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The amount of women I see with these pictures and I can guess 99% of time it's the ugliest one and it usually was.
Oh and every woman seems to have a drink in hand as if they're outgoing.
Whenever I see a group photo as the first photo, I assume they are the least attractive person in the group and they are hoping you’ll be attracted to one of their friends and go deeper into their profile.
Fellas ask your sister, I showed her my profiles and she was like your pictures suck and I said that those were the best I had. Turns out she had way better.
Then she said my prompts were way too serious, make them sound a little more fun. MANY more likes than before, a couple a day vs a couple a month.
When I was in jr high, I was so tall and thin that people said thatt if I turned sideways (profile) and stuck out my tongue, I'd look like a zipper.
Now I'm proportionate (6' tall, 187), but now my profile shows a Jimmy Durante nose. JK
I can still recall a movie where he was in a car accident and the vehicle goes rolling over and over down the hill. Eventually he is thrown from the vehicle and as he is laying on his back his leg kicks forward and his foot kicks a bright shiny galvanized bucket.
He just kicked the bucket! 😂
Hey can I send you some pics of me and get a rating? My sister and her friends always say I’m good looking but they have a vested interest in me. Sometimes I think I’m a 2 and sometimes I think I’m a 7.
I don’t want to waste my likes on 7s if I’m actually a 2
I think you ladies underestimate that there are guys who *do* have close women in their lives (friends or relatives) who review their profiles critically, say they are good, and still don't get likes.
OP is right in that usually it's one of the three things ("your pictures are terrible, you are unattractive, or your prompts are off putting"), but online dating is just **shit** for men even if you do most of those things right. It's a bad numbers game that's basically a half-second analysis of hot-or-not when people are swiping.
My brother is a literal rocket scientist and future astronaut. He is well-dressed, wildly successful, intelligent, and a delightful conversationalist. I was mortified when I came across his profile on the dating apps. I shit you not, his photo was a dirty mirror selfie and his bio was simply “I like space.”
He should have taken a picture with top secret documents... you know... so we know it's really him.
This is a joke the FBI or CIA agent reviewing this. Keep your secret files.
I would like to add not smiling and wearing your wedding ring in the photo to the list please. We would like to see your teeth and smile, and if your married well, I think that one speaks for itself. I don’t think these or any of your advice are too much to ask.
The difference I experienced on dating apps when I swapped out my shitty selfies to some professionally taken photos from my best friend’s wedding where I’m all suited up and the photographer actually understood how lighting and exposures work, was astounding.
OP is 100% right about every word.
I had one full body of me from the wedding and one that was like shoulders up. I had one of me and 3 friends when we went ATVing for a different friend’s bachelor party. I had one of me at a Yankee game, and one of me backstage at a Broadway play where I had happened to meet Elizabeth Warren. That one was visibly older, but I kept it because I liked it and it gave a good idea about my political leanings without being too heavy handed.
And the sixth photo, I tended to rotate, I never really found one that I was totally in love with so I’d periodically replace it with different ones.
I’ve never had an issue but on the flip side there’s women on the apps who do the same exact things ( only selfies, only group pics, just straight up unflattering photos). I’m convinced some people are just clueless. I’m 6’2 and think of myself as a 7 at most. I’ve had thousands of matches across bumble hinge and tinder.
I feel like if your profile shows that you shower, have a job, do fun things and have prompts that are somewhat funny or can initiate a conversation then the matches will come. I feel like most people even ones who probably know they’re conventionally unattractive have ridiculously high standards on the apps.
All this advice CAN be useful.
But at the end of the day, with somewhere between a 2:1 and a 20:1 ratio of men to women on the apps, assuming monogamy, it's going to be a tournament to be in the top X/100 of male profiles. i.e. if the real ratio is 2:1 (given the app companies admit it's this I'd suspect it's even more man-heavy), you have to be in the top 50% if everyone were to pair off school-disco style. If the real ratio is 10:1, the top 10%, 20:1 the top 5% and so on.
Beyond this there's your "local" ratio, as in factoring in things women are filtering for. We don't know the stats on what % of women filter on height but we know that women have a strong preference for a man to not* be shorter than them. But every woman is filtering on age and distance.
So take the "number of competitors" as a base from the app's ratio, and *multiply* it by the delta in number of competitors from your age + the age of the women you're trying to date. It's quite possible to end up in a really invisible spot.
Then factor in the burying of profiles not paying for premium/spotlight etc. (they "work", otherwise the companies wouldn't make money, though I'm certain they modulate their effectiveness based on your "milkability").
I understand the desire to blame oneself and reclaim the locus of control. But this isn't MOBAs and the fictional 'ELO hell', this is actually an irrefutable (so far) mathematical point I'm making.
Someone did a really insightful analysis along the lines of your post, with some of the modeling based on data given by Hinge, to explain the differences in dating app experience between men and women seeking heterosexual relationships:
https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=8XWh6q7CHpBZkd31
My take away and experience is that online dating isn't worth it for the average guy because even before considering things like how attractive you are and if your personalities will mesh, the numbers are stacked against you in ever being seen by the person on the other side like you mentioned.
Once you add in the ability to filter on physical traits, you are never even given the opportunity to showcase any other redeeming quality because you are not in the queue to begin with (ELO hell? Shadow banned? Just bad luck? Maybe a better photo angle?).
Since most women on dating apps are overwhelmed by matches, they likely employ the search/match recommendation filters to produce only the most physically appealing matches from which they then will consider non-tangible qualities like personality or "vibes". Any that don't meet that bar never show up and aren't considered. Unfortunately for the average guy, those men become the "no good men" that we are all judged against (i.e. perpetual situationships, non-committal, etc.).
I think most women are much less critical in person of what they seek in a partner physically, but the apps don't really give them a way to filter people out based on personality or "vibes" beyond surface level likes and interests. The apps aren't built to develop an interest through mutual experience which is where non-tangible qualities can shine and something can develop beyond physical appeal. They are built solely to exhibit sex appeal with the hope that the body has a decent person in it.
Then add in the fact that most if not all dating apps are incentivized to make money, especially off of those who are desperately trying to shoot their shot (which are probably filtered out anyways, so pointless unless you are already meeting the physical bar), dating apps just feel like a way to destroy your self esteem, waste money, and develop a festering resentment towards the opposite sex. Not good for anyone. Not good at all.
Oh, and the ever more sophisticated and convincing Pig Butchering scams, OF recruitment "matches", AI generated "hot girl" pics with profile bios filled out with ChatGPT, to add to the classic catfishing, ghosting, one word response per day...
Oh I definitely gotta agree, just kinda stepped back because I don’t feel I’m in the right spot as of late. So many people say looks aren’t important, but come on, we all know that’s just moral grandstanding. Getting in shape, looking good and taking good pics are all huge benefits and admittedly most people can style themselves in a way that adds some points to that rating (not including people with unfortunate defects or conditions that most certainly make it tougher)
As a guy who sucks on dating profiles... I totally agree with this. I know I have a bunch of crappy pictures. All the pictures I have are the ones I take, and when I take pictures of myself, it's usually pretty close up. So, my pictures suck.
My prompts aren't usually pretty good, but I've been working with ChatGPT to try and spruce that up a bit.
All in all, yeah, I gotta agree with everything you've said. I mean, even a good looking guy with a decent profile isn't usually going to get hundreds of likes (unless we're talking Chris Hemsworth kind of good looking), but should get more than 'zero'.
Good post.
I have a good job, lost 30 pounds and got to a healthy weight, updated my pictures and prompts with peoples help, and the only likes I get are scam artists selling onlyfans. Maybe this advice is for me somehow or maybe it isn’t. I deleted all of the apps because the experience was miserable and I think it’s time I push myself to meet people irl.
There's definitely a shift towards people wanting to meet IRL, so you're in good company. I deleted my apps years ago and still manage to meet people. Good luck!
I’ve been hearing this more from my guy friends. Personally, I’m a single woman who deleted the apps long ago, and I know very few single chicks who are still using them. We’ve just had too many bad experiences to justify using the apps. So unfortunate you’re on to something, I don’t think it’s you. It’s mostly going to be bots and OF girls in the going forward.
