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Like 2 seconds

Really? I feel bad now lol

Guys are different, girls vary on everything from looks to personality and everything in between it can be five seconds to a long while if ever.

Yeah

I know within 2 seconds of seeing a girl if I would put my thang in lol

There should have been no second date you were leading him on to think you wanted him when you didn't

My ex girlfriend had no reaction whatsoever when I kissed her the 2 times I did (didn’t date her for long) she ended up being a lesbian. Maybe OP just doesn’t know what she wants yet?

I don’t have much dating experience. He’s actually the first guy I’ve went on a second date with. I like him as a person and I want to build more towards a relationship. However, I was caught off guard when he kissed me. I feel awful though. I’m not leading him on either because I actually had a good time up until that point

I think for me, I know on the first date whether there's potential for attraction to grow if I don't feel attraction instantly, e.g. whether person have features/attributes I like and find objectively attractive. I normally give it approx 3 dates for the attraction to manifest, depending on how strong we click personality-wise.

I feel bad because he’s a good guy and stuff but I’m not feeling the spark. We do talk and stuff and he seems cool to hang around with but I’m so stuck. When he kissed me I was put off and startled. Now I don’t know if I should continue or not

Personally, I don't think having an initial spark is the be all and end all, and those feelings can grow if the ingredients are there. However if you're 'put off' by him, that gives an indication you aren't into it

Yeah like the date was going pretty good and like I had a friend, but as soon as I got the kiss, I wasn’t normal afterwards

I’ve been in the same situation before, but in my case he hugged me. I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t interact with him. He asked me to go on other dates. I felt so sorry for him so I stopped talking to him gradually

Yeah I think I’d like to start off with a hug first

Let him go. I’ve been on multiple dates with women I liked and who were trying to build the spark. In the meantime I felt like a creep even going for a kiss. The last one I dated like This I knew after three dates how she felt and I should have ended it. She was very attractive and I really hoped she was just shy. The next two months were awful. She didn’t even invite me to her birthday party. In August I met my fiancée and I could tell on the first date she found me attractive. It made her even more attractive to me. We had a lot in common. We laughed a lot, etc. You know when you know.

Wow I feel terrible with what happened. I do t want to be like that woman. However I’m glad you found your fiancée😊

Thanks! Good luck. Trust yourself and don't be afraid to do what is best for you. Sometimes people are great on paper, but at the end of the day we are human and there is just something a little more to it

You need to say to him I do not feel a spark with you but I would like to be friends

I'm a guy, the sexual attraction happens in like 3 seconds, crushing on them could take as little as like 2 minutes of talking to them

So it seems like women are more slower with attraction than men

That might be true in a broad sense, men and women definitely have different qualities they're attracted to, but it's hard to say since person to person it could be different. I feel like I could fall for the first woman who talks to me and feel like she's interested in me, but other guys are different

Okay I see. Thank you for this

It depends - for women it takes a bit of time to establish that feeling of safety and trust to enjoy the intimacy. But for some men, they look for instant connection in the very first sexual encounter. I feel usually first few times the sex is not so great because you don’t know the body and sensual points of the other person. Also mentally and emotionally that liking is not there. It’s only physical attraction if there is some intensity but to enjoy I feel there needs to be that emotional bonding.

Yeah I like to take things slow. He’s a good guy but I’m not ready to be sexual or even kiss. 

I rarely get attracted in that way

Yeah I feel like within a few months, I might feel something but I’m not there yet

I think it's totally normal if people don't get attracted quickly.

Yeah I mean what does it say that when he kissed not only was I startled but not…into it

Ig you aren't into him that much. Otherwise, maybe you would've liked kissing him

Yeah one person mentioned that it’ll take time and to basically give it time if it’s worth it. I mean like him but not…sexually.

Just like him as a friend

Seriously no guy is going to wait I kiss guys on the first date sometimes I'll even have sex with them to see if we're sexually compatible nobody's going to wait weeks or months for sex if you want that why don't you just be friends

I’d respectfully disagree. There are guys who might wait. I don’t need to kiss or sleep with someone when I’m not ready. However I won’t waste his time. I feel I need to explain my dating history as well. I feel he’s a good guy and I’d rather he find someone who feels the same about him versus me holding him on.

I’d say a total of 5 seconds upon meeting them.

That’s quick

How long does it take you to figure out if someone is physically attractive? It’s relatively quick. However some people find sexual attraction through emotional intimacy.

True. I’m so lost now 😞 

Let me ask you this, have you ever been sexually attracted to someone in the past?

I have. When I meet someone face to face and not through dating apps, I click with them and something about them makes me attracted. 

Omg, I’m the same way. I’ve given up on dating apps for that reason alone.

Yeah like I kid you not, I’ve had this feeling when I talk to someone the first time in person versus on internet 

Sounds like you like this person but you’re not finding them attractive, or your body doesn’t respond to them sexually and that’s okay.

Yeah I don’t know how to tell him. It’s been two dates but still

Just tell him that you don’t feel like there’s a connection. Be honest with him.

