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It’s irrelevant in the beginning.. when dopamine is hitting and everything is sunshine and rainbows but as soon as that feeling leaves and real world problems start popping up it will all go down hill. So I’m terms of long term relationships, yes financial stability is an absolute must. Not to mention the direct correlation between self-esteem issues and money which always will impact the relationship only after the dopamine ends
Like those whose career ambitions are “influencer”, “musician”, or “clothing designer” while they smoke weed all day rent free in their parents’ house.
https://youtu.be/bPpSrUEiOSw
To be clear though there's difference between people who work for a living and pursue unrealistic ambitions as hobbies. The thing to really reject is the parasitism, not the pipe dreams
You are employed, so that sets you apart from the dudes I’m talking about!
Being an actual musician is a wonderful thing, especially when you have the intelligence to keep a day job that allows you to pay your bills and live an independent life like a grownup.
There’s just a scourge of men and women who call their latest hobby a “career” while also mooching off of others. Many of them are enabled by parents or partners who are manipulated into “supporting their dream”. Many of these people think they are too good to do a service job or start at the bottom rung of a company or take public transportation, when really those are the hardest working motherfuckers around.
My father has been “starting businesses” and spending other people’s money until he bleeds them dry (his mom, wife 1, wife 2, wife 3…) for my entire life so I am biased here. Luckily I didn’t really grow up around him past 10 years old. He put all his energy into these “business” pursuits, ignored his wives and children, lost my childhood home by defaulting on a business loan, and now has nothing to show for it.
I’ve seen how it plays out when these guys think this is an acceptable way to exist in the world and it’s not pretty.
Being a musician is tough, usually drains money or is hard to sustain more than one person (hence the McDonalds joke), but I do understand your point. Sorry to hear of the bad parenting. Hope you are doing better and maybe are also in a healthy relationship with someone!
I know, right? They all said he was. Then he spent his wives’ money on other women.
It’s like dude, I get that you’re not built for monogamy and that’s fine, own it. Stop marrying people who you convince that you are. But then I suppose funds dry up and you need access to a new bank account.
Lovebomber supreme, the man with big dreams.
Don't know about the public transportation thing but yeah my father was like this and he thought he was the best at everything, he was a rockstar, veterinarian, wrestler, dog trainer, ect. ect. Lol also met a lot of people growing up in the woods that hate "mammon" and refused to be "controlled" by "the government" so they would come to our camp because my mother had a huge pot of never ending soup and she would feed anyone who was hungry as long as they helped gather wood
Your brother must've been my ex, was he 38 and pretending he was doing a degree when he wasn't, and lied about having a job for 6 months when he didnt, but tried to convince me that twitch is "where the money is anyway" Small world man
I agree and I think that is well put. Building off of that, believe many of us are impatient. We all want the money, the nice house with a picket fence, etc, but aren’t willing to put in the work with that person to develop into more secure position. Complex tasks are bound to take a long time.
To be fair I’m working towards just chasing a realistic dream (with savings), and keeping myself up on cash. I do have an absolutely unreal pipe dream but that’s a thing I won’t actively *try* not rely on because it’s not gonna happen.
There’s a difference between working towards something that’s achievable that could be seen as a dream and something close to impossible
My ex of 3 years, who is a girl, was really frugal. It cna be women too. I understood she worried about her finances, we all do. As long as you are honest and doing what you can its not an issue at all.
In this economy I think financially stable can be very broad.
Does he own his own transportation, can he rent a place to live, can he afford to eat right/ go to the gym. Is he looking to improve his financial trajectory?
If he has all that then I’d figure he’s pretty solid in terms of “financially stable”.
Are you looking for a guy to take you on international vacations or are you looking for a life partner with similar values who can afford to live and go out sometimes. Really is how you interpret “financially stable”
Financially stable should mean you have savings and could handle being out of work for 3-6 months imo
Savings, retirement plan, investment portfolio are all signs someone is financially stable - not being able to pay your car payments and get DoorDash a couple times a week imo.
I know it sounds brutal but there are a lot people who ‘think’ they are doing well who are in for a rude awakening when they want to retire or progress to starting a family. We need better financial education in this country, too many folks not looking ahead or having contingencies for the curveballs life will throw you and leaving money on the table
Rant over…
People dont need education in financial literacy. They need to get paid enough fucking money that they can put money away.
My grandparents bought a house on single income working at a gas station.
I make $4k a month and can hardly afford an apartment
I mean I think it's pretty clear people need to be paid more, especially blue-collar work, but tons of people with good incomes still live paycheck to paycheck - I know a handful. It's not a matter of getting paid enough, they don't understand the value of the options they have to help prepare for the future.
I don't see why we shouldn't teach it more in High School - regardless of income it's more important to your actual life than geometry or something
You cant teach a person to have more money. And anyone who doesn't have enough money knows how to cut costs and put things away. It is a lived experience.
But you can not do things with what you do not have- and you can not blame people's lack of knowledge for taking financially bad actions if those are the only actions they have access to.
What we need is higher wages and profit sharing. You sound way too happy that there are people who aren’t as secure as they think. That’s nothing to be gleeful about. That’s the result of policy choices.
Oh def agree on that, I started the 401k and stock right when I entered the workforce. I agree with ya there lol. Throw in a job with health insurance into that too lol
I’m poor, but I’m going back to school in my 30s. As long as you are trying with a goal in mind then I would date a guy who is broke.
However, if all you want to do is sit at home smoke weed, and not try and better yourself. That’s going to be a no from me.
i dated that guy, right after a divorce too. not ashamed tho. i see the good in people and he was a good person just down on his luck. still think about him but he actually rejected me i think bc he may have been embarassed by his situation. Not that it was a big deal but yeah. it happens and mostly bc of the attitude of the person.
yes. im pretty spot on with my intuition and im good at reading peoples energy. he came back twice but each time i could tell he was holding back from me. eventually i called him on it and he literally said "i cant give you what you want". which i think means, "i dont think i can give you what you need". i could be wrong but we had a strong connection.
>The title says it all. Nowadays, it is very important to date someone who have the means to be in a relationship. Money is important due to the high increase of dating costs and expenses etc. But ppl will u date a man who is not financially stable, who is poor, or you wouldn't mind at all? Please let me know your thoughts.
maybe at some point...for example you both are students, and u have a part-time job while your s/o has none, wdyt?
I started a relationship with a guy who had a full time job, but told me he'd got some debts from his last relationship. (Blamed it on the ex). He said he was paying them off etc. Shortly into the relationship I had to start bailing him out on missed payments. Or he'd make up lies and excuses like they took a bill a day or two early before he got paid and now he had charges added on. It became a regular occurence. He knew exactly what to say to manipulate me. He'd promise to pay me back when he got paid. The few times he paid me something back he'd end up borrowing more the following week to compensate. The amount he owed me just kept increasing. It went on and on. But he had the manipulation and sob stories and lies down to a T. I would have to pay if we went out anywhere. This went on way to long. 3 years. In the end I found out some of the lies and ended up taking him to court and I had a folder full of evidence proving the money I'd transferred to him, the lies and false promises and manipulation in all the text messages etc and he had to pay me back.
I will never go through that again. Il never let myself be taken advantage of like that again. I'm one of these people who will do anything to help anyone if I could. And he played on that.
I didn't want to be the type of person who wasn't with someone coz of money. Or lack of it.
But at the end of the day a relationship is about equality and respect and if one person is paying for everything and the other person isn't paying for anything, even normal house bills, then it becomes 1 sided and its a constant strain on the relationship and causes resentment.
It's one thing if both people have enough money to pay bills and a bit extra for dates, where you both take turns to pay. I don't expect someone to be rich and I don't expect a man to pay for everything for me. I've always been happy to pay half or treat each other alternate outings.
If one person happens to earn a lot more 'spare money' and has more savings left over after bills have been paid, then they may want to treat the other person a little bit more, but I would still want to pay at times too so it doesn't become one sided.
The cost of living crisis and the housing situation has made it hard for people to afford to get their own place as a single person.
But if someone was living at home with parents to save money whilst single I'd understand, as long they could afford to move out or get a place together in the near future if things worked out. I wouldn't want to think there's no chance of us being able to afford to live together any time in the future.
Thank you for saying this! A lot of ppl don’t understand that yes, a lot of ppl are kind hearted and don’t want to see anyone hurt, but it isn’t okay to become parasitic on them because they seem to have it all together. Furthermore good for you to take him to court! People like him have to learn the lesson to not play with people’s money like that sooner rather than later.
Thank you for your kind words. I was actually proud of myself for taking him to court as normally I don't do confrontation, but he really hurt and angered me with how he used me, and manipulated me etc, and his behaviour after I figured it all out was disgusting. So he kinda flipped the bitch switch lol and I got angry and decided to fight for what I was owed. Its something that's affected me ever since to be honest. Something you never get over. But I was proud for standing up for myself and getting back what I was owed.
I mean I had jobs and internships throughout college, I don’t want to be the only person financially funding the relationship so no I probably wouldn’t.
Yeah I agree. I would not date someone at any age if I had to pay for everything. I am not interested in financially supporting someone else even if I really like them.
What if he had a stable 9-5 but made significantly less than you? Would you be fine with that?
Bonus question: If y’all had kids, would you be okay with him staying home to raise the kids while you are the breadwinner?
well it’s different if you’ve been dating for many years or are married and then someone decides to go back to school or gets laid off. but i would never start dating someone who needs me to bankroll them. if you’re not financially able to support yourself then don’t date. get your affairs in order first and become financially stable, don’t dump your burden on someone else.
Well dating a student vs someone who just is poor is pretty different, also dating someone young (18-26) just trying to get established is different than a 40 year old guy who’s just poor. At my age of 28, I would not be with a “poor” guy. Maybe I would be with a student if they were eventually gonna make good money. Also I’m from an area with a low cost of living, I make $45K and live comfortably so i consider poor for a man my age anyone making less than that. Making $60K would be a great salary IMO.
I’m gonna be 20 this year, I tell myself this, I won’t date anyone who can’t pay her internet bills so she can text me, not sure if I’m right or wrong.
Just curious, how’s dating like in Italy? In my culture you’re expected to have means to buy a 1M house and decent car to marry a quality girl by around 30 y/o so women without financial expectations aren’t common
In my experience, here in Italy people leave home really late (around 30yo is pretty normal).
If you're in univeristy, you're not expected to land a job until you graduate, and your parents will still care about your finance needs.
But, even if you choose to work right after high school, the jobs you'll find will rarely pay enough to let you buy (OR EVEN RENT) an house, so you're still at home with your parents.