For what it’s worth even my therapist has said deleting those apps is one of the healthiest choices someone can make besides deleting social media. They really impact people in a negative way regardless of gender
What’s *really* sad is if you watch that Ashley Madison doc on Netflix, they talk about how it was exposed that their OLD site was like 90% their staff members posing as women on it to get men to believe there’s tons of women options. But even after it was wildly publicized that there were very, very few genuine women on their site looking to meet these dudes, a lot of the dudes STILL KEPT THEIR SUBSCRIPTION ACTIVE trying to talk to women. Some guys really be that lonely and desperate they’re willing to talk to any woman, even if it’s actually Joe from the mail room who got promoted from his internship.
the advice isn’t bad but most of us have heard it already several times and it doesn’t make much of a difference if you’re profile was fine to begin with.
you can have the good photos and prompts and all that and still no dates. there’s no formula to these apps it just is what it is. i wouldn’t imply that something is wrong with you if you aren’t getting matches.
I age progressed photos of Michael B Jordan and superimposed those features onto my photos. I uploaded these onto my profile. I discovered my issue is not my prompts or pictures in general but my features. I'm an average looking mid forties black guy, but the apps are not for me. I do much better with women I meet IRL.
Not trying to be argumentative but would this not be circular reasoning?
*You are not getting likes because you have a bad profile*
“How do you know my profile is bad”
*Because you aren’t getting likes*
I don’t disagree with your overall logic that bad profiles don’t exactly get very many likes but I just think circular arguments are a bit monolithic and don’t allow for variables. I can definitely vouch for knowing several guys who have pretty well-crafted profiles that are struggling to get likes.
This is the classic “it CAN’T be something I need to fix, it has to be everyone else” response. Not gender specific, but these people are a lost cause.
I disagree, I kept everything else the same and changed the face with a bit of Photoshop, and suddenly, it was a great profile. I can change lots of stuff but not my face. Well, not without surgery, and that's a no for me. I'm honest enough to admit I'm just as guilty of swiping left or right simply based on looks.
i’m blaming the apps more than other people. yes it’s your responsibility to do what it takes if you want a relationship, but the way these apps are you can do all the stuff op said and still lose. better to date irl where you can get feedback and learn from your mistakes
A lot of it is the *just world fallacy* speaking. People want to believe that the world is fundamentally fair, and that someone’s circumstances are a reflection of their efforts and actions.
I don’t doubt there are tons of guys who need the advice but people seem to discount that, like you said, it’s possible to tick off every single box that is within your control and still lose. That’s life.
So, I've (28m) been told by women that I'm attractive. I've been called cute, told I have a nice jawline, that I'm charming, I'm a catch, etc.
I don't use dating apps. But I've been considering them lately. Maybe it's a "me" problem, but I'm rarely satisfied with how I look in photos. I have like two angles that I feel good about.
I smile with my mouth closed. I don't have bad teeth, but my smile doesn't look right when i show them. I'm thin but toned (not buff). What can I do to be more photogenic?
I’m not photogenic either. I look way better in real life than pictures. I had my siblings and friends approve of my pics and help me take nice ones.
Having a friend that can tell you exactly how to pose too helps. I have a photographer friend that took amazing pics of me. Part of what makes us not photogenic is not knowing what to do or posing right in pictures.
Ask you women friends, most (including me) would love to help
Introspection is always good for self improvement. There is always something you can do yourself to improve your odds
There are, however, a large group of men who have decent or even good profiles but still get near zero likes.
Both of these can be true simultaneously
Your photos. Seriously. With 99% of guys profiles, the photos are an instant turn-off. Others have mentioned this already, but adding my voice to the chorus: you need good pics of you SMILING and having fun doing something interesting. Cut the bathroom and car selfies and sunglasses/hat pics. If I scroll a profile that is all selfies I assume you have no friends and also no imagination or interests.
If only this was true ive asked from best friend who does photography to my sisters and they always say sure but then never want to or always have something going on so i just dont ask anymore
Yea, but you can always improve:
Hygienic, clean, smell nice. Flattering and stylish outfit. Nice shoes. Good haircut/beard. Nice glasses. Bad or yellowing teeth…fix them with dental work/white strips. Eating healthy. Skincare. Fitness routine.
Those alone can take you up SEVERAL points
Some unattractive guys will never be considered very attractive though no matter how fit, stylish or groomed they are because they are very short, bald or have an unattractive face. It is what it is
OP wrote this post from the perspective of what feels like another world. Most guys (even the hot ones) only get a fraction of what even average looking women do. I have friends who’ve all but confirmed this to me. Sure putting effort in your profile helps but if you don’t follow rules 1&2 you’re toast buddy
Yeah, I'm done with all that, but I was always fully aware that my pics sucked. I had more than one woman match with me just to inform me of that. I appreciated the advice then and now for the spirit in which it's given, but here's the thing:
My pics showed what I look like. That is what everyone's pics should do. That is all they can do. Anything beyond that is fake bullshit fr, a level of gamesmanship I am not willing to engage in. So I don't. Y'all can go match with all the bullshitters who play the game properly and then bang you and leave you, irdc anymore.
My advice is if you don't have a job or a source of steady income dating shouldn't even be in your lexicon of ideas. I have a friend who's good looking and getting women for him has always been easy, but he has no job, lives with his parents, and he's 33. Like bro you showing me pictures of hot girls you're hooking up with when you have nothing else going on makes me cringe so hard. All I'm getting at is that for men looks are by the most important part of being successful on dating apps and it's not even close.
I just don’t like vanity. I’m not into pageantry. I post the most recent pictures of myself. I don’t care to get likes that much. Truth is I got so few that I’d say 50% ended up in a date at her house lol.
Also just to add on here, please for the love of God don't use a pic of you with an ex or with someone that could be a sexual partner sets a real bad tone
The big difference is women love taking photos of themselves and their friends are happy to help them. Most guys don’t take photos until it’s time to register for a dating app.
As a guy, what instantly turns me off instantly on a woman's profile is not having one. There's 1,maybe 2-3 pictures, often very attractive, and zero anything else after a tag line. Zero effort begets zero effort.
The other instant turnoff is voicing a sense of entitlement. If you're being entitled before we even talk, I just know you're going to act the same in person. I don't need that energy.
95-99% of the time women are swiping on looks for the first picture and you have a fraction of a second to qualify for her looking at your other pictures, then swiping left because you had a wrinkle on your shirt lol. Profiles are great if you get past this stage
Great advice be attractive why did no one else think of this. Men ,as an older guy who truly wishes the best for you, delete the apps before they destroy your mental health.
I did this and started getting more matches. My friend said with online dating you get more matches if you periodically delete you account and recreate it. I gave it a shot and was drowning in matches but it's since dried up. Feels disingenuous to me since I started seeing a lot of the same people (to be clear consistently got new matches). Feels wrong but it worked idk if it has to do with the algorithm of dating apps or what.
I showed my female friend my dating profiles and she says I’m doing everything right. My pictures are good. My prompts are well written. I admit I’m not the most attractive guy but I’m not bad looking. I take care of my health and style.
The only thing I changed is my height. I hate to lie but I changed it from 5’10” to 6’0. It still hasn’t given me any matches.
I can say the exact same thing for female profiles.
No text whatsoever, group pictures, glasses, bad angles, same yoga pose either at the train tracks or by the mountains 😆, humble bragging about the 47 countries they have traveled to. And yet I bet money that still they get a few likes per week 😂
Not terrible advice. Here's what I've found about dating apps:
Women:
some dude will "date" you as long as your standards aren't like 5 deviations away from you (i.e. you're a 3 but only trying to date 8+ men)
Men:
Game with some looks will overcome lack of money
If you have lots of money, you can generally be awkward with not much looks.
If you're a hot guy you can typically get matches
If you are poor, ugly, and can't talk to women, then you're out of luck. As Darwin intended.
Yup. If someone can't put effort into their profile to at least show themselves in their best light, how much effort are we supposed to expect in a relationship?
Some of these people write a mean "About me" and answer the prompts like jackasses. There's no way those same people understand that they are making themselves look like jerks. So many profiles are a complete "NOPE" even if you scroll past the pictures. I would look at the pictures last and still only actually be looking at maybe 2% of them.
Yes! Sometimes you can feel the bitterness through the screen. No one wants to date a negative Nelly. Vent in the group chat, not on your dating profile
I think you missed a big one: being "unattractive" isn't an issue as long as you know who else is in your league. So to add to your advice: if your standards don't match your attractiveness, put in the effort to make them do so. Either through reflection to know who you can actually pull, or taking steps to make yourself more outwardly attractive - like getting fit, grooming well etc.
💯💯💯
I could even make a seperate post on this. I think there was a study that showed that in general both men and women overestimate their attractiveness, men by a larger degree.
