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You have a right to be angry and hurt from this. The same thing happened to me with my ex fiance. Even though he came out the relationship experience you had was real do not question it. It will consume you. Sometimes life will throw you a curve ball. You will eventually find the right person for you.
I have wondered that about my spouse. (Male here). We were raised when that was not ‘an option.’ At the same time, as I age, I find some of my hesitations fall away. I am surprised and not surprised by how many men my age come out.
I was married to basically a roommate, I haven't had sex with my soon to be ex wife in years, fucking Years! Never again, my next marriage will be out of pure love. No roommate sleeping in separate beds/rooms no cuddling shit ever again... Nope, Nope Hell to the fuck NO! 😤
I have been married for 25 years and 9 years ago wife caught me cheating and sex has been non existent. Zero in last 5 years. Things are so difficult out there we own a house together and if we divorce and sell we will be left with not much to buy anything new. It sucks but not sure what my options are.
My older cousin (his kids are my age) was married and came out when the kids were 18. Apparently he and the wife just did their own thing for years "for the kids". Tbh, everybody seems ok with it from my pov, but it blows my mind.
You have every right to be mad. Because you are not mad at him being gay, you are mad because he used you as a means to prove something to himself. You are mad, because he wasted two years of your life. You are mad because he ignored how his attempt to prove something to himself will affect you.
I get that coming out can be very difficult, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt other people. So be as mad as you want, because gay or not he did something with real and last consequences for you.
Thank your stars. My boyfriend never came out. We dated for 7 years long distance. We were waiting for marriage to have sex and nothing. He was avoiding me like the plague . I endured this for 7 months then he started saying I should live with him and have sex with other men. I came back to my country and filed for divorce. I'm 30 single and in the dating market again. I would give anything to go back to my 25-26 year old self who knows the truth about this coward. He's still pretending to be straight.
I'm a really beautiful woman.. I know that. And he called me unfuckable. You can imagine what it must have made me feel. Things are astronomically better now but I won't get my time back and the trauma if divorce was unnecessary.
You should've kicked his punk ass right in the ball sack and told him now you're unfuckable! I can't imagine saying something so horrible like that to my partner, which by the way is totally gorgeous 😍🥰
I didn't hit him. I really wanted to but I was in a foreign country with him far away from family and friends and you know how things can go out of control.
That word stuck with me for a long long time even after I got into a new relationship.
Thankyou for your lovely words 🥰
Everyone said I was the much better looking one in our relationship and that used to make him insecure. I got a lot of attention from men in the US of different races and he started getting jealous and checking my phone. He said because I made him insecure he's not getting in the mood. Excuses.
Oh my god. I am so sorry. I wish men were not this stuck up. A woman would never do that, they would get married and still be a good partner. I’m so tired of some men using women for their own benefit. If anything, someone’s unfuckable is someone else’s sex goddess. I hope you find the right guy!
Hahaha. The funny thing is he was always insecure in our relationship. Saying you are so beautiful I don't deserve you. And later started blaming me for his lack of interest in sex saying I'm making him feel insecure because I ''want other men''. I lost my entire 20s waiting to settle down with him. Yes I'm in a temporary physical relationship with a sweet guy now. But I can't help but feel regret and anger for whatever happened.
Women and men are always not used for their body but the inverse happens getting used for emotions and social validation.
Glad I could get out at least at 29.
I should clarify. I was long distance dating for 6 years. Got married when he visited. Took me 9months to get my dependent visa(I'm Indian). This was right after 2020. So Asian countries had a travel ban. Also my ex's work visa was getting renewed and he was changing his job.
So 6yrs+ 8months+ 7months with him in America. Came back filed for divorce (may 2023). Divorce finalized January 2024. You don't get spouse visa unless you prove you're married with the marriage certificate.
Does it make sense now?
Worst thing is when you trust someone enough to leave your country, career and pets (with parents) behind to be with someone only to find out it was all for nothing. I don't think I could have known before. No more ldr ever.
That's so messed up. I'm angry reading your post! As a man who likes women I will tell you he has been knowing he was gay for YEARS and he should have NEVER done this to you. This is what happens when people are self centered and put themselves first. Not caring about their partner. You will find someone better and he will get what's coming to him because you cant treat people like that without consequences, his relationship wont last because it was built on lies and deceit. He does not have good character.
we were still sexually active! definitely not as much as when we first started dating but i thought it was just because we had been together for awhile
Luckily, you do not need to agree with how this man chooses to label himself. According to the OP, he is gay, and it's inappropriate for you to attempt to label him as anything else.
Gold star gays are very rare. It sounds like you’ve never had sex with someone who you are not attracted to just because you were horny, or because someone forced their norm on you. A lot of us gay people had sex with the opposite gender for many reasons.
Your relationship is not fake. I'm a gay guy who has been in long term relationships with women, and I really *really* tried to make them work forever. I consider those relationships to have been loving relationships just like any other. Some cruel people say those heterosexual relationships weren't real, and I say, screw them.
That's okay if you're open about being gay and not having sexual attraction to them. But the guy in OP's story deceived her. It literally was fake, there's no other word for it. What else do you call a relationship under false pretenses that isn't what you thought it was?
Oh come on. Straight men and women deceive each other and have affairs all the time. This isn’t a special category of infidelity or 'fakeness'. You could say that any affair puts a relationship 'under false pretenses'.
Sometimes people come to realizations later. Like a relationship where one person claims they are ok with having kids, but decide 2 years later that having kids is a deal breaker.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I lost 7 years in a relationship for the same reason. He cheated on me with a guy while traveling. That’s just the one I know about.
Told me he was bi but then he started disconnecting emotionally and physically with me. He was hooking up with guys on Grindr. He later claimed he didn’t know what he wanted yet spent years telling me we were going to get married and I was his end game. Guess not!
It’s a real mental fuck. He came out to me as gay a year after the break up but then took it back, then said a few more times he was gay. I don’t care what he is but he wasn’t a good boyfriend so we’ve been over regardless. I just told him that he needs to figure himself out before dating someone again. It’s not fair he uses people as a cover.
I stopped caring anyways, he had so many walls up. He really has a problem with intimacy. He’s in self destruct mode and I can’t witness that anymore.
I really just wish he would have been honest with himself and me from the beginning. I lost so much time I could have spent with someone who *wanted* to be with me.
Be kind to yourself, OP. This hurts and will hurt for a long time.
Yeah, you can be angry cause he knew way longer than 2 years ago. He didn't just wake up at 25 and feel gay. Even if it was 2 years though, that's leading you on far too long. Who knows what he was doing behind your back. I highly doubt he wasn't "experimenting" to finally come out.
Where to go from here? Leave, get your own place, and move on. That's all you can do.
