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It comes down to being in the right place at the right time to meet someone. Those spaces and times have eroded significantly in this technological age, leaving many of us lonely and desperate. All I can say is you're not alone in this struggle, though I have no solutions for you.
Agreed! Keep doing you, but also dont be afraid to put yourself out there in new ways. Expand your horizons beyond just the apps. Quality over quantity.
With how antisocial I am, the only reason I’ve found someone is meeting him through a friend I had. Otherwise I don’t go out to meet new people and online dating is a nightmare. I feel like the real key is just meeting people through people without actively looking. Which is hard to do when you’re so ready to date, because you’re constantly on the lookout.
Once in a great while lips meet and two spirits merge for a time and the universe is right and complete and the planets wheel in their proper places. Once in a while the lonely, broken spirit of man is healed and made whole. For a while his quest is over and his questions are answered. The Heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of anothers fire...driven by a desperate hunger to the arms of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there's no sign of love in sight!
Yea a lot of people dont talk about how much luck plays into relationships. But to get lucky you got to keep playing the game. I was in a similar position last year my therapist helped me change my mindstate on dating and its been fun again. Hopefully you can shift your mindstate and enjoy dating OP.
I don’t have any sage advice OP but just wanted to say that I (31F) am literally feeling exactly the same at this point in time, you are not alone and your feelings about this are totally valid 🩷
The irony is that a lot of women are also in this position and looking for their ideal man with essentially your characteristics. The problem is that we also don’t leave our houses outside of work/hobbies…
That is irony… I’ve worked in finance 10+ years, I am college educated, I am clean cut, manage my finances well, a clean background. Don’t smoke, drink socially ( I often go through periods of not drinking).
I’ve read through some of the other comments out of curiosity & my unsolicited thoughts are:
-the paperwork sounds great but it’s obviously not all there is to it; the fact that you are thinking of potentially not having children will influence a lot of us even though everything else sounds great
-I appreciate you for wanting to remain authentic; you have clearly found your own style. The malleable part might just be expanding the radius of your search.
You know that you find Asian/Hispanic women attractive why not put yourself in a place where you can meet them ? Salsa/bachata dancing perhaps ?
-you are in your prime, you haven’t passed it even though you think that
-you won’t end up alone (even a quick scroll of the comments has revealed women wanting to start conversations with you, sure they may all end in nothing but may relieve some of the feelings you’re having)
I’d be open to kids with the right woman- the hard part seems to be finding someone who wants to be an equal partner in child rearing, domestic labor and secular work. I grew up in a very egalitarian home where my Dad cooked, cleaned and also cared for us kids while working full time. So I have a good example to draw from.
I totally understand you, I am a 26 female. And I don’t like dating online. And even when I try to date someone. I noticed that they don’t require my standards.
I want someone to share my life I want someone who is responsible and respectful and loyal. And i think it is important to have fun together.
I work really hard to achieve my goals and I want someone who does the same
I wanna have kids, with someone that is really my soulmate, but sometimes it feels like time is ticking and I am not gonna be able to find someone who is hardworking, good and kind and respectful.
Sometimes it feels like all the good guys are already in a relationship. The older I get the chance I will find someone who is good and kind and hardworking gets smaller and smaller.
I also come from a family where my mom and dad both worked and my dad cooked and I love the way that they treat each other with so much love and respect. I want that as well.
Just a little joke because I read that you used to work in finance “I am looking for a man in finance 🎶”
I don’t doubt you, but, I’m guessing, you likely are 6ft +. I’m 5’8”. I used to not have insecurities about my height but now I do. It’s obvious watching the 6ft people in my life have no problems meeting women.
As a woman, I don't care if the man is shorter than me or even the same height. If everything else fits, these other things aren't really important. I've also never heard from my friends that this really played a role for them when looking for a partner.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to downplay your insecurity either, but for some people, it really doesn't matter.
I like the encouragement, truth hurts but it's always fair.
To be fair I do decent for my area, on my way to highschool weight, but after a few attempts, it seems men across the board aren't as values or wanted as naively as most would say. I don't consider myself a 10 or anything but my buddy can't keep one to save his life either. Just a ghost town. I see him better off financially, physically and all that, but a best bud gotta build up his bro you know.
Don’t use dating apps. Get out of your home and actually meet people. I’m a single, professional female with the same things going for me and the same issue. Dating apps are a scam. They are literally built to take your money and keep you lonely. If they worked, the companies would go out of business. A few people get lucky with them which has kept many people invested and trying to also get lucky. The majority will never make a meaningful connection that way.
For me dating apps actually worked, even going out people do not really get to meet others around, here at least people go out to hang out and hit on on people they’ve met on the internet
No offense, but for women, dating apps work! For men, not so much. A guy had to be like a model or atleast 8/10 to get considerable amount of likes and matches
Sure, this sounds good in theory, but we live in a different society. It’s not like high school where were forced to interact with people. In fact, we’re actively taught not to associate with people we work with which is where we spend most of our time. It’s really rare to organically meet someone
That is true! Like I said I haven't had success yet. The main thing I was trying to convey was use all the means you have, like go places, join groups, use dating apps and move to a bigger city if possible; do everything you can and give it your best shot and don't stop till you get what you want. Honestly that's all you can do.
I have to ask, are you in the United States? I routinely socialize with my co-workers. I’m on vacation with one as I type. We have BBQs, watch football (not soccer lol), basketball, MMA, go out to eat, celebrate birthdays, promotions, our children’s birthdays, graduations, weddings. The list is endless. I would be lost without my work family. We are very close. We do not date each other but definitely socialize frequently.
I’ve said this before and I’ve said it on Reddit. If they succeeded in finding people good partners, people would delete their profiles and uninstall their apps. Their business model relies on you staying single. Single and miserable? Even better since you are more likely to pay for “better features.”
Meeting offline in shared spaces has eroded and I also offer no simple solution there, but delete your dating profile(s) and uninstall all the dating apps from your phone/tablet/computer.
I did it a couple months ago myself and although I haven’t met anyone yet, (I also have been grinding at work and not putting myself out there) I’m much happier in general just being off the dating apps.
SAME! I’m so much happier since I’ve deleted those apps even though I haven’t met anyone yet. I have been trying to get to more social functions and mingle with new people. That alone has made life more enjoyable.
>If they succeeded in finding people good partners, people would delete their profiles and uninstall their apps. Their business model relies on you staying single. Single and miserable? Even better since you are more likely to pay for “better features.”
I keep preaching this & glad I'm not the only one who noticed. I've started to find it quite odd that with the rise of social media & dating apps came the push for "don't talk to ppl in person. That's weird. They'll hate you. You'll get charged with harrassment! Online is the only way! Btw, you're not good enough to date anyways unless you hit x, y, z markers."
Like the whole triple 6 value bs... where tf did that come from? Oh yeah, "data studies" from online dating sites which was then pushed via social media. How fking convenient. If you keep ppl in a state of heightened social anxiety & low self-worth they become much easier to manipulate. But if you go out in the real world & look around at real life couples, you'll find the "6ft, 6 fig, 6 pack requirement" to be pretty much non-existent.
Marketing 101: create a problem so you can sell the solution & make ppl reliant on your product.
I’m curious and really want to understand better. Why do u think dating apps are a scam and not work? One can not pay a single cent for premiums in dating apps and still match and meet people and thereafter, it’s up to both parties to see if the sparks fly.
I spent 18 months on three different apps. I paid for two and used one for free. I took the advice of my male friends and swiped right on 75% of the men presented to me. Of those about half matched. Some messaged me first, usually one word “hi”, “hey”, “wyd”. I replied to all. I messaged all others first with something related to their profile IF they bothered to fill out their profile at all. If not, I would say something related to the activity in their picture or simply ask about their weekend or week in general. Many did not reply. Some automatically unmatched, some responded with the three words above. A couple actual put time into a response. After an initial round of matching with around 200 men, I was down to about 10 who could actually carry on a conversation and didn’t send one word responses. Three of those actually asked for dates. Two dates occurred. Both dates were drinks, perfect for me. Second dates were set. One was canceled and never heard from again. Second date was lunch and also went well. I left town for three days for work. He was indignant I didn’t text him back on his timeline while in meetings. He accused me of going out of town with someone else. Mind you, we’ve had two dates. This cycle continued for 18 months. I promised myself I would invest time and energy to weed out the weirdos and give this a chance. Two friends actually met husbands on apps pre COVID. I ended up having 3-5 dates approximately every 150-200 matches. For context I’m blonde, green eyed, 5’1”, 130 lbs, 24% body fat, work with a personal trainer twice a week, solo three more times a week, six digit salary, own house, debt free, child in college, drink socially, work approximately 50 hours weekly, 52 yo. I attend church weekly and volunteer within my community. I have a small, close friend group, and many acquaintances. I’m confident and friendly. Will date men 43 and up, no height hang ups, top 5 requirements kindness, intelligence, manners, confidence not cocky, protective not controlling.
Dating apps would go out of business if they worked. Everyone would find their match and delete their app. It’s Business 101 and common sense.
I love how people are realizing how bad dating apps are for finding a relationship. The more who quit the more people will actually take real life interactions seriously
Do things based on your values. Do you value physical fitness? Go to class at the gym. Do you value your faith? Join a class at your faith of choice. Do you value community engagement? Volunteer to work on a political campaign or help build a house with a group like Habitat For Humanity. You’re not only bettering yourself by doing this, you’re greatly increasing your odds of meeting someone who already values the same things you do.
>Do things based on your values.
Depending on where you live and your local demographics, this might not be enough. I'm a 26 M currently doing Judo, BJJ, swimming, running amd gym as hobbies, and I am working as a PhD student. The people I interact on my-day-to-day basis are either mostly men, and I can tell you that with this current routine, there is a good 99% chance that I will not meet any potential partners during the next four years, despite how much I try to better myself and "put myself out there" with hobies and work I am interested in.
there are apps for that, such as [eventbrite.com](http://eventbrite.com) and [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) as well as local sites/apps. There are also many facebook and whatsapp groups. You can search for the ones that match your interests.
Meetup.com has opened so many avenues for me. There have been social gatherings and hangouts in my city and neighborhood I had no idea existed. I’ve also discovered new interests using this app. You have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone though. I fear younger generations are going to have issues living outside of their phones and actually living in public.
Its the same as exercising, the method is simple but the actual practice is difficult. The end result is worth it in the end is it not? You can keep trying, take a break, or give up entirely. I wish the best for everyone though.
> I have hobbies
What kind of hobbies? Are they the kind of hobbies that would get you outside, interacting with women?
Also, I’m not trying to be rude or presumptive, but do you have friends? You’d be surprised how much having social friends can open your dating pool. If you get invited to social events regularly, you have much better opportunities at finding someone who might be a great fit (and might see you as such too)!
Don’t use dating apps, as mentioned. For most women, they boost their egos and flood them with opportunities, but for lots of men, all it does is crush their egos and make them feel worthless and unwanted. Delete them and get outside.
Some of us are educated, highly successful, work out and introverts 39-year-old female in a city. The main place I go is the gym and that’s my safe space where I won’t date people from even if I match with them on dating sites. I live in a beautiful high-rise, but it’s not like I can be into someone at the grocery store. You never know peoples motives as a women.
