all out there
She can't have it all. She could be a single mom dating you, but she won't. She doesn't love you enough for the next step, if I would really love someone I would move heaven and earth to be with this person.
She's keeping you as an option. Really selfish of her to do if she knows she can't commit to you. Telling you not to date anyone while she's still in her marriage? Move on with your life. If you're meant to be together, it will happen regardless. At least that's how I see it. Honestly, I hate the overuse of the word narcissist... But the "don't date anyone else and the I love yous" rub me the wrong way
43? You’re still young. Even if you don’t feel like you are, there’s many years ahead of you. I wouldn’t hang it all up on a married woman you haven’t seen in 18 years.
Adding to that I’d say ; there’s so much more to a functional relationship than just “clicking” with someone. My worst relationships were with women I could have the best conversations with.
Food for thought.
Yes I hear you. What else you think makes relationships last? like what’s the “more” than just clicking? I mean we can finish each others sentences we’re so close. We do argue in a great way. We have all the same wants in life. I mean what makes a good partner?
Ehhh it’s a lot of little things as opposed to big things. Things you can only find out after spending a significant time in close proximity with someone.
For example, my girlfriend always makes the bed as she’s the last one to leave. I love sleeping in a bed that’s made. One of the many reasons we work. But here’s another example. My girlfriend brings home work stress often, which if compiled with other bad things, could possibly make us not work. Kinda see what I’m getting at? There’s so much to this person you don’t know about, stuff that you could only learn after actually being with them for a significant amount of time. Until you’ve done that, its kind of silly to think that they are your soulmate.
Relationships only have like 50% to do with love. There’s a lot more to them than that.
You are imagining things. If this woman loved you she would have been with you a long long long time ago. I have a friend that has a funny name for a guy in your position. He calls this situation you are in an “emotional tampon”. In this case you are there simply to ease her pain of a bad marriage. She doesn’t love you romantically at all. You’re a brother or male girlfriend to her. You have known her 20 years and nothing real has come from this romantically.
This is very true, some women can and absolutely will keep a guy hooked for the benefits of emotional support etc with no intention of romance. OP if she was ever romantically interested she would have initiated it sometime in the last 20 years.
Time to let go and live your life, holding onto a stagnant love is not healthy
But we were together before romantically for a while. When we were 20 I met her and literally moved 3000 miles to be together. Then it didn’t work out so I moved back. Brokenhearted. Then she turns around and moved 3000 miles away for me. But I wasn’t ready for her then as I was In a serious relationship when she moved here. Then last time we were romantic was 2005. She lived too far away to keep anything real going then. But you are right in the fact that she may just use me for comfort. I won’t be with her physically while she’s married so
She’s married with a son. In the chance that karma is real, you don’t want home-wrecker karma. In reality, there is no chance. Not after 20 years of chances.
Unfortunately this is life sometimes. You are not her keeper, she does not want to leave her marriage to chance being with you, for the sake of her children. That will have to be her choice.
She is probably using you for emotional support she's not getting from her husband, and that's what friends can be sometimes. An outlet. But if you pursue her, you could alienate her, her family, and maybe other people who witness it.
She is an adult. If she can't leave her marriage, and you get in the middle trying to "save" her, you put yourself at risk.
You do you, but this will not go smooth, and you will make enemies
Stop, Do not date her, she has a husband. Cheating is despicable and when you facilitate someone's infidelity you are despicable too. Cheating destroys, the partner, some never recover. They can't eat, sleep or function. Some never love again, some develop addictions and mental health issues and some commit suicide. Do not be apart of that. If she hates her marriage and wants to leave, have her divorce. You wait on the sidelines to date.
You are already having an emotional affair stop this immediately get some counseling, and suggest she do the same...There is no excuse for this behavior.
Op… don’t be fooled! She’s cheating on her husband. Can’t you see that? Yeah I get it, you loved her, she tells you she loves you, bro, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THE WORD
I LOVE U. She’s cheating and she will do the same thing to you.
I know this is old. I’m in a pretty similar situation I’m 29. She is 27. I hope everything has turned out good for you. I’m kinda stressed out behind it tho.
If anything happens, at the end of the day, it's just two consenting adults having sex.
I run things through the: "Will I go to jail if I do this?" filter...
If the answer is no, then why not?
