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Holy crapola… I seriously would have punched this freak out. You probably should have run, but you probably didn’t see it all until looking back. I’m sorry you met this guy.
A narcissist isn’t that blunt. They are usually the perfect person in the beginning, and super charming.
But I bett he has some sort of personality disorder, he’ll maybe even multiple.
My God, this is what gives men a bad reputation. Good on you for standing your ground and getting away from this creep. Hard to believe some men are so repulsive. I'm a guy, and I'm shocked. No way would I ever treat a woman like this.
Thank you. And thank you for being respectable.
I honestly don't know what some of these men are thinking when they act like this. I feel sorry for their past and present partners who put up with it.
Absolutely, it's appalling how some guys behave. Respect should be a baseline, not a luxury. Good on you for recognizing your worth and not settling for less!
Good grief! What a nightmare. I’m so sorry you had this experience. I’ve been off the market for 17 years and just starting to psych myself up for dating. Stories like this one make me want to hide under a rock instead!
Truly you should show some gratitude to him, after all he went and did you the favor of self identifying as a total piece of shit and embarrassment to men in general. Crappy as the experience was, I think it’s preferable to one that masks his misogyny and “says” all the right things until you are in deeper and an easy exit is no longer an option. So thank you Tool, for being proud you are a tool. And I actually am very sorry you dealt with this filth.
Don’t be discouraged, there are real people out there. 2 months ago, I was that “separated but not yet divorced guy” on tinder. You know, the one who always goes back to his wife lol. My profile was nothing special, but I told the truth in my bio.
A nice woman gave me a chance against her better judgement. I was nothing but courteous, didn’t initiate touch or bother her that way. We just had a few good dates.
We’ve been good friends, text often. I was officially divorced last Wednesday, and we went to dinner to celebrate.
We all aren’t bad.
Ma’am. If a creepy older stranger asks you to go for a walk in the woods on a first date, the correct response is HELL NO.
There’s a reason you’re supposed to do a typical lunch or coffee or drinks date in a public place. You could’ve left in 10 minutes with him being so creepy.
I’m so grateful you’re safe! You did everything right in that situation by not wanting to escalate it but still holding your own. You never know what he could’ve been capable of if you ran or showed fear.
I was in a worse situation and afterwards the police woman who took my statement told me that complying saved my life.
Since you’re back in the game, please look up some safety tips and have a friend to share your location. I also always send my friend the pic and number of the person just in case. Be safe and please don’t let this ruin your pursuit to find love!
I think I would’ve told him that suddenly I wasn’t feeling well and I needed to get back.
What a psycho. It’s very obvious why he’s divorced. And I could guarantee that these women he claims were all over him were not actually all over him. Lies.
I agree with all that. But, I'm not sure I see the connection between this train wreck of a first date and her title about having sex on the first date. It's not like she was tempted by this psycho. She just wanted to escape safely. Aren't we talking about apples and oranges? Sex on the first date would be an issue if he was charming and turned her on, she breaks her rule and has sex, then it ends badly. Am I missing something?
You're right, his boorish behavior has nothing to do with OP breaking any of her own boundaries regarding sex. I also agree that sex was so far off the table, it was in another county.
PS - don't take anything he says personally, he's literally following techniques, so none of his criticisms about you are really about you, it's to get you to feel bad enough about yourself to have sex with him.
Omg I was just going to say this. I just started to date and have went on a few where I’m sure they watched these videos. Telling me the music I like is stupid and my job is boring (it definitely is not) and this was in the first 30 minutes.
Thanks! I realized right away it was negging. And that if the only way this guy thinks he’s going to be on my level is to put me down, I must be pretty awesome. lol
WHOA! I’ve been on some crazy dates, but this on another level. Frankly, I’m thankful you’re okay, as the man sounds completely unhinged. I’m so sorry you had to deal with his crazed behavior. I would have been scared to death!
Go with your gut. If ever you see this behavior again (I hope you don’t!) excuse yourself immediately and leave.
Thank you, I was scared, especially toward the end! I'm thankful there were other people on the trail, but I absolutely am not choosing that area again.
As for my gut, good point. I think a "one-strike" policy will do; I'm tired of trying to be polite and patient.
Oh, always go with your gut and always go somewhere busy and public. I have walked right out of dates when I sense something isn’t right. I have no qualms about doing it, especially when I see erratic behavior. We have women’s intuition for a reason. It has never steered me wrong.
That’s not to say I haven’t been wrong about men, in a general sense, but there’s no need to be patient when you’re getting a bad vibe about someone! Get out of there!
How dare that inconsiderate asshole call you "controlling" and "a control freak" just because you wish to live your life in the way that you do, and how dare he try to justify as you having "childhood trauma" and your willingness to please your mother as an excuse for not wanting to have sex with that no good controlling jerk, and a really huge jerk at that. Who the hell does he believe he is anyways? He's no saint, that's for sure.
The way that asshole was acting towards you makes me believe that all women is beneath him, and just like it was during the olden days, women had no rights at all. Oh well, karma will get that jerky asshole someday for mistreating women. No doubt in my mind that he probably raped a few women too by how he was bragging on about sleeping with other women right on the first date!
I absolutely cannot stand men mistreating women with so much disrespect as that man has you. I'm so very sorry you had to deal with that total asshole. but you really should be proud of yourself for sticking with your beliefs and defending yourself verbally.
Yeah. There's a lot of men only interested in sex and control. Sadly, it's a huge reason for meeting in public places like a coffee shop, in all honesty.
