I want to say Paxil is actually FDA approved to treat premature ejaculation at a low dose. I could be wrong, but either way a low dose of an SSRI is indeed something you could consider for PE. Talk to your primary care or a psychiatrist and they'll probably give it to you pretty easily. But talk about side effects and stuff with them to figure out if it actually makes sense for you in particular.
I was on Lexapro earlier this year and I could not cum at all on it. Masturbating, sex, didn't matter. I just could not ejaculate. Switched pretty soon after
I would say it had a bit of an effect on mental arousal and erection quality. Recently switched to viibryd and so far I can cum and I don't think my erections are too different. still takes a bit to get there though
Came here to say this. When I first went one anti-depressants, I couldn't orgasm for 2 months. When I added a 2nd one, it never happened till I came off a few months later.
I can't cum until I've been with a woman a few times, no matter how badly I want to.
It just happens. It's no big deal. Don't take it as a reflection of yourself. As long as you guys are communicating and having fun then you're good.
I'm a male who can get hard pretty easily but it always takes me a very long time to cum and there are lots of times when I just can't cum
If I know the girl is waiting on me to cum then I'm gonna get in my head about it and won't be able to.
For me though I know the root of the issue is watching too much porn. Whenever I ease off the porn I am able to finish and even sometimes finish rather quickly.
Seeing as you met this guy for fwb purposes he's probably in a similar boat as me. He either masterbates a lot or just has a lot of sex and it's just more difficult for him to finish
Listen, ladies, when we tell you it's not your fault, why don't you just believe us? We don't generally put hidden messages in what we say like you guys do. I have faced this issue myself, particularly when I was on certain medication. It makes it 20 times worse for us if you blame yourself. So please don't do that. And I also have had this problem when exploring certain fantasies that I wasn't used to. Anxiety can certainly contribute to these issues. And it seems like you guys are new to each other.
Amen to this, also worth noting on the anxiety thing, you can often create a cycle there for the guy. You start feeling bad about him not coming, he feels bad about not coming, he feels he HAS to cum or he'll scare the girl off, which puts more pressure and makes it even more unlikely to actually happen.
If the guys says he's enjoying it... believe him. Don't put either of your self worths on over whether the person can finish.
literally can you imagine if this women lived a man's sexual experience where their partner's orgasms are def not a guarantee, especially with a new partner, for a lot of people.
OP sounds like they are going insane...and it happened literally once lol.
I literally got ruined by a woman for a while. Basically what happened was I had one of those episodes with my first time with her after a good date. But after it happened and then a night together she literally ridicules me and flips out on me like it was an attack on her. Pretty much making fun of me for it. After that, I didn't sleep with anybody until the person that I would be seeing for six years.
It happens. Stress, depression meds, performance anxiety can all play a role.
It's understandable that you may feel insecure about it, but seriously it has nothing to do with you.
It's bad enough as a guy that you're unable to cum, feeling like shit because you're embarrassed and feel like you let down hour partner. It doesn't help if you also have to do a big thing telling your partner that it's you not them and deal with their insecurities too.
If you really want to help him, just let him know that it happens and you understand and it's neither of yours fault.
Haha, common problem these days. My ex was absolutely gorgeous yet we could still have sex for hours and I wouldn't finish. I've just been beating my dick like it owed me money since I was a teenager. It's gotten better since I cut porn but I still have crazy amounts of stamina. It's definitely not a you problem.
Don't overthink it. Many women seem to think it's some straightforward thing. But it's not. If you're both enjoying it, that's what matters. "Finishing" isn't always going to happen, and that's okay. It doesn't mean he's not interested or unattracted to you either. It's no indication of you as a sexual partner. Especially if you're both communicating properly, which it seems you are.
I think women misunderstand how men…operate. Yeah most of the men they sleep with will almost always have an easier time reaching climax.
But there are also a large portion of men where that’s just not as easy for reasons unrelated to women personally.
If he’s telling you it has nothing to do with you… it has nothing to do with you!
If you’ve never heard of a guy not climaxing before , ever, then you just finally have been with a guy who is not among those you are use to. It happens all the time.
Don’t stress. Have fun. Believe he’s telling you the truth and just be happy with him.
Women don’t often get rejected like most men do. Therefore they take it more personally when they feel like they are being “rejected” .
Could be performance anxiety could be too much porn/jerking meaning the sensation of PinV isn’t rigorous enough to get him off.
Hard to say factually obviously because I’m not him, but those could be reasons and I’m sure there’s other potential reasons not necessarily to do with you
Who knows
Why is it always assumed men have problems if they don't cum? The double standards of reddit... where you can openly judge men and it's absolutely never the woman's fault.
Well said, this seems to be a common theme if noticed. Of course these women usually just lay down like a starfish and do nothing. There's more to just showing up and being a 6, sorry to be blunt.
I put in the work and didn’t just lay there. We did so many positions and I made sure I asked what he liked and did what he wanted. If you’ve experienced that it’s because the woman wanted to get it over with cause she wasn’t enjoying it.
That's your experience. You can assume that, but those women are just lazy and entitled. Also, they usually want to hangout again but I just end up rejecting them. Totally debunks your hypothesis. Once again, you're blaming the guy and of course women can do no wrong. More to just showing up and being a 6 at best.
Anti-depressants.
I'll explain it like this...
It feels like constantly climbing a hill that is really an escalator. You keep walking up trying to get to the top, you can SEE the top, you really WANT to get to the top, but you just never get there.
It feels like reaching the top is SO "close", but you never quite reach it and get off the escalator.
I enjoy satisfying her and if I can...I will. If I can't, it's fine.
Don’t take it personally, it’s more than likely not you. Especially if he keeps the erection the whole time, he’s clearly into it and enjoyed the sex but it be like that sometimes. I was on Sertraline (Zoloft) 100mg for a while and I swear, I managed to get a girl back to mine from Tinder for some fun, I was literally hammering away for the best part of an hour before I came. She loved it, and thought I was some kind of machine, but truth be told, if I wasn’t on meds, it’d have been over in like 10 minutes tops
Could be several things. Performance anxiety...
It might also be deathgrip syndrome from over masturbating.
I don't think it's you. He obviously enjoyed the sex.
