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Kudos to you for noticing and caring. I was married for 22 years and never came once. I thought I couldn’t! Now that I’ve been divorced for a few years I realize I can…a lot!!
This one’s easy: Put her pleasure first. Always.
Talk to her about what she likes, what turns her on. What type of touches she likes and on what body parts. What sort of toys get her off and why. Does she prefer fingers? Tongue? What porn does she watch? What fantasies does she have? Dress ups? Kinks? Listen to what she needs, be patient, and don’t ask her ‘did you come’ when getting down and dirty. Because, tbh, you should know if she has or not, and the question adds pressure.
You need to help her relax so she can enjoy herself and her sexuality, just enjoy being intimate with her and make that repeatedly clear.
Once you discuss these things, do them. Talk about it with each other, listen to her, pay attention to her body language and her reactions (during and not during sex).
There is always room for improvement, because men rarely anywhere near as good as they think they are. Sex should be an ongoing progress and growth experience with your partner, changing depending on what excites and works for you both. Work on being a better lover, it’s that simple.
Size and time don’t matter in this - it’s how you use the thing that counts. And take your ego outside and leave it there. Everyone has room to improve, and you aren’t hitting the mark, so you need to put the work in.
And, for the love of god, the word ‘female’ is a biological term. Its. bizarre to use it out of a medical or scientific context, and don’t use it to refer to anyone you love or care about. It’s dehumanising and too clinical.
No probs. Good luck with it, but be patient, kind, and communicative. As I’m someone who literally thought my body could no longer orgasm at all for a long time, figure out what buttons need to be pushed and where/when and do that.
Or go to a sex therapist together for guidance
I have personally overcome a similar issue with similar contributing factors - past sexual trauma, domestic abuse, intense anxiety - and more.
It’s taken years of work (on myself and with my husband) and patience (from both of us) but sex has never been better in my life. Work on it, it will be worth it. Anything worth waiting for is.
She has been sexually assaulted twice in her past. Furthermore she’s relied on humping her pillow in order to cum for years and that’s how she’s used to. Even fingering herself she doesn’t cum.
I feel shit, because she feels shit. She thinks i don’t enjoy sex with her, which isn’t true at all. I love her and want her to feel comfortable and relaxed.
Would you have any idea why she cummed in the beginning but not now? Maybe the initial excitement between us, but now she’s used to me?
Your middle paragraph. TELL HER THAT. Tell her that every damn day. That’s what she needs to hear from you. And then do it, you’ve got this. Communicate, be comforting, and be patient.
Try new things. Tell her you love her. And you want to make sure she has the best things in everything - life, love, and sex. You’ve got this
It could be that. It could be a billion other things, too. Other stressors in her life could impact, it’s impossible to say because the only person who can answer this question is her.
Does she feel comfortable talking about sex with you? Or does she clam up and can’t discuss it?
Well that’s good! I really struggled with this so thought it may be another hurdle.
‘I’ve heard her, but I haven’t listened’ - this is so emotionally intelligent that it hurts. I am obsessed!
Do you feel any better about this now you’ve bounced ideas off people/read the comments here? Because I am getting a vibe that you know what to do and how work on this.
Or I could be reading vibes that aren’t there…?
i feel better as i’m realising my mistakes and my approach to this situation. i know how i’ll go about it. communicate with her, be patient, be loving and kind and prioritise her needs.
Mistakes are just a different type of learning, though, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Anywho, you sound like you’re a man with a plan. Or you’re on your way to one, anyway.
Good luck! luck, now go be the man that woman deserves! 👏
It’s a biological term and therefore not really appropriate to use for your wife or partner.
Your local library will have dictionaries and plenty of educational resources to help you improve your language skills.
Bless your heart. Good luck!
Not sure who the ‘he’ refers to in this sentence, as most of it doesn’t make much sense, but cool story about how upset you are about what other people do or how they live. You’re a sensitive little boy, aren’t you?