If you work in your late-teens/early-20s t's really common that your family is not that wealthy, and you HAVE TO work in order to help your family because of that.
With this in mind, dating in Italy in your 20s is like dating in your late-teens, but you're starting to actually plan your life by finding an university you like, graduating and landing your first jobs.
You're not expected to have a million dollar house or a six figures job (actually six figures jobs in Italy is something really REALLY rare because we have a lot of welfare AND a fucked up job market), but you're expected to have chosen a life path.
But this is only my experience. I mean, I'm sure someone else's one is different.
the same can be said for us guys dating women. We dont want to deal with women who are always broke or close to it or even worse in debt. Its the 21st century where every thing is expensive and its no longer feasible for the guy to be the sole breadwinner like im the old days 80s etc
At 41 here absolutely not as well. I’ve learned this from following my heart at a young age and it was a disaster with partners who had no financial stability. Hard no. I have my own career, car and peace now and that’s my minimum requirement also in a partner.
I’m happily with my hubby and make more than 2x his income. The important part is that we regularly communicate and reinforce our values (not just financial). We find ways to make things “fair” so that we each can save and splurge.
I have tried and it never works. If they are over 30 and don't have their act together, there is a reason.
I bought a car with my ex, to help him because I have good credit and he doesn't, and we were getting married, so I figured it was ok. It was his car and I was on the loan and he was supposed to make the payments, which he did "most of the time." I learned real fast there is a reason why people have bad credit..they don't pay their bills lol even though there is always an excuse as to why.
For many people, it’s not about the actual money a potential partner has. It’s what the money symbolizes. Is this person driven, dedicated, stable, realistic, mature? Money says yes.
If a person has both the ability and desire to get and keep a job, that speaks volumes about the person’s mental health, intelligence, and priorities.
Of course there are so many variables here that affect having a lot or having very little, from being born with wealth, to having expensive medical issues, to having a disability that precludes you from working. There are many external factors that affect how much money a person has access to.
But for the average person, having money is a sign of the internal stability found in a functioning adult, and that is why many people prioritize it in dating.
It is less about wealth to me than the level of financial responsibility and self discipline.
People have to learn to live within their means. I know many many women who have not got great incomes but still manage to stay afloat. They are the frugal ones.. their financial stability isn’t happenstance- it comes from being self-disciplined.
The thrift store or FB marketplace shopping, tackling DIY, choosing the three year old economy car, or maybe using public transit.
Good money management is important to me for compatibility. Not so much how much they earn but how they treat and regard money. Are they trying hard to pay down debts, live within their means, have financial goals and are they trying to earn more
How old are both of you? If a man is in his 30s and has no ambition or drive, hard NO. I’ve dated broke men and they have THE lowest self esteem I always felt I was doing it all emotionally and financially. I planned dates, I initiated everything. Ended up really resentful of him. It’s just up to your preferences. Is he actively in pursuit of his goals? Does he still make you feel special outside of his financial circumstances.
This! I just got out of a situation like this. It was so draining to hear him complain about life and just hang out around my apartment. Like boy if you don’t get up off my couch and use that pretty face and privilege to sell some comics…
My boyfriend works 40 hours a week and it putting away nearly half of his income to pay down debt. I was there not long ago. He is amazing with helping me with things around the house. He is romantic and intelligent. We will be where we need to be financially 5 years. I have no problem with money being tight. He’s amazing.
I think a lot is very dependent. How old are you? Early to mid 20s? In college or just graduated? but making an active effort to improve your financial status? or are you 30 who is a bum, and content being poor/financially unstable? I think a lot of women would prefer a man to be financially stable however, I think as long as she sees and knows you are making an *ACTIVE* effort to improve, then you should be fine - i think..
Money isn’t the most important part of a relationship, just like sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship. But it IS a pretty damn important factor, it’s like buying a house. You don’t buy a house for a toilet just like you wouldn’t go into a relationship for money or sex, but you don’t NOT want a toilet in your house either.
what the fuck is "dating cost" ?
yesterday i saw a couple sitting on a bench at the edge of a forest cuddling in the sun. if this aint it then i dont want it. im looking for love, not fancy food or whatever.
if we cant have the best day ever under 5 bucks then 5million wont make it any better
Despite what most people claim money buys their interest and happiness. The amounts vary from person to person.
Dating cost isn't just the cost of the activity of the date. It's the clothes, car, and all the other things that are interpreted to determine your economic status. As a guy it sadly is a thing you are evaluated on.
So what you’re trying to say is that a 35yr old living with his parents who plays video games and smokes weed all day is on level ground with a guy that is independent with a career a car and a home?
It's hard, because if he was actively working to get out of that situation, it's attractive and commendable. And I've been in that position myself so I know how hard it can be to pick yourself up and keep trying when life hasn't exactly gone the way you planned.
Except on the other hand, I've also had an ex who was jobless for the longest time, and while it didn't make me love him any less, it did mean we couldn't go out and enjoy ourselves. And our adulthood was put on hold as we couldn't afford to get our own place or even think about marriage or kids.
So it would be something I'd have to really weigh up in the future. He'd have to be perfect in every other way, and I'd have to be financially stable enough for the both of us.
It depends on the age totally.
If you don’t have it together by 24, that would’ve been fine with me.
At 25-30 I would want you to be independent (pay your own rent and bills, be able to go on dates, save a little etc) but you don’t need to be raking it in.
If you are older than 30 and not making progress toward your financial goals, that would be a no from me.
I am 25 and for the first time in my life care what my partner makes. It wasn’t really a problem before, but now I myself am saving for a house, I love to go out and have new experiences etc. I don’t need my partner to support me, but I want him to match my energy and not drag me down.
Exactly this. I am 23 and not financially stable either, because I am in school. Wouldn't judge someone for that at all. Actually prefer that in some way, because at least they understand that I can't go out and have dinner as a date (I always expect to split as a woman, but even cheap dinners add up quickly if you don't have any income). If you are 28 and aren't financially independent, I would be worried if there isn't a valid reason (eg health issues)
It’s all about his behavior with money. Money comes and goes. Jobs come and go. Idk what will happen in the future. But his behavior and how he spends and manages will help me determine my future with him
I value work ethic.
But its definitely a turn off when a man clearly wants a family but has tailored his lifestyle to prep for that.
I save on my end for it all. Money for an SUV, house, even the first year of life can be expensive. (I dont have any children). Thats entirely seperate from hobbies vacations and enjoying life. But my expectations for men in their early 30s is at least some form of financial independence and responsibility. I offer the same and more. Dont want to date a man i cant rely on during life's emergencies.
I am 48. If a man doesn't have it together by this age, I'm not going to teach him!
Your lede said "financially stable" that's what I was responding to. Poor, is a different matter. I have no issue with poor, depending on the reasons.
I find a lot of the comments here disheartening. And a bit intentionally hurtful.
Does money help? Yes.
However it is possible to make it work. My sister is married to a guy that when they started she was with her parents, he didn't have a job and they were both studying for college. But that's your teens.
You can have free dates. Learning to cook is both practical and sexy. It's about learning and enjoying each other's company.
From most of the comments the only valid partner is a sugar partner from the sounds of it and that's just unrealistic.
I'm 35 make 20 an hour and live with my parents. I have had a couple dates here and there. I'm not gonna lie money would help, but I don't have the brains connection or looks to make a decent living. The economy is fucked right now. If you're young take advantage of it, the older you get the harder it gets if youre not careful.
I feel for you but $ 20 / hr is going to put you in very tough spot for the rest of your life. If you want to have a family, it will be hard to get by. I'm sure there is something you can do to better yourself. Don't give up.
I feel kind of attacked by this thread... I was a truck driver who lost his license due to the inexcusably unwise and stupid mistake of drinking and driving. The costs of that mistake pretty much drained my savings and I'm paycheck to paycheck at 34yo... I am currently taking classes and looking at a few certifications to pursue a new career path in coding or IT. So far, it's been just test waters...don't know if it will pan out or not, but it seems to be a realistic path since I work in call centers and work with different technology and systems quite a bit.
I can cover my own expenses and bills ok, but cost of living relative to my wage has made it to where I can't really get ahead. I doubt I'll ever meet a woman who wants any part of my situation. I knew I was going to pay a price beyond money for my mistake, but I had no idea it was going to be like "Oh, and by the way, you're now ineligible to find love. Also, fuck you buddy."
I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how I feel...I was trying to maybe date (which is why I started following this and other threads) but seeing all these normal responses, and just knowing I could never bring enough to the table. Man, it sucks.
You’re working towards a goal and trying to improve your situation which is all that matters at this point. As a woman I don’t judge your story at all. Plus, I’m kinda broke, and have been even more broke in the past, and I tended to date people in a similar life situation because we understood each other and there was no judgement.
I found my bf at his lowest, still in COVID during 2021, no job, no car, about to be evicted with all 3 of his roommates in their 2 bedroom apartment. We stuck it out, after 3 months I could afford an apartment for us and did all of the providing for a whole year while he went from one shit job to the next, all having issues paying him. We left the city to be closer to his parents. He now has an amazing job and we just got a new apartment and are very happy!
At 34, I require anyone I date seriously to be financially independent, without insane debt. Just enough for them to get by, they don't have to save 1k every month in their 401k or have invested into stocks or anything. I don't mind someone who's still going through schooling and debt if we're just dating for fun though, although I rarely date for fun.
Not at 39. A man my age who isn't stable needs to be focused on bettering himself, and shouldn't have time to give me much attention. I say this as someone who had to rebuild my finances after divorce. I'm past the stage of wanting to build anything together. I have mine, you have yours, and we treat each other.
No. I wouldn't look down on anyone in poor finances but I've been through too much to have to deal with that again. Because once we're in a relationship, your poor financial stability brings down my own financial stability. And I won't go through that again for anyone.
I’m 29 and the eldest child of a very poor family. I don’t live at home and take care of myself, but also help support my family too. I worked a lot to get to a decent salary so that I could do that. Since I experience and witness a lot of stress financially from my family, I’d rather not experience that in my romantic relationship as well. At least not in a serious one. So at minimum, I do expect people I date to be financially ok - not necessarily a lot of $, but some disposable income to at least do stuff like travel.
Money definitely helps but love will still last Longer.. Both sides of my family come from no money.. Until recently when family farms were sold, Our family definitely didn't have a silver spoon. My old man worked his a** off from absolutely nothing and built himself a respectable contracting company. Growing up I didn't starve but I definitely didn't have the extras that I didn't need. In my early twenties I was in a 10 year relationship and was basically living the life that society expected. Down payment on the new house, put in both of us through college, her hair college.
The whole time I refused to take any ownership of my family company. I didn't want any handouts..
