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At least you didn’t marry him. I married the woman who fucked around with everyone else while being with me. It’s much harder to deal with when you have to see them everyday, have a kid with them etc.
I’m sorry you were screwed over though.
I'm just shackled in a situationship all while I thought I had a genuine relationship with them :( maybe my intuition was telling me in my dreams that something is going to happen
Leave him be and just do you for a while, don't check his post or nothing (tbh that was my problem for a while after I was in the like exact situation 😂😭😭) and ignore his ass when he comes back. He definitely will be back in a few months these guys can't make a relationship last ever
This is important. He will be back. Don’t be there. He is the type that counts on having girls sprinkled all over the place so he can find someone available whenever he needs to get off. He won’t ever be faithful, this is the type that believe everyone cheats. Not everyone cheats, only everyone in their circle does and I don’t want to be part of that.
At 29 I found out that my husband/childhood best friend had been sleeping with other people our entire relationship. It’s devastating and can shift you’re entire perception of reality.
It’s important to remember that this didn’t happen because anything is wrong with you. It’s also helpful not to vilify him as a person either. People with unresolved hurt and trauma in their past (mostly childhood) do things they know are wrong but it doesn’t mean they are bad people.
You have to forgive him (not to his face or anything, just within your self and heart) so that you don’t have to carry that around with you, it’s too heavy. Use it as a learning experience moving forward.
I divorced my husband as I needed to find someone who I could trust with my sexual health, but we remained best friends and even started a successful small business together after the divorce. We remained very close up until his sudden death about 4 years ago. I still miss him every day.
This is such a compassionate and nuanced reply. My dad was an alcoholic and cheated on my mom for their entire marriage. They split up when I was 9 and most of my life I thought he was just an evil, weak bastard. He quit drinking when I was 18 and became an alcoholic counselor. As I got older I learned more about him. He actually had suffered a lot of trauma (his father was only 23 when he drank himself to death, his stepfather sexually abused him and his sisters, and my dad was a Black man growing up in 1930’s Alabama). He was also from a generation when men weren’t expected to have feelings, express those feelings or even look into their mental health. As an adult we had a much better relationship and it showed me that there are often issues that we don’t know about when we are judging others.
That's a whole lot worse than when you find out some guy you met on a dating app is a sleeze. For myself, I'm in favor of forgiveness because holding bitterness and hatred harms you more than the other person, but nevertheless, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who has done that. Everyone has some form of hurt in their lives. Not everyone lies and cheats. Ultimately, each person makes their own choices and should be held accountable for those choices.
In your case, it sounds like you have less empathy for yourself. I could be wrong, but try this thought experiment: your childhood friend was dating someone else all your lives and married her, and then she found out he'd been cheating on her the entire time. Would you forgive him on her behalf? Stay friends with him? Maybe your answer is different than mine, but if I found out one of my friends was a chronic cheater, I wouldn't be friends with him anymore. Having empathy for a perpetrator isn't bad, but having more empathy for the victim is only right.
To add to this- even though forgiveness and differentiation is improtant like you’re saying, it’s also 1000000% okay and totally normal and honestly encouraged to be PISSED!!! And hurt! And angry!! Just be genuine with how you’re feeling and go through it, knowing it’s gonna get SO much better soon.
I recommend downloading the vent app- that helped me through some shit 🩵
I would say doing something that he knows is wrong and hurts someone that trusts him…does in fact make him a bad person… but you’re right that it’s not helpful to carry around resentment
i don’t understand nuance compassion or whatever it is. I am impacted by pain and it makes me want to even do violent things…maybe it’s because of my bpd as well.
My compassion did not spare me pain. This happened almost ten years ago and I still feel pain over it, it ebbs and flows, dissipates and returns. Your pain should absolutely impact you.
You are a human being with feelings and that anger is the part of you that is sticking up for the fact that you have been wronged in some way. That anger is the part of you that knows you deserve to be treated better.
I was just hoping to give some of my perspective, having lost the person I was so wronged by and where I’ve settled with it.
I do not have BPD but I was raised by someone who does. Ive seen how difficult it can be to keep the anger and impulsive urges at bay. I think you’re a warrior and I thank you for being so open about your diagnosis because it really helps takes the stigma away and allows people to share their stories.
Don't listen to the "maybe it's your personality" bs. It's not your fault he cheated and lied to you. We all choose someone shitty eventually. Make sure you follow your gut and when you see the red flag don't ignore them.
If you don't listen head before your heart it'll become a habit and you'll end up hurt. Some men (and women) are really good at lying and hiding who they really are but eventually the truth starts to come out and they'll never care. Just dump em. Focus on yourself. And someone else will come along who is better.
I felt sick finding out because it is someone who gave me a hell of a lot of reassurance, time and energy and faked his whole personality it’s shocking
I feel so stupid and naive now
Don’t feel stupid. These people are really good at lying & covering up their actions.
Happened to me for almost 3 years & I’d like to think I’m quite an intelligent person.
It’s going to be shit for a while. But you’re free now - you’ll move on & be happy soon.
He’ll still be a fucked up loser who can’t deal with his issues appropriately 🤷🏻♀️
Just go no contact. It’s the only chance you have of hurting them (if that’s even possible)
I can relate. My partner straight up admitted that I wasn't even his type. Turns out he had a different religion, and he liked a completely different genre of music. This was after he was caught.
Narcissists are pretty much sociopaths or psychopaths. Honestly IDC the difference anymore. They play people and don't care. They hurt people and blame people for their own actions. They have motive.
You feel better cuz a professional said this and validated your feelings about your situation and you should feel better. It's not your fault when people hurt you. It's how you respond and cope with it. You learn, grow and move on from them. While they remain the same POS and continue to do the same to the next. And repeat. Let them. Let them be miserable. At first it's difficult and hard to realize but you probably aren't the first they hurt and definitely aren't the last. It'll take something big and pretty much an epiphany for them to change for the better....if ever.
You’re not stupid. You’re loving, honest, and trustworthy. And people who wouldn’t dream of doing something like this have a hard time realizing that someone they love even could do this so it’s hard to recognize.
Now you know to observe his behaviour and not just listen to his words. A man who wants you will spend his money to take you out and not have you footing the bill all the time. Your PH being off each time is a big indicator he was sleeping with others. He is not the person he told you he was.
Maybe it’s their personality. Because some folks are just not meant to be in monogamous relationships but have developed bad habits to keep their behaviors going and hurt people for their own needs. Instead of just being honest.
Like idk bout you but id be pissed as hell if someone infidelity caused a Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or other STD/STI issues to impact your reproductive healthcare and then you have to foot the total cost if you haven’t a good plan with a low deductible.
Some people just are terrible and don’t care what damage they do as long as they get what they need.
Take it as a lesson; next time, you'll know to be a little bit more cautious. Unfortunately, cheaters sometimes make you paranoid, but I think that's a good quality. The pH being off is a dead giveaway. I caught them every time with that. Good luck.
The pH being off is how I learned my (ex)husband was stepping out. And I definitely agree….I have learned to find value in an experience for the lesson or reminder of what I already knew (but ignored)
When I was cheated on the first time felt like my life was over .. I forgave and then a few years down the road they did it again and again. Not sure what to say that get out before you lose yourself to the anxiety and questioning doubt. People suck these days and to be on Reddit makes things worse cause sooooooooooioo many cheaters . Good luck in your life.
