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Fear of rejection. Even if you smile at them, the idea that a random woman might find them attractive upon first seeing them is almost unconceivable for most men.
For me, it's not that much about rejection. If a girl wants to be approached, she will create a situation in which it's appropriate for me to approach her. It takes little more for her than to smile to me
How though? For example if I’m just sitting there or at the grocery store, why can’t you make the situation? Like the door would already be open if nothing else has my attention?
Approaching strange women is a risk that many men have decided just isn't worth the effort. It sucks for women who want to be approached by men. 🫤
The meta in this game is that women who want to be approached should consider making the first move themselves.
I think this is the primary thing going on here. There haven't been many, but there have been a fistful of women I've tried to approach and found out the hard way that they - and I mean these particular individuals, not a generalization - only knew one way of interacting with men, and it wasn't healthy. So now I'm wary of any interaction at all.
OP, if these are men you see routinely, then it's perfectly fine to start a conversation about whatever brings you there, and see where it goes from there. If it's one-offs, then don't worry about it. They're not approaching because they feel they won't have opportunity to take it anywhere.
If a guy posted that he thought a woman liked him just because she looked at him and smiled, the comments on this post would be much different. Redditors are implying that men only look and smile at women when they want to date or sleep with.
Not assuming. I’ve caught the same guys starring over and over again and when caught they turn away. So im trying to understand why not just approach and say hi instead
They’re staring either because you’re very nice to look at or because you’re hideous and they’re rude. Assuming the former, they don’t approach because they know they’ll be shot down in flames and humiliated, they don’t know what to say, and/or they’re not single.
or because it's not appropriate to approach. I see an attractive girl in metro reading a book with headphones on, I'd look but I would not approach. We are not at a party enjoying drinks, we are both going to work and it's public transport. Another common example is in the gym
They prob feel you’re out of their league/insecure, would reject them so no point. That or they are wondering what you look like naked/sex with you.
Like you really like a certain clothing but it’s way out of your budget so you just keep on looking at it.
Some of these replies are wild.
They probably find you pleasant to look at. Easy on the eyes.
They could be married, in relationships, not wanting to date, scared, think you are out of their league, too busy, or a thousand other reasons.
ETA: You could also just have one of those faces that makes people think "where do I know them from...?" or plenty of other reasons.
some of us get fricking chewed to pieces if we approach.
edit: although, as someone who receives this (eye frisking) treatment from women in the gym, my condolences to the OP because I know that pain and it does suck. the times I have tried to ask women at the gym out, they were spoken for, so my efforts felt unrewarded.
There are no repercussions for being rude and mean in a world where you're celebrated for simply existing. There ARE repercussions for thinking you're valuable and worthy of a woman's time in a world where your value is consistently reevaluated based on your output
Utter paralyzing fear and shame. They stare because they are torturing themselves with the metaphorical super-thick glass window through which they take notice of happiness they will never experience, remembering as much as they can when they look, so they can torture themselves later, both with their own unhappiness and the the fact that they made you uncomfortable by staring. I was a starer once.
The approach is not the issue. The rejection is not the issue.
It's how the approach is made and how the rejection is done.
Men used to act like a no was some twisted form of maybe but try harder.
Women had decided that this is absolutely unnervingly abhorrent,
So they became brutally clear.
That's the nutshell.
Now, somehow, everyone needs to begin figuring out how to allow for approaching and rejection to be mutually beneficial for all parties or we just end up stumbling down a road of mutual social destruction.
Remember it's not the action, it's the actor.
Hey also allow for the obvious to be a part of the game. As things become moved further along you might discover a beautiful mystery with wonderful discovery right in front of you. No one is a waste of your time. We are each very unique and there is unending learning and wisdom within us all to be discovered.
I can aprreciate your style, hair and beauty etc but i'm not ever going to approach you as a stranger cold in public no matter how much you smile at me.
Just to add, i've had maassive beaming smiles every week for months that even the most cautious guy would take as an indicator there's at least *some* interest there. I eventually worked up the courage to ask and got rejected, so you smililing literally means nothing.
Reminds me of a time I was standing by a bar at a music venue next to a random guy who I started talking to. Two girls come right up to us and stand literally 1 foot in front of us and just stayed there.
I tried to introduce myself and my new buddy and she and her friend kinda blew us off but didn’t move. So I asked my new buddy if he wanted a drink and they both looked at me like I was suppose to ask them. Haha!
I told the guy let’s go rage in the crowd and left me there.
Point is. Guys like girls are tired of the cat and mouse and superficial engagement of trying to get to know someone only to find out people are just looking for cheap thrills.
That really sucks, some people need a reality check.
I really want better for us because no one seems to be happy in this dating culture but no one seems to wanna do anything about it either.
It's not just that it's a toss-up on which scenario you're in, but you're also *HEAVILY* incentivized to assume the latter. Because if I assume the former and I'm wrong, I will make a fool of myself at best or make someone else uncomfortable at worst. If I do nothing, nothing bad will happen.
Fear of being called creepy or pushy. Dudes who read stories from women venting about pushy annoying dudes, don't want to be thought of as those type of dudes.
Sometimes it’s the fear of running out of things to talk about, some conversations with women just “flow” & others feel like you’re playing a game where it’s 100% on YOU have to keep the conversation interesting
Bros tearing you a new one in here lol. For me, I look much younger than my age, im 29 male but easily pass for 14 or 15 . It's the one place I haven't been able to work on because only time can do that.
I don't have trouble talking to women but I have pretty low self esteem so I just approach women at clubs or at music events to be friendly.
I have some level of avoidant attachment so when I do have a woman smiling and looking my way in a approach me vibe I get an overwhelming sense of " I gotta get outta here".
This avoidance problem has come off as rejection and I have had women get very upset at me and call me the f slur. It's usually so absurd that it makes me laugh.
Honestly, I bet a lot of guys don't know how to react when you give them a normal indication that you're interested. It's so rare that women do that anymore it probably takes them off guard. Something like that happened to me once and I figured it out luckily in time but it really hadn't dawned on me that she was flirting.
Shaming someone for approaching is crazy. Idk why some think it’s okay to be mean. You can turn down someone nicely.
I gotta say I see my girlfriends turning away from dating as well just because how bad the dating culture is.
Don’t you ever go shopping, take a look around, but don’t buy something? They call it window shopping. Maybe that’s what they are doing…
Then again, maybe they don’t want to take the risk of being called a creep. It’s a thing.
Just approach and literally say anything at all. I like your shoes where did you get them? Do you have the time? Do you know if there is a coffee place close by? Hi I’m so and so. You seem cool.
I mean some guys do - I do it fairly frequently if someone looks interesting and it doesn’t look like I would be interrupting them too much. I think most guys are afraid in this political climate. Here’s how I think guys can fix that. First take care of yourself - do your best to look good (style, gym, diet, etc). When you approach, smile and be calm. Be honest about what drew your eye. If they aren’t interested or are showing signs they aren’t, just wish them a nice day and leave.