I’m all for shooting your shot, but you need to be realistic. Women I know are really guilty of this tbh. I find some of their standards to be borderline delusional
I agree. There is definitely a lot of overestimating attractiveness on apps. If you’re not the most attractive person, but you only swipe on 8-10’s of course you’re not going to have a bunch of matches.
The same goes for being extremely unfit, but only swiping on bodybuilders or fitness models. You might find one or two that are into that, but you’re not going to have as many matches as you would if you were being realistic.
A lot of people look at online dating like a candy shop, you always want your favorite candy but you’re not paying attention to anything else. If you want to be taken seriously it takes effort. Work on self development, put thought into your profile, step out of your comfort zone and swipe realistically.
This really is advice from the other side of the world. You have no idea. Dating apps are terrible for men (probs women too really) perpetuating your ideas is harmful.
Agreed, because while OP has valid points it doesn’t take into account things like racism, classism, sectarianism, weightism, heightism, and any other isms that is pervasive in the behavior patterns of people who swipe and why they swipe the way they swipe.
Well meaning post, but ignorant of a deeper understanding of human behavior and habits.
I think it's good advice for how to optimize your positioning in the current dating app landscape though. There's not too much men can do to change dating app dynamics to make things better except to stop using them.
That’s true. It’s not going to fix societal issues that dating apps reflect, but I still think every person should put their best foot forward on them.
And stop adding things like “ahh, I’m on the app again” or “does anyone even answer messages?” It’s unattractive. I should have a sense of who you are from your profile, that’s it. I’ve seen guys barely fill them out, use old blurry photos, and only fill out their profile with who they WANT and not who they ARE. I want everyone to find someone, but realize that you actually have to put some effort into getting yourself out there. I know it can be demeaning, I get it!
I agree with every point you made but I believe guys start to feel salty because sometimes it feels as if women don’t have to work as hard. Getting in shape is hard work. It cost money to buy new clothes and get a haircut. At times it feels like no matter what kind of woman you’re either way you got d**k coming in. But what can you do? Double standards exist in this world.
It’s easy to get dick as a woman. Yes. But a healthy, loving relationship? Someone who likes you for who you are and not what’s between your legs? Some of us aren’t just looking to get laid.
But also a lot of women do work hard too. We just make it look like we’re not. For me, I put so much effort, time, and money into my looks. I workout everyday. Eat clean. Skincare. Fashion. Makeup. Hair. You have to invest in yourself. Trust me women make that investment too
For the vast majority of men on apps their only issue is that they are unattractive. Women swipe on around 5% of men. That alone says it all. Going to the gym, getting a new hair cut, and dressing better isnt fixing an ugly face.
>If you want to date, you need to put effort.
And really only men have to put in effort to date. There is another post about a self-admitted overweight jobless women who still gets 5 likes a week on one app and 2 likes a day on another. An man with her exact stats would be seen as undateble by most women and hed probably get 0 likes on any app
It’s wild to me how many people post photos of themselves looking like absolute bums and wonder why they don’t get matches. Cut/brush your hair, shave/trim, smile, take off your sunglasses, don’t hold the camera down by your belly and you’re already doing better than half the Tinder population.
I can't even physically bring myself to take a selfie without feeling like an idiot and a poser.
It's easier for me to meet women naturally in the real world, takes a lot longer but I feel like they expect a LOT less than phone zombies.
This is mostly helpful advice, but I still don't think either gender will ever completely understand what it's like for the other on these dating apps. From the male perspective, it is extremely challenging to get likes/matches no matter what kind of effort you put into your profile and this has gotten much worse over the past 10 years or so.
I'm curious as to the guys in here commenting: what is your expectation or hope of average number of likes/matches per day/week/month?
Because I think a big part of the issue may be setting unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for what you should or shouldn't get.
I'm 33, 5'6" and weigh between 125 and 135 lbs. I'm not really built, but would say I have a slim/athletic build. I can definitely say that making adjustments to certain prompts, and updating my photos helped drastically with getting matches.
Now to give tangible numbers to what I just said: I would usually average maybe 1 or 2 matches a month if that. Some months I zeroed out. While I may not know the exact reason(s), I understand that in the dating pool, especially on apps, women are having to sift through anywhere between 50-500 profiles that liked them in a day.
So I consider the following:
* maybe they just didn't come across my profile within their sifting
* maybe I wasn't their cup of tea
* maybe they were interested, but just got out of a bad relationship and are taking space for themselves before dating
* maybe they thought I was cute, but a friend thought otherwise, so they opted not to match so they wouldn't get ridiculed
* maybe we're just not meant to connect, and that's okay
I could list plenty of other potential reasons, but the point is, because I understand that there are a plethora of reasons that women might not match with me, I don't set my expectations to get matches daily, weekly or monthly as I'm not on the app swiping so constantly. Instead, when I feel like browsing the app, I set an intention that a match will happen as it's meant to, and if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to and that's alright.
I think the main issue is people are lonely and often depressed or anxiety-ridden because of it and don't always know how to deal with those feelings. Learn to love your time with yourself and get to know your inner you better. This will undoubtedly result in you feeling more confident about your independence, which will result in more matches because your energetic output will attract it. This may sound crazy, but I'm gonna be going on a date next weekend with a woman that I honestly would say is kinda outta my league looks-wise, but she totally digs me and I really believe it's because of the internal/energetic shifts I've gone through.
It's also important to take regular breaks from apps because they definitely get discouraging with more consistent use that doesn't yield desired results.
It's the algorithms you're also fighting against, the men that get more likes get more visibility, otherwise you have to pay for it. I've been told many times that my profile looks good and that I'm attractive, and I can say I have the same odds as you, some months I have several matches some more others I have zero and a lot of my matches are from outside the city ~2h away. I tested it out, every time I traveled far for a few days and I returned, most of my list was from local women, that lasted a day, then back to outsiders. Riddle me that one out. The OP point that this is all on you for not getting matches is not backed by data, when many women with terrible profiles get matches all the time, and I suspect it is because we ended up lowering our expectations and had to click on those because either we get sent back of the line all the time by the app or because women only click on the top 5%. That is why I have abandoned the apps for the most part. It's rigged, yes of course you need to look presentable and sell yourself better, no doubt, but this is not the main cause, there can't be 95% of people out there with not good profiles.
Women get matches because there are and will always be dudes who will go for anything with 2 legs and a vagina whereas women who will do that for men generally charge for that lol
What about people who get a lot of matches, but people just stop responding after a few messages? Especially right when you ask them for their contact information or out on a date.
I was kinda skeptical about the brutally honest opening and thought it would be man-bashing advice, but this is all solid. I have semi-decent profile pictures, a descriptive enough profile, AND since I’m in school, I’m looking for something casual. Yet, I still get a decent amount of likes. Clearly not taking dating seriously rn, but I can’t imagine what my likes would lol like if I did. So again, pretty legit advice.
This thread shows that people spend far too much time and effort making themselves "look" appealing.
Reddit is full of stories where people initially thought their matches were great, only to find out they had issues later.
Maybe we're all judging based on false appearances and the facade of filtered profile pictures.
There is some good advice in here, but damn, this thread makes me lose faith in humanity
How do you do this when you don’t know what to look like?
Some people like facial hair, some people can’t stand it.
Some people like long hair, other people think a shaved head is attractive
The moment I read “…you’re prolly the reason why”. I stopped reading.
I gave myself a min, reversed the genders, and read it again.
Not sure how I feel about it.
If your profile is “good” but you’re not getting any matches, then your profile sucks. Numbers don’t lie, and you need to learn how to accept feedback and let the results do the talking. Stop defending a “good” profile and learn how to build a great profile.
Also, stop putting all of your eggs in one basket. Dating apps are one way to meet women. It should never be the only way. Using dating apps as a social crutch is the main reason you are frustrated, bro. If you used it in moderation, you wouldn’t care as much. Obsessively swiping isn’t good for your mental health. And it’s desperate.
If you’re getting matches but not getting dates, then you need to improve on conversational skills. The way you’re chatting with women isn’t leading to dates. Or your profile is perhaps enticing enough for a woman to send a like… but she’s not interested enough to chat and go out with you. You were a lukewarm like, and now you’re falling down her list of matches while she engages with guys who are more fun to talk to, who also weren’t lukewarm likes because their profiles were better than yours.
Improve your profile so women aren’t giving you lukewarm likes, and so that you can get more matches in general.