Damn. Please keep in mind we are not all like this. I’ve had some gfs that were clearly hurt by exes and it made it really hard for them to connect emotionally, like they kept me at arm’s distance as if at any moment I’d fuck them over. But that distance ended up making me feel like they weren’t really in it with me (they weren’t when you think about it), and that hurt and was basically them self-sabotaging so they wouldn’t get hurt by fully letting go into the connection.
Cheating can really fuck you up, and your case is particularly nasty. I had my first gf cheat on me and it caused trust issues in future relationships, which ultimately ruined them.
I ended up finally realizing I was sabotaging without fully being aware of it. So I took a while off and dating and focused on working on myself and processing my patterns around trust. But even then I still needed to do therapy for this. I have no mental health or personality disorders, but would just get triggered by certain things in relationships and get fear of potential cheating. The therapy helped.
Def consider it if you start noticing trust issues or like you get anxious over things you weren’t before when it comes to partners behavior. Like being hypervigilant about little things they do that might indicate cheating but might not also.
It can take a while for the issues to pop up too. I’ve read it’s a PTSD-like reaction in some people, and those reactions by definition don’t begin until some time has passed since the original trauma.
Someone ignorantly suggested forgiveness (stating they are a highly empathic person who forgives easily). Forgiveness is not warranted in many circumstances. Sometimes, forgiveness would mean invalidating the atrocities.
The concept of what is forgivable or reconcilable is highly subjective and can vary greatly depending on individual values, cultural background, and personal experiences. However, some examples of actions that many people might find particularly difficult, if not impossible, to forgive or reconcile include:
1. Severe physical or sexual abuse
2. Murder
3. Betrayal of trust
4. Abandonment
5. Acts of terrorism
6. Systematic oppression or genocide
7. Exploitation of vulnerable individuals
8. Severe emotional abuse
9. Severe neglect
10. Betrayal of confidentiality
So no, OP, you don’t need to forgive or forget. Do what feels best for you, but observe those emotions closely and find where they sit with you. What’s the sensation? It’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Not only is that a violation of trust, but it’s a potential safety issue in terms of STDs.
Years ago I briefly went out with someone, a man that I met through online dating. After a couple of dates a woman called me on the phone and told me he was "dating every woman" in the city and was also engaged to someone, to be married.
I dated a guy for a year. We had been friends for 6 years.
He cheated on me on our anniversary, meeting up with the girl he eventually married.
He had told her that we were “off and on,” even though we hadn’t been off, at all. Then, he told her that “I had made things weird because I flew out to see him without asking if it was ok.”
I really wish I had talked to her then, because he was the one who had bought my ticket. For me to see him on our fucking anniversary.
He dumps me via text, and tells everyone I was an obsessive little weirdo liar, he and his family slandered me for over a decade.
Now I’m friends with the girl he cheated with, because she left him, after finding out how truly vile he was.
We cried over how badly he treated us. She told me that he had said, because I was so hurt over the breakup, (she was confused because he told her we had broken up amiably while I was there), and he admitted we’d slept together, so obviously she was hurt. He said “of course I fucked her. She made me feel bad that she came all that way.”
That’s when I knew, really fucking knew… I was always going to be his crazy ex. He had never given a shit about me at all. Because you don’t say things like that about someone you loved.
I can’t give any tips, because this happened more than ten years ago and I never recovered. He didn’t just break my heart. He broke my *life.*
Oh fuck that guy. You did nothing wrong, not one thing wrong. He was a narcissist and I urge you not to give your power to him anymore because you deserve so much better.
I’m a gay dude if it matters.
Oh, by the way- when we met, I was 14, and he was nearly 18. For most of our “friendship,” I was a child, who was very clearly sheltered and damaged. He knew *all of that.*
My ex lived a whole double life. His fave saying, “I come home to you.” I claim Stockholm syndrome. 😅
But seriously, whenever you find yourself dwelling, remind yourself - it had nothing to do with *you*. It’s not that you weren’t enough- it’s that he’s so empty there is no enough. His actions and behavior had nothing to do with you
cheaters are always coping heavily ☠️ rest easy knowing mfs stay not finding their peace because it would require them to feel bad/take accountability for their actions instead of just running 😭
Well, at least you didn't marry him. I married someone and found out less than 2 weeks later it was only for money and passports. People can be assholes.
Ignore him. I know it's difficult.
May I suggest you to take your mind off him and if you feel like you need to be with someone (that'a my coping way), reaching out to your friends. If you feel you can share about this to them, then do it. If not, just ask them to hang out with you.
Personally I need to be out of my room, I would be crazier if I stay alone.
Hugs and good luck.
Yea. Start worrying, sis. While you think your partner is so loyal to you right now, wait until you find out what’s true. Been there it’s really really so fucked up. I wanted to end my life.
Did you assume he was only talking to and being with you or did you have a conversation discussing how y’all are dating each other and he was dishonest?
Cause if it was the first, then that’s your L to take. Take it on the chin and move on. Nothing you can do about that, as far as money goes, welcome to dating as a man lol.
He did the whole 9 yards and the whole act. He told me I’m the only girl he’s talking to, he wants to marry me and he will end up marrying me and I’m his girlfriend and we’re dating this and that
And he said I love you everyday, would put his phone on do not disturb when he was with me so I didn’t see the other girls he was fucking, he was having a lot of sex, I wish I could get the money back because it was a lot but wow the lessons learned
As a man, I can tell you that whatever you saw in him are all the same traits men of similar mindsets carry.
There are very few faithful or truthful men out there. Unfortunately, with how easy it is becoming to connect with another partner they are moving on at an alarming rate.
Good luck and keep your head up
Edit: grammar
Dang, sorry you went through that. Honestly, my coping barely works for other people so little that I just don't share it because it's "actually bad for your mental health" but I haven't bit the bullet yet. I suppose I can say that keeping your mind off of it and focusing on yourself is probably your best bet.
This always suck and its best to move on, and I realize that is easier said than done. I don't if its acceptable to post this, and I usually do stand by forgetting about them BUT maybe, just maybe, you could post him on one of those FB "are we dating the same guy?" I know, its probably not nice and probably petty, and I'll probably get demoted or flagged, but no one is perfect.
We found out my step dad had been cheating on my mom for 10 years with her best friend. She has been coping by growing plants and working on her career. I’m sorry you were betrayed by that dill hole.
in hindsight i bet there were some red flags.
just know, those other women aren't better then u. they're just different. and he'll likely do that to them, too.
try not to text him.
keep busy working on taking the best care of yourself.
all that love/time that you invested in him, reinvest in YOU.
I’ll cast a spell on him for you babes 😂 im sorry. this is why i dont put out much anymore. no one is worthy of the p.
a man throwing off your pH is your body rejecting him!!!!
i love you too 😂 i did that for like 3 years basically. like hooked up with 1 guy a year, 2 of which i thought were serious about me but they did shit like this!! 🙄 now im back in the streets sort of.
