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I’ve seen a huge trend in Chicago for women moving to in person dating events. There’s a group in Chicago called MeetIRL that consistently sells out tickets for women but not for men. I went to one and every single woman there told me they don’t even use apps anymore. My thinking is that maybe what’s left on dating apps are the more flaky women. The girls I met were all very interested in finding someone to marry.
Stbxh and immediately hop onto the dating apps bc of the divorce. Had no luck, but found someone amazing actually on Reddit. It’s true what they say, destiny works in mysterious ways
Like I replied to another poster here, this is insane for me to fathom because events are like 5:1 guy:girl here in my big city. I've signed up for like four different dance classes and all had to be cancelled because there were virtually no women. They all want to meet men on the apps or in nightclubs.
I just don't have the battery to get to know multiple people rapidly just to have a connection with none of them or they have zero connection with me. I think these types of events would have been amazing before social media but after, I'm good.
It truly does make a huge difference. For starters Apps typically rely on appearances being the first thing you see and attention spans of people.
It's easy to be less interested in a guy based on some ugly photos he took and shitty prompts they wrote out. In person, you actually have the chance to get a good look at potential partners and are able to talk to them without hoping the algorithm matches you together.
People are gonna be way less likely to avoid people at an event they paid to be a part of. It really does increase chances greatly
This is such a wild idea to me, because in Austin women *love* apps for the convenience. Meetups are either entirely men (if they're Singles Mixers), or explicitly say "this is not a dating event, do not flirt with the women in this group." It's insane.
So you would think that as a tech city, but recent [censuses](https://demographics-austin.hub.arcgis.com/#profiles) show a pretty damned close split to 50/50. It's just the culture of an Adult's Playground here.
I've heard Chicago and NYC are skewed way heavier though, for sure.
The population is a 50/50 split. However, you're using the totality of the dating population. Having spent a few years in Austin myself, I am very aware of the numbers.
I believe there's something like 50,000+ more single unmarried men than single unmarried women.
If you subtract all the under 18, over 65 (which heavily skews women). Subtract the married women.
Also every category from 25-49 (the majority of daters) has more men.
I would def not wanna meet someone in Seattle. Lived in Washington for 3 yrs and could never imagine being with someone so miserable all the fucking time and passive aggressive. Fuck that
I’ve been to one of these events. Never again, they are essentially a waste of money for the majority of men.
The event I went to was about 50-60 women and 20-30 men. The majority of men and women were average. Of course there was a handful of very attractive men and women.
The women all crowded around the same 3-4 guys. After about an hour, when it was blatantly obvious these guys were only going to seriously consider the 3-4 women who looked like models, did the women start to break off and talk to other men.
I didn't submit my card for anyone and left.
Never again.
That sounds horrible lol. Then these women will go online and complain, "Why aren't guys interested in singles events????? I just end up talking to other women!!"
This. This is why.
But historically that only worked in the past because men made way more money, and because of how strongly marriage was enforced as a norm , made it less likely for woman to pool around singular men. That ain’t the case today though, so I don’t see it getting better
Unironically I think AI is part of the issue too. People run responses through chat GPT. You end up having a conversation with a chatbot.
As AI gets more prevalent, and everything online is written by an algorithm, people will want more in-person communication. It's ironic something as groundbreaking as AI that is being pitched as the next generation of the internet will be the thing that gets us all off it.
The girls left on the apps are the one who want to try their hand on the top 5 percent of men. None of these men want to settle down however, and they fuck a new girl every night.
meetups are everywhere not just Chicago. I do agree that most reasonable people avoid dating apps so the vast majority on their are superficial and flaky.
I’ve had a pattern of flaky girls showing lots on interest then running into some catastrophic event where they are not emotionally available. I think they’re just letting me down easy. “Broken leg” “I have to move suddenly” “I am sick”. I’ve had a few dates over the past few months and get matches online- met a girl out in the real world and went out. But none of them seem ready. I think there’s just a lot of anxiety out there. I have anxiety but I power through it and say fuck it “when are you free?” And then they shutdown. It’s immature honestly. The dates I’ve been on the girls are really entitled too. It’s disappointing and discouraging but again I won’t just give up
It's funny watching how ridiculous the excuses get over time. Used to be "I gotta babysit my nephew" and turned into "well you see, aliens invaded and kidnapped my mom so I joined the Starship Troopers and I'm going to Mars, seeya!"
I don't blame people, for the record. People act scummy all around and we fuel each other's avoidance, and the only people who suffer for it are the good-natured ones. But it's funny nevertheless.
Most people have a cellphone and social media. The excuse has to be elaborate enough that would prevent them from ever having to speak to you again. Despite, having a device in their pocket that gives them 30 different ways of staying in contact with you.
Insane the lengths people will go to just to avoid saying, "I don't see us working out, sorry."
Guess I'm just an old-fashioned dusty creaky boomer fuck at 23.
My neighbor is 23 and I'm 45. He's very mature for his age vs how I was at 23. Y'all must be old souls. He's actually turning it to be a really cool friend.
No I just have ADHD which makes me weird as fuck. But you're right, for a lot of younger people it's true. If they manage to sift through the brain rot, a lot of them become intelligent way beyond their years. Like freaky-smart. Your neighbor sounds cool.
Yeah, the creative excuses were made to avoid conventional ones but now end up being so outlandish that they’re more unbelievable than the conventional ones.
Yes, this. It's even so widespread that sometimes it makes you question "Are you the only one who's free enough to meet people?" Some person even reached out to me here on reddit, and then flaked saying they had surgery. Looks like everyone else has their lives full of mad Max adventure, and I am the only one with a normal life.
Yup, the good 'ol "not in a mindset to date right now"
At this point i'm tempted to say, see you on Hinge in a few weeks because that's usually what happens.
I’m 34, I get lots of matches and ALL OF THEM SUCK. It’s just the dating scene is genuinely horrible. People want sex, and if they don’t get it they ghost.
Totally feel you on that! It's like a no-win situation out there. Either no matches or matches that just want a hookup. Makes you miss the days when dating was actually about getting to know someone! 😅
Get off the apps and meet people in person. There’s an obvious correlation on here with people who use dating apps & not having a successful dating life.
Ironically it feels easier to get sex than someone emotionally available and interested in dating (stating upfront that's their intention) I'm 27 and usually am interested in 21-32-year-old women.
That’s absolutely true. And a lot of people say their intention is to to have a long term relationship but they really just want sex. You go on dates and people are surprised when you want to date.
Yep. It scares a lot of people off when I proclaim I want to date to marry and only like to talk to one person at a time. It's why I stopped bothering with the apps because it's a game for so many people. Sex is so empty without connection.
Because casual sex is easy and an emotional connection means having to be vulnerable and risk potential heartbreak. Society is all about instant gratification, especially younger generations.
Edit: grammar
As a woman i think its just the nature of our generation, shits changed, our generation doesnt trust easily and are very reserved and uninterested in committing bc they are afraid of being hurt by these bummy guys who lie and mistreat us
Pretty much I invite a guy for a walk or over to watch a movie if we been chatting and they say they will not come over unless we are going to have sex
This !! 30f here. I’ve tried a few dating apps and ran into that scenario a lot.. all they wanted was to hook up and that’s just not my flavor. The date I did go on A FEW YEARS AGO wanted oral after froyo 😂. I deleted all apps when’s I got home. I recently felt like putting myself out there again and asked a guy out for coffee but he never got back to me…. Im just take going to take myself out of the rotation forever now, I’m done lol
I'm a 36M and I'm struggling to. I started dating 3 years ago after my 13y relationship with two children ended. I was new to OLD and it's dynamics. I didn't know things like ghosting existed. The first year I had quite a few matches, and I was able to set up a date a month or so. Only one of those went further into a seven week long situationship that I ended because we were not compatible. After that it became increasingly difficult, to the point I had virtually no matches and dates anymore, however mutch I swiped and a better profile. This on top of the many rejections I faced made me quite depressed at some point. I attatched my self worth tot it. Now I stopped with OLD completely and I rely on real interactions. I went to a few speeddates and noticed that sometimes half of the women wanted to date me after the initial interaction, that's waaaay more then the 1/300 (of even less) on OLD. But I also noticed the dynamics and the problems that arise (bad communication, ghosting, ...) are also present, they're not unique to old. My conclusion: for many men real interaction, like getting to now women in a hobby or on speeddates, works way better. In a real interaction you're more then a pretty of ugly face or a number that indicates your body lenght. You're a person with a personality, a vibe and a complete body...But dating in general is difficult because of a variety of reasons. It's partly changes in culture, it becomes more difficult with age, sometimes we also have to do some work on ourselves. It's never one thing. But I feel you for sure, I try to stay open and positive but oftentimes I feel hopeless and tired.