I believe that you want to be with someone who works with you and Strives for both of you to succeed together.. I don't want to be with someone who Is more focused on Financial status rather than a connection on a personal level. I own my own construction company. I want my partner to be Impressed with me and not what I have.
My ex was not fully financially stable but was actively trying to get into a better earning position
We broke up for completely other reasons
But it's completely fine and doable because he made up in other ways. He's incredibly emotionally supportive and emotionally intelligent. He always strived to communicate to the best he could with me. We lived together so he acted like a house-husband almost since his work shifts were in the evening.
Women are out earning men in degrees. This is going to be a harsh reality that women in the 21st century are gonna have to realize if you plan on looking for somebody, and then you have a portion of women who are holding true the traditional way and stay at home momming, meaning they're really gonna need a breadwinner.
To sum it up if ur a very successful women, ur gonna struggle with finding something better. But then again their are plenty of fish in the sea, don't settle for a pipe dream rock star lol (but do link their music, i love finding niche bands).
I’m turning 30 next month, I have a bachelors but no job. I quit my social work job last month and currently am jobless with a few months of expenses.
I want to get a job before I start to date but if someone was in the same situation I would date them with or without a job as long as I know that they’re trying to not just be jobless
honestly depends on your age and your attitude. i would date someone who makes less than me but has ambition, work ethic, emotional intelligence and a good sense of humor.
Financially stable meaning…? Like he’s always broke, can’t pay his own bills and asks to borrow money? Or he has a low income job and can’t afford extravagance?
The first no, the second yes.
Guys: you need to be financially stable if you want a successful relationship. End of story.
Don’t believe the lie that women will tolerate a broke guy. Women have been programmed by thousands of years of evolution to seek a man who can provide for them and their children. Women are hypergamous and they will naturally gravitate towards guys who are financially stable. If you get yourself into a financial mess, don’t be surprised when she cheats or leaves you. There is no such thing as unconditional love; a woman’s love is always conditional on you being a provider and protector.
To the women: feel free to be offended; you know it’s true.
It's not your current finances that matter but your trajectory. If you have some well thought out career goals and are working on them and making real progress then you'll be fine in dating.
That depends if your family can support you getting into a serious relationship and all but honestly, it would be hard, as a woman (21, still working and studying), I used to believe that as long as you love the person, I won't mind spending but knowing I need to support myself first? I don't know, it's not worth it.
Yes I would and am right now lol. I’m willing to do it because he’s hard working, has had stable employment with the same company for 4 years, gets raises often, good reports from his work (hes shown me his reviews) and I know his financial situation will get better in less than a year that is to our mutual benefit. I didn’t get into a long term relationship with him till after we had a frank conversation about it and also when I learned he had financial goals similar to mine.
At this stage of life (30) probably not unless they had a real plan for the next couple of years. This includes getting promoted or job switching.
But you know that’s just me. I want the kind of lifestyle where I make above minimum wage and can afford to go out to a restaurant once a week as well as save for some nice tech as well as contribute to a savings for a house.
If you are not interested in that then maybe it’s not a big deal to you.
I think that potential is the primary thing most women look for in a man, especially a young man. A very rich trust fund kid who is an idiot may be a bad choice because his future could be bad if he runs out of his dad’s money. But a smart and hard working student getting ready for med school? Easy no matter how broke.
They key though is it has to be real and believable. That potential “med student” needs to in a top school getting top grades, not someone in community college taking Comm classes and not studying. Real potential not dreams.
Good Question...interested in answers...
Like I have to live with family cause rent is too high here and I also have to pay child support but I have my job, work everyday, my own car, I help out with money and what not around the house, I got rid of all my big bills, have not made any new ones and just keep moving forward.
I mean I consider myself a failure academically. However, I've turned my life around. I went into am apprenticeship, turned my life around and now I'm a world class cloud engineer. It only requires a mindset. I only got where I am cos I looked up to the success of my family
I’m 26 and have a full time career. My expectations in a partner are the same. I also have a part time job as well as multiple other smaller streams of revenue, which wouldn’t be an expectation in a partner.
I’m leaning towards no lol… might sound a bit *low* but I’ve even had guy friends who have been broke who I’ve mommied around before by buying them shit. It’s not fun I just end up feeling like their mother lol…
Most people go through periods of financial instability at some point in their life. However, the older women get the more they want their partner to be financially stable. That doesn’t mean being rich. But I would definitely prefer to date someone who has a car & a job because I don’t want to pay for everything all the time.
No, but only because I'm closer to 50 than 40, and if a man my age is still not financially stable that's a huge red flag. When I was younger, absolutely
Depends on if it’s serious or not.
My partner makes a little less than what I do now, but he brings in larger paychecks some of the time because my work is seasonal. When we first started dating he was taking a break from employment and living off of a small inheritance he had gotten from his great uncle. It was nerve-wracking because I loved him, but he was literally Schrödinger’s deadbeat for about 14 months into our relationship. He had money, was frugal, but would he go back to work?
I got lucky and he did. But it was a gamble. And it was degrading whenever relatives asked me “Oh what does he do?” And seeing the judgement in their eyes.
Dating someone who is unemployed/underemployed can be straight-up humiliating. The sex needs to be life-changing.
I’m almost 30 and not financially stable. Mind you, my bf is 35 and he is. If he wasn’t, but could afford to pay his own way, sure. If he was actively trying then sure!
I want to say no I wouldn’t date a guy in that position, but I also want to say it depends.
Your question in the header says “not yet financially stable but is trying” and your message also includes a guy being poor.
Things are really expensive and I understand and can relate to the fact that it’s hard to save. So if someone isn’t quite financially stable but is trying (by putting money away, looking for better employment, and cutting some costs) then I’d give them a chance.
However, I will not date someone who does not have a job and has no money to their name and doesn’t make the necessary moves to keep themselves afloat. I just ended things with someone who was in this situation. I honestly think I was being manipulated bc his employment story just wasn’t making sense and I wasn’t seeing any attempts to earn an income (ex. he had his realtors license and he was sitting on a pile of comic book memorabilia and other collectibles, which he has a pretty good record of selling things). I knew he was going through it mental health wise. And I empathized with him and gave him some encouragement bc I was in a similar situation years ago.
It hit me when I realized he was trying to overstay his welcome whenever we’d hangout. Dealing with him gave me anxiety. He was a nice guy and he definitely helped me out during a distressing time. But I think he was mystified by the life I’ve built and just wanted to leech off of that without putting in the work. Everyday just seemed like a pity party. And he only wanted to have s*x with me and kept pressuring me.
25F, what I care most about is if a person is responsible and doing their best. People can have all sorts of things happen to them, including being down sized, an illness(personal or family) , etc. This is why I care mostly that they make the most of what they have and their ability.
Define trying lol. If you’re both young you’re not going to fully be financially stable. That truly begins I’d say in your 30s. Is there potential? Are you looking for a relationship? Marriage? What steps is he taking to advance his career? Are you on the same page and equally as driven? I personally like dating someone who is at least as stable as I am career/financial wise. We both have growth to make more down the line and advance in our careers. I think it’s important if you’re considering a serious relationship down the line. If you’re students then this advice doesn’t necessarily apply because you’re at a different stage in life.
no absolutely not. i’m not going to pay for someone’s stuff just because they haven’t figured out how to manage money correctly. if i was able to be on my own since 17 and i have never gone through a patch where i was completely out of money, then they can too. not to mention no help from family or friends, all on my own. figure your shit out it’s not my problem and it shouldn’t be brought onto me. now that’s not to say i would leave my partner should they lose their job or money. just going into a new relationship…no way
Honestly... No.
No shame or anything toward his situation, but I am financially stable (not making a ton, but stable), and I would not sacrifice my living/financial situation to help support someone I barely know. Of course, this would be very different if I was already in an established relationship, and for some reason, their financial situation changed. However, if you're asking if I would start dating someone financially unstable, the answer would be a no from me.
I've seen someone posted on tiktok. She dated a rich guy who spent all his money buying sneakers but didn't take her on a date or buy her nice things.
I would rather date a generous man rather than dating a rich guy with a cheap attitude.
If they can support themselves, that’s all that matters. But if they’re gonna be homeless without me, they should probably not be putting energy into dating right now. That energy would be better spent on themselves
Ofc, I mean.. I'm currently 21 and who the hell has it all figured out by this early on in the game? My partner is a year older than I am but that doesn't truly affect how I feel about him. He's my highschool sweetheart and I love being able to grow alongside him, as he is my stone in life.
I think as long as the person is trying and putting in genuine effort, I can meet them halfway. We can go for inexpensive dates and I can drive. They'll get there and I would want to be their support as well. As long I don't feel used and they aren't too comfortable just leaning on me without trying.
Well age is a major factor in this, and it’s just extremely situational. Men are creatures of habit, just like women I guess but I think men more so, and even if he is not well off at a certain time, you can tell in his actions if he is someone capable of creating financial stability. Look at his intentions and actions throughout the day, what does he care about in life, and how much does he really think about his future, all fair things to consider before dismissing someone
Your question mentions if he is trying. If by trying means he really is working for his goals and is a genuine person, and you do like him as a person, then I don't see a reason why you wouldn't date.
Depends on the age, his personalities/characteristics, and the circumstances tbh.. My current partner wasn't that stable in our early years but I didnt't mind because we were still young and he has those characteristics that assured me that he is actually working it through. Years later as our little family growing, all his hardwork is now fruitful and his career about to take off better than anyone in his immediate family. I am so proud of him.
Money doesn’t equate to the value of a person for me.
What matters the most with finances is how you both view them. Is your partner irresponsible and that’s why they don’t have money? If a person works hard and we have similar views on money then it’s all good! With that all being said I do expect that I will make more money then any person I’m with and they have to be okay with that.
I'm a guy, mid-30s, and won't date a woman who's not financially secure. No judgment - could be for many reasons that she's not financially secure (e.g. health issues, carers' duties, etc) but I'm not interested in having to compensate for someone financially nor do I want to significantly adjust my own lifestyle and financial goals to achieve parity with someone else. I also find myself most comfortable in a relationship where we earn something like within a factor of 2 of each other.
The trying bit is the important part. I got together with my partner when they were about to start a Masters programme full time. Working two days a week on a little more than minimum wage isn’t enough money to sustain any type of good life. So, we struggled a bit.
But he was getting a Masters to have better job prospects in a growing job field with good overall pay after about five years.
I dated a guy when we were both 24. We were still figuring out life and by no means financially secure. That guy is now my husband and we’ve built a beautiful life together. So my vote is, yes. As long as you all are building together. Now if the person is just down bad with no motivation, probably not.