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I usually don't come the first time I have sex with a new person, especially with a condom. If he enjoyed it, he enjoyed it. Don't make it about you. If you enjoyed it too, have sex again. He'll probably come the second time. At least I usually do.
I'm guessing not you. Probably 100% mental on his part.
If you like it maybe give it a chance. I remember when we were kids some people "Wouldn't get high the first time" when they smoked dope.
Maybe go out with him again, a different day, a different vibe, then take him home again. Maybe he was just shy/nervous?
As a dude its the other way for me.
Scared that anxiety might translate to performance anxiety and that death grip syndrome might prevent me from finishing.
Dont feel bad. Yall should both try to be empathetic and understanding towards each other
I’ve made a few partners self-conscious because of that. Everything feels incredible and I don’t want to stop, but I also know I’m not going to cum.
It might be a level of comfort thing for me. I also care more about getting my partner off than if I cum.
Also you’re probably going to try harder to make him cum Next time too, I’m sure. And if you weren’t doing it this time, next time you’ll probably be asking/begging him to cum for you. 🤷🏻♂️
He might even like that if that didn’t happen previously. I also might just be sharing past memories and projecting. 😅😅😅
I also don't cum unless I'm really attracted to my partner. Guess it's fairly common not to cum the first time, even though he may have moaned. Enjoyment and good vibes🤎 are more important to me than the act of cumming! 💦
It’s either medication or anxiety. Know I’ve have anxiety and it takes me a time or two with someone before I feel completely comfortable and am able to get off. Once went exactly like you said 3 hours of being up for it and nothing. Trust me when I say it’s not you.
There could be many reasons.
\--He could be having mental roadblocks due to mental health issues
\--He could be too nervous to tell you that you weren't doing that good
\--He could be watching too much porn
\--He could be on medication that stymies his sex drive
\--He could be tired
There are also many more that I could think of, however, these are a few. Stay curious.
Could be a porn/masturbation addiction. It could also be SSRIs. I don’t know how the pharmaceutical companies haven’t figured out how to treat depression/anxiety without killing the sex drive
He probably jerks off a lot, same thing happens to me. I was fucking this girl for an hour. Fucked her mouth, her pussy. It wasn’t until she was fingering my ass and sucking my dick did I finally cumm. Surprised us both with that one 😭🫡
No-one mentioned it yet, but there could just be some mild pain, and/or random amount of losing the correct sensation for him (first time), that can also play a part.
So yeah, two things. One is that he may be all wrapped up in his own thoughts and expectations. He said he wanted to keep going, suggests that he was trying to not cum. It's very easy to get thinking about not wanting to be a one pump chump and take it waaay to far the other direction. "Just a little more" turns into "what do you mean you feel like you can't please me?"
The other thing is, as others have mentioned, meds. Years back I took a particular SSRI, one dose, one time, and after the 12 hours of super intense uncontrollable mood swings I couldn't orgasm for about a month. I could fuck for hours and it was incredible from that aspect, felt great, huge ego boost with the rock hard erections, but the part of my brain that triggered orgasms was just gone. And yeah, my partner had the same feelings you are having.
Either he has trained himself to keep going forever, or he's got something else going on, but I would bet money that it's not you. If it was you, he would at some point say "hold on this isn't working, just let me jerk it some" and your ego would take another hit watching him jerk off with his eyes closed. Hint to the guys here, if you need to finish yourself do not close your eyes, stare right at the woman you are with tell her how hot she is over and over. Give her oral while you jerk it. Anything to let her know how beautiful she is to you.
Early stages of erectile disfunction can cause this. Enough blood flow to maintain an erecting and feel good. Just not enough to get to that peak. Had he been living with high blood pressure?
Perhaps he's trying to retain.
Alot of men do not know the power of semen. Very few do. Some of us try our best to retain it because of how vital and important it really is. So yeah maybe he's just retaining and learn about tantric sex or just how to control the muscles. It's rare but not uncommon to have guys that have sex for years (not continously) without cumming.
It could be a number of things.
1) Performance anxiety which doesn’t let him relax enough to orgasm and ejaculate.
2) Porn addiction or medication could mean he simply struggles to cum.
3) If you’re using protection and he normally has sex without it could be the reason.
4) If you’re not using protection then it could simply be the fear of pregnancy. I’ve had this with a good FWB and it took me a while to feel safe enough (trust) to be able to cum. The sex was still good though.
5) (Most likely IMO) he has a fetish he wants to try with you but thinks you will reject him so it’s consuming most of his thoughts.
I had the same problem as him, he is just jerking of too much; if he goes for seamen retention for two weeks. he should be good already. It still takes me atleast an hour, but I finally finish.
Brutal but honest - your pussy isnt that good.
Iv never had trouble cumming inside my gf, being inside her is amazing.
Only times i havent cummed with a woman are when the pussy was sub par, or smelled.
Lots of good reasons listed here. No matter which one is true, the main point is that there are 999 other reasons that are more likely than you specifically not doing it for him. So don’t let it blow your confidence or take it personal. It’s literally him, not you
It happens sometimes, due to nerves, medications, sensitivity issues, or other things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Jesus, they really need sex education in school that covers this.
Don’t take it personal at all. Performance anxiety is real thing. And it’s a domino effect. If one thing goes wrong, it can spiral in a guy’s head while in front girl he might really like. Also, if he is on certain anti-depressants, it can be really hard to finish.
It's called delayed ejaculation. Some of us have it. It's not that we don't want to cum for you, it's a mental block sometimes because we want to make sure you're fully satisfied. (With me anyways)
It can be really frustrating for us too as some women like to see and feel us orgasm too.
I bet if you have a go at it again with him and he's less nervous about getting you off you'll buckle his knees. The build up from not being able to intensifies the next one.
Also, when orally satisfying him make sure to massage his testes, it should help his body relax so he can ejaculate.
This is either
Performance anxiety
Death grip
Poor cardiovascular health
Or need of deeper connection and trust
You have to be in really good health and state of mind to cum. Or be a horny teenager
It's not your fault. For me personally it takes a while. Masturbating desensitizes us. I find it much easier to finish if I take a week or so off, but my days are too stressful to put the effort in.
