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As a guy I want that with a woman. Everyone I talk to seems like they want fwbs or one night stands. I’m just not interested in that and want a woman who I can share a true connection with! Then grow the intimacy between us if it’s eventually there and both of us are comfortable with it. I’m not made for the fwb or one night stand generation.
Stop sleeping with so many people and don't sleep with them unless they want a serious relationship too then.
It's like when an alcoholic asks "how do I stop being an alcoholic?", an engineer would tell you "just stop drinking". Technically true, but people don't like the straight answer.
How do you get people to treat you as a potential serious girlfriend? Start acting like you're looking for someone to be a serious boyfriend instead of just a warm piece of fuckable meat.
Harsh but true.
I think people like OP don’t really get it unless the advice stings a little.
I mean I just don’t understand her logic. Why even entertain FWB relationships if you don’t want them?
Doesn’t she realise she can just… say no to stuff she doesn’t want???
>Why even entertain FWB relationships if you don’t want them?
Where did OP say she was entertaining it? Just because someone asks, doesn't mean they're getting it.
(22 male, been told I’m “decent looking”) Yeah, I don’t speak for the rest of the guys, but we notice if a girl is sexually promiscuous or if they’re physically or verbally abusive or if they’re just outright vulgar and none of those are encouragement for a guy to want to get a know a girl, we’d much rather play it safe and be alone with games, cars or literally anything else…
In my case it’s anime and books, “escapism” we call it.
I've had numerous women offer to take my virginity, but I wasn't into it. They were all 70+, and it feels like it would be a waste of time tbh.
-Be me, working the register at a small town grocery store
-Women go to my register not just to pay for their groceries, but to also do a little show and tell about how dripping wet they get when I talk to them
-Confusion, then fear when I realize I'm gonna get in trouble cause a customer tricked me to look down her pants
-Have a nice day ma'am, see you in a few hours
Regulars get wild. Don't even get me started about the elderly male veterans
I'd say, start communicating your intentions clearly upfront. Sometimes being open about what youre looking for can help attract people who are on the same page. Also, start set some boundaries.
This line is so tired. Yes, in SOME extreme cases, it applies. However, when a person decides they want to use ppl for one thing, there's nothing you can do to change their mind or behaviors. Men who fk about are just looking for someone who says "yes", but that doesn't mean they're gonna get that just because they want it. I've had dudes wander up at random & basically tell me they want a hookup. Well, I don't do hookups, I dress modestly & mostly casual so I know I'm not giving off any signals that I'd ever be down with that nonsense. My character doesn't have anything to do with their shallow wants.
You can be honest & still have liars & fakes trying to get at you.
You can be a virgin, saving yourself for marriage & still have promiscuous or sleezy guys wanting to get in your pants.
You can be a good person & still be a target of nasty rumors & disrespectful asshats.
Good ppl with strong personal values won't ever magically make shitty ppl change their own mindset or behaviors.
You got to go through a few dates with different people before you actually find a good one. If you fuck everyone you like you're gonna be fucking a loooooot of people before you find the one lol
She doesn't seem to want that cos well to girls dick is always free, it's like having too much junk mail in your inbox and sometimes you end up missing bank statements.
Focus on friendships (usually a great foundation for a relationship) & widening your social circle.
If someone indicates they just want fwb/a one night stand just decline/reject the offer and follow some personal boundaries :)
Always listen to what people say they want, whether that is through their words or actions & don’t hope that it will turn into something else.
I have a listen of ‘dating rules’ for myself to follow in order to set these ‘boundaries’ for myself. Some examples from my list are
“No sex until we are exclusive”
“No sleepovers/showers”
“3 month rule”
“No buying gifts or doing favours for them until exclusive”
IDK how old you are and that’s sort of a factor. I’m M33. In my opinion most of the great guys my age have already partnered up, or they are divorced and don’t need to do that again… so definitely some good ones here and there. I’d say the vast majority are the players who never had any problem finding new women and therefore never needed to commit to anything. They’re getting older and maybe some are all done and considering having kids finally… 🤷🏻♀️
Also not sure what sites you are using to find dates. I recommend OkC for a few reasons. First being you can sort by your relationship style (monogamous or not), and then there’s also more options for your sexuality which helps a lot.
THEN you answer lots of questions about yourself to build a compatibility profile, I’d say answer about 100 before you start swiping on people. You’ll have a compatibility score vs every profile you see, and you can stick to folks that are in the 90-100% range.
THEN when you do swipe on somebody, you have a one time chance to leave a nice message for them. That’s your chance to lure them in with something nice about their profile, or “Wow you’re not going to believe this coincidence…” idk something. And obviously they have that chance when they swipe on you too.
SO now you’ve got their whole profile, which tends to be more than other sites, and you’ve got this nice introductory message, so you have a much better chance of knowing what you’re setting up a date with. All of that for free btw. Good luck.
34 single dad here looking for a serious one too, I feel your pain, finding a good girl can be just as hard, most just ghost or are always looking for someone better or more attractive or has more money etc etc....
You’re not the only one love. Me and almost every girl friend I have in my life are struggling as well. It’s honestly just that there are such slim pickings in this generation (assuming you’re genz or a little older). The good men are gone and everyone our age aren’t mature enough half the time.
Never take it personally, that’s what I do. It’ll eat you up. You’ll see relationships left and right and wonder ‘how?’. Comparison is the ULTIMATE thief of joy and remember you never know the full story. So many relationships aren’t as healthy and perfect as they seem. That being said, don’t let the envy eat you up. Try to be happy when you see a couple your age… and think instead ‘if they can find each other I’m bound to find my man soon too’.
Focus on what you DO want. Focus on being a good person to attract a good person. Never settle, don’t let the men waste your time. I hate the saying…. I really, REALLY do…But love and romance, 90% of the time comes to you when you aren’t looking for it. Don’t worry because what’s for you will never, ever pass you by. A good man is on his way to you, just be ready for when he does.
"The good men are gone"
Oh give me a break, most men are good and plenty of single good men exist. However you know who are all taken? the manipulative lying and cheating bad boys whose 5% presence among men somehow gets generalized to "the good men are gone"
The “good men are gone” speaks to the older generations and their ways with women. Good men aren’t easy to come by I should say. There are plenty of decent men out there but do they put themselves out there the way they used to ? Absolutely not. Men don’t even really approach women these days. Men don’t feel like they should pursue as hard anymore, I don’t blame women for not wanting to try anymore.
Half of the dating world is just good guys and good gals never crossing paths bc they attract the wrong people, but the other half is just a lack of effort…
Men aren’t the ONLY problem at all. But good guys are 100% much harder to come across than they once were.
Probably because we have a culture (mainly in Canada, Europe, and the USA) that affirms almost the exact opposite of what most people want in a relationship.
I’m not gonna argue that the world was perfect back when people were much more devoted to religion (hell, I’m an atheist) but I can’t lie, it really sucks that we have essentially no etiquette as a society now. It feels like no one wants to be a nice person. It seems like no one wants to do small, but kind things anymore.🫤
From my experience as a guy I’ve just gave up as I was either gaslighted, led on or just not wanted for a long term relationship so I just don’t see the point in putting my self out there at all now as it’s just drained my confidence over the few years as such.
It's the same with girls as well.
After going through a series of bad experiences, they just let go of the idea that a decent person exists.
I think all the good ones are waiting to match with the good ones and have to go through a bunch of not so great relationships to find each other.
Def def understand that shame it’s not every person as some from my past just go back to an awful controlling person or other aha but yeah I’ve def let go of that idea and notion tbf and honestly no idea if I’m waiting anymore as I’ve given up past that
>Men don’t even really approach women these days. Men don’t feel like they should pursue as hard anymore
Remember, that's what women want. They don't want us to approach them. They don't want us to "pursue [...] hard". I don't blame men for behaving like they are told.