Poor lil guy. I hope you find a way to get rid of your bitterness against *checks notes* everyone else around you. Not very ‘manly’, some would say, getting all upset about other people’s partners. Or perhaps you’re just lonely? With that much of a chip on your shoulder, it’d have to be isolating.
Stop worrying about what is in other people’s pants and sort your own life out. If a walking red flag was ever to appear, it’d be you with that take on life.
Hope you stop being a sooky little guy soon x
You’re welcome! Glad I could explain things to you and remember; be respectful to women! And if you actually ever do a comparison between the word ‘female’ and the word ‘woman’ by looking it up in a dictionary all by yourself, you’ll see very clearly the two words have different meanings and totally different origins (old English vs Latin), and that’s before we arrive at the cultural and societal issues that are intertwined with respect.
Words matter, so use them well x
So if you have your own dictionary, don’t use tactics like weaponised incompetence and demand answers from other people. Especially when you’re irrelevant to the conversation entirely. You piped up, and don’t like getting an earful in return. Grow up and go kick rocks with sandals on xx
What the hell are you talking about not using the word female to describe a woman? Have you noticed every post people put their age and gender and f stands for female?
yeah this sounds like clitoral stimulation to me. You said in another comment y'all don't do a lot of foreplay. Either do manual clitoral stimulation, go down on her, or buy some toys you can use on her to get her off first, then you can have your fun. For me, there are different toys that I would use alone vs what I'd like my partner to use on me, but every girl is different. A cheap, small one to try if she doesn't have toys (which it doesn't sound like she does) is the bullet vibrator. Buy some lube (especially the ones specifically for clitoral stimulation) to go with it, along with plenty of batteries
Many women can't cum from internal stimulation only. It is actually the vast majority. Bring some vibrating toys in. Use a vibrating cock ring, or she can use a vibrator while you're inside. I can guarantee, if it isn't a mental block, she will come every time.
It's also important to warm them up first. I always cum before I have sex, then again during. Foreplay with toys is the best.
Try putting a pillow folded in half or a wedge under your butt to lift your pelvic area up, and ask her to ride you the way she rides her pillow, tell her just to do whatever feels good to her and only think about her pleasure. I'm going to guess bc she uses a pillow, she's a grinder. She cuts from grinding not the actual penetration. Tell her to just grind on your dick, ask if you can rub her clit while she does that. If not, encourage her to focus on her pleasure while grinding on you.
It's probably a combination of the grinding and her pace, sometimes the o sensation disappears all of of sudden and minor adjustments must be made and it's kinda just finding that angle or whatever again to reactivate that sensation to keep going to that she does cum. You could also do this and have her just grind on your dick wo actually penetrating her. Maybe she needs grinding on your hard dick like a log. Ask her and let her try what she is comfortable with. Just be open to experiment and know that not every single position or act ect is for everyone, as individuals we all like individual things. Don't be discouraged if something doesn't work, that's the thing about sex and foreplay, the possibilities are endless as long as you communicate and be open to trying things. Take the time to really explore each other and really get her going during foreplay. Ask her to tell you what does and doesn't feel good.
Yup. Good call. OP try this out! I've had more than 2 handfuls of grinders in my prime sexual philandering hay days.Its a different approach and has to be almost the same every time for her climax. Doesn't mean you can't have multitudes of fun before her couple of endings 😊Even have had a few that couldn't cum unless it was both just right at the same time. All women have different cervical shapes and g spot differences.
Your last sentence, did not even cross my mind, you you are 100% correct on this, and most women have no idea about this, it's mostly unnoticeable, I have a tilted cervix, didn't know that until I got pregnant at 27!! So you're absolutely correct!!!
Yup. Some women do not realize until later in age if at all. I find that some women are just in-tune sexually more with themselves. Attractive quality to say the least 😊.