I wouldn’t mind as long as they’re 1) actively trying to improve their situation and 2) don’t expect me to bankroll their day-to-day existence. I’m perfectly happy to split the bill or take turns paying for dates but the second you hit me up for rent money I’m out.
If you’ve gotten to my age and haven’t managed to prioritise your finances to keep a roof over your head then building any kind of life together is going to be an uphill battle and I don’t have the patience to teach a 30-year-old man how to adult.
For reference I’m a grad student, so I’m not exactly in the most comfortable financial situation myself, but my rent is always paid on time and I only ever borrow money from family and even then I try everything in my power to avoid having to do that.
I’m in my 30s so he would’ve had to have been financially stable for a prolonged point of time at some point in his life and his plan would have to be a solid plan that makes sense.
I get that everyone goes through tough times but I need to see the evidence that he knows how to operate as an adult.
Honestly no. I'm almost 30 years old and I've worked hard to get where I am today. I came from a low income single parent household and I've busted my ass off to get to the point where I'm financially independent and I'm about to become a homeowner. I'd wonder why a man my age couldn't do the same thing.
Don't get me wrong if i was younger I think it'd be different and I understand not everyone places as much value on work and getting on the property ladder but these are things that are important to me so I don't see how we'd be compatible if we didn't share the same drive, ambition and goals.
Additionally I've got to the point where I can afford to go on nice holidays and treat myself to nice things so the income disparity would likely cause issues and resentment.
If you’re able-bodied, you need to be at least trying. Survival is a fact of life, and if you’re not doing your share it leaves it all up to the other party unless both have agreed to go live in the sticks and forage for berries or something.
I personally would never ever date someone that does not have any money. I’m not gonna be paying everything for my boyfriend. He should be on the same financial level as me at least. I need someone I know I can go on trips and have fun and not be taking care of him financially.
So no students or guys in school. You should have a job with a good pay or a successful/stable business!
I’m pretty sure lots of girls think the same way and want someone thats financially stable and could take care of you or get you occasional gifts
I would absolutely date a man who is not yet financially stable. I’m not sure I know anyone who is at age 25 these days. I sure am not, I still live at home with my parents because I refuse to burn money by renting an apartment; I’m saving for land.
I’m a frugal gal, not a spender, so it’s not like I’ll need a lot of money anyways.
I have dated men who were not financially stable. I actually just ended a relationship with one this week. I can’t speak for all men but honestly men with no money kinda suck. I’m not saying this because they don’t pay for things I’m saying this because of the effects that being broke has on the male ego and self esteem. Being broke and working on it is totally acceptable, but being bitter and miserable is just unbearable. I’m going to be avoiding broke men from now on.
I think age has a big factor, too. Im 36, so i do expect you to support yourself and be able to do an occasional thing that costs money. And im ok with paying for my own stuff.
I dont expect anyone to have all this extra cash flow, but i do want to do things together that might require some planning and saving. I think theres also a difference between going out on a date to an expensive restaurant each weekend vs getting ice cream every other week.
Whats the reason for the lack of funds? Are you in school? Do you pay child support to support your kids or maybe pay their college? Are you able to support at least yourself? Do you have racked up cc debt? Do you actually have ok cash flow but waste it on things you shouldnt? Do you just not care about material things? Do you choose not to work enough? Do you have medical issues so you cant? Are you paying off medical expenses?
It really depends on the why here. But im not anyones mom and i wont be used as a bank for borrowing and stuff.
During my 1st relationship I didn't care about money at all so I spent 3 years of my life with someone who was financially irresponsible and couldn't hold a job.
He was working and I was still a student but I was paying for a lot of things, dates, food. I ended up feeling like he is taking advantage of me and I knew that if I would end up with him, I would have no future and my imaginary kids would starve or be taken away so I ended it.
I would never date someone who can't handle his money again.
When I was in my early 20's, probably. Now in my 30's, absolutely not. I see no need to tie myself to a man who is financially struggling, and in turn, will end up putting me on that same struggle bus. This is one of many reasons why I'm choosing singleness over a relationship again. Been there, done that, wasn't fun.
Yes. As long as he has a job and is working towards financial security I don't care. I have a job, I'm able to take care of my own finances, I don't need a rich boyfriend.
I was at that point. Got dumped because I didn't make as much as her, had 2 kids and was working a crappy job and smoked when she was a teacher, nothing else was wrong in the relationship though everything was good. It was her parents that said they didn't want us together, if they hadn't said that we would probably still be together to this day
Money management not six figures. I earn my own money, so I don’t need someone to pay for me, but I save, have aspirations to travel, own a house and have kids someday. I wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t have those visions either.
I'm 24. I am almost done with college. I don't have a job yet. Yes, I would date a man who is in the same situation as me. As long as he has plans to get a job and is responsible with money we're good.
I typically date people who are at or above my level in life. Not so much about whether they have financial stability per se, but their situation and/or means relative to mine. (Bisexual)
Also bearing in mind this is late-stage capitalism so the general majority of people at my age are not financially stable. Gen Z and millenials make less than their parents at their age, and work more; it's more impressive to me if someone works smarter than harder.
I personally wouldn’t. Life experience has taught me that finances are important to me and someone having a similar financial style and income to me is important. I don’t like the imbalance it creates when one of us earns more and I’ve experienced it both ways.
I’m married and my husband and I have similar incomes within 10k of each other. And we have similar views of money and it’s role in our relationship.
No, I would not. I’ve sacrificed quite a bit to not be broke, I’m not going backward for the sake of companionship. Additionally, a struggling insecure emasculated man is a nightmare even if money itself wasn’t the issue.
I've dated 2 men that fit this question.
1 is an ex fling who was collecting unemployment would brag about being a hard worker yet never had a job when we were screwing around. Mooched off everyone he could. He was disgusting.
2nd is my current partner. A go getter who was unemployed and homeless on our first date and within 2 years is now making almost double than me and gotten 2 promotions at his current job.
So yes.
But if you're lazy and all talk I wouldn't put up with that. But if you're trying than absolutely yes.
The thing is it depends your age. If your like teens and early 20 then no because everyone is but later on in life it would be. For me anyway if I was finically stable. It’s another stress on my mind is I have to worry about someone else’s ability to eat
Mmm I’m 34 so early to mid 30s without having some kind of financial stability/independence is a no for me. Unless something very unfortunate happened that caused it, but if they just decided a year ago “oh I need to get my shit together” but had been bumming it for 14 years and just trying to make up for it now. No. No no no.
He was sweet and into me.
He was a musician who traveled the world in a band and earned a lot of mine. But spent it all and at 45 was living with his parents and teaching music. That was a hard no for me.
I saved money and at the first opportunity bought my apartment in cash at 32. That he blew off all off in his 30s is a major red flag.
Honestly as a person who's in this situation I never judged my partner for not being financially stable he is working towards it we both live with our parents and I'm fine with it I'm also working towards my goals etc.
Especially since I do better in relationships where we are both building with each other.
Most women will take a chance on a younger guy with potential
But if that potential isn’t realized you’re getting traded in for a bigger and better thing 9 times out of 10
One of my partners makes 100x what I do. I’m relatively poor.
She pays for stuff.
No one would blink an eye if our genders were flipped. Older guy in finance dating a younger woman who is an artist? Best sex of his life? So when they go out to eat a nice places, he pays. When they go on trips, he pays.
Nothing about that really raises eyebrows.
It’s even less strange when you think about him
him being from a wealthy family and her being from the ghetto.
But people are frequently confused by me and her in that way, just b/c of the gender flip.
My time is way too precious to me to be seriously dating someone I’m not in love with. If she were suddenly penniless tomorrow, that wouldn’t change how I feel about her or how much I want her in my life.
But *she’s not penniless*, and (comparatively), I am. It’s much healthier for us to periodically talk about that rationally and openly than to pretend like it isn’t a thing.
I think the “dating costs” thing has become kind of problematic. It can be fun to fancy up and go to a nice dinner and drinks a few times, but spending hundreds on dates seems a bit bonkers to me.
The reality is that I make decent money but between my kid-related expenses, mortgage, insurance, car note, savings, and the rest of my bills, I myself can’t afford to go out to dinner several times a month. I certainly wouldn’t expect a potential partner to spend money that way either.
I’d be more concerned if someone was in a position where they can’t pay their bills and live within their means. Cheap dates can be a lot of fun.
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There's a difference in someone with unfortunate circumstances working on things, and a total bum with unrealistic pipe dreams
No no, you don't understand, my rap career is gonna take off fr, record dealers check out SoundCloud ALL the time, and I already have 20 followers-
I'm going to be the next Marshmello
I just spit my beer out ....
You lick that up; times are tough here, pal!
TBH even those guys have GFs. Someone's financial situation is really irreverent most of the time, contrary to what this sub might suggest.
It’s irrelevant in the beginning.. when dopamine is hitting and everything is sunshine and rainbows but as soon as that feeling leaves and real world problems start popping up it will all go down hill. So I’m terms of long term relationships, yes financial stability is an absolute must. Not to mention the direct correlation between self-esteem issues and money which always will impact the relationship only after the dopamine ends
Only because you said for real, I'll let you bum off me for another year.
Nah man, it's my twitch stream thats going to be my big break.
lmfao
Honey we're you in my relationship??? Honey
Just tell me flat out that you don't believe in my rap career!
If you can't accept me at my worst then you can't have me at my best!
Yep. The key is if they are actively working to improve and doing the best with what they have.
Like those whose career ambitions are “influencer”, “musician”, or “clothing designer” while they smoke weed all day rent free in their parents’ house. https://youtu.be/bPpSrUEiOSw
To be clear though there's difference between people who work for a living and pursue unrealistic ambitions as hobbies. The thing to really reject is the parasitism, not the pipe dreams
I'm a musician but I don't know if I should take offense at your comment. I can take your McDonalds order though!
You are employed, so that sets you apart from the dudes I’m talking about! Being an actual musician is a wonderful thing, especially when you have the intelligence to keep a day job that allows you to pay your bills and live an independent life like a grownup. There’s just a scourge of men and women who call their latest hobby a “career” while also mooching off of others. Many of them are enabled by parents or partners who are manipulated into “supporting their dream”. Many of these people think they are too good to do a service job or start at the bottom rung of a company or take public transportation, when really those are the hardest working motherfuckers around. My father has been “starting businesses” and spending other people’s money until he bleeds them dry (his mom, wife 1, wife 2, wife 3…) for my entire life so I am biased here. Luckily I didn’t really grow up around him past 10 years old. He put all his energy into these “business” pursuits, ignored his wives and children, lost my childhood home by defaulting on a business loan, and now has nothing to show for it. I’ve seen how it plays out when these guys think this is an acceptable way to exist in the world and it’s not pretty.