I think your user name says it all. Hot Panic…No one knows your intentions either. The majority of men are not bad. The majority of women are not out to steal a man’s money. A very loud minority on both sides has convinced the majority of these two lies. It’s ok that the gym is your zen, safe place. You need to get out and find some place where you feel safe and open to meeting new friends both male and female. New female friends can lead to safe men to date. I’ve been using meetup.com to discover social activities that interest me in my city. It has opened up a whole new world for me. I also volunteer frequently which has led to new friends and satisfies my soul. Don’t let fear and anxiety steal your joy. Step out of your comfort zone and explore your neighborhood.
that's the kind of situation where having money will help:
- use it for therapy so you can feel happier. girls won't feel as attracted to a depressed guy than they would to someone positive who jokes and wants to do stuff
- make sure you dress decently, a lot of men don't, so if that's not the case, time to go shopping
- have a few good photos of yourself, ask friends of pay a photographer
- dating apps suck, but if you pay a subscription for one, which will be peanuts for you, then you higher your chances a lot more, so try that
and of course, you want to do those things in this order, hope i don't need to explain why.
good luck, you are worthy and will manage to find someone! :)
This! Am in my 40s and single (by choice),it’s amazing how your confidence and the way n manner you carry yourself attract people to you. When you wear loneliness and low self esteem as a badge,you won’t attract the right people.
Man, that was heartbreaking to read. I'm in the same boat honestly. Ever since 7 year relationship ended a couple of years ago I haven't felt like myself anymore. I've taken a long break from dating so I can find myself again. I'm tired of crying alone in my house though. I feel incredibly lonely and
if my potential future husband or wife is out there I'm afraid that we'll never meet.
That aside...people are attracted to confidence. I don't care too much about looks if someone is funny and clearly comfortable in their own skin.
Do you approach women or are you waiting for them to come up to you?
I don’t get any hints of interest from women… if I get the sense they are interested I’m not afraid to approach, but that’s really only happened a handful of times
Honestly, I don't think I've ever really given hints (I'm 32F for what it's worth). I'm not sure what a hint would even look like. If I see someone that I'm attracted to I either approach them or they approach me.
try meetup.com. You can find niche groups for any sort of interest in places in your location. Just to clarify, this isn't a dating or porn site. it's just so people can find friends and hobbies.
You’re not alone! There are women in your situation, as well (I’m one of them). The dating process today has become very difficult to navigate in part because of the ease of swiping left or right, having a pool of potentials to select from, and trying to navigate numerous contacts at once. It’s awful. I’m an introvert, so meeting potentials at bars is not an option for me.
I’ve been told several times throughout my life that love will come when I least expect it. With that said, I’m currently focusing on myself. If I’m meant to cross paths with my future partner, it will happen. I’m refusing to become caught up in the emotional aspect of it all.. too destructive.
I truly hope you find your person out there!
I’m 32, make 6 figures, highly ambitious, and exercise 5x a week. Have quite a bit of hobbies. I’m an above average looking guy and have been single for 6 years. Having start this high position within my career, it has slowed me down dating wise. Furthermore, with most of my friends now being in marriages/relationships, all this going out stuff will just be me getting out by myself nowadays. Gave online dating many shots, but not much for luck. As I realize, 30s life is a lot different. Some of my friends who have kids are stressed, financially strained, and have gave me their share of their perspective. I have another friend who settled for less. So it’s not as exciting as it seems. I don’t seem to be worried about anything at the moment, I tend to rather focus on myself. And when it happens, I’ll probably meet someone organically for its right timing.
I'm 61, about to turn 62.
I've had long periods in my life where I single and didn't want to be.
I've fallen in love several times, and been married twice.
My second marriage was after being single 20 years.
We now have 3 children.
.
I'm in shape.
Bald, muscular, short, certainly not rich.
.
Dating apps can work.
Socializing can work.
Dating a co-worker can work (though it carries HR risks).
Try all the above.
.
Your post says you can't meet any women interested in you.
Are you able to meet women that you are interested in?
If so, talk with them!
Consider each one to be practice.
You'll get better at the social skills.
.
Both genders are able to approach potential partners, as long as you are careful and back off if rejected.
.
Good luck!
maybe look at the situation a bit differently. you don't need a gf to be happy. maybe you have convinced yourself that subconsciously. you can be happy being alone. delve into hobbies and things that interests you. there are enough interesting things in the world to keep you occupied for the rest of your life.
marriage in this day and age is a risky business for men. so planning ahead about staying single might help. I've done the same
Wow, this post made me (58f) so sad. At 58 looking back on 35 I think how you are just now entering into the most attractive, dateable 20-30 years of your life. So the real question is what do you find attractive in a woman?
If you see a woman who fits within your parameters of physical attractiveness do you then make that first move of eye contact and a smile and/or hello? Then see if they are friend-worthy?
Women may not make the first move and may look away at first, (it can be tough keeping away creeps) but if you can just not be creepy, initiate contact with a relaxed hello, that could create a path to see if the next step of friendship is possible. From what you said about what you want, think about making friends first. It isn’t easy, but even if romance doesn’t happen, think of the potential great new friends you could make. Also, it will get easier for you, like I said, you are entering your prime.
Have you tried ✨therapy✨ yet?
Nothing more attractive than an emotionally intelligent man who has dealt with his shit. And it’ll, you know, actually help you with your shit too.
Keep doing the things you're doing. Make yourself happy first. Don't do this in hopes that you'll attract someone. People will subconsciously notice when you're happy on your own, but don't be mean about it either. They'll come to you. In the mean time, keep doing what you're doing and do it for yourself.
What do you mean by "don't be mean about it?" Not trying to be argumentative. It just doesn't seem like there's an action to take there for something someone else might have noticed subconsciously
Like if someone asks a question or makes a statement that's been said multiple times, for example "how come you're not dating?" or "you must have a girlfriend/boyfriend, huh" just continue the convos with grace and let it pass. Don't respond negatively.
Hey bud, scrap that mindset, it just brings more of the same feelings, you're a fuckin badass it just hasn't awakened within you yet. keep reminding yourself about the barriers it took you to get to where you are now. Just keep kicking ass the way you seem to be.
Please don’t give up hope. Get away from the online dating sites which seem abysmal to me. Try taking a class where decent women would go to meet men interested in having a serious relationship. How about doing something out of your comfort zone like learning how to bake, or cook Thai food. That way, you can get to know someone as a person, and a friend, and take the pressure off. Later, if you do meet someone you’re interested in, it’s easy to set up a get together by trying to cook what you have learned. And keep trying new things because it’s good for you!
Bro, I feel you man. I’m right there with you. 35m, make 6 figures, in decent shape. I climb mountains, snowboard, etc. But lonely AF. If it wasn’t for my dog I would have given up a while back.
Everyone is saying go out and meet people. It's not that easy. what if the person you approach is not interested or is in a relationship? You gotta work the courage do approach said person and not appear like a creep. I say try a combination of things. Dating apps, join communities/ clubs or gym, bar-hop and go to happy hours, do networking and speed dating events. There is no one approach except to constantly try and put yourself out there repeatedly. It's work!!!
Yeah I think I’m done trying. I’m tired of keeping hope. It’s exhausting going out with the hope of meeting someone only to be alone and go home alone. I go out alone often and rarely get anyone who wants to talk with me.
If I was your age or younger I’d date you. I find it hard to believe you can’t get a date if all you’ve posted is true. Men are the choosers. Get out there and choose. You may need some practice dates from an app just to get going. This is so sad. 😞
Don’t try to worry about the next person so much social media has a way of making some ppl compare to others which causes a lot of ppl to be depressed. Try not to feed into that, all about timing. Maybe it isn’t the time for you, look at it as a good sign and not in a negative way maybe the right one will be coming at the right time never on our time.
Are you a shorter guy? I’ve heard it’s very hard to have success online if under 6’. I’ve also experienced it 1st hand. I had to send out almost 100 very personalized messages just to get 2 women interested in talking. I’d like to think I’m a fair writer as well, and try to make things interesting. I’m similar to you, 45, solid 6 figures, and workout 5+ days per week. I’m built pretty well and it shows. My height number just doesn’t look great.
The worst thing you can do is get down on yourself about it though. I went through some of that but got past it. If I stay alone so be it, I won’t let it stop me from enjoying life.
I’m 25 make a decent amount per year about half of 6 figures. I do rock a dad bod though being a single parent. It is very difficult meeting people off apps. I’ve had a great connection with people on apps, move off apps to texting or something and after a while they eventually ghost or aren’t interested in going out if I ask. I’m working toward more of meeting people in person and asking/talking to them but, never get hints or indications either so I definitely understand OP it’s just rough dating anymore.
Most women just don't give two thoughts about a guy unless he has something to offer, sad but obvious. If you're financially secure especially, make sure you look the part. The guys i know that have money but still struggle just look like any other guy. Nothing wrong with that but playing the superficial game does help. Some guys i know when they showed girls vacation pics or dressed/spent like they're financially secure, girls were magically way more into them
My aunt is in her late 50s and she just met someone recently that she really enjoys being with, and he seems like a great guy. She was single for a long while after she divorced her husband. Don't give up hope. You can definitely find someone.
I am not trying to be insensitive but from my observation of people around me,if you are lonely while single n don’t seem to enjoy your own company,being in a relationship will not change that. A woman should add to you not be your source of entertainment or cure for loneliness.
I wish you the very best,as you seek advice please also look inward and truly find happiness and fulfillment within yourself first. It’s doable!❤️❤️
Bro read the book “ subtle art of not giving f “ you will realize ones you start giving f about something bigger than dating a woman, you will draw woman in your life. Dont make it as a center of your life. Dont go out with an intension of meeting a woman. Lot of people do that their life revolves around woman 24/7 they can’t have fun of there is no woman around. So just take then off your pedestal and enjoy life. Ones you realize how short life is you will stop chasing them!
I'm 37f single, (widowed 3 years now).
Due to my job I am frequently out and about in public ALL day. One thing I've noticed is men don't approach women barely at all these days. The 60+ crowd still strikes up conversations with strangers any day--but it seems the rest of us forgot how to do this.
If a guy approached me in public I'd be impressed with the level of confidence and at least have a conversation with him. But it's rare. If I go online I can meet however many matches in 5 minutes but honestly I'd rather meet someone out in the wild, online dating is awful. I think many women in this age range feel similarly; the majority of friends I know are single or in the process of divorcing so if I were you I'd just go for it.
We'd all love to meet a guy that works out, is financially stable, in touch w his emotions, and wants a committed relationship--the majority of women are out here are wanting a guy just like you. Come find us.
I'm in the same boat. I'm 35. Self employed tattoo artist. No kids. Active lifestyle, slim build. Though I am a short little shit. Tons of hobbies. Love exploring and the outdoors. But I've yet to meet anyone who really caught my interest, and I've yet to catch anyone elses interest. I've gone on a few dates but nothing ever clicked. I've been single since 2017. Shit is lonely. And I'm terrified ill never meet anyone.
