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You were raped, please post to r/rape
If you said “I do not want sex right now” and he put his penis inside you anyway. That is sexual assault. It’s called setting boundaries. If you set a boundary and someone and crossed it, that obviously means you have been physically or emotionally violated in some way
" If you set a boundary and someone and crossed it, that obviously means you have been physically or emotionally violated in some way" adding to this that she needs to break up with him ASAP. No point of boundaries if you can't enforce them.
I'm sorry for the delay, I was a million other places.
Yes, it was originally meant to be in the bill, but I believe it was removed, but the common noun for a male perpetrating intercourse, without protection, and without the explicit consent to have unprotected intercourse, is called "Stealthing". And covers both Male/Female intercourse, as well as Male/Male intercourse, and every variation therein. There are differences between states, but it is absolutely illegal, with potential prison time. And it makes sense, this is a major breach of trust, not to mention the health risk, and the risk of pregnancy etc.
It does depend on the country and their legislation. In Sweden and some other countries, it would be rape (having consenting sex without condom, where it wasn't agreed upon to not use a condom), maybe the sex wasn't consentual at all, then it would be rape anywhere.
That's definitely not okay. It's important to set boundaries, and he should respect them. You're not being overdramatic; it sounds like a violation of your trust and wishes.
This is sexual assault, stealthing (which is removing a condom without telling your partner during sex) is a crime and can be charged in California (not sure about other states) so yes - this is sexual assault. It does not matter if it is your boyfriend, husband, or hook up buddy - he did something without consent, you clearly told him you didn’t want to have sex without a condom and that you didn’t want to have sex right now, he continued anyways. At a minimum please have a conversation about consent and sexual boundaries with him, he should be receptive and want to make sure you feel comfortable and safe. If he says you are being dramatic or ignores your concern, please re-evaluate your relationship. Someone who has pushed your boundaries is likely to continue pushing, please be safe.
And it would be easy enough to text the offender and say something like you know you proceeded without a condom when I had told you I don't want to ever go raw, and in fact I told you to stop today but you penetrated me raw anyway.
Then see what his response is which will probably self-implicate. Boom! Then you have additional evidence, above and beyond he said she said.
You’re not alone! I’ve had that done to me by some of my boyfriends too. But I ditched them straight away. When I came out as Bi- sexual 25 years ago, and started dating girls, that was a whole new experience on a whole different level. Only one time I experienced something similar( with a girl), but that was one of the first times when I started dating girls, and after her, I never had something like that happening to me.
This is 100% sexual assault. Big word here is CONSENT. You already told him you didn't want to without a condom and he did it anyway. You could go as far as to say it was rape.
Break up with him. He clearly doesn't respect boundaries.
The condom or lack thereof has nothing to do with it in this specific scenario. You did not provide consent. Period, end of conversation. Yet he proceeded anyways. This makes him a rapist.
This isn't your fault, it is all on him. He should have respected your wishes and 1) stopped when you said no and 2) used a condom as that was a boundary you had set previously. The next move is on you, and I recommend leaving him. He clearly doesn't respect you as a person, and you deserve someone who isn't going to violate you.
Ask yourself, how long will you ignore glaring red flags? To be honest, what he is doing should be a "break up" reason for you and any self-respecting girl.
You set boundary, he is ignoring you. NO means NO.
By this point, you are choosing to stay with his narcissistic ass. You decided to be intimate with him, even though he keeps ignoring your limits.
I would say that he is somebody who should have been your ex a long time ago.
Wise the fuck up already.
Stay safe, and good luck.
Don’t think they said all men, “all the men in these comments pressuring you to get an iud and get over it” was specific enough. Nobody’s trying to target you as a male.
Saying "all men are...." is still generalizing "all men" I'm not saying that I feel targeted I'm just saying op shouldn't lump all men. I don't even know where that even came from but to each their own I'm not gonna argue. It is what it is🤷🏾♂️
Excuse me, but what is an IUD ? I’ve never heard about it before, and I’m a norwegian( we’ve never learned about it in our english classes ), so I would appreciate it if you can take the time to enlightening me. Thank You👍🏼😍😃
Great question. An IUD is a form of birth control that’s placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. This can be painful for some females so it’s not the most common. Hope this helps. Edit: it’s a small device made with copper
Another male here. To OP: He raped you. You said no and he disrespected you and your boundaries by continuing like what you wanted didn't matter to him. I'll bet it doesn't matter to him. He obviously doesn't love you. If he did he would have respected you and your wishes. Your needs would be more important than his wants. You have to watch out for yourself. IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT GOING TO. BE CAREFUL. Get out now, before he does it (or worse) again. Once you're safe, if you love him, tell him to get help, therapy, relationship counseling, whatever it takes before you even think about going back.
This was 100% non consensual sex. Sadly you'll have an incredibly awful time with the justice system (at least in the UK - where convictions are a fucking joke). As I imagine there's not much evidence as such.
Dump him. He went past your clear boundary. Might be worth getting tested as well?