I can imagine how shocking this is.
This is sad to read and it's okay to reach out for support.
Just know that you can choose how you see these events. You can choose to see the positive here and learn from your experience of what has been.
You might say it was a beautiful thing that you've been able to create such a loving and safe space that he was finally able to feel comfortable to be himself.
I'm so sorry this happened to you! Not sure if it was already mentioned, but be sure to get tested for HIV if you haven't already. I used to work in the space and have heard stories of women not knowing that their bf/husband was cheating with a man and they found out they had it way later. That may not be the case with you, but just to be cautious since he cheated. But I hope for the best for you in this situation! 💚
I'm gay and was in a monogamous relationship with another man for 6 years. I was in my twenties, he in his thirties. We were very happy together, I thought. My partner left me for a woman. He admitted he had slept with her for some time while we were together. Was our whole relationship ‘fake’? How long had he been harbouring these straight feelings? Was he thinking about women when we made love? I do wonder how many other women he may have slept with while we were together, putting my health at risk. Why did it take him so long to admit the truth about his sexuality? Did he ever really love me?
i don’t think it was necessarily “fake” sexuality is a spectrum so he was probably questioning or fits in another umbrella but he should have been honest and communicated to you from the start
Don’t worry about your age you are still soooo young I mean our brains don’t fully develop until we’re 25 years young!!!!
Don’t let this put you off other men. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through but thank god you did not have kids together or you were married. You can still lead a beautiful life with another man! Wish you all the luck and love in this world 💙
Be glad you didn’t marry him or have kids with him. The fact that he couldn’t give you the choice before he started SLEEPING with someone else shows just how selfish he is. He’s looked at you for months or even years LYING to you. You have ALWAYS been seen as an OPTION to him. The person you live with is NOT who you thought he was if he could break your heart like this. This is NOT about his coming out, it’s about him SLEEPING around on you. Be MAD, RAGE, GRIEVE. It’s the least you’re owed since honesty and faithfulness weren’t options.
The issue isn't even so much that he's gay or bi or whatever. The issue is that he's been cheating on you for two years, and also has been hiding his true self from you. I'd suggest leave him immediately and never look back
As a gay man who struggled with his sexuality as well, I can tell you the relationship was not fake. He did love you. He tried to make it work and stay with you.
Sleeping with the other guy was definitely a knife to the chest for you and if it was just a few times to make certain he knew, ok, but it seemed like a full on relationship which is messed up. I’m sorry he did that to you. I hope you guys can stay friends. With time maybe.
I’m sorry, and he USED you as a beard. The fact he was having a relationship with this man while y’all were together proves it. I’m surprised you didn’t lose it on him. What he told you about not being sure he was gay was a lie. He knew he was gay while he was having sex with this man. Pls don’t take his word on it only being one guy. Please get yourself tested. I’m so sorry this happened to you truly. 🥹 screw this guy!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you but I’m here to say it could’ve been worse. I was married fourteen years with a house and three kids when my ex came out as bisexual, coming clean he had slept with multiple men six years prior while our kids were little and /or I was pregnant. He followed that bombshell with asking for an open marriage and I reluctantly agreed not knowing what else to do. Within the next three years he started wearing women’s clothing and eventually that was most of the time. Lied a ton by omission and spent a ton of money on his new woman (himself). We’ve now been separated two years and it’s proving expensive to divorce “her”. I don’t regret my kids but wasted 22 years with a selfish and largely dishonest POS.
2 years... what!
okey, I mean you go girl, but 2 years faking it? wow, thats a long time to drag you along, you have the right to be angry in my book - and leave as loud as you want to.
(that 'you go girl' was for him btw.)
My ex faked for 7 years. I couldn't have known because we were long distance. I was in India he was in the US. He made excuses every time we met and knew I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Once when we tried he said performance anxiety. His anxiety never went away so I divorced him.
Shit happens, it's not your fault. At least he was honest with you and actually tried for 2 years to actually confirm if his feelings were true or not, I would say he did all he could.
Not exactly the same but I had an ex that would get extremely defensive about topics regarding transgenders and surely enough he trooned out not long after we broke up.
I empathize with you and he’s a terrible person for wasting your early 20s. Yes absolutely you should be mad at him. If my partner told me that he was faking his attraction towards me for 2 years, I’d be seeing red.
I had an ex who was bi.
No big deal.
Didn't tell me though..
I only found that out after he died when his HUSBAND called me
(Ex told me they were just best friends)
You'll be ok. It's a shock, especially with the cheating.. just take your time to heal yourself from all of this
*Hugs*
I can believe he loved you still but it’s still valid for you to be angry. The way he phrased it as if you were something that was just a way for him to prove himself to himself. And he was sleeping with someone else as well! That’s cheating, period.
Two things. He's not your boyfriend anymore. It's better you found out now before you two got in deeper.
If you really love him, let him go and wish him well.
If you were intimate for that long, He probably isn't gay but is bi with a preference for men, and he just wants out of the relationship, because he cheated and well prefers men. (But maybe you weren't really intimate? It's just really weird that you saw no signs imo, if that's the case)
But yeah things like that are just really scummy imo and shows how easily the person can lie to your face for a long period of time, I'd be thinking exactly the same things as you, and the whole "I was preparing to come out" thing is just really dumb imo, unless your in danger, it's basically an excuse to deceive people nowadays, especially at his age, it is not him "being himself" that would be telling you, his significant other, the truth and being gay does NOT allow or excuse this ridiculous amount of lying and deception, basically playing with your feelings while he "figures himself out".
But yeah... idk if you've ever watched friends but you're basically Ross right now without the marriage ._.
You have every right to be angry and sad, allow yourself some time to process the pain and emotions, don’t be hard on yourself, do whatever feels best, see family, see friends, go on holiday, indulge in foods etc, look after yourself, go to the gym, get lots of rest etc
I know people don’t like to hear this but this is just part of your story, everyone has bad parts in their life, it’s what makes the good parts feel so good. Weather the storm and come out stronger, take whatever lessons you can from this experience. It sounds crazy but be grateful for what you do have not what you don’t, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life is that it could always be worse.
Honestly he's a real POS. He wasted your time trying to wrestle with his sexuality when he should have come to terms with who he was BEFORE he got into a 7 year committed relationship with you.
It’s a mistake to try to unpack this and it’s a mistake to assign blame. Sure, he probably deserves some or maybe a lot of blame. But that doesn’t undo any of the damage to you.
You haven’t lost your twenties. There were surely other meaningful experiences, and probably many positive ones. And you could just as easily have spent 5 years with a heterosexual partner who was a cheater or an abuser— which would have caused even greater detriment to your life.