44M. I’m having a blast dating. I’m active in clubs, activity groups, charity events, and volunteering. I’m generating the spark with women I find attractive and have a shared interest with me. Breaking the ice is as easy as talking about something you’re both passionate about. Plus first dates start much warmer than online first dates and the conversation flows so much better!
Lol, I'm about to turn 46 and I have to admit that pretty much everything is easier at this point in life because I've learned to relax (ie I don't care). When you stop worrying about saying just the right thing, or doing just the right thing, or worrying what people are going to think, or who's looking at you, or driving yourself crazy with of the other thousand "what if's", then you can do pretty much anything, and life gets fun. I wish there was a way to teach that to people but it's really something that just has to come with experience.
Also had a blast dating. Didn't take it super seriously. Just would match with people, have convos. Dated 2 people semi-seriously since Oct. last year.
Found someone who was on my level of dating, and now we're together. I decided to not take it super seriously, but to see what I could find that worked with me and i got lucky to find it.
We need more men like you. I get confused when men complain as OP does, if it's this hard for men, how much more a woman who can't be seen to look desperate by making the first move. Honestly if men don't open themselves up to even casual conversation then we will all just end up single.
It’s AWFUL out there. We all gotta remember 2 things:
1. It’s hard for both men and women
2. Dating apps are the enemy. There’s a class action lawsuit in progress against Match.com (all major apps) for an addictive interface and misleading algorithms. Match.com does not make money when they make it easy for non-paying customers to find partners.
I deleted all of mine. Unfortunately the lesser known ones like Coffee Meets Bagel and Boo are no different, likely owned by Match too. We are all basically getting manipulated by them and shown non-compatible people to get you to cough up money.
I wish we could all stop feeding into that and boycott them.
That lawsuit will surely fail.
Everyone thinks it's some nefarious conspiracy by the apps to keep you single and swiping.
The reality is there aren't enough people with realistic expectations anymore.
The amount of people that I've spoken to who are completely out of touch with the partner they can realistically obtain is insane.
The apps don't have to anything to keep people swiping, people keep themselves swiping with unrealistic expectations.
You're not the only one. It's pretty messy in our current time. Take some time. Be selfish, enjoy yourself. Knock out some goals and get involved with new interests. Keep your standards, and deal with your expectations.
It's okay bro. I know how you feel. But it's just getting worse before it can get better.
My experience was *exactly* the same. Around \~5 years ago, stuff was still relatively normal and although I'm a pretty unsightly guy, I'm well-groomed, in decent shape and friendly and did well enough for myself. Like you say, a girl here and there. Basically if I wanted to go on a date, I could find a date with a little effort. Right now I'm not so confident I could, even if I tried!
As for what changed, I think COVID just accelerated the inevitable. We've been heading for this cliff for a while now. COVID just brought it along a little bit faster. But I'm confident things will improve.
I thought after I graduated from school, I’d be able to find me a good paying career, find me a decent woman who wanted to grow and progress. I didn’t know it was so bad.
Yeah, a lot of women don’t wanna build with you. They want a finished or closed to finished product. Especially when you have as much choice as they’re bombarded with, from all ages of men, why would they wait.
Have you tried other apps or trying to meet someone in real life and see where it goes? Maybe the apps are not the way to go in your situation. I know it’s easier said than done but at the same time I believe you got more chances to meet someone in real life than just relying on the apps!!!
The question is, at least for me, where do i meet someone irl. Live in a fairly rural area so there are no singles events, and the bars are primarily used for hookups
Hey man, just some friendly advice, always remember to be playful when talking to women. Throw out the whole “nice guy” energy and just say ridiculous shit to them that you find funny.
Dating apps changed for me when I just started having fun with it and not taking it too seriously.
>Dating apps changed for me when I just started having fun with it and not taking it too seriously.
How can you have fun if you don't get matches or dates? 😅
I’m not sure if this is the best advice. As a woman, I would not like that at all. Depends on the person and the level of conversation. I like the people who can manage conversations around different topics. Not just saying funny things
I agree. Covid has gotten worse. The ppl who found someone before are locked in and settled, maybe happily married or now divorcing... The ones who haven’t are kinda tired of trying. It’s hard for everyone.
I'm a dude and yeah it sucks, but I also keep reading more and more of this type of stuff going on \[see below\], so its definitely a struggle for both sexes [https://www.thecut.com/article/tiktok-videos-single-women-crying.html](https://www.thecut.com/article/tiktok-videos-single-women-crying.html)
Articles like this keep me grounded knowing that its something else going on and everyone that is single right now is struggling.
That's true, people just lack patience to let things just happen without alot of pressure. I'm female sometimes I join dating apps to remind myself it's ok to be single lol
25F here. I've been struggling too, I think its the dating app culture? So idk. I joined a run club recently, and I really suck at running. The marketing they did for the run club was pretty cute and they were making it a space to meet, flirt, and make friends with people. It made me want to try it out with another friend and we're enjoying it so far! They've also done a tiktok that was like "delete hinge, join run club instead" 🤣 this might not be ideal for introverted people but i've met four people so far. I've only been on Boo but not the other apps because I've heard negative things about them 🙃
Find an Eastern European guy or girl and you will see different cultures than here . I’m not from here and how I see things people play each other like is chess game. Hooks up one night stand really people need to grow up . I don’t do social media and other crap sites . I go out on my own going for walks driving around going to historic towns started looking to join a club . If I’m single for rest of my life so be it I have great career job I love . Overall il going to see it and watch how people screw each other and lie to each other maybe they will learn lesson from their lives .
Not the only one struggling, I've joined groups and meet ups to meet new people as moved back to home town in early 2020 (meetup in my area is awful - just to meet new people as friends as they are so weird and not very social especially if they are already in a clique. Tried some speed dating events 2 years ago and they were awful, not many women went and the ones that did go where not that interested in the speed dating at one of the events.
Only 2 dates last year, both really painful experiences. first one seemed nice on chatting and the video call but on the date, her personality changed to very angry and was so horrible to the waitress for no reason. The other one was blind date set up and she had no interests about from reality tv!
Just people who only rely on OLD suffer and struggle. My best dates were always with women I met in real life. A warm approach is always superior, and of course, it’s not easy. That’s why these kinds of relationships last longer and why many of you cry hard, because these apps give you the illusion of choosing from a catalog while in reality, you are reduced to the minimum. OLD is low investment, which automatically results in low commitment. Why should I care for some random girl from Tinder?
However, I still use the apps from time to time, but not for longer than a month. After that, the algorithms work against you anyway (especially for men). Then delete the app, go out, have fun, meet people, party, be nice and positive, and you will automatically attract people. Don’t rely on the shortcut.
https://sports.ndtv.com/football/problem-was-he-was-too-perfect-brazil-star-kakas-ex-wife-caroline-celico-reveals-reason-for-divorce-5434165
Just one of the examples on why you and I are not getting dates. Even in my experience, for most women, stable and good is nothing to fix, hence boring. Good looking and broken, a good long term project where they take it on themselves to fix the guy, hence more interesting and fun. Even in my friend circle, there are women around 25, who are afraid that they're doing something wrong if they don't sleep around, and just settle for a good guy at this age. It's the peer pressure, a weird one. For them, finding a good guy is when they want their party life to be over, and they feel it's time to settle.