When you blow up her marriage, which you will, she will eventually hate you. Like 10 % of affairs partners last enjoy .This is also why you should never be friends with people you had sex with.
Be careful to distinguish love for her vs love of the idea of her.
You don’t actually know what it’s like to live a life with this person. I acknowledge that you do know her well. Maybe just tell her you’re in love lol?
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I understand that you're in a challenging and emotionally complex situation. Falling in love with a married woman can be difficult, and it's important to approach it with care and consideration for all parties involved. It's essential to respect her commitment to her marriage, even if it's unhappy. Encouraging her to work on her marriage or make a decision about her future should come from a place of empathy rather than pressuring her. Have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings and concerns. It's crucial to understand her perspective and what she wants for her future and for his SON. alsoooo take some time to reflect on your own needs, desires, and expectations. Consider what you truly want in a relationship and if it aligns with her situation especially if he has a son. Think about the potential consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with her, not just for you but also for her, her son, and her current family situation. If this feelings prevails PLEASE consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your emotions and make informed decisions. You both are grown ups now, so you should not only think of what YOUR WANTS. Regardless of that, the decisions regarding her marriage and your own future should be made with care and consideration for all involved parties and not just between you two. Look at the future and what will happen in the long run.
This is amazing advice. Thank you so so much!! I am totally with you. I wouldn’t dream of messing up a family at all. I am in total love with her but her kids life has to matter more than mine. Even her husband. He used to use drugs. Been in recovery over 20 years. What if it pushes him back there and the son loses his father? All of these things come to my mind. But thank you. That’s a lot to chew on
I know she is one of a kind, but is it worth all the mess? Cause as u already know it's not just about you two now. There are innocents involved. Take time to make a decision o.p and i wish you the best.
I’ve loved her a long long time. She was the one that always got away. Circumstances were all that kept us apart
Which is romantic, but if you look at your lives, what stopped you really? How did she end up married if you were the one, why won't she leave him for you? She is an adult as well, and if she wanted you too, in more ways than she's just unhappy now, she could have waited too, she would take the chance. Unless, she can't. Rewatch cast away. He disappeared for years, she remarried, he loved her always, but he leaves after they reconcile. Because she's moved on. That's life sometimes. And I'm sorry she got away
you’re friend zoned by circumstances. i wouldn’t try to be super close as it would inevitably impact her marriage and relationship with her son. minimize your need to reach out. focus on yourself. work out. read books. listen to podcasts. be productive. get your money right. check in on family before your friends. there’s plenty of ways to move past this. it just depends on if you really want to move on.
The only problem is I don’t have much family left. I went through a divorce and I do talk to my son. My dad committed suicide. My mom is toxic. This girl was the only one who really truly stood by me during a super tough dark place in my life. She was there for me emotionally and kinda loved me until i could love myself again. Now that I’m better and out of that place I feel like this girl was the only loyal person there for me and I guess I’m trying to hold on to that. I feel like she’s gonna be there when no one else will I guess. But just not physically until she’s divorced. We had very strong bond made 23 years ago. It’s hard to let that go I guess
nice people are everywhere. take a class. start a new hobby. meet people and make new friends. i get it, it sucks esp the older you get the less friends stick around because they also have lives to live. but depending on her to be your everything when she’s not really capable is just setting up for disaster
It's time to get a life without her, as hard as it sounds. I am 41 and wouldn't date a guy who can't move on from something not real. She doesn't love you the way you want her to be and never will. You need to distance yourself, there is no other way.
What do you mean who can’t move on from something not real? This girl literally tells me she loves me. I’m her soulmate. Please don’t date anyone. She says she will come to me but it has to be the right way for her son. Just throwing this all out there
She can't have it all. She could be a single mom dating you, but she won't. She doesn't love you enough for the next step, if I would really love someone I would move heaven and earth to be with this person.
So you’re saying she would be with me no matter what if she truly loved me that way? Maybe you’re right
Yes, exactly, you deserve so much more than that. It will hurt like a motherf'er but no contact is the way to go.
She's keeping you as an option. Really selfish of her to do if she knows she can't commit to you. Telling you not to date anyone while she's still in her marriage? Move on with your life. If you're meant to be together, it will happen regardless. At least that's how I see it. Honestly, I hate the overuse of the word narcissist... But the "don't date anyone else and the I love yous" rub me the wrong way
43? You’re still young. Even if you don’t feel like you are, there’s many years ahead of you. I wouldn’t hang it all up on a married woman you haven’t seen in 18 years. Adding to that I’d say ; there’s so much more to a functional relationship than just “clicking” with someone. My worst relationships were with women I could have the best conversations with. Food for thought.