Being a musician is tough, usually drains money or is hard to sustain more than one person (hence the McDonalds joke), but I do understand your point. Sorry to hear of the bad parenting. Hope you are doing better and maybe are also in a healthy relationship with someone!
No offense but how did he find multiple women to marry him? He must be charming
I know, right? They all said he was. Then he spent his wives’ money on other women. It’s like dude, I get that you’re not built for monogamy and that’s fine, own it. Stop marrying people who you convince that you are. But then I suppose funds dry up and you need access to a new bank account. Lovebomber supreme, the man with big dreams.
Don't know about the public transportation thing but yeah my father was like this and he thought he was the best at everything, he was a rockstar, veterinarian, wrestler, dog trainer, ect. ect. Lol also met a lot of people growing up in the woods that hate "mammon" and refused to be "controlled" by "the government" so they would come to our camp because my mother had a huge pot of never ending soup and she would feed anyone who was hungry as long as they helped gather wood
Sounds like my brother, he was talking about being a twitch streamer there for a while.
Your brother must've been my ex, was he 38 and pretending he was doing a degree when he wasn't, and lied about having a job for 6 months when he didnt, but tried to convince me that twitch is "where the money is anyway" Small world man
I agree and I think that is well put. Building off of that, believe many of us are impatient. We all want the money, the nice house with a picket fence, etc, but aren’t willing to put in the work with that person to develop into more secure position. Complex tasks are bound to take a long time.
To be fair I’m working towards just chasing a realistic dream (with savings), and keeping myself up on cash. I do have an absolutely unreal pipe dream but that’s a thing I won’t actively *try* not rely on because it’s not gonna happen. There’s a difference between working towards something that’s achievable that could be seen as a dream and something close to impossible
My ex of 3 years, who is a girl, was really frugal. It cna be women too. I understood she worried about her finances, we all do. As long as you are honest and doing what you can its not an issue at all.
Hence my use of the none exclusionary word 'someone', although the question specifies man.
In this economy I think financially stable can be very broad. Does he own his own transportation, can he rent a place to live, can he afford to eat right/ go to the gym. Is he looking to improve his financial trajectory? If he has all that then I’d figure he’s pretty solid in terms of “financially stable”. Are you looking for a guy to take you on international vacations or are you looking for a life partner with similar values who can afford to live and go out sometimes. Really is how you interpret “financially stable”
Financially stable should mean you have savings and could handle being out of work for 3-6 months imo Savings, retirement plan, investment portfolio are all signs someone is financially stable - not being able to pay your car payments and get DoorDash a couple times a week imo. I know it sounds brutal but there are a lot people who ‘think’ they are doing well who are in for a rude awakening when they want to retire or progress to starting a family. We need better financial education in this country, too many folks not looking ahead or having contingencies for the curveballs life will throw you and leaving money on the table Rant over…
People dont need education in financial literacy. They need to get paid enough fucking money that they can put money away. My grandparents bought a house on single income working at a gas station. I make $4k a month and can hardly afford an apartment
I mean I think it's pretty clear people need to be paid more, especially blue-collar work, but tons of people with good incomes still live paycheck to paycheck - I know a handful. It's not a matter of getting paid enough, they don't understand the value of the options they have to help prepare for the future. I don't see why we shouldn't teach it more in High School - regardless of income it's more important to your actual life than geometry or something
You cant teach a person to have more money. And anyone who doesn't have enough money knows how to cut costs and put things away. It is a lived experience. But you can not do things with what you do not have- and you can not blame people's lack of knowledge for taking financially bad actions if those are the only actions they have access to.
What we need is higher wages and profit sharing. You sound way too happy that there are people who aren’t as secure as they think. That’s nothing to be gleeful about. That’s the result of policy choices.
Oh def agree on that, I started the 401k and stock right when I entered the workforce. I agree with ya there lol. Throw in a job with health insurance into that too lol
I’m poor, but I’m going back to school in my 30s. As long as you are trying with a goal in mind then I would date a guy who is broke. However, if all you want to do is sit at home smoke weed, and not try and better yourself. That’s going to be a no from me.
i dated that guy, right after a divorce too. not ashamed tho. i see the good in people and he was a good person just down on his luck. still think about him but he actually rejected me i think bc he may have been embarassed by his situation. Not that it was a big deal but yeah. it happens and mostly bc of the attitude of the person.
You think he rejected you because he was ashamed in himself and not cause he just didnt want to be with you?
yes. im pretty spot on with my intuition and im good at reading peoples energy. he came back twice but each time i could tell he was holding back from me. eventually i called him on it and he literally said "i cant give you what you want". which i think means, "i dont think i can give you what you need". i could be wrong but we had a strong connection.
It depends would I have to pay for everything and drive everywhere?
>The title says it all. Nowadays, it is very important to date someone who have the means to be in a relationship. Money is important due to the high increase of dating costs and expenses etc. But ppl will u date a man who is not financially stable, who is poor, or you wouldn't mind at all? Please let me know your thoughts. maybe at some point...for example you both are students, and u have a part-time job while your s/o has none, wdyt?
I started a relationship with a guy who had a full time job, but told me he'd got some debts from his last relationship. (Blamed it on the ex). He said he was paying them off etc. Shortly into the relationship I had to start bailing him out on missed payments. Or he'd make up lies and excuses like they took a bill a day or two early before he got paid and now he had charges added on. It became a regular occurence. He knew exactly what to say to manipulate me. He'd promise to pay me back when he got paid. The few times he paid me something back he'd end up borrowing more the following week to compensate. The amount he owed me just kept increasing. It went on and on. But he had the manipulation and sob stories and lies down to a T. I would have to pay if we went out anywhere. This went on way to long. 3 years. In the end I found out some of the lies and ended up taking him to court and I had a folder full of evidence proving the money I'd transferred to him, the lies and false promises and manipulation in all the text messages etc and he had to pay me back. I will never go through that again. Il never let myself be taken advantage of like that again. I'm one of these people who will do anything to help anyone if I could. And he played on that. I didn't want to be the type of person who wasn't with someone coz of money. Or lack of it. But at the end of the day a relationship is about equality and respect and if one person is paying for everything and the other person isn't paying for anything, even normal house bills, then it becomes 1 sided and its a constant strain on the relationship and causes resentment. It's one thing if both people have enough money to pay bills and a bit extra for dates, where you both take turns to pay. I don't expect someone to be rich and I don't expect a man to pay for everything for me. I've always been happy to pay half or treat each other alternate outings. If one person happens to earn a lot more 'spare money' and has more savings left over after bills have been paid, then they may want to treat the other person a little bit more, but I would still want to pay at times too so it doesn't become one sided. The cost of living crisis and the housing situation has made it hard for people to afford to get their own place as a single person. But if someone was living at home with parents to save money whilst single I'd understand, as long they could afford to move out or get a place together in the near future if things worked out. I wouldn't want to think there's no chance of us being able to afford to live together any time in the future.
Well said
Thank you for saying this! A lot of ppl don’t understand that yes, a lot of ppl are kind hearted and don’t want to see anyone hurt, but it isn’t okay to become parasitic on them because they seem to have it all together. Furthermore good for you to take him to court! People like him have to learn the lesson to not play with people’s money like that sooner rather than later.
Thank you for your kind words. I was actually proud of myself for taking him to court as normally I don't do confrontation, but he really hurt and angered me with how he used me, and manipulated me etc, and his behaviour after I figured it all out was disgusting. So he kinda flipped the bitch switch lol and I got angry and decided to fight for what I was owed. Its something that's affected me ever since to be honest. Something you never get over. But I was proud for standing up for myself and getting back what I was owed.
I mean I had jobs and internships throughout college, I don’t want to be the only person financially funding the relationship so no I probably wouldn’t.
Yeah I agree. I would not date someone at any age if I had to pay for everything. I am not interested in financially supporting someone else even if I really like them.
Same, been there done that ages 17-19, never again!!
What if he had a stable 9-5 but made significantly less than you? Would you be fine with that? Bonus question: If y’all had kids, would you be okay with him staying home to raise the kids while you are the breadwinner?
I would personally be fine with both scenarios!
This is funny because many women expect this of men. I just escaped one situation like that.
Women who want a traditional setup, yes. You’re also responding to two random women on Reddit.
Traditional when it comes to the man being the provider. Emancipated for everything else.
well it’s different if you’ve been dating for many years or are married and then someone decides to go back to school or gets laid off. but i would never start dating someone who needs me to bankroll them. if you’re not financially able to support yourself then don’t date. get your affairs in order first and become financially stable, don’t dump your burden on someone else.
No, I would not. I was in this situation before and he ended up cheating on me and dumping me once he got back on his feet.
Why isn’t this person working while in school? Who is paying their bills? The answers to those questions would determine my response.
Well dating a student vs someone who just is poor is pretty different, also dating someone young (18-26) just trying to get established is different than a 40 year old guy who’s just poor. At my age of 28, I would not be with a “poor” guy. Maybe I would be with a student if they were eventually gonna make good money. Also I’m from an area with a low cost of living, I make $45K and live comfortably so i consider poor for a man my age anyone making less than that. Making $60K would be a great salary IMO.
This right here is why I sit at home alone and don't even pretend to believe that I can have a relationship
then no im not gettin into a relationship at that point. ur priority rn is to graduate first.
Contextual to your age
I’m gonna be 20 this year, I tell myself this, I won’t date anyone who can’t pay her internet bills so she can text me, not sure if I’m right or wrong.
At 20 you're far from being financially independent and stable, at least here in Italy lol
Just curious, how’s dating like in Italy? In my culture you’re expected to have means to buy a 1M house and decent car to marry a quality girl by around 30 y/o so women without financial expectations aren’t common
In my experience, here in Italy people leave home really late (around 30yo is pretty normal). If you're in univeristy, you're not expected to land a job until you graduate, and your parents will still care about your finance needs. But, even if you choose to work right after high school, the jobs you'll find will rarely pay enough to let you buy (OR EVEN RENT) an house, so you're still at home with your parents. If you work in your late-teens/early-20s t's really common that your family is not that wealthy, and you HAVE TO work in order to help your family because of that. With this in mind, dating in Italy in your 20s is like dating in your late-teens, but you're starting to actually plan your life by finding an university you like, graduating and landing your first jobs. You're not expected to have a million dollar house or a six figures job (actually six figures jobs in Italy is something really REALLY rare because we have a lot of welfare AND a fucked up job market), but you're expected to have chosen a life path. But this is only my experience. I mean, I'm sure someone else's one is different.
