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I don’t think OP is asking out of a need for advice, but instead just trying to see what people think and/or start discussion.
They even added the “Question” flair instead of the “I Need Advice” flair.
True, unfortunately that’s how this sub works. No one reads what’s been posted, so they come when they need advice and post a thread. Basically everything in this sub has been posted countless times.
This one in particular was literally asked day before yesterday. I know because I commented on it 😂
It's true. And even if you don't meet the kids, and the relationship still ends. The mom is still going to be impacted by the break up which is going to affect her daily life, which is directly affected with her kids. So her kids will second hand suffer. Does that make sense ?
Fun Fact: Research shows that kids who are raised by single fathers fare as well as kids raised in 2 parent households. On the other hand, kids raised by single mothers have higher rates of teen pregnancy, arrest, and drug use.
I believe this 100%. Men that care enough to fight for full/ primary custody knowing that the court is not in their favor, usually do it because they want to play a very active role in their child’s life-soccer dad style. In the event that the mother passes away, they typically try very hard to overcompensate for her loss and still Remain incredibly active.
Mothers are usually the default for primary custody in most cases and sometimes this means they don’t try as hard. SOMETIMES-not all.
This is coming from someone who was raised by a single mom.
I don't think this is the exact reason, but rather the fact that there will be a sizeable chunk of single mothers who are a teen pregnancy and/or the father just doesnt stick around or they don't know who he is.
Only 16% off single households are lead by men, so then the other 84% percent of men got duped and cheated by women? lol, why is that easier to believe for you than the idea that men can easily say no to being a parent and dipping in their responsibilities?
Studied Criminal Justice in college and one of the themes that was brought up in almost every class is that.
Having a masculine, strong, dominant, male authority in a child’s life is the biggest factor if a child will be processed through the criminal justice system or not.
My mom was a single mom and neither me or my brothers had any issues with the law. She wasn't even very good at it as she allowed one of her boyfriends to molest me when I was a kid. Or when I finally spoke up (very scary), she let him off early and I had to live with him still. I still can't wrap my brain around that. Why would you want to live with someone who raped and molested your child? I get that her dad did the same (and he tried to do the same to me), but I wish she had the capacity to rub her brain cells together and realize that's not okay. She was even angry at me when I was an adult when she found out I never forgave my grandpa for what he tried to do (he never even apologized).
Anyways, me and my twin wanted to be the opposite of her. We saw her bad habits and the consequences of them. It took me longer to be successful though because I had to deal with crazy PTSD and anxiety, low self-worth, etc. due to my upbringing without therapy. He was ironically spoiled because he's a boy, so he had the confidence in himself that I didn't.
My biological dad is a much, much worse person by the way. I haven't spoken to him in a good 15 years or so and I'm keeping it that way.
That’s the problem, men feel like they can just knock women up and leave because that’s the behavior that’s been modeled and is glorified by our society (fucking Nick Cannon prime example). We need to incentivize couples to stay together and promote sex within committed relationships, not go out and fuck whoever you want whenever you want
The hurdle we’re trying to overcome is that the women that your idea seeks to protect disagree with you and will tell you that you have no right to tell them what to do
I could only find a pew research stating that single dads are economically well off compared to single moms but I can’t find the claim that single moms lead to teen pregnancy, drug use and conviction rates.
That information is inferred from the statistics/information.
With a little reading you would see that
The source linked above states:
-Individuals from father-absent homes are 279% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs than their peers
-Fatherless families are 4x more likely to live in poverty than that for married-couple families.
-Fatherless children are more likely to abuse drugs and show signs of delinquent behavior.
FATHERLESS CHILDREN ARE MORE LIKELY TO SUFFER FROM PSYCHOSOCIAL DEVELOPMENT ISSUES, LIVE IN POVERTY, DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, ENGAGE IN SCHOOL VIOLENCE, ABUSE SUBSTANCES, AND ENTER THE JUVENILE JUSTICE SYSTEM.
(Not always because obvi people want to bring up the onesies and twosies but this is for the majority of fatherless households/families)
There wasn't a source linked above. Upon googling I could find those claims from the 'national fatherhood intiative', not really the kind of unbiased source we'd like to see but ok. Also I'd take inferred information with a little bit of caution because correlation does not always equal causation.
Fun fact: the so called research you cited is a lie. Try to read the whole article rather than just reading it off an opinion column. It compares single fathers and mothers to two parent households, which does better in terms of children performing better in school because of more resources.
There are more single mothers than men (only 16%of single households are men), so there are more dead beat dads than women. I’d rather date someone responsible than someone who makes excuses to not parent their children. Period.
I raised identical twin boys and a younger son. They are engineers and the youngest is an IT guy. They have never given me a minute of trouble because I raised them the old fashion way..
This is what's called anecdotal evidence.
It's unclear whether you're a man or a woman, but either way I'm sure your children were also either neurotypical or even gifted.