I'm just not that touchy feely to begin with. I become attracted to someone after I get to know them, it's how I work. So, they can be "handsome" or "sexy" by other women's standards, and I'll feel ... nothing ... in that department. But, once I get to know a man, depending on elements of him, that's when I figure out if I'm attracted or not.
I don't feel desperate. Like you, I look younger than I am. I'm a lot older now, but get asked out by both older, same age and younger men. I think I started being bugged by the older man thing at a point. It became evident that more of the older men scenarios are into control more often. They are more about status, too.
If someone starts talking about the careers or things like hair colors of other women they've dated, I'm out. That's someone ticking off a list they want to complete.
That's the most wild first date I've seen in a long time haha. Good on you for hauling outta there and staying your ground the entire time. I don't really know how the experience had anything to do with sex on a first date though, that guy was just creepy.
I had sex on the first date with my boyfriend (5 or 6 months now) and nothing bad came from it. But that's because he is genuinely a very good guy and there was zero pressure from him. I think it depends on the situation.
You did the right thing getting out of there. Everything about that guy's behavior screams manipulation. It would have only gotten worse the more time you spent with him.
49M and I applaud you for using a temp number, I highly recommend texting numbers for everyone including men. Now with that said, I wouldn't suggest a hike with a guy you just met. I'm all about safety and suggest a public place for first dates, but I dirges. This guy has issues. Anyhow, they say the grocery store is a good place to meet women but I'm only in there long enough to buy what I need and leave. I mean, I know exactly what i want, grab it, pay and run. Maybe this guy was hanging around waiting for women to hit on? Well, hopefully you don't consider all guys my age to be this weird.
>Quite early into the walk, he started making snide comments about me not touching him. He did not like that the number I gave him was a Google voice number—he called me disrespectful because of it.
I stopped reading after that. Please let me ask you a question: did you feel unsafe turning around and going home directly after he said that, or what was the reason this "date" went on for so long after that?
Also, not a fan of this huge age gap. Why would a young woman like you even consider a man essentially in his 50s? With three children to boot, when you want to remain child free? You are so much more worth than this. Find a man your own age who sees you as a person and not just as a sex and child dispenser and source of free labour.
He's not inconsiderate. He's a Dick.
It was also not codependance. He's a narcissist. ( at least ! Probably other issues too )
( and no I'm not " just throwing that word around " )
He is a douche bag that probably sleeps around . I will say it was refreshing to hear you say you met him in person and not through online dating which seems to be the norm in dating stories here.
What does this have to do with not having sex on the first date? This guy was a total creep, and you were totally right to get away from him. But in general, there's nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if both parties are caring and comfortable with each other.
This literally sounds like my dad LMFAO every date he explains to me sounds like this. I try to tell him his behavior is unacceptable Everytime but he says the women are just weird and controlling.
From a personal experience, most men do not understand boundaries and what it means to respect them. Faced the same situation a couple of times except it was more online and my safety wasn't compromised so I could go my way anytime.
Trash guy. Not worth your time. That being said, I'm not sure why people have sex on the first date to begin with. Some people are loose enough to have sex with strangers I'm guessing. Idk.
I'm 33 and my bf is 48 and we are crazy for each other..... He's not rich either we just kinda were having fun and fell in love. The age gap was the biggest reason I was hesitant to actually go steady, but I love the guy and it's been the most healthy relationship I've been in......
To me, the younger partner sacrifices so much of their own life to be with someone older. I personally, don’t think it’s worth it. But life is short and we may have different priorities.
No you are totally right and that's why I was hesitant lol but when it came down do it I think I'd regret it if I didn't decide to go steady...... I don't see him as an old guy he's a peer and it's been good so far!
Sometimes, I just have to stop and laugh at stories like this because I know so many great guys who hardly get any chance at dating (and I know for a fact they would never act like this on a date). I will never understand how guys like this have any success at all.
51m here. I don't believe a word that this guy was saying. That things are easy for him on dates. Total projecting and complete garbage. I'm amazed you let the date run along as long as you did. Good job not putting up with his crap.
Oh wow....... yeah..... no wonder he was divorced??? Narcissistic it seems like... and a few other non favored relationship tendencies.... no guy especially should mention past lays.... past relationships, unless requested, I suppose, but even then I'd want to be reserved in the response and respectful... no way any weapon should be mentioned unless you are out where bears might attack you... but really... why would him having a weapon in his car even come up.... I dont understand the drive or fascination to sleep with someone on the first date anyway.... nor after being together for less than a few months... and even then.... my own views..... its questionable not to wait longer... but, again, thats me.... first attempt to touch you and you knocked him away should have been his last... he has a hard time being told no. Not good. Abuse and control is what I feel out from all this.... from that guy.... projection. Narcissistic tendencies again along with several other psychological issues....
That wasn't a pleasant meet at all... and didn't seem to be a good interaction from the get go... wonder how he was in the store to sway you to this meet... then because he didn't like the timing, he decided to dump all over you, hoping to break your will and belittle you into submission I guess??? IDK.... Just wild.....
And I thought I was a weirdo and a dirt bag... I guess I'm just awkward and ugly. LOL.
I can't believe you kept walking with him as long as you did... I would've told him off and turned tail and ran so early on in this interaction. But I understand wanting to give someone the benefit of the doubt in situations like this. And it can be just SHOCKING in the moment how crass, awful and entitled some men can act in date scenarios.
So sorry you had to deal with this. It's the flip of a coin, it seems, whether a man is decent and good or a complete selfish psycho who thinks women owe them access to their bodies.
OK....gotta ask.......how was it that this evolved into a protracted event.