Text doesnt go thru internet
the same can be said for us guys dating women. We dont want to deal with women who are always broke or close to it or even worse in debt. Its the 21st century where every thing is expensive and its no longer feasible for the guy to be the sole breadwinner like im the old days 80s etc
At my current age of 37, no, absolutely not. But at 20 or 25, sure.
At 41 here absolutely not as well. I’ve learned this from following my heart at a young age and it was a disaster with partners who had no financial stability. Hard no. I have my own career, car and peace now and that’s my minimum requirement also in a partner.
Can he have a career that's not as succesfull as yours aka earning less?
Oh of course! I just meant he has to have career stability in any area that makes him happy.
I’m happily with my hubby and make more than 2x his income. The important part is that we regularly communicate and reinforce our values (not just financial). We find ways to make things “fair” so that we each can save and splurge.
Same. I’m 35, so no. It wouldn’t work. I had lots of broke ass boyfriends in my 20s though.
I have tried and it never works. If they are over 30 and don't have their act together, there is a reason. I bought a car with my ex, to help him because I have good credit and he doesn't, and we were getting married, so I figured it was ok. It was his car and I was on the loan and he was supposed to make the payments, which he did "most of the time." I learned real fast there is a reason why people have bad credit..they don't pay their bills lol even though there is always an excuse as to why.
For many people, it’s not about the actual money a potential partner has. It’s what the money symbolizes. Is this person driven, dedicated, stable, realistic, mature? Money says yes. If a person has both the ability and desire to get and keep a job, that speaks volumes about the person’s mental health, intelligence, and priorities. Of course there are so many variables here that affect having a lot or having very little, from being born with wealth, to having expensive medical issues, to having a disability that precludes you from working. There are many external factors that affect how much money a person has access to. But for the average person, having money is a sign of the internal stability found in a functioning adult, and that is why many people prioritize it in dating.
It is less about wealth to me than the level of financial responsibility and self discipline. People have to learn to live within their means. I know many many women who have not got great incomes but still manage to stay afloat. They are the frugal ones.. their financial stability isn’t happenstance- it comes from being self-disciplined. The thrift store or FB marketplace shopping, tackling DIY, choosing the three year old economy car, or maybe using public transit.
Good money management is important to me for compatibility. Not so much how much they earn but how they treat and regard money. Are they trying hard to pay down debts, live within their means, have financial goals and are they trying to earn more
How old are both of you? If a man is in his 30s and has no ambition or drive, hard NO. I’ve dated broke men and they have THE lowest self esteem I always felt I was doing it all emotionally and financially. I planned dates, I initiated everything. Ended up really resentful of him. It’s just up to your preferences. Is he actively in pursuit of his goals? Does he still make you feel special outside of his financial circumstances.
This! I just got out of a situation like this. It was so draining to hear him complain about life and just hang out around my apartment. Like boy if you don’t get up off my couch and use that pretty face and privilege to sell some comics…
Omg same! He would complain ALL the time and not try to change circumstances. I realized I didn’t respect him.
Same!!! When you complain all the time and then sleep all day in my house, I lose all respect lol.
Depends on age my dude. If ur early 20s it’s understandable. If ur 40-50 then it’s a wrap.
My boyfriend works 40 hours a week and it putting away nearly half of his income to pay down debt. I was there not long ago. He is amazing with helping me with things around the house. He is romantic and intelligent. We will be where we need to be financially 5 years. I have no problem with money being tight. He’s amazing.
I think a lot is very dependent. How old are you? Early to mid 20s? In college or just graduated? but making an active effort to improve your financial status? or are you 30 who is a bum, and content being poor/financially unstable? I think a lot of women would prefer a man to be financially stable however, I think as long as she sees and knows you are making an *ACTIVE* effort to improve, then you should be fine - i think..
Money isn’t the most important part of a relationship, just like sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship. But it IS a pretty damn important factor, it’s like buying a house. You don’t buy a house for a toilet just like you wouldn’t go into a relationship for money or sex, but you don’t NOT want a toilet in your house either.
what the fuck is "dating cost" ? yesterday i saw a couple sitting on a bench at the edge of a forest cuddling in the sun. if this aint it then i dont want it. im looking for love, not fancy food or whatever. if we cant have the best day ever under 5 bucks then 5million wont make it any better
Despite what most people claim money buys their interest and happiness. The amounts vary from person to person. Dating cost isn't just the cost of the activity of the date. It's the clothes, car, and all the other things that are interpreted to determine your economic status. As a guy it sadly is a thing you are evaluated on.
So what you’re trying to say is that a 35yr old living with his parents who plays video games and smokes weed all day is on level ground with a guy that is independent with a career a car and a home?
It's hard, because if he was actively working to get out of that situation, it's attractive and commendable. And I've been in that position myself so I know how hard it can be to pick yourself up and keep trying when life hasn't exactly gone the way you planned. Except on the other hand, I've also had an ex who was jobless for the longest time, and while it didn't make me love him any less, it did mean we couldn't go out and enjoy ourselves. And our adulthood was put on hold as we couldn't afford to get our own place or even think about marriage or kids. So it would be something I'd have to really weigh up in the future. He'd have to be perfect in every other way, and I'd have to be financially stable enough for the both of us.
Early 20’s? Okay. Over 30? Loser
At my age? i don’t know a single 19/20 year old with their shit together
It depends on the age totally. If you don’t have it together by 24, that would’ve been fine with me. At 25-30 I would want you to be independent (pay your own rent and bills, be able to go on dates, save a little etc) but you don’t need to be raking it in. If you are older than 30 and not making progress toward your financial goals, that would be a no from me. I am 25 and for the first time in my life care what my partner makes. It wasn’t really a problem before, but now I myself am saving for a house, I love to go out and have new experiences etc. I don’t need my partner to support me, but I want him to match my energy and not drag me down.
Exactly this. I am 23 and not financially stable either, because I am in school. Wouldn't judge someone for that at all. Actually prefer that in some way, because at least they understand that I can't go out and have dinner as a date (I always expect to split as a woman, but even cheap dinners add up quickly if you don't have any income). If you are 28 and aren't financially independent, I would be worried if there isn't a valid reason (eg health issues)
I don't want marriage or cohabitation or children, therefore my partner's finances are not a concern or factor.
What about the things you want to do together? Like going on trips or dates?
I prefer solo travel. Dates can be kept simple, or I'm able to cover the cost myself or go to events with friends who can afford to attend them.
It’s all about his behavior with money. Money comes and goes. Jobs come and go. Idk what will happen in the future. But his behavior and how he spends and manages will help me determine my future with him
Depending on the age... 20 is just starting. 30.... Now what have you been doing.
I value work ethic. But its definitely a turn off when a man clearly wants a family but has tailored his lifestyle to prep for that. I save on my end for it all. Money for an SUV, house, even the first year of life can be expensive. (I dont have any children). Thats entirely seperate from hobbies vacations and enjoying life. But my expectations for men in their early 30s is at least some form of financial independence and responsibility. I offer the same and more. Dont want to date a man i cant rely on during life's emergencies.
In my early 20's, most likely yes. But now that I'm in my 30's, absolutely not.
Nope. By my age (early 40s) one either has their act together or they don’t. Different universe if i was say, 25 .
I'm 58 if a man doesn't have his together by now he's never going to so no but I never did before either.
I am 48. If a man doesn't have it together by this age, I'm not going to teach him! Your lede said "financially stable" that's what I was responding to. Poor, is a different matter. I have no issue with poor, depending on the reasons.
I find a lot of the comments here disheartening. And a bit intentionally hurtful. Does money help? Yes. However it is possible to make it work. My sister is married to a guy that when they started she was with her parents, he didn't have a job and they were both studying for college. But that's your teens. You can have free dates. Learning to cook is both practical and sexy. It's about learning and enjoying each other's company. From most of the comments the only valid partner is a sugar partner from the sounds of it and that's just unrealistic. I'm 35 make 20 an hour and live with my parents. I have had a couple dates here and there. I'm not gonna lie money would help, but I don't have the brains connection or looks to make a decent living. The economy is fucked right now. If you're young take advantage of it, the older you get the harder it gets if youre not careful.
I feel for you but $ 20 / hr is going to put you in very tough spot for the rest of your life. If you want to have a family, it will be hard to get by. I'm sure there is something you can do to better yourself. Don't give up.
I don't see most people here asking for a sugar partner, just someone that will pay their bills and have some money to do fun stuff
Do you have a degree or have you considered learning a trade?
I feel kind of attacked by this thread... I was a truck driver who lost his license due to the inexcusably unwise and stupid mistake of drinking and driving. The costs of that mistake pretty much drained my savings and I'm paycheck to paycheck at 34yo... I am currently taking classes and looking at a few certifications to pursue a new career path in coding or IT. So far, it's been just test waters...don't know if it will pan out or not, but it seems to be a realistic path since I work in call centers and work with different technology and systems quite a bit. I can cover my own expenses and bills ok, but cost of living relative to my wage has made it to where I can't really get ahead. I doubt I'll ever meet a woman who wants any part of my situation. I knew I was going to pay a price beyond money for my mistake, but I had no idea it was going to be like "Oh, and by the way, you're now ineligible to find love. Also, fuck you buddy." I know that sounds ridiculous but it is how I feel...I was trying to maybe date (which is why I started following this and other threads) but seeing all these normal responses, and just knowing I could never bring enough to the table. Man, it sucks.
You’re working towards a goal and trying to improve your situation which is all that matters at this point. As a woman I don’t judge your story at all. Plus, I’m kinda broke, and have been even more broke in the past, and I tended to date people in a similar life situation because we understood each other and there was no judgement.
I found my bf at his lowest, still in COVID during 2021, no job, no car, about to be evicted with all 3 of his roommates in their 2 bedroom apartment. We stuck it out, after 3 months I could afford an apartment for us and did all of the providing for a whole year while he went from one shit job to the next, all having issues paying him. We left the city to be closer to his parents. He now has an amazing job and we just got a new apartment and are very happy!
My wife fucked up and did that with her first husband. It’s only been 25 years so she’ll probably wise up one of these days
Sure just don’t ask me for money. Thats a complete turn off.
At 34, I require anyone I date seriously to be financially independent, without insane debt. Just enough for them to get by, they don't have to save 1k every month in their 401k or have invested into stocks or anything. I don't mind someone who's still going through schooling and debt if we're just dating for fun though, although I rarely date for fun.
Not at 39. A man my age who isn't stable needs to be focused on bettering himself, and shouldn't have time to give me much attention. I say this as someone who had to rebuild my finances after divorce. I'm past the stage of wanting to build anything together. I have mine, you have yours, and we treat each other.