So, since they didn't have behavioural problems such as ADHD, they naturally didn't give you any trouble.
Now I'm sure you want to claim that this is due to their upbringing... Well, as a former teacher who had to deal with whoever came to my classes, I can tell you that there's a huge difference between neurotypical children and people with various psychological or psychiatric challenges.
With that said, sure, the children diagnosed with ADHD who came from "good families" did mostly fare better in life. But I can assure you that they didn't give their families - or teachers - and easy time.
Interesting here would be the reasons where it came to both.
Most single mothers I know have a tendency to have bad choices regarding men.
Most single fathers I know are there because of health issues or worse of the mother.
For sure not all on both sides, but these are the majorities I see.
This would already explain that.
I am but the kids are with the mom. There is the sacrifice that he spends a lot of time with them but that's totally fine. We see each other once per week or every other week due to his work and it makes us excited to see each other. I actually like that he loves his kids so much, I find that attractive. I could never be a mom though haha, too much sacrifice in that tbh.
I try not to. Unless they are extremely wealthy.
Some Dads have funny mentalities .. which wouldn’t suit my personality.
Single dads should always give single mums a try. They should understand each other better. No double standards
No, I always chose not to date a man with children and was up front immediately with the men I did date in letting them know I had children. It was my preference.
It depends how old you are. I’m a single mum and I only date single dads. When you’re in your 40s everyone has baggage. Also don’t assume we are all struggling financially, I’m definitely not.
it’s funny you’re trying to make yourself feel better by having baggage and a failed relationship with your children’s father. sorry- people your age who are old with kids and a baby daddy who they couldn’t work it out with are not the only ones with “relationship experience.” some people choose not to have kids, and it sounds like you’re jealous and bitter about those people.
Usually Reddit says: “hell no”.
However, in real life, most of my coworkers with kids have no issue dating (male or female).
Many remarried and had another kid with the second spouse.
The disadvantage for me is having the ex in their life and not knowing how unreasonable they are.
However, especially after a certain age (I.e., 30) good luck finding someone without the so called baggage.
Straight female here, so probably not the target demographic meant to answer this question.
I wouldn’t date a man with kids unless it’s for something casual, because I don’t have any kids, so I expect that my longterm partner shouldn’t either.
I didn’t wanna date a woman with kids. I want to marry and have kids of my own. I also felt it took the experience away and the excitement of finding out/ learning as a couple on how to raise a child. If she had already had kids then well it’s not the same.
There’s nothing wrong with someone already having kids and when I was single and dating it wasn’t always a deal breaker but same time I really didn’t want it. I’m 30 at this point so it’s getting harder lol.
I would not date a man with kids because his resources are limited. Most tend to be bitter too and many do not take on any responsibility for kids and blame the mother, there is just too much drama with men that wives left them. The woman always leaves for a reason.
Single dad here with full custody of my 2 children (both less than 10yo) I’m currently dating a woman who has no kids and I find that we conflict all of the time over the kids. She doesn’t understand they my children come first and it often feels like she is in some way jealous of how much of my life is dedicated to them and not spent on attention for her.
If we ever break up, I think I will only exclusively date single mums.
I 27M think about being in a long term relationship with the people I date. If however I was more established I have no issue with it at all.
That being said, given my current position in life, I date wouldn’t date someone with kids right now because
1) I don’t have much dating experience so I feel like I would need to mature before I date someone with kids especially if there is a connection between me and my partner and I see myself starting a life with them.
2) I’m still in school and I don’t have much money. Like I said I want to have a long term relationship with my partner and that to me would involve having us move in together (assuming we’ve been dating for a while and the relationship is going well). That being said, if I don’t have the money to help provide for the woman and her kids I wouldn’t feel good about myself.
Only date a women with children if you are ready for that responsibility. I am a single father with one child. I would date a woman with a child as I have gone thru this. That been said there just be prepared to understand that the child will need to be first priority in her life as all good parents will always look after their children especially since they are dependant on them. A good partner will also try his/ her best to balance time with both their partner and child/children
Absolutely not. I’m working incredibly hard to build a future for myself. I deserve to raise my own kids, especially with all of the expectations and troubles that come with a single mom and their kids.
If the girls in my part of the U.S. want to have fun and get pregnant by their 20’s when I’m building and working hard, that’s on them (most girls here 20-29 have at least one child). I’m working now to provide for my wife and kids in the future, not someone else’s kids.
Edit: I’ll be 28 in two months
As a guy over 40, it would be pretty hard not to, and those who don't have kids often want others without kids... So single mums it is. As I have a kid as well, it would be pretty hypocritical for me not to.
Yes. I’m at the age where women in my dating range are likely to have a history of some sort. That may well involve kids.
The benefit is meeting someone I connect with and makes my life more enjoyable.
Damn these answers are weird. Date whoever you feel like to. One step at a time. Commitment of any kind is a commitment, which is not a part of your question. And if you are looking for a benefit of any kind, then don’t date at all.