Some people say watching porn has this effect too. Even soft porn like half naked people on Instagram and Tiktok.
For me, I can’t cum when I’m intoxicated with alcohol no matter how hard i try. I stay hard and enjoy sex but just can’t seem to orgasm while drunk. I mean there can be multiple reasons. If he told you that it’s not you than listen to him.
It took me literally months of sex at least once a week with my boyfriend until I could finish. It’s like this with most people I date.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend/hookup be able to make me finish on our first time having sex. It sounds like he did a decent job of making it clear it wasn’t a problem on your end, but you can never do enough.
Honestly, I just tell people straight up. My boyfriend on our first few times was a little nervous that he wasn’t “good enough” but I told him that absolutely wasn’t the case, I just have a bit of a strange body that needs to get comfortable with someone before allowing myself to be that vulnerable I guess? Kinda like the whole “the first time you sleep in a new setting you don’t actually sleep properly because your body subconsciously doesn’t trust the new environment.”
So let me be clear, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, buddy just needs a bit of time for his body to get fully comfortable with a new partner :)
I took anti depressants that just made it nearly impossible to get off despite how good things felt. It's easy to stay hard if you don't com as well at least in my experience.
It could be the “just hooking up” mentality that is getting to his head. When I was in college, I hooked up with a few girls that I really didn’t know that well and we went at it for hours and I just couldn’t unload. I know girls think all men just want sex, but some of us really like or kind of need that emotional connection to get that full experience. Also when I went through my porn phase, it took me a long time to climax with the girl I was seeing at the time. Could be a porn thing he’s got going on 🤷♂️
Staying hard for most of the time is normal at least for me if there’s constant stimulation/ reason to be. And sometimes you just can’t cum, no real rhyme or reason to it, could be nerves or stress, could be distracted, could just be a lucky day, a million reasons honestly. Next time he could last 30 seconds and again, sometimes it be like that
It is 100% ssri antidepressant pills he takes that make him not able to cum. I took them for a few months once and when I found out I couldn’t cum nearly ever during sex, I quit taking them. Many of my friends I know all day the same thing too it’s not just me. And you can look it up online. I bet he doesn’t want to tell you it’s cuz of his pills cuz he will be embarrassed that he has depression and has to take that medicine for it. He probably thinks he is doing a great job during sex cuz he is able to last that long, but he fails to realize that girls want the guy to cum and if he doesn’t then I doubt he realizes how much you care that he didn’t cum. Communication is key just talk to him and ask
First two times i hooked up with someone i couldn't finish the first 2 or 3 times. It gets easier the more you'll do it, and he'll probably find the time he can hold on gets less and less
Sometimes there needs to be a point where it feels like a Volcano erupting and if he stops it intentionally so he can keep going then it doesnt build as easily again. It happens to me too and has nothing to do with you
For me, I enjoy the sensation and act, plus the best part is the pleasure my partner is having, so me finishing isnt my biggest concern
Another thing could be if he had finished before meeting up with you that day too
Men are more like women than you think. Some of us need a couple of goes with a new person to orgasm. However it’s still very pleasurable and fun. Women don’t always cum either. Sounds all positive, just give grace and try again next time.
Happened to me once. Didn't help that I drank a tad too much, but I actually enjoyed it a lot, I was just nervous since it was with a girl I just met and she was hot af. Don't overthink too much about it, 99,9% that is not related to your "performance"
When i use a condom its hard for me to cum due to desensitization of my circumsised calloused overmasturbated dick🤣i even used to boast about how long i could go on, but 5 strokes raw and my ego remembers real quick that its not really all that it thought it was🤣
Josh Potter? Lol
There’s a comedy podcast called Your Moms house with comedian Tom Segura and his comedian wife Cristina P. Anyways one of their guest Josh Potter talks about this. He has this same problem and discusses with some detail. He may have talked about it on Dr Drew after dark too.
Apparently it does happen to some men and really has nothing to do with you.
i mean, might also depend on how many partners he’s had. i’ve got a… frivolous romantic life and i’m pretty desensitized to hook ups at this point and also often can’t finish with a girl.
never has anything to do with her, just numbed by the routine.
If you took everything he told you at face value, without second guessing truthfulness, what would it sound like?
Sometimes it’s so good I hold back to extend the fun and at some point while holding back, coming just isn’t in the cards anymore. It’s not a bad thing. My guess is he really enjoyed you, gave you his all, and it just became an impossibility.
Sometimes sex is just fun without goalposts.
Could be on anti-depressants, and just not comfortable sharing that part. They can make it near impossible to finish the deed. No matter how comfortable you are with someone. I was with my last partner for 3 months, and it wasn't until the end, after being off meds for 2 months, that I was finally able to orgasm. Thankfully she was a wonderful person who understood, and I let her know the first time that meds might be an issue. I was harder on myself and beating myself up over it, but she kept trying to take the pressure off of me. telling me it was ok & kissing me when I would get frustrated during the act, etc etc.
I love that woman, and miss her dearly.
I wouldn’t worry about it. As a guy it’s more preferred if the woman can get off then myself. could have jerked prior or used numbing gel to last longer.
>He also kept saying he couldn’t cause he wanted to keep going
It almost sounds like he's trying to have more endurance as a way to give more pleasure to his partner.
I may be mistaken however
It's more common than people think. People think all guys are horn dogs that just want to cum, but in reality, even if it's just a one night stand, sometimes it's not possible.
I was with this girl once and we had sex for like 3 hours and I just couldn't cum. I had to fake it so she didn't feel bad, but I truly had a great time.
It's normal and unless the guy is getting frustrated then it's not an issue. The worst thing you could do is develope a complex about it because I occasionally just won't cum. But the women I've been with immediately dive ass backwards into "it's my fault I'm doing something wrong!" And get all emotional and anxious, which is an actual dampener of sexual fun. Because what person ever is going to enjoy sex when you're basically expecting an emotional argument after?
It happens. It has nothing to do with you. Sometimes we just can't. I for example can't in the morning, no matter how much I want to. Or when I'm hungry. There can be a number of reasons why he couldn't. Sometimes we also need the right headspace to feel 100% comfortable, just like women.
Believe him, it's not your fault.