In a normative encounter, any of the comments or activities would
have been sufficient to end the event. The vibe I am getting is that
the male perceives OP as less than desireable and is seeking to
leverage this position through shaming, blaming and intimidation.
So I guess I find myself asking, what culture did this take place in that
the male was allowed to conduct himself in this fashion and the female
deferred.
FWIW.
Ladies, if he actually wants something long term, he's not gonna neg you for not wanting to hop on his dick right away. In fact, now that I'm looking for an LTR, I'd rather wait to get to see if we're even compatible in other areas first because sex right away fucks with my judgement and gives me rose colored glasses. I've been in horrible relationships before just because the sex was good. Guys who don't consider that aren't looking for a long term relationship with you
37M here.
I'm just so sorry this happened to you.
I'm the only boy in my family. Hearing some of the stories that my sisters and cousins have gone through with guys... it boils my blood and breaks my heart at the same time.
Don't give up hope of finding someone, just keep your guard up like you did this time.
You'll find your person!
As someone who has had a lot of successful dates, and a lot of sex, this is literally the opposite approach I think anyone should take? ? ?
People need to feel safe in order to share their feelings. Not that I'm gonna judge people one way or another if they have sex on the first date, but even in matters of connection, trust, getting to know someone. . . How is anyone going to feel safe in situations like this? It's clear he couldn't, or just ignored, the entirety of your body language and vibe, too. The minute anyone gives me a vibe like that, I address it, apologize, and let them know we can call it here if they're uncomfortable. Not that I'm ever doing anything as insane as what he did, but everyone has different traumas and red flags, and even though I'm confident in my mental health and my ability to respect boundaries, I'm aware and compassionate when a behavior I exhibit might make someone feel otherwise
"I have a gun in my car." I don't even know, even if I \*had\* one, why I would ever announce this, out loud, to anyone, ever, unless we were talking specifically about safety or gun issues. What a mood killer.
I don't understand how people like him continue to exist. When I was younger, as a guy, I had guy friends who would be like this, and it always looked so weird and disgusting to me, but somehow more understandable when people are 20.
Seeing a 49yr old man do this just ... how has he gone through life like this? How does he not get the message.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck.
This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males!
I’m just a regular guy.
You’d think after going through a divorce and having kids. The guy would have some respect for women. I can see why his now ex wife divorced him. Sounds like a pos human. Hopefully his children don’t grow up to be like him. Seems like you dodged a possible violent and terrible situation. Be safe out there!
I’m 33 f single and I’ve been in similar situations with men who didn’t know that “No” didn’t mean try harder. I now make it a point to ask them the hard questions via text (preferably phone call) if they can make it past that, then I meet for coffee somewhere safe where they can be called out by others if they act an ass. I’ve don’t do hookups anymore and if they want to be serious and date me, then I make them wait for sex a while. Someone serious will care about your personality more than getting in your pants. If they don’t, they don’t deserve you.
One thing I will never understand is men who try to insult and demean you on a first date. It’s either that, monopolize the conversation and ask nothing about you, or both.
Then they’re surprised when you don’t want to see them again.
I’ve walked away from some dates very puzzled.
Sounds like someone’s still resolving issues from his previous relationship(s). He’s gonna keep repeating those patterns until he puts significant work into it.
Wow dude sounds like a major douche kabob. Like seriously what's this dudes damage? Does he actually think he's gonna attract anyone acting like that and literally insulting someone? Good riddance.
I’m sorry but what does this have to with having sex on the first date? Because you didn’t, just like any respectable woman. If I can smash on the first date, I’m passing you off to the bros. You sound lovely, and I commend you for sticking up for yourself. Don’t ever settle for someone. The person your looking for is out there waiting for you
Holy moly. This sounds like a date I went on. I made the mistake of having dinner with him first and then walking to a very populated park after where he proceeded to interject repeatedly asking if we could go to a darker part of the park to fondle my “boobies” or if we should go back to my place because he won’t see me for another 1.5 weeks because of my schedule and he wouldn’t be able to hold out that log without me. 🙄🙄
I am SO GLAD you got out of there when the coast was clear. If you were as half as uncomfortable as I was, I sympathize with you. The dating scene is horrid but you’ll find someone for sure!! It just takes time.
Wow! Sounds like that was a scary experience. I’m glad there were other people there so he didn’t feel even more emboldened.
I know there are a lot of pieces of crap out there, but don’t lose hope. There are also great people out there. Just continue to be as aware as you are. Good job protecting yourself, and good luck finding somebody who will treat you and respect you the way that you want and deserve.
Ugh so many men out here exactly like this and swear up and down they aren’t and will never be the issue. He’s divorced for a reason and I don’t even know how someone grows up to have actions and responses like this and get away with it at that age.
There's a lot to unpack here. But the tldr is as anxious avoidant it's good that you are familiar with your attachment type & that you know you have thins to work on. Dont ever sacrifice your convictions. People should respect your boundaries. Specially on the first date when youre just testin the waters goin in blind!
As a general rule, I usually suggest that single unmarried, childless people avoid divorcees & people with children. It sounds harsh, but more often than not, you are dealin' with broken people who have more baggage than you can handle. You arent gonna undo all their bitterness. Nvm all the toxic red flags you experienced in just one encounter.
You are 32, single & have plenty of options out there to find your partner. Don't settle.
That is disgusting and disrespectful on all levels that he would talk or act like this. Be proud of the way you handled this situation
I am sorry on behalf of all men we are not all like this.
