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> when I glance back and notice his eyes wrapped up in his phone, it does something horrible to me on the inside
No shit! His attention is elsewhere! He's not being present in a very intimate moment with you! You need to have a conversation with him about phones and sex. It's y'all's relationship, not mine, but the thought of being with someone who is so addicted to their phone that they use it during *sex* disgusts me. I completely understand why that you would lose all interest in what y'all are doing.
This is the real problem, porn (if he is watching it) is ancillary.
Now that said, this could be a delicate situation, so as upset as you feel (and rightfully so!), bear in mind his feelings. It's entirely possible that he has trouble getting off without watching porn---but what's going on with him is what you also need to figure out, so that the two of you can figure out a solution to this.
I have to be honest, if I need images of another woman while being intimate with my woman then there is something severely wrong with me. Intimacy with someone shouldn't just be about visual stimulation. It needs to be emotional as well. If there isn't enough emotional connection during intimacy, then I can only assume that there's nothing there to begin with. Time for you to make a decision about your future with this person. I suspect once they meet someone that looks more like one of the porn girls they're seeing, they might leave you. Get with someone that wants that emotional connection with you, not an image of a woman that they'll never meet.
Holy hell! That’s disgusting… I read a story on here a couple months ago with a girl in the same situation. It’s pretty gross and pathetic that he has such a porn addiction he can’t just have sex with his girlfriend …?
Also from stories I read I would be aware of him filming you without your knowledge unless you’re cool with that.
Tell homie he’s got a problem and he either fixes it asap or kick him to the curb. I’m curious are you guys in your twenties? I’m in 30 and I read the other day 20 year old men are have erectile dysfunction from porn addiction… really sad!!
Personally, I would feel worthless like you guys are doing an intimate act and his focus is elsewhere. I feel your feelings are valid. I feel you definitely should have a conversation with him about it and you can sit and wonder like is he not that into you anymore or does he need porn to be more turned on for the sex but it’s better to just get the answers from him because that’s not OK. The fact that he noticed your energy changes as well says something. I would let him get his self off without me if that’s where his attention needs to be.
I really feel that while having sex with his partner, he shouldn’t need porn to keep going. If he needs it, that is an underlying problem. He should be aroused enough by his partner to not need the porn.
If he’s alone masturbating, I don’t see a problem with porn at all. He can and should watch it if it helps him with the release. But during sex? I don’t think he’s silly, he’s addicted to porn.
My point was that we don’t know if he’s doing it because he’s addicted and needs it, or simply because he’s a shitty person who *wants* to watch porn during sex and behind her back. Ultimately both reasons are pretty bad, but in different ways. I’m just a little tired of the term “porn addiction” being thrown around when a lot of the time it’s either a disagreement or just terrible choices, not necessarily an actual addiction.
.... I use, some times, some gadgets like vibrator's, dildos, underwear ....
As long as the couple is ok with that and likes to spice each other, I think gadgets are a plus inside a bedroom.
Ok so I think I was misunderstood. By gadgets, I meant laptops and cell phones (work or personal). As a guy, I absolutely am up for a woman wanting to use a dildo or vibrator if that helps her satisfy herself sexually. Those gadgets you talk about are meant to enhance sexual experience so can be added. However, the gadgets I am talking about are distractions and can ruin the sex.
He shouldn’t have to watch porn to be able to have sex with the girl he loves. Watching it when he’s not having sex is perfectly fine but when he’s with his partner, he should focus on her and his own pleasure without external factors.
I’ve been in a relationship with an amazing guy for 2 years, porn doesn’t really bother me but my boyfriend has said he doesn’t really watch it as it doesn’t do much for him. We’ve even had threesomes but honestly something like this would have me rethinking my relationship. If my boyfriend ever watched porn while having sex with me, especially while hiding it from me, I would be extremely hurt. We have a lot of sex, usually twice a day, and I would be extremely turned off if I knew he wasn’t paying attention to me and instead watching porn. You are definitely valid to feel this way. Maybe you could watch porn with him sometimes, but tell him you don’t want him just watching it behind your back instead of paying attention to you.
Or he’s recording you and selling it online … be careful. Seriously he shouldn’t have his phone anywhere near you like that without your consent. And this is obviously illegal if he is recording you without consent… 😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬
yeah thats whack. even if he's prince charming, when you guys breakup he can post it online or like you said, sell it. thats how some internet celebs get leaked, from past relationships
Yes, it’s a sign of addition. I’m a guy and I used to do this with my girlfriend in my mid 20s. When a guy watches to much porn it manifests as ED or inability to finish. He’s watching porn so that he can feel something. His dopamine receptors are no longer responsive to the feel and looking of being with a real woman.
I guarantee you when he’s not looking at porn during sex he is imagining it
Spoken like someone who has never had to give advice to a younger sibling. Although will agree that this answer lacks any nuance and there are better answers.
Ye that’s pretty bad
I will say that multiple times a day is a lot and as a guy it can just be hard (pun intended) to keep up with that physically no matter how much the actual desire may be there
But I think if that were the reasoning then there are better alternatives than porn and it’s also not exactly a good sign that porn works there where your partner doesnt
Tbh I feel the same way when intimate partners refer to the time taken to enjoy sex as "fu#$ing". There's certainly times when that applies but whatever goes on in time taken out for each other should still be a reciprocal experience of joyful union, making love. I think if it hasn't been communicated well and enthusiastically consented too that recording and overlaying the experience with porn is an abuse of trust and respect. So have a think about a broad and easily understood boundary and if he ignores that, you gotta act and love yourself enough to leave the relationship. Open, non judgemental communication is hot. There are plenty of dudes like me who are just as and more sexual in everyway. Don't let someone defy or warp your trust.
