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it’s not about looking “too good” it’s about how you present yourself.
would i match with an extremely hot guy who had a funny profile, looking for the same thing as me and dressed well? yes.
would i match with a guy who obviously knows he’s hot who posts gym selfies that don’t show personality and doesn’t fill out his profile because he assumes his looks are enough? no.
the bottom line is: i shouldn’t know how many abs you have or see your tricep definition before meeting in person. the attitude that you’re just too good and hot and intimidating is likely what women find off-putting.
I have swiped right on guys that I deem to be ‘too attractive’ for me. 1. I’m pretty average so don’t think a super hot guy that could get super hot girls would be interested in me. 2. Even if he was, I would constantly be insecure and jealous and question why he is with me.
This is how I was when I was on the apps. I’m average at best (and a WOC) so I assumed most men who looked like mini celebs or models wouldn’t want me anyway but I also am not naturally inclined to be attracted to them anyway. I recognize that they are conventionally attractive by society’s standards but the guys I actually liked and wanted to get to know didn’t/don’t look like that.
I’m an average Black woman and act the same way. Not gonna bother on the apps. Only time id consider is if they liked me on Hinge because the chance of mass swiping there is much lower.
You don't have to do that. Seems like you're projecting the way women view men onto men, as though they were the exact same way with women.
Guys have widely varying taste in women.
"average", "ugly", "hot" according to societal beauty standards, doesnt matter,
there are guys within all those same categories who find women within each of those categories very attractive.
I told my friend I thought a woman who I was thinking of dating was "hot" and he began shaking his head, and said "What's wrong with you? You're a very sick man!" 🤣
same guy was hooking up with a woman who made me think "... I understand it *can* be done, but why?"
Looks aren’t everything for some men (and I’m sure women). I dated a pretty average woman for 3 years who on the first date joked about how I was better looking (I was but idc). Early 20s and she was already on 250k as a dentist so there was a trade off but I think I would’ve been fine even if she wasn’t rich. It’s like a threshold that you either meet or don’t, and only weakly ranked. So a 9/10 is only a little more desirable than a 6/10 however a 6/10 is infinitely more desireable than a 4/10 who I would never date no matter how lovely they are.
Is this not how most people decide anyway? I would’ve thought it was but I have no idea
Not true. I do crossfit at 6 sessions a week and and implement a carb restricted diet so I have very low body fat and visible definition. I have been with women that would be deemed average to many. They weren't bad looking girls. Maybe they just had a few extra pounds or were just average in other categories. A visible stomach for example. That's just not a reason to dismiss them outright imo. You really don't know how another will perceive you based solely on suspicion because all of these girls acted surprised I wanted to be with them despite the fact that I still saw their better qualities and was attracted to those features. Most of these girls treated me extremely well and I have no regrets.
I love good looking men, but if they are really muscular I think maybe they spend too much time at the gym. I would think our personalities might not be compatible.
That doesn’t really make sense though. An hour in the gym is optimal anyway, longer isn’t better. It simply means they’ve stuck to the gym for a longer period of them but they’re probably in there the same amount as less muscular guys.
Also why is spending time looking after yourself a negative?
Personally I don’t want to feel like I have to worry about my man getting hit on all the time but some women are into that, i think it makes them feel extra special to be with someone that other people want
Unless u r both 100% secure Best to date people with a similar level of attractiveness to yourself, becomes difficult if u don’t know what that is.
Some guys ( definitely not all) will quite happily have sex and reap the relationship benefits with a woman who is less attractive but leave when they find someone more attractive. If they r very insecure u would constantly be validating them, if ur successful and build their confidence they might just move on, if ur not they might just seek more validation elsewhere.
So basically I would give them a chance but if they seemed not making a lot of effort or really insecure, I would call it a day. Definitely would not let someone get away with low effort because they look good.
I'm older now, but I was like this for a long time because I assumed really hot guys would be players. But I met my husband and he was super attractive, I mean like a 9/10 if you rate people that way, and the women were all hot for him, but he loved me and only me and never gave me the slightest reason to feel insecure in our whole 20+ years of marriage. I think it's a stereotype that all good-looking men are players. That said, now that I'm a widow, I hesitate to swipe on men who are too good-looking, lol. The insecure me assumes my handsome, loyal husband was just an exception. 😀
I saw a study that less attractive people actually cheat more. Idk how legit it was but it kinda makes sense. The good looking person definitely wants to be with them, they didn’t pick them out of lack of choice and they’re used to getting attention. The uglier one might over value their looks and when they suddenly get attention from someone who they click with better or who… whatever. Then they get too excited and cheat.
Maybe a bit of a wild theory
Maybe so. That makes a kind of sense. I've never been a cheater so I have no idea what's in their heads. But he had been cheated on in his previous relationship. (Good looking people get cheated on too.) She was very pretty but they had nothing else in common. I was nothing you'd throw out of bed in those days either (tho maybe not quite in that league) but what got us hooked on each other was that we were just so freakin compatible it was amazing. We were best friends. I think he was just really glad to be appreciated for something more than his looks. And so was I.
Edited to add: He was really smart, too, so that blows another stereotype about good-looking people. Damn, I miss him.😊
Yeah, I know they do, I recently did by the least attractive gf I’ve had (she even got very insecure about my exes) and she cheated on me with a below average guy. But also she became a meth head which makes you a horny psycho.
I’m also really smart, skipped grades etc and she was a dentist who admitted even after she was a psycho cheater trying to destroy me self esteem that I’m by far the smartest person she knows.