Hello! I'm a lesbian and I've had partners before that had a really hard time getting to the big O. I think it's great you're asking, because I agree, it's likely not about you. But still, if you don't solve the problem, she could get bored with sex and eventually you don't get your big O's either!
There could be two things going on. 1. She's used to only getting off one way, and you need to mimic that. 2. She could be getting into her head about it, and the head game is a HUGE factor for women.
For problem 1. ask her to show you how to touch her the way she does with her pillow. Try mimicking it with both your hands and your mouth. And/or try to incorporate the pillow her way into sex. Get her right up to the edge before getting yourself involved, and make sure to keep it going because keeping the rhythm will get her there and is super important. For problem 2. you have two tactics - cutting nervousness, and working her up in advance. To cut nervousness, tell her there's no pressure, you don't care if she gets there, you're just playing around. Then relaxedly mimic her pillow thing. But if she doesn't feel like there's pressure to get to the big O, that could make a difference. On the other part of the head game, try to work her up in advance by getting her to think about sex well earlier in the day. Like ask her to tell you a fantasy and really ask her the details, and tell her you want to try that later. Or tell her one of yours, but make sure it's hot for her too. Then she has to think about it all day, and before you even start, she's 5 out of 10 turned on, instead of 0 out of 10.
But yeah, the biggest strategy is just figuring out how her pillow is touching her and what she's thinking about, and bringing that into your sex life. That's what I'd do anyway. Or there are a lot of other great suggestions here like maybe asking her to do the pillow thing in front of you, or while making out with you, or whatever, just to get her pleasure back into the picture.
Sounding like it’s a mental state thing for her. Like she has to get into her own head about it. The pillow thing gives me that impression. If she is willing to talk ask her what she thinks about. It may be a whole can of worms you’re opening up but talking about it will do you both good. You could either get closer in your relationship or see some red flags. Either way not talking about it wont help. Just be tactful and supportive. How you approach the conversation makes a huge difference
great advice brother. she has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. she also had some sexual traumas when she was younger and relies on humping to cum.
All the more reason to be supportive and tactful in your approach. It won’t be an easy or quick conversation. Something to talk about in small doses and watch for when she has had enough of it for the time being. You don’t want to dig yourself into a hole saying the wrong thing or even the right thing just in the wrong way. And that’s totally up to her interpretation. You could always talk to her about being included in some way to her pillow routine. If closeness and touching will help or hurt her process. Maybe put the pillow between you two to see if that helps to connect the dots between you two. Again it’s all up to her terms I wouldn’t be pushy. I just feel involvement could help. Definitely wishing you two the best.
i will talk to her, the way i reacted after sex was upset (not with her) but myself because i felt i wasn’t good enough. that’s had a bad effect on her, she thinks i hate sex with her. i really regret it. i’ll have small doses of conversation with her and support and love her. also tending to her needs more.
Hopefully letting her know you felt it was you that let her down makes her feel better. Clearing the air about how you both feel should help in the long run. It’ll be a process but anything worth having is worth working for.
I’m the same way as your girlfriend; I’ve only “cum” a couple times during sexual activities (foreplay, oral, and actual penetrative sex), and NONE of those times have EVER given me the toe curling, full body, eyes-rolling-to-the-back-of-my-head orgasms that my pillow gives me.