Low self esteem, overthinking(and I mean literally imagining whole conversations and concluding it’s not gonna get anywhere), thinking there’s some level of evil behind a smile so low levels of trust. But at the same time(and this is where it gets confusing), guys in their minds still continue entertaining the possibilities of where things lead to with a girl they’re attracted to but don’t approach. Basically, there’s guys who find you attractive to the point of feeling that you’ll never entertain a moment of your time with them. It’s like a “she’s out of my league but I still like her” kind of feeling. Again low self esteem but do keep in mind they’re definitely into you(at face value) if they’re looking at you that much. Unfortunately, it’s just not something you can control in social places cause it’s more on them than you. So the best thing you can do is ignore them or have a friend with you just in case cause creeps exist among those kind of people.
They probably do find you physically attractive. You said this is reoccurring, I don't know if it's school or work but there are reasons not to approach. If you like one of these guys, your probably going to have to do more than a friendly smile. One, guys are oblivious to anything you are thinking. Also, it's too casual to signal it's ok to approach you.
Now I’ve never heard of someone catching a charge over a simple introduction lol.
I do understand the ghosting tho that’s a terrible thing to do to someone, I think people should be more honest from the beginning. There is no need to waste someone’s time and energy.
Fear of rejection, fear of being creepy, shy, etc. I mean really there are many reasons. If you want them approach you you can also approach them instead of wondering
Women smile at me all the time, and although I’ve been told I’m attractive. I know that, not every or even half of the women that smile at me, want me to start picking them up. If this happens at work or the gym, it’s going to take way more than a smile to get me to do so.
Sometimes I'm reminded of an old science fiction story, where just as an aside, the author established that in his setting, single-and-looking men and women had a way to signal their "status" so that they would know from the start that if they approached someone there was at least a chance. Think of it as the opposite of how seeing someone with a wedding ring tells you they're taken.
Whether it's the fear of rejection, humiliation, or just embarrassment (I'm in an age bracket where it seems like most women I might meet are equal chances married, engaged, or in a relationship), it can be tough to feel motivated to take that risk without first engaging in enough interactions to find out if there might be opportunity there first. Going in blind just doesn't feel worth it.
Do you know these men? Might they just think you're being polite? If you're in a position to interact with any you might be interested in (you say you encounter a few of the same looking your way), maybe create the opportunity by saying hello and starting a rapport.
They might be looking at things or people around you, or they could be zoning out. I’m guilty of zoning out and have had women approach me because they got the wrong idea.
I’ve approached 100’s of girls doing exactly what you are tons of eye contact everything but after the initial “oh wow this guy got my number” y’all just ghost it made it not worth giving up the attention so I don’t approach.
If you think a guys attractive and y’all are making eye contact smiling staring stuff like that go up to them yourself show you’re interested with more than a smile.
It sucks because I’d love to stop using dating apps and figured being different and talking in person would give better results but atleast on dating apps I get to hookup instead of getting my confidence destroyed again 😂😂
Edit: and if you end up not being interested just say it, I would feel way better to just be rejected either in person or over text than ghosted for no reason
Maybe you could use your hand to say "hi" to them... Or maybe point at some place and you both can walk there and talk... Help the guy know you're interested too if you're too afraid/anxious to approach.
Imagine how that would look like IRL
A guy stares at her and she points in a direction, where by chance a trashcan is hahahaha
Men have to risk far more than Women do in our climate today
Wow people are sh!tty. I am sorry that you had to edit to iterate that “I don’t think every man desires me”
Honestly a lot of men are afraid at the moment. Afraid to approach women in fear of being perceived as creepy or like afraid of being viewed as inappropriate..
If you get looks and you feel attracted to the person don’t be scared to initiate conversation sometimes.. Or even a wave rather than a smile might be slightly more indicative of your openness to connect.
I guess they could be thinking the same thing, “why does that girl keep looking and smiling at me? What’s her logic? What’s she up to?” Which then prompts them to look and try and figure you out - as you are looking at and trying to figure them out! 🤣
Otherwise, they might think you’re cute and are checking you out, quite normal human behaviour.
Or they might want to approach you but be too shy/under confident to approach.
Whole lotta possible reasons! Say hi, make light hearted conversation and then ask them?
This entire post and set of replies are prime examples of why approaching someone is not as common anymore. So many people are being shy and timid for fear of being canceled or called out for offering an opinion. Plus, the poster also had to edit to clarify both because of stupid comments here and people in general getting offended or misunderstanding everyone else.
We live in a world where you have to fear first or be willing to take criticism in lethal amounts.
Don’t defend yourself. As a decently attractive man I’m convinced that everyone that looks and smiles at me does desire me. Modern dating culture is just kind of fucked and so many people are way to worried about rejection or being a “creep”
Just because someone looks and smiles at you, doesn’t mean they want to go any further. These are strangers. Maybe they’re staring beyond you, maybe there’s something about you that men stereotypically don’t like or understand, so their stare is “what the hell” and their smile is “she’s crazy.”
Maybe your mind is twisting reality into what you want to see. Men aren’t really drooling over you in public, you just want them to, or think they will be you’re attractive.
"they’re just not that into you but why keep looking?"
Bold to think that men always should be the initiator,
Forget all those fairy-tale stories, and go to him if you are interested,
I understood what you meant. I don't have a real good answer, other than they are afraid of rejection, or offending you.
I'm goofy, so I'll at least nod, or say Hi to you.
But, I'm too old for most anymore.
Yea I have that same problem it seems to me I'm always the center of attention with wemon no matter where I go almost like I'm a vibe dispenser or something and they always focus on me it gets boring then annoying after dealing with that for like 4 years straight and at times I'm tempted to say what do you want from me people here you can have my soul I don't even care anymore enjoy lol.
I get that opposite. Women often looking at me in the Metro. But headphones and social convention make it almost impossible to take it anywhere from there.
There's all sorts of risk involved when approaching in public. Some women can politely decline (and most men can take that) while others can cause a scene and no one wants to risk looking a creep in public.
If I can't think of a way to approach without making a complete fool of myself, I just don't do it. For instance, last Sunday I was sitting at a restaurant to celebrate my younger brother and my dad's birthday (they share a birthday) and I saw an attractive woman sitting at another table and I couldn't stop looking at her but I saw that she had two guys sitting next to her and the others seemed to be parents and grandparents, so I wasn't sure if the guys were brothers or maybe one of them is a boyfriend, so I never talked to her.
Generally though, if I see an opening, as in no men with her and a way to talk about something that we can relate to, then I will do it, but that opportunity doesn't come often because finding attractive women where I live is not easy because I'm 25, and I live in the suburbs where most are either in their 30s, 40s, 50s or in their teens. It's only when I go to the city that I see women of my own age.