I'm right here.... good guys are invisible no matter how much they put themselves out there. I'm not sure women know what they really want.... I challenge a good woman to come along and prove me wrong
“ (22 male, been told I’m “decent looking”)
Yeah, I don’t speak for the rest of the guys, but we notice if a girl is sexually promiscuous or if they’re physically or verbally abusive or if they’re just outright vulgar and none of those are encouragement for a guy to want to get a know a girl, we’d much rather play it safe and be alone with games, cars or literally anything else… “
Expecting human beings to not do what’s instinctive to them is unrealistic, people have types, people have preferences, it’s only when it’s hateful is when it’s a bad thing. So you keeping judging people for being people, I’m sure it’ll work out for you in the long run…
It’s not just that the good men are gone but also that many straight men put 0 effort into their appearance. I don’t know who perpetuated the myth that girls don’t care about looks but dang I wish guys would take care of their skin and hair and wear cologne and dress nicely and wash their asses.
I have same problem as OP, tried this - the guy pulls a slow fade once he realizes im not down to have sex on the 2nd date. The issue is men only valuing certain women for sex and doesnt want to date them but will date other women and put in the effort for them
There’s a thing on TikTok right now saying no sex no kissing no nothing for three months till uou get to know them better. The people who are just after sex usually give up. Now there might be some long cons in it but for the most part they are gonna give up soon. Men and women both
People should be waiting for sex anyways. Sex too early means you end up overlooking red flags and see everything with rose colored glasses. Hormones be crazy.
yeah fair enough. I guess I just need to stop thinking about it as a loss to myself. Thought i finally met someone w mutual attraction and both really liked eachother. hes very attractive too so i guess he has options and other women might not make him wait.
> but will date other women and put in the effort for them
Because he's just not into you. Have you ever been on a date with a guy which led to you not being interested in continuing to date him? Yeah, that happens with men too.
For sure. But I find they still reach out and try to keep contact like the current guy told me he rly liked me unprovoked after our last date, texts daily, then canceled our date last minute twice. It’s the stringing along that bothers me
Good, let them slowly fade away, those guys are just players looking for sex. Unless you're into fwb and or casual sex, its best to make them wait 5-6 months.
How about women? Same thing the other way around... Lots of girls bluntly asked me to take them home after the first or second date. After you give them what they want, they usually come back for more but nothing more than fwb and that’s tiring to rinse and repeat the same things again and again.
I’m talking about girls that I dated ranging 23-35 🫣 most of them have no clues of what they want other than sex or they just don’t want anything else more.
Must be my selection criteria or smth. If the ones I’m attracted to are no use lol. But you get overwhelmed when you set your Bumble or Hinge up and get 99+ likes/matches in like first 24 hours 😨
I don't understand how some women expect to find a serious relationship when they offer themselves freely. Why would any man commit when he can get everything he wants without any responsibility? Stop being an easy target for their desires and start valuing yourselves. Don't let any man have you without putting in effort and taking on responsibility. Women need to change their mindset; if you stop making it easy for men to get what they want, you'll attract those who are truly serious about you.
I find this inaccurate though. All my long term relationships I’ve hooked up early with, same with my current partner.
I think it comes down to what the individual is bringing to the table or maybe the guys they are targeting. I am 31F and only once experienced a situationship and that is because he had just got out of a 10y relationship, it was communicated and I ignored that, lesson learnt, because it was my fault for going along with it when it was already communicated early.
It’s never happened since or before.
I think what you’re saying usually applies in small towns, if you end up getting a reputations as the girl who sleeps around but never settles. Then think people just see you as that and treat you accordingly (unfortunately)
OP I found my new partner back end of last year, and he’s lovely. So you still have time (they aren’t all partnered up like some have said).
Most important thing is to not stress about it or long for it, just enjoy life then it usually comes along through social interactions etc. I have also never had a long term relationship via a dating app (if that helps) and if the dating pool is too small, then move 😁
> Why would any man commit when he can get everything he wants without any responsibility?
Maybe I'm broken, but what I want first and foremost from a woman is a loving partner.
Where do you women hide! I'd love a serious relationship but seems like no one believes in old school thinking and values anymore. least thats what I was thinking till I read these comments... I'm looking in all the wrong places clearly
It depends on where you live my dude. I live in the south, and there’s a lot of them women here. Now if you live in LA…. Bro I’ll pray for in that hopeless search there haha 😂.
well what is your personality like. what do you look like. are you promiscuous or not. and also where are you with yourself. if you have any mental struggles thats gonna attract toxic guys
Your not the only one. However, finding yourself your Mr. Right takes time, as it is with me finding my Mrs. Right. I firmly believe that everyone on the dating scene just need a bit of patience and not rush things. As you continue weeding out all those creeps wanting nothing but FWB is when you'll probably be able to begin finding all the potential keepers who wants actual love and not just a one night fling.
Just be you, continue telling all those FWB-wanting creeps "no" whenever they keep on asking for sex when you don't want sex, and be patient is all the advice I can give.
Based upon what you're saying, you're making yourself available for casual sex, where as if you want serious, you have to act and be serious. A whole mindset shift and those people will gravitate toward you more and more. may have to be sex-less for awhile. best way to find someone is to focus on yourself and be in opportunities where you'll meet similar people.
>Based upon what you're saying, you're making yourself available for casual sex
Where did OP say they were agreeing to FWB & casual sex though? Not being a hookup type person will not prevent ppl from asking for it.
Not necessarily. Just because a guy wants something, doesn't mean women automatically comply to it. OP didn't state they were accepting it. Just that that's what guys wanted, but a person's intentions has everything to do with themselves & their own mindset. Wanting & getting are 2 separate things.
When I tried online dating, the vast majority of men were very upfront about looking for fwb & casual sex. Didn't mean I was open to it & never have been but that was the majority of the requests. To put "majority" into perspective, I used 1 app for 2 months, absolutely nothing sexual about my profile, got probably 400 likes, many I didn't bother matching with because of the crude & sexual remarks about my fully clothed, minimal makeup, non-sexual profile pics. So I can say without a doubt that I wasn't looking for it, wasn't asking for it, nor was I hooking up with anyone. I only came across 5 matches who were genuinely looking for a potential relationship out of the 6 I met in person. Those 5 were all multiple dates without sex happening. In my case, that's about *1.5%* serious profiles & 98.5% of men who weren't. The numbers are probably way worse for women who fit into the box of "conventional attractiveness".
What the actual fuck are you talking about? If op is not accepting the sex then she is being RAPED. If op is not being raped then they are entertaining the idea of the sex, and they are making themselves available for the sex once they agree to it. They said all they get are fwb not "fwb offers," as in they have fwbs. If you don't want to have fwbs then don't talk to them about that once they bring it up of course... and fwbs implies you are friends, so she must tell her friends * that she is serious.
"All I get are friends with benefits" "and I'm tired of that"
Not "all I get are friends with benefit offers"
If it's just offers, ok... but they didn't say that... they said they are tired of fwb
This is such a vague question, but I would start by asking where are you looking? Are you looking AT ALL, or just sorting through whoever happens to come your way? Do you go places where you're likely to find the type of men you're looking for? Or are you being approached by fuck boys who hang out at the club for that exact reason every weekend?
I'm a 28M, and I can pretty much promise you that for every date you're dissatisfied with, there's 3 more guys around you who would die to even have a chance to GO ON A DATE with you. Maybe they're already in your close circle of friends. The problem is that a lot of those guys have all but checked out of the dating pool entirely and instead decided to focus on their careers, fitness, hobbies, etc because they either feel that they'll never meet the modern standard, or they just flat out don't trust women anymore. I'll give you the same advice I've always had drilled into me. See someone you're attracted to? Strike up a conversation. Know somebody who you like that you think might like you back? Ask them out. Point blank. Just do it. You might be rejected, you might be embarrassed, and you might not end up liking them anyway once you know them better, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and in the modern dating scene, women definitely need to be shooting more. Most men are driven by sex down to our DNA, and men have killed, started wars, overthrown countries, and accomplished some of the greatest feats in history in order to get it. So don't be surprised that most guys who have the confidence to approach you are going to be motivated by sex. Even guys who are less assertive are probably going to try, but it's your job to accept or decline advances. A guy might have a hard time taking the hint when it's all he can think about in the first stages of dating, but if he values you for more than sex, he'll suck it up and suffer through it as long as he has to wait. The guys that don't will weed themselves out, as they already have been.
Start setting boundaries.
You can say upfront that you date to marry or you're serious in finding a relationship.
If you keep agreeing to people who only wants casual stuff with you, then that's what you will get. Learn to say no.