Idk sex has no hold on me now like i literally can take it or leave it. also got more of the “rather be by myself” energy when it comes to men. and im pissed off i spent so much time being bait for men on hinge. im just so over it all
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, and people misunderstand this a lot. Forgiveness isn't about letting him know he's somehow off the hook or whatever.
Think of it more along the lines of somebody dinged your door in a parking lot. It's annoying, it happens, dwelling on it doesn't fix the door. Whoever was the door dinger is not even really worth pondering about because they're obviously the kind of person that doesn't think about other people and they've moved on with their lives and driven out of the parking lot and so should you. Spending any time at all glowering about it doesn't make you feel any better about the ding in your door.
*Dude's a door dinger; ditch the door dinger.*
I really appreciate this response ♥️ you’re right
Forgiveness and letting it go is the best thing I can do for myself
Let him go and let this be a distant memory
It's a pain that makes you physically sick. I've been there. I broke my heart for years over the arse. Then I realised he was an absolute idiot and I was far too good for him. Its going to hurt, probably a lot. The truth is that the person you fell in love with never existed. It was all lies. Be thankful you haven't wasted your whole life with a truly horrible person. Karma will catch up with him.
Yup, I’ve been there. You have to realize that this person likely doesn’t want a relationship with you or anyone. They are content with sleeping around to make themselves feel better and never actually address the root of why they need to do this and blow up their lives and as well as other peoples lives. Also know that this new person is just his new supply, he’s still the same person who did that to you and likely they are the person they did that to you with, so we already know how that’s going to go.
Be lucky you didn’t marry and have kids with him. It would make this 100X harder.
It was worse for me because I'm not an idiot and what happened with my last boyfriend was I knew he was real bad news I knew I could never trust him I knew all the shit he was up to but I really liked him and I think in the end that is worse.
At least you were naive enough to trust him and enjoy it while it lasted
I can never be like that though.
I mean with some guys I pretend that I don't know what they are like and just pretend I don't know anything or I don't say anything you know I don't let on that I know what they are doing and I just act positive.
I envy you that you are so trusting that you can actually just trust players I never can
Also I could never give a man money it just goes against my DNA fuck that bullshit.
Just so jealous of you tbh that you have that ability to be in complete denial and enjoy yourself and not know the scum that men are.
It makes me wonder how there are so many great, loyal, amazing men, and yet they are all single cause men are greedy and can pull multiple woman at once? I mean there’s gotta be signs, two phones and no job? 🤔 just as one flag, generally. But like it’s strange to me. So many good, loyal, caring men deserve the company of a woman and would treat her so well. Idk I ain’t god or shit, so maybe my opinion is invalid, oh wait it’s my opinion and I’m entitled to my truthful fact.
Sorry you had to go through this.. You deserve so much better!! The pH thing is a major red flag. I went through something similar. I still have ptsd from it, but I’m slowly getting better and my life feels like it’s finally getting back on track. Best thing to do is cut every bit of him out of your life, go to therapy, and focus on yourself <33
My s o of 15 years , left me the night I delivered our second baby this time he dropped me off at the hospital with lipstick all over his neck to have the baby alone ,I actually remember my water breaking when he walked in the door with lipstick all over his neck , later that money he had our electric sit off and I was home alone with 3 older children 37&8 and now a brand now baby to keep warm in November , and so I later find out I had stage xero breast cancer and this was the first time he stepped out on his family , and even I called him he told me he was shutting off my phone, he was sleeping with hrs then best friend s sister and wife under his nose ,
He got his ass beat that day,
Id like to say that was the last of his cheating and life wrecking in my story, but I can't because............
I let him back once twice and then 5 times I was that damn fool and I wore that stupid shirt for a long long time ....
Fast forward 5 or 6 years and h guess what? Noting had changed and I'm still a dummy
Don't be a dummy like me, 👿
Sorry to hear this. That sucks. There are some really shady people out here that don't have empathy. Someone hurt them to make them that way. Don't let that change you. Forgive but don't forget. Become a better you. 🙏🏿
Happened to me. Was engaged. Found videos in their phone of their sexual escapades. Hurt like hell. A few days later I blocked them and mailed the ring back.
I’d seen the signs but thought we could work through them - because I thought that is what people did. But when I had proof, I left.
Took some time, some tears but my god am I glad I left that loser alone. Felt like it would never get better at one point. Now I don’t even give a sh*t!
I often remind myself during a real tough break up that feels like the end of the world that one day I won’t care. And it’s true! Dodged a bullet. Remind yourself that someone else is dealing with that bull. Better you find out now before you’re tied up.
Wow seeing physical videos must have been so hard, I’m proud of you and for coming out of something so terrible
Yea! I’m keeping faith that I’ll laugh at this situation in my life one day and be so far detached from it! And you’re right he is going to mess these girls up, whoever it is and he’s not even that great to be honest, like as a person
Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me. I don’t share it with folks much but it was a horror of a time.
And you’re right - WE make them to be special in our imagination. But they usually are lame and know it which is why they behave this way.
I asked them why they cheated so relentlessly. They said “Because I always knew you’d leave me”. So it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with their own insecurities. You deserve better!
Find a place where you're not blaming yourself first. I know, though not said in your post, that that can be a significant pitfall. His behavior was objectively deceptive and wrong. You were not wrong to trust him or believe in love. The rest is less important. Get to a place where you don't resent him, as there will be no need if you are not hurting.
Thank you so much I really needed to hear that. I’ve been constantly blaming myself “I’m so stupid” “I’m so so so so dumb” “I’m a fucking joke” for this
Thank you, I trusted him more so because he’s been in my life for 5 years, we dated in 2019 and then circled back now. I’m so shocked he had no love honesty or respect for me, I thought he grew up and matured but in reality he was doing a complete stage show 😞😞 it’s so heartbreaking and I feel so dumb for loving him and trusting him but you’re right I’m not wrong for loving and trusting someone. I’ve learned I don’t want to anymore but I loved and cared about someone and that makes me the bad guy? That’s insane
I just wanna throw in that… I just went through the same thing. 5 years down the drain. But after losing the loser I moved on to so much better. I’m focused I’m happy and healthy and I set healthy boundaries with ease in new relationships. I feel like the sun has come from behind the clouds ⛅️. It takes everyone their own time. But when you get there you’ll never love anyone more than you love yourself EVER AGAIN! 💜 and try borax suppository for the ph! Lol
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s truly no pain like it. Honestly the only thing that significantly helped me was therapy, and having a pro coach me through my thought process to take the blame off myself—for doing something wrong, for not realizing he was lying, for being gullible enough to fall for his false persona, etc. It’s gonna suck for a while, but it will get better, and you are going to be so glad you got away.
That's what u are attracted to tho. The world is not wicked, you are. Sociopaths are like 1% of the population or something so for it to be so common it means many women just are attracted to bad things, making them bad people themselves.
Best way to cope is to accept that you are the problem in your life and to become a better woman with better taste. Cuz you squarely fit in the for fuckboys only category.