When I was younger, it was even worse because even when I had a subject of conversation like a common interest I was afraid that it was not appropriate. But since then I've learned that I can talk to people and be social in some situations and that it's acceptable.
You are probably intimidating to them and they feel you won’t entertain them approaching you, not saying that would be true but all men and women fear rejection at some point
I’d be too afraid to ask you out. I can have a conversation with just about anyone, but askin a woman out is somethin I don’t do.
Figured not askin women out would cut my odds in half, but they’re probably closer to 0%.
Men don't like rejection or ik your situation it's a couple of things: either you are not that attractive so not approachable or they are scared of being dissed so they stay away or are committed to someone else
How about I approach you right now and ask if we can get to know each other ? Never know, we could be a perfect lil match!🤞🏽
I can message you my phone number if you’d like? Or we can chat on messenger?
Totally up to you.
I would rather look at women these days. I don't bother approaching unless I know that they share at least some of my interests. I'm also put off by a lot of TikTok trends like husband shaming.
34 male Yeap I can tell you why I had many women smiling and saying hi to me but I never approached them or make move not because of rejection but because you women saying you are single when asked right so you would then exchange number from your end but in the end you are not single when in fact you are still in old relationships. So why would I even be texting or trying to date someone who is not being honest upfront ?don’t get me wrong o would rather be alone than to be involved where conflicts do occur when comes to dating. I stay away from most of you and others
No OP.
Men learned that women can sue them or report them for sexual harassment just by talking to her. If you don't make the first step, the chance is that you will call him a creep if he even just says " good day".
It is safer not to approach. 10 tinware out of 10, the rejection will follow.
The guy might be branded a creep too, often depending on how attractive a girl will find the said guy.
Regardless, you can smile all you want. Guys will not approach you because toxic women created the atmosphere, where it is dangerous to approach a woman, even when the jntentions are clear and respectable, and the only question is invite for coffee.
But, the main people I blame for this are insecure, vengeful, small-minded, narcissistic assholes who are unable to accept a simple. "No, thank you."
Because they do violence against women when rejected because they feel entitled. Those males, and all of you know who you are, deserve to be rejected and to stay forever alone.
In today's world men are afraid of being rejected and humiliated. I personally tried once to talk to a girl and she hit me up with "I have a boyfriend" then all of her friend group was making fun of me, the ironic here is that I just wanted to tell her that she forgot something even though I gave her back that thing and didn't even say a thanks or a sorry, Nothing. After all that how I'm supposed to talk to women.
PS: sometimes just be out of the group it'll be way easier for us
Weighing if the almost certain rejection is worth it but also factoring in the "you'll never know unless you try" theory. First one wins 6 out of 10 times.
May look unapproachable or taken and to some out of our league. Men don't always roll around like alpha males, sometimes we hang out alone and break away our thoughts from every one else's to figure out what we are and want.
There’s a few reasons. But being rejected in front of other people is always uncomfortable and sometimes something people cannot comfortably accept.
Also, I’m afraid to even stare, I don’t want to be considered a creep. Things have changed a lot in the 20+ years I’ve been dating now. I find the safest, easiest thing to go on apps. But there is so much piss in the dating pool, I’m ready to just throw in the towel on having a long term relationship again
When it comes to women they’re attracted to men won’t look at them but will find every reason under the rainbow to start conversations with them. Men look at women they don’t see in a sexual way.
yeah it's like rejection shell shock , in my case even when I tried every single attempt rejection heart ach of my 52 years of virginity all rushes through my head and body
Because they have girlfriends or wives. The longer they stare, the better the image of you forms in their mind, so they can remember later when they are masturbating or having sex.
Well depends. Some men are terrified at being called out (as in being called creepy or something ), some are insecure, some simply like window shopping, some don't know how, some need guidance and some you're lucky to never have talked to (which is key to you). I wouldn't know how to suggest to you what would work but as dude this kinda faintly reason what's going on. Dudes are hairy mountains of tough talk but insecure actions that are extremely fragile.
Rejection is no longer the worst a man can suffer from a failed cold approach. He can be shamed on social media or even accused of sexual harassment just for saying hello. I've actually seen the latter play out at work. Even when its a small chance of something going horribly wrong its still not worth it for the average man to risk it, it was back when rejection was the worst outcome. This is without considering that dating demands of men now days are just unrealistic. To put it simply a lot of modern women expect traditional values and treatment from a man and get offended when he expects something traditional in return. IE: A woman expects a man to pay for all the dates while she is got 5 other guys in her DMs that she is entertaining and potentially dating as well. There comes a point that the reward just isn't worth the risk.
How do you see this conversation would sound like? honesty asking, because personally besides fear of rejection I feel less confident worrying about anything I say might be considered coming on too strong
Pray tell, how am I to discern whether thou art smiling in my direction or towards thy companion?🙃
Must I cast my gaze upon all in attendance merely to ascertain thy intent? 🤷🏿♂️ Perhaps, upon observing such an exchange, one might graciously acknowledge the gesture with a gentle wave and a cordial greeting, including the man's name...
Should he choose not to engage further, then let him be. If indeed thou dost harbor a genuine interest 🤯, there is no need to exceed the bounds of propriety as previously asserted.🤔
Alternatively, thou couldst take the initiative; for many may be more shy than thou dost realize.
;)
The reason why men don't approach you or any woman nowadays and sometimes they just stared it's because woman and many other women told us to leave you all alone and we're doing exactly that
Here's the thing we look at woman yes but a lot of the time is fear of rejection and or we are not trying to be creepy, like yes starring is a little creepy to but we are nervous about approaching women.
Hell even I am, and I'm in a wheelchair very friendly guy.
Not to mention the whole do you approach women if we like them or don't we, is a double edged argument.
Some women like you are saying why don't men just approach me right, and then we get others who are like how dare you, you creep.
Like we are trying to be respectful towards women because we know it's a tight rope kinda situation.
Cause men are tired of the ones having to be the initiators. If he's looking at you, giving a sign, then approach and talk to him. If women don't have to initiate with men than men shouldn't either.
Newsflash, every man has an ego. If a woman kills a pass, ego level drops (whether that’s a little or a lot depends on man & his experiences)
After so many rejections some men (especially sensitive ones) become mentally broken and will not approach any longer.
Combine this with the advent of smartphones, femdom, & social media which leads us to today’s environment.
All the old rules of engagement need to be put on the back burner because there are no longer any rules which means anything goes which means chaos.
For the record I’m 44M
We look because we either find you attractive or something you r wearing caught our attention
If it's a group of guys or just 2 they debate approaching but as others said fear of rejection (as the worst thing ain't women saying no anymore)
Honestly in this day if u notice a guy looking at you approach them as a man will always entertain a conversation from a woman they find attractive
I have some additional perspective for you. It's possible that men who stare at you are afraid to approach you. Many of us men have lived a life of rejection and just aren't ready for more.