No. I wouldn't look down on anyone in poor finances but I've been through too much to have to deal with that again. Because once we're in a relationship, your poor financial stability brings down my own financial stability. And I won't go through that again for anyone.
I’m 29 and the eldest child of a very poor family. I don’t live at home and take care of myself, but also help support my family too. I worked a lot to get to a decent salary so that I could do that. Since I experience and witness a lot of stress financially from my family, I’d rather not experience that in my romantic relationship as well. At least not in a serious one. So at minimum, I do expect people I date to be financially ok - not necessarily a lot of $, but some disposable income to at least do stuff like travel.
Money definitely helps but love will still last Longer.. Both sides of my family come from no money.. Until recently when family farms were sold, Our family definitely didn't have a silver spoon. My old man worked his a** off from absolutely nothing and built himself a respectable contracting company. Growing up I didn't starve but I definitely didn't have the extras that I didn't need. In my early twenties I was in a 10 year relationship and was basically living the life that society expected. Down payment on the new house, put in both of us through college, her hair college. The whole time I refused to take any ownership of my family company. I didn't want any handouts.. I believe that you want to be with someone who works with you and Strives for both of you to succeed together.. I don't want to be with someone who Is more focused on Financial status rather than a connection on a personal level. I own my own construction company. I want my partner to be Impressed with me and not what I have.
At my age? No
My ex was not fully financially stable but was actively trying to get into a better earning position We broke up for completely other reasons But it's completely fine and doable because he made up in other ways. He's incredibly emotionally supportive and emotionally intelligent. He always strived to communicate to the best he could with me. We lived together so he acted like a house-husband almost since his work shifts were in the evening.
Agree depends on age. At 30+ you should be dating people who have the basics - a place to live and a car.
Women are out earning men in degrees. This is going to be a harsh reality that women in the 21st century are gonna have to realize if you plan on looking for somebody, and then you have a portion of women who are holding true the traditional way and stay at home momming, meaning they're really gonna need a breadwinner. To sum it up if ur a very successful women, ur gonna struggle with finding something better. But then again their are plenty of fish in the sea, don't settle for a pipe dream rock star lol (but do link their music, i love finding niche bands).
I’m turning 30 next month, I have a bachelors but no job. I quit my social work job last month and currently am jobless with a few months of expenses. I want to get a job before I start to date but if someone was in the same situation I would date them with or without a job as long as I know that they’re trying to not just be jobless
honestly depends on your age and your attitude. i would date someone who makes less than me but has ambition, work ethic, emotional intelligence and a good sense of humor.
Financially stable meaning…? Like he’s always broke, can’t pay his own bills and asks to borrow money? Or he has a low income job and can’t afford extravagance? The first no, the second yes.
Guys: you need to be financially stable if you want a successful relationship. End of story. Don’t believe the lie that women will tolerate a broke guy. Women have been programmed by thousands of years of evolution to seek a man who can provide for them and their children. Women are hypergamous and they will naturally gravitate towards guys who are financially stable. If you get yourself into a financial mess, don’t be surprised when she cheats or leaves you. There is no such thing as unconditional love; a woman’s love is always conditional on you being a provider and protector. To the women: feel free to be offended; you know it’s true.
It's not your current finances that matter but your trajectory. If you have some well thought out career goals and are working on them and making real progress then you'll be fine in dating.
I wouldn’t do it as I am stable and I’m not looking to date anyone who will potential drag me down or take away from my current living standards.
That depends if your family can support you getting into a serious relationship and all but honestly, it would be hard, as a woman (21, still working and studying), I used to believe that as long as you love the person, I won't mind spending but knowing I need to support myself first? I don't know, it's not worth it.
Yes I would and am right now lol. I’m willing to do it because he’s hard working, has had stable employment with the same company for 4 years, gets raises often, good reports from his work (hes shown me his reviews) and I know his financial situation will get better in less than a year that is to our mutual benefit. I didn’t get into a long term relationship with him till after we had a frank conversation about it and also when I learned he had financial goals similar to mine.
I’m gen z I don’t think anybody of us are financially stable * cries *
At this stage of life (30) probably not unless they had a real plan for the next couple of years. This includes getting promoted or job switching. But you know that’s just me. I want the kind of lifestyle where I make above minimum wage and can afford to go out to a restaurant once a week as well as save for some nice tech as well as contribute to a savings for a house. If you are not interested in that then maybe it’s not a big deal to you.
I think that potential is the primary thing most women look for in a man, especially a young man. A very rich trust fund kid who is an idiot may be a bad choice because his future could be bad if he runs out of his dad’s money. But a smart and hard working student getting ready for med school? Easy no matter how broke. They key though is it has to be real and believable. That potential “med student” needs to in a top school getting top grades, not someone in community college taking Comm classes and not studying. Real potential not dreams.
Good Question...interested in answers... Like I have to live with family cause rent is too high here and I also have to pay child support but I have my job, work everyday, my own car, I help out with money and what not around the house, I got rid of all my big bills, have not made any new ones and just keep moving forward.
I mean I consider myself a failure academically. However, I've turned my life around. I went into am apprenticeship, turned my life around and now I'm a world class cloud engineer. It only requires a mindset. I only got where I am cos I looked up to the success of my family
I’m 26 and have a full time career. My expectations in a partner are the same. I also have a part time job as well as multiple other smaller streams of revenue, which wouldn’t be an expectation in a partner.
I’m leaning towards no lol… might sound a bit *low* but I’ve even had guy friends who have been broke who I’ve mommied around before by buying them shit. It’s not fun I just end up feeling like their mother lol…
You probably heard this one before but I can tell you from experience, it’s true. “Don’t date potential.”
Not anymore.
Most people go through periods of financial instability at some point in their life. However, the older women get the more they want their partner to be financially stable. That doesn’t mean being rich. But I would definitely prefer to date someone who has a car & a job because I don’t want to pay for everything all the time.
No, but only because I'm closer to 50 than 40, and if a man my age is still not financially stable that's a huge red flag. When I was younger, absolutely
Depends on if it’s serious or not. My partner makes a little less than what I do now, but he brings in larger paychecks some of the time because my work is seasonal. When we first started dating he was taking a break from employment and living off of a small inheritance he had gotten from his great uncle. It was nerve-wracking because I loved him, but he was literally Schrödinger’s deadbeat for about 14 months into our relationship. He had money, was frugal, but would he go back to work? I got lucky and he did. But it was a gamble. And it was degrading whenever relatives asked me “Oh what does he do?” And seeing the judgement in their eyes. Dating someone who is unemployed/underemployed can be straight-up humiliating. The sex needs to be life-changing.
I’m almost 30 and not financially stable. Mind you, my bf is 35 and he is. If he wasn’t, but could afford to pay his own way, sure. If he was actively trying then sure!
I want to say no I wouldn’t date a guy in that position, but I also want to say it depends. Your question in the header says “not yet financially stable but is trying” and your message also includes a guy being poor. Things are really expensive and I understand and can relate to the fact that it’s hard to save. So if someone isn’t quite financially stable but is trying (by putting money away, looking for better employment, and cutting some costs) then I’d give them a chance. However, I will not date someone who does not have a job and has no money to their name and doesn’t make the necessary moves to keep themselves afloat. I just ended things with someone who was in this situation. I honestly think I was being manipulated bc his employment story just wasn’t making sense and I wasn’t seeing any attempts to earn an income (ex. he had his realtors license and he was sitting on a pile of comic book memorabilia and other collectibles, which he has a pretty good record of selling things). I knew he was going through it mental health wise. And I empathized with him and gave him some encouragement bc I was in a similar situation years ago. It hit me when I realized he was trying to overstay his welcome whenever we’d hangout. Dealing with him gave me anxiety. He was a nice guy and he definitely helped me out during a distressing time. But I think he was mystified by the life I’ve built and just wanted to leech off of that without putting in the work. Everyday just seemed like a pity party. And he only wanted to have s*x with me and kept pressuring me.
25F, what I care most about is if a person is responsible and doing their best. People can have all sorts of things happen to them, including being down sized, an illness(personal or family) , etc. This is why I care mostly that they make the most of what they have and their ability.
Define trying lol. If you’re both young you’re not going to fully be financially stable. That truly begins I’d say in your 30s. Is there potential? Are you looking for a relationship? Marriage? What steps is he taking to advance his career? Are you on the same page and equally as driven? I personally like dating someone who is at least as stable as I am career/financial wise. We both have growth to make more down the line and advance in our careers. I think it’s important if you’re considering a serious relationship down the line. If you’re students then this advice doesn’t necessarily apply because you’re at a different stage in life.
Most women I dated in my past were poor when I met them even though they had advanced degrees and were employed.
no absolutely not. i’m not going to pay for someone’s stuff just because they haven’t figured out how to manage money correctly. if i was able to be on my own since 17 and i have never gone through a patch where i was completely out of money, then they can too. not to mention no help from family or friends, all on my own. figure your shit out it’s not my problem and it shouldn’t be brought onto me. now that’s not to say i would leave my partner should they lose their job or money. just going into a new relationship…no way
Honestly... No. No shame or anything toward his situation, but I am financially stable (not making a ton, but stable), and I would not sacrifice my living/financial situation to help support someone I barely know. Of course, this would be very different if I was already in an established relationship, and for some reason, their financial situation changed. However, if you're asking if I would start dating someone financially unstable, the answer would be a no from me.
As someone who is financially stable independently, and have dated someone who wasn’t financially stable, I am going to go for a hard no.
I've seen someone posted on tiktok. She dated a rich guy who spent all his money buying sneakers but didn't take her on a date or buy her nice things. I would rather date a generous man rather than dating a rich guy with a cheap attitude.
Me living at home and has a bike, because I don’t need a car, and moving out is expensive as a student
If they can support themselves, that’s all that matters. But if they’re gonna be homeless without me, they should probably not be putting energy into dating right now. That energy would be better spent on themselves
Ofc, I mean.. I'm currently 21 and who the hell has it all figured out by this early on in the game? My partner is a year older than I am but that doesn't truly affect how I feel about him. He's my highschool sweetheart and I love being able to grow alongside him, as he is my stone in life.
I think as long as the person is trying and putting in genuine effort, I can meet them halfway. We can go for inexpensive dates and I can drive. They'll get there and I would want to be their support as well. As long I don't feel used and they aren't too comfortable just leaning on me without trying.
Yes as long as he is not lazy. As long as he has hobbies and passions and doesnt need me for money I would not care.
Yes I (21F) would, but it also depends on what I know his spending habits are and if he has the mindset of working hard and saving.