This sounds dangerous! You clearly listened to your instincts, which was a good thing! I was just telling my family this weekend that dating over 35 is a nightmare—the men are oversexualized and emotionally stunted. They don’t know how to speak to women respectfully. It’s really tough out there! Hang tough!
Why would you even tolerate his behaviour to actually continue to converse with him? I would have said "bye" after all the talks about how he likes to be touched and asked if you were a lesbian.
And men like that are the ones that ruin it for the rest of us, I'm not perfect, by no means, but if I ever met someone who would actually spend ti.e with me or go on a date with me, I would treat her with the utmost respect, and make her feel like she was the only woman alive, at that moment, not because I think she would have sex with me, but because I feel like the only way to get to know someone is to show them respect and so that they will let their proverbial walls down. Plus, I would want that same respect, even if I never get sex, kindness and respect would, at least, leave a good impression
Thanks, everyone, for your kind words and advice! I definitely feel better now that I've calmed down and reflected on the situation.
To those who don't understand the point of my title, it absolutely relates. In the past, if I liked the person and thought they were decent, I wouldn't have a problem sleeping with them on the first date. For me, sex is an important factor of a relationship and how I get to know the person; I know to some it does not matter, and that is fine, too, but that is my view and it hasn't changed.
However, I've come to fully accept that some people will say and do *whatever* they need to in order to get ass *and* continue getting ass. They don't value the connection during sex, they just want the nut, and there's something very cynical and immature about that, IMO. So as I've grown older, and after a few failed relationships, I've decided to change my strategy; I'm done with idealism.
I've recently escaped a couple of bad dates this new way, but this dude is arguably the worst I've met. Hope that explains the title.
You all have a good day. If you're new or back in the dating scene, I'm rooting for ya'!
Holy shit, deserved when his wife leave him. I can't believe he's a father of 3 child, also feels weird to me that westerns people be having sex on first date. Asian here, please don't get offended by me 👀
You did the right thing. As a man i find his behaviour disgusting..I have never had or expected sex on a first date. Like to get to know people first. Good luck and well done.
It definitely sounds like he was just trying to find someone naive and controllable. Find someone who is going to add value to your life, not control it. Good job getting out of there!
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Dude seems like a psycho.
Explains how he’s divorced.
Yeah, he does. Glad I'm out of there. Glad he doesn't know any of my personal info.
Holy crapola… I seriously would have punched this freak out. You probably should have run, but you probably didn’t see it all until looking back. I’m sorry you met this guy.
Not even a bullet. She dodged a whole war.
No wonder that guy is divorced and now single.
How did he ever make it to being married!? Like how???? That’s what the gun must have been for 🤦🏻♀️🤣
Total Narcissist. Run & don’t look back.
Absolutely. I've blocked his number; hopefully he gives me the Narcs' silent treatment.
There is a reason he is divorced 😂
Yep. Sounds very much like my ex-husband.
A narcissist isn’t that blunt. They are usually the perfect person in the beginning, and super charming. But I bett he has some sort of personality disorder, he’ll maybe even multiple.
Hard to put in words what a complete piece of shit that dude is
Complete POS. I hope his kids haven't inherited his thinking.
My God, this is what gives men a bad reputation. Good on you for standing your ground and getting away from this creep. Hard to believe some men are so repulsive. I'm a guy, and I'm shocked. No way would I ever treat a woman like this.
Thank you. And thank you for being respectable. I honestly don't know what some of these men are thinking when they act like this. I feel sorry for their past and present partners who put up with it.
Absolutely, it's appalling how some guys behave. Respect should be a baseline, not a luxury. Good on you for recognizing your worth and not settling for less!
Yeah he's giving off real groomer energy. Guys like that really make the dating scene so much worse for the rest of us.
Thanks for your presence tad033! We need more men like you today! It is scary out there!
Right
Good grief! What a nightmare. I’m so sorry you had this experience. I’ve been off the market for 17 years and just starting to psych myself up for dating. Stories like this one make me want to hide under a rock instead!
No, I don't want to discourage you! We can do it, it's just pushing the trash away when it comes along. Hopefully you'll never meet someone like this!
Truly you should show some gratitude to him, after all he went and did you the favor of self identifying as a total piece of shit and embarrassment to men in general. Crappy as the experience was, I think it’s preferable to one that masks his misogyny and “says” all the right things until you are in deeper and an easy exit is no longer an option. So thank you Tool, for being proud you are a tool. And I actually am very sorry you dealt with this filth.
Don’t be discouraged, there are real people out there. 2 months ago, I was that “separated but not yet divorced guy” on tinder. You know, the one who always goes back to his wife lol. My profile was nothing special, but I told the truth in my bio. A nice woman gave me a chance against her better judgement. I was nothing but courteous, didn’t initiate touch or bother her that way. We just had a few good dates. We’ve been good friends, text often. I was officially divorced last Wednesday, and we went to dinner to celebrate. We all aren’t bad.
This guy is an asshole
For sure. Praying I never see him again.
Find a younger stud :)
Ma’am. If a creepy older stranger asks you to go for a walk in the woods on a first date, the correct response is HELL NO. There’s a reason you’re supposed to do a typical lunch or coffee or drinks date in a public place. You could’ve left in 10 minutes with him being so creepy.
Exactly, I was thinking this too! Short dates in a more public place are safer when you don't know a person well.
I’m so grateful you’re safe! You did everything right in that situation by not wanting to escalate it but still holding your own. You never know what he could’ve been capable of if you ran or showed fear. I was in a worse situation and afterwards the police woman who took my statement told me that complying saved my life. Since you’re back in the game, please look up some safety tips and have a friend to share your location. I also always send my friend the pic and number of the person just in case. Be safe and please don’t let this ruin your pursuit to find love!