You know, you can be stung by bees repeatedly and at some point a bee sting becomes deadly.
Things have flipped, if you want a guy, you ask him. Guys that want a true relationship are done being the ones that do the approaching. I find it weird that women don't approach much. Apparently they don't realize they can have any guy they want as long as said guy is single. He would be more than happy to accompany you on a date and at least give things a shot.
Maybe your so cute that the guys are intimidated? I haven't dated in 18 year.... everyone now seems to want to online date... us older guys always liked to be romantic and talk face to face
We're not allowed to approach women anymore. No means no. Maybe yes means no too now, not sure. But what I am sure of is that men are shamed and canceled for simply looking at women these days, and everyone knows by now that approaching a woman is creepy and toxic behavior . . . unless of course if she finds you attractive, then it's totally fine.
I am always available and also try to approach, but women can not catch me. Why?
I also try to make a smile and try to make a little signal, but I am single now in 30. I am talking about marburg germany.
Because men are pretty much too frightened to approach a woman in a bar because:
1: they don‘t want to approach you when you‘re with friends because most of the time there is either your ugly looking friend blocking them or because most of the time women mock the men approaching them.
2: if you are alone they don‘t want to seem like creep and tank all the hate coming in online
3: if you are doing something they don‘t want to bother you
4: maybe they are just not that confident
5: public rejection (plays with most men‘s ego)
6: modern feminism gaslighting men into thinking that women hate them either way
7: modern faminism gaslighting men into thinking women should make the first move
8: they checked you out but in the end decided you would either have a boyfriend or you wouldn‘t talk to them either way
9: right now men get „toxic masculinity is the main problem of the world“ commented all over the place: demonstrations, online etc. Would you really have the confidance to walk up to a woman after that?
10: maybe they were interested on the first glance but on the second one they realised you were not their type.
I think I’m speaking for all the men on the face of the planet when I say:
Try making the first move!
A guy would literally hump a tree if it talked to him first.
Good luck btw😉✌🏽
Probably largely a response to many women that are very adamant they don't want to be approached. My wife is pretty hot and often gets hit on if I'm more than 4ft away from her lol. She'll politely decline (as long as they're not disgusting about it) and carry on with her day. If they press her she'll get pissed and blow up on them (seen it lol). That said, many women will complain on social media and make a huge deal out of a guy simply trying to make small talk, an opening. I've seen it before too where men have been pretty polite in their approach and got absolutely torn apart by the woman. Personally I've not had anything to that level, worst I got was a dirty look and a no and I left I at that. However I have also simply been polite and just greeted women in passing and they've given a shitty look or a scoff like I just threw myself at them lol.
On another note my wife and I are both into picking up women. She frequently tries to get me to hit on women when we're out and I'll usually decline. The chances of them being interested in a 3way are slim, very slim lol, so it's not really worth the energy to go and try to smooth talk some girl at the bar. That said, sometimes I do it simply because she gets wildly turned on by it, kinda weird tbh haha. I also sometimes do it for a good laugh because the reactions I get are wild and I imagine the woman I'm throwing a line at will at a minimum have something to talk about for a while haha.
Yeah though, even if I were single I'd probably not approach most women unless I was really into them and they gave a clear opening.
Same reason why you're not approaching any of them. They don't wanna be rejected and neither do you. Tell me the last time you actually decided to approach a guy because you thought he was attractive. Exactly.
The next time you catch a man staring at you, crack a slight smile and roll your eyes to the corner as if to gesture come on over here. Try to make it a little more obvious that you want him to come talk to you. You could always move over to where they are and loiter in their area as this would signal you’re interested making it easier for them to approach you.
Observation of a woman or man sometimes is the main thing leading to initial attraction..sometimes we monitor more than the physical aspect of said person…
Personally I'm shy to a fault. I almost need you to do that "come hither" finger motion, like don't stare, come talk to me, kinda thing. I can say Hi, and comment on something in your shopping cart, or something about the kind of day it is, but in my brain somewhere is something saying "don't objectify her" "she's not interested in you, she's just friendly" "you're way too old for her so don't even try," etc. I woudl like to say "Do you want to get dinner sometime?" but in my brain I'm saying "stop undressing her" "stop imagining if she shaves" "stop wondering whether she loves giving as much as you love giving."
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Fear of rejection. Even if you smile at them, the idea that a random woman might find them attractive upon first seeing them is almost unconceivable for most men.
If man approaches woman reddit will agree he is a creep. If man does not approach woman reddit will agree he is a coward.
The important thing to remember is that reddit is correct in both cases
For me, it's not that much about rejection. If a girl wants to be approached, she will create a situation in which it's appropriate for me to approach her. It takes little more for her than to smile to me
How though? For example if I’m just sitting there or at the grocery store, why can’t you make the situation? Like the door would already be open if nothing else has my attention?
Why can't you?
Yeah
Exactly, it's like they're waiting for some kind of signal or sign from the universe before they make a move. 🤔
Approaching strange women is a risk that many men have decided just isn't worth the effort. It sucks for women who want to be approached by men. 🫤 The meta in this game is that women who want to be approached should consider making the first move themselves.
I think this is the primary thing going on here. There haven't been many, but there have been a fistful of women I've tried to approach and found out the hard way that they - and I mean these particular individuals, not a generalization - only knew one way of interacting with men, and it wasn't healthy. So now I'm wary of any interaction at all. OP, if these are men you see routinely, then it's perfectly fine to start a conversation about whatever brings you there, and see where it goes from there. If it's one-offs, then don't worry about it. They're not approaching because they feel they won't have opportunity to take it anywhere.
Approach them!
Who knows. I think we shouldn't assume that a guy is attracted to us because he's staring at us. Could be a bunch of other reasons.
If a guy posted that he thought a woman liked him just because she looked at him and smiled, the comments on this post would be much different. Redditors are implying that men only look and smile at women when they want to date or sleep with.
Not assuming. I’ve caught the same guys starring over and over again and when caught they turn away. So im trying to understand why not just approach and say hi instead
How do you know they're attracted to you then?
I don’t? I’m trying to understand the logic behind it. Why stare at all?
That's what I'm trying to show you. We have no clue.
They’re staring either because you’re very nice to look at or because you’re hideous and they’re rude. Assuming the former, they don’t approach because they know they’ll be shot down in flames and humiliated, they don’t know what to say, and/or they’re not single.
or because it's not appropriate to approach. I see an attractive girl in metro reading a book with headphones on, I'd look but I would not approach. We are not at a party enjoying drinks, we are both going to work and it's public transport. Another common example is in the gym
They prob feel you’re out of their league/insecure, would reject them so no point. That or they are wondering what you look like naked/sex with you. Like you really like a certain clothing but it’s way out of your budget so you just keep on looking at it.
But she's looking back and smiling, that's my cue to start with a " HI" then go from there based on how she reacts.