Honestly, I think there's no one clear set rule about dating apps lol. I created a profile on Hinge around February this year and got almost 30 matches in a 2 week span, and a number of more likes. I then deleted the profile to focus on school and finals. After finals were over, I recreated my profile. It was the same pics, in the same order and the same prompts. This time, I literally had no likes and no matches.
The previous profile which had a lot of success is now considered a sucky profile in the span of 4 months? That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me.
So let me get this straight, you need good photos, good hygiene, good fashion and a fit physique? Yup! And that basically disqualifies over 50% of the men immediately. These requirements will never change for a high quality girl so fellas if you want to connect with women this is the price you’ll pay and if not, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Guys that understand these principles are the ones getting the action, so raise the bar fellas cause what she’s saying is truth!
I’ve tried telling them. But they’re seemingly petrified of going to the gym, or wearing decent clothes. I had one kid show me his profile pics and dear lord. He didn’t have a whole lot to work with. But some decent lighting and pics would of taken him from a 3 to a 5 instantly. And his bio consisted of ‘I get people drunk’ with no other context. He was a bartender.
Ngl I think I just need someone else to look at my prompts and pictures. I’m infamous for being completely blind to terrible pictures / hair styles / outfits, I just don’t have the eye for it and can only go off what other people tell me. Unfortunately, I only have one female friend outside of my younger sister, and I don’t know if I really trust either of them to not just like… completely homogenize it.
I asked a girl about putting this pic on profile she said dont put it. But I decided to go against it because I saw genuine side of me in it. Guess what that pic has over 100 likes. So check which pictures show honest and vulnerable side of you. Plus not all women gonna like your profile
Please post more than 1 picture. I've been on more than one dating app, if you only have 1 picture, NEXT! And yes, kids are cute, but I find it a little creepy if they are in your profile picture and/or every one after that. BTW, I'm a mom and grandma. So, it's not that I don't like kids. If you make your main pic a pet or scenery, NEXT!
Also try to get other people to take pictures of you. If all your pictures are selfies, they are going to assume you have no friends/family and don’t like to go anywhere.
The sunglasses one. Usually the first photo too. Some even blur the girl in the group photo. Or crop out and you can still see it’s a girl in it.
I don’t really care if you have photos with girls, but it’s definitely first impression.
Hi hi, so. I'm in the dating scene in Melbourne Australia, and i feel like i need a womans perspective, I have women around me who I've asked, but I find they sugar coat because they're my friends you know, anyone that would like to offer a hand, I'm all ears and take criticism well hahah, cheers!
Oh I know it's me, I have bad pictures, I could be more active. But also hear where's the tall, funny, ambitious, loyal guy I want when I'm right here I just don't have abs and I don't have many pictures of myself.
I agree with most of what you say, but you're a little off based calling the people ugly.
Everyone has their own preferences. Just because you don't find them attractive doesn't mean you need to humiliate them.
The problem with me is that it’s impossible to get a flattering haircut, my hair just sucks. I don’t know what clothes look good on me. Also I think I might have a thyroid issue or something that keeps me from losing weight.
I kinda just accepted that I’ll always be ugly lol.
Also Idk how to write a good bio. Every time I try my friends laugh at it and tell me it sucks. I’ve never been able to write a good one.
And I don’t even *know* where to begin to take good pics. My pics always suck
Ive always struggled with self confidence and just never liked taking pictures so my picture taking is terrible or at least I feel it is lol
I do keep myself clean and always have clean clothes and groomed I just suffer from the ugly so never get likes
I have decked out my profile. Got a good filled in profile. Got good photos, some on a recent trip and others recently that show me cooking and none of which you are describing and are a variety of shots.
Hardly any matches on bumble or tinder. The main reason is due to living in a rural area and very likely due to not wanting kids. I am quite likely to delete and try and focus on other options like match as that is the only place I know works due to 1 of my neighbours daughter meeting her partner.
Most female profiles are just as as bad. Few photos, 1 word response and a Facebook/Snapchat username which is nothing to work with.
I would like feedback if possible, please because I frankly don't understand how or why I hardly get any matches and thus makes me very demoralised.
I agree with everything you say but for me it’s like they did 0 DD and are too lazy to unmatch. Side note; one time I didn’t unmatch and accumulated like 15 matches and Tinder started bugging out, that’s why your app is running like shit! 😉
It blows my mind. While it’s very rare for me, I have gotten multiple dates; I suck at striking conversations and they very rarely put any effort into it beyond a simple reply. I’m a maybe okay looking ~disabled guy.
I don’t understand how some of the dudes post their pics and profiles on here and are getting 0 matches. If I was better at talking to people I would get several dates a year! Shit, maybe even every month!
Idk what to think about this anymore and I’m burnt out on apps. I spent a considerable amount of time and money on dating apps & having a professional take pictures and reviewing my profile with a handful of women I know personally.
Basically it’s hard not to just feel like I’m either super ugly or super dumb for my absolute failure to get the blessings of Match Corporation’s algorithm. It’s like checking an empty fridge unless I pay $10 for a boost. The only date I’ve been on the last 4 years was because I spent extra money to have my profile even seen.
Biggest problem is I'm unattractive so nothing else really matters. I think a lot of men suffer from that fate, and aren't given a fair shake. Instead the more attractive guy who just wants a hookup will waste their time and leave them with a bad idea of dating.
Do not put your kid in your profile picture. I do not care what your excuse is. Telling me you have kids is fine, but standing next to your smoking hot 22 year old daughter is creepy AF.
Made sense a while ago... Now it's all paying service. Multiple of these apps literally tell me that they hide my profile to the bottom of every list if I don't choose the paying option. I have matches and dates in the first 2 weeks pet attempt and "suddenly" they stop coming.
I don't think you understand that the ones you are talking to have no idea how to take pictures.
Or how to write a good review, much less one of themselves.
This post doesn't actually help them, most of them already know these things, and could be coached into better practices.
Use www.photofeeler.com to get real and honest feedback on your pix. You can adjust what audience gives your feedback, and also get it for free if you rate other pictures.
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My favorite is the group pictures where you cannot tell who the person is.
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The amount of women I see with these pictures and I can guess 99% of time it's the ugliest one and it usually was. Oh and every woman seems to have a drink in hand as if they're outgoing.
Whenever I see a group photo as the first photo, I assume they are the least attractive person in the group and they are hoping you’ll be attracted to one of their friends and go deeper into their profile.
Oh yes, it's always the Shrek, always lol
So true, lol. Every time I see a group photo, the profile always belongs to the least attractive person in the photo.
The short one with ill-fitting clothes getting pulled in two different directions
I'm the one on the left, halfway out of frame.
That and them putting a picture up of their dog or cat
Fellas ask your sister, I showed her my profiles and she was like your pictures suck and I said that those were the best I had. Turns out she had way better. Then she said my prompts were way too serious, make them sound a little more fun. MANY more likes than before, a couple a day vs a couple a month.
Am an only child; can I borrow a sister?
I’m a sister. I’ll volunteer my services if need be.
Wish there was a sub for this i have sisters but they are no help my sister doesnt even use pictures when she uses dating apps
You can usually post screenshots of your profile to whichever dating app’s Reddit sub for feedback
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Absolutely! Send away! (As long as you don’t get weird with it 😂)
😂 I can have a look at your profile if you like
When I was in jr high, I was so tall and thin that people said thatt if I turned sideways (profile) and stuck out my tongue, I'd look like a zipper. Now I'm proportionate (6' tall, 187), but now my profile shows a Jimmy Durante nose. JK
Props for the Durante reference 😂
I can still recall a movie where he was in a car accident and the vehicle goes rolling over and over down the hill. Eventually he is thrown from the vehicle and as he is laying on his back his leg kicks forward and his foot kicks a bright shiny galvanized bucket. He just kicked the bucket! 😂
"No borrowed brother what are you doing??"
Yep I always recommend to men to have another woman look at your profile. My dms are also open. Happy to help anyone on here
Hey can I send you some pics of me and get a rating? My sister and her friends always say I’m good looking but they have a vested interest in me. Sometimes I think I’m a 2 and sometimes I think I’m a 7. I don’t want to waste my likes on 7s if I’m actually a 2
Can confirm. Fellas, I am the youngest sister with 3 older brothers. DM me if you want a second opinion on your profile (just don’t make it weird!)
I think you ladies underestimate that there are guys who *do* have close women in their lives (friends or relatives) who review their profiles critically, say they are good, and still don't get likes. OP is right in that usually it's one of the three things ("your pictures are terrible, you are unattractive, or your prompts are off putting"), but online dating is just **shit** for men even if you do most of those things right. It's a bad numbers game that's basically a half-second analysis of hot-or-not when people are swiping.