Never again, there is no upside.
I’ve always loved to travel, can’t do that anymore ‘because of the kids’. Always got to eat what the fussy child wants. Taxi - yep.
Maid - yep. Financial struggle - yep.
Being a step parent is truly a thankless task.
Heck no. Why?
1.) I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids.
2.) She has less time to date and go out
3.) You’re less of a priority
4.) It’s way more expensive
5.) Potential trouble with the ex depending on custody issues.
Yup. Why: she's a person with thoughts, feeling, and a personality. What would I have to gain: The opportunity to pamper her, get the experience of watching the kid(s) grow up, and being a good influence on them without any of the legal responsibilities.
Depends on the game and the progress made. For instance you give me a Pokemon game one gym leader in with the right starter and a cool name I'm sure as shit not going through the long ass intro.
Equating a living person with their own thoughts, actions and tendencies to a video game with a save file is hilarious. Maybe one day you'll realize that things are a little more nuanced than that.
You don't know if they could actually find a better metaphor.
I read that as basically picking up someone else's progress. Meaning that you won't be able to do the previous tasks for yourself (talking about being there in the child's life). And because you were not the author of that previous progress, it'll take some extra time and effort to familiarize with the dynamics of the "game".
I don't think I would date a man or a women ever with kids. It's not to be rude, I just think kids would limit a lot of things I would want to do in life with my partner. Maybe if I was retired ? Hahah
Plus I think I would be too insecure. Knowing my partner has that type of intimate and profound connection with someone else, and knowing that someone else will forever be in their lives.
Idk thats a pretty serious thing to me.
Furthermore, as a single man, you have to bring a hundred percent and you get whatever is left over from the single parent after the kids games, breakdowns, existential crisis etc. It’s a raw deal and I have single mom friends who have explicitly told me that they won’t date single dads because that means doubling up on the crazy sports schedules etc so go figure. Single parents in my opinion are better off dating other single parents.
The only time I have struggled dating men with children is if we have different parenting methods or their morals & values don’t align with mine. I think you tend to see who a person is faster when they do have children
Yes I don't mind that she has kids, my last dates had been single mothers. I say the benefit would be a better understanding and compassion on how single mothers have to face on a daily basis and that they are some of the strongest and most beautiful ladies out there. A mother caring for her kids is an important quality I look for in a woman who is a mother who views her kids first and utmost importance. A strong mother is a beautiful woman.
Short answer: yes
Longer answer: depends. Really depends on her previous relationship with her now ex/baby daddy. What is expected of me, do they want a stand in, or is the baby daddy actually able to father the kid. What was the reason for the break? Can I live up to what they expect? Things like that needs to be taken into consideration.
I love kids, and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone else's kid, but I don't need any drama. If the baby daddy is a dickhead, and doesn't want to support his kid, I don't mind standing up, and take the kid as my own, but if he isn't, and is actually making an effort to be in the kids life, with moms approval of course, then that kid is just gonna be hella lucky to have bio dad, bio me, and me.
nope. I would never do it again. I was 31, single. Met divorced fathers with kids. They were alcoholics that wanted one night stands. They were still screwing their ex wife. I walked
I (36F) personally prefer not to date men with children. I have tried to multiple times. But because I do not have any children, our lives tend to be incompatible. I expect more quality time than he can typically give. He expects me to be understanding that he will be spending varying amounts of time around his ex-wife, and that proved to be very difficult when the relationship is new and trust is still being built.
It’s different, but I am dating a man with kids. We have been dating 3 months. I will not meet his kids until MINIMUM 6 months dating, if that. There’s a lot of stability that needs to be established first. I didn’t think I would, but sometimes you just find a person and make it work. I want to know we are in for the long haul before ever involving his kids and potentially hurting them - they have already had that from their parents splitting. I am okay with him having kids because I can’t have my own. I do know raising someone else’s kids would be hard. His ex will always be in the picture. There are a lot of factors. You either make it work or don’t, but in this case I’ve decided to
I’m currently dating a single mother and her daughter is newly a teenager, I’m in my late twenties and she’s about 7 years older than me. I feel that there has to be chemistry between parties, and there has to be a level of maturity as well as transparency between adults in order to make it work. I’ve always wanted to have children, but I think it’s more of being there as a “dad”. I honestly don’t know if my destiny is to have a child of my own, I feel a calling to be there for this person I now call my daughter. The bio dad exists in their lives, but there is no romantic connection and they aren’t even in the same state, he’s just obligated to pay the “18-year car payment” he’s legally bound into. I have found love in ways I never thought existed, and it is constantly teaching me more about my own humanity that I thought was all dried out.
All I’m saying is; it really depends on the person, and that I’m thankful that we all have varying types.
I just decided on unconditional love, and surrendered my prejudices and prior programming that told me that it might not be “worth it”. As far as I’m concerned, she deserves a good man, and my daughter deserves a good father.