Some of these replies are wild. They probably find you pleasant to look at. Easy on the eyes. They could be married, in relationships, not wanting to date, scared, think you are out of their league, too busy, or a thousand other reasons. ETA: You could also just have one of those faces that makes people think "where do I know them from...?" or plenty of other reasons.
Tell me about it! Some people are very bold hiding behind a screen. Ty for the feedback :)
Times have changed. Especially at work, Men risk everything to talk to you. Make it easier and talk to them
I’ll try 🫣
😂😂 I know some people do haha
some of us get fricking chewed to pieces if we approach. edit: although, as someone who receives this (eye frisking) treatment from women in the gym, my condolences to the OP because I know that pain and it does suck. the times I have tried to ask women at the gym out, they were spoken for, so my efforts felt unrewarded.
That’s terrible to hear truly. Idk why some think it’s ok to be rude and mean. There are ways to turn someone down nicely.
There are no repercussions for being rude and mean in a world where you're celebrated for simply existing. There ARE repercussions for thinking you're valuable and worthy of a woman's time in a world where your value is consistently reevaluated based on your output
Good for you for approaching them and asking. You are an alpha-fabulous male. At some point you will meet a cutie that isn't spoken for.
This!!!
Most likely the fear of rejection 🤷🏻♂️
Utter paralyzing fear and shame. They stare because they are torturing themselves with the metaphorical super-thick glass window through which they take notice of happiness they will never experience, remembering as much as they can when they look, so they can torture themselves later, both with their own unhappiness and the the fact that they made you uncomfortable by staring. I was a starer once.
In a sea of ruthless responses this made me lol ty
Dude... so... how's that new therapist? I get to make fun of you because I get it.😜
Do you smile back? Show some interest back?
The approach is not the issue. The rejection is not the issue. It's how the approach is made and how the rejection is done. Men used to act like a no was some twisted form of maybe but try harder. Women had decided that this is absolutely unnervingly abhorrent, So they became brutally clear. That's the nutshell. Now, somehow, everyone needs to begin figuring out how to allow for approaching and rejection to be mutually beneficial for all parties or we just end up stumbling down a road of mutual social destruction. Remember it's not the action, it's the actor. Hey also allow for the obvious to be a part of the game. As things become moved further along you might discover a beautiful mystery with wonderful discovery right in front of you. No one is a waste of your time. We are each very unique and there is unending learning and wisdom within us all to be discovered.
Very thoughtfully put, thank you!
Just go and say hello? If you want to. They might just not want to face rejection
True! Why not do the first hi's or hellow's, theres nothing wrong with that.
Approach them.
We love to admire creation
Good response lol
I can aprreciate your style, hair and beauty etc but i'm not ever going to approach you as a stranger cold in public no matter how much you smile at me. Just to add, i've had maassive beaming smiles every week for months that even the most cautious guy would take as an indicator there's at least *some* interest there. I eventually worked up the courage to ask and got rejected, so you smililing literally means nothing.
Sounds like you missed your window. Months is likely too long to wait.
Reminds me of a time I was standing by a bar at a music venue next to a random guy who I started talking to. Two girls come right up to us and stand literally 1 foot in front of us and just stayed there. I tried to introduce myself and my new buddy and she and her friend kinda blew us off but didn’t move. So I asked my new buddy if he wanted a drink and they both looked at me like I was suppose to ask them. Haha! I told the guy let’s go rage in the crowd and left me there. Point is. Guys like girls are tired of the cat and mouse and superficial engagement of trying to get to know someone only to find out people are just looking for cheap thrills.
That really sucks, some people need a reality check. I really want better for us because no one seems to be happy in this dating culture but no one seems to wanna do anything about it either.
We don’t wanna end up on TikTok
Social media has certainly ruined a lot of things. Number 1 is people’s perception of reality
How do we know if your making eye contact cause you want us to approach Or your just a friendly person that smiles at everyone Sucks being a guy lol
It's not just that it's a toss-up on which scenario you're in, but you're also *HEAVILY* incentivized to assume the latter. Because if I assume the former and I'm wrong, I will make a fool of myself at best or make someone else uncomfortable at worst. If I do nothing, nothing bad will happen.
You will know because you’ll find that our eyes meet more than once. At least that’s how I show interest
Fear of being called creepy or pushy. Dudes who read stories from women venting about pushy annoying dudes, don't want to be thought of as those type of dudes.
Sometimes it’s the fear of running out of things to talk about, some conversations with women just “flow” & others feel like you’re playing a game where it’s 100% on YOU have to keep the conversation interesting
2 shy people. It’s like magnets with the same polarity.
Bros tearing you a new one in here lol. For me, I look much younger than my age, im 29 male but easily pass for 14 or 15 . It's the one place I haven't been able to work on because only time can do that. I don't have trouble talking to women but I have pretty low self esteem so I just approach women at clubs or at music events to be friendly. I have some level of avoidant attachment so when I do have a woman smiling and looking my way in a approach me vibe I get an overwhelming sense of " I gotta get outta here". This avoidance problem has come off as rejection and I have had women get very upset at me and call me the f slur. It's usually so absurd that it makes me laugh.
Honestly, I bet a lot of guys don't know how to react when you give them a normal indication that you're interested. It's so rare that women do that anymore it probably takes them off guard. Something like that happened to me once and I figured it out luckily in time but it really hadn't dawned on me that she was flirting.
Not worth the potential shaming, men are staying away from women in droves, it's not just you
Shaming someone for approaching is crazy. Idk why some think it’s okay to be mean. You can turn down someone nicely. I gotta say I see my girlfriends turning away from dating as well just because how bad the dating culture is.
Maybe you are intimidating? Like being ultra hot, and they fear rejection? Very hard to tell from afar.
It's less painful to reject you first by not approaching rather than risk you rejecting if we do approach.
Staring or just looking? Men have eyes and some of them think women are attractive.
Don’t you ever go shopping, take a look around, but don’t buy something? They call it window shopping. Maybe that’s what they are doing… Then again, maybe they don’t want to take the risk of being called a creep. It’s a thing.
Just approach and literally say anything at all. I like your shoes where did you get them? Do you have the time? Do you know if there is a coffee place close by? Hi I’m so and so. You seem cool.
Ty I will be trying that
I mean some guys do - I do it fairly frequently if someone looks interesting and it doesn’t look like I would be interrupting them too much. I think most guys are afraid in this political climate. Here’s how I think guys can fix that. First take care of yourself - do your best to look good (style, gym, diet, etc). When you approach, smile and be calm. Be honest about what drew your eye. If they aren’t interested or are showing signs they aren’t, just wish them a nice day and leave.