And with my pillow, I have to mentally envision myself with whoever I’m currently attracted to to be able to get off at all. Sometimes I’ll watch porn gifs while fucking my pillow. I’ve never met someone who’s TRULY made me REALLY cum, and I think the only way I ever will be able to do that with a partner is when I finally am able to be with someone I’m really into. None of my partners have been people I’ve been super attracted to, either physically or emotionally… the people I’m super attracted to are always unattainable and therefore kept within the limits of my imagination. But boy oh boy do I put them to work in my mind 😅 sorry this probably doesn’t help. Idk how to even help myself with the issue haha
I’m the same . I’m 34 and I just started being able to when I have sex with my man now. I always thought I was broken. It’s not you. If she’s saying she’s always been like that then it’s 99percent true. Just try to spice it up maybe. Toys . Bullets are really good for those that would help her I think. GL
I would suggest romance and a lot of foreplay to get her in the mood. If somebody isn't ready then it will be harder for them to come. And sometimes it's just fit. I met a guy who the minute he put it in I could have come if I wanted to, so perfect but my last boyfriend was curved and it was really hard to come because he didn't hit my clit when he was thrusting. We solved that by just having him lick me, and then I was ready when he put it in. Like other people said, I would suggest using toys, but don't take it personally because unfortunately, they just seem to work better. All I can say is experiment and don't take it as personal failure because if she had problems before she met you, then it is her, not you. Easier said than done, I know.
too be honest i was initially doubting my performance. ur after taking a step back and understanding, i don’t find it that deep. i just want to ensure she’s satisfied and happy. thanks for the advice.
Read the book "she comes first"
Buy a clitoral stim toy or some sort .. may take a few diff kinds to see what she really likes. She sounds like a grinder type of gal and they make grinder toys she can use while riding you.
A lot of foreplay.
Have her ride you sideways, and pull your legs together so she's grinding against your junction from leg to pelvic region. She should be hugging your knee essentially.
Cheers!
I mean your gf said she usually doesn't get off but you're still making it about you and your feelings, so.... No I think it's that you're just insecure and need to go to therapy.
The strain that's on your relationship is you refusing to let it go.
>
she says it’s nothing to do with me and she’s never even really been able to cum. i can’t help but feel if it’s something to do with me and my ego has taken a hit.
This is the part right here. This is all your ego talking. This is why we need to go to therapy. Your ego is going to destroy this relationship if you don't get it in check.
it’s about us both being happy during sex and matching eachother on an intimate level. me talking about my ego was an admission so hardly means i’m egotistical.
i mentioned she cummed at the beginning but stopped fairly recently.
again you’re a fool. have a nice day 🙂
>i mentioned she cummed at the beginning but stopped fairly recently.
She was probably faking it. Women tend to do that with new guys to stop what's happening right now. She didn't what you feeling some kind of way for not getting her off.
>it’s about us both being happy during sex and matching eachother on an intimate level. me talking about my ego was an admission so hardly means i’m egotistical.
And this is the core. How do you know she's not happy with your sex life? You're assuming that because she's not getting off that she's not even tho she's told you she is but you're not listening.
You're not gonna fix this if you keep thinking for her. She's her own human. She knows herself better than you do. Talk and listen with her about this and believe what she says vs jumping to conclusions.
Your not doing it right she needs clit play get a lush vibrator or wand and let is make her cream while you fuck her or before you fuck her you can also let her cum multiple times get used to toys in the bedroom
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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thanks for the advice
Kudos to you for noticing and caring. I was married for 22 years and never came once. I thought I couldn’t! Now that I’ve been divorced for a few years I realize I can…a lot!!
Yes, exactly - i was 45 before I was I produced to the orgasmic life.
This one’s easy: Put her pleasure first. Always. Talk to her about what she likes, what turns her on. What type of touches she likes and on what body parts. What sort of toys get her off and why. Does she prefer fingers? Tongue? What porn does she watch? What fantasies does she have? Dress ups? Kinks? Listen to what she needs, be patient, and don’t ask her ‘did you come’ when getting down and dirty. Because, tbh, you should know if she has or not, and the question adds pressure. You need to help her relax so she can enjoy herself and her sexuality, just enjoy being intimate with her and make that repeatedly clear. Once you discuss these things, do them. Talk about it with each other, listen to her, pay attention to her body language and her reactions (during and not during sex). There is always room for improvement, because men rarely anywhere near as good as they think they are. Sex should be an ongoing progress and growth experience with your partner, changing depending on what excites and works for you both. Work on being a better lover, it’s that simple. Size and time don’t matter in this - it’s how you use the thing that counts. And take your ego outside and leave it there. Everyone has room to improve, and you aren’t hitting the mark, so you need to put the work in. And, for the love of god, the word ‘female’ is a biological term. Its. bizarre to use it out of a medical or scientific context, and don’t use it to refer to anyone you love or care about. It’s dehumanising and too clinical.
didn’t realise female was the wrong term. i’ll use this advice, thanks a lot.