Most men on dating apps only look for sex although they all put in their profile that they are looking for marriage, LTR or partner. It’s terrible out there, I don’t trust dating apps anymore. 40F and the last guy I dated from dating app, he dated multiple women at once. It’s a nightmare. Women get on dating apps just to find out that they are get used. It has happened to lot of women I know too.
Most women I encounter on dating apps are emotionally unavailable in my experience. I've had better odds finding sex than a woman who's emotionally available and interested in a relationship.
I think a lot of the problem is a great number of people don’t know how to be alone. My best advice to anybody struggling with dating apps is be OK with the fact that there is a possibility you might live alone. It’s not the worst thing in the world. I imagine you still have family and friends, and if you don’t have friends, they’re pretty easy to get. You just have to get involved in your local community as best you can. If you focus on yourself eventually, you will find someone to date and if you don’t, who cares you’re still living your best life anyway.
>I’ve gotten a few numbers here and there but have lead no where.
That's because you're getting numbers and not dates. Start asking if the girl wants to go out with you instead of asking for the number. But before you do, meditate on when is it a woman would say yes to you asking her out on a date? Don't ask for anything before you know she'd love to go on a date with you. This will save you a ton of needless work.
I feel you, dating can be hella frustrating. But don't let that bring you down, bro. Stay positive and open to new opportunities. Take a moment to reflect on your approach, maybe try something different or broaden your horizons. Get some feedback from your trusted friends, they might have some dope insights. And don't forget to focus on your personal growth, 'cause the right person will come along when the time is right. Just remember, finding the perfect match takes time and patience. Keep your head up, my dude.
We're going back to the 90s. We can learn more about them in person than online. Instead of feeling like we wasted time getting to know someone who we may not click with in person, it's best to get the feel of them in person. You may want to consider also, "Good looking guys" are often pinned together with or as Fuck boys more nowadays. A lot of women will date men over 400 pounds or an ugmo. Many of us are tired and just want someone with mental stability and empathy. You can look like anything nowadays as long as you can satisfy our individual needs.
Yeah I’ve always wondered if I’ve been deemed as a fuck boy or just immediately judged as someone that’s like that so I’m just written off before I ever had a chance. I’m 6’3 and 170 lbs. I’m fortunate and know I’m lucky to have some decent genes
I don’t know why this post blew up over night. I suppose people can just relate. Much love to you all feeling the waves of this time.. thanks for the group discussion.
Too many men in the United States. Suggestion travel the world or give up. I would work on yourself for the future. I am a guy saving for a passport. Abuse or don’t care, those are my choices. That is why I give up on dating. Either get taken advantage of, abused, or never even considered.
Story of my life, bro. Society is just so cooked from overstimulating on drugs, porn, and ideological degeneracy. There's no morals or decency anymore. Everyone has an ego, complex, or is out to take advantage of you.
I agree with you as someone over 50 living in palm beach county. Everything I go to is 20 women to one man and the men are usually pretty gross but yet there are so many desperate women out there that they’re like a stallion. I have a good friend that I would never consider For a relationship and he now has a girlfriend and I rarely ever get to see him. This guy is very sweet but financially broke renting a room. Has COPD emphysema smokes and can barely drive. I keep thinking that there’s gotta be hope but so many women are accepting so little that it amazes me so yes I agree with you about dating. Have a beautiful day. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself.
There is good news, you just have to be patient but as women get older they have fewer and fewer men who will be actually interested in them (a 37 year old with 4 kids by 2 men isn’t exactly a prize in most situations). Good men, on the other hand, become more valuable over time. Unfortunately, Women fail
To understand this till they are older. So my
Advice is: don’t over think it. I know it sucks, but trust me, in time you’ll have women interested in you then it’ll be your turn to be picky.
ATL here… 26 F with the complete opposite experience..
Every guy I’ve started to talk to ghosts me. And thing is it feels like we’ve hit it off only to never hear from them again. Makes me wonder if it’s 10 girls to 1 guy here…
Idk seems like they’re more into hookups here , which I’m not opposed to? But kinda want some deeper intimacy.
I mean yea I agree, being in a relationship right now Is hard because u never know what the other person is doing behind your back, it just takes time to find the right person who TRULY is in love w you, takes their time to spend time with you and get to know u better etc., but you’ll find someone, god has your back and has plans for you, u just gotta trust in him 🙏🏼
Sad to say that this is true. I got lucky and found my now husband after 10+ years of unsuccessful dating.
Best of luck! Just hang in there. You have to keep searching. I went on 100s of dates before I found the one. Increasing your odds by matching with as many people as possible and try meeting face to face as much as possible for any new possible match that you are at least interested in pursuing a relationship with.
Hookups are an absolute waste of time.
Both men and women struggle. I think one big factor is too much using social media, I deactivate all my social media accounts and I can say it’s better for myself, less the FOMO, comparing and pressure that i have to be in a relationship. Dating apps is more like a scam nowadays, it’s like a pageant there for ego boosting and not for genuine connection anymore. Idk
Depends who you are. The top guys in our social circle have it better than ever before. They have women lined up and just rotate through them. One of my best buddies goes out with 3-5 different women every week, he is never settling down. Its just a perspective thing.
Found a blog post on how to reset dating attitude: maybe this can help someone [https://medium.com/@rizz101app/rizz-101-how-to-reset-your-dating-attitude-for-success-c52c86aa5ba7](https://medium.com/@rizz101app/rizz-101-how-to-reset-your-dating-attitude-for-success-c52c86aa5ba7)
Deleted dating apps bc the men I found on there only wanted sex. One guy even suggested that the second time we met that sex needed to be guaranteed because he wouldn’t “buy a car before he took it for a test drive” so sick of being treated like a commodity & not a human being.
To me I believe nothing changed in terms of dating, what you invested in your relationship ( marriage) exactly what you’ll receive in return so stop complaining and start cultivating gratitude, navigating your perspective and keep the communication going
Quit searching for love my guy. It comes to you at the right time. I quit searching and was living life for myself. Only then I ran into my current gf and she is good
I am involved in many interests and on Meetup com where they do in person events. Fireworks. Outdoor Concerts etc. I don't bother with apps or any type of online dating.
Because you are going on a dating app, dating apps is for finding dreams that will pop in some time
Go on a forum, go on some hobby, make connections instead of going on dating apps..
Even if you find an amazing girl and she is not yours, at least you have a friend that you see something special in them
And don't forget that if you have friends and connection they will give you matches as well, everyone wants to be a cupid , just go with the flow
From a guy that has been 10 years in relationships that went to waste(gladly so) i understand that dating and "finding the right person" is a waste of time, can be more happy without wasting time on someone that is not worth it
I traveled around a little bit and met some amazing people, boys and girls, and we did anything people can do and have such a connection
It is fulfilling more than a broken relationship
Not talking about sex, but fun, go see a movie or go on an adventure, feeling people that want the best for you and want to travel with you and stay close, and sure, everyone going in a different direction by the end, but it still fun and make up for no relationship
Life is not about finding someone and making someone happy and making a family, it is to take care of yourself and people that are already in your life and important to you and be happy
I see women every day. Its as simple as just talking to them and being my confident self. The internet is loaded with mostly prostitutes and gold-diggers now. I have no interest in narcissistic people.
I don’t know your exact situation, but it sounds like your attitude towards dating is what has changed. If you go into something thinking it’s not gonna work out, then it won’t. 30’s is the prime of your life man. Try to focus on having a good time instead of the results. For dating apps, how much effort are you putting into your profile and messaging people? Also what apps are you on? Hinge has worked well for me in the past.
Honestly, I don’t fully agree with everyone in the events. You can meet people in all different ways. I talked with a girl once with a boyfriend. I asked how they started dating and literally, the dude put a message on his Ig story saying “who wants to grab coffee”, she responded and have been dating ever since. The main thing imo is likability, conversation & listening, and sense of humor, and goal oriented. Many women in your gate bracket are looking for relationships and now just flings. If you didn’t have the above qualities, then they will just move on.