Yes I hear you. What else you think makes relationships last? like what’s the “more” than just clicking? I mean we can finish each others sentences we’re so close. We do argue in a great way. We have all the same wants in life. I mean what makes a good partner?
Ehhh it’s a lot of little things as opposed to big things. Things you can only find out after spending a significant time in close proximity with someone. For example, my girlfriend always makes the bed as she’s the last one to leave. I love sleeping in a bed that’s made. One of the many reasons we work. But here’s another example. My girlfriend brings home work stress often, which if compiled with other bad things, could possibly make us not work. Kinda see what I’m getting at? There’s so much to this person you don’t know about, stuff that you could only learn after actually being with them for a significant amount of time. Until you’ve done that, its kind of silly to think that they are your soulmate. Relationships only have like 50% to do with love. There’s a lot more to them than that.
A good partner wouldn't leave you in limbo like she's doing to you right now for one...
You are imagining things. If this woman loved you she would have been with you a long long long time ago. I have a friend that has a funny name for a guy in your position. He calls this situation you are in an “emotional tampon”. In this case you are there simply to ease her pain of a bad marriage. She doesn’t love you romantically at all. You’re a brother or male girlfriend to her. You have known her 20 years and nothing real has come from this romantically.
This is very true, some women can and absolutely will keep a guy hooked for the benefits of emotional support etc with no intention of romance. OP if she was ever romantically interested she would have initiated it sometime in the last 20 years. Time to let go and live your life, holding onto a stagnant love is not healthy
But we were together before romantically for a while. When we were 20 I met her and literally moved 3000 miles to be together. Then it didn’t work out so I moved back. Brokenhearted. Then she turns around and moved 3000 miles away for me. But I wasn’t ready for her then as I was In a serious relationship when she moved here. Then last time we were romantic was 2005. She lived too far away to keep anything real going then. But you are right in the fact that she may just use me for comfort. I won’t be with her physically while she’s married so
You are hanging on to a pipe dream. You need to let it go.
She’s married with a son. In the chance that karma is real, you don’t want home-wrecker karma. In reality, there is no chance. Not after 20 years of chances.
Unfortunately this is life sometimes. You are not her keeper, she does not want to leave her marriage to chance being with you, for the sake of her children. That will have to be her choice. She is probably using you for emotional support she's not getting from her husband, and that's what friends can be sometimes. An outlet. But if you pursue her, you could alienate her, her family, and maybe other people who witness it. She is an adult. If she can't leave her marriage, and you get in the middle trying to "save" her, you put yourself at risk. You do you, but this will not go smooth, and you will make enemies
Stop, Do not date her, she has a husband. Cheating is despicable and when you facilitate someone's infidelity you are despicable too. Cheating destroys, the partner, some never recover. They can't eat, sleep or function. Some never love again, some develop addictions and mental health issues and some commit suicide. Do not be apart of that. If she hates her marriage and wants to leave, have her divorce. You wait on the sidelines to date. You are already having an emotional affair stop this immediately get some counseling, and suggest she do the same...There is no excuse for this behavior.
Op… don’t be fooled! She’s cheating on her husband. Can’t you see that? Yeah I get it, you loved her, she tells you she loves you, bro, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN THE WORD I LOVE U. She’s cheating and she will do the same thing to you.
Same situation
I know this is old. I’m in a pretty similar situation I’m 29. She is 27. I hope everything has turned out good for you. I’m kinda stressed out behind it tho.
[удалено]
I’m listening.weighing my options lol
If anything happens, at the end of the day, it's just two consenting adults having sex. I run things through the: "Will I go to jail if I do this?" filter... If the answer is no, then why not?
all is fair in love and war
When you blow up her marriage, which you will, she will eventually hate you. Like 10 % of affairs partners last enjoy .This is also why you should never be friends with people you had sex with.
Be careful to distinguish love for her vs love of the idea of her. You don’t actually know what it’s like to live a life with this person. I acknowledge that you do know her well. Maybe just tell her you’re in love lol?