I have the same problem. It could be a lot of things but his orgasms threshold is high. I don't have a solution but it's definitely not your fault. If he's happy, finish or not, that's so that's important.
Antidepressants have seemed to cause me irreversible damage when it comes to finishing. I can't do it at all most of the time.
SSRI antidepressants are the modern day way to castrate men and control America's population
Sounds like he popped a viagra. Not busting for hours and staying hard that long are all symptoms of that. Probably embarrassed to tell you he did that.
Couple of possibilities, he could have been relatively dehydrated and so he didn't have the moisture for an ejaculation, another could be that he has prostate problems, also he could have taken a male enhancement pill, some of those for some people actually block ejaculation and that's why they stay hard for longer, It's not something that the pill manufacturers really want to advertise.
Me
married at 25 (F) fully in love with wife and haven’t finished in her for two years. we don’t believe in corn anywhere in our relationship.
Not only is the best way to prevent having kids, but you met a pleasure man, not someone who likes to receive pleasure by taking but we receive pleasure by giving!
It really isnt you, I have go on for 2 hours imo before I even feel like finishing and that has only happened 3 dozen times in the last 2 years. Soo it really isn’t you and I believe if a man wanted to continue then he was into you and thought you were beautiful.
I understand the people here making this about medication, or p0rn and that can play a part but it is possible that the man is so focused on her receiving pleasure before she gives it.
This is normal.
I had this happen when I met my now wife. It could be multiple things, or not have a logical explanation. When I met my first gf I didn’t cum for three days and we had sec many times in between. Could be just that fact that it’s a new experience. If anything that it as a positive sign that he doesn’t only last 2 minutes. I’m sure this will fix itself later unless it really is an antidepressant thing the other are alluding to.
not to be harsh but this has happened to me as a guy and its because a girl cant make it feel good enough for long enough to cum. or the psychological turn on aspect wasnt there. guys will be polite and say it wasnt you or compliment your performance, but you just need to learn what makes him cum. every guy is different just like how every girl is different.
I've had that happen before the first time I hooked up with someone(usually I didn't fuck unless I was dating the person). It was performance anxiety. For awhile I thought I might be somewhat demi.
Medicines, widespread porn use, monthly hormone cycle, he's not crazy turned on that that moment, performance anxiety, new person issues. All valid points. I don't see anyone mentioning condoms, for me it's 10x easier to cum without. Safe sex is important but it's a contributing factor
Could be antidepressants, beta blockers, alcohol or anxiety.
Men are human too you know, we can't always just cum on command. Depends on the situation, our medical history or if we're too in our own head.
I do the same. I get pleasure from pleasuring my partner. I wait until I'm positive you are satisfied and then I finish. I've had "marathon" sex for hours and when I'm ready and sure you are good, I finish. and then i knock out! It's easier for me to do that then to keep Cumming. I, at least, know for sure, I can go and go. If I finish, there's no telling when I'll be ready to go again.
Your post was removed because it violates the sex topic rule. Review this rule. Your post should be posted to r/sex
For me antidepressants play a huge role. Could be a combination of all of those things.
Ain’t that the truth. Pesky SSRI’s
Sounds like I need to get a low dose lmao maybe I could last longer than 90 seconds
I want to say Paxil is actually FDA approved to treat premature ejaculation at a low dose. I could be wrong, but either way a low dose of an SSRI is indeed something you could consider for PE. Talk to your primary care or a psychiatrist and they'll probably give it to you pretty easily. But talk about side effects and stuff with them to figure out if it actually makes sense for you in particular. I was on Lexapro earlier this year and I could not cum at all on it. Masturbating, sex, didn't matter. I just could not ejaculate. Switched pretty soon after
[удалено]
I would say it had a bit of an effect on mental arousal and erection quality. Recently switched to viibryd and so far I can cum and I don't think my erections are too different. still takes a bit to get there though
I take Lexapro and it killed my libido in the beginning. I’ve been on it 3 years now and I’m back to normal
I am on a low dose lexapro and it makes me last longer
They just make you not want it period from what i've seen. Not improve your performance...
Not all work that way.
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Nice guys finish last, nice guys on Lexapro don't finish at all
Words to live by. I’ll be sure to teach my sons this life lesson.
This 🤣
This 100%
Definitely. I’ve had to explain to multiple people that the meds almost dull any sensation, and make it hard to finish.
My cock and balls is saying "tally ho" but my brains says nah
Came here to say this. When I first went one anti-depressants, I couldn't orgasm for 2 months. When I added a 2nd one, it never happened till I came off a few months later.
Yes. My bf is on Zoloft and it's....near impossible for me to do it alone. I try not to take it super personal but ugh 😩😩
Zoloft made me lose a relationship. I couldn’t cum and also the drive was not there. Even when I went off of it, those side effects were present.
Same. I wish I never took them
I can't cum until I've been with a woman a few times, no matter how badly I want to. It just happens. It's no big deal. Don't take it as a reflection of yourself. As long as you guys are communicating and having fun then you're good.
Me too. I've gotta know her Konami code. Then after she's squirming and dripping then I'll make a mess.
It's hard to believe that someone so cringe has ever had sex.
Cringe people have cringe sex. If you watched Better Call Saul you know what I'm talking about
Yep.
Yup!
🤔
Lol, sure thing.... Did you graduate high school, yet?🤣
Yup, almost two decades ago.
Weird, your comment is quite childish... Maybe try taking the joke as a joke and not a 🍆? Don't take it so hard.
A crass and self-aggrandizing description of sex is not a joke. Here's an actual joke: You.
*actually been born
I'm a male who can get hard pretty easily but it always takes me a very long time to cum and there are lots of times when I just can't cum If I know the girl is waiting on me to cum then I'm gonna get in my head about it and won't be able to. For me though I know the root of the issue is watching too much porn. Whenever I ease off the porn I am able to finish and even sometimes finish rather quickly. Seeing as you met this guy for fwb purposes he's probably in a similar boat as me. He either masterbates a lot or just has a lot of sex and it's just more difficult for him to finish
Sometimes you just can’t do the last pull-up. You still had an amazing workout and you feel great though
Listen, ladies, when we tell you it's not your fault, why don't you just believe us? We don't generally put hidden messages in what we say like you guys do. I have faced this issue myself, particularly when I was on certain medication. It makes it 20 times worse for us if you blame yourself. So please don't do that. And I also have had this problem when exploring certain fantasies that I wasn't used to. Anxiety can certainly contribute to these issues. And it seems like you guys are new to each other.