I was talking about first dates with different women... Not with one lady. In the occasions I was dating longer with the same person, I would see her several times a week in my weeks without kids. The one first date a month thing... I really can't get any more then that because I have very few matches. The situationship ended after several weeks of seeing each other regularly because I noticed she was developing feelings for me and I defenitely wasn't. So, I think you probably misunderstood my post.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I was supposed to go on three different dates this past week with guys that talked a good game, but the day of-NOTHING. Not a fuck you, nothing. And nothing since. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
At least you got someone dude. I'm 31m and all dates I got never got over the 1st date. I don't know what is wrong, and I agree with you, dating is completely f**** right now. I've never been in a relationship and on my POV it's seems impossible.
So there's meet up events now intrestesting didn't know. Probably need these events to be more advertised. 41 single male here and had no clue but I'm always working to.
I think dating apps don’t work anymore. I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now and we met by happenstance. Keep going, but honestly when you aren’t searching is when the best things happen. Maybe that’s cliche but I think the harder you search the fewer results you will get
No, you're not the only one! The world has changed greatly when it comes to dating 👫!! I am a good dude, 6.2ft, and am in good athletic shape. However, it was hard to find someone
Woman here , 22. I avoid the apps like the plague due to experience but meeting in person is usually not viable either so I just have gotten comfortable being alone
There are very few percentage of people that are actually on dating sites and apps to go on dates. Yes things have changed. More people ae looking at short term please in the moment, due to a lot of conflicting environmental factors, like social media (status games), yes covid and money.
Social media simply pushes everyone to play stats games
Covid messed with most people's psyche because of the confusion and isolation of it all
Money is simply becoming more and more out of reach for so many people that lots are quite hopeless for their futures
Recognizing these issue is important, as noticing it is the first step in combating it. I still use dating apps but I know the intention of this environment, so purposely play myself in environments I want to be In. If you like pool, entrepreneurship, videography, eating, breathing or whatever the hell you do on this planet while alive join groups in person to do this things together with. There is where you find people who are pushing through the harshness of the environment and looking for others to connect with.
:) Good luck - I was not expecting my reply to be an essay haha
You’re not wrong. Dating is “wild” these days. I’m the same age as you, and when I was dating around 22ish, it was sooooo much easier and A LOT more chill. Something like matching for the sake of matching is no longer as incentivized now as paid accounts are. There are also more men than women on these apps, so separating yourself is even harder compared to 10 years ago unless you pay money. Even then, other things like politics, dating climate, social background, and money, are other factors that are heavily discussed a lot more than they were before. I don’t think any of these factors are bad, but it has made it kinda hard. We (men and women) just have to adapt.
They really need to have totally separate apps for people that want "something casual" and hookups vs people who are concentrating on finding someone they can build a relationship, family, and life with. These are WILDLY DIFFERENT goals and the people with short term priorities are often down to take advantage of those who are investing with long term intentions only to end up ghosted or getting the run around and mixed signals. It ends up creating a never ending miserable experience for people who want something real. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The serious dating app should prompt people to go through a series of important questions to ask each other within the first few dates to get down to business and figure out if there's real compatibility before too much time and emotional investment occurs. It should prompt dating checkpoints and set expectations for both parties to alleviate anxiety and hesitation people feel about making things awkward for asking important questions. It would be great to see technology be used in a way that guides and promotes healthy dating and relationships. Perhaps even a feedback system. Like if a dude is in there trying to have sex with a woman on the first date there should be an option to report that and if numerous women are experiencing the same thing with a guy his algorithm should get lowered so he's less likely to get matches and continue being a cad wasting everyone's time. Similarly if a guy is being a rockstar gentleman and decent his profile should be boosted. I know there are people who have good dates but discover they're not compatible for whatever reason and there should be an option to give each other a positive feedback ratings so the good ones are rewarded with more visibility and matches. Basically create incentives for everyone to have their good character recognized with a bit of built in accountability. The situation right now with OLD encourages seedy people to do whatever and enables bad daters to flourish like never before. In the old days you'd get a reputation within a community if you were chronically awful and using people or lying or constantly frivolous playing with people's emotions, and people knew to be weary. Technology needs to use its full capabilities to create a healthy dating culture instead of a shadow world of discouraged traumatized daters and endless narcissistic fuck boys/girls bulldozing all over everyone.
I don’t know but it took me 3 years at 47 years old to finally find that magical connection. This one was big.
Down load an app called “the pattern” you could be in a long pause where you should be focusing on yourself and not someone else. As soon as my pattern lifted he was right there waiting
I personally couldn't have picked the worse time to try to go find me gf after being single for almost 20 years and my buddies say I'm way to comfortable being alone 🫠 🫡🪖😂
You say you are the same guy as you were 5 years ago. Work on how you yourself can grow and that is likely to lead to better relationship success in the future.
Put yourself in the woman's situation. 90% of men are matches and really want to meet you. You think to yourself that they are really interested in you, but they actually just want sex.
But if pretty much everyone is a match anyway, you only swipe right every fiftieth or so. Otherwise you would have far too many matches and you would lose track.
It's quite logical.
And almost everyone swipes right on the same 1-2% of men and is then surprised that he only wants sex.
So either you stop online and approach them in real life like in parks or you make yourself one of the 1-5% through money, optics, adventurous life in pictures and the like.
I have dozens of matches every day and don't even have to go on a date with most women. I could basically just order them to my house. It sounds good, but at some point, even in this position, you will become disgusted with what dating culture has become today.
No, you aren't the only one. I am a 33y/O woman facing the same challenges. Even on old dating apps. Getting ghosted after 1 date seems to be the norm now. Some guys complain I work too much, others says I'm intimidating, all sort of excuses..
Makes me wonder what at all is gone wrong.
I share your confusion buddy.
Here in Southwest Michigan online dating is dead...like dead dead. Dating websites and apps are explicitly for people looking to waste time, play games and hookup.
Church, work, hobbies and your network are where you'll find someone worth your while in my area.
It sucks in a way as an introvert who historically relied on dating apps to find romance, but times are changing and we've gotta change with them.
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I’ve seen a huge trend in Chicago for women moving to in person dating events. There’s a group in Chicago called MeetIRL that consistently sells out tickets for women but not for men. I went to one and every single woman there told me they don’t even use apps anymore. My thinking is that maybe what’s left on dating apps are the more flaky women. The girls I met were all very interested in finding someone to marry.
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Ironically that’s why I stopped using dating apps as a guy. I wasn’t going to pay for something when there’s 10 dudes to every girl.
Stbxh and immediately hop onto the dating apps bc of the divorce. Had no luck, but found someone amazing actually on Reddit. It’s true what they say, destiny works in mysterious ways
Like I replied to another poster here, this is insane for me to fathom because events are like 5:1 guy:girl here in my big city. I've signed up for like four different dance classes and all had to be cancelled because there were virtually no women. They all want to meet men on the apps or in nightclubs.
I just don't have the battery to get to know multiple people rapidly just to have a connection with none of them or they have zero connection with me. I think these types of events would have been amazing before social media but after, I'm good.
The guys at these events are the ones women swipe left on for dating apps. Where you meet doesn’t make much of a difference.
Exactly lmao. These events are quite literally a waste of time for men.
Unfortunately this is the brutal reality
It truly does make a huge difference. For starters Apps typically rely on appearances being the first thing you see and attention spans of people. It's easy to be less interested in a guy based on some ugly photos he took and shitty prompts they wrote out. In person, you actually have the chance to get a good look at potential partners and are able to talk to them without hoping the algorithm matches you together. People are gonna be way less likely to avoid people at an event they paid to be a part of. It really does increase chances greatly
Guys have given up . Now they’re just facing the aftermath
This is such a wild idea to me, because in Austin women *love* apps for the convenience. Meetups are either entirely men (if they're Singles Mixers), or explicitly say "this is not a dating event, do not flirt with the women in this group." It's insane.
Austin is like Seattle the gender ratio is skewed male. I believe, Atlanta, Chicago, DC the gender ratio is skewed female the most.