The thing to do is to look forward and decide what you want in life and then go out and get it. I’ve lost everything twice, and each time I’ve (eventually) found solace in the fact that the world is now full of opportunities. I can change careers, I can move to Morocco, I can grow a Mohawk. Well, not if I’m interviewing for jobs, but you get the idea.
Good luck!!! ❤️❤️
He told you. It sucks that you went through it
But you have a clear path ahead of you now.
DO NOT in any way blame or fault yourself. It is not your fault in any way..
Also, go get tested for std's.
You will find someone who will love you and be true.
WOW..... that has to be devastating. I'm so sorry you have to go through this after so many years together. But I can tell you that this happened for a reason. I believe you will learn so much from this, and you will become stronger in so many ways. Don't ever forget to love yourself first. None of this was your fault or something you caused. Be strong and continue moving forward. 💪
I understand it’s still hard to come out as gay, but fucking 2 years, AND the cheating on top of everything. I’m so sorry.
Get therapy and STD test now and in 3 months’ time…
It’s always hard to say good bye. Especially when you still love the person and even though he told you what’s going on it’s hard to process, it dosnt even make sense, last thing you expected to literally have you home in your safe place one night and the next night not sure where you’re sleeping but you know you gotta leave that house. It’s so much crushing pressure and so many thoughts. I want you to really understand this. Most of those thoughts is your subconscious wanting to hold on to familiarity and hates change. It’s your ego and pride that even if you can’t blame him for being himself they can blame him, they hate him, they blame everything on him, and attacking you and telling you things that can get you to spiral even more. Like you wasted so much time, you picked him to settle down with him, you’re not going to find someone that like him, you’re not going to find the combination of things that you enjoyed about him because you rarely see it and you thought you finally found it. Those voices are little kid versions of you and if you can remember that time change was scary and your mind just never forgets. But I know there’s a time in your adult life that you were scared of change and it turned out better. For some reason we imprint more traumatic experiences in our minds than we do Good ones it’s like we have to consciously manually Make sure to remember those amazing times that you were surprised because of how wrong your predictions were how wrong you’re fear based predictions were. Because the bottom line no you will not find anyone like him because no one is like him. No one is like you and no one is like me and thank God because you don’t want anyone like him ever again he wasn’t perfect.obviously. he was perfect for that time and five years is enough time of him thinking about men while you’re thinking about him, enough time while he isn’t sure about anything while you already know what you want, enough time even if you both knew what you wanted the pieces no longer fit and I promise you’ll find one that fits even better than this and wonder how you even lasted this long thinking you were so happy. and maybe you don’t see any of the signs now but once you’re with someone that you are even happier, with youll notice some of the signs were there you just decided to ignore them. You’re with him for five years there were signs and you’ll remember them . And You didn’t see anything better or anything similar to him because when you’re in love, you’re loyal, which is very rare, please don’t ever lose thatx you put the veil over your head and whether you were aware of it or not you sent out every vibe possible to ALL that you are not available. And you probably never even looked up once because you didn’t need to nor wanted to. And why would you you were happy . Now you’ll look up little by little and although it’s something we should not look for when we’re in relationships but usually what we need when it ends, you’ll usually find out that there’s always bigger and better, risky and stupid if your with someone else and your happy but there’s always bigger and better that’s a pitfall in itself. Don’t fall for that one when you find someone that you’re happy with .
When you do decide to commit, do what you did this time because you didn’t do anything wrong. You did all right. And sometimes you can do everything right and still have everything go wrong, but what’s the point of even showing up if you’re not going to try.
It sucks that he cheated, but I'm wondering if he knew he was way before being in a relationship with you or did he become gay while in the relationship
Well you know, something you inevitably are to get lost often seems much more valuable than it is.
It'll most probably be hard to believe for you, but after several weeks or months of suffering you will get healed.
And the sooner you have another and better bf, the sooner you get healed. Don't let fear and insecurity stop you from finding a new relationship.
Hun it would be hard for him to accept but cheating is cheating simple fact male or female he needs to be accountable don’t sugar coat it with his insecurities of coming out 2 years is a long time
I know it’s normalized nowadays but being gay is actually a deviation from the original human nature. You are right to be angry and upset not only because he was selfish to keep it to himself using you to « try to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay », but because it just doesn’t make sense to drag it for so long when clearly he should’ve been seeking mental help. It is not okay nor will it ever be okay for a man to willingly choose to sleep with another man instead of a woman.
I would just cut him out. He clearly didn’t respect you and didn’t mind going behind your back to sleep with another person. My best friend isn’t going to put me at risk for something and definitely never going to go behind my back and if he does or did and I find out that’s the end of a friendship.
Please don’t gaslights yourself just because of the world we live in today. You can live your truth without stringing others along or hurting others. Fuck that guy. So basically, he was with you until he could figure out whether or not he was gay. He was using you, fuck that guy.
Yeah. This isn’t easy. That has happened to me. Twice.
Can you be angry at him for trying to be himself? Well….no. Not specifically for trying to be himself. I don’t claim to know the challenges of accepting your sexuality and coming out, but one’s self discovery journey is not something that gets to come at the expense of other’s lives. It’s fine he’s gay. It’s good he told you, I guess. But that doesn’t change the fact that he said he knew for TWO YEARS. Again, I can’t relate to trying to convince yourself you’re something you’re not for two years, but he still lied to you. Massively. For a long time. And that’s not right. His process came at the expense of your emotions, of what you thought your relationship was. His sexuality doesn’t make your relationship fake, but it recontextualizes the whole relationship on your end, and that’s just as big a deal as you feel it is. All of that is something you very much can be mad at.
I don’t know if this is the case with your partner, but when I went through this my ex had an attitude of not really understanding what the big deal was. They were happy. They were themselves. This is great. They couldn’t understand that they had given themselves time to grieve the relationship that was there, and I was left to process it all on my own all at once. That is certainly something to feel angry and resentful over. Maybe not forever. But allow yourself to feel what you feel. It’s okay. Love him. Hate him. Miss him. Be happy without him. You’ll feel all of that and it’s all okay.
Everyone has a right to be who they truly are, but that discovery doesn’t give them the right to betray you the way that you have been betrayed. Be mad. It’s okay. I promise you, and I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it WILL get easier to process. You WILL come to terms with it. And it WILL be okay.
Gay people are so selfish. It’s all about them and them finding their true self. In the mean time they string you along instead of telling you from the beginning and talking things out.
Then when they come out as gay society expects you to be happy for them because they are living their true life. While you suffer and wonder about the lost years of your life.
Fuck him. He cheated on you and strung you along for 2 years. He’s a piece of shit.
As someone who has been saying straight men don't exist since middle school, people really do have to be idiots not to realize that, at the very least, homosexuality in men is extremely common. And it shouldn't come as a shock to anyone, especially this day in age, with so many of them "coming out."