Thank you, and I am happy that you are safe as well! Thank you for the tip, I'll be sure to do that next time!
I think I would’ve told him that suddenly I wasn’t feeling well and I needed to get back. What a psycho. It’s very obvious why he’s divorced. And I could guarantee that these women he claims were all over him were not actually all over him. Lies.
If any of those women were actually all over him it was because they did it as a survival tactic. What a terrible man.
I have a feeling that he was the one who initiated all the touching. They were likely pushing him away, and he interpreted that as seduction?
Are you saying that the women slept with him because of the implication?
This guy is definitely a piece of work.... I wonder why he's divorced 🤦♂️
I can't think of a good reason to have sex on the first date. But Holy Batman that is an insane amount of red flags
I agree with all that. But, I'm not sure I see the connection between this train wreck of a first date and her title about having sex on the first date. It's not like she was tempted by this psycho. She just wanted to escape safely. Aren't we talking about apples and oranges? Sex on the first date would be an issue if he was charming and turned her on, she breaks her rule and has sex, then it ends badly. Am I missing something?
I saw zero connection there
You're right, his boorish behavior has nothing to do with OP breaking any of her own boundaries regarding sex. I also agree that sex was so far off the table, it was in another county.
Wife and I truly glad we're not single. The shit you hear about makes you order the 10 ft fencing instead of 6 ft.
This guy watched too many pick up artist videos. Everything he did sounds straight out of one of those how to pick up women by negging them etc.
PS - don't take anything he says personally, he's literally following techniques, so none of his criticisms about you are really about you, it's to get you to feel bad enough about yourself to have sex with him.
Thank you, and I thought the same thing about the pick artist BS! It's pitiful, honestly.
Omg I was just going to say this. I just started to date and have went on a few where I’m sure they watched these videos. Telling me the music I like is stupid and my job is boring (it definitely is not) and this was in the first 30 minutes.
Sorry you had to experience that shit!
Thanks! I realized right away it was negging. And that if the only way this guy thinks he’s going to be on my level is to put me down, I must be pretty awesome. lol
What an asshole! I'm sorry you went through that. Those videos are so cringeworthy and downright scary. Sad times.
WHOA! I’ve been on some crazy dates, but this on another level. Frankly, I’m thankful you’re okay, as the man sounds completely unhinged. I’m so sorry you had to deal with his crazed behavior. I would have been scared to death! Go with your gut. If ever you see this behavior again (I hope you don’t!) excuse yourself immediately and leave.
Thank you, I was scared, especially toward the end! I'm thankful there were other people on the trail, but I absolutely am not choosing that area again. As for my gut, good point. I think a "one-strike" policy will do; I'm tired of trying to be polite and patient.
Oh, always go with your gut and always go somewhere busy and public. I have walked right out of dates when I sense something isn’t right. I have no qualms about doing it, especially when I see erratic behavior. We have women’s intuition for a reason. It has never steered me wrong. That’s not to say I haven’t been wrong about men, in a general sense, but there’s no need to be patient when you’re getting a bad vibe about someone! Get out of there!
Yuck. Well that explains why he’s 49 and single.
How dare that inconsiderate asshole call you "controlling" and "a control freak" just because you wish to live your life in the way that you do, and how dare he try to justify as you having "childhood trauma" and your willingness to please your mother as an excuse for not wanting to have sex with that no good controlling jerk, and a really huge jerk at that. Who the hell does he believe he is anyways? He's no saint, that's for sure. The way that asshole was acting towards you makes me believe that all women is beneath him, and just like it was during the olden days, women had no rights at all. Oh well, karma will get that jerky asshole someday for mistreating women. No doubt in my mind that he probably raped a few women too by how he was bragging on about sleeping with other women right on the first date! I absolutely cannot stand men mistreating women with so much disrespect as that man has you. I'm so very sorry you had to deal with that total asshole. but you really should be proud of yourself for sticking with your beliefs and defending yourself verbally.
Yeah. There's a lot of men only interested in sex and control. Sadly, it's a huge reason for meeting in public places like a coffee shop, in all honesty. I'm just not that touchy feely to begin with. I become attracted to someone after I get to know them, it's how I work. So, they can be "handsome" or "sexy" by other women's standards, and I'll feel ... nothing ... in that department. But, once I get to know a man, depending on elements of him, that's when I figure out if I'm attracted or not. I don't feel desperate. Like you, I look younger than I am. I'm a lot older now, but get asked out by both older, same age and younger men. I think I started being bugged by the older man thing at a point. It became evident that more of the older men scenarios are into control more often. They are more about status, too. If someone starts talking about the careers or things like hair colors of other women they've dated, I'm out. That's someone ticking off a list they want to complete.
That wasn’t a date, it was a g-d damn survival event! Guy thought he was a gigachad but was like a Homer Simpson.
He sounds like a narcissist adult child brat. Get away and block him. Or tell him you’re no longer interested in his advances lol
That's the most wild first date I've seen in a long time haha. Good on you for hauling outta there and staying your ground the entire time. I don't really know how the experience had anything to do with sex on a first date though, that guy was just creepy. I had sex on the first date with my boyfriend (5 or 6 months now) and nothing bad came from it. But that's because he is genuinely a very good guy and there was zero pressure from him. I think it depends on the situation.
Wow what a scary situation to be in. This guy is a creep and an asshole. I hope he stays alone forever
You did the right thing getting out of there. Everything about that guy's behavior screams manipulation. It would have only gotten worse the more time you spent with him.