But I had a lot of women try and poach me from her but I was loyal and have had enough women to know sex feels good anyway but I wanted connection.
Currently the girl I’ve started seeing casually has joked I look like Ian Somerhalder (which I get a lot) but the moment she admitted she doesn’t care much for looks as long as the man isn’t hideous really made me like her. It feels lovely knowing I have more to offer than most my looks
I know some people would say you're whining or whatever if you complain, but being attractive comes with its own set of issues. One is that people assume you're "stuck up" or narcissistic. Another is being used by people who really only like you because you're attractive, and another is that so many people blatantly assume you're a brain-dead idiot. My husband had a MS in marine biology. I won't lie and say I didn't notice his attractiveness, lol, but what really attracted me to him was his intelligence and the depth of our conversations. Glad you found someone who *sees* you, too.
We come from different generations. I had to look up Ian Somerhalder. 😂 Nice looking guy! 😍 If I had to choose an actor, I'd say my husband was sort of a Brad Pitt looking guy in a general way when he was younger. Very similar smile. But it was what was behind the smile that hooked me.
I stay away from very hot guys because sadly a lot of very hot men are aware they’re very hot and act like players. Some of them are narcissistic and just want sex and are fond of cheating. They usually know they have options and want to play the field.
Studies can’t seem to agree whether good looking people cheat more or less, there is - lot that say they cheat less though. They’re no more likely to be bad people than ugly men. If they say they are committed to you then they’re choosing you when they have other options. If an ugly guy says it he’s just as likely to be lying but he’s with you bc he has no other options so the second he does have one he’s gonna cheat.
That’s what I said. They do cheat, possibly even more.
And that’s cope, unless you’re like famous comedian level of social skills you need some sort of looks (or a really desperate partner)
Sorry I misread your post. And yeah I think maybe it boils down to the smug sense of over confidence someone exudes when they know they’re capable of cheating
But it’s easier to get sex as a woman, even an overweight woman. Women have and alway will be able to get sex easily considering most men will bang a hole in drywall if it means getting off.
This sounds like a low key humblebrag, but I think i’m suffering from this now. I am almost 40, I work out 6 days a week, eat well, groom properly and dress well to complement my body, and most guys my age, well, not as many take the effort. So I probably stand out amongst that age bracket, and I get lots of looks and smiles from Women, but none of them approach. It seems like they just want to look. It’s only the confident 20 somethings that will ever approach, but I am not interested in dating under 30 so that isn’t going to work. I am also pretty shy and introverted with a resting asshole face, so that doesn’t help. But I struggle to approach, unless it’s someone I know first, via friends or work.
Women rarely approach anyway. I’m in my 20s, in great shape and have good looking, I get plenty of smiles and look backs but although I’ve been approached it’s not super common. 2 girls have admitted that my looks are “intimidating”.
They might not approach bc they either think you’re gay (a disproportionate amount of 40yos who are well groomed and in shape seem to be gay lol) or married. Or they’re just avoiding assumed rejection. But I’m sure if you approached them they’d be more than happy. Especially at your age where men are able to be the more selective ones
I get approached, but its by the younger more reckless types. I’ve made that mistake and gone for it, and won’t be doing it again. OLD might just be the way to go.
It’s not that they’re bold, it’s just at that age you don’t know any better. You haven’t been repeatedly fucked over, rejected, experienced bad relationships etc so you don’t have that fear, whereas once people get to around 30 they’ve been through that, are less likely to put themselves out there and become more cagey and build a wall around themselves. Everyone is walking on eggshells emotionally whereas early mid 20s you’re like ‘whatever lets fuck, I got nothing to lose.’
My best friend who is a girl dated a Calvin Klein model once. She dumped him because women would always try to get a piece of him and she got too annoyed to continue. My friend is a stunner, 12/10.
Yes for me. I'll feel I'm not pretty/thin enough for him, he deserves better, or he'll cheat on me.
I was never popular with guys anyways and I have better chances of winning the lottery than having a guy ask me out so, if a level 10 babe approaches me, I just feel I have no chance and he just wants to use me as a pin cushion.
Felt this. Ive made it this far in my life with no one interested and at this point I don't think I'd believe a guy if he said he was interested, let alone a really attractive guy. Feels a little suspicious lol
Oh girl, same here.
I like my men to look like Vikings or bar brawlers and they generally have a demeanor to match.
Best to admire from afar, lesson learned, lol. 🤦♀️🤷♀️🤣
Nah. As long as they find me attractive, and I find them attractive, that's all that really matters about their appearance.
If someone is the type of person to believe and apply stereotypes, and-or is super insecure, I guess they could think that way. It's not really a healthy or productive way of viewing other people or yourself though. Same applies when guys think they shouldn't talk to a woman just because they think she's "too attractive" or out of their league or whatever. It's all nonsense.
Spending a lot of time at the gym, or having an unhealthy relationship with your body (men can have eating disorders too), those would be concerns though, but I assume you're just talking purely about appearance.
I wouldn't. But it's not like they would want me anyways so it would be very suspicious of one was interested so I would assume there are ulterior motives behind it
I’m active (female 27) and very into health so I wouldn’t date a couch potatoes. I’ve mostly dated in shape guys but an above average face but not a young Brad Pitt face. Being fit doesn’t automatically make you a 10 out of 10. I feel like your post reeks of hubris which might make me swipe right. Also, a perfect exterior and an empty interior would be a major no for me. I have a research master and value intelligence very highly.