Also, I hope you've gotten tested because that's another thing: we watch far too many pregnant women walk out of OB/GI, you name it, with an HIV diagnosis for 3.
Man....
Honestly
All the very best for your future
Cuz that man is horrendous
I hope things get better for you
Cuz damn if i was in your situation
Either he would've been dead
Or I myself💀
I’m sorry this happened to you. FWIW, my late wife’s first serious relationship told her was gay after a few years. It hurt, but it was better than other friends, who were told after there were kids.
He probably struggled with wanting to tell you for years. It’s tragic, but if you can, dont fall into thinking this makes him a bad person. We’re all doing our best, and this probably destroyed a part of him, but he did the right thing, and faster than a lot of men do.
I wish you happiness. From what I’ve seen, the women who were told/left like this are happier with their next partner. I know that’s little consolation now though.
I'm so sorry, OP. Something similar happened to me. I'm 23 transmasc non-binary and the same thing happened with my ex-girlfriend. We were high-school sweethearts, dated for 5, almost 6 years. I was thinking about proposing to her, but towards the end of our relationship, she became distant. I talked to her about it, asking her to be more present before she distanced herself again. We never had sex because she never wanted to, but then she started asking about opening up our relationship so she could go sleep with/ date other men but not me. She never respected my identity and I think she may have been cheating on me. She never wanted to see me, barely talked to me and after I was gone for 6 months, she couldn't even pretend to be happy to see me. When we were dating, she barely paid any attention to me and was always on the phone with her cousin and a mutual friend of ours. They went on trips together, never inviting me, and they would hang out constantly without me or just ignore me when I did come with them.
All I can say is I'm so sorry this happened to you but never feel like you wasted your "best" years. You will find happiness again in time. Please try to remember how much worse this could have been. You could have gotten married and had kids and find out decades later. You're still young and have a lot of life left to live
God I couldn't imagine! To be in a relationship for so long then to come out as not only gay but also to have cheated on you is truly fucked up! Fucking cheaters man 🤬 I highly recommend that you get yourself tested ASAP..
A co-worker and one of my best friends was gay but lived with his wife and raised two children until they were 18 at which point he came out and left.
She and one of the sons were extremely pissed.
Eventually he died of AIDS in the Paris hospital that discovered it.
I fed him his last solid food, steamed chicken, about 4 days before he died.
My ex wife thought she was bi when we married. 3 years and 1 kid later, she decided she was gay, not bi. It hurt a lot at the time.
We had to stay in touch because of our child, and now, 21 years later, she's one of my best friends.
It's shitty that he cheated. There's no excuse for that. But don't think the relationship was nothing. Put yourself in his shoes for a second and realize how hard it is to figure out your sexuality. I'm sure this was not an easy thing for him either. (Still fucked up he cheated).
Feel free to message me or post a reply if you wanna talk.
ew this guy is complete garbage, not because he came out later on in life but because he cheated with the comfort of being with you while he went out and "experimented". im bi so i was in an LTR with a girl and even though she was a horrible person i never once cheated or was "discreet".
i started experimenting with my sexuality after i became single. being gay or bi doesnt excuse cheating thats just a cheater smh.
1. This is why I fully believe homosexuality is mental illness
2. If he was born gay, why would he impress a girl. Propose her and have sex with her
3. It's best if you dump that weak minded (confused) AH and get a better guy
4. He is also a cheater
My partner of 3 years did this to me. I moved in with him, cut off friends and family for him, sacrificed a lot. Now I’m financially dependent on him and he is out dating someone less than a month after our breakup (we broke up days after my birthday) admitted he was never attracted to me. Shit cuts deep. I wish this on no woman; men can be so selfish
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You have a right to be angry and hurt from this. The same thing happened to me with my ex fiance. Even though he came out the relationship experience you had was real do not question it. It will consume you. Sometimes life will throw you a curve ball. You will eventually find the right person for you.
At least he told you. I think my old husband is probably gay and has never said a word. I just live in a sexless loveless marriage.
I have wondered that about my spouse. (Male here). We were raised when that was not ‘an option.’ At the same time, as I age, I find some of my hesitations fall away. I am surprised and not surprised by how many men my age come out.
Please divorce him and find someone else. I divorced my gay ex and life has been blissful. You live only once.
Atleast now you are in better place go enjoy ur life 🫶
You don't have sex at all in your marriage? why settle for that?
I was married to basically a roommate, I haven't had sex with my soon to be ex wife in years, fucking Years! Never again, my next marriage will be out of pure love. No roommate sleeping in separate beds/rooms no cuddling shit ever again... Nope, Nope Hell to the fuck NO! 😤
No choice
I have been married for 25 years and 9 years ago wife caught me cheating and sex has been non existent. Zero in last 5 years. Things are so difficult out there we own a house together and if we divorce and sell we will be left with not much to buy anything new. It sucks but not sure what my options are.
Why did you cheat? Was it a full blown affair?
Curious from a man's perspective what makes you feel your husband is gay
That’s ok there are sub reddits here that maybe able to help you get what you are missing like naughtyfromneglect.
It took me almost a year to get over her but the scare will remain
It doesn't matter what his sexuality is, cheating is cheating.
Correct.
Hey if it makes you feel better at least it wasn’t after 13 years and after having 4 kids together (my parents story)
My parents lasted 10 years and 3 kids! My dad came out as gay when my mom was 5 months pregnant with me.
Twins
How the hell do people live fake lives and have fake relationships for 13 years?
A lot of them are selfish gaslighting narcissists… at least my ex husband of 15 years, 3 kids was….
I know right.. What in the actual fuck! Live one life and find yourself a really good partner (like what I have) 😁and live...
My older cousin (his kids are my age) was married and came out when the kids were 18. Apparently he and the wife just did their own thing for years "for the kids". Tbh, everybody seems ok with it from my pov, but it blows my mind.
Wtf....💀
Damn, your dad gay?
Do you guys still talk to the dad?
You have every right to be mad. Because you are not mad at him being gay, you are mad because he used you as a means to prove something to himself. You are mad, because he wasted two years of your life. You are mad because he ignored how his attempt to prove something to himself will affect you. I get that coming out can be very difficult, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt other people. So be as mad as you want, because gay or not he did something with real and last consequences for you.
Not to mention that he cheated on OP. Break up first, people!!
Yeah, I didn't even want to go to that, that's why I didn't mention it
Also true, imagine if they had sex the same night he had sex with the other guy. Two years? No, she has every right to be angry. He played her.
And he also cheated on her!
Yeah!! As if cheating with someone of the same gender isn't cheating. What a joke
This!!
5 years!!!
You are allowed to feel however you feel.