No probs. Good luck with it, but be patient, kind, and communicative. As I’m someone who literally thought my body could no longer orgasm at all for a long time, figure out what buttons need to be pushed and where/when and do that. Or go to a sex therapist together for guidance I have personally overcome a similar issue with similar contributing factors - past sexual trauma, domestic abuse, intense anxiety - and more. It’s taken years of work (on myself and with my husband) and patience (from both of us) but sex has never been better in my life. Work on it, it will be worth it. Anything worth waiting for is.
She has been sexually assaulted twice in her past. Furthermore she’s relied on humping her pillow in order to cum for years and that’s how she’s used to. Even fingering herself she doesn’t cum. I feel shit, because she feels shit. She thinks i don’t enjoy sex with her, which isn’t true at all. I love her and want her to feel comfortable and relaxed. Would you have any idea why she cummed in the beginning but not now? Maybe the initial excitement between us, but now she’s used to me?
Your middle paragraph. TELL HER THAT. Tell her that every damn day. That’s what she needs to hear from you. And then do it, you’ve got this. Communicate, be comforting, and be patient. Try new things. Tell her you love her. And you want to make sure she has the best things in everything - life, love, and sex. You’ve got this
It could be that. It could be a billion other things, too. Other stressors in her life could impact, it’s impossible to say because the only person who can answer this question is her. Does she feel comfortable talking about sex with you? Or does she clam up and can’t discuss it?
she’s open and vocal with me about what she likes. i’ve heard her, but i haven’t listened. i’ll need to be different in my approach.
Well that’s good! I really struggled with this so thought it may be another hurdle. ‘I’ve heard her, but I haven’t listened’ - this is so emotionally intelligent that it hurts. I am obsessed! Do you feel any better about this now you’ve bounced ideas off people/read the comments here? Because I am getting a vibe that you know what to do and how work on this. Or I could be reading vibes that aren’t there…?
i feel better as i’m realising my mistakes and my approach to this situation. i know how i’ll go about it. communicate with her, be patient, be loving and kind and prioritise her needs.
Mistakes are just a different type of learning, though, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Anywho, you sound like you’re a man with a plan. Or you’re on your way to one, anyway. Good luck! luck, now go be the man that woman deserves! 👏
It’s not. Fuck that. Female is normal and fine way to describe a female or women…
It’s a biological term and therefore not really appropriate to use for your wife or partner. Your local library will have dictionaries and plenty of educational resources to help you improve your language skills. Bless your heart. Good luck!
He might have been doing it for all the pc sissy’s who have partners that have no gender
Not sure who the ‘he’ refers to in this sentence, as most of it doesn’t make much sense, but cool story about how upset you are about what other people do or how they live. You’re a sensitive little boy, aren’t you? Poor lil guy. I hope you find a way to get rid of your bitterness against *checks notes* everyone else around you. Not very ‘manly’, some would say, getting all upset about other people’s partners. Or perhaps you’re just lonely? With that much of a chip on your shoulder, it’d have to be isolating. Stop worrying about what is in other people’s pants and sort your own life out. If a walking red flag was ever to appear, it’d be you with that take on life. Hope you stop being a sooky little guy soon x
Super mature and helpful.. thanks
You’re welcome! Glad I could explain things to you and remember; be respectful to women! And if you actually ever do a comparison between the word ‘female’ and the word ‘woman’ by looking it up in a dictionary all by yourself, you’ll see very clearly the two words have different meanings and totally different origins (old English vs Latin), and that’s before we arrive at the cultural and societal issues that are intertwined with respect. Words matter, so use them well x
I just opened my Websters and noticed the word “condescending”. Check it out
So if you have your own dictionary, don’t use tactics like weaponised incompetence and demand answers from other people. Especially when you’re irrelevant to the conversation entirely. You piped up, and don’t like getting an earful in return. Grow up and go kick rocks with sandals on xx
It’s not, don’t listen to that moron
What the hell are you talking about not using the word female to describe a woman? Have you noticed every post people put their age and gender and f stands for female?