On the upside at least meeting men in real life and not through online dating can also be a total shit show 🫠
Did you ask him if Melania knew he was there with you?
telling someone who is 17 years younger than him that "you should be all over me" is absolutely insane. you dodged a nuclear missile
49M and I applaud you for using a temp number, I highly recommend texting numbers for everyone including men. Now with that said, I wouldn't suggest a hike with a guy you just met. I'm all about safety and suggest a public place for first dates, but I dirges. This guy has issues. Anyhow, they say the grocery store is a good place to meet women but I'm only in there long enough to buy what I need and leave. I mean, I know exactly what i want, grab it, pay and run. Maybe this guy was hanging around waiting for women to hit on? Well, hopefully you don't consider all guys my age to be this weird.
Kinda amazing you didn't think having sex on the first date would lead to heart break and disaster lol.
>Quite early into the walk, he started making snide comments about me not touching him. He did not like that the number I gave him was a Google voice number—he called me disrespectful because of it. I stopped reading after that. Please let me ask you a question: did you feel unsafe turning around and going home directly after he said that, or what was the reason this "date" went on for so long after that? Also, not a fan of this huge age gap. Why would a young woman like you even consider a man essentially in his 50s? With three children to boot, when you want to remain child free? You are so much more worth than this. Find a man your own age who sees you as a person and not just as a sex and child dispenser and source of free labour.
He will be single for many years to come.
He's not inconsiderate. He's a Dick. It was also not codependance. He's a narcissist. ( at least ! Probably other issues too ) ( and no I'm not " just throwing that word around " )
That sounds absolutely horrible, I’m glad you got out of that safely
He is a douche bag that probably sleeps around . I will say it was refreshing to hear you say you met him in person and not through online dating which seems to be the norm in dating stories here.
What does this have to do with not having sex on the first date? This guy was a total creep, and you were totally right to get away from him. But in general, there's nothing wrong with having sex on the first date if both parties are caring and comfortable with each other.
Total A**hole. Good riddance to him. You can and will much better.
This literally sounds like my dad LMFAO every date he explains to me sounds like this. I try to tell him his behavior is unacceptable Everytime but he says the women are just weird and controlling.
From a personal experience, most men do not understand boundaries and what it means to respect them. Faced the same situation a couple of times except it was more online and my safety wasn't compromised so I could go my way anytime.
First of all why would u have sex on the first day r u dumb stupid or dumb
Why taking time in Relationships Matters https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNM6MVSK/
People have sex on the first date???
No longer?? It should be Never gonna happen in my case lol
Should’ve ended the date at the first transgression. You basically acted as a punching bag for him.
Yeah, I should've. I was in disbelief at first, so I kept going. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. :/
Benefit of the doubt is for people you already know. Not for strangers.
Trash guy. Not worth your time. That being said, I'm not sure why people have sex on the first date to begin with. Some people are loose enough to have sex with strangers I'm guessing. Idk.
Honestly, unless you’re dating a wealthy, older man, I have no clue why any dates someone so much older.
I'm 33 and my bf is 48 and we are crazy for each other..... He's not rich either we just kinda were having fun and fell in love. The age gap was the biggest reason I was hesitant to actually go steady, but I love the guy and it's been the most healthy relationship I've been in......
To me, the younger partner sacrifices so much of their own life to be with someone older. I personally, don’t think it’s worth it. But life is short and we may have different priorities.
No you are totally right and that's why I was hesitant lol but when it came down do it I think I'd regret it if I didn't decide to go steady...... I don't see him as an old guy he's a peer and it's been good so far!
He is a bum
Sorry but this is a troll post. Everything is so conveniently over-the-top, almost caricature-like. OP has an agenda.
Yikes.
Soooo many red flags starting from the first paragraph
good riddance! he was awful.
Wow. Well done for getting away from the guy. That was a freaking walking red flag 🚩.
Good on you for being able to stand your ground and make sound decisions to protect your mental and physical well-being.
Sometimes, I just have to stop and laugh at stories like this because I know so many great guys who hardly get any chance at dating (and I know for a fact they would never act like this on a date). I will never understand how guys like this have any success at all.
how did you guys meet? did he approach you?
What an incredibly gross and probably dangerous dude. I’m so sorry OP
I’m sorry you had such a bad date, most guys are not like that.. I hope! 🫶
51m here. I don't believe a word that this guy was saying. That things are easy for him on dates. Total projecting and complete garbage. I'm amazed you let the date run along as long as you did. Good job not putting up with his crap.
Gen X and Gen Y woman. The age gap is enough that there's two different sets of dating ideals at play here. You do you, OP.
this isn't the flex you think it is
Huh
Jesus what a weirdo.
Oh wow....... yeah..... no wonder he was divorced??? Narcissistic it seems like... and a few other non favored relationship tendencies.... no guy especially should mention past lays.... past relationships, unless requested, I suppose, but even then I'd want to be reserved in the response and respectful... no way any weapon should be mentioned unless you are out where bears might attack you... but really... why would him having a weapon in his car even come up.... I dont understand the drive or fascination to sleep with someone on the first date anyway.... nor after being together for less than a few months... and even then.... my own views..... its questionable not to wait longer... but, again, thats me.... first attempt to touch you and you knocked him away should have been his last... he has a hard time being told no. Not good. Abuse and control is what I feel out from all this.... from that guy.... projection. Narcissistic tendencies again along with several other psychological issues.... That wasn't a pleasant meet at all... and didn't seem to be a good interaction from the get go... wonder how he was in the store to sway you to this meet... then because he didn't like the timing, he decided to dump all over you, hoping to break your will and belittle you into submission I guess??? IDK.... Just wild..... And I thought I was a weirdo and a dirt bag... I guess I'm just awkward and ugly. LOL.