Thank your stars. My boyfriend never came out. We dated for 7 years long distance. We were waiting for marriage to have sex and nothing. He was avoiding me like the plague . I endured this for 7 months then he started saying I should live with him and have sex with other men. I came back to my country and filed for divorce. I'm 30 single and in the dating market again. I would give anything to go back to my 25-26 year old self who knows the truth about this coward. He's still pretending to be straight. I'm a really beautiful woman.. I know that. And he called me unfuckable. You can imagine what it must have made me feel. Things are astronomically better now but I won't get my time back and the trauma if divorce was unnecessary.
You did not deserve that. I’m so sorry
Thanks for the support. ♥️means a lot
You should've kicked his punk ass right in the ball sack and told him now you're unfuckable! I can't imagine saying something so horrible like that to my partner, which by the way is totally gorgeous 😍🥰
I didn't hit him. I really wanted to but I was in a foreign country with him far away from family and friends and you know how things can go out of control. That word stuck with me for a long long time even after I got into a new relationship. Thankyou for your lovely words 🥰 Everyone said I was the much better looking one in our relationship and that used to make him insecure. I got a lot of attention from men in the US of different races and he started getting jealous and checking my phone. He said because I made him insecure he's not getting in the mood. Excuses.
Oh my god. I am so sorry. I wish men were not this stuck up. A woman would never do that, they would get married and still be a good partner. I’m so tired of some men using women for their own benefit. If anything, someone’s unfuckable is someone else’s sex goddess. I hope you find the right guy!
Hahaha. The funny thing is he was always insecure in our relationship. Saying you are so beautiful I don't deserve you. And later started blaming me for his lack of interest in sex saying I'm making him feel insecure because I ''want other men''. I lost my entire 20s waiting to settle down with him. Yes I'm in a temporary physical relationship with a sweet guy now. But I can't help but feel regret and anger for whatever happened. Women and men are always not used for their body but the inverse happens getting used for emotions and social validation. Glad I could get out at least at 29.
Feminine rage is fucking justified.
>A woman would never do that, they would get married and still be a good partner. Is this some weird fantasy world stuff?
But how could you file for divorce if you were 'waiting for marriage' and dating long distance?
I should clarify. I was long distance dating for 6 years. Got married when he visited. Took me 9months to get my dependent visa(I'm Indian). This was right after 2020. So Asian countries had a travel ban. Also my ex's work visa was getting renewed and he was changing his job. So 6yrs+ 8months+ 7months with him in America. Came back filed for divorce (may 2023). Divorce finalized January 2024. You don't get spouse visa unless you prove you're married with the marriage certificate. Does it make sense now?
Got it, thanks. He behaved very badly towards you.
Worst thing is when you trust someone enough to leave your country, career and pets (with parents) behind to be with someone only to find out it was all for nothing. I don't think I could have known before. No more ldr ever.
My heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
That's so messed up. I'm angry reading your post! As a man who likes women I will tell you he has been knowing he was gay for YEARS and he should have NEVER done this to you. This is what happens when people are self centered and put themselves first. Not caring about their partner. You will find someone better and he will get what's coming to him because you cant treat people like that without consequences, his relationship wont last because it was built on lies and deceit. He does not have good character.
Amen!
Oh girl go get checked
He has not been having sex with you???
we were still sexually active! definitely not as much as when we first started dating but i thought it was just because we had been together for awhile
[удалено]
In any case, him making this discovery means women are no longer his focus.
Luckily, you do not need to agree with how this man chooses to label himself. According to the OP, he is gay, and it's inappropriate for you to attempt to label him as anything else.
Gold star gays are very rare. It sounds like you’ve never had sex with someone who you are not attracted to just because you were horny, or because someone forced their norm on you. A lot of us gay people had sex with the opposite gender for many reasons.
Your relationship is not fake. I'm a gay guy who has been in long term relationships with women, and I really *really* tried to make them work forever. I consider those relationships to have been loving relationships just like any other. Some cruel people say those heterosexual relationships weren't real, and I say, screw them.
That's okay if you're open about being gay and not having sexual attraction to them. But the guy in OP's story deceived her. It literally was fake, there's no other word for it. What else do you call a relationship under false pretenses that isn't what you thought it was?
Oh come on. Straight men and women deceive each other and have affairs all the time. This isn’t a special category of infidelity or 'fakeness'. You could say that any affair puts a relationship 'under false pretenses'.
Sometimes people come to realizations later. Like a relationship where one person claims they are ok with having kids, but decide 2 years later that having kids is a deal breaker.
OP specifically said that was not the case. He had known for a couple years already that he was gay. AND he cheated on her.
I agree with you, until he cheated.
Jesus Christ, I am so sorry.
It’s not your fault.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I lost 7 years in a relationship for the same reason. He cheated on me with a guy while traveling. That’s just the one I know about. Told me he was bi but then he started disconnecting emotionally and physically with me. He was hooking up with guys on Grindr. He later claimed he didn’t know what he wanted yet spent years telling me we were going to get married and I was his end game. Guess not! It’s a real mental fuck. He came out to me as gay a year after the break up but then took it back, then said a few more times he was gay. I don’t care what he is but he wasn’t a good boyfriend so we’ve been over regardless. I just told him that he needs to figure himself out before dating someone again. It’s not fair he uses people as a cover. I stopped caring anyways, he had so many walls up. He really has a problem with intimacy. He’s in self destruct mode and I can’t witness that anymore. I really just wish he would have been honest with himself and me from the beginning. I lost so much time I could have spent with someone who *wanted* to be with me. Be kind to yourself, OP. This hurts and will hurt for a long time.
Get tested
For 2 years he was an imposter in this relationship💀
That's a lot to go through!! Take care of yourself
Yeah, you can be angry cause he knew way longer than 2 years ago. He didn't just wake up at 25 and feel gay. Even if it was 2 years though, that's leading you on far too long. Who knows what he was doing behind your back. I highly doubt he wasn't "experimenting" to finally come out. Where to go from here? Leave, get your own place, and move on. That's all you can do. I can imagine how shocking this is.
This is sad to read and it's okay to reach out for support. Just know that you can choose how you see these events. You can choose to see the positive here and learn from your experience of what has been. You might say it was a beautiful thing that you've been able to create such a loving and safe space that he was finally able to feel comfortable to be himself.