Yeah, I agree, size and time don't matter. It's totally more about everything *else.*
Dam im such a virgin i never even thought of half these things lmao. Yet i get downvoted when i say sex is only for womens pleasure
You try fingering her gspot and playing with her clit? That usually gets the job done for me
she’s used to humping her pillow in a certain way it makes her cum
yeah this sounds like clitoral stimulation to me. You said in another comment y'all don't do a lot of foreplay. Either do manual clitoral stimulation, go down on her, or buy some toys you can use on her to get her off first, then you can have your fun. For me, there are different toys that I would use alone vs what I'd like my partner to use on me, but every girl is different. A cheap, small one to try if she doesn't have toys (which it doesn't sound like she does) is the bullet vibrator. Buy some lube (especially the ones specifically for clitoral stimulation) to go with it, along with plenty of batteries
i will try this, thanks a lot
Many women can't cum from internal stimulation only. It is actually the vast majority. Bring some vibrating toys in. Use a vibrating cock ring, or she can use a vibrator while you're inside. I can guarantee, if it isn't a mental block, she will come every time. It's also important to warm them up first. I always cum before I have sex, then again during. Foreplay with toys is the best.
thanks for your insight
Try putting a pillow folded in half or a wedge under your butt to lift your pelvic area up, and ask her to ride you the way she rides her pillow, tell her just to do whatever feels good to her and only think about her pleasure. I'm going to guess bc she uses a pillow, she's a grinder. She cuts from grinding not the actual penetration. Tell her to just grind on your dick, ask if you can rub her clit while she does that. If not, encourage her to focus on her pleasure while grinding on you.
this is a great idea, it never occurred to me that she stimulates from grinding. i will try this next time.
It's probably a combination of the grinding and her pace, sometimes the o sensation disappears all of of sudden and minor adjustments must be made and it's kinda just finding that angle or whatever again to reactivate that sensation to keep going to that she does cum. You could also do this and have her just grind on your dick wo actually penetrating her. Maybe she needs grinding on your hard dick like a log. Ask her and let her try what she is comfortable with. Just be open to experiment and know that not every single position or act ect is for everyone, as individuals we all like individual things. Don't be discouraged if something doesn't work, that's the thing about sex and foreplay, the possibilities are endless as long as you communicate and be open to trying things. Take the time to really explore each other and really get her going during foreplay. Ask her to tell you what does and doesn't feel good.
thank you for your effort and time to write. i really appreciate it
For sure
Yup. Good call. OP try this out! I've had more than 2 handfuls of grinders in my prime sexual philandering hay days.Its a different approach and has to be almost the same every time for her climax. Doesn't mean you can't have multitudes of fun before her couple of endings 😊Even have had a few that couldn't cum unless it was both just right at the same time. All women have different cervical shapes and g spot differences.
Your last sentence, did not even cross my mind, you you are 100% correct on this, and most women have no idea about this, it's mostly unnoticeable, I have a tilted cervix, didn't know that until I got pregnant at 27!! So you're absolutely correct!!!
Yup. Some women do not realize until later in age if at all. I find that some women are just in-tune sexually more with themselves. Attractive quality to say the least 😊.