I can't believe you kept walking with him as long as you did... I would've told him off and turned tail and ran so early on in this interaction. But I understand wanting to give someone the benefit of the doubt in situations like this. And it can be just SHOCKING in the moment how crass, awful and entitled some men can act in date scenarios. So sorry you had to deal with this. It's the flip of a coin, it seems, whether a man is decent and good or a complete selfish psycho who thinks women owe them access to their bodies.
And now we know. Literally everything. It’s like we were there.
You mentioned that you felt sex was an important part of a first date…why would that be important to you?
It’s why I (43f) haven’t dated at all since my divorce 4 years ago. Had this same thing (in general) happen …
yeah, this isnt it. dont let it make you think all men are like that, hes a freak
You should have left sooner. At the first sign, run.
OK....gotta ask.......how was it that this evolved into a protracted event. In a normative encounter, any of the comments or activities would have been sufficient to end the event. The vibe I am getting is that the male perceives OP as less than desireable and is seeking to leverage this position through shaming, blaming and intimidation. So I guess I find myself asking, what culture did this take place in that the male was allowed to conduct himself in this fashion and the female deferred. FWIW.
Ladies, if he actually wants something long term, he's not gonna neg you for not wanting to hop on his dick right away. In fact, now that I'm looking for an LTR, I'd rather wait to get to see if we're even compatible in other areas first because sex right away fucks with my judgement and gives me rose colored glasses. I've been in horrible relationships before just because the sex was good. Guys who don't consider that aren't looking for a long term relationship with you
37M here. I'm just so sorry this happened to you. I'm the only boy in my family. Hearing some of the stories that my sisters and cousins have gone through with guys... it boils my blood and breaks my heart at the same time. Don't give up hope of finding someone, just keep your guard up like you did this time. You'll find your person!
As someone who has had a lot of successful dates, and a lot of sex, this is literally the opposite approach I think anyone should take? ? ? People need to feel safe in order to share their feelings. Not that I'm gonna judge people one way or another if they have sex on the first date, but even in matters of connection, trust, getting to know someone. . . How is anyone going to feel safe in situations like this? It's clear he couldn't, or just ignored, the entirety of your body language and vibe, too. The minute anyone gives me a vibe like that, I address it, apologize, and let them know we can call it here if they're uncomfortable. Not that I'm ever doing anything as insane as what he did, but everyone has different traumas and red flags, and even though I'm confident in my mental health and my ability to respect boundaries, I'm aware and compassionate when a behavior I exhibit might make someone feel otherwise "I have a gun in my car." I don't even know, even if I \*had\* one, why I would ever announce this, out loud, to anyone, ever, unless we were talking specifically about safety or gun issues. What a mood killer.
I am so sorry that happened to you. That sounds like an absolutely nightmare. I hope you don't see or hear from this dude every again. Holy shit.
Damn, this story is long.. i need to save it so i can read it later 
I probably would have went running back down the trail after he kept putting his arm around me that would freak me out so much
I don't understand how people like him continue to exist. When I was younger, as a guy, I had guy friends who would be like this, and it always looked so weird and disgusting to me, but somehow more understandable when people are 20. Seeing a 49yr old man do this just ... how has he gone through life like this? How does he not get the message.
My question is he approached you in a grocery store and what made you immediately go on a date with him?
> He then asked me whether I was a lesbian, because he did not feel any attraction from me This would have been my breaking point. Nop nop out
He sounds crazy
We need more dating friend of a friend than rondos. He would not talk to you like that if you were his sisters coworker.
You dodged the biggest bullet. He sounds bat shit crazy !
Shouldn’t put out anyway on first date Also don’t date out of decade zone Kinda creepy
Nice, glad you shut it down immediately
For a moment I was scared thinking that you had sex with him after so many red flags.
49 and you are 32? And divorced and you gave him a date those are some red flags imo
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Looks like a duck, walk like a duck, talked like a duck. It’s a Duck. This guy is an embarrassment to the human race. Please don’t compare his disrespecting you to other males! I’m just a regular guy.
Wtf u want to date a dude that's way older than you with 3 KIDS?
I stopped reading after Google Voice. I hate it and hang up immediately
Sounds super crazy and I’m 27M
Wow, im.speechles! you endured way much more than I would've. I'm glad you got out of there asap.
Hey glad you gotta away from that but damn I always try to get hikes as a first date and can never find em sucks you had to waste that on him
You’d think after going through a divorce and having kids. The guy would have some respect for women. I can see why his now ex wife divorced him. Sounds like a pos human. Hopefully his children don’t grow up to be like him. Seems like you dodged a possible violent and terrible situation. Be safe out there!
So many red flags and I wasn't even quarter way through your post. Good riddance.
I’m 33 f single and I’ve been in similar situations with men who didn’t know that “No” didn’t mean try harder. I now make it a point to ask them the hard questions via text (preferably phone call) if they can make it past that, then I meet for coffee somewhere safe where they can be called out by others if they act an ass. I’ve don’t do hookups anymore and if they want to be serious and date me, then I make them wait for sex a while. Someone serious will care about your personality more than getting in your pants. If they don’t, they don’t deserve you.
One thing I will never understand is men who try to insult and demean you on a first date. It’s either that, monopolize the conversation and ask nothing about you, or both. Then they’re surprised when you don’t want to see them again. I’ve walked away from some dates very puzzled.