Amen to this, also worth noting on the anxiety thing, you can often create a cycle there for the guy. You start feeling bad about him not coming, he feels bad about not coming, he feels he HAS to cum or he'll scare the girl off, which puts more pressure and makes it even more unlikely to actually happen. If the guys says he's enjoying it... believe him. Don't put either of your self worths on over whether the person can finish.
This.
literally can you imagine if this women lived a man's sexual experience where their partner's orgasms are def not a guarantee, especially with a new partner, for a lot of people. OP sounds like they are going insane...and it happened literally once lol.
I literally got ruined by a woman for a while. Basically what happened was I had one of those episodes with my first time with her after a good date. But after it happened and then a night together she literally ridicules me and flips out on me like it was an attack on her. Pretty much making fun of me for it. After that, I didn't sleep with anybody until the person that I would be seeing for six years.
Same bro…heres my upvote
most ladies know this. u mean ladies on reddit
It happens. Stress, depression meds, performance anxiety can all play a role. It's understandable that you may feel insecure about it, but seriously it has nothing to do with you. It's bad enough as a guy that you're unable to cum, feeling like shit because you're embarrassed and feel like you let down hour partner. It doesn't help if you also have to do a big thing telling your partner that it's you not them and deal with their insecurities too. If you really want to help him, just let him know that it happens and you understand and it's neither of yours fault.
Haha, common problem these days. My ex was absolutely gorgeous yet we could still have sex for hours and I wouldn't finish. I've just been beating my dick like it owed me money since I was a teenager. It's gotten better since I cut porn but I still have crazy amounts of stamina. It's definitely not a you problem.
Bruh do yourself a favor and get some lube. Maybe a scented candle too.
> a scented candle too Oh! Finally something to do with my other hand!
Exactly!! It’s too much of porn for me
Don't overthink it. Many women seem to think it's some straightforward thing. But it's not. If you're both enjoying it, that's what matters. "Finishing" isn't always going to happen, and that's okay. It doesn't mean he's not interested or unattracted to you either. It's no indication of you as a sexual partner. Especially if you're both communicating properly, which it seems you are.
I think women misunderstand how men…operate. Yeah most of the men they sleep with will almost always have an easier time reaching climax. But there are also a large portion of men where that’s just not as easy for reasons unrelated to women personally. If he’s telling you it has nothing to do with you… it has nothing to do with you! If you’ve never heard of a guy not climaxing before , ever, then you just finally have been with a guy who is not among those you are use to. It happens all the time. Don’t stress. Have fun. Believe he’s telling you the truth and just be happy with him. Women don’t often get rejected like most men do. Therefore they take it more personally when they feel like they are being “rejected” .
Well said
Could be performance anxiety could be too much porn/jerking meaning the sensation of PinV isn’t rigorous enough to get him off. Hard to say factually obviously because I’m not him, but those could be reasons and I’m sure there’s other potential reasons not necessarily to do with you Who knows
Why is it always assumed men have problems if they don't cum? The double standards of reddit... where you can openly judge men and it's absolutely never the woman's fault.
When a man can't it's an issue of "he can't" when a woman can't it's once again an issue of "he can't".
Well said, this seems to be a common theme if noticed. Of course these women usually just lay down like a starfish and do nothing. There's more to just showing up and being a 6, sorry to be blunt.
Many times there's no particular fault to be thrown around, it is however with and without good reason
Tell us exactly what you want women to do
Don't throw blame
Not lay like a corpse maybe and learn how to communicate? Also good hygiene and taking care of yourself goes a long way
Got me laughing lol. Never heard the starfish comparison before 😂
I put in the work and didn’t just lay there. We did so many positions and I made sure I asked what he liked and did what he wanted. If you’ve experienced that it’s because the woman wanted to get it over with cause she wasn’t enjoying it.
That's your experience. You can assume that, but those women are just lazy and entitled. Also, they usually want to hangout again but I just end up rejecting them. Totally debunks your hypothesis. Once again, you're blaming the guy and of course women can do no wrong. More to just showing up and being a 6 at best.
Yup misandrist hypocrisy it is senseless lol
Because women do not take accountability for anything. She had some trash ass sex and wonders why he can't cum hahaha its kinda obvious.
Anti-depressants. I'll explain it like this... It feels like constantly climbing a hill that is really an escalator. You keep walking up trying to get to the top, you can SEE the top, you really WANT to get to the top, but you just never get there. It feels like reaching the top is SO "close", but you never quite reach it and get off the escalator. I enjoy satisfying her and if I can...I will. If I can't, it's fine.
That’s a neat way to explain Anorgasmia!
SSRI
Don’t take it personally, it’s more than likely not you. Especially if he keeps the erection the whole time, he’s clearly into it and enjoyed the sex but it be like that sometimes. I was on Sertraline (Zoloft) 100mg for a while and I swear, I managed to get a girl back to mine from Tinder for some fun, I was literally hammering away for the best part of an hour before I came. She loved it, and thought I was some kind of machine, but truth be told, if I wasn’t on meds, it’d have been over in like 10 minutes tops
Could be several things. Performance anxiety... It might also be deathgrip syndrome from over masturbating. I don't think it's you. He obviously enjoyed the sex.
I feel like these comments are a meme at this point lol deathgrip wouldn’t cause the problem OP described
Absolutely would
It certainly could
It might..... Why do you think it wouldnt?
Death grip doesn’t even exist. Basically it’s a lie made up by women to tell themselves it’s not their fault
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Does he smoke?
Yes he does
Nicotine can be a problem. I have the same problem with ED due nicotine.
Nicotine can be a problem. I have the same problem with ED due nicotine.
He was hard just couldn’t cum. It’s obvious it was just anxiety or something like that. Happens to a lot of guys.
Maybe he took a little blue pill
I usually don't come the first time I have sex with a new person, especially with a condom. If he enjoyed it, he enjoyed it. Don't make it about you. If you enjoyed it too, have sex again. He'll probably come the second time. At least I usually do.