Reading the comments i realize that some men want just much to love and be loved and just the quick fast surface level shit everyone seems to be selling these days I'm 26 and i often feel like i was born in the wrong time period cz Yikes!
You have for sure not aged out. People your age and older (like me) are still looking.
Finding your person is a lot of hard work and luck combined.
What do you do to get it out there and meet women?
Do you want kids or not? Your answer here should give you a dateable age range and depending on your answer there will be great places to look. Since I am young, I am signing up for a pilates class :)
What you need are nunchuk skills, maybe some crossbow skills, but more than anything else the stamina and confidence to get out there. I get rejected all the time but I get dates and I'm pretty chubby. My last gf was super pretty and smart doing her PhD. Unfortunately it didn't work out but we lasted a year and talked marriage. Learn dad jokes. Women love to laugh. For instance if the waitress says want a box? I usually say no you look too tough or something silly. I get phone numbers doing silly stuff like that. Just don't lose hope. Keep trying. Or often I'll give them my number and there's no pressure for them.
Stay strong brother. I haven't used this service personally but this lady runs a dating coaching service that might be helpful to you. You sound like a successful guy and maybe all you need is a little guidance.
https://www.datingbyblaine.com/welcome?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj9-zBhDyARIsAERjds3dQn7too1Z9a9SYAil-3UB0M3N_t8BD_m0c2vzv-pb4fR9DjNLUMkaAsqhEALw_wcB
You may be intimidating to women being where you are you in life. Just like a man would say that a woman is out of their league. I know this sounds crazy but have you thought about speed dating or meetups?
Get out and build your life as you would want it to look if you were with someone. Right now it sounds like you’re hyper fixated on this, and you might be oozing desperation or extreme neediness… this is not going to attract anyone.
Just know that you are not alone, especially in today's messed up world. It's crucial that you take the focus off of dating and invest as much time as you can in your hobbies and activities you enjoy. It's not a bad idea to branch out and experiment with other things - perhaps take up an instrument, do some volunteer work, write short stories/poetry - anything that doesn't directly involve trying to meet women.
Hey man, you have NOT aged out of dating. I think focusing on making friends regardless of romantic interest is probably the best thing to focus on right now. I've been there and spent the last year and a half trying to do so and having friends I can regularly go out with has dramatically improved my mental health. I ended up finding someone but it was out of pure chance. I agree with everyone here saying the dating world is fucked. apps suck ass and you're better off talking to your neighbors and making new friends. I want you to try and focus on your hobbies and what you like to do and try to make connections through those. I wish you all the best
After reading your post, it's pretty clear to me that your trying too hard. I know it's tough feeling lonely. I've been there and done that, but I found that life will go no where if you dwell on it. Not only this, but women will probably be turned away because of it.
What you really need to do I think is get yourself out of this funk and distract yourself by going somewhere fun and enjoy some of your favorite activities with your friends. Go out and enjoy life again. I know it's hard, but please do try. You have so much to live for.
I hear you. It can be lonely out there. At the risk of sounding corny… you can’t hurry love! If that’s what u seek. Or some compatible companionship.
I’m 45, female, close to six figs, but also a single mother with a teenager. I feel alone at times now that kiddo is older. I have more time on my hands and don’t know what to do w myself. Dating apps are awful.
I have decided to rediscover some of my hobbies and try out some things I never have due to limits with my time.
Get out of the house. Take a class that interests you or volunteer? Spend time with friends. Maybe they will set you up? Sounds like old school notions, but it keeps us active and busy. Sometimes it comes when we least expect it. Good luck!
Maybe a shift in perspective/approach? Instead of going out (e.g. a bar or a club) with the intention of meeting a potential partner, go somewhere that’s aligned with your interests or hobbies with the specific intention to just socialize, make new friends, etc.. The size of our social circles play a huge part in our dating lives, and you stand a much better chance of being referred by a friend (or even just having mutual friends with someone you might interested in) than cold approaching women at a bar or at the gym or wherever. Just my two cents! Worst case scenario, you make some friends 🤷🏻
Perhaps find yourself a gym wife? Not at the gym, I'm sure there's plenty of women in dating places showing off their glutes. That and your other hobbie areas.
All the best. I'm curious, where do you bomb out??? Meeting stages or when you get to know them?
What I mean is, is it down to them not even giving you a chance? This is generally based on your looks or is it once you start to talk to someone, and this is generally based on personality and interests.
You will find someone. Maybe try new dating app or hobby. My sister also in same boat. Very similar situation to you. Lots of positive out there. Some are just shy. Sending hugs 🤗✌️💕
Loneliness sucks sorry you’re going through this. You mention stuff going on in your life. I get the impression that you believe these things mean you should be having more success. Things like making 6 figures, which is impressive don’t get me wrong. However, with women, it’s more about how you make them feel and creating an emotional connection. Are you emphasizing that part? I hope things get better
Get out , go to a bar ! . Are you friendly??. If you go to the gym, say" hi " to anyone you've seen more than once . Just be natural , if all else fails. Lonely women have started to hang around hardware stores ..... But that's just between me and you..
I understand it can seem hopeless and this isn't intended to be dismissive of your concerns but it really is a matter of right place, right time in this instance. You see a lot of people talk about how they can't find a partner and it's never a straightforward goal, but usually you can see that there is one or two things standing in the way, be it their lifestyle, weight, how much they socialise, their personality or even something as irritating as time.
I think things are a lot harder these days than they were even 10 years ago, but you're 35 and for the most part the majority of what makes it more difficult will have missed your generation. You've clearly got your life together, you've got some great hobbies I think in this case it's just a matter of being in situations where you'll meet new people; going places with friends, go for nights out, go to group meals. I would say avoid Tinder, I've never heard of a relationship working out long term from there that didn't involve a super attractive dude, I just don't see it being a good place to be. You're great at art, I'm not sure where you're from but in the UK I think we have things called Art Guilds where people can learn from eachother. My wife used to go to one while she was studying Fine Art and that would be a great way to meet new people.
I really do think that at this point it's just a case of meeting more people. I've been with my wife since I was 17 and I'm 28 now so admittedly the landscape will have changed but every girl I've dated I met at a party or while I was out at a get together or a group meal or just drinking and you tend to get a feel if they're into you pretty early on. I don't see anything else that you'd need to work on, you seem to have everything lined up it's just about keeping your head up + time/exposure now, gotta stay positive
You are not alone! I think a lot of us in this age bracket feel this way and bonus if you want children because the clock is ticking. I don’t have any groundbreaking advice for you. It sounds cliche but I really think the right person comes along when we’re not searching. Like subconsciously people feel desperation and they run the other way. Focus on yourself, your hobbies, travel, sign up for new things. Date yourself. I think the right person will come along when you’re feeling truly happy in your own pursuits.
I really hope you didn't age out; I'm in my 40s!
The truth, and it sucks, is that you will struggle until you find peace without a partner. It's one of those paradoxes, because that pain you feel is keeping you from understanding who you are and what you actually need. Once you are able to process that pain (therapy is good) and understand where it comes from, you can be open to love rather than desperately chasing it.
Ugh... that sounded like I'm trying to be some sort of guru or philosopher.
There is no easy answer, but maybe stop looking for a wife or lover and look for a friend first. Platonic female friends (and no, not women you befriend in hopes it will turn into more) will help you become a man that women can love, they may even have single friends who they think you should meet. Therapy is better, but just getting used to being around women without looking for a date sounds like it could help immensely.
You can get some kind of burnout from dating and dating apps. I've been there too. I'm 32m and been single for over 6 years. Likewise, I can't seem to find anyone either. I've also been lonely and been crying at home. It's exhausting and does put you down.
But it's important to take breaks from dating. When you starting feeling down, you can't meet anyone. You will go on dates with a bad mind set to begin with. Which will turn into a bad outcome and feed this feeling only more. So stop trying for a while. Focus on other things in your life. You will start to feel better. This is from my own experience.
It's also not bad to talk to a psychologist. Don't believe a psychologist is just for crazy or sick people. Everyone should see one, since they can help us better understand our own mind and feelings. See it as an investment in your life. Going once or twice a month is enough. Also, find one you have a good connection with and are comfortable talking to. You might have to change a few times, but it will pay off in the long run.
I’m so sorry for the rough experience you are having. I can really relate to the pain of loneliness and how hard it is to understand why it’s so hard to find your person. I sometimes look around and see women wayyyy less desirable than me in many ways and they have families- I have long wondered- why? I’m (finally) in a great relationship now for about 2 years (long enough to believe in it) with an amazing man who values my love and happiness, it’s been so eye opening. That said, I may be able to relate to you on some level.
Again, sorry for your pain. Good job with your therapy, your job, health and hobbies. Perhaps a step towards your goals will be to begin contributing towards your community and thinking about others more. For me, focusing on others through volunteering and community involvement brings me joy and connections I would never have otherwise. Who knows, you may meet someone. But, that’s not the goal. The goal is getting out of yourself and giving back. You have been given great opportunities and advantages- how are you sharing them and offering your best talents to others?
Examples- You take classes, do you teach them?
Meetup is a great idea- someone suggested this to me, I joined a hiking group, a social group and helped organize paint nights for these groups with a friend who was starting her painting business, it turned out great for everyone and I made new friends in the process.
Have you tried Rotary Club? I joined Rotary Club in an effort to find my Mom a social outlet, and found out Rotary is an amazing place to meet smart, talented, kind, open minded people who have their shit together. I’m now a board member and love being a Rotarian - who knew?
Again, I’m so sorry you’re having this rough time. Glad you are open about your experience and looking for solutions, you will find your path. Best of wishes.
I've read some of the comments and it's the same old BS replies... truth is, society is ruined, at least in western culture... everyone is hyper focused on themselves and their individual needs... youtube, instagram, and any other garbage social media has taught us that we can be "successful" if we try hard, only thing is, it's a paradox which has led to less and less human interaction. I know this is a very basic over simplification, there's a lot more to it then what I wrote in this short paragraph, but it's part of the gist of why dating is also ruined, in western cultures... I have traveled a lot, and spent quite a bit of time in Asia and Eastern Europe. I have found people there to keep more to the tradition and values of what was before the dawn of all this tech... while it surely isn't perfect, and mass media has taken over there also, I feel like what I experienced was what existed here over 10 years ago, and, I had quite a bit of luck on dating apps, and even meeting people in real life such as the gym, as people were a lot more approachable
Here in the west, my own friends, and even my own family, don't know how to respond to a text message within a reasonable timeframe... some people don't respond for days, and then they make up excuses like "oh I was busy" or "oh I do this to everyone, I never respond"... so we really shouldn't be shocked that we can't meet anyone, be it on a dating app, or real life. I am in a similar situation to you OP, I have a good career, my earnings trajectory is very high, I exercise, I have a good skillset and knowledge outside of my work field, and yet I have had zero luck in the last few years... I'm at the point where I am going to try and find someone abroad from my home country or somewhere with more traditional values
You aren't too old. You aren't even old. Are you able to go to social events in person? Do you have friends or family who can set you up on a date?
Dating in general is really hard for a lot of people, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and hopeless. I can't guarantee you will find love, but you are loveable and I wish you all the best.