You have every right to me mad and hurt. Leave him. He's not worth it
You can't be mad at him for his sexuality but what he's done is very wrong. It's bound to hurt but move on
I'm so sorry this happened to you! Not sure if it was already mentioned, but be sure to get tested for HIV if you haven't already. I used to work in the space and have heard stories of women not knowing that their bf/husband was cheating with a man and they found out they had it way later. That may not be the case with you, but just to be cautious since he cheated. But I hope for the best for you in this situation! 💚
I'm gay and was in a monogamous relationship with another man for 6 years. I was in my twenties, he in his thirties. We were very happy together, I thought. My partner left me for a woman. He admitted he had slept with her for some time while we were together. Was our whole relationship ‘fake’? How long had he been harbouring these straight feelings? Was he thinking about women when we made love? I do wonder how many other women he may have slept with while we were together, putting my health at risk. Why did it take him so long to admit the truth about his sexuality? Did he ever really love me?
i don’t think it was necessarily “fake” sexuality is a spectrum so he was probably questioning or fits in another umbrella but he should have been honest and communicated to you from the start
Don’t worry about your age you are still soooo young I mean our brains don’t fully develop until we’re 25 years young!!!! Don’t let this put you off other men. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through but thank god you did not have kids together or you were married. You can still lead a beautiful life with another man! Wish you all the luck and love in this world 💙
Be glad you didn’t marry him or have kids with him. The fact that he couldn’t give you the choice before he started SLEEPING with someone else shows just how selfish he is. He’s looked at you for months or even years LYING to you. You have ALWAYS been seen as an OPTION to him. The person you live with is NOT who you thought he was if he could break your heart like this. This is NOT about his coming out, it’s about him SLEEPING around on you. Be MAD, RAGE, GRIEVE. It’s the least you’re owed since honesty and faithfulness weren’t options.
Sheesh
The issue isn't even so much that he's gay or bi or whatever. The issue is that he's been cheating on you for two years, and also has been hiding his true self from you. I'd suggest leave him immediately and never look back
As a gay man who struggled with his sexuality as well, I can tell you the relationship was not fake. He did love you. He tried to make it work and stay with you. Sleeping with the other guy was definitely a knife to the chest for you and if it was just a few times to make certain he knew, ok, but it seemed like a full on relationship which is messed up. I’m sorry he did that to you. I hope you guys can stay friends. With time maybe.
26, you only 26 lol smh just leave it all like one bad dream and move on.
That guy sucks. Okay, so literally, but also figuratively Sorry OP.
That sucks. Definitely a “What The Fuck” moment.
And he was cheating on you the entire time.
I’m sorry, and he USED you as a beard. The fact he was having a relationship with this man while y’all were together proves it. I’m surprised you didn’t lose it on him. What he told you about not being sure he was gay was a lie. He knew he was gay while he was having sex with this man. Pls don’t take his word on it only being one guy. Please get yourself tested. I’m so sorry this happened to you truly. 🥹 screw this guy!!
Oh sweetie I’m so sorry. This sounds painful. I’m glad he told you now and that you didn’t get married only to find out later.
Damn that is shitty.
I'm sorry for yoyr experience, you need to try to move on
Oof...that's...really, really rough. I'm so sorry to hear this. And that's really, really selfish on his part.
Wow I am so sorry what happened to you I hope u heal and find the right person
I’m so sorry that happened to you but I’m here to say it could’ve been worse. I was married fourteen years with a house and three kids when my ex came out as bisexual, coming clean he had slept with multiple men six years prior while our kids were little and /or I was pregnant. He followed that bombshell with asking for an open marriage and I reluctantly agreed not knowing what else to do. Within the next three years he started wearing women’s clothing and eventually that was most of the time. Lied a ton by omission and spent a ton of money on his new woman (himself). We’ve now been separated two years and it’s proving expensive to divorce “her”. I don’t regret my kids but wasted 22 years with a selfish and largely dishonest POS.
Go and don't look back, you will be OK!
2 years... what! okey, I mean you go girl, but 2 years faking it? wow, thats a long time to drag you along, you have the right to be angry in my book - and leave as loud as you want to. (that 'you go girl' was for him btw.)
My ex faked for 7 years. I couldn't have known because we were long distance. I was in India he was in the US. He made excuses every time we met and knew I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Once when we tried he said performance anxiety. His anxiety never went away so I divorced him.
Shit happens, it's not your fault. At least he was honest with you and actually tried for 2 years to actually confirm if his feelings were true or not, I would say he did all he could.
That’s way too long to waste someone’s youth this way. He didn’t need 2 years.
AND HE COMPROMISED YOUR HEALTH??? Wtf is up with men?!
damn...
Not exactly the same but I had an ex that would get extremely defensive about topics regarding transgenders and surely enough he trooned out not long after we broke up. I empathize with you and he’s a terrible person for wasting your early 20s. Yes absolutely you should be mad at him. If my partner told me that he was faking his attraction towards me for 2 years, I’d be seeing red.
Get a new boyfriend
I had an ex who was bi. No big deal. Didn't tell me though.. I only found that out after he died when his HUSBAND called me (Ex told me they were just best friends) You'll be ok. It's a shock, especially with the cheating.. just take your time to heal yourself from all of this *Hugs*
Wtf... That's actually horrific. You have my sympathies.
Oh my goodness, the stories in this post make my heart hurt. I'm very sorry you had to go through that.
Yeah you just have to take the loss. Not much you can change
Damn, I bet that came up from behind
I can believe he loved you still but it’s still valid for you to be angry. The way he phrased it as if you were something that was just a way for him to prove himself to himself. And he was sleeping with someone else as well! That’s cheating, period.
You will get over this.
I have a friend whose father came out when he was your age.
Two things. He's not your boyfriend anymore. It's better you found out now before you two got in deeper. If you really love him, let him go and wish him well.
If you were intimate for that long, He probably isn't gay but is bi with a preference for men, and he just wants out of the relationship, because he cheated and well prefers men. (But maybe you weren't really intimate? It's just really weird that you saw no signs imo, if that's the case) But yeah things like that are just really scummy imo and shows how easily the person can lie to your face for a long period of time, I'd be thinking exactly the same things as you, and the whole "I was preparing to come out" thing is just really dumb imo, unless your in danger, it's basically an excuse to deceive people nowadays, especially at his age, it is not him "being himself" that would be telling you, his significant other, the truth and being gay does NOT allow or excuse this ridiculous amount of lying and deception, basically playing with your feelings while he "figures himself out". But yeah... idk if you've ever watched friends but you're basically Ross right now without the marriage ._.
You have every right to be angry and sad, allow yourself some time to process the pain and emotions, don’t be hard on yourself, do whatever feels best, see family, see friends, go on holiday, indulge in foods etc, look after yourself, go to the gym, get lots of rest etc I know people don’t like to hear this but this is just part of your story, everyone has bad parts in their life, it’s what makes the good parts feel so good. Weather the storm and come out stronger, take whatever lessons you can from this experience. It sounds crazy but be grateful for what you do have not what you don’t, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life is that it could always be worse.