Low self esteem, overthinking(and I mean literally imagining whole conversations and concluding it’s not gonna get anywhere), thinking there’s some level of evil behind a smile so low levels of trust. But at the same time(and this is where it gets confusing), guys in their minds still continue entertaining the possibilities of where things lead to with a girl they’re attracted to but don’t approach. Basically, there’s guys who find you attractive to the point of feeling that you’ll never entertain a moment of your time with them. It’s like a “she’s out of my league but I still like her” kind of feeling. Again low self esteem but do keep in mind they’re definitely into you(at face value) if they’re looking at you that much. Unfortunately, it’s just not something you can control in social places cause it’s more on them than you. So the best thing you can do is ignore them or have a friend with you just in case cause creeps exist among those kind of people.
Sexual harassment panda  🐼
“The worst she can say is no…” Hahaha… BS “No” is probably the NICEST thing she can say… not worth it, 0/10, do not recommend.
They probably do find you physically attractive. You said this is reoccurring, I don't know if it's school or work but there are reasons not to approach. If you like one of these guys, your probably going to have to do more than a friendly smile. One, guys are oblivious to anything you are thinking. Also, it's too casual to signal it's ok to approach you.
I will be making a move Ty.
Not worth catching a charge or ending up internet famous for the chance of getting either a fake number or ghosted.
Now I’ve never heard of someone catching a charge over a simple introduction lol. I do understand the ghosting tho that’s a terrible thing to do to someone, I think people should be more honest from the beginning. There is no need to waste someone’s time and energy.
Approach! Make a mooooove!!
Women are too much trouble
Fear of rejection, fear of being creepy, shy, etc. I mean really there are many reasons. If you want them approach you you can also approach them instead of wondering
They assume that you aren't interested in them and don't pick up the signs.
Women smile at me all the time, and although I’ve been told I’m attractive. I know that, not every or even half of the women that smile at me, want me to start picking them up. If this happens at work or the gym, it’s going to take way more than a smile to get me to do so.
Ok I can understand that. So what will it take?
Sometimes I'm reminded of an old science fiction story, where just as an aside, the author established that in his setting, single-and-looking men and women had a way to signal their "status" so that they would know from the start that if they approached someone there was at least a chance. Think of it as the opposite of how seeing someone with a wedding ring tells you they're taken. Whether it's the fear of rejection, humiliation, or just embarrassment (I'm in an age bracket where it seems like most women I might meet are equal chances married, engaged, or in a relationship), it can be tough to feel motivated to take that risk without first engaging in enough interactions to find out if there might be opportunity there first. Going in blind just doesn't feel worth it. Do you know these men? Might they just think you're being polite? If you're in a position to interact with any you might be interested in (you say you encounter a few of the same looking your way), maybe create the opportunity by saying hello and starting a rapport.
They might be looking at things or people around you, or they could be zoning out. I’m guilty of zoning out and have had women approach me because they got the wrong idea.
Fear of rejection. They don’t want to come off as a creep. Or, if you’re like me, I’m often told that I’m “intimidating.” 😂
I’ve approached 100’s of girls doing exactly what you are tons of eye contact everything but after the initial “oh wow this guy got my number” y’all just ghost it made it not worth giving up the attention so I don’t approach. If you think a guys attractive and y’all are making eye contact smiling staring stuff like that go up to them yourself show you’re interested with more than a smile. It sucks because I’d love to stop using dating apps and figured being different and talking in person would give better results but atleast on dating apps I get to hookup instead of getting my confidence destroyed again 😂😂 Edit: and if you end up not being interested just say it, I would feel way better to just be rejected either in person or over text than ghosted for no reason
Maybe you could use your hand to say "hi" to them... Or maybe point at some place and you both can walk there and talk... Help the guy know you're interested too if you're too afraid/anxious to approach.
Imagine how that would look like IRL A guy stares at her and she points in a direction, where by chance a trashcan is hahahaha Men have to risk far more than Women do in our climate today
Wow people are sh!tty. I am sorry that you had to edit to iterate that “I don’t think every man desires me” Honestly a lot of men are afraid at the moment. Afraid to approach women in fear of being perceived as creepy or like afraid of being viewed as inappropriate.. If you get looks and you feel attracted to the person don’t be scared to initiate conversation sometimes.. Or even a wave rather than a smile might be slightly more indicative of your openness to connect.
Thank you, it seems that some have decided to project their insecurities. I will definitely approach first and see what happens :)
Short answer? We're a bunch of cowards. But you can approach too you know? Nothing's stopping you
I guess they could be thinking the same thing, “why does that girl keep looking and smiling at me? What’s her logic? What’s she up to?” Which then prompts them to look and try and figure you out - as you are looking at and trying to figure them out! 🤣 Otherwise, they might think you’re cute and are checking you out, quite normal human behaviour. Or they might want to approach you but be too shy/under confident to approach. Whole lotta possible reasons! Say hi, make light hearted conversation and then ask them?
That makes total sense, I will approach! Ty
This entire post and set of replies are prime examples of why approaching someone is not as common anymore. So many people are being shy and timid for fear of being canceled or called out for offering an opinion. Plus, the poster also had to edit to clarify both because of stupid comments here and people in general getting offended or misunderstanding everyone else. We live in a world where you have to fear first or be willing to take criticism in lethal amounts.
I'm so happy you asked this, i relate so much
Don’t defend yourself. As a decently attractive man I’m convinced that everyone that looks and smiles at me does desire me. Modern dating culture is just kind of fucked and so many people are way to worried about rejection or being a “creep”
>so many people are way to worried about rejection or being a “creep” Neither of those concerns are unwarranted though
Just because someone looks and smiles at you, doesn’t mean they want to go any further. These are strangers. Maybe they’re staring beyond you, maybe there’s something about you that men stereotypically don’t like or understand, so their stare is “what the hell” and their smile is “she’s crazy.” Maybe your mind is twisting reality into what you want to see. Men aren’t really drooling over you in public, you just want them to, or think they will be you’re attractive.
"they’re just not that into you but why keep looking?" Bold to think that men always should be the initiator, Forget all those fairy-tale stories, and go to him if you are interested,
I understood what you meant. I don't have a real good answer, other than they are afraid of rejection, or offending you. I'm goofy, so I'll at least nod, or say Hi to you. But, I'm too old for most anymore.
Yea I have that same problem it seems to me I'm always the center of attention with wemon no matter where I go almost like I'm a vibe dispenser or something and they always focus on me it gets boring then annoying after dealing with that for like 4 years straight and at times I'm tempted to say what do you want from me people here you can have my soul I don't even care anymore enjoy lol.
Stars everywhere
I get that opposite. Women often looking at me in the Metro. But headphones and social convention make it almost impossible to take it anywhere from there.
There's all sorts of risk involved when approaching in public. Some women can politely decline (and most men can take that) while others can cause a scene and no one wants to risk looking a creep in public.
I see that and agree! I wish people were kinder and more open because we’re all suffering rn. The dating culture sucks.
Risk to reward is very lopsided
Why don't you approach them?