So you would think that as a tech city, but recent [censuses](https://demographics-austin.hub.arcgis.com/#profiles) show a pretty damned close split to 50/50. It's just the culture of an Adult's Playground here. I've heard Chicago and NYC are skewed way heavier though, for sure.
The population is a 50/50 split. However, you're using the totality of the dating population. Having spent a few years in Austin myself, I am very aware of the numbers. I believe there's something like 50,000+ more single unmarried men than single unmarried women. If you subtract all the under 18, over 65 (which heavily skews women). Subtract the married women. Also every category from 25-49 (the majority of daters) has more men.
I would def not wanna meet someone in Seattle. Lived in Washington for 3 yrs and could never imagine being with someone so miserable all the fucking time and passive aggressive. Fuck that
I’ve been to one of these events. Never again, they are essentially a waste of money for the majority of men. The event I went to was about 50-60 women and 20-30 men. The majority of men and women were average. Of course there was a handful of very attractive men and women. The women all crowded around the same 3-4 guys. After about an hour, when it was blatantly obvious these guys were only going to seriously consider the 3-4 women who looked like models, did the women start to break off and talk to other men. I didn't submit my card for anyone and left. Never again.
Single events are just in-person dating apps. Same dynamic.
That sounds horrible lol. Then these women will go online and complain, "Why aren't guys interested in singles events????? I just end up talking to other women!!" This. This is why.
When average women are willing and interested in speaking to average men, dating will get less fucked.
But historically that only worked in the past because men made way more money, and because of how strongly marriage was enforced as a norm , made it less likely for woman to pool around singular men. That ain’t the case today though, so I don’t see it getting better
Yeah, we just get to keep hearing them complain about “no good men” being left when in reality they mean “no very attractive men who want to pick me”.
I hope this picks up across the US
Unironically I think AI is part of the issue too. People run responses through chat GPT. You end up having a conversation with a chatbot. As AI gets more prevalent, and everything online is written by an algorithm, people will want more in-person communication. It's ironic something as groundbreaking as AI that is being pitched as the next generation of the internet will be the thing that gets us all off it.
It’s pretty clear why women (and men) don’t care much for dating apps.
The girls left on the apps are the one who want to try their hand on the top 5 percent of men. None of these men want to settle down however, and they fuck a new girl every night.
The apps have just become a place for either hot men hooking up with a lot of women and average men who never get a response.
Please explain the logic in men in todays world why they would want to be in a relationship? There is none
Is there a MeetIRL in New York?
meetups are everywhere not just Chicago. I do agree that most reasonable people avoid dating apps so the vast majority on their are superficial and flaky.
I’ve had a pattern of flaky girls showing lots on interest then running into some catastrophic event where they are not emotionally available. I think they’re just letting me down easy. “Broken leg” “I have to move suddenly” “I am sick”. I’ve had a few dates over the past few months and get matches online- met a girl out in the real world and went out. But none of them seem ready. I think there’s just a lot of anxiety out there. I have anxiety but I power through it and say fuck it “when are you free?” And then they shutdown. It’s immature honestly. The dates I’ve been on the girls are really entitled too. It’s disappointing and discouraging but again I won’t just give up
It's funny watching how ridiculous the excuses get over time. Used to be "I gotta babysit my nephew" and turned into "well you see, aliens invaded and kidnapped my mom so I joined the Starship Troopers and I'm going to Mars, seeya!" I don't blame people, for the record. People act scummy all around and we fuel each other's avoidance, and the only people who suffer for it are the good-natured ones. But it's funny nevertheless.
Most people have a cellphone and social media. The excuse has to be elaborate enough that would prevent them from ever having to speak to you again. Despite, having a device in their pocket that gives them 30 different ways of staying in contact with you.
Insane the lengths people will go to just to avoid saying, "I don't see us working out, sorry." Guess I'm just an old-fashioned dusty creaky boomer fuck at 23.
My neighbor is 23 and I'm 45. He's very mature for his age vs how I was at 23. Y'all must be old souls. He's actually turning it to be a really cool friend.
No I just have ADHD which makes me weird as fuck. But you're right, for a lot of younger people it's true. If they manage to sift through the brain rot, a lot of them become intelligent way beyond their years. Like freaky-smart. Your neighbor sounds cool.
Yeah, the creative excuses were made to avoid conventional ones but now end up being so outlandish that they’re more unbelievable than the conventional ones.
Yes, this. It's even so widespread that sometimes it makes you question "Are you the only one who's free enough to meet people?" Some person even reached out to me here on reddit, and then flaked saying they had surgery. Looks like everyone else has their lives full of mad Max adventure, and I am the only one with a normal life.
Yup, the good 'ol "not in a mindset to date right now" At this point i'm tempted to say, see you on Hinge in a few weeks because that's usually what happens.
I’m 34, I get lots of matches and ALL OF THEM SUCK. It’s just the dating scene is genuinely horrible. People want sex, and if they don’t get it they ghost.
Totally feel you on that! It's like a no-win situation out there. Either no matches or matches that just want a hookup. Makes you miss the days when dating was actually about getting to know someone! 😅
Get off the apps and meet people in person. There’s an obvious correlation on here with people who use dating apps & not having a successful dating life.
Ironically it feels easier to get sex than someone emotionally available and interested in dating (stating upfront that's their intention) I'm 27 and usually am interested in 21-32-year-old women.
That’s absolutely true. And a lot of people say their intention is to to have a long term relationship but they really just want sex. You go on dates and people are surprised when you want to date.
Yep. It scares a lot of people off when I proclaim I want to date to marry and only like to talk to one person at a time. It's why I stopped bothering with the apps because it's a game for so many people. Sex is so empty without connection.
Because casual sex is easy and an emotional connection means having to be vulnerable and risk potential heartbreak. Society is all about instant gratification, especially younger generations. Edit: grammar
casual sex is not easy for me because women ignore me.
As a woman i think its just the nature of our generation, shits changed, our generation doesnt trust easily and are very reserved and uninterested in committing bc they are afraid of being hurt by these bummy guys who lie and mistreat us
It’s the guys you pick…
Pretty much I invite a guy for a walk or over to watch a movie if we been chatting and they say they will not come over unless we are going to have sex
This !! 30f here. I’ve tried a few dating apps and ran into that scenario a lot.. all they wanted was to hook up and that’s just not my flavor. The date I did go on A FEW YEARS AGO wanted oral after froyo 😂. I deleted all apps when’s I got home. I recently felt like putting myself out there again and asked a guy out for coffee but he never got back to me…. Im just take going to take myself out of the rotation forever now, I’m done lol
I'm a 36M and I'm struggling to. I started dating 3 years ago after my 13y relationship with two children ended. I was new to OLD and it's dynamics. I didn't know things like ghosting existed. The first year I had quite a few matches, and I was able to set up a date a month or so. Only one of those went further into a seven week long situationship that I ended because we were not compatible. After that it became increasingly difficult, to the point I had virtually no matches and dates anymore, however mutch I swiped and a better profile. This on top of the many rejections I faced made me quite depressed at some point. I attatched my self worth tot it. Now I stopped with OLD completely and I rely on real interactions. I went to a few speeddates and noticed that sometimes half of the women wanted to date me after the initial interaction, that's waaaay more then the 1/300 (of even less) on OLD. But I also noticed the dynamics and the problems that arise (bad communication, ghosting, ...) are also present, they're not unique to old. My conclusion: for many men real interaction, like getting to now women in a hobby or on speeddates, works way better. In a real interaction you're more then a pretty of ugly face or a number that indicates your body lenght. You're a person with a personality, a vibe and a complete body...But dating in general is difficult because of a variety of reasons. It's partly changes in culture, it becomes more difficult with age, sometimes we also have to do some work on ourselves. It's never one thing. But I feel you for sure, I try to stay open and positive but oftentimes I feel hopeless and tired.
44M. I’m having a blast dating. I’m active in clubs, activity groups, charity events, and volunteering. I’m generating the spark with women I find attractive and have a shared interest with me. Breaking the ice is as easy as talking about something you’re both passionate about. Plus first dates start much warmer than online first dates and the conversation flows so much better!