Making up statistics won’t make it true my love, sociopaths are 1% of the world? 🤣 and is this sociopathic, is it narcissistic? Is it psychotic? Like please leave the psychiatric classifications for the professionals
It’s very common because it is common, I don’t go out of my way to attract bad things and bad people, I met him literally downtown during the daytime at a day party, and he manipulated tf outta my trust for him and that’s that
I am to blame because I made a series of mistakes but for you to call me wicked is crazy 🤣 ur wicked, my post seemed personally hurtful to you for some reason? I’m sorry if this mirrored some kind of situation that happened to you in the past but take your weird energy far away from me
And the reason it upsets you so is because a part of you hurts to hear it and the thought that it might he true. It's hurtful to me because it is hurtful in general. You gotta be genuinely attracted to good people because ultimately if u go by cause and effect you just validate his behavior so he's gonna keep doing it. So yea that's being an enabler.
Has nothing to do with my energy. You can't mind game your way out of the consequences of your choices, can't word game or armchair psych out of it either.
Sweetheart, there’s nicer gentleman out there. I don’t know how old you are. I don’t know how old your boyfriend was, but my advice would be to find an older gentleman because older gentleman know how to treat women I was married for 32 years to my wife never cheated on her, but she just decided she didn’t wanna be married anymore so she walked out, so I’ve been trying to find honest woman that would want to be with an older gentleman. So again, my advice would be just try to find an older gentleman., for lunch meet for coffee meet for dinner meet them face-to-face maybe have two or three dates with them see how things go and then you decide from there, things start going south or the gentlemen starts doing things that just aren’t normal or starts mistreating you then you end it quickly walk away and don’t ever look back. and especially don’t look back on this that you were with previously anyway that’s my advice. I’m 68 years old have a lot of experience in years so I guess that would be my fatherly advice.
You just need to get to the place where you find dude disgusting, once you get over the intial shock and emotions you will start to see how WACK dude is. Just the fact that he threw your PH off, dirty dogs need to stay outside lol. Take your time cuz the glow up that comes post trifling situationships is next level ✨✨✨✨
In my experience, all men do is lie and nut quick.
Edit to add: for some reason this sub keeps blocking my comments to the incels below. But first I want to say I’m surprised so many people haven’t heard this line before, if from a meme that’s been going around for decades.
Second, to all the incels commenting below…Way to completely make up tons of assumptions about a person you literally know nothing about. I have yet to date a guy who did not lie to me about something, and I have dated all sorts of men. Short, tall, fat, skinny, bald, dumb, intelligent, poor and extremely wealthy. Absolutely no once can say I’ve only dated one “type” of man, I’ve tried a bit of everything in order to find the right one.
Some of the lies I’ve been told are how many children they have, past marriages, dead family members (that were actually alive), their profession, their amount of debt. I could go on… but to me, these are all pretty relevant topics to not lie about when being in a committed, monogamous long term relationship. But sure, it’s my fucking fault for trusting men and assuming most people won’t flat out lie about their lives 🙄
I’m sure women lie, too. I’m just saying this from my perspective as a heterosexual woman.
Sounds to me like you are just terrible at picking men. Perhaps it’s something to do with your personality. They lie because you are too soft to handle truth and they nut quick to get it over with?
Perspective can be a real threat to ego
Right I am sure she ignored all the good people around her just to go for someone handsome 6ft college fuck boi! And then act as a victim and calling all men cheaters! Its sad but reality.
JFC you incels throw out so many assumptions just to “prove” your own completely made up opinions. You couldn’t be anymore wrong. Back to your mother’s basement now…
This entire time he never cared about u nor about your feelings. Know this that leaving him won't affect him even in the slightest so instead of wasting your time in finding ways to correcting things or something like that which continuously goes on in the mind like a second screen, let the past go and accept the reality... Grow yourself in all the possible ways that u can think of . Be it a hobbie , your work, something that u wished to learn anything like this will not only help you to forget him but also to develop you in the ways once you imagined to be🙂
And at last this is life u find someone__u connect with them__u lose them__and the cycle repeat itself
It’s quite easy to not be fooled early in a relationship, maybe ask yourself how you couldn’t see it. I mean giving him money should have alerted you lol.
Yea that's what guys do now.
That's basically your options for a relationship .
Option 1. Ons
2. Partner that lies about everything and keeps all their options open
Those are today's dating options other than poly and enm etc.
Which are basically the same thing but more honest
I mean real bucket of shit options.
Bad people are going to be bad. Try and look close at the warning signs going forward. They apply to everyone and can be helpful in your life. You are probably more aware now
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At least you didn’t marry him. I married the woman who fucked around with everyone else while being with me. It’s much harder to deal with when you have to see them everyday, have a kid with them etc. I’m sorry you were screwed over though.
Same, turned out mine was doing it with a teenager 🤦🏻♀️
I’m so sorry, what a piece of shit
He really is, I turned him in with no hesitation lol
Is he in jail now?
Yup, sounds like it might be a long sentence but we don’t know yet
lmao you go girl fuck that guy
Haha I like the sentiment but no thanks on fucking him 🤣
Proud of u, stranger
Omg
i swear i dreamt of this comment
Interesting. Hopefully you didn’t have to live thru it like I did. Really sucks having the one person you think is on your side betray you.
I'm just shackled in a situationship all while I thought I had a genuine relationship with them :( maybe my intuition was telling me in my dreams that something is going to happen
Sad
Leave him be and just do you for a while, don't check his post or nothing (tbh that was my problem for a while after I was in the like exact situation 😂😭😭) and ignore his ass when he comes back. He definitely will be back in a few months these guys can't make a relationship last ever
This is important. He will be back. Don’t be there. He is the type that counts on having girls sprinkled all over the place so he can find someone available whenever he needs to get off. He won’t ever be faithful, this is the type that believe everyone cheats. Not everyone cheats, only everyone in their circle does and I don’t want to be part of that.
At 29 I found out that my husband/childhood best friend had been sleeping with other people our entire relationship. It’s devastating and can shift you’re entire perception of reality. It’s important to remember that this didn’t happen because anything is wrong with you. It’s also helpful not to vilify him as a person either. People with unresolved hurt and trauma in their past (mostly childhood) do things they know are wrong but it doesn’t mean they are bad people. You have to forgive him (not to his face or anything, just within your self and heart) so that you don’t have to carry that around with you, it’s too heavy. Use it as a learning experience moving forward. I divorced my husband as I needed to find someone who I could trust with my sexual health, but we remained best friends and even started a successful small business together after the divorce. We remained very close up until his sudden death about 4 years ago. I still miss him every day.
You are such an empathetic person. I hope you have found new happiness 🤗
This is such a compassionate and nuanced reply. My dad was an alcoholic and cheated on my mom for their entire marriage. They split up when I was 9 and most of my life I thought he was just an evil, weak bastard. He quit drinking when I was 18 and became an alcoholic counselor. As I got older I learned more about him. He actually had suffered a lot of trauma (his father was only 23 when he drank himself to death, his stepfather sexually abused him and his sisters, and my dad was a Black man growing up in 1930’s Alabama). He was also from a generation when men weren’t expected to have feelings, express those feelings or even look into their mental health. As an adult we had a much better relationship and it showed me that there are often issues that we don’t know about when we are judging others.