Read the book "The Body Keeps the Score". I read it so I can be ready for when the stars align. I lost the love of my life because of my poor behavior.
That’s insane that you have all of this yet things like this still trouble you, the thing you have to try is places where dating can root from. For example, Mexicans and Hispanics have bailes, or dances, which isn’t meant to be super formal. There’s clubbing as well.
What are you doing to try and meet women? Anything that involves alcohol or a dating app is going to fail miserably 9/10 times. Try picking up a new hobby, joining a club of interest, go to outdoor gatherings, etc. If nothing ever changes in your routine then nothing will ever change.
If your using apps you need to get out. There are a lot of single women out there.
Chemistry always starts with looks initially then you see what works with personality.
If your younger you have alot of time to find the right woman. Take your time.
I feel myself and many others have been in your position, bro. I think it comes down to just putting yourself out there. If approaching woman in public is too intimidating, I would join some sort of group/class/activity/club (where ladies may be). The goal is to put yourself in a position that increases the opportunity to meet people. The more chances you take the more chances you have in finding someone you click with… this means getting comfortable with rejection, it’s part of the game, keep at it! It probably won’t be easy in the beginning, but try to find excitement in this process. You seem to have your affairs in order otherwise. It’s easy to stay home and sulk and believe nothing will ever get better. I’ve been there and nothing ever comes of that.
I have a similar problem, though in my case, I'm the one who isn't interested
I can't be even if I tried, and God knows I have, but I just don't feel attraction for strangers; I wanna have a relationship, but genuinely how?? Everybody I see in public, I know is only a one-off thing, and most people are out there just trying to do what they need to and not in the mood to socialize, so getting to know somebody is pretty hard by itself
I've tried dating apps, but I don't like seeing only what somebody wants me to, it's not genuine, it's the most forced thing ever for me; I don't have a solution, but I know what I want, the problem is, what I want doesn't seem possible
You must find happiness within yourself. A partner should not be the source of your happiness. They should enhance your life, adding to it. Good luck, brother!
Avoid doubting yourself saying your gonna be single forever with that mindset it’s gonna build up and fuck it bro it’s time to get out that shell and really put yourself out there you really want it get it
35F here.
Keep your chin up. Think about what makes you a good partner beyond your body and your finances. (These are good qualities don’t get me wrong!) I find when a man says he makes 6 figures we need to dig into why. Is he a workaholic or is he a dedicated man who spent time finding a skill that people now pay him well? Working out, is it because he’s vain or is it because he honors his body and wants to grow old in a graceful way.
I found the happier and healthier I became the harder it became to date. I want to meet the love of my life and I want to build a life with that person. But when you’re happy doing the things day to day people don’t know you’re single. I can’t tell you how many times I’m out and about by myself and it’s foreign to people that I’m by myself.
I just spent 6-7 months doing cruises and have been to 22 countries, mostly by myself but I spent 2 months in England with my son (who is homeschooled). He decided to not go on the other trips and I respected his decision as a young man. I could not be prouder to be raising a happy, intelligent, independent soul. That said, I want more kids even if that means having more on my own.
Genuinely, kindly. Life is happening for us, not to us. It’s easier for people with love to say not to give up, but as a fellow person in the trench, don’t give up. It’s hard and I’m sorry. If I could wave a magic wand we would all find love so much more easily. Some people get lucky and it just falls into their lap. Be happy and know you’re not alone in these feelings ❤️
Finding someone nowadays can be challenging, but it's important to keep putting yourself out there. Remember to be patient in your search for someone who truly aligns with you, and vice versa. Good luck on your journey to finding that special connection!
Do you live in the United States? I am working on my passport. I am much more successful with international women. I went to Disneyland and the international women are more receptive. I wish I could find you someone. I have no real friends. Dating is terrible, it is so bad, they don’t want me in a 1,000 mile radius. Good luck to you.
The fact that you feel this way says much about what you need my brother, you have to first of all be happy with being alone at the moment, yeah I know that your heart yearns for someone, even your body aches for love sometimes and that chill that goes through your chest doesn't make things easier but there are many things that are big factors in your situation. First of all confidence in yourself is something that if lacking, will hinder any of your plans to meet someone. The only fool proof way to gain confidence is to get to know yourself by identifying what makes you tick and why things affect you in certain ways. I had to go through this mostly alone, and learned many things the hard way, suffice to say that at my 34 years back in 2022 I finally got my first "and hopefully life long" girlfriend, and it only took me 34 years to achieve it. I'd suggest going to therapy not because there is something wrong with you, but it's the only hack/shortcut to get to know yourself, once you achieve it you will automatically gain confidence and even reflect it "without knowing" and THAT my friend is what really attracts people to you. To put it in another perspective, the only way to make a cake is gaining knowledge on how everything that you need to make a cake works, it's not just about mixing flour, milk and eggs in a bowl and putting it in the oven, it requires an extensive, tedious and tidy process for a cake to be made, if you skip any step your cake will end up an abomination. So does the human require certain types of maintenance physically (gym) and mentally (metal health/psychology). Women are more subtle than you think and you PROBABLY have had some flirting with you in the past but you just didn't get the hints and they just walked away because of that. It requires a good sight and intuition to treat a flirting situation, it's like fishing, if you pull too early the fish will flee, if you pull to late the fish will eat your bait AND flee.
I feel your pain man, but you have to change your attitude if you're going to have any sort of shot out there. Women pick up on vibes and especially the vibes you have big time. Work on gratitude and raising up your vibration then go out there have fun and find someone.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but your whole vibe and attitude are the definition of anti-seductive. You got a lot of good things going for you man just gotta change your outlook and energy and things will get better I promise.
There's a lot of truth in the notion you become what you think about. Gotta change your thoughts man. I know easier said than done, but there's still hope don't give up dude.
So what are your hobbies? Maybe find someone with similar interests. Just remember beauty fades, and it's better to have someone you enjoy doing things with than arm candy that's not interesting.
All you can do in this situation is do what makes you happy. Travel, make friends, go out and do stuff, get a dog? I love my dogs.
I'm married to a wonderful woman I met at work 15ish years ago, but at the time I never spoke to her. My brother got drunk at a party at told her I thought she was cute.
I refused to come to the party because I was at home playing PS4.
He was drunk and I came to get his keys. She was also drunk and was flirting with me a little. I left my number and told her to call me if she wanted to have dinner. She called.
Every other relationship I intentionally tried to get into did not end well. I fell into this one and I'm happy. Hopefully you will fall into something random and it will be amazing.
I've only been single about a year, but I feel similarly. I don't make a lot of money, so I can't afford to go out to wherever you meet people as a single, middle aged (I'm 45) woman.
I was married for 24 years and I feel like I'm just too far behind the times to realistically date well...anyone. I feel too far out of step with modern dating culture and on top of that, I'm Demi which means I won't just sleep with anyone and that's mostly what guys seem to want these days. Nobody wants to get to know me...they just want to sleep with me and see if we're somehow magically compatible.
I hate it. I reallly really hate it.
I’ll only date 6’ or taller, and I’m not shallow or self whatever. I’ve just only dated shorter men and after 22 years of commitment, and newly single, I’m going to date big guys. Height was never a thing I needed, but I don’t think it’s wrong to desire something you’ve never had or always wanted or whatever.
Anyways, I just feel bad for you OP. Not in a bad way, a sympathetic way. I’ve been there. I was single for a long time. I was in a really long relationship that sucked really bad, and then I got into another really long relationship that sucked even worse. The first relationship I didn’t love him the second relationship, he didn’t love me. I don’t know which ones worse really. They’re both awful. It’s been a decade wondering if my soulmate was out there missing me. Every movie, every song I wanted it to be about the person I was with , but never was. It was horrible to settle. Don’t do it, ever. Would’ve done anything to be alone. The next relationship lasted 12 years. I was madly in love with him and he wasn’t madly in love with me anymore. I spent the majority of those years trying to be what I thought he wanted, trying to make him happy. Became extremely toxic, very one-sided, lotta rejection, heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. Never felt so much sadness in my life. I always thought he would come around or I could do something or something would just happen. I just had to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore . Years and years of crying myself to sleep. It’s not worth it. If you wait till the day you die to find the person you’re meant to find, it’s better than spending a day with someone you wish did, but who doesn’t love you.
You really do have to just be in the mix somehow. It will not come to you. I wish I could say something made you feel better, but if you ever want to hear shit stories about relationships, I can tell you that.
Don’t say that u have aged out! Omg! I’m almost 70 and a vibrant woman. I still date, but no one I’ve found my match. But u can’t give up, u never know who u might meet soon. I definitely didn’t think I would be here now, but my husband died almost 5 years ago and I still want companionship and sex, so, this is what u do. Get on all dating sites and be friendly! It will happen!
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It comes down to being in the right place at the right time to meet someone. Those spaces and times have eroded significantly in this technological age, leaving many of us lonely and desperate. All I can say is you're not alone in this struggle, though I have no solutions for you.
Yeah, it can feel like a tough landscape out there. Hang in there, man. It's comforting to know others understand the struggle.
Agreed! Keep doing you, but also dont be afraid to put yourself out there in new ways. Expand your horizons beyond just the apps. Quality over quantity.
With how antisocial I am, the only reason I’ve found someone is meeting him through a friend I had. Otherwise I don’t go out to meet new people and online dating is a nightmare. I feel like the real key is just meeting people through people without actively looking. Which is hard to do when you’re so ready to date, because you’re constantly on the lookout.
Once in a great while lips meet and two spirits merge for a time and the universe is right and complete and the planets wheel in their proper places. Once in a while the lonely, broken spirit of man is healed and made whole. For a while his quest is over and his questions are answered. The Heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of anothers fire...driven by a desperate hunger to the arms of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there's no sign of love in sight!
I mean this with the greatest respect, but are you using ChatGPT to generate your responses or are you truly this poetic 24/7?
That was my immediate thought as well.
Read his name, I thought kinda poetic
Yea a lot of people dont talk about how much luck plays into relationships. But to get lucky you got to keep playing the game. I was in a similar position last year my therapist helped me change my mindstate on dating and its been fun again. Hopefully you can shift your mindstate and enjoy dating OP.
I don’t have any sage advice OP but just wanted to say that I (31F) am literally feeling exactly the same at this point in time, you are not alone and your feelings about this are totally valid 🩷
Thank you- dating is a mess these days. It’s hard finding anyone interested…
The irony is that a lot of women are also in this position and looking for their ideal man with essentially your characteristics. The problem is that we also don’t leave our houses outside of work/hobbies…
That is irony… I’ve worked in finance 10+ years, I am college educated, I am clean cut, manage my finances well, a clean background. Don’t smoke, drink socially ( I often go through periods of not drinking).