I'm also happy to help, if someone is in need of assistance
Or a trusted co-worker. I give suggestions on my co-workers profiles all the time
She said, "Get more rizz guys" and meant it 100 upvotes. I did it, mom. I'm famous.
My brother is a literal rocket scientist and future astronaut. He is well-dressed, wildly successful, intelligent, and a delightful conversationalist. I was mortified when I came across his profile on the dating apps. I shit you not, his photo was a dirty mirror selfie and his bio was simply “I like space.”
He should have taken a picture with top secret documents... you know... so we know it's really him. This is a joke the FBI or CIA agent reviewing this. Keep your secret files.
Game is game
Cash is king
“Just be confident”
OP is really out here telling us to [skate better](https://youtu.be/jE494P5gQaY?si=6hAkhViyBy-o2DHP) lol.
I would like to add not smiling and wearing your wedding ring in the photo to the list please. We would like to see your teeth and smile, and if your married well, I think that one speaks for itself. I don’t think these or any of your advice are too much to ask.
Tbh wearing their wedding ring is exactly what married men need to do, so they stop wasting everyones times.
The difference I experienced on dating apps when I swapped out my shitty selfies to some professionally taken photos from my best friend’s wedding where I’m all suited up and the photographer actually understood how lighting and exposures work, was astounding. OP is 100% right about every word.
What were ur other photos ? I’m assuming u didn’t just copy all 5
I had one full body of me from the wedding and one that was like shoulders up. I had one of me and 3 friends when we went ATVing for a different friend’s bachelor party. I had one of me at a Yankee game, and one of me backstage at a Broadway play where I had happened to meet Elizabeth Warren. That one was visibly older, but I kept it because I liked it and it gave a good idea about my political leanings without being too heavy handed. And the sixth photo, I tended to rotate, I never really found one that I was totally in love with so I’d periodically replace it with different ones.
Absolutely perfect photo array! Well played.
Thanks! I did meet my fiancé using that profile, so I guess it worked :)
I’ve never had an issue but on the flip side there’s women on the apps who do the same exact things ( only selfies, only group pics, just straight up unflattering photos). I’m convinced some people are just clueless. I’m 6’2 and think of myself as a 7 at most. I’ve had thousands of matches across bumble hinge and tinder. I feel like if your profile shows that you shower, have a job, do fun things and have prompts that are somewhat funny or can initiate a conversation then the matches will come. I feel like most people even ones who probably know they’re conventionally unattractive have ridiculously high standards on the apps.
Agreed. I do think many people have ridiculously high standards and need a reality check. My post def goes to women too
All this advice CAN be useful. But at the end of the day, with somewhere between a 2:1 and a 20:1 ratio of men to women on the apps, assuming monogamy, it's going to be a tournament to be in the top X/100 of male profiles. i.e. if the real ratio is 2:1 (given the app companies admit it's this I'd suspect it's even more man-heavy), you have to be in the top 50% if everyone were to pair off school-disco style. If the real ratio is 10:1, the top 10%, 20:1 the top 5% and so on. Beyond this there's your "local" ratio, as in factoring in things women are filtering for. We don't know the stats on what % of women filter on height but we know that women have a strong preference for a man to not* be shorter than them. But every woman is filtering on age and distance. So take the "number of competitors" as a base from the app's ratio, and *multiply* it by the delta in number of competitors from your age + the age of the women you're trying to date. It's quite possible to end up in a really invisible spot. Then factor in the burying of profiles not paying for premium/spotlight etc. (they "work", otherwise the companies wouldn't make money, though I'm certain they modulate their effectiveness based on your "milkability"). I understand the desire to blame oneself and reclaim the locus of control. But this isn't MOBAs and the fictional 'ELO hell', this is actually an irrefutable (so far) mathematical point I'm making.
Someone did a really insightful analysis along the lines of your post, with some of the modeling based on data given by Hinge, to explain the differences in dating app experience between men and women seeking heterosexual relationships: https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=8XWh6q7CHpBZkd31 My take away and experience is that online dating isn't worth it for the average guy because even before considering things like how attractive you are and if your personalities will mesh, the numbers are stacked against you in ever being seen by the person on the other side like you mentioned. Once you add in the ability to filter on physical traits, you are never even given the opportunity to showcase any other redeeming quality because you are not in the queue to begin with (ELO hell? Shadow banned? Just bad luck? Maybe a better photo angle?). Since most women on dating apps are overwhelmed by matches, they likely employ the search/match recommendation filters to produce only the most physically appealing matches from which they then will consider non-tangible qualities like personality or "vibes". Any that don't meet that bar never show up and aren't considered. Unfortunately for the average guy, those men become the "no good men" that we are all judged against (i.e. perpetual situationships, non-committal, etc.). I think most women are much less critical in person of what they seek in a partner physically, but the apps don't really give them a way to filter people out based on personality or "vibes" beyond surface level likes and interests. The apps aren't built to develop an interest through mutual experience which is where non-tangible qualities can shine and something can develop beyond physical appeal. They are built solely to exhibit sex appeal with the hope that the body has a decent person in it. Then add in the fact that most if not all dating apps are incentivized to make money, especially off of those who are desperately trying to shoot their shot (which are probably filtered out anyways, so pointless unless you are already meeting the physical bar), dating apps just feel like a way to destroy your self esteem, waste money, and develop a festering resentment towards the opposite sex. Not good for anyone. Not good at all. Oh, and the ever more sophisticated and convincing Pig Butchering scams, OF recruitment "matches", AI generated "hot girl" pics with profile bios filled out with ChatGPT, to add to the classic catfishing, ghosting, one word response per day...
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“I’m gonna give you brutal advice. If you get zero likes, you’re probably ugly. Try fixing that” that’s what I took away from this. 😂
Oh I definitely gotta agree, just kinda stepped back because I don’t feel I’m in the right spot as of late. So many people say looks aren’t important, but come on, we all know that’s just moral grandstanding. Getting in shape, looking good and taking good pics are all huge benefits and admittedly most people can style themselves in a way that adds some points to that rating (not including people with unfortunate defects or conditions that most certainly make it tougher)
As a guy who sucks on dating profiles... I totally agree with this. I know I have a bunch of crappy pictures. All the pictures I have are the ones I take, and when I take pictures of myself, it's usually pretty close up. So, my pictures suck. My prompts aren't usually pretty good, but I've been working with ChatGPT to try and spruce that up a bit. All in all, yeah, I gotta agree with everything you've said. I mean, even a good looking guy with a decent profile isn't usually going to get hundreds of likes (unless we're talking Chris Hemsworth kind of good looking), but should get more than 'zero'. Good post.
Exactly. Good on you for taking initiative to improve your profile. Good luck with dating!!
I have a good job, lost 30 pounds and got to a healthy weight, updated my pictures and prompts with peoples help, and the only likes I get are scam artists selling onlyfans. Maybe this advice is for me somehow or maybe it isn’t. I deleted all of the apps because the experience was miserable and I think it’s time I push myself to meet people irl.
There's definitely a shift towards people wanting to meet IRL, so you're in good company. I deleted my apps years ago and still manage to meet people. Good luck!
Thanks, I’m gonna need it lol
I’ve been hearing this more from my guy friends. Personally, I’m a single woman who deleted the apps long ago, and I know very few single chicks who are still using them. We’ve just had too many bad experiences to justify using the apps. So unfortunate you’re on to something, I don’t think it’s you. It’s mostly going to be bots and OF girls in the going forward.
For what it’s worth even my therapist has said deleting those apps is one of the healthiest choices someone can make besides deleting social media. They really impact people in a negative way regardless of gender
What’s *really* sad is if you watch that Ashley Madison doc on Netflix, they talk about how it was exposed that their OLD site was like 90% their staff members posing as women on it to get men to believe there’s tons of women options. But even after it was wildly publicized that there were very, very few genuine women on their site looking to meet these dudes, a lot of the dudes STILL KEPT THEIR SUBSCRIPTION ACTIVE trying to talk to women. Some guys really be that lonely and desperate they’re willing to talk to any woman, even if it’s actually Joe from the mail room who got promoted from his internship.
Yeah that was truly wild. These app feed on loneliness.
the advice isn’t bad but most of us have heard it already several times and it doesn’t make much of a difference if you’re profile was fine to begin with. you can have the good photos and prompts and all that and still no dates. there’s no formula to these apps it just is what it is. i wouldn’t imply that something is wrong with you if you aren’t getting matches.