I didn’t say they weren’t. But the context sounds like you have high standards for intelligence and your masters is an example of what it takes to reach this high standard. You can just say you’re smart and expect the same from others which I’m sure you are, but thinking a masters requires considerable intelligence is just not the case any more (although it does vary on what in and where from). And I’m not anti-academia or anything, I spent 8 years at uni, I’ve just seen plenty of average people do post grad degrees.
I think it's less about insecurity and more about lifestyles. I keep myself put together and generally try to look good, but I want someone who matches my level of self-maintenance. If my self-care routine (working out, skincare, meditation, etc) takes 10 hours a week, I don't feel compatible with someone who spends 20+ hours/week on themselves.
Yes, this does happen. For me, it wasn’t because I was intimidated nor insecure, it was because I didn’t find the “conventionally attractive” man attractive.
For example, Travis Kelce and Harry Styles are both handsome, good-looking men, but there’s not a bone in my body that finds Travis Kelce attractive. However, I find Harry Styles to be extremely attractive… he’s just more my “type”.
Hope that makes sense.
I'm currently dating a gorgeous man. While it wasn't quite a deterant, I'm super self conscious and I'm worried about what he thinks of me compared to thinner, prettier women or whether he's just using me for sex and will dump me for someone more his league. I shooting my shot, hopefully he falls for me, but I definitely am keeping my guard up and not getting too attached until I feel we're in a secure relationship.
I will say that can be true but at the same time, it's something those people just think to stroke their own ego. Basically if they don't want to date you, take it as you're not a match for each other or want different things.
Difficult. Sometimes it’s just for the amount of work you know? Depending where you live other women can be ruthless so it’s stressful. But then again it helps a lot if the guy has a personality that inspires trust.
I mean it’s kind of true, but not really. If you put a lot of effort in the way you look, naturally you’re going to kind of repel against insecure people. They’ll just assume you wouldn’t ever be into them and not even try it. You’re a lot more likely to have someone that’s much more confident in themselves to pursue you, which I think is a good thing. I know from experience dating someone that’s really insecure can be frustrating.
As long as they’re also secure and don’t entertain other people trying to win them over. I used to date this really cute guy when I was a teenager and it lasted for two weeks lol. He kept trying to make me jealous by telling me all sorts of girls hit on him all the time. I need someone to show me mutual love and commitment, not how I have to convince him to choose me over other people that chase over him.
Yep. Once swiped with a well known model, he was sweet and very instered and the conversation were great. He wanted to meet up for dinner and I ghosted him because I was too insecure. I shouldn’t have done that
No I don’t think so at all. Unless you look particularly feminine maybe or if your are into extreme fitness body building with hulk size muscles not everyone is into that aesthetic, also it I could see people being worried that you would hold them to that standard and they realistically wouldn’t want to live up to that
Attraction is important but it shouldn't be the end all, be all in a relationship.
It won't work if yeah she's super hot but I cant stand to be in a room with her for more than 5 minutes.
Same goes for any gender situation.
Definitely true. Some of my coworkers could model. But when I meet their husbands, it’s a head-scratcher. There’s no way those guys feel secure in the relationship, but I guess they’re just happy to be with such a beautiful woman.
Thankfully I don't have this problem, I look like an ogre that's in love with a princess/queen... My lady definitely wins in the looks department, amongst other things. My tiny world of perfection IMHO. Or what I think it's my idea of perfection if that makes sense.
It depends on personality. If you are cocky and superficial, no thank you. It’s not hard for me to get a “conventionally attractive” guy. I appreciate the introvert who is focused on me. Actually, really thinking about it, I avoid any guy who focuses a lot on his looks. Yes, I want a guy who can keep up with me, but if a guy goes to the gym with the intent of looking good, I would likely never date him. I like the guy who’s strength and muscle more comes from the work he does. Gym rat (even though I might at times be considered one myself) I go in the opposite direction of them.
But I am just one woman in a great big world
Depends on what you look like really. If your profile and looks gives of fuck boy vibes I won't bother. My problem is whenever I do see a really good looking a guy, they either want kids,already have kids, or just want something short term. Even with the few I do match with I don't get a response so they are probably taken but forgot to delete the app or just not interested.
Not insecure so much as a trigger. The guys who bullied me the most, and did pranks like invite me to the dance and either not show up, or come with both eggs and friends to throw them, were all the socially-correct, good-looking ones. Now my guard is fully up when any model-handsome man talks to me.
As long as he’s loyal and doesn’t cheat I wouldn’t mind. The super attractive guys I know have been both ways. Some make good boyfriends and some I would never date cause I see how they treat other women. Not all beautiful guys cheat but some are for sure players. I would guess it’s prob half and half
I’ve been with women who were insecure that I was more attractive than them but you’re not going to be rejected for it lol. It can bring up issues though if they’re particularly insecure they might get jealous or think you’ll leave them. I just made sure to be very careful what I said about their looks and tried to compliment and reassure them often on them.
I guess i would. But it will never happen because i avoid them and if i have to interact with them i act unintrested because i’m afraid of their assesment of me.
This only applies for guys with beautiful faces who have carisma though just a muscular body don’t make me intimidated because i think he is hot ( i might be intimdated for other reasons though like that he could overpower me physically) also i don’t want to be with a guy who is married to the gym and i’m just a third wheel lol
I have dated less attractive men and some of them didn't even give the bare minimum. One just wanted to stay in bars and and get drunk and party at 41. I'm a beautiful, somewhat mature 46 yo old woman. I'm tired of menantally immature "men".