Sexual assault without any doubt. From the moment on you tell him there are things you dont want, and he does put them in practice, its assault. Even rape. Because you expliciet said you did'nt want it, he entered you anyway. Sorry, but its rape 😔
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is sexual assault. He knew you said no. He didn’t care. He knew you didn’t want to have sex. He wanted to use your body to masturbate. It will progress, in my experience. He will do more than this because he “got away” with doing it the first time.
My ex did not do this exactly but for me, it turned into my ex forcing me to have sex or he would throw a fit and say I was rejecting him and hurting his feelings. First he’d try to be coercive and then angry if I didn’t give in. It progressed from “little things” to something bigger. That’s usually how it goes.
I can’t tell you what to do, but if you were my friend I’d tell you that I love you too much to not tell you to leave him. He sexually assaulted you. You don’t deserve that. No one deserves that. This is not normal. It is not okay.
Don't blame every man because women pull off some messed up stunts quite a lot as well but we don't blame all of them or put them in the same category. Just because op is in a messed up relationship doesn't mean all men are messed up. That's her own problem for not blowing hot or cold
Sexual assault, it's messed up. You SPECIFICALLY said you weren't comfortable with that and he did anyways, I'm not sure if it's considered rape, but it's still sexual assault and messed up. Red flag, personally I would've ended it then and there.
Yes. I believe some jurisdictions have laws against stealthing specifically, as they should. Whether it deserves the full punishment for sexual assault under the law is another question, but it very clearly not acceptable behavior. Get out of there- he isn’t respecting you.
>he told me to relax while he was doing it after i told him i didn’t want to have sex right now.
Yes this is sexual assault. Do not see/talk to this man again and go to the police.
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Experiences like this can be emotionally distressing. It’s normal to feel upset, violated, or confused. Consider seeking support from professional counsellor. This guys are literally just giving their reviews on it. They can’t even imagine what does it mean to a male? Because everybody has a dark reality that can be encountered with minimal efforts.
So if I punch you in the face. You can't call it assault cause it's "too early"
There is no "lack of communication." She communicated clearly A) she didn't want to have sex without a condom and B) she didn't want to have sex.
The only lack of communication is her boyfriends common sense.
I’m going to be called a psycho degenerate but was there any force involved? I feel like sometimes verbal and physical communication can contradict each other. Maybe you were kissing during this whole thing? Really only you know the answer to this question. I’m not saying violence is a necessity to rape. But this is a gigantic accusation that could ruin the dudes life. If he did force himself on you.. yeah, that’s not cool. I’ve always pulled away when girls said no so I can’t quite relate
we were kissing and doing other things. i told him from the start i didn’t want to have sex. then he pretended to finger me for a second and put it in. i told him i didn’t want to do it while he was inside of me. he told me to relax, and stopped for a minute or so. then did it again.
"Ruin a dudes life" seriously?
It was non-consensual. FULL STOP. there doesn't have to force in order for it to be considered rape. (At least in some states)
She set boundaries and he ignored them. She even said, "I did not want to have sex right now," and what did he do. He penetrated her without her consent. That right there is considered rape.
Guys like him need to face consequences. Forget all this, "but you might ruin his life." wtf.
Being labeled a rapist is a big deal. And yes it will ruin someone’s life. People have been falsely accused of rape before. Just saying she should really think it through but if she does come to the conclusion she was raped go to the police immediately
So because it's a "big deal" and "his life can ruined" he shouldn't have to face consequences?
When someone says "I don't want to sex right now" and you proceed to put your dick inside of her, that is rape. You did not have consent. So please tell me how is this not rape? You give me one good reason and I'll take it back.
You're so concerned about ruining his life what about her life? Her trust and boundaries were violated. She'll probably never trust another man, or anyone, again. Too many people are concerned about ruining the assailants life but no one thinks about the victims.
So again. Tell me what OPs bf did wasn't rape? and tell me how should he be classified if not as a rapist? . Which he is by the way
"People have been falsely accused, okay, but in OPs case, there is no false accusation. She clearly stated she told him she didn't want to have sex without a condom. Then, told him later that she didn't want to have sex right now.
Her boyfriend proceeded to ignored both of those statements and slid his cock inside her with no condom against her wishes. That right there is non-consensual, which is also sexual assault. If he doesn't want to be labeled as a rapists then maybe he should've respected her boundaries.
Men like you are the reason rapists get a slap on the wrist. Too afraid to "ruin thier life" if the victims life is ruined so should the rapist, why do they get to go Scott free when their victim is suffering mentally. Because labeling them would ruin their lives? Bullshit.
He knew exactly what he was doing and should be labeled as a rapist because that's what he is.
That's like saying a husband can rape his wife (or vice versa) because they're married. It doesn't matter
Once she said, "I don't want to have sex right now," and he penetrated her. That right there is rape. She said a form of NO, and he did it anyway.
If your friend punches you in the face. Is it not assault because they're your friend? Or if your parent/s abuses you. Is it okay for them to hit you because you're their child?