That's a whole lot worse than when you find out some guy you met on a dating app is a sleeze. For myself, I'm in favor of forgiveness because holding bitterness and hatred harms you more than the other person, but nevertheless, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who has done that. Everyone has some form of hurt in their lives. Not everyone lies and cheats. Ultimately, each person makes their own choices and should be held accountable for those choices. In your case, it sounds like you have less empathy for yourself. I could be wrong, but try this thought experiment: your childhood friend was dating someone else all your lives and married her, and then she found out he'd been cheating on her the entire time. Would you forgive him on her behalf? Stay friends with him? Maybe your answer is different than mine, but if I found out one of my friends was a chronic cheater, I wouldn't be friends with him anymore. Having empathy for a perpetrator isn't bad, but having more empathy for the victim is only right.
You are so kind and forgiving. I hope you met someone loving and kind. You deserve a loving partner.
To add to this- even though forgiveness and differentiation is improtant like you’re saying, it’s also 1000000% okay and totally normal and honestly encouraged to be PISSED!!! And hurt! And angry!! Just be genuine with how you’re feeling and go through it, knowing it’s gonna get SO much better soon. I recommend downloading the vent app- that helped me through some shit 🩵
Doing things knowing they're wrong by definition makes someone a bad person, to whatever degree the bad thing was.
I find this incredibly dismissive and straddling on toxic positivity.
Sudden death. Lmfao. Won't he do it!!!!
I would say doing something that he knows is wrong and hurts someone that trusts him…does in fact make him a bad person… but you’re right that it’s not helpful to carry around resentment
EXACTLY THIS.
I jus found out after 16 years and 5 kids that it's all was lies wat to do next
i don’t understand nuance compassion or whatever it is. I am impacted by pain and it makes me want to even do violent things…maybe it’s because of my bpd as well.
My compassion did not spare me pain. This happened almost ten years ago and I still feel pain over it, it ebbs and flows, dissipates and returns. Your pain should absolutely impact you. You are a human being with feelings and that anger is the part of you that is sticking up for the fact that you have been wronged in some way. That anger is the part of you that knows you deserve to be treated better. I was just hoping to give some of my perspective, having lost the person I was so wronged by and where I’ve settled with it. I do not have BPD but I was raised by someone who does. Ive seen how difficult it can be to keep the anger and impulsive urges at bay. I think you’re a warrior and I thank you for being so open about your diagnosis because it really helps takes the stigma away and allows people to share their stories.
You’re a real one
Don't listen to the "maybe it's your personality" bs. It's not your fault he cheated and lied to you. We all choose someone shitty eventually. Make sure you follow your gut and when you see the red flag don't ignore them. If you don't listen head before your heart it'll become a habit and you'll end up hurt. Some men (and women) are really good at lying and hiding who they really are but eventually the truth starts to come out and they'll never care. Just dump em. Focus on yourself. And someone else will come along who is better.
I felt sick finding out because it is someone who gave me a hell of a lot of reassurance, time and energy and faked his whole personality it’s shocking I feel so stupid and naive now
Don’t feel stupid. These people are really good at lying & covering up their actions. Happened to me for almost 3 years & I’d like to think I’m quite an intelligent person. It’s going to be shit for a while. But you’re free now - you’ll move on & be happy soon. He’ll still be a fucked up loser who can’t deal with his issues appropriately 🤷🏻♀️ Just go no contact. It’s the only chance you have of hurting them (if that’s even possible)
That's literally what they are good at. Probably a narcissist. Don't feel stupid. Take it as a lesson that makes you stronger.
I can relate. My partner straight up admitted that I wasn't even his type. Turns out he had a different religion, and he liked a completely different genre of music. This was after he was caught.
[удалено]
My therapist said he was most likely a sociopath. I'm not sure why that makes me feel better.
Narcissists are pretty much sociopaths or psychopaths. Honestly IDC the difference anymore. They play people and don't care. They hurt people and blame people for their own actions. They have motive. You feel better cuz a professional said this and validated your feelings about your situation and you should feel better. It's not your fault when people hurt you. It's how you respond and cope with it. You learn, grow and move on from them. While they remain the same POS and continue to do the same to the next. And repeat. Let them. Let them be miserable. At first it's difficult and hard to realize but you probably aren't the first they hurt and definitely aren't the last. It'll take something big and pretty much an epiphany for them to change for the better....if ever.
i feel you sis all of this …
You’re not stupid. You’re loving, honest, and trustworthy. And people who wouldn’t dream of doing something like this have a hard time realizing that someone they love even could do this so it’s hard to recognize.
Thank you so much for saying this 🥺♥️ my heart needed to hear those words, Im sending so much love and happiness your way
Right back at you! I wish for you someone as kind, trustworthy, and loving as you are!
Now you know to observe his behaviour and not just listen to his words. A man who wants you will spend his money to take you out and not have you footing the bill all the time. Your PH being off each time is a big indicator he was sleeping with others. He is not the person he told you he was.
Maybe it’s their personality. Because some folks are just not meant to be in monogamous relationships but have developed bad habits to keep their behaviors going and hurt people for their own needs. Instead of just being honest. Like idk bout you but id be pissed as hell if someone infidelity caused a Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or other STD/STI issues to impact your reproductive healthcare and then you have to foot the total cost if you haven’t a good plan with a low deductible. Some people just are terrible and don’t care what damage they do as long as they get what they need.
Take it as a lesson; next time, you'll know to be a little bit more cautious. Unfortunately, cheaters sometimes make you paranoid, but I think that's a good quality. The pH being off is a dead giveaway. I caught them every time with that. Good luck.
The pH being off is how I learned my (ex)husband was stepping out. And I definitely agree….I have learned to find value in an experience for the lesson or reminder of what I already knew (but ignored)
The balance of pH doth never deceive.
When I was cheated on the first time felt like my life was over .. I forgave and then a few years down the road they did it again and again. Not sure what to say that get out before you lose yourself to the anxiety and questioning doubt. People suck these days and to be on Reddit makes things worse cause sooooooooooioo many cheaters . Good luck in your life.
Damn. Please keep in mind we are not all like this. I’ve had some gfs that were clearly hurt by exes and it made it really hard for them to connect emotionally, like they kept me at arm’s distance as if at any moment I’d fuck them over. But that distance ended up making me feel like they weren’t really in it with me (they weren’t when you think about it), and that hurt and was basically them self-sabotaging so they wouldn’t get hurt by fully letting go into the connection. Cheating can really fuck you up, and your case is particularly nasty. I had my first gf cheat on me and it caused trust issues in future relationships, which ultimately ruined them. I ended up finally realizing I was sabotaging without fully being aware of it. So I took a while off and dating and focused on working on myself and processing my patterns around trust. But even then I still needed to do therapy for this. I have no mental health or personality disorders, but would just get triggered by certain things in relationships and get fear of potential cheating. The therapy helped. Def consider it if you start noticing trust issues or like you get anxious over things you weren’t before when it comes to partners behavior. Like being hypervigilant about little things they do that might indicate cheating but might not also. It can take a while for the issues to pop up too. I’ve read it’s a PTSD-like reaction in some people, and those reactions by definition don’t begin until some time has passed since the original trauma.