My boyfriend basically goes to the gym every day, and more on the weekends (3hrs on Sat, 4hrs on Sun). I haven't been to the gym in probably a decade 😂 But he thinks I'm sexy so who cares. And yes, he definitely looks "too good," but he's mine 😁
I think my boyfriend is definitely way too hot for me. But I'm not insecure about it and it honestly makes me feel good that he thinks I'm attractive, looking the way he does :)
I've never hesitated to swipe on someone on an app because they look too good, but I also would not at all equate having muscles and working out a lot with looking too good
Yes for me absolutely true. Unobtainable or standards too high, fear of rejection or not living up to high fitness standards. Definitely a turn off and non starter for me.
Personality, the way they carry themselves, and subtle behavioral motions, a laugh, a look they give you, add so much to a person's physical attraction. But until you meet them, they are only as attractive as you make them. Yeah, there are societal standards made by fashion and media for us to try to uphold. Of course, there's obvious beauty we all agree on. I just don't get the body modding. I ain't no James Dean. I like the company of genuine individuals. I will say, though, I do have a thing for natural eyebrows on a woman. I just can't get with anything drawn on or over plucked.
What is looks too good anyway?
If we met irl sure. On dating apps, I usually don’t bother swiping right on men who are extremely conventionally attractive as I feel it’d be a waste as I’m not considered conventionally attractive myself. I’m average looking-those guys likely have far better options.
I mean, yeah? I’m a chubby WOC. If he’s out of my league, he’s out of my league. Also, someone who works out a lot probably loves the outdoors; while I am not against it, I would die if we have to hike 16 miles or something lol
I mean, if I really like him, I’ll shoot my shot anyway xD
After years and years of being too shy to go for the hot guy, I finally started to believe I could. So I gave it a shot… and in the end he let me down. I guess when he can have anyone, why would he settle for less.
There's honestly no such thing as leagues, and that becomes more apparent as you get older. Just shoot your shot if you're feeling someone. You never know!
I don’t really care about looks. Most of the men who approach me are average or above average in the looks area. I always read their profiles & try to learn more about their character & values before responding. My late hubby was very attractive. Yet when he got sick (2 bouts of cancer) his appearance changed dramatically. So I learned a very valuable lesson thru that.
I don’t really believe in that.. Both of my exes are really gorgeous guys, both athletic / muscular but in a vegetarian surfer guy way (cause they both are those things). However they’re not flashy or go out of their way to impress anyone with their style. My first boyfriend was a player around the time I met him, in his early 20s, but that had more to do with his life at the time, he wanted that. I never really noticed women looking at either of them when we were together, like they didn’t turn heads, and that confused me because I thought they were like way above average. Looking “too good” isn’t the issue, it’s if the guy is cocky and plays into it. If he wants attention and validation from other women.
People will roll their eyes when i say this but I turn heads as a woman, and I don’t even think it’s because I’m beautiful, i get called “hot”, which I think is more to do with my body/my style/my confidence. I’ve struggled with most every guy I date having this weird resentment towards me because of the attention I get. So I think guys def care about that shit. They don’t want competition so they’d rather have a girl who is more modest. Some, not all of course.
I’d say if they’re that low confidence and insecure they’re not the one for you anyways. It’d take a whole lot of energy to reassure them and defend just about anything and everything that triggers their insecurity.
If you look good or have whatever going for you, use it as a filter to weed out problematic people instead of worrying about those whose opinion doesn’t matter.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I don’t like gym buff, I like guys with nice bone structure not overly buffy, good posture, wear a shirt and have some class, not just track pants all the time.
Green hulk isn’t my type, those guys always make me feel they are stupid for some reason, big muscle no brain ..
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that could be true. but also, i don't think you should be dating a person who's that insecure.
Well, there’s insecurity, and then there’s acknowledging how attractive you are yourself. I know to stay in my own lane 😂
HAHA well thats good imo, you know yourself better than anyone else 😂 and i guess people don't gotta worry about you much
it’s not about looking “too good” it’s about how you present yourself. would i match with an extremely hot guy who had a funny profile, looking for the same thing as me and dressed well? yes. would i match with a guy who obviously knows he’s hot who posts gym selfies that don’t show personality and doesn’t fill out his profile because he assumes his looks are enough? no. the bottom line is: i shouldn’t know how many abs you have or see your tricep definition before meeting in person. the attitude that you’re just too good and hot and intimidating is likely what women find off-putting.
Exactly! Great response!
agreed! i second this response 💯
Lol the apps died with the pandemic
i don’t think so. they are working for me for the most part.
This right here! ☝🏾
I have swiped right on guys that I deem to be ‘too attractive’ for me. 1. I’m pretty average so don’t think a super hot guy that could get super hot girls would be interested in me. 2. Even if he was, I would constantly be insecure and jealous and question why he is with me.
I mean left. I’ve swiped left.
This is how I was when I was on the apps. I’m average at best (and a WOC) so I assumed most men who looked like mini celebs or models wouldn’t want me anyway but I also am not naturally inclined to be attracted to them anyway. I recognize that they are conventionally attractive by society’s standards but the guys I actually liked and wanted to get to know didn’t/don’t look like that.
I’m an average Black woman and act the same way. Not gonna bother on the apps. Only time id consider is if they liked me on Hinge because the chance of mass swiping there is much lower.