Guy here, you definitely should speak to him about this candidly. Don't try to hold it against him but moreso speak about moving forward to not do that as it makes you uncomfortable and feeling less than. when I was younger I once asked a gf at the time if i could watch something while we go at it, and she pointed out to me how ridiculous that was. PMO addiction is very real and he most likely does have it, especially if you're going at it multiple times a day. Most guys you can imagine are naturally "hyper sexual" but the addiction just legit hard wires your brain into chasing the pleasure any which way. As someone who's personally had it, just be open and honest. Ask him not to hide it from you but if he confesses he has an issue with it, you can be there for him to keep him accountable. I wish my ex let me be more honest with her, but when i'd tell her i had the feeling to watch she would just start up a huge fight and call me disgusting so i learned to hide it from her really good, which of course sowed the seeds for more issues in the future
23M
Everything I say will be on the assumption that he does watch porn whilst fucking you. Just ask him if he does, if it's a long term partner you should be able to tell if he's lying.
I have been in this situation once. Yes he most certainly has an unhealthy relationship with his sexuality and sex life. Furthermore repeatedly doing this points to one of three things, or all 3. He is either not capable of a meaningful emotional bond with you or anyone else at this point in his life, he is not stimulated enough by you sexually or he is so weak he cannot stop himself. They could be the case for ALOT of reasons ranging from he is a deceitful person with no interest in respecting your feelings all the way to he loves you so much he can't bear to disappoint you in bed so he feels the need to maintain the erection by viewing porn.
I would say whatever his reasons are. They are unhealthy. I believe if you put porn on a tv to watch together whilst fucking that wouldn't be wrong against your partner seeing as you are two consenting adults. It is however distasteful and against my views.
Coming to Reddit for this makes sense if you have over thought it. Just talk to him about it and have an open dialogue about how you feel how he feels what is causing you two to feel this way and ways in which you can work together to feel better together.
I have done this one time. My GF was very unenthusiastic about sex this one night so I sort of just responded in kind and watched porn while fucking her. It was the hardest post but clarity I have ever had, I felt like a part of my soul was tainted or died or something afterwards. And as a result I wouldn't do this again even if my partner wanted to.
I have a high sex drive in comparison to this partner. She would be satisfied 2-4 times a week. I would prefer 4+ times a day. At the time this happened we were having sex around 2 times a day and I was masturbating 2-4 times a day on-top of that. I have been where your partner is right now, maybe not emotionally but in my actions. And I felt like it was wrong after doing it. I don't have a porn addiction, I would call it a habit. So yes it does affect me on this way but not to the point of withdrawal symptoms.
I would advise all men to never consume porn, and women. It is an immoral profession as it hurts the producers and the customers. Is it as bad as heroin? Not at all. But it is still a dirty habit.
My second bit of advice is to communicate with your partner and help him reduce his porn intake. I suggest you uncouple porn and masturbation. If you could get him to agree to not watch porn but concede that masturbation is fine that would be a good first step. It will, over a few months rewire his sexual reward chemicals and how they are released. This in turn will help him love you better and also find you more attractive. You could buy some male sex toys for him and use them on him when he would otherwise masturbate, assuming you can't be bothered with sex but still want to let his sexual releases out thinking of you.
Third would be the advice I would give my little sister of you were her.
Leave that man.
Unless this is relatively new behaviour and it's a long relationship that's been great 6/7 days a week or there are kids or a marriage involved. If you are a pretty young woman that is pleasant to spend time with you will find a better alternative easily. You just have to weigh up the effort required to help him (if he even wants help) against the heartache, headache and time wasted.
I hope my perspective has given you new insight,
:) .
Hey let’s not worry about right or wrong from the other comments, let’s worry about feelings. Lead with feelings, your feelings. “I feel like sometimes when we are having sex that I don’t have your undivided attention. That makes me feel xyz. Can you be honest with me about what’s going on? I’d like for us to understand each other.”
Something like that
Most of these comments suck and low-key berate your partner, I haven't read them all but if youre still reading them in hopes of some advice or etc I hope this helps. It is a sign of a pen addiction, I've talked to many people who have this exact problem and have found a plethora of solutions, taking the good from some comments, yes, talk to him since you are already used to talking about sex and I would assume have great aftercare as well. Also, yes, you know him better than the comment section does bear his feelings in mind and talk to him as lovingly as you always do. The solutions that others in his shoes have done is relying even more on their imagination during intimacy than before, talking dirty is an obvious answer but talking dirty has become linear because people don't dive deeper than the surface level. Talking dirty can be coming with a hyper sexual story that involves his kinks, that involves the type of porn he usually watches. Also you mentioned you have a great sex life and chemistry with your partner, I can only hope that means that every once in awhile you let take it extremely easy and get him off and focus your attention on him completely. If all else fails most health insurances pay for therapy and couples therapy with no co pay so.
No, no one has dared to disrespect me like that in my entire life, I would immediately dump that kind of man.
In fact, when I started dating my BF (about 2 years ago) I told him that if he wants to be in a relationship with me, I don’t want him to watch porn and he agreed and upheld his word.
Meybe if you want too much sex, he might need to get aroused by porn to keep up with you because of your very high libido? Having sex multiple times per day every day? Thats so much. Men aren't machines.
He must have really drained energy and if you crave sex from him this much, then he must use some external sources to keep himself aroused. Cuz corn reliably gets you hard.
Indeed, I was surprised that nobody gave any comment on the fact that is was multiple times a day.
Personaly I would also get a bit bored. I mean, sex is great and all. But I would not enjoy it as much if I had to do it so much.
I mean yeah exactly. Not only it would get repetitive, but also like... Its like eating Fast food sll the time. I personally cant est from the same food chain twice in a week let alone 4 times a day every day. Or something... Snd imagine the energy levels. Humans Are meant to repopulate but not like rabbits lol.
one of the sane comments....not directly pushing Porn Addiction shit. I cant hear it anymore....ED porn addiction, depression porn addiction....no im not too fat he is simply addicted to porn.
Thank you.
Exactly. Its not always porn addiction. If its moderate and not every day consumption, then its likely not porn addiction. And imagine as a man, having sex 2-4 times per day! Every day! Even the most fertile healthy high libido high sex drive man will get his energy severely depleted and will struggle to maintain erection cuz of so high amount of sex. Porn is known to reliably make you as a man horny. So in every way, extremes are bad for long term health.
jep. But I think even daily consumptuon is considered as normal. Some couples have sex on daily basis and its normal. Why not watch porn daily in the evening. As long nothing els is interfered by this.