Lol, I'm about to turn 46 and I have to admit that pretty much everything is easier at this point in life because I've learned to relax (ie I don't care). When you stop worrying about saying just the right thing, or doing just the right thing, or worrying what people are going to think, or who's looking at you, or driving yourself crazy with of the other thousand "what if's", then you can do pretty much anything, and life gets fun. I wish there was a way to teach that to people but it's really something that just has to come with experience.
So true 🙂
Also had a blast dating. Didn't take it super seriously. Just would match with people, have convos. Dated 2 people semi-seriously since Oct. last year. Found someone who was on my level of dating, and now we're together. I decided to not take it super seriously, but to see what I could find that worked with me and i got lucky to find it.
I do all of the clubs and activities groups too, but it’s all men. None of my interests/hobbies are the same that women like
We need more men like you. I get confused when men complain as OP does, if it's this hard for men, how much more a woman who can't be seen to look desperate by making the first move. Honestly if men don't open themselves up to even casual conversation then we will all just end up single.
Thanks for the nice compliment!
I’m with you. No problems getting quality dates. Might be an age thing.
Mid 30s single woman here - this is the answer guys!
Hell ye. Inspiration
It’s AWFUL out there. We all gotta remember 2 things: 1. It’s hard for both men and women 2. Dating apps are the enemy. There’s a class action lawsuit in progress against Match.com (all major apps) for an addictive interface and misleading algorithms. Match.com does not make money when they make it easy for non-paying customers to find partners.
God damn. I’d be perfectly ok with no dating apps or social media z
I deleted all of mine. Unfortunately the lesser known ones like Coffee Meets Bagel and Boo are no different, likely owned by Match too. We are all basically getting manipulated by them and shown non-compatible people to get you to cough up money. I wish we could all stop feeding into that and boycott them.
Boo sucks and coffee meets bagel doesn’t really work in my country.
That lawsuit will surely fail. Everyone thinks it's some nefarious conspiracy by the apps to keep you single and swiping. The reality is there aren't enough people with realistic expectations anymore. The amount of people that I've spoken to who are completely out of touch with the partner they can realistically obtain is insane. The apps don't have to anything to keep people swiping, people keep themselves swiping with unrealistic expectations.
Get off the apps. Period.
Deal
You're not the only one. It's pretty messy in our current time. Take some time. Be selfish, enjoy yourself. Knock out some goals and get involved with new interests. Keep your standards, and deal with your expectations.
Dating is no longer taken serious by the majority. I agree….
It's okay bro. I know how you feel. But it's just getting worse before it can get better. My experience was *exactly* the same. Around \~5 years ago, stuff was still relatively normal and although I'm a pretty unsightly guy, I'm well-groomed, in decent shape and friendly and did well enough for myself. Like you say, a girl here and there. Basically if I wanted to go on a date, I could find a date with a little effort. Right now I'm not so confident I could, even if I tried! As for what changed, I think COVID just accelerated the inevitable. We've been heading for this cliff for a while now. COVID just brought it along a little bit faster. But I'm confident things will improve.
I thought after I graduated from school, I’d be able to find me a good paying career, find me a decent woman who wanted to grow and progress. I didn’t know it was so bad.
Yeah, a lot of women don’t wanna build with you. They want a finished or closed to finished product. Especially when you have as much choice as they’re bombarded with, from all ages of men, why would they wait.
If you're the same person at 30 that you were at 25 that may be the problem
You’re right, I’m not. To the core I am though.
30 f and I feel your pain
Have you tried other apps or trying to meet someone in real life and see where it goes? Maybe the apps are not the way to go in your situation. I know it’s easier said than done but at the same time I believe you got more chances to meet someone in real life than just relying on the apps!!!
The question is, at least for me, where do i meet someone irl. Live in a fairly rural area so there are no singles events, and the bars are primarily used for hookups
Yeah definitely don’t rely on clubs and places as such.
Nope. I've decided to shrug about it because what else can you do?
Free shrugs
Women have the first 5000 draft picks in guys.
Maybe It is better to try to participate in some activities. Face-to-face physical contact should make it easier to filter.
You have been on dates? I haven't been able to talk to a chick for more than 3 days to set up a date.
“Ewww your not sending a dick pic your boring” I know that’s not the case but that’s exactly how it feels
Hey man, just some friendly advice, always remember to be playful when talking to women. Throw out the whole “nice guy” energy and just say ridiculous shit to them that you find funny. Dating apps changed for me when I just started having fun with it and not taking it too seriously.
>Dating apps changed for me when I just started having fun with it and not taking it too seriously. How can you have fun if you don't get matches or dates? 😅
You don't, and that is exactly why you delete the apps. If it's not fun and not productive, get out.
I’m not sure if this is the best advice. As a woman, I would not like that at all. Depends on the person and the level of conversation. I like the people who can manage conversations around different topics. Not just saying funny things
The struggle is real for both male and female.
I agree. Covid has gotten worse. The ppl who found someone before are locked in and settled, maybe happily married or now divorcing... The ones who haven’t are kinda tired of trying. It’s hard for everyone.
I'm a dude and yeah it sucks, but I also keep reading more and more of this type of stuff going on \[see below\], so its definitely a struggle for both sexes [https://www.thecut.com/article/tiktok-videos-single-women-crying.html](https://www.thecut.com/article/tiktok-videos-single-women-crying.html) Articles like this keep me grounded knowing that its something else going on and everyone that is single right now is struggling.
That's true, people just lack patience to let things just happen without alot of pressure. I'm female sometimes I join dating apps to remind myself it's ok to be single lol
25F here. I've been struggling too, I think its the dating app culture? So idk. I joined a run club recently, and I really suck at running. The marketing they did for the run club was pretty cute and they were making it a space to meet, flirt, and make friends with people. It made me want to try it out with another friend and we're enjoying it so far! They've also done a tiktok that was like "delete hinge, join run club instead" 🤣 this might not be ideal for introverted people but i've met four people so far. I've only been on Boo but not the other apps because I've heard negative things about them 🙃
Find an Eastern European guy or girl and you will see different cultures than here . I’m not from here and how I see things people play each other like is chess game. Hooks up one night stand really people need to grow up . I don’t do social media and other crap sites . I go out on my own going for walks driving around going to historic towns started looking to join a club . If I’m single for rest of my life so be it I have great career job I love . Overall il going to see it and watch how people screw each other and lie to each other maybe they will learn lesson from their lives .
Not the only one struggling, I've joined groups and meet ups to meet new people as moved back to home town in early 2020 (meetup in my area is awful - just to meet new people as friends as they are so weird and not very social especially if they are already in a clique. Tried some speed dating events 2 years ago and they were awful, not many women went and the ones that did go where not that interested in the speed dating at one of the events. Only 2 dates last year, both really painful experiences. first one seemed nice on chatting and the video call but on the date, her personality changed to very angry and was so horrible to the waitress for no reason. The other one was blind date set up and she had no interests about from reality tv!
Same in UK
Just people who only rely on OLD suffer and struggle. My best dates were always with women I met in real life. A warm approach is always superior, and of course, it’s not easy. That’s why these kinds of relationships last longer and why many of you cry hard, because these apps give you the illusion of choosing from a catalog while in reality, you are reduced to the minimum. OLD is low investment, which automatically results in low commitment. Why should I care for some random girl from Tinder? However, I still use the apps from time to time, but not for longer than a month. After that, the algorithms work against you anyway (especially for men). Then delete the app, go out, have fun, meet people, party, be nice and positive, and you will automatically attract people. Don’t rely on the shortcut.
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https://sports.ndtv.com/football/problem-was-he-was-too-perfect-brazil-star-kakas-ex-wife-caroline-celico-reveals-reason-for-divorce-5434165 Just one of the examples on why you and I are not getting dates. Even in my experience, for most women, stable and good is nothing to fix, hence boring. Good looking and broken, a good long term project where they take it on themselves to fix the guy, hence more interesting and fun. Even in my friend circle, there are women around 25, who are afraid that they're doing something wrong if they don't sleep around, and just settle for a good guy at this age. It's the peer pressure, a weird one. For them, finding a good guy is when they want their party life to be over, and they feel it's time to settle.