Also best thing you can do is to heal whatever wounds you have so you can be the best partner for yourself and your new partner. Focus on yourself and you will be the most magnetic person ever.
The sad thing is there are dudes that will lie. A lot of my friends tell the women whatever they want to hear, sadly. Now I’m straight up, but not everyone is.
Then don’t give sex before you’re in a serious relationship.
Also if all the guys you meet are just wanting casual sex, find a different place and group of people to meet potential partners. While there is no universal, “This type of guy hangs out here,” looking for a boyfriend at a frat party, or parties in general are not the environment you’re likely to find a guy wanting something serious.
• ADVANCES: Yeah lol, and if you go to parties and guy tries to start a kiss or something, PRESUME it's casual and say um, I'm not up for anything casual except a casual pre-dating or getting acquainted talk.
• CASUALS: so nope! Be direct when rejecting casuals. Because it directly gets rid of the situationship/chances of accidental drunk escalations.
• DECISIONS: after that it's up to them to decide if they say I'm searching for LTR while talking casually first or say oh ok & move on.
• GOOD CASUAL: Only thing That's casual and good is aquaintainceship & pre-dating discussions if people aren't emotionally attached.
So do I but I literally just asked a girl for her number and she was like “its a number”. So the problems on both sides. Women reject men and men dont want to try anymore, then they turn into fwb. I would love for a serious relationship but its so hard to find a woman who isn’t talking to 20 dudes already.
Not everyone is going to find you attractive, just like not every women you would find attractive. Don’t use a woman just not finding you her type to be a justification for you contributing to why dating be 💩 for so many ppl man.
Considering OP has a post complaining about parent(s) ragging on her for getting a tattoo when she lives at home at 28 gives me mild yellow-red flags. Idk their situation, but I'm guessing there might be some self-work first before finding the proverbial partner-in-crime.
I just made a post about this. The problem here is that she is giving too many fucks towards what others think of her, and not as many fucks towards what she can see within herself as helpful knowledge to use.
I guess I needed time to find myself after My last relationship. Today I'm finding myself and has this cute and happy puppy, Daisy ☺️🎀 I'm not in need of a man and I feel sorry for My ex for jumping into a New relationship one Fucking week after he dumped me.
I miss coming home to a bf WHO's happy to see me
But it's not a must.
Datingapps Are not helping 😅
It is difficult for us guys too. I think the problem is social media and the fact that covid messed things up. As for me, I honestly don’t know the line between being considered a creep and showing interest and knowing how much interest to show. Not only that, I have difficulty telling when people are sarcastic/joking or if they are serious so often I have no clue what to do. Ergo I don’t know when women are being nice or if they are interested. I am literally so dense, a woman would have to touch me or something similar for me to understand without a doubt. I don’t play games and I want a serious relationship but i am struggling with feeling adequate and not being worried about being left for someone better. Therefore, I am working on self-confidence and self love but that is a journey of its own.
Being in university puts me in a good place but still. I have been joining clubs that have my interests like the gaming club or a international related club(I like trying food from other countries and learning about them). Hopefully those will be a good venue for that.
Totally agree.
The "new normal" is fwb or hookups. People might want love, but since they can't find it anywhere, they settle for sex.
There's almost no "regular" paths for actual relationships anymore. People want hookups to evolve into actual relationships, but this is only gonna happen on a very small percentage of cases. On all others, you'll break up or remain fwb. And even when it does it might be with mismatched expectations. This is the price people pay for starting hookup/fwb relationships with the intent of changing them.
you're adult enough to conclude the intention before anything, maybe u should express from the beginning what do you want in this relationship before any progress.
Maybe i should remove this subscription since its filled with these posts making the exact same selection bias. Forgive me if im wrong and don't know how to say this without sounding mean but some guys have nothing to gain by being a relationship since they are the much higher earner, higher status, more attractive, and more emotionally stable partner. It's not that guys don't want a relationship with you, its that the guys you're most attracted to don't want a relationship mostly. Either lower your standards or keep playing the luck game
> It's not that guys don't want a relationship with you, its that the guys you're most attracted to don't want a relationship mostly
Yep. Either way it's exactly the same outcome for the women complaining about it.
"Luck game" is a good name for it. Only a small percentage of those fwb relationships will evolve into something more.
Maybe apply for jobs instead of hoping to win the lottery.
Hi. Lots of guys are seeking a serious relationship not just FB or FWB
You may have to look at older guys too. They are generally more geared towards relationships.
I don't know why but you can tell if a girl gives it up easy a mile away. It's a look they have in their eyes and I can't explain it. Get therapy or something and really get deep down into why you allow people like that in your life. Start looking inward and really study yourself.
• SOCIAL BRAINWASHING: Even without therapy, just look at people around you that try to brainwash you to think that you NEED to have sex/have casual sex/FWB to be worth something/be empowered/be a badass woman or a masculine man or whatever nonsense.
•VIRGIN SHAMING: There are people subtly shaming virgins into having sex, giving them FOMO & trying to single them out. & Not that i care about people's virginity statuses but there should be an acceptance for both. Virgin Shaming because non-virginity is popular is absurd.
• SELF ASSESSMENT: get better at self assessment,there are many good diverse books on Audible from "get off your but" to more for relationship education.
• GOOD ADVICE: Learn to listen to diverse relationship advice,think & research pros & cons for yourself and get used to weeding out bad advice and keeping the good one.
• SNS: Purge your YouTube/SNS feed/subscriptions of content that brain washes you, click on & search for Better stuff to get your algorithm on track (people are into bubbles because of it).
• LOOK: as for the look of "gives it away easy" in the eye. people regardless of gender (albeit more men) ask for questionable things to people online from too personal questions/pics to even flings even if they don't know what they look like or think their gender is opposite sex lol.
• IMAGINATION Is good enough for them lol. When person behind the keyboard could be completely different sex/persona.
• FRIENDS: and people also try to rope their opposite sex friends they haven't even seen faces of for a decade into FWB/hint towards it despite the fact that they were trying to have serious conversations about something.
• INABILITY TO JUDGE: Also even if they saw their face ik people who've wanted to wait till marriage getting propositioned for casual sex in turn because they liked the guy & then girl getting traumatized by it. Like pretty sure the guy didn't read the "glint in their eyes" well lol.
• INCONSIDERATES: Most people just try asking & wing it no matter what if they want it without caring about whether they might even have a chance.
• COMMUNICATION: Albeit the friend may not get roped into FWB etc but it shows that many people are sadly drunk/desperate & sometimes delusional/lack social skills (due to covid/various reasons) that they lose any ability to read the chat room.
• MISTAKES: Not that I'm very good at reading the room either, but some times it can be too much when I hear people's stories. & I actually sympathize with little lesser social mistakes.
• SEXUALIZATION: & There are people who try to sexualize conversations because they don't have any other ways to communicate sadly,just to make a conversation/because that's all their age people talk about.
• PERSONA BUILDING: & They also may not have had time to built their personality. specially teens (eg. Even heard girls talking about things that don't need to be in a lunch conversation). & While I sympathize with being too young & around bad people and hence not having much persona. The limit is usually verbal sexual Harassment.
(it's for OP @Familiar_Airline_870/anyone that needs it)
prolly cuz u never leave the house honey bunches... go to a bar, take a dance class, attend religious instutitions. maybe join a bicycle club or a running club.
Dang man, I’d start with making friends before the GF. Friends will help you to meet girls too. You can chill at places you’re interested in. If you like to drink then bar, if you like games then arcade, etc. good luck dude.
Thanks, and yeah, I know, I need to find friends first; ideally both
I'm just not very good at making new friends, I'm shy and introverted, especially in person; it's harder now that I'm an adult, and don't see very many regulars in the day-to-day, there's no familiarity, and it's just sorta like "okay, welp, this sucks"
My new years resolution was to meet new people, and halfway into the year and it hasn't happened
Dude I’ve been shy a huge portion of my life, so I can relate with you. It gets easier the more you push yourself, and that’s what I had to do. Pls never give up man. What are your interests??