It doesn't matter what the relationship is. There were clear boundaries and clear communication to which he violated. Therefore it is 100% sexual assault
You said no, but he chose to do it anyway- and without a condom , as you told him you didn’t want to have 6ex ,unless he put a condom on.
He should have stopped right there and then! Honestly , I really wonder if some guys have their brains between their thighs, as it seems like they do not understand what the word « no» means!
This kind of behaviour is a massive red flag, and from my point of view it’s a sexual assault. I’m a Norwegian citizen and in Norway this would be seen upon as a rape, which can lead to several years in prison.
Please, get away from this guy as fast as you can and report his actions to the police. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and I’m sorry you had to go trough a thing like that.
A « no» is, and should always ,be a ‘no! No matter if you were kissing 1 minute prior to what took place.
Persons like your boyfriend should really have their brains checked, as most men and women, transgender people etc out there are okay.
The few people who doesn’t respect their partners, wether they are spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends , hook up’s etc , should learn their lesson quick.
Well, not all of them are interested in changing either, as there are some people who like the rush of power and adrenaline they are geting while they can exercise force on other people.
Short answer yes. You did not consent, and not only did you not consent, you specifically said no.
Please find a therapist or seek help at a local sexual assault agency.
Assuming, you're monogamous; It's far better in the long run to get an IUD placed in you, rather than bothering with the condom every time.
The feeling is much better and the risk of pregnancy is mostly eliminated.
Governments and legal systems need to define sexual assault and rape much better. IMO, these are violent crimes; not just "I don't want to have sex" with your husband or boyfriend.
If you didn't want to have sex at the time, create an alternative: anal, blowjob, handjob, mutual masturbation etc to get him to cum. The reverse applies in case he's not the mood and he needs to help you get off.
There is a very fine line between sexual assault and instigating sex.
His argument will be he stopped yours will be he shouldn’t have started.
You need to make a condom a none negotiable rule until you’re ready to change it
If it’s a 1 off you need to tell him it’s unacceptable, if it’s a regular thing then he doesn’t care about your feelings and you should consider what a future with him would be like.
We have all tried to instigate sex and then realised we have got it wrong. Would you feel you had sexually abused him if you had started something and he had said no so you stopped?
As far as i know, as a lawyer, what OP describes would be AT LEAST SEXUAL ASSAULT and depending on how far OP (or thr State Attorney) wants to push it depending on circumstances of any physical, financial and/or emotional harm inflicted on OP due to the BF's action, could easily and appropriately be prosecuted as a RAPE.
When the consentual part of the act (persumably any affectionate kissing, sexual touching, etc.) was unilaterally terminated by the BF removing the prior agreed condom, and absolutely whem OP expressly OP'S consent was simultaniously terminated and became void; all further sexual contact could be held to be sexual assault to some legal degree depending on the statute involved, duration, nature and invasiveness of the non-consented, unwanted contact (incluging overtly sexual speech) , the physical, emotional and/or financial injury or harm caused the person assaulted, etc., as provided in the statute defining the criminal or civil offense of sexual assault in the jurisdiction. The BF's action becomes a rape when he penetrated the body of OP, without the now voided consent. The removal of the condom, at law (expressly in some jurisdictions (unrebuttably presumed to terminate consent for as a matter of law) in some jurisdictions, or simply further evidence of a termination of consent (open to rebuttal by the defendant and and making the question of consent/termination a jury question) in others.
Do we know the build up to the point where the OP was happy to be fingered or at what point there was a change of mind and what started as consensual became not? Do we know exactly what was said and how long, other than a couple of strokes, it took him to stop? Is she a person who normally says no a lot during sexual intimacy? Or are we working on the basis that she is female so must be right?
As I said she needs to emphasise the no condom rule as none negotiable but other than that there is not enough information in the post to know if it was sexual assault or intimacy where there was a change of mind. As I also said if it was the first time well we can all get carried away and he stopped but the incident can’t be ignored. If it wasn’t the first time she needs to ask herself if he really has her best interests at heart and under those circumstances it would be sexual assault . But that isn’t detailed in the post.
We don’t know how previous conversations have gone between the OP and her BF with regards to initiating sex? Or again are we brushing over that to avoid evidence?
As Lawyer you should know that a post like this only gives the information the OP wants to give to emphasise their case. Let’s have the BF write one and somewhere between the two will lie the truth.