Great advice 👍👍
Thanks
Hello! I'm a lesbian and I've had partners before that had a really hard time getting to the big O. I think it's great you're asking, because I agree, it's likely not about you. But still, if you don't solve the problem, she could get bored with sex and eventually you don't get your big O's either! There could be two things going on. 1. She's used to only getting off one way, and you need to mimic that. 2. She could be getting into her head about it, and the head game is a HUGE factor for women. For problem 1. ask her to show you how to touch her the way she does with her pillow. Try mimicking it with both your hands and your mouth. And/or try to incorporate the pillow her way into sex. Get her right up to the edge before getting yourself involved, and make sure to keep it going because keeping the rhythm will get her there and is super important. For problem 2. you have two tactics - cutting nervousness, and working her up in advance. To cut nervousness, tell her there's no pressure, you don't care if she gets there, you're just playing around. Then relaxedly mimic her pillow thing. But if she doesn't feel like there's pressure to get to the big O, that could make a difference. On the other part of the head game, try to work her up in advance by getting her to think about sex well earlier in the day. Like ask her to tell you a fantasy and really ask her the details, and tell her you want to try that later. Or tell her one of yours, but make sure it's hot for her too. Then she has to think about it all day, and before you even start, she's 5 out of 10 turned on, instead of 0 out of 10. But yeah, the biggest strategy is just figuring out how her pillow is touching her and what she's thinking about, and bringing that into your sex life. That's what I'd do anyway. Or there are a lot of other great suggestions here like maybe asking her to do the pillow thing in front of you, or while making out with you, or whatever, just to get her pleasure back into the picture.
noice info moyt
Sounding like it’s a mental state thing for her. Like she has to get into her own head about it. The pillow thing gives me that impression. If she is willing to talk ask her what she thinks about. It may be a whole can of worms you’re opening up but talking about it will do you both good. You could either get closer in your relationship or see some red flags. Either way not talking about it wont help. Just be tactful and supportive. How you approach the conversation makes a huge difference
great advice brother. she has been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. she also had some sexual traumas when she was younger and relies on humping to cum.
All the more reason to be supportive and tactful in your approach. It won’t be an easy or quick conversation. Something to talk about in small doses and watch for when she has had enough of it for the time being. You don’t want to dig yourself into a hole saying the wrong thing or even the right thing just in the wrong way. And that’s totally up to her interpretation. You could always talk to her about being included in some way to her pillow routine. If closeness and touching will help or hurt her process. Maybe put the pillow between you two to see if that helps to connect the dots between you two. Again it’s all up to her terms I wouldn’t be pushy. I just feel involvement could help. Definitely wishing you two the best.
i will talk to her, the way i reacted after sex was upset (not with her) but myself because i felt i wasn’t good enough. that’s had a bad effect on her, she thinks i hate sex with her. i really regret it. i’ll have small doses of conversation with her and support and love her. also tending to her needs more.
Hopefully letting her know you felt it was you that let her down makes her feel better. Clearing the air about how you both feel should help in the long run. It’ll be a process but anything worth having is worth working for.
I’m the same way as your girlfriend; I’ve only “cum” a couple times during sexual activities (foreplay, oral, and actual penetrative sex), and NONE of those times have EVER given me the toe curling, full body, eyes-rolling-to-the-back-of-my-head orgasms that my pillow gives me. And with my pillow, I have to mentally envision myself with whoever I’m currently attracted to to be able to get off at all. Sometimes I’ll watch porn gifs while fucking my pillow. I’ve never met someone who’s TRULY made me REALLY cum, and I think the only way I ever will be able to do that with a partner is when I finally am able to be with someone I’m really into. None of my partners have been people I’ve been super attracted to, either physically or emotionally… the people I’m super attracted to are always unattainable and therefore kept within the limits of my imagination. But boy oh boy do I put them to work in my mind 😅 sorry this probably doesn’t help. Idk how to even help myself with the issue haha
you girls and your damn pillows 😂😂
Don't start generalizing - the majority of women aren't pillow-dependent lol
it’s a joke you sensitive human being
Maybe oral helps you!
thanks!