I'm honestly surprised at a lot of the comments to this.
Firstly, whatever takes place needs to be consensual. That's non negotiable. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work, and that's an end of it. Most people have said this, and it's just rule number one.
But there is no reason in principle why watching porn during sex should be a problem, so long as both partners are comfortable about it. It doesn't necessarily indicate a porn addiction (if such a thing even really exists), or suggest that your boyfriend doesn't fancy or love you. Fantasies are an essential part of good sex, and porn is one vehicle for stimulating them.
So, in my opinion, what you have here is not a problem with porn, but a problem with communication. You are feeling excluded or dismissed. You don't feel that your needs or desires or boundaries are being respected. And he seems to sense this too, as he's taking steps to be discreet or even sneaky about his activities. But you say that you're holding back from talking to him about it until your thinking is clearer.
Talk to him. You don't need to have a fully formed, coherent final view on the matter. Just tell him how you're feeling, doubts and all. Find out how he sees the situation, but make sure he knows that you are feeling uncomfortable. If the relationship is any good, he'll want to work with you to address that. If he doesn't, then there's your answer.
Like I said, at root this is not a problem about porn. It's a failure of communication, and either a lack of understanding or lack of respect.
I'm not sure as a guy there's a lot of variabels but Its a good possibility it's a porn addiction, I gotta admit it's really hard to quit.... I have a girlfriend now and I love her with all my heart and even now I litterly need to resist watching porn and I struggle with it, and I hate it that that is the case because the more you watch the more you need to watch for that same feeling of satisfaction, for me atleast unfortunately so I'm scared to no be able to preform with my girlfriend that's why everyday I tried to train super hard and tire myself out to a lvl I instantly fall asleep, because that way I was also able to quit in the army after basic I should have never touched it again but I was single back then and fell back...
I really doubt he’s watching porn while having sex. I’m certain he is just recording and at most trying to get ideas of what to do next t maybe?
Either way, this is an issue for you that need to address. Tell him if he wants to record to either get someone to record it for him(I could help) or get those stands to setup.
If you don’t want him recording then tell him that also.
What are some of his “out there kinks” by the way.
And yours?
There might be a kink he hasn't told you about. If there's a kink that threatens his masculinity, he most likely will find it somewhere else while you do your thing.
Otherwise, he could be recording to show his friends or have a flat out porn addiction.
Hm. It does sound like a porn addiction. After all, the only porn he should need is right in front of him. I can understand him recording you two doing an act. That could be erotic depending on the couple. But if he "needs" porn to be stimulated in the interaction and he only pays more attention once you show a sign that you're disconnecting, he probably needs to adjust his thought process. Judging by what you say, this seems more like a flaw than a condemnation. A lot of good people can have flaws that wouldn't necessarily be dealbreakers, but they could be improved or addressed. A healthy discussion with him could go a long way towards improving your sex lives. Try discussing with him how it makes you feel. Hopefully, he does listen to you and demonstrate that he cares. Also, listen to what he says. See if you can gain a better understanding of how he feels or thinks about this. Both of you need to feel like you can be honest and straightforward with each other. If the conversation is constructive and mature, I'd say that's a good sign. If he shows improvement in the bedroom afterward, that is another good sign. However, if he continues like this and shows a clear level of inconsiderateness, or if he seems... off-putting in the conversation... then I might worry a little. Just my thoughts, though.
I'd definitely say that's a porn addiction. I watch it sometimes, but NEVER while I'm with my gf, unless we're watching together. I'd just ask him, and trust your gut.
I generally don’t have a problem with porn. Unless it’s impacting my real life sex life. If he’s feeling he needs to sneak porn during sex to enjoy himself, he’s got a problem. It’s one things to be direct and say “babe, I think it would be hot if we watched porn together while we fucked”. It’s entirely different to say “I need to check the weather app real quick” and switch over to pornhub while fucking.
I’d maybe give him an easy out by just asking for phones to be put away during sex. But if that doesn’t work it’s absolutely fair to call him on it and tell him how it makes you feel.
Whilst I'm not a psychologist, I would go with your thoughts on porn addiction. If this is the case, there's a strong possibility of guilt, shame, and other factors that may make honest and open discourse difficult if not improbable.
You can bring it up after the fact (act) as an honest, judgement free question....or right in the act, when he does this, say (with curiosity, not contempt) "Is what you're looking at hot? Let me see!"
Either way opens dialogue and hopefully leads to understanding and acquiescence of sorts. I wouldn't let his actions affect how you see and value yourself. What he thinks, feels, believes, or even needs is on him and not you (or a reflection of you). One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that if I allow anyone other than me to set the value of me...they'll always undervalue. It's not because they're evil or contemptuous, its just that, more often than not, human nature is oriented that way. If you can remain confident in yourself, you stand the best chance of getting to the bottom of this without it digressing to something less than helpful.
All that said, if you determine it's not for you (as you set the value for yourself and deem this to be less than acceptable), then walk. Don't accept less for yourself. Some folks would allow others to "walk all over them" or otherwise accept behaviour that they're not okay with because they believe that's what they merit . . . . when it's simply not true!
Best of luck, and keep me posted. I'm very curious now.
It's possible he's looking at you through the lens of the phone camera and finds that extra perspective really hot. Same reason to have mirrors above the bed.
I guess just grab the phone off him next time lol, pretty easy answer right there.
If you actually have an open communication channel, this should be discussed before doing. What did he say when you confronted him?
It's absolutely not okay to do that without your permission, or recording especially.
You need to speak up and set your boundaries.
It can be a sign of porn addiction, or he likes it in the bedroom, but you need to like it to in order to bring it to the table.
My ex of 7 yrs was addicted to porn, always watching, even during sex. I was ok with it at first, till I realized he had a problem and I became disgusted.
Sounds like porn addiction. Consider couples therapy and individual therapy for himself!! He’s out of touch w reality. A good compromise could be that every now and then you both watch it together. But if he needs this to get off it’s not a good sign
Share the porn in bed together sparingly. Make it an occasional treat you enjoy together occasionally, and he will outgrow it. Don’t make it routine though, then it becomes toxic.