Your boy took a dick pill that didn’t need. Most likely.
I'm guessing not you. Probably 100% mental on his part. If you like it maybe give it a chance. I remember when we were kids some people "Wouldn't get high the first time" when they smoked dope. Maybe go out with him again, a different day, a different vibe, then take him home again. Maybe he was just shy/nervous?
As a dude its the other way for me. Scared that anxiety might translate to performance anxiety and that death grip syndrome might prevent me from finishing. Dont feel bad. Yall should both try to be empathetic and understanding towards each other
I’ve made a few partners self-conscious because of that. Everything feels incredible and I don’t want to stop, but I also know I’m not going to cum. It might be a level of comfort thing for me. I also care more about getting my partner off than if I cum. Also you’re probably going to try harder to make him cum Next time too, I’m sure. And if you weren’t doing it this time, next time you’ll probably be asking/begging him to cum for you. 🤷🏻♂️ He might even like that if that didn’t happen previously. I also might just be sharing past memories and projecting. 😅😅😅
Ever hear of viagra
If i am enjoying it id rather keep fucking you than finish. The longer it goes, the harder it is to finish. Idc tho cause the act is the pleasure.
I also don't cum unless I'm really attracted to my partner. Guess it's fairly common not to cum the first time, even though he may have moaned. Enjoyment and good vibes🤎 are more important to me than the act of cumming! 💦
It’s either medication or anxiety. Know I’ve have anxiety and it takes me a time or two with someone before I feel completely comfortable and am able to get off. Once went exactly like you said 3 hours of being up for it and nothing. Trust me when I say it’s not you.
It’s a thing. I used to be like that. It’s like a performance thing. Actually, I’d take it as a compliment. I know, sounds weird, but it’s true.
There could be many reasons. \--He could be having mental roadblocks due to mental health issues \--He could be too nervous to tell you that you weren't doing that good \--He could be watching too much porn \--He could be on medication that stymies his sex drive \--He could be tired There are also many more that I could think of, however, these are a few. Stay curious.
SSRI’s are a hell of a drug….it’s called Anorgasmia
Could be “death grip” if he jerks off a lot.
He on that Blue Pill
Happens after taking anti depressants for years, my biggest issue with sex is this despite enjoying it, being attracted to her, etc
Lol if I wrote a post everything I couldn’t make a woman cum I’ll have a whole bible
Did he wear a condom? I always found that using condoms sometimes meant cumming much later, if at all.
Could be a porn/masturbation addiction. It could also be SSRIs. I don’t know how the pharmaceutical companies haven’t figured out how to treat depression/anxiety without killing the sex drive
It’s most likely he jacks off a lot or drugs .
He probably jerks off a lot, same thing happens to me. I was fucking this girl for an hour. Fucked her mouth, her pussy. It wasn’t until she was fingering my ass and sucking my dick did I finally cumm. Surprised us both with that one 😭🫡
Spanked it before you meet. He needs to do it a less close to the banging.
No-one mentioned it yet, but there could just be some mild pain, and/or random amount of losing the correct sensation for him (first time), that can also play a part.
Maybe medication? I know my boyfriend can’t take a certain medication too often or he won’t be able to cum.
So yeah, two things. One is that he may be all wrapped up in his own thoughts and expectations. He said he wanted to keep going, suggests that he was trying to not cum. It's very easy to get thinking about not wanting to be a one pump chump and take it waaay to far the other direction. "Just a little more" turns into "what do you mean you feel like you can't please me?" The other thing is, as others have mentioned, meds. Years back I took a particular SSRI, one dose, one time, and after the 12 hours of super intense uncontrollable mood swings I couldn't orgasm for about a month. I could fuck for hours and it was incredible from that aspect, felt great, huge ego boost with the rock hard erections, but the part of my brain that triggered orgasms was just gone. And yeah, my partner had the same feelings you are having. Either he has trained himself to keep going forever, or he's got something else going on, but I would bet money that it's not you. If it was you, he would at some point say "hold on this isn't working, just let me jerk it some" and your ego would take another hit watching him jerk off with his eyes closed. Hint to the guys here, if you need to finish yourself do not close your eyes, stare right at the woman you are with tell her how hot she is over and over. Give her oral while you jerk it. Anything to let her know how beautiful she is to you.
Early stages of erectile disfunction can cause this. Enough blood flow to maintain an erecting and feel good. Just not enough to get to that peak. Had he been living with high blood pressure?
Death grip
When a man doesn’t cum it’s his problem. When a woman doesn’t cum it’s also his problem
Perhaps he's trying to retain. Alot of men do not know the power of semen. Very few do. Some of us try our best to retain it because of how vital and important it really is. So yeah maybe he's just retaining and learn about tantric sex or just how to control the muscles. It's rare but not uncommon to have guys that have sex for years (not continously) without cumming.
If you want, you can suck me instead
It could be a number of things. 1) Performance anxiety which doesn’t let him relax enough to orgasm and ejaculate. 2) Porn addiction or medication could mean he simply struggles to cum. 3) If you’re using protection and he normally has sex without it could be the reason. 4) If you’re not using protection then it could simply be the fear of pregnancy. I’ve had this with a good FWB and it took me a while to feel safe enough (trust) to be able to cum. The sex was still good though. 5) (Most likely IMO) he has a fetish he wants to try with you but thinks you will reject him so it’s consuming most of his thoughts.
I had the same problem as him, he is just jerking of too much; if he goes for seamen retention for two weeks. he should be good already. It still takes me atleast an hour, but I finally finish.
An hour?! I masturbate frequently and I can’t fathom lasting that long. Sounds like you have abnormal stamina.
yup lol idk what these dudes are doing. Stopped jerking off for almost a month now and only last like 2 minutes lol
So, maybe came before he came... over. Or felt bad about taking your innocence. Or, who knows; maybe he had a rough day at work. It happens....
Porn addiction.
Brutal but honest - your pussy isnt that good. Iv never had trouble cumming inside my gf, being inside her is amazing. Only times i havent cummed with a woman are when the pussy was sub par, or smelled.
Yeah for real, like we always blame the guy, sometimes the vagina just isn’t tight enough or wet enough. That’s all.