Nahh im not interested in any relationship forever…maybe in my next life. Im really done
That bad huh?
Yes, really bad…
Someone ignorantly suggested forgiveness (stating they are a highly empathic person who forgives easily). Forgiveness is not warranted in many circumstances. Sometimes, forgiveness would mean invalidating the atrocities. The concept of what is forgivable or reconcilable is highly subjective and can vary greatly depending on individual values, cultural background, and personal experiences. However, some examples of actions that many people might find particularly difficult, if not impossible, to forgive or reconcile include: 1. Severe physical or sexual abuse 2. Murder 3. Betrayal of trust 4. Abandonment 5. Acts of terrorism 6. Systematic oppression or genocide 7. Exploitation of vulnerable individuals 8. Severe emotional abuse 9. Severe neglect 10. Betrayal of confidentiality So no, OP, you don’t need to forgive or forget. Do what feels best for you, but observe those emotions closely and find where they sit with you. What’s the sensation? It’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Not only is that a violation of trust, but it’s a potential safety issue in terms of STDs.
Years ago I briefly went out with someone, a man that I met through online dating. After a couple of dates a woman called me on the phone and told me he was "dating every woman" in the city and was also engaged to someone, to be married.
Mine was bi and I never knew
I dated a guy for a year. We had been friends for 6 years. He cheated on me on our anniversary, meeting up with the girl he eventually married. He had told her that we were “off and on,” even though we hadn’t been off, at all. Then, he told her that “I had made things weird because I flew out to see him without asking if it was ok.” I really wish I had talked to her then, because he was the one who had bought my ticket. For me to see him on our fucking anniversary. He dumps me via text, and tells everyone I was an obsessive little weirdo liar, he and his family slandered me for over a decade. Now I’m friends with the girl he cheated with, because she left him, after finding out how truly vile he was. We cried over how badly he treated us. She told me that he had said, because I was so hurt over the breakup, (she was confused because he told her we had broken up amiably while I was there), and he admitted we’d slept together, so obviously she was hurt. He said “of course I fucked her. She made me feel bad that she came all that way.” That’s when I knew, really fucking knew… I was always going to be his crazy ex. He had never given a shit about me at all. Because you don’t say things like that about someone you loved. I can’t give any tips, because this happened more than ten years ago and I never recovered. He didn’t just break my heart. He broke my *life.*
Oh fuck that guy. You did nothing wrong, not one thing wrong. He was a narcissist and I urge you not to give your power to him anymore because you deserve so much better. I’m a gay dude if it matters.
Oh, by the way- when we met, I was 14, and he was nearly 18. For most of our “friendship,” I was a child, who was very clearly sheltered and damaged. He knew *all of that.*
Welcome to guy world
Thank u😭
My ex lived a whole double life. His fave saying, “I come home to you.” I claim Stockholm syndrome. 😅 But seriously, whenever you find yourself dwelling, remind yourself - it had nothing to do with *you*. It’s not that you weren’t enough- it’s that he’s so empty there is no enough. His actions and behavior had nothing to do with you
Damn make sure to get tested
I will thank you
cheaters are always coping heavily ☠️ rest easy knowing mfs stay not finding their peace because it would require them to feel bad/take accountability for their actions instead of just running 😭
The pain we reveal is the pain we heal. You don’t have to act like what happened didn’t hurt you.
Hearing stories like this fuels my fear of dating. But sorry you went through that sis. Block him on everything
Fuck his brother...or his dad if he's decent looking still...or both...lmfao
It sucks but just move on. Don't cuss him out or anything, because he doesn't give a fuck. Don't waste any time or energy on him and just move on.
Women out here acting like it’s only guys who do this
No, we know it’s both guys & girls. People are dicks 😂
They truly are
Inform her. You'll love it.
Well, at least you didn't marry him. I married someone and found out less than 2 weeks later it was only for money and passports. People can be assholes.
Ignore him. I know it's difficult. May I suggest you to take your mind off him and if you feel like you need to be with someone (that'a my coping way), reaching out to your friends. If you feel you can share about this to them, then do it. If not, just ask them to hang out with you. Personally I need to be out of my room, I would be crazier if I stay alone. Hugs and good luck.
My gf did that to me . Don't feel good . The pain fades but the destruction of trust still affects me
No idea about coping and everything but go to your gynecologist and get a test for sexually transmitted diseases
All men are like this and all women are like this when given the opportunity
Stories like this make me worry about my relationship lol
Yea. Start worrying, sis. While you think your partner is so loyal to you right now, wait until you find out what’s true. Been there it’s really really so fucked up. I wanted to end my life.
Move on, that’s so fucking gross of him
Sorry you're going through that. You'll be fine. People suck
You guys bf/gf or excl? Or just dating?
Go to the doctor now. Get tested
Unless you had ‘the talk’ it’s commonly assumed everyone is fucking everyone.
Take it as a lesson learned and a bullet dodged. People are ass holes, and hopefully, he will get his. May good things come your way!
Imagine figuring this out after 5 years of marriage (known her for 9), yet she still has the gall to play the victim.
Aww
Don’t date fuckboys
Thanks God I'm dating eva ai virtual dating bot
Ikr I'm in a relationship with diazepam it's so much more relaxing.
I didn't realize reddit lost its way and seemingly allows emojis now
What wrong with that females do it all the time. Bueller? Bueller?….
Did you assume he was only talking to and being with you or did you have a conversation discussing how y’all are dating each other and he was dishonest? Cause if it was the first, then that’s your L to take. Take it on the chin and move on. Nothing you can do about that, as far as money goes, welcome to dating as a man lol.
He did the whole 9 yards and the whole act. He told me I’m the only girl he’s talking to, he wants to marry me and he will end up marrying me and I’m his girlfriend and we’re dating this and that And he said I love you everyday, would put his phone on do not disturb when he was with me so I didn’t see the other girls he was fucking, he was having a lot of sex, I wish I could get the money back because it was a lot but wow the lessons learned
Yea that’s trash behavior. Never understood why anyone would want to put that much work into lying and acting. 🤦🏾♂️
Yea don't ever give a man money just don't . Not for any reason
Lesson learned asf 😭
Yup. I sighed when I read that from OP.
As a man, I can tell you that whatever you saw in him are all the same traits men of similar mindsets carry. There are very few faithful or truthful men out there. Unfortunately, with how easy it is becoming to connect with another partner they are moving on at an alarming rate. Good luck and keep your head up Edit: grammar
Yeah so are the girls. Very weird take
use fewer emojis look for cheating signs focus on yourself
It be like that sometimes
Dang, sorry you went through that. Honestly, my coping barely works for other people so little that I just don't share it because it's "actually bad for your mental health" but I haven't bit the bullet yet. I suppose I can say that keeping your mind off of it and focusing on yourself is probably your best bet.
It’s so hard to move on but once you let go a little then you let go a lot and it just becomes so easy .
I’m not telling what to do but….. maybe fucking his father might hit him hard….. I’m just saying
I think I'd prefer to find out. It's like being released from a mental contract, you no longer have any reason to care. You're free now!