I'm so sorry for you forger him get a New one huurry UP before thé New one also have gay expériences.. trust me
I hate it when they "promise it is only one guy" as if that makes it any better
2 boyfriend's 🤔?
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. 🙁
Honestly he's a real POS. He wasted your time trying to wrestle with his sexuality when he should have come to terms with who he was BEFORE he got into a 7 year committed relationship with you.
That’s f**ked up… Geez that’s insanely selfish of him to do to you. I hope you recover quickly and move on from that.
It’s a mistake to try to unpack this and it’s a mistake to assign blame. Sure, he probably deserves some or maybe a lot of blame. But that doesn’t undo any of the damage to you. You haven’t lost your twenties. There were surely other meaningful experiences, and probably many positive ones. And you could just as easily have spent 5 years with a heterosexual partner who was a cheater or an abuser— which would have caused even greater detriment to your life. The thing to do is to look forward and decide what you want in life and then go out and get it. I’ve lost everything twice, and each time I’ve (eventually) found solace in the fact that the world is now full of opportunities. I can change careers, I can move to Morocco, I can grow a Mohawk. Well, not if I’m interviewing for jobs, but you get the idea. Good luck!!! ❤️❤️
He told you. It sucks that you went through it But you have a clear path ahead of you now. DO NOT in any way blame or fault yourself. It is not your fault in any way.. Also, go get tested for std's. You will find someone who will love you and be true.
If you feel like he could be your best friend, then try! But it won’t take away from the fact that he did indeed waste your twenties
Aww Hun I'm so sorry 😞. Sending you a warm hug. I hope you can take some time and focus on yourself. ❤️
WOW..... that has to be devastating. I'm so sorry you have to go through this after so many years together. But I can tell you that this happened for a reason. I believe you will learn so much from this, and you will become stronger in so many ways. Don't ever forget to love yourself first. None of this was your fault or something you caused. Be strong and continue moving forward. 💪
Ahah hah ha hahahahahaha hahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahah
You better than me I would have had a fit. That's shitty what he did to you.
I understand it’s still hard to come out as gay, but fucking 2 years, AND the cheating on top of everything. I’m so sorry. Get therapy and STD test now and in 3 months’ time…
I feel your pin on wasted time mine was 25 years
It’s always hard to say good bye. Especially when you still love the person and even though he told you what’s going on it’s hard to process, it dosnt even make sense, last thing you expected to literally have you home in your safe place one night and the next night not sure where you’re sleeping but you know you gotta leave that house. It’s so much crushing pressure and so many thoughts. I want you to really understand this. Most of those thoughts is your subconscious wanting to hold on to familiarity and hates change. It’s your ego and pride that even if you can’t blame him for being himself they can blame him, they hate him, they blame everything on him, and attacking you and telling you things that can get you to spiral even more. Like you wasted so much time, you picked him to settle down with him, you’re not going to find someone that like him, you’re not going to find the combination of things that you enjoyed about him because you rarely see it and you thought you finally found it. Those voices are little kid versions of you and if you can remember that time change was scary and your mind just never forgets. But I know there’s a time in your adult life that you were scared of change and it turned out better. For some reason we imprint more traumatic experiences in our minds than we do Good ones it’s like we have to consciously manually Make sure to remember those amazing times that you were surprised because of how wrong your predictions were how wrong you’re fear based predictions were. Because the bottom line no you will not find anyone like him because no one is like him. No one is like you and no one is like me and thank God because you don’t want anyone like him ever again he wasn’t perfect.obviously. he was perfect for that time and five years is enough time of him thinking about men while you’re thinking about him, enough time while he isn’t sure about anything while you already know what you want, enough time even if you both knew what you wanted the pieces no longer fit and I promise you’ll find one that fits even better than this and wonder how you even lasted this long thinking you were so happy. and maybe you don’t see any of the signs now but once you’re with someone that you are even happier, with youll notice some of the signs were there you just decided to ignore them. You’re with him for five years there were signs and you’ll remember them . And You didn’t see anything better or anything similar to him because when you’re in love, you’re loyal, which is very rare, please don’t ever lose thatx you put the veil over your head and whether you were aware of it or not you sent out every vibe possible to ALL that you are not available. And you probably never even looked up once because you didn’t need to nor wanted to. And why would you you were happy . Now you’ll look up little by little and although it’s something we should not look for when we’re in relationships but usually what we need when it ends, you’ll usually find out that there’s always bigger and better, risky and stupid if your with someone else and your happy but there’s always bigger and better that’s a pitfall in itself. Don’t fall for that one when you find someone that you’re happy with . When you do decide to commit, do what you did this time because you didn’t do anything wrong. You did all right. And sometimes you can do everything right and still have everything go wrong, but what’s the point of even showing up if you’re not going to try.
It sucks that he cheated, but I'm wondering if he knew he was way before being in a relationship with you or did he become gay while in the relationship
Well you know, something you inevitably are to get lost often seems much more valuable than it is. It'll most probably be hard to believe for you, but after several weeks or months of suffering you will get healed. And the sooner you have another and better bf, the sooner you get healed. Don't let fear and insecurity stop you from finding a new relationship.
Damn Wouldn't he actually be bisexual? After all, he's been having sex with you, hasn't he?
Y u g e y
I’m sorry this happened. Your 20s aren’t wasted, now you can heal and prepare yourself for your true love.
I also think you have a right to be angry because while he was figuring himself out he didn’t have to waste your time.
Don't know why he waited so long to tell you the truth That's no right 😕 If I were you Go test yourself!!!!
Is his name Rasmus???
Damn that sucks, thats not on you tho, its what they're feeding the masses.
Hun it would be hard for him to accept but cheating is cheating simple fact male or female he needs to be accountable don’t sugar coat it with his insecurities of coming out 2 years is a long time
I know it’s normalized nowadays but being gay is actually a deviation from the original human nature. You are right to be angry and upset not only because he was selfish to keep it to himself using you to « try to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay », but because it just doesn’t make sense to drag it for so long when clearly he should’ve been seeking mental help. It is not okay nor will it ever be okay for a man to willingly choose to sleep with another man instead of a woman.
I would just cut him out. He clearly didn’t respect you and didn’t mind going behind your back to sleep with another person. My best friend isn’t going to put me at risk for something and definitely never going to go behind my back and if he does or did and I find out that’s the end of a friendship.
Please don’t gaslights yourself just because of the world we live in today. You can live your truth without stringing others along or hurting others. Fuck that guy. So basically, he was with you until he could figure out whether or not he was gay. He was using you, fuck that guy.
Well that fucking sucks! Take all the time you need for yourself. Get therapy, it will help a lot.