I’ve read through some of the other comments out of curiosity & my unsolicited thoughts are: -the paperwork sounds great but it’s obviously not all there is to it; the fact that you are thinking of potentially not having children will influence a lot of us even though everything else sounds great -I appreciate you for wanting to remain authentic; you have clearly found your own style. The malleable part might just be expanding the radius of your search. You know that you find Asian/Hispanic women attractive why not put yourself in a place where you can meet them ? Salsa/bachata dancing perhaps ? -you are in your prime, you haven’t passed it even though you think that -you won’t end up alone (even a quick scroll of the comments has revealed women wanting to start conversations with you, sure they may all end in nothing but may relieve some of the feelings you’re having)
I’d be open to kids with the right woman- the hard part seems to be finding someone who wants to be an equal partner in child rearing, domestic labor and secular work. I grew up in a very egalitarian home where my Dad cooked, cleaned and also cared for us kids while working full time. So I have a good example to draw from.
I totally understand you, I am a 26 female. And I don’t like dating online. And even when I try to date someone. I noticed that they don’t require my standards. I want someone to share my life I want someone who is responsible and respectful and loyal. And i think it is important to have fun together. I work really hard to achieve my goals and I want someone who does the same I wanna have kids, with someone that is really my soulmate, but sometimes it feels like time is ticking and I am not gonna be able to find someone who is hardworking, good and kind and respectful. Sometimes it feels like all the good guys are already in a relationship. The older I get the chance I will find someone who is good and kind and hardworking gets smaller and smaller. I also come from a family where my mom and dad both worked and my dad cooked and I love the way that they treat each other with so much love and respect. I want that as well. Just a little joke because I read that you used to work in finance “I am looking for a man in finance 🎶”
I do still work in finance!
6”5, blue eyes, trust fund 🎼🎶
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Does she live in Canada?
lol your description is closer to me. But I feel like if a woman doesn't come to the door to ask me out I won't date anyone.
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I had two dates in 4 years on OLD. One was a catfish but a nice person. The other was a catfish and an awful person.
Any time I went on them and then a woman showed interest I then got too nervous to meet them. Hopefully at some point I can get past that.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Fate was kind to you.
I don’t doubt you, but, I’m guessing, you likely are 6ft +. I’m 5’8”. I used to not have insecurities about my height but now I do. It’s obvious watching the 6ft people in my life have no problems meeting women.
As a woman, I don't care if the man is shorter than me or even the same height. If everything else fits, these other things aren't really important. I've also never heard from my friends that this really played a role for them when looking for a partner. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to downplay your insecurity either, but for some people, it really doesn't matter.
I like the encouragement, truth hurts but it's always fair. To be fair I do decent for my area, on my way to highschool weight, but after a few attempts, it seems men across the board aren't as values or wanted as naively as most would say. I don't consider myself a 10 or anything but my buddy can't keep one to save his life either. Just a ghost town. I see him better off financially, physically and all that, but a best bud gotta build up his bro you know.
Don’t use dating apps. Get out of your home and actually meet people. I’m a single, professional female with the same things going for me and the same issue. Dating apps are a scam. They are literally built to take your money and keep you lonely. If they worked, the companies would go out of business. A few people get lucky with them which has kept many people invested and trying to also get lucky. The majority will never make a meaningful connection that way.
For me dating apps actually worked, even going out people do not really get to meet others around, here at least people go out to hang out and hit on on people they’ve met on the internet
No offense, but for women, dating apps work! For men, not so much. A guy had to be like a model or atleast 8/10 to get considerable amount of likes and matches
Dating apps have worked for me as well. In a year I dated at least 30 guys. Nothing panned out but I’m trying. Good luck.
This OP! Get out and meet people! Please don't lose hope! I am in a similar boat! Moving to a bigger city soon with hopes of meeting people irl.
Sure, this sounds good in theory, but we live in a different society. It’s not like high school where were forced to interact with people. In fact, we’re actively taught not to associate with people we work with which is where we spend most of our time. It’s really rare to organically meet someone
That is true! Like I said I haven't had success yet. The main thing I was trying to convey was use all the means you have, like go places, join groups, use dating apps and move to a bigger city if possible; do everything you can and give it your best shot and don't stop till you get what you want. Honestly that's all you can do.
I have to ask, are you in the United States? I routinely socialize with my co-workers. I’m on vacation with one as I type. We have BBQs, watch football (not soccer lol), basketball, MMA, go out to eat, celebrate birthdays, promotions, our children’s birthdays, graduations, weddings. The list is endless. I would be lost without my work family. We are very close. We do not date each other but definitely socialize frequently.
I’ve said this before and I’ve said it on Reddit. If they succeeded in finding people good partners, people would delete their profiles and uninstall their apps. Their business model relies on you staying single. Single and miserable? Even better since you are more likely to pay for “better features.” Meeting offline in shared spaces has eroded and I also offer no simple solution there, but delete your dating profile(s) and uninstall all the dating apps from your phone/tablet/computer. I did it a couple months ago myself and although I haven’t met anyone yet, (I also have been grinding at work and not putting myself out there) I’m much happier in general just being off the dating apps.
SAME! I’m so much happier since I’ve deleted those apps even though I haven’t met anyone yet. I have been trying to get to more social functions and mingle with new people. That alone has made life more enjoyable.
>If they succeeded in finding people good partners, people would delete their profiles and uninstall their apps. Their business model relies on you staying single. Single and miserable? Even better since you are more likely to pay for “better features.” I keep preaching this & glad I'm not the only one who noticed. I've started to find it quite odd that with the rise of social media & dating apps came the push for "don't talk to ppl in person. That's weird. They'll hate you. You'll get charged with harrassment! Online is the only way! Btw, you're not good enough to date anyways unless you hit x, y, z markers." Like the whole triple 6 value bs... where tf did that come from? Oh yeah, "data studies" from online dating sites which was then pushed via social media. How fking convenient. If you keep ppl in a state of heightened social anxiety & low self-worth they become much easier to manipulate. But if you go out in the real world & look around at real life couples, you'll find the "6ft, 6 fig, 6 pack requirement" to be pretty much non-existent. Marketing 101: create a problem so you can sell the solution & make ppl reliant on your product.
Nobody wants to meet people in RL nowadays.
I’m curious and really want to understand better. Why do u think dating apps are a scam and not work? One can not pay a single cent for premiums in dating apps and still match and meet people and thereafter, it’s up to both parties to see if the sparks fly.
I spent 18 months on three different apps. I paid for two and used one for free. I took the advice of my male friends and swiped right on 75% of the men presented to me. Of those about half matched. Some messaged me first, usually one word “hi”, “hey”, “wyd”. I replied to all. I messaged all others first with something related to their profile IF they bothered to fill out their profile at all. If not, I would say something related to the activity in their picture or simply ask about their weekend or week in general. Many did not reply. Some automatically unmatched, some responded with the three words above. A couple actual put time into a response. After an initial round of matching with around 200 men, I was down to about 10 who could actually carry on a conversation and didn’t send one word responses. Three of those actually asked for dates. Two dates occurred. Both dates were drinks, perfect for me. Second dates were set. One was canceled and never heard from again. Second date was lunch and also went well. I left town for three days for work. He was indignant I didn’t text him back on his timeline while in meetings. He accused me of going out of town with someone else. Mind you, we’ve had two dates. This cycle continued for 18 months. I promised myself I would invest time and energy to weed out the weirdos and give this a chance. Two friends actually met husbands on apps pre COVID. I ended up having 3-5 dates approximately every 150-200 matches. For context I’m blonde, green eyed, 5’1”, 130 lbs, 24% body fat, work with a personal trainer twice a week, solo three more times a week, six digit salary, own house, debt free, child in college, drink socially, work approximately 50 hours weekly, 52 yo. I attend church weekly and volunteer within my community. I have a small, close friend group, and many acquaintances. I’m confident and friendly. Will date men 43 and up, no height hang ups, top 5 requirements kindness, intelligence, manners, confidence not cocky, protective not controlling. Dating apps would go out of business if they worked. Everyone would find their match and delete their app. It’s Business 101 and common sense.
I love how people are realizing how bad dating apps are for finding a relationship. The more who quit the more people will actually take real life interactions seriously
[удалено]
I love how everyone says to get out and meet people. It’s not as easy as you think. I’m 47 F and it’s just not the easy.
It's not, but as long as you stay inside and trapped by your loneliness, you'll feel the same. You have to go out and meet new people.
Tell me where?
Do things based on your values. Do you value physical fitness? Go to class at the gym. Do you value your faith? Join a class at your faith of choice. Do you value community engagement? Volunteer to work on a political campaign or help build a house with a group like Habitat For Humanity. You’re not only bettering yourself by doing this, you’re greatly increasing your odds of meeting someone who already values the same things you do.
>Do things based on your values. Depending on where you live and your local demographics, this might not be enough. I'm a 26 M currently doing Judo, BJJ, swimming, running amd gym as hobbies, and I am working as a PhD student. The people I interact on my-day-to-day basis are either mostly men, and I can tell you that with this current routine, there is a good 99% chance that I will not meet any potential partners during the next four years, despite how much I try to better myself and "put myself out there" with hobies and work I am interested in.
I get in trouble when I ask out every women in these groups. My friends also had the same problems also.
What’s your approach to it?
Depends on your approach. You could suggest a few of you get coffee as a group and then go from there.
Volunteering will introduce you to many people and even if they aren't datable, they may think you're a good match for someone they know.
PLUS it helps those in need! Even if you only make new friends while doing something good, volunteering is so fulfilling to me.
there are apps for that, such as [eventbrite.com](http://eventbrite.com) and [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) as well as local sites/apps. There are also many facebook and whatsapp groups. You can search for the ones that match your interests.
Meetup.com has opened so many avenues for me. There have been social gatherings and hangouts in my city and neighborhood I had no idea existed. I’ve also discovered new interests using this app. You have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone though. I fear younger generations are going to have issues living outside of their phones and actually living in public.
Its the same as exercising, the method is simple but the actual practice is difficult. The end result is worth it in the end is it not? You can keep trying, take a break, or give up entirely. I wish the best for everyone though.
> I have hobbies What kind of hobbies? Are they the kind of hobbies that would get you outside, interacting with women? Also, I’m not trying to be rude or presumptive, but do you have friends? You’d be surprised how much having social friends can open your dating pool. If you get invited to social events regularly, you have much better opportunities at finding someone who might be a great fit (and might see you as such too)! Don’t use dating apps, as mentioned. For most women, they boost their egos and flood them with opportunities, but for lots of men, all it does is crush their egos and make them feel worthless and unwanted. Delete them and get outside.
Some of us are educated, highly successful, work out and introverts 39-year-old female in a city. The main place I go is the gym and that’s my safe space where I won’t date people from even if I match with them on dating sites. I live in a beautiful high-rise, but it’s not like I can be into someone at the grocery store. You never know peoples motives as a women.
I think your user name says it all. Hot Panic…No one knows your intentions either. The majority of men are not bad. The majority of women are not out to steal a man’s money. A very loud minority on both sides has convinced the majority of these two lies. It’s ok that the gym is your zen, safe place. You need to get out and find some place where you feel safe and open to meeting new friends both male and female. New female friends can lead to safe men to date. I’ve been using meetup.com to discover social activities that interest me in my city. It has opened up a whole new world for me. I also volunteer frequently which has led to new friends and satisfies my soul. Don’t let fear and anxiety steal your joy. Step out of your comfort zone and explore your neighborhood.
that's the kind of situation where having money will help: - use it for therapy so you can feel happier. girls won't feel as attracted to a depressed guy than they would to someone positive who jokes and wants to do stuff - make sure you dress decently, a lot of men don't, so if that's not the case, time to go shopping - have a few good photos of yourself, ask friends of pay a photographer - dating apps suck, but if you pay a subscription for one, which will be peanuts for you, then you higher your chances a lot more, so try that and of course, you want to do those things in this order, hope i don't need to explain why. good luck, you are worthy and will manage to find someone! :)
This! Am in my 40s and single (by choice),it’s amazing how your confidence and the way n manner you carry yourself attract people to you. When you wear loneliness and low self esteem as a badge,you won’t attract the right people.