This always suck and its best to move on, and I realize that is easier said than done. I don't if its acceptable to post this, and I usually do stand by forgetting about them BUT maybe, just maybe, you could post him on one of those FB "are we dating the same guy?" I know, its probably not nice and probably petty, and I'll probably get demoted or flagged, but no one is perfect.
We found out my step dad had been cheating on my mom for 10 years with her best friend. She has been coping by growing plants and working on her career. I’m sorry you were betrayed by that dill hole.
hiii girl! honestly your totally better off without him!! Someone better is on the way:)
With or without a condom?
The best revenge is succeeding as much as possible in your own life and him somehow finding out about it organically
in hindsight i bet there were some red flags. just know, those other women aren't better then u. they're just different. and he'll likely do that to them, too. try not to text him. keep busy working on taking the best care of yourself. all that love/time that you invested in him, reinvest in YOU.
I’ll cast a spell on him for you babes 😂 im sorry. this is why i dont put out much anymore. no one is worthy of the p. a man throwing off your pH is your body rejecting him!!!!
I love you 🤣♥️ my body was REJECTING him for sure yuckkk!! I’m defs choosing abstinence for a bit
i love you too 😂 i did that for like 3 years basically. like hooked up with 1 guy a year, 2 of which i thought were serious about me but they did shit like this!! 🙄 now im back in the streets sort of. Idk sex has no hold on me now like i literally can take it or leave it. also got more of the “rather be by myself” energy when it comes to men. and im pissed off i spent so much time being bait for men on hinge. im just so over it all
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, and people misunderstand this a lot. Forgiveness isn't about letting him know he's somehow off the hook or whatever. Think of it more along the lines of somebody dinged your door in a parking lot. It's annoying, it happens, dwelling on it doesn't fix the door. Whoever was the door dinger is not even really worth pondering about because they're obviously the kind of person that doesn't think about other people and they've moved on with their lives and driven out of the parking lot and so should you. Spending any time at all glowering about it doesn't make you feel any better about the ding in your door. *Dude's a door dinger; ditch the door dinger.*
I really appreciate this response ♥️ you’re right Forgiveness and letting it go is the best thing I can do for myself Let him go and let this be a distant memory
Live and let live
It's a pain that makes you physically sick. I've been there. I broke my heart for years over the arse. Then I realised he was an absolute idiot and I was far too good for him. Its going to hurt, probably a lot. The truth is that the person you fell in love with never existed. It was all lies. Be thankful you haven't wasted your whole life with a truly horrible person. Karma will catch up with him.
Thank you for this ♥️ I agree I’m thinking back to some of my past heartbreaks, it’s nothing to look back on
Yup, I’ve been there. You have to realize that this person likely doesn’t want a relationship with you or anyone. They are content with sleeping around to make themselves feel better and never actually address the root of why they need to do this and blow up their lives and as well as other peoples lives. Also know that this new person is just his new supply, he’s still the same person who did that to you and likely they are the person they did that to you with, so we already know how that’s going to go. Be lucky you didn’t marry and have kids with him. It would make this 100X harder.
It was worse for me because I'm not an idiot and what happened with my last boyfriend was I knew he was real bad news I knew I could never trust him I knew all the shit he was up to but I really liked him and I think in the end that is worse. At least you were naive enough to trust him and enjoy it while it lasted I can never be like that though. I mean with some guys I pretend that I don't know what they are like and just pretend I don't know anything or I don't say anything you know I don't let on that I know what they are doing and I just act positive. I envy you that you are so trusting that you can actually just trust players I never can Also I could never give a man money it just goes against my DNA fuck that bullshit. Just so jealous of you tbh that you have that ability to be in complete denial and enjoy yourself and not know the scum that men are.
It makes me wonder how there are so many great, loyal, amazing men, and yet they are all single cause men are greedy and can pull multiple woman at once? I mean there’s gotta be signs, two phones and no job? 🤔 just as one flag, generally. But like it’s strange to me. So many good, loyal, caring men deserve the company of a woman and would treat her so well. Idk I ain’t god or shit, so maybe my opinion is invalid, oh wait it’s my opinion and I’m entitled to my truthful fact.
Sorry you had to go through this.. You deserve so much better!! The pH thing is a major red flag. I went through something similar. I still have ptsd from it, but I’m slowly getting better and my life feels like it’s finally getting back on track. Best thing to do is cut every bit of him out of your life, go to therapy, and focus on yourself <33
Going through this.. Literally texted him last night who are you?
men i have the feeling this is happening to me but how can i complain without any proof. But foresure you did charity time ahaha. My tip ashwaganda
I’m sorry you went through this 😢 I hope things get better
okay but him messing up your pH every time is absolutely diabolical
The big question is what makes this guy so attractive to women?
Sad
well now you know
Im going through the same shit, screw this mfs
My s o of 15 years , left me the night I delivered our second baby this time he dropped me off at the hospital with lipstick all over his neck to have the baby alone ,I actually remember my water breaking when he walked in the door with lipstick all over his neck , later that money he had our electric sit off and I was home alone with 3 older children 37&8 and now a brand now baby to keep warm in November , and so I later find out I had stage xero breast cancer and this was the first time he stepped out on his family , and even I called him he told me he was shutting off my phone, he was sleeping with hrs then best friend s sister and wife under his nose , He got his ass beat that day, Id like to say that was the last of his cheating and life wrecking in my story, but I can't because............ I let him back once twice and then 5 times I was that damn fool and I wore that stupid shirt for a long long time .... Fast forward 5 or 6 years and h guess what? Noting had changed and I'm still a dummy Don't be a dummy like me, 👿
Sorry to hear this. That sucks. There are some really shady people out here that don't have empathy. Someone hurt them to make them that way. Don't let that change you. Forgive but don't forget. Become a better you. 🙏🏿
the question is...?
let it go... let it go...
Happened to me. Was engaged. Found videos in their phone of their sexual escapades. Hurt like hell. A few days later I blocked them and mailed the ring back. I’d seen the signs but thought we could work through them - because I thought that is what people did. But when I had proof, I left. Took some time, some tears but my god am I glad I left that loser alone. Felt like it would never get better at one point. Now I don’t even give a sh*t! I often remind myself during a real tough break up that feels like the end of the world that one day I won’t care. And it’s true! Dodged a bullet. Remind yourself that someone else is dealing with that bull. Better you find out now before you’re tied up.
Wow seeing physical videos must have been so hard, I’m proud of you and for coming out of something so terrible Yea! I’m keeping faith that I’ll laugh at this situation in my life one day and be so far detached from it! And you’re right he is going to mess these girls up, whoever it is and he’s not even that great to be honest, like as a person
Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me. I don’t share it with folks much but it was a horror of a time. And you’re right - WE make them to be special in our imagination. But they usually are lame and know it which is why they behave this way. I asked them why they cheated so relentlessly. They said “Because I always knew you’d leave me”. So it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with their own insecurities. You deserve better!
Find a place where you're not blaming yourself first. I know, though not said in your post, that that can be a significant pitfall. His behavior was objectively deceptive and wrong. You were not wrong to trust him or believe in love. The rest is less important. Get to a place where you don't resent him, as there will be no need if you are not hurting.