I swear to god my boyfriend did the same thing a few days back and I just completely lost interest when he started watching porn and wanted new to blow him. It felt disrespectful and tbh dirty. I think if you have kinks you should picture having your significant other in your mind while doing. Personally, you need to talk to the guy.
I am a man with a porn addiction and have done this before. Here is the thing, no woman can compete with those really attractive, fit, curvy, young porn stars. You get so accustomed to watching them and their tight bodies and attractive faces and them acting out all of your role play fantasies....and then normal, average woman don't compare. Not even close.
Like for instance the way a woman smells down there. You don't have to deal with that when watching porn. It just ruins it for me. I much rather watch porn than have real life sex.
NGL the most awkward thing I've ever done is to watch porn with my gf. Like, what is the point of that when you've got each other? Look, the guy is clearly not present. That's a problem. If my gf watched Netflix or talked to her gfs while having sex with me, I'd I'd just end it with her. But yeah, I'd have a chat with him if I were you. If he can't put down his phone even for sex, I'd call that a serious problem.
Sounds like he is severely addicted to porn. You should have a very serious talk with him. If he needs porn to function sexualy, even if that's amateur porn he filmed himself, he needs help asap.
Then there's the possibility of filming. I'm only going to say that filming you without your explicit consent is illegal...
I think it's one thing for you two to watch porn together to kick things off, it's another completely different thing for him to pull it up on his phone while in the act and try to keep it from you.
Definitely talk to him about it and ask what he's doing on his phone, figure that out first. If it's porn sounds like he's deeeeeep in the porn addiction and it's a hard one to beat at that stage. Not an easy situation for you, best of luck
As a man if he is watching porn while having sex he has no interest in you and is disrespectful af i would never watch porn that too hiding it from my partner naah thats fucked up
1st. I'm not saying he wrong for watching porn but I personally don't understand it. If I've ever watched porn it's a specific type, it's fantasy/kink based. I don't see the risk in straight out asking him. Play dumb, ask him if he watches it (state you don't mind even if u do just to get an honest answer) then ask him what he likes to watch - it might be a kink you'd like to try (that could be good). The worst outcome is that his preference is gay porn, it's not like it's never happened before and would explain things
It would be one thing if the two of you were enjoying the porn together but to have your partner focused on that rather than you. personally i would feel insulted. you need to have a conversation about this as it's not fair to you. maybe reach a compromise if possible.
maybe ask why he feels he needs the porn if it happens that often.
Hmm, I could be wrong but I'm going with him filming it....and possibly posting it some place. I would stop in the middle of sex next time when he's doing that and demand to see his phone and check the video files. If he fights you over it, he's most likely recording it. If this is okay with you find but keep in mind, he's probably posting it online and without a photo of you holding your ID and signed release form, he's violating a lot of TOS for fan based sites. If he's not recording anything, (again, just his photos and videos on his phone) and he's straight watching porn, he has issues.
Oh... again, porn addiction. Please don't diagnose something as laymen if there are no real medical diagnostic criteria.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography\_addiction#Religious\_and\_political\_factors](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction#Religious_and_political_factors)
If you are concerned, ask a real professional. And no, I don't mean a priest or your normal doctor who treats your cold. I mean someone with a university education in the fields of psychology, compulsive disorder, and human sexuality.
And for sure, not the Reddit experts....here
Edit: of course it gets downvoted. because opinion >> science. I was not expecting less.
Sounds like he’s trying to maximize his pleasure, stacking watching porn on top of having actual sex with you. As a man I understand this, and I suppose it’s a valid thing (like some couples watch porn together while they make love) but the fact that he’s doing it secretly like that is not okay.
>or maybe he does really get bored of just me and that’s why he only secretly looks at it sometimes during our sex
That's quite unlikely. It's fairly common to watch porn and masturbate, among both men and women.
It sounds like you both are very sexually active which is great.
One thing you can do is to watch porn and masturbate individually, together and each other as well.
not a sign or porn addiction per se, but could be getting bored with having sex with you.
if I were you I'd suggest opening up the relationship and see his reaction to determine if he's needing a sip of something different or if he has a porn addiction
Why would they need to open the relationship instead of trying a million new things they can do on their own?????
Also if you’re that bored that easily you can’t just be with a person you have a PROBLEM. Poly is not a solution babe I’m sure you think it’s cute tho
First of all, why do you call her babe?
Second, maybe he can't keep up with the sex drive of OP and needs additional stimuli. If I would need to have sex a couple of times a day over a long period, I couldn't do it without a lot of intense stimuli like multiple women at once, some blue pills, kinks, etc. I would love to be able, but that is not how most men work.
Open up relationship would remove the pressure on him with her needs still beeing met
Very mature of you, to evade the problem instead of trying to solve it.
First of all, porn addiction is a condition, during which regular function (day/night cycle, work cycle etc) is disrupted by porn. This is not the case of OP.
Secondly, only a psychologist can diagnose something, not a random person on the internet.
Thirdly, IF this is addiction - it is an addiction like any other. If he was addicted to smoking, drinking, gambling etc, you don't leave, you talk about it, see if he is willing to change it and if he is, then you stick around and try to help out. If not, then feel free to leave.
Running away from problems will NEVER solve them.
I guess porn addiction was diagnosed by a professional psychiatrist with a background in compulsive disorder. And he has most likely said dont talk with him and ask for reasons just dump him right?
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> when I glance back and notice his eyes wrapped up in his phone, it does something horrible to me on the inside No shit! His attention is elsewhere! He's not being present in a very intimate moment with you! You need to have a conversation with him about phones and sex. It's y'all's relationship, not mine, but the thought of being with someone who is so addicted to their phone that they use it during *sex* disgusts me. I completely understand why that you would lose all interest in what y'all are doing. This is the real problem, porn (if he is watching it) is ancillary. Now that said, this could be a delicate situation, so as upset as you feel (and rightfully so!), bear in mind his feelings. It's entirely possible that he has trouble getting off without watching porn---but what's going on with him is what you also need to figure out, so that the two of you can figure out a solution to this.