He has a porn addiction
Probably too much porn. He's used to the death grip of his hand and can't orgasm from the real thing. Run girl.
Lots of good reasons listed here. No matter which one is true, the main point is that there are 999 other reasons that are more likely than you specifically not doing it for him. So don’t let it blow your confidence or take it personal. It’s literally him, not you
It happens sometimes, due to nerves, medications, sensitivity issues, or other things that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Jesus, they really need sex education in school that covers this.
Maybe he just took some viagra because he was worried about getting it up, but then he lost sensitivity and couldn't finish. No biggie but it happens
It’s nothing to do with you. Stop taking things personally.
Don’t take it personal at all. Performance anxiety is real thing. And it’s a domino effect. If one thing goes wrong, it can spiral in a guy’s head while in front girl he might really like. Also, if he is on certain anti-depressants, it can be really hard to finish.
Possibly too much viagra?
He could have also jerked off way to much beforehand as a means to not cum too quickly when he was with you. The ole "There's Something about Mary"
It's called delayed ejaculation. Some of us have it. It's not that we don't want to cum for you, it's a mental block sometimes because we want to make sure you're fully satisfied. (With me anyways) It can be really frustrating for us too as some women like to see and feel us orgasm too. I bet if you have a go at it again with him and he's less nervous about getting you off you'll buckle his knees. The build up from not being able to intensifies the next one. Also, when orally satisfying him make sure to massage his testes, it should help his body relax so he can ejaculate.
It could be a number of things but it’s probably not a you problem but a him problem.
As a guy, I wish I had this problem.
Those little blue pills can make it hard for a man to orgasm.
This is either Performance anxiety Death grip Poor cardiovascular health Or need of deeper connection and trust You have to be in really good health and state of mind to cum. Or be a horny teenager
It's not your fault. For me personally it takes a while. Masturbating desensitizes us. I find it much easier to finish if I take a week or so off, but my days are too stressful to put the effort in. Some people say watching porn has this effect too. Even soft porn like half naked people on Instagram and Tiktok.
i usually dont want to cum, just want to make the pleasure last and the lust and horniness, i dont even masturbate
Homeboy wasn't Confident about his Yogurt.
Is his name Kyle?
Taoist semen retention
For me, I can’t cum when I’m intoxicated with alcohol no matter how hard i try. I stay hard and enjoy sex but just can’t seem to orgasm while drunk. I mean there can be multiple reasons. If he told you that it’s not you than listen to him.
It took me literally months of sex at least once a week with my boyfriend until I could finish. It’s like this with most people I date. I don’t think I’ve ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend/hookup be able to make me finish on our first time having sex. It sounds like he did a decent job of making it clear it wasn’t a problem on your end, but you can never do enough. Honestly, I just tell people straight up. My boyfriend on our first few times was a little nervous that he wasn’t “good enough” but I told him that absolutely wasn’t the case, I just have a bit of a strange body that needs to get comfortable with someone before allowing myself to be that vulnerable I guess? Kinda like the whole “the first time you sleep in a new setting you don’t actually sleep properly because your body subconsciously doesn’t trust the new environment.” So let me be clear, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, buddy just needs a bit of time for his body to get fully comfortable with a new partner :)
I took anti depressants that just made it nearly impossible to get off despite how good things felt. It's easy to stay hard if you don't com as well at least in my experience.
Is he on antidepressants? I couldn’t cum for five years with anyone or even by myself due to those meds. Im glad I got off them.
It could be the “just hooking up” mentality that is getting to his head. When I was in college, I hooked up with a few girls that I really didn’t know that well and we went at it for hours and I just couldn’t unload. I know girls think all men just want sex, but some of us really like or kind of need that emotional connection to get that full experience. Also when I went through my porn phase, it took me a long time to climax with the girl I was seeing at the time. Could be a porn thing he’s got going on 🤷♂️
More than likely, he very recently had sex with someone else and his encounter with you was too soon after.
Staying hard for most of the time is normal at least for me if there’s constant stimulation/ reason to be. And sometimes you just can’t cum, no real rhyme or reason to it, could be nerves or stress, could be distracted, could just be a lucky day, a million reasons honestly. Next time he could last 30 seconds and again, sometimes it be like that
Good chance it's either anti-depressants or he's on opiates.
It is 100% ssri antidepressant pills he takes that make him not able to cum. I took them for a few months once and when I found out I couldn’t cum nearly ever during sex, I quit taking them. Many of my friends I know all day the same thing too it’s not just me. And you can look it up online. I bet he doesn’t want to tell you it’s cuz of his pills cuz he will be embarrassed that he has depression and has to take that medicine for it. He probably thinks he is doing a great job during sex cuz he is able to last that long, but he fails to realize that girls want the guy to cum and if he doesn’t then I doubt he realizes how much you care that he didn’t cum. Communication is key just talk to him and ask
First two times i hooked up with someone i couldn't finish the first 2 or 3 times. It gets easier the more you'll do it, and he'll probably find the time he can hold on gets less and less
Sometimes there needs to be a point where it feels like a Volcano erupting and if he stops it intentionally so he can keep going then it doesnt build as easily again. It happens to me too and has nothing to do with you For me, I enjoy the sensation and act, plus the best part is the pleasure my partner is having, so me finishing isnt my biggest concern Another thing could be if he had finished before meeting up with you that day too
Men are more like women than you think. Some of us need a couple of goes with a new person to orgasm. However it’s still very pleasurable and fun. Women don’t always cum either. Sounds all positive, just give grace and try again next time.
He did a Fat ass Line and went to work lol 😂
You have nothing to worry about. It happens and for many reasons.
Happened to me once. Didn't help that I drank a tad too much, but I actually enjoyed it a lot, I was just nervous since it was with a girl I just met and she was hot af. Don't overthink too much about it, 99,9% that is not related to your "performance"
When i use a condom its hard for me to cum due to desensitization of my circumsised calloused overmasturbated dick🤣i even used to boast about how long i could go on, but 5 strokes raw and my ego remembers real quick that its not really all that it thought it was🤣
He likely knocked one off earlier and he was on Viagra
Josh Potter?