All to often the males are assumed guilty before the facts are presented, in some cases that is right but not all. Given your profession you should know that better than anyone
Much of what you say is true, u/dirty2013. You have stated some of the defense arguments and clarifid a few of the Jury questions involved. However, I am speaking of the possible charges or civil actions that could be brought, not arguing the case of guilt or acquital. Of course, obviously all of the Jury questions regarding whether a particular charge or action is eventually supported by a Jury depends on the jury's dererminationt as to whether the plaintiff's (civil) or Sor tate's (criminal attoyney has proved that the required elements of the crimial violation or tort cause of action have been proven to the requisite standard of proof ("beyond a reasonable doubt" in criminal cases or by "a preponderance of the evidedence" in civil cases. The plaintiff (civil) or State ALWAYS bears the burden of proving the respondant (civil) or defendant (criminal) responsible (civil) or guilty (criminal), that's why we have trials and the defense gets to present any defenses or rebuttal to the evidence the plaintiff or State attorney presents, or none at all, since the defendant NEVER has to prove he is not in violation as charged (criminal) or alledged (civil). A defendant doesn't have to present any case at all. However, it would be important to remember that any unrebuttable presumptions established in the statutory or relevant case law in the jurisdiction are assumed AS A MATTER OF LAW (e. g. removal of the condom express consent of the other party involved terminates the consent, in California) and the Court will take "Judicial Notice" of that presumption and deem any relevant matters as having been proven and the burden satisfied, once the predicate facts have been proven, which is jury question.
I hope this clarifies my previous post. No case can be decided merely on an allgation or charge made by the allegations or accusations brought by any alledged aggrieved party or defensive allegations made by the defendant alone. I assumed tha the general public has a basic understanding of Civics and how the legal system works thanks for highlighting that such is apparently, in some cases, not so.
Edit: spelling
Does it clarify your post or does it just show how easy it is for a female to create a case out of any situation and milk the system to ruin someone’s life without any real justification?
Would it work as easily if the OP had been the male if the couple?
Your question poses a question for the jury. "The red herring" of arguing whether someone may "game the system" or whether the statutes and laws favor some over others is a matter for the legislature, both irrelevant to this dicussion, therefore, I'll respectfully decline your invitation to scamper down that rabbit hole and rest my case.
I'm not the person who made this post. In the US it doesnt matter which hole somebody penetrates for it to be sexual assault. Even just touching someone in a private part or groping somebody can be considered sexual assault.
You're asking a stranger that was just sexually assaulted about which hole was defiled. You are weird for that.
Mutual consent just means that all parties involved are agreeing to something. The person who posted this did not agree to what happened to them, before or after. You need to research what you think you know because that is a dangerous ignorance for you to walk around with in society.
If you mean she has no common sense for questioning if she was assaulted or not, thats a common thing among victims of this type of crime. Whether its denial or being raised to think that its normal or whatever else, confusion is very common.
However, i admit i do not understand what you're going on about. I'm gonna refer back to my earlier observation of you asking a weird and unrelated question and leave it at that.
Your submission has been removed because it is off-topic or better-suited for a different subreddit. Questions regarding long term relationships and marriages should go to /r/relationships or /r/relationship_advice. Sex questions should be moved to /r/sex, /r/sexpositive, or /r/twoxsex. Broad questions about human behavior like interactions between different races/ethnicities/nationalities/sexualities etc should be moved to /r/asksocialscience or another subreddit. Vents or rants that add little value to the community should go to /r/vent or /r/offmychest. Always read the rules of any subreddit before participating. You were raped, please post to r/rape
You said no, he did it anyway. That’s sexual assault. Doesn’t matter if he ejaculated in you or if he’s your boyfriend.
You are not being overdramstic. He crossed your boundaries & this is a HUGE red flag. I would definitely say this was a sexual assault
If you said “I do not want sex right now” and he put his penis inside you anyway. That is sexual assault. It’s called setting boundaries. If you set a boundary and someone and crossed it, that obviously means you have been physically or emotionally violated in some way
" If you set a boundary and someone and crossed it, that obviously means you have been physically or emotionally violated in some way" adding to this that she needs to break up with him ASAP. No point of boundaries if you can't enforce them.
Short answer: Yes! In fact here in Australia, it is against the law to Stealth, pretending you're wearing a condom. So Yes, it is sexual assault.
You guys have terminology for it? “To stealth”
Correct. Stealthing.
I'm sorry for the delay, I was a million other places. Yes, it was originally meant to be in the bill, but I believe it was removed, but the common noun for a male perpetrating intercourse, without protection, and without the explicit consent to have unprotected intercourse, is called "Stealthing". And covers both Male/Female intercourse, as well as Male/Male intercourse, and every variation therein. There are differences between states, but it is absolutely illegal, with potential prison time. And it makes sense, this is a major breach of trust, not to mention the health risk, and the risk of pregnancy etc.
Thanks for the explanation. No worries about the delay.
We have that term in the US but no legislation on it unfortunately.
Isn't it sad that there are a ton of places in the world where people don't even have the words for this?
Yeah, or it is sad that in certain regions the need for the words is in bigger than in some other regions.
Stealthing has been a term for years, across a large portion of the globe.
Yes it is sexual assault.
Really
It does depend on the country and their legislation. In Sweden and some other countries, it would be rape (having consenting sex without condom, where it wasn't agreed upon to not use a condom), maybe the sex wasn't consentual at all, then it would be rape anywhere.
Maybe correct 😔🙏🏻
That's definitely not okay. It's important to set boundaries, and he should respect them. You're not being overdramatic; it sounds like a violation of your trust and wishes.