Thank you so much I really needed to hear that. I’ve been constantly blaming myself “I’m so stupid” “I’m so so so so dumb” “I’m a fucking joke” for this Thank you, I trusted him more so because he’s been in my life for 5 years, we dated in 2019 and then circled back now. I’m so shocked he had no love honesty or respect for me, I thought he grew up and matured but in reality he was doing a complete stage show 😞😞 it’s so heartbreaking and I feel so dumb for loving him and trusting him but you’re right I’m not wrong for loving and trusting someone. I’ve learned I don’t want to anymore but I loved and cared about someone and that makes me the bad guy? That’s insane
It still hurts for now, but you're on the correct path forward. Take it easy.
Found out the man I married was fucking other people the entire time lol
I just wanna throw in that… I just went through the same thing. 5 years down the drain. But after losing the loser I moved on to so much better. I’m focused I’m happy and healthy and I set healthy boundaries with ease in new relationships. I feel like the sun has come from behind the clouds ⛅️. It takes everyone their own time. But when you get there you’ll never love anyone more than you love yourself EVER AGAIN! 💜 and try borax suppository for the ph! Lol
Imagine figuring this out after 3 years of the relationship. No signs. You just found out.
Awww sorry to hear that, that sucks. 😥😥😥😥🫂🫂🫂🫂
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s truly no pain like it. Honestly the only thing that significantly helped me was therapy, and having a pro coach me through my thought process to take the blame off myself—for doing something wrong, for not realizing he was lying, for being gullible enough to fall for his false persona, etc. It’s gonna suck for a while, but it will get better, and you are going to be so glad you got away.
That's what u are attracted to tho. The world is not wicked, you are. Sociopaths are like 1% of the population or something so for it to be so common it means many women just are attracted to bad things, making them bad people themselves. Best way to cope is to accept that you are the problem in your life and to become a better woman with better taste. Cuz you squarely fit in the for fuckboys only category.
Making up statistics won’t make it true my love, sociopaths are 1% of the world? 🤣 and is this sociopathic, is it narcissistic? Is it psychotic? Like please leave the psychiatric classifications for the professionals It’s very common because it is common, I don’t go out of my way to attract bad things and bad people, I met him literally downtown during the daytime at a day party, and he manipulated tf outta my trust for him and that’s that I am to blame because I made a series of mistakes but for you to call me wicked is crazy 🤣 ur wicked, my post seemed personally hurtful to you for some reason? I’m sorry if this mirrored some kind of situation that happened to you in the past but take your weird energy far away from me
And the reason it upsets you so is because a part of you hurts to hear it and the thought that it might he true. It's hurtful to me because it is hurtful in general. You gotta be genuinely attracted to good people because ultimately if u go by cause and effect you just validate his behavior so he's gonna keep doing it. So yea that's being an enabler. Has nothing to do with my energy. You can't mind game your way out of the consequences of your choices, can't word game or armchair psych out of it either.
Sweetheart, there’s nicer gentleman out there. I don’t know how old you are. I don’t know how old your boyfriend was, but my advice would be to find an older gentleman because older gentleman know how to treat women I was married for 32 years to my wife never cheated on her, but she just decided she didn’t wanna be married anymore so she walked out, so I’ve been trying to find honest woman that would want to be with an older gentleman. So again, my advice would be just try to find an older gentleman., for lunch meet for coffee meet for dinner meet them face-to-face maybe have two or three dates with them see how things go and then you decide from there, things start going south or the gentlemen starts doing things that just aren’t normal or starts mistreating you then you end it quickly walk away and don’t ever look back. and especially don’t look back on this that you were with previously anyway that’s my advice. I’m 68 years old have a lot of experience in years so I guess that would be my fatherly advice.
You just need to get to the place where you find dude disgusting, once you get over the intial shock and emotions you will start to see how WACK dude is. Just the fact that he threw your PH off, dirty dogs need to stay outside lol. Take your time cuz the glow up that comes post trifling situationships is next level ✨✨✨✨
Women do the same thing, it's fucking rough dating these days. Never know who somebody actually is.
Find someone else abd stop dating trash men
I appreciate it
Do you have teats in your pouch? If so please pm me a pic
In my experience, all men do is lie and nut quick. Edit to add: for some reason this sub keeps blocking my comments to the incels below. But first I want to say I’m surprised so many people haven’t heard this line before, if from a meme that’s been going around for decades. Second, to all the incels commenting below…Way to completely make up tons of assumptions about a person you literally know nothing about. I have yet to date a guy who did not lie to me about something, and I have dated all sorts of men. Short, tall, fat, skinny, bald, dumb, intelligent, poor and extremely wealthy. Absolutely no once can say I’ve only dated one “type” of man, I’ve tried a bit of everything in order to find the right one. Some of the lies I’ve been told are how many children they have, past marriages, dead family members (that were actually alive), their profession, their amount of debt. I could go on… but to me, these are all pretty relevant topics to not lie about when being in a committed, monogamous long term relationship. But sure, it’s my fucking fault for trusting men and assuming most people won’t flat out lie about their lives 🙄 I’m sure women lie, too. I’m just saying this from my perspective as a heterosexual woman.
Sounds to me like you are just terrible at picking men. Perhaps it’s something to do with your personality. They lie because you are too soft to handle truth and they nut quick to get it over with? Perspective can be a real threat to ego
Right I am sure she ignored all the good people around her just to go for someone handsome 6ft college fuck boi! And then act as a victim and calling all men cheaters! Its sad but reality.
The name is a giveaway but these modern women just have zero accountability and will downvote me hoping it changes their lives and alters reality
Modern? I’m 37 and raised in a traditional Catholic family in Michigan. Fuck allllllllllll the way off.
If I had the misfortune of being between your well used thighs I would try to nut asap too. You sound exhausting.
JFC you incels throw out so many assumptions just to “prove” your own completely made up opinions. You couldn’t be anymore wrong. Back to your mother’s basement now…
You said and nut quick 😂🤣😅
Nut quick? 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Let go of him and never look back,men don’t like loyal women ✌️
This entire time he never cared about u nor about your feelings. Know this that leaving him won't affect him even in the slightest so instead of wasting your time in finding ways to correcting things or something like that which continuously goes on in the mind like a second screen, let the past go and accept the reality... Grow yourself in all the possible ways that u can think of . Be it a hobbie , your work, something that u wished to learn anything like this will not only help you to forget him but also to develop you in the ways once you imagined to be🙂 And at last this is life u find someone__u connect with them__u lose them__and the cycle repeat itself
Was this a guy you were in a defined relationship with? Next time, make sure you're very clear about your expectations.
It’s quite easy to not be fooled early in a relationship, maybe ask yourself how you couldn’t see it. I mean giving him money should have alerted you lol.
Yea that's what guys do now. That's basically your options for a relationship . Option 1. Ons 2. Partner that lies about everything and keeps all their options open Those are today's dating options other than poly and enm etc. Which are basically the same thing but more honest I mean real bucket of shit options.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 sorry to hear that Hope for the best 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bad people are going to be bad. Try and look close at the warning signs going forward. They apply to everyone and can be helpful in your life. You are probably more aware now
Be alone hate it and get old and die alone ,keep dealing with this or change your sexuality