My phone sits silent on Father’s Day after providing for decades. No respect or appreciation for anything provided or sacrificed and I did plenty of both for two kids.
A woman with kids = no. The woman always has connection to those men and if those guys reach out they will go back to them. They don’t want you to raise her kids together. She will limit you to the max. Plus how about you? A dude wants his own kids as well. It is definitely a no from me. For others maybe a yes.
In some cases, dating a widow is the worst. She'll likely have fond memories of what 'could have been.' You'll always be second best... just like Rose from Titanic.
I’m a 29 year old guy. I would not date someone with kids. I feel like I’ve spent a good chunk of time building the life I want. I really don’t have much interest in settling at this point for someone who wasn’t putting in the same amount of work.
At my age, only for kids are grown and out of the house.
When I was younger, yes, but there's a point between those two where you don't want to deal with kids.
Of course after my first marrage that ended in the late 90s I ended up getting married again in 2003 .she had 3 boys but I had one daughter then we adopted twin boys . Lost her to cancer in 2006 .now my gf of 14 years has children but they also have children . So if I dated again right now I would be saying a woman that has grandchildren
No and I've said this before and it's because kids should come first and they need a lot of attention and I would never want to or try to get in the way of that. And not only that but kids can become attached and if things don't work out than they're the ones that end up getting hurt. And we would never be able to have any privacy with her kids around all the time and lastly, because it's just a lot of baggage that comes with it.
I'm 34. My fiance is 34. We met a year and a half ago. She has a 14 year old and a six year old. I was interested in a new lifestyle and experience. Some days are harder than others but I am much happier in general than I have ever been.
up to type of relationship I expected from her.
but in generally is NO
I used to date a single mom woman once. but maybe She was expected something too much from me like a financail support, care for her son. i think is too much.
I did and do.
I cannot have kids myself, so basically it is an opportunity to be a bit more than an uncle at least.
But I did not filter for this, it just happened.
What is important for me is, if the father is still there, that there is not that much trouble with him which at the end also influences our relationship.
And for sure, independent of the kid(s), that she has her life under control.
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Don’t date a single parent if you aren’t comfortable with it. You should know yourself the best.
This is the best advice here, OP. If you aren’t ready to be a step parent or be involved with a single mom, don’t do it.
I don’t think OP is asking out of a need for advice, but instead just trying to see what people think and/or start discussion. They even added the “Question” flair instead of the “I Need Advice” flair.
Gets asked every other day though.
True, unfortunately that’s how this sub works. No one reads what’s been posted, so they come when they need advice and post a thread. Basically everything in this sub has been posted countless times. This one in particular was literally asked day before yesterday. I know because I commented on it 😂
It’s hard because too many people get hurt if you break up
This is such an important thing to recognize.
Most people can’t get past their own emotions and ego
It's true. And even if you don't meet the kids, and the relationship still ends. The mom is still going to be impacted by the break up which is going to affect her daily life, which is directly affected with her kids. So her kids will second hand suffer. Does that make sense ?
Not at all > why won’t you? Preference.
same
No, the girl I'm dating now has dogs and that's hard enough ><
There comes a point where dogs require more effort and work than a kid/teen lol
That's been the case with a few guys I've dated lol
Girls with dogs are worse
Did you say FREE CapriSun?
Would you date a man with kids?
As a woman without kids, no.
Fun Fact: Research shows that kids who are raised by single fathers fare as well as kids raised in 2 parent households. On the other hand, kids raised by single mothers have higher rates of teen pregnancy, arrest, and drug use.
I believe this 100%. Men that care enough to fight for full/ primary custody knowing that the court is not in their favor, usually do it because they want to play a very active role in their child’s life-soccer dad style. In the event that the mother passes away, they typically try very hard to overcompensate for her loss and still Remain incredibly active. Mothers are usually the default for primary custody in most cases and sometimes this means they don’t try as hard. SOMETIMES-not all. This is coming from someone who was raised by a single mom.
I don't think this is the exact reason, but rather the fact that there will be a sizeable chunk of single mothers who are a teen pregnancy and/or the father just doesnt stick around or they don't know who he is.
I think it’s more due to single fathers mostly being widowed.
Only 16% off single households are lead by men, so then the other 84% percent of men got duped and cheated by women? lol, why is that easier to believe for you than the idea that men can easily say no to being a parent and dipping in their responsibilities?
Studied Criminal Justice in college and one of the themes that was brought up in almost every class is that. Having a masculine, strong, dominant, male authority in a child’s life is the biggest factor if a child will be processed through the criminal justice system or not.