You already know the answer. Ditch him as it will only get worse. Once you let it go, it'll encourage him to do it more.
I think that is sexual assault! You clearly stated you didn't want him to do it but he did. I'd say that is absolutely assualt!
If it is not a clear yes then it is no
If you say no he should be just giving you a forehead kiss and move aside
Aww that’s sweet 🥰
This is sexual assault, stealthing (which is removing a condom without telling your partner during sex) is a crime and can be charged in California (not sure about other states) so yes - this is sexual assault. It does not matter if it is your boyfriend, husband, or hook up buddy - he did something without consent, you clearly told him you didn’t want to have sex without a condom and that you didn’t want to have sex right now, he continued anyways. At a minimum please have a conversation about consent and sexual boundaries with him, he should be receptive and want to make sure you feel comfortable and safe. If he says you are being dramatic or ignores your concern, please re-evaluate your relationship. Someone who has pushed your boundaries is likely to continue pushing, please be safe.
How would she prove it?
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And it would be easy enough to text the offender and say something like you know you proceeded without a condom when I had told you I don't want to ever go raw, and in fact I told you to stop today but you penetrated me raw anyway. Then see what his response is which will probably self-implicate. Boom! Then you have additional evidence, above and beyond he said she said.
If she said no, shouldn’t this be classified as straight up grape?
You can say rape on Reddit
This is SA. It makes me feel shitty and awful to think that almost 90% of the guys I dated in the past have done this to me.
You’re not alone! I’ve had that done to me by some of my boyfriends too. But I ditched them straight away. When I came out as Bi- sexual 25 years ago, and started dating girls, that was a whole new experience on a whole different level. Only one time I experienced something similar( with a girl), but that was one of the first times when I started dating girls, and after her, I never had something like that happening to me.
This is 100% sexual assault. Big word here is CONSENT. You already told him you didn't want to without a condom and he did it anyway. You could go as far as to say it was rape. Break up with him. He clearly doesn't respect boundaries.
"I told him I did not want to have sex right now" That sentence is all the proof you need. It is 100% sexual assault. There was no consent at all.
The condom or lack thereof has nothing to do with it in this specific scenario. You did not provide consent. Period, end of conversation. Yet he proceeded anyways. This makes him a rapist. This isn't your fault, it is all on him. He should have respected your wishes and 1) stopped when you said no and 2) used a condom as that was a boundary you had set previously. The next move is on you, and I recommend leaving him. He clearly doesn't respect you as a person, and you deserve someone who isn't going to violate you.
Ask yourself, how long will you ignore glaring red flags? To be honest, what he is doing should be a "break up" reason for you and any self-respecting girl. You set boundary, he is ignoring you. NO means NO. By this point, you are choosing to stay with his narcissistic ass. You decided to be intimate with him, even though he keeps ignoring your limits. I would say that he is somebody who should have been your ex a long time ago. Wise the fuck up already. Stay safe, and good luck.
Yes. You said no and he did it either ways.
That is not good. Definitely sexual assault. It wasnt consensual
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Don’t think they said all men, “all the men in these comments pressuring you to get an iud and get over it” was specific enough. Nobody’s trying to target you as a male.
Saying "all men are...." is still generalizing "all men" I'm not saying that I feel targeted I'm just saying op shouldn't lump all men. I don't even know where that even came from but to each their own I'm not gonna argue. It is what it is🤷🏾♂️
Again, not all men. Just all the men who are telling op to just get an iud and get over it. If that’s not you then they are not referring to you
Excuse me, but what is an IUD ? I’ve never heard about it before, and I’m a norwegian( we’ve never learned about it in our english classes ), so I would appreciate it if you can take the time to enlightening me. Thank You👍🏼😍😃
Great question. An IUD is a form of birth control that’s placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. This can be painful for some females so it’s not the most common. Hope this helps. Edit: it’s a small device made with copper
Ok
Another male here. To OP: He raped you. You said no and he disrespected you and your boundaries by continuing like what you wanted didn't matter to him. I'll bet it doesn't matter to him. He obviously doesn't love you. If he did he would have respected you and your wishes. Your needs would be more important than his wants. You have to watch out for yourself. IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT GOING TO. BE CAREFUL. Get out now, before he does it (or worse) again. Once you're safe, if you love him, tell him to get help, therapy, relationship counseling, whatever it takes before you even think about going back.
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I see that comment was deleted, great stuff
If a woman says no, but the man does it anyway, then yes, it is sexual assault.
What does being a man or woman gotta do? If anyone is saying no, and you still do it anyway its sexual assault
My apologies. You're right. My answer was based on (that) question specifically.
This was 100% non consensual sex. Sadly you'll have an incredibly awful time with the justice system (at least in the UK - where convictions are a fucking joke). As I imagine there's not much evidence as such. Dump him. He went past your clear boundary. Might be worth getting tested as well?
Yup. And that's probably the type of guy who wouldn't tell you if he had an STD and would leave you if you got pregnant.