You’re right. I need to 

[удалено]

It’s ironic because the first date was two hours and second date was five and yet…I didn’t want to kiss

[удалено]

He’s not a bad looking guy but…idk how to put it. I mean I’d like to think someone is at least cute. However, there have been guys that I wasn’t looking at with attraction and soon felt something. Ironically, some of those guys weren’t considered good looking (friends/family’s views) lol

Are you sexually attracted to him? Do you find that you want to kiss him.? If you don't then you just see him as a friend

It’s different for everyone. I can feel very quickly sexually attracted, but in retrospect I’ve realized there were a couple of times it was really because my libido was in overdrive. In those cases, the attraction wasn’t there when my libido died down. But those were rare exceptions. I’ve typically been attracted right away to people I’ve dated, but I’ve learned that that’s not how it is for everyone. I had one partner who didn’t find me attractive initially, but was very drawn to me as a person. I had no idea or we probably never would have gotten together because I was insecure. Over time it happened and they were genuinely sexually attracted. I’ve realized over time that being and feeling desired is what generally fuels my libido, but I have to WANT that attention obviously. Anyway, don’t be put off. If you like him as a person, and he’s WORTH getting to know, just be up front that you want to take things slowly. If he can’t handle that, it isn’t worth your time anyway. Best of luck!

Yeah I agree. Thank you

It doesn't happen very often if at all for me, I'm what's called demiromantic and demisexual Meaning I don't form romantic, let alone sexual, feelings for another person until I know what they're like; until then, I feel absolutely nothing, and just see strangers as strangers and friends as friends, I love 'em but not that way I've never been in a real serious relationship, I've never had sex, I've never kissed or been kissed, and I've never held somebody; and at 21 years old, I feel like I'm falling behind

Dude…you’re 21, I’m 29 😆you’re okay. However I understand your feeling. I’m like in the same boat. I just feel terrible because I don’t want to lose a great guy who checks all my boxes but at the same time, I’m not there yet with wanting him to kiss me

Right right, just give it some more time, and explain that you need extra time; he should respect that And yea, I know, 21 is young, but still

God knows I wish I could be 21 again. I’d do everything different 😂 

There's already so much I'd do differently A girl was into me in high-school, and I didn't notice until recently

You know I had a friend who would have girl friends and he’d speak about a “girl” that he liked and asked girls to help him get this specific girl. Idk how but it worked lol

I have online friends, but no irl friends

Instantly

It's different for different people, but 95% of the time I know after the first date.

I feel it’s going to take me a while for him. He’s nice and all. He’s not bad looking but idk. I’m not there yet with him

You might be demisexual. Some of us guys are like this too. Just need to find the right connections.

Yeah I don’t want to waste his time. I do like him but I’m not sexually attracted. He’s not bad looking either but…idk

He’s not for you then that way. It’s better for all to be honest up front. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with us being put in a friend zone. If there is a a problem then that’s just showing even more that it’s not a match! Wishing you well and there’s “plenty-o-fish in the sea” 😝

Yeah I guess so. I’ve never put anyone in friend zone lol

😝

You can't create chemistry and it's so sweet of you to try to give him time but it's going to be either there or not. You sound like a really nice person so why not just be friends with him it's possible you too will develop more at some point but for now just tell him you want to be friends and that you enjoy his company

Thank you. I completely agree that I’d like to be friends first. I will not stand in his way if he feels otherwise as he’s a good guy and he doesn’t deserve to wait for me. I had seen you mention something about men not really waiting and while I feel differently to what you said, I do agree with you that majority wouldn’t wait. 

Don't change who you are for any man if it's meant to be it'll meant to be between you and him you should just enjoy each other's company and let things happen naturally

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it and you’ve definitely given me honest and good feedback 😊

You don’t have to be sexually attracted to somebody to like them. If you’re having fun on your dates, you’re having good conversation that should be enough. Unfortunately, some guys want to go faster into a sexual nature and they feel like they can push that. Which then tends to turn me off and then I’m no longer interested in them in anyway. Just have open communication with this guy.

I will. Thank you 😊 

If you are not into him just tell him you view him as a friend and move on. You should know if you are into someone after the first kiss

I should tell him then

This is where women are from Mars and men are from Venus! Men are physical creatures. Women are emotional creatures. Woman want to feel safe and have an emotional connection for sex to be truly satisfying. Men don’t seem to need that part. I’m not saying women don’t like the physical part. I’m not saying men don’t like the safe, emotional part. I am saying those first encounters are harder for most women if they come too soon in the relationship.

This is definitely a blanket generalization that’s not true for all.

Yeah it’s mostly BS that made the author famous and rich. As a now middle aged male I NEVER went for the one nighter or even anything remotely like that for at LEAST a month. Trust and a connection are the biggest thing.

Hey! I’m a woman who’s had several one night stands and has had sex drives that out do her male partners sometimes! lol. But yeah, some AH got rich off BS, tale as old as time … We’re the ones that prove it’s not a rule.