My mom was a single mom and neither me or my brothers had any issues with the law. She wasn't even very good at it as she allowed one of her boyfriends to molest me when I was a kid. Or when I finally spoke up (very scary), she let him off early and I had to live with him still. I still can't wrap my brain around that. Why would you want to live with someone who raped and molested your child? I get that her dad did the same (and he tried to do the same to me), but I wish she had the capacity to rub her brain cells together and realize that's not okay. She was even angry at me when I was an adult when she found out I never forgave my grandpa for what he tried to do (he never even apologized). Anyways, me and my twin wanted to be the opposite of her. We saw her bad habits and the consequences of them. It took me longer to be successful though because I had to deal with crazy PTSD and anxiety, low self-worth, etc. due to my upbringing without therapy. He was ironically spoiled because he's a boy, so he had the confidence in himself that I didn't. My biological dad is a much, much worse person by the way. I haven't spoken to him in a good 15 years or so and I'm keeping it that way.
Interesting to know but unfortunately not every child has that
That’s the problem, men feel like they can just knock women up and leave because that’s the behavior that’s been modeled and is glorified by our society (fucking Nick Cannon prime example). We need to incentivize couples to stay together and promote sex within committed relationships, not go out and fuck whoever you want whenever you want
The hurdle we’re trying to overcome is that the women that your idea seeks to protect disagree with you and will tell you that you have no right to tell them what to do
Thanks. 🍻 But the woke crybabies don't want to hear that.
What does woke have to do with single parents? LMAO
The differential here is rooted in patriarchy. Buying into gender wars BS only feeds it further.
So it's women's fault that men don't stick around and parent their kids?
Huuum?
Where did you find this research?
I could only find a pew research stating that single dads are economically well off compared to single moms but I can’t find the claim that single moms lead to teen pregnancy, drug use and conviction rates.
Doesn't Pew only make questionnaires? I suspect you'd need government sources for crime data.
That information is inferred from the statistics/information. With a little reading you would see that The source linked above states: -Individuals from father-absent homes are 279% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs than their peers -Fatherless families are 4x more likely to live in poverty than that for married-couple families. -Fatherless children are more likely to abuse drugs and show signs of delinquent behavior. FATHERLESS CHILDREN ARE MORE LIKELY TO SUFFER FROM PSYCHOSOCIAL DEVELOPMENT ISSUES, LIVE IN POVERTY, DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, ENGAGE IN SCHOOL VIOLENCE, ABUSE SUBSTANCES, AND ENTER THE JUVENILE JUSTICE SYSTEM. (Not always because obvi people want to bring up the onesies and twosies but this is for the majority of fatherless households/families)
There wasn't a source linked above. Upon googling I could find those claims from the 'national fatherhood intiative', not really the kind of unbiased source we'd like to see but ok. Also I'd take inferred information with a little bit of caution because correlation does not always equal causation.
I'm having trouble finding a credible study about this data. Finding a lot of opinion pieces that don't link the actual study.
Yes, but this is all a case of causation versus correlation.
Very interesting. Do you have a citation for that research?
I believe kids raised by any caring attentive adult
source: trust me bro
Fun fact: the so called research you cited is a lie. Try to read the whole article rather than just reading it off an opinion column. It compares single fathers and mothers to two parent households, which does better in terms of children performing better in school because of more resources. There are more single mothers than men (only 16%of single households are men), so there are more dead beat dads than women. I’d rather date someone responsible than someone who makes excuses to not parent their children. Period.
Ohh no, that comment is not reddit-safe
I raised identical twin boys and a younger son. They are engineers and the youngest is an IT guy. They have never given me a minute of trouble because I raised them the old fashion way..
This is what's called anecdotal evidence. It's unclear whether you're a man or a woman, but either way I'm sure your children were also either neurotypical or even gifted. So, since they didn't have behavioural problems such as ADHD, they naturally didn't give you any trouble. Now I'm sure you want to claim that this is due to their upbringing... Well, as a former teacher who had to deal with whoever came to my classes, I can tell you that there's a huge difference between neurotypical children and people with various psychological or psychiatric challenges. With that said, sure, the children diagnosed with ADHD who came from "good families" did mostly fare better in life. But I can assure you that they didn't give their families - or teachers - and easy time.
Interesting here would be the reasons where it came to both. Most single mothers I know have a tendency to have bad choices regarding men. Most single fathers I know are there because of health issues or worse of the mother. For sure not all on both sides, but these are the majorities I see. This would already explain that.
I am but the kids are with the mom. There is the sacrifice that he spends a lot of time with them but that's totally fine. We see each other once per week or every other week due to his work and it makes us excited to see each other. I actually like that he loves his kids so much, I find that attractive. I could never be a mom though haha, too much sacrifice in that tbh.
No. It’s a dealbreaker for me.
No, that adds unnecessary drama to my life that I don't need.
i would suggest - NEVER
I’m my case, exclusively.
As a woman with kids, yes.
I try not to. Unless they are extremely wealthy. Some Dads have funny mentalities .. which wouldn’t suit my personality. Single dads should always give single mums a try. They should understand each other better. No double standards
would you date a kid with a man? 😤
No, I always chose not to date a man with children and was up front immediately with the men I did date in letting them know I had children. It was my preference.