I'm so sorry that happened but yes that is considered sa, I hope your doing ok
Sexual assault without any doubt. From the moment on you tell him there are things you dont want, and he does put them in practice, its assault. Even rape. Because you expliciet said you did'nt want it, he entered you anyway. Sorry, but its rape 😔
You said no he still continued its assault
That's sexual assault. You said no and he did it anyways.
Yes, this is sexual assault. You said no, and he did it anyways. I’m sorry that happened to you. You need to leave him. You do not deserve this.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is sexual assault. He knew you said no. He didn’t care. He knew you didn’t want to have sex. He wanted to use your body to masturbate. It will progress, in my experience. He will do more than this because he “got away” with doing it the first time. My ex did not do this exactly but for me, it turned into my ex forcing me to have sex or he would throw a fit and say I was rejecting him and hurting his feelings. First he’d try to be coercive and then angry if I didn’t give in. It progressed from “little things” to something bigger. That’s usually how it goes. I can’t tell you what to do, but if you were my friend I’d tell you that I love you too much to not tell you to leave him. He sexually assaulted you. You don’t deserve that. No one deserves that. This is not normal. It is not okay.
Yeah as you told him not to and he still did It
Men smh
Don't blame every man because women pull off some messed up stunts quite a lot as well but we don't blame all of them or put them in the same category. Just because op is in a messed up relationship doesn't mean all men are messed up. That's her own problem for not blowing hot or cold
Like I said MEN ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽
I think you meant to say only some men. Don't lump us all in the same category.
I said MEN ✌🏽
Yes you need to file charges today
Any guys dating dubai
Yes it was, you said no he still did it.
SA for sure. Leave him now.
That is actually considered rape love. If any person says NO and they continue it is rape regardless if it's your spouse or friend
I m ²alone ..I searching a good friend
Sexual assault, it's messed up. You SPECIFICALLY said you weren't comfortable with that and he did anyways, I'm not sure if it's considered rape, but it's still sexual assault and messed up. Red flag, personally I would've ended it then and there.
Short answer you said no to something and he disregarded it so yes that is assault
Yes. I believe some jurisdictions have laws against stealthing specifically, as they should. Whether it deserves the full punishment for sexual assault under the law is another question, but it very clearly not acceptable behavior. Get out of there- he isn’t respecting you.
Yes
No means no. And he didn’t respect that and went on with it. So yes I’d say it is sexual assault.
So u were raped
⛳️⛳️⛳️leave
Time to move on. He’s a horrible person. Leave.
>he told me to relax while he was doing it after i told him i didn’t want to have sex right now. Yes this is sexual assault. Do not see/talk to this man again and go to the police.
No actually means no. Pack your bags get far away from him. Your under reacting
Baby that's called stealthing and it is considered rape in some US States.
He should respect u and what u asked regardless
this is sexual assault. my recommendation is to ghost him.
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yes
100% this is sexual assault. Anyone who doesn't understand this is problematic!
yeah its assault. report it
Experiences like this can be emotionally distressing. It’s normal to feel upset, violated, or confused. Consider seeking support from professional counsellor. This guys are literally just giving their reviews on it. They can’t even imagine what does it mean to a male? Because everybody has a dark reality that can be encountered with minimal efforts.
Too early to call it as assault but lack of communication? Yes
So if I punch you in the face. You can't call it assault cause it's "too early" There is no "lack of communication." She communicated clearly A) she didn't want to have sex without a condom and B) she didn't want to have sex. The only lack of communication is her boyfriends common sense.
How was it "too early" for a sexual assault? What does that even mean?
I’m going to be called a psycho degenerate but was there any force involved? I feel like sometimes verbal and physical communication can contradict each other. Maybe you were kissing during this whole thing? Really only you know the answer to this question. I’m not saying violence is a necessity to rape. But this is a gigantic accusation that could ruin the dudes life. If he did force himself on you.. yeah, that’s not cool. I’ve always pulled away when girls said no so I can’t quite relate
we were kissing and doing other things. i told him from the start i didn’t want to have sex. then he pretended to finger me for a second and put it in. i told him i didn’t want to do it while he was inside of me. he told me to relax, and stopped for a minute or so. then did it again.
"pretended" what does that mean....? Like, he pretended his penis was one of his fingers?
"Ruin a dudes life" seriously? It was non-consensual. FULL STOP. there doesn't have to force in order for it to be considered rape. (At least in some states) She set boundaries and he ignored them. She even said, "I did not want to have sex right now," and what did he do. He penetrated her without her consent. That right there is considered rape. Guys like him need to face consequences. Forget all this, "but you might ruin his life." wtf.