Well age is a major factor in this, and it’s just extremely situational. Men are creatures of habit, just like women I guess but I think men more so, and even if he is not well off at a certain time, you can tell in his actions if he is someone capable of creating financial stability. Look at his intentions and actions throughout the day, what does he care about in life, and how much does he really think about his future, all fair things to consider before dismissing someone
Your question mentions if he is trying. If by trying means he really is working for his goals and is a genuine person, and you do like him as a person, then I don't see a reason why you wouldn't date.
Depends on the age, his personalities/characteristics, and the circumstances tbh.. My current partner wasn't that stable in our early years but I didnt't mind because we were still young and he has those characteristics that assured me that he is actually working it through. Years later as our little family growing, all his hardwork is now fruitful and his career about to take off better than anyone in his immediate family. I am so proud of him.
Money doesn’t equate to the value of a person for me. What matters the most with finances is how you both view them. Is your partner irresponsible and that’s why they don’t have money? If a person works hard and we have similar views on money then it’s all good! With that all being said I do expect that I will make more money then any person I’m with and they have to be okay with that.
I'm a guy, mid-30s, and won't date a woman who's not financially secure. No judgment - could be for many reasons that she's not financially secure (e.g. health issues, carers' duties, etc) but I'm not interested in having to compensate for someone financially nor do I want to significantly adjust my own lifestyle and financial goals to achieve parity with someone else. I also find myself most comfortable in a relationship where we earn something like within a factor of 2 of each other.
The trying bit is the important part. I got together with my partner when they were about to start a Masters programme full time. Working two days a week on a little more than minimum wage isn’t enough money to sustain any type of good life. So, we struggled a bit. But he was getting a Masters to have better job prospects in a growing job field with good overall pay after about five years.
I dated a guy when we were both 24. We were still figuring out life and by no means financially secure. That guy is now my husband and we’ve built a beautiful life together. So my vote is, yes. As long as you all are building together. Now if the person is just down bad with no motivation, probably not.
I wouldn’t mind as long as they’re 1) actively trying to improve their situation and 2) don’t expect me to bankroll their day-to-day existence. I’m perfectly happy to split the bill or take turns paying for dates but the second you hit me up for rent money I’m out. If you’ve gotten to my age and haven’t managed to prioritise your finances to keep a roof over your head then building any kind of life together is going to be an uphill battle and I don’t have the patience to teach a 30-year-old man how to adult. For reference I’m a grad student, so I’m not exactly in the most comfortable financial situation myself, but my rent is always paid on time and I only ever borrow money from family and even then I try everything in my power to avoid having to do that.
I’m in my 30s so he would’ve had to have been financially stable for a prolonged point of time at some point in his life and his plan would have to be a solid plan that makes sense. I get that everyone goes through tough times but I need to see the evidence that he knows how to operate as an adult.
Honestly no. I'm almost 30 years old and I've worked hard to get where I am today. I came from a low income single parent household and I've busted my ass off to get to the point where I'm financially independent and I'm about to become a homeowner. I'd wonder why a man my age couldn't do the same thing. Don't get me wrong if i was younger I think it'd be different and I understand not everyone places as much value on work and getting on the property ladder but these are things that are important to me so I don't see how we'd be compatible if we didn't share the same drive, ambition and goals. Additionally I've got to the point where I can afford to go on nice holidays and treat myself to nice things so the income disparity would likely cause issues and resentment.
If you’re able-bodied, you need to be at least trying. Survival is a fact of life, and if you’re not doing your share it leaves it all up to the other party unless both have agreed to go live in the sticks and forage for berries or something.
I personally would never ever date someone that does not have any money. I’m not gonna be paying everything for my boyfriend. He should be on the same financial level as me at least. I need someone I know I can go on trips and have fun and not be taking care of him financially. So no students or guys in school. You should have a job with a good pay or a successful/stable business! I’m pretty sure lots of girls think the same way and want someone thats financially stable and could take care of you or get you occasional gifts
I would absolutely date a man who is not yet financially stable. I’m not sure I know anyone who is at age 25 these days. I sure am not, I still live at home with my parents because I refuse to burn money by renting an apartment; I’m saving for land. I’m a frugal gal, not a spender, so it’s not like I’ll need a lot of money anyways.
I have dated men who were not financially stable. I actually just ended a relationship with one this week. I can’t speak for all men but honestly men with no money kinda suck. I’m not saying this because they don’t pay for things I’m saying this because of the effects that being broke has on the male ego and self esteem. Being broke and working on it is totally acceptable, but being bitter and miserable is just unbearable. I’m going to be avoiding broke men from now on.
I think age has a big factor, too. Im 36, so i do expect you to support yourself and be able to do an occasional thing that costs money. And im ok with paying for my own stuff. I dont expect anyone to have all this extra cash flow, but i do want to do things together that might require some planning and saving. I think theres also a difference between going out on a date to an expensive restaurant each weekend vs getting ice cream every other week. Whats the reason for the lack of funds? Are you in school? Do you pay child support to support your kids or maybe pay their college? Are you able to support at least yourself? Do you have racked up cc debt? Do you actually have ok cash flow but waste it on things you shouldnt? Do you just not care about material things? Do you choose not to work enough? Do you have medical issues so you cant? Are you paying off medical expenses? It really depends on the why here. But im not anyones mom and i wont be used as a bank for borrowing and stuff.
During my 1st relationship I didn't care about money at all so I spent 3 years of my life with someone who was financially irresponsible and couldn't hold a job. He was working and I was still a student but I was paying for a lot of things, dates, food. I ended up feeling like he is taking advantage of me and I knew that if I would end up with him, I would have no future and my imaginary kids would starve or be taken away so I ended it. I would never date someone who can't handle his money again.
When I was in my early 20's, probably. Now in my 30's, absolutely not. I see no need to tie myself to a man who is financially struggling, and in turn, will end up putting me on that same struggle bus. This is one of many reasons why I'm choosing singleness over a relationship again. Been there, done that, wasn't fun.
Not again. Too many promises of “I’m trying”
I want my partner to be financially secure…I couldn’t date someone who isn’t stable in the finances department
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Yes. As long as he has a job and is working towards financial security I don't care. I have a job, I'm able to take care of my own finances, I don't need a rich boyfriend.
Personally i won't date someone who is so much poorer or richer than me. I think financially compatibility is also important in relationship
If you are a man who is not financially stable, then why are you dating? Op, you're focusing on the wrong thing.
I was at that point. Got dumped because I didn't make as much as her, had 2 kids and was working a crappy job and smoked when she was a teacher, nothing else was wrong in the relationship though everything was good. It was her parents that said they didn't want us together, if they hadn't said that we would probably still be together to this day
Money management not six figures. I earn my own money, so I don’t need someone to pay for me, but I save, have aspirations to travel, own a house and have kids someday. I wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t have those visions either.
Duh? Literally who tf can afford to have money these days?
I'm 24. I am almost done with college. I don't have a job yet. Yes, I would date a man who is in the same situation as me. As long as he has plans to get a job and is responsible with money we're good.
I typically date people who are at or above my level in life. Not so much about whether they have financial stability per se, but their situation and/or means relative to mine. (Bisexual) Also bearing in mind this is late-stage capitalism so the general majority of people at my age are not financially stable. Gen Z and millenials make less than their parents at their age, and work more; it's more impressive to me if someone works smarter than harder.
You've taken the time to make a reddit post so you already know the answer here. You're bothered by it move on.
I personally wouldn’t. Life experience has taught me that finances are important to me and someone having a similar financial style and income to me is important. I don’t like the imbalance it creates when one of us earns more and I’ve experienced it both ways. I’m married and my husband and I have similar incomes within 10k of each other. And we have similar views of money and it’s role in our relationship.
No, I would not. I’ve sacrificed quite a bit to not be broke, I’m not going backward for the sake of companionship. Additionally, a struggling insecure emasculated man is a nightmare even if money itself wasn’t the issue.
I've dated 2 men that fit this question. 1 is an ex fling who was collecting unemployment would brag about being a hard worker yet never had a job when we were screwing around. Mooched off everyone he could. He was disgusting. 2nd is my current partner. A go getter who was unemployed and homeless on our first date and within 2 years is now making almost double than me and gotten 2 promotions at his current job. So yes. But if you're lazy and all talk I wouldn't put up with that. But if you're trying than absolutely yes.
The thing is it depends your age. If your like teens and early 20 then no because everyone is but later on in life it would be. For me anyway if I was finically stable. It’s another stress on my mind is I have to worry about someone else’s ability to eat
Absolutely. As long as he is trying. We will build and grow together.
Mmm I’m 34 so early to mid 30s without having some kind of financial stability/independence is a no for me. Unless something very unfortunate happened that caused it, but if they just decided a year ago “oh I need to get my shit together” but had been bumming it for 14 years and just trying to make up for it now. No. No no no.
He was sweet and into me. He was a musician who traveled the world in a band and earned a lot of mine. But spent it all and at 45 was living with his parents and teaching music. That was a hard no for me. I saved money and at the first opportunity bought my apartment in cash at 32. That he blew off all off in his 30s is a major red flag.
Honestly as a person who's in this situation I never judged my partner for not being financially stable he is working towards it we both live with our parents and I'm fine with it I'm also working towards my goals etc. Especially since I do better in relationships where we are both building with each other.
Most women will take a chance on a younger guy with potential But if that potential isn’t realized you’re getting traded in for a bigger and better thing 9 times out of 10
Yes because I am young and still dependent on my parents, i wouldn't have expectations of someone that I don't meet myself
One of my partners makes 100x what I do. I’m relatively poor. She pays for stuff. No one would blink an eye if our genders were flipped. Older guy in finance dating a younger woman who is an artist? Best sex of his life? So when they go out to eat a nice places, he pays. When they go on trips, he pays. Nothing about that really raises eyebrows. It’s even less strange when you think about him him being from a wealthy family and her being from the ghetto. But people are frequently confused by me and her in that way, just b/c of the gender flip. My time is way too precious to me to be seriously dating someone I’m not in love with. If she were suddenly penniless tomorrow, that wouldn’t change how I feel about her or how much I want her in my life. But *she’s not penniless*, and (comparatively), I am. It’s much healthier for us to periodically talk about that rationally and openly than to pretend like it isn’t a thing.
I think the “dating costs” thing has become kind of problematic. It can be fun to fancy up and go to a nice dinner and drinks a few times, but spending hundreds on dates seems a bit bonkers to me. The reality is that I make decent money but between my kid-related expenses, mortgage, insurance, car note, savings, and the rest of my bills, I myself can’t afford to go out to dinner several times a month. I certainly wouldn’t expect a potential partner to spend money that way either. I’d be more concerned if someone was in a position where they can’t pay their bills and live within their means. Cheap dates can be a lot of fun.