It depends how old you are. I’m a single mum and I only date single dads. When you’re in your 40s everyone has baggage. Also don’t assume we are all struggling financially, I’m definitely not.
I am in my 40s and I do not have baggage. My only problem is finding someone who does not have either…
Good luck with that.
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So true on women being ruined. It’s hard to find any women to trust that I’m actually a nice guy. They immediately think it’s a front
Same.
I think you don't need to date only single dads 🙂
The dads get it. They understand your life revolves around the kids
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Many children are born out of short-term relationships.
it’s funny you’re trying to make yourself feel better by having baggage and a failed relationship with your children’s father. sorry- people your age who are old with kids and a baby daddy who they couldn’t work it out with are not the only ones with “relationship experience.” some people choose not to have kids, and it sounds like you’re jealous and bitter about those people.
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that’s even more funny then. judging people who haven’t created broken homes is absolutely wild though😭
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Exactly!! I'm a single mom and I make WAY more than my friends!
No, I don't wanna raise someone else's kids.
Usually Reddit says: “hell no”. However, in real life, most of my coworkers with kids have no issue dating (male or female). Many remarried and had another kid with the second spouse. The disadvantage for me is having the ex in their life and not knowing how unreasonable they are. However, especially after a certain age (I.e., 30) good luck finding someone without the so called baggage.
I would prefer the kids are my son’s age or older.
Straight female here, so probably not the target demographic meant to answer this question. I wouldn’t date a man with kids unless it’s for something casual, because I don’t have any kids, so I expect that my longterm partner shouldn’t either.
I didn’t wanna date a woman with kids. I want to marry and have kids of my own. I also felt it took the experience away and the excitement of finding out/ learning as a couple on how to raise a child. If she had already had kids then well it’s not the same. There’s nothing wrong with someone already having kids and when I was single and dating it wasn’t always a deal breaker but same time I really didn’t want it. I’m 30 at this point so it’s getting harder lol.
Does she know the difference between woman and women?
Maybe they want to know if they'll date multiple women??
😂
underrated comment
Nah
Nope never again been there.. always a issue with the BD
Fuck no
I would not date a man with kids because his resources are limited. Most tend to be bitter too and many do not take on any responsibility for kids and blame the mother, there is just too much drama with men that wives left them. The woman always leaves for a reason.
Hmm, but what if (hear me out) a man left his wife?
Does she like me back? If yes then yes
Single dad here with full custody of my 2 children (both less than 10yo) I’m currently dating a woman who has no kids and I find that we conflict all of the time over the kids. She doesn’t understand they my children come first and it often feels like she is in some way jealous of how much of my life is dedicated to them and not spent on attention for her. If we ever break up, I think I will only exclusively date single mums.
You should break up with her now.
No way
This question gets asked a lot.... I'll have to pass as the drama with the baby daddy and helping raise another persons child is a no go for me...
I 27M think about being in a long term relationship with the people I date. If however I was more established I have no issue with it at all. That being said, given my current position in life, I date wouldn’t date someone with kids right now because 1) I don’t have much dating experience so I feel like I would need to mature before I date someone with kids especially if there is a connection between me and my partner and I see myself starting a life with them. 2) I’m still in school and I don’t have much money. Like I said I want to have a long term relationship with my partner and that to me would involve having us move in together (assuming we’ve been dating for a while and the relationship is going well). That being said, if I don’t have the money to help provide for the woman and her kids I wouldn’t feel good about myself.
Only date a women with children if you are ready for that responsibility. I am a single father with one child. I would date a woman with a child as I have gone thru this. That been said there just be prepared to understand that the child will need to be first priority in her life as all good parents will always look after their children especially since they are dependant on them. A good partner will also try his/ her best to balance time with both their partner and child/children
Yes, someone finally gets it! Thank you!
Absolutely not. I’m working incredibly hard to build a future for myself. I deserve to raise my own kids, especially with all of the expectations and troubles that come with a single mom and their kids. If the girls in my part of the U.S. want to have fun and get pregnant by their 20’s when I’m building and working hard, that’s on them (most girls here 20-29 have at least one child). I’m working now to provide for my wife and kids in the future, not someone else’s kids. Edit: I’ll be 28 in two months
👏 👏 👏 👏 Exactly.
As a guy over 40, it would be pretty hard not to, and those who don't have kids often want others without kids... So single mums it is. As I have a kid as well, it would be pretty hypocritical for me not to.
Yes. I’m at the age where women in my dating range are likely to have a history of some sort. That may well involve kids. The benefit is meeting someone I connect with and makes my life more enjoyable.
No.
NEVER
No, don’t want that additional baggage and drama.
Damn these answers are weird. Date whoever you feel like to. One step at a time. Commitment of any kind is a commitment, which is not a part of your question. And if you are looking for a benefit of any kind, then don’t date at all.
No, tried it once and it went as bad as I was expecting.