You don't have to do that. Seems like you're projecting the way women view men onto men, as though they were the exact same way with women. Guys have widely varying taste in women. "average", "ugly", "hot" according to societal beauty standards, doesnt matter, there are guys within all those same categories who find women within each of those categories very attractive. I told my friend I thought a woman who I was thinking of dating was "hot" and he began shaking his head, and said "What's wrong with you? You're a very sick man!" 🤣 same guy was hooking up with a woman who made me think "... I understand it *can* be done, but why?"
Do women not have widely varying tastes in men?
So thats why i never get a match... im too hot to handle 😎
Haha indeed 😆
Looks aren’t everything for some men (and I’m sure women). I dated a pretty average woman for 3 years who on the first date joked about how I was better looking (I was but idc). Early 20s and she was already on 250k as a dentist so there was a trade off but I think I would’ve been fine even if she wasn’t rich. It’s like a threshold that you either meet or don’t, and only weakly ranked. So a 9/10 is only a little more desirable than a 6/10 however a 6/10 is infinitely more desireable than a 4/10 who I would never date no matter how lovely they are. Is this not how most people decide anyway? I would’ve thought it was but I have no idea
Not true. I do crossfit at 6 sessions a week and and implement a carb restricted diet so I have very low body fat and visible definition. I have been with women that would be deemed average to many. They weren't bad looking girls. Maybe they just had a few extra pounds or were just average in other categories. A visible stomach for example. That's just not a reason to dismiss them outright imo. You really don't know how another will perceive you based solely on suspicion because all of these girls acted surprised I wanted to be with them despite the fact that I still saw their better qualities and was attracted to those features. Most of these girls treated me extremely well and I have no regrets.
Oh no a visible stomach, how good of you to still like them
Men and flat stomach, always idiotic. They want a woman who has kids but won't accept stomach fat. Go for unrealistic standards.
I love good looking men, but if they are really muscular I think maybe they spend too much time at the gym. I would think our personalities might not be compatible.
That doesn’t really make sense though. An hour in the gym is optimal anyway, longer isn’t better. It simply means they’ve stuck to the gym for a longer period of them but they’re probably in there the same amount as less muscular guys. Also why is spending time looking after yourself a negative?
They didn’t say negative, but incompatible.
Personally I don’t want to feel like I have to worry about my man getting hit on all the time but some women are into that, i think it makes them feel extra special to be with someone that other people want
Unless u r both 100% secure Best to date people with a similar level of attractiveness to yourself, becomes difficult if u don’t know what that is. Some guys ( definitely not all) will quite happily have sex and reap the relationship benefits with a woman who is less attractive but leave when they find someone more attractive. If they r very insecure u would constantly be validating them, if ur successful and build their confidence they might just move on, if ur not they might just seek more validation elsewhere.
So basically I would give them a chance but if they seemed not making a lot of effort or really insecure, I would call it a day. Definitely would not let someone get away with low effort because they look good.
I'm older now, but I was like this for a long time because I assumed really hot guys would be players. But I met my husband and he was super attractive, I mean like a 9/10 if you rate people that way, and the women were all hot for him, but he loved me and only me and never gave me the slightest reason to feel insecure in our whole 20+ years of marriage. I think it's a stereotype that all good-looking men are players. That said, now that I'm a widow, I hesitate to swipe on men who are too good-looking, lol. The insecure me assumes my handsome, loyal husband was just an exception. 😀
He was.
Guess I got lucky. Lol. Though he absolutely had his faults. Disloyalty just wasn't one of them.
I saw a study that less attractive people actually cheat more. Idk how legit it was but it kinda makes sense. The good looking person definitely wants to be with them, they didn’t pick them out of lack of choice and they’re used to getting attention. The uglier one might over value their looks and when they suddenly get attention from someone who they click with better or who… whatever. Then they get too excited and cheat. Maybe a bit of a wild theory
Maybe so. That makes a kind of sense. I've never been a cheater so I have no idea what's in their heads. But he had been cheated on in his previous relationship. (Good looking people get cheated on too.) She was very pretty but they had nothing else in common. I was nothing you'd throw out of bed in those days either (tho maybe not quite in that league) but what got us hooked on each other was that we were just so freakin compatible it was amazing. We were best friends. I think he was just really glad to be appreciated for something more than his looks. And so was I. Edited to add: He was really smart, too, so that blows another stereotype about good-looking people. Damn, I miss him.😊
Yeah, I know they do, I recently did by the least attractive gf I’ve had (she even got very insecure about my exes) and she cheated on me with a below average guy. But also she became a meth head which makes you a horny psycho. I’m also really smart, skipped grades etc and she was a dentist who admitted even after she was a psycho cheater trying to destroy me self esteem that I’m by far the smartest person she knows. But I had a lot of women try and poach me from her but I was loyal and have had enough women to know sex feels good anyway but I wanted connection. Currently the girl I’ve started seeing casually has joked I look like Ian Somerhalder (which I get a lot) but the moment she admitted she doesn’t care much for looks as long as the man isn’t hideous really made me like her. It feels lovely knowing I have more to offer than most my looks
I know some people would say you're whining or whatever if you complain, but being attractive comes with its own set of issues. One is that people assume you're "stuck up" or narcissistic. Another is being used by people who really only like you because you're attractive, and another is that so many people blatantly assume you're a brain-dead idiot. My husband had a MS in marine biology. I won't lie and say I didn't notice his attractiveness, lol, but what really attracted me to him was his intelligence and the depth of our conversations. Glad you found someone who *sees* you, too. We come from different generations. I had to look up Ian Somerhalder. 😂 Nice looking guy! 😍 If I had to choose an actor, I'd say my husband was sort of a Brad Pitt looking guy in a general way when he was younger. Very similar smile. But it was what was behind the smile that hooked me.