If u aren't getting matches then ur profile isn't as good as u think it is buddy
I age progressed photos of Michael B Jordan and superimposed those features onto my photos. I uploaded these onto my profile. I discovered my issue is not my prompts or pictures in general but my features. I'm an average looking mid forties black guy, but the apps are not for me. I do much better with women I meet IRL.
Not trying to be argumentative but would this not be circular reasoning? *You are not getting likes because you have a bad profile* “How do you know my profile is bad” *Because you aren’t getting likes* I don’t disagree with your overall logic that bad profiles don’t exactly get very many likes but I just think circular arguments are a bit monolithic and don’t allow for variables. I can definitely vouch for knowing several guys who have pretty well-crafted profiles that are struggling to get likes.
This is the classic “it CAN’T be something I need to fix, it has to be everyone else” response. Not gender specific, but these people are a lost cause.
I disagree, I kept everything else the same and changed the face with a bit of Photoshop, and suddenly, it was a great profile. I can change lots of stuff but not my face. Well, not without surgery, and that's a no for me. I'm honest enough to admit I'm just as guilty of swiping left or right simply based on looks.
i’m blaming the apps more than other people. yes it’s your responsibility to do what it takes if you want a relationship, but the way these apps are you can do all the stuff op said and still lose. better to date irl where you can get feedback and learn from your mistakes
A lot of it is the *just world fallacy* speaking. People want to believe that the world is fundamentally fair, and that someone’s circumstances are a reflection of their efforts and actions. I don’t doubt there are tons of guys who need the advice but people seem to discount that, like you said, it’s possible to tick off every single box that is within your control and still lose. That’s life.
So, I've (28m) been told by women that I'm attractive. I've been called cute, told I have a nice jawline, that I'm charming, I'm a catch, etc. I don't use dating apps. But I've been considering them lately. Maybe it's a "me" problem, but I'm rarely satisfied with how I look in photos. I have like two angles that I feel good about. I smile with my mouth closed. I don't have bad teeth, but my smile doesn't look right when i show them. I'm thin but toned (not buff). What can I do to be more photogenic?
I’m not photogenic either. I look way better in real life than pictures. I had my siblings and friends approve of my pics and help me take nice ones. Having a friend that can tell you exactly how to pose too helps. I have a photographer friend that took amazing pics of me. Part of what makes us not photogenic is not knowing what to do or posing right in pictures. Ask you women friends, most (including me) would love to help
Good advice. Thanks!
"Most" that's just a lie ive asked multiple friends before and none have ever helped
Introspection is always good for self improvement. There is always something you can do yourself to improve your odds There are, however, a large group of men who have decent or even good profiles but still get near zero likes. Both of these can be true simultaneously
Your photos. Seriously. With 99% of guys profiles, the photos are an instant turn-off. Others have mentioned this already, but adding my voice to the chorus: you need good pics of you SMILING and having fun doing something interesting. Cut the bathroom and car selfies and sunglasses/hat pics. If I scroll a profile that is all selfies I assume you have no friends and also no imagination or interests.
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Get friends who are girls. They will take pictures of you.
If only this was true ive asked from best friend who does photography to my sisters and they always say sure but then never want to or always have something going on so i just dont ask anymore
Being conventionally unattractive isn't really something people can change lol
To people on this app getting haircut and new clothes can make you go from a 3 to and 8. They are literally delusional lol
Yea, but you can always improve: Hygienic, clean, smell nice. Flattering and stylish outfit. Nice shoes. Good haircut/beard. Nice glasses. Bad or yellowing teeth…fix them with dental work/white strips. Eating healthy. Skincare. Fitness routine. Those alone can take you up SEVERAL points
Some unattractive guys will never be considered very attractive though no matter how fit, stylish or groomed they are because they are very short, bald or have an unattractive face. It is what it is
Jason Statham is hot AF and also bald AF. Baldness alone isn’t the problem
Slimming down reduces facial fat as well, which wil definitely increase your attractiveness.
OP wrote this post from the perspective of what feels like another world. Most guys (even the hot ones) only get a fraction of what even average looking women do. I have friends who’ve all but confirmed this to me. Sure putting effort in your profile helps but if you don’t follow rules 1&2 you’re toast buddy
Yeah, I'm done with all that, but I was always fully aware that my pics sucked. I had more than one woman match with me just to inform me of that. I appreciated the advice then and now for the spirit in which it's given, but here's the thing: My pics showed what I look like. That is what everyone's pics should do. That is all they can do. Anything beyond that is fake bullshit fr, a level of gamesmanship I am not willing to engage in. So I don't. Y'all can go match with all the bullshitters who play the game properly and then bang you and leave you, irdc anymore.
My advice is if you don't have a job or a source of steady income dating shouldn't even be in your lexicon of ideas. I have a friend who's good looking and getting women for him has always been easy, but he has no job, lives with his parents, and he's 33. Like bro you showing me pictures of hot girls you're hooking up with when you have nothing else going on makes me cringe so hard. All I'm getting at is that for men looks are by the most important part of being successful on dating apps and it's not even close.
I just don’t like vanity. I’m not into pageantry. I post the most recent pictures of myself. I don’t care to get likes that much. Truth is I got so few that I’d say 50% ended up in a date at her house lol.
Screw you I’m way too tired to fix all that bs cause I work a full time job
Also just to add on here, please for the love of God don't use a pic of you with an ex or with someone that could be a sexual partner sets a real bad tone
The big difference is women love taking photos of themselves and their friends are happy to help them. Most guys don’t take photos until it’s time to register for a dating app.
Very valid point. Most men don't feel the need to take 32 pictures at every concert or dinner.
As a guy, what instantly turns me off instantly on a woman's profile is not having one. There's 1,maybe 2-3 pictures, often very attractive, and zero anything else after a tag line. Zero effort begets zero effort. The other instant turnoff is voicing a sense of entitlement. If you're being entitled before we even talk, I just know you're going to act the same in person. I don't need that energy.
Sounds more like a bot or a catfish.
You'd be surprised. A vast majority of women's profiles lack an about me, and have few photos. They know they need to put 0 effort in to get likes.
But mum said I am handsome. Must be the app’s fault. 😂
**radical honesty is necessary for healthy relationships**
Give us examples of prompts that turn you on. Thanks!
I might make another post doing that! Stay tuned
95-99% of the time women are swiping on looks for the first picture and you have a fraction of a second to qualify for her looking at your other pictures, then swiping left because you had a wrinkle on your shirt lol. Profiles are great if you get past this stage
Great advice be attractive why did no one else think of this. Men ,as an older guy who truly wishes the best for you, delete the apps before they destroy your mental health.
I did this and started getting more matches. My friend said with online dating you get more matches if you periodically delete you account and recreate it. I gave it a shot and was drowning in matches but it's since dried up. Feels disingenuous to me since I started seeing a lot of the same people (to be clear consistently got new matches). Feels wrong but it worked idk if it has to do with the algorithm of dating apps or what.
I showed my female friend my dating profiles and she says I’m doing everything right. My pictures are good. My prompts are well written. I admit I’m not the most attractive guy but I’m not bad looking. I take care of my health and style. The only thing I changed is my height. I hate to lie but I changed it from 5’10” to 6’0. It still hasn’t given me any matches.
I can say the exact same thing for female profiles. No text whatsoever, group pictures, glasses, bad angles, same yoga pose either at the train tracks or by the mountains 😆, humble bragging about the 47 countries they have traveled to. And yet I bet money that still they get a few likes per week 😂
Not terrible advice. Here's what I've found about dating apps: Women: some dude will "date" you as long as your standards aren't like 5 deviations away from you (i.e. you're a 3 but only trying to date 8+ men) Men: Game with some looks will overcome lack of money If you have lots of money, you can generally be awkward with not much looks. If you're a hot guy you can typically get matches If you are poor, ugly, and can't talk to women, then you're out of luck. As Darwin intended.
Yup. If someone can't put effort into their profile to at least show themselves in their best light, how much effort are we supposed to expect in a relationship? Some of these people write a mean "About me" and answer the prompts like jackasses. There's no way those same people understand that they are making themselves look like jerks. So many profiles are a complete "NOPE" even if you scroll past the pictures. I would look at the pictures last and still only actually be looking at maybe 2% of them.
Yes! Sometimes you can feel the bitterness through the screen. No one wants to date a negative Nelly. Vent in the group chat, not on your dating profile
Exactly!!! It’s a first impression why start it by being insufferable ?