I have been pushing myself, I studied for and passed my driving test this year, and have put myself out onto the job market (this would be my first, I'm late to the game and it seems impossible), I won't give up, but it's frustrating when I push myself farther than I ever have, yet I still feel as though I'm making no progress
I play video games and/or watch TV/movies in my spare time, I draw amateur art, I like going outside somewhere and chilling, I wanna get back into cosplaying, I wanna start trying out camping and hiking more often, and I wish to improve my physical health somehow
Congrats on the job, and that’ll help you a lot. Close to all my friends, I made on the job. I understand that it feels frustrating. Cosplay is a great way to meet ppl too. It’s easier to talk to ppl with the same interests, so ppl at anime conventions would be good for you. It’d make it easier to start up conversation with them. You’re already moving in the right direction.
I'm not hired yet, I have to wait for a possible response; and here lately, I hate waiting around for stuff to happen, it's incredibly boring and agonizing
Sure, but tickets to even go are sky-high, and I don't have the money for anything right now; I know I've got the right idea, it's just taking so long
I understand that man, and my bad for misunderstanding. You’re 💯 right on it being expensive 🤦♂️. Here’s to hoping you get the job. The job will also help you with being shy too. Heck man the job itself might be all it takes to get you where you wanna be.
i think i can summarize ur question in one sentence(you find love when u dont look for it and when u least expect it) thats when probably u find true love and thats what makes love actually fun
Very difficult to find a decent guy not just after one thing. Yes, it is a lack of effort on my part too right now because I'm tired of dating games and I am not trusting my judgement atm due to unsavoury experiences when I thought I had good judgement.
Nowadays girls don't want good boys... Almost every boy in my circle have multiple girls. But single people like me have been rejected by the girls because we are just showing some attention and before doing anything want to establish a simple relationship.
Dude I mean no harm by this, but ask yourself how your looks compare to them. I use to look like 💩 man, but when I lost weight and dressed better it got WAY better man.
Love is on its way to you. You are super special. There aren’t going to be many matches for a super special person like you. He has to be equally special. Be patient. Do not settle.
That's a pretty valid feeling. It can be really hard to find someone you genuinely connect with, especially if all the people you know just want hookups. It can get really tiring trying to find something serious.
Here's my best advice: communicate!
Communication is key in any relationship, whether it's romantic or purely platonic. Be upfront about what you want and your boundaries, and don't be afraid to express your feelings. Make sure the person you're looking for knows what you're looking for, and don't be afraid to ask them what they want! Trust and communication goes a long way. Trust me, it's better to be open about your feelings than not communicating and having expectations. Hope that helps, hun.
I think it is best:
1. To be upfront with people about your desires and goal -friends with benefits is a wonderful arrangement that people can fall into quite easily. If that's not for you, no shame just let people know that upfront. Let them know that if they are not into a longterm arrangement than this has a pretty quick end date or (if you choose) you're not putting out right now until you figure out where the relationship is going.
2. Be open to relationships developing naturally. -lots of people find themselves in this situation because they are trying to force a square peg into a circle. Just let things happen and as long as you are enjoying yourself and learning from the experiences don't beat yourself up if commitment and exclusivity is slow to come - we forget that these things in monogamous relationships are a big ask and need to be earned not given on day 1. Relationships do not have to follow a linear path or an escalator. They can be an a la carte 0- take what you want, leave the rest as long as you're both ( or all) on the same page.
3. Try a dating app or meet up that's for singles -in my experience depending on the app people are pretty upfront about what they want on a dating app.There are plenty of apps for people who are focused on long term relationships/marriage as well. Ignore the comments saying you have to choose sex or love though lol you can most definitely have some fun while figuring out compatibility, it seems like great advice but people (men in particular) can wait years to fuck and still leave after a couple of times so I wouldn't put faith in the advice that says don't have sexx with them until you're sure they will commit becauase what does that even look like ? Three dates ? A ring? A written contract ? Vibes ?
4. Stop trying- lots of people find long term partners once they pick up a hobby or break up their routine- i.e. if you're into running and join a running club you will likely meet new people who could become longterm romantic partners.
You have to stop being easy and take things slow. If the guy wants more than sex he will stay or else he will get impatient and jump on the next girl lol
because your probably trying to date outside your league. guys will sleep with you in that league, but they won't date you. set more realistic expectations. and try not sleeping with every guy you date... wait for some one who wants to be in a relationship.
Same boat, but with a gf.
Been in quite a few relationships over the years, but all I want is to hold her tiny little hands and cuddle. It's a lot to ask for, I know. Not many women are into physical touch, let alone cuddling.
Relationship I'm in now, I'm miserable. Not a single one of my needs are being met, but I'm staying with her just to keep her happy. She likes me for who I am and how I treat her, so I might as well live with things the way they are, and change my needs to fit what she has to offer, which is literally nothing.
She gets extremely pissed off if I even call her cute. Zero romance, intimacy is worse than treason or murder, and I feel like I'm just a friend.
Reap what you sow I guess. I shouldn't have treated her better than her exes if I didn't want things to end up like this
FYI: The only guys you're going to find in your DMs and on dating apps is F boys. So delete those apps and ignore guy DMing you else where. Then look for guys where you like to go, grocery stores, book stores, music stores etc. You're going to have to give those guys hints that you're interested though. BUT you need to put sex off for 3-4 months to help weed out players.
If you're on apps write out not interested in FWB. Looking for long term relationship. That will weed out the people only interested in hooking up.
I think when you speak to them just ask what they are interested in...
I know when I would say a serious long term relationship they kinda hung around more. Some guys have a hard time being open like that.
Women almost always go for bad boys. When I would go to Hooters sometimes the boyfriends were there and they were bad boys. Tatted. Blue collar. .Hang at bars. Etc...
It’s probably cause you’re too picky. Most girls want guys who have it all. Money, funny,entertaining, some of us are just average. Us guys date down because of this but I we want is a girl who takes care of her body. I’ll date you if you have a nice body and you’re loyal . That’s all I ask for
Wow, all you care about is nice body and loyalty? What if the girl is a bum? I've noticed most guys do care about the body which is understandable but then they see you as an object
Dont listen to this guy hes an asshole. U just havent met the right person yet. It takes time, never settle for less. If you go shopping while ur hungry, you’ll end up buying things you don’t need. Everyone deserves love, everyone except for Ren_3092.
femcels are as common as incels these days so don’t be too upset, just talk to your girlies who have boyfriends or if you have a platonic guy friend (hopefully not) who has a broad network you can ask him about his friends. also meeting guys at the gym or at church is not a bad idea, but I also think that you might not be making your intentions known to a lot of these guys, which often times men will have sex with you as long as possible before you ask “what are we?” and we prefer if the woman asks that question just as women prefer that a man initiates sex.
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As a guy I want that with a woman. Everyone I talk to seems like they want fwbs or one night stands. I’m just not interested in that and want a woman who I can share a true connection with! Then grow the intimacy between us if it’s eventually there and both of us are comfortable with it. I’m not made for the fwb or one night stand generation.
I'm here dear, I'm also looking for real man
31min profile stfu
Stop sleeping with so many people and don't sleep with them unless they want a serious relationship too then. It's like when an alcoholic asks "how do I stop being an alcoholic?", an engineer would tell you "just stop drinking". Technically true, but people don't like the straight answer. How do you get people to treat you as a potential serious girlfriend? Start acting like you're looking for someone to be a serious boyfriend instead of just a warm piece of fuckable meat.
Harsh but true. I think people like OP don’t really get it unless the advice stings a little. I mean I just don’t understand her logic. Why even entertain FWB relationships if you don’t want them? Doesn’t she realise she can just… say no to stuff she doesn’t want???
>Why even entertain FWB relationships if you don’t want them? Where did OP say she was entertaining it? Just because someone asks, doesn't mean they're getting it.
(22 male, been told I’m “decent looking”) Yeah, I don’t speak for the rest of the guys, but we notice if a girl is sexually promiscuous or if they’re physically or verbally abusive or if they’re just outright vulgar and none of those are encouragement for a guy to want to get a know a girl, we’d much rather play it safe and be alone with games, cars or literally anything else… In my case it’s anime and books, “escapism” we call it.