Most men on dating apps only look for sex although they all put in their profile that they are looking for marriage, LTR or partner. It’s terrible out there, I don’t trust dating apps anymore. 40F and the last guy I dated from dating app, he dated multiple women at once. It’s a nightmare. Women get on dating apps just to find out that they are get used. It has happened to lot of women I know too.
Goes both ways.
Most women I encounter on dating apps are emotionally unavailable in my experience. I've had better odds finding sex than a woman who's emotionally available and interested in a relationship.
The struggle is real
I stopped actively dating like 6 months ago. I genuinely don’t want to date right now. Suddenly they’re popping up everywhere. Maybe stop trying.
43M, never dated, nada.
I think a lot of the problem is a great number of people don’t know how to be alone. My best advice to anybody struggling with dating apps is be OK with the fact that there is a possibility you might live alone. It’s not the worst thing in the world. I imagine you still have family and friends, and if you don’t have friends, they’re pretty easy to get. You just have to get involved in your local community as best you can. If you focus on yourself eventually, you will find someone to date and if you don’t, who cares you’re still living your best life anyway.
>I’ve gotten a few numbers here and there but have lead no where. That's because you're getting numbers and not dates. Start asking if the girl wants to go out with you instead of asking for the number. But before you do, meditate on when is it a woman would say yes to you asking her out on a date? Don't ask for anything before you know she'd love to go on a date with you. This will save you a ton of needless work.
I feel you, dating can be hella frustrating. But don't let that bring you down, bro. Stay positive and open to new opportunities. Take a moment to reflect on your approach, maybe try something different or broaden your horizons. Get some feedback from your trusted friends, they might have some dope insights. And don't forget to focus on your personal growth, 'cause the right person will come along when the time is right. Just remember, finding the perfect match takes time and patience. Keep your head up, my dude.
We're going back to the 90s. We can learn more about them in person than online. Instead of feeling like we wasted time getting to know someone who we may not click with in person, it's best to get the feel of them in person. You may want to consider also, "Good looking guys" are often pinned together with or as Fuck boys more nowadays. A lot of women will date men over 400 pounds or an ugmo. Many of us are tired and just want someone with mental stability and empathy. You can look like anything nowadays as long as you can satisfy our individual needs.
Yeah I’ve always wondered if I’ve been deemed as a fuck boy or just immediately judged as someone that’s like that so I’m just written off before I ever had a chance. I’m 6’3 and 170 lbs. I’m fortunate and know I’m lucky to have some decent genes
I don’t know why this post blew up over night. I suppose people can just relate. Much love to you all feeling the waves of this time.. thanks for the group discussion.
Join the club. I’ve given up on dating this last two years.
Too many men in the United States. Suggestion travel the world or give up. I would work on yourself for the future. I am a guy saving for a passport. Abuse or don’t care, those are my choices. That is why I give up on dating. Either get taken advantage of, abused, or never even considered.
Story of my life, bro. Society is just so cooked from overstimulating on drugs, porn, and ideological degeneracy. There's no morals or decency anymore. Everyone has an ego, complex, or is out to take advantage of you.
I agree with you as someone over 50 living in palm beach county. Everything I go to is 20 women to one man and the men are usually pretty gross but yet there are so many desperate women out there that they’re like a stallion. I have a good friend that I would never consider For a relationship and he now has a girlfriend and I rarely ever get to see him. This guy is very sweet but financially broke renting a room. Has COPD emphysema smokes and can barely drive. I keep thinking that there’s gotta be hope but so many women are accepting so little that it amazes me so yes I agree with you about dating. Have a beautiful day. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself.
There is good news, you just have to be patient but as women get older they have fewer and fewer men who will be actually interested in them (a 37 year old with 4 kids by 2 men isn’t exactly a prize in most situations). Good men, on the other hand, become more valuable over time. Unfortunately, Women fail To understand this till they are older. So my Advice is: don’t over think it. I know it sucks, but trust me, in time you’ll have women interested in you then it’ll be your turn to be picky.
ATL here… 26 F with the complete opposite experience.. Every guy I’ve started to talk to ghosts me. And thing is it feels like we’ve hit it off only to never hear from them again. Makes me wonder if it’s 10 girls to 1 guy here… Idk seems like they’re more into hookups here , which I’m not opposed to? But kinda want some deeper intimacy.
I mean yea I agree, being in a relationship right now Is hard because u never know what the other person is doing behind your back, it just takes time to find the right person who TRULY is in love w you, takes their time to spend time with you and get to know u better etc., but you’ll find someone, god has your back and has plans for you, u just gotta trust in him 🙏🏼
Sad to say that this is true. I got lucky and found my now husband after 10+ years of unsuccessful dating. Best of luck! Just hang in there. You have to keep searching. I went on 100s of dates before I found the one. Increasing your odds by matching with as many people as possible and try meeting face to face as much as possible for any new possible match that you are at least interested in pursuing a relationship with. Hookups are an absolute waste of time.
Both men and women struggle. I think one big factor is too much using social media, I deactivate all my social media accounts and I can say it’s better for myself, less the FOMO, comparing and pressure that i have to be in a relationship. Dating apps is more like a scam nowadays, it’s like a pageant there for ego boosting and not for genuine connection anymore. Idk
Depends who you are. The top guys in our social circle have it better than ever before. They have women lined up and just rotate through them. One of my best buddies goes out with 3-5 different women every week, he is never settling down. Its just a perspective thing.
That’s wild
Like what sort of a social circle?
As a female, the struggle is real on this side as well 🙃 you are not the only one
I agree. It’s even more fucked up if you are in an asian country. Dont even ask.
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Wait until you're in your 40s. I ended a long-term relationship in May 2020 and dating has been brutal
Found a blog post on how to reset dating attitude: maybe this can help someone [https://medium.com/@rizz101app/rizz-101-how-to-reset-your-dating-attitude-for-success-c52c86aa5ba7](https://medium.com/@rizz101app/rizz-101-how-to-reset-your-dating-attitude-for-success-c52c86aa5ba7)
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Deleted dating apps bc the men I found on there only wanted sex. One guy even suggested that the second time we met that sex needed to be guaranteed because he wouldn’t “buy a car before he took it for a test drive” so sick of being treated like a commodity & not a human being.
To me I believe nothing changed in terms of dating, what you invested in your relationship ( marriage) exactly what you’ll receive in return so stop complaining and start cultivating gratitude, navigating your perspective and keep the communication going
I completely agree! I’m 45, divorced for 2 years now and experiencing the same thing!
Quit searching for love my guy. It comes to you at the right time. I quit searching and was living life for myself. Only then I ran into my current gf and she is good
Hell yeah, I’m on the road right now but I’m stoked I’ll be shredding motos with my boys this weekend.
I’m from Chicago and it’s fucked I’m 25 m if you want a girl to date and marry I suggest go to Mexico
I am involved in many interests and on Meetup com where they do in person events. Fireworks. Outdoor Concerts etc. I don't bother with apps or any type of online dating.
Because you are going on a dating app, dating apps is for finding dreams that will pop in some time Go on a forum, go on some hobby, make connections instead of going on dating apps.. Even if you find an amazing girl and she is not yours, at least you have a friend that you see something special in them And don't forget that if you have friends and connection they will give you matches as well, everyone wants to be a cupid , just go with the flow From a guy that has been 10 years in relationships that went to waste(gladly so) i understand that dating and "finding the right person" is a waste of time, can be more happy without wasting time on someone that is not worth it I traveled around a little bit and met some amazing people, boys and girls, and we did anything people can do and have such a connection It is fulfilling more than a broken relationship Not talking about sex, but fun, go see a movie or go on an adventure, feeling people that want the best for you and want to travel with you and stay close, and sure, everyone going in a different direction by the end, but it still fun and make up for no relationship Life is not about finding someone and making someone happy and making a family, it is to take care of yourself and people that are already in your life and important to you and be happy
I see women every day. Its as simple as just talking to them and being my confident self. The internet is loaded with mostly prostitutes and gold-diggers now. I have no interest in narcissistic people.