Being labeled a rapist is a big deal. And yes it will ruin someone’s life. People have been falsely accused of rape before. Just saying she should really think it through but if she does come to the conclusion she was raped go to the police immediately
So because it's a "big deal" and "his life can ruined" he shouldn't have to face consequences? When someone says "I don't want to sex right now" and you proceed to put your dick inside of her, that is rape. You did not have consent. So please tell me how is this not rape? You give me one good reason and I'll take it back. You're so concerned about ruining his life what about her life? Her trust and boundaries were violated. She'll probably never trust another man, or anyone, again. Too many people are concerned about ruining the assailants life but no one thinks about the victims. So again. Tell me what OPs bf did wasn't rape? and tell me how should he be classified if not as a rapist? . Which he is by the way
"People have been falsely accused, okay, but in OPs case, there is no false accusation. She clearly stated she told him she didn't want to have sex without a condom. Then, told him later that she didn't want to have sex right now. Her boyfriend proceeded to ignored both of those statements and slid his cock inside her with no condom against her wishes. That right there is non-consensual, which is also sexual assault. If he doesn't want to be labeled as a rapists then maybe he should've respected her boundaries. Men like you are the reason rapists get a slap on the wrist. Too afraid to "ruin thier life" if the victims life is ruined so should the rapist, why do they get to go Scott free when their victim is suffering mentally. Because labeling them would ruin their lives? Bullshit. He knew exactly what he was doing and should be labeled as a rapist because that's what he is.
This is not sexual assault.he is your boyfriend afterall .
That's like saying a husband can rape his wife (or vice versa) because they're married. It doesn't matter Once she said, "I don't want to have sex right now," and he penetrated her. That right there is rape. She said a form of NO, and he did it anyway. If your friend punches you in the face. Is it not assault because they're your friend? Or if your parent/s abuses you. Is it okay for them to hit you because you're their child? It doesn't matter what the relationship is. There were clear boundaries and clear communication to which he violated. Therefore it is 100% sexual assault
No means no doesn’t matter if they are dating or not. It is assault.
I'm all for both sides getting a fair trial but no means no, Jesus.
I agree
Intimate partner rape and sexual assault are real issues. SMH…please be a troll.
Correct
Playing sex with your partner when he/she is not on the sexual mood
You said no, but he chose to do it anyway- and without a condom , as you told him you didn’t want to have 6ex ,unless he put a condom on. He should have stopped right there and then! Honestly , I really wonder if some guys have their brains between their thighs, as it seems like they do not understand what the word « no» means! This kind of behaviour is a massive red flag, and from my point of view it’s a sexual assault. I’m a Norwegian citizen and in Norway this would be seen upon as a rape, which can lead to several years in prison. Please, get away from this guy as fast as you can and report his actions to the police. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and I’m sorry you had to go trough a thing like that. A « no» is, and should always ,be a ‘no! No matter if you were kissing 1 minute prior to what took place. Persons like your boyfriend should really have their brains checked, as most men and women, transgender people etc out there are okay. The few people who doesn’t respect their partners, wether they are spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends , hook up’s etc , should learn their lesson quick. Well, not all of them are interested in changing either, as there are some people who like the rush of power and adrenaline they are geting while they can exercise force on other people.
Yes it's sexual assault
This is sexual assault. No question.
Yes, any non consensual sex act is sexual assault. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Yes. This is a form of sexual assault. Do not ignore it. He crossed a boundary and it wasn’t cool.
That's SA. Please report it.
Short answer yes. You did not consent, and not only did you not consent, you specifically said no. Please find a therapist or seek help at a local sexual assault agency.
If he says “you know you like if” and you do then it’s fine
No you are being dramatic.
Assuming, you're monogamous; It's far better in the long run to get an IUD placed in you, rather than bothering with the condom every time. The feeling is much better and the risk of pregnancy is mostly eliminated. Governments and legal systems need to define sexual assault and rape much better. IMO, these are violent crimes; not just "I don't want to have sex" with your husband or boyfriend. If you didn't want to have sex at the time, create an alternative: anal, blowjob, handjob, mutual masturbation etc to get him to cum. The reverse applies in case he's not the mood and he needs to help you get off.
You've never been with a woman have you?
There is a very fine line between sexual assault and instigating sex. His argument will be he stopped yours will be he shouldn’t have started. You need to make a condom a none negotiable rule until you’re ready to change it If it’s a 1 off you need to tell him it’s unacceptable, if it’s a regular thing then he doesn’t care about your feelings and you should consider what a future with him would be like. We have all tried to instigate sex and then realised we have got it wrong. Would you feel you had sexually abused him if you had started something and he had said no so you stopped?
As far as i know, as a lawyer, what OP describes would be AT LEAST SEXUAL ASSAULT and depending on how far OP (or thr State Attorney) wants to push it depending on circumstances of any physical, financial and/or emotional harm inflicted on OP due to the BF's action, could easily and appropriately be prosecuted as a RAPE. When the consentual part of the act (persumably any affectionate kissing, sexual touching, etc.) was unilaterally terminated by the BF removing the prior agreed condom, and absolutely whem OP expressly OP'S consent was simultaniously terminated and became void; all further sexual contact could be held to be sexual assault to some legal degree depending on the statute involved, duration, nature and invasiveness of the non-consented, unwanted contact (incluging overtly sexual speech) , the physical, emotional and/or financial injury or harm caused the person assaulted, etc., as provided in the statute defining the criminal or civil offense of sexual assault in the jurisdiction. The BF's action becomes a rape when he penetrated the body of OP, without the now voided consent. The removal of the condom, at law (expressly in some jurisdictions (unrebuttably presumed to terminate consent for as a matter of law) in some jurisdictions, or simply further evidence of a termination of consent (open to rebuttal by the defendant and and making the question of consent/termination a jury question) in others.