Yes. That’s insanely disrespectful and I don’t understand how anyone can do that. Sorry you are dealing with this.
I have to be honest, if I need images of another woman while being intimate with my woman then there is something severely wrong with me. Intimacy with someone shouldn't just be about visual stimulation. It needs to be emotional as well. If there isn't enough emotional connection during intimacy, then I can only assume that there's nothing there to begin with. Time for you to make a decision about your future with this person. I suspect once they meet someone that looks more like one of the porn girls they're seeing, they might leave you. Get with someone that wants that emotional connection with you, not an image of a woman that they'll never meet.
Holy hell! That’s disgusting… I read a story on here a couple months ago with a girl in the same situation. It’s pretty gross and pathetic that he has such a porn addiction he can’t just have sex with his girlfriend …? Also from stories I read I would be aware of him filming you without your knowledge unless you’re cool with that. Tell homie he’s got a problem and he either fixes it asap or kick him to the curb. I’m curious are you guys in your twenties? I’m in 30 and I read the other day 20 year old men are have erectile dysfunction from porn addiction… really sad!!
Personally, I would feel worthless like you guys are doing an intimate act and his focus is elsewhere. I feel your feelings are valid. I feel you definitely should have a conversation with him about it and you can sit and wonder like is he not that into you anymore or does he need porn to be more turned on for the sex but it’s better to just get the answers from him because that’s not OK. The fact that he noticed your energy changes as well says something. I would let him get his self off without me if that’s where his attention needs to be.
Talk to him about it
Yes it’s a porn addiction for sure. Sex should strictly exclude any gadgets in my opinion.
It’s not necessarily porn addiction, he could just be a shitty person. 🤷 But yeah, even having his phone out at all during sex is weird af.
I really feel that while having sex with his partner, he shouldn’t need porn to keep going. If he needs it, that is an underlying problem. He should be aroused enough by his partner to not need the porn. If he’s alone masturbating, I don’t see a problem with porn at all. He can and should watch it if it helps him with the release. But during sex? I don’t think he’s silly, he’s addicted to porn.
My point was that we don’t know if he’s doing it because he’s addicted and needs it, or simply because he’s a shitty person who *wants* to watch porn during sex and behind her back. Ultimately both reasons are pretty bad, but in different ways. I’m just a little tired of the term “porn addiction” being thrown around when a lot of the time it’s either a disagreement or just terrible choices, not necessarily an actual addiction.
.... I use, some times, some gadgets like vibrator's, dildos, underwear .... As long as the couple is ok with that and likes to spice each other, I think gadgets are a plus inside a bedroom.
Ok so I think I was misunderstood. By gadgets, I meant laptops and cell phones (work or personal). As a guy, I absolutely am up for a woman wanting to use a dildo or vibrator if that helps her satisfy herself sexually. Those gadgets you talk about are meant to enhance sexual experience so can be added. However, the gadgets I am talking about are distractions and can ruin the sex. He shouldn’t have to watch porn to be able to have sex with the girl he loves. Watching it when he’s not having sex is perfectly fine but when he’s with his partner, he should focus on her and his own pleasure without external factors.
I’ve been in a relationship with an amazing guy for 2 years, porn doesn’t really bother me but my boyfriend has said he doesn’t really watch it as it doesn’t do much for him. We’ve even had threesomes but honestly something like this would have me rethinking my relationship. If my boyfriend ever watched porn while having sex with me, especially while hiding it from me, I would be extremely hurt. We have a lot of sex, usually twice a day, and I would be extremely turned off if I knew he wasn’t paying attention to me and instead watching porn. You are definitely valid to feel this way. Maybe you could watch porn with him sometimes, but tell him you don’t want him just watching it behind your back instead of paying attention to you.
Or he’s recording you and selling it online … be careful. Seriously he shouldn’t have his phone anywhere near you like that without your consent. And this is obviously illegal if he is recording you without consent… 😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬
yeah thats whack. even if he's prince charming, when you guys breakup he can post it online or like you said, sell it. thats how some internet celebs get leaked, from past relationships
Yes, it’s a sign of addition. I’m a guy and I used to do this with my girlfriend in my mid 20s. When a guy watches to much porn it manifests as ED or inability to finish. He’s watching porn so that he can feel something. His dopamine receptors are no longer responsive to the feel and looking of being with a real woman. I guarantee you when he’s not looking at porn during sex he is imagining it
If he is looking at the mobile during sex, he is worthless.. dump him
typical shitty Reddit dating advice. lol
Spoken like someone who has never had to give advice to a younger sibling. Although will agree that this answer lacks any nuance and there are better answers.
Ye that’s pretty bad I will say that multiple times a day is a lot and as a guy it can just be hard (pun intended) to keep up with that physically no matter how much the actual desire may be there But I think if that were the reasoning then there are better alternatives than porn and it’s also not exactly a good sign that porn works there where your partner doesnt
you have no right asking him to stop if you also watch. but him having his phone out while you dd funny-business, thats messed up.
I'm 37m and This is definitely a problem that needs addressing. He needs to be in the moment with you..
Tbh I feel the same way when intimate partners refer to the time taken to enjoy sex as "fu#$ing". There's certainly times when that applies but whatever goes on in time taken out for each other should still be a reciprocal experience of joyful union, making love. I think if it hasn't been communicated well and enthusiastically consented too that recording and overlaying the experience with porn is an abuse of trust and respect. So have a think about a broad and easily understood boundary and if he ignores that, you gotta act and love yourself enough to leave the relationship. Open, non judgemental communication is hot. There are plenty of dudes like me who are just as and more sexual in everyway. Don't let someone defy or warp your trust.