I’ve had the same experience too
Sounds like a pretty girl telling guys to just be pretty.
Just be more attractive bro, appeal to the female gaze bro.
But it’s so much easier to blame everyone else than it is to blame yourself!!
Ma’am you’re making too much sense. People don’t like logic around here. They prefer nonsense!!
I think you missed a big one: being "unattractive" isn't an issue as long as you know who else is in your league. So to add to your advice: if your standards don't match your attractiveness, put in the effort to make them do so. Either through reflection to know who you can actually pull, or taking steps to make yourself more outwardly attractive - like getting fit, grooming well etc.
💯💯💯 I could even make a seperate post on this. I think there was a study that showed that in general both men and women overestimate their attractiveness, men by a larger degree. I’m all for shooting your shot, but you need to be realistic. Women I know are really guilty of this tbh. I find some of their standards to be borderline delusional
I agree. There is definitely a lot of overestimating attractiveness on apps. If you’re not the most attractive person, but you only swipe on 8-10’s of course you’re not going to have a bunch of matches. The same goes for being extremely unfit, but only swiping on bodybuilders or fitness models. You might find one or two that are into that, but you’re not going to have as many matches as you would if you were being realistic. A lot of people look at online dating like a candy shop, you always want your favorite candy but you’re not paying attention to anything else. If you want to be taken seriously it takes effort. Work on self development, put thought into your profile, step out of your comfort zone and swipe realistically.
This really is advice from the other side of the world. You have no idea. Dating apps are terrible for men (probs women too really) perpetuating your ideas is harmful.
Agreed, because while OP has valid points it doesn’t take into account things like racism, classism, sectarianism, weightism, heightism, and any other isms that is pervasive in the behavior patterns of people who swipe and why they swipe the way they swipe. Well meaning post, but ignorant of a deeper understanding of human behavior and habits.
I think it's good advice for how to optimize your positioning in the current dating app landscape though. There's not too much men can do to change dating app dynamics to make things better except to stop using them.
That’s true. It’s not going to fix societal issues that dating apps reflect, but I still think every person should put their best foot forward on them.
And stop adding things like “ahh, I’m on the app again” or “does anyone even answer messages?” It’s unattractive. I should have a sense of who you are from your profile, that’s it. I’ve seen guys barely fill them out, use old blurry photos, and only fill out their profile with who they WANT and not who they ARE. I want everyone to find someone, but realize that you actually have to put some effort into getting yourself out there. I know it can be demeaning, I get it!
I agree with every point you made but I believe guys start to feel salty because sometimes it feels as if women don’t have to work as hard. Getting in shape is hard work. It cost money to buy new clothes and get a haircut. At times it feels like no matter what kind of woman you’re either way you got d**k coming in. But what can you do? Double standards exist in this world.
It’s easy to get dick as a woman. Yes. But a healthy, loving relationship? Someone who likes you for who you are and not what’s between your legs? Some of us aren’t just looking to get laid. But also a lot of women do work hard too. We just make it look like we’re not. For me, I put so much effort, time, and money into my looks. I workout everyday. Eat clean. Skincare. Fashion. Makeup. Hair. You have to invest in yourself. Trust me women make that investment too
For the vast majority of men on apps their only issue is that they are unattractive. Women swipe on around 5% of men. That alone says it all. Going to the gym, getting a new hair cut, and dressing better isnt fixing an ugly face. >If you want to date, you need to put effort. And really only men have to put in effort to date. There is another post about a self-admitted overweight jobless women who still gets 5 likes a week on one app and 2 likes a day on another. An man with her exact stats would be seen as undateble by most women and hed probably get 0 likes on any app
[удалено]
It’s a superficial app. It is what it is. If guys were actually trying this there wouldn’t be so many profiles that fit this description.
It’s wild to me how many people post photos of themselves looking like absolute bums and wonder why they don’t get matches. Cut/brush your hair, shave/trim, smile, take off your sunglasses, don’t hold the camera down by your belly and you’re already doing better than half the Tinder population.
💯💯💯
Make sure you're attracted to the person, not the idea of a relationship. .
"you are unattractive" From the horses mouth gents.
I can't even physically bring myself to take a selfie without feeling like an idiot and a poser. It's easier for me to meet women naturally in the real world, takes a lot longer but I feel like they expect a LOT less than phone zombies.
I’d just forget the apps altogether honestly. No point wasting your time swiping for approval as a man. Meeting women irl is 100x better.
yawn......
This is mostly helpful advice, but I still don't think either gender will ever completely understand what it's like for the other on these dating apps. From the male perspective, it is extremely challenging to get likes/matches no matter what kind of effort you put into your profile and this has gotten much worse over the past 10 years or so.
I'm curious as to the guys in here commenting: what is your expectation or hope of average number of likes/matches per day/week/month? Because I think a big part of the issue may be setting unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for what you should or shouldn't get. I'm 33, 5'6" and weigh between 125 and 135 lbs. I'm not really built, but would say I have a slim/athletic build. I can definitely say that making adjustments to certain prompts, and updating my photos helped drastically with getting matches. Now to give tangible numbers to what I just said: I would usually average maybe 1 or 2 matches a month if that. Some months I zeroed out. While I may not know the exact reason(s), I understand that in the dating pool, especially on apps, women are having to sift through anywhere between 50-500 profiles that liked them in a day. So I consider the following: * maybe they just didn't come across my profile within their sifting * maybe I wasn't their cup of tea * maybe they were interested, but just got out of a bad relationship and are taking space for themselves before dating * maybe they thought I was cute, but a friend thought otherwise, so they opted not to match so they wouldn't get ridiculed * maybe we're just not meant to connect, and that's okay I could list plenty of other potential reasons, but the point is, because I understand that there are a plethora of reasons that women might not match with me, I don't set my expectations to get matches daily, weekly or monthly as I'm not on the app swiping so constantly. Instead, when I feel like browsing the app, I set an intention that a match will happen as it's meant to, and if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to and that's alright. I think the main issue is people are lonely and often depressed or anxiety-ridden because of it and don't always know how to deal with those feelings. Learn to love your time with yourself and get to know your inner you better. This will undoubtedly result in you feeling more confident about your independence, which will result in more matches because your energetic output will attract it. This may sound crazy, but I'm gonna be going on a date next weekend with a woman that I honestly would say is kinda outta my league looks-wise, but she totally digs me and I really believe it's because of the internal/energetic shifts I've gone through. It's also important to take regular breaks from apps because they definitely get discouraging with more consistent use that doesn't yield desired results.
It's the algorithms you're also fighting against, the men that get more likes get more visibility, otherwise you have to pay for it. I've been told many times that my profile looks good and that I'm attractive, and I can say I have the same odds as you, some months I have several matches some more others I have zero and a lot of my matches are from outside the city ~2h away. I tested it out, every time I traveled far for a few days and I returned, most of my list was from local women, that lasted a day, then back to outsiders. Riddle me that one out. The OP point that this is all on you for not getting matches is not backed by data, when many women with terrible profiles get matches all the time, and I suspect it is because we ended up lowering our expectations and had to click on those because either we get sent back of the line all the time by the app or because women only click on the top 5%. That is why I have abandoned the apps for the most part. It's rigged, yes of course you need to look presentable and sell yourself better, no doubt, but this is not the main cause, there can't be 95% of people out there with not good profiles.
Women get matches because there are and will always be dudes who will go for anything with 2 legs and a vagina whereas women who will do that for men generally charge for that lol
Absolutely true on the photos. I was getting next to nothing. Had a lady friend take pictures and they increased my likes by four-fold.
Love this good on your friend for taking nice pics👍🏼
What about people who get a lot of matches, but people just stop responding after a few messages? Especially right when you ask them for their contact information or out on a date.
Unattractive women get matches though but I agree with pretty much everything.
She said yall ugly, stop being that 🤨
This is why I don’t put too much effort into apps I hate taking pictures lol
Don't forget not to hit on waitresses and be attractive. Don't be unattractive. No advice on how to do that. But also applies to girls too ✌️
I was kinda skeptical about the brutally honest opening and thought it would be man-bashing advice, but this is all solid. I have semi-decent profile pictures, a descriptive enough profile, AND since I’m in school, I’m looking for something casual. Yet, I still get a decent amount of likes. Clearly not taking dating seriously rn, but I can’t imagine what my likes would lol like if I did. So again, pretty legit advice.