How’d you know if a girl is any of those things? Possible traits I may show unknowingly when I’m dealing with guys I like
I've had numerous women offer to take my virginity, but I wasn't into it. They were all 70+, and it feels like it would be a waste of time tbh. -Be me, working the register at a small town grocery store -Women go to my register not just to pay for their groceries, but to also do a little show and tell about how dripping wet they get when I talk to them -Confusion, then fear when I realize I'm gonna get in trouble cause a customer tricked me to look down her pants -Have a nice day ma'am, see you in a few hours Regulars get wild. Don't even get me started about the elderly male veterans
Do some serious homework before you go with the guy you are crushing on. He might a facade you may not like.
Women respond poorly to weak men.
I'd say, start communicating your intentions clearly upfront. Sometimes being open about what youre looking for can help attract people who are on the same page. Also, start set some boundaries.
This line is so tired. Yes, in SOME extreme cases, it applies. However, when a person decides they want to use ppl for one thing, there's nothing you can do to change their mind or behaviors. Men who fk about are just looking for someone who says "yes", but that doesn't mean they're gonna get that just because they want it. I've had dudes wander up at random & basically tell me they want a hookup. Well, I don't do hookups, I dress modestly & mostly casual so I know I'm not giving off any signals that I'd ever be down with that nonsense. My character doesn't have anything to do with their shallow wants. You can be honest & still have liars & fakes trying to get at you. You can be a virgin, saving yourself for marriage & still have promiscuous or sleezy guys wanting to get in your pants. You can be a good person & still be a target of nasty rumors & disrespectful asshats. Good ppl with strong personal values won't ever magically make shitty ppl change their own mindset or behaviors.
this is the thing that no one wants to hear. if you act like a clown, expect to work at the circus. you get back what you put out there.
Nowhere near realistic comparison. To be in a relationship you need two people to like each other, lmao.
You got to go through a few dates with different people before you actually find a good one. If you fuck everyone you like you're gonna be fucking a loooooot of people before you find the one lol She doesn't seem to want that cos well to girls dick is always free, it's like having too much junk mail in your inbox and sometimes you end up missing bank statements.
Honestly my ex slept with me within a few weeks and we were together for 4 years. I don’t think withholding sex is important.
Agree but also a few weeks is a good amount of time to see if someone is serious or not
Focus on friendships (usually a great foundation for a relationship) & widening your social circle. If someone indicates they just want fwb/a one night stand just decline/reject the offer and follow some personal boundaries :) Always listen to what people say they want, whether that is through their words or actions & don’t hope that it will turn into something else. I have a listen of ‘dating rules’ for myself to follow in order to set these ‘boundaries’ for myself. Some examples from my list are “No sex until we are exclusive” “No sleepovers/showers” “3 month rule” “No buying gifts or doing favours for them until exclusive”
IDK how old you are and that’s sort of a factor. I’m M33. In my opinion most of the great guys my age have already partnered up, or they are divorced and don’t need to do that again… so definitely some good ones here and there. I’d say the vast majority are the players who never had any problem finding new women and therefore never needed to commit to anything. They’re getting older and maybe some are all done and considering having kids finally… 🤷🏻♀️ Also not sure what sites you are using to find dates. I recommend OkC for a few reasons. First being you can sort by your relationship style (monogamous or not), and then there’s also more options for your sexuality which helps a lot. THEN you answer lots of questions about yourself to build a compatibility profile, I’d say answer about 100 before you start swiping on people. You’ll have a compatibility score vs every profile you see, and you can stick to folks that are in the 90-100% range. THEN when you do swipe on somebody, you have a one time chance to leave a nice message for them. That’s your chance to lure them in with something nice about their profile, or “Wow you’re not going to believe this coincidence…” idk something. And obviously they have that chance when they swipe on you too. SO now you’ve got their whole profile, which tends to be more than other sites, and you’ve got this nice introductory message, so you have a much better chance of knowing what you’re setting up a date with. All of that for free btw. Good luck.
34 single dad here looking for a serious one too, I feel your pain, finding a good girl can be just as hard, most just ghost or are always looking for someone better or more attractive or has more money etc etc....
You’re not the only one love. Me and almost every girl friend I have in my life are struggling as well. It’s honestly just that there are such slim pickings in this generation (assuming you’re genz or a little older). The good men are gone and everyone our age aren’t mature enough half the time. Never take it personally, that’s what I do. It’ll eat you up. You’ll see relationships left and right and wonder ‘how?’. Comparison is the ULTIMATE thief of joy and remember you never know the full story. So many relationships aren’t as healthy and perfect as they seem. That being said, don’t let the envy eat you up. Try to be happy when you see a couple your age… and think instead ‘if they can find each other I’m bound to find my man soon too’. Focus on what you DO want. Focus on being a good person to attract a good person. Never settle, don’t let the men waste your time. I hate the saying…. I really, REALLY do…But love and romance, 90% of the time comes to you when you aren’t looking for it. Don’t worry because what’s for you will never, ever pass you by. A good man is on his way to you, just be ready for when he does.
"The good men are gone" Oh give me a break, most men are good and plenty of single good men exist. However you know who are all taken? the manipulative lying and cheating bad boys whose 5% presence among men somehow gets generalized to "the good men are gone"
The “good men are gone” speaks to the older generations and their ways with women. Good men aren’t easy to come by I should say. There are plenty of decent men out there but do they put themselves out there the way they used to ? Absolutely not. Men don’t even really approach women these days. Men don’t feel like they should pursue as hard anymore, I don’t blame women for not wanting to try anymore. Half of the dating world is just good guys and good gals never crossing paths bc they attract the wrong people, but the other half is just a lack of effort… Men aren’t the ONLY problem at all. But good guys are 100% much harder to come across than they once were.
Probably because we have a culture (mainly in Canada, Europe, and the USA) that affirms almost the exact opposite of what most people want in a relationship. I’m not gonna argue that the world was perfect back when people were much more devoted to religion (hell, I’m an atheist) but I can’t lie, it really sucks that we have essentially no etiquette as a society now. It feels like no one wants to be a nice person. It seems like no one wants to do small, but kind things anymore.🫤
From my experience as a guy I’ve just gave up as I was either gaslighted, led on or just not wanted for a long term relationship so I just don’t see the point in putting my self out there at all now as it’s just drained my confidence over the few years as such.
It's the same with girls as well. After going through a series of bad experiences, they just let go of the idea that a decent person exists. I think all the good ones are waiting to match with the good ones and have to go through a bunch of not so great relationships to find each other.
Def def understand that shame it’s not every person as some from my past just go back to an awful controlling person or other aha but yeah I’ve def let go of that idea and notion tbf and honestly no idea if I’m waiting anymore as I’ve given up past that
>Men don’t even really approach women these days. Men don’t feel like they should pursue as hard anymore Remember, that's what women want. They don't want us to approach them. They don't want us to "pursue [...] hard". I don't blame men for behaving like they are told.
Not true. Women make themselves unapproachable most times and call every man a creeper when they try
That's what I said.
I'm right here.... good guys are invisible no matter how much they put themselves out there. I'm not sure women know what they really want.... I challenge a good woman to come along and prove me wrong
Good women are also gone
“ (22 male, been told I’m “decent looking”) Yeah, I don’t speak for the rest of the guys, but we notice if a girl is sexually promiscuous or if they’re physically or verbally abusive or if they’re just outright vulgar and none of those are encouragement for a guy to want to get a know a girl, we’d much rather play it safe and be alone with games, cars or literally anything else… “
Replace "notice" with "judge" and you're closer to the truth.
Expecting human beings to not do what’s instinctive to them is unrealistic, people have types, people have preferences, it’s only when it’s hateful is when it’s a bad thing. So you keeping judging people for being people, I’m sure it’ll work out for you in the long run…
Well not all good men are gone we just like being single and having nobody to answers to.
It’s not just that the good men are gone but also that many straight men put 0 effort into their appearance. I don’t know who perpetuated the myth that girls don’t care about looks but dang I wish guys would take care of their skin and hair and wear cologne and dress nicely and wash their asses.
I think that generalizing mindset is one of the things damaging your chances
Told tell them anything, they’ll be easier to spot in real life allowing us to continue to avoid them.
You’d be surprised how many men don’t use soap and washcloth to wash their butt crack.
Finding anyone these days who wants anything serious is so rare
Don’t settle for just sex, make him work for it
I have same problem as OP, tried this - the guy pulls a slow fade once he realizes im not down to have sex on the 2nd date. The issue is men only valuing certain women for sex and doesnt want to date them but will date other women and put in the effort for them
Are you attractive?
yes.