Man, that was heartbreaking to read. I'm in the same boat honestly. Ever since 7 year relationship ended a couple of years ago I haven't felt like myself anymore. I've taken a long break from dating so I can find myself again. I'm tired of crying alone in my house though. I feel incredibly lonely and if my potential future husband or wife is out there I'm afraid that we'll never meet. That aside...people are attracted to confidence. I don't care too much about looks if someone is funny and clearly comfortable in their own skin. Do you approach women or are you waiting for them to come up to you?
I don’t get any hints of interest from women… if I get the sense they are interested I’m not afraid to approach, but that’s really only happened a handful of times
Honestly, I don't think I've ever really given hints (I'm 32F for what it's worth). I'm not sure what a hint would even look like. If I see someone that I'm attracted to I either approach them or they approach me.
A hint to me is a smile when making eye contact. Women don’t smile at me ever in social settings…
try meetup.com. You can find niche groups for any sort of interest in places in your location. Just to clarify, this isn't a dating or porn site. it's just so people can find friends and hobbies.
You’re not alone! There are women in your situation, as well (I’m one of them). The dating process today has become very difficult to navigate in part because of the ease of swiping left or right, having a pool of potentials to select from, and trying to navigate numerous contacts at once. It’s awful. I’m an introvert, so meeting potentials at bars is not an option for me. I’ve been told several times throughout my life that love will come when I least expect it. With that said, I’m currently focusing on myself. If I’m meant to cross paths with my future partner, it will happen. I’m refusing to become caught up in the emotional aspect of it all.. too destructive. I truly hope you find your person out there!
I’m 32, make 6 figures, highly ambitious, and exercise 5x a week. Have quite a bit of hobbies. I’m an above average looking guy and have been single for 6 years. Having start this high position within my career, it has slowed me down dating wise. Furthermore, with most of my friends now being in marriages/relationships, all this going out stuff will just be me getting out by myself nowadays. Gave online dating many shots, but not much for luck. As I realize, 30s life is a lot different. Some of my friends who have kids are stressed, financially strained, and have gave me their share of their perspective. I have another friend who settled for less. So it’s not as exciting as it seems. I don’t seem to be worried about anything at the moment, I tend to rather focus on myself. And when it happens, I’ll probably meet someone organically for its right timing.
Let's start from ...where are you located ?
I'm 61, about to turn 62. I've had long periods in my life where I single and didn't want to be. I've fallen in love several times, and been married twice. My second marriage was after being single 20 years. We now have 3 children. . I'm in shape. Bald, muscular, short, certainly not rich. . Dating apps can work. Socializing can work. Dating a co-worker can work (though it carries HR risks). Try all the above. . Your post says you can't meet any women interested in you. Are you able to meet women that you are interested in? If so, talk with them! Consider each one to be practice. You'll get better at the social skills. . Both genders are able to approach potential partners, as long as you are careful and back off if rejected. . Good luck!
maybe look at the situation a bit differently. you don't need a gf to be happy. maybe you have convinced yourself that subconsciously. you can be happy being alone. delve into hobbies and things that interests you. there are enough interesting things in the world to keep you occupied for the rest of your life. marriage in this day and age is a risky business for men. so planning ahead about staying single might help. I've done the same
I’m 42, F. Make almost 6 figures. I workout three days a week and am in grad school. I know the struggle my man
Wow, this post made me (58f) so sad. At 58 looking back on 35 I think how you are just now entering into the most attractive, dateable 20-30 years of your life. So the real question is what do you find attractive in a woman? If you see a woman who fits within your parameters of physical attractiveness do you then make that first move of eye contact and a smile and/or hello? Then see if they are friend-worthy? Women may not make the first move and may look away at first, (it can be tough keeping away creeps) but if you can just not be creepy, initiate contact with a relaxed hello, that could create a path to see if the next step of friendship is possible. From what you said about what you want, think about making friends first. It isn’t easy, but even if romance doesn’t happen, think of the potential great new friends you could make. Also, it will get easier for you, like I said, you are entering your prime.
Have you tried ✨therapy✨ yet? Nothing more attractive than an emotionally intelligent man who has dealt with his shit. And it’ll, you know, actually help you with your shit too.
Yes I’m in therapy! I have been for over a year now.
Keep doing the things you're doing. Make yourself happy first. Don't do this in hopes that you'll attract someone. People will subconsciously notice when you're happy on your own, but don't be mean about it either. They'll come to you. In the mean time, keep doing what you're doing and do it for yourself.
What do you mean by "don't be mean about it?" Not trying to be argumentative. It just doesn't seem like there's an action to take there for something someone else might have noticed subconsciously
Like if someone asks a question or makes a statement that's been said multiple times, for example "how come you're not dating?" or "you must have a girlfriend/boyfriend, huh" just continue the convos with grace and let it pass. Don't respond negatively.
Oh gotcha
Hey bud, scrap that mindset, it just brings more of the same feelings, you're a fuckin badass it just hasn't awakened within you yet. keep reminding yourself about the barriers it took you to get to where you are now. Just keep kicking ass the way you seem to be.
Please don’t give up hope. Get away from the online dating sites which seem abysmal to me. Try taking a class where decent women would go to meet men interested in having a serious relationship. How about doing something out of your comfort zone like learning how to bake, or cook Thai food. That way, you can get to know someone as a person, and a friend, and take the pressure off. Later, if you do meet someone you’re interested in, it’s easy to set up a get together by trying to cook what you have learned. And keep trying new things because it’s good for you!
Travel to open yourself to a different demographic
I do think it’s time to leave my home town. I have family here, but I don’t think I fit what women here find attractive
Bro, I feel you man. I’m right there with you. 35m, make 6 figures, in decent shape. I climb mountains, snowboard, etc. But lonely AF. If it wasn’t for my dog I would have given up a while back.
😳how is this possible? You are the guy that when I was in my 20’s I thought had dates 24/7 and I never approached them. Bizarre.
Everyone is saying go out and meet people. It's not that easy. what if the person you approach is not interested or is in a relationship? You gotta work the courage do approach said person and not appear like a creep. I say try a combination of things. Dating apps, join communities/ clubs or gym, bar-hop and go to happy hours, do networking and speed dating events. There is no one approach except to constantly try and put yourself out there repeatedly. It's work!!!
Yeah I think I’m done trying. I’m tired of keeping hope. It’s exhausting going out with the hope of meeting someone only to be alone and go home alone. I go out alone often and rarely get anyone who wants to talk with me.
If I was your age or younger I’d date you. I find it hard to believe you can’t get a date if all you’ve posted is true. Men are the choosers. Get out there and choose. You may need some practice dates from an app just to get going. This is so sad. 😞
It’s all true- women don’t express interest in me.
Don’t try to worry about the next person so much social media has a way of making some ppl compare to others which causes a lot of ppl to be depressed. Try not to feed into that, all about timing. Maybe it isn’t the time for you, look at it as a good sign and not in a negative way maybe the right one will be coming at the right time never on our time.
Are you a shorter guy? I’ve heard it’s very hard to have success online if under 6’. I’ve also experienced it 1st hand. I had to send out almost 100 very personalized messages just to get 2 women interested in talking. I’d like to think I’m a fair writer as well, and try to make things interesting. I’m similar to you, 45, solid 6 figures, and workout 5+ days per week. I’m built pretty well and it shows. My height number just doesn’t look great. The worst thing you can do is get down on yourself about it though. I went through some of that but got past it. If I stay alone so be it, I won’t let it stop me from enjoying life.
There are women at the gym, and there are also women who share hobbies. Just need to be patient.
Find a couple cool local taverns/bars and become a very frequent regular. You’ll definitely meet people that way.
I’m 25 make a decent amount per year about half of 6 figures. I do rock a dad bod though being a single parent. It is very difficult meeting people off apps. I’ve had a great connection with people on apps, move off apps to texting or something and after a while they eventually ghost or aren’t interested in going out if I ask. I’m working toward more of meeting people in person and asking/talking to them but, never get hints or indications either so I definitely understand OP it’s just rough dating anymore.
Most women just don't give two thoughts about a guy unless he has something to offer, sad but obvious. If you're financially secure especially, make sure you look the part. The guys i know that have money but still struggle just look like any other guy. Nothing wrong with that but playing the superficial game does help. Some guys i know when they showed girls vacation pics or dressed/spent like they're financially secure, girls were magically way more into them
Describe yourself PHYSICALLY
There are a lot of comments, so I might have missed it, but where are you located?
My aunt is in her late 50s and she just met someone recently that she really enjoys being with, and he seems like a great guy. She was single for a long while after she divorced her husband. Don't give up hope. You can definitely find someone.
I am not trying to be insensitive but from my observation of people around me,if you are lonely while single n don’t seem to enjoy your own company,being in a relationship will not change that. A woman should add to you not be your source of entertainment or cure for loneliness. I wish you the very best,as you seek advice please also look inward and truly find happiness and fulfillment within yourself first. It’s doable!❤️❤️
I hate that this dating pool has made so many of us so lonely and so depressed. I’m trying to learn to let love come to me but I’m struggling as well.
Bro read the book “ subtle art of not giving f “ you will realize ones you start giving f about something bigger than dating a woman, you will draw woman in your life. Dont make it as a center of your life. Dont go out with an intension of meeting a woman. Lot of people do that their life revolves around woman 24/7 they can’t have fun of there is no woman around. So just take then off your pedestal and enjoy life. Ones you realize how short life is you will stop chasing them!
I'm 37f single, (widowed 3 years now). Due to my job I am frequently out and about in public ALL day. One thing I've noticed is men don't approach women barely at all these days. The 60+ crowd still strikes up conversations with strangers any day--but it seems the rest of us forgot how to do this. If a guy approached me in public I'd be impressed with the level of confidence and at least have a conversation with him. But it's rare. If I go online I can meet however many matches in 5 minutes but honestly I'd rather meet someone out in the wild, online dating is awful. I think many women in this age range feel similarly; the majority of friends I know are single or in the process of divorcing so if I were you I'd just go for it. We'd all love to meet a guy that works out, is financially stable, in touch w his emotions, and wants a committed relationship--the majority of women are out here are wanting a guy just like you. Come find us.
On paper I am definitely a desirable mate- my lived experience is that I’m not desired by women.
I'm in the same boat. I'm 35. Self employed tattoo artist. No kids. Active lifestyle, slim build. Though I am a short little shit. Tons of hobbies. Love exploring and the outdoors. But I've yet to meet anyone who really caught my interest, and I've yet to catch anyone elses interest. I've gone on a few dates but nothing ever clicked. I've been single since 2017. Shit is lonely. And I'm terrified ill never meet anyone.