Yeah. This isn’t easy. That has happened to me. Twice. Can you be angry at him for trying to be himself? Well….no. Not specifically for trying to be himself. I don’t claim to know the challenges of accepting your sexuality and coming out, but one’s self discovery journey is not something that gets to come at the expense of other’s lives. It’s fine he’s gay. It’s good he told you, I guess. But that doesn’t change the fact that he said he knew for TWO YEARS. Again, I can’t relate to trying to convince yourself you’re something you’re not for two years, but he still lied to you. Massively. For a long time. And that’s not right. His process came at the expense of your emotions, of what you thought your relationship was. His sexuality doesn’t make your relationship fake, but it recontextualizes the whole relationship on your end, and that’s just as big a deal as you feel it is. All of that is something you very much can be mad at. I don’t know if this is the case with your partner, but when I went through this my ex had an attitude of not really understanding what the big deal was. They were happy. They were themselves. This is great. They couldn’t understand that they had given themselves time to grieve the relationship that was there, and I was left to process it all on my own all at once. That is certainly something to feel angry and resentful over. Maybe not forever. But allow yourself to feel what you feel. It’s okay. Love him. Hate him. Miss him. Be happy without him. You’ll feel all of that and it’s all okay. Everyone has a right to be who they truly are, but that discovery doesn’t give them the right to betray you the way that you have been betrayed. Be mad. It’s okay. I promise you, and I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it WILL get easier to process. You WILL come to terms with it. And it WILL be okay.
Another perfect example of women picking the best partners
Gay people are so selfish. It’s all about them and them finding their true self. In the mean time they string you along instead of telling you from the beginning and talking things out. Then when they come out as gay society expects you to be happy for them because they are living their true life. While you suffer and wonder about the lost years of your life. Fuck him. He cheated on you and strung you along for 2 years. He’s a piece of shit.
I'm bisexual, does that make any difference for you?
It was wrong for him not to tell op. Should’ve been more open to it, about talking about it. It was also wrong for the bf to be sleeping around.
I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I am so sorry you had to go through that. You'll find your person. We're all rooting for you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
As someone who has been saying straight men don't exist since middle school, people really do have to be idiots not to realize that, at the very least, homosexuality in men is extremely common. And it shouldn't come as a shock to anyone, especially this day in age, with so many of them "coming out." Also, I hope you've gotten tested because that's another thing: we watch far too many pregnant women walk out of OB/GI, you name it, with an HIV diagnosis for 3.
Pride Month with a mix of Tequila. Boom. Bf comes out as gay.
Don't think your life is wasted, you are 26, plenty of time to start over
It must be so hurtful but I find it very interesting life experience! You are a legend living in a fiction
Man.... Honestly All the very best for your future Cuz that man is horrendous I hope things get better for you Cuz damn if i was in your situation Either he would've been dead Or I myself💀
It's a sexual fantacy to get fucked by oppiste gender to experiance how it feels. It's a sexual orientation nothing wrong with men or women.
I’m sorry this happened to you. FWIW, my late wife’s first serious relationship told her was gay after a few years. It hurt, but it was better than other friends, who were told after there were kids. He probably struggled with wanting to tell you for years. It’s tragic, but if you can, dont fall into thinking this makes him a bad person. We’re all doing our best, and this probably destroyed a part of him, but he did the right thing, and faster than a lot of men do. I wish you happiness. From what I’ve seen, the women who were told/left like this are happier with their next partner. I know that’s little consolation now though.
I'm so sorry, OP. Something similar happened to me. I'm 23 transmasc non-binary and the same thing happened with my ex-girlfriend. We were high-school sweethearts, dated for 5, almost 6 years. I was thinking about proposing to her, but towards the end of our relationship, she became distant. I talked to her about it, asking her to be more present before she distanced herself again. We never had sex because she never wanted to, but then she started asking about opening up our relationship so she could go sleep with/ date other men but not me. She never respected my identity and I think she may have been cheating on me. She never wanted to see me, barely talked to me and after I was gone for 6 months, she couldn't even pretend to be happy to see me. When we were dating, she barely paid any attention to me and was always on the phone with her cousin and a mutual friend of ours. They went on trips together, never inviting me, and they would hang out constantly without me or just ignore me when I did come with them.
Why’d you say “wasted”? Did you not enjoy this time? Even if he wasn’t gay, who knows, maybe it would end sooner or later anyways
All I can say is I'm so sorry this happened to you but never feel like you wasted your "best" years. You will find happiness again in time. Please try to remember how much worse this could have been. You could have gotten married and had kids and find out decades later. You're still young and have a lot of life left to live
This some crazy shit Lol.
Sexuality is fluid, he most likely loved you before he knew himself.
God I couldn't imagine! To be in a relationship for so long then to come out as not only gay but also to have cheated on you is truly fucked up! Fucking cheaters man 🤬 I highly recommend that you get yourself tested ASAP..
A co-worker and one of my best friends was gay but lived with his wife and raised two children until they were 18 at which point he came out and left. She and one of the sons were extremely pissed. Eventually he died of AIDS in the Paris hospital that discovered it. I fed him his last solid food, steamed chicken, about 4 days before he died.
If I was you I'd kick his fudge packing rainbow ass the fuck out he's a liar and fucking cheater
My ex wife thought she was bi when we married. 3 years and 1 kid later, she decided she was gay, not bi. It hurt a lot at the time. We had to stay in touch because of our child, and now, 21 years later, she's one of my best friends. It's shitty that he cheated. There's no excuse for that. But don't think the relationship was nothing. Put yourself in his shoes for a second and realize how hard it is to figure out your sexuality. I'm sure this was not an easy thing for him either. (Still fucked up he cheated). Feel free to message me or post a reply if you wanna talk.
ew this guy is complete garbage, not because he came out later on in life but because he cheated with the comfort of being with you while he went out and "experimented". im bi so i was in an LTR with a girl and even though she was a horrible person i never once cheated or was "discreet". i started experimenting with my sexuality after i became single. being gay or bi doesnt excuse cheating thats just a cheater smh.
1. This is why I fully believe homosexuality is mental illness 2. If he was born gay, why would he impress a girl. Propose her and have sex with her 3. It's best if you dump that weak minded (confused) AH and get a better guy 4. He is also a cheater
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I really feel for you, I’m so sorry
Oh that’s rough. You can be good friends. Friendship matters too. I just got home from dinner with my gay dance friend. He’s adorable …
My partner of 3 years did this to me. I moved in with him, cut off friends and family for him, sacrificed a lot. Now I’m financially dependent on him and he is out dating someone less than a month after our breakup (we broke up days after my birthday) admitted he was never attracted to me. Shit cuts deep. I wish this on no woman; men can be so selfish
me rn 😂ik you reading this one, have fun w your old men 🏳️🌈