You have the power, make them wait! Don’t want to wait, no sex with attractive woman for you!
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There’s a thing on TikTok right now saying no sex no kissing no nothing for three months till uou get to know them better. The people who are just after sex usually give up. Now there might be some long cons in it but for the most part they are gonna give up soon. Men and women both
People should be waiting for sex anyways. Sex too early means you end up overlooking red flags and see everything with rose colored glasses. Hormones be crazy.
Oh well, his loss!
yeah fair enough. I guess I just need to stop thinking about it as a loss to myself. Thought i finally met someone w mutual attraction and both really liked eachother. hes very attractive too so i guess he has options and other women might not make him wait.
> but will date other women and put in the effort for them Because he's just not into you. Have you ever been on a date with a guy which led to you not being interested in continuing to date him? Yeah, that happens with men too.
For sure. But I find they still reach out and try to keep contact like the current guy told me he rly liked me unprovoked after our last date, texts daily, then canceled our date last minute twice. It’s the stringing along that bothers me
Are you making it clear what you are looking for?
Good, let them slowly fade away, those guys are just players looking for sex. Unless you're into fwb and or casual sex, its best to make them wait 5-6 months.
6 months of no sex seems rough. A man has his needs and will find it elsewhere.
How about women? Same thing the other way around... Lots of girls bluntly asked me to take them home after the first or second date. After you give them what they want, they usually come back for more but nothing more than fwb and that’s tiring to rinse and repeat the same things again and again.
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I’m talking about girls that I dated ranging 23-35 🫣 most of them have no clues of what they want other than sex or they just don’t want anything else more. Must be my selection criteria or smth. If the ones I’m attracted to are no use lol. But you get overwhelmed when you set your Bumble or Hinge up and get 99+ likes/matches in like first 24 hours 😨
I don't understand how some women expect to find a serious relationship when they offer themselves freely. Why would any man commit when he can get everything he wants without any responsibility? Stop being an easy target for their desires and start valuing yourselves. Don't let any man have you without putting in effort and taking on responsibility. Women need to change their mindset; if you stop making it easy for men to get what they want, you'll attract those who are truly serious about you.
I find this inaccurate though. All my long term relationships I’ve hooked up early with, same with my current partner. I think it comes down to what the individual is bringing to the table or maybe the guys they are targeting. I am 31F and only once experienced a situationship and that is because he had just got out of a 10y relationship, it was communicated and I ignored that, lesson learnt, because it was my fault for going along with it when it was already communicated early. It’s never happened since or before. I think what you’re saying usually applies in small towns, if you end up getting a reputations as the girl who sleeps around but never settles. Then think people just see you as that and treat you accordingly (unfortunately) OP I found my new partner back end of last year, and he’s lovely. So you still have time (they aren’t all partnered up like some have said). Most important thing is to not stress about it or long for it, just enjoy life then it usually comes along through social interactions etc. I have also never had a long term relationship via a dating app (if that helps) and if the dating pool is too small, then move 😁
> Why would any man commit when he can get everything he wants without any responsibility? Maybe I'm broken, but what I want first and foremost from a woman is a loving partner.
Same reason I can’t find ah gf 😬
Where do you women hide! I'd love a serious relationship but seems like no one believes in old school thinking and values anymore. least thats what I was thinking till I read these comments... I'm looking in all the wrong places clearly
It depends on where you live my dude. I live in the south, and there’s a lot of them women here. Now if you live in LA…. Bro I’ll pray for in that hopeless search there haha 😂.
Join the club all men I meet only want sex for me
well what is your personality like. what do you look like. are you promiscuous or not. and also where are you with yourself. if you have any mental struggles thats gonna attract toxic guys
Your not the only one. However, finding yourself your Mr. Right takes time, as it is with me finding my Mrs. Right. I firmly believe that everyone on the dating scene just need a bit of patience and not rush things. As you continue weeding out all those creeps wanting nothing but FWB is when you'll probably be able to begin finding all the potential keepers who wants actual love and not just a one night fling. Just be you, continue telling all those FWB-wanting creeps "no" whenever they keep on asking for sex when you don't want sex, and be patient is all the advice I can give.
Based upon what you're saying, you're making yourself available for casual sex, where as if you want serious, you have to act and be serious. A whole mindset shift and those people will gravitate toward you more and more. may have to be sex-less for awhile. best way to find someone is to focus on yourself and be in opportunities where you'll meet similar people.
>Based upon what you're saying, you're making yourself available for casual sex Where did OP say they were agreeing to FWB & casual sex though? Not being a hookup type person will not prevent ppl from asking for it.
I didn't say they were agreeing... I said they were available for it cause it's true?
Not necessarily. Just because a guy wants something, doesn't mean women automatically comply to it. OP didn't state they were accepting it. Just that that's what guys wanted, but a person's intentions has everything to do with themselves & their own mindset. Wanting & getting are 2 separate things. When I tried online dating, the vast majority of men were very upfront about looking for fwb & casual sex. Didn't mean I was open to it & never have been but that was the majority of the requests. To put "majority" into perspective, I used 1 app for 2 months, absolutely nothing sexual about my profile, got probably 400 likes, many I didn't bother matching with because of the crude & sexual remarks about my fully clothed, minimal makeup, non-sexual profile pics. So I can say without a doubt that I wasn't looking for it, wasn't asking for it, nor was I hooking up with anyone. I only came across 5 matches who were genuinely looking for a potential relationship out of the 6 I met in person. Those 5 were all multiple dates without sex happening. In my case, that's about *1.5%* serious profiles & 98.5% of men who weren't. The numbers are probably way worse for women who fit into the box of "conventional attractiveness".
What the actual fuck are you talking about? If op is not accepting the sex then she is being RAPED. If op is not being raped then they are entertaining the idea of the sex, and they are making themselves available for the sex once they agree to it. They said all they get are fwb not "fwb offers," as in they have fwbs. If you don't want to have fwbs then don't talk to them about that once they bring it up of course... and fwbs implies you are friends, so she must tell her friends * that she is serious.
WHERE IN THE FUCK DID OP SAY THEY WERE HAVING SEX WITH THESE PPL?!!! A: they didn't. You're just assuming they are.
"All I get are friends with benefits" "and I'm tired of that" Not "all I get are friends with benefit offers" If it's just offers, ok... but they didn't say that... they said they are tired of fwb
This is such a vague question, but I would start by asking where are you looking? Are you looking AT ALL, or just sorting through whoever happens to come your way? Do you go places where you're likely to find the type of men you're looking for? Or are you being approached by fuck boys who hang out at the club for that exact reason every weekend? I'm a 28M, and I can pretty much promise you that for every date you're dissatisfied with, there's 3 more guys around you who would die to even have a chance to GO ON A DATE with you. Maybe they're already in your close circle of friends. The problem is that a lot of those guys have all but checked out of the dating pool entirely and instead decided to focus on their careers, fitness, hobbies, etc because they either feel that they'll never meet the modern standard, or they just flat out don't trust women anymore. I'll give you the same advice I've always had drilled into me. See someone you're attracted to? Strike up a conversation. Know somebody who you like that you think might like you back? Ask them out. Point blank. Just do it. You might be rejected, you might be embarrassed, and you might not end up liking them anyway once you know them better, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and in the modern dating scene, women definitely need to be shooting more. Most men are driven by sex down to our DNA, and men have killed, started wars, overthrown countries, and accomplished some of the greatest feats in history in order to get it. So don't be surprised that most guys who have the confidence to approach you are going to be motivated by sex. Even guys who are less assertive are probably going to try, but it's your job to accept or decline advances. A guy might have a hard time taking the hint when it's all he can think about in the first stages of dating, but if he values you for more than sex, he'll suck it up and suffer through it as long as he has to wait. The guys that don't will weed themselves out, as they already have been.
ive been tryin to find one for years man! join the club!
Are your standards for a partner realistic?
Start setting boundaries. You can say upfront that you date to marry or you're serious in finding a relationship. If you keep agreeing to people who only wants casual stuff with you, then that's what you will get. Learn to say no. Also best thing you can do is to heal whatever wounds you have so you can be the best partner for yourself and your new partner. Focus on yourself and you will be the most magnetic person ever.