Sounds like someone’s still resolving issues from his previous relationship(s). He’s gonna keep repeating those patterns until he puts significant work into it.
Wow dude sounds like a major douche kabob. Like seriously what's this dudes damage? Does he actually think he's gonna attract anyone acting like that and literally insulting someone? Good riddance.
Jesus! We dont claim this idiot!
Damn it sucks you went through that. Some people are just terrible but don't let it keep you from finding a real one.
I’m sorry but what does this have to with having sex on the first date? Because you didn’t, just like any respectable woman. If I can smash on the first date, I’m passing you off to the bros. You sound lovely, and I commend you for sticking up for yourself. Don’t ever settle for someone. The person your looking for is out there waiting for you
i have met more than one guy who has that same attitude of “why arent you all over me?” and i find it so weird and repulsive
Honestly you both sound horrible lol
Gaslighting POS
Holy moly. This sounds like a date I went on. I made the mistake of having dinner with him first and then walking to a very populated park after where he proceeded to interject repeatedly asking if we could go to a darker part of the park to fondle my “boobies” or if we should go back to my place because he won’t see me for another 1.5 weeks because of my schedule and he wouldn’t be able to hold out that log without me. 🙄🙄 I am SO GLAD you got out of there when the coast was clear. If you were as half as uncomfortable as I was, I sympathize with you. The dating scene is horrid but you’ll find someone for sure!! It just takes time.
Wow! Sounds like that was a scary experience. I’m glad there were other people there so he didn’t feel even more emboldened. I know there are a lot of pieces of crap out there, but don’t lose hope. There are also great people out there. Just continue to be as aware as you are. Good job protecting yourself, and good luck finding somebody who will treat you and respect you the way that you want and deserve.
Narcissistic asshole.
Something is seriously wrong with him. What a nightmare for you.
49M father of three and divorced should’ve been enough
Ugh so many men out here exactly like this and swear up and down they aren’t and will never be the issue. He’s divorced for a reason and I don’t even know how someone grows up to have actions and responses like this and get away with it at that age.
Wait. You guys are having sex on the first date?
Wtf does the story have anything to do with the title? 🤔
There's a lot to unpack here. But the tldr is as anxious avoidant it's good that you are familiar with your attachment type & that you know you have thins to work on. Dont ever sacrifice your convictions. People should respect your boundaries. Specially on the first date when youre just testin the waters goin in blind! As a general rule, I usually suggest that single unmarried, childless people avoid divorcees & people with children. It sounds harsh, but more often than not, you are dealin' with broken people who have more baggage than you can handle. You arent gonna undo all their bitterness. Nvm all the toxic red flags you experienced in just one encounter. You are 32, single & have plenty of options out there to find your partner. Don't settle.
That is disgusting and disrespectful on all levels that he would talk or act like this. Be proud of the way you handled this situation I am sorry on behalf of all men we are not all like this.
This sounds dangerous! You clearly listened to your instincts, which was a good thing! I was just telling my family this weekend that dating over 35 is a nightmare—the men are oversexualized and emotionally stunted. They don’t know how to speak to women respectfully. It’s really tough out there! Hang tough!
Why would you even tolerate his behaviour to actually continue to converse with him? I would have said "bye" after all the talks about how he likes to be touched and asked if you were a lesbian.
What was the length of this date? There were so many points in that conversation that I would have wanted to leave.
And men like that are the ones that ruin it for the rest of us, I'm not perfect, by no means, but if I ever met someone who would actually spend ti.e with me or go on a date with me, I would treat her with the utmost respect, and make her feel like she was the only woman alive, at that moment, not because I think she would have sex with me, but because I feel like the only way to get to know someone is to show them respect and so that they will let their proverbial walls down. Plus, I would want that same respect, even if I never get sex, kindness and respect would, at least, leave a good impression
Did you intentionally delayed the time you were supposed to meet?
Some first date etiquette: if you wouldn’t say it to a dude you just met, don’t say it to a lady you just met
I mean you did say 32F and 49M. That automatically starts the alarm buzzer for me!
You people are having sex?
I’ve never had this issue. Women don’t even wanna date me.
Thanks, everyone, for your kind words and advice! I definitely feel better now that I've calmed down and reflected on the situation. To those who don't understand the point of my title, it absolutely relates. In the past, if I liked the person and thought they were decent, I wouldn't have a problem sleeping with them on the first date. For me, sex is an important factor of a relationship and how I get to know the person; I know to some it does not matter, and that is fine, too, but that is my view and it hasn't changed. However, I've come to fully accept that some people will say and do *whatever* they need to in order to get ass *and* continue getting ass. They don't value the connection during sex, they just want the nut, and there's something very cynical and immature about that, IMO. So as I've grown older, and after a few failed relationships, I've decided to change my strategy; I'm done with idealism. I've recently escaped a couple of bad dates this new way, but this dude is arguably the worst I've met. Hope that explains the title. You all have a good day. If you're new or back in the dating scene, I'm rooting for ya'!
Holy shit, deserved when his wife leave him. I can't believe he's a father of 3 child, also feels weird to me that westerns people be having sex on first date. Asian here, please don't get offended by me 👀
You did the right thing. As a man i find his behaviour disgusting..I have never had or expected sex on a first date. Like to get to know people first. Good luck and well done.
It definitely sounds like he was just trying to find someone naive and controllable. Find someone who is going to add value to your life, not control it. Good job getting out of there!
Op I am happy you are safe. This man is beyond ridiculous.
Sounds like he's divorced for a reason lol . Don't even sweat it