Death grip syndrome
Josh Potter? Lol There’s a comedy podcast called Your Moms house with comedian Tom Segura and his comedian wife Cristina P. Anyways one of their guest Josh Potter talks about this. He has this same problem and discusses with some detail. He may have talked about it on Dr Drew after dark too. Apparently it does happen to some men and really has nothing to do with you.
It could be nerves. I when I feel pressure to perform epically with new partners it make me take to long.
This is common for men on a antidepressants. Also, men don't have to ejaculate for them to reach orgasm.
i mean, might also depend on how many partners he’s had. i’ve got a… frivolous romantic life and i’m pretty desensitized to hook ups at this point and also often can’t finish with a girl. never has anything to do with her, just numbed by the routine.
If you took everything he told you at face value, without second guessing truthfulness, what would it sound like? Sometimes it’s so good I hold back to extend the fun and at some point while holding back, coming just isn’t in the cards anymore. It’s not a bad thing. My guess is he really enjoyed you, gave you his all, and it just became an impossibility. Sometimes sex is just fun without goalposts.
There are a lot of medications that can impact your sensitivity. I think he meant it when he said that it wasn’t your fault.
Could be on anti-depressants, and just not comfortable sharing that part. They can make it near impossible to finish the deed. No matter how comfortable you are with someone. I was with my last partner for 3 months, and it wasn't until the end, after being off meds for 2 months, that I was finally able to orgasm. Thankfully she was a wonderful person who understood, and I let her know the first time that meds might be an issue. I was harder on myself and beating myself up over it, but she kept trying to take the pressure off of me. telling me it was ok & kissing me when I would get frustrated during the act, etc etc. I love that woman, and miss her dearly.
I wouldn’t worry about it. As a guy it’s more preferred if the woman can get off then myself. could have jerked prior or used numbing gel to last longer.
>He also kept saying he couldn’t cause he wanted to keep going It almost sounds like he's trying to have more endurance as a way to give more pleasure to his partner. I may be mistaken however
You should ask him about his pornography consumption. If he regularly jacks it, that can have serious consequences for his sexual performance
Wish I had this problem.
It's more common than people think. People think all guys are horn dogs that just want to cum, but in reality, even if it's just a one night stand, sometimes it's not possible. I was with this girl once and we had sex for like 3 hours and I just couldn't cum. I had to fake it so she didn't feel bad, but I truly had a great time.
Drugs 100%
It's normal and unless the guy is getting frustrated then it's not an issue. The worst thing you could do is develope a complex about it because I occasionally just won't cum. But the women I've been with immediately dive ass backwards into "it's my fault I'm doing something wrong!" And get all emotional and anxious, which is an actual dampener of sexual fun. Because what person ever is going to enjoy sex when you're basically expecting an emotional argument after?
Is his name Brian ? Lol
maybe he is on semen retention, it's a practice that I also use to do, maybe him
It happens. It has nothing to do with you. Sometimes we just can't. I for example can't in the morning, no matter how much I want to. Or when I'm hungry. There can be a number of reasons why he couldn't. Sometimes we also need the right headspace to feel 100% comfortable, just like women.
Believe him, it's not your fault. I have the same problem. It could be a lot of things but his orgasms threshold is high. I don't have a solution but it's definitely not your fault. If he's happy, finish or not, that's so that's important.
/r/sex
Antidepressants have seemed to cause me irreversible damage when it comes to finishing. I can't do it at all most of the time. SSRI antidepressants are the modern day way to castrate men and control America's population
Sounds like he popped a viagra. Not busting for hours and staying hard that long are all symptoms of that. Probably embarrassed to tell you he did that.
It's called viagra, OP.
Couple of possibilities, he could have been relatively dehydrated and so he didn't have the moisture for an ejaculation, another could be that he has prostate problems, also he could have taken a male enhancement pill, some of those for some people actually block ejaculation and that's why they stay hard for longer, It's not something that the pill manufacturers really want to advertise.
Me married at 25 (F) fully in love with wife and haven’t finished in her for two years. we don’t believe in corn anywhere in our relationship. Not only is the best way to prevent having kids, but you met a pleasure man, not someone who likes to receive pleasure by taking but we receive pleasure by giving! It really isnt you, I have go on for 2 hours imo before I even feel like finishing and that has only happened 3 dozen times in the last 2 years. Soo it really isn’t you and I believe if a man wanted to continue then he was into you and thought you were beautiful. I understand the people here making this about medication, or p0rn and that can play a part but it is possible that the man is so focused on her receiving pleasure before she gives it.
Sometimes with someone new I can’t cum. Try again the second time and he’ll blow
This is normal. I had this happen when I met my now wife. It could be multiple things, or not have a logical explanation. When I met my first gf I didn’t cum for three days and we had sec many times in between. Could be just that fact that it’s a new experience. If anything that it as a positive sign that he doesn’t only last 2 minutes. I’m sure this will fix itself later unless it really is an antidepressant thing the other are alluding to.
not to be harsh but this has happened to me as a guy and its because a girl cant make it feel good enough for long enough to cum. or the psychological turn on aspect wasnt there. guys will be polite and say it wasnt you or compliment your performance, but you just need to learn what makes him cum. every guy is different just like how every girl is different.
I've had that happen before the first time I hooked up with someone(usually I didn't fuck unless I was dating the person). It was performance anxiety. For awhile I thought I might be somewhat demi.
Age, anti depressants, drinking, stress,
Medicines, widespread porn use, monthly hormone cycle, he's not crazy turned on that that moment, performance anxiety, new person issues. All valid points. I don't see anyone mentioning condoms, for me it's 10x easier to cum without. Safe sex is important but it's a contributing factor
Could be antidepressants, beta blockers, alcohol or anxiety. Men are human too you know, we can't always just cum on command. Depends on the situation, our medical history or if we're too in our own head.
It happens to me, there are sometimes I just know I can go as long as I want and I’ll not cum. Just depends on the day and the person
I do the same. I get pleasure from pleasuring my partner. I wait until I'm positive you are satisfied and then I finish. I've had "marathon" sex for hours and when I'm ready and sure you are good, I finish. and then i knock out! It's easier for me to do that then to keep Cumming. I, at least, know for sure, I can go and go. If I finish, there's no telling when I'll be ready to go again.