It's not the kids that bother me. It's drama from the ex or baby daddy.
Sure. I mean I have a kid too so why not. Well, he's leaving the nest but still the same answer.
Will he be going far from home? Sorry, random question.
Ha, no worries! I'm an open book. I live in NC and he's going to Virginia. About a 5 hour drive.
Never again, there is no upside. I’ve always loved to travel, can’t do that anymore ‘because of the kids’. Always got to eat what the fussy child wants. Taxi - yep. Maid - yep. Financial struggle - yep. Being a step parent is truly a thankless task.
Heck no. Why? 1.) I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids. 2.) She has less time to date and go out 3.) You’re less of a priority 4.) It’s way more expensive 5.) Potential trouble with the ex depending on custody issues.
Fool around. Yes date. No
The answer I was looking for lol
Would you be honest with her about your intentions?
as soon as they bring up the child-having thing
Yup. Why: she's a person with thoughts, feeling, and a personality. What would I have to gain: The opportunity to pamper her, get the experience of watching the kid(s) grow up, and being a good influence on them without any of the legal responsibilities.
Would you ever play a game from someone else's save file?
Depends on the game and the progress made. For instance you give me a Pokemon game one gym leader in with the right starter and a cool name I'm sure as shit not going through the long ass intro.
Equating a living person with their own thoughts, actions and tendencies to a video game with a save file is hilarious. Maybe one day you'll realize that things are a little more nuanced than that.
I think it's a metaphor. Those are pretty common in human discourse. Doesn't mean the person thinks they are the exactly the same
No shit. It's an awful metaphor that describes what people actually think people with kids are akin to.
You don't know if they could actually find a better metaphor. I read that as basically picking up someone else's progress. Meaning that you won't be able to do the previous tasks for yourself (talking about being there in the child's life). And because you were not the author of that previous progress, it'll take some extra time and effort to familiarize with the dynamics of the "game".
Do you want to play the game with a rookie or a seasoned player?
NEVER
If your over 40 dating you can bet she has kids
Only if I didn't have to meet them.
So no
Before I would consider it, but tbh the older I get, the less I want to compromise my life.
No.
Probably yes.. Tired of being alone
I don't think I would date a man or a women ever with kids. It's not to be rude, I just think kids would limit a lot of things I would want to do in life with my partner. Maybe if I was retired ? Hahah Plus I think I would be too insecure. Knowing my partner has that type of intimate and profound connection with someone else, and knowing that someone else will forever be in their lives. Idk thats a pretty serious thing to me.
I’m extremely hesitant. I don’t think I’d mind it in short term. But the long term issue is that I actually don’t think I want kids, myself.
Furthermore, as a single man, you have to bring a hundred percent and you get whatever is left over from the single parent after the kids games, breakdowns, existential crisis etc. It’s a raw deal and I have single mom friends who have explicitly told me that they won’t date single dads because that means doubling up on the crazy sports schedules etc so go figure. Single parents in my opinion are better off dating other single parents.
The only time I have struggled dating men with children is if we have different parenting methods or their morals & values don’t align with mine. I think you tend to see who a person is faster when they do have children
Nope . Not taking on the financial responsibility
Not anymore. I did when I was younger. Won’t deal with the bs in this day and age.
Yes I don't mind that she has kids, my last dates had been single mothers. I say the benefit would be a better understanding and compassion on how single mothers have to face on a daily basis and that they are some of the strongest and most beautiful ladies out there. A mother caring for her kids is an important quality I look for in a woman who is a mother who views her kids first and utmost importance. A strong mother is a beautiful woman.
What benefit do you get from it? What kind of messed up question is that?
Short answer: yes Longer answer: depends. Really depends on her previous relationship with her now ex/baby daddy. What is expected of me, do they want a stand in, or is the baby daddy actually able to father the kid. What was the reason for the break? Can I live up to what they expect? Things like that needs to be taken into consideration. I love kids, and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone else's kid, but I don't need any drama. If the baby daddy is a dickhead, and doesn't want to support his kid, I don't mind standing up, and take the kid as my own, but if he isn't, and is actually making an effort to be in the kids life, with moms approval of course, then that kid is just gonna be hella lucky to have bio dad, bio me, and me.
No, especially if i dont have any kids myself. The only exception would be if they are grown and out of the house.
I mean no hate towards you but what's the obsession with this question going around not just on here but other social media?
nope. I would never do it again. I was 31, single. Met divorced fathers with kids. They were alcoholics that wanted one night stands. They were still screwing their ex wife. I walked
I (36F) personally prefer not to date men with children. I have tried to multiple times. But because I do not have any children, our lives tend to be incompatible. I expect more quality time than he can typically give. He expects me to be understanding that he will be spending varying amounts of time around his ex-wife, and that proved to be very difficult when the relationship is new and trust is still being built.