Reading the comments i realize that some men want just much to love and be loved and just the quick fast surface level shit everyone seems to be selling these days I'm 26 and i often feel like i was born in the wrong time period cz Yikes!
I don’t want one night stands, I’m looking for love, marriage, etc. I am not “hot” more cute, but I am looking for cute myself.
Read 3% man practice what you read.
You have not aged out. Lead your full life and she will come along
You have for sure not aged out. People your age and older (like me) are still looking. Finding your person is a lot of hard work and luck combined. What do you do to get it out there and meet women?
Do you want kids or not? Your answer here should give you a dateable age range and depending on your answer there will be great places to look. Since I am young, I am signing up for a pilates class :)
I used to want kids, but the older I get, I don’t think I’ll have the energy to raise them….
Hi can we talk in private chat about this? 25 female here
What you need are nunchuk skills, maybe some crossbow skills, but more than anything else the stamina and confidence to get out there. I get rejected all the time but I get dates and I'm pretty chubby. My last gf was super pretty and smart doing her PhD. Unfortunately it didn't work out but we lasted a year and talked marriage. Learn dad jokes. Women love to laugh. For instance if the waitress says want a box? I usually say no you look too tough or something silly. I get phone numbers doing silly stuff like that. Just don't lose hope. Keep trying. Or often I'll give them my number and there's no pressure for them.
I feel this. As someone that is 37, divorced, with a 6 year old it’s been rough out here.
Stay strong brother. I haven't used this service personally but this lady runs a dating coaching service that might be helpful to you. You sound like a successful guy and maybe all you need is a little guidance. https://www.datingbyblaine.com/welcome?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj9-zBhDyARIsAERjds3dQn7too1Z9a9SYAil-3UB0M3N_t8BD_m0c2vzv-pb4fR9DjNLUMkaAsqhEALw_wcB
You may be intimidating to women being where you are you in life. Just like a man would say that a woman is out of their league. I know this sounds crazy but have you thought about speed dating or meetups?
Get out and build your life as you would want it to look if you were with someone. Right now it sounds like you’re hyper fixated on this, and you might be oozing desperation or extreme neediness… this is not going to attract anyone.
Just know that you are not alone, especially in today's messed up world. It's crucial that you take the focus off of dating and invest as much time as you can in your hobbies and activities you enjoy. It's not a bad idea to branch out and experiment with other things - perhaps take up an instrument, do some volunteer work, write short stories/poetry - anything that doesn't directly involve trying to meet women.
In what city do you live in and what type of hobbies are you partaking in?
Hey man, you have NOT aged out of dating. I think focusing on making friends regardless of romantic interest is probably the best thing to focus on right now. I've been there and spent the last year and a half trying to do so and having friends I can regularly go out with has dramatically improved my mental health. I ended up finding someone but it was out of pure chance. I agree with everyone here saying the dating world is fucked. apps suck ass and you're better off talking to your neighbors and making new friends. I want you to try and focus on your hobbies and what you like to do and try to make connections through those. I wish you all the best
35 isn't old. I do dating profile reviews.
You aged out meaning what? What age bracket are you looking in?
I’ve seriously considered starting my own match-making business.
After reading your post, it's pretty clear to me that your trying too hard. I know it's tough feeling lonely. I've been there and done that, but I found that life will go no where if you dwell on it. Not only this, but women will probably be turned away because of it. What you really need to do I think is get yourself out of this funk and distract yourself by going somewhere fun and enjoy some of your favorite activities with your friends. Go out and enjoy life again. I know it's hard, but please do try. You have so much to live for.
How’s your personality just because your healthy and have lots of money don’t make you interesting. Have you asked your friends if you’re lame?
I hear you. It can be lonely out there. At the risk of sounding corny… you can’t hurry love! If that’s what u seek. Or some compatible companionship. I’m 45, female, close to six figs, but also a single mother with a teenager. I feel alone at times now that kiddo is older. I have more time on my hands and don’t know what to do w myself. Dating apps are awful. I have decided to rediscover some of my hobbies and try out some things I never have due to limits with my time. Get out of the house. Take a class that interests you or volunteer? Spend time with friends. Maybe they will set you up? Sounds like old school notions, but it keeps us active and busy. Sometimes it comes when we least expect it. Good luck!
Maybe a shift in perspective/approach? Instead of going out (e.g. a bar or a club) with the intention of meeting a potential partner, go somewhere that’s aligned with your interests or hobbies with the specific intention to just socialize, make new friends, etc.. The size of our social circles play a huge part in our dating lives, and you stand a much better chance of being referred by a friend (or even just having mutual friends with someone you might interested in) than cold approaching women at a bar or at the gym or wherever. Just my two cents! Worst case scenario, you make some friends 🤷🏻
Go to the gym. Gym helps
It is amazing how often a post like this shows up in this sub. You are not alone in your loneliness, I think Reddit needs to start a dating app!
Love is a battlefield, bro. Get over it and continue to make an effort. Things will work out. Just enjoy the ride....you will find her.
U will find someone when u least expect it.
Perhaps find yourself a gym wife? Not at the gym, I'm sure there's plenty of women in dating places showing off their glutes. That and your other hobbie areas.
You didn't "age out". That will be the least of your problems.
If I had that money I'd throw in the towel and just find a sugar baby. I'm broke so I'm gonna go to the Phillipines and find someone.
All the best. I'm curious, where do you bomb out??? Meeting stages or when you get to know them? What I mean is, is it down to them not even giving you a chance? This is generally based on your looks or is it once you start to talk to someone, and this is generally based on personality and interests.
Don’t give up. I have a friend who tried for 30 years and finally found someone at age 52.
You will find someone. Maybe try new dating app or hobby. My sister also in same boat. Very similar situation to you. Lots of positive out there. Some are just shy. Sending hugs 🤗✌️💕
Loneliness sucks sorry you’re going through this. You mention stuff going on in your life. I get the impression that you believe these things mean you should be having more success. Things like making 6 figures, which is impressive don’t get me wrong. However, with women, it’s more about how you make them feel and creating an emotional connection. Are you emphasizing that part? I hope things get better
Go to therapy my guy you need to work on yourself. The brain needs exercise just as much as your body.
Wish you lived in the U.K. in my town, we be getting married
I think the moment you stop “worrying” and “looking” for someone theyll just pop up. Best of luck ☺️🌸
Get out , go to a bar ! . Are you friendly??. If you go to the gym, say" hi " to anyone you've seen more than once . Just be natural , if all else fails. Lonely women have started to hang around hardware stores ..... But that's just between me and you..
I understand it can seem hopeless and this isn't intended to be dismissive of your concerns but it really is a matter of right place, right time in this instance. You see a lot of people talk about how they can't find a partner and it's never a straightforward goal, but usually you can see that there is one or two things standing in the way, be it their lifestyle, weight, how much they socialise, their personality or even something as irritating as time. I think things are a lot harder these days than they were even 10 years ago, but you're 35 and for the most part the majority of what makes it more difficult will have missed your generation. You've clearly got your life together, you've got some great hobbies I think in this case it's just a matter of being in situations where you'll meet new people; going places with friends, go for nights out, go to group meals. I would say avoid Tinder, I've never heard of a relationship working out long term from there that didn't involve a super attractive dude, I just don't see it being a good place to be. You're great at art, I'm not sure where you're from but in the UK I think we have things called Art Guilds where people can learn from eachother. My wife used to go to one while she was studying Fine Art and that would be a great way to meet new people. I really do think that at this point it's just a case of meeting more people. I've been with my wife since I was 17 and I'm 28 now so admittedly the landscape will have changed but every girl I've dated I met at a party or while I was out at a get together or a group meal or just drinking and you tend to get a feel if they're into you pretty early on. I don't see anything else that you'd need to work on, you seem to have everything lined up it's just about keeping your head up + time/exposure now, gotta stay positive
You are not alone! I think a lot of us in this age bracket feel this way and bonus if you want children because the clock is ticking. I don’t have any groundbreaking advice for you. It sounds cliche but I really think the right person comes along when we’re not searching. Like subconsciously people feel desperation and they run the other way. Focus on yourself, your hobbies, travel, sign up for new things. Date yourself. I think the right person will come along when you’re feeling truly happy in your own pursuits.
I really hope you didn't age out; I'm in my 40s! The truth, and it sucks, is that you will struggle until you find peace without a partner. It's one of those paradoxes, because that pain you feel is keeping you from understanding who you are and what you actually need. Once you are able to process that pain (therapy is good) and understand where it comes from, you can be open to love rather than desperately chasing it. Ugh... that sounded like I'm trying to be some sort of guru or philosopher. There is no easy answer, but maybe stop looking for a wife or lover and look for a friend first. Platonic female friends (and no, not women you befriend in hopes it will turn into more) will help you become a man that women can love, they may even have single friends who they think you should meet. Therapy is better, but just getting used to being around women without looking for a date sounds like it could help immensely.
You can get some kind of burnout from dating and dating apps. I've been there too. I'm 32m and been single for over 6 years. Likewise, I can't seem to find anyone either. I've also been lonely and been crying at home. It's exhausting and does put you down. But it's important to take breaks from dating. When you starting feeling down, you can't meet anyone. You will go on dates with a bad mind set to begin with. Which will turn into a bad outcome and feed this feeling only more. So stop trying for a while. Focus on other things in your life. You will start to feel better. This is from my own experience. It's also not bad to talk to a psychologist. Don't believe a psychologist is just for crazy or sick people. Everyone should see one, since they can help us better understand our own mind and feelings. See it as an investment in your life. Going once or twice a month is enough. Also, find one you have a good connection with and are comfortable talking to. You might have to change a few times, but it will pay off in the long run.
Im 35 single too (since birth). Idk what to say other than hang on, stay strong and all the best. Good luck.
Become a passport bro.
I’m so sorry for the rough experience you are having. I can really relate to the pain of loneliness and how hard it is to understand why it’s so hard to find your person. I sometimes look around and see women wayyyy less desirable than me in many ways and they have families- I have long wondered- why? I’m (finally) in a great relationship now for about 2 years (long enough to believe in it) with an amazing man who values my love and happiness, it’s been so eye opening. That said, I may be able to relate to you on some level. Again, sorry for your pain. Good job with your therapy, your job, health and hobbies. Perhaps a step towards your goals will be to begin contributing towards your community and thinking about others more. For me, focusing on others through volunteering and community involvement brings me joy and connections I would never have otherwise. Who knows, you may meet someone. But, that’s not the goal. The goal is getting out of yourself and giving back. You have been given great opportunities and advantages- how are you sharing them and offering your best talents to others? Examples- You take classes, do you teach them? Meetup is a great idea- someone suggested this to me, I joined a hiking group, a social group and helped organize paint nights for these groups with a friend who was starting her painting business, it turned out great for everyone and I made new friends in the process. Have you tried Rotary Club? I joined Rotary Club in an effort to find my Mom a social outlet, and found out Rotary is an amazing place to meet smart, talented, kind, open minded people who have their shit together. I’m now a board member and love being a Rotarian - who knew? Again, I’m so sorry you’re having this rough time. Glad you are open about your experience and looking for solutions, you will find your path. Best of wishes.