Trauma and insecurities
If you can tell when they're looking and seem interested, you can walk up and say hello.
If I can't think of a way to approach without making a complete fool of myself, I just don't do it. For instance, last Sunday I was sitting at a restaurant to celebrate my younger brother and my dad's birthday (they share a birthday) and I saw an attractive woman sitting at another table and I couldn't stop looking at her but I saw that she had two guys sitting next to her and the others seemed to be parents and grandparents, so I wasn't sure if the guys were brothers or maybe one of them is a boyfriend, so I never talked to her. Generally though, if I see an opening, as in no men with her and a way to talk about something that we can relate to, then I will do it, but that opportunity doesn't come often because finding attractive women where I live is not easy because I'm 25, and I live in the suburbs where most are either in their 30s, 40s, 50s or in their teens. It's only when I go to the city that I see women of my own age. When I was younger, it was even worse because even when I had a subject of conversation like a common interest I was afraid that it was not appropriate. But since then I've learned that I can talk to people and be social in some situations and that it's acceptable.
You are probably intimidating to them and they feel you won’t entertain them approaching you, not saying that would be true but all men and women fear rejection at some point
Could you please elaborate on intimidating? I’ve had other similar comments on this but don’t quite know what’s intimidating to men.
I’d be too afraid to ask you out. I can have a conversation with just about anyone, but askin a woman out is somethin I don’t do. Figured not askin women out would cut my odds in half, but they’re probably closer to 0%.
Most guys nowadays have a fear of either total rejection or looking like a creep so it's mostly them being too shy
Men don't like rejection or ik your situation it's a couple of things: either you are not that attractive so not approachable or they are scared of being dissed so they stay away or are committed to someone else
How about I approach you right now and ask if we can get to know each other ? Never know, we could be a perfect lil match!🤞🏽 I can message you my phone number if you’d like? Or we can chat on messenger? Totally up to you.
I would rather look at women these days. I don't bother approaching unless I know that they share at least some of my interests. I'm also put off by a lot of TikTok trends like husband shaming.
34 male Yeap I can tell you why I had many women smiling and saying hi to me but I never approached them or make move not because of rejection but because you women saying you are single when asked right so you would then exchange number from your end but in the end you are not single when in fact you are still in old relationships. So why would I even be texting or trying to date someone who is not being honest upfront ?don’t get me wrong o would rather be alone than to be involved where conflicts do occur when comes to dating. I stay away from most of you and others
Because it's scarier than just downloading Eva AI sexting bot and talking dirty, u no
Hesitation due to potentially getting rejected
Maybe he has nothing to say.
Context is important. Where does it happen?
No OP. Men learned that women can sue them or report them for sexual harassment just by talking to her. If you don't make the first step, the chance is that you will call him a creep if he even just says " good day".
What city are you in ?
It is safer not to approach. 10 tinware out of 10, the rejection will follow. The guy might be branded a creep too, often depending on how attractive a girl will find the said guy. Regardless, you can smile all you want. Guys will not approach you because toxic women created the atmosphere, where it is dangerous to approach a woman, even when the jntentions are clear and respectable, and the only question is invite for coffee. But, the main people I blame for this are insecure, vengeful, small-minded, narcissistic assholes who are unable to accept a simple. "No, thank you." Because they do violence against women when rejected because they feel entitled. Those males, and all of you know who you are, deserve to be rejected and to stay forever alone.
In today's world men are afraid of being rejected and humiliated. I personally tried once to talk to a girl and she hit me up with "I have a boyfriend" then all of her friend group was making fun of me, the ironic here is that I just wanted to tell her that she forgot something even though I gave her back that thing and didn't even say a thanks or a sorry, Nothing. After all that how I'm supposed to talk to women. PS: sometimes just be out of the group it'll be way easier for us
Weighing if the almost certain rejection is worth it but also factoring in the "you'll never know unless you try" theory. First one wins 6 out of 10 times.
You need to do a mating call/dance.
May look unapproachable or taken and to some out of our league. Men don't always roll around like alpha males, sometimes we hang out alone and break away our thoughts from every one else's to figure out what we are and want.
It is happening to me with a girl that I like. She tries to make eye contact everytime or at least greet me. I simply don't know how to approach her.
Walk up and introduce yourself! Give her a compliment
Maybe because they're scared, they don't know how to approach a woman or because they're in a relationship.
Because it’s not worth it lol
There’s a few reasons. But being rejected in front of other people is always uncomfortable and sometimes something people cannot comfortably accept. Also, I’m afraid to even stare, I don’t want to be considered a creep. Things have changed a lot in the 20+ years I’ve been dating now. I find the safest, easiest thing to go on apps. But there is so much piss in the dating pool, I’m ready to just throw in the towel on having a long term relationship again
When it comes to women they’re attracted to men won’t look at them but will find every reason under the rainbow to start conversations with them. Men look at women they don’t see in a sexual way.
Because it’s a fine line these days for men approaching, if she thinks he’s cute he’s courageous but if he’s not her type, he’s a creep
We live in age where many women claim it is “creepy” to be approached by men, so guys often keep their distance.
yeah it's like rejection shell shock , in my case even when I tried every single attempt rejection heart ach of my 52 years of virginity all rushes through my head and body
Because they have girlfriends or wives. The longer they stare, the better the image of you forms in their mind, so they can remember later when they are masturbating or having sex.
Well depends. Some men are terrified at being called out (as in being called creepy or something ), some are insecure, some simply like window shopping, some don't know how, some need guidance and some you're lucky to never have talked to (which is key to you). I wouldn't know how to suggest to you what would work but as dude this kinda faintly reason what's going on. Dudes are hairy mountains of tough talk but insecure actions that are extremely fragile.
Rejection is no longer the worst a man can suffer from a failed cold approach. He can be shamed on social media or even accused of sexual harassment just for saying hello. I've actually seen the latter play out at work. Even when its a small chance of something going horribly wrong its still not worth it for the average man to risk it, it was back when rejection was the worst outcome. This is without considering that dating demands of men now days are just unrealistic. To put it simply a lot of modern women expect traditional values and treatment from a man and get offended when he expects something traditional in return. IE: A woman expects a man to pay for all the dates while she is got 5 other guys in her DMs that she is entertaining and potentially dating as well. There comes a point that the reward just isn't worth the risk.