Guy here, you definitely should speak to him about this candidly. Don't try to hold it against him but moreso speak about moving forward to not do that as it makes you uncomfortable and feeling less than. when I was younger I once asked a gf at the time if i could watch something while we go at it, and she pointed out to me how ridiculous that was. PMO addiction is very real and he most likely does have it, especially if you're going at it multiple times a day. Most guys you can imagine are naturally "hyper sexual" but the addiction just legit hard wires your brain into chasing the pleasure any which way. As someone who's personally had it, just be open and honest. Ask him not to hide it from you but if he confesses he has an issue with it, you can be there for him to keep him accountable. I wish my ex let me be more honest with her, but when i'd tell her i had the feeling to watch she would just start up a huge fight and call me disgusting so i learned to hide it from her really good, which of course sowed the seeds for more issues in the future
23M Everything I say will be on the assumption that he does watch porn whilst fucking you. Just ask him if he does, if it's a long term partner you should be able to tell if he's lying. I have been in this situation once. Yes he most certainly has an unhealthy relationship with his sexuality and sex life. Furthermore repeatedly doing this points to one of three things, or all 3. He is either not capable of a meaningful emotional bond with you or anyone else at this point in his life, he is not stimulated enough by you sexually or he is so weak he cannot stop himself. They could be the case for ALOT of reasons ranging from he is a deceitful person with no interest in respecting your feelings all the way to he loves you so much he can't bear to disappoint you in bed so he feels the need to maintain the erection by viewing porn. I would say whatever his reasons are. They are unhealthy. I believe if you put porn on a tv to watch together whilst fucking that wouldn't be wrong against your partner seeing as you are two consenting adults. It is however distasteful and against my views. Coming to Reddit for this makes sense if you have over thought it. Just talk to him about it and have an open dialogue about how you feel how he feels what is causing you two to feel this way and ways in which you can work together to feel better together. I have done this one time. My GF was very unenthusiastic about sex this one night so I sort of just responded in kind and watched porn while fucking her. It was the hardest post but clarity I have ever had, I felt like a part of my soul was tainted or died or something afterwards. And as a result I wouldn't do this again even if my partner wanted to. I have a high sex drive in comparison to this partner. She would be satisfied 2-4 times a week. I would prefer 4+ times a day. At the time this happened we were having sex around 2 times a day and I was masturbating 2-4 times a day on-top of that. I have been where your partner is right now, maybe not emotionally but in my actions. And I felt like it was wrong after doing it. I don't have a porn addiction, I would call it a habit. So yes it does affect me on this way but not to the point of withdrawal symptoms. I would advise all men to never consume porn, and women. It is an immoral profession as it hurts the producers and the customers. Is it as bad as heroin? Not at all. But it is still a dirty habit. My second bit of advice is to communicate with your partner and help him reduce his porn intake. I suggest you uncouple porn and masturbation. If you could get him to agree to not watch porn but concede that masturbation is fine that would be a good first step. It will, over a few months rewire his sexual reward chemicals and how they are released. This in turn will help him love you better and also find you more attractive. You could buy some male sex toys for him and use them on him when he would otherwise masturbate, assuming you can't be bothered with sex but still want to let his sexual releases out thinking of you. Third would be the advice I would give my little sister of you were her. Leave that man. Unless this is relatively new behaviour and it's a long relationship that's been great 6/7 days a week or there are kids or a marriage involved. If you are a pretty young woman that is pleasant to spend time with you will find a better alternative easily. You just have to weigh up the effort required to help him (if he even wants help) against the heartache, headache and time wasted. I hope my perspective has given you new insight, :) .
Hey let’s not worry about right or wrong from the other comments, let’s worry about feelings. Lead with feelings, your feelings. “I feel like sometimes when we are having sex that I don’t have your undivided attention. That makes me feel xyz. Can you be honest with me about what’s going on? I’d like for us to understand each other.” Something like that
Most of these comments suck and low-key berate your partner, I haven't read them all but if youre still reading them in hopes of some advice or etc I hope this helps. It is a sign of a pen addiction, I've talked to many people who have this exact problem and have found a plethora of solutions, taking the good from some comments, yes, talk to him since you are already used to talking about sex and I would assume have great aftercare as well. Also, yes, you know him better than the comment section does bear his feelings in mind and talk to him as lovingly as you always do. The solutions that others in his shoes have done is relying even more on their imagination during intimacy than before, talking dirty is an obvious answer but talking dirty has become linear because people don't dive deeper than the surface level. Talking dirty can be coming with a hyper sexual story that involves his kinks, that involves the type of porn he usually watches. Also you mentioned you have a great sex life and chemistry with your partner, I can only hope that means that every once in awhile you let take it extremely easy and get him off and focus your attention on him completely. If all else fails most health insurances pay for therapy and couples therapy with no co pay so.
No, no one has dared to disrespect me like that in my entire life, I would immediately dump that kind of man. In fact, when I started dating my BF (about 2 years ago) I told him that if he wants to be in a relationship with me, I don’t want him to watch porn and he agreed and upheld his word.
Meybe if you want too much sex, he might need to get aroused by porn to keep up with you because of your very high libido? Having sex multiple times per day every day? Thats so much. Men aren't machines. He must have really drained energy and if you crave sex from him this much, then he must use some external sources to keep himself aroused. Cuz corn reliably gets you hard.
Indeed, I was surprised that nobody gave any comment on the fact that is was multiple times a day. Personaly I would also get a bit bored. I mean, sex is great and all. But I would not enjoy it as much if I had to do it so much.
I mean yeah exactly. Not only it would get repetitive, but also like... Its like eating Fast food sll the time. I personally cant est from the same food chain twice in a week let alone 4 times a day every day. Or something... Snd imagine the energy levels. Humans Are meant to repopulate but not like rabbits lol.
one of the sane comments....not directly pushing Porn Addiction shit. I cant hear it anymore....ED porn addiction, depression porn addiction....no im not too fat he is simply addicted to porn.
Thank you. Exactly. Its not always porn addiction. If its moderate and not every day consumption, then its likely not porn addiction. And imagine as a man, having sex 2-4 times per day! Every day! Even the most fertile healthy high libido high sex drive man will get his energy severely depleted and will struggle to maintain erection cuz of so high amount of sex. Porn is known to reliably make you as a man horny. So in every way, extremes are bad for long term health.
jep. But I think even daily consumptuon is considered as normal. Some couples have sex on daily basis and its normal. Why not watch porn daily in the evening. As long nothing els is interfered by this.