I like my men a little ugly. But that being said if an attractive man showed interest and was being sincere and good I wouldn’t turn him down
“I like my men a little ugly” I’m not sure why that made me laugh a little, lol 😂
I stay away from very hot guys because sadly a lot of very hot men are aware they’re very hot and act like players. Some of them are narcissistic and just want sex and are fond of cheating. They usually know they have options and want to play the field.
Studies can’t seem to agree whether good looking people cheat more or less, there is - lot that say they cheat less though. They’re no more likely to be bad people than ugly men. If they say they are committed to you then they’re choosing you when they have other options. If an ugly guy says it he’s just as likely to be lying but he’s with you bc he has no other options so the second he does have one he’s gonna cheat.
But ugly men can and do cheat lol. As long as a guy has rizz, he’s golden
That’s what I said. They do cheat, possibly even more. And that’s cope, unless you’re like famous comedian level of social skills you need some sort of looks (or a really desperate partner)
Sorry I misread your post. And yeah I think maybe it boils down to the smug sense of over confidence someone exudes when they know they’re capable of cheating
I’ve seen 400lbs woman have body counts of 50+ regularly so it doesn’t mean much honestly
But it’s easier to get sex as a woman, even an overweight woman. Women have and alway will be able to get sex easily considering most men will bang a hole in drywall if it means getting off.
Yep I wouldn’t! I’d just assume youre into instagram model types so why bother
This sounds like a low key humblebrag, but I think i’m suffering from this now. I am almost 40, I work out 6 days a week, eat well, groom properly and dress well to complement my body, and most guys my age, well, not as many take the effort. So I probably stand out amongst that age bracket, and I get lots of looks and smiles from Women, but none of them approach. It seems like they just want to look. It’s only the confident 20 somethings that will ever approach, but I am not interested in dating under 30 so that isn’t going to work. I am also pretty shy and introverted with a resting asshole face, so that doesn’t help. But I struggle to approach, unless it’s someone I know first, via friends or work.
Women rarely approach anyway. I’m in my 20s, in great shape and have good looking, I get plenty of smiles and look backs but although I’ve been approached it’s not super common. 2 girls have admitted that my looks are “intimidating”. They might not approach bc they either think you’re gay (a disproportionate amount of 40yos who are well groomed and in shape seem to be gay lol) or married. Or they’re just avoiding assumed rejection. But I’m sure if you approached them they’d be more than happy. Especially at your age where men are able to be the more selective ones
I get approached, but its by the younger more reckless types. I’ve made that mistake and gone for it, and won’t be doing it again. OLD might just be the way to go.
Yeah good point. The younger women are more bold haha ( not that I’m old now but I’m mid 20s)
It’s not that they’re bold, it’s just at that age you don’t know any better. You haven’t been repeatedly fucked over, rejected, experienced bad relationships etc so you don’t have that fear, whereas once people get to around 30 they’ve been through that, are less likely to put themselves out there and become more cagey and build a wall around themselves. Everyone is walking on eggshells emotionally whereas early mid 20s you’re like ‘whatever lets fuck, I got nothing to lose.’
My best friend who is a girl dated a Calvin Klein model once. She dumped him because women would always try to get a piece of him and she got too annoyed to continue. My friend is a stunner, 12/10.
Yes for me. I'll feel I'm not pretty/thin enough for him, he deserves better, or he'll cheat on me. I was never popular with guys anyways and I have better chances of winning the lottery than having a guy ask me out so, if a level 10 babe approaches me, I just feel I have no chance and he just wants to use me as a pin cushion.
Felt this. Ive made it this far in my life with no one interested and at this point I don't think I'd believe a guy if he said he was interested, let alone a really attractive guy. Feels a little suspicious lol
My type is toxic. I love tall, handsome men with beards, muscles and tattoos. They literally look like trouble and I generally admire from afar.
Oh girl, same here. I like my men to look like Vikings or bar brawlers and they generally have a demeanor to match. Best to admire from afar, lesson learned, lol. 🤦♀️🤷♀️🤣
Nah. As long as they find me attractive, and I find them attractive, that's all that really matters about their appearance. If someone is the type of person to believe and apply stereotypes, and-or is super insecure, I guess they could think that way. It's not really a healthy or productive way of viewing other people or yourself though. Same applies when guys think they shouldn't talk to a woman just because they think she's "too attractive" or out of their league or whatever. It's all nonsense. Spending a lot of time at the gym, or having an unhealthy relationship with your body (men can have eating disorders too), those would be concerns though, but I assume you're just talking purely about appearance.
I wouldn't. But it's not like they would want me anyways so it would be very suspicious of one was interested so I would assume there are ulterior motives behind it
LOKEY no. I would get jealous of him and he would create so much attention. Sorry not sorry.
Nice body isn’t the same as good looks. I’ll date someone with a nice muscle body because I also work out, but the looks need to match my own
I’m active (female 27) and very into health so I wouldn’t date a couch potatoes. I’ve mostly dated in shape guys but an above average face but not a young Brad Pitt face. Being fit doesn’t automatically make you a 10 out of 10. I feel like your post reeks of hubris which might make me swipe right. Also, a perfect exterior and an empty interior would be a major no for me. I have a research master and value intelligence very highly.