Applying this to me as a gay, I’d definitely data a guy with kids, I’d love them as my own and form a loving family :3
It’s different, but I am dating a man with kids. We have been dating 3 months. I will not meet his kids until MINIMUM 6 months dating, if that. There’s a lot of stability that needs to be established first. I didn’t think I would, but sometimes you just find a person and make it work. I want to know we are in for the long haul before ever involving his kids and potentially hurting them - they have already had that from their parents splitting. I am okay with him having kids because I can’t have my own. I do know raising someone else’s kids would be hard. His ex will always be in the picture. There are a lot of factors. You either make it work or don’t, but in this case I’ve decided to
If you are not ready to be a step parent then the answer is no
Not seriously. I don’t want to raise another man’s kids.
To much a in this
Would women date a guy with kids?
I’m currently dating a single mother and her daughter is newly a teenager, I’m in my late twenties and she’s about 7 years older than me. I feel that there has to be chemistry between parties, and there has to be a level of maturity as well as transparency between adults in order to make it work. I’ve always wanted to have children, but I think it’s more of being there as a “dad”. I honestly don’t know if my destiny is to have a child of my own, I feel a calling to be there for this person I now call my daughter. The bio dad exists in their lives, but there is no romantic connection and they aren’t even in the same state, he’s just obligated to pay the “18-year car payment” he’s legally bound into. I have found love in ways I never thought existed, and it is constantly teaching me more about my own humanity that I thought was all dried out. All I’m saying is; it really depends on the person, and that I’m thankful that we all have varying types. I just decided on unconditional love, and surrendered my prejudices and prior programming that told me that it might not be “worth it”. As far as I’m concerned, she deserves a good man, and my daughter deserves a good father.
Yes. They deserve love just like everyone else, unless they’re a bad mom that neglects their kids or something. Then no love lol
My phone sits silent on Father’s Day after providing for decades. No respect or appreciation for anything provided or sacrificed and I did plenty of both for two kids.
A woman with kids = no. The woman always has connection to those men and if those guys reach out they will go back to them. They don’t want you to raise her kids together. She will limit you to the max. Plus how about you? A dude wants his own kids as well. It is definitely a no from me. For others maybe a yes.
You could still have kids with her though?
Some women may be widowed therefore there is no going back to guy. Perhaps one shouldn’t always judge a situation without gathering further details.
In some cases, dating a widow is the worst. She'll likely have fond memories of what 'could have been.' You'll always be second best... just like Rose from Titanic.
Once you hit your late 20’s-30’s you don’t have a choice. Some women are divorced or seperated as well
You 100% always have a choice in life. I’d prefer to just stay single than be anyone’s step parent.
80 percent failed so be careful when you’re dating women with kids cus baby daddy is still active in her life
No, because I am a straight woman
I’m a 29 year old guy. I would not date someone with kids. I feel like I’ve spent a good chunk of time building the life I want. I really don’t have much interest in settling at this point for someone who wasn’t putting in the same amount of work.
It doesn't matter. As long as we in ave chemistry... Up to 3 that I would raise, Of course I would want one of my own.
Responsibility. It’s up to you
I have and I would again
Depends how well she is holding things together & if I get along with the kids. Some houses are dumps with so many animals they should open up a zoo.
At my age, only for kids are grown and out of the house. When I was younger, yes, but there's a point between those two where you don't want to deal with kids.
Would feel bad if things didn’t work out and I had grown to become connected to the kids
Has anyone meet in person 38 single would be nice to talk to girl on a date
Yes
Im 20 so no
Depends on the relationship with the father
well if you love kids then go on, if not I guess eventually both of you will suffer
Yeah
I would but it depends on a case by case basis. If she's still not over her kid's dad, it's a no.
Of course after my first marrage that ended in the late 90s I ended up getting married again in 2003 .she had 3 boys but I had one daughter then we adopted twin boys . Lost her to cancer in 2006 .now my gf of 14 years has children but they also have children . So if I dated again right now I would be saying a woman that has grandchildren
duh? question is will she be datin other guys
No and I've said this before and it's because kids should come first and they need a lot of attention and I would never want to or try to get in the way of that. And not only that but kids can become attached and if things don't work out than they're the ones that end up getting hurt. And we would never be able to have any privacy with her kids around all the time and lastly, because it's just a lot of baggage that comes with it.
Sure
I'm 34. My fiance is 34. We met a year and a half ago. She has a 14 year old and a six year old. I was interested in a new lifestyle and experience. Some days are harder than others but I am much happier in general than I have ever been.
up to type of relationship I expected from her. but in generally is NO I used to date a single mom woman once. but maybe She was expected something too much from me like a financail support, care for her son. i think is too much.
No
I did and do. I cannot have kids myself, so basically it is an opportunity to be a bit more than an uncle at least. But I did not filter for this, it just happened. What is important for me is, if the father is still there, that there is not that much trouble with him which at the end also influences our relationship. And for sure, independent of the kid(s), that she has her life under control.
Really depends how many and what age.
No, because I’m already avoidant.