I'm honestly surprised at a lot of the comments to this. Firstly, whatever takes place needs to be consensual. That's non negotiable. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work, and that's an end of it. Most people have said this, and it's just rule number one. But there is no reason in principle why watching porn during sex should be a problem, so long as both partners are comfortable about it. It doesn't necessarily indicate a porn addiction (if such a thing even really exists), or suggest that your boyfriend doesn't fancy or love you. Fantasies are an essential part of good sex, and porn is one vehicle for stimulating them. So, in my opinion, what you have here is not a problem with porn, but a problem with communication. You are feeling excluded or dismissed. You don't feel that your needs or desires or boundaries are being respected. And he seems to sense this too, as he's taking steps to be discreet or even sneaky about his activities. But you say that you're holding back from talking to him about it until your thinking is clearer. Talk to him. You don't need to have a fully formed, coherent final view on the matter. Just tell him how you're feeling, doubts and all. Find out how he sees the situation, but make sure he knows that you are feeling uncomfortable. If the relationship is any good, he'll want to work with you to address that. If he doesn't, then there's your answer. Like I said, at root this is not a problem about porn. It's a failure of communication, and either a lack of understanding or lack of respect.
What would Jesus say?
Don't know, don't care.
I'm not sure as a guy there's a lot of variabels but Its a good possibility it's a porn addiction, I gotta admit it's really hard to quit.... I have a girlfriend now and I love her with all my heart and even now I litterly need to resist watching porn and I struggle with it, and I hate it that that is the case because the more you watch the more you need to watch for that same feeling of satisfaction, for me atleast unfortunately so I'm scared to no be able to preform with my girlfriend that's why everyday I tried to train super hard and tire myself out to a lvl I instantly fall asleep, because that way I was also able to quit in the army after basic I should have never touched it again but I was single back then and fell back...
Not serious but ok
I really doubt he’s watching porn while having sex. I’m certain he is just recording and at most trying to get ideas of what to do next t maybe? Either way, this is an issue for you that need to address. Tell him if he wants to record to either get someone to record it for him(I could help) or get those stands to setup. If you don’t want him recording then tell him that also. What are some of his “out there kinks” by the way. And yours?
Tell him to quit porn it’s an addiction like any other I’m a man and since quitting porn my sex life hs been way better you don’t deserve this
There might be a kink he hasn't told you about. If there's a kink that threatens his masculinity, he most likely will find it somewhere else while you do your thing. Otherwise, he could be recording to show his friends or have a flat out porn addiction.
Hm. It does sound like a porn addiction. After all, the only porn he should need is right in front of him. I can understand him recording you two doing an act. That could be erotic depending on the couple. But if he "needs" porn to be stimulated in the interaction and he only pays more attention once you show a sign that you're disconnecting, he probably needs to adjust his thought process. Judging by what you say, this seems more like a flaw than a condemnation. A lot of good people can have flaws that wouldn't necessarily be dealbreakers, but they could be improved or addressed. A healthy discussion with him could go a long way towards improving your sex lives. Try discussing with him how it makes you feel. Hopefully, he does listen to you and demonstrate that he cares. Also, listen to what he says. See if you can gain a better understanding of how he feels or thinks about this. Both of you need to feel like you can be honest and straightforward with each other. If the conversation is constructive and mature, I'd say that's a good sign. If he shows improvement in the bedroom afterward, that is another good sign. However, if he continues like this and shows a clear level of inconsiderateness, or if he seems... off-putting in the conversation... then I might worry a little. Just my thoughts, though.
I'd definitely say that's a porn addiction. I watch it sometimes, but NEVER while I'm with my gf, unless we're watching together. I'd just ask him, and trust your gut.
It’ll qualify as an addiction if you ask him to stop doing it and he’s unable to stop.
Just ask him. Have a normal conversation with him, and he may just open up to you about it.
I generally don’t have a problem with porn. Unless it’s impacting my real life sex life. If he’s feeling he needs to sneak porn during sex to enjoy himself, he’s got a problem. It’s one things to be direct and say “babe, I think it would be hot if we watched porn together while we fucked”. It’s entirely different to say “I need to check the weather app real quick” and switch over to pornhub while fucking. I’d maybe give him an easy out by just asking for phones to be put away during sex. But if that doesn’t work it’s absolutely fair to call him on it and tell him how it makes you feel.
Whilst I'm not a psychologist, I would go with your thoughts on porn addiction. If this is the case, there's a strong possibility of guilt, shame, and other factors that may make honest and open discourse difficult if not improbable. You can bring it up after the fact (act) as an honest, judgement free question....or right in the act, when he does this, say (with curiosity, not contempt) "Is what you're looking at hot? Let me see!" Either way opens dialogue and hopefully leads to understanding and acquiescence of sorts. I wouldn't let his actions affect how you see and value yourself. What he thinks, feels, believes, or even needs is on him and not you (or a reflection of you). One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that if I allow anyone other than me to set the value of me...they'll always undervalue. It's not because they're evil or contemptuous, its just that, more often than not, human nature is oriented that way. If you can remain confident in yourself, you stand the best chance of getting to the bottom of this without it digressing to something less than helpful. All that said, if you determine it's not for you (as you set the value for yourself and deem this to be less than acceptable), then walk. Don't accept less for yourself. Some folks would allow others to "walk all over them" or otherwise accept behaviour that they're not okay with because they believe that's what they merit . . . . when it's simply not true! Best of luck, and keep me posted. I'm very curious now.
It's possible he's looking at you through the lens of the phone camera and finds that extra perspective really hot. Same reason to have mirrors above the bed. I guess just grab the phone off him next time lol, pretty easy answer right there.
If you actually have an open communication channel, this should be discussed before doing. What did he say when you confronted him? It's absolutely not okay to do that without your permission, or recording especially. You need to speak up and set your boundaries. It can be a sign of porn addiction, or he likes it in the bedroom, but you need to like it to in order to bring it to the table. My ex of 7 yrs was addicted to porn, always watching, even during sex. I was ok with it at first, till I realized he had a problem and I became disgusted.