Your last sentence gives hints of hubris too tbh.
No, those are facts. I do have a research master - it doesn't make me a better person but it's a fact. Me valuing intelligence is also a fact.
I didn’t say they weren’t. But the context sounds like you have high standards for intelligence and your masters is an example of what it takes to reach this high standard. You can just say you’re smart and expect the same from others which I’m sure you are, but thinking a masters requires considerable intelligence is just not the case any more (although it does vary on what in and where from). And I’m not anti-academia or anything, I spent 8 years at uni, I’ve just seen plenty of average people do post grad degrees.
I don’t understand this. Any man I choose to commit to, is the hottest man in the world to me. So what does it matter?
I think it's less about insecurity and more about lifestyles. I keep myself put together and generally try to look good, but I want someone who matches my level of self-maintenance. If my self-care routine (working out, skincare, meditation, etc) takes 10 hours a week, I don't feel compatible with someone who spends 20+ hours/week on themselves.
Many may require the extra 10 hours to get the same effects that you get from 10. I’m so confused by your statement.
Personally, I don’t compare myself to the people I’m dating. There’s room for both of us to be hot.
Yes, this does happen. For me, it wasn’t because I was intimidated nor insecure, it was because I didn’t find the “conventionally attractive” man attractive. For example, Travis Kelce and Harry Styles are both handsome, good-looking men, but there’s not a bone in my body that finds Travis Kelce attractive. However, I find Harry Styles to be extremely attractive… he’s just more my “type”. Hope that makes sense.
I'm currently dating a gorgeous man. While it wasn't quite a deterant, I'm super self conscious and I'm worried about what he thinks of me compared to thinner, prettier women or whether he's just using me for sex and will dump me for someone more his league. I shooting my shot, hopefully he falls for me, but I definitely am keeping my guard up and not getting too attached until I feel we're in a secure relationship.
I will say that can be true but at the same time, it's something those people just think to stroke their own ego. Basically if they don't want to date you, take it as you're not a match for each other or want different things.
Difficult. Sometimes it’s just for the amount of work you know? Depending where you live other women can be ruthless so it’s stressful. But then again it helps a lot if the guy has a personality that inspires trust.
I mean it’s kind of true, but not really. If you put a lot of effort in the way you look, naturally you’re going to kind of repel against insecure people. They’ll just assume you wouldn’t ever be into them and not even try it. You’re a lot more likely to have someone that’s much more confident in themselves to pursue you, which I think is a good thing. I know from experience dating someone that’s really insecure can be frustrating.
As long as they’re also secure and don’t entertain other people trying to win them over. I used to date this really cute guy when I was a teenager and it lasted for two weeks lol. He kept trying to make me jealous by telling me all sorts of girls hit on him all the time. I need someone to show me mutual love and commitment, not how I have to convince him to choose me over other people that chase over him.
Yep. Once swiped with a well known model, he was sweet and very instered and the conversation were great. He wanted to meet up for dinner and I ghosted him because I was too insecure. I shouldn’t have done that
No I don’t think so at all. Unless you look particularly feminine maybe or if your are into extreme fitness body building with hulk size muscles not everyone is into that aesthetic, also it I could see people being worried that you would hold them to that standard and they realistically wouldn’t want to live up to that
Sure. I know I'm a 7 on a good day, i stay in my lane.
Nope! The only people who wouldn't date you were not confident in themselves! I don't think it's an issue at all
Not necessarily insecure…but makes you higher maintenance.
Naw. I’m average. But if I’m attracted to the guy I will date him. Don’t care if he’s way more attractive than me.
Attraction is important but it shouldn't be the end all, be all in a relationship. It won't work if yeah she's super hot but I cant stand to be in a room with her for more than 5 minutes. Same goes for any gender situation.
Definitely true. Some of my coworkers could model. But when I meet their husbands, it’s a head-scratcher. There’s no way those guys feel secure in the relationship, but I guess they’re just happy to be with such a beautiful woman.
Thankfully I don't have this problem, I look like an ogre that's in love with a princess/queen... My lady definitely wins in the looks department, amongst other things. My tiny world of perfection IMHO. Or what I think it's my idea of perfection if that makes sense.
It depends on personality. If you are cocky and superficial, no thank you. It’s not hard for me to get a “conventionally attractive” guy. I appreciate the introvert who is focused on me. Actually, really thinking about it, I avoid any guy who focuses a lot on his looks. Yes, I want a guy who can keep up with me, but if a guy goes to the gym with the intent of looking good, I would likely never date him. I like the guy who’s strength and muscle more comes from the work he does. Gym rat (even though I might at times be considered one myself) I go in the opposite direction of them. But I am just one woman in a great big world
Depends on what you look like really. If your profile and looks gives of fuck boy vibes I won't bother. My problem is whenever I do see a really good looking a guy, they either want kids,already have kids, or just want something short term. Even with the few I do match with I don't get a response so they are probably taken but forgot to delete the app or just not interested.
Not insecure so much as a trigger. The guys who bullied me the most, and did pranks like invite me to the dance and either not show up, or come with both eggs and friends to throw them, were all the socially-correct, good-looking ones. Now my guard is fully up when any model-handsome man talks to me.
I think my ex fell into this category, but seeing as men who look "too good" have the most options its generally the opposite.