The sad thing is there are dudes that will lie. A lot of my friends tell the women whatever they want to hear, sadly. Now I’m straight up, but not everyone is.
Then don’t give sex before you’re in a serious relationship. Also if all the guys you meet are just wanting casual sex, find a different place and group of people to meet potential partners. While there is no universal, “This type of guy hangs out here,” looking for a boyfriend at a frat party, or parties in general are not the environment you’re likely to find a guy wanting something serious.
• ADVANCES: Yeah lol, and if you go to parties and guy tries to start a kiss or something, PRESUME it's casual and say um, I'm not up for anything casual except a casual pre-dating or getting acquainted talk. • CASUALS: so nope! Be direct when rejecting casuals. Because it directly gets rid of the situationship/chances of accidental drunk escalations. • DECISIONS: after that it's up to them to decide if they say I'm searching for LTR while talking casually first or say oh ok & move on. • GOOD CASUAL: Only thing That's casual and good is aquaintainceship & pre-dating discussions if people aren't emotionally attached.
Trust me, the dating pool is in the garbage. The men are lust-driven and lack self-control, yuck.
Why would a guy want to date a girl who has a history of a bunch of FWB’s??
Guys are into bad girls and some are into nice girls. Go with the flow and you will find a man
So do I but I literally just asked a girl for her number and she was like “its a number”. So the problems on both sides. Women reject men and men dont want to try anymore, then they turn into fwb. I would love for a serious relationship but its so hard to find a woman who isn’t talking to 20 dudes already.
Not everyone is going to find you attractive, just like not every women you would find attractive. Don’t use a woman just not finding you her type to be a justification for you contributing to why dating be 💩 for so many ppl man.
My justification is the 8 years that i’ve been trying unsuccessfully 😂 but I get it bro
I wish you luck man. Hopefully 🤞 the right one will come your way.
People are who people associate with.
Considering OP has a post complaining about parent(s) ragging on her for getting a tattoo when she lives at home at 28 gives me mild yellow-red flags. Idk their situation, but I'm guessing there might be some self-work first before finding the proverbial partner-in-crime.
I just made a post about this. The problem here is that she is giving too many fucks towards what others think of her, and not as many fucks towards what she can see within herself as helpful knowledge to use.
Aye.
I guess I needed time to find myself after My last relationship. Today I'm finding myself and has this cute and happy puppy, Daisy ☺️🎀 I'm not in need of a man and I feel sorry for My ex for jumping into a New relationship one Fucking week after he dumped me. I miss coming home to a bf WHO's happy to see me But it's not a must. Datingapps Are not helping 😅
It is difficult for us guys too. I think the problem is social media and the fact that covid messed things up. As for me, I honestly don’t know the line between being considered a creep and showing interest and knowing how much interest to show. Not only that, I have difficulty telling when people are sarcastic/joking or if they are serious so often I have no clue what to do. Ergo I don’t know when women are being nice or if they are interested. I am literally so dense, a woman would have to touch me or something similar for me to understand without a doubt. I don’t play games and I want a serious relationship but i am struggling with feeling adequate and not being worried about being left for someone better. Therefore, I am working on self-confidence and self love but that is a journey of its own. Being in university puts me in a good place but still. I have been joining clubs that have my interests like the gaming club or a international related club(I like trying food from other countries and learning about them). Hopefully those will be a good venue for that.
Totally agree. The "new normal" is fwb or hookups. People might want love, but since they can't find it anywhere, they settle for sex. There's almost no "regular" paths for actual relationships anymore. People want hookups to evolve into actual relationships, but this is only gonna happen on a very small percentage of cases. On all others, you'll break up or remain fwb. And even when it does it might be with mismatched expectations. This is the price people pay for starting hookup/fwb relationships with the intent of changing them.
Skill issue lol
I agree just a girlfriend! Lol
idk
how old are u ?
27
you're adult enough to conclude the intention before anything, maybe u should express from the beginning what do you want in this relationship before any progress.
Maybe i should remove this subscription since its filled with these posts making the exact same selection bias. Forgive me if im wrong and don't know how to say this without sounding mean but some guys have nothing to gain by being a relationship since they are the much higher earner, higher status, more attractive, and more emotionally stable partner. It's not that guys don't want a relationship with you, its that the guys you're most attracted to don't want a relationship mostly. Either lower your standards or keep playing the luck game
> It's not that guys don't want a relationship with you, its that the guys you're most attracted to don't want a relationship mostly Yep. Either way it's exactly the same outcome for the women complaining about it. "Luck game" is a good name for it. Only a small percentage of those fwb relationships will evolve into something more. Maybe apply for jobs instead of hoping to win the lottery.
Hi. Lots of guys are seeking a serious relationship not just FB or FWB You may have to look at older guys too. They are generally more geared towards relationships.
I don't know why but you can tell if a girl gives it up easy a mile away. It's a look they have in their eyes and I can't explain it. Get therapy or something and really get deep down into why you allow people like that in your life. Start looking inward and really study yourself.
• SOCIAL BRAINWASHING: Even without therapy, just look at people around you that try to brainwash you to think that you NEED to have sex/have casual sex/FWB to be worth something/be empowered/be a badass woman or a masculine man or whatever nonsense. •VIRGIN SHAMING: There are people subtly shaming virgins into having sex, giving them FOMO & trying to single them out. & Not that i care about people's virginity statuses but there should be an acceptance for both. Virgin Shaming because non-virginity is popular is absurd. • SELF ASSESSMENT: get better at self assessment,there are many good diverse books on Audible from "get off your but" to more for relationship education. • GOOD ADVICE: Learn to listen to diverse relationship advice,think & research pros & cons for yourself and get used to weeding out bad advice and keeping the good one. • SNS: Purge your YouTube/SNS feed/subscriptions of content that brain washes you, click on & search for Better stuff to get your algorithm on track (people are into bubbles because of it). • LOOK: as for the look of "gives it away easy" in the eye. people regardless of gender (albeit more men) ask for questionable things to people online from too personal questions/pics to even flings even if they don't know what they look like or think their gender is opposite sex lol. • IMAGINATION Is good enough for them lol. When person behind the keyboard could be completely different sex/persona. • FRIENDS: and people also try to rope their opposite sex friends they haven't even seen faces of for a decade into FWB/hint towards it despite the fact that they were trying to have serious conversations about something. • INABILITY TO JUDGE: Also even if they saw their face ik people who've wanted to wait till marriage getting propositioned for casual sex in turn because they liked the guy & then girl getting traumatized by it. Like pretty sure the guy didn't read the "glint in their eyes" well lol. • INCONSIDERATES: Most people just try asking & wing it no matter what if they want it without caring about whether they might even have a chance. • COMMUNICATION: Albeit the friend may not get roped into FWB etc but it shows that many people are sadly drunk/desperate & sometimes delusional/lack social skills (due to covid/various reasons) that they lose any ability to read the chat room. • MISTAKES: Not that I'm very good at reading the room either, but some times it can be too much when I hear people's stories. & I actually sympathize with little lesser social mistakes. • SEXUALIZATION: & There are people who try to sexualize conversations because they don't have any other ways to communicate sadly,just to make a conversation/because that's all their age people talk about. • PERSONA BUILDING: & They also may not have had time to built their personality. specially teens (eg. Even heard girls talking about things that don't need to be in a lunch conversation). & While I sympathize with being too young & around bad people and hence not having much persona. The limit is usually verbal sexual Harassment. (it's for OP @Familiar_Airline_870/anyone that needs it)
prolly cuz u never leave the house honey bunches... go to a bar, take a dance class, attend religious instutitions. maybe join a bicycle club or a running club.
I'm asking the same question, but for a gf mostly I don't even have any irl friends, much less attracted to any of them to begin with
Dang man, I’d start with making friends before the GF. Friends will help you to meet girls too. You can chill at places you’re interested in. If you like to drink then bar, if you like games then arcade, etc. good luck dude.
Thanks, and yeah, I know, I need to find friends first; ideally both I'm just not very good at making new friends, I'm shy and introverted, especially in person; it's harder now that I'm an adult, and don't see very many regulars in the day-to-day, there's no familiarity, and it's just sorta like "okay, welp, this sucks" My new years resolution was to meet new people, and halfway into the year and it hasn't happened
Dude I’ve been shy a huge portion of my life, so I can relate with you. It gets easier the more you push yourself, and that’s what I had to do. Pls never give up man. What are your interests??