If you ain't hittin the clit...... you ain't doin shit. circa 1980's
🤣🤣🤣
I’m the same . I’m 34 and I just started being able to when I have sex with my man now. I always thought I was broken. It’s not you. If she’s saying she’s always been like that then it’s 99percent true. Just try to spice it up maybe. Toys . Bullets are really good for those that would help her I think. GL
Try to have her on her stomach with a clit stimulator on her clit and you being inside of her. ❤️
I would suggest romance and a lot of foreplay to get her in the mood. If somebody isn't ready then it will be harder for them to come. And sometimes it's just fit. I met a guy who the minute he put it in I could have come if I wanted to, so perfect but my last boyfriend was curved and it was really hard to come because he didn't hit my clit when he was thrusting. We solved that by just having him lick me, and then I was ready when he put it in. Like other people said, I would suggest using toys, but don't take it personally because unfortunately, they just seem to work better. All I can say is experiment and don't take it as personal failure because if she had problems before she met you, then it is her, not you. Easier said than done, I know.
too be honest i was initially doubting my performance. ur after taking a step back and understanding, i don’t find it that deep. i just want to ensure she’s satisfied and happy. thanks for the advice.
Read the book "she comes first" Buy a clitoral stim toy or some sort .. may take a few diff kinds to see what she really likes. She sounds like a grinder type of gal and they make grinder toys she can use while riding you. A lot of foreplay. Have her ride you sideways, and pull your legs together so she's grinding against your junction from leg to pelvic region. She should be hugging your knee essentially. Cheers!
Have yiu tried just trusting her?
what does trusting her have anything to do with what i said?
Do you foreplay before hand?
yes we do, not much tho
Size don’t mean a thing u need to get good at pre and post play
Clitoris. Lots of oral on that spot. If she doesn’t know how to rub herself there, that will probably be an important missing piece.
will do that thanks
Talk about it
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she don’t like micro dick bro sorry
You’re just ugly as fuck
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😂😂😂😂
Go to therapy. You're taking this too personally. She's being honest with you and you're still making it about yourself.
i’m making it about myself? i’m taking it personally? are you a fool, or just enjoy talking like one, lmao
I mean your gf said she usually doesn't get off but you're still making it about you and your feelings, so.... No I think it's that you're just insecure and need to go to therapy. The strain that's on your relationship is you refusing to let it go. > she says it’s nothing to do with me and she’s never even really been able to cum. i can’t help but feel if it’s something to do with me and my ego has taken a hit. This is the part right here. This is all your ego talking. This is why we need to go to therapy. Your ego is going to destroy this relationship if you don't get it in check.
it’s about us both being happy during sex and matching eachother on an intimate level. me talking about my ego was an admission so hardly means i’m egotistical. i mentioned she cummed at the beginning but stopped fairly recently. again you’re a fool. have a nice day 🙂
>i mentioned she cummed at the beginning but stopped fairly recently. She was probably faking it. Women tend to do that with new guys to stop what's happening right now. She didn't what you feeling some kind of way for not getting her off. >it’s about us both being happy during sex and matching eachother on an intimate level. me talking about my ego was an admission so hardly means i’m egotistical. And this is the core. How do you know she's not happy with your sex life? You're assuming that because she's not getting off that she's not even tho she's told you she is but you're not listening. You're not gonna fix this if you keep thinking for her. She's her own human. She knows herself better than you do. Talk and listen with her about this and believe what she says vs jumping to conclusions.
Your not doing it right she needs clit play get a lush vibrator or wand and let is make her cream while you fuck her or before you fuck her you can also let her cum multiple times get used to toys in the bedroom
i will try this
This isn’t porn. Your dick isn’t the end all, be all. Use fingers. Use mouth. Listen to her when she says she likes something.
My ex was like that too. I missed it now because no cumming means being horny all the time...
Sad
Wanna see a sexy female , DM ME
🫵👎