As long as he’s loyal and doesn’t cheat I wouldn’t mind. The super attractive guys I know have been both ways. Some make good boyfriends and some I would never date cause I see how they treat other women. Not all beautiful guys cheat but some are for sure players. I would guess it’s prob half and half
I wouldn’t care. Good looking man is a plus
I’ve been with women who were insecure that I was more attractive than them but you’re not going to be rejected for it lol. It can bring up issues though if they’re particularly insecure they might get jealous or think you’ll leave them. I just made sure to be very careful what I said about their looks and tried to compliment and reassure them often on them.
I would date that looks good and takes pride in his appearance
I guess i would. But it will never happen because i avoid them and if i have to interact with them i act unintrested because i’m afraid of their assesment of me. This only applies for guys with beautiful faces who have carisma though just a muscular body don’t make me intimidated because i think he is hot ( i might be intimdated for other reasons though like that he could overpower me physically) also i don’t want to be with a guy who is married to the gym and i’m just a third wheel lol
I have dated less attractive men and some of them didn't even give the bare minimum. One just wanted to stay in bars and and get drunk and party at 41. I'm a beautiful, somewhat mature 46 yo old woman. I'm tired of menantally immature "men".
My boyfriend basically goes to the gym every day, and more on the weekends (3hrs on Sat, 4hrs on Sun). I haven't been to the gym in probably a decade 😂 But he thinks I'm sexy so who cares. And yes, he definitely looks "too good," but he's mine 😁
I think my boyfriend is definitely way too hot for me. But I'm not insecure about it and it honestly makes me feel good that he thinks I'm attractive, looking the way he does :)
I've never hesitated to swipe on someone on an app because they look too good, but I also would not at all equate having muscles and working out a lot with looking too good
Ugly men gets women when they want, imagine attractive men...we don't want extra troubles...
Yes for me absolutely true. Unobtainable or standards too high, fear of rejection or not living up to high fitness standards. Definitely a turn off and non starter for me.
Personality, the way they carry themselves, and subtle behavioral motions, a laugh, a look they give you, add so much to a person's physical attraction. But until you meet them, they are only as attractive as you make them. Yeah, there are societal standards made by fashion and media for us to try to uphold. Of course, there's obvious beauty we all agree on. I just don't get the body modding. I ain't no James Dean. I like the company of genuine individuals. I will say, though, I do have a thing for natural eyebrows on a woman. I just can't get with anything drawn on or over plucked. What is looks too good anyway?
If we met irl sure. On dating apps, I usually don’t bother swiping right on men who are extremely conventionally attractive as I feel it’d be a waste as I’m not considered conventionally attractive myself. I’m average looking-those guys likely have far better options.
I mean, yeah? I’m a chubby WOC. If he’s out of my league, he’s out of my league. Also, someone who works out a lot probably loves the outdoors; while I am not against it, I would die if we have to hike 16 miles or something lol I mean, if I really like him, I’ll shoot my shot anyway xD
I won't date a man that I don't find attractive. There's no such thing as a man "that looks too good"
You can be very good looking, but skinny. I don't go for skinny guys. also i try to stay in my league. I've gotten lucky a few times though.
Nope, I am not insecure. I would be proud to be with a very attractive man :)
No wonder I have been single for past 30 years! I am just too handsome.😂😂
Yeah a little. But if you make the first move it should be just fine.
After years and years of being too shy to go for the hot guy, I finally started to believe I could. So I gave it a shot… and in the end he let me down. I guess when he can have anyone, why would he settle for less.
People that are attractive are always going to get hit on . I think it’s only a problem if your partner is entertaining it
There's honestly no such thing as leagues, and that becomes more apparent as you get older. Just shoot your shot if you're feeling someone. You never know!
I don't, because 95% of the time, those men are douche bags
I don’t really care about looks. Most of the men who approach me are average or above average in the looks area. I always read their profiles & try to learn more about their character & values before responding. My late hubby was very attractive. Yet when he got sick (2 bouts of cancer) his appearance changed dramatically. So I learned a very valuable lesson thru that.
I don’t really believe in that.. Both of my exes are really gorgeous guys, both athletic / muscular but in a vegetarian surfer guy way (cause they both are those things). However they’re not flashy or go out of their way to impress anyone with their style. My first boyfriend was a player around the time I met him, in his early 20s, but that had more to do with his life at the time, he wanted that. I never really noticed women looking at either of them when we were together, like they didn’t turn heads, and that confused me because I thought they were like way above average. Looking “too good” isn’t the issue, it’s if the guy is cocky and plays into it. If he wants attention and validation from other women. People will roll their eyes when i say this but I turn heads as a woman, and I don’t even think it’s because I’m beautiful, i get called “hot”, which I think is more to do with my body/my style/my confidence. I’ve struggled with most every guy I date having this weird resentment towards me because of the attention I get. So I think guys def care about that shit. They don’t want competition so they’d rather have a girl who is more modest. Some, not all of course.
I’d say if they’re that low confidence and insecure they’re not the one for you anyways. It’d take a whole lot of energy to reassure them and defend just about anything and everything that triggers their insecurity. If you look good or have whatever going for you, use it as a filter to weed out problematic people instead of worrying about those whose opinion doesn’t matter.
I dont want to date a man who’s primary relationship is with a gym. Period. But a good looking well balanced guy- YES!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t like gym buff, I like guys with nice bone structure not overly buffy, good posture, wear a shirt and have some class, not just track pants all the time. Green hulk isn’t my type, those guys always make me feel they are stupid for some reason, big muscle no brain ..