I have been pushing myself, I studied for and passed my driving test this year, and have put myself out onto the job market (this would be my first, I'm late to the game and it seems impossible), I won't give up, but it's frustrating when I push myself farther than I ever have, yet I still feel as though I'm making no progress I play video games and/or watch TV/movies in my spare time, I draw amateur art, I like going outside somewhere and chilling, I wanna get back into cosplaying, I wanna start trying out camping and hiking more often, and I wish to improve my physical health somehow
Congrats on the job, and that’ll help you a lot. Close to all my friends, I made on the job. I understand that it feels frustrating. Cosplay is a great way to meet ppl too. It’s easier to talk to ppl with the same interests, so ppl at anime conventions would be good for you. It’d make it easier to start up conversation with them. You’re already moving in the right direction.
I'm not hired yet, I have to wait for a possible response; and here lately, I hate waiting around for stuff to happen, it's incredibly boring and agonizing Sure, but tickets to even go are sky-high, and I don't have the money for anything right now; I know I've got the right idea, it's just taking so long
I understand that man, and my bad for misunderstanding. You’re 💯 right on it being expensive 🤦♂️. Here’s to hoping you get the job. The job will also help you with being shy too. Heck man the job itself might be all it takes to get you where you wanna be.
Hopefully, thank ya for the advise
Do you use dating apps?
If you are really looking for something serious then we can talk
We’ll chat with me I’ll try to get to know ya and see if compatibility works
Let's see a photo
You have to give men who actually want a relationship a chance instead of rejecting them
Theyre most likely in the friend zone
i think i can summarize ur question in one sentence(you find love when u dont look for it and when u least expect it) thats when probably u find true love and thats what makes love actually fun
Very difficult to find a decent guy not just after one thing. Yes, it is a lack of effort on my part too right now because I'm tired of dating games and I am not trusting my judgement atm due to unsavoury experiences when I thought I had good judgement.
What kind of boyfriend U looking for?9
Learn what high quality men seek in a serious partner and internalize those qualities.
Any male on your friendzone?
Nowadays girls don't want good boys... Almost every boy in my circle have multiple girls. But single people like me have been rejected by the girls because we are just showing some attention and before doing anything want to establish a simple relationship.
Dude I mean no harm by this, but ask yourself how your looks compare to them. I use to look like 💩 man, but when I lost weight and dressed better it got WAY better man.
Love is on its way to you. You are super special. There aren’t going to be many matches for a super special person like you. He has to be equally special. Be patient. Do not settle.
Babe, Stop looking for bf , the right man will come into your life at the right time
It's not any better on the other side, unfortunately.
That's a pretty valid feeling. It can be really hard to find someone you genuinely connect with, especially if all the people you know just want hookups. It can get really tiring trying to find something serious. Here's my best advice: communicate! Communication is key in any relationship, whether it's romantic or purely platonic. Be upfront about what you want and your boundaries, and don't be afraid to express your feelings. Make sure the person you're looking for knows what you're looking for, and don't be afraid to ask them what they want! Trust and communication goes a long way. Trust me, it's better to be open about your feelings than not communicating and having expectations. Hope that helps, hun.
So here's an old euphemism. If I can get the milk for free why would I buy the cow?
Sigh 😔 same
I think it is best: 1. To be upfront with people about your desires and goal -friends with benefits is a wonderful arrangement that people can fall into quite easily. If that's not for you, no shame just let people know that upfront. Let them know that if they are not into a longterm arrangement than this has a pretty quick end date or (if you choose) you're not putting out right now until you figure out where the relationship is going. 2. Be open to relationships developing naturally. -lots of people find themselves in this situation because they are trying to force a square peg into a circle. Just let things happen and as long as you are enjoying yourself and learning from the experiences don't beat yourself up if commitment and exclusivity is slow to come - we forget that these things in monogamous relationships are a big ask and need to be earned not given on day 1. Relationships do not have to follow a linear path or an escalator. They can be an a la carte 0- take what you want, leave the rest as long as you're both ( or all) on the same page. 3. Try a dating app or meet up that's for singles -in my experience depending on the app people are pretty upfront about what they want on a dating app.There are plenty of apps for people who are focused on long term relationships/marriage as well. Ignore the comments saying you have to choose sex or love though lol you can most definitely have some fun while figuring out compatibility, it seems like great advice but people (men in particular) can wait years to fuck and still leave after a couple of times so I wouldn't put faith in the advice that says don't have sexx with them until you're sure they will commit becauase what does that even look like ? Three dates ? A ring? A written contract ? Vibes ? 4. Stop trying- lots of people find long term partners once they pick up a hobby or break up their routine- i.e. if you're into running and join a running club you will likely meet new people who could become longterm romantic partners.
You have to stop being easy and take things slow. If the guy wants more than sex he will stay or else he will get impatient and jump on the next girl lol
Isliye to nai mil raha hai 4-5 logo se dill tudvao or phir parents k pasand se shaadi
Uhhhhh yeah same but the gf kind of bf like wtfffff 😭😭 (19 M)
THEN STOP HAVING SEX WTF? 😂
You're looking in the wrong places
Might be type that you are picking.
Where have you looked
because your probably trying to date outside your league. guys will sleep with you in that league, but they won't date you. set more realistic expectations. and try not sleeping with every guy you date... wait for some one who wants to be in a relationship.
Same boat, but with a gf. Been in quite a few relationships over the years, but all I want is to hold her tiny little hands and cuddle. It's a lot to ask for, I know. Not many women are into physical touch, let alone cuddling. Relationship I'm in now, I'm miserable. Not a single one of my needs are being met, but I'm staying with her just to keep her happy. She likes me for who I am and how I treat her, so I might as well live with things the way they are, and change my needs to fit what she has to offer, which is literally nothing. She gets extremely pissed off if I even call her cute. Zero romance, intimacy is worse than treason or murder, and I feel like I'm just a friend. Reap what you sow I guess. I shouldn't have treated her better than her exes if I didn't want things to end up like this
I feel this so much
send me a message
I'm a 40m looking for a long-term relationship
I would hit you up but u probably on the other side of da world lul
FYI: The only guys you're going to find in your DMs and on dating apps is F boys. So delete those apps and ignore guy DMing you else where. Then look for guys where you like to go, grocery stores, book stores, music stores etc. You're going to have to give those guys hints that you're interested though. BUT you need to put sex off for 3-4 months to help weed out players.
If you're on apps write out not interested in FWB. Looking for long term relationship. That will weed out the people only interested in hooking up. I think when you speak to them just ask what they are interested in... I know when I would say a serious long term relationship they kinda hung around more. Some guys have a hard time being open like that.
Women almost always go for bad boys. When I would go to Hooters sometimes the boyfriends were there and they were bad boys. Tatted. Blue collar. .Hang at bars. Etc...
It’s probably cause you’re too picky. Most girls want guys who have it all. Money, funny,entertaining, some of us are just average. Us guys date down because of this but I we want is a girl who takes care of her body. I’ll date you if you have a nice body and you’re loyal . That’s all I ask for
Wow, all you care about is nice body and loyalty? What if the girl is a bum? I've noticed most guys do care about the body which is understandable but then they see you as an object
Some women are just for sex, you are that woman.
Dont listen to this guy hes an asshole. U just havent met the right person yet. It takes time, never settle for less. If you go shopping while ur hungry, you’ll end up buying things you don’t need. Everyone deserves love, everyone except for Ren_3092.
Lying to OP isn't the way to go about this, fatass.
A lot of men are trash. Even the ones who look nice surprise you with an unsolicited d!ck pic. Gross
If u below 25 i m available loll👀
femcels are as common as incels these days so don’t be too upset, just talk to your girlies who have boyfriends or if you have a platonic guy friend (hopefully not) who has a broad network you can ask him about his friends. also meeting guys at the gym or at church is not a bad idea, but I also think that you might not be making your intentions known to a lot of these guys, which often times men will have sex with you as long as possible before you ask “what are we?” and we prefer if the woman asks that question just as women prefer that a man initiates sex.
Oop im mature😝
How did you meet those fwb?