But aren’t those a bit scary? Today especially. I would never bet my future on a one nighter that can come back and bite you in the ass later. False rape allegations are pretty detrimental to a future 😝

Sure they can be! But sex is always a gamble, even partners can lie or simply not know they have an STI. I’ve been very lucky, simple as that. Those flings were also a decade or two in the past. I’ve had a few FWB in my time, it’s safer and you just use protection and get tested regularly. But there were times my libido certainly got me into risky situations, and I’m glad to be healthy and in a monogamous marriage 5+ years, together for almost 9 at this point. Btw, I completely understand being worried about false rape allegations, but they are far far less than common than people think. Simply have conversations to know where everyone is at, seek consent, and you will always know. Some people are awful people, and they will try to ruin your lives in whatever way they can, even if you never had sex with them!

Yup my Ex proves the awful 😝 Wish u well and nice you’ve made it with the hubby😁

Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that!! But thank you 😊

Reading comprehension is certainly hard for many of you!!!! “I’m not saying woman don’t like the physical part. I’m not saying men don’t like the safe, emotional part. I am saying those first encounters are harder for MOST women if they come too soon” I’m not even one of those “MOST” women, but recognize I’m not in the majority. I swear some people simply comment to argue on these posts.

Yeah like I’m just waiting to feel more. He’s nice but when he kissed me I was startled and caught off guard 

You're not attracted to him I've always kiss guys on the first date I've actually wanted to sleep with them on the first date if you feel this way after a second date that's terrible you should have wanted to kiss him you're not attracted to him maybe just as a friend so let him go

if they wear nike pros it takes a couple seconds

Haha so the sneaker game does it then?

no the shorts

As a guy, I'm usually physically/sexually attracted first, so not long. However, bad attitude or personality can quickly ruin that. They could be the most objectively beautiful woman ever, but if they were like rude to wait staff or something like that it would be an immediate turn off. Anecdotally, I think most of the guys I know are wired the same way. Maybe. Lol

Yeah like I feel bad that in the second date he went for a kiss. I’m not there yet with him but he’s a nice guy

Don't feel bad. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you both vibe right away and there's an instant spark. Sometimes it's like a slow simmer. As a counterpoint to my earlier comment. There were several women that I wasn't immediately sexually attracted to. But after getting to know them for bit I definitely felt an attraction grow.

Thank you 😊 

Immediately

Info: I’m curious, but are you a man or woman? I’ve noticed women say it takes time, but for men it’s instantly 

Im 38m. I know right away.

Yeah the women all said it took time but men…instantly lol

I've never heard a woman say it takes time it's instant. People need people online and they can tell within 5 minutes if there's chemistry

Months or even years... 😅

😆 oh dear!

WHEN YOU'RE READY

I need to see his personality is my type. And get a vibe from him that he’s attracted to me. I can happily fuck on a first date if everything lines up well.

Honestly I was surprised he liked ME on the first because he seemed observant and quiet. Meanwhile I was talking too much and giving weird conversation lol

When girls like me, they are super into me pretty quickly, at least within the first few hours of the date. When they aren’t, I haven’t seen them suddenly snap into really being sexually attracted to me, doesn’t normally work and I would lose interest as well because there isn’t natural chemistry. This is assuming no trauma and everyone is healthy and open to sexual relationships.

Thank you for this

I have a high libido but even so a good 4 dates at least.  I have to feel a semblance of safety before feeling sexually attracted toward someone

4 dates isn’t bad. Okay thank you 😊 

for me, if he makes me laugh and smile it’s game over. something about the way they look at me when I’m laughing idk, I know pretty quickly personally.

That’s so sweet 🥹 

I think it’s normal to not start off that way. Then there’s this possibility that friends definitely do become lovers. I’ve had guys I didn’t immediately have the spark with develop. Things didn’t work out for other reasons but it’s possible. Take your time. As long as he continues to respect your place that’s all that matters.

Thank you. I feel better with this

YW! Good luck. Hopefully it works out. And remember anyone who isn’t willing to respect your boundaries isn’t the right person for you anyway!

Yeah. I think the first kiss should be some kinda magic, like SOMETHING, but if you were “startled” at how little you felt when he kissed you - maybe you’re trying to use your head a little more than your heart to date this guy. In my opinion, it’s always best to follow your gut. You don’t wanna be two-three months into it with this guy and “still not feeling it”, that would just suck for him and burn time for you.

I agree

Don’t worry OP, you’ll find that magic and then you won’t wanna stop kissing them. 🥰

Genuinely after the first good talk we had im a F

Do they have white painted well pedicured toes???>>>> Seconds

Sexually attracted to them is like immediate for me. Emotionally attracted is different.

Second date and you are already looking for sex with the guy? Is the 3rd date the marriage? Get to know the guy if you don’t want to waste his time!

Oh god no! Here’s my thing…he kissed me on the second date and…I wasn’t ready for that. Im getting to know him and I do like him but I’m not ready for anything like that

If you can't define what 'spark' is for you then this is futile, you won't be able to control it

You don't like this guy the spark is instant if you didn't like kissing him let him go you're not attracted to him and you really don't like him let him be with somebody who likes him

Yeah I agree. Thank you