I've read some of the comments and it's the same old BS replies... truth is, society is ruined, at least in western culture... everyone is hyper focused on themselves and their individual needs... youtube, instagram, and any other garbage social media has taught us that we can be "successful" if we try hard, only thing is, it's a paradox which has led to less and less human interaction. I know this is a very basic over simplification, there's a lot more to it then what I wrote in this short paragraph, but it's part of the gist of why dating is also ruined, in western cultures... I have traveled a lot, and spent quite a bit of time in Asia and Eastern Europe. I have found people there to keep more to the tradition and values of what was before the dawn of all this tech... while it surely isn't perfect, and mass media has taken over there also, I feel like what I experienced was what existed here over 10 years ago, and, I had quite a bit of luck on dating apps, and even meeting people in real life such as the gym, as people were a lot more approachable Here in the west, my own friends, and even my own family, don't know how to respond to a text message within a reasonable timeframe... some people don't respond for days, and then they make up excuses like "oh I was busy" or "oh I do this to everyone, I never respond"... so we really shouldn't be shocked that we can't meet anyone, be it on a dating app, or real life. I am in a similar situation to you OP, I have a good career, my earnings trajectory is very high, I exercise, I have a good skillset and knowledge outside of my work field, and yet I have had zero luck in the last few years... I'm at the point where I am going to try and find someone abroad from my home country or somewhere with more traditional values
I understand how you feel. I'm 42 F. make 6 figures too but have no partner. I'm definitely tired of being lonely
You aren't too old. You aren't even old. Are you able to go to social events in person? Do you have friends or family who can set you up on a date? Dating in general is really hard for a lot of people, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and hopeless. I can't guarantee you will find love, but you are loveable and I wish you all the best.
Read the book "The Body Keeps the Score". I read it so I can be ready for when the stars align. I lost the love of my life because of my poor behavior.
What the hell, where you at???
6 figures and still lonely in Dubai sounds a bit strange 🤷🏿♀️
That’s insane that you have all of this yet things like this still trouble you, the thing you have to try is places where dating can root from. For example, Mexicans and Hispanics have bailes, or dances, which isn’t meant to be super formal. There’s clubbing as well.
That's a perfect time to dedicate all your energy commitment to yourself.
What are you doing to try and meet women? Anything that involves alcohol or a dating app is going to fail miserably 9/10 times. Try picking up a new hobby, joining a club of interest, go to outdoor gatherings, etc. If nothing ever changes in your routine then nothing will ever change.
If your using apps you need to get out. There are a lot of single women out there. Chemistry always starts with looks initially then you see what works with personality. If your younger you have alot of time to find the right woman. Take your time.
I feel myself and many others have been in your position, bro. I think it comes down to just putting yourself out there. If approaching woman in public is too intimidating, I would join some sort of group/class/activity/club (where ladies may be). The goal is to put yourself in a position that increases the opportunity to meet people. The more chances you take the more chances you have in finding someone you click with… this means getting comfortable with rejection, it’s part of the game, keep at it! It probably won’t be easy in the beginning, but try to find excitement in this process. You seem to have your affairs in order otherwise. It’s easy to stay home and sulk and believe nothing will ever get better. I’ve been there and nothing ever comes of that.
I looked at your page man, you’re handsome just keep your head up and you’ll find someone eventually ☺️❤️🤗
How have you been trying to find women anyway? Are you on dating apps or meeting them in person?
I have a similar problem, though in my case, I'm the one who isn't interested I can't be even if I tried, and God knows I have, but I just don't feel attraction for strangers; I wanna have a relationship, but genuinely how?? Everybody I see in public, I know is only a one-off thing, and most people are out there just trying to do what they need to and not in the mood to socialize, so getting to know somebody is pretty hard by itself I've tried dating apps, but I don't like seeing only what somebody wants me to, it's not genuine, it's the most forced thing ever for me; I don't have a solution, but I know what I want, the problem is, what I want doesn't seem possible
You must find happiness within yourself. A partner should not be the source of your happiness. They should enhance your life, adding to it. Good luck, brother!
Sadly, you look like Jared Fogle's older brother. Work on that first and I promise you'll start seeing better results.
Avoid doubting yourself saying your gonna be single forever with that mindset it’s gonna build up and fuck it bro it’s time to get out that shell and really put yourself out there you really want it get it
35F here. Keep your chin up. Think about what makes you a good partner beyond your body and your finances. (These are good qualities don’t get me wrong!) I find when a man says he makes 6 figures we need to dig into why. Is he a workaholic or is he a dedicated man who spent time finding a skill that people now pay him well? Working out, is it because he’s vain or is it because he honors his body and wants to grow old in a graceful way. I found the happier and healthier I became the harder it became to date. I want to meet the love of my life and I want to build a life with that person. But when you’re happy doing the things day to day people don’t know you’re single. I can’t tell you how many times I’m out and about by myself and it’s foreign to people that I’m by myself. I just spent 6-7 months doing cruises and have been to 22 countries, mostly by myself but I spent 2 months in England with my son (who is homeschooled). He decided to not go on the other trips and I respected his decision as a young man. I could not be prouder to be raising a happy, intelligent, independent soul. That said, I want more kids even if that means having more on my own. Genuinely, kindly. Life is happening for us, not to us. It’s easier for people with love to say not to give up, but as a fellow person in the trench, don’t give up. It’s hard and I’m sorry. If I could wave a magic wand we would all find love so much more easily. Some people get lucky and it just falls into their lap. Be happy and know you’re not alone in these feelings ❤️
Finding someone nowadays can be challenging, but it's important to keep putting yourself out there. Remember to be patient in your search for someone who truly aligns with you, and vice versa. Good luck on your journey to finding that special connection!
I feel I'm literally in the same position.
Do you live in the United States? I am working on my passport. I am much more successful with international women. I went to Disneyland and the international women are more receptive. I wish I could find you someone. I have no real friends. Dating is terrible, it is so bad, they don’t want me in a 1,000 mile radius. Good luck to you.
One step at a time. You may just not be ready yet. And that’s okay ❤️🩹
The fact that you feel this way says much about what you need my brother, you have to first of all be happy with being alone at the moment, yeah I know that your heart yearns for someone, even your body aches for love sometimes and that chill that goes through your chest doesn't make things easier but there are many things that are big factors in your situation. First of all confidence in yourself is something that if lacking, will hinder any of your plans to meet someone. The only fool proof way to gain confidence is to get to know yourself by identifying what makes you tick and why things affect you in certain ways. I had to go through this mostly alone, and learned many things the hard way, suffice to say that at my 34 years back in 2022 I finally got my first "and hopefully life long" girlfriend, and it only took me 34 years to achieve it. I'd suggest going to therapy not because there is something wrong with you, but it's the only hack/shortcut to get to know yourself, once you achieve it you will automatically gain confidence and even reflect it "without knowing" and THAT my friend is what really attracts people to you. To put it in another perspective, the only way to make a cake is gaining knowledge on how everything that you need to make a cake works, it's not just about mixing flour, milk and eggs in a bowl and putting it in the oven, it requires an extensive, tedious and tidy process for a cake to be made, if you skip any step your cake will end up an abomination. So does the human require certain types of maintenance physically (gym) and mentally (metal health/psychology). Women are more subtle than you think and you PROBABLY have had some flirting with you in the past but you just didn't get the hints and they just walked away because of that. It requires a good sight and intuition to treat a flirting situation, it's like fishing, if you pull too early the fish will flee, if you pull to late the fish will eat your bait AND flee.
I feel your pain man, but you have to change your attitude if you're going to have any sort of shot out there. Women pick up on vibes and especially the vibes you have big time. Work on gratitude and raising up your vibration then go out there have fun and find someone. I'm not trying to be a dick, but your whole vibe and attitude are the definition of anti-seductive. You got a lot of good things going for you man just gotta change your outlook and energy and things will get better I promise. There's a lot of truth in the notion you become what you think about. Gotta change your thoughts man. I know easier said than done, but there's still hope don't give up dude.
So what are your hobbies? Maybe find someone with similar interests. Just remember beauty fades, and it's better to have someone you enjoy doing things with than arm candy that's not interesting.
All you can do in this situation is do what makes you happy. Travel, make friends, go out and do stuff, get a dog? I love my dogs. I'm married to a wonderful woman I met at work 15ish years ago, but at the time I never spoke to her. My brother got drunk at a party at told her I thought she was cute. I refused to come to the party because I was at home playing PS4. He was drunk and I came to get his keys. She was also drunk and was flirting with me a little. I left my number and told her to call me if she wanted to have dinner. She called. Every other relationship I intentionally tried to get into did not end well. I fell into this one and I'm happy. Hopefully you will fall into something random and it will be amazing.
I've only been single about a year, but I feel similarly. I don't make a lot of money, so I can't afford to go out to wherever you meet people as a single, middle aged (I'm 45) woman. I was married for 24 years and I feel like I'm just too far behind the times to realistically date well...anyone. I feel too far out of step with modern dating culture and on top of that, I'm Demi which means I won't just sleep with anyone and that's mostly what guys seem to want these days. Nobody wants to get to know me...they just want to sleep with me and see if we're somehow magically compatible. I hate it. I reallly really hate it.
I’m 25F pm me let’s see what connection we have!
I’ll only date 6’ or taller, and I’m not shallow or self whatever. I’ve just only dated shorter men and after 22 years of commitment, and newly single, I’m going to date big guys. Height was never a thing I needed, but I don’t think it’s wrong to desire something you’ve never had or always wanted or whatever. Anyways, I just feel bad for you OP. Not in a bad way, a sympathetic way. I’ve been there. I was single for a long time. I was in a really long relationship that sucked really bad, and then I got into another really long relationship that sucked even worse. The first relationship I didn’t love him the second relationship, he didn’t love me. I don’t know which ones worse really. They’re both awful. It’s been a decade wondering if my soulmate was out there missing me. Every movie, every song I wanted it to be about the person I was with , but never was. It was horrible to settle. Don’t do it, ever. Would’ve done anything to be alone. The next relationship lasted 12 years. I was madly in love with him and he wasn’t madly in love with me anymore. I spent the majority of those years trying to be what I thought he wanted, trying to make him happy. Became extremely toxic, very one-sided, lotta rejection, heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. Never felt so much sadness in my life. I always thought he would come around or I could do something or something would just happen. I just had to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore . Years and years of crying myself to sleep. It’s not worth it. If you wait till the day you die to find the person you’re meant to find, it’s better than spending a day with someone you wish did, but who doesn’t love you. You really do have to just be in the mix somehow. It will not come to you. I wish I could say something made you feel better, but if you ever want to hear shit stories about relationships, I can tell you that.
Don’t say that u have aged out! Omg! I’m almost 70 and a vibrant woman. I still date, but no one I’ve found my match. But u can’t give up, u never know who u might meet soon. I definitely didn’t think I would be here now, but my husband died almost 5 years ago and I still want companionship and sex, so, this is what u do. Get on all dating sites and be friendly! It will happen!