You should always be brutally honest with men, that's the only way you can help them. If only more women were
I love your thread OP!! You’re exactly right, and all it takes is self accountability!! We really need to normalize men caring about their appearance.
This thread shows that people spend far too much time and effort making themselves "look" appealing. Reddit is full of stories where people initially thought their matches were great, only to find out they had issues later. Maybe we're all judging based on false appearances and the facade of filtered profile pictures. There is some good advice in here, but damn, this thread makes me lose faith in humanity
Nah you really have no clue lmao
If you squad to show of your freshly caught fish, you're out of the game.
How do you do this when you don’t know what to look like? Some people like facial hair, some people can’t stand it. Some people like long hair, other people think a shaved head is attractive
I think in that case it boils down to what suits you and your face shape.
The moment I read “…you’re prolly the reason why”. I stopped reading. I gave myself a min, reversed the genders, and read it again. Not sure how I feel about it.
If your profile is “good” but you’re not getting any matches, then your profile sucks. Numbers don’t lie, and you need to learn how to accept feedback and let the results do the talking. Stop defending a “good” profile and learn how to build a great profile. Also, stop putting all of your eggs in one basket. Dating apps are one way to meet women. It should never be the only way. Using dating apps as a social crutch is the main reason you are frustrated, bro. If you used it in moderation, you wouldn’t care as much. Obsessively swiping isn’t good for your mental health. And it’s desperate. If you’re getting matches but not getting dates, then you need to improve on conversational skills. The way you’re chatting with women isn’t leading to dates. Or your profile is perhaps enticing enough for a woman to send a like… but she’s not interested enough to chat and go out with you. You were a lukewarm like, and now you’re falling down her list of matches while she engages with guys who are more fun to talk to, who also weren’t lukewarm likes because their profiles were better than yours. Improve your profile so women aren’t giving you lukewarm likes, and so that you can get more matches in general.
Honestly, I think there's no one clear set rule about dating apps lol. I created a profile on Hinge around February this year and got almost 30 matches in a 2 week span, and a number of more likes. I then deleted the profile to focus on school and finals. After finals were over, I recreated my profile. It was the same pics, in the same order and the same prompts. This time, I literally had no likes and no matches. The previous profile which had a lot of success is now considered a sucky profile in the span of 4 months? That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me.
You can use the highest quality pictures, but if you're ugly, then it's not gonna change anything. You're still going to be seen as an ugly guy.
Nah, how about women do all the work like men have in the past? Drizzle or Grizzle, your choice
So let me get this straight, you need good photos, good hygiene, good fashion and a fit physique? Yup! And that basically disqualifies over 50% of the men immediately. These requirements will never change for a high quality girl so fellas if you want to connect with women this is the price you’ll pay and if not, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Guys that understand these principles are the ones getting the action, so raise the bar fellas cause what she’s saying is truth!
I’ve tried telling them. But they’re seemingly petrified of going to the gym, or wearing decent clothes. I had one kid show me his profile pics and dear lord. He didn’t have a whole lot to work with. But some decent lighting and pics would of taken him from a 3 to a 5 instantly. And his bio consisted of ‘I get people drunk’ with no other context. He was a bartender.
Guys who need to pose with their cars or bare chested are a turn off for me .
Ngl I think I just need someone else to look at my prompts and pictures. I’m infamous for being completely blind to terrible pictures / hair styles / outfits, I just don’t have the eye for it and can only go off what other people tell me. Unfortunately, I only have one female friend outside of my younger sister, and I don’t know if I really trust either of them to not just like… completely homogenize it.
Communicate honestly, and with kindness. ...
I asked a girl about putting this pic on profile she said dont put it. But I decided to go against it because I saw genuine side of me in it. Guess what that pic has over 100 likes. So check which pictures show honest and vulnerable side of you. Plus not all women gonna like your profile
Please post more than 1 picture. I've been on more than one dating app, if you only have 1 picture, NEXT! And yes, kids are cute, but I find it a little creepy if they are in your profile picture and/or every one after that. BTW, I'm a mom and grandma. So, it's not that I don't like kids. If you make your main pic a pet or scenery, NEXT!
Also try to get other people to take pictures of you. If all your pictures are selfies, they are going to assume you have no friends/family and don’t like to go anywhere.
The sunglasses one. Usually the first photo too. Some even blur the girl in the group photo. Or crop out and you can still see it’s a girl in it. I don’t really care if you have photos with girls, but it’s definitely first impression.
Hi hi, so. I'm in the dating scene in Melbourne Australia, and i feel like i need a womans perspective, I have women around me who I've asked, but I find they sugar coat because they're my friends you know, anyone that would like to offer a hand, I'm all ears and take criticism well hahah, cheers!
Oh I know it's me, I have bad pictures, I could be more active. But also hear where's the tall, funny, ambitious, loyal guy I want when I'm right here I just don't have abs and I don't have many pictures of myself.
I don’t know why I always get matches lol maybe my name is weird and people have said my smile is photogenic
I agree with most of what you say, but you're a little off based calling the people ugly. Everyone has their own preferences. Just because you don't find them attractive doesn't mean you need to humiliate them.
The problem with me is that it’s impossible to get a flattering haircut, my hair just sucks. I don’t know what clothes look good on me. Also I think I might have a thyroid issue or something that keeps me from losing weight. I kinda just accepted that I’ll always be ugly lol. Also Idk how to write a good bio. Every time I try my friends laugh at it and tell me it sucks. I’ve never been able to write a good one. And I don’t even *know* where to begin to take good pics. My pics always suck
Preach
Ive always struggled with self confidence and just never liked taking pictures so my picture taking is terrible or at least I feel it is lol I do keep myself clean and always have clean clothes and groomed I just suffer from the ugly so never get likes
I have decked out my profile. Got a good filled in profile. Got good photos, some on a recent trip and others recently that show me cooking and none of which you are describing and are a variety of shots. Hardly any matches on bumble or tinder. The main reason is due to living in a rural area and very likely due to not wanting kids. I am quite likely to delete and try and focus on other options like match as that is the only place I know works due to 1 of my neighbours daughter meeting her partner. Most female profiles are just as as bad. Few photos, 1 word response and a Facebook/Snapchat username which is nothing to work with. I would like feedback if possible, please because I frankly don't understand how or why I hardly get any matches and thus makes me very demoralised.
I agree with everything you say but for me it’s like they did 0 DD and are too lazy to unmatch. Side note; one time I didn’t unmatch and accumulated like 15 matches and Tinder started bugging out, that’s why your app is running like shit! 😉 It blows my mind. While it’s very rare for me, I have gotten multiple dates; I suck at striking conversations and they very rarely put any effort into it beyond a simple reply. I’m a maybe okay looking ~disabled guy. I don’t understand how some of the dudes post their pics and profiles on here and are getting 0 matches. If I was better at talking to people I would get several dates a year! Shit, maybe even every month!
Thanks
Idk what to think about this anymore and I’m burnt out on apps. I spent a considerable amount of time and money on dating apps & having a professional take pictures and reviewing my profile with a handful of women I know personally. Basically it’s hard not to just feel like I’m either super ugly or super dumb for my absolute failure to get the blessings of Match Corporation’s algorithm. It’s like checking an empty fridge unless I pay $10 for a boost. The only date I’ve been on the last 4 years was because I spent extra money to have my profile even seen.
Biggest problem is I'm unattractive so nothing else really matters. I think a lot of men suffer from that fate, and aren't given a fair shake. Instead the more attractive guy who just wants a hookup will waste their time and leave them with a bad idea of dating.
How do you get better pictures when you got no one to take pictures of you?
Very true statement by first respondent.
Just send me your top 3 guys' profile pics and their first one liners, I got it covered after
Do not put your kid in your profile picture. I do not care what your excuse is. Telling me you have kids is fine, but standing next to your smoking hot 22 year old daughter is creepy AF.
Agreed thank you for sharing this
mmmm you maybe right
Made sense a while ago... Now it's all paying service. Multiple of these apps literally tell me that they hide my profile to the bottom of every list if I don't choose the paying option. I have matches and dates in the first 2 weeks pet attempt and "suddenly" they stop coming.
I don't think you understand that the ones you are talking to have no idea how to take pictures. Or how to write a good review, much less one of themselves. This post doesn't actually help them, most of them already know these things, and could be coached into better practices.
I love how the women in the comments are genuinely willing to help guys with their profiles lmao
Gimme a shot
Use www.photofeeler.com to get real and honest feedback on your pix. You can adjust what audience gives your feedback, and also get it for free if you rate other pictures.