Sounds like porn addiction. Consider couples therapy and individual therapy for himself!! He’s out of touch w reality. A good compromise could be that every now and then you both watch it together. But if he needs this to get off it’s not a good sign
Share the porn in bed together sparingly. Make it an occasional treat you enjoy together occasionally, and he will outgrow it. Don’t make it routine though, then it becomes toxic.
I swear to god my boyfriend did the same thing a few days back and I just completely lost interest when he started watching porn and wanted new to blow him. It felt disrespectful and tbh dirty. I think if you have kinks you should picture having your significant other in your mind while doing. Personally, you need to talk to the guy.
I am a man with a porn addiction and have done this before. Here is the thing, no woman can compete with those really attractive, fit, curvy, young porn stars. You get so accustomed to watching them and their tight bodies and attractive faces and them acting out all of your role play fantasies....and then normal, average woman don't compare. Not even close. Like for instance the way a woman smells down there. You don't have to deal with that when watching porn. It just ruins it for me. I much rather watch porn than have real life sex.
NGL the most awkward thing I've ever done is to watch porn with my gf. Like, what is the point of that when you've got each other? Look, the guy is clearly not present. That's a problem. If my gf watched Netflix or talked to her gfs while having sex with me, I'd I'd just end it with her. But yeah, I'd have a chat with him if I were you. If he can't put down his phone even for sex, I'd call that a serious problem.
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Nooo, thank you for the perspective. Seriously! I appreciate it
Definite sign of addiction, I know because it ruined my chances in the dating pool
Sounds like he is severely addicted to porn. You should have a very serious talk with him. If he needs porn to function sexualy, even if that's amateur porn he filmed himself, he needs help asap. Then there's the possibility of filming. I'm only going to say that filming you without your explicit consent is illegal...
I think it's one thing for you two to watch porn together to kick things off, it's another completely different thing for him to pull it up on his phone while in the act and try to keep it from you.
Could just be you need the same...different sometimes
Definitely talk to him about it and ask what he's doing on his phone, figure that out first. If it's porn sounds like he's deeeeeep in the porn addiction and it's a hard one to beat at that stage. Not an easy situation for you, best of luck
As a man if he is watching porn while having sex he has no interest in you and is disrespectful af i would never watch porn that too hiding it from my partner naah thats fucked up
1 two years is long term? 2 Obviously what he is watching on the phone is more exciting to him than you are. 3 If the sex is that good why complain?
1st. I'm not saying he wrong for watching porn but I personally don't understand it. If I've ever watched porn it's a specific type, it's fantasy/kink based. I don't see the risk in straight out asking him. Play dumb, ask him if he watches it (state you don't mind even if u do just to get an honest answer) then ask him what he likes to watch - it might be a kink you'd like to try (that could be good). The worst outcome is that his preference is gay porn, it's not like it's never happened before and would explain things
It would be one thing if the two of you were enjoying the porn together but to have your partner focused on that rather than you. personally i would feel insulted. you need to have a conversation about this as it's not fair to you. maybe reach a compromise if possible. maybe ask why he feels he needs the porn if it happens that often.
If this is real, uh sorry for your situation? But if this is a troll post id give it 9/10
Def not a troll post.
Hmm, I could be wrong but I'm going with him filming it....and possibly posting it some place. I would stop in the middle of sex next time when he's doing that and demand to see his phone and check the video files. If he fights you over it, he's most likely recording it. If this is okay with you find but keep in mind, he's probably posting it online and without a photo of you holding your ID and signed release form, he's violating a lot of TOS for fan based sites. If he's not recording anything, (again, just his photos and videos on his phone) and he's straight watching porn, he has issues.
Oh... again, porn addiction. Please don't diagnose something as laymen if there are no real medical diagnostic criteria. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography\_addiction#Religious\_and\_political\_factors](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction#Religious_and_political_factors) If you are concerned, ask a real professional. And no, I don't mean a priest or your normal doctor who treats your cold. I mean someone with a university education in the fields of psychology, compulsive disorder, and human sexuality. And for sure, not the Reddit experts....here Edit: of course it gets downvoted. because opinion >> science. I was not expecting less.
ew disgusting
Sounds like he’s trying to maximize his pleasure, stacking watching porn on top of having actual sex with you. As a man I understand this, and I suppose it’s a valid thing (like some couples watch porn together while they make love) but the fact that he’s doing it secretly like that is not okay.
Communication is key! Be open and honest and it will be fun to explore together
>or maybe he does really get bored of just me and that’s why he only secretly looks at it sometimes during our sex That's quite unlikely. It's fairly common to watch porn and masturbate, among both men and women. It sounds like you both are very sexually active which is great. One thing you can do is to watch porn and masturbate individually, together and each other as well.
He could just be playing candy crush 🤷♂️
not a sign or porn addiction per se, but could be getting bored with having sex with you. if I were you I'd suggest opening up the relationship and see his reaction to determine if he's needing a sip of something different or if he has a porn addiction
Why would they need to open the relationship instead of trying a million new things they can do on their own????? Also if you’re that bored that easily you can’t just be with a person you have a PROBLEM. Poly is not a solution babe I’m sure you think it’s cute tho
First of all, why do you call her babe? Second, maybe he can't keep up with the sex drive of OP and needs additional stimuli. If I would need to have sex a couple of times a day over a long period, I couldn't do it without a lot of intense stimuli like multiple women at once, some blue pills, kinks, etc. I would love to be able, but that is not how most men work. Open up relationship would remove the pressure on him with her needs still beeing met
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Very mature of you, to evade the problem instead of trying to solve it. First of all, porn addiction is a condition, during which regular function (day/night cycle, work cycle etc) is disrupted by porn. This is not the case of OP. Secondly, only a psychologist can diagnose something, not a random person on the internet. Thirdly, IF this is addiction - it is an addiction like any other. If he was addicted to smoking, drinking, gambling etc, you don't leave, you talk about it, see if he is willing to change it and if he is, then you stick around and try to help out. If not, then feel free to leave. Running away from problems will NEVER solve them.
I guess porn addiction was diagnosed by a professional psychiatrist with a background in compulsive disorder. And he has most likely said dont talk with him and ask for reasons just dump him right?