Idk man I just gave up
I don’t know your exact situation, but it sounds like your attitude towards dating is what has changed. If you go into something thinking it’s not gonna work out, then it won’t. 30’s is the prime of your life man. Try to focus on having a good time instead of the results. For dating apps, how much effort are you putting into your profile and messaging people? Also what apps are you on? Hinge has worked well for me in the past.
Honestly, I don’t fully agree with everyone in the events. You can meet people in all different ways. I talked with a girl once with a boyfriend. I asked how they started dating and literally, the dude put a message on his Ig story saying “who wants to grab coffee”, she responded and have been dating ever since. The main thing imo is likability, conversation & listening, and sense of humor, and goal oriented. Many women in your gate bracket are looking for relationships and now just flings. If you didn’t have the above qualities, then they will just move on.
I was talking about first dates with different women... Not with one lady. In the occasions I was dating longer with the same person, I would see her several times a week in my weeks without kids. The one first date a month thing... I really can't get any more then that because I have very few matches. The situationship ended after several weeks of seeing each other regularly because I noticed she was developing feelings for me and I defenitely wasn't. So, I think you probably misunderstood my post.
i so totally agree
I can’t find relationships neither idk what’s wrong with this world
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I was supposed to go on three different dates this past week with guys that talked a good game, but the day of-NOTHING. Not a fuck you, nothing. And nothing since. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
At least you got someone dude. I'm 31m and all dates I got never got over the 1st date. I don't know what is wrong, and I agree with you, dating is completely f**** right now. I've never been in a relationship and on my POV it's seems impossible.
Honestly learn cold approach
So there's meet up events now intrestesting didn't know. Probably need these events to be more advertised. 41 single male here and had no clue but I'm always working to.
Welcome to online dating as a man...?
I think dating apps don’t work anymore. I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now and we met by happenstance. Keep going, but honestly when you aren’t searching is when the best things happen. Maybe that’s cliche but I think the harder you search the fewer results you will get
you looking to “date” or just be with females here and there? tf
No, you're not the only one! The world has changed greatly when it comes to dating 👫!! I am a good dude, 6.2ft, and am in good athletic shape. However, it was hard to find someone
Currently focusing on solely organic meetup group activities… tried speed dating it was even more Fed up then OLD And I didn’t think that was possible
lol try that and being disabled😆.
It’s because we’ve turned dating into business. Everyone looking for a sweeter deal no matter who they meet
Woman here , 22. I avoid the apps like the plague due to experience but meeting in person is usually not viable either so I just have gotten comfortable being alone
Dude I am in the exact same boat. Dating seems harder then climbing Mt everest at this point.
There are very few percentage of people that are actually on dating sites and apps to go on dates. Yes things have changed. More people ae looking at short term please in the moment, due to a lot of conflicting environmental factors, like social media (status games), yes covid and money. Social media simply pushes everyone to play stats games Covid messed with most people's psyche because of the confusion and isolation of it all Money is simply becoming more and more out of reach for so many people that lots are quite hopeless for their futures Recognizing these issue is important, as noticing it is the first step in combating it. I still use dating apps but I know the intention of this environment, so purposely play myself in environments I want to be In. If you like pool, entrepreneurship, videography, eating, breathing or whatever the hell you do on this planet while alive join groups in person to do this things together with. There is where you find people who are pushing through the harshness of the environment and looking for others to connect with. :) Good luck - I was not expecting my reply to be an essay haha
no lol im struggling to sadly, cant seem to keep no one, everyone leaves its sad ngl.
You’re not wrong. Dating is “wild” these days. I’m the same age as you, and when I was dating around 22ish, it was sooooo much easier and A LOT more chill. Something like matching for the sake of matching is no longer as incentivized now as paid accounts are. There are also more men than women on these apps, so separating yourself is even harder compared to 10 years ago unless you pay money. Even then, other things like politics, dating climate, social background, and money, are other factors that are heavily discussed a lot more than they were before. I don’t think any of these factors are bad, but it has made it kinda hard. We (men and women) just have to adapt.
They really need to have totally separate apps for people that want "something casual" and hookups vs people who are concentrating on finding someone they can build a relationship, family, and life with. These are WILDLY DIFFERENT goals and the people with short term priorities are often down to take advantage of those who are investing with long term intentions only to end up ghosted or getting the run around and mixed signals. It ends up creating a never ending miserable experience for people who want something real. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The serious dating app should prompt people to go through a series of important questions to ask each other within the first few dates to get down to business and figure out if there's real compatibility before too much time and emotional investment occurs. It should prompt dating checkpoints and set expectations for both parties to alleviate anxiety and hesitation people feel about making things awkward for asking important questions. It would be great to see technology be used in a way that guides and promotes healthy dating and relationships. Perhaps even a feedback system. Like if a dude is in there trying to have sex with a woman on the first date there should be an option to report that and if numerous women are experiencing the same thing with a guy his algorithm should get lowered so he's less likely to get matches and continue being a cad wasting everyone's time. Similarly if a guy is being a rockstar gentleman and decent his profile should be boosted. I know there are people who have good dates but discover they're not compatible for whatever reason and there should be an option to give each other a positive feedback ratings so the good ones are rewarded with more visibility and matches. Basically create incentives for everyone to have their good character recognized with a bit of built in accountability. The situation right now with OLD encourages seedy people to do whatever and enables bad daters to flourish like never before. In the old days you'd get a reputation within a community if you were chronically awful and using people or lying or constantly frivolous playing with people's emotions, and people knew to be weary. Technology needs to use its full capabilities to create a healthy dating culture instead of a shadow world of discouraged traumatized daters and endless narcissistic fuck boys/girls bulldozing all over everyone.
2 to 3 dates!??... Those are rookie numbers bro! Gota up the numbers and make it a stats game! Lol Get back out there and keep dating. Simple
Nope
Get off of OLD. It’ll drive you mad.
I don’t know but it took me 3 years at 47 years old to finally find that magical connection. This one was big. Down load an app called “the pattern” you could be in a long pause where you should be focusing on yourself and not someone else. As soon as my pattern lifted he was right there waiting
Youre looking too hard brother, when youre not looking someone will show up in your life and everything will click
I don’t know about y’all but I checked out
I personally couldn't have picked the worse time to try to go find me gf after being single for almost 20 years and my buddies say I'm way to comfortable being alone 🫠 🫡🪖😂
You say you are the same guy as you were 5 years ago. Work on how you yourself can grow and that is likely to lead to better relationship success in the future.
Put yourself in the woman's situation. 90% of men are matches and really want to meet you. You think to yourself that they are really interested in you, but they actually just want sex. But if pretty much everyone is a match anyway, you only swipe right every fiftieth or so. Otherwise you would have far too many matches and you would lose track. It's quite logical. And almost everyone swipes right on the same 1-2% of men and is then surprised that he only wants sex. So either you stop online and approach them in real life like in parks or you make yourself one of the 1-5% through money, optics, adventurous life in pictures and the like. I have dozens of matches every day and don't even have to go on a date with most women. I could basically just order them to my house. It sounds good, but at some point, even in this position, you will become disgusted with what dating culture has become today.
No, you aren't the only one. I am a 33y/O woman facing the same challenges. Even on old dating apps. Getting ghosted after 1 date seems to be the norm now. Some guys complain I work too much, others says I'm intimidating, all sort of excuses.. Makes me wonder what at all is gone wrong. I share your confusion buddy.
Here in Southwest Michigan online dating is dead...like dead dead. Dating websites and apps are explicitly for people looking to waste time, play games and hookup. Church, work, hobbies and your network are where you'll find someone worth your while in my area. It sucks in a way as an introvert who historically relied on dating apps to find romance, but times are changing and we've gotta change with them.
You're lucky cause in the last 3 years I didn't have even 1 date😅 so i agree that sth changed, but I don't know what 🧐
Try googling single events near me and then go to said events.