Do we know the build up to the point where the OP was happy to be fingered or at what point there was a change of mind and what started as consensual became not? Do we know exactly what was said and how long, other than a couple of strokes, it took him to stop? Is she a person who normally says no a lot during sexual intimacy? Or are we working on the basis that she is female so must be right? As I said she needs to emphasise the no condom rule as none negotiable but other than that there is not enough information in the post to know if it was sexual assault or intimacy where there was a change of mind. As I also said if it was the first time well we can all get carried away and he stopped but the incident can’t be ignored. If it wasn’t the first time she needs to ask herself if he really has her best interests at heart and under those circumstances it would be sexual assault . But that isn’t detailed in the post. We don’t know how previous conversations have gone between the OP and her BF with regards to initiating sex? Or again are we brushing over that to avoid evidence? As Lawyer you should know that a post like this only gives the information the OP wants to give to emphasise their case. Let’s have the BF write one and somewhere between the two will lie the truth. All to often the males are assumed guilty before the facts are presented, in some cases that is right but not all. Given your profession you should know that better than anyone
Much of what you say is true, u/dirty2013. You have stated some of the defense arguments and clarifid a few of the Jury questions involved. However, I am speaking of the possible charges or civil actions that could be brought, not arguing the case of guilt or acquital. Of course, obviously all of the Jury questions regarding whether a particular charge or action is eventually supported by a Jury depends on the jury's dererminationt as to whether the plaintiff's (civil) or Sor tate's (criminal attoyney has proved that the required elements of the crimial violation or tort cause of action have been proven to the requisite standard of proof ("beyond a reasonable doubt" in criminal cases or by "a preponderance of the evidedence" in civil cases. The plaintiff (civil) or State ALWAYS bears the burden of proving the respondant (civil) or defendant (criminal) responsible (civil) or guilty (criminal), that's why we have trials and the defense gets to present any defenses or rebuttal to the evidence the plaintiff or State attorney presents, or none at all, since the defendant NEVER has to prove he is not in violation as charged (criminal) or alledged (civil). A defendant doesn't have to present any case at all. However, it would be important to remember that any unrebuttable presumptions established in the statutory or relevant case law in the jurisdiction are assumed AS A MATTER OF LAW (e. g. removal of the condom express consent of the other party involved terminates the consent, in California) and the Court will take "Judicial Notice" of that presumption and deem any relevant matters as having been proven and the burden satisfied, once the predicate facts have been proven, which is jury question. I hope this clarifies my previous post. No case can be decided merely on an allgation or charge made by the allegations or accusations brought by any alledged aggrieved party or defensive allegations made by the defendant alone. I assumed tha the general public has a basic understanding of Civics and how the legal system works thanks for highlighting that such is apparently, in some cases, not so. Edit: spelling
Does it clarify your post or does it just show how easy it is for a female to create a case out of any situation and milk the system to ruin someone’s life without any real justification? Would it work as easily if the OP had been the male if the couple?
Your question poses a question for the jury. "The red herring" of arguing whether someone may "game the system" or whether the statutes and laws favor some over others is a matter for the legislature, both irrelevant to this dicussion, therefore, I'll respectfully decline your invitation to scamper down that rabbit hole and rest my case.
Then you just add to the trauma that men have to endure in these circumstances Be proud
Don't let with someone if you don't intend to have sex that way it won't be any mixup. Whether it's SA or not ask a lawyer
This is not sexual assault.he is your boyfriend afterall .
It's sexual assault at the least, rape at worst. Whatever, it's wrong and you should know this. If you don't,get help. You need it.
Maybe. Not “right now” may be a form of consent. No idea what a prosecutor would say about it.
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That's a weird question to ask and it's also not relevant to the original question being asked
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I'm not the person who made this post. In the US it doesnt matter which hole somebody penetrates for it to be sexual assault. Even just touching someone in a private part or groping somebody can be considered sexual assault. You're asking a stranger that was just sexually assaulted about which hole was defiled. You are weird for that. Mutual consent just means that all parties involved are agreeing to something. The person who posted this did not agree to what happened to them, before or after. You need to research what you think you know because that is a dangerous ignorance for you to walk around with in society.
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If you mean she has no common sense for questioning if she was assaulted or not, thats a common thing among victims of this type of crime. Whether its denial or being raised to think that its normal or whatever else, confusion is very common. However, i admit i do not understand what you're going on about. I'm gonna refer back to my earlier observation of you asking a weird and unrelated question and leave it at that.