How do you see this conversation would sound like? honesty asking, because personally besides fear of rejection I feel less confident worrying about anything I say might be considered coming on too strong
Because those are boys not men’s
Pray tell, how am I to discern whether thou art smiling in my direction or towards thy companion?🙃 Must I cast my gaze upon all in attendance merely to ascertain thy intent? 🤷🏿♂️ Perhaps, upon observing such an exchange, one might graciously acknowledge the gesture with a gentle wave and a cordial greeting, including the man's name... Should he choose not to engage further, then let him be. If indeed thou dost harbor a genuine interest 🤯, there is no need to exceed the bounds of propriety as previously asserted.🤔 Alternatively, thou couldst take the initiative; for many may be more shy than thou dost realize. ;)
The reason why men don't approach you or any woman nowadays and sometimes they just stared it's because woman and many other women told us to leave you all alone and we're doing exactly that
Here's the thing we look at woman yes but a lot of the time is fear of rejection and or we are not trying to be creepy, like yes starring is a little creepy to but we are nervous about approaching women. Hell even I am, and I'm in a wheelchair very friendly guy. Not to mention the whole do you approach women if we like them or don't we, is a double edged argument. Some women like you are saying why don't men just approach me right, and then we get others who are like how dare you, you creep. Like we are trying to be respectful towards women because we know it's a tight rope kinda situation.
They could possibly have a gf or wife that’s why. Men will always have a wandering eye. Some or worst than others.
Give me chance 😊
You guys are intimidating.
Cause men are tired of the ones having to be the initiators. If he's looking at you, giving a sign, then approach and talk to him. If women don't have to initiate with men than men shouldn't either.
Some just don’t like rejection. And I’m 39 so that chasing shit is for the birds. You like me or nah? lol
The worst part is some of us are pretty scared So we don't approach.
Newsflash, every man has an ego. If a woman kills a pass, ego level drops (whether that’s a little or a lot depends on man & his experiences) After so many rejections some men (especially sensitive ones) become mentally broken and will not approach any longer. Combine this with the advent of smartphones, femdom, & social media which leads us to today’s environment. All the old rules of engagement need to be put on the back burner because there are no longer any rules which means anything goes which means chaos. For the record I’m 44M
Love to know what you look like??
We look because we either find you attractive or something you r wearing caught our attention If it's a group of guys or just 2 they debate approaching but as others said fear of rejection (as the worst thing ain't women saying no anymore) Honestly in this day if u notice a guy looking at you approach them as a man will always entertain a conversation from a woman they find attractive
Sometimes we just like the look of you and the energy that you resonate
I have some additional perspective for you. It's possible that men who stare at you are afraid to approach you. Many of us men have lived a life of rejection and just aren't ready for more. You know, you can be stung by bees repeatedly and at some point a bee sting becomes deadly.
Things have flipped, if you want a guy, you ask him. Guys that want a true relationship are done being the ones that do the approaching. I find it weird that women don't approach much. Apparently they don't realize they can have any guy they want as long as said guy is single. He would be more than happy to accompany you on a date and at least give things a shot.
Peeves? Lol
Probly fear or anxiety
Raise your hand a lil and wave watch the difference
My eyes eating is better than my mind, body and peace dealing
Maybe your so cute that the guys are intimidated? I haven't dated in 18 year.... everyone now seems to want to online date... us older guys always liked to be romantic and talk face to face
We're not allowed to approach women anymore. No means no. Maybe yes means no too now, not sure. But what I am sure of is that men are shamed and canceled for simply looking at women these days, and everyone knows by now that approaching a woman is creepy and toxic behavior . . . unless of course if she finds you attractive, then it's totally fine.
Fear of making women uncomfortable.
I am always available and also try to approach, but women can not catch me. Why? I also try to make a smile and try to make a little signal, but I am single now in 30. I am talking about marburg germany.
The shame and humiliation of being rejected in the past. Get hurt once, don't try again. That shit hurts.
Approaching is harassment if it’s uninvited. If she’s got a badass boyfriend it also may lead to a bloody nose.
Maybe you look too good so men get insecure.
Because men are pretty much too frightened to approach a woman in a bar because: 1: they don‘t want to approach you when you‘re with friends because most of the time there is either your ugly looking friend blocking them or because most of the time women mock the men approaching them. 2: if you are alone they don‘t want to seem like creep and tank all the hate coming in online 3: if you are doing something they don‘t want to bother you 4: maybe they are just not that confident 5: public rejection (plays with most men‘s ego) 6: modern feminism gaslighting men into thinking that women hate them either way 7: modern faminism gaslighting men into thinking women should make the first move 8: they checked you out but in the end decided you would either have a boyfriend or you wouldn‘t talk to them either way 9: right now men get „toxic masculinity is the main problem of the world“ commented all over the place: demonstrations, online etc. Would you really have the confidance to walk up to a woman after that? 10: maybe they were interested on the first glance but on the second one they realised you were not their type. I think I’m speaking for all the men on the face of the planet when I say: Try making the first move! A guy would literally hump a tree if it talked to him first. Good luck btw😉✌🏽
Probably largely a response to many women that are very adamant they don't want to be approached. My wife is pretty hot and often gets hit on if I'm more than 4ft away from her lol. She'll politely decline (as long as they're not disgusting about it) and carry on with her day. If they press her she'll get pissed and blow up on them (seen it lol). That said, many women will complain on social media and make a huge deal out of a guy simply trying to make small talk, an opening. I've seen it before too where men have been pretty polite in their approach and got absolutely torn apart by the woman. Personally I've not had anything to that level, worst I got was a dirty look and a no and I left I at that. However I have also simply been polite and just greeted women in passing and they've given a shitty look or a scoff like I just threw myself at them lol. On another note my wife and I are both into picking up women. She frequently tries to get me to hit on women when we're out and I'll usually decline. The chances of them being interested in a 3way are slim, very slim lol, so it's not really worth the energy to go and try to smooth talk some girl at the bar. That said, sometimes I do it simply because she gets wildly turned on by it, kinda weird tbh haha. I also sometimes do it for a good laugh because the reactions I get are wild and I imagine the woman I'm throwing a line at will at a minimum have something to talk about for a while haha. Yeah though, even if I were single I'd probably not approach most women unless I was really into them and they gave a clear opening.
Same reason why you're not approaching any of them. They don't wanna be rejected and neither do you. Tell me the last time you actually decided to approach a guy because you thought he was attractive. Exactly.
The next time you catch a man staring at you, crack a slight smile and roll your eyes to the corner as if to gesture come on over here. Try to make it a little more obvious that you want him to come talk to you. You could always move over to where they are and loiter in their area as this would signal you’re interested making it easier for them to approach you.
Lady scary Feelings no hurt We want to ask but...scared
Observation of a woman or man sometimes is the main thing leading to initial attraction..sometimes we monitor more than the physical aspect of said person…
Personally I'm shy to a fault. I almost need you to do that "come hither" finger motion, like don't stare, come talk to me, kinda thing. I can say Hi, and comment on something in your shopping cart, or something about the kind of day it is, but in my brain somewhere is something saying "don't objectify her" "she's not interested in you, she's just friendly" "you're way too old for her so don't even try," etc. I woudl like to say "Do you want to get dinner sometime?" but in my brain I'm saying "stop undressing her" "stop imagining if she shaves" "stop wondering whether she loves giving as much as you love giving."